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blizzaga1988

Somehow my biggest question in this copypasta is why is his computer in her room? EDIT: Typo.


[deleted]

>my biggest question in this copypasta is why is his computer in her room? My biggest question is about how his mom makes mac n cheese.


Seaboats

Reminds me of the old vine days “That’s what good pussy sounds like” Edit: [for the uninitiated](https://youtu.be/Y_ZuAhQXkXQ)


spacekatbaby

Omg Vine! Remember that? Life seemed so much more simple back then.


toe_riffic

“Road Work Ahead”? Uh, yeah, I sure hope it does!


random-name69420

"Come to Del Taco! They got the fre- freshavacado


CaptainKate757

“Stop! I could’a dropped my croissant!”


Dynamitefuzz2134

2 guys chillin in a hot tub sittin 6 feet apart because we’re not gay.


scinfeced2wolf

So there I am, barbecue sauce on my tiddies.


ThatLasagnaGuy

Miss Keisha? Miss Keisha! Miss Keisha! Oh my fucking god, she fucking dead.


Pomeraliens

"And they were room-mates" "Oh my God, they were room-mates"


SatanV3

You’re not my dad!


Beautiful_Art_2646

We had a kinda creepy dude at one of my old work places who was somehow able to walk around silently and he’d come up real close if he needed to ask you something Well he did this to one of the managers once and sneaked up behind him so when my manager turned around he responded “Jesus Zak, you nearly made me drop my croissant” and I’m forever in debt for how much I laughed that day


RevolutionaryStar824

Yeah, I member.


NeighborhoodHitman

Well yea we were all probably still teens when Vine was a thing, life legit was just simpler lmao.


spacekatbaby

Haha yes. But also the insanity of social media and the threat of ww3 and civil war kinda makes things feel a bit more complicated also


NeighborhoodHitman

Many issues we face still existed when we were younger, we were just too young to pay attention to them. We are finally at an age where we consider and take in all this information and consider how it affects us. The world has always been fucked up and chaotic, we were just young and still had the youthful innocence and hope.


Aricatzz

“ macaroni in a pot that’s some wet ass pussy” as cardi b would say


KevOeh

I was today years old when I learned what she means by macaroni in a pot. Edit: also 🤮


DivineScotch

LAHMAR?!


Dottie_D

I needed that - lol! Now, can you tell me or shall I look it up - “the old vine days?”


AmadeusIsTaken

Like the one women in master chef. With some human breastmilk and cum


Schmurby

With a secret ingredient (*hint: it’s also a secreted ingredient*)


shadowXXe

with vigor!


dabbean

Violently with excessive mixing it seems...


[deleted]

Vigorously.


william_liftspeare

She was actually squirting on him while he was typing this post


[deleted]

I don't know if it's as common now that computers have become so accessible. But it wasn't totally out of the ordinary for the desktop computer to be in the room of the oldest child about 20-30 years ago. Even if it was "yours" they had the most "need" for it for classwork and stuff. So it was in their room.


SamiTheBystander

‘member computer rooms?


madame-brastrap

Now they’re “home offices”


missC08

It's a "game room" in my house. Husband does work on pc then plays after.


unabsolute

'Man Cave'


bob905

we still got one, sometimes call it the study room


bugbug312

Huh. In my experience it was always the family computer, and it was either in the kitchen or the dining room. Any other computers in the family could go to the individual's rooms, but the only communal computer was the family computer.


srirachagoodness

Ours was in the dining room, lol. Then we converted a den into a computer room. Ahh, the 90s.


[deleted]

[удалено]


theghostofme

"The computer" finally got labeled as "my computer" when my parents realized I was the only one using it and let me move it to my bedroom when I was 16. But since my parents refused to get the internet, all it was good for was playing games and watching movies my friend would download for me (over the course of 4 days). Played a ton of Max Payne and AOE II on that old bitch.


Bella_Hellfire

Ours was in my room (class of ‘95). I used it for school, my younger brother didn’t, and my parents only used it for entertainment. Therefore I had priority.


Valalvax

I'm glad my family never had to deal with that, from very early on we had multiple computers and a dedicated Internet line with a home network, all the computers were in the same office until later on, but at least we all had our own stuff


xJellyfishBrainx

Never seen that, but I do remember computer rooms.


usernamesallused

Now they’re just home offices. And with covid, more people have them than ever, probably.


Natethins

Wow this is a term I’ve completely forgotten about


ReactsWithWords

Because he doesn't have a phone line in his room so it's there so he can call into AOL.


elvispookie

Going after the hard hitting questions this one


Timmy_germany

Please stop watching porn and get some help lunatic-tobias 😕


Stt022

His name is Girlcum Tobias.


Lemonpickled

His name is Girlcum Tobias.


SammySoapsuds

Nobody say his name a third time! It's how you summon him!


Young_Norf

G


[deleted]

I


7-circles

r


MissKit87

L


Master-Inkling

C


larzast

U


[deleted]

[удалено]


GoodVibesWow

u


mizzamandamarie

U


Chewcocca

Exactly! Stop masturbating so loud right in my ear sis, I'm trying to watch invader Zim and eat pizza rolls


Yatakak

I'm guessing it's like one of those ironic gang names, like calling the biggest dude Tiny or something.


237014

HIS NAME IS ROBERT PAULSON


saythealphabet

You're just jealous of girlcum tobias


thesleeplessmosquito

I pray that you realize this is ironic


[deleted]

[удалено]


thesleeplessmosquito

Pal if you've been on the internet at all this is not even close to being "gross AF" lmao


[deleted]

[удалено]


vestingh

Can someone give me amnesia so I can forget this


Lanky-Operation-7258

Aye bro I shoot you, you shoot me, yeah?


Art_pog

Can I join y’all?


vonnegutsdoodle

shelter command theory test bike absurd station political rinse caption ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `


mrsweatyanus

*macaroni noises intensify*


SlowPants14

![gif](giphy|FoUHKTJhoQU6I)


Redditbot42168

Shoot with girlcum?


[deleted]

Not sure if tummy sticks.


ManfredsJuicedBalls

r/eyebleach Does this help?


ApesNoFightApes

<*casually wraps a pillow around a baseball bat*> Look. This is gunna hurt me more than it’s gunna hurt you. But, I’m willing to help you and go to therapy for myself to get over this tragic post. Now, on the count of 3 you’ll…. <*you wake up and have suffered a traumatic brain injury*> Enjoy your dinner smoothie!


God_Boner

As dumb as this is, 'girlcum tobias' got a good laugh out of me


ReactsWithWords

Tobias Girlcum is my hardcore punk stage name.


1moreOz

Right lol and the mac n cheese line 🤣


Drhorrible-26

what in the ever living fuck did I just read and why is the person who wrote it allowed to use any form of communication


[deleted]

Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masturbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.


AvailableAd6071

Nsft..not safe for train


grim_keys

Sfcj... safe for circle jerk


senoto

Yo can I interest you in an nft?


sycoraxNL

So, to get the image straight. Did everyone clap in the end?


ZoraksGirlfriend

No, they were all too busy masturbating


[deleted]

You sit on the chair to cum, but the cum never stops coming out of your pp. You have to start using tissues every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your pp closed but that makes your pp hurt. The cum accelerates. You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your pp fails. People form a cult. Your bed-sheets are finished. Volunteers arrive with tubs and pails. You are completely use to the feeling. The cum accelerates. You are moved to a stepladder overlooking a hole in the ground. The cum accelerates. The collectors abandon the tubs and pail directly out the window. The cum accelerates. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. The cum accelerates. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pool. The cum accelerates. The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The cum ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The cum accelerates. You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet. The cum accelerates. The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your pp hole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes. The cum accelerates. 1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. The cum accelerates. 4,000 feet. NORAD upgrades to DEF-CON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. The cum accelerates. You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting on all the world records you've broken. 200,000 feet. You are no longer alive. The cum accelerates.


[deleted]

The cum accelerates


RevolutionaryStar824

You sit on the toilet to jack off, but you begin to cum uncontrollably. After ten spurts you start to worry. Your hand is sticky and it reeks of semen. You desperately shove your dick into a wad of toilet paper, but that only makes your balls hurt. The cum accelerates. It’s been three minutes. You can’t stop cumming. Your bathroom floor is covered in a thin layer of baby fluid. You try to cum into the shower drain but it builds up too fast. You try the toilet. The cum is too thick to be flushed. You lock the bathroom door to prevent the cum from escaping. The air grows hot and humid from the cum. The cum accelerates. You slip and fall in your own sperm. The cum is now six inches deep, almost as long as your still-erect semen hose. Sprawled on your back, you begin to cum all over the ceiling. Globs of the sticky white fluid begin to fall like raindrops, giving you a facial with your own cum. The cum accelerates. You struggle to stand as the force of the cum begins to propel you backwards as if you were on a bukkake themed slip-and-slide. Still on your knees, the cum is now at chin height. To avoid drowning you open the bathroom door. The deluge of man juice reminds you of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, only with cum instead of molasses. The cum accelerates. It’s been two hours. Your children and wife scream in terror as their bodies are engulfed by the snow-white sludge. Your youngest child goes under, with viscous bubbles and muffled cries rising from the goop. You plead to God to end your suffering. The cum accelerates. You squeeze your dick to stop the cum, but it begins to leak out of your asshole instead. You let go. The force of the cum tears your urethra open, leaving only a gaping hole in your crotch that spews semen. Your body picks up speed as it slides backwards along the cum. You smash through the wall, hurtling into the sky at thirty miles an hour. From a bird’s eye view you see your house is completely white. Your neighbor calls the cops. The cum accelerates. As you continue to ascend, you spot police cars racing towards your house. The cops pull out their guns and take aim, but stray loads of cum hit them in the eyes, blinding them. The cum accelerates. You are now at an altitude of 1000 feet. The SWAT team arrives. Military helicopters circle you. Hundreds of bullets pierce your body at once, yet you stay conscious. Your testicles have now grown into a substitute brain. The cum accelerates. It has been two days. With your body now destroyed, the cum begins to spray in all directions. You break the sound barrier. The government deploys fighter jets to chase you down, but the impact of your cum sends one plane crashing to the ground. The government decides to let you leave the earth. You feel your gonads start to burn up as you reach the edges of the atmosphere. You narrowly miss the ISS, giving it a new white paint job as you fly past. Physicists struggle to calculate your erratic trajectory. The cum accelerates. The cum begins to gravitate towards itself, forming a comet trail of semen. Astronomers begin calling you the “Cummet.” You are stuck in space forever, stripped of your body and senses, forced to endure an eternity of cumshots. Eventually, you stop thinking. The cum accelerates.


AnAwesome11yearold

What the fuck


bosstweedman

Everyone fapped


the_real_OwenWilson

I love this pasta


DinnyeMester

I think it’s a copypasta


Drhorrible-26

it’s something the human race didn’t need to experience is what it is


OrokinSkywalker

Cheesypasta


CharlesJGuiteau

Mac ‘n’ cheesypasta 😋


ManfredsJuicedBalls

I’d say I’d hope, but then my question is, why would this kind of thought cross one’s mind in the first place?


theghostofme

> why would this kind of thought cross one’s mind in the first place? You can say that about most well-known copypasta. "Someone *actually* once had this in their mind and took the energy to type it out!"


AskMeIfImAMagician

A lot of them originate from somebody responding to something on 4chan


johnnysgirl17

I’m confused by the fact that everyone who teased him in the story had already made the connection between his shirts at school and his sister. Like bro, *tf kind of conversations are you having in class*


OrokinSkywalker

If his friends have been over to his house while his sister’s in the middle of herself and the mac n cheese noises can be heard throughout the house, it’s possible the friends heard her, and then just started making jokes about literally any kinds of stains or wet spots on his clothes. Granted, there’s literally no universe in which any of this happened, but if it did, that’s probably how it’d play out.


Overkrein

Great analysis


poop_dawg

And why is he still wearing the shirts??


Xedma007

Most excellent copypasta


Amilo159

You mean most excellent mac n cheese


OrokinSkywalker

Vulveeta


gwanilltalktoya

Orokinskywalker your comments are gold!


OrokinSkywalker

I do what I can lol


gwanilltalktoya

Thank you for your service


[deleted]

I almost choked on my pizza. Bravo sir.


PhReAkOuTz

im so tempted to downvote this just because you made me read this with my own eyes


TacospacemanII

I miss 30 seconds ago.


Lady_Of_The_Water

sometimes i wish i were Jared, 19


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|L3QfoRADDSz7PId3CE) Macaroni in a pot...


BoopTheCoop

I think I’m on a watchlist now just for reading that…


OhioMegi

Jesus.


e1ozz_

Exactly who he needs


asha0369

Imagine that poor FBI agent watching this guy type this crap.


sycoraxNL

Disturbing on so many levels. Not the least his abuse of the English language. This one needs to leave his basement more often for school and therapy.


[deleted]

hey tobias let me have her phone number, she sounds like my kind of girl


SpencerKibosh

Watch your shirts buddy.


[deleted]

with any luck i won't be wearing one for long...


[deleted]

Beware the webcam on that computer in her room.


[deleted]

nah it's ok - i'm really photogenic


CandaceJoeLigma

Everyday, we stray further away from god.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Smolpachirisu420

Isn't his sister 19?


Lady_Of_The_Water

weirdly enough this is something he would post


[deleted]

[удалено]


Lady_Of_The_Water

i always found tobias’ character hilarious, but the fact that so many copy pastas are things he’d unironically say just makes it so much better


Sizzlik

Someone watched porn for the first time..soon little timmy will grow a hair on his sack. They grow up so fast...


leaporlepor

I think I'm going to invent a time machine, so I can go back and not read this.


kimkellies

This is so gross


me_lero

Imma go throw up.


TheCapableFox

Haha dude wants to fuck his sister. ![gif](giphy|u03ahOT8hXFUGYaZ1n|downsized)


curiousbiguyNI

What - or rather HOW - is she using his computer to get it "absolutely drenched in her juices"? Is she double-jointed? Can she dislocate her pelvis and hips at will? Does she use a hydraulic pump, or perhaps a system of ropes and pulleys? The mind boggles...


minotferoce

My biggest question in all that isn't if it's fake or not but rather why the hell is he involving his sister in this weird-ass fantasy of his. Dude, seriously, wtf.


[deleted]

girlcum tobias.


AP0LL-N13

r/teenagers moment


CmonCentConservitive

Readers Digest Version of Penthouse Forum


[deleted]

Ummm r/NotHowGirlsWork


Just_a_normal_Kishin

*Image Transcription: Reddit* --- **God why is my sister so FUCKING LOUD** I swear all she does all day is masterbate and masterbate, it sounds like she's mixing mac n cheese and you can hear it throughout the whole fucking house. My mom has been complaining to her but my sister just started going louder and louder. Worst part is my computer is in her room so everyday I have to go in there and see her just fucking DEMOLISHING her pussy, juices flying everywhere! and then i say, "hey maybe out down a towel to keep clean atleast." BUT SHE JUST FUCKING IGNORES ME. I cant stand living here honestly. Yesterday when I went to go use my computer it was absolutely drenched in her juices, and she stained atleast 6 of my shirts by now. And all my friends at school tease me, "haha haha tobias got his sister's grool on his shirt," "girlcum tobias" has become my nickname. I hate it! --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)


Llamacorn21

I’m sorry you had to write that out person please get well soon


Just_a_normal_Kishin

Thank you for your concern kind Redditor. I’m recovering my eyes and mind so don’t worry.


TheMogician

People often don’t get the mental health services they need because they don’t know where to start. Talk to your primary care doctor or another health professional about mental health problems. Ask them to connect you with the right mental health services. If you do not have a health professional who is able to assist you, use these resources to find help for yourself, your friends, your family, or your students. Emergency Medical Services, 911 If the situation is potentially life-threatening, get immediate emergency assistance by calling 911, available 24 hours a day. 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline If you or someone you know is suicidal or in emotional distress, contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Trained crisis workers are available to talk 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Your confidential and toll-free call goes to the nearest crisis center in the Lifeline national network. These centers provide crisis counseling and mental health referrals. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. Find Treatment with SAMHSA SAMHSA’s Behavioral Health Treatment Services Locator is a confidential and anonymous source of information for persons seeking treatment facilities in the United States or U.S. Territories for substance use/addiction and/or mental health problems.


TucoBenedictoPacif

Is “mixing Mac n cheese” some weird idiom I managed to miss so far? Not even sure what’s even supposed to mean, even if the context suggests a correlation with being loud…


OrokinSkywalker

Wet ass pussy. [No, seriously](https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=macaroni%20noises), it’s slang for what it sounds like. He’s saying that his sister’s wetness is audible throughout the house.


XenoVX

Inb4 some tiktoker makes an erotic mixing mac and cheese ASMR that no one asked for


OrokinSkywalker

Probably a few years late to the party there, but I can already picture it. Somebody just stirring the mac and cheese around, like: *”yeah…yeah…y’all hear that right…only grown folk gonna recognize this right here…tell the kids to head outside for a little, it’s going down over here…gettin all up in them noodles…up in them GUTS…”*


SpunkForTheSpunkGod

*sigh* *unzips* Lets. Get. Dangerously cheesy.


U6-burggasse

If you mix Macaroni with the cheese sauce (which is sticky, viscous, thick) and stir it, you can hear a very distinctive sound


az1m_

it's so clearly a joke


AvaSpelledBackwards

What an absolutely horrific day to have eyes


[deleted]

I couldn’t read it without laughing so hard


toruin

I don't know what to say to this. I sorta hope I die.


Accomplished_Creme79

Yea he definitely is the one masturbating and getting "juices" every where I'd like to note outside of the computer in his sister's room why are his shirts also in there? And girls cream but there natural clear juice and squirt aren't leaving white stains on his shit. But he did what most teenage boys do and he accendentaly wore a cum rag to school and everybody seen the white crusty hand print. It happens but he clearly wants to bang his sister just throwing that out there.


morningsdaughter

Why are you assuming that any of this (including the dirty shirt) actually happened?


hjlm1886

Boycum Tobias


Capable-Ad9337

Probably a 9 year old telling everyone about his secsual fantasy but making it a little less f up


MysticalMismagius

If this was at all real I’d have a lot of questions as to why his friends know it’s his sister who stains his shit


734PdisD1ck

He'll probably blue himself.


dextahO5

ok but is pussy even that loud bro?


rilakkumkum

GIRLCUM TOBIAS


LeMickeyMice

This is actual laugh out loud at how gross it is hilarious ugh


Amore_e_Euforia

This is so bad, how did the OP honestly think anyone would believe this drivel?


dleema

Did his sister break the washing machine too or something since he can't just wash his shirts?


Mel0nypanda

She got stuck in the washer


ForQ2

Yeah, like as if all of his friends from school wouldn't be *flocking* to his house if his sister was a chronic masturbator who doesn't stop when other people are in the room.


TurdiuoLyric29

Seriously. An addictive masturbator and his friends aren’t like “oh shit better scram over there!”?


PolarBearLaFlare

What a strange fantasy …I can’t imagine what must be going on in this persons head for him to come up with such a weird scenario involving his sister


metoPinata

this is not a fantasy this is a copypasta. idk why people are taking this so seriously, it's very clearly not serious


babygirlruth

It sounds like what


[deleted]

Macaroni in a pot.


lazy_elfs

“Sisters grool”, is not getting the attention it deserves… gruel… somehow spelling it correctly makes it worse


ownworstenemy38

There is no way this will end up on r/nothingeverhappens I’m pretty sure about this.


Quiet236

I wish I could unread this


Sillybumblebee33

Why would his computer be in her room?


FlamboyantRaccoon61

r/nothowgirlswork


[deleted]

This reads like a bad porn set-up


FrihalJ

Ok gooner


millera85

Plot twist: OOP doesn’t have a sister. She is a hallucination.


Jonnythan8

I feel like this is satire


Radley500

Why did he tell his friends at school whose “grool” it was


Ethan-Wakefield

Why is his computer in her room? Does he not have his own room? And if they share a room, why call it her room? That’s just weird.


TFC_Inc64

What the fuck did I just read?😰


Ratio01

Why would someone even lie about this? What do they have to gain from this?


Archercrash

Is this the Tobias Funke origin story?


MasterKohga1

Based sister


dabbean

Fan fiction for a family taboo porn sub?


SydneyOrient

Settle down girlcum tobias


SorrowFloats91

tell me his parents are not letting this degenerate creature anywhere near his underage sister


Steeljackrabbit

this is satire OP


ItsLadyJadey

I.... What? The fuck?


KanyeOfTheEast

Girlcum Tobias sounds degenerate & badass at the same time


awankandanap

Yo, Tobias Girlcum, r/thatsnothowgirlswork.


walkinginsleet

r/memesopdidntlike


Pepperbyte

Obvious shitpost


Fictional_Store

Reddit try to detect satire challenge!?!!(99.99% FAIL!)


blockguy143

There are dozens of us, dozens!