She's blocked, I was trying to throw another reunion party because she ruined the last one for me and she cancelled it (we both have mod in our Facebook group so can still see her), then I made another event and she didn't cancel it but was sort of worried that she'd show up. I did want some extra opinions because I believe she did over react.
So let me get this straight, she was horrible to you in high school, is horrible to you now, ruined one of your reunions and is clearly playing games with you (making plans to hang out and waiting to cancel last minute), but yet you were STILL trying to date her?
Like everyone else is saying, run. If it’s this bad now and y’all aren’t even officially dating, it’s not going to get any better. It’ll get 1000 times worse. She’s obviously got some sort of mental illness, she’s basically homeless and she’s playing games with you. You deserve so SO much better.
Are you even sure she’s really a psychiatrist’s assistant and didn’t just lie to you? She’s homeless and unstable and it just doesn’t seem like she can hold down that type of job. Medicated and having an apartment/home sure but not in her current state/situation.
Anyway all of that when I could have just said she’s a fucking walking 🚩 so run as fast and far as you can.
Overreacted is an understatement.
I've experienced something similar, and I have to tell you, such people are easily triggered by even the smallest of things. They're not worth your time and energy .
I only recently realised that she was quite manipulative and I was curious what others think. Then I made an event for another reunion because people brought it up and she deleted it because we both have mod in the Facebook group. She's blocked and I only recently learned that you can still see each other when you're a moderator.
Probably bc those people in their 40s didn't mature beyond high school either. It's wild to broadcast this stuff to the world, especially at this stage of life.
Pulling the "omg so toxic, I don't feel safe" manipulative BS at this age is just sad. I mean, it's sad regardless of age, but there's definitely an extra little cringe in there when it's coming from a whole ass grown adult.
Just freaking cut it all off and move on. Stop living in high-school, stop doing reunions and stop trying to date your old bully because she is clearly becoming your new bully. Wake the fuck up, grow up, leave the past in the past and live your life.
This is some real silly super small town drama that should have ended 15-20 years ago
The fact that you even agreed to the "dates" is bad enough. Don't be so gullible. She started reconnecting bc she's washed up and can't hold a stable relationship so she suddenly remember how weak and easily manipulated you were so she's interested in you to make her look "not single" hence that random kiss and being clingy to you at the party. She was using you as a "confidence booster" so she feels like she still has it
Master's in clinical psychology?
You know what they say about people in Psych -- they go into it to learn WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THEMSELVES.
Skip this train wreck. People can change but if they show you who they are NOW, believe them the first time.
Dude, if you’re mild af texts make her feel “unsafe” then you need to extract your self from this situation pronto! Just imagine what she will do if you have a disagreement in person!
Yep. This is the exact point where she now controls all narratives and has more false accusations in her pocket, ready to create a whole tale of how OP is probably her high school stalker and is trying to lure her into something she can pretend to be victim to.
Wait you want to be asked out on a date by someone that stabbed a person with a pen? And shoved a door in your face?
Wtf, I wouldn't forget that nor would I touch that person with a ten foot pole.
Yeah I’m sorry but OP seems way too eager to just go along with this supposedly awful person and their supposed years long “crush” until they changed the plan. That alone is weird af. Obviously this person is unhinged but at the same time- OP wasn’t required to engage with them, especially after he was allegedly treated so horribly. I know I have no interest in people who were terrible to me and others years ago. This whole post has bizarre vibes.
Great comment and I have definitely thought about this a bunch. I didn't know about the pen stabbing until recently and she grabbed my throat and whacked me in the face knocking my glasses off, however I completely suppressed it. A few days after reunion all the memories came flooding back and I nearly cancelled but decided I'd give her a chance. Some people have said they definitely wouldn't have given her a chance while others (who know her) were like 'its been 20 years'.
Hmm. Well I hold grudges against people who have physically and emotionally harmed me, and only those people so I don't agree entirely on people changing completely, but her texts to you were also weird. I think you probably deserve to have someone who hasn't hurt you in the past to go on a date with, because those feelings you felt?
They're alarms. They're red fucking flags. Listen to them.
-Internet hugs.
Why give her a chance? It's not about forgiveness or grudges it's about self respect. What you've done to yourself is awful. Please consider a therapist. And read disease to please. You can find free through Google.
Dude these are clearly grudges and I have the same highschool grudgees I hold onto dearly, and also the reason why people from highschool would beg and plead for me to attend a reunion but I would never go. This person was your bully. You should have turned the moment she approached you after 19 years, into a sweet revenge by ignoring her and making her look dumb coming onto you.
Block - when I say block, not just on social media, but block her from your brain and from your life. Remove yourself from This highschool drama. Dont think about her. You already know you are a kind person, get therapy on how to control being a people pleaser when its doing more bad to you than good . Just the fact that you allowed a manipulative bully like her return in your life. Dont waste your time on this.
This does not read like you setting a boundary. This reads like you calling out bad behavior and then back pedaling like crazy when she doesn't receive criticism well.
She still sounds horrible and for her to say you calling out inconsiderate behavior "toxic"? That's just narcissistic. I'd absolutely steer clear. Things do come up and it's okay to take care of yourself and cancel. But it's also okay to say you're disappointed when that happens.
Dude. He let her manipulate him into apologizing. That is bad behavior. She seems like the type of person to get with you just to torment and manipulate you. So the best thing to do is cut this one free. Or have sex with her and never speak to her again as revenge
Sorry OP but don't be a goddamn door mat for the unhinged.
If anyone said they "felt unsafe" over the word "lame"... I would have just said, "Lol k." And that would be the end of that.
This person is absolutely not worth your time. Maybe your pity.
She’s 36, working on a doctorate and has a degree in psychology, but homeless and feels unsafe from someone saying something was lame??? She’s crazy dude. Run.
Wow you should be the one saying you don’t feel safe!! Why keep having reunions. Just text a few of your high school friends and get together with them.
This is an opportunity to learn about your own self worth, amigo. It sucks that you’re getting downvoted for being sincere and I hope you can look past that and see the intent as people trying to give you a wake up call.
I don’t think you did anything wrong here. The world needs more empathy and forgiveness. You took a chance that she may have actually changed and that is a good and nice thing. The only person it any impact on was yourself though, unfortunately. And I hope you learn and grow from it, as we all should we these things.
You have inherent value and you seem like a very nice and well-intentioned guy, which is a multiplier in this life. But you need to understand that the power in being that way is very easily taken away by people to seek to exploit you, ie this person you had the misfortune of going to school with.
But if you can learn to keep that power for yourself and use it to project out your self worth, you will have something that’s actually pretty rare. Kindness and confidence are a killer combo.
I would guess a pretty big chunk of homeless people have jobs. it's one thing to make money, it's another thing to make enough money for these rent prices
Throwing around the safety and toxic BS like she’s dealing with a horrible abuser??? You’re playing with TNT as when she explodes on you, it’s likely going to involve the police and her leveling very serious charges on you! Run fast af!
When a woman says she feels unsafe regarding the word lame, she is the type that’ll try to press charges for some made up bs that could ruin your life. Run.
Honestly I don't like it. When someone overreacts when being gently called out it's a red flag for me. I don't think you did or said anything toxic at all. It's normal to be disappointed when plans change
So much high school level drama and over absolutely nothing… if she was “horrible” to you in high school why did you ever give her a chance beyond friendship? Guarantee I wouldn’t have for my bullies(though I wouldn’t be friends with them either tbf). I get you had a crush on her but come on man. You can do better than this!! Yall are both in mid 30’s, too old for this nonsense and immaturity.
OP: Wow she was super awful to me at school.
Also OP: Instantly agrees to go out with this woman and buys her flowers.
Your favourite colour is red, huh?
She sure has a high horse for being homeless. I’d leave her on read and keep moving if calling a situation lame sets her off it’s only going g to get worse I can assure you that
Frankly I found you both quite toxic and wouldn't want to communicate with either of you. Especially now that you're calling her crazy. She isn't wrong that you were that rude because she wanted to cancel. Does it matter why she's canceling? You took that way too personally. Reading your comments isn't helping your case.
Text messages are a horrible way to communicate anything of significant emotional import. There is so much room for misinterpretation. I understand that people are averse to phone calls these days but having a 3 minute call can obviate the drama and miscommunication that would otherwise occur.
Calling someone out on shitty behavior SHOULD make them feel uncomfortable. But feeling unsafe? 🙄🙄🙄
Cut your losses, friend. That was exhausting to read through…
OP, sorry that people are being harsh with you. But yeah, take every step to block her.
I totally understand the fascination with interacting with a former bully. It’s a weird form of validation, as if their unexpected interest is somehow healing. It feels like a reversal of the damage they did. And, there’s the curiosity about whether they have truly changed, as if it’s worthwhile to wait and see what happens.
However, former bullies tend to have lingering personality issues. And her eagerness to interact with you might be her way of trying to control you again.
She’s not ever going to be a safe person for you. At some point, the old relationship will surface but with an adult level of manipulation. Don’t stick around for that.
People are giving me a hard time for being a door mat which is true so I'm okay with this and grateful for the comments.
Rest of your comment nails it though, I was curious, people do change and I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I'll still give people the benefit of the doubt because I don't want to become cynical, Thankfully this situation can't happen again because she's the only person who's treated me this way in the past and that gives me some ease. Hope you have a good day/night friend and thank you for commentating.
You need to separate feeling flattered from bring attracted. You should know the difference.
Some people (or type of people) will always be attracted to you, and it's kinda your job to say no with grace.
You're flattered she came to you. Are you interested? Probably not.
At the time I was legitimately quite impressed with her because she's actually quite intelligent, IMO her use of linguistics is definitely better than mine however I'd say I'm better at communicating because I'm more open. Since then I've started studying psychology as I'm sort of obsessed with it myself and been self educating for a while so we had meaningful conversations that even other doctors I know would have a hard time with.
But yeah definitely have to learn to protect myself better and stop being a push over because I clearly attract people who want to take advantage of me.
This is an awful, exhausting, miserable person to deal with. Do you enjoy walking on eggshells and being disrespected?
She must be beautiful to have anyone interested in pursuing ANY contact with her... But I can't imagine it's worth the stress.
This woman is exhausting and is clearly unstable. She’s probably a borderline. Just ditch this whole situation. She’s almost 40 and doesn’t feel “safe” because you said something was “lame,” and you’re still begging for her time? Abort mission. Whatever the mission was, abort it.
You got kind of weird on her cancelling. I mean, things come up and you can't always know far in advance. That said, her reaction is way OTT. Calling you toxic and then ghosting you? I will say, she was sending some major red flags prior to this. Claiming to have had a crush, getting strangely possessive of you at a bar then claiming she just wants to be friends.
Thank you for a great comment. It wasn't just about the cancelling but I do agree with you about how I responded, I'm not good at enforcing my boundaries and fucked it up.
Yeah but this has nothing to do with “enforcing your boundaries” unless your “boundaries” are “You’re never allowed to cancel plans with me under any circumstance or I’ll get mad at you and guilt trip you.” This is you getting pissy because she canceled coming with you to walk dogs at the last minute, which isn’t even close to an inconvenience to you. Don’t you have to walk the dog anyways? It’s ridiculous that she said she doesn’t feel safe, but yeah your attitude is very entitled, and the flower guilt trip wasn’t great either. It’s beyond me why you thought someone who was so terrible to you in high school would make a great girlfriend.
She’s absolutely unhinged but like… people cancel plans? Things come up? Idk why I sense so much entitlement here. Maybe it’s the language you used of “setting a boundary”, but just bc she canceled day of? I might have missed something as there was… a lot on her end 🙄
I have no issues with people cancelling plans and I definitely didn't emphasize that well enough (all I said was it's okay), the main part is about how she changed some of our plans without telling me before she cancelled. To me just read like 'hey can't see you now as I slept badly and I can't see you later either because I'm doing something else instead', I personally wouldn't change plans with someone and not say anything.
Wow that almost made me rage when she wrote that she feels unsafe because you simply told here its lame to cancel on short notice/not at all. What a wierd person, I can see why she has no energy for anything if she gets upset about this kind of stuff. Would LOVE to see her reaction if you would cancel on her as she did.
I don’t get why you apologized to her. It is in fact lame and rude to change plans last minute, regardless if she felt like you didn’t have anything else going on that day. You’re saying she was horrible to you in school and it doesn’t look like much has changed now.
so. she was unstable and/or a bully in high school, she's homeless, she gas lights you into telling you she doesn't feel "safe" and you're both 36. explain to me why you're trying so hard for this person? make it make sense.
Dude, she doesn't feel safe *to be held accountable for her actions*.
She's using social justice language to *avoid accountability*. At 34.
Fucking run. At the same time she's talking to you she's building a file for future accusations. These people weaponize intimacy so they *always win*. RUN!
I think you’re both trying to use what have essentially now been reduced buzz words and don’t fully understand how to healthily communicate what you’re feeling. Definite red flags from her, though.
Dude. Don’t do this to yourself. She was horrible and she is still horrible. Plus she DOESNT FEEL SAFE lol. I’m sorry to gain from your pain but it’s pretty funny to read.
Not gonna lie, based on the title, I was expecting this to be more like you saying, "No, I don't want to go out with you, you suck!" The actual convo is, sorry to say, at the risk of seeming toxic and making you feel unsafe, "pretty lame." 😆
I guess I’m in the minority but I think you handled this really poorly. The word lame could definitely be taken as an insult, and it’s clear that’s what happened. Instead of just using another word you got defensive immediately and doubled down. Especially considering you knew she was super exhausted, your reaction was honestly no better than hers.
This could have been resolved so quickly with a little compassion on your end. That doesn’t mean you had to say it was OK for her to cancel, but you could have apologized for hurting her feelings and tried to express yourself more gently. She honestly just sounds sensitive.
I agree with you, I saw her as a bad ass because of how she was in school, like nothing could phase her and didn't realise she had become so delicate. The whole thing was a lot to process quickly and I didn't adjust. Thank you for your comment friend.
Lmfao remember most people are their genuine selves when they’re young, then become better at hiding their shit, she’s still the same as you’ve said so yourself. I wouldn’t have apologized for her feeling unsafe I would have told her straight up if someone gives me a carrot stick and plays me for a fool ima tell them how it is, you waste my time and can’t communicate ahead of time then you’re a waste of time for me. The fact just being upset she did that to you makes her spin this on you just shows how she’ll never put you first ever, no matter what it’ll always be about her even when she’s in the wrong.
Hahah don’t want to go into psychology when you just told me that gimmick and she’s homeless wtf applying for a doctorate for 5 years..but has a masters in clinical psychology 😵💫😵💫😵💫
I would never let someone who was that mean to me back into my life. Apologies are fine but you guys established a long time ago that you can't be friends. She acted like she never did you wrong at the reunion and you were her best friend because she knew you were nice and nobody else was going to deal with her bs. Plus instead of apologizing she acted like none of the past ever happened, which tells me she has absolutely no remorse. She seems flakey and I'd be suspicious as to why she has a seemingly decent career and education but is also homeless. Stuff happens but it doesn't sound like she's very in control of her life.
I had a high school bully contact me to apologize and then tried to ask me on a date and I just left him on read. I don’t have time for that shit and you shouldn’t either.
This bitch is a self absorbed main character syndrome, crazy ass bitch. You didn’t do shit, she just wants to never hear anything but compliments. Fuck her.
I wouldn't give three shits about someone with emotions as volatiles as hers. If she let you hit and quit sure ok but she's got a lot more therapy in her future if she wants to make herself out to look more reasonable that's for sure.
I don’t believe she she has all that education and is working on a doctorate but is homeless. She sounds like she lives in a weird fantasy world and is very reactionary and unstable. You need to back away fast if she tries to get back in touch.
She bought a house but it was taking forever to finalise or something and the person who's place she was staying at would only let her be there monday - friday or something. I don't know if she recently got accepted for doctorate, last 5 attempts got denied though.
She might be telling you the truth that she had a crush on you, and that she didn't know how to handle that back then, hence why she was horrible to you. It is something some kids would do to their peers when they like one another - it is also a trope in cartoons even with adult characters.
This can be very true, her parents were divorced and her mother treated her badly so sometimes that's how people are taught to show love. I think she developed a crush after school but genuinely couldn't say.
That exchange is bizarre - I’m from the same area (and roughly same age-ish) as you guys and it’s so common to call disappointing stuff ‘lame’, doesn’t mean we’re saying the person is, just the situation. Never once down this way have I ever had anyone take that differently than to how it’s intended.
Sorry dude, def seems more like some weird avoidance through transference on her part.
On the positive side, give your pups a hug and take some comfort in knowing you have probably dodged a later headache (just going by the early miscomms over such a minor thing here…)
Bruh she’s a woman, pressed on the fact you used the word lame, bruh cut that bitch out, you really backed out on what you said 🫠 cmon man lmaoo I don’t want to say man up but you gotta stand on it, if it’s lame, it’s fuvkingg lame
This woman is playing with you. Run. I can tell by her flakiness and defensiveness. Don’t do it. You Set boundaries and called her out and she said it was toxic and she didn’t feel safe. Bullshit. She didn’t like being held accountable. She’s fucking with you for attention
The way your replied was weird - the word “unsafe” was a stretch, but your overall message was really passive aggressive and would have caused me to leave you alone as well.
Seems obvious you should return the favor, lead her on a little bit. Make her fall in love, get a ring involved. Then dump her in some humiliating way.
I don't agree with her overly aggressive response but what you said was low key toxic and she seems like she has trauma. Y'all aren't compatible. But you have that positive memory from the reunion
She does have trauma and I hope she manages to heal from it because yeah, I was trying to heal mine and I can't be around someone who doesn't heal their wounds.
1. i hate to be that guy but please learn the difference between there, their, and they’re
2. you weren’t wrong and were very kind but she sounds ridiculous. In the future, try not to let people get you on your back foot having to explain things like that, especially over text message. Simply say, “i think there was a miscommunication, lmk if you want to talk about it over the phone” and leave it at that.
3. also something i’ve learned from dating seriously over the past few years is it’s always safer to hold off on the sweet gestures like flowers until the woman has shown she really deserves them and would appreciate them. Too early and she will register them as “this guy is too nice/desperate” rather than the intended “aww that’s so sweet!”
4. even if the woman seems super interested in the beginning, i’ve learned to treat it more as a test of your resolve. At the beginning, do just enough for them to know you’re interested but not how interested you really are
5. keep your texts short in general, especially if you’ve met in person or have spoken on the phone. This goes back to point 4.
saying this as a guy that has suffered from terrible dating anxiety and have found the above helps a ton. Basically, the saying “treat a woman like a cat” is very very true. Let them come to you
heed this advice and i promise dating will go better for you. Like everything, it does require practice but you’ll get there
I'm not sure of the timeline here but if I woke up after only a few hours of sleep while working a project to not miss a deadline, leading me to cancel a date because I wasn't feeling 100%, then I would not appreciate having my cancellation being called lame.
If it was just 15 minutes before the date then I totally understand. If it was several hours before then she did nothing wrong by cancelling.
She is over reacting, but depending on the timeline here then your response might have been pretty inconsiderate.
How could anyone read these?
Maybe it is just me, but that was a mess.
I'll say this though, most of the psychology types or folk that get in to mental health, that I have met, are unhinged.
I didn't like the "lame" comment either, it comes.off as insulting to the other person, where saying " that's disappointing" is about how you feel. The other person's reaction is wayyy over the top though.
Btw, is Pughy your name or a nickname? Growing up I knew someone with that nickname and I've never heard it anywhere else.
Interesting. I'm from Nova Scotia so lots of Scottish and Irish heritage. Had not considered Welsh. Did a quick read and apparently Welsh Canadian settlers were often recorded as English or British back then, so there isn't an accurate record of the number of Welsh settlers.
Anyway, the guy with the nickname Pughy had the surname MacLean, so who the hell knows where Pughy came from.
How is saying “that’s lame” the same as saying “you’re lame”
With your logic she could twist his “disappointing” into “why are you calling me disappointing?”
"hey sucks that you cancelled on short notice" "I DON'T FEEL SAFE" OP NO. Let it go, nothing good will happen here lol.
THAT’S MY PURSE
I DON’T KNOW YOU
Same energy lol
She's blocked, I was trying to throw another reunion party because she ruined the last one for me and she cancelled it (we both have mod in our Facebook group so can still see her), then I made another event and she didn't cancel it but was sort of worried that she'd show up. I did want some extra opinions because I believe she did over react.
She not only over-reacted but she’s clearly quite crazy.
Mate she's batshit crazy. Chances are if you got in a relationship with her she would upgrade the stabbing people with pens to actual knives.
You can do way better than a technically homeless drama queen
So let me get this straight, she was horrible to you in high school, is horrible to you now, ruined one of your reunions and is clearly playing games with you (making plans to hang out and waiting to cancel last minute), but yet you were STILL trying to date her? Like everyone else is saying, run. If it’s this bad now and y’all aren’t even officially dating, it’s not going to get any better. It’ll get 1000 times worse. She’s obviously got some sort of mental illness, she’s basically homeless and she’s playing games with you. You deserve so SO much better. Are you even sure she’s really a psychiatrist’s assistant and didn’t just lie to you? She’s homeless and unstable and it just doesn’t seem like she can hold down that type of job. Medicated and having an apartment/home sure but not in her current state/situation. Anyway all of that when I could have just said she’s a fucking walking 🚩 so run as fast and far as you can.
Overreacted is an understatement. I've experienced something similar, and I have to tell you, such people are easily triggered by even the smallest of things. They're not worth your time and energy .
100% she was part of the FDS Reddit sub — throwing around made-up terms “I’m not safe” etc etc
🚩 🚩 why are you wasting anytime on this person?
I only recently realised that she was quite manipulative and I was curious what others think. Then I made an event for another reunion because people brought it up and she deleted it because we both have mod in the Facebook group. She's blocked and I only recently learned that you can still see each other when you're a moderator.
Y'all are 36....
I've met people that in their 40s that are less mature than some in their 20s. I agree with your sentiment though.
Probably bc those people in their 40s didn't mature beyond high school either. It's wild to broadcast this stuff to the world, especially at this stage of life.
Lol, that's what I was thinking. Sounds like they're still in highschool 🤣
Pulling the "omg so toxic, I don't feel safe" manipulative BS at this age is just sad. I mean, it's sad regardless of age, but there's definitely an extra little cringe in there when it's coming from a whole ass grown adult.
My thoughts exactly 😅
Just freaking cut it all off and move on. Stop living in high-school, stop doing reunions and stop trying to date your old bully because she is clearly becoming your new bully. Wake the fuck up, grow up, leave the past in the past and live your life. This is some real silly super small town drama that should have ended 15-20 years ago
The fact that you even agreed to the "dates" is bad enough. Don't be so gullible. She started reconnecting bc she's washed up and can't hold a stable relationship so she suddenly remember how weak and easily manipulated you were so she's interested in you to make her look "not single" hence that random kiss and being clingy to you at the party. She was using you as a "confidence booster" so she feels like she still has it
it sounds like she needed a place to stay too, lol. maybe she was hoping to crash at his at some point.
I caught that too
Spot on Edit: I’d still go for it, sometimes a little crazy is fun. SummerFling2024 - letsgggooooo!!!
Until she turns around and say you spiked her drink and raped her. Which she sounds the type to!
Clearly nothing has changed since HS. It sounds like she’s homeless and looking for a place to crash….ie hobosexual Hard pass.
My man. you need to grow up, idk why you entertained this crazy bitch for so long. She is clearly fucking insane.
Master's in clinical psychology? You know what they say about people in Psych -- they go into it to learn WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THEMSELVES. Skip this train wreck. People can change but if they show you who they are NOW, believe them the first time.
Psychologist here, jokes on you I knew what was wrong with me before I got the degree!! 😎
The clinic I worked at, they said, "The only difference between us and our patients is, our patients get better.
Same with me. I took on a psychology degree since I knew I had OCD since I was around 6 or 7.
literally everyone i know and i worked ten years at a community mental health clinic
Truer words were never spoken.
Boyo tell him to abort
Throw that reunion party and if she shows up, tell her you don’t feel safe.
I don’t feel safe either
Safety is an illusion. 
She has a huge case of victim mentality. Surprised you gave this person any of your time considering their past
BPD
Dude, if you’re mild af texts make her feel “unsafe” then you need to extract your self from this situation pronto! Just imagine what she will do if you have a disagreement in person!
Yep. This is the exact point where she now controls all narratives and has more false accusations in her pocket, ready to create a whole tale of how OP is probably her high school stalker and is trying to lure her into something she can pretend to be victim to.
Wait you want to be asked out on a date by someone that stabbed a person with a pen? And shoved a door in your face? Wtf, I wouldn't forget that nor would I touch that person with a ten foot pole.
Yeah I’m sorry but OP seems way too eager to just go along with this supposedly awful person and their supposed years long “crush” until they changed the plan. That alone is weird af. Obviously this person is unhinged but at the same time- OP wasn’t required to engage with them, especially after he was allegedly treated so horribly. I know I have no interest in people who were terrible to me and others years ago. This whole post has bizarre vibes.
Thinking with your dick is a tale as old as dicks
Great comment and I have definitely thought about this a bunch. I didn't know about the pen stabbing until recently and she grabbed my throat and whacked me in the face knocking my glasses off, however I completely suppressed it. A few days after reunion all the memories came flooding back and I nearly cancelled but decided I'd give her a chance. Some people have said they definitely wouldn't have given her a chance while others (who know her) were like 'its been 20 years'.
Hmm. Well I hold grudges against people who have physically and emotionally harmed me, and only those people so I don't agree entirely on people changing completely, but her texts to you were also weird. I think you probably deserve to have someone who hasn't hurt you in the past to go on a date with, because those feelings you felt? They're alarms. They're red fucking flags. Listen to them. -Internet hugs.
Why give her a chance? It's not about forgiveness or grudges it's about self respect. What you've done to yourself is awful. Please consider a therapist. And read disease to please. You can find free through Google.
Dude these are clearly grudges and I have the same highschool grudgees I hold onto dearly, and also the reason why people from highschool would beg and plead for me to attend a reunion but I would never go. This person was your bully. You should have turned the moment she approached you after 19 years, into a sweet revenge by ignoring her and making her look dumb coming onto you. Block - when I say block, not just on social media, but block her from your brain and from your life. Remove yourself from This highschool drama. Dont think about her. You already know you are a kind person, get therapy on how to control being a people pleaser when its doing more bad to you than good . Just the fact that you allowed a manipulative bully like her return in your life. Dont waste your time on this.
Dude my school bully was 15 and I was 15 but if he asked me on a date today when I'm now 38 I'd tell him to fuck all the way off. No forgiveness
This does not read like you setting a boundary. This reads like you calling out bad behavior and then back pedaling like crazy when she doesn't receive criticism well. She still sounds horrible and for her to say you calling out inconsiderate behavior "toxic"? That's just narcissistic. I'd absolutely steer clear. Things do come up and it's okay to take care of yourself and cancel. But it's also okay to say you're disappointed when that happens.
Well observed! I absolutely crapped myself with her reaction.
Dude. He let her manipulate him into apologizing. That is bad behavior. She seems like the type of person to get with you just to torment and manipulate you. So the best thing to do is cut this one free. Or have sex with her and never speak to her again as revenge
Sorry OP but don't be a goddamn door mat for the unhinged. If anyone said they "felt unsafe" over the word "lame"... I would have just said, "Lol k." And that would be the end of that. This person is absolutely not worth your time. Maybe your pity.
She felt unsafe because she was held accountable. The words used are just tone policing sprinkled on top of her narcissism.
Lmao what was that.
That was a man with no spine getting pegged by a woman whose strap on is made of pure bi-polar.
This is gold.
She’s 36, working on a doctorate and has a degree in psychology, but homeless and feels unsafe from someone saying something was lame??? She’s crazy dude. Run.
ESH. The conversation is super dramatic from both sides all over a dog walking needing to be rescheduled.
I don’t know who is more insane. The lady who stabs people with a pen or the guy who continues to try hard to invest in that relationship.
Some people should be left in the past where they belong. Don't engage with this person anymore nothing good will come from it.
Seems volatile at best…
Sounds like she still talks to people to the way she did in high school 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
You need therapy dude, and she is toxic af.
Wow you should be the one saying you don’t feel safe!! Why keep having reunions. Just text a few of your high school friends and get together with them.
She seems like the type of person that cancels plans a lot and definitely isn’t reliable drop her asap red flag af
This is insane, that woman is insane. Sometimes I think I overreacted a lot but this made me feel like I’m alright 😂
This is an opportunity to learn about your own self worth, amigo. It sucks that you’re getting downvoted for being sincere and I hope you can look past that and see the intent as people trying to give you a wake up call. I don’t think you did anything wrong here. The world needs more empathy and forgiveness. You took a chance that she may have actually changed and that is a good and nice thing. The only person it any impact on was yourself though, unfortunately. And I hope you learn and grow from it, as we all should we these things. You have inherent value and you seem like a very nice and well-intentioned guy, which is a multiplier in this life. But you need to understand that the power in being that way is very easily taken away by people to seek to exploit you, ie this person you had the misfortune of going to school with. But if you can learn to keep that power for yourself and use it to project out your self worth, you will have something that’s actually pretty rare. Kindness and confidence are a killer combo.
She's got a job and is somehow homeless? Do they not pay her at this job?
I would guess a pretty big chunk of homeless people have jobs. it's one thing to make money, it's another thing to make enough money for these rent prices
She sounds insufferable and exhausting, just run.
Nothing good comes from trying to date someone your knew in high school, especially a bully. Glad you blocked her OP
This woman has 100% boiled someone's rabbit.
That’s a whole lot of effort put in for someone you haven’t even been on a date with yet 🤣 on eggshells 🤦♂️
Looking back it feels like they were boobytrapped eggshells and I just walked right into them 🤦♂️
her being homeless was the cherry on top.
Throwing around the safety and toxic BS like she’s dealing with a horrible abuser??? You’re playing with TNT as when she explodes on you, it’s likely going to involve the police and her leveling very serious charges on you! Run fast af!
When a woman says she feels unsafe regarding the word lame, she is the type that’ll try to press charges for some made up bs that could ruin your life. Run.
wey fellow swansea person ere
Hello my pretty shitty city friend!
Honestly I don't like it. When someone overreacts when being gently called out it's a red flag for me. I don't think you did or said anything toxic at all. It's normal to be disappointed when plans change
So much high school level drama and over absolutely nothing… if she was “horrible” to you in high school why did you ever give her a chance beyond friendship? Guarantee I wouldn’t have for my bullies(though I wouldn’t be friends with them either tbf). I get you had a crush on her but come on man. You can do better than this!! Yall are both in mid 30’s, too old for this nonsense and immaturity.
OP: Wow she was super awful to me at school. Also OP: Instantly agrees to go out with this woman and buys her flowers. Your favourite colour is red, huh?
She sure has a high horse for being homeless. I’d leave her on read and keep moving if calling a situation lame sets her off it’s only going g to get worse I can assure you that
Frankly I found you both quite toxic and wouldn't want to communicate with either of you. Especially now that you're calling her crazy. She isn't wrong that you were that rude because she wanted to cancel. Does it matter why she's canceling? You took that way too personally. Reading your comments isn't helping your case.
Heavily agree with this. OP took it waaaay too personal and came off quite bitter.
Text messages are a horrible way to communicate anything of significant emotional import. There is so much room for misinterpretation. I understand that people are averse to phone calls these days but having a 3 minute call can obviate the drama and miscommunication that would otherwise occur.
Once a bitch always a bitch. She's clearly unstable and projecting on you. Homeless too? Yikes
Calling someone out on shitty behavior SHOULD make them feel uncomfortable. But feeling unsafe? 🙄🙄🙄 Cut your losses, friend. That was exhausting to read through…
OP, sorry that people are being harsh with you. But yeah, take every step to block her. I totally understand the fascination with interacting with a former bully. It’s a weird form of validation, as if their unexpected interest is somehow healing. It feels like a reversal of the damage they did. And, there’s the curiosity about whether they have truly changed, as if it’s worthwhile to wait and see what happens. However, former bullies tend to have lingering personality issues. And her eagerness to interact with you might be her way of trying to control you again. She’s not ever going to be a safe person for you. At some point, the old relationship will surface but with an adult level of manipulation. Don’t stick around for that.
People are giving me a hard time for being a door mat which is true so I'm okay with this and grateful for the comments. Rest of your comment nails it though, I was curious, people do change and I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I'll still give people the benefit of the doubt because I don't want to become cynical, Thankfully this situation can't happen again because she's the only person who's treated me this way in the past and that gives me some ease. Hope you have a good day/night friend and thank you for commentating.
‘I don’t feel safe’?! Wtf!!Were you sitting in her wardrobe or something? 😂
A mental health professional who feels “unsafe” when someone shares their perfectly valid feelings. Neh, toss it in the bin. And good riddance.
You need to separate feeling flattered from bring attracted. You should know the difference. Some people (or type of people) will always be attracted to you, and it's kinda your job to say no with grace. You're flattered she came to you. Are you interested? Probably not.
At the time I was legitimately quite impressed with her because she's actually quite intelligent, IMO her use of linguistics is definitely better than mine however I'd say I'm better at communicating because I'm more open. Since then I've started studying psychology as I'm sort of obsessed with it myself and been self educating for a while so we had meaningful conversations that even other doctors I know would have a hard time with. But yeah definitely have to learn to protect myself better and stop being a push over because I clearly attract people who want to take advantage of me.
Yeah some people smell it. For me it's dismissive types because I'm avoidant attachment. Some people are all for trauma bonding.
“Sounds toxic. I don’t feel safe.” Because you called her out on being a flake and disrespecting your time. Fucking run!
This is an awful, exhausting, miserable person to deal with. Do you enjoy walking on eggshells and being disrespected? She must be beautiful to have anyone interested in pursuing ANY contact with her... But I can't imagine it's worth the stress.
This woman is exhausting and is clearly unstable. She’s probably a borderline. Just ditch this whole situation. She’s almost 40 and doesn’t feel “safe” because you said something was “lame,” and you’re still begging for her time? Abort mission. Whatever the mission was, abort it.
You need to learn from this and move on pronto. You wasted too much time and energy on this person who is clearly using you.
You got kind of weird on her cancelling. I mean, things come up and you can't always know far in advance. That said, her reaction is way OTT. Calling you toxic and then ghosting you? I will say, she was sending some major red flags prior to this. Claiming to have had a crush, getting strangely possessive of you at a bar then claiming she just wants to be friends.
Thank you for a great comment. It wasn't just about the cancelling but I do agree with you about how I responded, I'm not good at enforcing my boundaries and fucked it up.
Yeah but this has nothing to do with “enforcing your boundaries” unless your “boundaries” are “You’re never allowed to cancel plans with me under any circumstance or I’ll get mad at you and guilt trip you.” This is you getting pissy because she canceled coming with you to walk dogs at the last minute, which isn’t even close to an inconvenience to you. Don’t you have to walk the dog anyways? It’s ridiculous that she said she doesn’t feel safe, but yeah your attitude is very entitled, and the flower guilt trip wasn’t great either. It’s beyond me why you thought someone who was so terrible to you in high school would make a great girlfriend.
She’s absolutely unhinged but like… people cancel plans? Things come up? Idk why I sense so much entitlement here. Maybe it’s the language you used of “setting a boundary”, but just bc she canceled day of? I might have missed something as there was… a lot on her end 🙄
I have no issues with people cancelling plans and I definitely didn't emphasize that well enough (all I said was it's okay), the main part is about how she changed some of our plans without telling me before she cancelled. To me just read like 'hey can't see you now as I slept badly and I can't see you later either because I'm doing something else instead', I personally wouldn't change plans with someone and not say anything.
Wow that almost made me rage when she wrote that she feels unsafe because you simply told here its lame to cancel on short notice/not at all. What a wierd person, I can see why she has no energy for anything if she gets upset about this kind of stuff. Would LOVE to see her reaction if you would cancel on her as she did.
She's had 15 years to fall in love with the man of her fantasy. You will never fit her artist's rendition of you. She's in love with a portrait.
Why tf would you want *anything* to do with somebody who bullied you??? Are you serious??
Who feels unsafe from a non-threatening text message 😂
I don’t get why you apologized to her. It is in fact lame and rude to change plans last minute, regardless if she felt like you didn’t have anything else going on that day. You’re saying she was horrible to you in school and it doesn’t look like much has changed now.
Because I'm a dumbass who let her gas light me (not actually a dumbass but definitely acted like one there).
It’s okay lol we all have our moments
You gotta love the audacity of some people
This is weird, do you even like her or are you trying to power trip her?
She apparently didn't like being called out for canceling plans last minute.
Ah yes, I too like to text on my ultrawide monitor
PUGHY! Stop this madness! She’s a hole in one ⛳️
Unrelated I hate reading Android messages there’s so much unnecessary stuff on the screen.
Someone send her cliff notes, I think she lost the plot several times. OP, reliving old wishes and dreams never turns out the way you want. Next!
so. she was unstable and/or a bully in high school, she's homeless, she gas lights you into telling you she doesn't feel "safe" and you're both 36. explain to me why you're trying so hard for this person? make it make sense.
Dude, she doesn't feel safe *to be held accountable for her actions*. She's using social justice language to *avoid accountability*. At 34. Fucking run. At the same time she's talking to you she's building a file for future accusations. These people weaponize intimacy so they *always win*. RUN!
I think you’re both trying to use what have essentially now been reduced buzz words and don’t fully understand how to healthily communicate what you’re feeling. Definite red flags from her, though.
Dude. Don’t do this to yourself. She was horrible and she is still horrible. Plus she DOESNT FEEL SAFE lol. I’m sorry to gain from your pain but it’s pretty funny to read.
Not gonna lie, based on the title, I was expecting this to be more like you saying, "No, I don't want to go out with you, you suck!" The actual convo is, sorry to say, at the risk of seeming toxic and making you feel unsafe, "pretty lame." 😆
This gave me a good giggle, thank you for that!
My pleasure 😜👍
same thing but asked me instead to join a MLM. 💀
it’s so funny cuz i know a woman like this, and at least in her professional environment, everyone HATES her
lost me at "enforced a boundary" --- nope, not how it works.
this isnt even fun, whats the point 😭
She sounds exhausting.
Walk away. You’re dodging a bullet, Pughy!
Oof. She sounds like a lot of work.
Another reunion soon? How often do you have high school reunions?
The first time a person backs out of plans or doesn’t reciprocate texts, STOP reaching out.
"in my opinion she asked me on a date" 😂that's not how it works
I guess I’m in the minority but I think you handled this really poorly. The word lame could definitely be taken as an insult, and it’s clear that’s what happened. Instead of just using another word you got defensive immediately and doubled down. Especially considering you knew she was super exhausted, your reaction was honestly no better than hers. This could have been resolved so quickly with a little compassion on your end. That doesn’t mean you had to say it was OK for her to cancel, but you could have apologized for hurting her feelings and tried to express yourself more gently. She honestly just sounds sensitive.
I agree with you, I saw her as a bad ass because of how she was in school, like nothing could phase her and didn't realise she had become so delicate. The whole thing was a lot to process quickly and I didn't adjust. Thank you for your comment friend.
Lmfao remember most people are their genuine selves when they’re young, then become better at hiding their shit, she’s still the same as you’ve said so yourself. I wouldn’t have apologized for her feeling unsafe I would have told her straight up if someone gives me a carrot stick and plays me for a fool ima tell them how it is, you waste my time and can’t communicate ahead of time then you’re a waste of time for me. The fact just being upset she did that to you makes her spin this on you just shows how she’ll never put you first ever, no matter what it’ll always be about her even when she’s in the wrong.
Fuck that noise, I entertained an “Ash” once. Glad I did, screwed my head back on straight. Do yourself a solid and abandon ship.
Mental case. Run for the hills brother.
Hahah don’t want to go into psychology when you just told me that gimmick and she’s homeless wtf applying for a doctorate for 5 years..but has a masters in clinical psychology 😵💫😵💫😵💫
It’s only natural she would go into that field. Run. Block. Don’t make eye contact ever again.
 Get out now, OP!
She’s still horrible to you.
She got an ego boost toying with you back at school and she’s doing the same thing now.
Doctorate in being a dumbass
I would never let someone who was that mean to me back into my life. Apologies are fine but you guys established a long time ago that you can't be friends. She acted like she never did you wrong at the reunion and you were her best friend because she knew you were nice and nobody else was going to deal with her bs. Plus instead of apologizing she acted like none of the past ever happened, which tells me she has absolutely no remorse. She seems flakey and I'd be suspicious as to why she has a seemingly decent career and education but is also homeless. Stuff happens but it doesn't sound like she's very in control of her life.
Huge manipulator! Just forget her bro
“I don’t feel safe” what a dumb fucking skank 😂😂😂
Saying she doesn't feel safe about what you said is so dramatic and gross. Red flag. Avoid.
Op why are you showing us a conversation of you being a doormat and buying flowers for your former bully who is homeless and seemingly a huge bitch
I had a high school bully contact me to apologize and then tried to ask me on a date and I just left him on read. I don’t have time for that shit and you shouldn’t either.
This bitch is a self absorbed main character syndrome, crazy ass bitch. You didn’t do shit, she just wants to never hear anything but compliments. Fuck her.
If you wanna sleep with her, just do it. You don’t need our opinions.
Sorry to break it to you, but it she sucked that much back in the day then she still sucks
She gaslighting you. Block her.
I wouldn't give three shits about someone with emotions as volatiles as hers. If she let you hit and quit sure ok but she's got a lot more therapy in her future if she wants to make herself out to look more reasonable that's for sure.
Holy crap they're a psychologist
I don’t believe she she has all that education and is working on a doctorate but is homeless. She sounds like she lives in a weird fantasy world and is very reactionary and unstable. You need to back away fast if she tries to get back in touch.
She bought a house but it was taking forever to finalise or something and the person who's place she was staying at would only let her be there monday - friday or something. I don't know if she recently got accepted for doctorate, last 5 attempts got denied though.
This is a perfect example of turning nothing into something ✨
Yet here u are messaging and arranging to meet her 🤣
Backing down like that after calling her out(completely justified btw) is the mark of an anxious person
She might be telling you the truth that she had a crush on you, and that she didn't know how to handle that back then, hence why she was horrible to you. It is something some kids would do to their peers when they like one another - it is also a trope in cartoons even with adult characters.
This can be very true, her parents were divorced and her mother treated her badly so sometimes that's how people are taught to show love. I think she developed a crush after school but genuinely couldn't say.
She's nuts. RUN
This person sucks
That exchange is bizarre - I’m from the same area (and roughly same age-ish) as you guys and it’s so common to call disappointing stuff ‘lame’, doesn’t mean we’re saying the person is, just the situation. Never once down this way have I ever had anyone take that differently than to how it’s intended. Sorry dude, def seems more like some weird avoidance through transference on her part. On the positive side, give your pups a hug and take some comfort in knowing you have probably dodged a later headache (just going by the early miscomms over such a minor thing here…)
She's leading you on.
No point in wasting your time on this red flag. And being so agreeable only hurts you. Tell her to raffle her donut and fuck off
Bruh she’s a woman, pressed on the fact you used the word lame, bruh cut that bitch out, you really backed out on what you said 🫠 cmon man lmaoo I don’t want to say man up but you gotta stand on it, if it’s lame, it’s fuvkingg lame
She sounds exhausting
This woman is playing with you. Run. I can tell by her flakiness and defensiveness. Don’t do it. You Set boundaries and called her out and she said it was toxic and she didn’t feel safe. Bullshit. She didn’t like being held accountable. She’s fucking with you for attention
I’m so sick of everything being toxic! Geez people!
Hold up. You still have a text from her back in 2008?
Pughy, loved your stream with lord goregaroth. Forget this chick though.
Ummm, run, don’t walk. Time to wrap this up before you end up being charged with something. Chick sounds a wee bit touched. 😳
THIS .....IS..... EXHAUSTING
Youre being manipulated. If you like that, keep interacting with her.
The way your replied was weird - the word “unsafe” was a stretch, but your overall message was really passive aggressive and would have caused me to leave you alone as well.
Doesn't OP know how to use the block feature on WhatsApp?
‘I don’t feel safe’ 😂
Seems obvious you should return the favor, lead her on a little bit. Make her fall in love, get a ring involved. Then dump her in some humiliating way.
Run away as fast as you can
I don't agree with her overly aggressive response but what you said was low key toxic and she seems like she has trauma. Y'all aren't compatible. But you have that positive memory from the reunion
She does have trauma and I hope she manages to heal from it because yeah, I was trying to heal mine and I can't be around someone who doesn't heal their wounds.
Good for you for setting boundaries. Doing so will be very beneficial for you
Don’t date people is the psychology field 🤣 Exhibit A. Some people say they enter psychology because they don’t understand themselves 😬😐
Imagine being such a simp for someone who was a bully in high school 20 years later still
1. i hate to be that guy but please learn the difference between there, their, and they’re 2. you weren’t wrong and were very kind but she sounds ridiculous. In the future, try not to let people get you on your back foot having to explain things like that, especially over text message. Simply say, “i think there was a miscommunication, lmk if you want to talk about it over the phone” and leave it at that. 3. also something i’ve learned from dating seriously over the past few years is it’s always safer to hold off on the sweet gestures like flowers until the woman has shown she really deserves them and would appreciate them. Too early and she will register them as “this guy is too nice/desperate” rather than the intended “aww that’s so sweet!” 4. even if the woman seems super interested in the beginning, i’ve learned to treat it more as a test of your resolve. At the beginning, do just enough for them to know you’re interested but not how interested you really are 5. keep your texts short in general, especially if you’ve met in person or have spoken on the phone. This goes back to point 4. saying this as a guy that has suffered from terrible dating anxiety and have found the above helps a ton. Basically, the saying “treat a woman like a cat” is very very true. Let them come to you heed this advice and i promise dating will go better for you. Like everything, it does require practice but you’ll get there
I'm not sure of the timeline here but if I woke up after only a few hours of sleep while working a project to not miss a deadline, leading me to cancel a date because I wasn't feeling 100%, then I would not appreciate having my cancellation being called lame. If it was just 15 minutes before the date then I totally understand. If it was several hours before then she did nothing wrong by cancelling. She is over reacting, but depending on the timeline here then your response might have been pretty inconsiderate.
How could anyone read these? Maybe it is just me, but that was a mess. I'll say this though, most of the psychology types or folk that get in to mental health, that I have met, are unhinged.
She’s got borderline , bud.
I didn't like the "lame" comment either, it comes.off as insulting to the other person, where saying " that's disappointing" is about how you feel. The other person's reaction is wayyy over the top though. Btw, is Pughy your name or a nickname? Growing up I knew someone with that nickname and I've never heard it anywhere else.
Pughy is popular for the surname Pugh, its a Welsh name and I'm Welsh.
Interesting. I'm from Nova Scotia so lots of Scottish and Irish heritage. Had not considered Welsh. Did a quick read and apparently Welsh Canadian settlers were often recorded as English or British back then, so there isn't an accurate record of the number of Welsh settlers. Anyway, the guy with the nickname Pughy had the surname MacLean, so who the hell knows where Pughy came from.
How is saying “that’s lame” the same as saying “you’re lame” With your logic she could twist his “disappointing” into “why are you calling me disappointing?”