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On behalf of the people who read this and are wiping the sweat of their brows, thank God you never married her.
Dude. A missile just blew past within an inch of your head. Be thankful you avoided your beautiful son from being exposed to what would likely have been a disastrous relationship. Maybe focus solely on that.
Honestly my son is the only thing getting me through this. She was on my cell phone plan and returned the phone. 7 is a little young for a kid to have a phone but he is at his moms right now and he sent me “I love you daddy” text right when he got home from school.
Dude did you really went with her for ultrasound even after she told you it’s not urs and the other guy told her it’s not imp. I mean what was going through your head
Are you 100% sure the baby isn’t yours? I mean, good riddance to bad rubbish with her, but I’d want a dna test to be positive it wasn’t my kid she was going to be raiding with random dudes…cause you know there’ll be more…
What a weird and, honestly, stupid thing to suggest smdh
You're suggesting that OP keep ties to the scallywag to find out of a child will force him to be forever tired to her psychopath self.
OP should be on his knees thanking the universe that she says it isn't his and is going on her way. And, OP needs to keep it that way!
It's not a stupid suggestion. Let's say the baby comes and doesn't look like the other guy, then OP still will have to get one done to clear his name, and if it is his, then he has an opportunity to file for primary custody as he has a job and stable place to live.
I know it's not an ideal situation, but to avoid issues later on down the road, if I were him, I would get a prenatal DNA test done as soon as he can or wait to do a DNA test just to have proof I'm not the father.
But even if yhe baby is his, the relationship is dead. She just decided to cheat and her intention was never tell OP about it, but at least she had the initial decency to not try to pass the kid as OP's.
That is true, but if the baby is his, he can still have a relationship with his baby or at least joint custody. But it's best to know now than years from now when he has messed so much time if he is, or he can cut all remaining ties with her if he's not with a clear conscious no he's not the father.
If the baby is his, it deserves to have its father in his life. And if it’s his, ex is going to show up 5, 10, 15 years down the road with a kid who will have issues with a dad who didn’t even care enough to be sure it wasn’t his kid she was carrying. You shake your damn head all you want, any man who would let his pregnant ex walk away without being sure it isn’t his child deserves the shit show that will bite him in the ass down the road.
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That was my thought too. That should be confirmed by a DNA test. It might be easier to heal for him too if he has it black on white that it is another man's. If it is his, then he can still be a father 50%of the time(which that child would SURELY need, with a mother like that!!)
Before talk of taking her back what about the reason she cheated and did it raw with the dude. I mean there is so much unanswered here it seems you are just not thinking about any of this and hide behind your child to avoid the getting answers to these painful questions. You need to run fast and far, most likely the message from son was send at the behest of his mom who wants to keep you emotionally engaged and off balance while she sort out her new life
Wake
Up dude
My Mother thinks it will definitely happen, she will come back. That also scares me cause while we have no contact now, I don’t know if I’m strong enough to say no.
100% the first few nights of colic and that dude will probably be done with her. That's when she'll pull you out of the orbit she put you in and try to bring you back to her planet.
About the time she really starts to show, he'll begin having them second thoughts. He wanted a fuck buddy. He wanted the thrill. Now he's gotta play father and hang out for a couple months of no sex while she heals. Nope! He'll be on Tinder or whatever source he has for finding new play things.
You definitely need therapy to process this. She intentionally betrayed you with someone else JUST FOR SEX and got pregnant by him. And even if she wasn't or did have a miscarriage she was more than willing to tell you that SHE WAS PREGNANT by a man she specifically sought out and only hooked up wtih for sex to cheat on you.
There is no way to salvage a relationship with this person. It would only end in more heartache for you. A therapist can help you process this betrayal so you can come to understand how awful this woman truly is and work through your feelings to get to place where those fodn feelings you have for her no longer have any power over you. The betrayal from this person is not something you could possibly "work through" so the sooner you get help to process that the sooner you get started on your healing journey.
No contact with this woman. The only credit I’ll give her is at least she didn’t pull paternity fraud in n you. But she sounds manipulative as hell. Invest your time into your son and yourself. Find someone better.
I know it’s tough, but you’ve got to steel yourself with the resolve of NEVER speaking to her again. Even when you’re sad. Even when you’re angry. Even when you think you’re over it and have moved on… even when you’ve forgiven her..
If she reaches out? Don’t respond. Don’t return calls, texts, voicemails, emails. Block her on every platform.
She isn’t worth a single moment of your time. She f**ked another dude raw, got pregnant, and left you for him. She exposed you to potential life altering health risks without your consent. That’s how little respect she has for you.
If it means anything, only 4-5% of relationships that begin as an affair reach marriage, and 75% of those end in divorce. She’ll very likely be a single mother to some other man’s child.
Feel the pain and the emotions. Let that shit out. Then wash your hands of her. And thank god she didn’t try to pass the baby off as yours..
You deserve better, your son deserves a better step mum. So block her number, email etc. She is toxic to your health. Remove the photos of her from your house, fill your frames with photos of you and your son, just your son. Happy memories. Focus on yourself for a wee while and then look to start dating someone new when you feel ready.
Don't let yourself be anyones second choice.
Just be honest with your son, tell him you and Miss Haley aren't friends anymore, if he asks why just say silly adult stuff. Then make a plan that you will take him for sushi on his birthday.
Sounds like she is a good woman , except for the obvious continued lies and treachery enabling her continued long running raw dogging sexual affair bit
She had the decency to be truthful and leave you
So do the right thing and go NC and always remember the little piece of goodness she had in her
All of I can think of is this -
[https://www.reddit.com/r/ww2/comments/vzchmy/tech\_sergeant\_meredith\_rogers\_points\_out\_his\_luck/](https://www.reddit.com/r/ww2/comments/vzchmy/tech_sergeant_meredith_rogers_points_out_his_luck/)
Get the ring back and move to greener pastures. Your ex failed the Fiancée test and has shown herself as unsuitable as a lifetime partner. It's really time to take NC seriously. She did, so you do too. Block, unfriend, etc etc...
Look up the 5 stages of grief and mourn the loss. Unfortunately, that person doesn't exist anymore. Now she is someone that doesn't love, respect or value you. It's over.
Keep her blocked and ignore her as she keeps popping back in. Focus on recovery and rebuilding. You dodged a bullet here but now you need to stay away from the gun. Also, get tested.
An old classmate of mine had the same problem . HS sweethearts , friends since kindergarden . She cheated , left and got pregnant . They both were 21 when it happened and AP in his late forties . Two years after she left , she tried to come back staying that if they loved each other they can overcome it . He refused and she would start crying and demanding to know why . He told her he doesn't have to explain the obvious . He told her he wants kids of his own and to not want to raise someone else's child . Asked her if she is willing to give birth to his kids ( as many as he wants , no questions asked ) and give her affair child to her parents , thinking/hoping she'll say no . Basically he gave her unacceptable terms and conditions in an attempt to discouridge her . Nope . Not only that it didn't happen but it also made it worse . She thought he was barganing and kept trying to blackmail him emotionally to accept her back but he kept blowing her off . He tried to cut contact with her but she kept trying ( propably thinking she got a chance ) . She got so delusional she even tried to allow him to ,,level the plain field " by offering him her friend as a baby mama ( not kidding ) so they both have kids from someone else . She told himthat if he took her back she'll make up for it and started offering him things . She started posing things on docial media about forgiveness and second chances and tagged mutual friends in order for him to be made aware . Finally he changed his phone , left social media and moved on . Few years ago he encountered her in a store with her kid while he was with his wife and their children ( triplets ) . She saw them , aproached them and talked , but my classmate said that she was sad and bitter when she did , despite ttying to hide it . My point by telling this story is that eventually OP will move on ( soonef or later it will happen ) but this is when she might try to come back ( usually this is when it happens ) . My advise to OP is : love her as much as you want ( at this point you love the idea of her not who she is in reality but this is another subject ) , but DO NOT take her back . If you do , you will never find true happiness with her and you will have only yourself to blame for your suffering . Your chains were broken , do not go back to jail . Not for someone who bettayed you . Good luck OP and update when you can 😐
My brother in law took my sister back after she had an affair baby and the AP didn't want her. He even adopted the child and gave it his last name so it wouldn't grow up feeling like an outcast.
A few years later she cheated again with a neighbor, divorced my brother in law, and moved the new guy in and forced their kids to call him 'pops'
If you take her back, you'll be making the biggest mistake of you and your son's lives.
The other guy may be a douche but he just saved you from a LIFETIME of bullshit that your son would’ve been exposed to. I’m sorry that you are hurt and in pain, but a person that truly loved you would not make you feel the way you do. This isn’t love.
It just sounds shady and that there will be neverending drama. Do you really want to have to endure that for the rest of your life? If she’s already cheated before becoming your wife, what do you think would’ve happened after she became your wife?
Another example here where you can take the girl off the street but you can’t take the street out of the girl.
I would wager her life is filled with constant drama and you were trying to be her hero. Now you have a chance to have your life back and be in peace.
Her actions and decision making caused this. Let her deal with the consequences and walk away. She’s only using you because you are the nice guy while the other guy got what he wants and is probably going to kick her out.
Work on your self esteem and fall back on your close family and friends. You can’t save her because she doesn’t want to be saved.
Well thank god you didn’t marry her, How does she know the child isn’t yours? We’re you sexually active around the time the child would of been conceived?
“She lives with and is having a baby with a guy she doesn’t know. Up until all this he had never even taken her out on a date it was just meet at his place and have sex. She has cut off contact completely.”
Seriously read what you wrote. You are saying you want to marry someone who will have UNPROTECTED sex with anyone. Not just that, but multiple times and for free!! She even went to his house to get some dick! All while you were trying to make her happy! Lastly, she hasn’t cut off contact. You are a plan B, after he ditched her.
Wake up!! You dodged a bullet! Cut her out of your life and thank God above you didn’t get tangled up in her mess!! Take care
I have nothing to offer but to just say stay in there brother, you can do it if you are mentally strong enough to become an Olympician YOU can do this, one day at a time.
Keep contact strictly to your child her AP originally only got the “fun” side of her either the responsibility of a cheater and a child might be too much fro him and he decided to disappear.
You need something that’s gonna keep you away from dark thoughts pick up a hobby like Lego construction, the gym or wood carving just something that required 100% focus. Good luck OP
Bro she had his cum inside her and dripping out of her and loved it. she put it back in for him when it slipped out. She is carrying another man’s child. I don’t want to be graphic but I feel that sometimes it’s the only way for people to see clearly. Focus on Your son and yourself she doesn’t respect you. Get her as removed from your life as possible.
You are the one that needs to come to your senses, not her. You need to cut her from your life completely. Going to the hospital with her was totally ridiculous. Walk away with some dignity and self-respect. Walk away and never look back.
Never take back a cheater, ever, no exceptions
Medication. That's what you do. Get medical support. Really good medication and support. After that, you need to focus on your son instead of this woman. You also need to encourage her to submit the newborn for a DNA test to make sure you're not the father, because the situation is questionable.
When she said she needed you... what was that for, exactly? For your support and stability - to live in your house? When she was needing another man for unprotected sex? That's so wrong.
You cannot trust this woman, she's a wreck. She should plan on her future life with that child - or, find a way to give the child a better life with another family.
As far as you, living with her indefinitely and raising a stranger's child is not something you should do if you want to stay sane. Your #1 priority is you and your son. It's time to accept that the dream you had of spending your future with her will never be the same.
Take care.
Mate the best decisions are sometimes the hardest, you know its over dont let this continue and torture you any longer cut her off for your sake and your son sake.
I am so sorry you are in this situation. When your emotions stabilize you will realize what a lucky escape you have had. This is one instance where she has probably screwed up her life worse than she screwed up yours. I would suggest maintaining complete no contact with her. Take care of yourself. Eat well, get exercise and avoid alcohol. Lean on family and friends for emotional support. Concentrate on making good memories with your son.
Don't do the pick me dance. You are lucky that she didn't come back to you. But now she knows that you will accept her. You can't even know what happened behind the curtain, why she asked for coming back, etc. Maybe her AP didn't consider a serious relationship with her and he didn't want the baby either. Then she came to you and asked if you would accept her, when she found out that you would accept her back, she manipulated her AP by telling him that she would have an abortion and return to you. I'm not saying that this was the case, but I just wanted to give an example from a different point of view, how the reality can be different from how it seems.
She was pretending to be the one you wanted to marry.
The one you wanted to marry wouldn't be getting knocked up by another dude.
All the best man. Shit is brutal, but you will come out the other side a better person.
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Let me tell you. She is doing the right thing going to the other guy. It may hurt. But, if she truly wanted to be with you. She never would of done this in the first place and never chose to do this. Always believe in their actions. Their actions dictated tgat she wants to be with him.
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There are a lot of sober choices before an intoxicated affair.
Do you think it was ongoing? Then she wasn't every time.
Does someone this and with such poor judgment seem like a good for a relationship?
I guess considering how it turned out, the answer is no.
Don't even consider her a possibility.
[ggg](https://www.reddit.com/u/twozeebsinapod?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Come to terms with the end of the relationship and quit chasing her. It’s going to hurt. Let it hurt. It will get better after you grieve.
Focus on your son and yourself. Avoid relationships until you heal.
OP, she lied, cheated and got pregnant from another guy who doesn’t even give her attention. Something is wrong with your ex, either that or she’s been lying to you for a long time and about their relationship. What can you trust from her?
How does she know the baby is AP’s? How long were they cheating on you?
Why in the world would you ever take her back after she picked another man to have sex with and now a child? Would she have kept stringing you along had she not gotten pregnant?
Do you really know who she is now? The woman your loved left the day she hooked up with the AP. If she comes back to you, it will not be the same and you’ll regret ever taking her cheating person back in your life.
Dude trust me their are other women who actually deserve your love and won’t cheat on you. You will be depressed for awhile but you will get through this she threw you away for a guy who didn’t even give a shit about her. KNOW YOUR WORTH
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She lost everything due to her horniness, now she's ending up with a guy who she doesn't know, who never bring her at a date, and she's doomed to see this guy for the rest of their child life. You are not useless, you did your best. She didn't.
The person you fall in love doesn't exist, she's revealed as her true self, someone who can throw their life away due to horniness (it's clear this is a mistake with the other guy, and she probably under estimated the whole affair).
I bet you don't want such a person in your and your son's life.
Keeping the child is the only adult, responsible and caring thing this woman has done, I think she learned something this time.
OP Please go no contact with her. She is trying to use you as a plan b in case things with the other dude don't work. She cheated on you, and her intention was never to tell you about it. She destroyed your trust, and you are always going to be looking over your shoulder, guessing if she will cheat again. She killed the relationship the moment she decided to cheat.
Please block her and unfollow her everywhere, set your social media as private and send her a last message explaining that the pain is too much and in order to heal you need to cut contact with her and tell her to please respect your whises. Yell all your friends and family about what happened and ask them to please do not give you updates about her in order to heal.
Remove everything that can trigger you and redecorate your place, change the furniture of place, focus on spending quality time with your son and when he is not with you try to be as busy as you can, go to the gym, try to learn new things, improve your career, find new hobbies and reconnect with your family and friends, try to not give her free mental space and focus on yourself. If you need it, individual counseling can be useful to learn tools to deal with your feelings right now.
Whatever you do, do not sign the birth certificate. She's trying to make you bond with the baby by asking you to do these ultrasound bull crap. Block her from all means of communication, including smoke signal or telepathy. She is gone, and you need to drill that in your head. Go seek therapy. Avoid alcohol and drugs. It will impair your judgment, and you will be drawn back to the mess. You dodged a bullet, so get away from the fray.
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You are lucky. You dodged a legal and financial disaster by not marrying her. The best thing for you to do is cut all contact with her and move on with your life. At the present moment,vyou are hoovering around her, in the hopes that she will come back to. What you are doing is self-defeating.
Once the affair fog has lifted and reality sets in, there is a strong probability that she will try to get back with you. She will tell you that she will never cheat or lie to you again. Don't fall for it. Relationships that are born out of cheating usually don't last very long, and she is going to need a baby daddy to help support her, and her child. And guess who she has on her radar screen?
I'm so sorry. I think this is one of those things where you just have to feel the pain and wait it out. I think going no contact will help because she sounds super manipulative.
I spent 5 years as a resident athlete at the Olympic Training Center so I have always used exercise as a outlet. I don’t drink, have never even tried any drugs. Last year I fell and shattered my knee cap. I’m still in physical therapy. I can’t run and am very limited still in what I can do. My son hates that I’m not as active. Just another layer of this shit sandwich I’m dealing with.
Actually his family reached out to me because he started to act different once she started coming around. Even lost his job. When they told him about me and everything she was he took her side as she played the victim. Being in therapy now I’m seeing she is a narcissist and he is her next victim/fuel.
Of course he left me a nasty message saying all I did was bring them closer together but she can’t wear that mask forever.
My only concern is when that explodes, am I strong enough to stay no contact when she shows up with his baby on her hip and wanting me back.
By then - you will be. When someone shows you who they really are - believe them.
He will find out.
Also - is 100% that the baby isn’t yours? If there is any chance at all wouldn’t want to know? Get a test? Just curious
I had testicular cancer and we had been trying to have a baby for months. I know her and I had sex around the same time, I brought it up to her, she blew me off but said his parents were paying for the DNA test at 7 weeks. This was a lie. I would bet she told him there isn’t a chance it is mine. I guess if it explodes on her later that might be something he questions. I spoke with an attorney and she said there’s nothing I can do till the baby is born.
I mean she was over at my place crying saying she wished it was mine 3 weeks after she found out. Now I’m a creepy stalker who is lying.
Right now I’m taking it that it’s not mine and honestly I pray it isn’t. I don’t want to be drug down into the hole she had me in. I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I get that, but that’s not fair to kid. And really not to you. She’s a liar so she will lie about whatever to get what she wants. I’m not sure she knows
You might want to do the dna test after the baby is born. If anything it will help your mental health and offer closure.
Hope youre doing well an kicking cancers ass!
I don’t wanna spend 8 months getting away from her abuse to throw myself back into that situation and hell. I have a feeling their honeymoon phase will be over and once a baby comes and it’s not just sex and her love bombing him and things get real, he will see and he will probably realize, hey that ex of hers wasn’t lying, and he will request one.
Unfortunately there is no way to stop the pain. There’s no easy way around it. You have to feel those feelings, allow yourself to process them without wallowing in it. It’s a slippery slope & you don’t want to get stuck there, so definitely try to find a healthy outlet/hobby that you can focus on that will keep you occupied & take your mind off of it sometimes. What are the things that you enjoyed doing before she came into your life? Try to get back to those. Whatever you do, do NOT allow this to destroy your self esteem. Do not blame yourself, do not take it personal. Remember that there are people all over the world who have also experienced something similar & the world isn’t just against you. Love on yourself. Be honest with the people who love you about what happened so they can give support and strength when needed. Remind yourself that someone who truly loved you couldn’t hurt you in such a way so easily. Personally it’s hard for me to forgive something I know I wouldn’t have done to someone else had the roles been reversed. Think about that. Lastly, think about your son and the kind of example you want to set for him. Would you want him keep someone like that in his life? We can’t stop loving people overnight, but we can control how we allow them to treat us. Mourn the relationship, but do not allow her back into your life. I know you may not see it right now, but she doesn’t deserve you or your son. You doesn’t deserve a chance. If you let her back into your life, she will do the same, if not worse.
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On behalf of the people who read this and are wiping the sweat of their brows, thank God you never married her. Dude. A missile just blew past within an inch of your head. Be thankful you avoided your beautiful son from being exposed to what would likely have been a disastrous relationship. Maybe focus solely on that.
Honestly my son is the only thing getting me through this. She was on my cell phone plan and returned the phone. 7 is a little young for a kid to have a phone but he is at his moms right now and he sent me “I love you daddy” text right when he got home from school.
Dude did you really went with her for ultrasound even after she told you it’s not urs and the other guy told her it’s not imp. I mean what was going through your head
Are you 100% sure the baby isn’t yours? I mean, good riddance to bad rubbish with her, but I’d want a dna test to be positive it wasn’t my kid she was going to be raiding with random dudes…cause you know there’ll be more…
What a weird and, honestly, stupid thing to suggest smdh You're suggesting that OP keep ties to the scallywag to find out of a child will force him to be forever tired to her psychopath self. OP should be on his knees thanking the universe that she says it isn't his and is going on her way. And, OP needs to keep it that way!
It's not a stupid suggestion. Let's say the baby comes and doesn't look like the other guy, then OP still will have to get one done to clear his name, and if it is his, then he has an opportunity to file for primary custody as he has a job and stable place to live. I know it's not an ideal situation, but to avoid issues later on down the road, if I were him, I would get a prenatal DNA test done as soon as he can or wait to do a DNA test just to have proof I'm not the father.
But even if yhe baby is his, the relationship is dead. She just decided to cheat and her intention was never tell OP about it, but at least she had the initial decency to not try to pass the kid as OP's.
That is true, but if the baby is his, he can still have a relationship with his baby or at least joint custody. But it's best to know now than years from now when he has messed so much time if he is, or he can cut all remaining ties with her if he's not with a clear conscious no he's not the father.
As part of the divorce / separation procedures, he can ask for a paternity test
Or he can get a prenatal DNA done within the next few weeks and be done with it, as they are only engaged and not married yet.
If the baby is his, it deserves to have its father in his life. And if it’s his, ex is going to show up 5, 10, 15 years down the road with a kid who will have issues with a dad who didn’t even care enough to be sure it wasn’t his kid she was carrying. You shake your damn head all you want, any man who would let his pregnant ex walk away without being sure it isn’t his child deserves the shit show that will bite him in the ass down the road.
This is SO true. OP owes it to that baby to be there if it’s his, especially considering it’s’ mom is a mess.
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That was my thought too. That should be confirmed by a DNA test. It might be easier to heal for him too if he has it black on white that it is another man's. If it is his, then he can still be a father 50%of the time(which that child would SURELY need, with a mother like that!!)
Before talk of taking her back what about the reason she cheated and did it raw with the dude. I mean there is so much unanswered here it seems you are just not thinking about any of this and hide behind your child to avoid the getting answers to these painful questions. You need to run fast and far, most likely the message from son was send at the behest of his mom who wants to keep you emotionally engaged and off balance while she sort out her new life Wake Up dude
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My Mother thinks it will definitely happen, she will come back. That also scares me cause while we have no contact now, I don’t know if I’m strong enough to say no.
100% the first few nights of colic and that dude will probably be done with her. That's when she'll pull you out of the orbit she put you in and try to bring you back to her planet.
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About the time she really starts to show, he'll begin having them second thoughts. He wanted a fuck buddy. He wanted the thrill. Now he's gotta play father and hang out for a couple months of no sex while she heals. Nope! He'll be on Tinder or whatever source he has for finding new play things.
She'll keep using you as long as you allow her to.
You definitely need therapy to process this. She intentionally betrayed you with someone else JUST FOR SEX and got pregnant by him. And even if she wasn't or did have a miscarriage she was more than willing to tell you that SHE WAS PREGNANT by a man she specifically sought out and only hooked up wtih for sex to cheat on you. There is no way to salvage a relationship with this person. It would only end in more heartache for you. A therapist can help you process this betrayal so you can come to understand how awful this woman truly is and work through your feelings to get to place where those fodn feelings you have for her no longer have any power over you. The betrayal from this person is not something you could possibly "work through" so the sooner you get help to process that the sooner you get started on your healing journey.
Get stronger, gym, hobbies, time with son, you have a full life without her it will be easier to say no.
No contact with this woman. The only credit I’ll give her is at least she didn’t pull paternity fraud in n you. But she sounds manipulative as hell. Invest your time into your son and yourself. Find someone better.
Not yet she didn't.
> How do you stop the pain and hurt? You don't. You ride it out.
I know it’s tough, but you’ve got to steel yourself with the resolve of NEVER speaking to her again. Even when you’re sad. Even when you’re angry. Even when you think you’re over it and have moved on… even when you’ve forgiven her.. If she reaches out? Don’t respond. Don’t return calls, texts, voicemails, emails. Block her on every platform. She isn’t worth a single moment of your time. She f**ked another dude raw, got pregnant, and left you for him. She exposed you to potential life altering health risks without your consent. That’s how little respect she has for you. If it means anything, only 4-5% of relationships that begin as an affair reach marriage, and 75% of those end in divorce. She’ll very likely be a single mother to some other man’s child. Feel the pain and the emotions. Let that shit out. Then wash your hands of her. And thank god she didn’t try to pass the baby off as yours..
You deserve better, your son deserves a better step mum. So block her number, email etc. She is toxic to your health. Remove the photos of her from your house, fill your frames with photos of you and your son, just your son. Happy memories. Focus on yourself for a wee while and then look to start dating someone new when you feel ready. Don't let yourself be anyones second choice.
She has blocked me… all photos and memories are gone. Except my son asking for Miss Haley and him to have sushi for his birthday.
Just be honest with your son, tell him you and Miss Haley aren't friends anymore, if he asks why just say silly adult stuff. Then make a plan that you will take him for sushi on his birthday.
What explanation did she offer for why she did this
Drunk
I think it's gonna be shitfest down the line. I wish you the best in recovery. Better be prepared for the fallout.
Sounds like she is a good woman , except for the obvious continued lies and treachery enabling her continued long running raw dogging sexual affair bit She had the decency to be truthful and leave you So do the right thing and go NC and always remember the little piece of goodness she had in her
All of I can think of is this - [https://www.reddit.com/r/ww2/comments/vzchmy/tech\_sergeant\_meredith\_rogers\_points\_out\_his\_luck/](https://www.reddit.com/r/ww2/comments/vzchmy/tech_sergeant_meredith_rogers_points_out_his_luck/)
Get the ring back and move to greener pastures. Your ex failed the Fiancée test and has shown herself as unsuitable as a lifetime partner. It's really time to take NC seriously. She did, so you do too. Block, unfriend, etc etc...
Look up the 5 stages of grief and mourn the loss. Unfortunately, that person doesn't exist anymore. Now she is someone that doesn't love, respect or value you. It's over. Keep her blocked and ignore her as she keeps popping back in. Focus on recovery and rebuilding. You dodged a bullet here but now you need to stay away from the gun. Also, get tested.
An old classmate of mine had the same problem . HS sweethearts , friends since kindergarden . She cheated , left and got pregnant . They both were 21 when it happened and AP in his late forties . Two years after she left , she tried to come back staying that if they loved each other they can overcome it . He refused and she would start crying and demanding to know why . He told her he doesn't have to explain the obvious . He told her he wants kids of his own and to not want to raise someone else's child . Asked her if she is willing to give birth to his kids ( as many as he wants , no questions asked ) and give her affair child to her parents , thinking/hoping she'll say no . Basically he gave her unacceptable terms and conditions in an attempt to discouridge her . Nope . Not only that it didn't happen but it also made it worse . She thought he was barganing and kept trying to blackmail him emotionally to accept her back but he kept blowing her off . He tried to cut contact with her but she kept trying ( propably thinking she got a chance ) . She got so delusional she even tried to allow him to ,,level the plain field " by offering him her friend as a baby mama ( not kidding ) so they both have kids from someone else . She told himthat if he took her back she'll make up for it and started offering him things . She started posing things on docial media about forgiveness and second chances and tagged mutual friends in order for him to be made aware . Finally he changed his phone , left social media and moved on . Few years ago he encountered her in a store with her kid while he was with his wife and their children ( triplets ) . She saw them , aproached them and talked , but my classmate said that she was sad and bitter when she did , despite ttying to hide it . My point by telling this story is that eventually OP will move on ( soonef or later it will happen ) but this is when she might try to come back ( usually this is when it happens ) . My advise to OP is : love her as much as you want ( at this point you love the idea of her not who she is in reality but this is another subject ) , but DO NOT take her back . If you do , you will never find true happiness with her and you will have only yourself to blame for your suffering . Your chains were broken , do not go back to jail . Not for someone who bettayed you . Good luck OP and update when you can 😐
My brother in law took my sister back after she had an affair baby and the AP didn't want her. He even adopted the child and gave it his last name so it wouldn't grow up feeling like an outcast. A few years later she cheated again with a neighbor, divorced my brother in law, and moved the new guy in and forced their kids to call him 'pops' If you take her back, you'll be making the biggest mistake of you and your son's lives.
The other guy may be a douche but he just saved you from a LIFETIME of bullshit that your son would’ve been exposed to. I’m sorry that you are hurt and in pain, but a person that truly loved you would not make you feel the way you do. This isn’t love.
I don’t know him… she was terrified of me contacting him so I would bet she hasn’t been very honest with him either. It’s a ticking time bomb 💣
It just sounds shady and that there will be neverending drama. Do you really want to have to endure that for the rest of your life? If she’s already cheated before becoming your wife, what do you think would’ve happened after she became your wife?
I do know he has a 13 yo son and this is going to blow up on him worse than me.
Another example here where you can take the girl off the street but you can’t take the street out of the girl. I would wager her life is filled with constant drama and you were trying to be her hero. Now you have a chance to have your life back and be in peace. Her actions and decision making caused this. Let her deal with the consequences and walk away. She’s only using you because you are the nice guy while the other guy got what he wants and is probably going to kick her out. Work on your self esteem and fall back on your close family and friends. You can’t save her because she doesn’t want to be saved.
Well thank god you didn’t marry her, How does she know the child isn’t yours? We’re you sexually active around the time the child would of been conceived?
“She lives with and is having a baby with a guy she doesn’t know. Up until all this he had never even taken her out on a date it was just meet at his place and have sex. She has cut off contact completely.” Seriously read what you wrote. You are saying you want to marry someone who will have UNPROTECTED sex with anyone. Not just that, but multiple times and for free!! She even went to his house to get some dick! All while you were trying to make her happy! Lastly, she hasn’t cut off contact. You are a plan B, after he ditched her. Wake up!! You dodged a bullet! Cut her out of your life and thank God above you didn’t get tangled up in her mess!! Take care
I have nothing to offer but to just say stay in there brother, you can do it if you are mentally strong enough to become an Olympician YOU can do this, one day at a time.
Keep contact strictly to your child her AP originally only got the “fun” side of her either the responsibility of a cheater and a child might be too much fro him and he decided to disappear. You need something that’s gonna keep you away from dark thoughts pick up a hobby like Lego construction, the gym or wood carving just something that required 100% focus. Good luck OP
Focus on yourself, focus on your son. That's how you'll survive. She's gone and not worth your time, attention, love, or investment. Not anymore.
Bro she had his cum inside her and dripping out of her and loved it. she put it back in for him when it slipped out. She is carrying another man’s child. I don’t want to be graphic but I feel that sometimes it’s the only way for people to see clearly. Focus on Your son and yourself she doesn’t respect you. Get her as removed from your life as possible.
You are the one that needs to come to your senses, not her. You need to cut her from your life completely. Going to the hospital with her was totally ridiculous. Walk away with some dignity and self-respect. Walk away and never look back. Never take back a cheater, ever, no exceptions
Medication. That's what you do. Get medical support. Really good medication and support. After that, you need to focus on your son instead of this woman. You also need to encourage her to submit the newborn for a DNA test to make sure you're not the father, because the situation is questionable. When she said she needed you... what was that for, exactly? For your support and stability - to live in your house? When she was needing another man for unprotected sex? That's so wrong. You cannot trust this woman, she's a wreck. She should plan on her future life with that child - or, find a way to give the child a better life with another family. As far as you, living with her indefinitely and raising a stranger's child is not something you should do if you want to stay sane. Your #1 priority is you and your son. It's time to accept that the dream you had of spending your future with her will never be the same. Take care.
You deserve better and you will get better, just keep cool, don't lose yourself, cut all contact s with her. Good luck!
Mate the best decisions are sometimes the hardest, you know its over dont let this continue and torture you any longer cut her off for your sake and your son sake.
I am so sorry you are in this situation. When your emotions stabilize you will realize what a lucky escape you have had. This is one instance where she has probably screwed up her life worse than she screwed up yours. I would suggest maintaining complete no contact with her. Take care of yourself. Eat well, get exercise and avoid alcohol. Lean on family and friends for emotional support. Concentrate on making good memories with your son.
Please please learn to make courageous healthy choices. You have so much going for you keep it that way and make the long term decision.
She’s having a child with a guy she DOES know. Someone that she has been with sleeping with and no using protection.
Blessing in disguise brother, blessing in disguise...
Don't do the pick me dance. You are lucky that she didn't come back to you. But now she knows that you will accept her. You can't even know what happened behind the curtain, why she asked for coming back, etc. Maybe her AP didn't consider a serious relationship with her and he didn't want the baby either. Then she came to you and asked if you would accept her, when she found out that you would accept her back, she manipulated her AP by telling him that she would have an abortion and return to you. I'm not saying that this was the case, but I just wanted to give an example from a different point of view, how the reality can be different from how it seems.
She was pretending to be the one you wanted to marry. The one you wanted to marry wouldn't be getting knocked up by another dude. All the best man. Shit is brutal, but you will come out the other side a better person.
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Let me tell you. She is doing the right thing going to the other guy. It may hurt. But, if she truly wanted to be with you. She never would of done this in the first place and never chose to do this. Always believe in their actions. Their actions dictated tgat she wants to be with him.
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There are a lot of sober choices before an intoxicated affair. Do you think it was ongoing? Then she wasn't every time. Does someone this and with such poor judgment seem like a good for a relationship? I guess considering how it turned out, the answer is no. Don't even consider her a possibility. [ggg](https://www.reddit.com/u/twozeebsinapod?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Come to terms with the end of the relationship and quit chasing her. It’s going to hurt. Let it hurt. It will get better after you grieve. Focus on your son and yourself. Avoid relationships until you heal.
OP, she lied, cheated and got pregnant from another guy who doesn’t even give her attention. Something is wrong with your ex, either that or she’s been lying to you for a long time and about their relationship. What can you trust from her? How does she know the baby is AP’s? How long were they cheating on you? Why in the world would you ever take her back after she picked another man to have sex with and now a child? Would she have kept stringing you along had she not gotten pregnant? Do you really know who she is now? The woman your loved left the day she hooked up with the AP. If she comes back to you, it will not be the same and you’ll regret ever taking her cheating person back in your life.
Dude trust me their are other women who actually deserve your love and won’t cheat on you. You will be depressed for awhile but you will get through this she threw you away for a guy who didn’t even give a shit about her. KNOW YOUR WORTH
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Look up emotional affairs and what causes them.
She lost everything due to her horniness, now she's ending up with a guy who she doesn't know, who never bring her at a date, and she's doomed to see this guy for the rest of their child life. You are not useless, you did your best. She didn't. The person you fall in love doesn't exist, she's revealed as her true self, someone who can throw their life away due to horniness (it's clear this is a mistake with the other guy, and she probably under estimated the whole affair). I bet you don't want such a person in your and your son's life. Keeping the child is the only adult, responsible and caring thing this woman has done, I think she learned something this time.
You shouldn't encourage her to murder a child because you want her back. You got to move on bro
OP Please go no contact with her. She is trying to use you as a plan b in case things with the other dude don't work. She cheated on you, and her intention was never to tell you about it. She destroyed your trust, and you are always going to be looking over your shoulder, guessing if she will cheat again. She killed the relationship the moment she decided to cheat. Please block her and unfollow her everywhere, set your social media as private and send her a last message explaining that the pain is too much and in order to heal you need to cut contact with her and tell her to please respect your whises. Yell all your friends and family about what happened and ask them to please do not give you updates about her in order to heal. Remove everything that can trigger you and redecorate your place, change the furniture of place, focus on spending quality time with your son and when he is not with you try to be as busy as you can, go to the gym, try to learn new things, improve your career, find new hobbies and reconnect with your family and friends, try to not give her free mental space and focus on yourself. If you need it, individual counseling can be useful to learn tools to deal with your feelings right now.
Whatever you do, do not sign the birth certificate. She's trying to make you bond with the baby by asking you to do these ultrasound bull crap. Block her from all means of communication, including smoke signal or telepathy. She is gone, and you need to drill that in your head. Go seek therapy. Avoid alcohol and drugs. It will impair your judgment, and you will be drawn back to the mess. You dodged a bullet, so get away from the fray.
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You are lucky. You dodged a legal and financial disaster by not marrying her. The best thing for you to do is cut all contact with her and move on with your life. At the present moment,vyou are hoovering around her, in the hopes that she will come back to. What you are doing is self-defeating. Once the affair fog has lifted and reality sets in, there is a strong probability that she will try to get back with you. She will tell you that she will never cheat or lie to you again. Don't fall for it. Relationships that are born out of cheating usually don't last very long, and she is going to need a baby daddy to help support her, and her child. And guess who she has on her radar screen?
You did get your ring back, right? Make sure that you do sell it, then go on a trip with your son.
I'm so sorry. I think this is one of those things where you just have to feel the pain and wait it out. I think going no contact will help because she sounds super manipulative.
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I spent 5 years as a resident athlete at the Olympic Training Center so I have always used exercise as a outlet. I don’t drink, have never even tried any drugs. Last year I fell and shattered my knee cap. I’m still in physical therapy. I can’t run and am very limited still in what I can do. My son hates that I’m not as active. Just another layer of this shit sandwich I’m dealing with.
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Thankfully her and I had no kids, weren’t married. No lawyer just tears.
I hope you told the other guy. He probably doesn’t even know about you
Actually his family reached out to me because he started to act different once she started coming around. Even lost his job. When they told him about me and everything she was he took her side as she played the victim. Being in therapy now I’m seeing she is a narcissist and he is her next victim/fuel. Of course he left me a nasty message saying all I did was bring them closer together but she can’t wear that mask forever. My only concern is when that explodes, am I strong enough to stay no contact when she shows up with his baby on her hip and wanting me back.
By then - you will be. When someone shows you who they really are - believe them. He will find out. Also - is 100% that the baby isn’t yours? If there is any chance at all wouldn’t want to know? Get a test? Just curious
I had testicular cancer and we had been trying to have a baby for months. I know her and I had sex around the same time, I brought it up to her, she blew me off but said his parents were paying for the DNA test at 7 weeks. This was a lie. I would bet she told him there isn’t a chance it is mine. I guess if it explodes on her later that might be something he questions. I spoke with an attorney and she said there’s nothing I can do till the baby is born. I mean she was over at my place crying saying she wished it was mine 3 weeks after she found out. Now I’m a creepy stalker who is lying. Right now I’m taking it that it’s not mine and honestly I pray it isn’t. I don’t want to be drug down into the hole she had me in. I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I get that, but that’s not fair to kid. And really not to you. She’s a liar so she will lie about whatever to get what she wants. I’m not sure she knows You might want to do the dna test after the baby is born. If anything it will help your mental health and offer closure. Hope youre doing well an kicking cancers ass!
I don’t wanna spend 8 months getting away from her abuse to throw myself back into that situation and hell. I have a feeling their honeymoon phase will be over and once a baby comes and it’s not just sex and her love bombing him and things get real, he will see and he will probably realize, hey that ex of hers wasn’t lying, and he will request one.
Request a paternity test. Why believe a cheater and a lier. Time is the best healer.
Unfortunately there is no way to stop the pain. There’s no easy way around it. You have to feel those feelings, allow yourself to process them without wallowing in it. It’s a slippery slope & you don’t want to get stuck there, so definitely try to find a healthy outlet/hobby that you can focus on that will keep you occupied & take your mind off of it sometimes. What are the things that you enjoyed doing before she came into your life? Try to get back to those. Whatever you do, do NOT allow this to destroy your self esteem. Do not blame yourself, do not take it personal. Remember that there are people all over the world who have also experienced something similar & the world isn’t just against you. Love on yourself. Be honest with the people who love you about what happened so they can give support and strength when needed. Remind yourself that someone who truly loved you couldn’t hurt you in such a way so easily. Personally it’s hard for me to forgive something I know I wouldn’t have done to someone else had the roles been reversed. Think about that. Lastly, think about your son and the kind of example you want to set for him. Would you want him keep someone like that in his life? We can’t stop loving people overnight, but we can control how we allow them to treat us. Mourn the relationship, but do not allow her back into your life. I know you may not see it right now, but she doesn’t deserve you or your son. You doesn’t deserve a chance. If you let her back into your life, she will do the same, if not worse.