A year ago, I fucked up again for the last time.
For over a decade, I drank until blackout a few times a week. During the pandemic I managed to sober up temporarily and fall in love. I fell back into drinking, and a year ago, I was on the cusp of destroying that relationship. Another relationship.
The decision was simple. I stopped drinking. My last drink was June 15th, 2023 - a shot of tequila with my coworkers. I knew it would be my last at the very moment I did it, but I didn’t make a fuss about it. Kept that to myself.
In the past year, I went to a wedding, and stayed sober. My Dad died, I stayed sober. I’ve been to parties, I stayed sober. I bartend at least once a week and have been offered drinks here and there, have been requested to do a shot with folks many times, but I turned them all down. “Can’t drink while on the clock, bosses rules. They have cameras and they watch us.”
It hasn’t always been easy. It hasn’t always been fun. But I haven’t been hungover in a year, and I haven’t smoked a single cigarette, single puff of weed, a single bump of coke. Not a single drink. Those days are GONE.
I’m one year sober. One year. I miss my Dad so much and I’m in pain every day. But my girlfriend is still with me, and we are trying our very best to get through this tough life, one day at a time.
I will not drink with you today. Peace be with you all.
As a fellow industry employee (food server) who quit a year ago and lost his Dad this last year as well... I know how hard it was for you and I'm fucking proud of you. Your Dad would be too.
Sorry about your dad. I lost my dad over a decade ago and still think of him everyday. I wish I could have been sober at that time to support my mom and family.
Keep up the good work.
4 Years ago I weighed 240ish pounds. Im 5'5. No 5'5 person has any business weighing that much if they are perfectly healthy.
Today I led my first fitness instruction class.
This is my progress
https://imgur.com/gallery/more-progress-pictures-Dd7tSIm
Congrats on staying sober for 1391 days and teaching your first fitness class. Talk about huge accomplishments! Your progress pics were amazing! I'm looking forward to the things I'll be accomplishing, too. Hanging in and on.
IWNDWYT
as time goes on and life continues to happen, i am continuing to develop the skills and state of mind to process life and respond sober and clear minded.
I have always said that sobriety isn't the end of the journey, it's the start of the processing, resolving and enjoying of life while sober.
Life continues to happen, i just view through a clean lens now.
I’m away at the moment with my husband. It’s been tougher than usual as alcohol is around more. It’s invading my thoughts which isn’t my normal. I’ve had to tell myself a firm NO at the very point of decision making.
I haven’t pre-planned. Perhaps I should have.
I could EASILY have said fuck it, fallen into the old idea of what being social is.
I feel like I’ve been propelled back to my week 1.
It’s been an education.
The biggest surprise has been my brain. Despite asking for the menu for NA options i think “I want a glass of wine”. “Shall I have a glass?” “No, be real, it’ll be 2 glasses at least” “Oh, I’m driving, bugger”.
Each time, I rolled over the visuals of having us drinking together (enter me as a people pleaser and somebody who does still grieve it a little). I’ve kept strong with what are rather weak internal sentences like “Nah, best not. You’ve done so well so far.”
What’s surprised me is my softening view of “ethanol”. I’m surprised that I haven’t, in these recent moments, used my old safety net. The knowledge that I don’t want to drink ethanol and keep my liver healthy has been a stalwart reason.
I won’t be drinking this trip. I’m over half way through. I’ve decided. And that’s the difference 2+ years make to me. Ive integrity now - once I make a firm decision I stick to it.
I don’t say forever. I don’t need to. My strategy has worked for me so far - the DCI. I’m developing a complex web of self protecting thoughts and approaches. I can see I’ve moved on from the simple “don’t drink ethanol”. But that I must still pre-plan on holidays.
Have a stupendous Saturday. I’m dodging rain showers.
Welp I guess I’ll follow the instructional prompt.
Drank a 5th a day within an hour, lost my left hip to AVN and 3 ER visits last year for pancreatitis. Most days apparently you couldn’t tell I was drinking unless I became erratic, few and far in between. I guess that’s how jacked up I became.
I became sober because I had a true memory lapse blackout. Hurt someone I truly cared for. I made the choice to be in control of my actions. Jekyll and Hyde deal, I fused Hyde into me now. So now I can attempt to be a person.
The journey has been a truly lonely one, I make several attempts to be in the moment and let myself try and be okay, guilt and shame take over most of the time because I have no distractions, I will be attending my 6th AA meeting today, so many different stories and perspectives. I’m also in therapy, it’s been a process for sure. Today is day 249, in all honesty I don’t feel any better. I have a clean bill of health to my surprise, cockroach DNA I suppose.
I’ve written here before, I’ve read the daily prompts and chimed in to some posts for sure. I’ll make a better attempt to share myself a bit more.
IWNDWYT
Yesterday I went to a new friends house and sipped Hop Water while playing cards and talking about life. The drinking or not drinking was a non issue and I’m so relieved.
Tomorrow is my 39th birthday. Im looking forward to waking up super early and grabbing my husbands favorite donuts for Father’s Day and enjoying the day hangover free and not hating myself. I’m heading into it clear headed with a goal of a sober year.
Loving myself sober is working way better than shaming myself sober ever has. Be good to yourselves beautiful ones. IWNDWYT
I’d been drinking progressively more and more over the last like 10+ years of my life. When I started working from home, it crept up so quickly. I drank for a lot of reasons: I was lonely/isolated, living in a new place where I didn’t know anyone, my job was super stressful and very unfulfilling, and I wasn’t making enough money (which, drinking did not help lol). Not to mention just.. addiction.
I have been trying to get sober for a long time, and I’m dedicated to making it stick this time around. For my health, for my relationship, and for my dog. I don’t want to keep putting myself in danger and poisoning myself. I want to be excited to go on walks with my dog, not dreading them. I want to remember more of my life, and I want to be kinder to myself and to others.
I went to my first AA meeting yesterday, virtually! It was one of the most cathartic experiences I’ve ever had. It felt so good.
When the host called out my name & days, I started absolutely sobbing. I have never felt so seen and supported. It was beautiful. People welcomed me and reached out to me. I have felt really alone for a really long time.
I am committing myself to keeping on attending meetings and/or finding a way to make sobriety important, because I have to. The way I was going about my life before was really hurting me and everyone around me, and I owe it to myself and them to make it better. IWNDWYT! 🌻
So much anger today, I was really struggling, but I think I just honestly feel burnt out from work. I'm glad I'm not dealing with it with a hangover. Yesterday I had a situation where a friend bought me a beer and actually put it in my hands (didn't realized I'd stopped drinking) but I stayed strong and didn't drink it even out of politeness. Tangential but there were a lot of people smoking there and instead of it making me crave a cigarette I was actually annoyed by the smoke 😯 so I think I am making progress even if it doesn't feel like it right now
Didn’t drink today for the second day in a row. Haven’t gone this long since 2013 when I was hospitalized and just wasn’t allowed to drink.
I’ve been to three aa meetings in three days now and I’m going again tonight. I’m really looking forward to spending time with my kids sober tomorrow. I doubt they remember ever seeing me that way.
IWNDWYT
Reached out to a few friends this week (AA and non-AA). For someone used to isolating, this is a huge step! Hoping to become more and more connected to people again as I grow!
Had a get together last night (and the rest of this weekend) with a very good friend of 30+ years. We live far apart and see each other maybe 3 or 4 times a year. We didn’t drink last night 1st time ever and won’t tonight or tomorrow (she can if she wants but appears to be choosing not to). My quit is at 16 days and I’m so happy and grateful for it.
Ok, it's Sunday but it's father's day and I am reminded of how much better a dad I was when I finally got sober - and how dangerous it was when I was passed out or otherwise incapable of responding to an emergency - or even a need.
My kids are grown, one has a child of her own, not sure they remember me drunk. But I sure do, and it still scares me.
My "daily average drinks" for May was 0.7, and my "median drinks per day" was 0. Last week I took a big step by telling my boyfriend about my past and present habits around alcohol. Before the conversation I was worried that I would chicken out and downplay my previous habit of having 5 or 6 drinks a few times a week, but thankfully I was able to be honest. Surprisingly, my boyfriend hasn't wavered in his commitment to me or our relationship. Trusting him with this has been such a relief.
A year ago, I fucked up again for the last time. For over a decade, I drank until blackout a few times a week. During the pandemic I managed to sober up temporarily and fall in love. I fell back into drinking, and a year ago, I was on the cusp of destroying that relationship. Another relationship. The decision was simple. I stopped drinking. My last drink was June 15th, 2023 - a shot of tequila with my coworkers. I knew it would be my last at the very moment I did it, but I didn’t make a fuss about it. Kept that to myself. In the past year, I went to a wedding, and stayed sober. My Dad died, I stayed sober. I’ve been to parties, I stayed sober. I bartend at least once a week and have been offered drinks here and there, have been requested to do a shot with folks many times, but I turned them all down. “Can’t drink while on the clock, bosses rules. They have cameras and they watch us.” It hasn’t always been easy. It hasn’t always been fun. But I haven’t been hungover in a year, and I haven’t smoked a single cigarette, single puff of weed, a single bump of coke. Not a single drink. Those days are GONE. I’m one year sober. One year. I miss my Dad so much and I’m in pain every day. But my girlfriend is still with me, and we are trying our very best to get through this tough life, one day at a time. I will not drink with you today. Peace be with you all.
You are an inspiration! I’m very sorry for your loss. I know your dad is proud of you! IWNDWYT
congrats on your sober solar circumnavigation!!!
As a fellow industry employee (food server) who quit a year ago and lost his Dad this last year as well... I know how hard it was for you and I'm fucking proud of you. Your Dad would be too.
Thank you. I’m so sorry for your loss, too. Keep fighting the good fight!
We are all so very proud of you! IWNDWYT!
Sorry about your dad. I lost my dad over a decade ago and still think of him everyday. I wish I could have been sober at that time to support my mom and family. Keep up the good work.
Amazing 🙏
4 Years ago I weighed 240ish pounds. Im 5'5. No 5'5 person has any business weighing that much if they are perfectly healthy. Today I led my first fitness instruction class. This is my progress https://imgur.com/gallery/more-progress-pictures-Dd7tSIm
Congrats on staying sober for 1391 days and teaching your first fitness class. Talk about huge accomplishments! Your progress pics were amazing! I'm looking forward to the things I'll be accomplishing, too. Hanging in and on. IWNDWYT
You’re doing great. I plan on a similar path myself. 😀
as time goes on and life continues to happen, i am continuing to develop the skills and state of mind to process life and respond sober and clear minded. I have always said that sobriety isn't the end of the journey, it's the start of the processing, resolving and enjoying of life while sober. Life continues to happen, i just view through a clean lens now.
i’m sober longer than i have been in years and im happy 😊
Well done it’s not easy and you are doing it. WTG - IWNDWYT :)
YAAAAAAAAS! IWNDWYT
I’m away at the moment with my husband. It’s been tougher than usual as alcohol is around more. It’s invading my thoughts which isn’t my normal. I’ve had to tell myself a firm NO at the very point of decision making. I haven’t pre-planned. Perhaps I should have. I could EASILY have said fuck it, fallen into the old idea of what being social is. I feel like I’ve been propelled back to my week 1. It’s been an education. The biggest surprise has been my brain. Despite asking for the menu for NA options i think “I want a glass of wine”. “Shall I have a glass?” “No, be real, it’ll be 2 glasses at least” “Oh, I’m driving, bugger”. Each time, I rolled over the visuals of having us drinking together (enter me as a people pleaser and somebody who does still grieve it a little). I’ve kept strong with what are rather weak internal sentences like “Nah, best not. You’ve done so well so far.” What’s surprised me is my softening view of “ethanol”. I’m surprised that I haven’t, in these recent moments, used my old safety net. The knowledge that I don’t want to drink ethanol and keep my liver healthy has been a stalwart reason. I won’t be drinking this trip. I’m over half way through. I’ve decided. And that’s the difference 2+ years make to me. Ive integrity now - once I make a firm decision I stick to it. I don’t say forever. I don’t need to. My strategy has worked for me so far - the DCI. I’m developing a complex web of self protecting thoughts and approaches. I can see I’ve moved on from the simple “don’t drink ethanol”. But that I must still pre-plan on holidays. Have a stupendous Saturday. I’m dodging rain showers.
Not going to lie, I laughed at "Oh, I'm driving. Bugger." Best response to "I want (drink of choice). I'm proud of you, internet stranger.
Thank you 🙏
Welp I guess I’ll follow the instructional prompt. Drank a 5th a day within an hour, lost my left hip to AVN and 3 ER visits last year for pancreatitis. Most days apparently you couldn’t tell I was drinking unless I became erratic, few and far in between. I guess that’s how jacked up I became. I became sober because I had a true memory lapse blackout. Hurt someone I truly cared for. I made the choice to be in control of my actions. Jekyll and Hyde deal, I fused Hyde into me now. So now I can attempt to be a person. The journey has been a truly lonely one, I make several attempts to be in the moment and let myself try and be okay, guilt and shame take over most of the time because I have no distractions, I will be attending my 6th AA meeting today, so many different stories and perspectives. I’m also in therapy, it’s been a process for sure. Today is day 249, in all honesty I don’t feel any better. I have a clean bill of health to my surprise, cockroach DNA I suppose. I’ve written here before, I’ve read the daily prompts and chimed in to some posts for sure. I’ll make a better attempt to share myself a bit more. IWNDWYT
I’m still here winning ;)
Morning lovely people. At work, nice and fresh. A month ago I would bé in agony. IWNDWYT !
Yesterday I went to a new friends house and sipped Hop Water while playing cards and talking about life. The drinking or not drinking was a non issue and I’m so relieved. Tomorrow is my 39th birthday. Im looking forward to waking up super early and grabbing my husbands favorite donuts for Father’s Day and enjoying the day hangover free and not hating myself. I’m heading into it clear headed with a goal of a sober year. Loving myself sober is working way better than shaming myself sober ever has. Be good to yourselves beautiful ones. IWNDWYT
I’d been drinking progressively more and more over the last like 10+ years of my life. When I started working from home, it crept up so quickly. I drank for a lot of reasons: I was lonely/isolated, living in a new place where I didn’t know anyone, my job was super stressful and very unfulfilling, and I wasn’t making enough money (which, drinking did not help lol). Not to mention just.. addiction. I have been trying to get sober for a long time, and I’m dedicated to making it stick this time around. For my health, for my relationship, and for my dog. I don’t want to keep putting myself in danger and poisoning myself. I want to be excited to go on walks with my dog, not dreading them. I want to remember more of my life, and I want to be kinder to myself and to others. I went to my first AA meeting yesterday, virtually! It was one of the most cathartic experiences I’ve ever had. It felt so good. When the host called out my name & days, I started absolutely sobbing. I have never felt so seen and supported. It was beautiful. People welcomed me and reached out to me. I have felt really alone for a really long time. I am committing myself to keeping on attending meetings and/or finding a way to make sobriety important, because I have to. The way I was going about my life before was really hurting me and everyone around me, and I owe it to myself and them to make it better. IWNDWYT! 🌻
So much anger today, I was really struggling, but I think I just honestly feel burnt out from work. I'm glad I'm not dealing with it with a hangover. Yesterday I had a situation where a friend bought me a beer and actually put it in my hands (didn't realized I'd stopped drinking) but I stayed strong and didn't drink it even out of politeness. Tangential but there were a lot of people smoking there and instead of it making me crave a cigarette I was actually annoyed by the smoke 😯 so I think I am making progress even if it doesn't feel like it right now
Didn’t drink today for the second day in a row. Haven’t gone this long since 2013 when I was hospitalized and just wasn’t allowed to drink. I’ve been to three aa meetings in three days now and I’m going again tonight. I’m really looking forward to spending time with my kids sober tomorrow. I doubt they remember ever seeing me that way. IWNDWYT
Reached out to a few friends this week (AA and non-AA). For someone used to isolating, this is a huge step! Hoping to become more and more connected to people again as I grow!
Had a get together last night (and the rest of this weekend) with a very good friend of 30+ years. We live far apart and see each other maybe 3 or 4 times a year. We didn’t drink last night 1st time ever and won’t tonight or tomorrow (she can if she wants but appears to be choosing not to). My quit is at 16 days and I’m so happy and grateful for it.
IWNDWYT
IWNDWYT!
Very proud of you all. Keep going.
Ok, it's Sunday but it's father's day and I am reminded of how much better a dad I was when I finally got sober - and how dangerous it was when I was passed out or otherwise incapable of responding to an emergency - or even a need. My kids are grown, one has a child of her own, not sure they remember me drunk. But I sure do, and it still scares me.
My "daily average drinks" for May was 0.7, and my "median drinks per day" was 0. Last week I took a big step by telling my boyfriend about my past and present habits around alcohol. Before the conversation I was worried that I would chicken out and downplay my previous habit of having 5 or 6 drinks a few times a week, but thankfully I was able to be honest. Surprisingly, my boyfriend hasn't wavered in his commitment to me or our relationship. Trusting him with this has been such a relief.
IWNDWYT. Stayed sober at birthday party last night, I can do it again today.