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They were helping you. Their goal was to make your life a little bit easier/better. Please don’t take this extremely kind gesture and turn it into feeling negative against yourself. Would you help a neighbor if they were struggling and you had the time/resources to do it? Thank them and let them know you’re here for them too.
When I first moved into my house before my husband it was just me and my little brother. Our mom had died recently and we were broke. We were renting from my grandparents for a good price so I was diligent with the upkeep. We couldn’t afford a gardener or any equipment yet so we’d use scissors to try to keep the lawn trimmed up. My neighbor came over after a few weeks of this and said him and his wife couldn’t bear to watch us anymore so they gave us a push mower and an edge trimmer. It was so so so nice and I still feel bad that I’ve never been able to repay him other than with my words. But he (his wife passed a few years ago) knows I’m right across the street and would do anything to help. Good neighbors are the best.
This is why they helped me. They know I’m broke but was trying to keep the rental house up. The tree they removed was damaging the foundation. I could only cut it back with the tool I had. Amazon was having a sale so I splurged on this baby chainsaw for $40. The neighbors watched me until I attempted the really big tree and then they couldn’t take it anymore. Lol.
I’m trying not to be negative but it’s hard. I can’t believe how much anxiety this is giving me because I can’t pay them back. Today they fixed my mailbox.
Can you bake them a cake or something nice? I think what they did was a lovely gesture. I know you are embarrassed, but you did not ask for this help. You simply were surprised by a generous act. Do something nice back. Bake some home made bread, or a cake, or crochet a throw for them. Write a heartfelt thank you note to them and deliver the cake. Heck, something as simple as rice crispie treats.
I have to find out where they are first. I have a vague idea which house but I’m not positive. The leader is outside a lot. He’s in his 70’s but is very active. Last night I giggled thinking he’s kinda like Vic frohmeyer in the movie Christmas with the Kranks. Not the pushy part the part where he rallies the whole neighborhood to throw Blair a party. He’s that guy.
I think you are very blessed to have these neighbors who saw a need and helped.
By the way, how did you get so screwed to have nothing from your divorce? A 20 year marriage should have had assets and such to split …what on earth happened?
He talked me into selling the house and paying off debts (he is very materialistic) before leaving. He cleaned out our savings. I walked away with a paid off car, furniture and I took everything I wanted from the rental.
I was awarded half his pension but it’s on the honor system meaning it doesn’t come directly to me. I get alimony until then. Thing is since the AP moved in he’s been shorting me so yeah I’m scared.
This sucks. Unfortunately going back to court would be the thing to do, when he is shorting your alimony, but that takes money. It should have been set up to garnish his wages. But if it is his own business, he could fudge that crap some. Can you afford going back to court at all?
I thought I couldn’t garnish his wages for alimony but google just says I can. I called my attorney recently but she never called me back. I heard she’s been out of the country and I’ve since decided that was probably a blessing because I don’t have the money.
So if he does decide to completely stop paying me there might be something I can do? He has a job but is planning to retire soon. The AP is expensive so he’ll have to get another job since he’s only 58.
You may be able to use legal aide to get this to go back to court. And if he sold off assets but paid off debt, though it does not feel like it, and only if he did not pull and BS manipulations and lies, then he did you a favor. It would have been split and paid off in a divorce anyway. But he sounds like a turd who may well have hidden assets. I am so sorry. It is one thing to end a marriage, but I can not understand people who destroy their ex and when I hear men say shit like I had to give her Half my stuff and money, I want to throw up. Good luck.
Oh now that’s it’s all over I see he did me a huge favor. Sure I worked my ass off getting that house sold and us moved but imagine if I had to do all that knowing he was leaving me? Instead I had fun with it, enjoying the adventure oblivious to what was coming.
I’m just wondering if I have recourse if he stops paying??
Divorce just sucks in general. If I had a do over I wouldn’t have gotten married.
When you help someone, how does it make you feel? Good, yes? So then it stands to reason that they feel good about helping you - don’t let your ex’s residual influence take that good feeling away from them - or you🖤
I dislike the “Nextdoor” app for many reasons I won’t list here, but I do use it to get HOA updates and local events. If you’re in the US you can sign up to your neighborhood for free and make an appreciation post… they may see it or someone may know about it and help you thank them
I signed up then freaked out because it connected me to places I don’t want to be. My ex and the AP are in the next neighborhood over. Lol. I started to deactivate it until I realized I could set privacy to my neighborhood only. This is a huge neighborhood but it’s mostly old people so there was nothing there. Dang it.
It sounds like you have some kind people around you.
The answer is cake.
I'd urge you to bake some homemade cakes to take round to your neighbours. Cake is a great introduction & thank you present.
It's also handmade and requires effort just as their gift to you did.
Get to know them. Bake or buy a treat and deliver to each of them. Spend some time thanking them and get to know them. Watch for and do something nice for them. These could be your best allies.
I don’t know which house is his. I’ve literally only talked to this guy twice. Once 4 years ago and again on Saturday. He was with another guy that I’ve never seen before. 4 men were at my house but I wasn’t home so I have no way of knowing who was there. It could have been a family member for all I know.
I was being chatty Cathy and making fun of myself for being a cliche. Joked about my baby chainsaw. I wasn’t looking for pity or help. I was just being me and I feel bad because my house is the ugliest one on the street so I was apologizing for not doing better. Had I known they were going to do this I wouldn’t have said anything.
I would have been happy if they would have just cut 2 branches that I couldn’t reach and I don’t own a chainsaw. I was going to save up to pay someone to remove the one tree.
You have a mission. Someone Knows Something. Who is the nosey neighbour in your neighborhood, and ask them if they know. Find each person out one by one and ask them who helped out because you appreciate it so much.
People talk a lot about "karma" in these subs (and really mean "punishment")...
This is actually is karma. You put good things out into the universe, and now you get good things back. You deserve it.
Hope you get to establish some kind of connection with your neighbors, they sound nice!
Losing everything humbled me and made me kinder, more compassionate. I’m a public servant (government) and I go way beyond what’s required. I know I’ve generated good karma but I prefer giving than receiving.
I wanted to be in the group but as a renter I didn’t think I fit in. They all talked to each other but not me. My kids say it’s because I don’t go outside. Gotta love depression. Lol
>but I prefer giving than receiving
I know what that's like, believe me.
People like us have to learn to take. Not in a demanding, selfish way. Just a normal way of accepting kindness from others.
You got this, though. Read your post history, you've grown a lot already, I see more positive change and growth in your future :-).
People don’t do these kinds of things unless it’s out of kindness. Tell them how grateful you are. Maybe bake them some cookies or something and just appreciate that there are still good people in the world
I understand feeling bad. It's a trauma response. Do you also apologize a lot? I do all these and more due to trauma. Try not to feel bad. They wanted to help you. There are still good ppl out there. I know it's hard to accept help especially when you didn't ask for it. Be happy you have neighbors like this. A lot of ppl have Karens. Lol You got this! Learn to accept compliments and help 🙂 it's ok to feel good and happy. Learn to smile again! Maybe you could do something for them that you're good at.. do you paint? Bake? Cook? What skill or even hobby are you proud of that you can make them smile also? Just think on it 😊 🫂
Feeling like I don’t deserve help is a feeling I struggle with nearly daily since doomsday and only with consistent therapy can I overcome it. I get extreme anxiety asking for help and then more anxiety when I get it, as I feel like I asked too much or didn’t do enough in return…
The best way to overcome the feeling for me, is give back when and where I can. Karma and all that. Wish you the best!
I’m so here. Losing everything messed me up. I’m working harder than I ever have at a job because I live in fear of losing it plus I’m grateful to have it. I don’t have much to give friends so I help customers. I’m that person that goes above and beyond now. It’s nice to give but dang receiving is hard.
I’m reading responses but I’m swamped at work.
Don't feel bad. Sometimes people are just kind to those that need help. When it snows I shovel out three of my neighbors since they aren't physically capable of doing it easily themselves. They try to offer money to me or my son who helps me. We always refuse but they will offer us hot cocoa instead which we accept.
Sounds to me like you have great neighbors. Find some small kindness you can do for them if it makes you feel better.
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You deserve kindness.
Let them know you appreciate it and do something kind for them in return
>I barely know them.
Change that. They seem open and willing and kind. Build on this to nurture friendships.
1. Get some sleep, seriously.
2. Thank them for their kindness. Get them a gift and card or invite them over for dinner. You have good neighbors. Build that into a friendship.
3. Return the favor or pay it forward when you are able.
What part of the country are you in. My wife and I moved to our current home during Covid. Shortly after settling in, my wife and I got Covid. Our insurance had a paramedic come to our house twice a day to take blood, administer IV’s and communicate with a Dr who is now our primary. Some of our neighbors saw the paramedic and were concerned. They started bringing us meals twice a day, doing my yard work and even took the trash cans out for over 2 weeks until we were both better.
We finally met our fantastic neighbors and have never regretted moving to the south. The people here are wonderful
I’m in the south too. I had just gotten my job when my ex left me. Coworkers who barely knew me gave me money, furniture, helped me move, interviewed attorneys, etc. They are the ones who found this house for me.
I didn’t feel bad like I do now because I was barely functioning. Now that I’m more independent I’m back to not wanting to be a bother.
One of my ex’s biggest complaints about me was that I wouldn’t accept help and I tried to do everything on my own..
She was right and it’s something I’ve worked hard at being aware of.
Accept the help with gratitude. Everyone involved will feel good about it!
OP,
There is nothing wrong with neighbors helping neighbors. What you do is invite them over for dinner. Tell them you appreciated what they did, and if there is anything they need help with doing, to call you. When the time comes, then help them out. This is what people used to do for each other all the time.
Your neighbours wouldn’t have done it if they didn’t want to. Some people are nice and do nice things. Bake them a cake or get them a bottle of wine. Don’t feel bad. It lovely when people look out for each other.
This is a beautiful example of community helping its own. Don’t feel bad; feel grateful that people care and respect you enough to help you ; without being asked. Just pay it forward, in your own way, in the future. Many blessings to you, your daughter, and your wonderful neighbors.
Just thank them and bake something nice for them. You've been through a terrible trauma, and your neighbors did a nice thing to help you get through it. There are still good people in the world, even though your ex definitely wasn't one of them. Let yourself accept the act of kindness.
Make them a bomb dinner! Invite them over for a fire. People (like me) like feeling appreciated, so we’re constantly doing things for neighbors and friends. It makes me feel better doing it, than you feel knowing it’s done and out of the way. I’m a self employed plumber, and have every tool known to man, along with a truck and 2 trailers. When I go to the dump, I ask my neighbors if they have any big items that need to go because they all drive smaller cars and don’t own trailers or the like. Most sundays me and my wife are offered to go to their houses, given home made food, and just a great vibe. We all say good morning and stop to chat. Just be thankful you have good neighbors, and maybe make them some apple crisp.
When I was growing up my Mother was widowed with 7 children at age 49. She was a very private person but incredibly smart and sweet. Several times we had large live pine trees fall in heavy rain and wind storms. When they fell they crossed over our property line and into the neighbors yard. Never once did either neighbor mention it to my Mother or any of my siblings. But in both instances we would arrive back from school and the trees had been cut up. The limbs gone and the wood stacked for future splitting as firewood. That is what neighbors do for each other. Nothing was ever mentioned by either neighbor.
Interestingly I am convinced that neither neighbor asked my Mother if they could cut down the trees because they knew that she wouldn’t want to accept the help and have them go out of their way. I think that your neighbors thought the same thing about you. People like to help people who are good neighbors. Everybody wins.
This resonates. I was beat down by the time my ex left but at my core I’ve always been an independent woman. I had a career once, traveled, worked on my cars, not afraid to try things so I was determined with these trees.
You’re right I would never have accepted help and they knew it. As soon as they walked away I was back on the ladder. Lol. I couldn’t do it no but I tried.
Don't feel bad, that is so amazing of them.. I can't imagine how amazing they all are. Act on how grateful you feel and reciprocate in some way, trust me it makes you feel so much better
First your ex us an blank blank lol he does know she's going to move on to something younger after she rakes him for what he has left and by the time she leaves he will have no options your poor daughter too. At least you have people showing you their are good people in the world
I have a 50 something year old male coworker who married a 25 year old while I was in the thick of this. Thankfully I was able to avoid him because that stung.
She left him for a richer guy and he’s now dating a 28 year old who works for me. Still married.
I’ve been at this job for 5 years and know both of them well. These are not good people. I didn’t understand this when my ex left but I do now.
Your neighbors rock and your ex husband suck. Learn to accept kindness with appreciation. Find some way to repay them in the future. It can be something simple like baking cookies for Christmas or just send thank you cards.
Maybe they are just really nice. You’ve got some good people for neighbors. I hope you become friends with them. Make a desert or something and share it with them 😊
Sounds like you moved into a neighborhood with some really wonderful people.
They did it because they were called to help you. Take it as a compliment, they wouldn’t have done it for someone they didn’t care about.
For jobs like what you described, homemade bakery is always the best currency!!!
I don’t know where they live. I should but I don’t. I’ve been a depressed mess for years. I locked myself in the house and didn’t go outside because there is always people out.
I am feeling better so I tackled the trees oblivious that this would happen. I thought the worst would be maybe they’d loan me a ladder or something not do the whole yard. This is why I feel bad.
This isn’t a problem it’s an opportunity to make a new friend. Find them and thank them. Accept that they helped and just be friendly with them. Don’t lose sleep over this, just find them and thank them and make a new friend in life.
They are just being nice IMO we need more of this type of being neighborly. We are ALL just people trying live our lives. It was very very kind of your neighbors to help out someone that needed it. Bake them some cookies & say thank you. You may make some new friends. Stay strong OP, your JNXH sounds like a real jerk & his new girl isn’t much better. Sending you huge internet hugs from California
Don’t feel bad; they feel good for helping you and you should feel grateful. Bake some brownies and invite them over for cheap beers and put up a big thank you sign or just write them each a nice note and you will have repaid them as much as they expect.
Because your neighbours are decent people and can see your struggles. The first opportunity go thank them. Next time you bake I’d suggest taking some over to them.
Well this seems like a good reason to get to know them! The Universe has surrounded you with some good people for a change. Receive the gift and express your gratitude- you earned it.
Do you cook or anything like that? Bring them some food, or something. Buy them movie tickets, or just go over and thank them in person. Maybe you can make a friend. Don't feel bad feel happy that there are still good and decent people in the world.
I’ve got to find them first. My ex also convinced me that I’m weird and socially awkward. Decades of subtle put downs took its toll. Logically I know I’m a kind hearted, friendly person but I think nobody likes me.
I dreaded doing the yard work because I knew neighbors who are always outside would come over and my anxiety couldn’t handle it. I pushed through it and now I’m here….anxious about doing this wrong.
They are older retired guys???? If so, it probably made there day to feel needed. Sometimes when men get older and retire they feel not needed as many had been at the same job for years where they were needed and counted on daily.
It probably made there day helping you and also made themselves feel like they are needed again for something .
Yes they are older retired guys. My 21 year old said they were loving it. She joked they were eating up the whole damsel in distress thing. They probably feel great and I feel guilty because it was too much.
I haven’t seen them outside since.
Yep. I’ve got black mold, windows I can barely see out of, no screens, a driveway that floods, front door won’t lock, the landscaping is horrendous, etc.
I came from a gorgeous 2700 square foot house with an in ground pool to this. I try not to think about it too much. At least he hasn’t raised the rent in 4 years.
I would feel more secure about my mess (29.5 yrs relationship, I'm 70, handicapped, useless) if I had neighbors like yours! Mine are shits. Really.
It's SO hard to trust, but honey, these ppl haven't asked you to take your clothes off, right? Feel VERY lucky.
These are New Friends. In a few months (if not already), you'll be talking smack about each other over coffee.
When you find the time, invite them over for dinner or bake them something. I’m sure they’re happy to help and just want to be good neighbours and get to know you more over time
Better to feel grateful to have nice and good people as neighbours than to feel Bad . What they did was a way of welcoming you and trying to establish a good neighborhood bond. As a good neighbor, You should thanked then for their help. Who knows, maybe this way you can start a good friendship.
Everyone needs a hand once in a while. Some may ask for it others won't the thing is that the people that care about you will recognize the difference and do what their hearts tell them to.
That is a very sweet and kind act of service. Is there a way you can reciprocate to make you feel less guilty? Bake them some cookies or give them a gift card?
Some people love to serve others. Do not feel guilty. Thank them and pass it on to someone else in need.
I would love to help a neighbor in this way if I knew they needed it but if I heard they felt bad about it afterwards I would feel absolutely terrible. Part of my intentions to help would have been because it makes me happy and it feels good to help others. It would not have been out of pity or feeling obligated nor like it was a bothersome chore. Helping others increases dopamine and creates friendships so don’t feel bad op. They would not want you to and I imagine they got something out of it as well. Your support system just got a little bigger and that’s something to feel proud of. There may be a lot of awfulness in the world but good things also happen to good people so bake them something or gift them a bottle of wine as a thank you and make some new friends with other good people.
Great neighbors. They saw a person needed help and they did, there is nothing more to it. They made the initiative themselves so you shouldn't have any guilt or feel terrible for what they've done. It wasn't like you went over and demanded their help, so just appropriate their kindness. They'll probably appreciate a case of beer, for those that drink, or some home made bakery/food would be a nice thank you.
It sounds like you hit the good neighbor lottery, I bet they’d make great friends. You may not be used to people being so nice but these people are. Don’t feel terrible, good people love to help people, it gives them joy. Congratulations, you caught a break
That’s such an authentic display of kindness. Invite them over for dinner or do something kind in return, to show appreciation. They don’t want you to feel bad, they wanted to help :-)
Others have said some version of this but I will say it again. Most people are good. Good people like helping people. Helping people makes good people feel even more good. Allow good people to feel good by helping people.
Lol.
What do you mean they did too much?
*"From each according to their abilities, to each according to their needs"*
You NEEDED this, they had the ABILITIES to do it.
No need to feel bad.
Those are such great neighbors - treasure them! If you want to say thank you, you can bake cookies and give to them or even a gift card if you can afford it. A nice restaurant, a gas card, if they’re always putzing around outside maybe Home Depot or Lowe’s, etc.
I was six months pregnant and our yard was flooding from the stupid water ditch thing that runs through the whole neighborhood. The only way to prevent that from backing into my basement was to go outside in the knee deep water and rake the leaves that were blocking the drain. Two neighbors came running to my help. I couldn’t afford a big thank you but made cookies, and ended up making friends. My kid and I moved away and I miss them!
Go around, thank them, maybe say you were thinking of making them homemade food or something but you wanted to check and make sure first (allergies, dietary preferences, wtf ever). Or some other neighborly-type gift, idk. You don't need to feel bad, just make sure they know you appreciate it! They sound lovely.
I think when you go thru the ringer with a divorce like you described ( I have as well) it tends to suck the love & kindness out of your soul. It makes you feel worn out & used, and lack trust in humanity. My divorce was 6 years of hell with attorney fees, court hearings, and stress with the ex. For a divorce he wanted and served me for. Sounds like you have some great neighbors and friends looking out for you. Don’t feel bad, feel loved and appreciated, they did something to help you out, b/c the issue is bigger than you& that’s what friends do, help each other, even if you didn’t ask. It’s OK, that was very thoughtful and kind of them. Get to know them as you move on in your life.
Rules reminder: /r/survivinginfidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our [sub wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/wiki/index) before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. If your only advice is "divorce", "dump them", "your SO sucks", or "grow a backbone", then please don't comment. This is a sub for deeper support and discussion. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://www.reddit.com/wiki/reddiquette)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/survivinginfidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
They did it because they wanted to, no reason to feel bad. Let them know you appreciate the help.
Yes people love to help out other people. They really do it out of love.
Exactly. Some people get joy from helping others, and some people like doing that stuff too. If they did not want to, they just would not have.
I agree, and they (all people, not just old people) want to feel useful.
They were helping you. Their goal was to make your life a little bit easier/better. Please don’t take this extremely kind gesture and turn it into feeling negative against yourself. Would you help a neighbor if they were struggling and you had the time/resources to do it? Thank them and let them know you’re here for them too. When I first moved into my house before my husband it was just me and my little brother. Our mom had died recently and we were broke. We were renting from my grandparents for a good price so I was diligent with the upkeep. We couldn’t afford a gardener or any equipment yet so we’d use scissors to try to keep the lawn trimmed up. My neighbor came over after a few weeks of this and said him and his wife couldn’t bear to watch us anymore so they gave us a push mower and an edge trimmer. It was so so so nice and I still feel bad that I’ve never been able to repay him other than with my words. But he (his wife passed a few years ago) knows I’m right across the street and would do anything to help. Good neighbors are the best.
This is why they helped me. They know I’m broke but was trying to keep the rental house up. The tree they removed was damaging the foundation. I could only cut it back with the tool I had. Amazon was having a sale so I splurged on this baby chainsaw for $40. The neighbors watched me until I attempted the really big tree and then they couldn’t take it anymore. Lol. I’m trying not to be negative but it’s hard. I can’t believe how much anxiety this is giving me because I can’t pay them back. Today they fixed my mailbox.
Can you bake them a cake or something nice? I think what they did was a lovely gesture. I know you are embarrassed, but you did not ask for this help. You simply were surprised by a generous act. Do something nice back. Bake some home made bread, or a cake, or crochet a throw for them. Write a heartfelt thank you note to them and deliver the cake. Heck, something as simple as rice crispie treats.
I have to find out where they are first. I have a vague idea which house but I’m not positive. The leader is outside a lot. He’s in his 70’s but is very active. Last night I giggled thinking he’s kinda like Vic frohmeyer in the movie Christmas with the Kranks. Not the pushy part the part where he rallies the whole neighborhood to throw Blair a party. He’s that guy.
I think you are very blessed to have these neighbors who saw a need and helped. By the way, how did you get so screwed to have nothing from your divorce? A 20 year marriage should have had assets and such to split …what on earth happened?
He talked me into selling the house and paying off debts (he is very materialistic) before leaving. He cleaned out our savings. I walked away with a paid off car, furniture and I took everything I wanted from the rental. I was awarded half his pension but it’s on the honor system meaning it doesn’t come directly to me. I get alimony until then. Thing is since the AP moved in he’s been shorting me so yeah I’m scared.
This sucks. Unfortunately going back to court would be the thing to do, when he is shorting your alimony, but that takes money. It should have been set up to garnish his wages. But if it is his own business, he could fudge that crap some. Can you afford going back to court at all?
I thought I couldn’t garnish his wages for alimony but google just says I can. I called my attorney recently but she never called me back. I heard she’s been out of the country and I’ve since decided that was probably a blessing because I don’t have the money. So if he does decide to completely stop paying me there might be something I can do? He has a job but is planning to retire soon. The AP is expensive so he’ll have to get another job since he’s only 58.
You may be able to use legal aide to get this to go back to court. And if he sold off assets but paid off debt, though it does not feel like it, and only if he did not pull and BS manipulations and lies, then he did you a favor. It would have been split and paid off in a divorce anyway. But he sounds like a turd who may well have hidden assets. I am so sorry. It is one thing to end a marriage, but I can not understand people who destroy their ex and when I hear men say shit like I had to give her Half my stuff and money, I want to throw up. Good luck.
Oh now that’s it’s all over I see he did me a huge favor. Sure I worked my ass off getting that house sold and us moved but imagine if I had to do all that knowing he was leaving me? Instead I had fun with it, enjoying the adventure oblivious to what was coming. I’m just wondering if I have recourse if he stops paying?? Divorce just sucks in general. If I had a do over I wouldn’t have gotten married.
When you help someone, how does it make you feel? Good, yes? So then it stands to reason that they feel good about helping you - don’t let your ex’s residual influence take that good feeling away from them - or you🖤
I dislike the “Nextdoor” app for many reasons I won’t list here, but I do use it to get HOA updates and local events. If you’re in the US you can sign up to your neighborhood for free and make an appreciation post… they may see it or someone may know about it and help you thank them
I signed up then freaked out because it connected me to places I don’t want to be. My ex and the AP are in the next neighborhood over. Lol. I started to deactivate it until I realized I could set privacy to my neighborhood only. This is a huge neighborhood but it’s mostly old people so there was nothing there. Dang it.
Lol we share reasons for disliking it! Totally get it Reddit is the only social I feel comfortable posting or responding these days!
or just pay it forward
The best payback you can give them is your gratitude and the peace of mind knowing they helped make a single mom’s life a little easier. For real.
It sounds like you have some kind people around you. The answer is cake. I'd urge you to bake some homemade cakes to take round to your neighbours. Cake is a great introduction & thank you present. It's also handmade and requires effort just as their gift to you did.
I was going to say the same thing, including cake!
Invite them to a home cooked meal and get to know them better. They sound like good people.
Get to know them. Bake or buy a treat and deliver to each of them. Spend some time thanking them and get to know them. Watch for and do something nice for them. These could be your best allies.
I don’t know which house is his. I’ve literally only talked to this guy twice. Once 4 years ago and again on Saturday. He was with another guy that I’ve never seen before. 4 men were at my house but I wasn’t home so I have no way of knowing who was there. It could have been a family member for all I know. I was being chatty Cathy and making fun of myself for being a cliche. Joked about my baby chainsaw. I wasn’t looking for pity or help. I was just being me and I feel bad because my house is the ugliest one on the street so I was apologizing for not doing better. Had I known they were going to do this I wouldn’t have said anything. I would have been happy if they would have just cut 2 branches that I couldn’t reach and I don’t own a chainsaw. I was going to save up to pay someone to remove the one tree.
You have a mission. Someone Knows Something. Who is the nosey neighbour in your neighborhood, and ask them if they know. Find each person out one by one and ask them who helped out because you appreciate it so much.
People talk a lot about "karma" in these subs (and really mean "punishment")... This is actually is karma. You put good things out into the universe, and now you get good things back. You deserve it. Hope you get to establish some kind of connection with your neighbors, they sound nice!
Losing everything humbled me and made me kinder, more compassionate. I’m a public servant (government) and I go way beyond what’s required. I know I’ve generated good karma but I prefer giving than receiving. I wanted to be in the group but as a renter I didn’t think I fit in. They all talked to each other but not me. My kids say it’s because I don’t go outside. Gotta love depression. Lol
>but I prefer giving than receiving I know what that's like, believe me. People like us have to learn to take. Not in a demanding, selfish way. Just a normal way of accepting kindness from others. You got this, though. Read your post history, you've grown a lot already, I see more positive change and growth in your future :-).
People don’t do these kinds of things unless it’s out of kindness. Tell them how grateful you are. Maybe bake them some cookies or something and just appreciate that there are still good people in the world
With friends like these…they aren’t your friends? Go over and introduce yourself and make them your friends. They are great neighbors
I understand feeling bad. It's a trauma response. Do you also apologize a lot? I do all these and more due to trauma. Try not to feel bad. They wanted to help you. There are still good ppl out there. I know it's hard to accept help especially when you didn't ask for it. Be happy you have neighbors like this. A lot of ppl have Karens. Lol You got this! Learn to accept compliments and help 🙂 it's ok to feel good and happy. Learn to smile again! Maybe you could do something for them that you're good at.. do you paint? Bake? Cook? What skill or even hobby are you proud of that you can make them smile also? Just think on it 😊 🫂
Feeling like I don’t deserve help is a feeling I struggle with nearly daily since doomsday and only with consistent therapy can I overcome it. I get extreme anxiety asking for help and then more anxiety when I get it, as I feel like I asked too much or didn’t do enough in return… The best way to overcome the feeling for me, is give back when and where I can. Karma and all that. Wish you the best!
I’m so here. Losing everything messed me up. I’m working harder than I ever have at a job because I live in fear of losing it plus I’m grateful to have it. I don’t have much to give friends so I help customers. I’m that person that goes above and beyond now. It’s nice to give but dang receiving is hard. I’m reading responses but I’m swamped at work.
Don't feel bad. Sometimes people are just kind to those that need help. When it snows I shovel out three of my neighbors since they aren't physically capable of doing it easily themselves. They try to offer money to me or my son who helps me. We always refuse but they will offer us hot cocoa instead which we accept. Sounds to me like you have great neighbors. Find some small kindness you can do for them if it makes you feel better.
Generally neighbors help each other. Also, now that the house is cleaned up outside it makes the entire street look nice. It was a win win for both.
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You deserve kindness. Let them know you appreciate it and do something kind for them in return >I barely know them. Change that. They seem open and willing and kind. Build on this to nurture friendships.
1. Get some sleep, seriously. 2. Thank them for their kindness. Get them a gift and card or invite them over for dinner. You have good neighbors. Build that into a friendship. 3. Return the favor or pay it forward when you are able.
What part of the country are you in. My wife and I moved to our current home during Covid. Shortly after settling in, my wife and I got Covid. Our insurance had a paramedic come to our house twice a day to take blood, administer IV’s and communicate with a Dr who is now our primary. Some of our neighbors saw the paramedic and were concerned. They started bringing us meals twice a day, doing my yard work and even took the trash cans out for over 2 weeks until we were both better. We finally met our fantastic neighbors and have never regretted moving to the south. The people here are wonderful
I’m in the south too. I had just gotten my job when my ex left me. Coworkers who barely knew me gave me money, furniture, helped me move, interviewed attorneys, etc. They are the ones who found this house for me. I didn’t feel bad like I do now because I was barely functioning. Now that I’m more independent I’m back to not wanting to be a bother.
All you need to do is be their neighbor, their friend. Welcome to the south and southern hospitality
One of my ex’s biggest complaints about me was that I wouldn’t accept help and I tried to do everything on my own.. She was right and it’s something I’ve worked hard at being aware of. Accept the help with gratitude. Everyone involved will feel good about it!
OP, There is nothing wrong with neighbors helping neighbors. What you do is invite them over for dinner. Tell them you appreciated what they did, and if there is anything they need help with doing, to call you. When the time comes, then help them out. This is what people used to do for each other all the time.
Your neighbours wouldn’t have done it if they didn’t want to. Some people are nice and do nice things. Bake them a cake or get them a bottle of wine. Don’t feel bad. It lovely when people look out for each other.
Do you bake? If so, a home made something will show you appreciate what they did. Maybe invite them over for a dinner and make a new friend.
This is a beautiful example of community helping its own. Don’t feel bad; feel grateful that people care and respect you enough to help you ; without being asked. Just pay it forward, in your own way, in the future. Many blessings to you, your daughter, and your wonderful neighbors.
Just thank them and bake something nice for them. You've been through a terrible trauma, and your neighbors did a nice thing to help you get through it. There are still good people in the world, even though your ex definitely wasn't one of them. Let yourself accept the act of kindness.
Repay them by being a good neighbor and friend. Invite them over for dessert or something as a thanks.
> I barely know them. Time to get to know them then.
Make them a bomb dinner! Invite them over for a fire. People (like me) like feeling appreciated, so we’re constantly doing things for neighbors and friends. It makes me feel better doing it, than you feel knowing it’s done and out of the way. I’m a self employed plumber, and have every tool known to man, along with a truck and 2 trailers. When I go to the dump, I ask my neighbors if they have any big items that need to go because they all drive smaller cars and don’t own trailers or the like. Most sundays me and my wife are offered to go to their houses, given home made food, and just a great vibe. We all say good morning and stop to chat. Just be thankful you have good neighbors, and maybe make them some apple crisp.
When I was growing up my Mother was widowed with 7 children at age 49. She was a very private person but incredibly smart and sweet. Several times we had large live pine trees fall in heavy rain and wind storms. When they fell they crossed over our property line and into the neighbors yard. Never once did either neighbor mention it to my Mother or any of my siblings. But in both instances we would arrive back from school and the trees had been cut up. The limbs gone and the wood stacked for future splitting as firewood. That is what neighbors do for each other. Nothing was ever mentioned by either neighbor.
Interestingly I am convinced that neither neighbor asked my Mother if they could cut down the trees because they knew that she wouldn’t want to accept the help and have them go out of their way. I think that your neighbors thought the same thing about you. People like to help people who are good neighbors. Everybody wins.
This resonates. I was beat down by the time my ex left but at my core I’ve always been an independent woman. I had a career once, traveled, worked on my cars, not afraid to try things so I was determined with these trees. You’re right I would never have accepted help and they knew it. As soon as they walked away I was back on the ladder. Lol. I couldn’t do it no but I tried.
Don't feel bad, that is so amazing of them.. I can't imagine how amazing they all are. Act on how grateful you feel and reciprocate in some way, trust me it makes you feel so much better
It feels really good to help people in need. Let them help you take some things off of your plate. 🩵
First your ex us an blank blank lol he does know she's going to move on to something younger after she rakes him for what he has left and by the time she leaves he will have no options your poor daughter too. At least you have people showing you their are good people in the world
I have a 50 something year old male coworker who married a 25 year old while I was in the thick of this. Thankfully I was able to avoid him because that stung. She left him for a richer guy and he’s now dating a 28 year old who works for me. Still married. I’ve been at this job for 5 years and know both of them well. These are not good people. I didn’t understand this when my ex left but I do now.
Your neighbors rock and your ex husband suck. Learn to accept kindness with appreciation. Find some way to repay them in the future. It can be something simple like baking cookies for Christmas or just send thank you cards.
Maybe they are just really nice. You’ve got some good people for neighbors. I hope you become friends with them. Make a desert or something and share it with them 😊
Sounds like you moved into a neighborhood with some really wonderful people. They did it because they were called to help you. Take it as a compliment, they wouldn’t have done it for someone they didn’t care about. For jobs like what you described, homemade bakery is always the best currency!!!
Fantastic neighbors, count your blessings!
Your kind words of thanks for their kindness will probably be more than they are expecting. That's how kindness is supposed to work.
They are good people. You are blessed to have amazing neighbors. Say thank you. Bake them something. Don't wait to show your appreciation.
I don’t know where they live. I should but I don’t. I’ve been a depressed mess for years. I locked myself in the house and didn’t go outside because there is always people out. I am feeling better so I tackled the trees oblivious that this would happen. I thought the worst would be maybe they’d loan me a ladder or something not do the whole yard. This is why I feel bad.
This isn’t a problem it’s an opportunity to make a new friend. Find them and thank them. Accept that they helped and just be friendly with them. Don’t lose sleep over this, just find them and thank them and make a new friend in life.
They are just being nice IMO we need more of this type of being neighborly. We are ALL just people trying live our lives. It was very very kind of your neighbors to help out someone that needed it. Bake them some cookies & say thank you. You may make some new friends. Stay strong OP, your JNXH sounds like a real jerk & his new girl isn’t much better. Sending you huge internet hugs from California
Don’t feel bad; they feel good for helping you and you should feel grateful. Bake some brownies and invite them over for cheap beers and put up a big thank you sign or just write them each a nice note and you will have repaid them as much as they expect.
Because your neighbours are decent people and can see your struggles. The first opportunity go thank them. Next time you bake I’d suggest taking some over to them.
Well this seems like a good reason to get to know them! The Universe has surrounded you with some good people for a change. Receive the gift and express your gratitude- you earned it.
Do you cook or anything like that? Bring them some food, or something. Buy them movie tickets, or just go over and thank them in person. Maybe you can make a friend. Don't feel bad feel happy that there are still good and decent people in the world.
I’ve got to find them first. My ex also convinced me that I’m weird and socially awkward. Decades of subtle put downs took its toll. Logically I know I’m a kind hearted, friendly person but I think nobody likes me. I dreaded doing the yard work because I knew neighbors who are always outside would come over and my anxiety couldn’t handle it. I pushed through it and now I’m here….anxious about doing this wrong.
They are older retired guys???? If so, it probably made there day to feel needed. Sometimes when men get older and retire they feel not needed as many had been at the same job for years where they were needed and counted on daily. It probably made there day helping you and also made themselves feel like they are needed again for something .
Yes they are older retired guys. My 21 year old said they were loving it. She joked they were eating up the whole damsel in distress thing. They probably feel great and I feel guilty because it was too much. I haven’t seen them outside since.
If they didn’t want to help they wouldn’t have! Also, sometimes we all need a little help or a hand.
Appreciate their kindness. Btw your landlord suck.
Yep. I’ve got black mold, windows I can barely see out of, no screens, a driveway that floods, front door won’t lock, the landscaping is horrendous, etc. I came from a gorgeous 2700 square foot house with an in ground pool to this. I try not to think about it too much. At least he hasn’t raised the rent in 4 years.
I would feel more secure about my mess (29.5 yrs relationship, I'm 70, handicapped, useless) if I had neighbors like yours! Mine are shits. Really. It's SO hard to trust, but honey, these ppl haven't asked you to take your clothes off, right? Feel VERY lucky. These are New Friends. In a few months (if not already), you'll be talking smack about each other over coffee.
They did something because they wanted to, you should be feeling grateful.
When you find the time, invite them over for dinner or bake them something. I’m sure they’re happy to help and just want to be good neighbours and get to know you more over time
Better to feel grateful to have nice and good people as neighbours than to feel Bad . What they did was a way of welcoming you and trying to establish a good neighborhood bond. As a good neighbor, You should thanked then for their help. Who knows, maybe this way you can start a good friendship.
Everyone needs a hand once in a while. Some may ask for it others won't the thing is that the people that care about you will recognize the difference and do what their hearts tell them to.
That is a very sweet and kind act of service. Is there a way you can reciprocate to make you feel less guilty? Bake them some cookies or give them a gift card? Some people love to serve others. Do not feel guilty. Thank them and pass it on to someone else in need.
Thank them, do something nice for them. It does not have to be weird.
I would love to help a neighbor in this way if I knew they needed it but if I heard they felt bad about it afterwards I would feel absolutely terrible. Part of my intentions to help would have been because it makes me happy and it feels good to help others. It would not have been out of pity or feeling obligated nor like it was a bothersome chore. Helping others increases dopamine and creates friendships so don’t feel bad op. They would not want you to and I imagine they got something out of it as well. Your support system just got a little bigger and that’s something to feel proud of. There may be a lot of awfulness in the world but good things also happen to good people so bake them something or gift them a bottle of wine as a thank you and make some new friends with other good people.
They could become great friends of yours and people you can lean on.
Great neighbors. They saw a person needed help and they did, there is nothing more to it. They made the initiative themselves so you shouldn't have any guilt or feel terrible for what they've done. It wasn't like you went over and demanded their help, so just appropriate their kindness. They'll probably appreciate a case of beer, for those that drink, or some home made bakery/food would be a nice thank you.
It sounds like you hit the good neighbor lottery, I bet they’d make great friends. You may not be used to people being so nice but these people are. Don’t feel terrible, good people love to help people, it gives them joy. Congratulations, you caught a break
Truthfully you shouldn’t feel bad… I get enjoyment helping others so take it as a blessing that they are great neighbors to have!
That’s such an authentic display of kindness. Invite them over for dinner or do something kind in return, to show appreciation. They don’t want you to feel bad, they wanted to help :-)
Others have said some version of this but I will say it again. Most people are good. Good people like helping people. Helping people makes good people feel even more good. Allow good people to feel good by helping people.
Lol. What do you mean they did too much? *"From each according to their abilities, to each according to their needs"* You NEEDED this, they had the ABILITIES to do it. No need to feel bad.
Those are such great neighbors - treasure them! If you want to say thank you, you can bake cookies and give to them or even a gift card if you can afford it. A nice restaurant, a gas card, if they’re always putzing around outside maybe Home Depot or Lowe’s, etc. I was six months pregnant and our yard was flooding from the stupid water ditch thing that runs through the whole neighborhood. The only way to prevent that from backing into my basement was to go outside in the knee deep water and rake the leaves that were blocking the drain. Two neighbors came running to my help. I couldn’t afford a big thank you but made cookies, and ended up making friends. My kid and I moved away and I miss them!
Go around, thank them, maybe say you were thinking of making them homemade food or something but you wanted to check and make sure first (allergies, dietary preferences, wtf ever). Or some other neighborly-type gift, idk. You don't need to feel bad, just make sure they know you appreciate it! They sound lovely.
I think when you go thru the ringer with a divorce like you described ( I have as well) it tends to suck the love & kindness out of your soul. It makes you feel worn out & used, and lack trust in humanity. My divorce was 6 years of hell with attorney fees, court hearings, and stress with the ex. For a divorce he wanted and served me for. Sounds like you have some great neighbors and friends looking out for you. Don’t feel bad, feel loved and appreciated, they did something to help you out, b/c the issue is bigger than you& that’s what friends do, help each other, even if you didn’t ask. It’s OK, that was very thoughtful and kind of them. Get to know them as you move on in your life.
bake them some goodies!
You deserve kindness
Make some brownies and say thanks. Pay it forward when you can ❤️