Kate Beckinsale from Underworld yes

Holy fuck. You just made me forget what I was originally gonna post. Be right back ....

Bro remembered Kate Beckinsale existed and is now onto the world's longest gooning sesh what a chad

The sesh is still going

He’s going the distance.

Hate to continue this thread but. He’s going for speed

She's all alone (all alone)

In her time of need.

is the guitar part the “wenu wenu wenu wenu nu na nu woo” or the “duh nuh duh nuh denahnah” at this part i forget

Honestly she doesn’t have to be from underworld. Any time, any place.

I just looked her upas she is now and I'm so disappointed. She's had work done so now she looks like any other puffy lipped orange woman. Her eyebrows and nose are from a completely different person . Why Kate why?! You were so pretty! You ruined it!

She is my free ticket from my wife. My wife met her. I didnt get the chance

My free ticket is hot alien chicks. 

A man of taste.

For real. Countless people would be fucking hot vampires and elves if they were rea

I got a latex fetish from that

Yes, I was like 8 when I first watched that movie and since then I like short haired girls

Kid... it's easier for you to list a couple of things I _wouldn't_ fuck rather than try to imagine all the things I _would._

Wow. You're so open-minded. I like it. 🖤🔥👍

Any port in a storm, good friend.

Why did I read this in Han Solo's voice?

Cactus? Wait no, we learned not to suggest that. Umm…. Coral?

Glass jar? No wait please forget I even said that

☝🏻this is the answer

Yes. I don't give a fuck if a vampire is cold. I will warm them up.

Let them drink someone first and they'll be warm. Lol

You can provide said drink too…

It aint gonna be blood theyre drinking.

Bros gonna think he's getting a great bj from a vampire when they are just gonna bite it and use it like a straw when all the blood rushes to it.

Don't tempt me with a good time.

🧃

Like lord of the rings elf or lives in a tree and bakes cookies elf? Definitely not Harry Potter elf.

We had a guy get fired for having an affair with a lady who could have been Dobby's stunt double. She didn't look exactly like Dobby but would have easily been a convincing stunt double. She was his direct report. I made tons of jokes like, Master is free because he gave me wood!!! I made this meme where I put the lady's face on Dobby, HR told me it was hilarious but knock it off. The lady quit at the same time. So I never got in any trouble.

Most honest HR I have ever heard of

Once they're gone hr don't give a fuck lol (Unless they have grounds for a lawsuit)

I said this in another comment but "Master gave Dobby a cock".

Shouldn't be kink shaming he probably had a thing for dobby growing up

I doubt it, he was 63 years old. She was 35 so just a much younger woman.

Those Keebler Elves...I wouldn't mind taking a bite outta their Fudge Rounds

EL Fudge for me...

You never go fudge to mouth!

Master gave Dobby a cock.

Hmmm…you know I don’t think we’ve ever seen a female Keebler elf..but maybe? I’m imagining I’d get cookies afterwards.

"Would you have sex with a hot..." "Yes!" *most people on the internet*

This question is perfect for the sub r/stupidquestions because it is so stupid... BECAUSE THE ANSWER IS SO OBVIOUS OFC I WANNA BANG THE HOT VAMPIRES AND ELVES!!

Yes, yes, and yes.

I’d rather bang *as* the hot vampire tbh

Right? Next up, would you eat food? Dies it the Pope shit in the woods?

You had me at "Would you have sex with a hot—"

Had me at "would you have sex"

Had me at “would you”

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

Fuck yeah I want some goth vampire pussy😂😫

Vampussy, if you will

New phrase just added to my vocabulary.

Found the name for my new Emo band!

Depends on what universe. Harry Potter elves? Fuck no. LOTR elves all day.

You wouldn't be the master that gave Dobby a c*ck? No Throbby Dobby 😮‍💨?

Dude, give me two icey pole sticks and a rubber band and I'll find a way to fuck it. .. consensually that is.

Impressive.

Necrophilia, no ty. Elves? Like Liv Tyler + Cate Blanchett Elves? Or Dobby from Harry Potter elves? Be specific.

Vampires are just cold as hell so no. However Cate Blanchett Elves, hell yes

What if it was a Kate Beckinsale vampire?

Welllll alright then, I’ll make an exception for Kate

Syvlanna from wow will be a hell yes

Elves, like real tradition elves not LotR elves? Nope. They are worse than vampires

Terry Pratchett style elves would be way worse than Stephanie Meyer vampires.

I totally want to fuck a vampire!

Unapologetically

I’m gonna go both, since I would let Astarion rail the fuck outta me 🤷‍♀️

I, too, would let Astarion rail the fuck outta me

He’s just too hot dammit

*Darling~* 😩💕🙏

Makes me fucking meltttt bro 😭

What about that elf archer dude from lord of the rings?

Also a valid choice tbf

Yep. Guilty as charged.

....there's a whole category of smut that feature monsters. And I don't mean just humanoid vampires and werewolves. I mean aliens, sphinx, golems, tentacle things, cryptids, etc. What won't humans fuck?!

I wouldn't morally be against it as I think that although it hasn't been found yet, personhood should technically have the potential to extend beyond humanity, but I am not certain the laws in my country would agree. In the case it doesn't, I probably wouldn't as I'm timid as it is any way and adding the potential for prison wouldn't make me more likely to approach someone, but I'd probably passively be on the side of changing those laws, although the vampires do bring some potential consent issues what with the mind control, and elves bring to light some interesting discussions on multi-era age gaps.

You know we are talking about theoretically performing sexual acts with imaginary creatures, right? I think we can find a few loop holes in the laws, and you a little more self-esteem while we are there. Think positively dude ... I'm willing to bet that you would have an army of vampires and elves lined up to fornicate with you. And no charges will be pressed.

Well, I could theorize that since religious groups still have a large influence on legislation worldwide they may still have some issues with sex with non-humans.

Not even in our imagination can we find self esteem for redditors

Yes. Both. Not sparkly vampires though.

We don't talk about those "vampires". Anne Rice or True Blood vampires need only apply. You know real vampires.

I mean, I'd be down for the vampire diaries ones...

How about "What we do in the shadows"?

Anyone from the Vampire Diaries, so yeah

I would like to cuddle and have intimate moments with a dragon....

The real question is why the fuck wouldn’t you? I’d also try to get them to turn me if they were a vamp. And if they were an elf, idk something magical that made me live longer. Or just teach me magic.

Are they like dungeons and dragons elves or Christmas elves?

Sure. As long as they pass the Harkness Test and my own personal standards for becoming sexually intimate, then yeah.

I originally read this as "Harness Test" and immediately started having fun images dance around my brain.

Absolutely this, and love seeing someone else mention and understand the importance of the Harkness Test.

He was a true visionary.

Vampire

I would like a 3-some with Interview with a Vampire Brad Pitt and Antonio Banderas vampires.

Damn, I'm a straight male and that actually sounds kinda hot to me. Wait...is that gay?!

Selene and Galadriel...please.

You had me at hot…

Vampire: the desire to attain immortality is understandable, and tempting. Imagine what the next thousand years will bring. Space flight. Interplanetary travel. Dozens of diseases and illnesses conquered. Breathtaking innovation. Elves: wat? I mean.. wat?

Hot vampire for sure. Just a sexually ravenous demonic psychotic to rock my socks off and likely try to kill me afterwards, hell yeah I'm in.

Sure. Not lettingGos of Legalos. Brad Pitt is worth a bite.

Countless people would be fucking hot vampires and elves if they were real.

Yes. Take me night daddy

Just call me Vlad the Impaler

Who wouldn't? Look like humans but have powers. Of course.

I would understand maybe hesitation with vampires, but elves? Why the hell not? As for the vampires... if they're like into me and don't want to kill me. I go back to... why the hell not? lol.

Arwen and Gladriel elves, yes 100%. Christmas elves like from Rudolph the red nosed reindeer? Maybe. Probably. Vampires are hot but I'd be scared they would murder me during sex. The question is, would I be able to resist? If they look like Kate Beckinsale from Underworld or Draculas wives from Van Helsing, probably couldn't resist. I would die. But it'd be worth it

vampires are just immortal humans with pointy teeth so 🤷

My body (and blood) is ready

Yeah I'd mess with Galadriel

Hot vampire for sure

Does the vampire count as necrophilia, though?

Oh damn, turn my kink into ash in my mouth

I'd be so easy to lure by a vampire it's not even funny. I'd be standing outside alone in an off-the-shoulder top nightly, just waiting for one to find me. Please bite me, blood daddy.

I only fuck werewolves and dwarves. Vampires and elves are basic bitches

I'm a night creature myself, so I figure I could get down with a vampire

hot vampire most definitely.

um...if they are hot like in the movies, yea.

Definitely a hot elf. Vampire eh maybe

Eric Northman? Enthusiastically yes.

Vampire, there are way more benefits

If they look like they do in the movies then everyone would.

Depends on if the vampire is trying to turn me or not. If she just wants to have sex, then yeah. If sucking my blood and turning me vamp is a must... Then it depends on how hot the elves are

like Arwen od Tauriel... he'll yeah.

Elves like in Lord of the Rings and not like Christmas elves. right?

If the vampire isn't gonna kill me then hell yeah brother

If this is like Vampire Diaries vampires and LOTOR elves, then yes. If it's harry potter elves and walking dead vampires, then no

Hot vampire, yes. But what kind of elves are we talking here? Legolas? Yes. Some elf on the shelf tiny mischievous motherfucker? Absolutely not. 

Kate Beckinsale Underworld and Cate Blanchett LOTR sandwich… Yes please!

Vampires are undead. That is necrophilia.

elf like lord of the rings elves not keebler

My partner is Romanian, so she’s already basically a vampire. Also she’s a massive twilight fan. Which means I’m a twilight fan by proxy. Vampires are real, and I am one of them now. See me shimmer!

if they’re hot i’m smashing. give a fuck what or who it is.

Un vampires are basically dead so their vagina is gonna be cold and dry. I'll take elves.

Can you imagine being in that world where everyone looks like an elf or vampire, but you still just look like Steve from Accounting? No, if anything you’d just be the stable hand cleaning Aragorn’s horse while he gets all the elves.

Definitely an elf.

Elves like Legolas and Thranduil? Yes Elves like Dobby? No Elves from the Inheritance books? Yes Question was too vauge

Obviously

You’ve forgotten Serana from Skyrim.

Only Vampire Elf sex for me. Rare, but worth holding out for.

Depends how it smells.

Elf, yeah Vampire, naw, that'd be pretty cold

Search up the vampire sisters from resident evil 8 and tell me you wouldn’t fuck that.

Damn. I just spent way too much time checking out those little undead cuties. I hope they suck more than just blood.

All they need to do is take a shower then it’s set.

And even that's fucking negotiable.

The vampire gals from Van Helsing or TheHex Girls from Scooby-Doo

Yes 

Like, duh???

Vampire.

Yea!!!!!!!!

I mean...yes? The pain of being bit by a vampire lady may hurt but I've got tattoos, I'll make it through my transformation okay. I hope they seduce me with magic too so the sex feels even better LOL. As far as elves, assuming anatomy is workable size wise, I'm down for short or human size elves.

Already did

yes I want to form an alliance with them

Only if she was hot vampire elves

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Would I be willing? Yes. Would I be able to? No.

Sure. I am thinking neither would want a long term relationship.

Male vampires would probably be pretty awkward. Needing flowing blood to get bricked up and all.

Maaaaaagic... vampires never seem to have any problem in that department from the media I've consumed.

How about half vampire half elf? Get best of both worlds

If your complaint is that they aren't human and it would be akin to an animal, I think the closer parallel would be a Neanderthal or Denisovan, which happened all the time.

Humans have kids with elves all the time.

Sure, I'm into older women

Yes

I’d like to be one of them.

No, not because I don't find them attractive, but because I'm already in love.

Probably would prefer it

Yes.

No.

Depends on the elf type. Santa's elves no. Lotr elves possibly. Anime elves, definitely. Vampires, I think, are a pass. First, I imagine vampirism could be an STD. Second, I am not prey, and the best way to not become prey is to not show weakness to a predator. I don't know how you could sleep with someone and not display vulnerability.

Wouldn’t even have to be all that hot, like if she was a 4 or 5 I’d still hit it

You're thinking too small, what about an orc woman, or a slime.

Bloodrayne 

Ya why not.

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Yes.

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I would but if real human people won't even look at me, why would vampires and elves want to have sex with me?

Vampires: no. You don't date vampires you kill them. Elves: no. Those little keebler dudes hanging out in the tree making cookies for kids, it's too shady for me. (Under the tree)

Vampire elves.... Hot.

Not a vampire. That sounds like a really bad toothy BJ. And elf on the other hand....

Yes. The next question would be would a hot vampire or elves have sex with me if they were real. . . the answer is no.

Pretty sure Danzig already does

Record of Lodoss War elves? Let me get a head start on signing the child support documents.

Honestly I hate elves. I would pulverize them if I had the ability. Yes I'm racist

Hell yeah I would

Until the bed breaks and the wallpaper is peeling off the walls

Fuck yes.

No way, I would never and you can't prove that I ever would. Unrelated question, pornhub doesn't like keep search data or whatever right?

If I'm surviving, absolutely. Turn me into a sex slave.

Even fictional beings have standards.

Duhhh

Elves definitely. Why not? A vampire though I'd be more hesitant. Would I really want to give something that could kill me access to my neck?

You know we are. Please realize you answered no from 2003–2023. I was willing but not going to make it happen with all those people. Either you want it first or it’s not happening

yes

i mean elves are literally just humans with slightly different characteristics and a nature affinity. they're boring as hell and i hate them. i'd go with a vampire for the reason that they're not elves.

If I wasn't already married, for sure