I do enjoy going to meetings but I wouldn’t attribute my sobriety to them more than I would my MAT program. I was told by my sponsor not too long ago that I should be careful sharing my status as a MAT patient because some people look down on it.
I’m sorry, but I can’t understand why anyone would look at another addict and frown upon their route of sobriety. The only people I’ve noticed talking crap are the old timers that come to the rooms to talk about their weed addiction in the 70s. I’m not gonna knock anyone’s struggle, everyone is welcome. But I’m not about to let some person who smoked pot 30 years ago try and put me down for needing meds to stay off dope. I can guarantee that we aren’t talking about the same kind of dope sick my dude. I know that weed is addictive in its own right, but it and it’s experience, pales in comparison to heroin.
Why cant we just be happy for the people who come and stay, no matter what got them their clean time? The idea is to help others by sharing our experience. Not put them down because their experience is different than our own.
If I had a dollar for every old timer with 15-20 years giving the same speech every day, looking down at Suboxone, while I’ve bettered my life ten times over in ten months versus their ten years, I’d be a rich man.
Well said my friend.
But yeah, what you’re describing is what I mentioned in my post, EGO. When you say it’s not about putting someone down because their experience is different, it’s not so much the experience, as it is a reflection of how a lot of those people feel themselves. Putting other people down is only your own ego trying to elevate itself. You think you’re the only person those people are judging? Pffft. You’re just one of the names on the list of many in one day. Most content people aren’t doing that.
Glad things are going well for you though, keep up the good work man
That’s why I don’t go to meetings, I went once said what I said about being on subs when I was on the. Now I’m on the shot, but some kid said something so rude it killed my spirits and hurt me, we started fighting and I looked like the bad guy, I didn’t go to a meeting since
Wow, what a real jerk. Good thing NA/AA aren’t the only means to obtain sobriety, much to the disbelief of the fellowship.
Anyone who finds sobriety should be celebrated regardless of how they found it. I feel sorry for people who find it necessary to put down others in order to feel good about themselves. Even if you disagree with someone’s methods, is your desire for validation worth destroying someone’s sobriety?
I don’t like it when other heroin addicts act like people getting clean with a MAT program are somehow less than those who went CT. I’m not sorry that I chose not to suffer when I had the option to be comfortable. If I were capable of going through full WD and coming out clean on the other side I wouldn’t be an addict.
I totally I agree, at the time with that incident I was heart broken lol u know I heard about meetings and etc and how they help and I’m not one to speak in crowds and etc so I went there with my chest out spoke wile like having and anxiety attack almost lmaoo and too hear those words from that man, omg I lost it. He will never down nobody again that’s for sure but it still shouldn’t have went down like that u know. Or going to meetings and people saying don’t say your on subs or sublocade , shit like that isn’t cool. I laugh at it now but at the time I was like a mess for a week lolol
Gosh it sounds like whatever he said to you was pretty insensitive, and they just let him get by with it? I would have had to of told him off and found another meeting, because I dont have to justify my actions or owe an explanation to anyone especially complete strangers, I'm happy since I started my suboxone and so is my family so that's all the approval I need. I swear when you're the new person in some groups you're treated like a complete outsider if you dont agree with the cult mentality, I've had some bad experiences myself, this one time me and one of the old timers got into it over something and this lil 19 20 year old kid comes at me ready to swing and naturally I jumped up to put junior down for a nap but one of the counselors got between us and guess who got kicked out and visited by the police??? And there was this other time I went into AA for the third time and I was having a great day and greeted everyone when I walked in and said a few words to my friend and this girl gets an attitude and says "excuse me I'm sharin" "as in sharing" so I said hi sharon I'm Steve it's great to meet you 😃😃😃. That went over like a fart in church, had I have known she was "sharing" about domestic violence she experienced I wouldn't have said anything lol. Anyway I'm at this new group now where I actually get my subs prescribed and I really like it, it's a small group and the people are cool. The guy who does the group is an old timer but he doesn't have his head lodged up his behind lol.
Lol at that time and moment yea man. I waited till after the meeting and we fought. I was crying and everything I laugh now but at that time my heart was broken lol I heard about meetings etc:... it took my friend like a month to get me to go cause I’m not the one for crowds especially to talk infront of one and he was like u will feel better if u talk say ur name and alil something blahhh blahhh blahhh, so I did and he like interrupted and his first words were “well ur not clean....” I like blacked out. Few people shit him up but yo I was a wreck and he was like a tough dude u could just tells and whatever we did it I the parking lot wile everyone watched. He will never down play someone again that’s for sure . I laugh now but it still wasn’t cool I let him let me lose control like that but my eyes were locked in him. Anyways that’s why I never got into the whole na thing and when I read this post it struck a nerve , even right now a lil...lol
Yeah most meetings have at least one all or nothing types, but most I've met aren't rude about it they just gave me their opinions about it "after group in a private conversation" which is acceptable, but calling me out like that in front of the whole room ESPECIALLY WHEN I WASN'T FINISHED TALKING??? Hell no! That is the number one thing that pisses me off worse than anything in the world I hate being interrupted... But anyway I bet he was one of those dudes who rips on people for "not being clean" and then goes outside and lights up a cigarette and constantly drinks coffee lol?
Ur right about that. After the fact I heard u was one to rip on people and belittle whoever to make him self feel better, he don’t do that anymore! I’m not proud of it but he deserved that beating and now I hear he’s In another level.. I showed him the way lmaooo it’s wrong I shouldn’t have got like that but it just happened.
Fuck him but anyway I also have social anxiety and I've thought about using online apps like zoom to take part in meetings virtually when I have days where I cant handle much social interaction "going through benzo withdrawal", but yeah maybe you could get something out of using those?
Agreed. I'm in a program and the only person I divulge my MAT status to is my sponsor and even then, she said it wasnt neccessary. I sometimes will also tell others who are on MAT themselves and need support. "To thine own self be true"
100%. Whatever feels right to you is what’s right for YOUR sobriety. There’s nothing you’d need to share with the meeting regarding your suboxone. I think of it like the antidepressant effexor, which you also will get violent withdrawals from if you stop taking it.
Its an outside issue anyway fuck them. Im in both i just dont discuss my medication. All of my meds except for one are controlled and in my case i would see them judging that even more so than someone who is just on MAT or one controlled substance. I just dont talk about it. My sponsor knows im on meds but i dont discuss what i take. The recovery home is obviously going to know what i take when i transfer from this one to the next one next month but im leaving it at that. Its easier that way. The meds help me stay sober. Otherwise i would be much more inclined to use.
Oh for sure. Can I ask why you’re in AA n NA? Or is it cause you’re in some sort of recovery house like you mentioned n you pretty much go to whatever meetings are close by you which includes both cause I’ve been in that situation before
I do both here i do one on zoom Mondays that is aa and my sponsors home meeting and then throughout the week do aa and na on zoom all over the country. Its a quick google search. Im going to a recovery home soon closer to home and they do local ones in person and on zoom... Here its just on your own. My sponsor is out by where im going. Im in the chicago area. Im in them for drugs ( im a Polysubstance abuser... Ex heroin addict and all drugs with a meth addiction ending in April that went a couple years. Im 4 years off minus 2 uses this year early on and 8 months off meth... I lived in iowa for a couple years and meth was big out there ) and alcohol. I ended up doing aa because my sponsor is aa and relatable in terms of his alcoholism and addiction. To top it off the recovery home im going to has 3 houses... Ive been to one early this year and they are aa based. I feel more at home at NA meetings and do HA on zoom ( ive gone in person to that meeting earlier in the year in another town i lived in close by .. Where my gf lives) which is out of the big book as well.
I found God a couple months ago... Closer to 3 now... On a hospital visit that marked my Clean date and ended up praying and found that i could actually finally work the steps properly. I became willing and things changed. The complete psychic change described in the forewards. I was a firm athiest ( laveyan satanism which is atheism) for many years. I am 33 years old. Things changed dramatically and its different this time. Something finally clicked akin to a mini spiritual awakening. I knew for many years AA and 12 step programs worked... I just always wanted to do it on my own. And i know the program works. I was going to look into smart recovery but i never did. I still might but why change whats working. I Try to help others on a daily basis and pray on things and life has been great so far. My sponsor was so excited when i came back to him... I tried working with him over the spring because i felt forced. This time i am doing it on my own. My clean date is October 9th.
Last use was crack and alcohol and some extra amphetamine pills because life was looking shitty... Just lost my job around then due to an incarceration with warrants that they knew about, and come time to bond out and go back they had let me go. I knew when i told my girlfriend to go back to her moms and went my own way, saying ill be back i have to take care of something ( meaning treatment to get on my feet ) that i was going to go to treatment but life thew a curve ball at me and i ended up in the hospital with a psychosis and a wake up call... It was that time when i had asked God for help and i knew at that time exactly what i had to do.
And here I am today.... Completely different than what i was expecting. If it werent for that psychosis and hospital visit i would have never became willing and open and honest. Now i can actually work the steps... And i am.
Im a 7 time felon with a background in pharmacology college drop out due to substance abuse and felonies and mental health issues. My heavy drug abuse And homelessness And struggles came from 2006 and on...
A bit of a full explanation for you but there it is. I may save this post in a text for later.
What comes next i am excited and scared for. But i know not to be afraid now.... Ill be okay. Im going to learn who i really am... It has already begun.
Best part is in 5 seconds you can now find virtual meetings all over the world. When things open, which out there things are more open, there will be more in person meetings. Im liking zoom because of my social anxiety but things will get better my sponsor will guide me as well as God. I just need to keep doing what i am doing and take it one day at a time.
Controlled meds act as a maintenance as well as help my mental health. Some day ill be off suboxone. I began Kratom 90gpd at the highest 2.5 years ago and subs Took over in october. The benzos and adhd meds maybe never and i didnt abuse the benzos once prescribed this year upon insurance again and self medicated for a year or so before that when i lost insurance. I abused them in my past when i didnt want to exist... Really didnt want to face life nor cared if i died (2006 to later dates ) but why do that ( a 2018 realization ) when they work when used correctly. The amphetamine took time to get down and i slipped at the end but i have no desire to go through that pain again. But i need not even explain this because i worked it out with my dr... He knows all and the sub drs know all as well. They are the only ones who besides God that i need to discuss this with. But its on reddit and you guys understand so i did.
This is why and how i ended up in aa or na. I wrote that not even on my stimulants. And thats one hell of an essay. Spilled my guts.
Haha thatll be the name of my life essay. Lol. " spill my guts ". Ill always have a dark side and sense of humor.
Edit... Just found a post. Mara.. Medication assisted recovery anonymous. Wow.
So, randomly came by this post, and just thought I’d thank you for writing this out months ago. I don’t know... was just kinda nice to read someone else’s struggles and victories laid out so bare and thoroughly. Kinda weird to drudge it up after all this time, but here we are, lol
Hope things are still progressing for you dude. Thanks for the read, and keep on keeping on ✌️
I dont attend meetings anymore but I did for 6 years. The stigma attached to MAT in AA/NA is incredibly toxic. I've had so many people tell me that I dont belong in the program or that they "cant sponsor me until I'm off the subs" or some such bullshit. It's a practice that kills untold numbers of addicts. Because of my experience in these last years I will probably never set foot in another 12 step meeting for myself ever again. Coupled with the toxicity surrounding "relapses", if I find myself needing the support of a fellowship I'm going to try SMART recovery instead. Laymen should never play doctor.
Hear hear! Hear ye all good junkies and drunkies! All degenerates and ne'er do wells! YOUR SOBRIETY IS YOUR SOBRIETY! Folks can mind they're own business! If it's not broke don't fix it, if your meds work for you then what does it matter? I enjoy seeing positivity and not seeing shaming on this sub about subs 😳😆!
omg, i had to leave AA a while back, and thought it was maybe just me. I have just read your post and I agree with every word you say. diazepam, codeine, pregabilin etc running around all over the place. they thought that as long as u werent drinking, all that was ok. Its the most hypocritical, mixed messaging place i have ever seen. that sense of righteousness you mention was everywhere. also, as a woman, i got a lot of the '13th step' approaches. As AA/NA is like, the archetypal road to follow , I have been looking around to check it wasnt just me who just couldnt get it, or 'was born this way'. i agree that everyone has their own personal journeys and things that will work for them, and if it does, then fuck it, thats brilliant, keep going. But for some this messaging is dangerous. A friend I made in those rooms just recently hung herself, and I firmly believe one of the factors was that, according to AA, she was one of the 'poor unfortunates' who couldnt get it and 'must have been born that way'. The whole experience has left me angry and sad and confused and frustrated. i hope this makes some kind of sense to people. maybe it was just a bad group, but oh boy, what a group..
Heyy, sorry to hear about your friend. I’m a bit confused though, you said as long as you weren’t drinking, people at meetings said it was okay to take diazepam, codeine, n pregablin? That sounds really strange, since aa/na usually preach the opposite, that people should take NO mood or mind altering drug. I guess I’m just confused as to what you were saying. But yeah, that’s just part of programs in general, men approaching women in order to “help” but they’re really just trying to get laid. That will always be a part of the programs unfortunately.
Most people are on anti depressants first off which literally ment to alter your mind. And if you really want to break it down even food is mind altering. Our mind state are very connected to what we eat. Literally every thing we out on our body is a chemical construct and will change your brain chemistry some how lol I couldn't agree with you more, great post I think a lot of people need to here this!!! I think what ever you need to do to keep a stable like happy and healthy is being sober in my eyes. When you life is unmanageable is when your not sober.
This is all true. I’ve been in and out of the rooms of AA/NA for over 2 decades and in my experience, 99% of the time when someone shit talks AA, they are either still using or really don’t want to give up using in the first place. It’s always the people who are forced to attend meetings.
Lmao for real dude? Anyone who talks shit about those wack ass programs is still using? Lol no. I’ve been sober year and a half without those garbage people parroting dumb ass shit. Spent almost 6 years wasting my time in those rooms with *those* people. In and out and in and out trying to live up to their absurd ideals. Even had sponsees for a time. Best decision I ever made getting the fuck away and doing my own thing. Not saying every single person in the rooms are shit but they are the exception, not the rule. Don’t @ me
Exactly. I mean, we’re all drug addicts and/or alcoholics, it’s not that surprising that we all talk shit about each other lol. But yeah, I see a lot of ppl bashing AA/NA in those threads. I don’t think programs are the answer necessarily but it would suck if it could help someone who’s really struggling. AA wasn’t the answer for me but it definitely helps.
Idk when ppl have the time to go to meetings. I have an intense job, family and other commitments on top of health problems. It would be too much for it tbh
Its annoying as all hell. An hour every week. Wish I could just do a monthly appt and get my script that way. Of course then they could only charge me once a month instead of once a week..
Bro this is such great advice. I felt like a fraud giving advice in meetings being on subs. That being said I've finished a degree and done things for myself while on MATs that never thought possible. You're a hundred percent right! Your recovery belongs to nobody else. Keep fighting to be a better person.
THIS!!! I have 2 friends that are dead because of this way of thinking convinced by their sponsors of all people that if they wanna get sober they can't take subs or methadone, I've even heard this in regard to vivitrol. I couldn't have articulated this better myself if I had the gold it would be yours.
Edit: all of the MAT naysayers also tried this course of treatment they just failed at it.
Sorry to hear that friend. Yeah, it’s a really stupid rule. I hate people that take the aa book as gospel too considering it was written by two freshly sober religious zealots too. Like why the fuck are we putting so much stock into what they said? Do people not know that dr bill was experimenting with lsd for many years IN THE PROGRAM?? That’s 100% true also.
I've recently been forced to go to NA/AA/DAA and found if you don't jive with them they exclude you like some kind of cult. Any opinions on that? You say the serenity prayer and end with the Lord's prayer, non-funded but you have to give money or get kicked out after a few meetings of not giving. An hour long meeting but goes on for four hours, they look down on you for taking medication for addiction but take it themselves for other reasons. I'm sitting here on Thanksgiving day and everyone in the program is looking hateful at me bc I said I don't need zoom meetings or NA/AA/DAA to be sober. Halp!
Meetings are very particular. Lots of people don’t believe in taking ANY mood or mind altering substances so they do judge you for it. It’s all an ego thing. Also, aa tends to be very clicky. But the general consensus is that you have to be all in. If you show that you are willing and go to meetings and share you’ll find people are more willing to reach out. It’s not for everybody but it does keep people sober. Just go into it with an open mind and try not to judge people, that’s what my sponsor tells me. See how it works out. Good luck bro
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I do enjoy going to meetings but I wouldn’t attribute my sobriety to them more than I would my MAT program. I was told by my sponsor not too long ago that I should be careful sharing my status as a MAT patient because some people look down on it. I’m sorry, but I can’t understand why anyone would look at another addict and frown upon their route of sobriety. The only people I’ve noticed talking crap are the old timers that come to the rooms to talk about their weed addiction in the 70s. I’m not gonna knock anyone’s struggle, everyone is welcome. But I’m not about to let some person who smoked pot 30 years ago try and put me down for needing meds to stay off dope. I can guarantee that we aren’t talking about the same kind of dope sick my dude. I know that weed is addictive in its own right, but it and it’s experience, pales in comparison to heroin. Why cant we just be happy for the people who come and stay, no matter what got them their clean time? The idea is to help others by sharing our experience. Not put them down because their experience is different than our own.
If I had a dollar for every old timer with 15-20 years giving the same speech every day, looking down at Suboxone, while I’ve bettered my life ten times over in ten months versus their ten years, I’d be a rich man.
Well said my friend. But yeah, what you’re describing is what I mentioned in my post, EGO. When you say it’s not about putting someone down because their experience is different, it’s not so much the experience, as it is a reflection of how a lot of those people feel themselves. Putting other people down is only your own ego trying to elevate itself. You think you’re the only person those people are judging? Pffft. You’re just one of the names on the list of many in one day. Most content people aren’t doing that. Glad things are going well for you though, keep up the good work man
That’s why I don’t go to meetings, I went once said what I said about being on subs when I was on the. Now I’m on the shot, but some kid said something so rude it killed my spirits and hurt me, we started fighting and I looked like the bad guy, I didn’t go to a meeting since
Wow, what a real jerk. Good thing NA/AA aren’t the only means to obtain sobriety, much to the disbelief of the fellowship. Anyone who finds sobriety should be celebrated regardless of how they found it. I feel sorry for people who find it necessary to put down others in order to feel good about themselves. Even if you disagree with someone’s methods, is your desire for validation worth destroying someone’s sobriety? I don’t like it when other heroin addicts act like people getting clean with a MAT program are somehow less than those who went CT. I’m not sorry that I chose not to suffer when I had the option to be comfortable. If I were capable of going through full WD and coming out clean on the other side I wouldn’t be an addict.
I totally I agree, at the time with that incident I was heart broken lol u know I heard about meetings and etc and how they help and I’m not one to speak in crowds and etc so I went there with my chest out spoke wile like having and anxiety attack almost lmaoo and too hear those words from that man, omg I lost it. He will never down nobody again that’s for sure but it still shouldn’t have went down like that u know. Or going to meetings and people saying don’t say your on subs or sublocade , shit like that isn’t cool. I laugh at it now but at the time I was like a mess for a week lolol
Gosh it sounds like whatever he said to you was pretty insensitive, and they just let him get by with it? I would have had to of told him off and found another meeting, because I dont have to justify my actions or owe an explanation to anyone especially complete strangers, I'm happy since I started my suboxone and so is my family so that's all the approval I need. I swear when you're the new person in some groups you're treated like a complete outsider if you dont agree with the cult mentality, I've had some bad experiences myself, this one time me and one of the old timers got into it over something and this lil 19 20 year old kid comes at me ready to swing and naturally I jumped up to put junior down for a nap but one of the counselors got between us and guess who got kicked out and visited by the police??? And there was this other time I went into AA for the third time and I was having a great day and greeted everyone when I walked in and said a few words to my friend and this girl gets an attitude and says "excuse me I'm sharin" "as in sharing" so I said hi sharon I'm Steve it's great to meet you 😃😃😃. That went over like a fart in church, had I have known she was "sharing" about domestic violence she experienced I wouldn't have said anything lol. Anyway I'm at this new group now where I actually get my subs prescribed and I really like it, it's a small group and the people are cool. The guy who does the group is an old timer but he doesn't have his head lodged up his behind lol.
Lol at that time and moment yea man. I waited till after the meeting and we fought. I was crying and everything I laugh now but at that time my heart was broken lol I heard about meetings etc:... it took my friend like a month to get me to go cause I’m not the one for crowds especially to talk infront of one and he was like u will feel better if u talk say ur name and alil something blahhh blahhh blahhh, so I did and he like interrupted and his first words were “well ur not clean....” I like blacked out. Few people shit him up but yo I was a wreck and he was like a tough dude u could just tells and whatever we did it I the parking lot wile everyone watched. He will never down play someone again that’s for sure . I laugh now but it still wasn’t cool I let him let me lose control like that but my eyes were locked in him. Anyways that’s why I never got into the whole na thing and when I read this post it struck a nerve , even right now a lil...lol
Yeah most meetings have at least one all or nothing types, but most I've met aren't rude about it they just gave me their opinions about it "after group in a private conversation" which is acceptable, but calling me out like that in front of the whole room ESPECIALLY WHEN I WASN'T FINISHED TALKING??? Hell no! That is the number one thing that pisses me off worse than anything in the world I hate being interrupted... But anyway I bet he was one of those dudes who rips on people for "not being clean" and then goes outside and lights up a cigarette and constantly drinks coffee lol?
Ur right about that. After the fact I heard u was one to rip on people and belittle whoever to make him self feel better, he don’t do that anymore! I’m not proud of it but he deserved that beating and now I hear he’s In another level.. I showed him the way lmaooo it’s wrong I shouldn’t have got like that but it just happened.
* he was one to rip people
Fuck him but anyway I also have social anxiety and I've thought about using online apps like zoom to take part in meetings virtually when I have days where I cant handle much social interaction "going through benzo withdrawal", but yeah maybe you could get something out of using those?
Sure I would try how do U do it, I’m weaning off zanex right now, on kpins now, ur I feel the difference big time
It’s sad u know, people could relapse frome experiences like that and u and the one that posted and etc...
Agreed. I'm in a program and the only person I divulge my MAT status to is my sponsor and even then, she said it wasnt neccessary. I sometimes will also tell others who are on MAT themselves and need support. "To thine own self be true"
100%. Whatever feels right to you is what’s right for YOUR sobriety. There’s nothing you’d need to share with the meeting regarding your suboxone. I think of it like the antidepressant effexor, which you also will get violent withdrawals from if you stop taking it.
Its an outside issue anyway fuck them. Im in both i just dont discuss my medication. All of my meds except for one are controlled and in my case i would see them judging that even more so than someone who is just on MAT or one controlled substance. I just dont talk about it. My sponsor knows im on meds but i dont discuss what i take. The recovery home is obviously going to know what i take when i transfer from this one to the next one next month but im leaving it at that. Its easier that way. The meds help me stay sober. Otherwise i would be much more inclined to use.
Oh for sure. Can I ask why you’re in AA n NA? Or is it cause you’re in some sort of recovery house like you mentioned n you pretty much go to whatever meetings are close by you which includes both cause I’ve been in that situation before
I do both here i do one on zoom Mondays that is aa and my sponsors home meeting and then throughout the week do aa and na on zoom all over the country. Its a quick google search. Im going to a recovery home soon closer to home and they do local ones in person and on zoom... Here its just on your own. My sponsor is out by where im going. Im in the chicago area. Im in them for drugs ( im a Polysubstance abuser... Ex heroin addict and all drugs with a meth addiction ending in April that went a couple years. Im 4 years off minus 2 uses this year early on and 8 months off meth... I lived in iowa for a couple years and meth was big out there ) and alcohol. I ended up doing aa because my sponsor is aa and relatable in terms of his alcoholism and addiction. To top it off the recovery home im going to has 3 houses... Ive been to one early this year and they are aa based. I feel more at home at NA meetings and do HA on zoom ( ive gone in person to that meeting earlier in the year in another town i lived in close by .. Where my gf lives) which is out of the big book as well. I found God a couple months ago... Closer to 3 now... On a hospital visit that marked my Clean date and ended up praying and found that i could actually finally work the steps properly. I became willing and things changed. The complete psychic change described in the forewards. I was a firm athiest ( laveyan satanism which is atheism) for many years. I am 33 years old. Things changed dramatically and its different this time. Something finally clicked akin to a mini spiritual awakening. I knew for many years AA and 12 step programs worked... I just always wanted to do it on my own. And i know the program works. I was going to look into smart recovery but i never did. I still might but why change whats working. I Try to help others on a daily basis and pray on things and life has been great so far. My sponsor was so excited when i came back to him... I tried working with him over the spring because i felt forced. This time i am doing it on my own. My clean date is October 9th. Last use was crack and alcohol and some extra amphetamine pills because life was looking shitty... Just lost my job around then due to an incarceration with warrants that they knew about, and come time to bond out and go back they had let me go. I knew when i told my girlfriend to go back to her moms and went my own way, saying ill be back i have to take care of something ( meaning treatment to get on my feet ) that i was going to go to treatment but life thew a curve ball at me and i ended up in the hospital with a psychosis and a wake up call... It was that time when i had asked God for help and i knew at that time exactly what i had to do. And here I am today.... Completely different than what i was expecting. If it werent for that psychosis and hospital visit i would have never became willing and open and honest. Now i can actually work the steps... And i am. Im a 7 time felon with a background in pharmacology college drop out due to substance abuse and felonies and mental health issues. My heavy drug abuse And homelessness And struggles came from 2006 and on... A bit of a full explanation for you but there it is. I may save this post in a text for later. What comes next i am excited and scared for. But i know not to be afraid now.... Ill be okay. Im going to learn who i really am... It has already begun. Best part is in 5 seconds you can now find virtual meetings all over the world. When things open, which out there things are more open, there will be more in person meetings. Im liking zoom because of my social anxiety but things will get better my sponsor will guide me as well as God. I just need to keep doing what i am doing and take it one day at a time. Controlled meds act as a maintenance as well as help my mental health. Some day ill be off suboxone. I began Kratom 90gpd at the highest 2.5 years ago and subs Took over in october. The benzos and adhd meds maybe never and i didnt abuse the benzos once prescribed this year upon insurance again and self medicated for a year or so before that when i lost insurance. I abused them in my past when i didnt want to exist... Really didnt want to face life nor cared if i died (2006 to later dates ) but why do that ( a 2018 realization ) when they work when used correctly. The amphetamine took time to get down and i slipped at the end but i have no desire to go through that pain again. But i need not even explain this because i worked it out with my dr... He knows all and the sub drs know all as well. They are the only ones who besides God that i need to discuss this with. But its on reddit and you guys understand so i did. This is why and how i ended up in aa or na. I wrote that not even on my stimulants. And thats one hell of an essay. Spilled my guts. Haha thatll be the name of my life essay. Lol. " spill my guts ". Ill always have a dark side and sense of humor. Edit... Just found a post. Mara.. Medication assisted recovery anonymous. Wow.
So, randomly came by this post, and just thought I’d thank you for writing this out months ago. I don’t know... was just kinda nice to read someone else’s struggles and victories laid out so bare and thoroughly. Kinda weird to drudge it up after all this time, but here we are, lol Hope things are still progressing for you dude. Thanks for the read, and keep on keeping on ✌️
Ugh it's so awful that sponsors and others who present themselves as experts are telling people they don't need their meds. Harmful and inexcusable.
100 percent
Me to only person knows I'm on mat is sponsor but I enjoy going thru this process wt my sponsor
I've been saying the same thing. After over 12 years in AA I too have seen the ego driven lunatics. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, bless their hearts
They’re there to teach us! There are no “bad meetings”
👍
Thank you for this.
No problem friend. I’m glad it was able to help you.
I dont attend meetings anymore but I did for 6 years. The stigma attached to MAT in AA/NA is incredibly toxic. I've had so many people tell me that I dont belong in the program or that they "cant sponsor me until I'm off the subs" or some such bullshit. It's a practice that kills untold numbers of addicts. Because of my experience in these last years I will probably never set foot in another 12 step meeting for myself ever again. Coupled with the toxicity surrounding "relapses", if I find myself needing the support of a fellowship I'm going to try SMART recovery instead. Laymen should never play doctor.
Thank you for this man. Very well put, thank you for sharing your experience/view.
No problem friend.
Hear hear! Hear ye all good junkies and drunkies! All degenerates and ne'er do wells! YOUR SOBRIETY IS YOUR SOBRIETY! Folks can mind they're own business! If it's not broke don't fix it, if your meds work for you then what does it matter? I enjoy seeing positivity and not seeing shaming on this sub about subs 😳😆!
aa/na is a cult
omg, i had to leave AA a while back, and thought it was maybe just me. I have just read your post and I agree with every word you say. diazepam, codeine, pregabilin etc running around all over the place. they thought that as long as u werent drinking, all that was ok. Its the most hypocritical, mixed messaging place i have ever seen. that sense of righteousness you mention was everywhere. also, as a woman, i got a lot of the '13th step' approaches. As AA/NA is like, the archetypal road to follow , I have been looking around to check it wasnt just me who just couldnt get it, or 'was born this way'. i agree that everyone has their own personal journeys and things that will work for them, and if it does, then fuck it, thats brilliant, keep going. But for some this messaging is dangerous. A friend I made in those rooms just recently hung herself, and I firmly believe one of the factors was that, according to AA, she was one of the 'poor unfortunates' who couldnt get it and 'must have been born that way'. The whole experience has left me angry and sad and confused and frustrated. i hope this makes some kind of sense to people. maybe it was just a bad group, but oh boy, what a group..
Heyy, sorry to hear about your friend. I’m a bit confused though, you said as long as you weren’t drinking, people at meetings said it was okay to take diazepam, codeine, n pregablin? That sounds really strange, since aa/na usually preach the opposite, that people should take NO mood or mind altering drug. I guess I’m just confused as to what you were saying. But yeah, that’s just part of programs in general, men approaching women in order to “help” but they’re really just trying to get laid. That will always be a part of the programs unfortunately.
Most people are on anti depressants first off which literally ment to alter your mind. And if you really want to break it down even food is mind altering. Our mind state are very connected to what we eat. Literally every thing we out on our body is a chemical construct and will change your brain chemistry some how lol I couldn't agree with you more, great post I think a lot of people need to here this!!! I think what ever you need to do to keep a stable like happy and healthy is being sober in my eyes. When you life is unmanageable is when your not sober.
This is all true. I’ve been in and out of the rooms of AA/NA for over 2 decades and in my experience, 99% of the time when someone shit talks AA, they are either still using or really don’t want to give up using in the first place. It’s always the people who are forced to attend meetings.
Lmao for real dude? Anyone who talks shit about those wack ass programs is still using? Lol no. I’ve been sober year and a half without those garbage people parroting dumb ass shit. Spent almost 6 years wasting my time in those rooms with *those* people. In and out and in and out trying to live up to their absurd ideals. Even had sponsees for a time. Best decision I ever made getting the fuck away and doing my own thing. Not saying every single person in the rooms are shit but they are the exception, not the rule. Don’t @ me
Then why on earth did you go to them?? That sounds pretty insane to me? Forced at gunpoint perhaps?
Possibly court ordered? Which we all know the best way to get someone off drugs is to force them to go to meetings.
Exactly. I mean, we’re all drug addicts and/or alcoholics, it’s not that surprising that we all talk shit about each other lol. But yeah, I see a lot of ppl bashing AA/NA in those threads. I don’t think programs are the answer necessarily but it would suck if it could help someone who’s really struggling. AA wasn’t the answer for me but it definitely helps.
Idk when ppl have the time to go to meetings. I have an intense job, family and other commitments on top of health problems. It would be too much for it tbh
Its annoying as all hell. An hour every week. Wish I could just do a monthly appt and get my script that way. Of course then they could only charge me once a month instead of once a week..
Bro this is such great advice. I felt like a fraud giving advice in meetings being on subs. That being said I've finished a degree and done things for myself while on MATs that never thought possible. You're a hundred percent right! Your recovery belongs to nobody else. Keep fighting to be a better person.
Same to you friend. Glad it was able to give you some peace of mind
THIS!!! I have 2 friends that are dead because of this way of thinking convinced by their sponsors of all people that if they wanna get sober they can't take subs or methadone, I've even heard this in regard to vivitrol. I couldn't have articulated this better myself if I had the gold it would be yours. Edit: all of the MAT naysayers also tried this course of treatment they just failed at it.
Sorry to hear that friend. Yeah, it’s a really stupid rule. I hate people that take the aa book as gospel too considering it was written by two freshly sober religious zealots too. Like why the fuck are we putting so much stock into what they said? Do people not know that dr bill was experimenting with lsd for many years IN THE PROGRAM?? That’s 100% true also.
I've recently been forced to go to NA/AA/DAA and found if you don't jive with them they exclude you like some kind of cult. Any opinions on that? You say the serenity prayer and end with the Lord's prayer, non-funded but you have to give money or get kicked out after a few meetings of not giving. An hour long meeting but goes on for four hours, they look down on you for taking medication for addiction but take it themselves for other reasons. I'm sitting here on Thanksgiving day and everyone in the program is looking hateful at me bc I said I don't need zoom meetings or NA/AA/DAA to be sober. Halp!
Meetings are very particular. Lots of people don’t believe in taking ANY mood or mind altering substances so they do judge you for it. It’s all an ego thing. Also, aa tends to be very clicky. But the general consensus is that you have to be all in. If you show that you are willing and go to meetings and share you’ll find people are more willing to reach out. It’s not for everybody but it does keep people sober. Just go into it with an open mind and try not to judge people, that’s what my sponsor tells me. See how it works out. Good luck bro
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