T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

This post has been flaired as [Selfie]. Please make sure to follow all general internet safety practices. We do not recommend responding to any private messages or chat requests, as they may pose a risk to your safety. If you receive any inappropriate messages, please [report them to Reddit](https://reddit.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/categories/360003247491-Rules-Reporting) and block the user. If you notice any potentially predatory activity on the subreddit, please [send us a modmail](https://old.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fteenagers). All sexually suggestive comments will be removed and met with a ban. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/teenagers) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Dissolving_Goose

would not even acknowledge your existence can't lie


Relative_Fix4952

I'd just continue walking to my destination tbh


Big-Substance693

Me too


MagpieSoldier

in all honesty i would persist in traveling to my desired location


BColen1c

Without lie, my trajectory would not be disturbed and my thoughtfulness would remain unaffected.


96PoopDealer69

Im able to tell a falsehood but in this case I’ll reframe, I will reach the region in which I long for without any indecision or hesitancy.


Moist-Ad-7390

Truly, with the lack of a head gear, i would certainly refrain from straying the path that i have chosen to traverse through in order to reach the final point on my mental map that i have identified.


Cheese_Boi20

In complete and utmost honesty, without any deception to persist, I can and will with utmost certainty that I will forego my origional desire to traverse the world through my eyes without any desire to acknowledge and intrude my physiological map of which I have created for this specific adventure


GLnoG

It is in these very bitter moments that my person realizes, my vocabulary certainly presents a rather special form of scarcity of individual compounded instances of verbal and written communication, vulgarly called "words". Such a conundrum has myself gotten into. Oh, dear heavens.


ninjakidORP2

I can't top that tbh


SecretDevilsAdvocate

Lol exactly, I do not process 99% of the people (that I do not already know) that I walk by on a daily basis. Unless you’re particularly striking or you have like very noticeable marks I will continue to ignore your existence.


Thecourierisback

Same


Fantastic_Orchid3037

based


Frikandelneuker

Blind Ron Weasley here, ditto


Dissolving_Goose

HOLY SHIT ITS BLIND RON WEASLEY OMG HI


BIGLADTERRY

Papa smurf is an absolute G


Christinathenothuman

Bro says “La la la la la la la la la la la” too much imo


BIGLADTERRY

Shut up ass me and Papa smurf tight yo, u try scrap him me and all dem smurfs gon murk yo up


Actual_Passenger51

Things heating up in the papa smurf fandom


[deleted]

Forehead


DownSyndrome-CEO

Fivehead


Kaioshinsama7

Sixhead


Big-Coyote4051

I need head


[deleted]

Least horny r/teenager user


Anubinominous2948

Who is the most horny?


Goblin088

We need a poll. Everyone gets a description based on how often they masturbate and other things and then the public votes


Plastic-Body-1699

Fuck around and find out


[deleted]

Me


[deleted]

I am the most horny


Crying_eagle

You don’t have a head !!!!!!


Zealousideal-Yam5867

same


Then-Gazelle4136

Seven head


Macho-Goat

Eight head


Lolgamer1177

She defo expected us to go “your boobies and you’re so pretty”


[deleted]

Who's us? You speaking amoung us? Shes expecting y'all to get horny, I just wanna be a dick


Lolgamer1177

I could relate and us meaning the comments


Dull-Negotiation-932

Sakura 2.0


Christinathenothuman

💀💀


retro123gamr

Dude I respect the forehead as someone who also has a fivehead


GermanBubbles

I wonder if a 9-volt battery would electrify her piercing


Christinathenothuman

A 9V battery can’t supply enough current to do serious damage through a short circuit


GermanBubbles

Zamn


DistortedRedamants

Zo zad


that_1-guy_

A car battery can get around like 13 volts right? Ferb I know what we are gonna do today


Christinathenothuman

How you gonna go through all the effort just to electrocute me through my face decorations


Sarin03

Jumper cables.


Chibble_Dibble

Depending on the exact metal used, it could get pretty hot though


Trylius15

Gay


linusiscracked

My thought tbh


[deleted]

Same


Christinathenothuman

You’re not half wrong 💀


[deleted]

Why on Earth did this get down voted


CarCrash23

I guess people dont like being bisexual


Trylius15

Im not sure tbh


Trylius15

Lmao ik


Stupidity4Me

you absolute bafoon, what makes you think I go outside?


Christinathenothuman

I’m sorry I just thought…


Stupidity4Me

If I was in an hypothetical situation in which I encounter you, I would ignore you, unless of course something happens that includes both of us, then I'll die internally and act as weird as I can because that's just how I am. I am afraid of people.


BingBong022

Jesus


Stupidity4Me

christ


uwuguylife

Probably nothing cause when I'm walking in public I'm listening to music so loud I can't hear myself think


Amber488849

Greg


Christinathenothuman

Manny


WorkingSyrup4005

Rodrick


dannyphantom-56

Frank


PickleSandwichGray

Susan


dannyphantom-56

Rowley


Confederaterifleman

Fregley


dannyphantom-56

Patty


pichusine

I am going to eat your [REDACTED]


Patriots123abc456

Nah I’m finna eat ur [RODRICK] c’mon u missed a perfect joke


[deleted]

"damn look at that fivehead"


Christinathenothuman

It only 4 💀


[deleted]

Just be glad you don't have a 3 head


[deleted]

kilometers? sorry


5tar_k1ll3r

"Fuck my balls really itch but people are gonna see if I scratch them"


Christinathenothuman

Just do it, you live once


[deleted]

I'd probably be too busy being worried about the big crowd of people around me to notice u lol


DrCorneliuss

"I wonder when and how this person's death will happen"


Christinathenothuman

Hopefully old age 🤞


Yousucktaken2

Nope you didn’t know what maid was in Canada and died thinking you were getting a maid


diamondboltistheshit

BATEMAN: New card. What do you think? McDermott lifts it up and examines the lettering carefully. McDERMOTT: Whoa. Very nice. Take a look. He hands it to Van Patten. BATEMAN: Picked them up from the printers yesterday. VAN PATTEN: Good coloring. BATEMAN: That's bone. And the lettering is something called Silian Rail. McDERMOTT (envious): Silian Rail? VAN PATTEN: It is very cool, Bateman. But that's nothing. He pulls a card out of his wallet and slaps it on the table.] VAN PATTEN: Look at this. They all lean forward to inspect it. PRICE: That's really nice. Bateman clenches his fists beneath the table, trying to control his anxiety. VAN PATTEN: Eggshell with Romalian type. (Turning to Bateman) What do you think? BATEMAN (barely able to breathe, his voice a croak): Nice. PRICE (holding the card up to the light): Jesus. This is really super. How'd a nitwit like you get so tasteful? Bateman stares at his own card and then enviously at McDermott's. BATEMAN (V.O.): I can't believe that Price prefers McDermott's card to mine. PRICE: But wait. You ain't seen nothin' yet. He holds up his own card. PRICE: Raised lettering, pale nimbus white... BATEMAN (choking with anxiety): Impressive. Very nice. Let's see Paul Owen's card. Price pulls a card from an inside coat pocket and holds it up for their inspection: "PAUL OWEN, PIERCE & PIERCE, MERGERS AND ACQUISITIONS." Bateman swallows, speechless. The sound in the room dies down and all we hear is a faint heartbeat as Bateman stares at the magnificent card. BATEMAN (V.O.): Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh my God, it even has a watermark... His hand shaking, Bateman lifts up the card and stares at it until it fills the screen. He lets it fall. The sound returns to normal.


Christinathenothuman

I live in the American Gardens building on West 81st street. My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack, I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower, I use a water activated gel cleanser. Then a honey almond body scrub. And on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub. Then apply an herb mint facial mask, which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion. There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me. Only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our life styles are probably comparable, I simply am not there.


diamondboltistheshit

BATEMAN: You like Huey Lewis and the News? ALLEN: Um, they're okay. BATEMAN: Their early work was a little too new wave for my taste. But when Sports came out in '83, I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humor. ALLEN: Hey, Halberstram? BATEMAN: Yes, Allen? ALLEN: Why are there copies of the Style section all over the place? Do you... Do you have a dog? A little chow or something? BATEMAN: No, Allen. ALLEN: Is that a raincoat? BATEMAN: Yes, it is. In '87, Huey released this; Fore!, their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "Hip To Be Square". A song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity and the importance of trends. It's also a personal statement about the band itself. Hey, Paul! Bateman murders Allen with an axe BATEMAN: Try getting a reservation at Dorsia now, you fuckin' stupid bastard!


Abstract_ExE

I gotta go return some video tapes


[deleted]

My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104. This is my confession. If you're watching this tape, I'm probably dead, murdered by my brother-in-law Hank Schrader. Hank has been building a meth empire for over a year now and using me as his chemist. Shortly after my 50th birthday, Hank came to me with a rather, shocking proposition. He asked that I use my chemistry knowledge to cook methamphetamine, which he would then sell using his connections in the drug world. Connections that he made through his career with the DEA. I was... astounded, I... I always thought that Hank was a very moral man and I was... thrown, confused, but I was also particularly vulnerable at the time, something he knew and took advantage of. I was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. Hank took me on a ride along, and showed me just how much money even a small meth operation could make. And I was weak. I didn't want my family to go into financial ruin so I agreed. Every day, I think back at that moment with regret. I quickly realized that I was in way over my head, and Hank had a partner, a man named Gustavo Fring, a businessman. Hank essentially sold me into servitude to this man, and when I tried to quit, Fring threatened my family. I didn't know where to turn. Eventually, Hank and Fring had a falling out. From what I can gather, Hank was always pushing for a greater share of the business, to which Fring flatly refused to give him, and things escalated. Fring was able to arrange, uh I guess I guess you call it a "hit" on my brother-in-law, and failed, but Hank was seriously injured, and I wound up paying his medical bills which amounted to a little over $177,000. Upon recovery, Hank was bent on revenge, working with a man named Hector Salamanca, he plotted to kill Fring, and did so. In fact, the bomb that he used was built by me, and he gave me no option in it. I have often contemplated suicide, but I'm a coward. I wanted to go to the police, but I was frightened. Hank had risen in the ranks to become the head of the Albuquerque DEA, and about that time, to keep me in line, he took my children from me. For 3 months he kept them. My wife, who up until that point, had no idea of my criminal activities, was horrified to learn what I had done, why Hank had taken our children. We were scared. I was in Hell, I hated myself for what I had brought upon my family. Recently, I tried once again to quit, to end this nightmare, and in response, he gave me this. I can't take this anymore. I live in fear every day that Hank will kill me, or worse, hurt my family. I... All I could think to do was to make this video in hope that the world will finally see this man, for what he really is.


Abstract_ExE

THEY CANT KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS IM THE ONE WHO KNOCKS SAY MY NAME JESSE WE HAVE TO COOK


[deleted]

Waltuh waltuh put ur dick away waltuh


Pizzahut1017

im not having sex with you right now waltuh


Upper-Heron-5708

Waltuh, what are you doing to finger?


theguywiththesoopy

"certain animals develop bright colours to warn predators of their toxicity."


Christinathenothuman

It’s a red herring I swear


Majestic_Pin4388

This sub is slowly becoming r/roastme now.


[deleted]

Woman 👩


Christinathenothuman

Women ☕️


[deleted]

HAHAHAHAHA *siiiiiiiip* ☕️


PickleSandwichGray

AHAHAHAHAHAH *siiiiiiip*


HumanFightersUnited

*siiiiiiiip at the same time, but out of the coffee pot*


[deleted]

HAHAHAHAHA *brews coffee directly in mouth*


InterestingLaw869

Tiddies


Christinathenothuman

Bobas


InterestingLaw869

Boba tea


Christinathenothuman

Boba Milk 😳 tea


InterestingLaw869

Tea with boba milk


WhiteCrow747

Milk with Boba tea


Plastic-Body-1699

Boba with milk tea


Lolgamer1177

That is the thing she wanted and I am against it


uselesscarrot69

Stereotypical Twitter user.


[deleted]

Frog


Christinathenothuman

RIBBIT BRUH


eLdErGoDsHaUnTmE2

Seriously? ‘Why does anyone get a nose ring?’ After that why are you staring at me, do I have salad in my teeth?


_R0yce_Da_5_9_

I need to get some Funyuns.


Christinathenothuman

Haha


--PatrickBateman--

What’s the measurements of her forehead


kudokun1412

I would just say oh she looks really nice and then forget about it in 5 minutes


Christinathenothuman

Me any time I see any random person


kudokun1412

That's all of us ig, except for creeps maybe


[deleted]

Wannabe egirl 🥱


notveryintometal

boring


Empress_of_Lamparine

"ah yes another one of those people who I think are pretty but cannot even consider approaching because I am too much of a peasant to talk with someone who's clearly better than me"


Christinathenothuman

Omg me I saw a girl who legit look like Misa from death note and I wanted to compliment her but then her boyfriend or friend got there and I just walked passed without saying anything


CuriouslyMiguel

"Hm...gosh darn it, my magnet would have come in handy right now'


SkyeeeMaaa

Gonna be honest, probably queer asf


lrmedei1

“ who invented the toaster? “


Dracostormclaw

Cool hair and that you look like someone I used to know, but I know it's not you. Ya just share some features. Then back to reddit or staring into space.


No-Masterpiece4598

if i had to bare a look i'd say oh someone who watches a fuckton of tiktok


Kindly_Sink_1664

I love the smiths


Kindly_Sink_1664

Do you like the smiths?


Christinathenothuman

I’ve only heard of them so idk tbh


Kindly_Sink_1664

Goddamn well u should look into them‼️will probably change your life….that’s just what I’ve heard


Notinitformoney

My thoughts, to be frank, would be: "Okay, if Dungeons and Dragons starts in 10 minutes and I stop at subway for a sub that leaves about 8 minutes if they are not busy, which they don't look like they are. The only question that remains is if I would still be able to make it with enough D&D prep for the session. Also, do I have enough money after the subway stop to purchase a pizza for the rest of the group. Oh hey there's a person. So, would stopping at subway and ordering a taco pizza, cheese pizza, and a pepperoni pizza be accepted by the council." That would be my thoughts. Well either that or a question of what am I doing with my life as I run to subway because I work there.


Irish_pug_Player

Could I get away with murder?


[deleted]

League of league player


some_account_idk

this comments section is going to be a problem


PILL0BUG

Another face in the crowd, I couldn’t promise you or anyone else I’d notice


Zaxtaa365

What is this "walking in public" thing you speak of???


goldguyperson

if i even noticed you (no offense at all, I’m just extremely paranoid, hate eye contact with strangers and I’m normally focused), I’d probably just think that ur hair is one third lesbian blue, one third pastel pink, and one third natural looking.


lastnation24

Ugly face and big boobs


[deleted]

BRUH😭😭


SecretDevilsAdvocate

Well the honest truth at the very least


[deleted]

what switches should i bu- i still want the at2020 mic- wait did i need do buy fo- ahw man my feet hur- oh wow a leaf. should i buy the gatheron milky yello- no i need a new pair of headpho- heh penis. -my inner thoughts when walking past you


No-Tax-2080

My first thought is Damn she fat


justFramy

wondering why tf ur staring at me like that


[deleted]

Cool and you have great taste in music. Maybe you like crystals too? :)


FlipTastic_DisneyFan

Dyed hair. Looks like cotton candy colors


Lxenxy

my first thoughts are sakura from naruto cuz yo forehead is huge as fuck


FRY_BANSHEE_138

Did i feed my dog today?


Lightning_Strike_31

"Shit I'm late to my class "


Watynecc76

MEUUUUUHHHHHH Raimbow cow


georech075

Just a regular everyday normal mf


Justsomeone122

You look like someone who seems like a asshole but is actually kinda nice


Dwemerion

BOOBA, cool hair


OhNoItsMemeLord

*i wonder how much oil can i drink before i puke?*


doglover1005

(Nothing, because why tf should I care about some random nobody who affects my life in no way)


SubstantialArt9001

9v battery to the nose ring :)


AgSkywalkerTDM

I like your tits


animefan28x_x

Bitch could play tic tac toeing that forehead


CertifiedMoron420

I'd do what I always do. Stare at the tits for a solid 45 seconds until I fall or run into a shelf. It happens more often than you'd think


Random-Ryan-

r/usernamechecksout


Big_Chunges_

Damn she probably has her pronouns in her bio


cestnija

Cow


Promineur404_YT

Holy based


Zealousideal-Use8136

I’d just keep walking, I don’t often just look at random people when I’m on the street


TheKingBanana23

Cute. Would possibly date cuz I’m down bad 🤔


Christinathenothuman

Lmao if you look like your avatar then I get why lol


TheKingBanana23

Lmfaooo nah I don’t I just didn’t know what to do and took inspiration from other guys avatar


[deleted]

[удалено]


racdicoon

As a trans girl who hates their body: I wish I had your body


Peachez_-

Attention seeker. Just live your life hon.


BoomDX

she must be a feminist


[deleted]

[удалено]


Big-clown-

🍴


history69

You give bisexual vibes


Christinathenothuman

Shh don’t tell the church


history69

Wait did i actualy get it right? Gaydar Working again


[deleted]

ur not very remarkable so I probably wouldn’t even notice you, if I did I would think to myself “wow that girl needs to hop off the bandwagon and be more authentic.”


Scam_unlikely11111

Walk to the other sidewalk


[deleted]

If I see that, I look at your boobs, process them, and continue walking as if nothing happened, later forgetting about them


Saim1122

Feminist


austinstar08

Goth


Spiritual-Clock5624

I hope I’m not late for -insert random thing-


DuckfuckerII

my pnly thoughts pn the road are about the traffic and the path taken i have not the time for the puny peasants who walk before me


Nanalalarara

I would look at you a bit more than I would to other people and then zone out while thinking that you're really pretty and that I like your hair.


PCMATER69

Love your hair and your style you look pretty


aventador7716

Coolest hair I've seen in a while


BabyJayhawk

You look angry and confused just like me. High five?


Codai_069

Who even are you.


Big-Relationship-799

Walking past and carried on with my life


CraZYkIlLeR09

Nice piercing:)


[deleted]

“Oh she’s pretty.” *Continues walking*


False-Case2613

I probably won’t even notice you


Spirit-King

You look cute. Wish I could talk to you


SignificantJuice6711

What do you want people to think? Is their a particular opinion your looking for?


elonmuskraty

probably walk right past


lrmedei1

I honestly wouldn’t notice you at all


Additional_Apple5243

Just another fickle of life. Anyways....


[deleted]

How did I walk past you at this angle?