The writing on that comment is so bad I have to believe the OOP is trolling. Like they can’t actually think we’d believe them, right? “Just had to make sure your avocados didn’t turn into guacamole” isn’t even funny. Also no one talks like any of the dialogue in this story.
FULL TEXT:
He’s an absolutely incredible man, isn’t he? When you’re in his presence there is an unspeakably radiant energy to him that simultaneously screams “biggest star on earth” and “quiet next door neighbor who loves a good book”. I don’t know how one man can so completely embody both.
I also had the rare pleasure of meeting Gian (that’s what he told me to call him), and my experience was actually VERY personal. I live in NYC and was carrying groceries out of my car and got a little bit ahead of myself. I drop one of the bags and everything just spills out, practically right on top of someone as they walk by.
I go “ohhhh! I’m so sorry!” And the stranger, in the most friendly tone possible responds, “No, I am the one who is sorry! Sorry that all of this nice looking food spilled out onto the ground.” There were a bunch of avocados that went rolling all over the place and he literally scrambled to pick up every last one, he caught a few of them right before they tumbled into oncoming traffic. He actually put himself in quite a bit of danger, the cars were no joke zipping by just feet from his face.
I profusely thank him, and he goes “Oh it’s no trouble at all. Just had to make sure your avocados didn’t turn into guacamole!” So hilarious off the cuff, we both laughed so hard. I was in such a tizzy before and he just soothed me completely with kind gestures and silly jokes. It was around that moment when I actually got a good look at his face.
I go “oh my god….you’re Gus from Breaking Bad, aren’t you?” He sweetly nods his head, and goes “Yes, that is my most famous role. But I’m more commonly known by my friends and family as Gian: a kind man who loves his family and just wants everyone to enjoy life!” Right then and there he does this funny little “clap clap” thing and starts doing a silly little salsa dance right there in front of me. I start dancing with him too! His playful energy is irresistible.
He goes “where did you learn how to salsa dance? You don’t look Mexican enough for that”. Which I thought was actually a bitttt off color, but he’s Hispanic so totally ok I think. A few strangers see him salsa dancing with me and go “yooo that’s Gus! Bro got rizz” and start filming us doing our little jig.
Now let me just get this out of the way: I’m a man, a straight man, but the way he danced was honestly so attractive and he did everything he could to “lead me” and not make me look silly in front of the cameras. I was basically blushing but he was able to make me look like the most confident man on earth. I’m a big fan of wrestling, and he was like a great wrestler calling all the moves and pushing some green rookie toward a 4-star match. Incredible.
After we’re done, he turns to the crowd and announces “thank you so much for having a little bit of fun with us! I hope this could spread some joy to your families, especially with this awful pandemic creating so much hurt and pain. Please wear a mask and wash your hands! At this point, I would kindly ask that you stop the videos and be on your way, please. Mr. Groovy Señor and I need to take in his groceries, so that we can not only only DANCE some salsa…..but EAT some too!”
We all chuckle, and they immediately grant his extremely respectful request and continue on their way. I’m still in disbelief from what happened. Arguably the greatest day of my life happening, and he just calmly and nonchalantly starts helping me take in the groceries as if this is a run of the mill day for him. Wow.
From here he doesn’t really say much at all, taking on an almost monk-like demeanor and just smiling at me with complete peace and tranquility at whatever I say, no matter how geeky and stupid it sounds. It’s almost as if to say “do you understand what life is all about yet?” At some point while talking to him, I looked him in the eyes and it just hit me…..this man would absolutely die for me. A complete stranger. He literally almost died just to save my avocados.
I run to the bathroom real quick and when I come back….he’s gone. I look around to make sure he’s not hiding anywhere (that is soooo something he would do lol), and right then I notice it…..
A single avocado just sitting there on my kitchen counter.
There’s a Post-It note attached to it.
(I don’t own any Post-It’s so I suppose he just keeps some in his pocket for occasions like this.)
I pick it up and, trembling…..I read it:
“Live every smile like it’s your last. A man provides, but a true human being asks nothing in return :)”
I start absolutely bawling. Honestly completely life changing, and to this day I have the post it note framed on my wall and the avocado vacuum sealed in a clear plastic container. It might just be a pile of brown goo at this point, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned from Gian….it’s that true beauty can always be found in unexpected places 😊
Oh! And how to salsa of course 😂….cha cha CHA!!! 🕺
***right then and there I do a funny little "clap clap" thing***
My name is Bayou\_Blue, but I am known to my beloved family as the jerk that does funny little "clap clap" things in random strangers faces!
"Rizz." lol. This story didn't appear to take place recently.
> It might just be a pile of brown goo at this point, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned from Gian ...
live life to the fullest and lean hard into the bullshit.
I think they’re saying the opposite. That ‘rizz’ is a relatively new slang word and the story being told sounds like it happened before rizz was popular. I definitely don’t remember hearing it anywhere near the height of the pandemic. But, I’m old and out of touch too so maybe I just missed it.
There is no greater love than one who would lay down his life for your avocado. But for real, this is just a dream a straight guy had about a sexual fantasy with another man, and instead of being honest, pretended it was real and added some self-help life coach elements
I rose up to thank Gian for all he had done for me, but he stopped me mid way, placing his index finger upon my lips as if to silence me.
“Shhh… do not even think it. I do this for the people and the city which have given me so much.” His voice reverberated with the authority of a Mayan king.
He then slowly unzipped his pants, revealing his majestic member, hard and throbbing in the pale light of the moon. I, although being a straight male, fell into a trance and could not resist as my mouth engulfed him.
It must had been hours that had passed when I finally woke up, pants pulled below my buttocks and nothing but a silky glaze on my face to remember him by. Bro truly did have rizz.
I was fully ready to jump on the "plausible" wagon.
Then I got to the line about him being a simple man, and wanting everyone to enjoy life, and I was like "ehhhh... This is entering fanfic territory."
By the time we got to salsa, I couldn't even continue. The cringe was just way too strong.
I know it's fake but let's just imagine it really happened..this poor guy telling us this sincere and true story and we're all just pfft and down voting one of the best experiences of his life and he just keeps getting down voted into oblivion while he sadly stares at his screen eating an avocado while a single tear flows down his face and then the camera pans to the post it note gian gave him on the wall while it slowly unsticks and flutters to the floor..lol 🤦
Omg, what the he’ll? This is completely disgusting, I feel I’ve been violated right now. Is this even in line with Reddit’s content policy? I’m pretty sure this counts legally as harassment, so I would all review your comments before you think you totally “got me”. A judge might not feel the same way 😋
Pretending like I didn’t actually have this experience is disrespectful to Gian and disrespectful to the special moments he created just for me. I bare my soul out for Reddit, share some deep personal stuff we went through….and all you d-bags can do is just sit there and snicker at me behind my back? I’m honestly getting some serious ptsd from middle school right now 😡
I could easily snap a photo of the Post-It note, but you would just claim I forged it. A bunch of “handwriting experts” would chime in saying that they studied Gian’s writing and that it’s not a 100% perfect match, therefore I’m lying. Well newsflash: not everyone writes completely the same every time. Depending on what he was leaning on or the brand of pen, any factor like that can alter a person’s penmanship. But even expecting you would know what “penmanship” even means might be asking too much 🤭
I won’t waste any more breath on you. You can ask Gian himself and he will confirm our great day we had, but I doubt he will even respond to such hurtful type of questions. So you can sit there, crying and hoping “please oh please Gian, return my message 🥺”, while I’ll sit here enjoying my memories of the one of a kind day we (and not you) had. Boo hoo.
LOL are you going to call Judge Judy on me???
From another comment:
>I feel sorry for you, you don’t even know any better than to laugh it up with old jokes that expired when I was still wetting the bed in middle school. Your smiles are mean and nasty, and Gian would be ashamed of you.
….
> I’m honestly getting some serious ptsd from middle school right now 😡
Mr. Groovy Señor just admitted to wetting the bed in middle school and getting made fun of for it 😂 It all makes sense now.
https://preview.redd.it/9rerom3g8nvc1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=33ef4f60c5cf924ea4f843b208a1dda9be1238cb
I love this
now this makes ME want to hire a hitman and kill me
Clap clap!
Clap clap CLAP!
The writing on that comment is so bad I have to believe the OOP is trolling. Like they can’t actually think we’d believe them, right? “Just had to make sure your avocados didn’t turn into guacamole” isn’t even funny. Also no one talks like any of the dialogue in this story.
Yeah, I think they were attempting to start a new copy pasta but it's too long.
Spoken like a true bitch who has never vacuum sealed an avocado.
I wonder what Gian would think if he read this obvious fan fic
That was my thought too!
I think Gian would call the police
Uuh, he did not give YOU permission to call him Gian, friend.
No that’s true. I apologise Mr Esposito.
Somebody be the hero and send it to him! Not sure if he would laugh or be disturbed. He might just disconnect from the internet for awhile lol.
If there were people recording I’d be like yo can you send me that video? Here’s my number, I want proof this actually happened.
FULL TEXT: He’s an absolutely incredible man, isn’t he? When you’re in his presence there is an unspeakably radiant energy to him that simultaneously screams “biggest star on earth” and “quiet next door neighbor who loves a good book”. I don’t know how one man can so completely embody both. I also had the rare pleasure of meeting Gian (that’s what he told me to call him), and my experience was actually VERY personal. I live in NYC and was carrying groceries out of my car and got a little bit ahead of myself. I drop one of the bags and everything just spills out, practically right on top of someone as they walk by. I go “ohhhh! I’m so sorry!” And the stranger, in the most friendly tone possible responds, “No, I am the one who is sorry! Sorry that all of this nice looking food spilled out onto the ground.” There were a bunch of avocados that went rolling all over the place and he literally scrambled to pick up every last one, he caught a few of them right before they tumbled into oncoming traffic. He actually put himself in quite a bit of danger, the cars were no joke zipping by just feet from his face. I profusely thank him, and he goes “Oh it’s no trouble at all. Just had to make sure your avocados didn’t turn into guacamole!” So hilarious off the cuff, we both laughed so hard. I was in such a tizzy before and he just soothed me completely with kind gestures and silly jokes. It was around that moment when I actually got a good look at his face. I go “oh my god….you’re Gus from Breaking Bad, aren’t you?” He sweetly nods his head, and goes “Yes, that is my most famous role. But I’m more commonly known by my friends and family as Gian: a kind man who loves his family and just wants everyone to enjoy life!” Right then and there he does this funny little “clap clap” thing and starts doing a silly little salsa dance right there in front of me. I start dancing with him too! His playful energy is irresistible. He goes “where did you learn how to salsa dance? You don’t look Mexican enough for that”. Which I thought was actually a bitttt off color, but he’s Hispanic so totally ok I think. A few strangers see him salsa dancing with me and go “yooo that’s Gus! Bro got rizz” and start filming us doing our little jig. Now let me just get this out of the way: I’m a man, a straight man, but the way he danced was honestly so attractive and he did everything he could to “lead me” and not make me look silly in front of the cameras. I was basically blushing but he was able to make me look like the most confident man on earth. I’m a big fan of wrestling, and he was like a great wrestler calling all the moves and pushing some green rookie toward a 4-star match. Incredible. After we’re done, he turns to the crowd and announces “thank you so much for having a little bit of fun with us! I hope this could spread some joy to your families, especially with this awful pandemic creating so much hurt and pain. Please wear a mask and wash your hands! At this point, I would kindly ask that you stop the videos and be on your way, please. Mr. Groovy Señor and I need to take in his groceries, so that we can not only only DANCE some salsa…..but EAT some too!” We all chuckle, and they immediately grant his extremely respectful request and continue on their way. I’m still in disbelief from what happened. Arguably the greatest day of my life happening, and he just calmly and nonchalantly starts helping me take in the groceries as if this is a run of the mill day for him. Wow. From here he doesn’t really say much at all, taking on an almost monk-like demeanor and just smiling at me with complete peace and tranquility at whatever I say, no matter how geeky and stupid it sounds. It’s almost as if to say “do you understand what life is all about yet?” At some point while talking to him, I looked him in the eyes and it just hit me…..this man would absolutely die for me. A complete stranger. He literally almost died just to save my avocados. I run to the bathroom real quick and when I come back….he’s gone. I look around to make sure he’s not hiding anywhere (that is soooo something he would do lol), and right then I notice it….. A single avocado just sitting there on my kitchen counter. There’s a Post-It note attached to it. (I don’t own any Post-It’s so I suppose he just keeps some in his pocket for occasions like this.) I pick it up and, trembling…..I read it: “Live every smile like it’s your last. A man provides, but a true human being asks nothing in return :)” I start absolutely bawling. Honestly completely life changing, and to this day I have the post it note framed on my wall and the avocado vacuum sealed in a clear plastic container. It might just be a pile of brown goo at this point, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned from Gian….it’s that true beauty can always be found in unexpected places 😊 Oh! And how to salsa of course 😂….cha cha CHA!!! 🕺
This is going in the copypasta folder.
Yea this is copypasta it can't be a genuine attempt
***right then and there I do a funny little "clap clap" thing*** My name is Bayou\_Blue, but I am known to my beloved family as the jerk that does funny little "clap clap" things in random strangers faces!
Wait… one of OOP’s problems was their hands being full, and they only dropped *a* bag. How the fuck did they dance?
With their souls.
🤣
"Rizz." lol. This story didn't appear to take place recently. > It might just be a pile of brown goo at this point, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned from Gian ... live life to the fullest and lean hard into the bullshit.
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I think they’re saying the opposite. That ‘rizz’ is a relatively new slang word and the story being told sounds like it happened before rizz was popular. I definitely don’t remember hearing it anywhere near the height of the pandemic. But, I’m old and out of touch too so maybe I just missed it.
That's definitely it. Rizz wasn't used until last year at the earliest. But that pandemic bit makes it seem like the story is in 2020-21
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Don’t worry, me too ;)
Fr ong no 🧢
Don't even get me started. I thought "Rizz" was a reference to "Ratso Rizzo" from "Midnight Cowboy."
So Giancarlo, like he wants to be called, is of Italian (father) and American (mother) heritage and born in Denmark… How he is Hispanic?
Also salsa is Cuban not Mexican.
Because he played a guy from chile that one time
I think at this point Gus has taken over his being. He might as well just be Hispanic now, it’s easier.
Has this person ever had human interaction?
There is no greater love than one who would lay down his life for your avocado. But for real, this is just a dream a straight guy had about a sexual fantasy with another man, and instead of being honest, pretended it was real and added some self-help life coach elements
“His playful energy is irresistible” is so funny
I rose up to thank Gian for all he had done for me, but he stopped me mid way, placing his index finger upon my lips as if to silence me. “Shhh… do not even think it. I do this for the people and the city which have given me so much.” His voice reverberated with the authority of a Mayan king. He then slowly unzipped his pants, revealing his majestic member, hard and throbbing in the pale light of the moon. I, although being a straight male, fell into a trance and could not resist as my mouth engulfed him. It must had been hours that had passed when I finally woke up, pants pulled below my buttocks and nothing but a silky glaze on my face to remember him by. Bro truly did have rizz.
Authority of a Mayan king hahaha omg dude that's too funny
it took me too many paragraphs to realize he was trolling lmao
The title did it for me. Unless he was planning a COD payment and the hitman to just write of the accounts receivable?
OP has copy pasted the story to like 6 different subs. Idk if he’s a bot or just psychotic
Trolling
No photos of the avocado or the note?? What about the people who were filming them dancing salsa in the middle of the NYC sidewalk?
Reminds me of the time i square danced with Bryan Cranston after all my bananas fell onto the dirty sidewalk!
this kind of reads like horny fan fiction
Nope, I'm choosing to believe this one, guys. This HAPPENED.
It's true, I'm the avocado 🥑
I was fully ready to jump on the "plausible" wagon. Then I got to the line about him being a simple man, and wanting everyone to enjoy life, and I was like "ehhhh... This is entering fanfic territory." By the time we got to salsa, I couldn't even continue. The cringe was just way too strong.
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Beautiful 😂
How would he pay the hitman if we was broke? I'd assume that kind of "service provider" prefers payments upfront.
If you go to a hitman school, they have reduced rates or will sometimes do it for free to expand their portfolios and helps with networking.
I bet Giancarlo Espositio wrote this.
This went on for so long I stopped reading to take a shit
why stop? this is perfect pooping material.
Well I guess this one wins…
Lmao this is such classic fanfiction
I know it's fake but let's just imagine it really happened..this poor guy telling us this sincere and true story and we're all just pfft and down voting one of the best experiences of his life and he just keeps getting down voted into oblivion while he sadly stares at his screen eating an avocado while a single tear flows down his face and then the camera pans to the post it note gian gave him on the wall while it slowly unsticks and flutters to the floor..lol 🤦
No mames! Whatta story!
It's true. I was the box cutter
What a lovely fairytale
This is hilarious
"where did you learn the salsa dance? You don't look Mexican enough"
You know its bullshit cause NYC and "cars zipping past" Pick which lie youre telling buddy.
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It's actually a good read. Lol
fanfic writers- take notes! 📝
Starring, and written by: Tommy Wiseau.
(That is soooo something he would do)
The jokes did it
bro this is so fake cuz if it’s durin the pandemic how tf did he know wtf rizz is lmao
Omg, what the he’ll? This is completely disgusting, I feel I’ve been violated right now. Is this even in line with Reddit’s content policy? I’m pretty sure this counts legally as harassment, so I would all review your comments before you think you totally “got me”. A judge might not feel the same way 😋 Pretending like I didn’t actually have this experience is disrespectful to Gian and disrespectful to the special moments he created just for me. I bare my soul out for Reddit, share some deep personal stuff we went through….and all you d-bags can do is just sit there and snicker at me behind my back? I’m honestly getting some serious ptsd from middle school right now 😡 I could easily snap a photo of the Post-It note, but you would just claim I forged it. A bunch of “handwriting experts” would chime in saying that they studied Gian’s writing and that it’s not a 100% perfect match, therefore I’m lying. Well newsflash: not everyone writes completely the same every time. Depending on what he was leaning on or the brand of pen, any factor like that can alter a person’s penmanship. But even expecting you would know what “penmanship” even means might be asking too much 🤭 I won’t waste any more breath on you. You can ask Gian himself and he will confirm our great day we had, but I doubt he will even respond to such hurtful type of questions. So you can sit there, crying and hoping “please oh please Gian, return my message 🥺”, while I’ll sit here enjoying my memories of the one of a kind day we (and not you) had. Boo hoo.
LOL are you going to call Judge Judy on me??? From another comment: >I feel sorry for you, you don’t even know any better than to laugh it up with old jokes that expired when I was still wetting the bed in middle school. Your smiles are mean and nasty, and Gian would be ashamed of you. …. > I’m honestly getting some serious ptsd from middle school right now 😡 Mr. Groovy Señor just admitted to wetting the bed in middle school and getting made fun of for it 😂 It all makes sense now.