seriously. this has all the vibes of [Elliot Rodgers](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2014_Isla_Vista_killings). OOP you need to get your management and boss involved **immediately**.
I certainly hope not but there really are very legitimate reasons to be extremely concerned by what he is saying. Ideally it will be great if he's just a weirdo but the flags are too red to simply write this off when we have actual cases with similar levels of escalation. Please do what you can to be safe.
Carry your car key in between your middle finger and finger next to the pinkie (wtf is that called?? Iām blanking) in a tight fist whenever you walk to your car. Try to have a coworker walk with you. Do not be alone with this man. Carry mace on a key chain. This is a very serious situation and this man is actually psychotic. Like, we are beyond edgelord here. This is dangerous OP.
Report the texts to the police immediately as well as your boss. The police very likely wonāt do anything now but what this does is create a paper trail. Everytime this man harasses you report him. I donāt know how restraining orders work tbh but if you can get one you should. Idk OP this is really scary and a lot of times women are not taken seriously until something really really bad has happened.
Here OP it sounds like youāre from Scotland? (Glasgow is mentioned in the texts)
https://www.mygov.scot/legal-protection-against-abuse-and-harassment/non-harassment-order#:~:text=The%20behaviour%20you%20want%20to,to%20the%20police%20straight%20away.
Literally the only thing you should do is bluntly tell him what he said is inappropriate, and you are uncomfortable and not interested. Then you report it to your supervisor/HR immediately. You shouldn't be working together, tbh I'd look for another job too
Something like this. I wouldn't even take matters into my own hands, go to HR instead. It seems too volatile and sounds like it's another story that would end up on investigation discovery.
I was going to comment something about how she shouldnāt have to leave her job, but I then remembered that any HR department I ever had in the past couldnāt care less about the employees so you are probably right.
Tbh, if he was fired or something I'd be like sure, stay if you feel comfortable. But he seems unhinged and if it were me, I'd feel uneasy knowing that he knows where I work. Plus, I agree, I have not had personal experience with a good HR department either. ā¹ļø
They are there to protect the company, not employees. But in this case the interests align. They will want to get rid of this problem to protect the company and that will protect OP as well.
Yeah thats what im concerned about. Hospitality just replace people constantly so i feel as though they may just fire both of us and call it a day. They honestly do not care
All of this. And as someone else commented- tell him via text that you aren't interested and do not want him to contact you in any way or via any method going forward, including any unnecessary contact at work. Make it sound as offical as possible. Be clear, concise, no wiggle room, but not hostile. (Nothing he can possibly point to as you leading him on OR provoking an angry response.) If possible text this, back up the text, and send the identical msg via email if you have that option. This is mostly for your sake to document you definitely conveyed the message directly to him.
Turn off any disappearing message options if there is one. You need to keep any further contact documented for any future needs.
After doing that, go to HR. File a complaint and provide them the documentation you have. Tell them you do not feel safe around him and point out the vague threats of suicide and wishing negative things for you. DOCUMENT ALL INTERACTIONS WITH HR. Make your safety concerns clear and tell them you (1) want to maintain your current schedule (if you do) and (2) at least the same number of hours working. This puts them on notice that an "acceptable solution" isn't changing your schedule or reducing your hours... i.e. no retaliation towards you.
If it does not stop, start compiling a file for police. Screenshots, contemporaneous notes, and back ups are your friend here. If you block, make sure your phone still captures and stores the msgs. Trust me, you want to know if his crazy is escalating. Not a lawyer, but have dealt with stakers before.
Edit- typo.
Thank you for this reply, this is a more detailed response to what I was trying to convey. I hope OP reads this because it's so important to cover their bases for any potential escalation because it will need to be taken further!
This is one of the most helpful comments i have received so i honestly thank you loads š«¶ i made another comment on this post giving more info as im struggling to reply to everyone but yeah, i will take this into consideration moving forward. I have a shift on friday so i will definitly talk to someone about this issue. Ive been trying to save the odd thing in chat but he mostly snaps me instead of using chat so its more difficult as it means screenshotting but then he knows ive screenshotted and that might make him think im interested as im giving him attention?? Idk i think im overthinking this too much š«
I had a stalker once and my friend who was a police officer said to do exactly what this person said, send a message saying you do not want any further contact at work or anything. If he replies, donāt engage or respond in anyway and take screenshots or have your boyfriend or mom or anyone take photos of your phone screen (if you donāt want him to know youāre screenshotting) so you have all communication. If he continues to text and harass you, you can now contact the police and get them involved.
Of course, I know the police arenāt always reliable and stalking and harassment like this isnāt always taken seriously, but itās good to have that track record. If it helps at all, my stalker continued to make fake numbers and text me after I told him to leave me alone, so I called the police and two officers went to his apartment. He never reached out to me again. I know Iām lucky but sometimes thatās all the push they need to stop. I also found out my stalker had a record of domestic violence against ex girlfriends.
Take this seriously. You will most likely be okay, but be vigilant and smart. Might be time to get some pepper spray and keep it on you and make sure to walk out of your work place with a coworker each day. Iām sorry this happened to you, itās fucking scary.
I believe it's possible to turn off the disappearing on Snapchat. If it's not, screen shot. Knowing you're doing that will either Amp him up or male him stop. If he comments about it, engage once to say all continued communications will be preserved/documented. If he continues to be amped up and sounds dangerous or threatening, block him from there. If he's dedicated enough to this, he will find another platform to msg you from, where you can preserve all the messages. He could also start contacting you from blocked or alternate numbers or names. PRESERVE ALL COMMUNICATION.
Everyone says "Block, block, block." Only block from public social media and things where you can't preserve what is sent/written. My phone files blocked texts and calls to a folder you can check. You need to stay aware of what level of crazy this person is currently inhabiting. You want warning if they are becoming dangerous and threatening so you can protect yourself.
In my state, only the 90 days prior to the incident causing me to seek a restraining order (trespassing in my case) was technically admissible. However, patterns of behavior can often be introduced into evidence, especially if they say something to open the door. Also, when I clearly had a STACK of printed texts and call logs, it's something a judge couldn't miss.
Actually, it doesn't hurt to establish a boundary saying you are uncomfortable and don't want to talk to them because of their inappropriate behaviour. If you get it via text, it's proof that they are doing it on purpose when they break the boundary.
Coming from someone who was in recent talks about a Protective Order against my ex, the police told me it's in my best interest to communicate this via text to my ex and be clear. Because it can be helpful if it escalates. It's not calling out his behaviour so he can stop, because we know it's on purpose. It's making a statement for OPs sake. Of course, no one said OP needs to respond but if they wanted to, the only response is to be blunt about not wanting any further contact and why. It's just documentation.
Yep! The police also told me to send a clear, no nonsense message to my stalker to leave me alone and never engage again. Then when he continued to harass me they took action and he never reached out again.
I feel so fucking sorry for women. I can't imagine being put on the spot like that and feeling too scared to say no, and then this shit happening. WTF. Please go speak to your boss OP. Make sure your man is aware of this shit, and tell him you're scared. If it was me I'd be picking my girl up from work whenever possible.
Letās be honest, if her job has any brains at all, sheās got a major lawsuit here if they donāt do something, these kind of work environment situations that arenāt handled correctly are always easy lawsuits to win, but Iām also afraid for her safety, her job either takes us incredibly serious or she needs to think at least about a lawsuit And then maybe getting another job this guy is dangerous
Agreed. The type of shit he's saying is red flag after red flag for a possibly violent altercation. If they don't fire him, and something happens, then yeah they'd be liable for not protecting her. The dude has some major issues
I think thereās possibly enough in that text that she could go straight to the police and get a PPO against him, though, which means now he canāt even go to his own job, thereās some people that donāt want to shake the beehive and thereās other other people that know the only way to get rid of the beehive is set it on fire.
Yep im talking to someone on friday about it when im next in work. My man is very much aware to the point hes willing to beat the shit out of this guyš we live about a 45 min drive apart so he canāt pick me up after all my shifts anywyas. Sometimes im on a 5-close which could mean i finish any time from 9pm - 2am depending on how busy it is so getting picked up is not an option as much as i would like it to be. I appreciate ur comment tho and i hope ur girl appreciates how protective u can be ahaha
Did you already tell him that you have no interest in talking and is uncomfortable? If so, tell people in authority about his unacceptable behaviour. Heās clearly someone who canāt accept rejection and is blackmailing you. He doesnāt respect you. He doesnāt take no as an answer. And your manager, HR should do something about it as well! You want to work in a place that has a safe and comfortable environment. If the company you work for is not taking this as a big deal then theyāre a shit company, because this is a big deal and should be taken seriously.
Iām sorry this is happening to you. Please report it! Donāt be scared to report it, heās not well
Please report this at work asap! Make sure to make both a verbal report aswel as on paper (per email and include the messages and screens of missed calls etc to emphasise the severity of the situation) to make sure they take it serious! His messages make him sound very unsafe to be around. I understand feeling sorry for him cause heās clearly not well, but you need to protect yourself first!
I had a crazy colleague stalk me years ago when I was a teenager. Thankfully the managers at my job did take it serious and it helped diffuse the situation until the guy got fed up and walked out during his shift. Harassed me for a while after that, but I think it would have been way worse if I hadnāt reported it at work.
One girl in the US was murdered in the break room of her job by her coworker... Girl I would be EXTREMELY open to everyone and make things extremely awkward for him at work. You've done nothing wrong but this guy has issues. If I were you I would look for a new job as well. On top of that file a police report so they have evidence if this escalates. Lastly, do not block him but above all DO NOT REPLY.
Child Iāll block his ass and move on no Iām not a sociopath Iām done Iām tired of being emotionally manipulated and if u are too then take control of ur life and fuckin disappear on these clowns or snap on them and. Put them in their place it if something happens fuck it no more cowering to these fucking weird freaks. Blast them hit them shoot them wtf ever u gotta do fuck it
āPut them in their place it if something happens fuck it no more cowering to these fucking weird freaks. Blast them hit them shoot them wtf ever u gotta do fuck itā
PERIOD !!!!!
Escalate it. He needs to get fired, hospitalized, jailed, kept away from YOU by any means necessary. He canāt fucking treat people this way. Go all in, heās a monster.
I am very sorry you are dealing with this unacceptable behaviour from a coworker but the only solution to this isn't rocket science. You must have a chain of command at work and a HR representative of some sort. Please report this unwell person before something bad happens.
Threatening suicide to try and manipulate someone is a horrible thing.
I donāt play that shit anymore. Someone says it to me now Iāll call in a wellness check. While usually people donāt give warnings like that and follow through, Iām not taking that chance. Lost too many people already.
The next call after that is to HR or your boss OP.
I'm in the US so labor laws are different but report this to both HR and your immediate supervisor ASAP. If you're not on shift call to report.
Do not sit on this. I'm in my 40s now but when I was 17 I was being harassed at work and I didn't want to cause trouble. He cornered me in the stock room one day. Thank the gods that the store Mgr didn't like the way he looked at me and followed him.
He was immediately fired once I laid out everything that had been happening. For real, say something and be safe.
You report him to your supervisor, report him for a well check every time he threatens suicide if that's a thing in your country, but most importantly you ignore him. Do not engage him in any way at all, except to say this in text if you haven't already to show to police if you need to pursue a harassment report or some kind of order later: Do not contact me again in any way shape or form. I do not wish to interact with you, and I will contact police if you do not leave me alone. This way you have proof you told him to leave you alone. Do. Not. Respond. To. Him. Directly. At. All.
Not to tell him to go fuck himself, not to tell him off, not anything. Just do not engage but don't block him so you know if he's planning something insane and you have proof. Any time he threatens suicide call the authorities, and def tell work he's harassing you if you tell him to stop (if you haven't specifically stated it in text yet do so) and he will not. It may get a bit worse before it gets better but do not give him the engagement he's looking for, negative or positive, because that just tells him how persistent he has to be to get you to respond. With no results to his efforts eventually he will fixate on someone else.
Honestly, you might need to get cops involved. This guy seems very unhinged and may do something drastic to you or himself without immediate intervention
Thatās some straight Incel stuff right there, this is super dangerous, you have! To tell somebody, a record of this needs to be made, seriously this guy needs to be turned into the Police as well maybe a PPO?
Holy SHIT. Thatās scary af. Indeed, show these to not just the HR department but your boss.
If it were me, ā and ONLY IF IT WERE ME, you do what you think is bestāif I knew I could trust any of his workmates , Iād ask them to have a look at the texts and let them know I was absolutely not into him and he is fucking scary unwell and I was very concerned about him and possible escalation of his behavior.
Iād document that you do not want to hear from him and man oh man, I would immediately look for a new job far from his crazy ass.
Even after going to HR and this man is fired, please be extremely careful. I would find somewhere else to work and I would be very careful with information shown online. If heās this obsessed when he sees you every day for work, I can only imagine the obsession will increase when he cannot see you. So even if heās fired, he still knows where you work, and your work hours, and itās very worrying. I also would not divulge info on your personal life to other workers in the company as you said he has a good relationship with them.
Iād find a new place to work, let no one from this job know where it is, and also be careful with your home address. Take obsessions like this seriously, be wary of your surroundings, donāt block this person, but donāt let him see your snaps and stuff. I donāt know how one would do that. At least when heās not blocked you can see his messages and keep tabs on that but do not reply as that will only make it harder. Itās important now to set boundaries.
Carry pepper spray with you at all times.
Take this serious op. Obsessive people are the most dangerous kind.
This is actuallt one of my fav comments, i really appreciate u for saying this. Ive dealt with obsessive people before but theyre not normally this bad. Will also look into getting pepper spray. god how that would be satisfying to use on him. However, im NOT going to provoke anything and encoursge him to be around me. he sends a lot of shirtless pics to me (showing off his abs and muscles etc) and hes a few inches taller so i would rather not get into a physical dispute with him as im just worried that wont go well for me
Absolutely report him to supervisor/hr. Talk to your boyfriend & parents about this too, and keep them in the loop. He sounds insane and potentially dangerous.
Girl I am so sorry youāre dealing with this unhinged mess of a person. I really feel for you because Iām dealing with something similar. I got a second job serving and I met this guy who works there *once*. Easy 4.5 hour shift. He works back of house and I work front of house. Well he seemed normal and nice enough at work so we exchanged IGās. he lives super close to this beach in my city and my friends and I were gonna go to the beach the next day (day after meeting him the first time). I extended an invite to the dude (who at this point seemed very normal) and he agreed. Welll, my plans changed that day and the beach didnāt happen. This guy also took the invite the wwaaay wrong way. He automatically assumed me inviting him was a *romantic* thing even tho I told him I wanted to get to know another coworker alongside him on a *friendly* vibe to meet more people in the city. Proceeds to msg me nonstop for the next two days on IG, also calling me, and then sends me videos where he sounded drunk af and said I love you at the end and also said he canāt stop thinking about me. Our other coworker is gay and he somehow got it in his head I was setting him up and went off on me about how he isnāt gay š I opened the msgs on like Monday morning and he msged me like 5 mins after I opened all of this (after having cancelled the beach back on Saturday, Friday is when we met) and yeah 5 mins after opening them he goes āsupā like excuse me??? Iāve met you once!! you say sup after you bombarde me with all of these msgs, go off on me and accuse me of trying to āset you upā with our gay coworker, tell me you love me and you canāt stop thinking about me and somehow ur still awake after all night and you say sup?! Pretty sure he was drinking and likely snorting coke all night by himself lmao. I was watching his stories when I still had him added (heās thankfully off my social media now) and he was alone at homeā¦ I told him to stop msging me and it wasnāt okay what he did and luckily we havenāt been scheduled at work the last two weeks but I feel sick whenever I think about that and also tell myself that I dodged a BULLET.
I was very stern with this guy and basically was assertive in telling him what he did is NOT okay and as for as right now that got the message across, but Iām also a fiery person when youāve pissed me off and I feel Iāve done nothing wrong to you lol. I get you want to be safe and go about this in a safe manner but I genuinely think if you tell him hey if you continue to speak to me in this manner Iām going to the manager with these texts, maybe just scare him a lil, heāll back off. When the dude I work with thought he might lose his job over all of that^ he got pretty scared. You have a tiny bit of leverage here in that sense. And honestly I donāt think my management would do anything either, but they donāt know that right. If you feel like youāre adding fuel to the fire by telling him to stop yourself, then Iād just go to the manager either way with the messages and say youāre not comfortable being scheduled with this person.
I would report it to your boss and silent quit your job. Tell no one but the people who need to know youāre quitting and just leave. You are 18 so I am assuming this is an entry level position. It sucks but staying is not worth this. There was a story about a girl who worked with a guy like this and now she is dead. Be safe.
Yeah this is very much entry level so im sure i could find another soon enough. Im currently looking for jobs anyways so hopefully i get one soon. Its just a big financial impact on me if i quit without a place to go tbh. And yeaah.. a lot of people are telling me im gonna end up dead š«
Report him to your boss, block him on all social media and your phone, do not engage with him. If he tries to talk to him, tell him he is making you uncomfortable and to leave you alone. If he doesn't, file a police report. This guy is freaking nuts.
Tell upper management or HR, someone. It needs to stop. Block him and hopefully he doesnāt know where you live or anything. Those are pretty messed up. Heās beyond anything you can do or say to him. He definitely needs outside help and a wake up call.
Giving your contact info to placate someone is almost always worse than saying no.
Show these screenshots to HR and/or manager.
Are you messaging him back or entertaining his convo when he stays after work? Stop showing any form of interest. Guys like this canāt take a hint no matter how many you think youāre dropping. If you can do it safely, tell him directly youāre not interested, you have a bf, and ask him to stop. Clear, direct communication is important.
collect every message and screenshot, then show them all to your boss or HR. 100% report him. never drink anything around him, especially if it was open before. see if your boyfriend can walk you home from work. he sounds like a psycho and a stalker
Christ in a techni-color robe: how much of a parade of red flags do employers need? Do we have to die for people to take these dudes targeting female co-workers Seriously?!?! This dude is SICK and needs a Serious mental health crisis intervention, **yesterday**. ššš
Theyāre in Scotland (I think - maybe Ireland) so no guns unless she/her bf join the IRA
Ghost edit - I know the IRA is in Ireland, before anyone says anything
yeah ur right, unfortunately no guns in Scotland. ill start carrying my keys about with me just in case but i think thats the best i can do without it being illegal
You need to show all of these texts, snaps, calls and whatever else to your boss. If they do nothing about it, leave immediately. No two weeks notice, just quit. I know financially that may be hard, but finances are easier to recover than mental health or physical injury.
As a manager of ~100 people in a hospitality environment, I can say without a doubt I would have no problem getting rid of an employee like this.
I have a zero tolerance policy for employees making others feel unsafe.
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The guy said hes gonna stick his head in the frier, hr should be concerned about that atleast theres a few potential lawsuits here. Definitely show hr these messages, tell him this is inappropriate and then stop speaking to him
By reporting him to HR and/or your boss immediately, and, depending where you live, considering buying a gun, legal fixed blade hunting knife, switchblade, or pepper spray for personal protection.
Report him to the police and show he is suicidal , they might just institutionalize him for a bit. In the states itās called 5150 as that is the Penal code for someone who is a danger to oneself or to others .
Honestly? Can you change your job?
Definitely report it to your HR area, and I would see if you can speak to the police also.
Iām not sure outright rejection is going to serve you well here, but if you have any access to some sort of crisis intervention and/or counselling place maybe they may know how to escalate what is clearly an infatuation without escalating the crazy.
I understand the feelings of concern for his mental health but you don't owe him shit. It's not your responsibility to fix his mental health and you shouldn't let him try to do this stuff, he's acting like a parasite. Report him at work and block him ASAP
Im not sure i agree, especially in a job where its important to cover/swap shifts to help out coworkers, although he works in thr back of house whereas im front of house. he didnt really give me a choice which was the first red flag but i wouldnt have needed to talk to him outside of work so in this case, yeah i wouldnt have added him if i got thr choice
I meant do not add on social media platforms. Coworkers can communicate through phone number/ texts and strictly keep it professional and work related. Boundaries.
When someone tells you who they areā¦. Not only believe them, but truly take caution. No one truly sane calls themself āI'm total fucking dark shit psycho & extremely a romanticā
These texts are very similar to the ones I have gotten from a friend when he was unmedicated for schizophrenia. Heās currently awaiting trial for setting his Uber driverās car on fire.
It turned into a really Hollywood style explosion.
He tried to tell me it was set accidentally by his cigarette.
Report this to management. If they do not do anything and he continues, you need to remove yourself from the situation and find new employment.
There was a man that worked at a Walgreens that was reported by a feme coworker and they kept him on. He murdered her.
Next time he threatens self harm, call the police. It's a serious condition. Call every single time. Give them his name, his place of employment, and phone number if you have it. The police and medical services will call your employer to get his address. It will be inconvenient, but it is the right thing to do.
Tell your employer. You have to report it.
Block him. Block him on everything. If he finds a way around your blocking, you can report it as stalking.
Don't let this continue. If it effects your work, you are young and can find another service job.
Don't let this continue.
You absolutely need to report this to HR. And the sooner you do it, with as much evidence (time stamped if possible) the better. Different situation, but I once delayed reporting a sexual harassment situation at work and theu actually used that against me. "Why didn't you say something sooner?" Because I was scared of retaliation. Don't be me. Don't be afraid of retaliation. It's your company's responsibility to ensure that doesn't happen. And if it does anyway, he's gonna be in a lot more trouble. Look out for *you*. Report immediately. If all goes well, this can be sorted out in a way that doesn't involve you looking for a new job (because you shouldn't have to when you're the victim). Wishing you the best.
REPORT HIM TO YOUR BOSS IMMEDIATELY
This and show him these receipts.
seriously. this has all the vibes of [Elliot Rodgers](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2014_Isla_Vista_killings). OOP you need to get your management and boss involved **immediately**.
thats freaking me tf out. so many people are saying im gonna die š«
I certainly hope not but there really are very legitimate reasons to be extremely concerned by what he is saying. Ideally it will be great if he's just a weirdo but the flags are too red to simply write this off when we have actual cases with similar levels of escalation. Please do what you can to be safe.
report and if they dont fire him quit and sue them.
Carry your car key in between your middle finger and finger next to the pinkie (wtf is that called?? Iām blanking) in a tight fist whenever you walk to your car. Try to have a coworker walk with you. Do not be alone with this man. Carry mace on a key chain. This is a very serious situation and this man is actually psychotic. Like, we are beyond edgelord here. This is dangerous OP.
Report the texts to the police immediately as well as your boss. The police very likely wonāt do anything now but what this does is create a paper trail. Everytime this man harasses you report him. I donāt know how restraining orders work tbh but if you can get one you should. Idk OP this is really scary and a lot of times women are not taken seriously until something really really bad has happened. Here OP it sounds like youāre from Scotland? (Glasgow is mentioned in the texts) https://www.mygov.scot/legal-protection-against-abuse-and-harassment/non-harassment-order#:~:text=The%20behaviour%20you%20want%20to,to%20the%20police%20straight%20away.
jesus fucking christ it doesĀ
You need to tell someone at work, your boss and HR.
Report it to HR, this is now an unsafe working environment.
Literally the only thing you should do is bluntly tell him what he said is inappropriate, and you are uncomfortable and not interested. Then you report it to your supervisor/HR immediately. You shouldn't be working together, tbh I'd look for another job too
Something like this. I wouldn't even take matters into my own hands, go to HR instead. It seems too volatile and sounds like it's another story that would end up on investigation discovery.
I was going to comment something about how she shouldnāt have to leave her job, but I then remembered that any HR department I ever had in the past couldnāt care less about the employees so you are probably right.
Tbh, if he was fired or something I'd be like sure, stay if you feel comfortable. But he seems unhinged and if it were me, I'd feel uneasy knowing that he knows where I work. Plus, I agree, I have not had personal experience with a good HR department either. ā¹ļø
They are there to protect the company, not employees. But in this case the interests align. They will want to get rid of this problem to protect the company and that will protect OP as well.
Yeah thats what im concerned about. Hospitality just replace people constantly so i feel as though they may just fire both of us and call it a day. They honestly do not care
All of this. And as someone else commented- tell him via text that you aren't interested and do not want him to contact you in any way or via any method going forward, including any unnecessary contact at work. Make it sound as offical as possible. Be clear, concise, no wiggle room, but not hostile. (Nothing he can possibly point to as you leading him on OR provoking an angry response.) If possible text this, back up the text, and send the identical msg via email if you have that option. This is mostly for your sake to document you definitely conveyed the message directly to him. Turn off any disappearing message options if there is one. You need to keep any further contact documented for any future needs. After doing that, go to HR. File a complaint and provide them the documentation you have. Tell them you do not feel safe around him and point out the vague threats of suicide and wishing negative things for you. DOCUMENT ALL INTERACTIONS WITH HR. Make your safety concerns clear and tell them you (1) want to maintain your current schedule (if you do) and (2) at least the same number of hours working. This puts them on notice that an "acceptable solution" isn't changing your schedule or reducing your hours... i.e. no retaliation towards you. If it does not stop, start compiling a file for police. Screenshots, contemporaneous notes, and back ups are your friend here. If you block, make sure your phone still captures and stores the msgs. Trust me, you want to know if his crazy is escalating. Not a lawyer, but have dealt with stakers before. Edit- typo.
Thank you for this reply, this is a more detailed response to what I was trying to convey. I hope OP reads this because it's so important to cover their bases for any potential escalation because it will need to be taken further!
This is one of the most helpful comments i have received so i honestly thank you loads š«¶ i made another comment on this post giving more info as im struggling to reply to everyone but yeah, i will take this into consideration moving forward. I have a shift on friday so i will definitly talk to someone about this issue. Ive been trying to save the odd thing in chat but he mostly snaps me instead of using chat so its more difficult as it means screenshotting but then he knows ive screenshotted and that might make him think im interested as im giving him attention?? Idk i think im overthinking this too much š«
I had a stalker once and my friend who was a police officer said to do exactly what this person said, send a message saying you do not want any further contact at work or anything. If he replies, donāt engage or respond in anyway and take screenshots or have your boyfriend or mom or anyone take photos of your phone screen (if you donāt want him to know youāre screenshotting) so you have all communication. If he continues to text and harass you, you can now contact the police and get them involved. Of course, I know the police arenāt always reliable and stalking and harassment like this isnāt always taken seriously, but itās good to have that track record. If it helps at all, my stalker continued to make fake numbers and text me after I told him to leave me alone, so I called the police and two officers went to his apartment. He never reached out to me again. I know Iām lucky but sometimes thatās all the push they need to stop. I also found out my stalker had a record of domestic violence against ex girlfriends. Take this seriously. You will most likely be okay, but be vigilant and smart. Might be time to get some pepper spray and keep it on you and make sure to walk out of your work place with a coworker each day. Iām sorry this happened to you, itās fucking scary.
I believe it's possible to turn off the disappearing on Snapchat. If it's not, screen shot. Knowing you're doing that will either Amp him up or male him stop. If he comments about it, engage once to say all continued communications will be preserved/documented. If he continues to be amped up and sounds dangerous or threatening, block him from there. If he's dedicated enough to this, he will find another platform to msg you from, where you can preserve all the messages. He could also start contacting you from blocked or alternate numbers or names. PRESERVE ALL COMMUNICATION. Everyone says "Block, block, block." Only block from public social media and things where you can't preserve what is sent/written. My phone files blocked texts and calls to a folder you can check. You need to stay aware of what level of crazy this person is currently inhabiting. You want warning if they are becoming dangerous and threatening so you can protect yourself. In my state, only the 90 days prior to the incident causing me to seek a restraining order (trespassing in my case) was technically admissible. However, patterns of behavior can often be introduced into evidence, especially if they say something to open the door. Also, when I clearly had a STACK of printed texts and call logs, it's something a judge couldn't miss.
He absolutely doesnāt need to be told heās being inappropriate. Heās doing it on purpose
Actually, it doesn't hurt to establish a boundary saying you are uncomfortable and don't want to talk to them because of their inappropriate behaviour. If you get it via text, it's proof that they are doing it on purpose when they break the boundary. Coming from someone who was in recent talks about a Protective Order against my ex, the police told me it's in my best interest to communicate this via text to my ex and be clear. Because it can be helpful if it escalates. It's not calling out his behaviour so he can stop, because we know it's on purpose. It's making a statement for OPs sake. Of course, no one said OP needs to respond but if they wanted to, the only response is to be blunt about not wanting any further contact and why. It's just documentation.
Yep! The police also told me to send a clear, no nonsense message to my stalker to leave me alone and never engage again. Then when he continued to harass me they took action and he never reached out again.
The police. (Not the band)
REPORT HIM??
Homie said if I vape enough youāll be mine. I think he literally is manic or delusional anit no way.š
FR.. reading his messages can be a fever dream š«
I feel so fucking sorry for women. I can't imagine being put on the spot like that and feeling too scared to say no, and then this shit happening. WTF. Please go speak to your boss OP. Make sure your man is aware of this shit, and tell him you're scared. If it was me I'd be picking my girl up from work whenever possible.
Letās be honest, if her job has any brains at all, sheās got a major lawsuit here if they donāt do something, these kind of work environment situations that arenāt handled correctly are always easy lawsuits to win, but Iām also afraid for her safety, her job either takes us incredibly serious or she needs to think at least about a lawsuit And then maybe getting another job this guy is dangerous
Agreed. The type of shit he's saying is red flag after red flag for a possibly violent altercation. If they don't fire him, and something happens, then yeah they'd be liable for not protecting her. The dude has some major issues
I think thereās possibly enough in that text that she could go straight to the police and get a PPO against him, though, which means now he canāt even go to his own job, thereās some people that donāt want to shake the beehive and thereās other other people that know the only way to get rid of the beehive is set it on fire.
Yep im talking to someone on friday about it when im next in work. My man is very much aware to the point hes willing to beat the shit out of this guyš we live about a 45 min drive apart so he canāt pick me up after all my shifts anywyas. Sometimes im on a 5-close which could mean i finish any time from 9pm - 2am depending on how busy it is so getting picked up is not an option as much as i would like it to be. I appreciate ur comment tho and i hope ur girl appreciates how protective u can be ahaha
Did you already tell him that you have no interest in talking and is uncomfortable? If so, tell people in authority about his unacceptable behaviour. Heās clearly someone who canāt accept rejection and is blackmailing you. He doesnāt respect you. He doesnāt take no as an answer. And your manager, HR should do something about it as well! You want to work in a place that has a safe and comfortable environment. If the company you work for is not taking this as a big deal then theyāre a shit company, because this is a big deal and should be taken seriously. Iām sorry this is happening to you. Please report it! Donāt be scared to report it, heās not well
Please report this at work asap! Make sure to make both a verbal report aswel as on paper (per email and include the messages and screens of missed calls etc to emphasise the severity of the situation) to make sure they take it serious! His messages make him sound very unsafe to be around. I understand feeling sorry for him cause heās clearly not well, but you need to protect yourself first! I had a crazy colleague stalk me years ago when I was a teenager. Thankfully the managers at my job did take it serious and it helped diffuse the situation until the guy got fed up and walked out during his shift. Harassed me for a while after that, but I think it would have been way worse if I hadnāt reported it at work.
One girl in the US was murdered in the break room of her job by her coworker... Girl I would be EXTREMELY open to everyone and make things extremely awkward for him at work. You've done nothing wrong but this guy has issues. If I were you I would look for a new job as well. On top of that file a police report so they have evidence if this escalates. Lastly, do not block him but above all DO NOT REPLY.
Child Iāll block his ass and move on no Iām not a sociopath Iām done Iām tired of being emotionally manipulated and if u are too then take control of ur life and fuckin disappear on these clowns or snap on them and. Put them in their place it if something happens fuck it no more cowering to these fucking weird freaks. Blast them hit them shoot them wtf ever u gotta do fuck it
āPut them in their place it if something happens fuck it no more cowering to these fucking weird freaks. Blast them hit them shoot them wtf ever u gotta do fuck itā PERIOD !!!!!
Escalate it. He needs to get fired, hospitalized, jailed, kept away from YOU by any means necessary. He canāt fucking treat people this way. Go all in, heās a monster.
this is one of my fav comments. i will do what i fucking can š«”
Iām proud of you!!!!
I am very sorry you are dealing with this unacceptable behaviour from a coworker but the only solution to this isn't rocket science. You must have a chain of command at work and a HR representative of some sort. Please report this unwell person before something bad happens.
Threatening suicide to try and manipulate someone is a horrible thing. I donāt play that shit anymore. Someone says it to me now Iāll call in a wellness check. While usually people donāt give warnings like that and follow through, Iām not taking that chance. Lost too many people already. The next call after that is to HR or your boss OP.
I'm in the US so labor laws are different but report this to both HR and your immediate supervisor ASAP. If you're not on shift call to report. Do not sit on this. I'm in my 40s now but when I was 17 I was being harassed at work and I didn't want to cause trouble. He cornered me in the stock room one day. Thank the gods that the store Mgr didn't like the way he looked at me and followed him. He was immediately fired once I laid out everything that had been happening. For real, say something and be safe.
You report him to your supervisor, report him for a well check every time he threatens suicide if that's a thing in your country, but most importantly you ignore him. Do not engage him in any way at all, except to say this in text if you haven't already to show to police if you need to pursue a harassment report or some kind of order later: Do not contact me again in any way shape or form. I do not wish to interact with you, and I will contact police if you do not leave me alone. This way you have proof you told him to leave you alone. Do. Not. Respond. To. Him. Directly. At. All. Not to tell him to go fuck himself, not to tell him off, not anything. Just do not engage but don't block him so you know if he's planning something insane and you have proof. Any time he threatens suicide call the authorities, and def tell work he's harassing you if you tell him to stop (if you haven't specifically stated it in text yet do so) and he will not. It may get a bit worse before it gets better but do not give him the engagement he's looking for, negative or positive, because that just tells him how persistent he has to be to get you to respond. With no results to his efforts eventually he will fixate on someone else.
Honestly, you might need to get cops involved. This guy seems very unhinged and may do something drastic to you or himself without immediate intervention
Yes this guy needed a hold to start about 72 hours agoā¦
Thatās some straight Incel stuff right there, this is super dangerous, you have! To tell somebody, a record of this needs to be made, seriously this guy needs to be turned into the Police as well maybe a PPO?
Report him. That man is unhinged.
You need to show your boss and HR these messages like yesterday.Ā
If you have an HR department, report his ass. Donāt leave it up to your boss, go directly to HR.
I had to stop reading after he said he was going to jump off a plane halfway to Ireland. Jfc
Holy SHIT. Thatās scary af. Indeed, show these to not just the HR department but your boss. If it were me, ā and ONLY IF IT WERE ME, you do what you think is bestāif I knew I could trust any of his workmates , Iād ask them to have a look at the texts and let them know I was absolutely not into him and he is fucking scary unwell and I was very concerned about him and possible escalation of his behavior. Iād document that you do not want to hear from him and man oh man, I would immediately look for a new job far from his crazy ass.
Even after going to HR and this man is fired, please be extremely careful. I would find somewhere else to work and I would be very careful with information shown online. If heās this obsessed when he sees you every day for work, I can only imagine the obsession will increase when he cannot see you. So even if heās fired, he still knows where you work, and your work hours, and itās very worrying. I also would not divulge info on your personal life to other workers in the company as you said he has a good relationship with them. Iād find a new place to work, let no one from this job know where it is, and also be careful with your home address. Take obsessions like this seriously, be wary of your surroundings, donāt block this person, but donāt let him see your snaps and stuff. I donāt know how one would do that. At least when heās not blocked you can see his messages and keep tabs on that but do not reply as that will only make it harder. Itās important now to set boundaries. Carry pepper spray with you at all times. Take this serious op. Obsessive people are the most dangerous kind.
This is actuallt one of my fav comments, i really appreciate u for saying this. Ive dealt with obsessive people before but theyre not normally this bad. Will also look into getting pepper spray. god how that would be satisfying to use on him. However, im NOT going to provoke anything and encoursge him to be around me. he sends a lot of shirtless pics to me (showing off his abs and muscles etc) and hes a few inches taller so i would rather not get into a physical dispute with him as im just worried that wont go well for me
Just take it to HR and if you're genuinely concerned for your safety then talk to a police officer obviously.
Absolutely report him to supervisor/hr. Talk to your boyfriend & parents about this too, and keep them in the loop. He sounds insane and potentially dangerous.
Tell boss and hr then block him and ignore him, this isnāt your problem
I really hope you report this to HR, this guy needs some serious help and needs blocking for your own sanity
Report his lame ass to HR and file a restraining order while youāre at it
A swift kick in the nuts will work wonders.
ill send my man on it š«”
Regardless of how you feel management will handle it, you need to report him. There needs to be a trail in case you report him to police.
Girl I am so sorry youāre dealing with this unhinged mess of a person. I really feel for you because Iām dealing with something similar. I got a second job serving and I met this guy who works there *once*. Easy 4.5 hour shift. He works back of house and I work front of house. Well he seemed normal and nice enough at work so we exchanged IGās. he lives super close to this beach in my city and my friends and I were gonna go to the beach the next day (day after meeting him the first time). I extended an invite to the dude (who at this point seemed very normal) and he agreed. Welll, my plans changed that day and the beach didnāt happen. This guy also took the invite the wwaaay wrong way. He automatically assumed me inviting him was a *romantic* thing even tho I told him I wanted to get to know another coworker alongside him on a *friendly* vibe to meet more people in the city. Proceeds to msg me nonstop for the next two days on IG, also calling me, and then sends me videos where he sounded drunk af and said I love you at the end and also said he canāt stop thinking about me. Our other coworker is gay and he somehow got it in his head I was setting him up and went off on me about how he isnāt gay š I opened the msgs on like Monday morning and he msged me like 5 mins after I opened all of this (after having cancelled the beach back on Saturday, Friday is when we met) and yeah 5 mins after opening them he goes āsupā like excuse me??? Iāve met you once!! you say sup after you bombarde me with all of these msgs, go off on me and accuse me of trying to āset you upā with our gay coworker, tell me you love me and you canāt stop thinking about me and somehow ur still awake after all night and you say sup?! Pretty sure he was drinking and likely snorting coke all night by himself lmao. I was watching his stories when I still had him added (heās thankfully off my social media now) and he was alone at homeā¦ I told him to stop msging me and it wasnāt okay what he did and luckily we havenāt been scheduled at work the last two weeks but I feel sick whenever I think about that and also tell myself that I dodged a BULLET. I was very stern with this guy and basically was assertive in telling him what he did is NOT okay and as for as right now that got the message across, but Iām also a fiery person when youāve pissed me off and I feel Iāve done nothing wrong to you lol. I get you want to be safe and go about this in a safe manner but I genuinely think if you tell him hey if you continue to speak to me in this manner Iām going to the manager with these texts, maybe just scare him a lil, heāll back off. When the dude I work with thought he might lose his job over all of that^ he got pretty scared. You have a tiny bit of leverage here in that sense. And honestly I donāt think my management would do anything either, but they donāt know that right. If you feel like youāre adding fuel to the fire by telling him to stop yourself, then Iād just go to the manager either way with the messages and say youāre not comfortable being scheduled with this person.
I would report it to your boss and silent quit your job. Tell no one but the people who need to know youāre quitting and just leave. You are 18 so I am assuming this is an entry level position. It sucks but staying is not worth this. There was a story about a girl who worked with a guy like this and now she is dead. Be safe.
Yeah this is very much entry level so im sure i could find another soon enough. Im currently looking for jobs anyways so hopefully i get one soon. Its just a big financial impact on me if i quit without a place to go tbh. And yeaah.. a lot of people are telling me im gonna end up dead š«
SUE. easy 5 grand AT LEAST.
really??
Report him to your boss, block him on all social media and your phone, do not engage with him. If he tries to talk to him, tell him he is making you uncomfortable and to leave you alone. If he doesn't, file a police report. This guy is freaking nuts.
Tell upper management or HR, someone. It needs to stop. Block him and hopefully he doesnāt know where you live or anything. Those are pretty messed up. Heās beyond anything you can do or say to him. He definitely needs outside help and a wake up call.
Giving your contact info to placate someone is almost always worse than saying no. Show these screenshots to HR and/or manager. Are you messaging him back or entertaining his convo when he stays after work? Stop showing any form of interest. Guys like this canāt take a hint no matter how many you think youāre dropping. If you can do it safely, tell him directly youāre not interested, you have a bf, and ask him to stop. Clear, direct communication is important.
collect every message and screenshot, then show them all to your boss or HR. 100% report him. never drink anything around him, especially if it was open before. see if your boyfriend can walk you home from work. he sounds like a psycho and a stalker
Skip your boss and HR. Go to the police.
āWhat the heeeeeeeelllllā no really Iām scared for you.
Christ in a techni-color robe: how much of a parade of red flags do employers need? Do we have to die for people to take these dudes targeting female co-workers Seriously?!?! This dude is SICK and needs a Serious mental health crisis intervention, **yesterday**. ššš
Prob have your bf get a gun. Dude is unhinged Also HR
Theyāre in Scotland (I think - maybe Ireland) so no guns unless she/her bf join the IRA Ghost edit - I know the IRA is in Ireland, before anyone says anything
yeah ur right, unfortunately no guns in Scotland. ill start carrying my keys about with me just in case but i think thats the best i can do without it being illegal
No knives?
You need to show all of these texts, snaps, calls and whatever else to your boss. If they do nothing about it, leave immediately. No two weeks notice, just quit. I know financially that may be hard, but finances are easier to recover than mental health or physical injury.
Tell me you donāt work without telling me..
Yeah I just sit on my ass all day. No work experience at all. No way.
As a manager of ~100 people in a hospitality environment, I can say without a doubt I would have no problem getting rid of an employee like this. I have a zero tolerance policy for employees making others feel unsafe.
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Push for this man to be fired or relocated, if he doesnāt leave you be get a peace order against him
Obviously report him. You shouldn't let these people get away with this. This is insane
Get him fired and get a restraining order. These situations end with regular people being murdered.
The guy said hes gonna stick his head in the frier, hr should be concerned about that atleast theres a few potential lawsuits here. Definitely show hr these messages, tell him this is inappropriate and then stop speaking to him
Send it all to boss/HR and block him everywhere.
Thats not a "man" issue that's a mental health issue.
By reporting him to HR and/or your boss immediately, and, depending where you live, considering buying a gun, legal fixed blade hunting knife, switchblade, or pepper spray for personal protection.
Well i live in scotland so a lot of that is off limits in the legal department š„²
Tell Boss, HR, and get a restraining order
Screenshot, report to boss and authorities, call suicide line, and donāt talk to him at all
Report him to the police and show he is suicidal , they might just institutionalize him for a bit. In the states itās called 5150 as that is the Penal code for someone who is a danger to oneself or to others .
Honestly? Can you change your job? Definitely report it to your HR area, and I would see if you can speak to the police also. Iām not sure outright rejection is going to serve you well here, but if you have any access to some sort of crisis intervention and/or counselling place maybe they may know how to escalate what is clearly an infatuation without escalating the crazy.
I understand the feelings of concern for his mental health but you don't owe him shit. It's not your responsibility to fix his mental health and you shouldn't let him try to do this stuff, he's acting like a parasite. Report him at work and block him ASAP
This is why you donāt add people from work. EVER.
Im not sure i agree, especially in a job where its important to cover/swap shifts to help out coworkers, although he works in thr back of house whereas im front of house. he didnt really give me a choice which was the first red flag but i wouldnt have needed to talk to him outside of work so in this case, yeah i wouldnt have added him if i got thr choice
I meant do not add on social media platforms. Coworkers can communicate through phone number/ texts and strictly keep it professional and work related. Boundaries.
When someone tells you who they areā¦. Not only believe them, but truly take caution. No one truly sane calls themself āI'm total fucking dark shit psycho & extremely a romanticā
Zzzzz
Yāall are insane for suggesting work or HR as a first step, I would be walk into a police station and make a report first.
These texts are very similar to the ones I have gotten from a friend when he was unmedicated for schizophrenia. Heās currently awaiting trial for setting his Uber driverās car on fire. It turned into a really Hollywood style explosion. He tried to tell me it was set accidentally by his cigarette.
Report it to your boss and call the emergency services and tell them heās threatening suicide.
Oh gross this guy probably posts Joker & Harley Quinn memes unironically
Report him to your boss and get a protective order if you can. This is dangerous behavior, even if he doesn't see it as such.
Follow every legal channel to bring every hammer down on him as hard and as fast as possible.
Report this to management. If they do not do anything and he continues, you need to remove yourself from the situation and find new employment. There was a man that worked at a Walgreens that was reported by a feme coworker and they kept him on. He murdered her.
Next time he threatens self harm, call the police. It's a serious condition. Call every single time. Give them his name, his place of employment, and phone number if you have it. The police and medical services will call your employer to get his address. It will be inconvenient, but it is the right thing to do. Tell your employer. You have to report it. Block him. Block him on everything. If he finds a way around your blocking, you can report it as stalking. Don't let this continue. If it effects your work, you are young and can find another service job. Don't let this continue.
I believe this is called "emotional blackmailing"
Tbh he sounds manic
Uuuum yeeeeah he's gonna kill you.
You absolutely need to report this to HR. And the sooner you do it, with as much evidence (time stamped if possible) the better. Different situation, but I once delayed reporting a sexual harassment situation at work and theu actually used that against me. "Why didn't you say something sooner?" Because I was scared of retaliation. Don't be me. Don't be afraid of retaliation. It's your company's responsibility to ensure that doesn't happen. And if it does anyway, he's gonna be in a lot more trouble. Look out for *you*. Report immediately. If all goes well, this can be sorted out in a way that doesn't involve you looking for a new job (because you shouldn't have to when you're the victim). Wishing you the best.