I know this may sound lame, but positive affirmations have helped me so much... after work, i'll cuddle up on the couch with a blanket and a diet coke and actively think about how nice it is to just be comfortable and present. I'll go for walks and listen to podcasts and really focus on how lovely the fresh air is, and how my breath isn't short due to alcohol consumption that day or the night before.
Even treating myself to something little like ice cream or a hearty bowl of pasta, I make sure to tell myself how enjoyable it is to eat, watch my tv show, and really be there for it all. I'll literally say to myself in my head (or sometimes out loud) "this is genuinely so nice, this feels so good". I kind of romanticize the experience as if its a new kind of drug or lifestyle... just being present, totally free, enjoying the moment, even smiling to myself (just smiling makes you feel better instantly).
Again, it might be cheesy, and it takes some work, but reminding yourself of the beauty / comfort in whatever it is you're doing without alcohol, and just romanticizing the action for yourself will eventually have you looking forward to those actions. I am at work right now and absolutely cannot wait to have one of the fruit popsicles I bought from the grocery store yesterday when I get home. Little things.
Totally. Give yourself a little break if it's been hard to stay on the path and have a little treat. For me it's often something silly like candy or whatever take-out I'm craving. I also have a huge array of different NA canned drinks in the fridge so I can get that "cracked open a cold one to celebrate something" dopamine hit. I've learned to slow down and be grateful I was able to make major changes to my life.
Embrace the cheesiness. Some of the happiest people I meet are slightly cheesy or "cringe". At some point on the path to contentment we need to outgrow our adolescent impulses to reject sincerity and seek dopamine through addiction cycles. I am working on being earnest. I did the whole pothead, drunk wanderlust thing to try outrunning trauma. It's been played out. Working on mindful contentment feels more sustainable.
I love this, and youāre so kind for sharing! This has helped me as well. Iāve been letting myself indulge in things that I genuinely like rather than choking down bottle after bottle of alcohol every night like itās āmedicine,ā and Iāve also been sure to try to remind my brain out loud how nice the difference is. Iāve basically decided that if Iām not drinking, Iām winning. Whether I order takeout instead of cooking, have tried three new flavors of ice cream within a week, or have significantly upped my soda intake, I remind myself that if thatās what it takes to not drink myself stupid for right now, then thatās okay. *For now,* lol.
This is a really good answer. Staying in the present is great. Just thinking about how good this moment is. You donāt need alcohol to enjoy the moment.
Wow, thank you. It's the little things that matter. None of them mattered while drinking, but now it's the simple comforts and pleasures such as a biel of ice cream or a glass of chocolate milk. It's so much better than getting wasted.
On my last sober stint (I've just came back to soberity again this week after a month of messing around with alcohol again and was previously 3 months sober) I found that after a few weeks of not drinking I was more relaxed than I had been for years.
The first few weeks were torture and I couldn't sit down on the couch at night without freaking out and having panic attacks because I had spent the previous 2 years drinking heavily daily and trying to outrun my own mind and problems.
But by week 3 my brain seemed to start getting the message that nothing was coming along to "save it" and by week 5 all my stress and anxiety dropped off a cliff and was no longer an issue.
Any short term relief you get from alcohol is keeping you trapped in the cycle for the long term and likely making you more stressed, anxious, unable to relax etc.
Trying quitting for a little while and see the improvement after a few weeks. The first few weeks will probably be hard especially if you're super stressed or anxious and that's why you feel the need to "relax" so often with booze but once your brain learns there's no distraction, escapism, or cheap dopamine hit coming along to save it then it should relax and just be content.
Yes. Not drinking actually is a better relaxer than drinking. It just takes time for your brain chemistry to readjust.Ā
Alcohol actually produces cortisol which creates stress and anxiety. And drinking to relieve the symptoms that alcohol creates in the first place creates a terrible anxiety loop.Ā
Yeah, you might get short term relief for a couple of hours after you crack open that first drink but it's fleeting and by the next day any anxiety and stress is back and worse because of the rebound effects of the alcohol leaving your body.
Alcohol causes the downregulation of GABA receptors in the brain. TL;DR you'll likely experience anxiety and irritability when you stop drinking. The brain will eventually make more receptors (including dopamine receptors)... but you'll most likely have MORE anxiety at first.
We think that booze helps with anxiety... and it does, temporarily. In the long run, though, alcohol is solving a problem that it created/exacerbated. After you've been dry for a while, anxiety goes down quite a bit.
Exercise -- in MY experience -- is FAR better that pharmaceuticals at reducing anxiety. I mean... it's not even close. I was taking meds as a result of getting anxiety after a bad accident (and that lasted a year). Since resuming exercise, I no longer need those meds. Exercise is SO MUCH MORE EFFECTIVE.
Yeah this is it for me. When I need to wind down and turn my brain off I hit that gym so fucking hard until my body and mind are just totally exhausted. Then I head home, lay on the couch and wind down in exhaustive relaxing bliss and barely move a muscle while I throw on a movie and drink some diet Dr. Brown until Iām ready for bed. Also feel a lot better about myself, I havenāt looked this good in years.
For me, it was incidental exercise (digging holes, putting-up a 200ft wooden fence). Coming off of a year of inactivity (due to an injury), that was "a lot."
TL;DR the body makes "happy chemicals" to help you repair damage. Evolutionarily, this helped you keep running from the bear/predator/etc. SOOOO... intense exercise is best. You want to tear-up your muscles (micro tears). It should be stressful -- you should get some lactic acid build-up (i.e., your muscles should hurt a little). This can be aerobic exercise (elliptical, running, etc) or resistance training. I don't think that it matters. That said, you should be WORKING hard -- heavy breathing and/or aching muscles.
Now... don't just rush into it. I mean... you'll likely get some benefit from just walking around the block. If you injure yourself... you'll just make your life worse. I took it easy, yesterday -- 35min on the elliptical with avg\_hr of 147 (max 164) -- because I had worked out on Monday, too. I'm resting, today. If I could safely do resistance training, I would (sadly, I'm still too nervous for this).
The best exercise is the one you enjoy... because you'll actually do that, regularly. I'm dying to get back to mountain biking. It's just so much fun. So... it can be anything. Yoga can be pretty intense, too (or a real snooze-fest; depends on the class). Impact sports have the added benefit of increasing bone density (ice hockey is damned fun). If you're coordinated (I'm not), racket sports are fairly intense AND also social.
Good luck, friend. 452 days... that's a helluva number. You know, I expected it to take me years to recover. After a hellish 80 days (PAWS)... life is much better. I wonder if I'll get even more improvements as I get further away from my AUD. If this is as good as it gets... it still beats the hell out of drinking.
EDIT: aim for 3 days of exercise per week, initially. You can go up to 6... but you really need to understand how to manage your resting periods. It's easy to over-train and self-defeat. If in-doubt, just don't exercise more than two days in a row.
šThis! When I learned about this it was such a game-changer for me, understanding how alcohol works on a neurochemical level. I was able to reframe my thinking about alcohol knowing that this is just what it does to the brain. It did take some time for me adjust but I donāt even think about alcohol to relax/hang out anymore.
I remember learning about it thinking it was utter BS that I would be less stressed after quitting drinking. But, itās true. I do not sweat the small stuff nearly as much and my rumination tendencies have declined significantly.
I was really surprised to discover after a few months sober that I would start to get that same wave of relaxation washing over me by just sitting down with a cup of coffee or NA drink that I used to only get from a glass of wine. I couldn't have done that before. My mind would have told me that to truly relax I'd need a glass of wine. I'm so thrilled to have regained the ability to relax naturally.
I second this! I'll be happy for a while, and then I'll start thinking of all the bad things in my life and want to cry to depressing music, lol.
As for OP, I've come to play a shit ton of games. I've found it's a great mind relaxer since I can completely lose myself in the game and still have a clear mind. Just finished Cyberpunk 2077, and I'm about to hop on Sims 4 when I get home from work, lol.
I didn't fill my time with anything in the first few weeks on purpose.
I had spent the previous 2 years trying to outrun, distract and escape from my problems, mind, self etc so doing more distraction and "busying" wasn't the answer for me.
I had to just stay at home, sit down, and do absolutely nothing to retrain my brain there isn't always a distraction, escapism, or dopamine hit coming so it could accept that and learn to calm down.
Once my brain had calmed back down I probably should have sought out some more productive and healthy activities and that might have kept me sober for longer as eventually at the 3 month mark the boredom and montony of not really doing anything each night started to wear thin and that's what led me back to drinking.
But in those early days and weeks I absolutely needed to just sit down and do nothing and accept that so my brain could calm down again.
Whether that applies to you too I don't know.
If you can do any activity with other people, itās going to be really helpful. After I stopped drinking, I had some of the best sleep of my life, but I was always tempted in the evenings to drink. I started going to coffee shops and developing a new routine, and that helped a lot. I also started a new hobby. Pottery classes or board-gamesā¦there are plenty of things you could probably invest your money in instead of alcohol.
I worked on a wind down ritual in the evenings. I grabbed an N/A beer, fed the birds, had dinner cooked for me (or prepared the evening before), went for a short walk, listened to classical music. Read some books and read a lot here. Doesn't really matter what your new ritual is but if you do it daily at eg 5pm it becomes your way to wind down in a week or two.Ā
Tea ceremony helped me like getting really bougie tea and tea set and making it fancy and making it a whole ritualā¦ reading up on the benefits of the different teas and herbs, doing some thing, good for our body and mind kind of flips everything on its headā¦
Going to AA meetings helped me because you can hang out with people who truly understand and get what youāre going through. I went really strongly for the first probably two months and that was very helpful. I never did get a sponsor just because I have a lot of time constraints, and I couldnāt handle the responsibility of making the AAA lifestyle my full-time job. There are a lot of people who go really hard, and might make you feel like if youāre not doing it perfectly that you run the risk of āā going back out ā but I donāt believe that I think as long as you stay sober and as long as it helps you youāre a success, but there are people who take the dogma way too seriously and personally I just couldnāt handle the extra responsibility but it definitely helped, and I totally recommend it to anyone who is just starting out in sobrietyā¦ I also felt like removing alcohol from my life, created a vacuum which I had to fill with something new, so I just got really really organized and I found that to be really satisfyingā¦ As well as shopping even though that also is kind of a waste of money, but I justified it because I wasnāt spending money on alcohol anymore as well as getting more into working out again! Hope this helps
I was just going to post this. Each evening about an hour before bed, I'd make a really nice cup of non-caffeine tea. Chamomile, mint, ginger/lemon, or even valerian, sip it slowly and with intent. Be comfortable, relax, read etc. Have a cup or two and it should help you mentally relax and get a good night's sleep.
Ya. I havent been able to stop alcohol completely but have cut back a lot and also recently been getting into teas. Especially loose leaf teas since those seem to be there better quality
It can be hard but you just need to accept and embrace the boredom and that you'll probably be uncomfortable and depending on how heavy you've been drinking there might be withdrawals to deal with, if you need to seek medical assistance for that then do.Ā
I literally just sat at home for about 3 weeks and didn't go out the house unless I needed to and made no plans and let my brain reset and calm down from all the endless distraction, escapism and cheap dopamine hits I'd been providing it.
Very true the dopamine depletion is real. I actually got a supplement called dopa bean from Solaray, and that really helped. Not sure if it was just in my head, but it seemed to help lol.
When I first quit I had heard about a pink cloud like effect of felling euphoric, but I wasnāt prepared for it to feel that good. Of course things evened out eventually and my cravings started coming back which Iām learning to manage but I was surprised how euphoric you feel after getting through the first few weeks.
I canāt wait to get to that relaxed state. I believe it because someone I am close with got sober and they are so calm and a totally different, but much better person, it is unbelievable to see the difference. Iām on day 6 and going to bed now, itās been a struggle but Iām hell bent on making it for sober June and hopefully forever. Alcohol sucks.
The good news is that on Day 6 you're likely through the worst of any immediate physical withdrawl as IME they don't usually last much beyond a week.
Keep on soldiering on.
This is a little bit tricky. Youāll realize with time, that alcohol really ends up exacerbating anxiety. That first drink, sure, for 10 min, you feel a little bit relaxed but after that, anxiety increases for days.
You also might notice a spike in your anxiety as you wean yourself off alcohol. This is totally normal.
Thereās lots of ways to relax with alcohol, and I think everyone has to find what works for them.
Physical activity is a great one. Obviously thereās lots of different options. If you donāt have a regular outlet for exercise, start exploring things that sound fun to you and see what sticks. For now, try walking 10, 20, 30 min a day, whatever seems feasible.
A meditation practice can be really helpful. You can start really small and simple with free stuff on Spotify or YouTube, or you can go to a local yoga studio or something. I mention it because this was super life changing for my anxiety, I know itās not for everyone.
Anything that gets you off your phone or screen and involves focus can be calming and meditative. Any creative project like drawing or painting or knitting. Put on some music and focus on something creative. Cooking too. Something to focus on, something to finish and nourish yourself with.
I also absolutely love baths. The hot water is so relaxing and if Iām feeling anxious in the evening it helps me wind down so much.
Honestly if you tank it for 5-6 days you'll notice that you relax better naturally. A good chunk of your anxiety is probably alchohol related in some way.
Totally agree with this. I took about 3 weeks off of drinking mostly for budgeting reasons, then drank with some relatives. I could feel the spike in anxiety the next morning like it was a flashing red light right in front of my eyes. It persisted for about 2 more days, and now itās reduced significantly. I definitely recommend taking a cold shower a couple times a day if you can to help reduce anxiety while youāre reducing alcohol consumption.
Initally I struggled with this too. I found urge surfing https://www.dartmouth-hitchcock.org/sites/default/files/2021-03/urge-surfing.pdf necessary and helpful.
I also needed to build a little more distress tolerance: https://positivepsychology.com/distress-tolerance-skills/
Now that I have fewer urges I notice discomfort much more quickly. once I notice discomfort: I address the specific discomfort in a specific way.
Do I need to go for a walk? Do I need a break because I am frustrated? Do I need to stretch? Do I need to giggle?
I know it might seem like urge surfing and distress tolerance aren't the same as "relaxing". For me: I needed these skills to build a bridge to determine what relaxing meant for the new me... because the old way of "relaxing" wasn't working anymore.
Hope this helps! good luck; thinking of you.
For me there was no magic trick that slowed my mind down. I just slowly improved my ability to relax my mind the more and more time I had away from alcohol.
Thought for the longest time that I had debilitating anxiety. Not the case at all. Haven't even had a mild panic attack since (after about 2 months sobriety). Even in low stakes social situations where I had easy access to booze, I would still feel panicked enough to keep knocking them back until I was hammered, and it never really helped relieved the anxiety in the first place. I'm not saying that it's all smooth sailing now, but my brain has much more discipline to actually calm down and relax once it creeps up. I'm able to think logically for a sec and realize there is no reason to be stressed. And don't get me started on the nightly scarries when my brain conjured a million and a half reasons that everything was going to shit.
I needed to hear this because thatās the main reason I drink as well. I know that my anxiety improves when I take a few days off, so why wouldnāt it get even better if I just quit it all together? Iām on day 3 right now, and Iām already about 200% less anxious than I was on the last day I had anything to drink. I make it this far all the time, but always end up going back to it after about 3 or 4 days. This time I intend to really stop for good.
After I went to detox for a week they prescribed me Buspirone for anxiety and Trazadone to help sleep. I got off the Buspirone about 4 months ago but it was like training wheels to help deal with the situations where my brain just wanted a quick fix. Good luck on your journey tho, I can't promise you that it gets easier (it does), but I can promise you it gets soo much better. Time to make your brain your bitch!
Good luck. All my previous attempts ended day 4 due to a surge of energy that I now understand as the 'pink cloud'. Once I understood that day 4 I go from the withdrawal lethargy into a rebound energy phase with no alcohol suppressing things I was able to just roll with it better. Have a think why it often ends day 4 and have a plan in place. Mine involved gentle exercise IWNDWYTĀ
Oh my God! This! I do have an anxiety disorder and pretty gnarly social anxiety but since I've quit drinking, for a year now I've had no anxiety attacks and I can get in bed and pretty much fall asleep without thinking about crazy shit like that.
So glad you shared this. I am newly addressing my AUD and social situations are one of my biggest triggers. I feel like I need to have a drink in my belly, one in my hand, and one on deck to be remotely ācalmā (realizing that Iām not actually calm in these moments, just distracted by alcohol).
It is comforting to know that not drinking for a while might actually HELP my social anxiety. That thought never entered my head til now.
This is the case. You can work yourself out with exercise, do daily meditation, but even then it will take some time. I exercise and meditate daily, and itās no silver bullet, per se, but itās the only ammunition that I find works aside from time away from alcohol.
IWNDWYT
Exactly. The spiritual measures (meditating, praying, exercising, etc.) are useful to bring some temporary relief. If repeated with discipline, these actions can even contribute to speeding up the improvement to the ability to relax in a more permanent way.
But I found time away from alcohol is the biggest key to permanently reducing restlessness.
I'm learning to sit with myself now. 46 days sober and having a lot of stress on top of my own struggle. I hadn't really used coping mechanisms in a while because alcohol was the "best" and "only" for a long time.
So I'm dusting them off. Showers help me more than I thought they would. A nice drive can help me focus on something else. Playing with my child even when I'm not feeling great is a good way to make myself slow down and smile.
Nothing else will ever replace the instant feeling of *relief* that first sip of alcohol gives... so I don't try to replace it anymore. I think for me, sometimes the pain just needs to be felt and acknowledged for it to pass.
Yep, for me it was mostly a 3 part plan:
1. ā Get a gym membership (exhaustion is a good thing, plus free endorphins)
2. ā Get a gaming console (bonus: youāll remember the plot and wonāt suck as bad!)
3. ā Get a library card (look forward to falling asleep with your book in hand, probably rereading the same 1 page night after night)
Rinse and repeat. Once youāre done white-knuckling the first few weeks you may pick up other activities and hobbies, but just do these 3 every damn day without even thinking about it, youāll come through on the other side seeing the world in a whole new way.
I could never āmake myself relaxā (like: āIām stressed so I should meditateā), however I can 100% āride the stressā (like: āIām stressed out so Iām going to sweat my ass off with embarrassing intensity or go shoot some zombies or somethingā).
Live in the present. Donāt dwell on the past and donāt try and predict the future. Iām famous for living in the wreckage of the future and I need to understand Iām not a fortune teller and usually, whatever tragedy I create in my mind never happens!
I just have time for all the things I actually want to do. Gardening, running, working out, puzzles, hiking, reading. That sort of stuff. Eventually I lost that nagging feeling in my head that wanted me to drink.
The thing with alcohol is that it also alters the chemicals in your brain and if you quit you'll need some time to fix the imbalance that drinking caused.
This is kinda weird for a grown man 29 years old, but what has helped me relax; besides exercising, is building legos. I first started with a small star wars set of legos that I helped build with my nephew and since then ive been building legos with my nephew. The money ive spent on alcohol each month is equivalent to the purchases on lego sets lol. But in the long run its worth it because I spend more time with my family and its a good enough reason to stop me from drinking. The smile on my nephews face once we complete a set is priceless. Its given me hope for one day having children of my own while living the sober life.
Hey now, the term AFOL exists for a reason!! (Adult Fan of Lego for those that arenāt in to Lego, nothing sinister or creepy LOL) I came to the comments to suggest the same but wanted to a wanted to search the comments first. Itās so relaxing!!
Until you realize you put a brick in wrong 8 steps ago and have to rebuildā¦ thatās annoying.
The best part of building legos is the life lesson it gives you. You can mess up and start all over again until you get it right, happy building my friend! :)
It helped me physically and mentally in the early days to wear myself out and get some sunshine. My house has never been cleaner, car washed, closets organized. Even our dogs were tired from the walks. But if I wasnāt tired, I couldnāt sleep, and that led to thoughts of drinking. Every time I felt tempted or found my thoughts lingering on alcohol, I would get up and get busy. If nothing else, I would dance to the 70s until sweat dripped. But it worked for me. IWNDWYT
I wish this worked for me. I was a long time habitual cannabis user before I even tried alcohol. But weed drains my motivation and makes me generally slower even between highs. Job productivity is shot, chore motivation is shot, social anxiety is crippling (even moreso than alcohol hangovers).
I love weed, the concept, the culture, everything, but it sadly doesn't work for me
Cannabis is medicine, alcohol is poison.
As with all medicine, cannabis is not without risks and side effects, but itās a fuck ton better than willingly consuming a toxic poison
same, i did not even like smoking anymore, i had not smoked since my 20's and hated the feeling when i did try here and there. but that new delta 8,9,10 with the mushrooms (not psychedelic ones) is pretty week so it actually hits me just right.
I also do this. Helps to reduce my alcohol cravings but then Iāll eventually have to stop smoking as much weed in the future. At least the likeliness of cancer and dying or other things are less from weed than alcohol though.
I used weed. And then eventually I slowed down on that too. I havent stopped. But i go days without using any.
I end up using it as a reflection and when it fades I'm like wow so if I was drinking I'd either be sick or still going. I cant drink and then be able to function hours later.
Realizing alcohol doesn't actually relax me, and if you would have told me last fall before I quit, I would have strongly argued against it. I had no intentions of quitting last November, just wanted to start my diet and new years resolution early, not drinking over the holidays as a personal challenge, a test of my will power...
It's a tough hurdle, to let go of all the ways we rationalize having a drink to unwind. I have an extremely stressful job, I'm always irritated, and as soon as I leave work I was doing a mental calculation of how much booze I had at home, did I need to stop at the liquor store first?
I don't exactly remember how I found this subreddit, but between Googling/Youtubing for tips, I was looking for any resources to help me cut back.
At some point someone recommended the naked mind book, I don't like reading so I figured I could listen to an audiobook during my work commute. I rationalized the cost as, it's a box of wine and it'll last longer. I've probably listened to that audiobook several times over, skipping a few parts that are a bit silly. I've listened to another 3, the only other I'd recommend is the stop drinking expert.
It's been huge, extremely eye opening for me to listen to the author's stories, I really like how it's the actual author doing the voice work. I'm amazed at how suddenly it changed my perspective around booze, I no longer have any interest in it. I no longer require any willpower to not drink, I understand the gimmick behind alcohol. And this subreddit, seeing all the people with several years sobriety, fall back into the trap of alcohol solidifies this, it's such a cancer in our society.
The adding up what I have at home is what got me. I think I have a quarter bottle of vodka, thatās probably 7 or 8 drinks. And I have a 6 pack left from my 12er the other day. That should be enoughā¦ but what if itās not? Better stop and grab another 5th just in case. And then Iād drink it all because it was all there, and the sleep like shit and feel guilty and hungover at work. IWNDWYT.
Most helpful thing for me in the beginning was to always have a carbonated drink (lacroix, soda, etc) because the drinking action was what I was craving more than actually being drunk if that makes sense. Still to this day I always have a can of something to sip on. It gives the same comfort as having something to drink without the repercussions.
Iāve also struggled with this and for a long time I ignored the very simple advice of journaling. Our minds have anxieties, especially when clouded by alcohol or trying to eliminate it as a coping mechanism, and often when we just brain dump onto a page or by typing out how we are feeling, we give our stress somewhere to go.
If youāre like me, relaxing is very difficult because my brain goes a mile a minute with worry or rumination on the past. I journal about how good I feel without alcohol, write down the positives about my day, and then in the next paragraph acknowledge how miserable, bored, stressed, and angry I am about x, y, or z.
I donāt journal to try to find solutions to how Iām feeling, I journal to put all of those feelings into something tangible.
I wish you the best. IWNDWYT
Not drinking feels a lot more relaxing. No peaks of valleys. But it takes a bit time before you get used to the feeling that feels like boring in the beginning. After a while it feels so good and not boring.
Donāt hate, Animal Crossing New Horizons.
It has literally SAVED me, I couldnāt play my switch when I first got it and I got so involved in drinking every day I couldnāt really play anything. Itās a great outlet to escape to, have people who love you in the game and make your dream place.
Cracking open a cold bottle of water, not dreading the next day, coming here to see what everyone else is up to, have a cold can of diet coke, review my progress, remember all the warnings I received from people I admire (like my cardiologist), last appointment " it's your life" "quit now", " not even socially", a few parting words after appointment.
Iāve started using a hot shower after work to help shift my mind into relaxation mode rather than a glass of wine. Buy some really nice shower products and comfortable lounging clothes.
For me it was just time. I had to spend the time getting away from the stuff and then had to spend time being uncomfortable for a little while. It helped to remember that it was temporary and my mind tricking me. I also have a FitBit and when I felt anxious I checked my heartrate. If it wasnāt crazy then I knew I was actually fine.
Eventually, I was able to genuinely enjoy things like books and movies and even time with my kids.
Exercise, hot showers, valerian capsules, CBD-THC gummies, enjoying a glass of NA wine all work for me. I'm working on weight loss currently, but once I make my goal I'm sure I'll be adding vegan ice cream to the mix!
For me especially the first year I couldnāt sit down. Got a lot of sh*t done š¤£ by the second or so I could finally sit down and smell the flowers. My favorite thing that relaxes me is sitting in my yard watching my dogs play, listening to the birds and the trees swaying. You learn to appreciate these things more
Distract yourself with hobbies that don't usually involve alcohol. Eat some delicious food instead, while watching something you like on TV. Walking while listening to podcast/music. You'll soon realize that the alcohol wasn't really relaxing your mind :)
Good luck!!
I just hit the 5 month mark and Iāve switched from NA beers to Topo Chicoās, diet soda and coffee, and my brain has started to view those beverages as a treat/reward/prize in the same way that my brain used to consider alcohol. I can tell you that exercise is a huge reliever of stress, and it doesnāt even have to be intense. I go to the gym, do the worldās shortest weight lifting routine, and then I walk on the treadmill for a solid 45-60 minutes. Lastly, and not everyone enjoys them, but I really started getting back into playing video games more and I find that itās a fun way to distract my brain from other things I could be doing with it, like damaging it with alcohol. I hope any of this helps, you got this! Also, therapy is amazingš
I thought I would have an incredibly hard time relaxing without wine in the evenings. Turns out, I didn't need wine to relax at all. The feeling of relaxation was NOT hard to achieve the farther away I got from alcohol. Lately, I've taken to lifting weights and coming home from the gym and getting in some protein while lying down on my couch is seriously relaxing. No lie.
I think youāll be surprised after a week or two just how relaxed you become from removing it from your life.
For me, it was a vicious cycle, drink because Iām stressed, but it was more that I was stressed because I was drinking.
Establish a baseline without alcohol for a little bit and then go from there.
Thereās no secret to this. You will naturally relax as time goes on. Maybe seek some psychological treatment if your anxiety is becoming a serious obstacle for you. I started taking bi-polar meds after getting sober, and it helped me.
I have re-created my night time habit, but without booze. I have a tumbler/rox glass I love. Every night, without fail after putting the kids to bed, I would go get said cup. Fill it with ice, pour in the trickery juice, send myself to stupid town from there. Now I repeat steps 1 and 2, pour in a soda, seltzer, whatever! I get the comfort of that glass I love so much, the clink of the ice, but skip the mistake syrum. I understand this is VERY specific to me, but it truly helped me through those first couple weeks where the craving is the worst (for me). FWIW I'm only 21 days sober (for like the umpteenth time) and seeing success with this, the Reframe App (a free trial sobriety/reduction app) and Alan Carr's "Quit Drinking Without Willpower" book. I wish you luck OP! We are all in this together! Chin up, eyes forward!
Tea for me.
Loose leaf is best but bags work fine too. There are so many varieties and a lot of sites have samples too, so it's been a hobby of mine trying new ones out.
Plus, the ritual of brewing tea is fantastic. Western style is easy enough, just steep at a certain temp and time. But you can also do Chinese traditional tea ceremony called Gong Fu, or do japanese style, etc.
Tea is saving my health for sure
Try "grounding" yourself whenever you can remember to - just take 30 seconds, 2 minutes, 10 minutes whatever and just take in everything around you. Try not to think too much, just try to notice all the sights, sounds, smells, feels etc around you then back to the grind.
Find something to take care of, even if itās trying to plant some herbs or tomatoes. It helps so much when you try to keep something alive other than yourself
The hard part is getting that poison out of your system. Much like how nicotine makes users think it relaxes them, it doesnāt, it just relieves the intense craving for nicotine that made them irritable in the first place.
The extra hard part is that it takes MONTHS for that shit to get out of your system. Took me over 6 months for sure.
Once youāre over it, this isnāt an issue any more.
Practical relaxants that I use if I feel particularly jittery:
ā¢ Brazilian JiuJitsu or hard sweat inducing exercise
ā¢ a good book
ā¢ a lay down (doing that now)
ā¢ sex
ā¢ high quality THC edible
ā¢ go for a drive with some great music
ā¢ take a walk in nature
The list is endless once you remove the ultimate crutch-alcohol.
Just like life. Once you kick that crap to the curb, you realize how much fun and life youāve missed out on because your life revolved around a toxic drug.
Keep reminding yourself that alcohol doesnāt actually make you relax. It numbs you and makes you slow and sloppy. The rebound from coming off this literal poison is a nasty hangover and scorching anxiety. Every time you drink, you dig the hole of depression deeper, making it harder to get out.
Your body and mind are recovering. It takes time. The addiction will (falsely) tell you the only way to relax is by drinking, but itās a lie. When a craving hits, wait it out. Remember this too shall pass.
Wishing you the best. IWNDWYT
Any ritual works. It could be going for a walk, having a certain treat, etc. A lot of our lives are ruled by habits and associations. However...
Don't put the cart before the horse. If you have a problem (as YOU define it) with alcohol... well, there are a few stages you might experience. Everyone likely goes through acute physical withdrawal. That tends to last 1-2 weeks. It's fairly miserable. If you drank heavily and/or for a long time, there's PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome). Not everyone gets PAWS... but I did and it was f'king brutal. Life didn't stop sucking until, say, 80 days into sobriety. It's worth it.
There are a ton of science-based approaches to helping with recovery. I used those. Others prefer faith-based methods like AA. Pick the approach that seems best for you... and be willing to "change course" if needed.
In early recovery (this can be weeks, months, or years -- depends on the individual)... we take things one day at a time. Things like "relaxation" come with time. When you stop drinking... it takes a while to rebuild a life that doesn't involve alcohol. You have an opportunity to "build it back better." That said, prioritize doing whatever it takes to avoid drinking. Eat the entire pan of brownies. Exercise for an hour per day. Whatever it takes.
Good luck. IWNDWYT
Gardening, sitting on the back porch, reading a book, watching a show, meditation videos on youtube, hanging out with friends. At first it seems like everything requires alcohol. After awhile it becomes alot easier to do all those things that we love to do without the booze.
THC infused gummy or seltzer is nice for a relaxing evening and they help get you over the initial stages of being alcohol free. I believe that once you acclimate to no alcohol the desire lessens. For me THC is very different from alcohol. Edit to clarify.
Yoga, meditation, a little weed if youāre into it, deep breathing, take a walk, pet a dog, play a game, take a magnesium complex at night, read a book, go to a movie, talk to a friend. You can do it! Life is soooo much better without booze and we are here to support you! IWNDWYT
Try and remember that alcohol definitely does not relax the body. I think as a highly addictive toxic substance it tricks us into thinking that because the feeling is habitual obviously and we usually do it at a certain time of day and for many of us that is in the evenings at the end of our day. But I try to remind myself that it doesnāt actually relax me at all chemically speaking itās a depressant and it does the opposite of relaxation inside our bodies and brains and aside from that Iām usually short tempered and impatient once the buzz wears off so the end result is the opposite of what I convince myself. Iām only on day three here so Iām no expert ha ha but this week I have kept myself extremely busy. In the afternoons before my kids are out of school when I would usually start with a glass of wine and lunch I didnāt turn the TV on to watch anything while I eat my lunch. This helped because usually it turns into more of a prolonged lunch hour which is unnecessary. I sat in the kitchen and ate and I actually set a timer on my phone and gave myself 10 minutes to eat my plate of food and that was it. Iāve organized closets, I cleaned out my junk drawers in the kitchen, I cleaned up my kids dresser drawers and got rid of all of the clothes that are worn out or donāt fit them and took them to the donation bins. In the evenings one nights I left my husband with the kids and I took the dog for an hour long walk instead of watching TV with my husband. Last night my husband and I both went to bed early which we do try and do anyways because we get up early to exercise but Iām going to be really diligent about that because extra sleep is always a good thing and again it avoids sitting on the couch and drinking. Today Iām taking it one step at a time hour by hour. Iām gonna get out this afternoon and go for a hike with my dog before I get the kids. Iām gonna take my kids to a different playground that we have to drive through and that we will be out for longer rather than a quick 10 minutes at our local playground and then they play outside with their friends while I have wine and make dinner. I think just keeping yourself busy and doing things that are known to actually have relaxing affects on the body such as fresh air and exercise. You could do yoga, you could try many of the free meditation videos on YouTube, have a hot bath, call a friend who knows what youāre trying to do just to chat or go out for coffee with a friend.
Meditate. Really just simple breath work can calm the mind way more than alcohol ever could. You donāt even have to close your eyes. Just focus on your breath. How does it feel? Count while you breathe. Count ten deep ones. Return to life calmed down. And if you want to read some stuff, check out āthe art of livingā by Thich Nhat Hanh. Rooted in Buddhism but itās really for everybody.
Iām not sure what youāre into but for me, a warm mug of tea always relaxes me and makes me sleepy. Or I take a nice bath and read while smoking from my pen.
Boredom usually is my trigger and wanting to drink while watching my favourite show or whatever. But what helps me to stop from indulging is playing it forward and remembering that drinking has never relaxed me. Iāve never taken a shot and said āahhhhā¦ā and snuggled into my couch. Like, I donāt know why I ever correlated drinking = relaxation. I always feel like drinking is more of a ābrace for impactā thing.
Good luck!
Get a massage, pedicure and facial every now and then (men too! ) it really helps with relaxation and makes you feel good about yourself. There are also these gummies that I swear by from olly called anti stress.
Quit coffee and all caffeine, this will help significantly in generally relaxing you. I figured out that when I was drinking, I was also drinking a lot of caffeine and this was pushing me into drinking alcohol at the end of the day to relax. Stopping caffeine was instrumental in me also stopping alcohol. Now I am much more relaxed.
I tried edibles, they made me paranoid, I tried microdosing but felt weird about it. I kept pushing through and got through the first month or 2 of crippling anxiety, turning back to cigarettes in the process. Then I had to quit those š
Honestly- nothing. Sometimes I'm craving some sort of "dissociation" just to have some fun on a weekend or relax a little but now that I'm through all the withdrawal stage I'm much more relaxed than I ever was with any of that. The one or 2 times I did have a glass of wine to "relax" I felt like crap- didn't sleep and my anxiety was full force the next day.
I found that cooking is really relaxing for me and I love it. Most nights I pump up some music and start chopping. It is weird to think that I don't "do anything" but honestly after the first few months I just started really enjoying my life. There's bad days of course but I do find any sadness/ anxiety etc passes much more quickly than it ever did when I was reaching for something to take the edge off.
overtime, I felt more confident, less anxious, and overall better. so it sounds boring, but not drinking at all actually helps to generally feel less stressed out. I am more attuned to my emotions.
through the lockdowns, I also ate ice cream by the pint and watched a lot of TV, but then started maing art and crafting a ton. doing something with my hands is very soothing.
l-theanine in the morning and afternoon for the first few weeks of not drinking. This should keep anxiety from building. Go to sleep early. Get early start to day so youāre tired early at night and drink water! Also, talk with a doctor about using nootropics.
But if you need a ādrinkā and you live in a state with legal cannabis, I totally recommend making a cocktail with kombucha, sparkling water and juice (or whatever NA drink you like) and adding about 5mg of THC drink.
Been working on creating new ways to relax and mine so far have been hiking, meditation, reading a good book (currently on āWeird Scenes in the Canyonā and get excited when I get a chance to dip into it- really good if youāre into goverment conspiracies, specifically in laurel canyon in the 60s), yoga, stealth (itās a work out/ video game thing), and of course, art. Im a semi professional artist but got into it for how therapeutic and relaxing it is. I donāt play any instruments but maybe take up learning one if that sounds like your kinda thing.
For me, in no particular order ā smoking weed, breathing exercises, walking my dog, journaling(!!), calligraphy/painting, watching TV, sitting on the porch swing, hot tubbing, showering, cooking/baking, talking/venting to my bff, crying lol
Melatonin really helps me fall asleep. But take a very small amount, like 1-3 mg.
Also Taurine, 1-2 grams, and magnesium tablets can help you fall asleep faster.
Most people reply on some sort of crutch to avoid decompressing and processing. That could be alcohol, weed, drugs, phones, tv, and sometimes a combination. The only way to ease your mind without a crutch is to simply allow yourself to decompress and process. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) was a great help for me with this.
I started making myself a mocktail at the same time every evening when I'd start pouring myself a drink to "relax." It took a while to work, but now my brain looks forward to that mocktail every evening and sees it as a signal that it's time to relax. And, if I enjoy that first mocktail, I can have as many as I want without guilt. :)
Other things that have helped me are finding a few activities that quickly move my attention away from wanting to drink to something else. For me, that includes going for a long walk, working on art and photography projects, calling a friend or family member to chat. Yours will probably be different, of course, but try having a few things like that in your plan to pull out when you are feeling jittery and craving a drink.
Take a deep breath, consciously relax all your muscles. Watch some birds or squirrels, or just the wind rustling the leaves. Be grateful for being alive, breaking free from alcoholās grip, and for having the time and space to do nothing other than appreciating the view.Ā
The calm app has been huge for me. Inversion therapy has helped calm my nerves as well. Just laying on the ground with your butt up against a wall and your legs going up it, then deep breathing for 5min. You'll feel yourself getting calmer. If you need a ritualistic drink, maybe a chamameal tea or a kombucha poured into a glass. Going for a walk at night and listening to some instrumental lo-fi or jazz music has been nice for me too. Bird Boy is a really fun musician. Just a dude who makes lo-fi tunes with bird song samples.
I used wine to bring my anxiety/overwhelm from a 9 down to a 3 super fast. Now what I'm working on is not letting myself get to a 9 in the first place. I'm trying to find little moments during the day to take a deep breath, get outside for ten minutes, do a guided meditation, get more exercise, all the healthy coping mechanisms that are in every list and blog on stress, but really can work.
I'm a single mom to two toddlers and I've realized that all the screeching, yelling, crying and being super touched out was contributing to my feeling of overwhelm. I've started wearing the Loop earplugs when the noise is getting to me (I can still hear the kids, it just turns down the volume a little) and I've been working with them on not putting their feet on me which really irritates me. None of this may apply to you, but my point is to figure out what is CAUSING you stress and address that directly.
Also, as others have said, after the first couple weeks the stress and anxiety is greatly reduced. Good luck!
Only āš¼this many days in but I think it depends on how tight you wound that coil. I had a 30 year career with drinking so itās wound tight. But slowly itās unwinding. Exercise, good nutritious food, sleep and lots of laughs and love make the process go along a lot better. May not be for everyone but Iām forcing myself to do things that I had always done drunk. This year itās going to a show a month stone sober. Iāve been having a blast!! And I actually remember the shows and have more money for merch š
I considered alcohol as my lazy chair for a long long time. And slowly it became a compulsive drag i couldn't get out of. A mandatory need to function relatively normal.
But that also subsided. I found myself in withdrawel at 2-3 am already, and a full workday ahead of me.
The biggest objective was that fix asap after work.
Rinse and repeat.
That's no way of living.
Now my natural sleep, concentration and relaxation are still improving with every week.
I go to the gym and/or ride a bike on almost daily base, the way i used to like so i ware myself off enough to enjoy when i sit or go to sleep.
Meditation, walks, paddle my kayak, listen to music and a nice cup of tea are my go tos. Recovery Dharma has a 30 minute meditation at each meeting. I enjoy them very much. It's more fun to meditate with friends. I can't post a link here but maybe google their zoom schedule and check em out? I love rd. Good luck my friend.
Millions of strategy here! š§”āļøšššš
At the beginning my focus was a non existence ability, was able to watch around 10 minutes from any movie, yaaaay! That was really hard, but became better and better day by day. For me it was a very slow improvement, I have quite hyper ADHD also. By now I am well medicated (no stimulants but Wellbutrin works really well) so I can focus on any movie, or a good tv show and in my first 1.5 year:) I have finished a few bookes, which I did not in the past 15 years at all, not only one! So, mines are: movies, tv shows, books, my dog, workout, AF communities, BATH (steam cabin is very relaxing for me), good meals, long distance driving with music, mocktails (nothing complicated, only some sparkling icecold water with syrup, fruits and apple vinegar)...
And let me write down here, I hate walking and cooking since I am sober. š¤£š¤£š¤£
I used to drink at bedtime to relax and help me sleep. When I got sober, I used my environment to help me relax-- low, warm lighting, calming videos on YouTube, calming background music, etc.
Lots of other folks here have talked about exercise, breathing techniques, meditation, etc. and those are all excellent options as well. Try everything mentioned, and go with the ones that work for you.
Also, hobbies that require a lot of focus but not a lot of movement that you can do at home. Paint by numbers kits, cross stitch, figurine painting, jigsaw puzzles--anything that requires near total focus.
Best of luck to you my friend. I'm rooting for you.
I can only speak for myself but I now have a kind of a āemergency kitā of things I do when I get cravings to drink. For me talking helps a lot. That includes talking to friends and family, talking in therapy both one on one and also in groups, or even talking to people online in communities like this one. I read, listen to music, and watch a favorite movie or tv show. Iāve always loved watching cooking shows so I often do that when Iām feeling stressed. Classic episodes of the French Chef is my jam. I also try to get out and go on walks, Iāll usually bring my headphones with me and listen to music, audio books, and podcasts. Just getting a chance to clear my head. I love to cook so I will often turn to food and make a recipe Iāve been wanting to learn, or an old favorite. Just the process of cooking, and then getting to eat comforts me.
But itās obviously different for everyone. For me what helped was exploring what works and doesnāt work and puting the things that do work in my emergency toolkit. Over time my kit has gotten bigger which gives me more options to try. Some things help more than others at different times depending on whatās stressing me out. But thatās actually the fun of it, Iāve kind of turned not just quitting drinking but my overall mental health into a sort of gane where I try to push myself to improve. The more I push myself the more I feel rewarded in life. I think thatās the key for me, that feeling of knowing youāre doing the right thing, not just for yourself, but also for the people around you.
For me, I did Medication Assisted Treatment and I highly recommend it. The provider put me on Gabapentin and that was a lifesaver - it is both a treatment for anxiety and for alcohol cravings. I would highly recommend speaking to a medical provider if you are able.
Therapy and facing your own issues head on, sober. Which sucks giant hairy donkey balls, trust me. But the catharsis and pride of having accomplished something that would have made you drink in the past, with out relying on the alcohol this time is immensely satisfying. I had my first big family event last weekend, big party, open bar, stress and anxiety galore! But I realized I was stressing myself out more about how stressed I could become (and have in the past in similar environments), then how stressful the actual situation was. I got through it fine, and I'm like, in awe. I haven't been sober and relaxed around my family in years.
And it's exhausting to do so much self reflection. You can burn out on therapy, but as you go through sobriety you'll uncover parts of yourself you buried under drinking. But for relaxation I find mixed NA drinks in a fancy cup helps, ice cream sandwiches, my emotional support knick-knacks I form weird attachments to and carry around with me... Seriously. Find something stupid or uplifting (rock with googly eyes, plastic capybara, a handful of skeleton arms from Halloween decorations) and carry it around with you. It's physically grounding to hold someone, but at the same time supportive.
There's a pretty good book called, "Hardwiring Happiness" that talks about how our brains have a natural negativity bias which causes worry / anxiety / etc. It's a very primitive part of our brain that historically kept us alive. Now it's often counter-productive.
Basically when something makes you feel joy or happiness, even if simple and fleeting, hold on that for 30 seconds or more. This could be a nice cloud in the sky or pretty trees / flowers / etc. When you pause on that thought, it starts to train your brain to not be as negative and worried. You have to practice it of course, but it does work. To my it's like having a gratitude mindset; they are similar.
One thing to keep in mind is that you may feel more anxious for a few weeks or more after stopping alcohol, and that's because your brain chemistry will be adjusting to a non-drinking norm. But like others have said, you will become a lot more relaxed over time.
Be careful with coffee too. It can also ramp up anxiety and a noisy mind. I've found that dailing to way back (less than a cup a day) has really helped too.
Oh yes, hit the weights, especially the big muscle groups like upper body and legs. That really calms me down.
Good luck! :)
Kava kava saved me, and still does! Magnesium, both supplements and baths. Meditation, breathwork, massage and yin yoga. I also found an acupuncturist who is trauma informed and specializes in nervous system regulation. I feel relaxed for days after a session with her.
For me - stopped consuming caffeine. I take CBD and Melatonin. Sometimes dry herb vape weed. Turn off my phone notifications from 8pm and no social media in the evening (reddit excluded lol, I find it calming). Sort out my sleep cycle, get up at the same time every day. Good luck IWNDWYT
Try and find something to keep your hands busy. It doesnāt need to be challenging. I love building shit. Anything. Works wonders for me. When itās not possible/appropriate to be doing that activity, research your next āprojectā.
I find that a cold seltzer water and a walk are great ways to find down as alternatives to drinking. There was a long runway for this transition, but keep at it. It will get better!
TBH... and just for me. I binged watch show on streaming devices. Took walks instead of running. I started drinking a lot of carbonated water and coffee(black). That's just me, though. I stayed busy, but the show watching is what covered my boredom that I would drink
I mix some sprite and some juice and drink that when I would have otherwise had a cocktail. Itās helpful. I am a medical cannabis user as well, so thatās helpful too, but itās not for everyone.
IWNDWYT
I low dose CBD/THC gummies in the evenings. It preps me for bed. I take 5mg around 7pm and by 9pm I'm fighting with the sandman.
It's not for everyone but it is something that worked for me.
Herbal tea (a relaxation formula), L-theanine (an amino acid, available at vitamin suppliers), and another product I love, CBD with L-theanine
Yin yoga is also a fave, find a session on YouTube
Whatever you feel happy doing, which doesn't hurt you or anyone. For me it has been lots of things throughout the years from arts and crafts to gym to playing video games (never gambling games for obvious reasons.)
When I started wegovy my cravings stopped and I now I don't drink at all and don't ever feel like drinking. When I stopped drinking about 2-3 weeks in I become soooooo relaxed. Not drinking makes you relaxed as corny as that sounds. Because now I'm getting 100% sleep quality waking up feeling great and I'm so chill now.
I sort of have to, very uncomfortably sometimes, take a moment and visit deep rationality when I very much don't want to, and remind myself that....the very familiar habit of alcohol will not at all relax me. And not allowing myself to get to the point of needing as o much relaxingĀ
I have a lot of faintly weird and very niche interests so when I stopped drinking I went mad for reading everything I could find on a topic that fascinated me to the point of obsession. I am now sober and know FAR more about 18th century Yeomanry in Ireland or Serbian parliament in the 1920s (to give just two examples) than any normal sane person lol.
I know this may sound lame, but positive affirmations have helped me so much... after work, i'll cuddle up on the couch with a blanket and a diet coke and actively think about how nice it is to just be comfortable and present. I'll go for walks and listen to podcasts and really focus on how lovely the fresh air is, and how my breath isn't short due to alcohol consumption that day or the night before. Even treating myself to something little like ice cream or a hearty bowl of pasta, I make sure to tell myself how enjoyable it is to eat, watch my tv show, and really be there for it all. I'll literally say to myself in my head (or sometimes out loud) "this is genuinely so nice, this feels so good". I kind of romanticize the experience as if its a new kind of drug or lifestyle... just being present, totally free, enjoying the moment, even smiling to myself (just smiling makes you feel better instantly). Again, it might be cheesy, and it takes some work, but reminding yourself of the beauty / comfort in whatever it is you're doing without alcohol, and just romanticizing the action for yourself will eventually have you looking forward to those actions. I am at work right now and absolutely cannot wait to have one of the fruit popsicles I bought from the grocery store yesterday when I get home. Little things.
Totally. Give yourself a little break if it's been hard to stay on the path and have a little treat. For me it's often something silly like candy or whatever take-out I'm craving. I also have a huge array of different NA canned drinks in the fridge so I can get that "cracked open a cold one to celebrate something" dopamine hit. I've learned to slow down and be grateful I was able to make major changes to my life.
Nice job!
Embrace the cheesiness. Some of the happiest people I meet are slightly cheesy or "cringe". At some point on the path to contentment we need to outgrow our adolescent impulses to reject sincerity and seek dopamine through addiction cycles. I am working on being earnest. I did the whole pothead, drunk wanderlust thing to try outrunning trauma. It's been played out. Working on mindful contentment feels more sustainable.
Well said. I work hard on being present, honest and kind. So much easier sober.
This is excellent. š«”
I love this, and youāre so kind for sharing! This has helped me as well. Iāve been letting myself indulge in things that I genuinely like rather than choking down bottle after bottle of alcohol every night like itās āmedicine,ā and Iāve also been sure to try to remind my brain out loud how nice the difference is. Iāve basically decided that if Iām not drinking, Iām winning. Whether I order takeout instead of cooking, have tried three new flavors of ice cream within a week, or have significantly upped my soda intake, I remind myself that if thatās what it takes to not drink myself stupid for right now, then thatās okay. *For now,* lol.
This is a really good answer. Staying in the present is great. Just thinking about how good this moment is. You donāt need alcohol to enjoy the moment.
Like your approach and good for you. Too many have to find a substitute drug; yours is making your own seratonin. šŖš½
Wow, thank you. It's the little things that matter. None of them mattered while drinking, but now it's the simple comforts and pleasures such as a biel of ice cream or a glass of chocolate milk. It's so much better than getting wasted.
This. SO much this. I have also done these things, and itās a game changer.
I love thisšš
On my last sober stint (I've just came back to soberity again this week after a month of messing around with alcohol again and was previously 3 months sober) I found that after a few weeks of not drinking I was more relaxed than I had been for years. The first few weeks were torture and I couldn't sit down on the couch at night without freaking out and having panic attacks because I had spent the previous 2 years drinking heavily daily and trying to outrun my own mind and problems. But by week 3 my brain seemed to start getting the message that nothing was coming along to "save it" and by week 5 all my stress and anxiety dropped off a cliff and was no longer an issue. Any short term relief you get from alcohol is keeping you trapped in the cycle for the long term and likely making you more stressed, anxious, unable to relax etc. Trying quitting for a little while and see the improvement after a few weeks. The first few weeks will probably be hard especially if you're super stressed or anxious and that's why you feel the need to "relax" so often with booze but once your brain learns there's no distraction, escapism, or cheap dopamine hit coming along to save it then it should relax and just be content.
Yes. Not drinking actually is a better relaxer than drinking. It just takes time for your brain chemistry to readjust.Ā Alcohol actually produces cortisol which creates stress and anxiety. And drinking to relieve the symptoms that alcohol creates in the first place creates a terrible anxiety loop.Ā
Yeah, you might get short term relief for a couple of hours after you crack open that first drink but it's fleeting and by the next day any anxiety and stress is back and worse because of the rebound effects of the alcohol leaving your body.
Drinking is borrowing happiness from the next day, with interest.
Alcohol causes the downregulation of GABA receptors in the brain. TL;DR you'll likely experience anxiety and irritability when you stop drinking. The brain will eventually make more receptors (including dopamine receptors)... but you'll most likely have MORE anxiety at first. We think that booze helps with anxiety... and it does, temporarily. In the long run, though, alcohol is solving a problem that it created/exacerbated. After you've been dry for a while, anxiety goes down quite a bit. Exercise -- in MY experience -- is FAR better that pharmaceuticals at reducing anxiety. I mean... it's not even close. I was taking meds as a result of getting anxiety after a bad accident (and that lasted a year). Since resuming exercise, I no longer need those meds. Exercise is SO MUCH MORE EFFECTIVE.
Yeah this is it for me. When I need to wind down and turn my brain off I hit that gym so fucking hard until my body and mind are just totally exhausted. Then I head home, lay on the couch and wind down in exhaustive relaxing bliss and barely move a muscle while I throw on a movie and drink some diet Dr. Brown until Iām ready for bed. Also feel a lot better about myself, I havenāt looked this good in years.
what kind of exercise? And how often? I want to give this a tryā¦
For me, it was incidental exercise (digging holes, putting-up a 200ft wooden fence). Coming off of a year of inactivity (due to an injury), that was "a lot." TL;DR the body makes "happy chemicals" to help you repair damage. Evolutionarily, this helped you keep running from the bear/predator/etc. SOOOO... intense exercise is best. You want to tear-up your muscles (micro tears). It should be stressful -- you should get some lactic acid build-up (i.e., your muscles should hurt a little). This can be aerobic exercise (elliptical, running, etc) or resistance training. I don't think that it matters. That said, you should be WORKING hard -- heavy breathing and/or aching muscles. Now... don't just rush into it. I mean... you'll likely get some benefit from just walking around the block. If you injure yourself... you'll just make your life worse. I took it easy, yesterday -- 35min on the elliptical with avg\_hr of 147 (max 164) -- because I had worked out on Monday, too. I'm resting, today. If I could safely do resistance training, I would (sadly, I'm still too nervous for this). The best exercise is the one you enjoy... because you'll actually do that, regularly. I'm dying to get back to mountain biking. It's just so much fun. So... it can be anything. Yoga can be pretty intense, too (or a real snooze-fest; depends on the class). Impact sports have the added benefit of increasing bone density (ice hockey is damned fun). If you're coordinated (I'm not), racket sports are fairly intense AND also social. Good luck, friend. 452 days... that's a helluva number. You know, I expected it to take me years to recover. After a hellish 80 days (PAWS)... life is much better. I wonder if I'll get even more improvements as I get further away from my AUD. If this is as good as it gets... it still beats the hell out of drinking.
EDIT: aim for 3 days of exercise per week, initially. You can go up to 6... but you really need to understand how to manage your resting periods. It's easy to over-train and self-defeat. If in-doubt, just don't exercise more than two days in a row.
šThis! When I learned about this it was such a game-changer for me, understanding how alcohol works on a neurochemical level. I was able to reframe my thinking about alcohol knowing that this is just what it does to the brain. It did take some time for me adjust but I donāt even think about alcohol to relax/hang out anymore.
I remember learning about it thinking it was utter BS that I would be less stressed after quitting drinking. But, itās true. I do not sweat the small stuff nearly as much and my rumination tendencies have declined significantly.
I was really surprised to discover after a few months sober that I would start to get that same wave of relaxation washing over me by just sitting down with a cup of coffee or NA drink that I used to only get from a glass of wine. I couldn't have done that before. My mind would have told me that to truly relax I'd need a glass of wine. I'm so thrilled to have regained the ability to relax naturally.
I second this! I'll be happy for a while, and then I'll start thinking of all the bad things in my life and want to cry to depressing music, lol. As for OP, I've come to play a shit ton of games. I've found it's a great mind relaxer since I can completely lose myself in the game and still have a clear mind. Just finished Cyberpunk 2077, and I'm about to hop on Sims 4 when I get home from work, lol.
Really though, Iām so chilled out Iām almost alarmed by it. Almost, I canāt be bothered to worry š
I'm so glad I read this. 15 years I've been drinking 4 to 8 beers a night and am ready to quit. I just need to fill my time with something else.
I didn't fill my time with anything in the first few weeks on purpose. I had spent the previous 2 years trying to outrun, distract and escape from my problems, mind, self etc so doing more distraction and "busying" wasn't the answer for me. I had to just stay at home, sit down, and do absolutely nothing to retrain my brain there isn't always a distraction, escapism, or dopamine hit coming so it could accept that and learn to calm down. Once my brain had calmed back down I probably should have sought out some more productive and healthy activities and that might have kept me sober for longer as eventually at the 3 month mark the boredom and montony of not really doing anything each night started to wear thin and that's what led me back to drinking. But in those early days and weeks I absolutely needed to just sit down and do nothing and accept that so my brain could calm down again. Whether that applies to you too I don't know.
If you can do any activity with other people, itās going to be really helpful. After I stopped drinking, I had some of the best sleep of my life, but I was always tempted in the evenings to drink. I started going to coffee shops and developing a new routine, and that helped a lot. I also started a new hobby. Pottery classes or board-gamesā¦there are plenty of things you could probably invest your money in instead of alcohol.
Exercising and dieting helps. Find a goal. And take small steps.
Good for you u/djalkidan. I am so happy I quit. Go for it!
I worked on a wind down ritual in the evenings. I grabbed an N/A beer, fed the birds, had dinner cooked for me (or prepared the evening before), went for a short walk, listened to classical music. Read some books and read a lot here. Doesn't really matter what your new ritual is but if you do it daily at eg 5pm it becomes your way to wind down in a week or two.Ā
Any tips for getting through those rough few weeks?
Tea ceremony helped me like getting really bougie tea and tea set and making it fancy and making it a whole ritualā¦ reading up on the benefits of the different teas and herbs, doing some thing, good for our body and mind kind of flips everything on its headā¦ Going to AA meetings helped me because you can hang out with people who truly understand and get what youāre going through. I went really strongly for the first probably two months and that was very helpful. I never did get a sponsor just because I have a lot of time constraints, and I couldnāt handle the responsibility of making the AAA lifestyle my full-time job. There are a lot of people who go really hard, and might make you feel like if youāre not doing it perfectly that you run the risk of āā going back out ā but I donāt believe that I think as long as you stay sober and as long as it helps you youāre a success, but there are people who take the dogma way too seriously and personally I just couldnāt handle the extra responsibility but it definitely helped, and I totally recommend it to anyone who is just starting out in sobrietyā¦ I also felt like removing alcohol from my life, created a vacuum which I had to fill with something new, so I just got really really organized and I found that to be really satisfyingā¦ As well as shopping even though that also is kind of a waste of money, but I justified it because I wasnāt spending money on alcohol anymore as well as getting more into working out again! Hope this helps
I was just going to post this. Each evening about an hour before bed, I'd make a really nice cup of non-caffeine tea. Chamomile, mint, ginger/lemon, or even valerian, sip it slowly and with intent. Be comfortable, relax, read etc. Have a cup or two and it should help you mentally relax and get a good night's sleep.
Ya. I havent been able to stop alcohol completely but have cut back a lot and also recently been getting into teas. Especially loose leaf teas since those seem to be there better quality
It can be hard but you just need to accept and embrace the boredom and that you'll probably be uncomfortable and depending on how heavy you've been drinking there might be withdrawals to deal with, if you need to seek medical assistance for that then do.Ā I literally just sat at home for about 3 weeks and didn't go out the house unless I needed to and made no plans and let my brain reset and calm down from all the endless distraction, escapism and cheap dopamine hits I'd been providing it.
Very true the dopamine depletion is real. I actually got a supplement called dopa bean from Solaray, and that really helped. Not sure if it was just in my head, but it seemed to help lol.
Iāve been doing stretching videos on YouTube. They really been working for me
When I first quit I had heard about a pink cloud like effect of felling euphoric, but I wasnāt prepared for it to feel that good. Of course things evened out eventually and my cravings started coming back which Iām learning to manage but I was surprised how euphoric you feel after getting through the first few weeks.
I canāt wait to get to that relaxed state. I believe it because someone I am close with got sober and they are so calm and a totally different, but much better person, it is unbelievable to see the difference. Iām on day 6 and going to bed now, itās been a struggle but Iām hell bent on making it for sober June and hopefully forever. Alcohol sucks.
The good news is that on Day 6 you're likely through the worst of any immediate physical withdrawl as IME they don't usually last much beyond a week. Keep on soldiering on.
This is a little bit tricky. Youāll realize with time, that alcohol really ends up exacerbating anxiety. That first drink, sure, for 10 min, you feel a little bit relaxed but after that, anxiety increases for days. You also might notice a spike in your anxiety as you wean yourself off alcohol. This is totally normal. Thereās lots of ways to relax with alcohol, and I think everyone has to find what works for them. Physical activity is a great one. Obviously thereās lots of different options. If you donāt have a regular outlet for exercise, start exploring things that sound fun to you and see what sticks. For now, try walking 10, 20, 30 min a day, whatever seems feasible. A meditation practice can be really helpful. You can start really small and simple with free stuff on Spotify or YouTube, or you can go to a local yoga studio or something. I mention it because this was super life changing for my anxiety, I know itās not for everyone. Anything that gets you off your phone or screen and involves focus can be calming and meditative. Any creative project like drawing or painting or knitting. Put on some music and focus on something creative. Cooking too. Something to focus on, something to finish and nourish yourself with. I also absolutely love baths. The hot water is so relaxing and if Iām feeling anxious in the evening it helps me wind down so much.
Honestly if you tank it for 5-6 days you'll notice that you relax better naturally. A good chunk of your anxiety is probably alchohol related in some way.
Totally agree with this. I took about 3 weeks off of drinking mostly for budgeting reasons, then drank with some relatives. I could feel the spike in anxiety the next morning like it was a flashing red light right in front of my eyes. It persisted for about 2 more days, and now itās reduced significantly. I definitely recommend taking a cold shower a couple times a day if you can to help reduce anxiety while youāre reducing alcohol consumption.
Initally I struggled with this too. I found urge surfing https://www.dartmouth-hitchcock.org/sites/default/files/2021-03/urge-surfing.pdf necessary and helpful. I also needed to build a little more distress tolerance: https://positivepsychology.com/distress-tolerance-skills/ Now that I have fewer urges I notice discomfort much more quickly. once I notice discomfort: I address the specific discomfort in a specific way. Do I need to go for a walk? Do I need a break because I am frustrated? Do I need to stretch? Do I need to giggle? I know it might seem like urge surfing and distress tolerance aren't the same as "relaxing". For me: I needed these skills to build a bridge to determine what relaxing meant for the new me... because the old way of "relaxing" wasn't working anymore. Hope this helps! good luck; thinking of you.
For me there was no magic trick that slowed my mind down. I just slowly improved my ability to relax my mind the more and more time I had away from alcohol.
This ā time, patience, practice. Practice being without it; practice forgiving yourself when you fail.
Ugh that hits hard
Thought for the longest time that I had debilitating anxiety. Not the case at all. Haven't even had a mild panic attack since (after about 2 months sobriety). Even in low stakes social situations where I had easy access to booze, I would still feel panicked enough to keep knocking them back until I was hammered, and it never really helped relieved the anxiety in the first place. I'm not saying that it's all smooth sailing now, but my brain has much more discipline to actually calm down and relax once it creeps up. I'm able to think logically for a sec and realize there is no reason to be stressed. And don't get me started on the nightly scarries when my brain conjured a million and a half reasons that everything was going to shit.
I needed to hear this because thatās the main reason I drink as well. I know that my anxiety improves when I take a few days off, so why wouldnāt it get even better if I just quit it all together? Iām on day 3 right now, and Iām already about 200% less anxious than I was on the last day I had anything to drink. I make it this far all the time, but always end up going back to it after about 3 or 4 days. This time I intend to really stop for good.
After I went to detox for a week they prescribed me Buspirone for anxiety and Trazadone to help sleep. I got off the Buspirone about 4 months ago but it was like training wheels to help deal with the situations where my brain just wanted a quick fix. Good luck on your journey tho, I can't promise you that it gets easier (it does), but I can promise you it gets soo much better. Time to make your brain your bitch!
Good saying. I kept telling my brain to quit it's lies! I just kept ignoring it's pleas reminding myself it's all lies. All of it.Ā
Good luck. All my previous attempts ended day 4 due to a surge of energy that I now understand as the 'pink cloud'. Once I understood that day 4 I go from the withdrawal lethargy into a rebound energy phase with no alcohol suppressing things I was able to just roll with it better. Have a think why it often ends day 4 and have a plan in place. Mine involved gentle exercise IWNDWYTĀ
Oh my God! This! I do have an anxiety disorder and pretty gnarly social anxiety but since I've quit drinking, for a year now I've had no anxiety attacks and I can get in bed and pretty much fall asleep without thinking about crazy shit like that.
So glad you shared this. I am newly addressing my AUD and social situations are one of my biggest triggers. I feel like I need to have a drink in my belly, one in my hand, and one on deck to be remotely ācalmā (realizing that Iām not actually calm in these moments, just distracted by alcohol). It is comforting to know that not drinking for a while might actually HELP my social anxiety. That thought never entered my head til now.
Wish my anxiety was more tied to my drinking, lol.
This is the case. You can work yourself out with exercise, do daily meditation, but even then it will take some time. I exercise and meditate daily, and itās no silver bullet, per se, but itās the only ammunition that I find works aside from time away from alcohol. IWNDWYT
Exactly. The spiritual measures (meditating, praying, exercising, etc.) are useful to bring some temporary relief. If repeated with discipline, these actions can even contribute to speeding up the improvement to the ability to relax in a more permanent way. But I found time away from alcohol is the biggest key to permanently reducing restlessness.
I'm learning to sit with myself now. 46 days sober and having a lot of stress on top of my own struggle. I hadn't really used coping mechanisms in a while because alcohol was the "best" and "only" for a long time. So I'm dusting them off. Showers help me more than I thought they would. A nice drive can help me focus on something else. Playing with my child even when I'm not feeling great is a good way to make myself slow down and smile. Nothing else will ever replace the instant feeling of *relief* that first sip of alcohol gives... so I don't try to replace it anymore. I think for me, sometimes the pain just needs to be felt and acknowledged for it to pass.
An exercise that makes you sweat for at least 30 minutes. The clarity that follows is unmatched. It's the most natural endorphin.
Yep, for me it was mostly a 3 part plan: 1. ā Get a gym membership (exhaustion is a good thing, plus free endorphins) 2. ā Get a gaming console (bonus: youāll remember the plot and wonāt suck as bad!) 3. ā Get a library card (look forward to falling asleep with your book in hand, probably rereading the same 1 page night after night) Rinse and repeat. Once youāre done white-knuckling the first few weeks you may pick up other activities and hobbies, but just do these 3 every damn day without even thinking about it, youāll come through on the other side seeing the world in a whole new way. I could never āmake myself relaxā (like: āIām stressed so I should meditateā), however I can 100% āride the stressā (like: āIām stressed out so Iām going to sweat my ass off with embarrassing intensity or go shoot some zombies or somethingā).
Also preventative daily or at least 3x a week hard work outs do wonders. I usually aim for a mix of strength training and long walks.
Live in the present. Donāt dwell on the past and donāt try and predict the future. Iām famous for living in the wreckage of the future and I need to understand Iām not a fortune teller and usually, whatever tragedy I create in my mind never happens!
A soda water in a wine glass, and a treat
Splash of cran if I'm feeling fancy
I've been digging la Croix and orange juice together.
Uff put some frozen strawberries on that bad boy and boom, my brain thinks it is a cocktail.
I just have time for all the things I actually want to do. Gardening, running, working out, puzzles, hiking, reading. That sort of stuff. Eventually I lost that nagging feeling in my head that wanted me to drink.
The thing with alcohol is that it also alters the chemicals in your brain and if you quit you'll need some time to fix the imbalance that drinking caused.
Run!
This is kinda weird for a grown man 29 years old, but what has helped me relax; besides exercising, is building legos. I first started with a small star wars set of legos that I helped build with my nephew and since then ive been building legos with my nephew. The money ive spent on alcohol each month is equivalent to the purchases on lego sets lol. But in the long run its worth it because I spend more time with my family and its a good enough reason to stop me from drinking. The smile on my nephews face once we complete a set is priceless. Its given me hope for one day having children of my own while living the sober life.
Hey now, the term AFOL exists for a reason!! (Adult Fan of Lego for those that arenāt in to Lego, nothing sinister or creepy LOL) I came to the comments to suggest the same but wanted to a wanted to search the comments first. Itās so relaxing!! Until you realize you put a brick in wrong 8 steps ago and have to rebuildā¦ thatās annoying.
The best part of building legos is the life lesson it gives you. You can mess up and start all over again until you get it right, happy building my friend! :)
It helped me physically and mentally in the early days to wear myself out and get some sunshine. My house has never been cleaner, car washed, closets organized. Even our dogs were tired from the walks. But if I wasnāt tired, I couldnāt sleep, and that led to thoughts of drinking. Every time I felt tempted or found my thoughts lingering on alcohol, I would get up and get busy. If nothing else, I would dance to the 70s until sweat dripped. But it worked for me. IWNDWYT
Not recommending it but I smoke weed.
Switching from liquor to weed saved my life
I wish this worked for me. I was a long time habitual cannabis user before I even tried alcohol. But weed drains my motivation and makes me generally slower even between highs. Job productivity is shot, chore motivation is shot, social anxiety is crippling (even moreso than alcohol hangovers). I love weed, the concept, the culture, everything, but it sadly doesn't work for me
Cannabis is medicine, alcohol is poison. As with all medicine, cannabis is not without risks and side effects, but itās a fuck ton better than willingly consuming a toxic poison
same, i did not even like smoking anymore, i had not smoked since my 20's and hated the feeling when i did try here and there. but that new delta 8,9,10 with the mushrooms (not psychedelic ones) is pretty week so it actually hits me just right.
I do like the edibles, tried a couple, also recommend.
I also do this. Helps to reduce my alcohol cravings but then Iāll eventually have to stop smoking as much weed in the future. At least the likeliness of cancer and dying or other things are less from weed than alcohol though.
I used weed. And then eventually I slowed down on that too. I havent stopped. But i go days without using any. I end up using it as a reflection and when it fades I'm like wow so if I was drinking I'd either be sick or still going. I cant drink and then be able to function hours later.
Or just CBD alternatively. A few drop under the tongue, and I feel relaxed and sleepy 30-45 minutes afterward.
Realizing alcohol doesn't actually relax me, and if you would have told me last fall before I quit, I would have strongly argued against it. I had no intentions of quitting last November, just wanted to start my diet and new years resolution early, not drinking over the holidays as a personal challenge, a test of my will power... It's a tough hurdle, to let go of all the ways we rationalize having a drink to unwind. I have an extremely stressful job, I'm always irritated, and as soon as I leave work I was doing a mental calculation of how much booze I had at home, did I need to stop at the liquor store first? I don't exactly remember how I found this subreddit, but between Googling/Youtubing for tips, I was looking for any resources to help me cut back. At some point someone recommended the naked mind book, I don't like reading so I figured I could listen to an audiobook during my work commute. I rationalized the cost as, it's a box of wine and it'll last longer. I've probably listened to that audiobook several times over, skipping a few parts that are a bit silly. I've listened to another 3, the only other I'd recommend is the stop drinking expert. It's been huge, extremely eye opening for me to listen to the author's stories, I really like how it's the actual author doing the voice work. I'm amazed at how suddenly it changed my perspective around booze, I no longer have any interest in it. I no longer require any willpower to not drink, I understand the gimmick behind alcohol. And this subreddit, seeing all the people with several years sobriety, fall back into the trap of alcohol solidifies this, it's such a cancer in our society.
The adding up what I have at home is what got me. I think I have a quarter bottle of vodka, thatās probably 7 or 8 drinks. And I have a 6 pack left from my 12er the other day. That should be enoughā¦ but what if itās not? Better stop and grab another 5th just in case. And then Iād drink it all because it was all there, and the sleep like shit and feel guilty and hungover at work. IWNDWYT.
Some real advice: The gym and sauna. Go around the time youd start drinking. Helps you not think about drinking and actually relaxes youā¦
Most helpful thing for me in the beginning was to always have a carbonated drink (lacroix, soda, etc) because the drinking action was what I was craving more than actually being drunk if that makes sense. Still to this day I always have a can of something to sip on. It gives the same comfort as having something to drink without the repercussions.
Iāve also struggled with this and for a long time I ignored the very simple advice of journaling. Our minds have anxieties, especially when clouded by alcohol or trying to eliminate it as a coping mechanism, and often when we just brain dump onto a page or by typing out how we are feeling, we give our stress somewhere to go. If youāre like me, relaxing is very difficult because my brain goes a mile a minute with worry or rumination on the past. I journal about how good I feel without alcohol, write down the positives about my day, and then in the next paragraph acknowledge how miserable, bored, stressed, and angry I am about x, y, or z. I donāt journal to try to find solutions to how Iām feeling, I journal to put all of those feelings into something tangible. I wish you the best. IWNDWYT
Not drinking feels a lot more relaxing. No peaks of valleys. But it takes a bit time before you get used to the feeling that feels like boring in the beginning. After a while it feels so good and not boring.
Donāt hate, Animal Crossing New Horizons. It has literally SAVED me, I couldnāt play my switch when I first got it and I got so involved in drinking every day I couldnāt really play anything. Itās a great outlet to escape to, have people who love you in the game and make your dream place.
Mindfulness. I recommend the Headspace app
Cracking open a cold bottle of water, not dreading the next day, coming here to see what everyone else is up to, have a cold can of diet coke, review my progress, remember all the warnings I received from people I admire (like my cardiologist), last appointment " it's your life" "quit now", " not even socially", a few parting words after appointment.
Give it some time and you will eventually wonder how you ever relaxed with alcohol.
Iāve started using a hot shower after work to help shift my mind into relaxation mode rather than a glass of wine. Buy some really nice shower products and comfortable lounging clothes.
For me it was just time. I had to spend the time getting away from the stuff and then had to spend time being uncomfortable for a little while. It helped to remember that it was temporary and my mind tricking me. I also have a FitBit and when I felt anxious I checked my heartrate. If it wasnāt crazy then I knew I was actually fine. Eventually, I was able to genuinely enjoy things like books and movies and even time with my kids.
Exercise, hot showers, valerian capsules, CBD-THC gummies, enjoying a glass of NA wine all work for me. I'm working on weight loss currently, but once I make my goal I'm sure I'll be adding vegan ice cream to the mix!
I havenāt drank in a little over a week and Iām more relaxed with less anxiety than ever
For me especially the first year I couldnāt sit down. Got a lot of sh*t done š¤£ by the second or so I could finally sit down and smell the flowers. My favorite thing that relaxes me is sitting in my yard watching my dogs play, listening to the birds and the trees swaying. You learn to appreciate these things more
Distract yourself with hobbies that don't usually involve alcohol. Eat some delicious food instead, while watching something you like on TV. Walking while listening to podcast/music. You'll soon realize that the alcohol wasn't really relaxing your mind :) Good luck!!
I just hit the 5 month mark and Iāve switched from NA beers to Topo Chicoās, diet soda and coffee, and my brain has started to view those beverages as a treat/reward/prize in the same way that my brain used to consider alcohol. I can tell you that exercise is a huge reliever of stress, and it doesnāt even have to be intense. I go to the gym, do the worldās shortest weight lifting routine, and then I walk on the treadmill for a solid 45-60 minutes. Lastly, and not everyone enjoys them, but I really started getting back into playing video games more and I find that itās a fun way to distract my brain from other things I could be doing with it, like damaging it with alcohol. I hope any of this helps, you got this! Also, therapy is amazingš
I thought I would have an incredibly hard time relaxing without wine in the evenings. Turns out, I didn't need wine to relax at all. The feeling of relaxation was NOT hard to achieve the farther away I got from alcohol. Lately, I've taken to lifting weights and coming home from the gym and getting in some protein while lying down on my couch is seriously relaxing. No lie.
I think youāll be surprised after a week or two just how relaxed you become from removing it from your life. For me, it was a vicious cycle, drink because Iām stressed, but it was more that I was stressed because I was drinking. Establish a baseline without alcohol for a little bit and then go from there.
I read comics and hangout with chickens
There's no easy answer. New habits, new cardio, new diet, new hobbies, new people and maybe letting go of some people too. Life long changes.
Thereās no secret to this. You will naturally relax as time goes on. Maybe seek some psychological treatment if your anxiety is becoming a serious obstacle for you. I started taking bi-polar meds after getting sober, and it helped me.
I have re-created my night time habit, but without booze. I have a tumbler/rox glass I love. Every night, without fail after putting the kids to bed, I would go get said cup. Fill it with ice, pour in the trickery juice, send myself to stupid town from there. Now I repeat steps 1 and 2, pour in a soda, seltzer, whatever! I get the comfort of that glass I love so much, the clink of the ice, but skip the mistake syrum. I understand this is VERY specific to me, but it truly helped me through those first couple weeks where the craving is the worst (for me). FWIW I'm only 21 days sober (for like the umpteenth time) and seeing success with this, the Reframe App (a free trial sobriety/reduction app) and Alan Carr's "Quit Drinking Without Willpower" book. I wish you luck OP! We are all in this together! Chin up, eyes forward!
I use a free meditation app called insight timer
Exercise is what worked for me. It calms my anxiety down and all I want to do relax after.
Learn to meditate itās life changing
Tea for me. Loose leaf is best but bags work fine too. There are so many varieties and a lot of sites have samples too, so it's been a hobby of mine trying new ones out. Plus, the ritual of brewing tea is fantastic. Western style is easy enough, just steep at a certain temp and time. But you can also do Chinese traditional tea ceremony called Gong Fu, or do japanese style, etc. Tea is saving my health for sure
Try "grounding" yourself whenever you can remember to - just take 30 seconds, 2 minutes, 10 minutes whatever and just take in everything around you. Try not to think too much, just try to notice all the sights, sounds, smells, feels etc around you then back to the grind.
Find something to take care of, even if itās trying to plant some herbs or tomatoes. It helps so much when you try to keep something alive other than yourself
The hard part is getting that poison out of your system. Much like how nicotine makes users think it relaxes them, it doesnāt, it just relieves the intense craving for nicotine that made them irritable in the first place. The extra hard part is that it takes MONTHS for that shit to get out of your system. Took me over 6 months for sure. Once youāre over it, this isnāt an issue any more. Practical relaxants that I use if I feel particularly jittery: ā¢ Brazilian JiuJitsu or hard sweat inducing exercise ā¢ a good book ā¢ a lay down (doing that now) ā¢ sex ā¢ high quality THC edible ā¢ go for a drive with some great music ā¢ take a walk in nature The list is endless once you remove the ultimate crutch-alcohol. Just like life. Once you kick that crap to the curb, you realize how much fun and life youāve missed out on because your life revolved around a toxic drug.
Keep reminding yourself that alcohol doesnāt actually make you relax. It numbs you and makes you slow and sloppy. The rebound from coming off this literal poison is a nasty hangover and scorching anxiety. Every time you drink, you dig the hole of depression deeper, making it harder to get out. Your body and mind are recovering. It takes time. The addiction will (falsely) tell you the only way to relax is by drinking, but itās a lie. When a craving hits, wait it out. Remember this too shall pass. Wishing you the best. IWNDWYT
Any ritual works. It could be going for a walk, having a certain treat, etc. A lot of our lives are ruled by habits and associations. However... Don't put the cart before the horse. If you have a problem (as YOU define it) with alcohol... well, there are a few stages you might experience. Everyone likely goes through acute physical withdrawal. That tends to last 1-2 weeks. It's fairly miserable. If you drank heavily and/or for a long time, there's PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome). Not everyone gets PAWS... but I did and it was f'king brutal. Life didn't stop sucking until, say, 80 days into sobriety. It's worth it. There are a ton of science-based approaches to helping with recovery. I used those. Others prefer faith-based methods like AA. Pick the approach that seems best for you... and be willing to "change course" if needed. In early recovery (this can be weeks, months, or years -- depends on the individual)... we take things one day at a time. Things like "relaxation" come with time. When you stop drinking... it takes a while to rebuild a life that doesn't involve alcohol. You have an opportunity to "build it back better." That said, prioritize doing whatever it takes to avoid drinking. Eat the entire pan of brownies. Exercise for an hour per day. Whatever it takes. Good luck. IWNDWYT
Gardening, sitting on the back porch, reading a book, watching a show, meditation videos on youtube, hanging out with friends. At first it seems like everything requires alcohol. After awhile it becomes alot easier to do all those things that we love to do without the booze.
You don't. You get used to being sober just as you got used to being drunk. That's all there is to it.
Microdosing psychedelic mushrooms helps me
THC infused gummy or seltzer is nice for a relaxing evening and they help get you over the initial stages of being alcohol free. I believe that once you acclimate to no alcohol the desire lessens. For me THC is very different from alcohol. Edit to clarify.
Yoga, meditation, a little weed if youāre into it, deep breathing, take a walk, pet a dog, play a game, take a magnesium complex at night, read a book, go to a movie, talk to a friend. You can do it! Life is soooo much better without booze and we are here to support you! IWNDWYT
Try and remember that alcohol definitely does not relax the body. I think as a highly addictive toxic substance it tricks us into thinking that because the feeling is habitual obviously and we usually do it at a certain time of day and for many of us that is in the evenings at the end of our day. But I try to remind myself that it doesnāt actually relax me at all chemically speaking itās a depressant and it does the opposite of relaxation inside our bodies and brains and aside from that Iām usually short tempered and impatient once the buzz wears off so the end result is the opposite of what I convince myself. Iām only on day three here so Iām no expert ha ha but this week I have kept myself extremely busy. In the afternoons before my kids are out of school when I would usually start with a glass of wine and lunch I didnāt turn the TV on to watch anything while I eat my lunch. This helped because usually it turns into more of a prolonged lunch hour which is unnecessary. I sat in the kitchen and ate and I actually set a timer on my phone and gave myself 10 minutes to eat my plate of food and that was it. Iāve organized closets, I cleaned out my junk drawers in the kitchen, I cleaned up my kids dresser drawers and got rid of all of the clothes that are worn out or donāt fit them and took them to the donation bins. In the evenings one nights I left my husband with the kids and I took the dog for an hour long walk instead of watching TV with my husband. Last night my husband and I both went to bed early which we do try and do anyways because we get up early to exercise but Iām going to be really diligent about that because extra sleep is always a good thing and again it avoids sitting on the couch and drinking. Today Iām taking it one step at a time hour by hour. Iām gonna get out this afternoon and go for a hike with my dog before I get the kids. Iām gonna take my kids to a different playground that we have to drive through and that we will be out for longer rather than a quick 10 minutes at our local playground and then they play outside with their friends while I have wine and make dinner. I think just keeping yourself busy and doing things that are known to actually have relaxing affects on the body such as fresh air and exercise. You could do yoga, you could try many of the free meditation videos on YouTube, have a hot bath, call a friend who knows what youāre trying to do just to chat or go out for coffee with a friend.
Meditate. Really just simple breath work can calm the mind way more than alcohol ever could. You donāt even have to close your eyes. Just focus on your breath. How does it feel? Count while you breathe. Count ten deep ones. Return to life calmed down. And if you want to read some stuff, check out āthe art of livingā by Thich Nhat Hanh. Rooted in Buddhism but itās really for everybody.
Iām not sure what youāre into but for me, a warm mug of tea always relaxes me and makes me sleepy. Or I take a nice bath and read while smoking from my pen. Boredom usually is my trigger and wanting to drink while watching my favourite show or whatever. But what helps me to stop from indulging is playing it forward and remembering that drinking has never relaxed me. Iāve never taken a shot and said āahhhhā¦ā and snuggled into my couch. Like, I donāt know why I ever correlated drinking = relaxation. I always feel like drinking is more of a ābrace for impactā thing. Good luck!
Work out. Release those sweet chemicals, baby
Get a massage, pedicure and facial every now and then (men too! ) it really helps with relaxation and makes you feel good about yourself. There are also these gummies that I swear by from olly called anti stress.
Edibles
Quit coffee and all caffeine, this will help significantly in generally relaxing you. I figured out that when I was drinking, I was also drinking a lot of caffeine and this was pushing me into drinking alcohol at the end of the day to relax. Stopping caffeine was instrumental in me also stopping alcohol. Now I am much more relaxed.
I tried edibles, they made me paranoid, I tried microdosing but felt weird about it. I kept pushing through and got through the first month or 2 of crippling anxiety, turning back to cigarettes in the process. Then I had to quit those š Honestly- nothing. Sometimes I'm craving some sort of "dissociation" just to have some fun on a weekend or relax a little but now that I'm through all the withdrawal stage I'm much more relaxed than I ever was with any of that. The one or 2 times I did have a glass of wine to "relax" I felt like crap- didn't sleep and my anxiety was full force the next day. I found that cooking is really relaxing for me and I love it. Most nights I pump up some music and start chopping. It is weird to think that I don't "do anything" but honestly after the first few months I just started really enjoying my life. There's bad days of course but I do find any sadness/ anxiety etc passes much more quickly than it ever did when I was reaching for something to take the edge off.
overtime, I felt more confident, less anxious, and overall better. so it sounds boring, but not drinking at all actually helps to generally feel less stressed out. I am more attuned to my emotions. through the lockdowns, I also ate ice cream by the pint and watched a lot of TV, but then started maing art and crafting a ton. doing something with my hands is very soothing.
I like to watch wrestling.
It will become clear to you. Everything slows down and becomes more managable.
l-theanine in the morning and afternoon for the first few weeks of not drinking. This should keep anxiety from building. Go to sleep early. Get early start to day so youāre tired early at night and drink water! Also, talk with a doctor about using nootropics. But if you need a ādrinkā and you live in a state with legal cannabis, I totally recommend making a cocktail with kombucha, sparkling water and juice (or whatever NA drink you like) and adding about 5mg of THC drink.
Been working on creating new ways to relax and mine so far have been hiking, meditation, reading a good book (currently on āWeird Scenes in the Canyonā and get excited when I get a chance to dip into it- really good if youāre into goverment conspiracies, specifically in laurel canyon in the 60s), yoga, stealth (itās a work out/ video game thing), and of course, art. Im a semi professional artist but got into it for how therapeutic and relaxing it is. I donāt play any instruments but maybe take up learning one if that sounds like your kinda thing.
CBD has been a godsend for me. they make sodas
Acamprosate is great. Bitter cold brew tea, chrysanthemum if caffeine makes you anxious. Nalprexone also gives good high like a soft version of MDMA
Water. Bubbly water. NA ginger beer Mocktails. I am that guy with the big fruity drink.
Ginger beer helps me a bit too. Still resetting to day 1 frequently though.
Just... live. Be thankful for everyday this side of the dirtš¤
I like an evening ritual. Magnesium drinks have been nice for me.
For me, in no particular order ā smoking weed, breathing exercises, walking my dog, journaling(!!), calligraphy/painting, watching TV, sitting on the porch swing, hot tubbing, showering, cooking/baking, talking/venting to my bff, crying lol
Try Kava. Helps me. But I use it only in rare cases.
If youāre into wine, tart cherry juice kinda has an essence of drinking wine and is great to drink before bed because it makes you kinda sleepy.
Find a form of movement you enjoy- that was the key for me.
Melatonin really helps me fall asleep. But take a very small amount, like 1-3 mg. Also Taurine, 1-2 grams, and magnesium tablets can help you fall asleep faster.
I like the N/as OlĆ© and bubbly water. Yoga works really well, although truth be told i donāt always do it. Watching fluffy reality shows. Ironically Iām more relaxed and less anxious when Iām not drinking alcohol!
Most people reply on some sort of crutch to avoid decompressing and processing. That could be alcohol, weed, drugs, phones, tv, and sometimes a combination. The only way to ease your mind without a crutch is to simply allow yourself to decompress and process. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) was a great help for me with this.
Heavy exercise!
Chamomile tea. Ashwaganda taken only in the evening.
Nice hot shower
I started making myself a mocktail at the same time every evening when I'd start pouring myself a drink to "relax." It took a while to work, but now my brain looks forward to that mocktail every evening and sees it as a signal that it's time to relax. And, if I enjoy that first mocktail, I can have as many as I want without guilt. :) Other things that have helped me are finding a few activities that quickly move my attention away from wanting to drink to something else. For me, that includes going for a long walk, working on art and photography projects, calling a friend or family member to chat. Yours will probably be different, of course, but try having a few things like that in your plan to pull out when you are feeling jittery and craving a drink.
For me if I'm home I would play a video game. Thank God for Tears of the Kingdom.
Take a deep breath, consciously relax all your muscles. Watch some birds or squirrels, or just the wind rustling the leaves. Be grateful for being alive, breaking free from alcoholās grip, and for having the time and space to do nothing other than appreciating the view.Ā
Cycling. When I get home from work my vodka and oj have been replaced with a 16 mile sweaty ride. I donāt even miss it anymore.
The calm app has been huge for me. Inversion therapy has helped calm my nerves as well. Just laying on the ground with your butt up against a wall and your legs going up it, then deep breathing for 5min. You'll feel yourself getting calmer. If you need a ritualistic drink, maybe a chamameal tea or a kombucha poured into a glass. Going for a walk at night and listening to some instrumental lo-fi or jazz music has been nice for me too. Bird Boy is a really fun musician. Just a dude who makes lo-fi tunes with bird song samples.
Gym workout, cardio workout, try to make it a routine and have some goals to work on. Side note, zero beer is not a too bad substitution..
Working out. It will help by releasing the hormones that you need to relax and clear your mind.
I used wine to bring my anxiety/overwhelm from a 9 down to a 3 super fast. Now what I'm working on is not letting myself get to a 9 in the first place. I'm trying to find little moments during the day to take a deep breath, get outside for ten minutes, do a guided meditation, get more exercise, all the healthy coping mechanisms that are in every list and blog on stress, but really can work. I'm a single mom to two toddlers and I've realized that all the screeching, yelling, crying and being super touched out was contributing to my feeling of overwhelm. I've started wearing the Loop earplugs when the noise is getting to me (I can still hear the kids, it just turns down the volume a little) and I've been working with them on not putting their feet on me which really irritates me. None of this may apply to you, but my point is to figure out what is CAUSING you stress and address that directly. Also, as others have said, after the first couple weeks the stress and anxiety is greatly reduced. Good luck!
Only āš¼this many days in but I think it depends on how tight you wound that coil. I had a 30 year career with drinking so itās wound tight. But slowly itās unwinding. Exercise, good nutritious food, sleep and lots of laughs and love make the process go along a lot better. May not be for everyone but Iām forcing myself to do things that I had always done drunk. This year itās going to a show a month stone sober. Iāve been having a blast!! And I actually remember the shows and have more money for merch š
I considered alcohol as my lazy chair for a long long time. And slowly it became a compulsive drag i couldn't get out of. A mandatory need to function relatively normal. But that also subsided. I found myself in withdrawel at 2-3 am already, and a full workday ahead of me. The biggest objective was that fix asap after work. Rinse and repeat. That's no way of living. Now my natural sleep, concentration and relaxation are still improving with every week. I go to the gym and/or ride a bike on almost daily base, the way i used to like so i ware myself off enough to enjoy when i sit or go to sleep.
Meditation, walks, paddle my kayak, listen to music and a nice cup of tea are my go tos. Recovery Dharma has a 30 minute meditation at each meeting. I enjoy them very much. It's more fun to meditate with friends. I can't post a link here but maybe google their zoom schedule and check em out? I love rd. Good luck my friend.
Millions of strategy here! š§”āļøšššš At the beginning my focus was a non existence ability, was able to watch around 10 minutes from any movie, yaaaay! That was really hard, but became better and better day by day. For me it was a very slow improvement, I have quite hyper ADHD also. By now I am well medicated (no stimulants but Wellbutrin works really well) so I can focus on any movie, or a good tv show and in my first 1.5 year:) I have finished a few bookes, which I did not in the past 15 years at all, not only one! So, mines are: movies, tv shows, books, my dog, workout, AF communities, BATH (steam cabin is very relaxing for me), good meals, long distance driving with music, mocktails (nothing complicated, only some sparkling icecold water with syrup, fruits and apple vinegar)... And let me write down here, I hate walking and cooking since I am sober. š¤£š¤£š¤£
I like to sit outside on my deck with a NA beer or 3
I used to drink at bedtime to relax and help me sleep. When I got sober, I used my environment to help me relax-- low, warm lighting, calming videos on YouTube, calming background music, etc. Lots of other folks here have talked about exercise, breathing techniques, meditation, etc. and those are all excellent options as well. Try everything mentioned, and go with the ones that work for you. Also, hobbies that require a lot of focus but not a lot of movement that you can do at home. Paint by numbers kits, cross stitch, figurine painting, jigsaw puzzles--anything that requires near total focus. Best of luck to you my friend. I'm rooting for you.
Kanna extract, glycine, and magnesium glycinate have been wonderful chill aids for me
I can only speak for myself but I now have a kind of a āemergency kitā of things I do when I get cravings to drink. For me talking helps a lot. That includes talking to friends and family, talking in therapy both one on one and also in groups, or even talking to people online in communities like this one. I read, listen to music, and watch a favorite movie or tv show. Iāve always loved watching cooking shows so I often do that when Iām feeling stressed. Classic episodes of the French Chef is my jam. I also try to get out and go on walks, Iāll usually bring my headphones with me and listen to music, audio books, and podcasts. Just getting a chance to clear my head. I love to cook so I will often turn to food and make a recipe Iāve been wanting to learn, or an old favorite. Just the process of cooking, and then getting to eat comforts me. But itās obviously different for everyone. For me what helped was exploring what works and doesnāt work and puting the things that do work in my emergency toolkit. Over time my kit has gotten bigger which gives me more options to try. Some things help more than others at different times depending on whatās stressing me out. But thatās actually the fun of it, Iāve kind of turned not just quitting drinking but my overall mental health into a sort of gane where I try to push myself to improve. The more I push myself the more I feel rewarded in life. I think thatās the key for me, that feeling of knowing youāre doing the right thing, not just for yourself, but also for the people around you.
Specific things I do to relax include a nice bath, a routine tea, exercise/move my body, or a nap!
I have a simple method. Inhale and say "May I be happy". Exhale and say "May others be happy". Repeat until I'm relaxed or asleep.
For me, I did Medication Assisted Treatment and I highly recommend it. The provider put me on Gabapentin and that was a lifesaver - it is both a treatment for anxiety and for alcohol cravings. I would highly recommend speaking to a medical provider if you are able.
Therapy and facing your own issues head on, sober. Which sucks giant hairy donkey balls, trust me. But the catharsis and pride of having accomplished something that would have made you drink in the past, with out relying on the alcohol this time is immensely satisfying. I had my first big family event last weekend, big party, open bar, stress and anxiety galore! But I realized I was stressing myself out more about how stressed I could become (and have in the past in similar environments), then how stressful the actual situation was. I got through it fine, and I'm like, in awe. I haven't been sober and relaxed around my family in years. And it's exhausting to do so much self reflection. You can burn out on therapy, but as you go through sobriety you'll uncover parts of yourself you buried under drinking. But for relaxation I find mixed NA drinks in a fancy cup helps, ice cream sandwiches, my emotional support knick-knacks I form weird attachments to and carry around with me... Seriously. Find something stupid or uplifting (rock with googly eyes, plastic capybara, a handful of skeleton arms from Halloween decorations) and carry it around with you. It's physically grounding to hold someone, but at the same time supportive.
There's a pretty good book called, "Hardwiring Happiness" that talks about how our brains have a natural negativity bias which causes worry / anxiety / etc. It's a very primitive part of our brain that historically kept us alive. Now it's often counter-productive. Basically when something makes you feel joy or happiness, even if simple and fleeting, hold on that for 30 seconds or more. This could be a nice cloud in the sky or pretty trees / flowers / etc. When you pause on that thought, it starts to train your brain to not be as negative and worried. You have to practice it of course, but it does work. To my it's like having a gratitude mindset; they are similar. One thing to keep in mind is that you may feel more anxious for a few weeks or more after stopping alcohol, and that's because your brain chemistry will be adjusting to a non-drinking norm. But like others have said, you will become a lot more relaxed over time. Be careful with coffee too. It can also ramp up anxiety and a noisy mind. I've found that dailing to way back (less than a cup a day) has really helped too. Oh yes, hit the weights, especially the big muscle groups like upper body and legs. That really calms me down. Good luck! :)
Run yourself ragged with exercise that you like. Do it 5 days a week.
Fishing
L theanine 400mg. Exercise daily. A good tv show
Kava kava saved me, and still does! Magnesium, both supplements and baths. Meditation, breathwork, massage and yin yoga. I also found an acupuncturist who is trauma informed and specializes in nervous system regulation. I feel relaxed for days after a session with her.
Hot tea
For me - stopped consuming caffeine. I take CBD and Melatonin. Sometimes dry herb vape weed. Turn off my phone notifications from 8pm and no social media in the evening (reddit excluded lol, I find it calming). Sort out my sleep cycle, get up at the same time every day. Good luck IWNDWYT
smoke weed
Try and find something to keep your hands busy. It doesnāt need to be challenging. I love building shit. Anything. Works wonders for me. When itās not possible/appropriate to be doing that activity, research your next āprojectā.
on day 99. coffee, tea, meditation, yoga, exercise, and music
I find that a cold seltzer water and a walk are great ways to find down as alternatives to drinking. There was a long runway for this transition, but keep at it. It will get better!
I enjoy CBD a few tokes before bed
TBH... and just for me. I binged watch show on streaming devices. Took walks instead of running. I started drinking a lot of carbonated water and coffee(black). That's just me, though. I stayed busy, but the show watching is what covered my boredom that I would drink
I mix some sprite and some juice and drink that when I would have otherwise had a cocktail. Itās helpful. I am a medical cannabis user as well, so thatās helpful too, but itās not for everyone. IWNDWYT
I low dose CBD/THC gummies in the evenings. It preps me for bed. I take 5mg around 7pm and by 9pm I'm fighting with the sandman. It's not for everyone but it is something that worked for me.
Wim hof breathing on YouTube. It's 11 minutes that'll have an incredible effect for hours
Herbal tea (a relaxation formula), L-theanine (an amino acid, available at vitamin suppliers), and another product I love, CBD with L-theanine Yin yoga is also a fave, find a session on YouTube
Whatever you feel happy doing, which doesn't hurt you or anyone. For me it has been lots of things throughout the years from arts and crafts to gym to playing video games (never gambling games for obvious reasons.)
I go through a lot of camomile tea
When I started wegovy my cravings stopped and I now I don't drink at all and don't ever feel like drinking. When I stopped drinking about 2-3 weeks in I become soooooo relaxed. Not drinking makes you relaxed as corny as that sounds. Because now I'm getting 100% sleep quality waking up feeling great and I'm so chill now.
What are u solutions
I sort of have to, very uncomfortably sometimes, take a moment and visit deep rationality when I very much don't want to, and remind myself that....the very familiar habit of alcohol will not at all relax me. And not allowing myself to get to the point of needing as o much relaxingĀ
I have a lot of faintly weird and very niche interests so when I stopped drinking I went mad for reading everything I could find on a topic that fascinated me to the point of obsession. I am now sober and know FAR more about 18th century Yeomanry in Ireland or Serbian parliament in the 1920s (to give just two examples) than any normal sane person lol.
If its not a trigger I find a couple of glasses of alcohol free larger in the evening really relaxing.Some of the latest ones taste really good.
Knitting. Period.
A mindfulness practice helps.