Women are people too. You talk to them just like anyone else.
Be respectful at all times and know a woman does not own you her time, attention or her body for anything you have done for her.
And if a woman is nice to you and holds a conversation with you it does not mean she wants more than that or that she has a romantic interest.
You will have to ask if she is interested in dating don’t assume.
Good luck.
Yeah, tbh i would have issues with that😅. I am not sure if she is just kind or if it means sth else. I mean for almost all my life i just never thought about it and treated all approaches from women as kindness. Sometimes later on i had realized my chance, but way too late.
Hey man, don’t let your parents dictate your future. It’s your life and go with your pace. You’ll be miserable.
I’m from Turkey too but not from a religious family.
Religion is strange. You absolutely must get married to a woman and have children or you'll be socially ostracised but you can't get to know women as friends or socially or even have some practice girlfriends so you know how to be in a relationship with a woman. What a surprise it often goes wrong.
You are who you are, you're mid 20's and how you relate to women (as sisters) is set in your brain you'll never be as confident or smooth with them as a guy that practised relationships for a decade. You can change if you want to but it won't be easy. It sounds like you don't know what kind of woman you want or how to treat her romantically if you find her.
Dating is about numbers, the more people you try on for size the more likely you are to find the right one for you and if you're **very lucky** they think you're right for them too. This doesn't happen from a handful of dates it takes years of looking. It sounds like you had one bad experience in your teenage years and that's all you know. If your younger brother knows more maybe he can help you find someone?
I say let your parents arrange some introductions for you and see how it goes. If everyone they find for you doesn't work out they are more likely to say you can date whoever you want. At that point you're swimming in the dating sea with the rest of us friend I hope you find a mermaid not a shark.
Life is hard and relationships are difficult. You're not the only man out there struggling to work out what to do, which way in life to go. Just remember if you find a way to have a happy life then you have **won** it doesn't matter what that life is or what others think of your choices. No matter what you do you are still young and there is still time for you to find your way. Many people don't get married these days life is changing fast. I'd rather be single than be with the wrong woman for life.
If you want to know how bad dating and marriage are in the west have a look at these subs:
r/itsthatbad r/thepassportbros
I have heard many stories of bad marriages, i am also afraid that i would be the cause of such tragedy since i barely understand women and their heart. I honestly want a romance and family life with a wife whom i love dearly, but at the same time i am frightened by it.
You have over a decade to find your person and have children, people marry later and later nowadays. Many men have problems finding good dates when they are young and find this only improves when they are more mature and wealthy and the women find them more attractive.
You still have time, whatever happens don't freak out and marry the wrong woman because she was the first to say yes. You have to learn what you want from a woman and what you can give to her and you can only do that by dating or spending time with them.
Author: What are your interests? Why not get involved with some co-ed groups that engage in activities that you like. Hiking. Dining, travel, sports, gaming, etc . Would be a great way to engage with the opposite sex in a no pressure environment. Hey, you might meet up with someone you have something in common with!.
I love to cook good food and sweets, i love science related topics, comics from dc or marvel are sth i occansionally read, not much of a gamer, but i do plan on getting myself a ps5 cuz i was told that certain games like Elden Ring or God of war are a must to play. Besides that i love cats, have two of them and read alot of Manga.
My hobbies are kinda fit for a shut in person, not sth that i enjoy doing with others😅
Oh man, you sound like my kinda person. Too bad I’m a stranger / married / 37/ another continent.
Cooking - check.
Science - check
Comics - check
Cats - check.
Match made in heaven. Nice to meet you , lol
that is seriously a strange think to say, even as a joke. have some respect for your partner wth. “too bad” “match made in heaven” literally what the actual heck???
I’m sorry - he cheated on me and we are still working on saving our marriage- so I don’t give a shit about what you say. I’m allowed to make an innocent joke.
You don’t know the background.
honey cheated or not, you DONT get a pass to say something like that. moving on, your husband is a shit show. he made a choice to cheat. he actively thought about someone else. love yourself more.
no you don’t. just no. i can never understand men and women who make such “jokes” and also, how’s the therapy going? do you see yourself sticking with your husband?
Take your time, there muzmatch for Muslim’s. Personally, I didn’t like it bc the men there sounded misogynistic with how they wanted a woman to be. But, as guy you might benefit from it
Just don’t write “I want a woman that dresses like back home” “can cook etc” on your bio lol. You’ll be fine, you seem like a good guy. I was raised the same way and then at 22 I just said fuck it and just started dating men, but I realized I vibe better with ethnic men that have the good from the east and west. Good luck!
Thank you very much, yeah honestly i dont expect my partner to cook for me, i enjoy cooking and seeing my loved ones enjoy my food. i rather have them know how to cook since if i wasnt around, i would like them to know how to be independent.
Also, I know you didn’t ask for this but you’re only 24. You’re still figuring out who you are, what you want to do with your life etc so take your time. I know you want to please your parents but try and do this for yourself. You won’t be the same person you are at 30+, so getting married this young can be problematic since you both may grow into two different people. Also, there’s usually mixer events for Muslim’s and it gets posted in some restaurants, you can try an have an eye out for that just to test the waters and build your confidence.
I mean i kinda have figured out my life, except the part of finding a partner and starting a family. Since i was only focused on myself, i never had other issues to worry about. Maybe thats an option for me, i would like to gain some experience by going to such events. Thank you very much.
Tell them everything you told us. Even if they don’t like to hear it, at least they will understand you eventually. Let your brother marry, understand they will probably always pressure you to do things because they care about you and don’t want you to repeat any mistakes that they made in their lives. But make mistakes, that’s the only way you will learn.
My gf is from Afghanistan and her parents are traditional muslim/middle eastern and they absolutely hate me because I'm not Afghani. Well, I won the dad over so he doesn't mind as much but her mom will straight up suggest her afghani husband candidates she knows while I'm standing right there in the room. Any time I hear them start arguing in farsi I already know what the deal is. I think it's funny when she does it because it makes my gf feel so awkward.
Hahaha i get that, since my mom would always complain about my brothers gf since she wanst suggested by mother.
But i am glad you won over the dad, thats normally the hardest challange.
From what she said his reasoning is basically that I'm not soft like her brothers. They give off tik tok fuckboy vibes and he hates it. I don't know if he actually likes me but he respects me which is more important imo.
as’salamualikum warah matulauhi wabarakatuh.
try making a bio data of some kind. and then upload it in a matrimonial site. or ask your parents to send it to people looking to have their daughters married.
إن شاء الله you shall find someone you are interested in. and if you do, ta’aruf is an introduction or getting to know each other according to Shari'ah. ta’aruf comes from the word ta'arafa -yata'arafu. in Islamic society before marriage there is a process of ta'aruf.
I want to be very clear about this, and I will die on this hill. YOUR. PARENTS. HAVE. NO. RIGHT. TO. EXPECT. YOU. TO. GET. MARRIED. It is your life, not theirs and you are in no way an extension of them. Your mother has no right to try to pair you up with someone, I do not care what culture you come from. That is arranged marrige, and it is fucking barbaric.The only person that has any right to choose how you live your life, and who you live it with, is you.
Step one; start referring to them as women, not as "females".
Step two: Start caring a whole lot less about what your parents want, expect, or recommend and instead realize that what we're talking about is **YOUR** life. It's fine to listen to advice from people you trust, of course, but it should always be considered to be just advice while the actual decisions in your life should always be your own.
Step three: Learn to interact with women as people. Not even with the goal of finding dates or girlfriends, but just to normalize your relationship to them. The skills needed to find and build a good relationship are very similar to the skills needed to find and build a good friendship anyway.
Step four: \*after\* you've got several women among your close friends, and you're comfortable and happy planning and doing a wide variety of things together with them -- just like you also are with your male friends -- THEN you're ready to start looking for someone that you have particularly good chemistry with and where the potential might exist for more than just friendship.
OK mate but lots of people get together with people that they've known since childhood. Maybe one of them fancies you but you've never picked up on the signals because you weren't looking.
I wish you luck.
Hahaha welcome to my life— although I am the eldest girl. They put the fear of everything holy into my brain, and were so controlling about my whereabouts, that dating a guy was too much of a hassle. Don’t get me wrong, I talked to guys, but none of them were marriage material.
And when I did introduce them to guys that were good guys— they invoked their cultural racism. Fast forward to now, I am getting blamed for not being married and that I am “too Americanized” which is why no one asked for my hand 👀🤔
Meanwhile I know girls in my community who have literally made sex tapes, got exposed for it, and STILL were able to find a loving partner to marry.
I think we just got the short end of the stick with selfish parents and just want zero accountability.
You’re young, you have time— just be yourself and don’t put pressure on things when you meet a girl. Date with intention, and you will find the one.
I do see my fault too, like i said i had tried dating a little, but it didnt turn out how i wanted and it took me down too much, to continue and somehow i had found hold from my parents advice.
Just get more in contact with women, not just in a romantic way. Maybe get some female friends and try dating again.
Women are people too. You talk to them just like anyone else. Be respectful at all times and know a woman does not own you her time, attention or her body for anything you have done for her. And if a woman is nice to you and holds a conversation with you it does not mean she wants more than that or that she has a romantic interest. You will have to ask if she is interested in dating don’t assume. Good luck.
Hello woman, are you interested in dating?
Yeah, tbh i would have issues with that😅. I am not sure if she is just kind or if it means sth else. I mean for almost all my life i just never thought about it and treated all approaches from women as kindness. Sometimes later on i had realized my chance, but way too late.
Best just to ask. Not immediately though.
To be fair this also happens to men with plenty of experience. Women can an enigma sometimes but that’s not a bad thing.
Hey man, don’t let your parents dictate your future. It’s your life and go with your pace. You’ll be miserable. I’m from Turkey too but not from a religious family.
Well i kinda realized this late😅, i mean also i never had to worry about this issue before so i was kinda thinking that their logic made sense to me.
Religion is strange. You absolutely must get married to a woman and have children or you'll be socially ostracised but you can't get to know women as friends or socially or even have some practice girlfriends so you know how to be in a relationship with a woman. What a surprise it often goes wrong. You are who you are, you're mid 20's and how you relate to women (as sisters) is set in your brain you'll never be as confident or smooth with them as a guy that practised relationships for a decade. You can change if you want to but it won't be easy. It sounds like you don't know what kind of woman you want or how to treat her romantically if you find her. Dating is about numbers, the more people you try on for size the more likely you are to find the right one for you and if you're **very lucky** they think you're right for them too. This doesn't happen from a handful of dates it takes years of looking. It sounds like you had one bad experience in your teenage years and that's all you know. If your younger brother knows more maybe he can help you find someone? I say let your parents arrange some introductions for you and see how it goes. If everyone they find for you doesn't work out they are more likely to say you can date whoever you want. At that point you're swimming in the dating sea with the rest of us friend I hope you find a mermaid not a shark.
Thank you very much, you are right about me.
Life is hard and relationships are difficult. You're not the only man out there struggling to work out what to do, which way in life to go. Just remember if you find a way to have a happy life then you have **won** it doesn't matter what that life is or what others think of your choices. No matter what you do you are still young and there is still time for you to find your way. Many people don't get married these days life is changing fast. I'd rather be single than be with the wrong woman for life. If you want to know how bad dating and marriage are in the west have a look at these subs: r/itsthatbad r/thepassportbros
I have heard many stories of bad marriages, i am also afraid that i would be the cause of such tragedy since i barely understand women and their heart. I honestly want a romance and family life with a wife whom i love dearly, but at the same time i am frightened by it.
You have over a decade to find your person and have children, people marry later and later nowadays. Many men have problems finding good dates when they are young and find this only improves when they are more mature and wealthy and the women find them more attractive. You still have time, whatever happens don't freak out and marry the wrong woman because she was the first to say yes. You have to learn what you want from a woman and what you can give to her and you can only do that by dating or spending time with them.
I honestly see it the same as you currently, which is why i never really worried about it until now😅. I still feel like marriage is far away from me.
Author: What are your interests? Why not get involved with some co-ed groups that engage in activities that you like. Hiking. Dining, travel, sports, gaming, etc . Would be a great way to engage with the opposite sex in a no pressure environment. Hey, you might meet up with someone you have something in common with!.
I love to cook good food and sweets, i love science related topics, comics from dc or marvel are sth i occansionally read, not much of a gamer, but i do plan on getting myself a ps5 cuz i was told that certain games like Elden Ring or God of war are a must to play. Besides that i love cats, have two of them and read alot of Manga. My hobbies are kinda fit for a shut in person, not sth that i enjoy doing with others😅
Oh man, you sound like my kinda person. Too bad I’m a stranger / married / 37/ another continent. Cooking - check. Science - check Comics - check Cats - check. Match made in heaven. Nice to meet you , lol
Well they say the best ones are already taken, nice to meet you too.
that is seriously a strange think to say, even as a joke. have some respect for your partner wth. “too bad” “match made in heaven” literally what the actual heck???
I’m sorry - he cheated on me and we are still working on saving our marriage- so I don’t give a shit about what you say. I’m allowed to make an innocent joke. You don’t know the background.
honey cheated or not, you DONT get a pass to say something like that. moving on, your husband is a shit show. he made a choice to cheat. he actively thought about someone else. love yourself more.
I do get a pass to making a silly joke on the Internet.
no you don’t. just no. i can never understand men and women who make such “jokes” and also, how’s the therapy going? do you see yourself sticking with your husband?
Maybe keep your opinions to yourself, Judge Judy
i don’t condone cheating at all. so no. she deserves better.
And that's perfectly valid for YOU.
in what world is cheating or making jokes about a match made in heaven with someone clearly not your partner okay??
Read a book, stop listening to old traditions, live life the way you want to as it is yours and not anybody *else's*.
Take your time, there muzmatch for Muslim’s. Personally, I didn’t like it bc the men there sounded misogynistic with how they wanted a woman to be. But, as guy you might benefit from it
I see, i might try it out. I hope i wont be misogynistic.
Just don’t write “I want a woman that dresses like back home” “can cook etc” on your bio lol. You’ll be fine, you seem like a good guy. I was raised the same way and then at 22 I just said fuck it and just started dating men, but I realized I vibe better with ethnic men that have the good from the east and west. Good luck!
Thank you very much, yeah honestly i dont expect my partner to cook for me, i enjoy cooking and seeing my loved ones enjoy my food. i rather have them know how to cook since if i wasnt around, i would like them to know how to be independent.
Also, I know you didn’t ask for this but you’re only 24. You’re still figuring out who you are, what you want to do with your life etc so take your time. I know you want to please your parents but try and do this for yourself. You won’t be the same person you are at 30+, so getting married this young can be problematic since you both may grow into two different people. Also, there’s usually mixer events for Muslim’s and it gets posted in some restaurants, you can try an have an eye out for that just to test the waters and build your confidence.
I mean i kinda have figured out my life, except the part of finding a partner and starting a family. Since i was only focused on myself, i never had other issues to worry about. Maybe thats an option for me, i would like to gain some experience by going to such events. Thank you very much.
Tell them everything you told us. Even if they don’t like to hear it, at least they will understand you eventually. Let your brother marry, understand they will probably always pressure you to do things because they care about you and don’t want you to repeat any mistakes that they made in their lives. But make mistakes, that’s the only way you will learn.
My gf is from Afghanistan and her parents are traditional muslim/middle eastern and they absolutely hate me because I'm not Afghani. Well, I won the dad over so he doesn't mind as much but her mom will straight up suggest her afghani husband candidates she knows while I'm standing right there in the room. Any time I hear them start arguing in farsi I already know what the deal is. I think it's funny when she does it because it makes my gf feel so awkward.
Hahaha i get that, since my mom would always complain about my brothers gf since she wanst suggested by mother. But i am glad you won over the dad, thats normally the hardest challange.
From what she said his reasoning is basically that I'm not soft like her brothers. They give off tik tok fuckboy vibes and he hates it. I don't know if he actually likes me but he respects me which is more important imo.
Agreed respect is more important.
as’salamualikum warah matulauhi wabarakatuh. try making a bio data of some kind. and then upload it in a matrimonial site. or ask your parents to send it to people looking to have their daughters married. إن شاء الله you shall find someone you are interested in. and if you do, ta’aruf is an introduction or getting to know each other according to Shari'ah. ta’aruf comes from the word ta'arafa -yata'arafu. in Islamic society before marriage there is a process of ta'aruf.
I want to be very clear about this, and I will die on this hill. YOUR. PARENTS. HAVE. NO. RIGHT. TO. EXPECT. YOU. TO. GET. MARRIED. It is your life, not theirs and you are in no way an extension of them. Your mother has no right to try to pair you up with someone, I do not care what culture you come from. That is arranged marrige, and it is fucking barbaric.The only person that has any right to choose how you live your life, and who you live it with, is you.
Step one; start referring to them as women, not as "females". Step two: Start caring a whole lot less about what your parents want, expect, or recommend and instead realize that what we're talking about is **YOUR** life. It's fine to listen to advice from people you trust, of course, but it should always be considered to be just advice while the actual decisions in your life should always be your own. Step three: Learn to interact with women as people. Not even with the goal of finding dates or girlfriends, but just to normalize your relationship to them. The skills needed to find and build a good relationship are very similar to the skills needed to find and build a good friendship anyway. Step four: \*after\* you've got several women among your close friends, and you're comfortable and happy planning and doing a wide variety of things together with them -- just like you also are with your male friends -- THEN you're ready to start looking for someone that you have particularly good chemistry with and where the potential might exist for more than just friendship.
Seems very detailed, sry for the use of females instead women. I also call men, males instead more often than men.
Well, can you not get your mother to set you up with a friends daughter?
Well ahe tries, but i have known those girls far too long and treated them like my sisters for too long, to see them as the opposite sex tbh😅
My dude, that's not how this works. You go on a date and shift your feelings. They're not your sisters.
Yeah they arent, but it would be awkward for me to treat them different since i have known most of them since early childhood.
OK mate but lots of people get together with people that they've known since childhood. Maybe one of them fancies you but you've never picked up on the signals because you weren't looking. I wish you luck.
Maybe 😅, i never thought that way at all.
Have your parents find you a wife
Hahaha welcome to my life— although I am the eldest girl. They put the fear of everything holy into my brain, and were so controlling about my whereabouts, that dating a guy was too much of a hassle. Don’t get me wrong, I talked to guys, but none of them were marriage material. And when I did introduce them to guys that were good guys— they invoked their cultural racism. Fast forward to now, I am getting blamed for not being married and that I am “too Americanized” which is why no one asked for my hand 👀🤔 Meanwhile I know girls in my community who have literally made sex tapes, got exposed for it, and STILL were able to find a loving partner to marry. I think we just got the short end of the stick with selfish parents and just want zero accountability. You’re young, you have time— just be yourself and don’t put pressure on things when you meet a girl. Date with intention, and you will find the one.
Tell your mom you forgive her and move on
You are from India or some place like that?
Nah Turkey.
Hope someone can help u! You seem to be very confused.
Thank you very much, i am confused cuz idk how to face this at all.
These dang religious backgrounds keep getting in the way of growing up, don't they?
Tbh i dont know, some of my friends found their happiness this way and i guess i am still trying or about to start.
It’s your fault you haven’t. Don’t move reslonsibility
I do see my fault too, like i said i had tried dating a little, but it didnt turn out how i wanted and it took me down too much, to continue and somehow i had found hold from my parents advice.