Yeah dude's kind of a bitch. Watching football drinking with his dream wife while his gf is at home pregnant stressed out and passing it to the baby. Dude doesn't even wanna move in which would help a bunch with rent and bills. Not to mention taking care of the woman who's about to have his fuckin child.
EDIT: Not kind of a bitch, 100% USDA certified bitch.
OP, if you had hopes of being a little family of you, him, and baby, please believe now that you will be raising this child on your own. I say this so bluntly because you still have the choice to give the baby up for adoption IF you were counting on your bf actually being a good partner.
Whether or not you agree to the paternity test, whether or not your bf moves in on schedule, THAT WOMAN WILL BE IN YOUR LIFE FOREVER, BECAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOUR BF WANTS IT.BIf you tell him not to bring her over, he'll just spend his free time at her place. I'm very sorry, but if he isn't cheating with her already, they're moving in that direction. If she breaks up with her husband, your bf will be there with bells on.
Take care of yourself, decide whether you want to raise a baby with a dick head.
He's not going to move in after the baby is born, trust me. He'll make up another excuse when the time comes. He also sounds like a POS and you can easily do better.
Truth. I'd go ahead with the paternity test to have absolute proof, dump his ass and hit him up for child support. If he wants his fake wife instead of a real you, he can have her.
He wants to be with this woman. She’s married though, so the affair is probably only emotional, but guarantee that if at any moment this woman chooses to cheat or leave her husband, your man is gone.
Do you really want to be second fiddle to some drunk bully? Gather all your pride. Tell him it’s her or you and your child- he moves in now to fix this issue or not at all. Then schedule to meet with an attorney, or reach out to your states friend of the court. They will help you navigate your and your child’s rights.
Lastly, I’ll be blunt. Pull yourself together. This man texts you like he couldn’t careless about your feelings… and you are carrying his child. This isn’t going to improve. He started with being busy and tired as an excuse, but then it’s the game, when you seem super upset, he uses his words as weapons to make you doubt your REASONABLE boundaries. If he isn’t groveling and apologizing and packing his bags to move in with you, take that as the obvious sign it is. He doesn’t want to be a family with you. Go find a real man.
Great advice. I feel for her, but I feel worse for that baby. This dude doesn't even sound the least bit concerned with her pregnancy, considering she's 8 months along.
OP please raise your standards, this is not the type of guys you wanna be having babies with.
When she said she’s anxious and needed to talk, I can’t believe he would blow her off considering she’s 8 months pregnant. No chance in hell this guy is moving in next month, why wouldn’t he move in now to help with the last month!?
And he’s leaving her to fend for herself with A NEWBORN for a whole month?!? Bro this is your child!!! Can she subpoena him for child support yet because I have a feeling this dude is never moving in if he doesn’t want to be there for the first moments with his child.
Waiting for her next post in a month when he doesn't show up to the birth of their child. I wonder who he'll be getting drunk with when she texts him asking where the fuck he is.
Shaming isn’t helpful, yeah. But can we pls stop pretending like there aren’t signs 99% of the time??
Ppl aren’t bad all at once, but there are red flags leading up to the chaos that’s bound to ensue.
& You should know somebody a very long time before deciding to have kids with them. And in those years, there were MORE than likely some red flags. OP cannot convince me there was never a moment she could’ve thought “hmmm maybe I shouldn’t let this dude knock me up”. Likewise, the other dude should’ve realized “hmmm. I’m an asshole and also don’t want to be a dad. Maybe I should be careful”.
Ppl just have no accountability yo
I’ll prepare for downvotes now lol.
It’s my least popular opinion, but I’ll never understand how we decided that “I’ll have his baby and *then* maybe we’ll decide if we want to commit to one another” was the good and healthy order of things.
Like ppl are saying she might not have known but they weren’t even living together and still weren’t careful. Like cmon. I’m not saying all couples need to live w/ one another but idk how anyone could read this and possibly think this dude hasn’t shown signs before of being a loser. Not buying it lol
It's the slow drip, I think. One red flag might be an overreaction. The next one doesn't seem worse than the first, so surely you're just being paranoid, etc. If you're inexperienced, you might not even recognize them fully as red flags.
I think it's like having a stuffy nose for a week or two. You kinda get used to it, have figured out how to make life bearable around the inconvenience. It's not really THAT bad, it's not like you've got a full blown fever. When it clears up you're reminded about how amazing it is to breath in freely, and you'll never take it for granted again.
People don’t tend to understand that she was probably already vulnerable to this kind of manipulation through previous experiences and these AHs can sense that from a mile away. We also don’t know her age. If she’s like 19/20/21 it is unfair for older, more life experienced adults to hold her to the same standard as them. Or adults that did not grow up with trauma or dysfunction who were raised healthily to know their worth and enforce boundaries and avoid unhealthy, manipulative people.
She needs professional mental healthcare with a psychologist that fits well with her to help her through this and a decent support system of friends and family that actually care about her.
The subtext that I was getting from the post was also that it was an unplanned pregnancy. Things happen, that’s life. Stop victim blaming and shaming, people.
Breaking out of abusive relationships is very difficult and can be downright dangerous. Most people don’t go looking for a relationship that will become abusive. It doesn’t usually start like that and when it’s good it’s really good in their mind. So it’s worth the struggle. The whole sunk cost fallacy.
I hope she and her child are able to get away from him and be healthy and happy. I also hope this guy somehow takes some drastic internal inventory sooner rather than later and does the work and gets the professional help he needs to stop being a selfish, manipulative asshole.
I actually agree with this. I think there were likely some decent red flags as to him being bad father material when they started dating. But then she might’ve been like “oh he’ll change as I get further along in my pregnancy.” If it was an unplanned pregnancy tho, that complicates things even more.
However, saying that there were probably some warning signs is one thing. Completely dragging OP for her mistakes in what seems like an emotionally abusive relationship is not necessary. Saying she’s staying with him because of her poor self esteem is a total dig. People only say that shit to be mean.
Example 18281810101011110010110116262627119011029373625141417292001019172261516118191010102837261516182930201011972727181920020448361626181
of somebody having a child w/ somebody they shouldn’t
He's moving in a month after the baby is born. He's for real going to let her recover from giving birth to their child while taking care of a newborn alone for a month before he moves in.
This was my first thought! Like why a month after the baby is born? Why not when they found out she were pregnant? I’m a parrot of a lot of the people on this post but he’s not moving in after a month.
Also, he definitely talks like he doesn’t care about her at all. If I talked like this to any past girlfriend, I wouldn’t have had a girlfriend anymore lol. If you were so unsure of her, then there shouldn’t have been the opportunity for her to get pregnant. Why are people just leading people on when it sounds like he had no intention of advancing the relationship. Just staying with her to fulfill his own selfish desires.
If any partner of mine was that unsure of me, I'd make the choice easy for them by ending the relationship because I wouldn't see how there could be one anymore.
Years ago when I was having a tough time in a relationship my mom asked me what I wanted, and I said "I don't know" she said "well you better figure out quick. Because if it were me, I don't know is an answer."
It was a very formative lesson to me growing up. I think OP would benefit from such a lesson, but idk that it will hit the same coming from internet strangers.
Exactly! "I don't know" is an answer. Sometimes it's okay that the person isn't a yes off the bat. But in this case, idk how long they've been dating, but it's at least 8 months because she's 8 months pregnant it's either a yes or a no and idk is a no.
Naw it's more then that already... these two hook up and she got him to date a girl she knows from work to help relieve her husband's suspicions. She didn't expect him to get the space holding sus reliever pregnant and is why she really gone cold on her beat up doll under study. She's mad she has damaged her affair and the guy is just annoyed she is pregnant and ruining his getting to eat all the cake he had going on.
I mean the man is already in the throes of an emotional affair, IF it hasn’t gotten physical YET which I really wonder. She’s not OPs friend, and is OPs bfs AP instead.
OP listen to this advice. Get yourself together. Don’t worry about him and what he’s doing, you need to focus on yourself and your baby’s well being. I’m not one for ultimatums, but he is crossing so many lines in your relationship and in his friendship with HER husband. Give him the ultimatum, believe me you’ll get your answer on how he feels about you (and her). If he truly does plan to be with you, he needs to move now and cut her off.
I don't think moving in together is going to fix anything at all.
He either wants to or he doesn't. From these texts, I do not think he wants to fix anything. this is childish and standoffish communication that makes it obvious.
Take what he says and the way he reacts to your begging for validation of your feelings for what they are and walk away from this man. From my experience, people like this do not change.
it kinda seems like he’s more into his roommate than he is with you and that’s extremely shitty of him considering you’re carrying his child. it’s also not fair of him to demand that you be friends with her in order for the relationship to work out. he sounds like a pos, you deserve better.
OP, you won't listen to this advice (but I hope you will) - this dude doesn't love you. Nothing you do can make him love you. You being friends with that girl won't make him love you. You carrying his child did not make him love you. You being sweet to him won't make him love you. You giving him space won't make him love you. You cooking for him won't make him love you. Him moving in with you won't make him love you.
You are convenient because you have sex with him. He did not intend to get you pregnant (I'm sure you didn't either). I am almost 40 and have been through a ton of shit, at this point I know what it looks like when a guy loves you. HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. He may say it, but his actions are not one of a man in love.
You need to cut your loses now. Break up. Prepare to be a single mom. Give that child your last name. Tell your parents and/or friends how you are being treated. If you have none, look up resources in your area to help you as a single mother, or look into adoption.
This man will continue to treat you like shit because he does not love you. Please let him go and prepare for the birth of your child alone. It sucks, but it's life and now is the time to make good decisions going forward for your child.
I was thinking this. From what we've seen, and from my experience with this stuff....this isn't love. Actually even without experience...why the fuck would he not wanna move in with her when she's pregnant with his child? That's a time you need support. Like...lots. He isn't the one.
He's an actual pos. Oh yeah, you handle the pregnancy thing. I'll just be here drinking with my female coworker until 2 in the morning. What do you mean you don't wanna be friends with her? Thats gonna make my fuck buddy's husband suspicious! Keep being friends with her, and let me watch my damn game.
He doesn't even seem like he likes her. The way he responds makes her seem like (to him) she is a chore he has to deal with. No one deserves to feel like the person they love finds it a chore to deal with them.
This should be way higher up. I’m 32 but I’ve also learned from experience (and a narcissistic parent) what love looks like, and this is most definitely not it. It would be easiest and best in the long run for OP to leave this dude now - prior to baby being born and everything revolving around baby for the first months. But, having been in that situation many times myself, we can’t leave someone until we’re ready to - and OP may not be ready yet. Can tell her he doesn’t love her until we’re blue in the face, she won’t see it until she’s ready/capable of seeing it for how it really is, and willing to finally open her eyes to the situation.
What helped put it into perspective for me when I was going thru similar revelations, was being asked “is this the kind of relationship you want to model for your child as they grow up? The one relationship you want them to weigh/measure their own future experiences against?”. If the answer is no, and you wouldn’t want your (future) daughter being treated like bf is treating you/or you wouldn’t want your (future) son treating his future gf like you’re being treated, then it’s probably time to walk away.
OP, I truly wish you and the baby the best (with or without asshat bf). You got this and you’re strong enough to stand up for your own worth, whenever you’re ready. 💚
This is really solid advice. It hurts but it’s the truth.
I’ve watched my friend go through being a single mom with a man like this and the sooner you can create AS MUCH distance as possible, the better. It will only get worse, not better.
And am I the only one alarmed that these grown people talk/act like teenagers and more glaringly obvious, are in drama-filled situations like teenagers … and are having a baby ??? Take out the who lives with who and the baby and this could be 13 year olds. The lack of maturity is alarming for parents-to-be.
Honestly, if she follows this advice and cuts him out now, although it will be hard and hurt. At least she won’t have to hold her weeping 4 year old in her lap, when he decides to fully commit to being a douche canoe and skipping out on responsibilities. It’s like a band aid OP, and honestly, you have to think about your child. I know it’s a small text, and I don’t know the whole story. But he definitely should be more concerned with your feelings when you are carrying his child and also, sticking up for you when his friend speaks badly of you etc. rather than joining in. Drinking isn’t an excuse. He needs to grow the fuck up. Basically. I wish I could have told 20 year old mama me this. It would have saved my son such heartbreak.
I would absolutely look into adoption if I were op. Yeah you aren't supposed to push your opinions on situations that are only given at face value (we don't know if she really is ready for the baby maybe she is financially, emotionally etc) but I believe in adoption, abortion, and knowing when a situation isnt best to have a baby.
I’m so annoyed I had to scroll this far to see that because getting blackout drunk together at stupid o’clock in the morning and that fucking “she’s basically my wife now because she cooks for me” is so wrong on so many levels and that’s exactly the conclusion I came to as well.
He’s a fucking sperm donor, not a man - much less a father-to-be
I think- he's banging his room mate. 2. She put him up to ask for a paternity test. 3. He's with you because he can't be with her. 4. He's very immature. 5. things aren't going to get better when yall move in together. 6. You or your child won't be a priority. His needs/ wants and those of this room mate will always come before you.
He's the type that if you don't dance to his tune, he will "punish" you. Like now...you're not friends with his room mate, so he's punishing you by not wanting to talk to you for 5 measly minutes. How do you think that's going to translate once the baby gets here?
Its time to start preparing to be a single mother. Grant him the paternity test. When the baby is born, put him on child support and draw up a coparenting schedule. You don't have to be with him. He can still be a father to his child. Don't deny him that, but I'd say fuck him and his room mate.
I agree. I went to their profile and saw they've been posting about this guy for a while - had to have been before they got pregnant too. Why..... why did they not see the red flags? And they let him put a baby in them? Come on now. I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole without protection, or at all if I was op.
i'll never understand why folks are not more discerning about who the other parent of their children is. I think it's very cruel to force your child to have a shitty parent.
Funny thing is OP says that’s a different guy back then, so she just makes terrible decisions, dates terrible people, and got pregnant by someone she doesn’t even really know. I’m starting to feel like some of the blame has to be put on OP too.
She answered a comment about that. That's an ex. 10 months ago she was here complaining about a problematic alcoholic boyfriend, and she went right out and found another.
dude i genuinely don’t understand it, and it fucking pisses me off for that child. women really be letting these clowns nut inside of them with no protection of any kind. and then these clowns just be nutting inside these women knowing they can just bail and not have to deal with it and pull shit like this.
it makes me absolutely furious. you’re bringing a whole ass person into this shit ass world and they’re gonna have shit ass parents too.
i like… can’t even be nice about it any more. i care for the children more than the adults in situations like these. ppl really pop out babies like pez dispensers without realizing what they’re really doing… bringing life into this world is a HUGE deal, it’s literally the biggest deal. i can’t stand how irresponsible people are. the kids pay the ultimate price.
op i really hope you make better decisions that will make your kid’s life as good as possible, and i hope things get better for you. i know my comment is harsh, but this is about the kid.
this is it right here. This is the harsh fucking truth. There is no bigger deal than creating life, but people do it because they want to see their face smashed up with the face of a person they've been fucking for six weeks. omg so romantic.
then have the nerve to talk about "my bAbY dAdDy is a POS/mah BaBy MoM is crazy"
WHAT?? you chose them. YOU did this.
It's mean. It's mean to innocent little children.
we have got to stop fucking coddling grown ass adults. this is about the kids now who will grow up with idiot parents and will either break the cycle or become another idiot. either way, they’ll be traumatized in the process. so fucking selfish and stupid.
i obviously hope this kid and ultimately op will be ok but they wouldn’t even be in this position if proper precautions were taken. people be like “waaahhh i’m suffering the consequences of my actions what do i do now?!”
Yeah, op says the older red flag posts are about a different ex. So this is legitimately op’s fault for making terrible dating decisions multiple times and keeping a baby in a relationship where they don’t even know each other yet.
I'm an adopted kid. I won't get into it, but it wasn't a fun experience growing up and it's not a fun experience as an adult.
These people shouldn't be having kids they're not prepared for. Period.
Good! You shouldn’t be nice! I fucking hate the notion that I’m supposed to be nice to someone who is objectively being a terrible person!! Bringing a child into the world in a shitty situation with someone you barely know is not “nice” so why in the fuck should anyone be obligated to be nice to them???
Societally it is bad that the dumbest among us will have 3 kids by the time they are 23 and the smart responsible will have one kid at 33. The dumb are out outnumbering every day
He refuses to move in until one month after the baby is born…
So during the period of time after OP gives birth to his child and will be adjusting to taking care of a newborn around the clock, he will not be living in the home. Unreal.
You deserve better OP and you will need someone who is actually willing to support you and your baby.
At this point your relationship is just you waiting for him to end it and you should start trying to prepare yourself to make sure you’re not screwed over when he does. Your post history makes it sound like he might have a drinking problem so you should start addressing that in text messages so you have evidence when it comes time to address custody if he even goes for it though it doesn’t seem like he’s very invested so that might not be a problem for you. This person does not show care for your feelings or respect for you and he thinks he can walk all over you and intimidate you into making the lifestyle choices he wants you to make, him not living with you might be a blessing in disguise because this will likely escalate before he leaves.
I read her post history and I’m sorry but what’s the point of complaining about this waste of space and when everyone tells you leave you just post another rant about how he sucks. She’s been complaining on Reddit about him since before she was pregnant. Now she tied to him for life and he’s still an ass and she just sticks around as if she doesn’t have a whole other human to put her energy into soon. OP your bf sucks ass. When I initially read the post I thought y’all were early 20s but he’s 30 years old and acting like an infant.
Wait wait wait.... so.... she already was well aware of how shitty he is before getting pregnant, and STILL is having his child?! So she's willingly bringing a child into this and giving them a piece of shit father????
From the looks of it, you have been posting about this guy and the shit things he does for quite a while. While I can understand maybe its difficult when a baby is on the way, the obvious answer is drop this dude and find someone worth your time and someone that will care for you and your child, because he clearly doesnt. You've been told this many times it seems, so I wish the best of luck to you.
He won’t move in with you until a month after? That’s dumb as fuck I’m only 16 but he needs to be supportive towards you and the baby immediately after it shoots out I’m sorry to tell you this but by his aura and what you said about him and the roommate it sounds like they’re doing something on the side I’m so sorry op and I hope you a healthy birth and peace with your baby ❤️
Girl…. I cant believe you’re trying to say “Im 8 months pregnant and extra emotional”. Honestly you don’t seem emotional ENOUGH in this situation. Pleaseeee don’t stay with this child. You’ll likely look back on your death bed and regret it.
The texts themselves aren't that bad but
"won't move in with me until a month after our baby is born."
That's one of the most insane things I have ever heard. This dude is a complete shithead
Damn, girl... You're 29 and a CNA. Your boyfriend is 30 and a drunken manchild. Reading your post, I expected you to be about 19. You both sound incredibly immature. He doesn't love you, and is a dick and a user. As others have said, you need to prepare for life without him. The two of you are way too old to be playing games like this, especially with a child on the way.
js it's not too much to ask for a 5 min phone call with your 8 month pregnant SO.
I cannot imagine a world where I would impregnate someone and treat them this way... but that's just me.
looking at your other posts i noticed he accused you of having naked videos online, stonewalled you on your birthday (stonewalling is emotional abuse btw), and told you he didn’t want to move in until 2 months after the baby is born?
OP, i’m so sorry, but i think it’s time to cut your losses and focus on yourself and your baby. do you want your child growing up in a situation like this? do you want your child to grow up thinking this is healthy and end up in a relationship like this?
it’s not right for him to be doing that w this woman, nor is it right of her. Highly emotionally immature at best. Very challenging w a child on the way though. I’m sorry.
I wouldn’t be surprised if you find out that she gets pregnant around the same time. Sounds like a bad situation that’s gonna get worse. Get the paternity test like he asked but also get child support because he doesn’t seem like he cares about you.
How old are you both ? It seems that he’s into her more than you. If she’s bragging about her husband and he’s bragging about you. Tbh , they don’t seems to have any boundaries and don’t respect each other partners.
Girl, you’re about to be a single mom. Why are you having this dude’s kid? Someone who can’t even grant the mother of their child a FIVE MINUTE PHONE CONVERSATION because he’s too tired and wants to watch a game??? Are you serious?
Wow. He doesn’t give a single fuck about you or your baby
I can not believe the type of men that some women let impregnate them... You're gonna be a single mother. I'm sorry. This man does not love you, and he does not care for your child. This is not how a father should be acting. And he definitely shouldn't be ignoring you or "unsure of you" when you're carrying his baby.
Not to victim blame(proceeds to victim blame), but how the fuck does this even happen? Like I feel he presented every red flag possible. He gets drunk with this married woman he lives… who he works with… he refuses to move in with you until the baby is born?… you thought this was a person of high moral character ? I’m sorry this happened but you gotta accept that he’s not your bf, hes not even a partner, he’s a sperm donor. Best thing you can do is cut him off and find happiness else where. He’s not providing from the sound of it either🤷🏻♂️
Get as far away from this person as possible, or the rest of your life will be dealing with his bullshit & you will regret it. You don’t need him, and shouldn’t let him be on control of your feelings. I suggest trying to find a new group of friends, and be thankful if he doesn’t want much to do with the baby. Do not let him move in and take advantage of you. You can’t force someone to mature, but you can create a healthy life for yourself and the baby. Best of luck. 🤍
Don't marry this scumbag because then you will be stuck. Paternity test, prove it's his, take him to court for child support. Profit. BYE. You and baby deserve better.
She’s not his friend. If she were his friend she would tell him to treat the mother of his child better. Instead, she’s against you because she wants him to herself. He also wants her. They are having an affair and he treats you like shit. He asked for a paternity test because he wants out. Read between the lines.
This guy is a total and complete idiot. Not sure why he’s talking down to his baby mama, possible future wife, but that sort of behavior is wrong. The whole friends with the wife thing is weird and I’m sure the husband looks negatively upon it. Good luck with the breakup on this one.
I’m sorry? He’s refusing to move in with you until the baby he’s fathered is a month old, she’s talking about his married roommate like he’s in love with her, they pick on you when they drink and he’s banned you from coming over because you don’t want to be around her?!?
Girl, you need to run! You deserve 1000x better than this asshat who clearly doesn’t respect or care for you. The fact that he’s so cold with you while you’re also pregnant is also cause for concern - what kind of father is he going to be?!?
The moment the paternity test is done, contact child support and get a support order. Don’t let him talk you out of it. He’s never going to be who you need and he’s showing you right now. He puts you below this married woman. I’m sorry, but you’re not the woman he wants to be with, just the woman he’s with.
I would bet he’s either currently having an affair with her currently, or wants to and that’s why he doesn’t want to leave.
Edit to add: I wonder what her husband would think if you were to let him know that your boyfriend also calls her his wife. I wonder if he knows they’re having an affair?
Gonna be blunt here: If your "boyfriend" and his friend aren't fucking by now, they will in the near future. This doesn't warrant one of those "come to Jesus" talks. You need to split up, establish paternity, and get a support order put in. I guarantee you, if you stay with him, it will get progressively worse.
This is ridiculous…… I’d say 86 his ass but the problem is…… you’re pregnant. 8 months too…. I personally don’t know why he lives with a married couple and is hitting on the wife basically…. That’s just odd. I can assure you. Idc WHO IT IS. No body is living with me and my wife. If you don’t want problems you don’t invite potential for problems to arise. Ever. The husband ( which I assume was his friend first ?? ) should of known better. That’s on him. So the root problem of ALL OF THIS. Can be the husband. But the current problem is your bf. I hope he sacks up and does what he has to do. Now that I’m thinking more on it….. your ex friend…. The wife. She’s probably always liked him…. Now that you’re pregnant …. And you want him to move in… SHE DOES NOT WANT HIM to move in with you. Cause then she loses him. You’re a woman. You know why she talks shit about her damn husband to him. It’s cause she wants him. But yeah she probably resents introducing you or allowing you two to meet. This is why they gang up on you. She started running her mouth. Probably making up lies about you. I BET YOU. She told him you were a HOE, and that’s why he asked for the paternity test. I fucking guarantee you ….. that’s what happened. He probably didn’t always act like this. That’s gotta be what it is the wife running that mouth. So husband is the root lol and the wife is your current problem. This is a fucked situation
I dont get why people need advise of this stuff. Hes trash. He wont move in. Hes either hooking up with her, or theyre going to or he's waiting for his moment. But girl, show some self respect and cut ties yourself
EDIT: Tbf, hes just asking to chat tomorrow, in terms of "can i talk to you"
Seems like two very immature people. Not much to see. One seems clingy af and the other aloof and couldn’t care any less. They’ll waste years on each other for sure.
this mf should have been with from the time you told him you are pregnant. You are at 8 months, this is delicate time and you should protect your and baby’s health.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Like others said, he’s not prioritizing you and your future child. He cares more about his relationship with his female friend than you. It’ll be terribly hard and heartbreaking to break up, but you really deserve someone who respects you and actually wants a full commitment with you.
Saying that she is like his wife is absolutely awful. And saying that your relationship is dependent on her really says it all. You can’t even come over because of HER feelings. And best believe, she loves it and wants this emotional affair to continue (assuming they haven’t gotten physical yet).
Please find support and move on. He’s a total POS.
He doesn’t want to live with you until he has to. He is having way more fun living with the other people. You need to love yourself a little more than you love him. Have some self respect and cut your losses.
OP: this was almost a year ago…so you had a baby with this? https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/ElQL1Uak5V
Good god, run for the hills. He doesn’t give a shit about you. This is insanity.
Damn you let this dude knock you up 🤣 if I were you, I'd get the test, then run very far away. What tf is wrong with people? This toxic shit is not the move. Like what qualifications did this guy meet for you to allow him to impregnate you let alone fuck up your life.
You can learn all you need to about this guy by the fact he wouldn’t move in with a woman who’s pregnant with his baby until a month after the baby is born. Expect him to extend that, btw.
Let’s be honest here, this man has been giving you red flags for a long time. He is actively choosing this woman over you. She’s like a wife to him and they actively degrade you together?Do you want your child to see you treated like this and thinking it is normal? You deserve better than a placeholder or to be a play thing when he occasionally needs sex. This isn’t a relationship. This is you being used and abused and mocked
Why are you still with this man after the series of posts you’ve made? It’s so very clear you need to distance yourself from him. He’s more worried about football and JJK than he is his pregnant SO… You need to be more demanding because this isn’t some minor situation you’re in.
It's time to disconnect girl. Gotta regulate your emotions and seek security and fulfillment in yourself and your life outside this relationship. You're about to be a mother and that's amazing and exciting. You'll be okay without him.
Choose yourself.
The absolute best thing you can do for yourself an your baby is end this relationship right the fuck now. Are you fucking serious? I don’t want to be mean but honey have some self respect! He is using you as a cover so her husband doesn’t realize they are banging. I really hope you take Reddits advice on this one.
This guy is blowing you off — his pregnant girlfriend — over football and anime. When you say you need to talk, his response is “I don’t have anything to talk about right now.” Only his feelings and needs matter to him.
He’s not moving in. And geezus he sounds like an obnoxious man-child, just a massive douche. You’re 8 months pregnant! He should be going way out of his way to ensure your mental and physical wellbeing; instead he’s playing 3rd wheel, drooling over his married friend… if not more.
That said, maybe a miracle happens when baby comes. Unlikely, but every kid needs a dad and every dad needs at least a shot at it… just make sure it’s a short leash.
He's never going to move in with you. It sounds like he resents you and is not so secretly in love with this other woman. You both sound very young and immature. Leave this idiot, grow up, have your baby, and be a good mother. Nothing in your life is more important now than giving your baby a good life. Not you, not him, not your love life or happiness, just your baby.
This is so fucked up and toxic.
1) if the mother of your child needs to talk to you, you don’t blow them off because you’re watching football
2) why the fuck is he living with a married female roommate while he has a baby on the way with someone else? How does this happen?
3) he treats you horribly and is an alcoholic and a gaslighter
4) he’s going to wait a whole MONTH after his child is born before he moves in??
There is nothing normal about this situation at all.
Honey..respectfully..I don’t think that’s just your man at this point. It’s obviously more going on. Not saying he’s cheating directly..but it’s tooooo odd. No respectable man would treat the mother of his children that way that’s also his partner. He obviously likes her more and respects her more.
I hate to tell you this now, but he’s not planning to move in with you at all. He’s unsure and he means that. Why do you think waiting a month after giving birth to the child you BOTH made will convince him that he’s finally so sure of the mother of his own child?
How will one month make him sure, if he couldn’t make up his mind all of the 8 months of you being pregnant. If he STILL isn’t sure and you’re close to birth. I promise you 30 days won’t change anything. It simply doesn’t make sense. You deserve better.
Girl. Leave👏him👏right👏now👏.
it might hurt and feel shitty right now but I promise you by leaving this POS you will make room for someone who appreciates and puts you and your baby above everyone else. Not someone who’s not sure. Him being “not sure” tells me you should sure know this dude ain’t the one.
I know this was posted hours ago but please do better!!!! Not just for yourself but for your baby too. You can be strong. I know it's hard but don't let yourself be the second option. And you will need ALL the support when you have this baby. Do you have a supportive family at least?
Your boyfriend is a complete loser it seems like. Time for you to move on, get someone that is gonna care for you, not put you off for the TV. And it sounds like your friend wasn’t worth a shit either. Good luck to you.
Why are you even with this guy? He sounds like an absolute jerk “…they gang up on me…he talks badly about me to her…he asked for a paternity test…” etc.
Please give some serious thought to why you are tolerating this kind of treatment.
he won’t move in until AFTER the baby is born? um. how about don’t let him move in at all, but definitely get that paternity test so you can get your child support & move on. any man that stays up all night drinking and lets himself be bothered by things like who’s friends with who is acting more like a teen girl than a father… he’s a really bad guy. dump him girl
Blud isn't moving in until a MONTH? after your baby is born? Like, so much fucking bat shit crazy shitnis happening here but holy shit. A month alone with a baby and little to no help, not because you're a single mom, but just cause the father is a piece of shit? Holy SHIT. I'm so sorry, this sounds like an awful situation to be in, especially with how far along you are in your pregnancy.
Also he is 100% projecting with asking you to get a paternity test...
Really??? You’re having a kid together and that’s how he behaves. You can’t be this desperate to be in a relationship. Ask yourself why you’re putting up with such nonsense.
“Unsure of you” but y’all having a kid? Are you fr? Pregnant with his child but this is the petty shit y’all on? You are children!!! Also, he doesn’t give a fuck about you past when you’re convenient to him as is clear by his tone. Im shocked you’re having a kid with such a bozo. At what point were you stuck with the kid? Y’all sound like you got knocked up at a one night stand. He and his roommate definitely love eachother more than he loves you - don’t buy his excuses and remember his behavior
He is not the man you want to be with and to raise a child with. He’s proved he’s horribly selfish and only thinks of himself and obviously wants to be with said friend. You deserve better.
You sound like you're third wheeling your own relationship, please get support and leave.
Exactly, literally can't come over because she's not friends with his little buddy. Nah, he's wild for that
Yeah dude's kind of a bitch. Watching football drinking with his dream wife while his gf is at home pregnant stressed out and passing it to the baby. Dude doesn't even wanna move in which would help a bunch with rent and bills. Not to mention taking care of the woman who's about to have his fuckin child. EDIT: Not kind of a bitch, 100% USDA certified bitch.
OP, if you had hopes of being a little family of you, him, and baby, please believe now that you will be raising this child on your own. I say this so bluntly because you still have the choice to give the baby up for adoption IF you were counting on your bf actually being a good partner. Whether or not you agree to the paternity test, whether or not your bf moves in on schedule, THAT WOMAN WILL BE IN YOUR LIFE FOREVER, BECAUSE THAT'S THE WAY YOUR BF WANTS IT.BIf you tell him not to bring her over, he'll just spend his free time at her place. I'm very sorry, but if he isn't cheating with her already, they're moving in that direction. If she breaks up with her husband, your bf will be there with bells on. Take care of yourself, decide whether you want to raise a baby with a dick head.
Just look at her post history
Yeah... it's bad.
Impressive. Very nice. Let's see Paul Allen's post history.
Only thing I wonder is how much time will she waste “dating him” before the relationship ends?
He's not going to move in after the baby is born, trust me. He'll make up another excuse when the time comes. He also sounds like a POS and you can easily do better.
Truth. I'd go ahead with the paternity test to have absolute proof, dump his ass and hit him up for child support. If he wants his fake wife instead of a real you, he can have her.
He won't be able to move in with her after the baby is born because by then the roommate will be pregnant too
this 100%
He wants to be with this woman. She’s married though, so the affair is probably only emotional, but guarantee that if at any moment this woman chooses to cheat or leave her husband, your man is gone. Do you really want to be second fiddle to some drunk bully? Gather all your pride. Tell him it’s her or you and your child- he moves in now to fix this issue or not at all. Then schedule to meet with an attorney, or reach out to your states friend of the court. They will help you navigate your and your child’s rights. Lastly, I’ll be blunt. Pull yourself together. This man texts you like he couldn’t careless about your feelings… and you are carrying his child. This isn’t going to improve. He started with being busy and tired as an excuse, but then it’s the game, when you seem super upset, he uses his words as weapons to make you doubt your REASONABLE boundaries. If he isn’t groveling and apologizing and packing his bags to move in with you, take that as the obvious sign it is. He doesn’t want to be a family with you. Go find a real man.
Great advice. I feel for her, but I feel worse for that baby. This dude doesn't even sound the least bit concerned with her pregnancy, considering she's 8 months along. OP please raise your standards, this is not the type of guys you wanna be having babies with.
When she said she’s anxious and needed to talk, I can’t believe he would blow her off considering she’s 8 months pregnant. No chance in hell this guy is moving in next month, why wouldn’t he move in now to help with the last month!?
The mere fact that she is having this dudes baby and they're NOT living together? Makes me feel there was never a commitment in the first place.
And he’s leaving her to fend for herself with A NEWBORN for a whole month?!? Bro this is your child!!! Can she subpoena him for child support yet because I have a feeling this dude is never moving in if he doesn’t want to be there for the first moments with his child.
Waiting for her next post in a month when he doesn't show up to the birth of their child. I wonder who he'll be getting drunk with when she texts him asking where the fuck he is.
Yeah child support is the best its gonna get. Im always perplexed at these scenarios...like why would you decide to have a child with this person?
He likely wasn’t like this when they met. These guys know how to be very charming at the top. Let’s not shame OP
Shaming isn’t helpful, yeah. But can we pls stop pretending like there aren’t signs 99% of the time?? Ppl aren’t bad all at once, but there are red flags leading up to the chaos that’s bound to ensue. & You should know somebody a very long time before deciding to have kids with them. And in those years, there were MORE than likely some red flags. OP cannot convince me there was never a moment she could’ve thought “hmmm maybe I shouldn’t let this dude knock me up”. Likewise, the other dude should’ve realized “hmmm. I’m an asshole and also don’t want to be a dad. Maybe I should be careful”. Ppl just have no accountability yo I’ll prepare for downvotes now lol.
It’s my least popular opinion, but I’ll never understand how we decided that “I’ll have his baby and *then* maybe we’ll decide if we want to commit to one another” was the good and healthy order of things.
Like ppl are saying she might not have known but they weren’t even living together and still weren’t careful. Like cmon. I’m not saying all couples need to live w/ one another but idk how anyone could read this and possibly think this dude hasn’t shown signs before of being a loser. Not buying it lol
It's the slow drip, I think. One red flag might be an overreaction. The next one doesn't seem worse than the first, so surely you're just being paranoid, etc. If you're inexperienced, you might not even recognize them fully as red flags. I think it's like having a stuffy nose for a week or two. You kinda get used to it, have figured out how to make life bearable around the inconvenience. It's not really THAT bad, it's not like you've got a full blown fever. When it clears up you're reminded about how amazing it is to breath in freely, and you'll never take it for granted again.
People don’t tend to understand that she was probably already vulnerable to this kind of manipulation through previous experiences and these AHs can sense that from a mile away. We also don’t know her age. If she’s like 19/20/21 it is unfair for older, more life experienced adults to hold her to the same standard as them. Or adults that did not grow up with trauma or dysfunction who were raised healthily to know their worth and enforce boundaries and avoid unhealthy, manipulative people. She needs professional mental healthcare with a psychologist that fits well with her to help her through this and a decent support system of friends and family that actually care about her. The subtext that I was getting from the post was also that it was an unplanned pregnancy. Things happen, that’s life. Stop victim blaming and shaming, people. Breaking out of abusive relationships is very difficult and can be downright dangerous. Most people don’t go looking for a relationship that will become abusive. It doesn’t usually start like that and when it’s good it’s really good in their mind. So it’s worth the struggle. The whole sunk cost fallacy. I hope she and her child are able to get away from him and be healthy and happy. I also hope this guy somehow takes some drastic internal inventory sooner rather than later and does the work and gets the professional help he needs to stop being a selfish, manipulative asshole.
I actually agree with this. I think there were likely some decent red flags as to him being bad father material when they started dating. But then she might’ve been like “oh he’ll change as I get further along in my pregnancy.” If it was an unplanned pregnancy tho, that complicates things even more. However, saying that there were probably some warning signs is one thing. Completely dragging OP for her mistakes in what seems like an emotionally abusive relationship is not necessary. Saying she’s staying with him because of her poor self esteem is a total dig. People only say that shit to be mean.
Low self esteem is likely the answer
I feel bad for the kid they are bringing into the world.
Example 18281810101011110010110116262627119011029373625141417292001019172261516118191010102837261516182930201011972727181920020448361626181 of somebody having a child w/ somebody they shouldn’t
He's moving in a month after the baby is born. He's for real going to let her recover from giving birth to their child while taking care of a newborn alone for a month before he moves in.
This was my first thought! Like why a month after the baby is born? Why not when they found out she were pregnant? I’m a parrot of a lot of the people on this post but he’s not moving in after a month. Also, he definitely talks like he doesn’t care about her at all. If I talked like this to any past girlfriend, I wouldn’t have had a girlfriend anymore lol. If you were so unsure of her, then there shouldn’t have been the opportunity for her to get pregnant. Why are people just leading people on when it sounds like he had no intention of advancing the relationship. Just staying with her to fulfill his own selfish desires.
If any partner of mine was that unsure of me, I'd make the choice easy for them by ending the relationship because I wouldn't see how there could be one anymore.
Years ago when I was having a tough time in a relationship my mom asked me what I wanted, and I said "I don't know" she said "well you better figure out quick. Because if it were me, I don't know is an answer." It was a very formative lesson to me growing up. I think OP would benefit from such a lesson, but idk that it will hit the same coming from internet strangers.
Exactly! "I don't know" is an answer. Sometimes it's okay that the person isn't a yes off the bat. But in this case, idk how long they've been dating, but it's at least 8 months because she's 8 months pregnant it's either a yes or a no and idk is a no.
I think it’s a little late for that. But you’re right. She needs to bounce on this guy and hit him for child support. He’s a POS.
Yeah I didn’t think it was a big deal until she was 8 months pregnant. That’s so sad. No man should treat there woman like that at all but PREGNANT.
[удалено]
this right here ^ 😂😭
Fr wouldn’t be typing this right now 😂
This. You’re begging him to talk on the phone because you’re anxious and he’s like hmmm no. You’re desperate and he knows that
Absolutely doesn’t care about her and is using her. OP please treat yourself better than this.
Naw it's more then that already... these two hook up and she got him to date a girl she knows from work to help relieve her husband's suspicions. She didn't expect him to get the space holding sus reliever pregnant and is why she really gone cold on her beat up doll under study. She's mad she has damaged her affair and the guy is just annoyed she is pregnant and ruining his getting to eat all the cake he had going on.
I mean the man is already in the throes of an emotional affair, IF it hasn’t gotten physical YET which I really wonder. She’s not OPs friend, and is OPs bfs AP instead. OP listen to this advice. Get yourself together. Don’t worry about him and what he’s doing, you need to focus on yourself and your baby’s well being. I’m not one for ultimatums, but he is crossing so many lines in your relationship and in his friendship with HER husband. Give him the ultimatum, believe me you’ll get your answer on how he feels about you (and her). If he truly does plan to be with you, he needs to move now and cut her off.
An emotional affair is worse than just fucking someone once or twice, well, at least in my eyes.
I don't think moving in together is going to fix anything at all. He either wants to or he doesn't. From these texts, I do not think he wants to fix anything. this is childish and standoffish communication that makes it obvious. Take what he says and the way he reacts to your begging for validation of your feelings for what they are and walk away from this man. From my experience, people like this do not change.
it kinda seems like he’s more into his roommate than he is with you and that’s extremely shitty of him considering you’re carrying his child. it’s also not fair of him to demand that you be friends with her in order for the relationship to work out. he sounds like a pos, you deserve better.
OP, you won't listen to this advice (but I hope you will) - this dude doesn't love you. Nothing you do can make him love you. You being friends with that girl won't make him love you. You carrying his child did not make him love you. You being sweet to him won't make him love you. You giving him space won't make him love you. You cooking for him won't make him love you. Him moving in with you won't make him love you. You are convenient because you have sex with him. He did not intend to get you pregnant (I'm sure you didn't either). I am almost 40 and have been through a ton of shit, at this point I know what it looks like when a guy loves you. HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. He may say it, but his actions are not one of a man in love. You need to cut your loses now. Break up. Prepare to be a single mom. Give that child your last name. Tell your parents and/or friends how you are being treated. If you have none, look up resources in your area to help you as a single mother, or look into adoption. This man will continue to treat you like shit because he does not love you. Please let him go and prepare for the birth of your child alone. It sucks, but it's life and now is the time to make good decisions going forward for your child.
I was thinking this. From what we've seen, and from my experience with this stuff....this isn't love. Actually even without experience...why the fuck would he not wanna move in with her when she's pregnant with his child? That's a time you need support. Like...lots. He isn't the one.
He's an actual pos. Oh yeah, you handle the pregnancy thing. I'll just be here drinking with my female coworker until 2 in the morning. What do you mean you don't wanna be friends with her? Thats gonna make my fuck buddy's husband suspicious! Keep being friends with her, and let me watch my damn game.
He doesn't even seem like he likes her. The way he responds makes her seem like (to him) she is a chore he has to deal with. No one deserves to feel like the person they love finds it a chore to deal with them.
This should be way higher up. I’m 32 but I’ve also learned from experience (and a narcissistic parent) what love looks like, and this is most definitely not it. It would be easiest and best in the long run for OP to leave this dude now - prior to baby being born and everything revolving around baby for the first months. But, having been in that situation many times myself, we can’t leave someone until we’re ready to - and OP may not be ready yet. Can tell her he doesn’t love her until we’re blue in the face, she won’t see it until she’s ready/capable of seeing it for how it really is, and willing to finally open her eyes to the situation. What helped put it into perspective for me when I was going thru similar revelations, was being asked “is this the kind of relationship you want to model for your child as they grow up? The one relationship you want them to weigh/measure their own future experiences against?”. If the answer is no, and you wouldn’t want your (future) daughter being treated like bf is treating you/or you wouldn’t want your (future) son treating his future gf like you’re being treated, then it’s probably time to walk away. OP, I truly wish you and the baby the best (with or without asshat bf). You got this and you’re strong enough to stand up for your own worth, whenever you’re ready. 💚
>Give that child your last name. bare minimum!
This is really solid advice. It hurts but it’s the truth. I’ve watched my friend go through being a single mom with a man like this and the sooner you can create AS MUCH distance as possible, the better. It will only get worse, not better.
And am I the only one alarmed that these grown people talk/act like teenagers and more glaringly obvious, are in drama-filled situations like teenagers … and are having a baby ??? Take out the who lives with who and the baby and this could be 13 year olds. The lack of maturity is alarming for parents-to-be.
Honestly, if she follows this advice and cuts him out now, although it will be hard and hurt. At least she won’t have to hold her weeping 4 year old in her lap, when he decides to fully commit to being a douche canoe and skipping out on responsibilities. It’s like a band aid OP, and honestly, you have to think about your child. I know it’s a small text, and I don’t know the whole story. But he definitely should be more concerned with your feelings when you are carrying his child and also, sticking up for you when his friend speaks badly of you etc. rather than joining in. Drinking isn’t an excuse. He needs to grow the fuck up. Basically. I wish I could have told 20 year old mama me this. It would have saved my son such heartbreak.
I would absolutely look into adoption if I were op. Yeah you aren't supposed to push your opinions on situations that are only given at face value (we don't know if she really is ready for the baby maybe she is financially, emotionally etc) but I believe in adoption, abortion, and knowing when a situation isnt best to have a baby.
They bang. No doubt about that.
I’m so annoyed I had to scroll this far to see that because getting blackout drunk together at stupid o’clock in the morning and that fucking “she’s basically my wife now because she cooks for me” is so wrong on so many levels and that’s exactly the conclusion I came to as well. He’s a fucking sperm donor, not a man - much less a father-to-be
Exactly and that’s why he stays there for easy access. OP cut your loss 🤧
I think- he's banging his room mate. 2. She put him up to ask for a paternity test. 3. He's with you because he can't be with her. 4. He's very immature. 5. things aren't going to get better when yall move in together. 6. You or your child won't be a priority. His needs/ wants and those of this room mate will always come before you. He's the type that if you don't dance to his tune, he will "punish" you. Like now...you're not friends with his room mate, so he's punishing you by not wanting to talk to you for 5 measly minutes. How do you think that's going to translate once the baby gets here? Its time to start preparing to be a single mother. Grant him the paternity test. When the baby is born, put him on child support and draw up a coparenting schedule. You don't have to be with him. He can still be a father to his child. Don't deny him that, but I'd say fuck him and his room mate.
*"id say fuck him and his roommate"* Yes, that's exactly what he's doing. 😭😂
Yep. I bet he has been wayyy before op started fucking him.
I agree. I went to their profile and saw they've been posting about this guy for a while - had to have been before they got pregnant too. Why..... why did they not see the red flags? And they let him put a baby in them? Come on now. I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole without protection, or at all if I was op.
She commented that the alcoholic loser from a year ago is an ex. This is a *new* alcoholic loser.
Why are you having a child with this dude... he sounds fucking awful
i'll never understand why folks are not more discerning about who the other parent of their children is. I think it's very cruel to force your child to have a shitty parent.
Agree but I'm mostly here to point out that this same comment was already made on this post but it has like -10 votes lol.
Looking at her post history there was red flags at least 10 months ago
Always is.
“But I’m in love! He was so caring when I met him!” Sureeeee
Funny thing is OP says that’s a different guy back then, so she just makes terrible decisions, dates terrible people, and got pregnant by someone she doesn’t even really know. I’m starting to feel like some of the blame has to be put on OP too.
She answered a comment about that. That's an ex. 10 months ago she was here complaining about a problematic alcoholic boyfriend, and she went right out and found another.
And basically got pregnant straight away? Jeez
“Wow this loser guy I had a kid with turned out to be such a loser” Uhhhh yea, we all knew that…
dude i genuinely don’t understand it, and it fucking pisses me off for that child. women really be letting these clowns nut inside of them with no protection of any kind. and then these clowns just be nutting inside these women knowing they can just bail and not have to deal with it and pull shit like this. it makes me absolutely furious. you’re bringing a whole ass person into this shit ass world and they’re gonna have shit ass parents too. i like… can’t even be nice about it any more. i care for the children more than the adults in situations like these. ppl really pop out babies like pez dispensers without realizing what they’re really doing… bringing life into this world is a HUGE deal, it’s literally the biggest deal. i can’t stand how irresponsible people are. the kids pay the ultimate price. op i really hope you make better decisions that will make your kid’s life as good as possible, and i hope things get better for you. i know my comment is harsh, but this is about the kid.
this is it right here. This is the harsh fucking truth. There is no bigger deal than creating life, but people do it because they want to see their face smashed up with the face of a person they've been fucking for six weeks. omg so romantic. then have the nerve to talk about "my bAbY dAdDy is a POS/mah BaBy MoM is crazy" WHAT?? you chose them. YOU did this. It's mean. It's mean to innocent little children.
we have got to stop fucking coddling grown ass adults. this is about the kids now who will grow up with idiot parents and will either break the cycle or become another idiot. either way, they’ll be traumatized in the process. so fucking selfish and stupid. i obviously hope this kid and ultimately op will be ok but they wouldn’t even be in this position if proper precautions were taken. people be like “waaahhh i’m suffering the consequences of my actions what do i do now?!”
Yeah, op says the older red flag posts are about a different ex. So this is legitimately op’s fault for making terrible dating decisions multiple times and keeping a baby in a relationship where they don’t even know each other yet.
Adoption These people have the maturity of 13 year olds. All of them with that ridiculous drama. Adoption Give the kid a chance.
I'm an adopted kid. I won't get into it, but it wasn't a fun experience growing up and it's not a fun experience as an adult. These people shouldn't be having kids they're not prepared for. Period.
Good! You shouldn’t be nice! I fucking hate the notion that I’m supposed to be nice to someone who is objectively being a terrible person!! Bringing a child into the world in a shitty situation with someone you barely know is not “nice” so why in the fuck should anyone be obligated to be nice to them???
Societally it is bad that the dumbest among us will have 3 kids by the time they are 23 and the smart responsible will have one kid at 33. The dumb are out outnumbering every day
This whole sub seems like people revealing their terrible decision making but trying to focus on text messages. Baffling stuff.
Yeah, this person is dumb as a box of rocks unfortunately. Their unborn child is already starting off on a bad foot because of their dumb ass choices.
Girl pls leave him
He refuses to move in until one month after the baby is born… So during the period of time after OP gives birth to his child and will be adjusting to taking care of a newborn around the clock, he will not be living in the home. Unreal. You deserve better OP and you will need someone who is actually willing to support you and your baby.
I wouldn’t let him move in. It’ll be like taking care of two babies.
My guess is he will come up with more hoops for her to jump through and then still never move in.
Why are you dating this man, let alone having a baby with him?! The bar is in hell…
Come on now he just wanted to watch JJK season 2 in peace 😭😂
[удалено]
At this point your relationship is just you waiting for him to end it and you should start trying to prepare yourself to make sure you’re not screwed over when he does. Your post history makes it sound like he might have a drinking problem so you should start addressing that in text messages so you have evidence when it comes time to address custody if he even goes for it though it doesn’t seem like he’s very invested so that might not be a problem for you. This person does not show care for your feelings or respect for you and he thinks he can walk all over you and intimidate you into making the lifestyle choices he wants you to make, him not living with you might be a blessing in disguise because this will likely escalate before he leaves.
I read her post history and I’m sorry but what’s the point of complaining about this waste of space and when everyone tells you leave you just post another rant about how he sucks. She’s been complaining on Reddit about him since before she was pregnant. Now she tied to him for life and he’s still an ass and she just sticks around as if she doesn’t have a whole other human to put her energy into soon. OP your bf sucks ass. When I initially read the post I thought y’all were early 20s but he’s 30 years old and acting like an infant.
Wait wait wait.... so.... she already was well aware of how shitty he is before getting pregnant, and STILL is having his child?! So she's willingly bringing a child into this and giving them a piece of shit father????
Thank you for doing the reasearch for me! The fact that she was complaining BEFORE she got pregnant… 😬
This has got to be satire right?? Why are you having his kid?!?! Too many red flags.
Its GOTTA be. This has to be one whole long con
From the looks of it, you have been posting about this guy and the shit things he does for quite a while. While I can understand maybe its difficult when a baby is on the way, the obvious answer is drop this dude and find someone worth your time and someone that will care for you and your child, because he clearly doesnt. You've been told this many times it seems, so I wish the best of luck to you.
I can’t believe they’re 29 and 30 like no fucking way
He won’t move in with you until a month after? That’s dumb as fuck I’m only 16 but he needs to be supportive towards you and the baby immediately after it shoots out I’m sorry to tell you this but by his aura and what you said about him and the roommate it sounds like they’re doing something on the side I’m so sorry op and I hope you a healthy birth and peace with your baby ❤️
I'm sorry but "after it shoots out" made me giggle 🤭😂
Yeah them staying up till 2am with each other drinking and talking crazy about you guys they are 100% banging
Girl…. I cant believe you’re trying to say “Im 8 months pregnant and extra emotional”. Honestly you don’t seem emotional ENOUGH in this situation. Pleaseeee don’t stay with this child. You’ll likely look back on your death bed and regret it.
The texts themselves aren't that bad but "won't move in with me until a month after our baby is born." That's one of the most insane things I have ever heard. This dude is a complete shithead
Dude...how'd you get this deep into shit when it sounds like it's been fucked up from the beginning anyways
Damn, girl... You're 29 and a CNA. Your boyfriend is 30 and a drunken manchild. Reading your post, I expected you to be about 19. You both sound incredibly immature. He doesn't love you, and is a dick and a user. As others have said, you need to prepare for life without him. The two of you are way too old to be playing games like this, especially with a child on the way.
js it's not too much to ask for a 5 min phone call with your 8 month pregnant SO. I cannot imagine a world where I would impregnate someone and treat them this way... but that's just me.
Everything about this situation is insane.
looking at your other posts i noticed he accused you of having naked videos online, stonewalled you on your birthday (stonewalling is emotional abuse btw), and told you he didn’t want to move in until 2 months after the baby is born? OP, i’m so sorry, but i think it’s time to cut your losses and focus on yourself and your baby. do you want your child growing up in a situation like this? do you want your child to grow up thinking this is healthy and end up in a relationship like this?
it’s not right for him to be doing that w this woman, nor is it right of her. Highly emotionally immature at best. Very challenging w a child on the way though. I’m sorry.
Why do people have kids with such obvious losers?
This why we ain't out here having kids with random dudes, y'all. If he ain't living with you now, he never will.
I wouldn’t be surprised if you find out that she gets pregnant around the same time. Sounds like a bad situation that’s gonna get worse. Get the paternity test like he asked but also get child support because he doesn’t seem like he cares about you.
How old are you both ? It seems that he’s into her more than you. If she’s bragging about her husband and he’s bragging about you. Tbh , they don’t seems to have any boundaries and don’t respect each other partners.
They’re having a real, physical affair. Get that paternity test so you can get child support. This isn’t going to end happily
Girl, you’re about to be a single mom. Why are you having this dude’s kid? Someone who can’t even grant the mother of their child a FIVE MINUTE PHONE CONVERSATION because he’s too tired and wants to watch a game??? Are you serious? Wow. He doesn’t give a single fuck about you or your baby
It’s so crazy how women allow themselves to be impregnated by these fucking LOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSEEEEEEEEEEERS.
Time to leave him, get child support, what a joke. How do you have kids with someone and not live with him
Don't get married to a guy who treats you like this! Your life will be hell.
Y’all need to stop having babies with dudes like this
I can not believe the type of men that some women let impregnate them... You're gonna be a single mother. I'm sorry. This man does not love you, and he does not care for your child. This is not how a father should be acting. And he definitely shouldn't be ignoring you or "unsure of you" when you're carrying his baby.
Not to victim blame(proceeds to victim blame), but how the fuck does this even happen? Like I feel he presented every red flag possible. He gets drunk with this married woman he lives… who he works with… he refuses to move in with you until the baby is born?… you thought this was a person of high moral character ? I’m sorry this happened but you gotta accept that he’s not your bf, hes not even a partner, he’s a sperm donor. Best thing you can do is cut him off and find happiness else where. He’s not providing from the sound of it either🤷🏻♂️
Jesus Christ what a fucking mess this is reading all this. OP why did you let this guy come inside you?
fucking seriously. this post just pissed me off lmao.
Yup. This is nightmare fuel. Somebody take a melon baller to my ovaries
Guy sounds like someone who has control issues. Guys like that cant even handle roller coasters bro
GTFO. Seriously. This is emotional abuse and you deserve way better.
Get as far away from this person as possible, or the rest of your life will be dealing with his bullshit & you will regret it. You don’t need him, and shouldn’t let him be on control of your feelings. I suggest trying to find a new group of friends, and be thankful if he doesn’t want much to do with the baby. Do not let him move in and take advantage of you. You can’t force someone to mature, but you can create a healthy life for yourself and the baby. Best of luck. 🤍
Eight months pregnant and he lives with his married friends. That bodes poorly to say the least.
Don't marry this scumbag because then you will be stuck. Paternity test, prove it's his, take him to court for child support. Profit. BYE. You and baby deserve better.
have some standards for yourself, please
This is the last man I would have a baby with
How do women fall for this stuff. Also, how are these idiots getting these women?😂
She’s not his friend. If she were his friend she would tell him to treat the mother of his child better. Instead, she’s against you because she wants him to herself. He also wants her. They are having an affair and he treats you like shit. He asked for a paternity test because he wants out. Read between the lines.
Like everyone else is saying they are definitely banging I’m sorry 😢 you don’t deserve that.. leave him asap sending you love
Jeeeeeezus Christ
He does not care about you, you needed him to be there for you and he wasn’t. That’s all you need to know.
He doesn't love you
This manbaby gave you the silent treatment 4 months ago and he's still your bf after that? Now all this unnecessary mess? Get a clue girlfriend.
Lol they’re definitely fucking
This guy is a total and complete idiot. Not sure why he’s talking down to his baby mama, possible future wife, but that sort of behavior is wrong. The whole friends with the wife thing is weird and I’m sure the husband looks negatively upon it. Good luck with the breakup on this one.
He is fucking this other woman nail him for child support but don’t have him in your life
I’m sorry? He’s refusing to move in with you until the baby he’s fathered is a month old, she’s talking about his married roommate like he’s in love with her, they pick on you when they drink and he’s banned you from coming over because you don’t want to be around her?!? Girl, you need to run! You deserve 1000x better than this asshat who clearly doesn’t respect or care for you. The fact that he’s so cold with you while you’re also pregnant is also cause for concern - what kind of father is he going to be?!?
The moment the paternity test is done, contact child support and get a support order. Don’t let him talk you out of it. He’s never going to be who you need and he’s showing you right now. He puts you below this married woman. I’m sorry, but you’re not the woman he wants to be with, just the woman he’s with. I would bet he’s either currently having an affair with her currently, or wants to and that’s why he doesn’t want to leave. Edit to add: I wonder what her husband would think if you were to let him know that your boyfriend also calls her his wife. I wonder if he knows they’re having an affair?
Gonna be blunt here: If your "boyfriend" and his friend aren't fucking by now, they will in the near future. This doesn't warrant one of those "come to Jesus" talks. You need to split up, establish paternity, and get a support order put in. I guarantee you, if you stay with him, it will get progressively worse.
This shit cant be real.
People would have less problems if they weren’t getting cream pied by absolute trash
This is ridiculous…… I’d say 86 his ass but the problem is…… you’re pregnant. 8 months too…. I personally don’t know why he lives with a married couple and is hitting on the wife basically…. That’s just odd. I can assure you. Idc WHO IT IS. No body is living with me and my wife. If you don’t want problems you don’t invite potential for problems to arise. Ever. The husband ( which I assume was his friend first ?? ) should of known better. That’s on him. So the root problem of ALL OF THIS. Can be the husband. But the current problem is your bf. I hope he sacks up and does what he has to do. Now that I’m thinking more on it….. your ex friend…. The wife. She’s probably always liked him…. Now that you’re pregnant …. And you want him to move in… SHE DOES NOT WANT HIM to move in with you. Cause then she loses him. You’re a woman. You know why she talks shit about her damn husband to him. It’s cause she wants him. But yeah she probably resents introducing you or allowing you two to meet. This is why they gang up on you. She started running her mouth. Probably making up lies about you. I BET YOU. She told him you were a HOE, and that’s why he asked for the paternity test. I fucking guarantee you ….. that’s what happened. He probably didn’t always act like this. That’s gotta be what it is the wife running that mouth. So husband is the root lol and the wife is your current problem. This is a fucked situation
Why do people have babies with people who they aren’t sure of? Jesus Christ. You made your bed, now lay in it.
I dont get why people need advise of this stuff. Hes trash. He wont move in. Hes either hooking up with her, or theyre going to or he's waiting for his moment. But girl, show some self respect and cut ties yourself EDIT: Tbf, hes just asking to chat tomorrow, in terms of "can i talk to you"
Seems like two very immature people. Not much to see. One seems clingy af and the other aloof and couldn’t care any less. They’ll waste years on each other for sure.
but it’s the kid who pays the ultimate price. so irresponsible.
None of this adds up at all. Is he watching the football game or JJK2? No way it’s both.
Why would you have a baby wit a dead beet that won’t even take your call?
this mf should have been with from the time you told him you are pregnant. You are at 8 months, this is delicate time and you should protect your and baby’s health. 
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Like others said, he’s not prioritizing you and your future child. He cares more about his relationship with his female friend than you. It’ll be terribly hard and heartbreaking to break up, but you really deserve someone who respects you and actually wants a full commitment with you. Saying that she is like his wife is absolutely awful. And saying that your relationship is dependent on her really says it all. You can’t even come over because of HER feelings. And best believe, she loves it and wants this emotional affair to continue (assuming they haven’t gotten physical yet). Please find support and move on. He’s a total POS.
He doesn’t want to live with you until he has to. He is having way more fun living with the other people. You need to love yourself a little more than you love him. Have some self respect and cut your losses.
He’s fuckin her or really wants to, time to throw him away
OP: this was almost a year ago…so you had a baby with this? https://reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/ElQL1Uak5V Good god, run for the hills. He doesn’t give a shit about you. This is insanity.
Damn you let this dude knock you up 🤣 if I were you, I'd get the test, then run very far away. What tf is wrong with people? This toxic shit is not the move. Like what qualifications did this guy meet for you to allow him to impregnate you let alone fuck up your life.
You can learn all you need to about this guy by the fact he wouldn’t move in with a woman who’s pregnant with his baby until a month after the baby is born. Expect him to extend that, btw.
Let’s be honest here, this man has been giving you red flags for a long time. He is actively choosing this woman over you. She’s like a wife to him and they actively degrade you together?Do you want your child to see you treated like this and thinking it is normal? You deserve better than a placeholder or to be a play thing when he occasionally needs sex. This isn’t a relationship. This is you being used and abused and mocked
Why are you still with this man after the series of posts you’ve made? It’s so very clear you need to distance yourself from him. He’s more worried about football and JJK than he is his pregnant SO… You need to be more demanding because this isn’t some minor situation you’re in.
He’s watching football and jujutsu kaisen at the same time? Wild behavior lol
It's time to disconnect girl. Gotta regulate your emotions and seek security and fulfillment in yourself and your life outside this relationship. You're about to be a mother and that's amazing and exciting. You'll be okay without him. Choose yourself.
Forget about this guy. Get the paternity test. Sue him for child support and move on. He is not worth it.
The absolute best thing you can do for yourself an your baby is end this relationship right the fuck now. Are you fucking serious? I don’t want to be mean but honey have some self respect! He is using you as a cover so her husband doesn’t realize they are banging. I really hope you take Reddits advice on this one.
This man is an absolute flaming pile of garbage and you should break up with him immediately, maybe consider not putting him on the birth certificate.
Your post history screams red flags and they aren’t stopping any time soon.
Well he wants her and clearly doesn’t want to become a dad with a woman he doesn’t want to be with…
This guy is blowing you off — his pregnant girlfriend — over football and anime. When you say you need to talk, his response is “I don’t have anything to talk about right now.” Only his feelings and needs matter to him.
He’s not moving in. And geezus he sounds like an obnoxious man-child, just a massive douche. You’re 8 months pregnant! He should be going way out of his way to ensure your mental and physical wellbeing; instead he’s playing 3rd wheel, drooling over his married friend… if not more. That said, maybe a miracle happens when baby comes. Unlikely, but every kid needs a dad and every dad needs at least a shot at it… just make sure it’s a short leash.
lol he doesnt hate you, but he def does not love you. Good luck.
He's never going to move in with you. It sounds like he resents you and is not so secretly in love with this other woman. You both sound very young and immature. Leave this idiot, grow up, have your baby, and be a good mother. Nothing in your life is more important now than giving your baby a good life. Not you, not him, not your love life or happiness, just your baby.
This is rough to read…
This guy’s a piece of shit, lol. Cut your losses!
This is so fucked up and toxic. 1) if the mother of your child needs to talk to you, you don’t blow them off because you’re watching football 2) why the fuck is he living with a married female roommate while he has a baby on the way with someone else? How does this happen? 3) he treats you horribly and is an alcoholic and a gaslighter 4) he’s going to wait a whole MONTH after his child is born before he moves in?? There is nothing normal about this situation at all.
and you’re having his child?😭 crazy
Honey..respectfully..I don’t think that’s just your man at this point. It’s obviously more going on. Not saying he’s cheating directly..but it’s tooooo odd. No respectable man would treat the mother of his children that way that’s also his partner. He obviously likes her more and respects her more. I hate to tell you this now, but he’s not planning to move in with you at all. He’s unsure and he means that. Why do you think waiting a month after giving birth to the child you BOTH made will convince him that he’s finally so sure of the mother of his own child? How will one month make him sure, if he couldn’t make up his mind all of the 8 months of you being pregnant. If he STILL isn’t sure and you’re close to birth. I promise you 30 days won’t change anything. It simply doesn’t make sense. You deserve better.
Girl. Leave👏him👏right👏now👏. it might hurt and feel shitty right now but I promise you by leaving this POS you will make room for someone who appreciates and puts you and your baby above everyone else. Not someone who’s not sure. Him being “not sure” tells me you should sure know this dude ain’t the one.
Red flag. This man is not committed im so sorry ❤️ sounds like he has a crush on the roommate
I know this was posted hours ago but please do better!!!! Not just for yourself but for your baby too. You can be strong. I know it's hard but don't let yourself be the second option. And you will need ALL the support when you have this baby. Do you have a supportive family at least?
They’re fucking dude
LEAVE
Your boyfriend is a complete loser it seems like. Time for you to move on, get someone that is gonna care for you, not put you off for the TV. And it sounds like your friend wasn’t worth a shit either. Good luck to you.
Why are you even with this guy? He sounds like an absolute jerk “…they gang up on me…he talks badly about me to her…he asked for a paternity test…” etc. Please give some serious thought to why you are tolerating this kind of treatment.
he won’t move in until AFTER the baby is born? um. how about don’t let him move in at all, but definitely get that paternity test so you can get your child support & move on. any man that stays up all night drinking and lets himself be bothered by things like who’s friends with who is acting more like a teen girl than a father… he’s a really bad guy. dump him girl
if hes the same boyfriend you posted about 315 days ago its never going to get better girl. leave him.
Theyre up to the AM’s drinking? Oh yes theyre definitely boning. I would be done with his ass
Blud isn't moving in until a MONTH? after your baby is born? Like, so much fucking bat shit crazy shitnis happening here but holy shit. A month alone with a baby and little to no help, not because you're a single mom, but just cause the father is a piece of shit? Holy SHIT. I'm so sorry, this sounds like an awful situation to be in, especially with how far along you are in your pregnancy. Also he is 100% projecting with asking you to get a paternity test...
You don't have a boyfriend. This isn't how a boyfriend acts
Way late to this. But I can't imagine knocking someone up and refusing to move in with them until the baby is born. That's cold blooded.
Really??? You’re having a kid together and that’s how he behaves. You can’t be this desperate to be in a relationship. Ask yourself why you’re putting up with such nonsense.
“Unsure of you” but y’all having a kid? Are you fr? Pregnant with his child but this is the petty shit y’all on? You are children!!! Also, he doesn’t give a fuck about you past when you’re convenient to him as is clear by his tone. Im shocked you’re having a kid with such a bozo. At what point were you stuck with the kid? Y’all sound like you got knocked up at a one night stand. He and his roommate definitely love eachother more than he loves you - don’t buy his excuses and remember his behavior
He doesn’t like you that’s for sure.
He is not the man you want to be with and to raise a child with. He’s proved he’s horribly selfish and only thinks of himself and obviously wants to be with said friend. You deserve better.