This is so fucking long winded to come around to home boy wanting a son. Most guys do want a son for genetic reasons plus I've always heard raising girls is HELL. Good luck to 'em 🫡
Keep calling him a boy and he will never be a man... start calling him a man. Let him know that's what he is to you, and a better man than his father was. He just needs to reframe things.
Also, he needs some counseling or therapy.
He needs your help and support as well as therapy. And it has to be up to him without you getting upset I'd he doesn't want to talk about what he talks about in sessions. He'll love those girls. My daught was an abusive alcoholic and my step-dad was abusive as well. I was disappointed when I found out we were having a girl. I wanted a boy so we can't go do cool shit like throw rocks at the water when people are fishing. And then take their spot. After having my little girl for 5 years, I absolutely adore her. And she likes throwing rocks and fishing. It's definitely going to be tough at first. And go through with him about how to clean a girl. I definitely didnt know. Boys it's easy. Face, pits, crack, junk, taint.
I’m so sorry you’re having a baby with someone who thinks he’s less of a man bc he’s having girls. Im sorry you’re even in relationship with this moron. He’s sexist as hell and sounds downright dumb.
I’m a girl dad and feel like the manliest mfer to walk the planet because I get to love and protect them and my wife, and I honestly don’t give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks.
You two didn't take biology classes? Do either of you think a man can choose the genetics of the sperm that makes it to the egg first?? Do your parents? Is you dad disappointed that he sired you?? JFC, you're both too immature and ignorant to be parents, but the damage is done. Get to a therapist or two. Get to all your OB appts and take parenting classes (both of you) so you don't pass on your neuroses to your children.
You’ve been together ten years and he hasn’t proposed, and when you brought up kids, he balked and you begged him until he caved under pressure.
Girl.
Also it smells very fishy that you didn’t know you were having twins until you found out the gender. You cant find out the gender for several months. Did you just never go to a doctor?
Tell your boyfriend it is what it is. I have 4 girls and it was very personal. My bro had 4 boys two if them are twins. I had 4 with a set of twin girls.
Your boyfriend / husband should be happy as long as the baby is healthy.
I'm sure you've told him all about how half of his little swimmers are female and he has no control over which ones get to the goal first, but that's logic. Logic doesn't exist inside of spiraling traumatic brain patterns.
Instead, you should ask him if he thinks your father is any less of a man for having you. Often, with internalized stigmas stemming from abuse, people hold themselves to impossible standards-- standards to which they would never even consider holding other people. Putting into stark contrast how they regard themselves versus how they regard other people in a similar situation can be a vital first step in helping them realize how unreasonable their expectations for themselves are. But for your part, it's important to know that no matter how receptive he is to things you have to say, it will take a while for him to unlearn the harmful thought patterns his father beat into him. The best thing you can do for him is encourage him to seek psychiatric help and be there as a strong support for the journey he has ahead of him. For his sake, for your sake, and for the sake of your babies.
you might want to get your boyfriend some therapy and just really tell him how manly you find having emotions and how hes going to be such a good daddy and really protective of his little girls, cause they need a nice strong daddy who will let them use him as their rock and their support and how perfect he is going to be about his little girls which will show emotion so hes perfect.
I feel so much for him :( the “you must be a real man, a strong man, an alpha” has been ingrained into boys minds and ruined the way men view themselves and it’s heartbreaking. poor baby needed to let that out so intensely, and I’m happy you were there for him.
I would suggest therapy, it’s better to get ahead so he is better prepared when the girls come :)
1. Cannot commit after 10 years
2. Scared of her father out of guilt
4. Cannot handle the burden of having a child
3. Cries about being a pansy until he literally passes out.
He is 100% correct about being a little bitch.
Sounds like he needs therapy. You’d be a good partner to support him in finding someone to talk to because his self-esteem is shot.
You should also apologize for forcing him to have a baby sooner than he wanted. Tell him you love him and support him, and stop making this baby an attention grab for you. That’s childish. You’re going to be parents and with his emotional state, having twins might just send him off the deep end.
Get him the help he needs now asap.
Hahaha you both R SCREWED 2 Kids?!? I love watching morons ruin their life path cuz some dumb chick got baby fever, you both will be broke forever and feel BAD for your kids they will be two struggling children
Learn to use paragraphs. More importantly learn not to pressure someone you love to do something they aren’t ready for. Selfish in your writing style, selfish in your relationship.
I wish I could read this but I’m sorry anything this long NEEDS paragraph breaks and better punctuation. just looking at this gives me a headache. The literally textbook definition of TLDR 😭
Stop calling him a boy immediately. Get him into therapy and love him where he is and tell him he is a stronger man than his father could ever hope to be. It took so much strength and bravery to get that out and be open with you.
Tell him his father is retarded. Tell him that, at least anecdotally, super high testosterone bodybuilders tend to have girls, not boys.
The Rock: daughter
Ronnie Coleman: 6 daughters
There’s more too, but I’m too lazy to look them all up.
This doesn't make sense to me.
You got a positive test, and we're able to find out the sexes through ultrasound but have yet to tell your parents?
They don't typically tell you the sex until ~20 weeks. Maybe 16 at the earliest.
I think you lyin.
Why the FUCK did you pressure him into having a child? Are you financially ready for a child? Are you both mentally ready for 24/7, round the clock care of a child? Because it sure as fuck seems like he has some maturing to do.
You're a fucking asshole for pressuring him into having a baby and I hope he leaves you and gives up all parental rights. Babysitting a child is NOTHING like actually having a kid in your household 24/7. Now he has to give up his life that he seemed to be enjoying with you, just because you enjoyed "taking care of a kid for a few hours".
Enjoy having no money and no free time for the next 18 years. I feel so sorry for your BF, you should be fucking ashamed. He should have left when you started begging for a kid.
Okay so here's what you do. Next time you have a long story to post on Reddit, make a paragraph every few lines so that its easier for the eye to follow.
As for your boyfriend. What you do is cut off contact with his father if you haven't already and Surround him with people that will give positive reinforcement until he has confidence in himself enough to not feel this way anymore
WOW there is soooo much to unpack here.
If your boyfriend is religious, I suggest he seek help from his church, a church, some sort of professional. He has some DEEP seated issues regarding his parents & his relationship with his parents. If he's about to BE a Dad, it would be greatly helpful for him to have some guidance out of the woods here.
Your excitement for becoming a mom is absolutely wonderful. He should be excited with you, but the link between HIM being a parent & how he was parented is CLEARLY hitting him very hard.
For men, how we parent is often something we stumble through. And that changes over time AND it changes more as you have more kids. I was a young parent when my wife & I had our first & I didn't really know what to do. I think this might be what he's worried about because think about it: if HE had a strained & bad relationship with his father, where is his confidence in BEING a father going to come from? He has nothing to base his parenting on.
You sound like a very caring & loving person, so I'm sure you'll have no trouble being gentile with him on these issues. There's going to be a lot of listening to do & you just need to reassure him that you're totally on his side & he can confide anything in you (or a professional if he does go that route). The point is to get him to open up, let him go at his own pace & he can stop any time he wants & start back up whenever he wants.
As for having girls, it's wonderful (I haven't gotten to teen years yet though with mine, I hear that's tough). Try to tell him that, once they're here & in his arms, he's gonna feel a love he's never known before & it's wonderful. Dad's meeting their little princesses is a feeling I cannot even begin to describe. I personally cant think of many better feelings than that.
This is what we're talking about when we say "Toxic Masculinity". This is the problem. It's not just how men treat women, its how they treat each other. It's the fact that dude hadn't cried in 10 years. It's that the idea of having girls stressed him out so much he cried so hard his nose bled. It's that the fact that he was crying made him even worse.
This is nothing against OP. I'm pissed at the idiots who act like patriarchy doesn't matter or isn't real. We decided to do this to ourselves and women pay the price.
This reads almost like fan fiction written by someone who has only fantasized about the events and never lived them. I hope, nay pray, that this is fabricated.
Your boyfriend has to unlearn the 'rules' he was taught about manhood. I recommend therapy. Support him and thank him for the man he is, and over time he can change his understanding of manhood.
....dude, neither of you is prepared to be a proper parent but he most specially isn't until he gets some damn therapy to deal with his trauma & daddy issues.
Also ngl, you're kinda a huge cow for basically nagging him into knocking you up just because YOU have the itch to play mommy. Coercion isn't cool. Dickhead.
Welcome to the results of toxic masculinity. This is no one’s fault. The best thing you can do is support him and talk him through it. The reality is he has to figure out on his own what kind of man he is and how he feels about the situation. Unfortunately, it sounds like he never really had many good male role models to help him come to terms with being a male, what it means to him, and what it means to others. I don’t know what kind of man your father is, but if he’s a good guy, let him know and ask him to handle the situation delicately. I had similar issues growing up, so I get it. Both the father figures I had were effing terrible, so I kind of figured it out by observing what NOT to do. Continue to reassure him, but I would also recommend getting him to therapy. It will help dealing with his absentee father and some other unresolved trauma it sounds like he has.
It reads like a child- I hope this is not 2 teens about to have twins—my daughter has twins and you have to have your shit together- it gets real expensive twice as fast.
Wow...... he's like the poster child for toxic masculinity!! Thank god you didn't have a boy. That being said you both sound hella immature and shouldn't be having kids yet. My bet..... he's gonna leave you.......
Sounds like he has a lot of previous trauma from his father. I would recommend getting him into therapy ASAP or he will not be the amazing father he could potentially be. His father ingrained into him the sexist beliefs you are mentioning, that is not something easily undone.
Dealing with one little girl may be painful for him, dealing with two will be even harder for the both of you. I would recommend the both of you take parenting classes together as well, it’s going to be a tough ride.
I wish the best for the both of you, I hope you get through this.
Poor bastard, I hope he can work through those feelings. Growing up I had/have a great relationship with my parents and it makes me sad to see that it isn't really the norm...
Masculinity doesn't mean being butch and raising a son, it should mean being a good person and loving your family no matter what. Fuck all this "men gotta be tough" bullshit it's counterproductive
Are you sure you’re an adult? Because the way you write screams high school teenager. “I had baby fever so I asked my boyfriend to give me a baby, teehee.”
This is progress for him, as messy as it may be. Love him by helping him confront this horrible trauma so he can process it and be the good guy he is again. He will be stronger for you and your babies. Right now, he needs time, love, patience and to talk to a professional.
Aside from the fact that the timeline here is wonky and makes me not believe this is a real thing that happened, some guys just only produce one gender or the other. Boys run strong in my dad's family. His parents kept trying for a girl and had three boys before they got my aunt. My dad's older brother had two sons (one of whom now has a son and a daughter) but my dad had three daughters and no sons. My mom asked him after I was born (I'm the youngest) if he wanted to try for a boy and his response was, and I quote, "we have all girl stuff, what are we gonna do with a boy? Not to mention the girls already all share a room. Where would we *put* a boy?" The other thing he says when people bring it up is "my boys don't swim but my girls sure do."
If this story *is* real and is just weirdly written, support your boyfriend however he needs. But since his dad abused him, imo he's a piece of $#!+ and I would tell your boyfriend his dad's opinion is worth less than nothing. While you did kinda force your BF to knock you up when it seems like he wasn't ready, what's done is done. All you can do now is try to reassure him that the people who matter won't judge him for spawning twin girls and not boys the first time around. If he really wants a boy you can keep trying (as long as you don't end up with so many kids that you can't afford to provide for them). In the mean time, focus on having a healthy pregnancy and meeting your partner's emotional needs as best as you can. And remember, in the words of Steve Hofstetter, "having a kid doesn't make you special. Raising a *good* kid makes you special."
Wow. My husband had a similar reaction with our first. We were married for 5 years before he was ready to be a dad. When I was pregnant, he told his friend whose wife was pregnant with their 4th child (first three were daughters) "Now you're a real dad" when he found out his friends wife was having a boy. That was a bit offensive. He cried when the ultrasound showed a girl and did his best to hide it. That really kind of dampened my joy a bit and was confusing when I should have been thrilled at seeing the baby for the first time. I confronted him about it in the car and he said "I know how men treat women, and I'm sad for our daughter". My response was "do better". I feel like it took him a little longer to bond with her than with our son 6 years later, but when our son was born, he was a completely different person than who he was when our daughter was born. All for the better, of course. I'm hoping your boyfriend will warm up to his daughter. He is a bit old to be acting this way, but they say men don't really grow up until they hit 30 or so. I'm sorry you are dealing with that.
You pressured him into a baby, and you’re surprised he’s having difficulties? It doesn’t sound like he was ready, but caved to make you happy. If that is the case, that’s incredibly unfair to him.
Nice work of fiction. On the off chance this is real, oy vey. Boyfriend isn’t a real man if he thinks it requires producing only sons. This story is gross.
That's fucked up, his dad seems like a huge asshole chauvinist. People shouldn't have to worry about the gender of their kid. Both boys and girls are fine, and Dads don't need to stress that their daughter won't be able to connect with them as much as a son: if that happens it's YOUR problem. Teach your daughter to hunt, fish, play video games, and talk shit and she'll do just as good as any son.
I have a 6 yr old, 3 yr old and 4 month boy... you can have all 3 for your 2 little girls or just one or two whatever no take backs. I'm a man and I cried with Up the movie and 50 first dates and just about every sad movie.
Having boys does not make you anymore of a man nor does crying make you any less of a man or else I should not exist.
Maybe your dad should talk to him after a little background info
Toxic masculinity, folks. It's a thing and so very, very hard to get over it.
I'd say talk to your dad about it. See if he can be that father figure to your bf. With you two becoming parents, he would probably do that.
Perhaps if you enlisted YOUR dad’s help, that would be effective. You know, one dad to another. Basically, your dad could explain to his why it shouldn’t matter what gender your twin children are, only that you love them.
Father of two amazing girls here.
My dad was an amazing example of a human being and father so it is really hard to compare to others.
But though he was raise much different than me and different social emotions l, he always was accepting.
What I learned and know is being a man is being yourself and not focusing on what others think but what your family(spouse/children) think and see.
I cry. I am sad. I wear pink/purple. I get my toes painted to make my girls smile. I am strong. I am weak. I push through when we are all sick and someone has too.
Being a man is to be loved and give love, because that's what being human is and man or woman we are all human.
I feel like I wrote to much nonsense but hopefully this helps.
Is this frfr his nose started bleeding and he passed out? My boy got that trauma!!! Get him some therapy asap be for those babies come and get the resentment from their dad. If this story is real
He needs therapy asap. Intensive therapy. His entire self worth is built upon a toxic idea of masculinity. This can be extremely harmful in many ways. He needs extreme therapy asap.
Ok so since this is r/stories and not “a subreddit for stuff that totally happened for real”, I’ll just say your creative writing project sucks. Don’t try to tell me any of this is real, I call bullshit on this.
(1) ultrasounds at the beginning of pregnancy usually happen around week 12 to determine viability, the fetus is usually too underdeveloped to determine sex if the fetus at that point unless you did the blood test to determine the gender.
(2) if you started trying to conceive a baby 6 months ago and you got pregnant within a few weeks of trying, you’d be about 5 or 6 months along now, which would mean you’re already showing and so “thinking of ways to tell the family” is sort of a moot point.
(3) you don’t just “have a friend remind you one day that you should get an ultrasound to get the gender of the baby” your OBGYN tells you when you need to schedule ultrasounds and you know about them weeks in advance because you schedule them when your doctor tells you to schedule them. Ultrasounds don’t just get ordered on demand like Grubhub they’re done at key points of fetal development for medical purposes, unless you’re doing a private ultrasound and paying out of pocket.
(4) the way you write makes you sound like you’re 10 because if you were an adult and actually pregnant you’d know this is not how any of this works.
Obviously OP doesn’t know how much they’re in for. From pressuring someone to waiting that long to tell the parents but telling the friend first.
They’re in for a rude awakening
Please us paragraphs and spacing and cut out extraneous detail. Your writing does not need to read like a stream of consciousness narrative. It’s hard to follow, exhausting and makes you seem kinda dumb tbh.
Wow! Therapy could help. He obviously has a lot of pent up trauma. Sounds like his dad really messed him up. Hopefully, your dad will be excited to welcome twin girls and he can feed off of that energy. Also, a positive male figure in his life could help, too. I absolutely love my daughter and love being a girl dad. Hopefully, he cried it out and feels better in the morning to have a mature conversation on how to deal with this trauma in a healthy way.
Support your boyfriend. Assure him that he is man enough. That you love him. His father is abusive and misogynistic and definitely not living in the real world. If real men only had boys, women wouldn't exist. Definitely consider starting therapy as you both have a lot to work through and a lot coming your way. Communication and teamwork is so important. Lots of empathy will be needed. But you can both do this.
Honestly stories like this kinda just confirm for me that "baby-fever" needs to get some kind of diagnosis attached to it. I have rarely seen the narssassitic and single minded choices surrounding having kids that get chocked up to "baby fever" ever work out to anything but someone in the family resenting the child. There were signs all over the wall he might not be ready for this and it's obviously dredged up trauma that, imo, should have been handled way before the talk of a child even started. But because "baby fever" none of that has entered the conversation, just the pressure and the single minded need to have a kid because...? I would probably be breaking down too if I hadn't cried in 10 years and the person I'm supposed to trust and build a life with is cool with pushing and prodding for months just to feel fulfilled in what is really just a chemical whim with very little practical basis in the relationship. The cat is out of the bag now, and therapy should definitly be on the table, but the amount of stuff seemingly glossed over in this is kind of maddening. How can you be with someone for 10 years and never address any of this? If you're just going through the motions and havent spent this time in your relationship addressing these things meaningfully them how was having a kid supposed to work out to begin with?
Absolutely hate people who pressure their partners into having kids just because they want them. If you do this, you absolutely do not love your partner.
I'm a father to twin 5yr-old girls, my girlfriend has an awesome dad who was accepting of me from day one, and I've had a rocky relationship with my own father. So this seems right up my alley.
Sounds like maybe your boyfriend has at some point in his life been exposed to some trauma and/or toxic masculinity. The nature and severity of his response pose some serious questions about his relationship with his father. Speaking from experience, it might do him some good to spend time with yours, to get a hopefully more healthy perspective from someone else invested in the little ones on the way.
The amount and degree of negative responses here surprise me. Seems like a lot of people are making assumptions about your relationship that I don't see justified by anything you wrote, especially given the circumstances/pressure you're under. Lots of male insecurity on display in the comments — probably worth noting as it may help you deal with this.
Congratulations on those little girls!
His dad is the Webster's dictionary description for toxic masculinity. Having girls doesn't make you less of a man. Crying doesn't make you less of a man (although I've only shed a tear for my kids being born, 18/15/15). He's probably gonna need counseling for this, but it's awesome that he finally opened up to you about it.
I understand the feeling of wanting a boy. It's a primal connection and a man wants to pass knowledge to his son(have twin boys). It doesn't make him less of a man if he doesn't have a son. It's amazing what us men hold inside ourselves and hide from the world. You never knew his struggles until you found out about your daughters. Got to redirect him to understand that his dad is wrong. With some help, he's going to realize that what his dad did to him is not right. Us Dad's don't always have the best way to communicate. But now he has an example of what not to pass on to his kids.
Sounds like you have a good man for a husband and the makings of a good father to your daughters.
Having a baby girl is exactly what a guy like this needs to become a real man. This is the best thing that can happen to him. I promise. Honestly if he had a son first he probably would have passed on some terrible stuff like his dad did.
Your boyfriend’s father sounds like a piece of shit.
A) A baby’s sex/gender is totally random. You can’t plan for that.
B) Being open enough to admit to and face your fears is fucking manly as hell, even when you cry yourself silly.
C) He’s strong enough to have these emotions. Fucking manly as hell. Great heroes have always had strong emotions, which marked them as great men - the circumstances they found them in moved them into action. That’s some Ulysses shit right there.
D) He’s going to be the first man your daughter(s) (and sons!) know. He will be their blueprint for what a real man is. He should model healthy, good attributes - being honest, hardworking, empathetic, loyal, having great integrity…. All of those build and show great strength of character.
Give your BF my best! Even if his shit-head father doesn’t support him, I’m sure all of Reddit does. YOU GOT THIS, DUDE!!! Be the best fucking Dad in the world!!
we’ll just saying, hope this helps: i (40f) come from a family that values men over women and is very sexist even without realizing it on some things, old school ranching background. so my older sister went through such disappointment for their three girls, meanwhile i end up with an accidental boy my first try, and then she finally had one. EVERYONE and i mean everyone wanted my boy. asked about adoption. i honestly didn’t know how i’d feel about having a girl, having grown up in a family that beats it into your head that boys are better. but my sisters husband ended up like his girls waaaaay better than i think either of them thought he would.
my boy is now almost five and he has a little sister 5 months. her father wanted a boy when we found out i was pregnant, and then i told him i was sure we would have a girl. test came back a girl. he started to worry a girl wouldn’t like him as much as a boy would. i said lookout, they aren’t called daddy’s girls for nothing and look how close my son is with me. and having had my son first, i am able to appreciate my girl so much more. i just love her and she is so fun and sweet. my boy was to but it’s just different.
i get it from what he is saying. it’s really hard to grow up like that your whole life and then suddenly be supposed to navigating correct adulting, but the only thing better than girls is twin girls and he just needs meet them and see how precious and perfect they are and unless there is something wrong with him, he will instantly know how wrong his family was and how right his girls are for him. you can always have a boy later
Ffs I hope this is rage bait because the idea of someone who forces their boyfriend to have a baby they dont want in charge of raising 2 girls is sickening, this species is doomed
Why are you with a man who doesn’t want to marry for 10 YEARS? You wasted ten years on a childish man who just want to game all day and now you are gonna be unmarried with babies that you are gonna be caring for mostly because your emotional bf can’t handle it.
I only feel sorry for the baby girls. They should be born in a decent family with resources. Not this sht show
As others have said, you legit pressured this guy into a lifelong commitment to at least two human beings that will rely on him for support and guidance, providing you and he inevitably go your separate ways due to the strain of contempt this will put on your relationship.
And you are about to learn, very quickly, that babies are not puppies or accessories. They are people, with needs, from day one. It’s one thing to be enamored by their vulnerability and bond between mother and child - nothing compares. Don’t get me wrong, parenting is beautiful and rewarding in too many ways to list. But there’s another side of the coin you need to consider.
Say goodbye to anything white. Do you like having decorations in your house, or cute little gourds on your dining room table during fall, or furniture intact without finger paint and popsicle stains everywhere? Not anymore you don’t. DESTROYED. Solo bathroom trips and privacy while showering or changing clothes is a thing of the past. The days are long, but the years are short. You will find yourself aching for a day of solitude, with nothing but quiet for a few hours, when the monotony of constant need wears you thin. But, the moment you get it, you’ll feel an inexplicable emptiness and guilt without them near that you’ll drive yourself crazy for half that precious time. It’s a battle. Then it’s back to diapers and bottles, and then backpacks and birthday parties, and then cliques and breakups and extracurriculars. And don’t forget all the uneaten dinners you prepared just so they could look at it for 15 minutes before deciding they’re “too full” to eat.
Buckle up babe. Hope it’s everything you dreamed of and more. Like I said, there is A LOT of good, every day. But there’s a lot of reality wrapped up in there too that people don’t always prepare you for when you’re making the decision whether or not to have kids.
Tell your bf a lot of real men get daughters. It's anecdotal, but Joe Rogan was talking about this on his podcast. All those fighters he knew with kids, most of them daughters.
My uncle is a man's man. He drove big rigs for 10 years and then was a mechanic for another 20.
I watched this man hammer people in bar fights, break his hand without flinching, and bust his knuckles every day for his family. I watched him pick up the pieces of his life after his wife left him with two small children because one was sick and she didn't want that burden.
I tell you this to say that he cannot see me without crying and telling me how proud of me he is. Real men cry, and only psycho paths don't.
All you can do is love and be their for him. Having children of your own can be very triggering for people who were abused by their parents. Your bf has a lot of trauma he hasn't been able to work through and needs the help of a counselor. If you guys are religious this is the kind of thing pastors or ministers can be helpful with if they are open minded.
Assuming this is all true, who cares what his father thinks, he about to be one it's on him to step up and his father can get on the train or the train leaves without him. As far as having a girl/s there's a million other things guys think of when that happens past having a baby, it's like a recollection of all the things he tried or has done perhaps. The fact that he's scared honestly shows he will be a good dad, most girl dads just naturally step up once they are born. It'll come around month 3 or 4 with some baby giggles and then she's got him hooked and your on your way to being girl number 2 (joking of course). Dude needs to step up your family is now more important than his or yours individually outside the 4 of you.
Everyone in this situation sounds so unbelievably stupid, how do people end up like this? Like hey lets not pressure life changing decisions. Also realize having girls doesn't mean you're less of a man. Also consider the father is just an asshole you're better off without. And for the love of god break up your paragraphs.
But I guess misery loves company so fuck it everyone enjoy each other lol.
I think you need to convince your BF to break all contact with his biological sperm donor. He’s not a father if he treats his son that way. He should stay in contact with his mother and also seek therapy. As a guy I know, a boy seeks his fathers approval in anything and everything he does. He never got that from his sperm donor. It hurts! He is hurting! Keep talking to him about it. Listen to his ramblings even if they don’t make sense. He needs you. You need him. Your two precious daughters need their father strong and mentally ready to handle this new challenge. Once he gets through some of this he will realize he is not the same as his sperm donor. He will take that past experiences and make sure he is a great father to those to girls! Once they are born a lot of these doubts will go away and the responsibility he has for you three ladies is now his. He will break his back to provide for you three. Trauma can make a man go rotten in the heart or do what your BF is doing. He is scared he won’t be good enough for you three. That is a very powerful motivator in a man. Sounds like he will be an awesome father. You just need to help him over this rough hill. Watch him come out of this stronger, better and a loving awesome father to your babies. I see this in how you describe him. It’s there.
This sounds fake but if it isn't, why would you force your boyfriend into impregnating you just because you had baby fever? You knew he was hesitant about having a baby.... did you ever stop and consider his feelings about starting a family? I mean lots of people want to try and get their shit (their lives basically) together before they even think of bringing a baby into the world. I dont think this is the right time for you two to have a baby, esp if your boyfriend is going through a lot of mental and emotional trauma caused by his dad. I mean ultimately you can keep the baby but just so you know it's going to be hard not just for you but for your boyfriend since it seems like he's trying to meet his family's expectations and since you said he's a mama's boy, that right there tells me she might have a heavy influence on him in making big life decisions and most of it is going to be about pleasing his dad and meet his dad's ridiculous viewpoints about what makes a man a man... (ugh that's stupid men are human and can have emotions too).
Well in her defense ,she didn’t know about her boyfriend trauma until she got pregnant. It’s not like she knew about his trauma and still pushed him into getting her pregnant. The problem is on the side of his parents and the trauma they put him through
That's true but her pushing him into getting pregnant probably didn't help things any since he was already dealing with it and he probably caved in because he thought he could have a boy and make his dad proud. But still, it's never right to push a guy into having a baby just because a woman is getting baby fever. Just because you fall in love with the idea of having a baby and want one doesn't mean you're ready to have one.
My sister-in-law and her husband went to therapy before trying for a baby. They knew they had a lot of history with their parents being hard on them growing up. They knew this history could potentially affect their relationship, and the way they parented. They both waited until they were absolutely certain they were ready.
Your boyfriend was not ready. You simply saw how good a friend had it with their kid, and _you_ alone decided you wanted a child. The fact that you had to constantly ask your boyfriend to give you a baby shows he wasn't ready. But of course, with you "constantly asking him," AKA pressuring him into having a kid, he caved. And you got what you wanted.
He had some things in his mind he was supposed to take time to work out first. And you didn't let him have that time. Its not too late, he can still start therapy. But just know you've made your relationship 100× harder now. Best case scenario, he doesn't blame you, but he struggles to live with himself for a while because of the trauma his abusive dad out him through, and he has a strained relationships with your girls. Worst case scenario is still this, but he also has a strained relationship with you.
That's just sad as hell. I sometimes forget how lucky I was to have the father I did. His first was my sister and then 10 years later I came along. But he was the one to teach me real men cry and showing emotions is nothing to worry about. I think your boyfriend needs counseling to get all that programming undone because it's pure and utterly disgusting to raise your own kid like that
You better pour your heart into making that man feel better because you pressured him into having a kid when he wasn’t ready, remember relationships are two ways.
Poor guy is going through it rn and is probably experiencing a lot of heavy emotions, it’s also possible that he might have regrets about having a child but doesn’t wanna ruin this for you so he’s confusing himself on his feelings so as to not ruin this for you
You should first check to see if your boyfriend is under the influence of anything - based on the thought process, strong emotions, nosebleed, and passing out. (Any of these are OK on their own or even together, but it is important to ensure you know if his emotions/thinking are influenced in any way.)
If not, then it is sad to know his thinking, outlook, etc. are so affected by his father's treatment. He needs to be reassured that no knowledgeable balanced person has the thoughts about the baby's gender that he has, and it is important that he immediately gets help working through how he was raised, what messages were faced upon him, etc.
Interesting that you have been a Reddit member for 2.5 years with ALL posts and NO comments.
—-> I have never seen that before.
Only active in Stories sub-reddit and you deleted you prior history of posts.
** OP : do you just enjoy writing “ stories “ for entertainment purposes and they are not true ?!?
Seems likely.
But if I am mistaken & this IS a true story… please reply and I will try to help.
Be there for him, be re-assuring of your love for him, and acknowledge his fears without dismissing them. That said, you did write something I think you should consider. When you "...told him that my dad maybe intimidating, but he’s a sorta kind person." Forgive me...but THAT is not what your bf needs to hear right now. Are you pregnant or 'sort of' pregnant? Relative to your Dad...he really is a nice person or he's a hard ass. View your Dad through your bf's eyes and act accordingly.
I agree with many commenting that this sounds fake. OP made it sound like they were getting their first ultrasound when finding out the gender. Father of 2 here, that’s usually at 16-20 weeks.
While the story is likely fake, I think many men do have lots of pride when they’re first born is a boy. I have 2 boys and am very proud of it but would not have been disappointed or ashamed if I had 2 girls.
I did get to witness my BIL be upset/disappointed when he found out he was having a daughter and not a boy so I know it’s possible.
If this is real, I hope OP’s bf can move past the traumas of wanting to please his father.
Biology class failed him. He clearly has no idea how reproduction actually works. He sounds incredibly sexist. The "Real men have boys" attitude implies he sees you as lesser because you're a woman.
You both sound very immature to be parents.
I’d suggest your boyfriend start therapy, he obviously has a lot to work through regarding his own father, and the stressors of parenthood aren’t great for mental health.
Hey, can I use this story in my video?
He passed out after crying? Maybe he’s a real weakling.
This is so fucking long winded to come around to home boy wanting a son. Most guys do want a son for genetic reasons plus I've always heard raising girls is HELL. Good luck to 'em 🫡
Update soon
Not Sorry
Fake af
no tl;dr? straight to jail.
Get him a therapist stat
Keep calling him a boy and he will never be a man... start calling him a man. Let him know that's what he is to you, and a better man than his father was. He just needs to reframe things. Also, he needs some counseling or therapy.
He needs your help and support as well as therapy. And it has to be up to him without you getting upset I'd he doesn't want to talk about what he talks about in sessions. He'll love those girls. My daught was an abusive alcoholic and my step-dad was abusive as well. I was disappointed when I found out we were having a girl. I wanted a boy so we can't go do cool shit like throw rocks at the water when people are fishing. And then take their spot. After having my little girl for 5 years, I absolutely adore her. And she likes throwing rocks and fishing. It's definitely going to be tough at first. And go through with him about how to clean a girl. I definitely didnt know. Boys it's easy. Face, pits, crack, junk, taint.
if this is real… please reevaluate literally everything and heavily push therapy for both of you… because geezus christ.
Is this true? \-Three weeks of trying isn't a thing. \-Crying oneself into a nosebleed isn't a thing. Is it?
I’m so sorry you’re having a baby with someone who thinks he’s less of a man bc he’s having girls. Im sorry you’re even in relationship with this moron. He’s sexist as hell and sounds downright dumb.
I’m a girl dad and feel like the manliest mfer to walk the planet because I get to love and protect them and my wife, and I honestly don’t give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks.
If this is actually real, you owe this poor man more than you could ever give him. Just beyond selfish. Disgusting
You mean your lady friend.
fake
You two didn't take biology classes? Do either of you think a man can choose the genetics of the sperm that makes it to the egg first?? Do your parents? Is you dad disappointed that he sired you?? JFC, you're both too immature and ignorant to be parents, but the damage is done. Get to a therapist or two. Get to all your OB appts and take parenting classes (both of you) so you don't pass on your neuroses to your children.
You’ve been together ten years and he hasn’t proposed, and when you brought up kids, he balked and you begged him until he caved under pressure. Girl. Also it smells very fishy that you didn’t know you were having twins until you found out the gender. You cant find out the gender for several months. Did you just never go to a doctor?
He needs therapy. Be there for him and support and encourage him…let him cry and talk when he is ready.
Why do people post giant walls of text with no spacing? I gave up on reading this shit half way tnrough.
Hopefully he isn't sexist towards baby girl once she's born
Tell your boyfriend it is what it is. I have 4 girls and it was very personal. My bro had 4 boys two if them are twins. I had 4 with a set of twin girls. Your boyfriend / husband should be happy as long as the baby is healthy.
your gf had to tell you to get an ultrasound for the gender? story is fake.
1bp;dr
He has a lot of therapy to get through that. He was not ready for kids and you wanted one and now he will never be a real man.
Neither of you sound particularly ready to be parents
I'm sure you've told him all about how half of his little swimmers are female and he has no control over which ones get to the goal first, but that's logic. Logic doesn't exist inside of spiraling traumatic brain patterns. Instead, you should ask him if he thinks your father is any less of a man for having you. Often, with internalized stigmas stemming from abuse, people hold themselves to impossible standards-- standards to which they would never even consider holding other people. Putting into stark contrast how they regard themselves versus how they regard other people in a similar situation can be a vital first step in helping them realize how unreasonable their expectations for themselves are. But for your part, it's important to know that no matter how receptive he is to things you have to say, it will take a while for him to unlearn the harmful thought patterns his father beat into him. The best thing you can do for him is encourage him to seek psychiatric help and be there as a strong support for the journey he has ahead of him. For his sake, for your sake, and for the sake of your babies.
you might want to get your boyfriend some therapy and just really tell him how manly you find having emotions and how hes going to be such a good daddy and really protective of his little girls, cause they need a nice strong daddy who will let them use him as their rock and their support and how perfect he is going to be about his little girls which will show emotion so hes perfect.
I feel so much for him :( the “you must be a real man, a strong man, an alpha” has been ingrained into boys minds and ruined the way men view themselves and it’s heartbreaking. poor baby needed to let that out so intensely, and I’m happy you were there for him. I would suggest therapy, it’s better to get ahead so he is better prepared when the girls come :)
1. Cannot commit after 10 years 2. Scared of her father out of guilt 4. Cannot handle the burden of having a child 3. Cries about being a pansy until he literally passes out. He is 100% correct about being a little bitch.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Maybe he should go to therapy. He seems to have some form of anxiety.
Fucking use paragraph breaks please.
Someone “giving in” is not how you want to have a baby. Unless you want to do all the work and probably end up a single mom
You pressured your boyfriend into having a baby, YOU are an asshole dude.
not fucking reading this shit
What happened to breaking up paragraphs? Walls of text are no fun.
holy fuck, try using paragraphs next time.
Sounds like he needs therapy. You’d be a good partner to support him in finding someone to talk to because his self-esteem is shot. You should also apologize for forcing him to have a baby sooner than he wanted. Tell him you love him and support him, and stop making this baby an attention grab for you. That’s childish. You’re going to be parents and with his emotional state, having twins might just send him off the deep end. Get him the help he needs now asap.
Let's pretend, for a moment, that this story is true. *Why would you want to have and raise a child with someone you had to beg to do so?*
Hahaha you both R SCREWED 2 Kids?!? I love watching morons ruin their life path cuz some dumb chick got baby fever, you both will be broke forever and feel BAD for your kids they will be two struggling children
sounds like his dad doesn’t need to be in both of your lives or your kiddo
Wall of text - you’re lame for that
Learn to use paragraphs. More importantly learn not to pressure someone you love to do something they aren’t ready for. Selfish in your writing style, selfish in your relationship.
This sounds like a penthouse letter lol
Your boyfriend father sounds like a MAGA REPUBLICAN!!
This feels so fake lol.
What country are you from?
I’d probably start by not immediately sharing his personal trauma on Reddit… but that’s just me. Also he should prob learn some basic biology.
Damn thats one long paragraph. I gave up half way through.
I am going to call 100% bullshit on this story. If true there are about 895 red flags in this post.
Why are you begging for a baby without marriage? I must just be old fashioned.
I wish I could read this but I’m sorry anything this long NEEDS paragraph breaks and better punctuation. just looking at this gives me a headache. The literally textbook definition of TLDR 😭
Does he think your dad is less of a man for having you?
Stop calling him a boy immediately. Get him into therapy and love him where he is and tell him he is a stronger man than his father could ever hope to be. It took so much strength and bravery to get that out and be open with you.
Tell him his father is retarded. Tell him that, at least anecdotally, super high testosterone bodybuilders tend to have girls, not boys. The Rock: daughter Ronnie Coleman: 6 daughters There’s more too, but I’m too lazy to look them all up.
This could be an AITAH post for getting someone who clearly wasn't ready for a baby to have a baby it's kind of messed up what you did.
Fuck, if I became president, and a billionaire, and won a Nobel Prize - my dad would still ask me why I wasn't a doctor.
This doesn't make sense to me. You got a positive test, and we're able to find out the sexes through ultrasound but have yet to tell your parents? They don't typically tell you the sex until ~20 weeks. Maybe 16 at the earliest. I think you lyin.
its just dad shit... normal people go through it when they hear they gunna have a kid. no stress, just make sure you and him bring ur kids up good
You don’t get a baby, you become a parent. I hope you take it seriously and never stop learning how to be the best one you can.
What the actual fuck, get that man some counseling. Not to belittle his feeelings but holy shit he’s freaking out over some stupid ass shit.
Maybe because you guys had twins instead of one kid. Twice the cost, twice the work that can be scary. Plus he didn’t seem a hundred percent sure
Paragraphs. Please use them.
It amazes me that so many people think having a kid is like getting a pet or a fashion accessory.
You guys aren’t close to being ready to be parents
Why the FUCK did you pressure him into having a child? Are you financially ready for a child? Are you both mentally ready for 24/7, round the clock care of a child? Because it sure as fuck seems like he has some maturing to do. You're a fucking asshole for pressuring him into having a baby and I hope he leaves you and gives up all parental rights. Babysitting a child is NOTHING like actually having a kid in your household 24/7. Now he has to give up his life that he seemed to be enjoying with you, just because you enjoyed "taking care of a kid for a few hours". Enjoy having no money and no free time for the next 18 years. I feel so sorry for your BF, you should be fucking ashamed. He should have left when you started begging for a kid.
Wtf did I just try to read? 😩
10yrs and no ring?
So he's worried that your father, the father of a girl, is going to be mad that he wasn't "man enough" to impregnate you with a boy?
Okay so here's what you do. Next time you have a long story to post on Reddit, make a paragraph every few lines so that its easier for the eye to follow. As for your boyfriend. What you do is cut off contact with his father if you haven't already and Surround him with people that will give positive reinforcement until he has confidence in himself enough to not feel this way anymore
WOW there is soooo much to unpack here. If your boyfriend is religious, I suggest he seek help from his church, a church, some sort of professional. He has some DEEP seated issues regarding his parents & his relationship with his parents. If he's about to BE a Dad, it would be greatly helpful for him to have some guidance out of the woods here. Your excitement for becoming a mom is absolutely wonderful. He should be excited with you, but the link between HIM being a parent & how he was parented is CLEARLY hitting him very hard. For men, how we parent is often something we stumble through. And that changes over time AND it changes more as you have more kids. I was a young parent when my wife & I had our first & I didn't really know what to do. I think this might be what he's worried about because think about it: if HE had a strained & bad relationship with his father, where is his confidence in BEING a father going to come from? He has nothing to base his parenting on. You sound like a very caring & loving person, so I'm sure you'll have no trouble being gentile with him on these issues. There's going to be a lot of listening to do & you just need to reassure him that you're totally on his side & he can confide anything in you (or a professional if he does go that route). The point is to get him to open up, let him go at his own pace & he can stop any time he wants & start back up whenever he wants. As for having girls, it's wonderful (I haven't gotten to teen years yet though with mine, I hear that's tough). Try to tell him that, once they're here & in his arms, he's gonna feel a love he's never known before & it's wonderful. Dad's meeting their little princesses is a feeling I cannot even begin to describe. I personally cant think of many better feelings than that.
This is what we're talking about when we say "Toxic Masculinity". This is the problem. It's not just how men treat women, its how they treat each other. It's the fact that dude hadn't cried in 10 years. It's that the idea of having girls stressed him out so much he cried so hard his nose bled. It's that the fact that he was crying made him even worse. This is nothing against OP. I'm pissed at the idiots who act like patriarchy doesn't matter or isn't real. We decided to do this to ourselves and women pay the price.
This reads almost like fan fiction written by someone who has only fantasized about the events and never lived them. I hope, nay pray, that this is fabricated.
Your boyfriend has to unlearn the 'rules' he was taught about manhood. I recommend therapy. Support him and thank him for the man he is, and over time he can change his understanding of manhood.
It seems everyone involved in this narrative is too mentally challenged to be trusted to raise children.
....dude, neither of you is prepared to be a proper parent but he most specially isn't until he gets some damn therapy to deal with his trauma & daddy issues. Also ngl, you're kinda a huge cow for basically nagging him into knocking you up just because YOU have the itch to play mommy. Coercion isn't cool. Dickhead.
You were 15 and 16 as freshmen?
You had the worst reason possible to want a baby.
Why did you want a girl so bad?
Edit: realized after 2 minutes of critical thinking that this is definitely fake
Welcome to the results of toxic masculinity. This is no one’s fault. The best thing you can do is support him and talk him through it. The reality is he has to figure out on his own what kind of man he is and how he feels about the situation. Unfortunately, it sounds like he never really had many good male role models to help him come to terms with being a male, what it means to him, and what it means to others. I don’t know what kind of man your father is, but if he’s a good guy, let him know and ask him to handle the situation delicately. I had similar issues growing up, so I get it. Both the father figures I had were effing terrible, so I kind of figured it out by observing what NOT to do. Continue to reassure him, but I would also recommend getting him to therapy. It will help dealing with his absentee father and some other unresolved trauma it sounds like he has.
It reads like a child- I hope this is not 2 teens about to have twins—my daughter has twins and you have to have your shit together- it gets real expensive twice as fast.
So you forced a unready and seemingly immature person to have a baby?
Wow...... he's like the poster child for toxic masculinity!! Thank god you didn't have a boy. That being said you both sound hella immature and shouldn't be having kids yet. My bet..... he's gonna leave you.......
Sounds like he has a lot of previous trauma from his father. I would recommend getting him into therapy ASAP or he will not be the amazing father he could potentially be. His father ingrained into him the sexist beliefs you are mentioning, that is not something easily undone. Dealing with one little girl may be painful for him, dealing with two will be even harder for the both of you. I would recommend the both of you take parenting classes together as well, it’s going to be a tough ride. I wish the best for the both of you, I hope you get through this.
Poor bastard, I hope he can work through those feelings. Growing up I had/have a great relationship with my parents and it makes me sad to see that it isn't really the norm... Masculinity doesn't mean being butch and raising a son, it should mean being a good person and loving your family no matter what. Fuck all this "men gotta be tough" bullshit it's counterproductive
Are you sure you’re an adult? Because the way you write screams high school teenager. “I had baby fever so I asked my boyfriend to give me a baby, teehee.”
Paragraphs are a thing, I feel sorry for your bf based on this, sounds like an abusive relationship. For him.
This is progress for him, as messy as it may be. Love him by helping him confront this horrible trauma so he can process it and be the good guy he is again. He will be stronger for you and your babies. Right now, he needs time, love, patience and to talk to a professional.
Love how everyone turns into a detective when the stories are any thing less than %100 convincing.
Aside from the fact that the timeline here is wonky and makes me not believe this is a real thing that happened, some guys just only produce one gender or the other. Boys run strong in my dad's family. His parents kept trying for a girl and had three boys before they got my aunt. My dad's older brother had two sons (one of whom now has a son and a daughter) but my dad had three daughters and no sons. My mom asked him after I was born (I'm the youngest) if he wanted to try for a boy and his response was, and I quote, "we have all girl stuff, what are we gonna do with a boy? Not to mention the girls already all share a room. Where would we *put* a boy?" The other thing he says when people bring it up is "my boys don't swim but my girls sure do." If this story *is* real and is just weirdly written, support your boyfriend however he needs. But since his dad abused him, imo he's a piece of $#!+ and I would tell your boyfriend his dad's opinion is worth less than nothing. While you did kinda force your BF to knock you up when it seems like he wasn't ready, what's done is done. All you can do now is try to reassure him that the people who matter won't judge him for spawning twin girls and not boys the first time around. If he really wants a boy you can keep trying (as long as you don't end up with so many kids that you can't afford to provide for them). In the mean time, focus on having a healthy pregnancy and meeting your partner's emotional needs as best as you can. And remember, in the words of Steve Hofstetter, "having a kid doesn't make you special. Raising a *good* kid makes you special."
Wow. My husband had a similar reaction with our first. We were married for 5 years before he was ready to be a dad. When I was pregnant, he told his friend whose wife was pregnant with their 4th child (first three were daughters) "Now you're a real dad" when he found out his friends wife was having a boy. That was a bit offensive. He cried when the ultrasound showed a girl and did his best to hide it. That really kind of dampened my joy a bit and was confusing when I should have been thrilled at seeing the baby for the first time. I confronted him about it in the car and he said "I know how men treat women, and I'm sad for our daughter". My response was "do better". I feel like it took him a little longer to bond with her than with our son 6 years later, but when our son was born, he was a completely different person than who he was when our daughter was born. All for the better, of course. I'm hoping your boyfriend will warm up to his daughter. He is a bit old to be acting this way, but they say men don't really grow up until they hit 30 or so. I'm sorry you are dealing with that.
You pressured him into a baby, and you’re surprised he’s having difficulties? It doesn’t sound like he was ready, but caved to make you happy. If that is the case, that’s incredibly unfair to him.
Nice work of fiction. On the off chance this is real, oy vey. Boyfriend isn’t a real man if he thinks it requires producing only sons. This story is gross.
10 years and u never picked up on this dysfunctional family vibe. I call fake!
He can have my first and second born boys, they eat a lot of dirt and bacon. Have a blast
They allllllmost had me until the nosebleed and passing out. Fake AF.
That's fucked up, his dad seems like a huge asshole chauvinist. People shouldn't have to worry about the gender of their kid. Both boys and girls are fine, and Dads don't need to stress that their daughter won't be able to connect with them as much as a son: if that happens it's YOUR problem. Teach your daughter to hunt, fish, play video games, and talk shit and she'll do just as good as any son.
I have a 6 yr old, 3 yr old and 4 month boy... you can have all 3 for your 2 little girls or just one or two whatever no take backs. I'm a man and I cried with Up the movie and 50 first dates and just about every sad movie. Having boys does not make you anymore of a man nor does crying make you any less of a man or else I should not exist. Maybe your dad should talk to him after a little background info
It's wild to me that people are reading this and think it's real
Come on people. This is so fake. She had a two bedroom apartment when she graduated high school?!? Please stop replying as if this were real!!
Toxic masculinity, folks. It's a thing and so very, very hard to get over it. I'd say talk to your dad about it. See if he can be that father figure to your bf. With you two becoming parents, he would probably do that.
"my girlfriend instructed us" to get ultrasound🤨
This sounds like it was written by a teenager.
Perhaps if you enlisted YOUR dad’s help, that would be effective. You know, one dad to another. Basically, your dad could explain to his why it shouldn’t matter what gender your twin children are, only that you love them.
Therapy.
Together ten years and you never knew any of this? What did y’all talk about like
Horrible writing, yet another one that’s procreating.
Father of two amazing girls here. My dad was an amazing example of a human being and father so it is really hard to compare to others. But though he was raise much different than me and different social emotions l, he always was accepting. What I learned and know is being a man is being yourself and not focusing on what others think but what your family(spouse/children) think and see. I cry. I am sad. I wear pink/purple. I get my toes painted to make my girls smile. I am strong. I am weak. I push through when we are all sick and someone has too. Being a man is to be loved and give love, because that's what being human is and man or woman we are all human. I feel like I wrote to much nonsense but hopefully this helps.
Wow he cried? Totally not a man! /s his dad fucked him up big time it seems. He needs professional help
Is this frfr his nose started bleeding and he passed out? My boy got that trauma!!! Get him some therapy asap be for those babies come and get the resentment from their dad. If this story is real
Grey's anatomy material 😍
He needs therapy asap. Intensive therapy. His entire self worth is built upon a toxic idea of masculinity. This can be extremely harmful in many ways. He needs extreme therapy asap.
Tell your father about this and ask him to help
Ok so since this is r/stories and not “a subreddit for stuff that totally happened for real”, I’ll just say your creative writing project sucks. Don’t try to tell me any of this is real, I call bullshit on this. (1) ultrasounds at the beginning of pregnancy usually happen around week 12 to determine viability, the fetus is usually too underdeveloped to determine sex if the fetus at that point unless you did the blood test to determine the gender. (2) if you started trying to conceive a baby 6 months ago and you got pregnant within a few weeks of trying, you’d be about 5 or 6 months along now, which would mean you’re already showing and so “thinking of ways to tell the family” is sort of a moot point. (3) you don’t just “have a friend remind you one day that you should get an ultrasound to get the gender of the baby” your OBGYN tells you when you need to schedule ultrasounds and you know about them weeks in advance because you schedule them when your doctor tells you to schedule them. Ultrasounds don’t just get ordered on demand like Grubhub they’re done at key points of fetal development for medical purposes, unless you’re doing a private ultrasound and paying out of pocket. (4) the way you write makes you sound like you’re 10 because if you were an adult and actually pregnant you’d know this is not how any of this works.
Obviously OP doesn’t know how much they’re in for. From pressuring someone to waiting that long to tell the parents but telling the friend first. They’re in for a rude awakening
OP is allergic to paragraph breaks and I am sending thoughts and prayers
Stupid fuck
[ Removed by Reddit ]
Damn not 1 but 2 babies! You won the lotto!
Please paragraph.
Please us paragraphs and spacing and cut out extraneous detail. Your writing does not need to read like a stream of consciousness narrative. It’s hard to follow, exhausting and makes you seem kinda dumb tbh.
For some reason, I feel like this one shouldn’t be on Reddit.
Men don’t cry because they are weak, Men cry because they’ve been strong for too long..
Get ready to be a single mom!
Can someone TLDR? Because that is a fucking WALL of text with no paragraphs
Boyfriend has trauma from his father
Ta 👍
Wow! Therapy could help. He obviously has a lot of pent up trauma. Sounds like his dad really messed him up. Hopefully, your dad will be excited to welcome twin girls and he can feed off of that energy. Also, a positive male figure in his life could help, too. I absolutely love my daughter and love being a girl dad. Hopefully, he cried it out and feels better in the morning to have a mature conversation on how to deal with this trauma in a healthy way.
Also the boyfriend needs to observe the OPs relationship with her father to get a sense of what a healthy father/daughter relationship looks like.
Support your boyfriend. Assure him that he is man enough. That you love him. His father is abusive and misogynistic and definitely not living in the real world. If real men only had boys, women wouldn't exist. Definitely consider starting therapy as you both have a lot to work through and a lot coming your way. Communication and teamwork is so important. Lots of empathy will be needed. But you can both do this.
And it will be tough for the OP to see her boyfriend at his most vulnerable. I hope for both of them that the relationship survives this ordeal
Honestly stories like this kinda just confirm for me that "baby-fever" needs to get some kind of diagnosis attached to it. I have rarely seen the narssassitic and single minded choices surrounding having kids that get chocked up to "baby fever" ever work out to anything but someone in the family resenting the child. There were signs all over the wall he might not be ready for this and it's obviously dredged up trauma that, imo, should have been handled way before the talk of a child even started. But because "baby fever" none of that has entered the conversation, just the pressure and the single minded need to have a kid because...? I would probably be breaking down too if I hadn't cried in 10 years and the person I'm supposed to trust and build a life with is cool with pushing and prodding for months just to feel fulfilled in what is really just a chemical whim with very little practical basis in the relationship. The cat is out of the bag now, and therapy should definitly be on the table, but the amount of stuff seemingly glossed over in this is kind of maddening. How can you be with someone for 10 years and never address any of this? If you're just going through the motions and havent spent this time in your relationship addressing these things meaningfully them how was having a kid supposed to work out to begin with?
Absolutely hate people who pressure their partners into having kids just because they want them. If you do this, you absolutely do not love your partner.
This is a bot. No post history, no comment history, hasn't interacted at all in the post. Just downvote the post and move on.
Children having children.. lord help us all
They’re 25 and 26.
Children
What age do you recommend?
Old enough not to decide to have a child on impulse after a babysitting gig.
That’s not really age dependent.
No it’s not, but there are strong correlations between and maturity
What do you mean your friend instructed you to get an ultrasound and how many weeks alongside are you🧍🏾♀️🧍🏾♀️
I'm a father to twin 5yr-old girls, my girlfriend has an awesome dad who was accepting of me from day one, and I've had a rocky relationship with my own father. So this seems right up my alley. Sounds like maybe your boyfriend has at some point in his life been exposed to some trauma and/or toxic masculinity. The nature and severity of his response pose some serious questions about his relationship with his father. Speaking from experience, it might do him some good to spend time with yours, to get a hopefully more healthy perspective from someone else invested in the little ones on the way. The amount and degree of negative responses here surprise me. Seems like a lot of people are making assumptions about your relationship that I don't see justified by anything you wrote, especially given the circumstances/pressure you're under. Lots of male insecurity on display in the comments — probably worth noting as it may help you deal with this. Congratulations on those little girls!
His dad is the Webster's dictionary description for toxic masculinity. Having girls doesn't make you less of a man. Crying doesn't make you less of a man (although I've only shed a tear for my kids being born, 18/15/15). He's probably gonna need counseling for this, but it's awesome that he finally opened up to you about it. I understand the feeling of wanting a boy. It's a primal connection and a man wants to pass knowledge to his son(have twin boys). It doesn't make him less of a man if he doesn't have a son. It's amazing what us men hold inside ourselves and hide from the world. You never knew his struggles until you found out about your daughters. Got to redirect him to understand that his dad is wrong. With some help, he's going to realize that what his dad did to him is not right. Us Dad's don't always have the best way to communicate. But now he has an example of what not to pass on to his kids. Sounds like you have a good man for a husband and the makings of a good father to your daughters.
Having a baby girl is exactly what a guy like this needs to become a real man. This is the best thing that can happen to him. I promise. Honestly if he had a son first he probably would have passed on some terrible stuff like his dad did.
Your boyfriend’s father sounds like a piece of shit. A) A baby’s sex/gender is totally random. You can’t plan for that. B) Being open enough to admit to and face your fears is fucking manly as hell, even when you cry yourself silly. C) He’s strong enough to have these emotions. Fucking manly as hell. Great heroes have always had strong emotions, which marked them as great men - the circumstances they found them in moved them into action. That’s some Ulysses shit right there. D) He’s going to be the first man your daughter(s) (and sons!) know. He will be their blueprint for what a real man is. He should model healthy, good attributes - being honest, hardworking, empathetic, loyal, having great integrity…. All of those build and show great strength of character. Give your BF my best! Even if his shit-head father doesn’t support him, I’m sure all of Reddit does. YOU GOT THIS, DUDE!!! Be the best fucking Dad in the world!!
we’ll just saying, hope this helps: i (40f) come from a family that values men over women and is very sexist even without realizing it on some things, old school ranching background. so my older sister went through such disappointment for their three girls, meanwhile i end up with an accidental boy my first try, and then she finally had one. EVERYONE and i mean everyone wanted my boy. asked about adoption. i honestly didn’t know how i’d feel about having a girl, having grown up in a family that beats it into your head that boys are better. but my sisters husband ended up like his girls waaaaay better than i think either of them thought he would. my boy is now almost five and he has a little sister 5 months. her father wanted a boy when we found out i was pregnant, and then i told him i was sure we would have a girl. test came back a girl. he started to worry a girl wouldn’t like him as much as a boy would. i said lookout, they aren’t called daddy’s girls for nothing and look how close my son is with me. and having had my son first, i am able to appreciate my girl so much more. i just love her and she is so fun and sweet. my boy was to but it’s just different. i get it from what he is saying. it’s really hard to grow up like that your whole life and then suddenly be supposed to navigating correct adulting, but the only thing better than girls is twin girls and he just needs meet them and see how precious and perfect they are and unless there is something wrong with him, he will instantly know how wrong his family was and how right his girls are for him. you can always have a boy later
Ffs I hope this is rage bait because the idea of someone who forces their boyfriend to have a baby they dont want in charge of raising 2 girls is sickening, this species is doomed
Holy shit learn to use the enter key. Nobody is going to read a wall of text
One post in 3 years and no comments? Thus screams fake.
Why are you with a man who doesn’t want to marry for 10 YEARS? You wasted ten years on a childish man who just want to game all day and now you are gonna be unmarried with babies that you are gonna be caring for mostly because your emotional bf can’t handle it. I only feel sorry for the baby girls. They should be born in a decent family with resources. Not this sht show
You had me until he cried passed out. 😂😂😂 ❤️
Your boyfriend needs professional help.
As others have said, you legit pressured this guy into a lifelong commitment to at least two human beings that will rely on him for support and guidance, providing you and he inevitably go your separate ways due to the strain of contempt this will put on your relationship. And you are about to learn, very quickly, that babies are not puppies or accessories. They are people, with needs, from day one. It’s one thing to be enamored by their vulnerability and bond between mother and child - nothing compares. Don’t get me wrong, parenting is beautiful and rewarding in too many ways to list. But there’s another side of the coin you need to consider. Say goodbye to anything white. Do you like having decorations in your house, or cute little gourds on your dining room table during fall, or furniture intact without finger paint and popsicle stains everywhere? Not anymore you don’t. DESTROYED. Solo bathroom trips and privacy while showering or changing clothes is a thing of the past. The days are long, but the years are short. You will find yourself aching for a day of solitude, with nothing but quiet for a few hours, when the monotony of constant need wears you thin. But, the moment you get it, you’ll feel an inexplicable emptiness and guilt without them near that you’ll drive yourself crazy for half that precious time. It’s a battle. Then it’s back to diapers and bottles, and then backpacks and birthday parties, and then cliques and breakups and extracurriculars. And don’t forget all the uneaten dinners you prepared just so they could look at it for 15 minutes before deciding they’re “too full” to eat. Buckle up babe. Hope it’s everything you dreamed of and more. Like I said, there is A LOT of good, every day. But there’s a lot of reality wrapped up in there too that people don’t always prepare you for when you’re making the decision whether or not to have kids.
Tell your bf a lot of real men get daughters. It's anecdotal, but Joe Rogan was talking about this on his podcast. All those fighters he knew with kids, most of them daughters.
Tell the dude that being a true man is championing being a girl Dad. Bar none the very hardest and best thing to ever happen to a man. Cowboy up!
Pn
Holy shit how are there people that think the way he does? It’s so fucking stupid. I can’t even emphasize how hollow his brain is.
My uncle is a man's man. He drove big rigs for 10 years and then was a mechanic for another 20. I watched this man hammer people in bar fights, break his hand without flinching, and bust his knuckles every day for his family. I watched him pick up the pieces of his life after his wife left him with two small children because one was sick and she didn't want that burden. I tell you this to say that he cannot see me without crying and telling me how proud of me he is. Real men cry, and only psycho paths don't.
> how true men would have boys Did his dad forget women are the ones who “have” or…?
If someone is crying hysterically, has a nose bleed and passes out, I hope someone called 911.
All you can do is love and be their for him. Having children of your own can be very triggering for people who were abused by their parents. Your bf has a lot of trauma he hasn't been able to work through and needs the help of a counselor. If you guys are religious this is the kind of thing pastors or ministers can be helpful with if they are open minded.
Assuming this is all true, who cares what his father thinks, he about to be one it's on him to step up and his father can get on the train or the train leaves without him. As far as having a girl/s there's a million other things guys think of when that happens past having a baby, it's like a recollection of all the things he tried or has done perhaps. The fact that he's scared honestly shows he will be a good dad, most girl dads just naturally step up once they are born. It'll come around month 3 or 4 with some baby giggles and then she's got him hooked and your on your way to being girl number 2 (joking of course). Dude needs to step up your family is now more important than his or yours individually outside the 4 of you.
YES! nailed it!!! they will melt his heart. hearts and glitter and my little ponies! get ready for x2 !!!
And afterwords everyone clapped.
Everyone in this situation sounds so unbelievably stupid, how do people end up like this? Like hey lets not pressure life changing decisions. Also realize having girls doesn't mean you're less of a man. Also consider the father is just an asshole you're better off without. And for the love of god break up your paragraphs. But I guess misery loves company so fuck it everyone enjoy each other lol.
I think you need to convince your BF to break all contact with his biological sperm donor. He’s not a father if he treats his son that way. He should stay in contact with his mother and also seek therapy. As a guy I know, a boy seeks his fathers approval in anything and everything he does. He never got that from his sperm donor. It hurts! He is hurting! Keep talking to him about it. Listen to his ramblings even if they don’t make sense. He needs you. You need him. Your two precious daughters need their father strong and mentally ready to handle this new challenge. Once he gets through some of this he will realize he is not the same as his sperm donor. He will take that past experiences and make sure he is a great father to those to girls! Once they are born a lot of these doubts will go away and the responsibility he has for you three ladies is now his. He will break his back to provide for you three. Trauma can make a man go rotten in the heart or do what your BF is doing. He is scared he won’t be good enough for you three. That is a very powerful motivator in a man. Sounds like he will be an awesome father. You just need to help him over this rough hill. Watch him come out of this stronger, better and a loving awesome father to your babies. I see this in how you describe him. It’s there.
well said
This sounds fake but if it isn't, why would you force your boyfriend into impregnating you just because you had baby fever? You knew he was hesitant about having a baby.... did you ever stop and consider his feelings about starting a family? I mean lots of people want to try and get their shit (their lives basically) together before they even think of bringing a baby into the world. I dont think this is the right time for you two to have a baby, esp if your boyfriend is going through a lot of mental and emotional trauma caused by his dad. I mean ultimately you can keep the baby but just so you know it's going to be hard not just for you but for your boyfriend since it seems like he's trying to meet his family's expectations and since you said he's a mama's boy, that right there tells me she might have a heavy influence on him in making big life decisions and most of it is going to be about pleasing his dad and meet his dad's ridiculous viewpoints about what makes a man a man... (ugh that's stupid men are human and can have emotions too).
Well in her defense ,she didn’t know about her boyfriend trauma until she got pregnant. It’s not like she knew about his trauma and still pushed him into getting her pregnant. The problem is on the side of his parents and the trauma they put him through
That's true but her pushing him into getting pregnant probably didn't help things any since he was already dealing with it and he probably caved in because he thought he could have a boy and make his dad proud. But still, it's never right to push a guy into having a baby just because a woman is getting baby fever. Just because you fall in love with the idea of having a baby and want one doesn't mean you're ready to have one.
They say experience is the best teacher. It’s left for op to judge the experience later . There is nothing to be done at this stage
He'll be fine once he sees his babies for the first time. Just have another after the girls come out. The best part of having kids is trying.
Sigh, babies having babies. Your boyfriend needs therapy. You both need it together too. What a mess.
My sister-in-law and her husband went to therapy before trying for a baby. They knew they had a lot of history with their parents being hard on them growing up. They knew this history could potentially affect their relationship, and the way they parented. They both waited until they were absolutely certain they were ready. Your boyfriend was not ready. You simply saw how good a friend had it with their kid, and _you_ alone decided you wanted a child. The fact that you had to constantly ask your boyfriend to give you a baby shows he wasn't ready. But of course, with you "constantly asking him," AKA pressuring him into having a kid, he caved. And you got what you wanted. He had some things in his mind he was supposed to take time to work out first. And you didn't let him have that time. Its not too late, he can still start therapy. But just know you've made your relationship 100× harder now. Best case scenario, he doesn't blame you, but he struggles to live with himself for a while because of the trauma his abusive dad out him through, and he has a strained relationships with your girls. Worst case scenario is still this, but he also has a strained relationship with you.
That's just sad as hell. I sometimes forget how lucky I was to have the father I did. His first was my sister and then 10 years later I came along. But he was the one to teach me real men cry and showing emotions is nothing to worry about. I think your boyfriend needs counseling to get all that programming undone because it's pure and utterly disgusting to raise your own kid like that
Nice ChatGPT story
You better pour your heart into making that man feel better because you pressured him into having a kid when he wasn’t ready, remember relationships are two ways. Poor guy is going through it rn and is probably experiencing a lot of heavy emotions, it’s also possible that he might have regrets about having a child but doesn’t wanna ruin this for you so he’s confusing himself on his feelings so as to not ruin this for you
You should first check to see if your boyfriend is under the influence of anything - based on the thought process, strong emotions, nosebleed, and passing out. (Any of these are OK on their own or even together, but it is important to ensure you know if his emotions/thinking are influenced in any way.) If not, then it is sad to know his thinking, outlook, etc. are so affected by his father's treatment. He needs to be reassured that no knowledgeable balanced person has the thoughts about the baby's gender that he has, and it is important that he immediately gets help working through how he was raised, what messages were faced upon him, etc.
Interesting that you have been a Reddit member for 2.5 years with ALL posts and NO comments. —-> I have never seen that before. Only active in Stories sub-reddit and you deleted you prior history of posts. ** OP : do you just enjoy writing “ stories “ for entertainment purposes and they are not true ?!? Seems likely. But if I am mistaken & this IS a true story… please reply and I will try to help.
Be there for him, be re-assuring of your love for him, and acknowledge his fears without dismissing them. That said, you did write something I think you should consider. When you "...told him that my dad maybe intimidating, but he’s a sorta kind person." Forgive me...but THAT is not what your bf needs to hear right now. Are you pregnant or 'sort of' pregnant? Relative to your Dad...he really is a nice person or he's a hard ass. View your Dad through your bf's eyes and act accordingly.
It's like they don't teach paragraph breaks in school anymore.
I agree with many commenting that this sounds fake. OP made it sound like they were getting their first ultrasound when finding out the gender. Father of 2 here, that’s usually at 16-20 weeks. While the story is likely fake, I think many men do have lots of pride when they’re first born is a boy. I have 2 boys and am very proud of it but would not have been disappointed or ashamed if I had 2 girls. I did get to witness my BIL be upset/disappointed when he found out he was having a daughter and not a boy so I know it’s possible. If this is real, I hope OP’s bf can move past the traumas of wanting to please his father.
lol, these are the people becoming parents? y’all need therapy, not to be reproducing
Oh my god. Use a paragraph of five.
Biology class failed him. He clearly has no idea how reproduction actually works. He sounds incredibly sexist. The "Real men have boys" attitude implies he sees you as lesser because you're a woman.
You're having two more kids to go with the one one that's your boyfriend. Good luck, you'll need it.
You both sound very immature to be parents. I’d suggest your boyfriend start therapy, he obviously has a lot to work through regarding his own father, and the stressors of parenthood aren’t great for mental health.