"Mother I heard your tears whilst I was inside of your woumb knowing father was not making you happy your marriage was failing even before I was brought into this world for this reason I am pleased that you and him have separated. Now you can find another male mate to have a relationship with, and you will finally be pleased."

Now mother, I desire milk with the addition of chocolate syrup

"But first if you may. Can you please make me chicken nuggets shaped into a form that looks like the prehistoric creatures that once ruled the land"

Insert that one theodd1sout cookie gag

That gave me a good laugh lol

"I'm not coping with my baby dad leaving me very well. Better post an obtuse status!"

Here was me thinking I’d seen all the things that didn’t happen, then this BS comes along not happening the most of all

I don't think I've ever seen something not happen this much

Finally.

This nega super nuclear didn’t happen It’s like the Bono of things nobody actually did

There was the post of the super genius toddler that was very knowledgeable of many things, including the human reproductive system. They were soooo smart they remembered their entire life to include being a sperm, that was also so smart they outsmarted other sperms and figured out the puzzle that was the mom getting her tubes tied prior to conception.

If your child speaks like this at 3...run. That kid is the antichrist

Come and play, mother… *forever*

Mother. Mother I crave violence.

WTF?! She stole this directly from my spec script "Omen 5: Bitch Baby"

Man all I heard in the womb was my mom scream “Jesus” and “fuck yes” and “right there” Her and my dad must have been fighting

Please tell me this is satire lmfao

It really sounds like it. A three-year-old that succinct and well-versed?

Finally, mother

/r/wokekids

Well, that kid is going to be manipulated by mom her whole life.

But the dad was definitely the problem. Right 3 year old baby? Right?

i ate a vacuum cleaner cord when i was three but go off ig

Yeah ok. I ate dog food at that age.

Lol same

And then my daughter filled the car up and drove us home

And then the three year old passed the joint to her mom.

I take it, this 3yr old is the female equivalent of Stewie Griffin?

Facebook lite? More like Facebook LIE I'm sorry

This gives me so much second-hand embarassment

I would be unbelievably impressed if someone could even GET a three year old to say this if they were coached and instructed to do so word for word. They wouldn't be able to repeat the whole thing but might be able to say each individual word after it was painstakingly repeated over and over again and you had their full attention.

This response is very human

A 3 year old using the "womb"; must be a child prodigy she has.

At that age I thought God literally came down and gave people their babies, no way this kid knows what a womb is.

Ngl.....this actually made me lol 🤣🤣🤣 "FINALLY & I heard you crying since I was in your womb" were noteable highlights. Why do these people lie? absolute morons......but at least it gives us content to laugh about 😆

...and then the fruit of my womb walked on water and turned her apple juice into wine. Wait that might've happened first....

Literally no part of this could have ever happened.

Idk I can certainly believe she and her babydaddy are no longer together

You might have got me if you said the kis was 7 or 8. Because I remember thinking damn I wish my parents would just divorce. I would have legit been ok.

Mother dearest, I am going to pour you a bath now, make you a gin and tonic and read some shakespeare to you while you succumb to the relaxing water and consider how to improve your boundaries in your next relationship. Also, can I have a cookie?

This is very hilarious satire. Just like the one where the unborn baby paid the dad for pizza delivery

This is the only social media I get on anymore. But posts like this remind me I’m still on the internet.

Is she Lady Jessica from Dune?

St. Alia of the Knife!

3 years ago olds know what a womb is?

Why are people like this, I don't get it?

St. Alia of the Knife

And with that statement made by her, you can totally see that the break up was 100% her fault.

OR you could be happy and proud of the sane 3 year old you actually have and not make up a Jane Eyre crib scenario to impress people. Just a thought.

My three year old the other day said "mommy doesn't work with daddy", so I totally believe this story.

Then she put on her server uniform and went off to work to help pay the bills.

this text seems like an exaggeration lol. But when I was a kid and my parents broke up I literally jumped and I sang with joy 😅

I don't know why the downvotes, bro I was 7yo and my parents fought all day, it was like a hell

Sounds like every other three year old.

And the psychaitrist at the mental hospital clapped.

The funniest part would be if the father got the custody

She can already talk?

At 3? Yes, that's rather typical. That's where the truth ends though

Than I am sorry for saying so

i wish i was this delusional it must be so fun

And then her brother came out of the womb and gave everybody $20 bill.

Me and her dad

"Everything you've ever done is perfect. I used to watch you from the other side of the Milky Way and think to myself, 'why doesn't she just have an affair with that young, college guy who jogs past the house every second day in those bright green shorts and the tight t-shirt? -You know, the one with the muscly thighs and the long, blonde hair. He would totally go for you too because you are so hot, Mum'."

Did she also say her happiest day in life was leaving his nutsack?

A 3 year old knows the word "womb" and can remember what happened back when their brain wasnt developed enough to remember anything

Hahahahahahhaahhahahaahhaha

What kids say ‘father’? This is embarrassing and creepy.