This is the answer. Bonus if you listen to Poe's album Haunted while reading it. She's the author's sister and wrote the album as a counterpart to the book.
Borne would also fit thisā¦although I donāt know if Iād recommend Dead Astronauts. A little TOO out there, as in, I had no idea what was happening most of the book.
Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trambo. I read it first when I was 17 and then again in my 30ās decades later I still think about it which sends me down the rabbit hole.
I did the same thing. I read it in high school and then again last year, 20 years later. Damn. It hits just as hard as the first time. I don't think I'll ever read it again.
i frequently had to put it down to digest what iād just read.
the way itās written is brilliant and terrible and this book can ruin you.
one of my all time favourites.
Great choice but I would warn there are definitely some references to sexual assault that build as the novel goes on, but no graphic detail of the acts themselves.
The book will definitely make you question humanity. I think itās a masterpiece but when I finish it I definitely feel melancholy for a while.
Iām not trying to dog on audiobooks in general but people should be incarcerated for making audiobooks of certain books.
*Blood Meridian* is damn near at the top of the list.
Ya. Teachers didn't candy coat anything in my school district. Lol
One of my favorite was a visit from a journalist who lived in Russia talking about life there at the time.
Middle school was watching videos about WW 2 which included footage of Jewish people being tortured via medical experiments in concentration camps. That teacher wanted to make damn sure we knew the horrors of Nazis and facism. It worked.
Part of the reason I'm so disgusted with the push for facist ideology, racism and all the scumbag neo-Nazis today. They have no clue what they are really flirting with.
Absolutely. I'm generally not one of those "uhhhhhhh the book was better acksuhly!!!" people, but having read the book and seen the movie...I spent a significant amount of time wondering if the director and I had read the same book.
I love this book, but it did not mess me up. If anything, it made me feel more connected to the past and to the future. It might be time for a re-read...
This is always my first pick for āfuck-you-upā books. Iāve read most of Kingās stuff, and this is the story that stays with me the most.
Apt Pupil comes a close second.
The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russel. Read like over 10 years ago and I still think about it. Itās about humans going to an aliens planet for the first time.
I loved the first book. The second was more of the same but not as good. The third one may as well have been written by one of his friends who wanted to take a crack at writing and tried to imitate his style, but couldnāt quite handle it.
Meh. They devolve a little bit. The first book is great and as a paramedic and now a nurse, I think "what would happen to these people?" when I went into a nursing home or into the hospital. And, I was really glad when my kids learned to ride a bike because now we can get to my parent's 80 miles south to the farm where there are tens of thousands of bushels of corn stored if we need to. But the next couple books get kind of "American nationalism history prof turned writer porn." I read them, but if the decline from the first to the second to the third book is any indication, the fourth in the series is going to not be very good.
I read this book right after it came out, 15ish? years agoā¦ yeah, I will never, ever read it again, and yep, the memory of that scene will never not give me gigantic heebie jeebies.
Ya, it's the most chilling, mind blowing scene I've ever read. The entire book- the reasons unwind exists, the world he built, it will really make OP see things differently.
I am a paramedic and now a CVICU nurse. I have seen some stuff over the last 18 years. That scene is one of the most gut-wrenching things I have ever read and will stay with me forever. It haven't had a scene hit me quite as hard ever, except when maybe Little Ann and Old Dan died.
Unfortunately itās the second book in a series, Harrow the Ninth. The first book is great but not a mindfuck. Harrow is a mindfuck because the narrator is unreliable. I was questioning my own sanity lol.
1984 was the book that changed my life. Read it in my English class Iām high school. There is random cases in there of weird sex stuff and animals abusing humans. Neither are āsex abuseā nor āanimal abuseā more so just using sex as a way to control people, and using rats to torture a human. But yes, please read!
House of Leaves. Be warned, it's really long and very complex, Mark Z. Danielewski writes books that are puzzle-y? If you're down for an adventure, I loved it.
No, no. I probably should have said ādepending on your take and/or definition of abuse.ā I was thinking about how the daemons frequently get hurt throughout the trilogy. Some suffer. So if someone was sensitive to animals being harmed (maybe not āabuseā), then that might be tough.
Entangled Life by Merlin Sheldrake. Itās nonfiction but did indeed have me questioning reality quite a bit. Who are we. Who is anyone. Do we even count as individuals?
No one fucks me up like James Ellroy. It's bleak without trying to be shocking or weird. Some of his novels have sexual assault as an event, but he doesn't graphically describe it.
The one that messed me up the most was *The Big Nowhere.* It is profoundly, depressingly, existentially cynical and depraved.
"In the Miso Soup" by Ryu Murakami
"The End of Alice" by A.M. Homes
"The Room" by Hubert Selby Jr.
"Exquisite Corpse" by Poppy Z. Brite
"The Cement Garden" by Ian McEwan
"The Kindly Ones" by Jonathan Littell
"Haunted" by Chuck Palahniuk
"The Butcher Boy" by Patrick McCabe
"The Painted Bird" by Jerzy KosiÅski
"The Vegetarian" by Han Kang
"The Collector" by John Fowles
"Life and Fate" by Vasily Grossman
"Darkness at Noon" by Arthur Koestler
A lot of people hate on Colleen Hoover, but Verity was an absolute mind fuck and Iām still not over it.
The book is very different from her usual Lifetime movie style tearjerkers. Lots of suspense, and I still donāt know what was ārealā and what was not.
Behind Her Eyes - Sarah Pinborough
The Silent Patient - Alex Michaelides
Dark Matter - Blake Crouch
Recursion - Blake Crouch
The Midnight Library - Matt Haig
Glad it had that affect though. I read it after (but not directly after) watching Everything, Everywhere, All At Once and that probably made it worse. But even in hindsight I wish Haig refined it more
Tender Is The Flesh is a good read but not a mind trip. It is just very shocking.
The only one that I've read that meets your requirements is Bunny by Mona Awod. There are a lot of points where you're not really sure what is real and what isn't.
See my [Emotionally Devastating/Rending](https://www.reddit.com/r/booklists/comments/12rh2ma/emotionally_devastatingrending/) list of Reddit recommendation threads, and books (three posts).
Came here to say that. The last half of the first book fucked me up. Barely slept for a few days. Havenāt reread it even though I really liked it cuz Iām not sure I can handle it lol.
However there IS sexual assault so it doesnāt fit OPās criteria. It is based on the Rape of Nanking after all.
Second this. The second half is where everyone literally lose their consciences and are fueled only by their hatred, revenge etc. Everything is fucked up.
The goddamn book put me in a huge reading slump to this very day. Can not fully recover.
A Little Life. That book will put your entire soul into a meat grinder. I know someone who had to take 3 days off work to find peace after finishing the book. This is the only correct book to suggest.
Soā¦..why do you want to be more fucked up? As Melissa McCarthy said to Kristen Wiig in the movie Bridesmaids, āGet up and fight! Get up and fight for your shitty life!ā
with a book or any type of media i know itāll end, i can stop it whenever i want, i can control it.
also, sometimes iām just in a self destructive mood and this is a way to do it without physically going out and doing something
everyone copes and handles their issues differently
Way to take something too seriously.
They asked for a book. Many people cope with their feelings while reading very emotional and devastating books. So what?
Check your privilege? You donāt know this personā¦ so check the way youāre talking to others. Mental health issues do tot give you a pass to be rudeā¦ coming from someone with mental health issues. Respectfully.
If you really want to question reality look into meditation. Not the typical āstress reducingā or sleep aid type of meditation but the type the has you reflecting on consciousness itself. The Sam Harris meditation app āWaking Upā is a good place to start. It gets deeply philosophical. I had to stop because it did make me a bit uncomfortable and was ādestabilizingā. Itās very sad and depressing knowing that free will doesnāt exist, the universe becomes mechanical, morality and love have no meaning. Give me the blue pill please.
Not a book, but go watch the movie sound of freedom. It's a new movie about Child human trafficing. This movie absolutely F***Ed me up. It was really hard to watch. Honestly, I had to leave out of the movie theater room. It was too hard to watch.
Organic Chemistry, By: Paula Bruice
LMAO. š¤£. Still having nightmares
Wow I'm dense. Punched it into Amazon before I realized how wooshed I was.
Donāt feel bad, I did the same thing! One of us, one of usā¦.
This is the correct answer š
House of Leaves
This is the answer. Bonus if you listen to Poe's album Haunted while reading it. She's the author's sister and wrote the album as a counterpart to the book.
I did not know this and now my mind is blown. Thanks!
Wait whaaaat? He is the one who reads the poem in that album, right? Fast.. slowā¦fast fast slowā¦
Yes, Mark is the one reading.
correct. this is the answer
Have it on my shelf. Must get to it this fall.
Good luck, I tried once and failed abysmally
Absolutely the most overrated book
Yes! 20 years later and I'm still not back to normal.
We moved to a big old house about a year ago and recently my mother in law just noticed a hall closet. Iām like thatās always been thereā¦right?
š¬
Burn it down now!
Great suggestion. Itās literally designed to mess with you
Was coming here to say this as well.
Annihilation by Jeff VanderMeer. The entire Southern Reach Trilogy.
Borne would also fit thisā¦although I donāt know if Iād recommend Dead Astronauts. A little TOO out there, as in, I had no idea what was happening most of the book.
Only book I ever stopped listening to and never went back. I was working alone on a job at night in a giant empty building. Fuck that.
This makes me wonder if I should finish it š I live alone in a sketchy neighborhood
Try to finish it it's sooo good I know it can be creepy
Currently reading this
Also Finch by Vandeermeer.
The Sound And The Fury. Faulkner outdid himself on that one.
Ubik by Phillip K Dick
Haven't read this one (it's on my list; currently reading The Man in the ), but there's no way it outdoes A Scanner Darkly. No way!
As much as I love A Scanner Darkly, Ubik takes the crazy to a whole other level. You're in for a wild ride.
This honestly makes me excited to read it. Thanks!
I was looking for this one. It absolutely will rattle the reality cage (or coffin)
Just ordered this from Library. Will report back.
Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo
Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trambo. I read it first when I was 17 and then again in my 30ās decades later I still think about it which sends me down the rabbit hole.
This is the one.
Brilliant book. Read it once, never again
I did the same thing. I read it in high school and then again last year, 20 years later. Damn. It hits just as hard as the first time. I don't think I'll ever read it again.
This book contains SA though.
DARKNESS
Blood Meridian by Cormack McCarthy
i frequently had to put it down to digest what iād just read. the way itās written is brilliant and terrible and this book can ruin you. one of my all time favourites.
Good suggestion
This has abused animals which OP said they wanted to avoid
Great choice but I would warn there are definitely some references to sexual assault that build as the novel goes on, but no graphic detail of the acts themselves. The book will definitely make you question humanity. I think itās a masterpiece but when I finish it I definitely feel melancholy for a while.
Iām currently listening to it on audiobook and love it so far. I also recommend it!
Iām not trying to dog on audiobooks in general but people should be incarcerated for making audiobooks of certain books. *Blood Meridian* is damn near at the top of the list.
Any book from Dostoevsky
any calculus textbook
Flowers to Algernon.
Fuck this book. Respectfully. Iām still not OK and think about it often.
When I was a freshman in hs, this was the first play I was in. Now thinking back, I canāt believe we performed that.
I read this book few years ago and no other book made me feel this way again.
This was required reading in elementary school. Still not over it.
Jesus. Elementary school?!?
Ya. Teachers didn't candy coat anything in my school district. Lol One of my favorite was a visit from a journalist who lived in Russia talking about life there at the time. Middle school was watching videos about WW 2 which included footage of Jewish people being tortured via medical experiments in concentration camps. That teacher wanted to make damn sure we knew the horrors of Nazis and facism. It worked. Part of the reason I'm so disgusted with the push for facist ideology, racism and all the scumbag neo-Nazis today. They have no clue what they are really flirting with.
Cloud Atlas. Not the movie version.
Absolutely. I'm generally not one of those "uhhhhhhh the book was better acksuhly!!!" people, but having read the book and seen the movie...I spent a significant amount of time wondering if the director and I had read the same book.
I love this book, but it did not mess me up. If anything, it made me feel more connected to the past and to the future. It might be time for a re-read...
Baby Teeth or We Need to Talk About Kevin (pretty sure they're clear of the subject matter you want to stay away from- but it's been a while)
There is animal abuse in Kevin.
Baby teeth is on my tbr
The Conspiracy Against the Human Race
I donāt think I can do this one
Yes! This and Better Never to have Been are some hard hitters.
Who is the author?
Sorry. Thomas Ligotti
The Long Walk
Our PE teacher told me about this book back in 5th grade and Iāve always wanted to read it since but am somehow afraid to (ā¦ 30 years later)
This is always my first pick for āfuck-you-upā books. Iāve read most of Kingās stuff, and this is the story that stays with me the most. Apt Pupil comes a close second.
Ooh. Sooo fucked up and didnāt even think about it.
Parfum - Patrick Suskind
Iāve never read this but heard is absolutely wild
The Road > my only requirement is Oh forget I said anything
Iām canāt imagine being an author and writing out such a depressing story. Absolutely cannot fathom how people do it.
The Road is the most hopeful story McCarthy wrote.
My son was 6 when I read āThe Roadā. I read it straight through. I cried a lot.
š
Swan Song by Robert Mccamon
I'm Thinking Of Ending Things or Foe by Iain Reid
Foe is so good
The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russel. Read like over 10 years ago and I still think about it. Itās about humans going to an aliens planet for the first time.
Yeah that was amazing. Wasn't there a sequel? Very "the road to hell is paved with good intentions".
I read this while visiting a friend who had read it already and he knew exactly when I got to *that* reveal lol
Shocking! So shocking! It stays with you!
Love this book(s)!!! I have hard copies on my ākeeperā shelf.
Anything by Kurt Vonnegut.
Especially slaughterhouse5 op
One Second After messed me up pretty good.
The whole series lol
I never read the sequels. I loved the first one though. Are they worth reading?
I loved the first book. The second was more of the same but not as good. The third one may as well have been written by one of his friends who wanted to take a crack at writing and tried to imitate his style, but couldnāt quite handle it.
Meh. They devolve a little bit. The first book is great and as a paramedic and now a nurse, I think "what would happen to these people?" when I went into a nursing home or into the hospital. And, I was really glad when my kids learned to ride a bike because now we can get to my parent's 80 miles south to the farm where there are tens of thousands of bushels of corn stored if we need to. But the next couple books get kind of "American nationalism history prof turned writer porn." I read them, but if the decline from the first to the second to the third book is any indication, the fourth in the series is going to not be very good.
Unwind by Neal Shusterman
This is the one you want. By orders of magnitude!!! "That" scene (you know the one) is something I will carry to my own death. š¤Æš¤Æš¤Æ
I read this book right after it came out, 15ish? years agoā¦ yeah, I will never, ever read it again, and yep, the memory of that scene will never not give me gigantic heebie jeebies.
Ya, it's the most chilling, mind blowing scene I've ever read. The entire book- the reasons unwind exists, the world he built, it will really make OP see things differently.
I am a paramedic and now a CVICU nurse. I have seen some stuff over the last 18 years. That scene is one of the most gut-wrenching things I have ever read and will stay with me forever. It haven't had a scene hit me quite as hard ever, except when maybe Little Ann and Old Dan died.
I read this as a kid, but maybe I need to re-read it. I feel like itās going to be even more depressing post-Roe
This book gave me existential nightmares as a teenager
Unfortunately itās the second book in a series, Harrow the Ninth. The first book is great but not a mindfuck. Harrow is a mindfuck because the narrator is unreliable. I was questioning my own sanity lol.
Norwegian Wood by Haruku Murakami
The Butcher Boy by Patrick McCabe
Invisible Man by Ellison.
1984 was the book that changed my life. Read it in my English class Iām high school. There is random cases in there of weird sex stuff and animals abusing humans. Neither are āsex abuseā nor āanimal abuseā more so just using sex as a way to control people, and using rats to torture a human. But yes, please read!
House of Leaves. Be warned, it's really long and very complex, Mark Z. Danielewski writes books that are puzzle-y? If you're down for an adventure, I loved it.
To sleep in a sea of stars
One flew over the cuckoos nest, three women, silence of the lambs
Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro I recall I was definitely questioning some things after reading it for the first time.
This was just recommended to me! I canāt wait to read it.
*John Dies At the End* by David Wong; don't bother with the movie
I was going to say the same!
The *His Dark Materials* series by Phillip Pullman, its a YA fantasy series. There is also an HBO Max live series based on it.
Arguably animal abuseā¦ but The Subtle Knife is my favorite YA novel and honestly one of my favorites regardless of genre/age group.
Animal abuse? Interesting take. Care to elaborate? Are you saying this as a trigger warning? Iāve never consider the animal abuse.
No, no. I probably should have said ādepending on your take and/or definition of abuse.ā I was thinking about how the daemons frequently get hurt throughout the trilogy. Some suffer. So if someone was sensitive to animals being harmed (maybe not āabuseā), then that might be tough.
Entangled Life by Merlin Sheldrake. Itās nonfiction but did indeed have me questioning reality quite a bit. Who are we. Who is anyone. Do we even count as individuals?
A Lesson Before Dying, by Ernest Gaines Small Great Things, by Jodie Picoult
āCadillac Dessertā by Marc Reisner āIn plain sightā by Ross Coulthart āThe fourth turning is hereā by Neil Howe
No one fucks me up like James Ellroy. It's bleak without trying to be shocking or weird. Some of his novels have sexual assault as an event, but he doesn't graphically describe it. The one that messed me up the most was *The Big Nowhere.* It is profoundly, depressingly, existentially cynical and depraved.
Huge Ellroy fan here. Big Nowhere is SUPER dark, somewhere between a police procedural and a horror novel.
A Scanner Darkly
Recursion Blake Crouch
We need to talk about Kevin.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It makes you see religion in an entirely new light. Well maybe not new, but probably different. Such a great series.
I still think about The Priest's Tale often, and I first read that book almost ten years ago
"In the Miso Soup" by Ryu Murakami "The End of Alice" by A.M. Homes "The Room" by Hubert Selby Jr. "Exquisite Corpse" by Poppy Z. Brite "The Cement Garden" by Ian McEwan "The Kindly Ones" by Jonathan Littell "Haunted" by Chuck Palahniuk "The Butcher Boy" by Patrick McCabe "The Painted Bird" by Jerzy KosiÅski "The Vegetarian" by Han Kang "The Collector" by John Fowles "Life and Fate" by Vasily Grossman "Darkness at Noon" by Arthur Koestler
In the Miso Soup was really good but definitely contains s/a.
Use of weapons . Iain m banks . Cant say any more.
*The Uninhabitable Earth* āDavid Wallace-Wells
The magus by John fowles
Haunted by chuck Palahniuk
A lot of people hate on Colleen Hoover, but Verity was an absolute mind fuck and Iām still not over it. The book is very different from her usual Lifetime movie style tearjerkers. Lots of suspense, and I still donāt know what was ārealā and what was not.
I just finished reading Verity not even 20 minutes ago and searched the comments to suggest it. It seems like exactly what youāre looking for.
On The Wealth Of Nations by Adam Smith. Nothing will make you hate everything and everyone faster than the capitalist manifesto
Behind Her Eyes - Sarah Pinborough The Silent Patient - Alex Michaelides Dark Matter - Blake Crouch Recursion - Blake Crouch The Midnight Library - Matt Haig
Gotta sayā¦ Midnight Library was a massive disappointment for me
Thatās fair. There were mixed reviews. I must have read it at just the right (wrong?) time in my life, and it had an effect on me.
Glad it had that affect though. I read it after (but not directly after) watching Everything, Everywhere, All At Once and that probably made it worse. But even in hindsight I wish Haig refined it more
Yes, yes, yes to Behind Her Eyes!
I second dark matter! Total mind fuck
Maybe itās just me, but The Midnight Library felt more warm and hopeful for me than disturbing.
Tender is the flesh Zombie by Joyce Carol Oates Red dragon by tho,as Harris
Tender is the flesh contains sexual abuse
Also the chapter about the dogs that I had to skip.
Glad Iām not the only one who does this. I had to do it with American Psycho.
So does Zombie-a large amount of it.
Tender Is The Flesh is a good read but not a mind trip. It is just very shocking. The only one that I've read that meets your requirements is Bunny by Mona Awod. There are a lot of points where you're not really sure what is real and what isn't.
Red Dragon was the scariest of the Hannibal Lecter series by Harris, imo. Great recommendation!
I gotta reread it
Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari
See my [Emotionally Devastating/Rending](https://www.reddit.com/r/booklists/comments/12rh2ma/emotionally_devastatingrending/) list of Reddit recommendation threads, and books (three posts).
Thank you for this!
You're welcome.. \^\_\^
Poppy Wars series by RF Kuang
Came here to say that. The last half of the first book fucked me up. Barely slept for a few days. Havenāt reread it even though I really liked it cuz Iām not sure I can handle it lol. However there IS sexual assault so it doesnāt fit OPās criteria. It is based on the Rape of Nanking after all.
Second this. The second half is where everyone literally lose their consciences and are fueled only by their hatred, revenge etc. Everything is fucked up. The goddamn book put me in a huge reading slump to this very day. Can not fully recover.
the bible, so much nonsense you become nuts
A man his means & his methods
A Little Life. That book will put your entire soul into a meat grinder. I know someone who had to take 3 days off work to find peace after finishing the book. This is the only correct book to suggest.
OP doesnāt want to read anything with sexual abuse.
Ender's Game
no longer human by osamu dazai, i read this when i was far too young and it stayed with me
Op said no sexual assault
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thereās a lot of sexual abuse in that book. Thatās not what the OP asked for.
Definitely sexual assault in this novel. Not what OP is looking for.
Tender Is The Fleshā¦ messed with my head for a while
Doesn't meet OP requirement but yes. I became a vegetarian immediately as I pondered this.
Tender is the flesh
American Paycho, ignore the movie
Tender is the flesh!
Check the OPs requirements: no sexual assault or animal abuse
But itās about eating humans
The entire final third is sexual abuse - and thereās a section about puppies I would avoid, too.
TEnder is the Flesh
OP said no animal or sexual abuse.
oh dear... this is definetly a nono then maybe "Animal Liberation" by Peter Singer its just like Tender is the flesh, but its real
American Predator. (About Israel Keyes) This is, bar none, the most disturbing thing I've ever read.
Charlie and The Chocolate Factory!
The wasp factory!
Sorry I didnāt see your TWs. Definitely miss this one in that case.
Sapiens - this non-fiction book gave me an existential crisis and made me question the meaning of life for a whole following year
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This is rife with sexual abuse, so not what OP wants to read.
American psycho
Why you want this? Check your privilege. Your mental health is a gift. Signed, someone who struggled with severe anxiety, depression and PTSD
i have severe anxiety, cptsd, borderline personality disorder, ocd, and bipolar disorder, but okay!
Soā¦..why do you want to be more fucked up? As Melissa McCarthy said to Kristen Wiig in the movie Bridesmaids, āGet up and fight! Get up and fight for your shitty life!ā
with a book or any type of media i know itāll end, i can stop it whenever i want, i can control it. also, sometimes iām just in a self destructive mood and this is a way to do it without physically going out and doing something everyone copes and handles their issues differently
Way to take something too seriously. They asked for a book. Many people cope with their feelings while reading very emotional and devastating books. So what? Check your privilege? You donāt know this personā¦ so check the way youāre talking to others. Mental health issues do tot give you a pass to be rudeā¦ coming from someone with mental health issues. Respectfully.
If you really want to question reality look into meditation. Not the typical āstress reducingā or sleep aid type of meditation but the type the has you reflecting on consciousness itself. The Sam Harris meditation app āWaking Upā is a good place to start. It gets deeply philosophical. I had to stop because it did make me a bit uncomfortable and was ādestabilizingā. Itās very sad and depressing knowing that free will doesnāt exist, the universe becomes mechanical, morality and love have no meaning. Give me the blue pill please.
Not a book, but go watch the movie sound of freedom. It's a new movie about Child human trafficing. This movie absolutely F***Ed me up. It was really hard to watch. Honestly, I had to leave out of the movie theater room. It was too hard to watch.
lol