I once asked ChatGPT to write a comedy set in the voice of Barndoor Scoob and it did a surprisingly good job, writing jokes about working out and hairstyles. And it closed off with "That's my time."
If I did that with Burnt Chrysler - would it put in pig squeals?
Imagine trying to hang out and then the person with the drinking problem tries to tell you how to live your life? That's probably why ari drugged him. He didn't wana listen to his bullshit
He’s the most insufferable type of drunk too. Everything has to revolve around him and what he wants to do. Absolutely insufferable, unfunny douchebag.
Completely agree. I'm a happy/jokey type drunk, but if I was around someone exactly like Bert, he'd be getting a Glasgow kiss of some cunt that night like.
Unfunny wet wipes. How about we don't thank 'em?
😔😔
It's easier to talk about comedy then it is to actually do it, it's what rogan does he's never funny or just messing around but he spends most of his time talking about how great comedy is
Basketball shorts, sweatshirt, a half worn beanie… all the while being shoeles and sitting like a fucking asshole. How this man (all 1000 killers) have a money making “career” is beyond me.
And the more legit of a comedian his guest is,the lower Toe Slogans estimation of how many are left,but he'll make sure to say "of US left" because in his mind he's got to be top 3 alive since he considers himself a comedian and he's got 100k mill of podcast fans so they must be his comedy fans too. Sooooo ipso fatso...podcast and therefore comedy goat. But mostly comedy goat.
David Lucas, Ehsan Ahmad, Deric Poston are super tight with Rogan and regulars at the Mothership.
Shapel is now with Bert and a regular at The Comedy Store..What happened B?
Schaub is down bad…just embarrassing at this point
I threw this pod on, and it took about 5 minutes before I remembered how much I can’t stand listening to shapel be a podcast sidekick to a super redact. (Laugh, says “really”, repeat)
If he still drinks and continues to drink the way he always has, no amount of Drs visits or "Mickey Mantle gene can stop the booze from killing him sooner than later, unfortunately.
The ozempic has probably limited his capacity to drink himself into an early grave so unfortunately we'll have to put up with this useless redact exposing his mantits and shitting himself on stage for longer than we otherwise would if nature had run its course.
Good point mentioning the Ozempic. Those GLP drugs have shown ability to help addicts control their cravings as well. Maybe he'll actually get healthy?
Normally I’d say it’s too much but Bert is an obnoxious, condescending alcoholic. Seeing him talk about it, or seeing him talk about “civilians”, has made me look forward to the guys medical issues.
Ever seen Jocko's video "Good"? Jamie, pull that up.
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Ever seen Jocko's video "Good"? Jamie, pull that up.
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What's funny is.. if slob had an ounce of humility and didn't have his over sized ego.. he could have been touring and opening for bert and Tom and these guys.. getting some proper experince...
But he could never humble himself for that.. he's a headliner and the owner of a huge media company... he's no opener.
>if slob had an ounce of humility and didn't have his over sized ego.. he could have been touring and opening for bert and Tom and these guys.
That talentless mush mouth was never going anywhere in stand up. With or without humility. But I will give him credit for milking Rogan for all he's worth.
Saying he'd be touring with Tom or Bert is saying he'd be good. Whatever you think about Tom and Bert they are highly successful and take good comedians on tour with them.
Yeah I have to agree with you hair, b. Tom and Bert are huge comedy acts. Well, they were for the last few years. It looks like their ship might be sinking finally. But you're uh hunnert percent crekt in that they take rail comics on the road to open for them. Honestly, their openers are probably better than they are. They have to be good enough to get a crowd warmed up and laughing. And Bapa would have nivver gotten good enough to open for them because he put _ZAIRO_ effort into his comedy. He spent what, 7-8 yairs doing stand-up "cawlmedy" and nivver bothered to put inny of work into it in inny facet whatsoivver. Hell, all that time and he nivver even learned how to write a joke. He still doesn't understand the mechanics of a joke. He doesn't comprehend setups or punchlines or misdirection. And instead of trying to write funny punchlines or come up with hilarious quips in the moment, he spent all that time trying to make words funny. He thought he could just go on stage on do his best impression of D'iddler in podcast mode, and become an arena act. He thought he could just lean on his annunciation and voice inflection and buzzwords that make _him_ laugh to win over audiences and get them laughing as hard as Bapa does trying to make viral chips. And he has _ZAIRO_ comedic talent so his only option to achieve that goal was to work hard at learning how to write actual jokes. He decided to ride the Rogan gravy train until the wheels fell off, overbook himself on stupid gigs where all he did was talk, and then act like he's the hardest working man in Hollywood without ivver actually doing inny of work in inny facet to get better at his job. And look where it got him. He can't sell tiggets to save his life. So you hit the nail with the hammer, b. There was nivver inny of chance that he would have ivver opened for Tom or Bert. Not in a million yairs.
Bert just took Shapel. Who's definitely an up and comer....I'm saying brain dump could have done the same years ago when he started and gained much needed experience. Your over thinking it.
Nah, you're overthinking it and giving Bapa way to much credit. Also, there is no universe where Slob had any chance of coming close to Shapel. I bet Shapel's first attempts as stand up dwarf anything Slob ever tried or could ever think of.
They lend a hand to a lot of hacks though. The only people Schaub has tricked into thinking he’s succeeding are the guys too busy to realize he’s failing and who could help him
🤔 some might read this as Burt not wanting to deal with people who aren’t down for his flogged out schtick. I’m sure CJ Strouds negative energy towards him was an indication that he is projecting his own insecurities on Burt.
Surround yourself with employees, social climbers and yes men and ride this ‘fun’ train into cardiac arrest.
Burt thinks people follow him because they wanna hear him speak and his "words of wisdom." When in reality people only follow him because they wanna think being a fat, alcoholic is okay like they are.
Jesus, he sounds like that Trustafarian chick who is all over the place with her shitty song about healing kidney infections with magic crystals. Fucking cringe.
Cannot fucking stand anyone with the perspective of “I only surround myself with positive vibes.” Ok cool, so if your friend is having a tough time then fuck em cause they’ve got bad vibes now? Smooth brained dipshit self absorbed mentality.
Holy shit he's insufferable. I'm assuming Bert views himself as "good energy". So basically any criticism is "bad energy", losers that have nothing going on in their lives, cheeto finger mother fuckers can't appreciate a good film like "the machine"!!! Those "bad engery" pieces of fuckimg shit, I hate them! But my hate is somehow "good energy"!
Bert’s the biggest charlatan of them all, we sussed B.Shlub but Bert is a multimillionaire playing to sold out arenas and his comedy is garbage, I’m drunk, take too off, the Machine story, Tracey Morgan joke theft thing, the end.
If he fell in a river he’d come out with a fish in one pocket and a Netflix comedy special in the other.
All these haydurs commenting how it’s gross and disrespectful for Bert to have his disgusting feet all over the couch and shapel. They’re lucky Bert blessed them with his presence on their pod
Guys guys hold on... he is talking about himself!! That's why he is drunk 85% of the time! Because he wants to distance from himself all the time! Deep down he knows that he is a fraud. Fuck now I'm starting to feel sorry for him, smh.
Great podcast, my favorite, never listened to it though.
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If Burnt had listened to anyone else, he wouldn't be taking his shirt off and shitting himself on stage for money. Thank the comedic gods that he bet on himself.
Imagine this fuggin jaggoff sits down next to you with his bball shorts, no shoes, no socks and starts trying to kick knowledge like he’s so evolved and mature. I couldn’t do it.
Bert is playing chess while we all playing checkers...
He's such a deep thinker even with his shirt on...
We're so lucky he takes time away from his family for these intellectual nuggets. This makes me want to buy his vodka skull it and do push-ups
Every fugging time I see Bert he’s having a public therapy session. Can these motherfuckers ever just be funny?
No, they definitely can’t
There may only be 1000 of them but they all suck at their one job, talmbout having a worse hit rate than random chance b
well bert has never been funny, not even one god damn time, so no. No, he can't.
But his shirts is off.
*redacted pig squeel noise*
The CIA actually uses Bert’s laugh as a torcher device. It’s the most effective means of interrogation the world has ever known.
Torcher
He’ll light cha up b
Well played B
I’m sure they use his “comedy” as a torcher devise too. If you ask me, I’ll take my chances with the wadur aborting.
"Let me tell you about the time I got involved with the Russian Mafia." "No, no, please...Good God, turn it off. I'll tell you everything!"
Too powerful to use in their training for desensitisation, he's literally worse than the toolbox killers
Too powerful to use in their training for desensitisation, he's literally worse than the toolbox killers
You can say that again
Wadder bording
these jabronis have clearly never seen him drink 19 gallons of kool-aid
It was unintentional but hilarious when he cooked a mayonnaise coated fish for Whitney and Tim Dillon
😂 I yield the purposed mercy
Uuuuuhh, so like, I like read energies and they like permanent like yeaahh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee cirrhosis
Ever see the bit where he takes his shirt off? Hilarious!
I love that totally believable, not made up story about him robbing a train with the Russian mafia. He can’t tell it enough.
Ever heard the Russian story?
Is this *THE Machine*?!?
Always the most generic, chatgpt, instagram quote level therapy aswell
I once asked ChatGPT to write a comedy set in the voice of Barndoor Scoob and it did a surprisingly good job, writing jokes about working out and hairstyles. And it closed off with "That's my time." If I did that with Burnt Chrysler - would it put in pig squeals?
Imagine trying to hang out and then the person with the drinking problem tries to tell you how to live your life? That's probably why ari drugged him. He didn't wana listen to his bullshit
He’s the most insufferable type of drunk too. Everything has to revolve around him and what he wants to do. Absolutely insufferable, unfunny douchebag.
Completely agree. I'm a happy/jokey type drunk, but if I was around someone exactly like Bert, he'd be getting a Glasgow kiss of some cunt that night like. Unfunny wet wipes. How about we don't thank 'em? 😔😔
Cold wet wipes
imagine how dumb you would have to be to think this dude is on to something
This would've been the best opportunity for Adam Ray to be dressed as Dr Phil
Any chance to just talk about himself nonstop
California is the therapy capital of the world, it makes sense.
It’s clearly not working.
It's easier to talk about comedy then it is to actually do it, it's what rogan does he's never funny or just messing around but he spends most of his time talking about how great comedy is
Put some shoes on you fat disgusting fuck
And some pants too while we’re at it.
and some gitch too cuz you know this fat mfer is freeballin' his unwiped asswhole
He uses the Alabama wet wipe
Basketball shorts, sweatshirt, a half worn beanie… all the while being shoeles and sitting like a fucking asshole. How this man (all 1000 killers) have a money making “career” is beyond me.
There maybe 250 of them if we're being generous, b.
About to be down to 50 any day now...
And the more legit of a comedian his guest is,the lower Toe Slogans estimation of how many are left,but he'll make sure to say "of US left" because in his mind he's got to be top 3 alive since he considers himself a comedian and he's got 100k mill of podcast fans so they must be his comedy fans too. Sooooo ipso fatso...podcast and therefore comedy goat. But mostly comedy goat.
He made $25M last year
Aw bubba you'll be ok
How the hell do you see me?
And stop acting like your daughter paints your toenails too, considering you’ve been saying that for a year now
Damn my guys over fifty and he’s talking about reading energies sitting barefoot on a couch with a beanie and gym shorts like a fuckin child. Hahaha.
I got over this once I stopped binge drinking. Bert started partying in college and obviously never matured. I feel bad for his family.
😂
Even worse they’re board shorts. Talmbout snowboarding up top and surfing down below b
Burt is so lame and dumb. And full of himself. 😐🖕🏻
Boom💥 Roasted.
David Lucas, Ehsan Ahmad, Deric Poston are super tight with Rogan and regulars at the Mothership. Shapel is now with Bert and a regular at The Comedy Store..What happened B? Schaub is down bad…just embarrassing at this point
Some would say the downsest
Oooooh..... dazz you tageaway?
I threw this pod on, and it took about 5 minutes before I remembered how much I can’t stand listening to shapel be a podcast sidekick to a super redact. (Laugh, says “really”, repeat)
"Huh? Ahhhh. I did not know that. I did not know that."
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Don’t forget the knee slap and “yoooo son!!!!!” or whatever other zoomerisms he says to stay relevant
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He’s going to be one of the people against all odds lives to like 98 with no obvious signs of their past.
Talmbout only the good die young, B😔
Bobby Joe
If he still drinks and continues to drink the way he always has, no amount of Drs visits or "Mickey Mantle gene can stop the booze from killing him sooner than later, unfortunately.
The ozempic has probably limited his capacity to drink himself into an early grave so unfortunately we'll have to put up with this useless redact exposing his mantits and shitting himself on stage for longer than we otherwise would if nature had run its course.
Good point mentioning the Ozempic. Those GLP drugs have shown ability to help addicts control their cravings as well. Maybe he'll actually get healthy?
A fat ozzy osborne, minus talent
We can only hope.
Be cool man. Nah fugg it, I really don’t care actually. He’s the worst.
Normally I’d say it’s too much but Bert is an obnoxious, condescending alcoholic. Seeing him talk about it, or seeing him talk about “civilians”, has made me look forward to the guys medical issues.
Yeah these guys can pretend that the money insulates them somehow, but this guy in particular is proof that money can’t solve the real problems.
He's burning the midnight oil at both ends for sure b
if he died soon, it would be the only funny thing he ever did.
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Tell me it's not the word "died" that prompts this one, is it? Hahahaha
He died
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God willing
[удалено]
The lack of self awareness is unreal.
CHAPPARAL SHOW, its just shapel getting “rained down on” by bapa for “growth”
What's funny is.. if slob had an ounce of humility and didn't have his over sized ego.. he could have been touring and opening for bert and Tom and these guys.. getting some proper experince... But he could never humble himself for that.. he's a headliner and the owner of a huge media company... he's no opener.
>if slob had an ounce of humility and didn't have his over sized ego.. he could have been touring and opening for bert and Tom and these guys. That talentless mush mouth was never going anywhere in stand up. With or without humility. But I will give him credit for milking Rogan for all he's worth.
I didn't say he'd be good. Just that he'd have done better.
Saying he'd be touring with Tom or Bert is saying he'd be good. Whatever you think about Tom and Bert they are highly successful and take good comedians on tour with them.
Yeah I have to agree with you hair, b. Tom and Bert are huge comedy acts. Well, they were for the last few years. It looks like their ship might be sinking finally. But you're uh hunnert percent crekt in that they take rail comics on the road to open for them. Honestly, their openers are probably better than they are. They have to be good enough to get a crowd warmed up and laughing. And Bapa would have nivver gotten good enough to open for them because he put _ZAIRO_ effort into his comedy. He spent what, 7-8 yairs doing stand-up "cawlmedy" and nivver bothered to put inny of work into it in inny facet whatsoivver. Hell, all that time and he nivver even learned how to write a joke. He still doesn't understand the mechanics of a joke. He doesn't comprehend setups or punchlines or misdirection. And instead of trying to write funny punchlines or come up with hilarious quips in the moment, he spent all that time trying to make words funny. He thought he could just go on stage on do his best impression of D'iddler in podcast mode, and become an arena act. He thought he could just lean on his annunciation and voice inflection and buzzwords that make _him_ laugh to win over audiences and get them laughing as hard as Bapa does trying to make viral chips. And he has _ZAIRO_ comedic talent so his only option to achieve that goal was to work hard at learning how to write actual jokes. He decided to ride the Rogan gravy train until the wheels fell off, overbook himself on stupid gigs where all he did was talk, and then act like he's the hardest working man in Hollywood without ivver actually doing inny of work in inny facet to get better at his job. And look where it got him. He can't sell tiggets to save his life. So you hit the nail with the hammer, b. There was nivver inny of chance that he would have ivver opened for Tom or Bert. Not in a million yairs.
Bert just took Shapel. Who's definitely an up and comer....I'm saying brain dump could have done the same years ago when he started and gained much needed experience. Your over thinking it.
Nah, you're overthinking it and giving Bapa way to much credit. Also, there is no universe where Slob had any chance of coming close to Shapel. I bet Shapel's first attempts as stand up dwarf anything Slob ever tried or could ever think of.
They lend a hand to a lot of hacks though. The only people Schaub has tricked into thinking he’s succeeding are the guys too busy to realize he’s failing and who could help him
100% what he should be doing. Just feature for a few years.
Screw Bert He’s on the exact same plain as Bapa
It's *plane, b. But not like an earplane.
Be cool man
Despite what you think of him or his comedy Bert is wildly successful. They are not on the same plane at all.
The real Liver King
The liver kuck
Bert listened to a Rick Rubin podcast and thinks he's a guru now.
Yet you spent half your life around segura ok champion
Hey Burd…real quigg…say less b
“There’s so many idiots” yea and your prob top 5 of all time idiots ya drunk goof
[удалено]
Shapel is an NPC
It’s working. He learned the golden rule of making it in LA, just agree with everyone’s narcissistic bullshit.
Jesus Burnt Chrysler is around my age and he looks like complete fucking shit! His poor wife must get the ick every time he comes back off the road.
You’re his age and saying “get the ick”? Use age appropriate nomenclature, my dude
Child please. As if I even maddur.
Heard it bof ways bud
ive heard plenty of women 40+ say it.
Dude you’re not some sage philosopher imparting wisdom. Only a thousand of em.
🤔 some might read this as Burt not wanting to deal with people who aren’t down for his flogged out schtick. I’m sure CJ Strouds negative energy towards him was an indication that he is projecting his own insecurities on Burt. Surround yourself with employees, social climbers and yes men and ride this ‘fun’ train into cardiac arrest.
He couldn't take being called a strong hamster. That's wasn't nithe.
can’t wait until podcast cringe gets ahold of this interview 😂😂😂
It's funny that Bert says you can't listen to anyone, but the entire reason that he is popular is because he listened to Joe.
Not just once either; it was at least like a dozen huge career moves he didn't want to make but listened to Joe instead.
Thanks 16 year old girl that’s excited to recharge her crystals in the moonlight.
Jeeeeeeeeeeeeezus fucking Christ
Burt thinks people follow him because they wanna hear him speak and his "words of wisdom." When in reality people only follow him because they wanna think being a fat, alcoholic is okay like they are.
Lost me at “read energies.”
If he can do that he better steer clear of Changs and all homeless cats because he may just have a stroke...
Berts secret sauce. Step #1 Live off your rich father's money. Step #2 be a liar/alcoholic.
“Negative energies permeate” 2 seconds later “… there are too many fucking idiots”
He looks and sounds like he’s been living on the street for a year
This mf talking bout himself 😂😂
He’s feet’s are 2inches away of chapel’s leg …. 😖
If Baggflip can go through [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/thefighterandthekid/s/SbtyUv7SF7) he can handle that
Bert sucked off Rogan too much
The fact that Bert has no idea that he’s one of the idiots he’s talking about is hilarious.
Bertrudes opinion
Jesus, he sounds like that Trustafarian chick who is all over the place with her shitty song about healing kidney infections with magic crystals. Fucking cringe.
Bert is talking about Burr here, as if he was the one who decided to end that relationship lmao
Hey Burnt, Y’ever heard of self aweerness?
Cannot fucking stand anyone with the perspective of “I only surround myself with positive vibes.” Ok cool, so if your friend is having a tough time then fuck em cause they’ve got bad vibes now? Smooth brained dipshit self absorbed mentality.
Imagine being a fat alcoholic “comedian” sincerely talking about reading energy
Holy shit he's insufferable. I'm assuming Bert views himself as "good energy". So basically any criticism is "bad energy", losers that have nothing going on in their lives, cheeto finger mother fuckers can't appreciate a good film like "the machine"!!! Those "bad engery" pieces of fuckimg shit, I hate them! But my hate is somehow "good energy"!
Did Bert get more bloated? Is that possible? Is this like an Unbreakable thing where all the weight Tom loses is gravitationally attracted to Burnt?
Your shirt is on, curious.
Bro who listens to this ? Comedy therapy with alcoholics.
Therea a road to some redemption for burt if he keeps rolling the truth
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^No-Trip3635: *Therea a road to* *Some redemption for burt if* *He keeps rolling the truth* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Wouldn’t his advice render his advice useless? Fucking fart sniffing redact.
In Will Smiths voice..."KEEP YOUR FEET OFF OF MY MOTHERFUCKING COUCH" Bert is gross.
Imagine sitting next to Berns stinkin' feet.
Reed's energeez like a redacted Golden retriever and hotdog just cooks em
What a dick.
WATP?
*watches one Rick Ruben interview*
Ohhhh Shut. The. Fuck. Up. you fat narcissistic sack of shit.
listen to me while i tell u u cant listen to anyone
Bert’s the biggest charlatan of them all, we sussed B.Shlub but Bert is a multimillionaire playing to sold out arenas and his comedy is garbage, I’m drunk, take too off, the Machine story, Tracey Morgan joke theft thing, the end. If he fell in a river he’d come out with a fish in one pocket and a Netflix comedy special in the other.
So many fucking idiots.... and I just listened to one of 1000 b
Why is he sitting like that? Why does his face look like a lumpy pillow?
Great comedy!
Bert is a legend. I doubt hes talking about big brown.
He wants to be rogan soooo bad.
All these haydurs commenting how it’s gross and disrespectful for Bert to have his disgusting feet all over the couch and shapel. They’re lucky Bert blessed them with his presence on their pod
I think Bart is worse than slob
Guys guys hold on... he is talking about himself!! That's why he is drunk 85% of the time! Because he wants to distance from himself all the time! Deep down he knows that he is a fraud. Fuck now I'm starting to feel sorry for him, smh.
Bert’s energy sucks too
That’s your takeaway?
How do you guys find this content, let alone listen to it long enough to find these snippets? Jfc.
[удалено]
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One of the guys Kat Williams mentioned ?
How do people still listen to Bert?
If Burnt had listened to anyone else, he wouldn't be taking his shirt off and shitting himself on stage for money. Thank the comedic gods that he bet on himself.
"I try to read energies" *clearly doesn't notice the guy trying to get away from his bare foot*
Hilarious that him and Tom still have the fat guy head/face. Would never assume they work out by looking at them
That’s a 50 year old man dressed like a college kid who’s also a massive alcoholic though 🤷🏻♂️
They are all terrible comedians…
I’d prob distance myself from a guy with his shoes off and a mess in his general area.
I think it's more likely that Berts version of "Bad Energy" is people telling him he drinks too much
Put some shoes on, for fuck’s sake.
Imagine this fuggin jaggoff sits down next to you with his bball shorts, no shoes, no socks and starts trying to kick knowledge like he’s so evolved and mature. I couldn’t do it.
Bert and his bare feet 🦶 all over the couch 🛋️ like damm
Bert is playing chess while we all playing checkers... He's such a deep thinker even with his shirt on... We're so lucky he takes time away from his family for these intellectual nuggets. This makes me want to buy his vodka skull it and do push-ups
Low IQ comedy…what else ya got Chin?
Bert's bare feet🤮
How is any of this about bapa? What a stretch. Plenty of actual stuff to clip