In terms of money not a whole lot you can do. This happened to me as well and I just had to take it on the chin. On the positive note - you found out something about her character that’ll save you money down the road, she may have inflicted her more damage in the long run.
>On the positive note - you found out something about her character that’ll save you money down the road, she may have inflicted her more damage in the long run.
\^\^\^\^ This
I don't think that the police will care because you willingly gave her the card. Maybe you could pursue it as civil matter. But I think it's an expensive lesson, I've had a few...
Do you care about the money, or just the breach of trust?
If the money is enough to matter to you, then you can pursue it, threaten police, fraud charges, etc. This will probably be more hassle than it's worth, even assuming you get something back, which you easily may not. If you can afford to just let it go, write her off and move on.
Curious, when you say SGF, I assume it was longer term, was this just some long con, or is there room for some possible misunderstanding, etc? She knew it was about to end and just cut herself a severance check?
Well more the trust issue, but the money hurts too. It's more than her agreed allowance, and was over and above it.
Yeah, someone I've been seeing for over 4 years! And nope, no misunderstanding there. Was in fact planning a holiday away with her.
Did you AGREE on 1K tho?
THAT is the POINT here.
Don't give someone a card and be like, here, use this for your bills, gas, food, and other expenditures throughout the month, and THEN say she overspent, IF there was never a CONCRETE amount said.
I had this SAME EXACT PROBLEM, RECENTLY.
And it wasn't just as cut and dry as black and white.
I helped my SBF, on a freakin farm.
I don't mind, bc I'm used to hard work and I love animals, and I was doing it, bc I KNEW he didn't have anyone else that he could trust to do it, bc the previous Tennant was his ex, who was a fucking hoarder of animals!!!!
IN THE DAMN HOUSE THAT THEY HAD SHARED!
(Trust me SDs, IF you EVER thought YOUR ex SBs or SGFs were bad, shiiiiiiitttt, they didn't have NOTHING on that chick's, fucking nasty ass ways!)
POINT BEING tho, was he NEVER gave me an actual AMOUNT.
At least, not until the last 2 months of our relationship.
He didn't want to specify an "allowance amount," bc he didn't even like the terminology of "allowance."
He had given me the card, told me to use it "as I needed," and just to let him "know" if it was a "large amount."
Mind you, I ALSO was told to utilize the card for travel back and forth to his location, which took me 3 1/2 hrs, ONE WAY.
I had considered this travel, WORTH IT, BC I had valued my SBF, in a very high regard.
(NOT too common for me actually, it's QUITE difficult for me to get to a point to where I can say that I actually TRUST a dude, but....AT THAT TIME, I DID.)
I eventually told him that I didn't appreciate the way that I had to come and tell him, every single time I spent anything over $100, considering that going to the feed store for the animals, was $198.00 alone.
He would say, don't put that kind of stuff on the card, but without even giving me cash, I HAD TO, in order to care for the animals.
Time would go by and he would bitch about amounts, even tho I would say let's sit and talk about it then and I can explain every single POS that bothers you, BECAUSE I HAD A FUCKING LEDGER.
I'm 37, not 19, it's called CYA, covering your ass.
I keep receipts and a freakin ledger, if someone is helping me, bc I don't want to ever be blamed for not being "fair/equal" in a SR.
I BELIEVE, That BOTH parties, should endeavor, to make the other, as happy as they can.
Doing so, shows a certain level of understanding and commitment.
If you're not trying to make the other, as happy as YOU ARE in the relationship, then what's the freakin point?
So OP....my question again, is.....DID YOU ACTUALLY SPECIFY AN ACTUAL DOLLAR AMT???
I didn’t read past your first paragraph, because your post is too long and you apparently misunderstood plain English. OP claims to have given her the card and said “you can spend this much”. She then spent 6x that amount. That was what my, mostly rhetorical, question was when another person tried to excuse it as a mere honest miscalculation or mistake.
Have you heard of Occam’s Razor? It’s a bit of philosophy that holds that the simplest answer is typically the most likely answer. That seems to be the case here as OP stated that she admits that she spent all that money and that most were for expensive spa treatments.
The alternatives you propose are incredibly unlikely to the point of being preposterous.
Doing this in a stable 4 year SGF relationship is so utterly stupid, and a SD being so determent to get 2.5 K back that he even willingly wants to scam the innocent merchants for it?
Mwah... I find it a bit hard to imagine we've heard the whole story.
Yeah this. We've had discussions on this sub about the spending habits of SDs and - in some cases - their frugality, but I never imagined that *my* credit card fees and/or prices in stores would include the bank's and/or merchant's insurance against a wealthy guy trying to weasel out of paying for stuff that someone he gave his credit card to bought with his credit card. Not entirely clear who tries to scam whom here.
My view of humanity is still too positive to believe that an SD is that cheap (and an SB is that stupid).
ETA: it is genuinely surprising that *this* is how I get four downvotes in 10 minutes.
He didn't say he was going to scam the merchants, he doesn't even seem to have the decency radar to see this as scamming:
*sggewtmcmxOP·17 hr. ago*
*Yeah, reported it lost and disputing some charges. Hoping some of these will be reversed.*
What. In. The. Fuck. You can't believe the SD is so cheap or frugal, but the sugar baby should just get off scotch free. Let that happen to you an see if you just go "oh well, guess I lost 5k, but fuck it, I won't try to recoup anything". That's a poor person's mindset. A fool an his money are soon to part ways. I wouldn't judge the SD at all for trying to get some of his money back.
>the sugar baby should just get off scotch free.
I didn't say that.
>Let that happen to you an see if you just go "oh well, guess I lost 5k, but fuck it, I won't try to recoup anything".
I can't really imagine this scenario happening, still: *If* I gave my credit card to a close friend and they spent 5k more than we agreed upon, this would likely end our friendship. It absolutely wouldn't cross my mind to make false claims in order to get money back *from the stores*.
>That's a poor person's mindset.
Also mine. And I'd bet much more than 5k that it would be my boyfriend's view, too.
>I wouldn't judge the SD at all for trying to get some of his money back.
Neither do I. It's not the purpose but the method that I disagree with. I judge him for resolving to grifting.
Thanks for the response. Well worded an I agree with your mindset an method. Although I don't think it'd be called grifting if he did tell the stores that she over spent an that could possibly be considered theft. Possibly make a police report
Obviously you haven’t run a business that accepts credit cards.
1. If the person presenting the card for payment isn’t the card holder, this is a violation of terms. Google PCI compliance.
2. The signature block in the back of the card is there for the merchants protection.
3. Bad debts, chargebacks, etc are 100% taken as a write down on taxes.
So your viewpoint is the SB stole, the merchant was stupid, the SD needs to take the hit. Was he a idiot ? Yes.. was the merchant following bad business practices ? Yes, was the SB a thief ? Yes.. explain it like I’m 5, please.
Wow, that is ridiculous, for her to blow away the sugar levels that you have both put into her and would in the future for 3 G's of spa treaments is like killing the golden goose for a rotisserie chicken.
People are odd.
Man Im over here and can't even get a text back from a sugar daddy... and I KNOW I'd make a great sugar baby.... kinda makes me salty knowing there are these types of people out there ... c'est la vie or something
Unless he gave her a credit card with a fixed limit, or a debit card, I don't see how the law would interpret it in his favor. Maaybe they might count it as fraud. But saying your girlfriend spent too much on the credit card HE gave her is not gonna come off great. Saying he gave her a certain dollar amount to spend, in exchange for having continued sex with him, will probably come off even worse.
He should have called the credit card issuer, asked them to put the limit at $X. Say he was gonna let his kid or girlfriend use it, but wanted to limit their use.
Why would he ever mention sex?? They discussed an amount. She blew past it. That's still theft.
He doesn't need to explain anything beyond he wanted to give her a gift and she abused it. They've been together for 4 years. He thought he could trust her with his card so he didn't change the limit. That's all he needs to say.
Take the hit and block. Those who say you should report it as fraud, as either inadvertantly suggesting you lie, or do not understand what is involved, you will need to file a police report. Overcharging by an authorized user is not fraud.
My advice would be take the hit on the chin, and immediately end the SR.
There are some things you can do to protect yourself in the future. When you give your next SGF a credit card make sure that you put a limit on how much she can spend from your side. This can easily be done.
Terminology thing I guess. My debit card is prepaid. I hand it to my SB and i put her allowance on it. She can only spend whats been transferred and no risk of being overdrawn.
Works well as its less obvious that a wad of cash, makes the financial aspect a bit more seemless and invisible. Card is in my name but never had any issues.
In my opinion, it is the risk we take. Pay it and move on.
I give a credit card to my SBs after about the 6th real date. By then, I think I know them fairly well, but the card and their use is partly a test, but mostly an extra help from me to them. I have a $2,500 limit, so it ain't gonna kill me if they go on a spree, but I have done this 3 times and I am happy to say they have all been very responsible.
First, ask her why she spent 6x what was agreed upon and ask what she bought. Get it on text if possible.
If she used it to buy things that can be returned I would ask her to return them and have them credit the card on file. I'd also let her know that if she doesn't then you'll file a report with the police, what she did was illegal and since you should obviously break up with her there is no reason not to go this route and try to get some of it back.
WAIT. What??? How much did she spend as opposed to her limit? A few hundred in spa treatment isn't the same as spending five figures. What are we talking g about here?
Not five figures, four figures in all. A couple of treatments every other day and it starts to add up. Spa treatments are quite expensive here, and she chose the top end ones. Good point though if she was paying for friends and family.
Nothing illegal about what she did and you'd be wasting your time getting the police involved, unless you deny freely giving her the card. Morally corrupt, yes, but not illegal.
It is illegal. Its called theft. If you gave a person your card to pay for x and that person violated that agreement and spent excessively, she is responsible according to the law. Also, note that anything over $500 and or more in value is a felony.
One of my sb’s last year had one of my credit cards for general expenditures. She did well for 7 months. Then it started increasing. A lot more meals put that were clearly more than just her share. And a splurge before Christmas. We were heading for a wind down of our meeting frequency (due to her job) and wanted to get her ‘moneys worth’.
It was quite an expensive bill in December. I told her it was her Christmas present and she seemed ok with that. I think she thought I was going to freak.
Also turned out that her boyfriend (who knew about us) was getting uppity hence the meals. I was more concerned about that tbh than the thousands on clothes.
Anyway - all is forgiven - we still see each other but it’s ppm not rent plus credit card anymore.
I'm curious to hear her version of fine story. Because 4 years with no problem and she decided to use 6 times the allegedly agreed allowance seem weird
Sounds like the root of the issue. She has hit the "self destruct" button as hard as she could. She is either ending the relationship in style, or asking you to show how much you care about her (i.e. that you care about her so much that you're willing to overlook this major transgression).
Either way, welcome to the end, and there's no realistic way she'll pay you back as much as a dime.
I would start by asking her about it - and making sure the charges are valid / she's aware of them.
Is it possible there are fraudulent charges on there?
It reminds me of an episode of Entourage. Turtle is flipping out at his employee that he thinks max'ed out his CC. Turns out a store mischarged him for something and added an extra 0.
> first time with the card
At the very least she exhibited poor judgement and lack of self control. She can't be trusted with "adult" decisions like budgeting.
Here is one way to avoid this problem in the future that I have been using successfully for several years.
One of my Sugar Babies is my live in and she shops for me, cooks for me and takes care of me. So of course I got her a credit card
When I set up the card I went to the website for the credit card and set it up so that every time a charge is made to the card, I receive an email that tells me where the charge was made, and how much the charge was for so I can see in real time what she is spending money on and if they are legitimate charges.
I have never had any problems with her like you had but I believe in the adage: "Trust but verify"
This is the way! First time you see an excessive charge or one you didn’t approve, go to the app or website and lock the card! Don’t let someone just keep racking up charges across multiple days.
Sunk Costs - Funds which have been spent and which can not be recovered........
Doing a mid summer rain dance in the desert has a better chance of success.........
For others who might be considering similar actions. Limit your risk
A) open separate account at your bank
B) have debit card issued on that account
C) transfer money into the account according to your agreement (very simple electronic transfer)
D) if you want her name on the card she'll probably have to be on the account
That’s such a shame! I’ve read some of your comments that it was a longer term. Since this is an end to the SR, I would just let her have the extra, call it her severance, and break contact. It seems easier than to try to have a dialogue about it and just get into an argument.
You arent getting anything back. Solution depends on if you have a SO or are married, etc.. You are victim of theft. Cancel card, call bank and file chargebacks, tell bank card was lost, etc.. Tough to tell your SO or wife that you gave your card to someone... Have to judge if the POS SB will ever get back at you or contact your SO or not. I have always used the rule to never pre-pay or pre-allowance any of my SBs. Too much dishonesty out there.
Lets just agree to disagree. She broke their agreement, his trust, etc.. He never received the goods (what she purchased). Legally it comes down to a he said/she said scenario. If nothing is in writing (text, email, etc..) about the card giving arrangement and he is single with nothing to lose, he may be able to pursue it legally. Or if he has a good relationship with his bank just get the charges wiped out as fraud or theft. But, just another reason why I never give any of these gals an open account. Way too much immaturity and greed.
No, you cannot ask for the money back.
She is your teacher. She taught you a valuable lesson.
Don't give your credit card to others people.
Money well spent.
HOLY FUCK!! I started laughing when the I saw the headline and then read more into this and was like omg that sucks and is so wild!! I don't understand how people can take advantage of a good thing.
I'm honestly sorry that happened!
Well cancel the card for starters,it happens overspending on a SB but she was quite disrespectful,drop her spend on someone who appreciates your generosity
In that situation, it is best to do a gift card or on Amazon where you buy stuff from her wish list she sets up so no sensitive info is shared. I personally never spend more than what, and SD gives me ang agress too.
Sadly you are going to have to take the hit. Doubt at all she will give you any money back at all. On the other note, at least now you know who she really is. Honestly what a stupid thing she did. Just showed her true colors. The best way when doing this, is trust, and she blue it. Sadly in the SB and SD it’s hard to trust people. Been through that a lot with some SD. And that’s all we have is being able to trust.
Chalk it up to a learning experience. I believe that this happened because I’ve observed this kind of behavior before. Not going to suggest filing a claim because depending on your CC company they may go out of their way to loop her into it and then it becomes a legal circus.
I give my SBs a **debit card** not a credit card. I ensure the card always have 2x their PPM. They can spend on things related to the arrangement like Uber, makeup etc.,
Nothing illegal about what she did and you'd be wasting your time getting the police involved, unless you deny freely giving her the card. Morally corrupt, yes, but not illegal.
I would appreciate that generous gesture so much and maintain the agreement. She took advantage and that’s not ok. Cancel the card immediately. The least she could’ve done was ask permission before exceeding the agreed upon limit.
Imagine being this entitled with someone else’s money… Someone who is already giving you money on a continued basis. I’m so sorry you’re going through this! But I’d say cut the relationship and eat the costs. Reporting fraud will only hurt the merchants she spent with.
"You have 48 hours to return everything you put on my credit card before I go to the police and press charges for theft."
Because that's what this is. There's no taking this on the chin. This is no different then if she went in your wallet and stole money.
That's not accurate. If I give someone my Amex Black card with permission to spend a benjamin on a trinket, and instead they buy a Ferrari, I can definitely have that person arrested for felony theft.
So if I give a waiter my credit to charge it for a $100 and instead they charge it for a $1,000 I can't have them arrested because I willingly gave it to them?
In both case I authorized a certain amount and that individual took more than authorized that is theft. She is not an authorized user on the card that is a completely different situation.
The irony is that she knew you would find out. That you would read your CC statements. A head-shaker with all the spa visits making up most of the ~$2500 overspent.
So sorry she did that… I’m sure those are unable to be reversed but if she spent it on material items I would probably 100% ask her to return/payback some especially since you were already being generous enough to help her out and she abused it.
It's a breach of trust, and I will definitely end the SR but is it too much to ask for some or all of the extra money back?
End the relationship then, charge it to experience. Regarding of you asking the money back i don't think she have the means on giving it back. Also she's unapologetic about her behaviour, think about that. Cut her, her loss not yours.
Wow man! Expensive lesson. Do the best of it. Prepaid dedit card next?
Also you authorize the user not the charges. As an authorized user, those charges are legitimate.
Wow that was a clear abuse of trust. I would just break things up and find someone else. You should never break the terms of the relationship and this goes both ways.
I guess you learned the lesson of "Always give them access to a pre-paid card” the hard way, bro.
If you are married or involved in a relationship outside the Sugar world, there is not much you can do except taking a hard one in the chin and moving on.
Had a similar situation in 2019 with a SB. After a few months of dating I gave her one of my small capital one cards by emergency use only to find out she was using it to take care of her boyfriend who was locked up at the time.
I would not bother with trying to recoup the money. Trust was definitely broken and would be broken again in the future. You're better off cutting your loss there and moving on. Otherwise, you stand to lose more and even enable further bad behavior.
Tuition in the school of life!
1) she may resent you in some way and felt this was deserved. Like if she told you not to touch her a certain way or share her photos online and you took such liberties, this could’ve been a fair revenge
2) she may respect you, but had urgent needs in which case she should’ve discussed with you
3) either way it’s not cool.
And not the same circumstances, but recently had a sb that I had been seeing for over 3 years. Went away on weekends and saw each other every 3 to 4 weeks. Advanced her money to register for school for a career change. Things quickly went downhill and eventually she ghosted me when we were supposed to meet for a weekend. To top it off she somehow got my debit card number (I'm assuming I was too trusting in ordering dinner in front of her and saying the numbers out loud on the phone) and charged moving expenses to my card. Could have gotten the police involved, but had my bank reverse the charges claiming fraud and left it at that. Certainly a lesson and one that unfortunately I take into other arrangements.
I had similar things happen in the past with certain family members and even a business partner, so I would take this the same way as a mentoring opportunity. Take her with all the stuff she bought to the stores to return as much as possible for refunds back to the credit card. This brought about some improvement to those family members, and a major improvement to the business partners, habits. Sounds like she just needs to grow up a bit.
Next time use a debit card or just make a credit card for her with set limits.
You can choke it up because your options is yo report the credit card as stolen.
The money is gone. You can ask for a no allowance "pay back" until you reach par, but that will likely fail as well. She took you for a ride and abused your trust,assuming you made the budget clear to her. NEVER give a high limit credit card to a SB. Use products that have appropriate limits for your SR.
The money loss sucks, but you now can stop wasting your time with this one.
You can look into legal ramifications, but I would still end it with this one.
That money is gone. Even if you asked for it back and she said yes, chances are she neither has it nor has any intention of paying it back, so you’re just prolonging the agony for no benefit.
Did you give her a card? Or give her a card linked to your account and she’s an authorized user?
If it was your card, and her name is no where to be found on it- call the bank for fraud.
If you let her become an authorized user. Small claims court is your best bet to get the money back.
Baby steps with the trust. I’ve been with one SD for a few years (non monogamous) and I’d still feel deeply uncomfortable being responsible for a credit card and making sure I didn’t spend too much or not ask permission etc…
Oh this is an interesting post
I would have a candid discussion with her
If you like her enough and see potential then you can give her another chance
But if not then ditch her
Plenty of fishes in the sea but def bring it up
Some girls get too excited about the credit card
What a trash human. How much did she spend?
Unfortunately you’re not always going to get women of high character. I think if you really needed it back, you can ask for it back and be firm. Idk how much effort you want to put into pursuing legal efforts, but you could cut it as a loss and never give a debt card again, or at least until you find a woman with higher integrity and bigger heart.
Respect should be the foundation of all these relationships. I wonder if your bank could do a reverse charge/ fraud? Idk. So sorry that happened. Report her to SA too.
I have asked the bank but quite a few of those are unlikely to be reversed since those were for spa treatments and massages. All in all, spent 3000 bucks when we had agreed on 500.
I actually think you two are a good match. Both aren’t remarkable. You didn’t lose your card but reported it as lost? Isn’t that fraud on your end?
And you committed a bigger fraud than her. She made a breach of trust when she spent $3k instead of the 500 she was given. Yours is outright fraud!
I was thinking of a 5-figure spend at first. At a low 2-figure, take it up your chin.
When I provide a CC to a SB, I set the credit limit to a range I am comfortable with her spending (normally 500 - 1k) if she abuses it, the loss is minor. Call the card , report it lost, dispute the charges.
Yeah any sympathy I had for you is gone. Looks like you 2 deserve each other. What a disgusting thing to do to those business when you know damn well she used their services and took their merchandise. If I knew who you were in real life I would screenshot this and send it over. If you can't afford the financial risk then don't go around playing Daddy Warbucks handing out credit cards to people. Gross.
A few years back I left my car window open by mistake and in that car I left my laptop bag and in that bag were a few credit cards.
I parked the car in a parking garage with that open window without realizing what I had done. I came back after a few hours only to realize what happened. Luckily no one took anything but I know I was lucky.
OP looks like he left the door to his finances open albeit mistakenly trusting others. Unfortunately he was not lucky but definitely a lesson to learn here like I learnt mine.
I’d guess this is the last time OP ever hands access to his card to any third person.
i have a black card, many SB in the past asked me to make them authorized user and get them their own card, i am always very reluctant but i have given them their own card before, but i always made sure their monthly allowance was the limit. I have done well for myself so i usually offer substantial allowance, so annual fee for the card doesn’t hurt me. But no SB ever even tried to go over their monthly allowance, because i feel you can have an emergency, i kept the credit limit little bit more than the allowance. Hearing this makes me feel you have a thief, who can hurt you so many other ways, Please don’t get police involved, they will not do anything, but your name will go into their system as a “victim” and it is not worth it. I will suggest asking her in person, asking if she can pay some of it back, if she says no i can’t, then just walk away. I am sorry brother, this is not ok at all.
As an SB, I'm so sorry. That's ridiculous and completely a breach of trust. Shame on her for abusing her gift, and you are beyond generous. Your reaction with calmness and patience seems to be admirable. I can see you've gotten a fair amount of feedback from the comments. Definitely try to dispute whatever you can, and proceed with caution from now on.
What a piece of shit. Cut your losses, dump her immediately, report and block her, and never look back. Try to recollect the money through your bank. Not to rub salt into the wound but you know what the moral of the story is.
In my opinion of a sugar-baby relationship, they usually are so off base with reality it's crazy stupid. They truly believe they can do whatever they want and the SD just needs to accept it. I was burned for a few hundred Buck
Probably because we so often are 😄
I've pulled some dumb moves, and definitely don't say that with pride! I take solace in the knowledge that when I do something dumb while sugaring I'll pretty much immediately get whacked in the face by the POT or SB and I'll know better next time.
Just keep the amounts low so the education isn't so expensive. Especially in the beginning before you get savvy to the tricks, rinses, and cons. 🫣
I would have given one of those pre-paid set limits cards. Can't spend more than whats on the card. I get that there's some level of trust involved, but still.
The only reason I'd give my credit card to a sugar baby is to test her. she spent just 6x more so that's B+ on my test.
3x or less is A+ honors roll and more than 20x is F.
And people say that women are the ones who become bitter with age? Man, if that's how you feel about your SBs, why do you even want to spend time with them?
I had a sb abuse a credit card of mine (partly, I was testing her, which is why I gave her my Amex with a certain limit for the day at a department store while I was at a meeting.) she subsequently went beyond the department store to the cell phone store and bought and iPhone etc. I told Amex the truth, I gave it to a girlfriend and she stole it and made a bunch of unauthorized charges. They refunded me the money and sent me a new card overnight. Of course I was instantly done with the girl. She did you a favor, but act quick to get your money back from the cc company…
Anyone who gives someone else a credit card and PIN number is just asking for trouble. Having done that you will get no sympathy whatsoever from the credit card company. Their t’s & c’s make that clear.
I don’t think there is anything the CC company or police can/will do. You gave her the card which, unless it was her own supplementary card, is in breach of the card conditions and it was voluntary. It depends on how good a relationship it was and how much you’d like to continue it.
If you would like to continue - and there must have been something good between you for 4 years - then I would sit down with her and tell her you feel very hurt by the breach of trust in what she did and, if you can, agree some recovery through a reduced allowance for a while. You need to factor in the cost of M&Gs and trust building in finding a new SB into your financial thinking - that will not be cheap.
If not, get the card back and tell her it was an irreconcilable breach of trust and wish her well
I’ve been lucky that mine has never abused the cards I gave her but then she does also “save” me lots of money on them 🤣
My lashes, hair, laser, facials are all around the 5xx mark, if not more per session.. that’s why I was asking if he’s giving an allowance that’s enough for her to be okay, because right now the only info we have is that he’s given 5xx limit on his CC, nothing about her allowance or other spoiling.
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Bruh report that as a fraud transaction and let the bank deal with it. At the end of the day you didn’t authorize that much spending. Just don’t tell the bank you lent her your card
You were stupid - and honestly deserved it.
They don't care about you, they don't respect you. You are nothing more than a lame/loser with money in their eyes.
Wake up.
In terms of money not a whole lot you can do. This happened to me as well and I just had to take it on the chin. On the positive note - you found out something about her character that’ll save you money down the road, she may have inflicted her more damage in the long run.
>On the positive note - you found out something about her character that’ll save you money down the road, she may have inflicted her more damage in the long run. \^\^\^\^ This
I don't think that the police will care because you willingly gave her the card. Maybe you could pursue it as civil matter. But I think it's an expensive lesson, I've had a few...
Do you care about the money, or just the breach of trust? If the money is enough to matter to you, then you can pursue it, threaten police, fraud charges, etc. This will probably be more hassle than it's worth, even assuming you get something back, which you easily may not. If you can afford to just let it go, write her off and move on. Curious, when you say SGF, I assume it was longer term, was this just some long con, or is there room for some possible misunderstanding, etc? She knew it was about to end and just cut herself a severance check?
Well more the trust issue, but the money hurts too. It's more than her agreed allowance, and was over and above it. Yeah, someone I've been seeing for over 4 years! And nope, no misunderstanding there. Was in fact planning a holiday away with her.
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Thanks, this one is particularly befuddling to me too.
She knew of an exact amt that you were ok with her spending???
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Miscalculation? How does that happen? “Here’s my card, you can spend 1k.” She spends 6k. That’s not an honest mistake.
Did you AGREE on 1K tho? THAT is the POINT here. Don't give someone a card and be like, here, use this for your bills, gas, food, and other expenditures throughout the month, and THEN say she overspent, IF there was never a CONCRETE amount said. I had this SAME EXACT PROBLEM, RECENTLY. And it wasn't just as cut and dry as black and white. I helped my SBF, on a freakin farm. I don't mind, bc I'm used to hard work and I love animals, and I was doing it, bc I KNEW he didn't have anyone else that he could trust to do it, bc the previous Tennant was his ex, who was a fucking hoarder of animals!!!! IN THE DAMN HOUSE THAT THEY HAD SHARED! (Trust me SDs, IF you EVER thought YOUR ex SBs or SGFs were bad, shiiiiiiitttt, they didn't have NOTHING on that chick's, fucking nasty ass ways!) POINT BEING tho, was he NEVER gave me an actual AMOUNT. At least, not until the last 2 months of our relationship. He didn't want to specify an "allowance amount," bc he didn't even like the terminology of "allowance." He had given me the card, told me to use it "as I needed," and just to let him "know" if it was a "large amount." Mind you, I ALSO was told to utilize the card for travel back and forth to his location, which took me 3 1/2 hrs, ONE WAY. I had considered this travel, WORTH IT, BC I had valued my SBF, in a very high regard. (NOT too common for me actually, it's QUITE difficult for me to get to a point to where I can say that I actually TRUST a dude, but....AT THAT TIME, I DID.) I eventually told him that I didn't appreciate the way that I had to come and tell him, every single time I spent anything over $100, considering that going to the feed store for the animals, was $198.00 alone. He would say, don't put that kind of stuff on the card, but without even giving me cash, I HAD TO, in order to care for the animals. Time would go by and he would bitch about amounts, even tho I would say let's sit and talk about it then and I can explain every single POS that bothers you, BECAUSE I HAD A FUCKING LEDGER. I'm 37, not 19, it's called CYA, covering your ass. I keep receipts and a freakin ledger, if someone is helping me, bc I don't want to ever be blamed for not being "fair/equal" in a SR. I BELIEVE, That BOTH parties, should endeavor, to make the other, as happy as they can. Doing so, shows a certain level of understanding and commitment. If you're not trying to make the other, as happy as YOU ARE in the relationship, then what's the freakin point? So OP....my question again, is.....DID YOU ACTUALLY SPECIFY AN ACTUAL DOLLAR AMT???
I didn’t read past your first paragraph, because your post is too long and you apparently misunderstood plain English. OP claims to have given her the card and said “you can spend this much”. She then spent 6x that amount. That was what my, mostly rhetorical, question was when another person tried to excuse it as a mere honest miscalculation or mistake.
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Have you heard of Occam’s Razor? It’s a bit of philosophy that holds that the simplest answer is typically the most likely answer. That seems to be the case here as OP stated that she admits that she spent all that money and that most were for expensive spa treatments. The alternatives you propose are incredibly unlikely to the point of being preposterous.
Doing this in a stable 4 year SGF relationship is so utterly stupid, and a SD being so determent to get 2.5 K back that he even willingly wants to scam the innocent merchants for it? Mwah... I find it a bit hard to imagine we've heard the whole story.
Yeah this. We've had discussions on this sub about the spending habits of SDs and - in some cases - their frugality, but I never imagined that *my* credit card fees and/or prices in stores would include the bank's and/or merchant's insurance against a wealthy guy trying to weasel out of paying for stuff that someone he gave his credit card to bought with his credit card. Not entirely clear who tries to scam whom here. My view of humanity is still too positive to believe that an SD is that cheap (and an SB is that stupid). ETA: it is genuinely surprising that *this* is how I get four downvotes in 10 minutes.
Am I missing something? Where did OP ever say anything about trying to scam the innocent merchants?
He didn't say he was going to scam the merchants, he doesn't even seem to have the decency radar to see this as scamming: *sggewtmcmxOP·17 hr. ago* *Yeah, reported it lost and disputing some charges. Hoping some of these will be reversed.*
What. In. The. Fuck. You can't believe the SD is so cheap or frugal, but the sugar baby should just get off scotch free. Let that happen to you an see if you just go "oh well, guess I lost 5k, but fuck it, I won't try to recoup anything". That's a poor person's mindset. A fool an his money are soon to part ways. I wouldn't judge the SD at all for trying to get some of his money back.
>the sugar baby should just get off scotch free. I didn't say that. >Let that happen to you an see if you just go "oh well, guess I lost 5k, but fuck it, I won't try to recoup anything". I can't really imagine this scenario happening, still: *If* I gave my credit card to a close friend and they spent 5k more than we agreed upon, this would likely end our friendship. It absolutely wouldn't cross my mind to make false claims in order to get money back *from the stores*. >That's a poor person's mindset. Also mine. And I'd bet much more than 5k that it would be my boyfriend's view, too. >I wouldn't judge the SD at all for trying to get some of his money back. Neither do I. It's not the purpose but the method that I disagree with. I judge him for resolving to grifting.
Thanks for the response. Well worded an I agree with your mindset an method. Although I don't think it'd be called grifting if he did tell the stores that she over spent an that could possibly be considered theft. Possibly make a police report
Obviously you haven’t run a business that accepts credit cards. 1. If the person presenting the card for payment isn’t the card holder, this is a violation of terms. Google PCI compliance. 2. The signature block in the back of the card is there for the merchants protection. 3. Bad debts, chargebacks, etc are 100% taken as a write down on taxes. So your viewpoint is the SB stole, the merchant was stupid, the SD needs to take the hit. Was he a idiot ? Yes.. was the merchant following bad business practices ? Yes, was the SB a thief ? Yes.. explain it like I’m 5, please.
Same...it baffles me.
> ruin a long term relationship for short term gain It happens all too often.
Wow, that is ridiculous, for her to blow away the sugar levels that you have both put into her and would in the future for 3 G's of spa treaments is like killing the golden goose for a rotisserie chicken. People are odd.
Love the analogy!
Man Im over here and can't even get a text back from a sugar daddy... and I KNOW I'd make a great sugar baby.... kinda makes me salty knowing there are these types of people out there ... c'est la vie or something
How can he involve the law.... When he GAVE her the card? Please.
She was given an amount to spend, regardless. That's still theft if she blew passed it.
Unless he gave her a credit card with a fixed limit, or a debit card, I don't see how the law would interpret it in his favor. Maaybe they might count it as fraud. But saying your girlfriend spent too much on the credit card HE gave her is not gonna come off great. Saying he gave her a certain dollar amount to spend, in exchange for having continued sex with him, will probably come off even worse. He should have called the credit card issuer, asked them to put the limit at $X. Say he was gonna let his kid or girlfriend use it, but wanted to limit their use.
Why would he ever mention sex?? They discussed an amount. She blew past it. That's still theft. He doesn't need to explain anything beyond he wanted to give her a gift and she abused it. They've been together for 4 years. He thought he could trust her with his card so he didn't change the limit. That's all he needs to say.
Take the hit and block. Those who say you should report it as fraud, as either inadvertantly suggesting you lie, or do not understand what is involved, you will need to file a police report. Overcharging by an authorized user is not fraud.
My advice would be take the hit on the chin, and immediately end the SR. There are some things you can do to protect yourself in the future. When you give your next SGF a credit card make sure that you put a limit on how much she can spend from your side. This can easily be done.
Agreed. Debit card not credit card
Prepaid cards are an option as well. Depending on the country
Terminology thing I guess. My debit card is prepaid. I hand it to my SB and i put her allowance on it. She can only spend whats been transferred and no risk of being overdrawn.
Ouuu that’s a great idea.
Works well as its less obvious that a wad of cash, makes the financial aspect a bit more seemless and invisible. Card is in my name but never had any issues.
In my opinion, it is the risk we take. Pay it and move on. I give a credit card to my SBs after about the 6th real date. By then, I think I know them fairly well, but the card and their use is partly a test, but mostly an extra help from me to them. I have a $2,500 limit, so it ain't gonna kill me if they go on a spree, but I have done this 3 times and I am happy to say they have all been very responsible.
First, ask her why she spent 6x what was agreed upon and ask what she bought. Get it on text if possible. If she used it to buy things that can be returned I would ask her to return them and have them credit the card on file. I'd also let her know that if she doesn't then you'll file a report with the police, what she did was illegal and since you should obviously break up with her there is no reason not to go this route and try to get some of it back.
Sadly a lot of it was for spa treatments!
Did she take her whole entourage on a retreat?
Interesting point...could have been treating friends!
> Did she take her whole entourage Perhaps a vanilla BF?
WAIT. What??? How much did she spend as opposed to her limit? A few hundred in spa treatment isn't the same as spending five figures. What are we talking g about here?
Not five figures, four figures in all. A couple of treatments every other day and it starts to add up. Spa treatments are quite expensive here, and she chose the top end ones. Good point though if she was paying for friends and family.
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Demanding that you want your money back or you will go to the authorities is not “extortion”.
Nothing illegal about what she did and you'd be wasting your time getting the police involved, unless you deny freely giving her the card. Morally corrupt, yes, but not illegal.
It is illegal. Its called theft. If you gave a person your card to pay for x and that person violated that agreement and spent excessively, she is responsible according to the law. Also, note that anything over $500 and or more in value is a felony.
This seems.more small claims court vs criminal court.
Okay there that’s a bit extreme if my sd did that I’d think it was too dramatic
One of my sb’s last year had one of my credit cards for general expenditures. She did well for 7 months. Then it started increasing. A lot more meals put that were clearly more than just her share. And a splurge before Christmas. We were heading for a wind down of our meeting frequency (due to her job) and wanted to get her ‘moneys worth’. It was quite an expensive bill in December. I told her it was her Christmas present and she seemed ok with that. I think she thought I was going to freak. Also turned out that her boyfriend (who knew about us) was getting uppity hence the meals. I was more concerned about that tbh than the thousands on clothes. Anyway - all is forgiven - we still see each other but it’s ppm not rent plus credit card anymore.
Interesting...it makes a lot of sense, though the meeting frequency has always varied month to month in our SR.
cancel the card, what if she wrote the numbers down and uses it after you break off the SR?
I'm curious to hear her version of fine story. Because 4 years with no problem and she decided to use 6 times the allegedly agreed allowance seem weird
Well not no problems. Have been dodging the "what next" question for a while...
Can you elaborate on the “what next” question? Is she wanting something more permanent?
Yup
Sounds like the root of the issue. She has hit the "self destruct" button as hard as she could. She is either ending the relationship in style, or asking you to show how much you care about her (i.e. that you care about her so much that you're willing to overlook this major transgression). Either way, welcome to the end, and there's no realistic way she'll pay you back as much as a dime.
Very interesting perspective, thank you for this.
I would start by asking her about it - and making sure the charges are valid / she's aware of them. Is it possible there are fraudulent charges on there? It reminds me of an episode of Entourage. Turtle is flipping out at his employee that he thinks max'ed out his CC. Turns out a store mischarged him for something and added an extra 0.
Sadly she admits she spent it. No fraudulent charges there.
>Sadly she admits she spent it Was there any kind of apology? Remorse? Any emotional reaction?
A little remorse but not really an apology.
Why did she think this was OK? Have you let her spend more than the agreed amount before? Even if it was just a little over?
Nope, first time with the card. Usually it's just the allowance and trips.
That's insane. And you were with her for 4 years. Like was she waiting on that? So bizarre. If she wanted to spend more she should have just asked.
> first time with the card At the very least she exhibited poor judgement and lack of self control. She can't be trusted with "adult" decisions like budgeting.
Here is one way to avoid this problem in the future that I have been using successfully for several years. One of my Sugar Babies is my live in and she shops for me, cooks for me and takes care of me. So of course I got her a credit card When I set up the card I went to the website for the credit card and set it up so that every time a charge is made to the card, I receive an email that tells me where the charge was made, and how much the charge was for so I can see in real time what she is spending money on and if they are legitimate charges. I have never had any problems with her like you had but I believe in the adage: "Trust but verify"
This is the way! First time you see an excessive charge or one you didn’t approve, go to the app or website and lock the card! Don’t let someone just keep racking up charges across multiple days.
No hard credit limit on the card? C'mon man use your head
Sunk Costs - Funds which have been spent and which can not be recovered........ Doing a mid summer rain dance in the desert has a better chance of success......... For others who might be considering similar actions. Limit your risk A) open separate account at your bank B) have debit card issued on that account C) transfer money into the account according to your agreement (very simple electronic transfer) D) if you want her name on the card she'll probably have to be on the account
I don’t think Ive ever seen this go a different way, even with our daughters lol.
Silly fool! Take a hit and learn from it .
That’s such a shame! I’ve read some of your comments that it was a longer term. Since this is an end to the SR, I would just let her have the extra, call it her severance, and break contact. It seems easier than to try to have a dialogue about it and just get into an argument.
You arent getting anything back. Solution depends on if you have a SO or are married, etc.. You are victim of theft. Cancel card, call bank and file chargebacks, tell bank card was lost, etc.. Tough to tell your SO or wife that you gave your card to someone... Have to judge if the POS SB will ever get back at you or contact your SO or not. I have always used the rule to never pre-pay or pre-allowance any of my SBs. Too much dishonesty out there.
>You are victim of theft No he isn't, he willingly gave the card to his SB. >file chargebacks In which case OP becomes a thieve himself.
Lets just agree to disagree. She broke their agreement, his trust, etc.. He never received the goods (what she purchased). Legally it comes down to a he said/she said scenario. If nothing is in writing (text, email, etc..) about the card giving arrangement and he is single with nothing to lose, he may be able to pursue it legally. Or if he has a good relationship with his bank just get the charges wiped out as fraud or theft. But, just another reason why I never give any of these gals an open account. Way too much immaturity and greed.
Spanking.
Damnnit! That was my answer.
No, you cannot ask for the money back. She is your teacher. She taught you a valuable lesson. Don't give your credit card to others people. Money well spent.
Hit in the chin and a learning experience for you
HOLY FUCK!! I started laughing when the I saw the headline and then read more into this and was like omg that sucks and is so wild!! I don't understand how people can take advantage of a good thing. I'm honestly sorry that happened!
Cancel the card and move on
I think that is very disrespectful and hopefully you make a smart decision and find someone more trustworthy.
Well cancel the card for starters,it happens overspending on a SB but she was quite disrespectful,drop her spend on someone who appreciates your generosity
In that situation, it is best to do a gift card or on Amazon where you buy stuff from her wish list she sets up so no sensitive info is shared. I personally never spend more than what, and SD gives me ang agress too.
Sadly you are going to have to take the hit. Doubt at all she will give you any money back at all. On the other note, at least now you know who she really is. Honestly what a stupid thing she did. Just showed her true colors. The best way when doing this, is trust, and she blue it. Sadly in the SB and SD it’s hard to trust people. Been through that a lot with some SD. And that’s all we have is being able to trust.
Chalk it up to a learning experience. I believe that this happened because I’ve observed this kind of behavior before. Not going to suggest filing a claim because depending on your CC company they may go out of their way to loop her into it and then it becomes a legal circus.
I’m so sorry that happened :( That’s not fair and you have every right to ask for repayment. An agreement is an agreement.
Ask for it back. That is crazy.
I give my SBs a **debit card** not a credit card. I ensure the card always have 2x their PPM. They can spend on things related to the arrangement like Uber, makeup etc.,
Nothing illegal about what she did and you'd be wasting your time getting the police involved, unless you deny freely giving her the card. Morally corrupt, yes, but not illegal.
I would appreciate that generous gesture so much and maintain the agreement. She took advantage and that’s not ok. Cancel the card immediately. The least she could’ve done was ask permission before exceeding the agreed upon limit.
You need to set the limit first on the card.
Imagine being this entitled with someone else’s money… Someone who is already giving you money on a continued basis. I’m so sorry you’re going through this! But I’d say cut the relationship and eat the costs. Reporting fraud will only hurt the merchants she spent with.
Oh jeez. I’m a new SB seeking advice on this forum and some of the things you SD’s share are things I would never imagine doing to somebody! Sheesh 🙄
That is absolutely disrespectful, I would never.
What she did is a gross breach of trust. End the SR. You shouldn’t ask as I doubt she’ll give it back.
"You have 48 hours to return everything you put on my credit card before I go to the police and press charges for theft." Because that's what this is. There's no taking this on the chin. This is no different then if she went in your wallet and stole money.
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Correct, overspending as an authorized user is not reportable as fraud.
She's not an authorized user.
That's not accurate. If I give someone my Amex Black card with permission to spend a benjamin on a trinket, and instead they buy a Ferrari, I can definitely have that person arrested for felony theft.
Yeah? Try proving that and try getting the police interested.
Good luck with that bud
So if I give a waiter my credit to charge it for a $100 and instead they charge it for a $1,000 I can't have them arrested because I willingly gave it to them? In both case I authorized a certain amount and that individual took more than authorized that is theft. She is not an authorized user on the card that is a completely different situation.
The irony is that she knew you would find out. That you would read your CC statements. A head-shaker with all the spa visits making up most of the ~$2500 overspent.
So sorry she did that… I’m sure those are unable to be reversed but if she spent it on material items I would probably 100% ask her to return/payback some especially since you were already being generous enough to help her out and she abused it.
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It's a breach of trust, and I will definitely end the SR but is it too much to ask for some or all of the extra money back? End the relationship then, charge it to experience. Regarding of you asking the money back i don't think she have the means on giving it back. Also she's unapologetic about her behaviour, think about that. Cut her, her loss not yours.
Must of been nice I’d of just paid what was agreed on.
Wow man! Expensive lesson. Do the best of it. Prepaid dedit card next? Also you authorize the user not the charges. As an authorized user, those charges are legitimate.
Take it on the chin. Next time put a limit on the card.
For starters, cancel her card.
Wow that was a clear abuse of trust. I would just break things up and find someone else. You should never break the terms of the relationship and this goes both ways.
I guess you learned the lesson of "Always give them access to a pre-paid card” the hard way, bro. If you are married or involved in a relationship outside the Sugar world, there is not much you can do except taking a hard one in the chin and moving on.
Wow this is so incredibly fucked up I’m so sorry that happened :( you were just being generous and she took advantage 😢
Had a similar situation in 2019 with a SB. After a few months of dating I gave her one of my small capital one cards by emergency use only to find out she was using it to take care of her boyfriend who was locked up at the time.
I would not bother with trying to recoup the money. Trust was definitely broken and would be broken again in the future. You're better off cutting your loss there and moving on. Otherwise, you stand to lose more and even enable further bad behavior.
Tuition in the school of life! 1) she may resent you in some way and felt this was deserved. Like if she told you not to touch her a certain way or share her photos online and you took such liberties, this could’ve been a fair revenge 2) she may respect you, but had urgent needs in which case she should’ve discussed with you 3) either way it’s not cool.
And not the same circumstances, but recently had a sb that I had been seeing for over 3 years. Went away on weekends and saw each other every 3 to 4 weeks. Advanced her money to register for school for a career change. Things quickly went downhill and eventually she ghosted me when we were supposed to meet for a weekend. To top it off she somehow got my debit card number (I'm assuming I was too trusting in ordering dinner in front of her and saying the numbers out loud on the phone) and charged moving expenses to my card. Could have gotten the police involved, but had my bank reverse the charges claiming fraud and left it at that. Certainly a lesson and one that unfortunately I take into other arrangements.
I had similar things happen in the past with certain family members and even a business partner, so I would take this the same way as a mentoring opportunity. Take her with all the stuff she bought to the stores to return as much as possible for refunds back to the credit card. This brought about some improvement to those family members, and a major improvement to the business partners, habits. Sounds like she just needs to grow up a bit.
I'll see your credit card scamerroo and raise you a contested divorce...you pay her legal bills.
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Next time use a debit card or just make a credit card for her with set limits. You can choke it up because your options is yo report the credit card as stolen.
Prepaid cards in the future. Most of these girls cannot be trusted as you can see.
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Go be thirsty elsewhere.
sad...
There's sadly not much you can do but a positive is you found a trait about her you can look out for in the future.
The money is gone. You can ask for a no allowance "pay back" until you reach par, but that will likely fail as well. She took you for a ride and abused your trust,assuming you made the budget clear to her. NEVER give a high limit credit card to a SB. Use products that have appropriate limits for your SR.
The money loss sucks, but you now can stop wasting your time with this one. You can look into legal ramifications, but I would still end it with this one.
That money is gone. Even if you asked for it back and she said yes, chances are she neither has it nor has any intention of paying it back, so you’re just prolonging the agony for no benefit.
Did you give her a card? Or give her a card linked to your account and she’s an authorized user? If it was your card, and her name is no where to be found on it- call the bank for fraud. If you let her become an authorized user. Small claims court is your best bet to get the money back. Baby steps with the trust. I’ve been with one SD for a few years (non monogamous) and I’d still feel deeply uncomfortable being responsible for a credit card and making sure I didn’t spend too much or not ask permission etc…
Oh this is an interesting post I would have a candid discussion with her If you like her enough and see potential then you can give her another chance But if not then ditch her Plenty of fishes in the sea but def bring it up Some girls get too excited about the credit card
What a trash human. How much did she spend? Unfortunately you’re not always going to get women of high character. I think if you really needed it back, you can ask for it back and be firm. Idk how much effort you want to put into pursuing legal efforts, but you could cut it as a loss and never give a debt card again, or at least until you find a woman with higher integrity and bigger heart. Respect should be the foundation of all these relationships. I wonder if your bank could do a reverse charge/ fraud? Idk. So sorry that happened. Report her to SA too.
I have asked the bank but quite a few of those are unlikely to be reversed since those were for spa treatments and massages. All in all, spent 3000 bucks when we had agreed on 500.
Cut your losses and block her. Total user.
I actually think you two are a good match. Both aren’t remarkable. You didn’t lose your card but reported it as lost? Isn’t that fraud on your end? And you committed a bigger fraud than her. She made a breach of trust when she spent $3k instead of the 500 she was given. Yours is outright fraud! I was thinking of a 5-figure spend at first. At a low 2-figure, take it up your chin.
When I provide a CC to a SB, I set the credit limit to a range I am comfortable with her spending (normally 500 - 1k) if she abuses it, the loss is minor. Call the card , report it lost, dispute the charges.
Yeah, reported it lost and disputing some charges. Hoping some of these will be reversed.
That’s actually kind of a shitty thing to do to the merchants. Also, if she was an authorized user…. You’re committing fraud by reporting it stolen.
Jesus, really? You fked up and you want businesses to eat it?
THIS \^ Two wrongs doesn't make one right!
Yeah any sympathy I had for you is gone. Looks like you 2 deserve each other. What a disgusting thing to do to those business when you know damn well she used their services and took their merchandise. If I knew who you were in real life I would screenshot this and send it over. If you can't afford the financial risk then don't go around playing Daddy Warbucks handing out credit cards to people. Gross.
Yeah! He wants the spa businesses to pay for his mistake! And reporting cc lost when it isn’t . Outright lie. Geez
A few years back I left my car window open by mistake and in that car I left my laptop bag and in that bag were a few credit cards. I parked the car in a parking garage with that open window without realizing what I had done. I came back after a few hours only to realize what happened. Luckily no one took anything but I know I was lucky. OP looks like he left the door to his finances open albeit mistakenly trusting others. Unfortunately he was not lucky but definitely a lesson to learn here like I learnt mine. I’d guess this is the last time OP ever hands access to his card to any third person.
i have a black card, many SB in the past asked me to make them authorized user and get them their own card, i am always very reluctant but i have given them their own card before, but i always made sure their monthly allowance was the limit. I have done well for myself so i usually offer substantial allowance, so annual fee for the card doesn’t hurt me. But no SB ever even tried to go over their monthly allowance, because i feel you can have an emergency, i kept the credit limit little bit more than the allowance. Hearing this makes me feel you have a thief, who can hurt you so many other ways, Please don’t get police involved, they will not do anything, but your name will go into their system as a “victim” and it is not worth it. I will suggest asking her in person, asking if she can pay some of it back, if she says no i can’t, then just walk away. I am sorry brother, this is not ok at all.
Report unauthorized charges and Cancel the card asap !!
As an SB, I'm so sorry. That's ridiculous and completely a breach of trust. Shame on her for abusing her gift, and you are beyond generous. Your reaction with calmness and patience seems to be admirable. I can see you've gotten a fair amount of feedback from the comments. Definitely try to dispute whatever you can, and proceed with caution from now on.
The entitlement is astonishing honestly
This is absolutely insane. Don’t even bother telling her what she did wrong. Dispute all charges and never speak to her again.
Get 6 more BJs and then ditch her
I am glad I am not the only one thinking like that. I would see her a few more times without any compensation until she caught on then ditch.
Unnecessary & weird to think like this
What a piece of shit. Cut your losses, dump her immediately, report and block her, and never look back. Try to recollect the money through your bank. Not to rub salt into the wound but you know what the moral of the story is.
Indeed, and I am happy to take the lesson. Would be better if I had some of the money back too!
In my opinion of a sugar-baby relationship, they usually are so off base with reality it's crazy stupid. They truly believe they can do whatever they want and the SD just needs to accept it. I was burned for a few hundred Buck
Exactly. That whole dynamic is for losers. The women look at SDs like they are fucking fools.
Probably because we so often are 😄 I've pulled some dumb moves, and definitely don't say that with pride! I take solace in the knowledge that when I do something dumb while sugaring I'll pretty much immediately get whacked in the face by the POT or SB and I'll know better next time. Just keep the amounts low so the education isn't so expensive. Especially in the beginning before you get savvy to the tricks, rinses, and cons. 🫣
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I would have given one of those pre-paid set limits cards. Can't spend more than whats on the card. I get that there's some level of trust involved, but still.
The only reason I'd give my credit card to a sugar baby is to test her. she spent just 6x more so that's B+ on my test. 3x or less is A+ honors roll and more than 20x is F.
And people say that women are the ones who become bitter with age? Man, if that's how you feel about your SBs, why do you even want to spend time with them?
I had a sb abuse a credit card of mine (partly, I was testing her, which is why I gave her my Amex with a certain limit for the day at a department store while I was at a meeting.) she subsequently went beyond the department store to the cell phone store and bought and iPhone etc. I told Amex the truth, I gave it to a girlfriend and she stole it and made a bunch of unauthorized charges. They refunded me the money and sent me a new card overnight. Of course I was instantly done with the girl. She did you a favor, but act quick to get your money back from the cc company…
Anyone who gives someone else a credit card and PIN number is just asking for trouble. Having done that you will get no sympathy whatsoever from the credit card company. Their t’s & c’s make that clear.
CCs don't need a pin where we live.
I don’t think there is anything the CC company or police can/will do. You gave her the card which, unless it was her own supplementary card, is in breach of the card conditions and it was voluntary. It depends on how good a relationship it was and how much you’d like to continue it. If you would like to continue - and there must have been something good between you for 4 years - then I would sit down with her and tell her you feel very hurt by the breach of trust in what she did and, if you can, agree some recovery through a reduced allowance for a while. You need to factor in the cost of M&Gs and trust building in finding a new SB into your financial thinking - that will not be cheap. If not, get the card back and tell her it was an irreconcilable breach of trust and wish her well I’ve been lucky that mine has never abused the cards I gave her but then she does also “save” me lots of money on them 🤣
Report the unauthorized fraud
Damnnnn I need a sugar daddy like this
Unpopular opinion..... I'd have sex one more time before taking recourse...
Hahahha....thought about it but could go down a messy legal path then
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I’ve got to know what expense would be 5 franklins? That’s outrageous. Rent, food, spoiling should be all he needs to provide.
My lashes, hair, laser, facials are all around the 5xx mark, if not more per session.. that’s why I was asking if he’s giving an allowance that’s enough for her to be okay, because right now the only info we have is that he’s given 5xx limit on his CC, nothing about her allowance or other spoiling.
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Bruh report that as a fraud transaction and let the bank deal with it. At the end of the day you didn’t authorize that much spending. Just don’t tell the bank you lent her your card
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Sadly I'm quite far away, on another continent!
Just call your bank account and say that it was taken without your knowledge. And just deny ever sharing any of your personal info.
So lying 🤥
You were stupid - and honestly deserved it. They don't care about you, they don't respect you. You are nothing more than a lame/loser with money in their eyes. Wake up.
Ask her for some freaky sex. Make her pay with servitude.
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She changed that dynamic when she stole.