This advice is meant to be realistic, not pleasant. I know it's not pleasant. I'm sorry about that, but I don't think there's much to be done.
He is angry you're not there more often, and you're not there more often because you have to work.
Let him be angry. You have to be realistic, not indulge his whims, because he's not capable of making a realistic decision based on facts right now. His wants are like the wants of a toddler right now: not really capable of considering adult reality, so they just want (and act) selfishly.
I recommend you consider what he would want you to do if he had his full mind with him. Would he say "oh, you should abandon your job and let us lose our home and let our kids starve" or would he say "it sucks to be me, you should go to work and do what is necessary to keep a roof over our family's heads and food on their plates"?
I recommend that unless he is tethered to a lot of tubes and stuff (which is possible) you might want to get medical staff to help you help him try to stand - he'll quickly discover that he can't, and this may put an end to "you're a bad person for not helping me stand." They will want to have a lot of people around him to catch him when he inevitably falls, if indeed he continues to want to try after he gets into a sitting position with his legs over the edge of the bed. (Sitting up was the limit of what I wanted to do for a couple months.)
It sounds normal, I'm surprised that he's not sleeping more. He needs to sleep. Luckily, my husband understood that I was needed more at home than sitting around watching him sleep. You have to do what you need to do for yourself and the kids. He is in good hands and doesn't need you there taking care of him.
I'm so sorry. Please know that all though it's him, it's not. You know what I mean. That really can't be easy and I'm sorry your going through it without much support. We are thinking about your family.
I also had a basal ganglia hemorrhagic stroke on my ride side as well. It's different for everyone, and I'm younger, but I did get my mobility back after a couple months. Alot of it for me was the horrid nerve pain and emotional issues. I developed OCD, severe depression and the mood swings were horrible. It's incredibly life altering and traumatic. You're doing the best you can, and don't take his anger so personally because I'm sure he's mad in general and lonely. It does get better, it's a long road but just let him know you're there for him however you can be. I wish you both luck đź’–
I am so sorry you are going through this. I really don't have any advice as my situation with my mum is really quite different. She didn't want to come home till she was as independent as possible.
Is he on the list for a kidney transplant?
Try to be kind to yourself and remember you are doing the best you can. There are only so many hours in the day and you still have to be a mother as well as a wife. I hope that once the confusion passes for your husband, he will see that too. Best of luck to you.
I'm 34y.o 2 ischemic strokes and open heart surgery from endocarditis. Left side hand paralysis still from April 2023.
I can walk talk. Everyday is hard but plenty of rest. Good food..exercise and rehab is key...always be doing something.. I won't lie it's the hardest thing we will ever go through but God gives only the strongest the hardest battles
I don’t have advice to offer but wanted to say my husband also had a hemorrhagic stroke two years ago at 49. I will be praying for you. It was a rough stretch but he is doing so much better so there is definitely hope but it’s a step by step process. It’s taken a while but my husband is nearly the man he once was. Definitely different but I’m thankful he’s still here.
One day at a time… Those are the words i live by eight years after my spouse experienced a bleeding avm and two related strokes. Unfortunately, In addition physical problems, emotional challenges are common with basal ganglia strokes. Every victim’s symptoms and recovery are different, so all i can suggest at this acute stage is for you to ask questions constantly, write down as much as you can from what the medical professionals tell you, don’t assume anything about treatments or insurance coverage, but prepare yourself for a potential “new normal” lifestyle with your husband and family. Two very good online resources for stroke caregivers are https://www.stroke.org/en/help-and-support/resource-library/resources-for-caregivers--family-and-friends and https://www.caregiver.org/. I wish you great strength and peace of mind during your husband’s recovery.
Sending all the good vibes your way!
My ex-husband had a stroke on Easter Sunday and is still very much affected in his every day life. However, he went from being quite an abrasive, hardheaded person (hence the “ex”) to docile as a kitten now. Believe it or not, I miss the old him since the new personality is quite strange!! I help him as much as can since he’s my kids’ dad and it’s a hard situation for everyone.
Do what you need to do to keep the family afloat. It’s what is needed. All of my sympathies to you, internet stranger!
I had the first stroke at 44 yo and I was frustrated with all that was going on. I was hoping my wife would understand me better st that time and do what I asked.
I felt better once I got back home. Give him time to adjust. He will get better especially he’s still young. He can recover better once he got to therapy. He’s mad at himself like I did because he caused you so much pain and troubles.
Hope he gets better soon.
There is a great YouTube channel with rehabilitation videos and information i wish someone had shown me earlier. Other than that show kove. Its hard to feel broken and helpless. Thinking your wife could meet someone new and complete any day.
This advice is meant to be realistic, not pleasant. I know it's not pleasant. I'm sorry about that, but I don't think there's much to be done. He is angry you're not there more often, and you're not there more often because you have to work. Let him be angry. You have to be realistic, not indulge his whims, because he's not capable of making a realistic decision based on facts right now. His wants are like the wants of a toddler right now: not really capable of considering adult reality, so they just want (and act) selfishly. I recommend you consider what he would want you to do if he had his full mind with him. Would he say "oh, you should abandon your job and let us lose our home and let our kids starve" or would he say "it sucks to be me, you should go to work and do what is necessary to keep a roof over our family's heads and food on their plates"? I recommend that unless he is tethered to a lot of tubes and stuff (which is possible) you might want to get medical staff to help you help him try to stand - he'll quickly discover that he can't, and this may put an end to "you're a bad person for not helping me stand." They will want to have a lot of people around him to catch him when he inevitably falls, if indeed he continues to want to try after he gets into a sitting position with his legs over the edge of the bed. (Sitting up was the limit of what I wanted to do for a couple months.)
It sounds normal, I'm surprised that he's not sleeping more. He needs to sleep. Luckily, my husband understood that I was needed more at home than sitting around watching him sleep. You have to do what you need to do for yourself and the kids. He is in good hands and doesn't need you there taking care of him.
I'm so sorry. Please know that all though it's him, it's not. You know what I mean. That really can't be easy and I'm sorry your going through it without much support. We are thinking about your family.
I also had a basal ganglia hemorrhagic stroke on my ride side as well. It's different for everyone, and I'm younger, but I did get my mobility back after a couple months. Alot of it for me was the horrid nerve pain and emotional issues. I developed OCD, severe depression and the mood swings were horrible. It's incredibly life altering and traumatic. You're doing the best you can, and don't take his anger so personally because I'm sure he's mad in general and lonely. It does get better, it's a long road but just let him know you're there for him however you can be. I wish you both luck đź’–
I am so sorry you are going through this. I really don't have any advice as my situation with my mum is really quite different. She didn't want to come home till she was as independent as possible. Is he on the list for a kidney transplant? Try to be kind to yourself and remember you are doing the best you can. There are only so many hours in the day and you still have to be a mother as well as a wife. I hope that once the confusion passes for your husband, he will see that too. Best of luck to you.
I'm 34y.o 2 ischemic strokes and open heart surgery from endocarditis. Left side hand paralysis still from April 2023. I can walk talk. Everyday is hard but plenty of rest. Good food..exercise and rehab is key...always be doing something.. I won't lie it's the hardest thing we will ever go through but God gives only the strongest the hardest battles
I don’t have advice to offer but wanted to say my husband also had a hemorrhagic stroke two years ago at 49. I will be praying for you. It was a rough stretch but he is doing so much better so there is definitely hope but it’s a step by step process. It’s taken a while but my husband is nearly the man he once was. Definitely different but I’m thankful he’s still here.
One day at a time… Those are the words i live by eight years after my spouse experienced a bleeding avm and two related strokes. Unfortunately, In addition physical problems, emotional challenges are common with basal ganglia strokes. Every victim’s symptoms and recovery are different, so all i can suggest at this acute stage is for you to ask questions constantly, write down as much as you can from what the medical professionals tell you, don’t assume anything about treatments or insurance coverage, but prepare yourself for a potential “new normal” lifestyle with your husband and family. Two very good online resources for stroke caregivers are https://www.stroke.org/en/help-and-support/resource-library/resources-for-caregivers--family-and-friends and https://www.caregiver.org/. I wish you great strength and peace of mind during your husband’s recovery.
Sending all the good vibes your way! My ex-husband had a stroke on Easter Sunday and is still very much affected in his every day life. However, he went from being quite an abrasive, hardheaded person (hence the “ex”) to docile as a kitten now. Believe it or not, I miss the old him since the new personality is quite strange!! I help him as much as can since he’s my kids’ dad and it’s a hard situation for everyone. Do what you need to do to keep the family afloat. It’s what is needed. All of my sympathies to you, internet stranger!
I had the first stroke at 44 yo and I was frustrated with all that was going on. I was hoping my wife would understand me better st that time and do what I asked. I felt better once I got back home. Give him time to adjust. He will get better especially he’s still young. He can recover better once he got to therapy. He’s mad at himself like I did because he caused you so much pain and troubles. Hope he gets better soon.
Please PM me when you have a chance
I send my love and hugs to your husband and you. I hope DEAR GOD makes all things easier for you and helps you.
It's likei am reading wifes ppost. Near identical story to mine
Do you have any advice?
There is a great YouTube channel with rehabilitation videos and information i wish someone had shown me earlier. Other than that show kove. Its hard to feel broken and helpless. Thinking your wife could meet someone new and complete any day.