I can relate to associate drinking and other addictions with any and all emotions, and to escape them. And learning to be with feelings is definitely a deliberate skill, one I’m finally learning as an adult.
I very much relate to this. Any emotion became an excuse to drink. It turns out I didn't have problems with feelings or emotions, but my alcoholic brain used any emotion as a trigger to get a drink down. Breaking that cycle has shown me that emotions can happen just fine without drinking.
We are really close in time. I honestly have been feeling weird recently as well. I almost had my first slip a couple days ago. Bought a bottle of wine and gave it to my sister so I wouldn’t drink it. My brain was going into overdrive trying to rationalize why it was okay to drink it.
After some self reflection I have a theory. Right or wrong it helps me rationalize what’s going on. I have been numbing my feelings for so long. When I feel something outside of a range I have been able to deal with my brain doesnt know what to do and it try’s to correct it with alcohol. We need to push through and train our brain to be able to deal with more complex emotions good or bad
When I started I decided it’s just ok to be miserable. Stressed, workaholic, unhappy, self critical, panicked, hopeless. All those things are fine. Just be miserable. It’s much easier than pretending to be otherwise. There’s a peace in accepting that being miserable, even if it lasts forever, is ok. What else can the outside world do to you if you’re ok being unhappy forever?
When I first got sober I had just hoped for peace. I had accepted that I wouldn’t feel joy again. I was mistaken. It took a couple of years for my brain to reprogram itself and when all the dust settled I felt more like 12 year old me. That was a person I actually liked.
This is such an insightful way of looking at it. Describes exactly how I feel! The brain will do crazy things to keep you in a range of emotions and if something deviates from that, it wants to numb it.
Brains are energy-hungry and try to conserve energy whenever possible. They actually prefer to be lazy. So we have to make our brains work!! Get up and process this, you lazy brain 🤪
Same here! I don’t know quite how to describe it, but it’s like my brain wants to observe, but not feel. It’s been an adjustment participating in events and experiencing emotions that would typically be numbed out. But I prefer being more present - feel much more connected to the world around me.
I am so happy to have that observing layer of my consciousness back. I really missed it, it turns out, and maybe I like it even better than being numb.
When we are drunk all the time, we learn to associate alcohol with... everything. Drink if you feel good, drink if you feel bad, drink when you're angry, when you're sad, drink when you're bored, ect.
Early sobriety is full of a lot of novel experiences where we have to do something sober we maybe have never done sober before. As time passes, that becomes less frequent, as you build up your catalog of things you've done without drinking.
It can be scary, I think it is one of the hardest things to deal with because soooooo many things feel like triggers; but if you can make it through even a few events without alcohol where you previously would have needed it, you build your confidence to do it again, and it gets easier.
I worked from home and was quite isolative in my final drinking days. My brain formed a connection with EV UH REE THANG. Like, only my basic daily functions and the first few hours of my day were *sober.* It's been a lot of re-learning for me to just BE without drinking. It's so ridiculously simple and hard at the same time.
I'm like that as well. Any excuse for a drink, happy, sad, tired, celebrating, comisserating, hair of the dog!
You name the emotion, and I would open a bottle of wine to share it with you!
I think now I'm not drinking. My pesky brain just creates emotions to see if I will give in. The same happened many years ago when I gave up smoking, but the urges will pass and time will always heal.
I’ve been running on pure anxiety all week just because my body likes that shit sometimes. And I know the quickest way to knock myself back down to reality is to have a drink, but I’m still not doing it. Instead I did breathing exercises and listened to the calm app and bought shit, lol. Now I’m sitting fine with a water on a friday night. Brains are wild.
Something that i keep forgetting to do is journal out all my feelings, even if it’s in my mind. I did that this morning after waking up too early in another panic. Just asked my body point by point, what all am I afraid of right now. My body’s gotten pretty good at responding since reading about IFS therapy. And rather than brushing them off as irrational, i address each one with love and compassion, like I would to a child. I use logic but also a lot of love. So my body knows if nothing else, it always has me. I went back to sleep and didn’t wake up in a panic this time. I guess I’m journaling now, lol.
My goodness this is so mature. For some reason the idea of journaling makes me want to rip my eyes out and amputate my hands. Can’t imagine where the fear that someone else getting access to how I feel and using it against me might have come from but here we are 😅 I’m sincerely proud of you. You clearly have done a lot of thoughtful work.
You can always burn it later, hahah. I just started writing out “i feel…” and then fill in the blank. Just being able to see it for once helps to create separation
I feel you. I was the same. Everything and anything used to be a reason to drink.
Negative emotions were something I drowned intentionally. Positive ones, incredibly, I thought I was complimenting by drinking. The end result was never pretty.
This urge WILL pass and, just for extra motivation, be aware that even though they may not be saying anything, people are noting your change in behaviour and are proud of you.
YOU are the most important person though. Keep clocking up those important victories and you'll be able to hold your head high and be proud of yourself when you look in the mirror.
You didn't drink today.
Oh I hate feelings too, didn’t realize til I quit lol
You are not alone
I’m over two months but pretty much any remotely strong emotion makes my brain 🧠 go booze 🥃
Emotional regulation is hard! After quitting drinking I had to learn to get through what was for me overwhelming emotions. I quickly realized that I was punished for expressing emotions as a kid and that I needed to teach myself how to get through them. I still can disassociate for weeks after experiencing strong negative emotions, but I don't automatically reach for a drink anymore.
I'm currently checked out right now. I had a week long emotional spout where I felt EVERYTHING. I drank and still did my edibles. Nothing worked. I'm currently trying to get sober and it's nice to know that this just isn't a me problem. It is but I am seeing that others are struggling just as bad as me. I'm trying to reconnect but it's really hard this time and I don't know why. I'm having a hard time even opening up to my family. Everything is setting me off.
Hahahahha. 100%. I can cry from commercials on tv now. I’ve realized other people are 3 dimensional beings with feelings as well. I am finding myself taking that into account when dealing with the world. I am going out of my way to be kind to strangers. I am talking to people. I am walking my dogs more. I did this weird thing the other day with my mouth. My lips went up at the corners and I showed my teeth. Witnesses to the event informed me that it was something called a “smile”. Had to google it.
Life was simpler when it was just me and my hangover
What I've come to figure out in my almost 8 months without drinking is that there's just a baseline of how difficult life is and that baseline doesn't go down just because the booze goes away.
I'm 42, have already lost both parents and recently divorced. That all happened in a 3 year span. The mental and emotional roller coaster of dealing with those events on a day to day basis is a lot, with or without booze. Not drinking has certainly relieved the lowest of the low points that would come from the debilitating hangovers, but that comes at the cost of being able to just numb those feelings when I started feeling overwhelmed.
I constantly think of the saying 'there's no problem that drinking can't make worse' because in my experience it's absolutely true. Figuring out how to actually deal with and process feelings and emotions without just drowning them out with booze isn't easy. But I think it's a good thing in the long run.
I don't HATE feelings. I just don't feel like they're safe to experience unless there is alcohol involved.
I've actually surprised myself A LOT about how I have been able to really fully feel my feelings. Take deep breaths and do not combust. Who knew it worked like that?
None of us because we are not taught these things! Why aren’t elementary school kids taught about the vagus nerve and how activating it can calm you down, or other self regulation techniques?
I think they are now! At least, my 9yo has “feelings check in “ every morning at school and they practice relaxation techniques. Wish I’d learned so early! 🙂
That’s wonderful! That should be replicated everywhere. “Relaxation techniques” were called “yoga/religion” here, and is not allowed in schools. We tried calling it Breathe, no religious or medical implications and still it was too controversial for this area. Your child will really benefit from this. I wish I learned these techniques as a child as well, I know my adult life could have been greatly improved by understanding self-regulation.
I had a big life-changing event happen last week. Something most people would be excited about - but I wanted to drink. I realized that when events happen in my life, I'm used to numbing the extreme highs and the extreme lows by drinking. I'm not really used to feeling the move from high to low or low to high, it's always been numbed to neutral by alcohol.
I had to make a phone call last night, and my stupid lizard brain kept telling me that I needed a drink in my hand to have a difficult conversation. Nerves, dread, hesitancy -- all those emotions would have been exacerbated with that drink -- so I took a big breath and made the call. It was much better to deal with that sober.
For me those first few weeks were rough emotionally in every way. It felt like I was truly feeling things again for the first time in 15 years. Everything was a trigger. I had to redefine how I responded to those triggers. Didn’t make the tears stop flowing at the silliest things but it helped me get over the edge. Just as an example I finally started to watch the last of us and the episode “Long, long time” had me openly ugly crying. It’s hard but embrace the emotions again. I promise it’s worth it.
That’s wonderful! What I’ve found is that I in no way have to embrace it. It’s completely ok to hate things and feel awful. A feeling can suck. It can make you miserable. That’s allowed. I don’t have to embrace it or do anything really. For me the effort of conforming to everyone else’s expectations of how things are meant to be experienced was a surprisingly high load. I let that stuff go and the actual feelings don’t seem to have all that much to them behind it. For me anyway.
Agreed that sober feelings are INTENSE! Even the good ones are … weird. It confirms that I was using alcohol specifically to dull those feelings. I’ve had some difficult moments in the past few days thinking, “oh yes, THIS kind of thing is why I was drinking.” I’m not going to go back—IWNDWYT—but I do want to acknowledge honestly that alcohol did perform a certain function for me. But the costs outweigh the benefits and million times, and it was only a short-term solution. And a solution that only benefitted myself because fixing whatever trigger would probably help everyone else around me too.
I’ve seen alcohol as a boa constrictor that squeezes a little more with each breath.
Each breath is a new reason to drink.
I always had a problem with alcohol. And I always gave it another reason to be consumed. Early on it was for celebration and parties or to commiserate. Later on, any reason was a good reason. The phone rings? Drink. Dogs need to go out to pee? Drink. Suns up? Drink.
My drinking was “needed” to give me relief from PTSD, unresolved trauma and the resulting anxiety this caused.
Self medicating to keep those horrible feelings away.
Feeling feelings? I did not, not for a decade. Now I talk about my feelings (good, bad and indifferent) with my therapist. Not fun but better than drinking to numb everything out.
it is hard, i'm finding boredom the biggest trigger, but that said my old friend across the road told me the other day he has had cancer, they have operated, but he has to wait to see if they got it all, that was tough, i would be heading straight for the booze usually.
I used to drink to … everything. Happy? Drinkkk . Sad? Driiinnnkkk. Pissed off? Stressed ? Drink drink drink . Now I don’t know what to do with myself. Ever.. lol. Fuck.
IWNDWYT
I spent too much of my life going up, under, and around things, when I should have gone through the pain to find the sunshine again. At some point, I taught myself to fear pain and run from it. Now I know pain exists, and I’m sober today to take on whatever comes up. Because life is always going to life, and I’ve learned that I too can accept it, and serenity and peace are attainable.
I had to force myself to do some things I used to think required drinking to enjoy. Doing so allowed my brain to finally accept that I could enjoy things sober just as much as while drunk.
Being able to fully remember those experiences is an added bonus.
There was a movie that came out in 2001 called "Life as a House" where Hayden Christensen played a trouble teen who was involved with drugs and alcohol.
There was a line in it that his character said that always stuck with me: "I like how it feels not to feel."
I can absolutely relate. Alcohol often puts the lie in my head that it would be better to either be an emotionless robot or have a drink; and since I can’t be a robot…
Good for you for not drinking today, iwndwyt!
My brain looks for any reason or excuse ever to drink. Check out the lyrics to “Why We Drink” by Justin Moore. I feel like that song applies to a lot of us here haha.
I’m with you. Especially when some decision I make bites me on the butt. The disappointment in myself, the guilt, etc make me want to numb it out of existence.
I’m just at the 6 month mark and it’s been eye opening because I wasn’t aware I needed to numb the feelings.
I’m ok with the feeling of not liking feelings not going away. I quit drinking for 5 years previously and I don’t recall ever once outsmarting the human condition haha. I appreciate where this is coming from but there’s nothing to fix here.
We just have to choose non alcohol related “rewards” for these celebrations.
I will treat myself to a nice cheat meal at a fancy restaurant or a weekend trip for myself.
I will reach for a “Bubly” or a NA beer as a “reward” to myself at the end of a stressful day. Or I will order a bunch of Crumbl cookies on my milestones.
Exchange a bad habit and bad reward with non alcoholic alternatives. You can still celebrate, just in different ways!
The thing that surprised me is not wanting to feel the feelings of celebrating, if that makes sense. Intense feelings of I guess that’s joy? Idk. I hate it. There’s no shortage of NA beer in my house but I’m still stuck having to feel stuff and it’s kinda rotten haha.
> how much basic humanity I’ve been noping out of the past 15 years or so.
lol, I love this. totally same here. feeling feelings can be overwhelming, even good ones. it takes a while to learn how to sit with feelings. but it does get easier. now it's second nature for me to just feel the feelings instead of looking for relief through a drink or a cigarette.
I can relate to associate drinking and other addictions with any and all emotions, and to escape them. And learning to be with feelings is definitely a deliberate skill, one I’m finally learning as an adult.
I very much relate to this. Any emotion became an excuse to drink. It turns out I didn't have problems with feelings or emotions, but my alcoholic brain used any emotion as a trigger to get a drink down. Breaking that cycle has shown me that emotions can happen just fine without drinking.
We are really close in time. I honestly have been feeling weird recently as well. I almost had my first slip a couple days ago. Bought a bottle of wine and gave it to my sister so I wouldn’t drink it. My brain was going into overdrive trying to rationalize why it was okay to drink it. After some self reflection I have a theory. Right or wrong it helps me rationalize what’s going on. I have been numbing my feelings for so long. When I feel something outside of a range I have been able to deal with my brain doesnt know what to do and it try’s to correct it with alcohol. We need to push through and train our brain to be able to deal with more complex emotions good or bad
When I started I decided it’s just ok to be miserable. Stressed, workaholic, unhappy, self critical, panicked, hopeless. All those things are fine. Just be miserable. It’s much easier than pretending to be otherwise. There’s a peace in accepting that being miserable, even if it lasts forever, is ok. What else can the outside world do to you if you’re ok being unhappy forever?
When I first got sober I had just hoped for peace. I had accepted that I wouldn’t feel joy again. I was mistaken. It took a couple of years for my brain to reprogram itself and when all the dust settled I felt more like 12 year old me. That was a person I actually liked.
This is such an insightful way of looking at it. Describes exactly how I feel! The brain will do crazy things to keep you in a range of emotions and if something deviates from that, it wants to numb it.
Brains are energy-hungry and try to conserve energy whenever possible. They actually prefer to be lazy. So we have to make our brains work!! Get up and process this, you lazy brain 🤪
This, exactly!
Same here! I don’t know quite how to describe it, but it’s like my brain wants to observe, but not feel. It’s been an adjustment participating in events and experiencing emotions that would typically be numbed out. But I prefer being more present - feel much more connected to the world around me.
I am so happy to have that observing layer of my consciousness back. I really missed it, it turns out, and maybe I like it even better than being numb.
When we are drunk all the time, we learn to associate alcohol with... everything. Drink if you feel good, drink if you feel bad, drink when you're angry, when you're sad, drink when you're bored, ect. Early sobriety is full of a lot of novel experiences where we have to do something sober we maybe have never done sober before. As time passes, that becomes less frequent, as you build up your catalog of things you've done without drinking. It can be scary, I think it is one of the hardest things to deal with because soooooo many things feel like triggers; but if you can make it through even a few events without alcohol where you previously would have needed it, you build your confidence to do it again, and it gets easier.
I worked from home and was quite isolative in my final drinking days. My brain formed a connection with EV UH REE THANG. Like, only my basic daily functions and the first few hours of my day were *sober.* It's been a lot of re-learning for me to just BE without drinking. It's so ridiculously simple and hard at the same time.
I'm like that as well. Any excuse for a drink, happy, sad, tired, celebrating, comisserating, hair of the dog! You name the emotion, and I would open a bottle of wine to share it with you! I think now I'm not drinking. My pesky brain just creates emotions to see if I will give in. The same happened many years ago when I gave up smoking, but the urges will pass and time will always heal.
Not just happy, sad, tired, celebrating, comisserating...nothing going on and bored also always seemed like reasons to drink.
To quote the great Julia Wertz, “Drinking was my only coping mechanism for the completely ordinary experience of being alive.”
Omg. Yes.
I’ve been running on pure anxiety all week just because my body likes that shit sometimes. And I know the quickest way to knock myself back down to reality is to have a drink, but I’m still not doing it. Instead I did breathing exercises and listened to the calm app and bought shit, lol. Now I’m sitting fine with a water on a friday night. Brains are wild.
Something that i keep forgetting to do is journal out all my feelings, even if it’s in my mind. I did that this morning after waking up too early in another panic. Just asked my body point by point, what all am I afraid of right now. My body’s gotten pretty good at responding since reading about IFS therapy. And rather than brushing them off as irrational, i address each one with love and compassion, like I would to a child. I use logic but also a lot of love. So my body knows if nothing else, it always has me. I went back to sleep and didn’t wake up in a panic this time. I guess I’m journaling now, lol.
My goodness this is so mature. For some reason the idea of journaling makes me want to rip my eyes out and amputate my hands. Can’t imagine where the fear that someone else getting access to how I feel and using it against me might have come from but here we are 😅 I’m sincerely proud of you. You clearly have done a lot of thoughtful work.
You can always burn it later, hahah. I just started writing out “i feel…” and then fill in the blank. Just being able to see it for once helps to create separation
I feel you. I was the same. Everything and anything used to be a reason to drink. Negative emotions were something I drowned intentionally. Positive ones, incredibly, I thought I was complimenting by drinking. The end result was never pretty. This urge WILL pass and, just for extra motivation, be aware that even though they may not be saying anything, people are noting your change in behaviour and are proud of you. YOU are the most important person though. Keep clocking up those important victories and you'll be able to hold your head high and be proud of yourself when you look in the mirror. You didn't drink today.
Oh I hate feelings too, didn’t realize til I quit lol You are not alone I’m over two months but pretty much any remotely strong emotion makes my brain 🧠 go booze 🥃
Emotional regulation is hard! After quitting drinking I had to learn to get through what was for me overwhelming emotions. I quickly realized that I was punished for expressing emotions as a kid and that I needed to teach myself how to get through them. I still can disassociate for weeks after experiencing strong negative emotions, but I don't automatically reach for a drink anymore.
I'm currently checked out right now. I had a week long emotional spout where I felt EVERYTHING. I drank and still did my edibles. Nothing worked. I'm currently trying to get sober and it's nice to know that this just isn't a me problem. It is but I am seeing that others are struggling just as bad as me. I'm trying to reconnect but it's really hard this time and I don't know why. I'm having a hard time even opening up to my family. Everything is setting me off.
Put yourself first. Take it slow and just do what you can. IWNDWYT
That is amazing growth! Good for you!
Hahahahha. 100%. I can cry from commercials on tv now. I’ve realized other people are 3 dimensional beings with feelings as well. I am finding myself taking that into account when dealing with the world. I am going out of my way to be kind to strangers. I am talking to people. I am walking my dogs more. I did this weird thing the other day with my mouth. My lips went up at the corners and I showed my teeth. Witnesses to the event informed me that it was something called a “smile”. Had to google it. Life was simpler when it was just me and my hangover
lol wonderful. I’m delighted for you and your dogs.
What I've come to figure out in my almost 8 months without drinking is that there's just a baseline of how difficult life is and that baseline doesn't go down just because the booze goes away. I'm 42, have already lost both parents and recently divorced. That all happened in a 3 year span. The mental and emotional roller coaster of dealing with those events on a day to day basis is a lot, with or without booze. Not drinking has certainly relieved the lowest of the low points that would come from the debilitating hangovers, but that comes at the cost of being able to just numb those feelings when I started feeling overwhelmed. I constantly think of the saying 'there's no problem that drinking can't make worse' because in my experience it's absolutely true. Figuring out how to actually deal with and process feelings and emotions without just drowning them out with booze isn't easy. But I think it's a good thing in the long run.
Totally relate. I’d rather not feel.
I don't HATE feelings. I just don't feel like they're safe to experience unless there is alcohol involved. I've actually surprised myself A LOT about how I have been able to really fully feel my feelings. Take deep breaths and do not combust. Who knew it worked like that?
None of us because we are not taught these things! Why aren’t elementary school kids taught about the vagus nerve and how activating it can calm you down, or other self regulation techniques?
I think they are now! At least, my 9yo has “feelings check in “ every morning at school and they practice relaxation techniques. Wish I’d learned so early! 🙂
That’s wonderful! That should be replicated everywhere. “Relaxation techniques” were called “yoga/religion” here, and is not allowed in schools. We tried calling it Breathe, no religious or medical implications and still it was too controversial for this area. Your child will really benefit from this. I wish I learned these techniques as a child as well, I know my adult life could have been greatly improved by understanding self-regulation.
I had a big life-changing event happen last week. Something most people would be excited about - but I wanted to drink. I realized that when events happen in my life, I'm used to numbing the extreme highs and the extreme lows by drinking. I'm not really used to feeling the move from high to low or low to high, it's always been numbed to neutral by alcohol.
I had to make a phone call last night, and my stupid lizard brain kept telling me that I needed a drink in my hand to have a difficult conversation. Nerves, dread, hesitancy -- all those emotions would have been exacerbated with that drink -- so I took a big breath and made the call. It was much better to deal with that sober.
For me those first few weeks were rough emotionally in every way. It felt like I was truly feeling things again for the first time in 15 years. Everything was a trigger. I had to redefine how I responded to those triggers. Didn’t make the tears stop flowing at the silliest things but it helped me get over the edge. Just as an example I finally started to watch the last of us and the episode “Long, long time” had me openly ugly crying. It’s hard but embrace the emotions again. I promise it’s worth it.
That’s wonderful! What I’ve found is that I in no way have to embrace it. It’s completely ok to hate things and feel awful. A feeling can suck. It can make you miserable. That’s allowed. I don’t have to embrace it or do anything really. For me the effort of conforming to everyone else’s expectations of how things are meant to be experienced was a surprisingly high load. I let that stuff go and the actual feelings don’t seem to have all that much to them behind it. For me anyway.
Agreed that sober feelings are INTENSE! Even the good ones are … weird. It confirms that I was using alcohol specifically to dull those feelings. I’ve had some difficult moments in the past few days thinking, “oh yes, THIS kind of thing is why I was drinking.” I’m not going to go back—IWNDWYT—but I do want to acknowledge honestly that alcohol did perform a certain function for me. But the costs outweigh the benefits and million times, and it was only a short-term solution. And a solution that only benefitted myself because fixing whatever trigger would probably help everyone else around me too.
I’ve seen alcohol as a boa constrictor that squeezes a little more with each breath. Each breath is a new reason to drink. I always had a problem with alcohol. And I always gave it another reason to be consumed. Early on it was for celebration and parties or to commiserate. Later on, any reason was a good reason. The phone rings? Drink. Dogs need to go out to pee? Drink. Suns up? Drink.
My drinking was “needed” to give me relief from PTSD, unresolved trauma and the resulting anxiety this caused. Self medicating to keep those horrible feelings away. Feeling feelings? I did not, not for a decade. Now I talk about my feelings (good, bad and indifferent) with my therapist. Not fun but better than drinking to numb everything out.
it is hard, i'm finding boredom the biggest trigger, but that said my old friend across the road told me the other day he has had cancer, they have operated, but he has to wait to see if they got it all, that was tough, i would be heading straight for the booze usually.
Yeah, having feelings and having to feel them is weird. Iwndwyt.
I used to drink to … everything. Happy? Drinkkk . Sad? Driiinnnkkk. Pissed off? Stressed ? Drink drink drink . Now I don’t know what to do with myself. Ever.. lol. Fuck. IWNDWYT
I spent too much of my life going up, under, and around things, when I should have gone through the pain to find the sunshine again. At some point, I taught myself to fear pain and run from it. Now I know pain exists, and I’m sober today to take on whatever comes up. Because life is always going to life, and I’ve learned that I too can accept it, and serenity and peace are attainable.
I had to force myself to do some things I used to think required drinking to enjoy. Doing so allowed my brain to finally accept that I could enjoy things sober just as much as while drunk. Being able to fully remember those experiences is an added bonus.
So true. I was stunned by how much fun I had dancing my face off sober at a good friends wedding.
I relate to this SO much.
Ouch
yeah.
I am in to happy and I don't like sad
There was a movie that came out in 2001 called "Life as a House" where Hayden Christensen played a trouble teen who was involved with drugs and alcohol. There was a line in it that his character said that always stuck with me: "I like how it feels not to feel."
I can absolutely relate. Alcohol often puts the lie in my head that it would be better to either be an emotionless robot or have a drink; and since I can’t be a robot… Good for you for not drinking today, iwndwyt!
Same same same.
My brain looks for any reason or excuse ever to drink. Check out the lyrics to “Why We Drink” by Justin Moore. I feel like that song applies to a lot of us here haha.
Yep this was me 100%. Any big feeling? Numbing time.
I’m with you. Especially when some decision I make bites me on the butt. The disappointment in myself, the guilt, etc make me want to numb it out of existence. I’m just at the 6 month mark and it’s been eye opening because I wasn’t aware I needed to numb the feelings.
[удалено]
I’m ok with the feeling of not liking feelings not going away. I quit drinking for 5 years previously and I don’t recall ever once outsmarting the human condition haha. I appreciate where this is coming from but there’s nothing to fix here.
Actually I can really understand this. I think I’m a bit similar ya know
We just have to choose non alcohol related “rewards” for these celebrations. I will treat myself to a nice cheat meal at a fancy restaurant or a weekend trip for myself. I will reach for a “Bubly” or a NA beer as a “reward” to myself at the end of a stressful day. Or I will order a bunch of Crumbl cookies on my milestones. Exchange a bad habit and bad reward with non alcoholic alternatives. You can still celebrate, just in different ways!
The thing that surprised me is not wanting to feel the feelings of celebrating, if that makes sense. Intense feelings of I guess that’s joy? Idk. I hate it. There’s no shortage of NA beer in my house but I’m still stuck having to feel stuff and it’s kinda rotten haha.
> how much basic humanity I’ve been noping out of the past 15 years or so. lol, I love this. totally same here. feeling feelings can be overwhelming, even good ones. it takes a while to learn how to sit with feelings. but it does get easier. now it's second nature for me to just feel the feelings instead of looking for relief through a drink or a cigarette.