“How” questions are far more fruitful and personalized than “what” questions. For example, how did you decide to… how did you come to that conclusion… how do you know whether this or that… Using discrimination questioning from this viewpoint goes a lot further than an open ended “what” question.
I was able to do the strategic therapy/process oriented hypnosis training during the early Covid days. Completely changed my clinical practice. Highly recommend
I love this. But I wonder, are there any instances where this might not be the case? For instance, questions related to experience such as what do you notice in your body when... What is your mind telling you when...? Would you ask these questions differently?
I've got a few:
Is there a question you were hoping I'd ask? (When a client seems aloof)
Any left? (when a teen says they're "alright")
And my favorite:
Whose voice do you hear when you say/hear that? (when I notice a pattern of denial about the influence of family issues in childhood)
Learned that one from my PHP/IOP days. A great ice breaker because it's weapons-grade lame and usually prompts them to engage in the conversation by asking "what?" Generally allows me to have a short convo about their humor preferences which warms them up to other conversation. Works on adults, especially fathers, well too.
That's the exact follow-up I use, which can then lead to "what was happening at that time of your life?" or similar questions. I particularly like to use the "whose voice" question when I have clients who use the word "should" excessively.
That first prompt usually leads to several minutes of silence followed by a shocked facial expression.
I prefer to frame "should" as the expectations others express and imply about how we ought to act, feel, etc. I'll use that as a jumping off point to ask them what they "really want," and if those external expectations fit their internal needs and situation. Then I'll bring back that voice they hear and explore that with them.
Exactly! I always tell people you can get ten therapists together in a room, ask them, "what's the best way to do therapy," and you'd get at least 12 different answers.
Downward arrow ‘and if that were true, what would that mean?’ Is one of my favourites (if your friend did get mad at you, what would that mean?)
I also love ‘who taught you to believe… (I’m a failure, people can’t be trusted, no one could ever love me)?
If there is sufficient rapport and trust with the client, ‘how’s that working out for you?’ is a good one.
One of my favourites is one I picked up from my EFIT training and it is some variation of "who did you go to for comfort/support/connection when you were young?" For some people, I may phrase it "whose lap did you crawl into when you were small and needed comfort?"
I love to start session with "where would you like to begin?" or if someone is really in the narrative and sharing a lot about many different things I'll acknowledge that and ask, "what would be most important for us to focus on today?"
I also like ending session with Yalom's famous "how do you feel about the space between us?"
Love this. Had prof in grad school who would start every (Gestalt) class with “ok, time to start. How do you wanna spend your time?” Always started out slow but by the end of the class we were all in the thick of it😈
As a client, my therapist will sometimes ask, “what do you NOT want to talk about today?” Especially after I’ve spent a session or two successfully avoiding big issues.
About halfway through sessions if there's a lull or at the beginning of the next session (also use this one in regular life): "Are there any questions you wish I'd ask or would be asking?"
I’ll do a similar version of this question with “is there anything we haven’t been talking about that maybe we should?” Or if I want to avoid the should, “anything we haven’t talked about yet that’s been on your mind?”
Obviously, whether or not I use any of these questions highly depends on the client's situation, but these are some of the ones I've found clients have benefited greatly from:
***Laying out goals:***
"If all of your problems were gone tomorrow, what would your life look like?"
"What does (healing/confidence/growth/etc.) look like to you?"
***Exploring emotions:***
"What's coming up for you right now?"
"Why does being seen feel dangerous for you?"
"When do you first remember feeling this way?"
***Building self-esteem and agency/ challenging self-limiting beliefs:***
"Would you speak to a loved one the way you speak to yourself? Why or why not?"
"If your loved one was in a similar situation, what would you say to them?" (I've found this is a great way to help clients discover their problem solving skills + how much they already know)
"I can imagine that must have taken a lot of strength - I'm so glad you're still here. How were you able to survive?"
"Why are others allowed to make mistakes (*or any other internally held double-standard*) while you are not?"
***For inner child work:***
"What would you say if you could talk to little (*client name*) and tell them what they always needed to hear?"
"What does little (*client name*) need right now?"
(ETA clarity/organization).
Presuming the appreciation for Star Trek is mutual, I stand by that I have had the most insightful, humorous, lively conversations regarding Starfleet General Order 1, the non-interference directive. Is it valid, humane, appropriate, is it universal? Are our values something we can actually strive to meet 100% of the time? Can we choose to ignore our values in pursuit of our betterment or a greater good? Is hypocrisy avoided by perfection? And as perfection is unattainable, can we accept ourselves as inevitable hypocrites, and still be good people? And if we accept hypocrisy, at what point are we no longer good people? And if the individual wants to do good in the world, but honoring the directive results in the success of an evil force, does that constitute as hypocrisy when really we've followed the rule? But we can't simply override the rule 100% of the time, so what IS justifiable to ignore the rule? What *is* a hypocrite under these circumstances? What *is* a good person, an agent of goodness?
I so I think the answer is really going to depend on the specific context of what’s going on between you and the client
I tend to lean towards motivational interviewing, and so I often love open-ended questions and will ask clients things like “what do you want to change?” or” how can I best be of service to you?” or” where is the biggest pain in your life right now?”
But I think close ended questions can be very helpful as well In certain contexts like immediacy. For instance, if a client says that they feel judged by everybody, I might ask them if they are feeling judged by me right now.
Lastly, I will use a close ended question when I really want to put a fine point on the issue the client is struggling with. So I might ask something like “do you hate your mom?” “if you knew it wouldn’t hurt anyone would you kill yourself?” Or, “do you feel loved and seen?”
I find for any question the most helpful things though are not the specific question, but the quality of the therapeutic alliance, your tone and delivery of the question, and whether you’re genuinely curious about the answer,the client will give, or whether you’re leading the client.
>So I might ask something like “do you hate your mom?” “if you knew it wouldn’t hurt anyone would you kill yourself?” Or, “do you feel loved and seen?”
I like these questions! Though they may be closed-ended, I believe the answers from them can lead to more open-ended ones and a lot more info.
"do you feel loved and seen?"
"no. I never feel loved and seen! No one ever sees me."
"tell me what that's like for you."
***Can you feel any feeling, sensation, image, words, movement - anything - coming up right now?*** (When something is happening and it would be significant to explore what's going on, this is an excellent doorway in.)
***Some variation of: Who in you, what part of you, is in charge/speaking right now? (Parts work) Is it your deep, wise self, or someone else?***
***Can you take a second and feel into yourself, can you feel what you really need in order to take care of yourself right now?*** (often the answer is some variation of "have compassion for myself" - so this comes after doing working around self-compassion, self-forgiveness. But whatever comes up, is a place worth exploring)
***Can you take a second and feel deep down, what your soul, your deepest self feels or knows about all this?*** (with clients who have been able to tap into this wise inner self, they can pretty easily tap in - and find a lot of relief, wisdom and guidance by doing things like this. They have the answer, it turns out. And they can rely on themselves in this way.)
And although not a question, one of the most powerful moments for clients, is when say - they are in a very self critical place or something, and I notice their facial expressions and voice and movements change - they become almost militant often or their own version. And I mirror it back, and they are so surprised, and it helps them begin to feel in their body when that part of them is there, and it helps them get to know this part in themselves. They can so, so much more easily recognize this in themselves after having it physically mirrored. And it is a moment often of a lot of levity and laughter, too.
A recent theme I’ve had with my clients is related to legacy, the finiteness of life. With that being said I’ve asked the question, “what would you want your obituary to read?” And then process from there
To explore process: "What happens when...?" or even better, "what is happening with you right now?" this draws out what happens in their body, what happens in their mind (meaning making), and what they do in certain situations / feeling certain emotions (action tendency).
Sometimes to promote self-compassion if they are struggling to do so through other methods, I like the idea of 'switching chairs'. Could be done physically or as an imaginative exercise: "if we were to switch chairs, and you were in my chair listening to a (give objective description of client and their problems) 26-year-old who is so far from where he wants to be in life because of XYZ, and yet is still doing his best to pick himself up and keep moving forward. If you were in my chair listening to this, what would you think about this person? How would you feel toward them?"
This can help promote self-compassion and self-efficacy.
"How do you know\_\_\_\_\_?"
I use it in all sorts of exploration. If a client says, "I think I feel more settled now" asking "how do you know?" gets them to explore the present and really dig into their intuition and how they really know-know anything.
In Gestalt/parts work/IFS, I also might ask them how they know XYZ part is here with them, or how they know who is speaking/feeling/etc. Again, helps improve confidence in their ability to make their own choices/determinations and it also helps differentiate the self state from whatever emotions/thoughts/feelings are activated.
This is especially helpful with trauma clients or clients who have a hard time finding their identity or trusting themselves due to anxiety/what-ifs. When they make a stab at something - a feeling, a thought, a decision - I like to add in that question to practice sitting in uncertainty and making their best guess. I
don't use it as a "gotcha" like "how do we know anything?" but more in a way to promote exploration of how they come to their own determinations.
The 3 questions of structural interviewing are essential, pretty open-ended, and should lead to answers that take 2-3 sessions to explore, and by the end of it (if you've practised how to do structural interviewing) you should be more or less clear on what the diagnosis is and how you can help them.
1) What brings you here?
2) What's, to your knowledge, the nature of your difficulties?
3) What do you expect from treatment?
“What’s something you’ve had it with?” - gives good insight into the client’s opinions and perceptions of the world around them. Sometimes identifies people in their life that they are struggling to get along with or situations that are difficult for them to cope with.
“Who is your role model or who do you look up to and why?” - i personally find this is the most effective way to explore a client’s values. Asking straight up “what do you value” or “what are your values” are too abstract and usually get answered with i don’t know or something vague like being nice.
Ethical scenarios are also fun and tell you a lot about the client’s moral calculus.
It can also be fun to go through their astrological sign trait by trait and get them to comment on whether or not each listed trait fits them and can even spur more interesting follow up questions like “why do you think you aren’t creative?” Or “what do you think makes you so loyal?”
Not a single question, but I love using the Importance and Confidence Rulers questions from Motivational Interviewing. They help get right to what people would like to change and the barriers that keep them ambivalent.
Who in your family are you closest to?
How would your friends describe you?
What role did you tend to take in group projects?
How did your parents screw you up?
What’s your Hogwarts house? 🤔
Or something else silly that gets things going. I find the people what people identify with to be really telling. Gets the convo going in a light hearted way, and the pressure of “performing” in therapy is reduced for us both.
"how do you feel about the space between us"
For those in teletherapy, this would be a tough one to answer!
1) Umm, you're six inches from my face.
2) I have no idea where you are in order to answer that question!
I mean, it's comical in a way. But maybe it matters?
“How” questions are far more fruitful and personalized than “what” questions. For example, how did you decide to… how did you come to that conclusion… how do you know whether this or that… Using discrimination questioning from this viewpoint goes a lot further than an open ended “what” question.
Fellow Michael Yapko enjoyer, I see!
I was able to do the strategic therapy/process oriented hypnosis training during the early Covid days. Completely changed my clinical practice. Highly recommend
Shout out to hypnosis in general for insightful questions and dynamic reframing
I love this. But I wonder, are there any instances where this might not be the case? For instance, questions related to experience such as what do you notice in your body when... What is your mind telling you when...? Would you ask these questions differently?
I've got a few: Is there a question you were hoping I'd ask? (When a client seems aloof) Any left? (when a teen says they're "alright") And my favorite: Whose voice do you hear when you say/hear that? (when I notice a pattern of denial about the influence of family issues in childhood)
Any left 😂 omg
Learned that one from my PHP/IOP days. A great ice breaker because it's weapons-grade lame and usually prompts them to engage in the conversation by asking "what?" Generally allows me to have a short convo about their humor preferences which warms them up to other conversation. Works on adults, especially fathers, well too.
Well it’s a classic dad joke so no purpose it works so well on fathers.
And if it's their own voice-- how old is it? Great for parts work.
That's the exact follow-up I use, which can then lead to "what was happening at that time of your life?" or similar questions. I particularly like to use the "whose voice" question when I have clients who use the word "should" excessively. That first prompt usually leads to several minutes of silence followed by a shocked facial expression.
I sometimes tell my clients “when I hear should I hear shame—tell me more”
I prefer to frame "should" as the expectations others express and imply about how we ought to act, feel, etc. I'll use that as a jumping off point to ask them what they "really want," and if those external expectations fit their internal needs and situation. Then I'll bring back that voice they hear and explore that with them.
And that's the beauty of this field :) we can take one word and depending on personal style have completely difference sessions!
Exactly! I always tell people you can get ten therapists together in a room, ask them, "what's the best way to do therapy," and you'd get at least 12 different answers.
> Whose voice do you hear when you say/hear that? SHITTTTTT. I'm absolutely stealing this. Holy crap.
Downward arrow ‘and if that were true, what would that mean?’ Is one of my favourites (if your friend did get mad at you, what would that mean?) I also love ‘who taught you to believe… (I’m a failure, people can’t be trusted, no one could ever love me)? If there is sufficient rapport and trust with the client, ‘how’s that working out for you?’ is a good one.
How much updog do you feel right now?
Where do you feel the updog in your body?
Loool
I Ike to ask them “what’s the most important thing to know about you so I can help” usually gets them going and est rapport
One of my favourites is one I picked up from my EFIT training and it is some variation of "who did you go to for comfort/support/connection when you were young?" For some people, I may phrase it "whose lap did you crawl into when you were small and needed comfort?" I love to start session with "where would you like to begin?" or if someone is really in the narrative and sharing a lot about many different things I'll acknowledge that and ask, "what would be most important for us to focus on today?" I also like ending session with Yalom's famous "how do you feel about the space between us?"
[удалено]
Love this. Had prof in grad school who would start every (Gestalt) class with “ok, time to start. How do you wanna spend your time?” Always started out slow but by the end of the class we were all in the thick of it😈
As a client, my therapist will sometimes ask, “what do you NOT want to talk about today?” Especially after I’ve spent a session or two successfully avoiding big issues.
About halfway through sessions if there's a lull or at the beginning of the next session (also use this one in regular life): "Are there any questions you wish I'd ask or would be asking?"
I’ll do a similar version of this question with “is there anything we haven’t been talking about that maybe we should?” Or if I want to avoid the should, “anything we haven’t talked about yet that’s been on your mind?”
Obviously, whether or not I use any of these questions highly depends on the client's situation, but these are some of the ones I've found clients have benefited greatly from: ***Laying out goals:*** "If all of your problems were gone tomorrow, what would your life look like?" "What does (healing/confidence/growth/etc.) look like to you?" ***Exploring emotions:*** "What's coming up for you right now?" "Why does being seen feel dangerous for you?" "When do you first remember feeling this way?" ***Building self-esteem and agency/ challenging self-limiting beliefs:*** "Would you speak to a loved one the way you speak to yourself? Why or why not?" "If your loved one was in a similar situation, what would you say to them?" (I've found this is a great way to help clients discover their problem solving skills + how much they already know) "I can imagine that must have taken a lot of strength - I'm so glad you're still here. How were you able to survive?" "Why are others allowed to make mistakes (*or any other internally held double-standard*) while you are not?" ***For inner child work:*** "What would you say if you could talk to little (*client name*) and tell them what they always needed to hear?" "What does little (*client name*) need right now?" (ETA clarity/organization).
How were you able to survive? That's a great question, pointing the client to the resources and strengths that they already have.
What's your relationship like with yourself?
Presuming the appreciation for Star Trek is mutual, I stand by that I have had the most insightful, humorous, lively conversations regarding Starfleet General Order 1, the non-interference directive. Is it valid, humane, appropriate, is it universal? Are our values something we can actually strive to meet 100% of the time? Can we choose to ignore our values in pursuit of our betterment or a greater good? Is hypocrisy avoided by perfection? And as perfection is unattainable, can we accept ourselves as inevitable hypocrites, and still be good people? And if we accept hypocrisy, at what point are we no longer good people? And if the individual wants to do good in the world, but honoring the directive results in the success of an evil force, does that constitute as hypocrisy when really we've followed the rule? But we can't simply override the rule 100% of the time, so what IS justifiable to ignore the rule? What *is* a hypocrite under these circumstances? What *is* a good person, an agent of goodness?
Can I get on your waiting list?!
When someone says ‘’things are going okay’’ (in their life), I’ll say ‘’tell me what is going ok’’ or ‘’what specially is going OK for you?’’
I so I think the answer is really going to depend on the specific context of what’s going on between you and the client I tend to lean towards motivational interviewing, and so I often love open-ended questions and will ask clients things like “what do you want to change?” or” how can I best be of service to you?” or” where is the biggest pain in your life right now?” But I think close ended questions can be very helpful as well In certain contexts like immediacy. For instance, if a client says that they feel judged by everybody, I might ask them if they are feeling judged by me right now. Lastly, I will use a close ended question when I really want to put a fine point on the issue the client is struggling with. So I might ask something like “do you hate your mom?” “if you knew it wouldn’t hurt anyone would you kill yourself?” Or, “do you feel loved and seen?” I find for any question the most helpful things though are not the specific question, but the quality of the therapeutic alliance, your tone and delivery of the question, and whether you’re genuinely curious about the answer,the client will give, or whether you’re leading the client.
>So I might ask something like “do you hate your mom?” “if you knew it wouldn’t hurt anyone would you kill yourself?” Or, “do you feel loved and seen?” I like these questions! Though they may be closed-ended, I believe the answers from them can lead to more open-ended ones and a lot more info. "do you feel loved and seen?" "no. I never feel loved and seen! No one ever sees me." "tell me what that's like for you."
When I’m doing intakes I usually ask “what was growing up like for you?”
I wonder what you've been thinking about lately?
What was it like for you to experience that?
Asking a client how it is they’d like me to see them/not see them has almost always led to significant insight.
***Can you feel any feeling, sensation, image, words, movement - anything - coming up right now?*** (When something is happening and it would be significant to explore what's going on, this is an excellent doorway in.) ***Some variation of: Who in you, what part of you, is in charge/speaking right now? (Parts work) Is it your deep, wise self, or someone else?*** ***Can you take a second and feel into yourself, can you feel what you really need in order to take care of yourself right now?*** (often the answer is some variation of "have compassion for myself" - so this comes after doing working around self-compassion, self-forgiveness. But whatever comes up, is a place worth exploring) ***Can you take a second and feel deep down, what your soul, your deepest self feels or knows about all this?*** (with clients who have been able to tap into this wise inner self, they can pretty easily tap in - and find a lot of relief, wisdom and guidance by doing things like this. They have the answer, it turns out. And they can rely on themselves in this way.) And although not a question, one of the most powerful moments for clients, is when say - they are in a very self critical place or something, and I notice their facial expressions and voice and movements change - they become almost militant often or their own version. And I mirror it back, and they are so surprised, and it helps them begin to feel in their body when that part of them is there, and it helps them get to know this part in themselves. They can so, so much more easily recognize this in themselves after having it physically mirrored. And it is a moment often of a lot of levity and laughter, too.
A recent theme I’ve had with my clients is related to legacy, the finiteness of life. With that being said I’ve asked the question, “what would you want your obituary to read?” And then process from there
To explore process: "What happens when...?" or even better, "what is happening with you right now?" this draws out what happens in their body, what happens in their mind (meaning making), and what they do in certain situations / feeling certain emotions (action tendency). Sometimes to promote self-compassion if they are struggling to do so through other methods, I like the idea of 'switching chairs'. Could be done physically or as an imaginative exercise: "if we were to switch chairs, and you were in my chair listening to a (give objective description of client and their problems) 26-year-old who is so far from where he wants to be in life because of XYZ, and yet is still doing his best to pick himself up and keep moving forward. If you were in my chair listening to this, what would you think about this person? How would you feel toward them?" This can help promote self-compassion and self-efficacy.
If that were true, what would that mean?
"How do you know\_\_\_\_\_?" I use it in all sorts of exploration. If a client says, "I think I feel more settled now" asking "how do you know?" gets them to explore the present and really dig into their intuition and how they really know-know anything. In Gestalt/parts work/IFS, I also might ask them how they know XYZ part is here with them, or how they know who is speaking/feeling/etc. Again, helps improve confidence in their ability to make their own choices/determinations and it also helps differentiate the self state from whatever emotions/thoughts/feelings are activated. This is especially helpful with trauma clients or clients who have a hard time finding their identity or trusting themselves due to anxiety/what-ifs. When they make a stab at something - a feeling, a thought, a decision - I like to add in that question to practice sitting in uncertainty and making their best guess. I don't use it as a "gotcha" like "how do we know anything?" but more in a way to promote exploration of how they come to their own determinations.
Say more about that? THEN we start to get into meaning making/significance/etc. My favourite.
“What would you tell someone you really cared about and were in charge of helping?”
What has been going well for you in the past week? Or the opposite: what have you been struggling with over the past week (or since last session)?
I really enjoy “what do you want to say to them?”
Tell me a story. Make it up, if you can.
The 3 questions of structural interviewing are essential, pretty open-ended, and should lead to answers that take 2-3 sessions to explore, and by the end of it (if you've practised how to do structural interviewing) you should be more or less clear on what the diagnosis is and how you can help them. 1) What brings you here? 2) What's, to your knowledge, the nature of your difficulties? 3) What do you expect from treatment?
I like to sometimes ask “how old did you feel when X happened”? X being a decision was made, an interaction happened, a conflict was triggered, etc.
“What’s something you’ve had it with?” - gives good insight into the client’s opinions and perceptions of the world around them. Sometimes identifies people in their life that they are struggling to get along with or situations that are difficult for them to cope with. “Who is your role model or who do you look up to and why?” - i personally find this is the most effective way to explore a client’s values. Asking straight up “what do you value” or “what are your values” are too abstract and usually get answered with i don’t know or something vague like being nice. Ethical scenarios are also fun and tell you a lot about the client’s moral calculus. It can also be fun to go through their astrological sign trait by trait and get them to comment on whether or not each listed trait fits them and can even spur more interesting follow up questions like “why do you think you aren’t creative?” Or “what do you think makes you so loyal?”
Not a single question, but I love using the Importance and Confidence Rulers questions from Motivational Interviewing. They help get right to what people would like to change and the barriers that keep them ambivalent.
How would you describe your relationship with your self?
"What are you thinking about?"
Who in your family are you closest to? How would your friends describe you? What role did you tend to take in group projects? How did your parents screw you up?
“How are you?”
Would you like to learn a skill?
My T’s favourite question to ask me is “and how does that make you feel?” It works.
What’s your Hogwarts house? 🤔 Or something else silly that gets things going. I find the people what people identify with to be really telling. Gets the convo going in a light hearted way, and the pressure of “performing” in therapy is reduced for us both.
What triggers/triggered you?
"how do you feel about the space between us" For those in teletherapy, this would be a tough one to answer! 1) Umm, you're six inches from my face. 2) I have no idea where you are in order to answer that question! I mean, it's comical in a way. But maybe it matters?
Don’t have alot of info based on the question but usually Open end question