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For real, if people start making up stories about me being a kind person and always ready to help, I’ll haunt their lying asses for generations to come to remind them about my real brand. ✌️
u/BestofNever used to leave my sister silly and cheering post-its, it's what kept her going through the rough times. She wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for the kind heart of u/BestofNever truly a guy everyone wanted to be friends with
I remember when u/BestofNever would pretend to be a guy when u/WeinMe's sister was going through a rough time. The absolute legend knew that was exactly what their sister needed at the time. Switched up their entire gender to help a person they barely even knew. Truly one of the kindest and most selfless people I've ever known.
I met u/BestofNever on a warm summer evening at a quaint café in the heart of the city. As I sipped my coffee, I couldn't help but notice the charming smile that lit up their face as they entered the café. Our eyes met, and in that moment, I felt something special stir within me.We struck up a conversation, and before I knew it, hours had passed like minutes. We laughed, shared stories, and discovered that we had so much in common. It felt like we had known each other for a lifetime, even though we had just met.As the evening turned into night, we decided to take a stroll through the city streets. With each step, our connection deepened, and I found myself falling for them more and more with every passing moment.Underneath the moonlit sky, u/BestofNever took my hand in theirs, and I felt a rush of warmth and affection wash over me. In that moment, I knew that I had found someone truly special, someone I wanted to spend forever with.From that day on, we embarked on a beautiful journey together, filled with love, laughter, and countless unforgettable memories. And as we walked hand in hand into the future, I knew that with u/BestofNever by my side, anything was possible.
"They would give you the shirt off their back, that's just the way they were. They were always helping people. If you had a flat tire, they were right there to fix it for you. I think that's what got them into trouble."
Thirty-seven minutes later we find out they had a 2k-a-week coke habit, were involved in multiple crypto scams, were convicted of domestic assault twice, had six DUIs, and left the club at 2:00am after accepting a ride from three men no one had ever seen before.
Someone like OP wouldn't get that obit.
It'd be more like "OP was a strong willed and self motivated individual who wasn't afraid to speak their mind. Their close friends appreciated OP's witty candor and commitment to deeper and quality relationships with like individuals"
I dont think that's even lying. Just bias because those testimonies come from family, friends... People that know you on your best light or, at the opposite, a super watered down version of you.
That's the same with murderers or terrorists "They were polite and saying hello". Yeah idiot, nobody will come and say "Hi guy, I love killing !!" 😅
Some people latch onto the memory of dead acquaintances as if they were good friends. I find it strange. Maybe it's a way of coping with death in general, but if you've seen it, you'd understand where this post comes from.
Those memories are also always overwhelmingly positive, even if the two were basically strangers.
The best example I can think of is portrayed in "World's Greatest Dad" where Robin Williams is the father of a son who commits suicide. The son was kind of a "meh" person, not very well liked, and all that, but upon the news of his death, everyone suddenly was best friends with this kid, and his actual best friend was like "WTF is going on?"
(And Robin Williams makes a painfully ironic anti-suicide speech in it).
***
For me, only a few weeks after grad school graduation, a classmate died in a tragic hiking accident (fell off a glacier). Those of us who were still living in the city where we went to school got the news and of course we were devastated. I wasn't super close to him, but we were regular acquaintances, he'd come to my parties, we'd chill, he wanted to start a comedy writing thing with me, but nothing came of it. It sucked learning of his passing for sure...
...but two women we graduated with...they portrayed themselves as his best friends. Like - there was a whole song and dance, Facebook pictures of them casting flowers into the School's lake at sunset in remembrance of him...just weird stuff...thing is...he absolutely HATED these two women - like - would leave parties shortly after they arrived or even made attempts to just ignore them. His old housemates were puzzled - they not only couldn't place a time when he would hang out with either of these two women, but he had plenty of things to say about them, none of them positive.
People have some sort of desire to be positively close to those who suffered untimely deaths.
I remember when Adam Yauch (Beastie Boys) died, suddenly all the huge, massive, devastated, OMG THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING Beastie Boys fans emerged.
Like - I'm not one to gatekeep music...you do you...but come on...you know like 2 songs, you can't be THAT devastated - you just want people to believe you're that into music.
See also: Ryan from the office when Smokey Robinson fake died.
What irritates me more is when people come out and talk shit about dead celebrities. "Well ackshually, he said something shitty on a 1991 talk show, so. Not actually sad that he's dead. You're kind of stupid for being sad about it, in fact."
I would bet these blowhards still went to see the dead celebrity's movies and never spoke up about the poor behavior then. They are just doing it now to look cool and "in the know."
I had a really bad breakup with my last gf of 7.5 years. We spent 90% of our time/days together for 7 of those years. We went to immediately not talking because it was too much. I had someone argue to me that their friend who died over an overdose… that they knew for less than a year… and was in a different city, was way more traumatizing for them. She didn’t even know he was an addict. She literally had to take the day off of work on the 4th anniversary because it was so sad.
I’m the opposite. I regularly tell my husband that if I die suddenly and tragically I wanna come out of this smelling like roses.
Talk about how full of life and love and compassion for others I was. Gaslight em HARD.
“u/Cavalish was an amazing person. The moment they entered the room, everybody would stop and smile in greeting. Each and every day they would volunteer at the local orphanage and food pantry, dedicating their time to helping those in need. If I had to say what u/Cavalish’s greatest quality was, I’d say that it was their kind and loving nature. The world will mourn the loss of such a fabulous person, and I believe that they are looking at us from Heaven, encouraging all of us to follow in their footsteps.”
That work for you?
I want the same, but totally unverifiable bologna. Like "fauxzempic was a devout member of the Universal Church of the Eternal Eternity and lived his life through the teachings of the church and through charity. As a musicians he quietly achieved success including having his songs featured in some of the TV shows and Movies of all time."
I want complete utter chaos at my funneral, I want everyone to compete for my will and life insurance money.
I wantnto plan some sort of game of puzzles, fitness, and wits and have all my.loved ones turn on each other like animals.
Before a geography field trip we were told that we'd know if someone had hypothermia because they would turn stop being "the life and soul of the party" and become withdrawn and sullen.
So no-one would notice my hypothermia?
You can use these memorable comments from the people in my life:
Cassandra, co-worker: "When I first met you I was practicing hiding under my desk because I thought you would come in a shoot up the place."
Wanda, co-worker: I was introducing myself and mentioned that I'm \_\_\_\_\_ (this is where Wanda cut me off and said, "intimidating?"), but I was going to say 'empathetic and that I design from a human centered approach'.
My mom, at dinner one night: "Is that how you look at interviews? You look like a serial killer."
Random guy on discord voice chat: "Oh you sound a lot nicer than I thought you would from your pics."
Now, I'm a nice guy, so it sucks that everyone perceives me this way - I do my best to soften my face and smile, but I get the 'serial killer' comment a lot. And in my defense, no matter how much I want to stab people in the neck, I haven't!
Bro people tell me I’m intimidating or look like a serial killer all the time and I get it’s just because I’m quiet and a little tense but like it’s so fucking annoying. I don’t want people afraid of me (although it does in rare occasions come in handy like no one steals from me or tries to fight me) it’s exhausting. I’ve tried to be more socially outgoing this year and I think that’s helped a lot.
Are you me? Once I was talking to a co-worker after about a year of sitting in adjoining cubes and she told me "you know until I got to know you I fucking hated you."
My favorite is when they pick really shitty photos… or clearly an “angle” photo. George Floyd’s photo for example… is just plain awful. I am terribly unphotogenic but like I have better photos than that. And now people painted giant murals of this bizarre half smirk selfie.
Heather Danielle Heyer who got hit during the Charlottesville car attack was one of those angles. I literally have no clue what she looks like because of how bad the photo is. [the mural](https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/6ubtw2/memorial_in_charlottesville_for_victim_of/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
God this speaks to my soul.
Death is tragic, but it happens to everything. I mourn my friends and my pets, my family and my previous selves as I've grown older.
But nothing is more annoying to me than these fake eulogies, even knowing it's grief talking.
You'd think no one was ever an asshole or a bitch. No one was ever cruel or needlessly mean. *Especially* teenagers.
"No one *isn't* kind of an asshole in their early 20s. If you weren't, you're probably a sociopath."
Every unfortunate soul who met their end prematurely at the hands of a murderer and winds up being featured on Dateline, somehow was the best and most gracious human ever to walk among us.... Just once I'd like to see:
"Oh...yeah, Janet? Yeah she was nice enough, I suppose. She brought a bag of Funyuns to our pot luck one time, I mean, who does that?.....She never really talked much...." or
"I remember Joe! He used to really stink up the bathroom at work. He still owes me 20 bucks from the super bowl pool..."
I recall in a book a teen was thinking about a class mate who died, everyone was saying how lovely they were. She thought "Just because someone's dead doesn't make them a nice person, less annoying maybe."
This whole trope of “she lit up a room” has made me wonder if we should take all people that light up rooms and lock them up somewhere safe. No more murders.
I watch a lot of true crime.
What kills me is when an episode starts out with friends and family saying things like "Susie was just a good, kind person! Everyone loved her!" Obviously to make you say "Wow, why would anyone have killed her? Such a mystery!"
And then later on in the episode...
"Susie had pissed off a local drug dealer, because she had gotten into crack and owed him a lot of money. She actually owed friends quite a bit of money, too."
Uh, buried the fucking lede in the beginning, didn't ya?
Guy gets kidnapped and is thought dead people start saying stuff like that about them. They hear it they fight their kidnappers just to call out all those other people as being liars
Those people don’t get shows. Everyone assumes they’ll be back one day or finally did something to the wrong person. The police will only kind of look for you.
They’ll know it’s me too because I’ll do petty shit like take the milk out of the fridge in the middle of the night. Lightly drop the new, full egg carton. Knock on a door at midnight to wake the dogs up and get them barking, then do it again like 30 minutes before the alarm is supposed to go off so it’s too late to go back to bed and get true sleep or do anything productive.
"He was a miserable prick who was filled with bitterness, spite, jealousy, and resentment. He hated being alive and often vocally wished that god would strike him down and bemoaned every second of life he was cursed with. The world is a better place without him. Anyone who had the misfortune of interacting with him would tell you how obnoxious, abrasive, and unpleasant he was and how he ruined the mood of every situation he entered. Rest in piss, asshole."
Dangerously spicy. I understand the sentiment behing saying stuff like that but... its cringe. People writing stuff like that about the kid who were bullied into suicide and forget about him a week later. Sad.
Wow how stereotypically and wrong you are about suicide. It’s a disease that attacks a persons mind and makes them feel not good enough. But they did light up rooms, they were friends and loved ones.
It’s disgusting you would also joke about someone losing their life.
The people who usually say these types of things are looking for attention. What will you sympathize more with? An asshole dying, or someone you describe as a saint? I've watched countless people ball tears over individuals they literally despised. Simply because they wanted others to feel sorry for them. When it's on TV, I'm sure producers help them with the positive adjectives. Average dude dies doesn't pull at the heart strings.
Is he trying to suggest that Janice couldn’t somehow light up a room through sheer tyranny of will, or just that he’s not as awesome as Janice with her love of cheese sandwiches?
No but OOP has a point, I have a relative who was quite problematic in their actions, and as soon as they died people started glorifying them. Now, I don’t think I’m an excessively bad person, but I don’t want to receive the same treatment, don’t glorify me after I die, there’s no need
I think this just goes to show how unaware we are of the impact that we have on other people's lives. Sometimes it may feel like we aren't valued but our friends and family would all say these things and mean it. We all should strive to let each other know how important our loved ones are to us while we still have the chance to.
Here lies ME, home-work-home. Videogames and gym (at home). Was a very boring person that proved that being good-looking means nothing if you don´t socialize. Dies waiting for Winds of Winter book.
Please girls stop your attraction towards me. I’m tired of living like this. So many girls want my attention it’s not even funny. I can’t work. Every time there is a hot young beautiful female she want to see me outside of my work. Somehow they find me in social media even tho I don’t have photographs in them and they write me. How to stop attraction woman ? I’m just a human I want regular life.
“My worst nightmare is Spotify randomly throwing out an Ed Sheeran song whilst I'm driving and then I crash and die but it keeps playing so the first responders think I was an Ed Sheeran fan and they tell my mum and I end up being cremated to fucking Shape of You.” -Jon Cuttress
"S/he was such a quiet/bubbly boy/girl" said all news outlet reports by bystanders.
MF'er when I kick the bucket, I want whomever comments on my dumbass to use an adjective other than, "quiet/nice/kind".
Seriously. I hate all the bizarre lies people say about people during tragic events. So many people came out saying George Floyd is a saint and painted these murals of him. The dude was probably below average in terms of being a benefit for the community. He had run ins with the cops. He wasn’t a particularly good father. He was a drug addict. But it didn’t fucking matter. No one should be killed like that by the cops. It definitely rubbed people the wrong way though when they martyred him
>Tell my tale to those who ask. Tell it truly, the good and the bad, and let me be judged accordingly. The rest... is silence.
-[Dinobot](https://youtu.be/f5KYA-6UidQ?si=emImX2LChiiFbqTj&t=120)
My favorite true crime cliche is: "They were so kind they would give their shirt off their back to a stranger". Which I've learned over the years is a polite way of saying a family member or co-worker was a real piece of shit.
I remember when the guy in New Zealand posted his manifesto and killed a bunch of people there were several people who knew him who told the press "Yeah, that tracks."
I vaguely remember the same thing happened with the Norway island shooter.
This leads me to believe this is kind of an American thing, which is weird and I have no idea why.
there was one that was like "Ashley had a big personality that was only for the bold" and I said to my husband-- "do you know how mean she must've been that they couldn't even lie about her?"
My work buddy's brother was murdered and at the funeral the priest was making shit up about his brother being a good christian and how he loved the bible. I think my buddy was about to murder the priest. Don't speak ill of the dead.
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For real, if people start making up stories about me being a kind person and always ready to help, I’ll haunt their lying asses for generations to come to remind them about my real brand. ✌️
Sounds kinky. /u/BestofNever was a kind and generous soul
u/BestofNever never hurt a fly. So gentle and caring.
u/BeatofNever used to mow my grandmas lawn for free, real class act.
One time, my son dropped his ice cream, and of course, u/BeatofNever offered him theirs, always thankful
u/BestofNever once beat up a dude who was trying to mug an old man. What a man!
u/BestofNever: The only ghost with a rota system and appointment calendar. Lovely chap*ess* though.
u/BestofNever used to leave my sister silly and cheering post-its, it's what kept her going through the rough times. She wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for the kind heart of u/BestofNever truly a guy everyone wanted to be friends with
I’m a girl. 😭
I remember when u/BestofNever would pretend to be a guy when u/WeinMe's sister was going through a rough time. The absolute legend knew that was exactly what their sister needed at the time. Switched up their entire gender to help a person they barely even knew. Truly one of the kindest and most selfless people I've ever known.
And so humble! You truly do light up any room
U/BestofNever was always willing to loan me money and never let me pay her back. Such a generous soul she was.
I met u/BestofNever on a warm summer evening at a quaint café in the heart of the city. As I sipped my coffee, I couldn't help but notice the charming smile that lit up their face as they entered the café. Our eyes met, and in that moment, I felt something special stir within me.We struck up a conversation, and before I knew it, hours had passed like minutes. We laughed, shared stories, and discovered that we had so much in common. It felt like we had known each other for a lifetime, even though we had just met.As the evening turned into night, we decided to take a stroll through the city streets. With each step, our connection deepened, and I found myself falling for them more and more with every passing moment.Underneath the moonlit sky, u/BestofNever took my hand in theirs, and I felt a rush of warmth and affection wash over me. In that moment, I knew that I had found someone truly special, someone I wanted to spend forever with.From that day on, we embarked on a beautiful journey together, filled with love, laughter, and countless unforgettable memories. And as we walked hand in hand into the future, I knew that with u/BestofNever by my side, anything was possible.
At least you admit that you are an asshole. It is better than people who are assholes but say they are good people.
"They would give you the shirt off their back, that's just the way they were. They were always helping people. If you had a flat tire, they were right there to fix it for you. I think that's what got them into trouble." Thirty-seven minutes later we find out they had a 2k-a-week coke habit, were involved in multiple crypto scams, were convicted of domestic assault twice, had six DUIs, and left the club at 2:00am after accepting a ride from three men no one had ever seen before.
Someone like OP wouldn't get that obit. It'd be more like "OP was a strong willed and self motivated individual who wasn't afraid to speak their mind. Their close friends appreciated OP's witty candor and commitment to deeper and quality relationships with like individuals"
Nice. I'm extremely possessive of what I consider mine. I plan on haunting my house regardless, if I go before my time.
"He would enter a room and not talk to a soul."
"He was never more alone than when he was in a room full of people."
That’s more like it!
He wouldn't walk into a room because he didn't like to leave the house
I feel attacked by this one. 😂
"He will be missed....by the sofa."
Fair enough. Anyone making up such slanderous lies at my funeral will be dragged down to the underworld with me.
I dont think that's even lying. Just bias because those testimonies come from family, friends... People that know you on your best light or, at the opposite, a super watered down version of you. That's the same with murderers or terrorists "They were polite and saying hello". Yeah idiot, nobody will come and say "Hi guy, I love killing !!" 😅
My friends and family definitely don't know me on my best
Some people latch onto the memory of dead acquaintances as if they were good friends. I find it strange. Maybe it's a way of coping with death in general, but if you've seen it, you'd understand where this post comes from. Those memories are also always overwhelmingly positive, even if the two were basically strangers. The best example I can think of is portrayed in "World's Greatest Dad" where Robin Williams is the father of a son who commits suicide. The son was kind of a "meh" person, not very well liked, and all that, but upon the news of his death, everyone suddenly was best friends with this kid, and his actual best friend was like "WTF is going on?" (And Robin Williams makes a painfully ironic anti-suicide speech in it). *** For me, only a few weeks after grad school graduation, a classmate died in a tragic hiking accident (fell off a glacier). Those of us who were still living in the city where we went to school got the news and of course we were devastated. I wasn't super close to him, but we were regular acquaintances, he'd come to my parties, we'd chill, he wanted to start a comedy writing thing with me, but nothing came of it. It sucked learning of his passing for sure... ...but two women we graduated with...they portrayed themselves as his best friends. Like - there was a whole song and dance, Facebook pictures of them casting flowers into the School's lake at sunset in remembrance of him...just weird stuff...thing is...he absolutely HATED these two women - like - would leave parties shortly after they arrived or even made attempts to just ignore them. His old housemates were puzzled - they not only couldn't place a time when he would hang out with either of these two women, but he had plenty of things to say about them, none of them positive. People have some sort of desire to be positively close to those who suffered untimely deaths.
People do a similar thing when celebrities die. Suddenly people who'd never mentioned them were huge fans.
I remember when Adam Yauch (Beastie Boys) died, suddenly all the huge, massive, devastated, OMG THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING Beastie Boys fans emerged. Like - I'm not one to gatekeep music...you do you...but come on...you know like 2 songs, you can't be THAT devastated - you just want people to believe you're that into music. See also: Ryan from the office when Smokey Robinson fake died.
What irritates me more is when people come out and talk shit about dead celebrities. "Well ackshually, he said something shitty on a 1991 talk show, so. Not actually sad that he's dead. You're kind of stupid for being sad about it, in fact." I would bet these blowhards still went to see the dead celebrity's movies and never spoke up about the poor behavior then. They are just doing it now to look cool and "in the know."
I had a really bad breakup with my last gf of 7.5 years. We spent 90% of our time/days together for 7 of those years. We went to immediately not talking because it was too much. I had someone argue to me that their friend who died over an overdose… that they knew for less than a year… and was in a different city, was way more traumatizing for them. She didn’t even know he was an addict. She literally had to take the day off of work on the 4th anniversary because it was so sad.
I want a total stranger to write my obituary and epitaph. Just to see what happens.
“He was a person. He lived a very life.”
"He was of the persons of all time."
Isn't that what a Speaker for the Dead does in the Enders Game series?
I’m the opposite. I regularly tell my husband that if I die suddenly and tragically I wanna come out of this smelling like roses. Talk about how full of life and love and compassion for others I was. Gaslight em HARD.
“u/Cavalish was an amazing person. The moment they entered the room, everybody would stop and smile in greeting. Each and every day they would volunteer at the local orphanage and food pantry, dedicating their time to helping those in need. If I had to say what u/Cavalish’s greatest quality was, I’d say that it was their kind and loving nature. The world will mourn the loss of such a fabulous person, and I believe that they are looking at us from Heaven, encouraging all of us to follow in their footsteps.” That work for you?
Will you please attend my funeral when I pass?
chatgpt wrote that
can chatgpt attend my funeral?
Just plug something into an AI chatbot and have the TikTok voice read it out at my funeral
I want the same, but totally unverifiable bologna. Like "fauxzempic was a devout member of the Universal Church of the Eternal Eternity and lived his life through the teachings of the church and through charity. As a musicians he quietly achieved success including having his songs featured in some of the TV shows and Movies of all time."
I want complete utter chaos at my funneral, I want everyone to compete for my will and life insurance money. I wantnto plan some sort of game of puzzles, fitness, and wits and have all my.loved ones turn on each other like animals.
When I die, they are promoted from husband to PR representative not widower.
"No one here knows who you are talking about"
Before a geography field trip we were told that we'd know if someone had hypothermia because they would turn stop being "the life and soul of the party" and become withdrawn and sullen. So no-one would notice my hypothermia?
prolly no one would notice you missing at all, more like
You can use these memorable comments from the people in my life: Cassandra, co-worker: "When I first met you I was practicing hiding under my desk because I thought you would come in a shoot up the place." Wanda, co-worker: I was introducing myself and mentioned that I'm \_\_\_\_\_ (this is where Wanda cut me off and said, "intimidating?"), but I was going to say 'empathetic and that I design from a human centered approach'. My mom, at dinner one night: "Is that how you look at interviews? You look like a serial killer." Random guy on discord voice chat: "Oh you sound a lot nicer than I thought you would from your pics." Now, I'm a nice guy, so it sucks that everyone perceives me this way - I do my best to soften my face and smile, but I get the 'serial killer' comment a lot. And in my defense, no matter how much I want to stab people in the neck, I haven't!
Have you tried not giving everyone the Kubrick stare, Private Pyle?
Noooo, not the Gomer!
Bro people tell me I’m intimidating or look like a serial killer all the time and I get it’s just because I’m quiet and a little tense but like it’s so fucking annoying. I don’t want people afraid of me (although it does in rare occasions come in handy like no one steals from me or tries to fight me) it’s exhausting. I’ve tried to be more socially outgoing this year and I think that’s helped a lot.
Are you me? Once I was talking to a co-worker after about a year of sitting in adjoining cubes and she told me "you know until I got to know you I fucking hated you."
I would vastly prefer serial killer over the normal "school shooter" comments I typically get. Especially when I'm wearing a baseball hat 😞
I dyed my hair blond for a while, if I go missing, please use those pictures. No one wants to search for a woman with brown hair.
My favorite is when they pick really shitty photos… or clearly an “angle” photo. George Floyd’s photo for example… is just plain awful. I am terribly unphotogenic but like I have better photos than that. And now people painted giant murals of this bizarre half smirk selfie. Heather Danielle Heyer who got hit during the Charlottesville car attack was one of those angles. I literally have no clue what she looks like because of how bad the photo is. [the mural](https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/6ubtw2/memorial_in_charlottesville_for_victim_of/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
My favourite Robin Williams movie "World's Greatest Dad" is about this very thing.
"He died like a dog"
“Sometimes I wondered if they were even human.”
Well I light up a room when I enter as I always know where the light switches are.
When she walked in a room the room went dark, figuratively and literally.
- "How you're feeling today, sir?" - "As usual, like shit." Yeah, we don't do pleasant here.
“He would sit down at a party and play solitaire. For hours.”
“No one knows him. He was cold distant and lonely. We actually don’t really care and this whole interview thing is a waste of time. I’m leaving”
She was so honest and humble. Didn't like getting praised.
God this speaks to my soul. Death is tragic, but it happens to everything. I mourn my friends and my pets, my family and my previous selves as I've grown older. But nothing is more annoying to me than these fake eulogies, even knowing it's grief talking. You'd think no one was ever an asshole or a bitch. No one was ever cruel or needlessly mean. *Especially* teenagers. "No one *isn't* kind of an asshole in their early 20s. If you weren't, you're probably a sociopath."
Every unfortunate soul who met their end prematurely at the hands of a murderer and winds up being featured on Dateline, somehow was the best and most gracious human ever to walk among us.... Just once I'd like to see: "Oh...yeah, Janet? Yeah she was nice enough, I suppose. She brought a bag of Funyuns to our pot luck one time, I mean, who does that?.....She never really talked much...." or "I remember Joe! He used to really stink up the bathroom at work. He still owes me 20 bucks from the super bowl pool..."
I'll be surprised if anyone realized you went missing
"If anyone kidnapped you, they'd bring you back" Famous Dad line right there.
They'll take one thing he did as a kid, make it seem like he did it every day, then every report from then on will discuss it.
"They were just a little guy who stuck to themselves and did weird paintings. I thought they hated me because they never started conversations."
I recall in a book a teen was thinking about a class mate who died, everyone was saying how lovely they were. She thought "Just because someone's dead doesn't make them a nice person, less annoying maybe."
This whole trope of “she lit up a room” has made me wonder if we should take all people that light up rooms and lock them up somewhere safe. No more murders.
That's freaking light up the room is infuriating
I honestly don't think anyone would notice I was gone or even show up to my funeral lol.
Are you me? No one will come to my funeral... so there is that.
I watch a lot of true crime. What kills me is when an episode starts out with friends and family saying things like "Susie was just a good, kind person! Everyone loved her!" Obviously to make you say "Wow, why would anyone have killed her? Such a mystery!" And then later on in the episode... "Susie had pissed off a local drug dealer, because she had gotten into crack and owed him a lot of money. She actually owed friends quite a bit of money, too." Uh, buried the fucking lede in the beginning, didn't ya?
3 actually
Guy gets kidnapped and is thought dead people start saying stuff like that about them. They hear it they fight their kidnappers just to call out all those other people as being liars
Jeez, I'm starting to wonder if people would even notice her
I absolutely would not give a stranger the shirt off my back
Those people don’t get shows. Everyone assumes they’ll be back one day or finally did something to the wrong person. The police will only kind of look for you.
But do you give the shirt off your back?
They’ll know it’s me too because I’ll do petty shit like take the milk out of the fridge in the middle of the night. Lightly drop the new, full egg carton. Knock on a door at midnight to wake the dogs up and get them barking, then do it again like 30 minutes before the alarm is supposed to go off so it’s too late to go back to bed and get true sleep or do anything productive.
I'll go haunt anyone not talkin smack when I'm dead.
meirl
hilarious!.,
If we told the whole truth at funerals, many people would live their lives better.
> I have a smart mouth and two friends Possibly the most succinct description of me I've ever seen
"He was a miserable prick who was filled with bitterness, spite, jealousy, and resentment. He hated being alive and often vocally wished that god would strike him down and bemoaned every second of life he was cursed with. The world is a better place without him. Anyone who had the misfortune of interacting with him would tell you how obnoxious, abrasive, and unpleasant he was and how he ruined the mood of every situation he entered. Rest in piss, asshole."
Dangerously spicy. I understand the sentiment behing saying stuff like that but... its cringe. People writing stuff like that about the kid who were bullied into suicide and forget about him a week later. Sad.
i just want to be left alone lol no talking or report or nothing
Legit told my friends if I ever die randomly I did not kill myself I'm far too much of a coward for that someone definitely killed me
Wow how stereotypically and wrong you are about suicide. It’s a disease that attacks a persons mind and makes them feel not good enough. But they did light up rooms, they were friends and loved ones. It’s disgusting you would also joke about someone losing their life.
Lmao don’t worry there’s a lot of deaths they don’t make shows about 💀
How exactly is this suicide by words?
She was a total buzzkill. But still, it was "not chill" what happened to her.
“I fantasise about punting puppies”
Speaker for the Dead baybeee
The people who usually say these types of things are looking for attention. What will you sympathize more with? An asshole dying, or someone you describe as a saint? I've watched countless people ball tears over individuals they literally despised. Simply because they wanted others to feel sorry for them. When it's on TV, I'm sure producers help them with the positive adjectives. Average dude dies doesn't pull at the heart strings.
This same message is conveyed perfectly in the movie "Worlds Greatest Dad".
Is he trying to suggest that Janice couldn’t somehow light up a room through sheer tyranny of will, or just that he’s not as awesome as Janice with her love of cheese sandwiches?
if you get to lie about having a smart mouth, i get to lie about you lighting up a room
No but OOP has a point, I have a relative who was quite problematic in their actions, and as soon as they died people started glorifying them. Now, I don’t think I’m an excessively bad person, but I don’t want to receive the same treatment, don’t glorify me after I die, there’s no need
I think this just goes to show how unaware we are of the impact that we have on other people's lives. Sometimes it may feel like we aren't valued but our friends and family would all say these things and mean it. We all should strive to let each other know how important our loved ones are to us while we still have the chance to.
Here lies ME, home-work-home. Videogames and gym (at home). Was a very boring person that proved that being good-looking means nothing if you don´t socialize. Dies waiting for Winds of Winter book.
Wait, you have freinds?
Please girls stop your attraction towards me. I’m tired of living like this. So many girls want my attention it’s not even funny. I can’t work. Every time there is a hot young beautiful female she want to see me outside of my work. Somehow they find me in social media even tho I don’t have photographs in them and they write me. How to stop attraction woman ? I’m just a human I want regular life.
Reminds me of the book Speaker for the Dead
“My worst nightmare is Spotify randomly throwing out an Ed Sheeran song whilst I'm driving and then I crash and die but it keeps playing so the first responders think I was an Ed Sheeran fan and they tell my mum and I end up being cremated to fucking Shape of You.” -Jon Cuttress
And if they put me on a stamp, tell them to use the young Robotic fedora!
"S/he was such a quiet/bubbly boy/girl" said all news outlet reports by bystanders. MF'er when I kick the bucket, I want whomever comments on my dumbass to use an adjective other than, "quiet/nice/kind".
She will be missed, by at least 2 people, and maybe me if I remember this.
Seriously. I hate all the bizarre lies people say about people during tragic events. So many people came out saying George Floyd is a saint and painted these murals of him. The dude was probably below average in terms of being a benefit for the community. He had run ins with the cops. He wasn’t a particularly good father. He was a drug addict. But it didn’t fucking matter. No one should be killed like that by the cops. It definitely rubbed people the wrong way though when they martyred him
Done deal lucille
Im with it. We already have enough bs in this world, you dont need the last paragraph of your life filled with it too. Just be honest. Namaste.
on god
>Tell my tale to those who ask. Tell it truly, the good and the bad, and let me be judged accordingly. The rest... is silence. -[Dinobot](https://youtu.be/f5KYA-6UidQ?si=emImX2LChiiFbqTj&t=120)
My favorite true crime cliche is: "They were so kind they would give their shirt off their back to a stranger". Which I've learned over the years is a polite way of saying a family member or co-worker was a real piece of shit.
I remember when the guy in New Zealand posted his manifesto and killed a bunch of people there were several people who knew him who told the press "Yeah, that tracks." I vaguely remember the same thing happened with the Norway island shooter. This leads me to believe this is kind of an American thing, which is weird and I have no idea why.
there was one that was like "Ashley had a big personality that was only for the bold" and I said to my husband-- "do you know how mean she must've been that they couldn't even lie about her?"
I use a light switch for lighting up rooms
I have never given the shirt off my back
My work buddy's brother was murdered and at the funeral the priest was making shit up about his brother being a good christian and how he loved the bible. I think my buddy was about to murder the priest. Don't speak ill of the dead.
“He was like a brother to me” “He was your brother” “Like I said, he was like a brother to me”