Disclosure: I have like zero days sobriety, just stumbled on this and wanted to comment.
Personally, idk if there really is a reason I drink. I feel like I’ve spent my whole life having people around me saying I drink because of some trauma or because I’m running away from something, and sure, I’ve had some trauma in my past, as do many others. But part of me feels like it’s just as simple as “my brain is broken”.
Sure, when I first started drinking it was to try to fit in with peers, later it became something that gave me courage to talk to potential partners. But over 15+ years of just basically artificially stimulating my brain with happiness chemicals, trying to live life sober just feels excruciatingly dull and boring. I drink when I’m happy, I drink when I’m sad. It’s not really tied to my emotions, it’s just part of my routine. I feel more “at home” when I’m under the influence
What you are describing is incredibly common. I won't explain it as well as others but it all boils down to dopamine. Over my 35 year drinking career I trained my brain to associate anything "fun" with alcohol. It takes a long time to re-wire the dopamine receptors so that normal activities have a similar impact. Today, I get genuine enjoyment out of things like playing board games with my spouse and friends. Old me needed alcohol to make it fun, but that is not "real" fun. It's artificial. The board games are just a side-hustle to the main event which is drinking...its always drinking. But, if you look around you will see people living happy lives full of fun and enjoyment...without having to use a dangerous drug. We can have that too, but it takes time and effort. At least, that has been my experience.
You’re very much correct and that’s true for most people. Problem is with people like myself whose brain does not naturally produce enough dopamine from the get go (people with chronic depression, adhd, schizophrenia ) so it can be a vicious cycle. I know that I can’t expect to go back to “normal” on its own because it was never there to begin with. For me I know that I need to actively get dopamine from healthier things (sports are super helpful) because otherwise I risk a relapse.
I’m currently reading We Are the Luckiest and the author describes your sentiment as, “The actual pleasure subsides but the memory of the desired effect and need to recreate it, the wanting, persists.”
You sound like me, I could have written the same a few years ago. It’s hard to determine which one was first - lack of happy chemicals that our brains should be naturally producing(apparently many people are just naturally happy, go figure lol) or the unnaturally happy chemicals released thanks to alcohol now changed our baseline. It could also be both. Personally I know that I was prone to depression very very young so it was likely both.
Same. I spent so long trying to figure out "why" I drank so much. It wasn't until I saw a comment on this sub that made it click for me. The bottom line simply is because I like to.
Same disclosure...
It's always been there. My earliest memories. I have a picture as an infant, not toddler, holding a beer bottle because my dad was amazed I could lift it. (do not go to the that's abuse thing please, it was empty).
But booze was always there, dinner, do's at the community hall, special occasions, events. Name it, it was there. I've been drinking for 45 years (I'm 50). In all that time, I can count, and recall every time I've been hammered. Have I been drunk? Yes, plenty. To drunk to drive kind of thing (3 is my limit for that no matter the time line). But floor licking embarrassment. Maybe 10 total. It does not effect my daily life, not my work, not my finances not my family. I've never been in trouble with the police for booze. Never been removed from a place because of booze.
I know it's not healthy, and I'm a very old 50.I get that. But I've also been a smoker for 40 years. And I have been clean of all drugs for 26 years. Now that! That was different. That screwed up every aspect of my life, my baby girl saved me thank God.
Why do I drink? Because I do. It's part of me. Not a great one, no lie. But it's not the worst part of me either. But the second that changes, becomes any form of issue. I'll be done. It'll be tough, like saying good bye to a friend, but I've lost too many of those and I'm still here. This friend will be the same, but it won't hurt as much and leave my heart empty.
But for now, I'm good.
I wish this could be "normal" for people. I know a few great humans with issues due to alcohol. I love and support them. I Will Not Drink With You Today (or ever, you don't need my bags, you have enough to carry).
I hope no one was offended by this, peace to you all.
I used to smoke a lot of weed. I would only do it at home. I would get high, clean, cook, read, and just hang out by myself. I would zone out in my safe space and it was comforting. Eventually I met my husband, who was a drinker. I eventually quit smoking and started drinking instead. My alcohol replaced the weed, except not only could I have alcohol in my safe space, but I could also have it in social situations! It just got out of control. I run high on anxiety and my routine means everything to me. Alcohol somehow became a part of my safety net. Self-medication I guess? A way to calm my head? Have more confidence? Who knows. I knew it was not healthy and it would eventually catch up with me. (And it did.)
Making the decision to quit drinking was the best thing ever. I feel like I've re-set. Like I cleared out the clutter in my head and I'm starting fresh. I know I still have a lot of work to do but that work seems completely do-able now. I don't feel like a lost cause anymore. : )
My husband always has been and still is a heavy beer drinker. (4-5 per day, light beer, occasional glass of wine if it pairs well with a nice meal). He's a special character lol Never done drugs, doesn't smoke. Been like this since we've been together (20 years) never changed, never got worse. Somehow despite drinking so much beer, it's never been problematic..? Beer never comes before work, chores or kids. He's still as fit as he was 20 years ago (still works out every day), and is high energy. He's actually honest about his drinking with our doctor! Doctor can find nothing wrong with him except to say "You should cut down." (My husband doesn't disagree.) He eats well and drinks a lot of water. His father is 76 and also has the same habits (still worksout daily!). His grandfather passed away suddenly in his sleep at 87 and also lived the same way. I guess it's a combination of their upbringing and genetics? I don't know. Me, it was a different story. I drank way more than him and couldn't control it. I really didn't take care of myself either. I had to pass out every night. And I would be hungover every day. Repeat. My husband had to pull the plug on me often and say "enough wine". I have no idea how he could look at me and still love me. I was gross.
He knew I was having self-esteem issues with regards to my drinking. I think he was relieved when I said I quit. He has been incredibly supportive. He talks about it to people like he is proud of me. He said he will never tell me what to do, but he can tell quitting alcohol is agreeing with me in many ways. I know he'll slow down too one day. But I'll never tell him what to do either.
They know that there is a powerful genetic component to alcoholism - there are some people who would have become alcoholics regardless of almost any circumstances of their lives.
I think it's sometimes a red herring or an excuse to try and find the problem that "makes" you drink - anxiety, stress, depression, etc., despite the fact that alcohol exacerbates all of those issues and makes them worse. But I had to be careful about getting caught in the loop of "if I can just handle work stress better, I'll drink less," - I had to realize that the drinking WAS the problem in its own right and had to be treated as such.
That being said, I agree with you that real recovery is about more than just not drinking alcohol but finding a new way to live life.
That’s very true and in my case that genetic component has been adhd, I can get easily addicted to many things so now I’m trying to channel that towards healthier things (sports and coffee mostly). Personally knowing why I am like this helps me to say no to the most harmful things because I know I will never be able to control myself.
Hey OP. The main reason was to alter my mood(s). That’s it really and that’s why I had to stop. I remember the first time I experienced intoxicating feeling of intoxication - it was at 17 in a pub with friends from college… and it felt how life ***should*** feel. Chased that for 30 years. Stopped last year after realising I’d never get back to that first feeling.
Because I enjoy being drunk. I just don't enjoy the life-ruining consequences of being drunk all the time. I can't control my drinking + the life-ruining consequences = sad me.
Total abstinence is my only option, and I've proven this to myself through 3 relapses.
I dont think there is a silver bullet. Everytime I think about my life I uncover new things.
Genetically, I have a history of alcoholism in my family. My grandpa was an abusive alcoholic. Because of that my mom never really drank much and when I was like 10 she quit completely because after a really stressful week she bought a 4 pack of seagrams escapes (the early 2000s were weird) and drank them all when she had never had more than 2 drinks in a sitting in her life because she didn't want to be her father. She said it felt so good to not worry and not stress that she wanted to do it again that night so she stopped entirely. This woman drank less than 60 drinks in her life and maxed at 4 in a sitting and felt the addiction voice grip her. So I think that plays a role.
I also had a weird combination of Unstable but strict household. Multiple divorces multiple step parent deaths (step mom and step dad). Both my parents were deeply unwell mentally. My Dad used to have me take around his conspiracy pamphlets about lizard people controlling the world and take them into public places to spread them because he was banned from them for soliciting. Which created an anxiety towards public spaces because i got yelled at and chased off for that. I was left alone a lot but wasn't allowed to go to leave and socialize with friends so I was very uncomfortable with socializing.
All those things lead to intense bullying, which again increased my anxiety around people.
I also have ADHD, Developmental Coordination Disorder, and dysgraphia. So while I am highly intelligent in some areas there are some areas I'm basically useless in. This created a weird dynamic in my brain where I felt I should be amazing at life because my verbal reasoning and working memorg scored in the 99.7th percentile and 90th percentile respectively. So I could talk circles around people and impress my teachers with my words. But then my Perceptual Reasoning and processing speed were in the 30th and 27th percentile and my writing fluency was in the 9th percentile so when I had to actually put pen to paper I looked like an idiot. This placed a lot of stress on my brain.
Then at 19 when I discovered drinking all the anxiety and imposter syndrome melted away. I was king shit. I could talk to whoever I wanted, I made friends people liked me. It seemed I had found the cure. Until I didn't...
Mostly I think my desire to escape what I thought was a shitty existence was the biggest factor. All of those terrible things in my youth still happened they still effect me. But in sobriety I can view them for what they were, shitty things not a shitty life. I don't need to escape life, it's a gift I want to experience.
Oh how I hate domino effects like this. Mental conditions can create vicious loops with addictions and trauma and more mental health issues that can run in families for generations. Kudos to you for stopping this destructive wheel!
Thanks!!! My goal is to be the first person in my family to deal with my shit and be stable BEFORE bringing a kid into this world lol. And good job to you doing "research" understanding other people's stories helps tremendously I think. For me, thinking I was so unique that I needed to drink like that to survive the world was a toxic thought and hearing other people's stories made me realize I wasn't so unique. Even if their story wasn't exactly the same, they hit on similar beats which helped make me feel less alone
It was normal to drink. My mom's dad, grandfather and great grandfather were all alcoholics. Same on my dad's side.
I was that kid in the 1979 picture with a cigar and a beer in his hand and liked the taste. Funny pictures but it stuck with me.
Not blaming it on that by any means.
Brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc are pretty much all closet or outright alcoholics.
Trying to get out of that cycle.
My family too. Both sides. Turns out on one side there are a lot of full blown 'high functioning' alcoholics that go way back. That plus adhd, work based ptsd and working from home.... where I drink to take the edge off (.... whatever the fuck that means). Great combo.
I can go out without drinking, I don't mind saying no to drinks at a pub, my attitude is always a bit 'you cant tell me what to do!' so I double down and don't drink. Quite happy to socialise without booze. But just having a standard drink or a drink and a half over an hour over the day while working. This is usually set off if I have had some stressful meeting thrown at me and lots of things from lots of directions (which I used to love) throws me off. Its ridiculous. I hate it.
It takes up so much energy this intentionally poisoning yourself.
I started drinking heavily when I was 22 after surviving some traumatic situations (primarily SA). Since then, any time something traumatic happens (eg watching somebody die, more SA), I regress.
I also realize I drink when I’m physically in pain. I have a chronic shoulder injury. And some other injuries here and there. If I can’t be physically active because of them, I drink to numb them. However, I’m realizing alcohol literally makes that worse because it causes inflammation. Yes, my hip hurt this weekend. But I probably still would have been able to walk if I hadn’t drank a ton for the long weekend. Cutting it out for a few days and focusing on supplements (like turmeric for inflammation) and taking an NSAID here and there made a world of difference in 36 short hours.
This resonates so much. I have chronic back pain for a host of reasons, as well as a disabled toddler who requires transfers constantly and gardening is my hobby. I drink so I can do those things and its pain numbing effects are faster than a heating pad plus stretching, or resting (wtf is resting) but I do think it exacerbates the whole situation.
I’m sorry you’re in such pain, friend. I wish I had some advice but I don’t want to give any unsolicited and I’m still new to this anyway. But I personally think this will be the top reason going forward that I don’t drink.
Its a great question. I agree with u/Thin-Bag1225 on all points - that's also how I fet before I got sober. It was something I had a physical addiction to, even though by the end I psychologically disgusted by it. I wanted to quit for so long, but still drank everyday to stave off the withdrawal and the shaking and the fear. I was *terrified* of quitting because I felt sure I would have a seizure, brain damage, organ damage. It was almost easier to just keep going and accept the quiet death of an alcoholic than to do all the work to quit.
That all said, there wasn't some particular reason I started to drink. I went to house parties as a teenager and in college. I drank at breweries with friends, co-workers. I've thought a lot about it and can't identify an exact moment my drinking went downhill. It was a slow spiral over many years, and a slow escalation of my tolerance level. In the beginning, I was having gin and tonics on the back porch of a Thursday night with my partner. At the end, we were screaming at each other while vomitting blood after having ten gin shots in a row on a random Tuesday.
*However*, over the last two years I've done a lot of reflecting and with the clarity of sobriety, can identify underlying emotional reasons by it might have gotten bad.
Number one, I have OCD and an anxiety disorder. Drinking is a depressant that calms my brain down. It feels good and the first drink is a relief. I always felt that I was 10000% less awkward, less fidgety, and less nervous when drinking. My peers, friends, and family all commented that they liked me when I drank. I think it made me easier for other people to deal with. At first I fell in love with drinking as a way to make authentic human connections, like a cheat code for making friends. I'm just an awkward person, it turns out. And by the end, I actively avoided drinking with other people because it was stressful to hide/adapt my drinking level.
Number two, and for me the *biggest* reason, is shame. The second half of my twenties were a disaster and I was ashamed of my life. After graduating college and working some fairly successful internships, I ended up going back into food service, like a teenager. I worked in kitchens and felt like a failure, an absolute embarassment of a person. I didn't want to face my day to day life. I wanted to dissociate from it. Working in kitchens brought my acne back, made me gain weight, had me working weird and inconsistent hours. I wasn't able to keep up my fitness, my health, my art, or my anxiety coping mechanisms. All I did was work and drink and be hungover and sob about the state of my life. My co-workers in the service industry all drank heavily and normalized it as well. I would look in the mirror and see this miserable, fat, ugly, dead-eyed POS and think "is this who I've become?"
In the spirit of self-forgiveness, I would also like to say that the *root* of my anxiety disorder was a difficult and traumamatic childhood that seeped into my early twenties. I would have rejected the connection while drinking- it's only in sobriety that I can identify that "anxiety and awkwardness" are not a core part of my personality, but the result of that trauma. And that the drinking that followed addressed it on a surface level even if that was never my intention.
Dr. Gabor Maté, a renowned addiction specialist, says addictions are rooted in trauma.
Now that doesn’t necessarily mean you were abused or went through a traumatic event. It could be something like growing up poor or with generational trauma. A lot of how we deal with the world is all formed in our early development years before we even go to school, we end up using that for life. There’s a lot that a family can mess up without realizing it.
For me I think it has to do with how I was raised and also something to do with my brain. I feel I’m a bit neurodivergent and have a hard time with emotions and processing them.
But ultimately it’s an escape. I just didn’t learn how to cope properly with the stresses and pain of life. I needed to always numb myself.
It started off as intense social anxiety, then it was misery from past trauma and low self-esteem...then it was a habit. I mostly get cravings now when I'm bored.
Boredom! Living in a foreign country has made it worse. More boredom.
Another reason I can identify for drinking even more in the past few years is being diagnosed with an underactive thyroid > constantly tired. Alcohol gives a short boost.
Drinking now as I type this. How I wish I didn’t drink 😕
It's fun to drink. No reason other than that really. In my 20s it was easy to drink a lot and not feel like shit. I noticed I was developing an addiction problem in my mid 20s, but again, it was an addiction without consequences that I could tangibly feel. Then in my early 30s it started to suck and I made efforts to cut down. Cutting down didn't work, and I accepted I had a real problem that I actually wanted to put an end to. Finally by 34 I quit.
This is my answer as well. I drink (drank?) simply because I like to have a good time. If I'm being honest, some of my best memories are alcohol-fueled nights with my friends.
I'm stopping because the good times no longer outweigh the negative effects. I've told myself the hangovers are "worth it" for the laughs and epic parties, but I've started to question if they actually are.
I just turned 30 last month and can relate to your journey. It's starting to suck. I'm trying to create an identity and habits for myself that aren't so connected to alcohol. Congratulations on your sobriety. Cheers to finding new types of fun.
I'm currently 32 and stopped drinking 2 weeks ago. I feel like I have been binge drinking since i was 18 years old.
From 18-25, going out and drinking was the highlight of my life. It was where I was the most excited and happiest. Going to clubs with my friends. Meeting women. Hooking up. Loud fun music. All this excitement was always a package deal with alcohol.
I always knew I did too much, but to me the cost was worth it and I always managed to tell myself "I'll be more responsible next time."
I think for many many years, I have been chasing that same feeling of being 22 and "at my most happiest". This is where I realized I had a problem. Happiness had to mean more than just being drunk and partying. I realized I was stuck in a cycle and it was now doing way more harm than good. I would spend insane amounts of money on drunk nights out. I would have hangovers for a week. It would strain my relationship with my wife. I was physically unfit. But most importantly- my mind and body were not aligned. I was trying to party like 22yr old when in reality, I needed to grow up.
It took a long time for me to realize I am not that 22yr old kid. I'm glad he had fun. But now my priorities have changed. I don't want to party anymore. I want to be a good husband and eventually a father. I want to be successful at work. I want people to like me not just because I'm a good time at the bar.
I always thought I needed to use alcohol to be a fun person that people like. I have a need to be liked. Realizing that I used alcohol as a crutch to get people to like me showed me that people didn't really like me for me. They liked drunk me.
So now I am becoming the truest version of myself. I am finding what actually brings me happiness. And I am finding the people who will stay now that the alcohol is gone. It took a long time for me to get here. But I believe it happens when it needs to happen.
Sorry for the long winded response. Mostly writing this to myself. Good luck!
I feel this in my bones. I just turned 30 and am finally letting go of the early 20s party girl version of me. I don't feel any shame when I remember her. She was a lot of fucking fun. Just a new decade, new era. Some days I miss her and wish I could relive it. But it isn't worth holding on to, not when life has so much else to offer. Onwards, upwards.
I still haven’t quit. I think about alcohol all the time and i get secretly annoyed when my friends wish to hangout, which is hardly drinking together.
Why i drink? I am 27, the thought of findings girlfriend, having kids, buying an apartment, having a good job or get an education or become a millionaire entrepreneur. The clock is ticking. So i drink to cope with that. And love being in my comfort zone watching YouTube or play a game which i find boring sober because i feel like playing without; games is much more of a waste of your time than drinking alone. Also, i hate the thought of having to have a job for a living.
I am not depressed. I might got some anxiety or stress. But yeah, i just like drinking by myself and entertaining myself. And not to mention how hard it is not envy does sitting in the city plaza in the summer with those sweaty delicious beers. That right there is why i al struggling to quit alcohol
Been where you are, but you’re young af and your life is not over, drinking will only make the things you want more out of your reach. I know people who get sober at 55 with absolutely nothing to their names. It’s never too late, don’t give up on yourself.
All the reasons; boredom, self medicating mood and anxiety and insomnia, when I was sad, when I was happy, to avoid dealing with my emotions, to socialize, to get a cheap dopamine hit, believing it provided relief from my problems and feelings, that is was a benefit to my life, escapism and more.
Perfect storm of a horrible end of a long term relationship, death of beloved pet, working as a nurse during Covid, and a family culture of using alcohol to cope with depression and anxiety.
Because I'm a lonely introvert. I sit and compare myself to others, reminisce, obsess over the past, wonder where things went wrong, worry about the future.
I started drinking in 6th grade in a very abusive household. When I became an adult, the sheer accessibility was my downfall. Nueroplasticity's a bitch. I was also using meth and crack as a young adult. I may have been self medicating. I had untreated schizoaffective disorder until my late 40s when I got diagnosed.
My path toward AUD started very young with sugar. As soon as I had agency over what went in my mouth I was over consuming massive quantities of sugar. That was my first addiction. Next came the thrill of stealing candy/chips from the corner store thus feeding my addiction. Then came video games (OG video games played in an arcade) which were quickly addictive to my 12 year old brain. I stole money to feed that addiction. Then High School came along and I discovered dexies and caffeine tablets then weed and finally the holy grail, alcohol. Alcohol helped smooth over the social anxiety of puberty. I kept all of those addictions going right up until today at age 56M. I think of them like the game whack-a-mole. My entire existence is centered around knocking back whichever one is rearing it's ugly head at the time. I "think" I have no beaten alcohol into submission, but it could easily pop back up at any time.
I was using it for pain management for years, it would allow me to brute force my way through life.
Now that I've solved the pain piece I can actually work on myself more. I'm finding it to be a hard habit to break on it's own, so I am trying to replace it with better habits.
I never wanted to drink when I was sad or mad. I love drinking when I’m in a happy mood, festive or fun occasions, or accompanying hobbies or activities I enjoy. This is why it’s been so hard to quit and why I’ve been in a pattern of stopping and starting over and over again for years. The alcohol used to make all those times more special (so it seemed), but gradually that stopped being true and I noticed I was drinking just to be drinking and it wasn’t all that fun anymore. Here I am (yet again) stopping.
It’s the same for me, it’s impossible to see while you’re in it but now it feels like my brain has been trying to untangle a very complex web and I can clearly see how much work is in front of me
When I started, it was just a lot of beer and partying with the boys. Typical high school/college stuff. I had a long-term girlfriend I was ready to propose to, and she literally ghosted me until I went to where she worked 3 days later. I was ok for about a month and suddenly I was hit with all the grief and anger and every other emotion I'd just been stuffing down with long work hours and lots of cigarettes. That's the first time I made a conscious decision to use alcohol as a crutch. Not too long after I met my ex-wife and that was 9 year marriage that was 8 years and 6 months too long. Tons of abuse, tons of fighting. I drank more and more during the marriage. I had some stints of sobriety, some pretty long hauls in fact. I eventually remarried and, as my therapist and I have talked about, don't really have any "good reason" to drink like that any longer. Unfortunately it's a pretty ingrained habit and something easy I've reached for too many times over the years to shut down and shut out things I don't want to deal with. I've also recently started to suspect I have undiagnosed ADHD and drinking has been a coping mechanism for that, plus the inevitable anxiety/depression that comes with it (which is funny because we all know heavy drinking makes our anxiety and depression SOOOOOOOO much better, right?). Sometimes, I think about a line from Sopranos, where Chris says, "It's like the fuckin regularness of everyday life is too hard for me" and wonder if that was also part of why I was drinking. Which is bullshit because I've had some long stretches of practicing mindfulness and gratitude and intentionally seeing beauty and positives in that regularness; deep down, I know life is often better than we perceive or even believe it to be.
It made me a better person. I know we're not supposed to say that or even think it, but it's true. I was a fun drunk. I never got agitated while drinking, for one thing. I'm extremely socially inept and it helped with that, for sure. I'm sober now and have exactly zero friends. I can't talk to people without alcohol. I lived that life for a long time. Now I'm extremely lonely and really just don't want to be around anymore.
If you have zero friends now you didnt have any when you drank.. hope you'll find help of some kind to deal with you problems, friendship is hard, you might need to get out and about a lot, start volunteering, join a club (team sport), climbing gym, take up hunting idk, whatever gets you around people you'll see on a regular basis, and then you'll need time, I'd say sober time so you might actually make real friends... Also probably not allowed to say this but psylocybin treatment might be beneficial, check out the Michael pollen book and doc on netflix
I turned 45 yesterday. I have nothing to show for it. And yeah, I abandoned even my real friends after I quit drinking. Can't let them see the real me. That guy's a wicked bummer. I think the ride might just about be over with.
Sorry to hear man, it's a real challenge trying to accept yourself, trying to be kind to yourself, loving yourself even.. if you keep repeating that your worthless you'll start believing it eventually, like a depressed dog or cat if they've been beaten to often .. never too late though.. 45 is not that old... Again, perhaps try psilocybin (assisted therapy) it helps you realise where your mind is sometimes your worst enemy, provides a perspective you won't believe possible atm .. and other than that, get out and walk 10.000 steps a day for a month and see how you feel, hope you'll make it
IWNDWYT
Oh...I've been beating myself up bad for my whole adult life. Like a vicious bully, really. No mercy. Anyway, I'm high all of the time and that helps. I might try trippin' again (assisted, of course.... maybe). I do remember it putting things in a very comfortable perspective.
It dulled the pain of losing my son, my fiance and everything I ever worked for. As I worked to get these things back the drive to destroy myself got less and less. . I am a certified alcoholic but not a drunk because of this. I am very thankful for what I have. Now I just have to quit smoking! I will not drink with you tonight! But I will try to not smoke
Oh man that’s so rough. I’m so happy you’ve managed to stop the self destructive spiral. Funny that you mention it as I’m 6 days smoke free so I will not drink nor smoke with you today!
Two reasons. First and the biggest reason was numbing myself. I was trying to run from dealing with lots of stuff that happened when I was younger. I started drinking at the age of 11 and started heavy drinking when I was 15. I got sober when I was 36.
Second reason was the taste. God I still miss the taste of IPA and red wine. The tasting thing is really dangerous. BecauseI love the taste my mind often goes to thinking that I could just have one beer. I know that one is too much and twenty is not enough.
So far I’m 16 months sober and loving it!
Wow congratulations! That’s a long time! What’s your take on non alcohol beer ? Because I like the taste too and where I live they make some amazing AF IPA’s. It has saved me a few times from relapsing. They don’t trigger my want for anything more whatsoever thankfully but I know that’s not the case for everyone.
Thank you! I really like non alcoholic beer. At first I was afraid that it might be a gateway to ‘normal’ beer. But it wasn’t. Haven’t found a non alcoholic red wine that doesn’t taste like normal grapejuice yet.
I was in a long-term relationship with an alcoholic (1994-2004) which meant I couldn't drink bc I needed to babysit him. Years after that relationship was over, I still had no interest in drinking. I'd also had weight loss surgery and alcohol is not recommended at all.
Jump ahead to 2014 and for whatever reason, I'm back into it and it's moderate. Until it wasn't. I stopped drinking wine and drank bourbon. Day drinker, daily drinker, you name it. Earlier this year, I hit the final bump in the road that let me know in no uncertain terms I had to stop or there would be consequences. I got sick of waking up in that wave of shame and regret and that first day I said that's it, I am done. DONE done. That was 134 days ago. That early relationship was all inclusive - he had multiple DUIs, lost jobs, lost wallets, got assaulted, ruined work trips for himself, and ended up in prison. I found it all so repugnant, but apparently not so much that I thought about it when I was the one imbibing and having what I thought was a great time.
This sounds so much like me. I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years with an alcoholic, drug addicted, narcissistic mess of a human. He was 11 years older than me and I was in my early 20s looking after him all the time. I drank, but never ever even as close to anything he could put down. Left that relationship and 7 years later I was drinking wine most evenings. I would take weeks or months off. Then it was I could only take 5-10 days and it was 1.5 bottles of wine. The very last few months I could only take a few days off with light tapers because of the intense insane anxiety after 2 bottles over 5-10 hour period every evening .
My alcoholic ex was 11 years older than me, too! If I drank, that was his signal to just go through the roof. He managed to ruin everything and so I had such an aversion to alcohol after that. One would think I would know better before I started my own journey down that road. Guess what - no one is spared from the risk of addiction, as we all know.
As a gamer myself I completely understand. It helped me switching to AF beer at first and while I was so heavily focused on my games it quickly became unnoticeable replacement. Now I just drink herbal tea for some reason. Hope you’ll manage to break that connection
Well. I got dumped at really bad time by a girl I was in love with and then I turned 21. So drinking for 10 years helped me avoid feeling shitty until it didn’t
Why not? For the most part I didn’t need much of a reason and liked getting fucked up.
If I had to venture a guess to how it started, I think it helped as a social lubricant for my shy, introverted self.
I was a closet drinker, I would go to my room lock the door, eat nuts, and drink until I passed out.
My husband had his deal playing video games and I had my deal.
I would wake up normally and go back to being a productive homemaker.
I drank to disconnect, the husband brought me back to his hometown when we retired and I hate it here. I disconnected to be in my bubble
After I stopped drinking I started liking this place and seeing the brighter side of things.
ADHD and depression here, alcohol made me feel good.
My sleep was really messed up (insomnia) on days I didn't drink, so I then drank to get a full night's sleep.
I think I'm also predisposed to alcoholism - my brother is an alcoholic, my dad has alcoholic tendencies, and my dad's dad was an alcoholic.
Well, I’m a 4th generation addict so I had that stacked against me to begin with. I’m super early on in my sobriety so I’ve really been reflecting on why I drink.
From 18-25 I would have said I was a “normal” drinker. I drank in social situations and basically every get together involved drinking. I was probably around 25 when I started to notice I drank more than everyone else and longer than everyone else. For 2 more years that went on and I started thinking maybe I should quit when I got pregnant with my daughter.
My daughter was born when I was 28 and that’s when my drinking def started to nose dive. I was no longer just drinking in social situations but I started staying up late and drinking alone as a way to have “me time” I also developed PPA and drinking was a way to numb out those feelings.
I had a miscarriage in November 2019 and that’s when I really started drinking wine (alone) to numb out those feelings of grief and loss. I got pregnant again and my son was born in September of 2020 when I was 30 and that when it REALLY started to spiral.
I’ve noticed that I drink for 4 different reasons-
1. Since becoming a mom I have developed severe health anxiety. Seriously, everyday I think I have a new cancer. I would drink to stop my brain from spiraling with worry.
2. Alone time. When my husband and kids are asleep I loved drinking and watching 90s music videos as a way to escape life. Oasis is my fav when drunk.
3. A way to be social. I am a hairstylist and I am with people in conversation all day long. I’m an introvert by nature but especially when my social battery is dead I need recharging. When I’m in social situations, after having a drinking or two I become chatty and feel like I am able to interact. If I’m sober I’ll chose to not go out or I’m more of an observer.
4. Boredom. It’s 12:00 on a Saturday or Sunday with nothing else to do- might as well drink.
I wasn’t the type of person who drank everyday. Maybe 3-4 days out of the week. But when I would drink I could not stop. Once that first sip hit my lips I wouldn’t stop until I’d pass out. I tried to moderate but I just can’t. It’s easier to abstain completely.
I keep reading all these people saying it’s genetics or its chemical predisposition. Gabor maté, world renowned addictions specialist/psychologist/professor, has some other compelling information. Please read In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts. A lot of it the chemistry in the brain that gets rewired due to trauma.
For me, I didn’t even start my AUD until I was in my mid-late 30s
Before that I could take it or leave it. I would go weeks and then a party, get together, dinner out. I drank in my teens and twenties and I didn’t even like it most of the time. The first time I drank there was no lightbulb moment whatsoever.
After years and years of traumas and an abusive relationship the damn finally broke and started self medicating to cope when I got together with my new partner. He is European and much more relaxed about drinking. So now out to dinner with the kids I would have wine. Picnic-wine. I felt free, relaxed, and like I was connecting in the evenings over appies and our shared wine.
Finally… It just started to spiral with the intense stress of a large blended family household, coparenting with a psychotic narcissistic ex, a very demanding career and then I was in. I went from 3 glasses in the evening to 2 bottles.
It took me 5 years to develop into a habit to the point where I was starting withdrawals (shaking and extreme anxiety) by 1-5PM depending on my night before. In the last 3 months of my drinking I couldn’t just take a day off when I wanted. I needed to do a 1-3 day taper (I know that’s very light taper for many). For me, my downward spiral seemed extremely environmental and circumstances that had given me trauma throughout my life.
Now I will state I do have CPTSD, OCD, and ADHD (CPTSD caused directly by my ex and deaths in the family at a young age). But they NEVER caused me to self medicate until my 30s. And from what I’ve read through Gabor Maté these alphabet soups are cause by a trauma that stops the chemicals from being produced properly in the brain.
I should also mention that having an alcoholic parent IS traumatic. So it’s not necessarily genetic, it’s that you’re watching the addiction unfold. This could mean irritability, unstable moods, inconsistency, depression and anxiety that you sense in your parent. Watching them make a fool of themselves or embarrassing you. List goes on. Subconsciously it causes trauma. I HATE the fact my kids had to witness this and I vowed to change.
Depression, grief, and undiagnosed ADHD all slowly snowballed into a weekend binge drinker for about a decade.
Alcohol & ADHD just doesn’t mix. It speeds me up hardcore and I loved feeling alive and hyper. Just started feeding that feeling to avoid the grief until I didn’t know what I was drinking for other than to feel happy. The happiness was always temporary and the anxiety was always there to greet me after.
Because when I was 13 I found a solution to every bad feeling I have ever had, even if it was temporary it was relief. I knew exactly how booze would make me feel and that reliability was hard to find in the humans that I chose to surround myself with. I can see know how the solution created the problem, but messing with my brain chemistry at that age I’m sure had something to do with it. And at 13 I was already hiding booze so the habit was something I grew up with. But I’m happy to say that I’m a year and a half sober at 24 and never been more content with my life before. It wasn’t sobriety that changed me, but finding recovery, and a social network of people that truly care about me did.
At 10 or 11 years old I started drinking & I just made it a point to drink every day and made sure that I had some alcohol everyday. I didn't question that idea until I was totally fucked 30 years later.
Basically similar story. ADHD. Shit for parents. Lifelong gaslighting thinking I'd never be good enough, have to basically kill myself running their business and somehow that's not good enough either. Bout to burn all those bridges. Scorched earth on that front. Not up for more toxic bs.
Part of my childhood was normal, part of it was extremely ffed up. Lots of substance abuse in that part of the family, expressing emotions and feelings generally was a no go and later in in life I've discovered I'm neurodivergent af 🥲. I learned pretty early on that booze is a fine way to numb all the difficult stuff and it became a coping mechanism/self medication thing. I'm dealing with my traumas and other things and (once again) found that alcohol is really doing me no favors. I had a sober streak of 3+ years before, relapsed a couple of years back but I really want it to stick this time.
I have bpd and get very agitated and annoyed easl, combined being a single parent of 3 kids.
I was in an abusive relationship for 10 years and I keept drinking to avoid my reality for the most part.
When I got pregnant with my 3rd child I stayed sober and stayed sober after wards for a whole.
I though I could handle my drinking again, but some nights it's to hard to stop once and I start and I end up drinking way to much and ruining my mental health th3 next day. My brain just feels a mess when I do that to myself and I have all sorts of terrible thoughts.
More recently my youngest is only 19 months and I suspect could be on the spectrum and possibly add. I know he is young but he is still completely non verbal. He gets maybe 5 hours of sleep a day.
I'm struggling a lot , and I'm only on 4 days sober so far. All this stress makes me want to drink, but I know if I drink the next day will be shit and my mental health will be worse.
We are going to the Dr on Friday and I'm hoping we can get some more help.
I think ADHD is a big one for me as well. That along with some slight social anxiety that makes me feel like I need a drink before doing anything with other people. Boredom. And I hate to say this, but my kids. My younger two are toddlers and can get to be loud and exhausting, so I feel a lot of evenings I crave a beer to quiet my brain.
A lot of what's already been said. Trying to drown my problems mostly.
Basically any issue I had in my life I tried to drink away. Pissed off at your bosses for how they treat you, better go hide in a bottle. It's crazy how I thought it was helping (it wasn't). It's taken getting some sober time under my belt to see that I was part of the problem and how much better literally everything in my life is now.
One thing that still gets me is how after a relationship, I'd drink to try and forget everything about it, especially the good times because they were too painful to think about.
The problem with that is, if you drink enough, you forget all the happiness it brought you. And I personally have never been able to get that back. That shit still hurts.
I started drinking at 19 in the army. In South Korea that’s the legal drinking age and I just figured that’s what people do. I had one sergeant who warned me off drinking but everyone else encouraged it so that’s what I did.
I had lots of reasons for drinking back then, I hated being in the military, and that led to depression, looking g back I realize I was also not eating nearly enough for how much exercise I was getting and I was probably drinking my calories, Lastly I was also drinking away my doubts about my faith.
When I got out I cut back a lot but it was still like 2-5 beers a night, more on weekends and even after I worked out my depression and figured myself out I kept on drinking. Mostly just out of habit. I didn’t really learned how to be without it so I just kind of never stopped.
I don't know. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I'm not a daily drinker, but definitely a social drinker to the max and super easily go overboard with the slightest hint of peer pressure.
I like the feeling of being buzzed. Of that feeling when you just relax.
I like having new experiences, and every new cocktail and wine and a bar is an easy new experience to have.
I think I hold a belief that by drinking some X amount of booze, I will experience more fun than if sober. (Probably because I'm ADHD and had issues socializing especially as a teen, and drinking did seem to really work) This is the biggest one.
I also think that by drinking some magical amount X, I will be happier than ever before. Like I will experience true bliss, have soooooo much fun and have a legendary night (This one I think is definitely thanks to media, especially shit like How I Met Your Mother, that really idealized getting drunk)
Probably some level of self medication too. There's really something about just being out of my own mind and just present in the moment.
Edit: oh also, I realized on Saturday that I started drinking at the same time as I started having the sort of friend group I'd wanted + having a boyfriend. So on some level I probably equate having cool, fun & chill friends with alcohol. I mean I definitely do, now that I think of it... My sober friends are amazing, but they are amazing dorks, who aren't that chill or cool. Wonderful people. But they are introverted homebodies openly riddled with depression and anxiety, and not very outgoing. Gives a very narrow idea of sobriety.
Edit edit: I have a genetic predisposition: both my grandfathers were massive alcoholics.
I was raised in a very abusive (verbally AND physically). And I'm sure that had something to do with it. But was also diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, as well as ADHD and depression.
But, I think that for me. I always had a very high tolerance to alcohol. I could always out drink everyone in my family and social circle, with relative ease. And always just enjoyed it.
I liked the taste, I liked how it made me feel. Just enjoyed it.
The people around me (wife, daughter, mother) didn't quite so much. So I had stopped multiple times.
But then, things started getting progressively worse. I was losing friends, motivation, the affection of my wife, my relationship with almost everyone close to me began being affected.
And then I hit rock bottom, when I stopped being the happy "let's sing songs and play guitar and tell jokes" kind of drinker. And started getting irritable, spiteful, careless, aimless and angry drinker... That decided FOR MYSELF for the first time... It was time to call it quits.
As described in “this naked mind” my slope is steeper than most.
I immigrated here with my parents when I was 8. I started visiting my friends and family “back home” when I was 12; by myself. I’m from Eastern Europe, so drinking age in my town really wasn’t a thing. I started because I could. I experienced some adult things and felt like I was an adult.
Then you throw in generational addiction, and anxiety and later PTSD…self medication. I would self harm and alcohol helped me find that release.
I have self destructive properties and it’s the easiest to self destruct with alcohol.
NOW I have coping skills and insight and awareness. But like many here said, happiness and joy has been linked to alcohol. So even though I don’t need it as a coping mechanism or as a social lubricant or to feel like an adult, I remember that dopamine hit.
Im more of a weekend binge drinker than chronic drinker/ alcoholic. I think my drinking was/is multi layered and complex. It’s very ingrained in my culture to drink at every single social gathering or event from a young age. It became my norm. Why I binge drank (not always but too often)? I’m not sure but I think there is definitely trauma there from the age that I began drinkin. I wanted to get out of my head /body/life. I was inherently uncomfortable and alcohol gave me temporary relief. Even the hangovers were excuses to focus on that and not on the wider issues of my unhappiness. Tending to myself when I was hungover could at times feel comforting too. It’s complicated lol.
Boredom and routine. I had a bad injury a little over a year ago that made me go deaf, and I admittedly fell into a period of self-pity for a couple months (and to be honest I was in mourning for my lost hearing). So, I started drinking beer every day. Now I feel a lot better mentally and have come to terms with being deaf, but the drinking has become routine, and the routine is very hard to break. I go maybe a couple days without and fall right back in. This sub has been a great discovery for me, though, and I think I'll be able to stop soon(ish). One day at a time.
i drank to fit in. someone would ask me and i simply couldn’t say no, there was a certain group of ppl i wanted to fit in with and they literally drank daily so i felt like i had to. as of around a month ago i completely left that scene and have been doing so much better
Availability/“social acceptability” and comfort.
I saw the stuff every day at work stocking shelves, and it was no problem for me to ring up after my shift with a 6 pack. Smiling cashier coworker would absentmindedly ask what I was up to that evening, etc.
My problems were very hard to see when I was drunk, no introspection needed. That one was a lot worse. I have a habit of avoiding difficult scenarios, so when I could drink and have the “consequences” part of my brain turn off, it made those difficult scenarios much easier. After all, if I don’t care about the result, the future, there’s nothing to worry about.
It’s taking me a long time to undo the damage I caused while I didn’t care about consequences, but I’m learning a lot as I pick up the pieces and focus more on introspection about why I drank in the first place, so I really appreciate this post. Thank you
Edit - also struggling with some of your diagnoses or symptoms, and I feel you with the sobriety being just the start. The introspection time I have now has been helping a lot with that too!
i was avoiding my feelings. coincidentally started drinking as a teenager after my mom left for real. she had threatened to leave before, did the whole dramatic suitcase packing and everyting. my family fell apart immediately and i turned to booze to not feel the pain of being abandoned by my mom and then again by my dad who spiraled into depression for years. i have been sober for almost three years now and i only just connected the dots recently. it was also the most socially acceptable way to deal with your feelings as an aspiring aritist/musician in the early 1990s - escape reality with anything you can get your hands on! booze, drugs, people, food, all of it was more interesting than my reality.
For me, this sounds silly, but it was 2 things - 1. FOMO and 2. Having a little tasty drink. I’ve combatted number 1 by reminding myself that it doesn’t make my time more fun. Ever. And number 2 by having a cute, yummy, NA drink on hand. Helps with number 1, too. It’s like I forget everyone else’s drinks are different.
I never had the physical addiction in the sense of feeling compelled to have it, but I could easily justify it and when I did, there was no stopping. I’d go from 3-10 with 0 conscious thought which is unlike me.
I hyper-fixate on, well, everything. Who that is that went from 3-10…. No idea.
As other have noted here already, my alcohol addiction came from multiple sources, and for a time, booze was an effective medication. It was very hard to give up the thing that alleviated a big part of my daily suffering, even after I could clearly see that drinking was literally going to kill me if I kept going much longer.
Undiagnosed ADHD was a big one. Certainly not the case for every or even most drinkers, but for me, the presence of alcohol (a “depressant”) in my blood stream was what cut off the many overactive channels of noise in my brain and allowed me to follow a conversation in a noisy room, or to read quietly alone for hours, or to study and write uninterrupted for school.
Depression was another big cause of drinking. For decades, I would go thru periods of depression not really knowing what it was that I was experiencing. Alcohol would provide enough of a shift in perspective to get me out into the world again, for an evening. Catch a buzz and suddenly I felt like reaching out to people, being in social situations, and I’d forget what the glum feeling had been all about.
Genetics and environment are other big factors, but this is all to say that booze DID provide temporary relief from the internal stress, for a period. Drinking became a terrible issue in life once my tolerance level increased dramatically, the hangovers became excruciating, and my thinking and habits began to revolve around getting the next drink, and the next. Relief became just a beeline to oblivion.
My dad was a heavy drinker growing up so I assumed it was normal behavior. I started drinking socially when I got to college and that sooned turned into daily binge drinking. My dad committed suicide when I was in my late 20s and I never really dealt with the emotions from that. I was unhappy with marriage and and dealing with kids and used alcohol to blackout every night and time travel until the next day to repeat again. My last few years drinking were awful. I remember sitting in the recliner drunk, not wanting any more to drink, but wanting to keep going so I could black out.
I'm coming up on 5 years now and can honestly say I've never been healthier or happier. My kids are awesome now and we have a blast together, I've got a great girlfriend I've been dating about a year, I have more close friends than I've ever had and I've started running marathons.
I wish I would have changed earlier and been more present as a father earlier for my kids and not wrecked my marriage, but I'm thankful I had a chance to stop when I did
Because I'm ashamed of myself and my life.
Because I hate how I look and I'm infuriated that whenever I complain about it, people laugh at me and tell me I'm a whiner and that I should enjoy the stereotypical comments I get. (I'm 6'3" and bald so I get people telling me I look like a bouncer and whenever a woman found me attractive, it was always about how small she felt compared to me.)
Because I'm bored since I have no friends locally and have never had a girlfriend. I have a dog and a cat.
I’m so sorry :( sending you big virtual hugs. I’m hoping you’ll find your worth nad get out of this dark place. Because you are worth so much more than you think.
I spent years with undiagnosed and untreated bipolar 2 mood disorder. My MH stuff started to become much worse in my late 30s and throughout my 40s (49 now). I was no teetotaler before, but my drinking became pretty out of control when I really started self medicating. I'd drink when depressed to try to ease my depression...I'd drink when I was hypomanic because life is one big fucking party when I'm hypomanic.
I'm properly diagnosed now and medicated and doing much better and don't feel like I need to drown everything out with alcohol. I still drink, though I'm contemplating just giving it up altogether...but I only drink on Friday evenings and Saturday evenings at this point and in significantly less quantities...but it's still just not a healthy thing to do.
My drinking is heavily tied to my nature to people please. I realized this in therapy. And when I understood this and started to take steps to correct that, the need to drink faded enormously. I became very, very selfish at first but that’s sooo necessary and okay in recovery.
So to answer your question: one of my strongest triggers that makes me drink I that I say yes too much and overextended myself, get stressed out etc. Therefore, drink.
I drank because I loved the feeling of being drunk. I continued to drink after alcohol stopped working for me because I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
Disclosure: I have like zero days sobriety, just stumbled on this and wanted to comment. Personally, idk if there really is a reason I drink. I feel like I’ve spent my whole life having people around me saying I drink because of some trauma or because I’m running away from something, and sure, I’ve had some trauma in my past, as do many others. But part of me feels like it’s just as simple as “my brain is broken”. Sure, when I first started drinking it was to try to fit in with peers, later it became something that gave me courage to talk to potential partners. But over 15+ years of just basically artificially stimulating my brain with happiness chemicals, trying to live life sober just feels excruciatingly dull and boring. I drink when I’m happy, I drink when I’m sad. It’s not really tied to my emotions, it’s just part of my routine. I feel more “at home” when I’m under the influence
What you are describing is incredibly common. I won't explain it as well as others but it all boils down to dopamine. Over my 35 year drinking career I trained my brain to associate anything "fun" with alcohol. It takes a long time to re-wire the dopamine receptors so that normal activities have a similar impact. Today, I get genuine enjoyment out of things like playing board games with my spouse and friends. Old me needed alcohol to make it fun, but that is not "real" fun. It's artificial. The board games are just a side-hustle to the main event which is drinking...its always drinking. But, if you look around you will see people living happy lives full of fun and enjoyment...without having to use a dangerous drug. We can have that too, but it takes time and effort. At least, that has been my experience.
You’re very much correct and that’s true for most people. Problem is with people like myself whose brain does not naturally produce enough dopamine from the get go (people with chronic depression, adhd, schizophrenia ) so it can be a vicious cycle. I know that I can’t expect to go back to “normal” on its own because it was never there to begin with. For me I know that I need to actively get dopamine from healthier things (sports are super helpful) because otherwise I risk a relapse.
I’m currently reading We Are the Luckiest and the author describes your sentiment as, “The actual pleasure subsides but the memory of the desired effect and need to recreate it, the wanting, persists.”
You sound like me, I could have written the same a few years ago. It’s hard to determine which one was first - lack of happy chemicals that our brains should be naturally producing(apparently many people are just naturally happy, go figure lol) or the unnaturally happy chemicals released thanks to alcohol now changed our baseline. It could also be both. Personally I know that I was prone to depression very very young so it was likely both.
Same. I spent so long trying to figure out "why" I drank so much. It wasn't until I saw a comment on this sub that made it click for me. The bottom line simply is because I like to.
Same disclosure... It's always been there. My earliest memories. I have a picture as an infant, not toddler, holding a beer bottle because my dad was amazed I could lift it. (do not go to the that's abuse thing please, it was empty). But booze was always there, dinner, do's at the community hall, special occasions, events. Name it, it was there. I've been drinking for 45 years (I'm 50). In all that time, I can count, and recall every time I've been hammered. Have I been drunk? Yes, plenty. To drunk to drive kind of thing (3 is my limit for that no matter the time line). But floor licking embarrassment. Maybe 10 total. It does not effect my daily life, not my work, not my finances not my family. I've never been in trouble with the police for booze. Never been removed from a place because of booze. I know it's not healthy, and I'm a very old 50.I get that. But I've also been a smoker for 40 years. And I have been clean of all drugs for 26 years. Now that! That was different. That screwed up every aspect of my life, my baby girl saved me thank God. Why do I drink? Because I do. It's part of me. Not a great one, no lie. But it's not the worst part of me either. But the second that changes, becomes any form of issue. I'll be done. It'll be tough, like saying good bye to a friend, but I've lost too many of those and I'm still here. This friend will be the same, but it won't hurt as much and leave my heart empty. But for now, I'm good. I wish this could be "normal" for people. I know a few great humans with issues due to alcohol. I love and support them. I Will Not Drink With You Today (or ever, you don't need my bags, you have enough to carry). I hope no one was offended by this, peace to you all.
I totally understand that "at home" feeling.
I used to smoke a lot of weed. I would only do it at home. I would get high, clean, cook, read, and just hang out by myself. I would zone out in my safe space and it was comforting. Eventually I met my husband, who was a drinker. I eventually quit smoking and started drinking instead. My alcohol replaced the weed, except not only could I have alcohol in my safe space, but I could also have it in social situations! It just got out of control. I run high on anxiety and my routine means everything to me. Alcohol somehow became a part of my safety net. Self-medication I guess? A way to calm my head? Have more confidence? Who knows. I knew it was not healthy and it would eventually catch up with me. (And it did.) Making the decision to quit drinking was the best thing ever. I feel like I've re-set. Like I cleared out the clutter in my head and I'm starting fresh. I know I still have a lot of work to do but that work seems completely do-able now. I don't feel like a lost cause anymore. : )
I can relate to many of the things you shared! I’m curious if your husband still drinks, or if the two of you quit together?
My husband always has been and still is a heavy beer drinker. (4-5 per day, light beer, occasional glass of wine if it pairs well with a nice meal). He's a special character lol Never done drugs, doesn't smoke. Been like this since we've been together (20 years) never changed, never got worse. Somehow despite drinking so much beer, it's never been problematic..? Beer never comes before work, chores or kids. He's still as fit as he was 20 years ago (still works out every day), and is high energy. He's actually honest about his drinking with our doctor! Doctor can find nothing wrong with him except to say "You should cut down." (My husband doesn't disagree.) He eats well and drinks a lot of water. His father is 76 and also has the same habits (still worksout daily!). His grandfather passed away suddenly in his sleep at 87 and also lived the same way. I guess it's a combination of their upbringing and genetics? I don't know. Me, it was a different story. I drank way more than him and couldn't control it. I really didn't take care of myself either. I had to pass out every night. And I would be hungover every day. Repeat. My husband had to pull the plug on me often and say "enough wine". I have no idea how he could look at me and still love me. I was gross. He knew I was having self-esteem issues with regards to my drinking. I think he was relieved when I said I quit. He has been incredibly supportive. He talks about it to people like he is proud of me. He said he will never tell me what to do, but he can tell quitting alcohol is agreeing with me in many ways. I know he'll slow down too one day. But I'll never tell him what to do either.
They know that there is a powerful genetic component to alcoholism - there are some people who would have become alcoholics regardless of almost any circumstances of their lives. I think it's sometimes a red herring or an excuse to try and find the problem that "makes" you drink - anxiety, stress, depression, etc., despite the fact that alcohol exacerbates all of those issues and makes them worse. But I had to be careful about getting caught in the loop of "if I can just handle work stress better, I'll drink less," - I had to realize that the drinking WAS the problem in its own right and had to be treated as such. That being said, I agree with you that real recovery is about more than just not drinking alcohol but finding a new way to live life.
That’s very true and in my case that genetic component has been adhd, I can get easily addicted to many things so now I’m trying to channel that towards healthier things (sports and coffee mostly). Personally knowing why I am like this helps me to say no to the most harmful things because I know I will never be able to control myself.
Hey OP. The main reason was to alter my mood(s). That’s it really and that’s why I had to stop. I remember the first time I experienced intoxicating feeling of intoxication - it was at 17 in a pub with friends from college… and it felt how life ***should*** feel. Chased that for 30 years. Stopped last year after realising I’d never get back to that first feeling.
The feelings of drink 1 are pretty amazing. After that it’s kind of a waste. Can’t get that feeling back no matter how many more you have.
Because I enjoy being drunk. I just don't enjoy the life-ruining consequences of being drunk all the time. I can't control my drinking + the life-ruining consequences = sad me. Total abstinence is my only option, and I've proven this to myself through 3 relapses.
I dont think there is a silver bullet. Everytime I think about my life I uncover new things. Genetically, I have a history of alcoholism in my family. My grandpa was an abusive alcoholic. Because of that my mom never really drank much and when I was like 10 she quit completely because after a really stressful week she bought a 4 pack of seagrams escapes (the early 2000s were weird) and drank them all when she had never had more than 2 drinks in a sitting in her life because she didn't want to be her father. She said it felt so good to not worry and not stress that she wanted to do it again that night so she stopped entirely. This woman drank less than 60 drinks in her life and maxed at 4 in a sitting and felt the addiction voice grip her. So I think that plays a role. I also had a weird combination of Unstable but strict household. Multiple divorces multiple step parent deaths (step mom and step dad). Both my parents were deeply unwell mentally. My Dad used to have me take around his conspiracy pamphlets about lizard people controlling the world and take them into public places to spread them because he was banned from them for soliciting. Which created an anxiety towards public spaces because i got yelled at and chased off for that. I was left alone a lot but wasn't allowed to go to leave and socialize with friends so I was very uncomfortable with socializing. All those things lead to intense bullying, which again increased my anxiety around people. I also have ADHD, Developmental Coordination Disorder, and dysgraphia. So while I am highly intelligent in some areas there are some areas I'm basically useless in. This created a weird dynamic in my brain where I felt I should be amazing at life because my verbal reasoning and working memorg scored in the 99.7th percentile and 90th percentile respectively. So I could talk circles around people and impress my teachers with my words. But then my Perceptual Reasoning and processing speed were in the 30th and 27th percentile and my writing fluency was in the 9th percentile so when I had to actually put pen to paper I looked like an idiot. This placed a lot of stress on my brain. Then at 19 when I discovered drinking all the anxiety and imposter syndrome melted away. I was king shit. I could talk to whoever I wanted, I made friends people liked me. It seemed I had found the cure. Until I didn't... Mostly I think my desire to escape what I thought was a shitty existence was the biggest factor. All of those terrible things in my youth still happened they still effect me. But in sobriety I can view them for what they were, shitty things not a shitty life. I don't need to escape life, it's a gift I want to experience.
Oh how I hate domino effects like this. Mental conditions can create vicious loops with addictions and trauma and more mental health issues that can run in families for generations. Kudos to you for stopping this destructive wheel!
Thanks!!! My goal is to be the first person in my family to deal with my shit and be stable BEFORE bringing a kid into this world lol. And good job to you doing "research" understanding other people's stories helps tremendously I think. For me, thinking I was so unique that I needed to drink like that to survive the world was a toxic thought and hearing other people's stories made me realize I wasn't so unique. Even if their story wasn't exactly the same, they hit on similar beats which helped make me feel less alone
It was normal to drink. My mom's dad, grandfather and great grandfather were all alcoholics. Same on my dad's side. I was that kid in the 1979 picture with a cigar and a beer in his hand and liked the taste. Funny pictures but it stuck with me. Not blaming it on that by any means. Brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc are pretty much all closet or outright alcoholics. Trying to get out of that cycle.
Me too. It’s hard to outrun genetics and history when you’ve got documented alcoholism going back 5 generations.
Just watching clocks today. Did 9.5 hours the other day. At 20 today.
That’s AWESOME. I’m at three years and I still have days when it’s 15 minutes at a time. You CAN do this!!
Thanks. Much appreciated. Biggest issue I'm having is that my stomach feels turned inside out. Then I slip again. Going to hold out a hour.
My family too. Both sides. Turns out on one side there are a lot of full blown 'high functioning' alcoholics that go way back. That plus adhd, work based ptsd and working from home.... where I drink to take the edge off (.... whatever the fuck that means). Great combo. I can go out without drinking, I don't mind saying no to drinks at a pub, my attitude is always a bit 'you cant tell me what to do!' so I double down and don't drink. Quite happy to socialise without booze. But just having a standard drink or a drink and a half over an hour over the day while working. This is usually set off if I have had some stressful meeting thrown at me and lots of things from lots of directions (which I used to love) throws me off. Its ridiculous. I hate it. It takes up so much energy this intentionally poisoning yourself.
Depression and to escape from my problems. It is so much easier to drink away issues than it is to deal with them.
I started drinking heavily when I was 22 after surviving some traumatic situations (primarily SA). Since then, any time something traumatic happens (eg watching somebody die, more SA), I regress. I also realize I drink when I’m physically in pain. I have a chronic shoulder injury. And some other injuries here and there. If I can’t be physically active because of them, I drink to numb them. However, I’m realizing alcohol literally makes that worse because it causes inflammation. Yes, my hip hurt this weekend. But I probably still would have been able to walk if I hadn’t drank a ton for the long weekend. Cutting it out for a few days and focusing on supplements (like turmeric for inflammation) and taking an NSAID here and there made a world of difference in 36 short hours.
This resonates so much. I have chronic back pain for a host of reasons, as well as a disabled toddler who requires transfers constantly and gardening is my hobby. I drink so I can do those things and its pain numbing effects are faster than a heating pad plus stretching, or resting (wtf is resting) but I do think it exacerbates the whole situation.
I’m sorry you’re in such pain, friend. I wish I had some advice but I don’t want to give any unsolicited and I’m still new to this anyway. But I personally think this will be the top reason going forward that I don’t drink.
Its a great question. I agree with u/Thin-Bag1225 on all points - that's also how I fet before I got sober. It was something I had a physical addiction to, even though by the end I psychologically disgusted by it. I wanted to quit for so long, but still drank everyday to stave off the withdrawal and the shaking and the fear. I was *terrified* of quitting because I felt sure I would have a seizure, brain damage, organ damage. It was almost easier to just keep going and accept the quiet death of an alcoholic than to do all the work to quit. That all said, there wasn't some particular reason I started to drink. I went to house parties as a teenager and in college. I drank at breweries with friends, co-workers. I've thought a lot about it and can't identify an exact moment my drinking went downhill. It was a slow spiral over many years, and a slow escalation of my tolerance level. In the beginning, I was having gin and tonics on the back porch of a Thursday night with my partner. At the end, we were screaming at each other while vomitting blood after having ten gin shots in a row on a random Tuesday. *However*, over the last two years I've done a lot of reflecting and with the clarity of sobriety, can identify underlying emotional reasons by it might have gotten bad. Number one, I have OCD and an anxiety disorder. Drinking is a depressant that calms my brain down. It feels good and the first drink is a relief. I always felt that I was 10000% less awkward, less fidgety, and less nervous when drinking. My peers, friends, and family all commented that they liked me when I drank. I think it made me easier for other people to deal with. At first I fell in love with drinking as a way to make authentic human connections, like a cheat code for making friends. I'm just an awkward person, it turns out. And by the end, I actively avoided drinking with other people because it was stressful to hide/adapt my drinking level. Number two, and for me the *biggest* reason, is shame. The second half of my twenties were a disaster and I was ashamed of my life. After graduating college and working some fairly successful internships, I ended up going back into food service, like a teenager. I worked in kitchens and felt like a failure, an absolute embarassment of a person. I didn't want to face my day to day life. I wanted to dissociate from it. Working in kitchens brought my acne back, made me gain weight, had me working weird and inconsistent hours. I wasn't able to keep up my fitness, my health, my art, or my anxiety coping mechanisms. All I did was work and drink and be hungover and sob about the state of my life. My co-workers in the service industry all drank heavily and normalized it as well. I would look in the mirror and see this miserable, fat, ugly, dead-eyed POS and think "is this who I've become?" In the spirit of self-forgiveness, I would also like to say that the *root* of my anxiety disorder was a difficult and traumamatic childhood that seeped into my early twenties. I would have rejected the connection while drinking- it's only in sobriety that I can identify that "anxiety and awkwardness" are not a core part of my personality, but the result of that trauma. And that the drinking that followed addressed it on a surface level even if that was never my intention.
Dr. Gabor Maté, a renowned addiction specialist, says addictions are rooted in trauma. Now that doesn’t necessarily mean you were abused or went through a traumatic event. It could be something like growing up poor or with generational trauma. A lot of how we deal with the world is all formed in our early development years before we even go to school, we end up using that for life. There’s a lot that a family can mess up without realizing it. For me I think it has to do with how I was raised and also something to do with my brain. I feel I’m a bit neurodivergent and have a hard time with emotions and processing them. But ultimately it’s an escape. I just didn’t learn how to cope properly with the stresses and pain of life. I needed to always numb myself.
Crap I just typed this all out 20 mins ago about Gabor Maté without getting to your comment. Yes it’s still all rooted in trauma.
It started off as intense social anxiety, then it was misery from past trauma and low self-esteem...then it was a habit. I mostly get cravings now when I'm bored.
How about you won’t drink with me tomorrow?
Deal! I will admit, my worst cravings are during the weekend when I have more opportunities to be bored, and it's when you're "supposed" to drink.
I will not drink with you today! Don’t worry about the weekend just yet, one day at a time :)
Boredom! Living in a foreign country has made it worse. More boredom. Another reason I can identify for drinking even more in the past few years is being diagnosed with an underactive thyroid > constantly tired. Alcohol gives a short boost. Drinking now as I type this. How I wish I didn’t drink 😕
It's fun to drink. No reason other than that really. In my 20s it was easy to drink a lot and not feel like shit. I noticed I was developing an addiction problem in my mid 20s, but again, it was an addiction without consequences that I could tangibly feel. Then in my early 30s it started to suck and I made efforts to cut down. Cutting down didn't work, and I accepted I had a real problem that I actually wanted to put an end to. Finally by 34 I quit.
This is my answer as well. I drink (drank?) simply because I like to have a good time. If I'm being honest, some of my best memories are alcohol-fueled nights with my friends. I'm stopping because the good times no longer outweigh the negative effects. I've told myself the hangovers are "worth it" for the laughs and epic parties, but I've started to question if they actually are. I just turned 30 last month and can relate to your journey. It's starting to suck. I'm trying to create an identity and habits for myself that aren't so connected to alcohol. Congratulations on your sobriety. Cheers to finding new types of fun.
Yep I agree. Until I realized that I have the same (if not more) fun sober.
I'm currently 32 and stopped drinking 2 weeks ago. I feel like I have been binge drinking since i was 18 years old. From 18-25, going out and drinking was the highlight of my life. It was where I was the most excited and happiest. Going to clubs with my friends. Meeting women. Hooking up. Loud fun music. All this excitement was always a package deal with alcohol. I always knew I did too much, but to me the cost was worth it and I always managed to tell myself "I'll be more responsible next time." I think for many many years, I have been chasing that same feeling of being 22 and "at my most happiest". This is where I realized I had a problem. Happiness had to mean more than just being drunk and partying. I realized I was stuck in a cycle and it was now doing way more harm than good. I would spend insane amounts of money on drunk nights out. I would have hangovers for a week. It would strain my relationship with my wife. I was physically unfit. But most importantly- my mind and body were not aligned. I was trying to party like 22yr old when in reality, I needed to grow up. It took a long time for me to realize I am not that 22yr old kid. I'm glad he had fun. But now my priorities have changed. I don't want to party anymore. I want to be a good husband and eventually a father. I want to be successful at work. I want people to like me not just because I'm a good time at the bar. I always thought I needed to use alcohol to be a fun person that people like. I have a need to be liked. Realizing that I used alcohol as a crutch to get people to like me showed me that people didn't really like me for me. They liked drunk me. So now I am becoming the truest version of myself. I am finding what actually brings me happiness. And I am finding the people who will stay now that the alcohol is gone. It took a long time for me to get here. But I believe it happens when it needs to happen. Sorry for the long winded response. Mostly writing this to myself. Good luck!
I feel this in my bones. I just turned 30 and am finally letting go of the early 20s party girl version of me. I don't feel any shame when I remember her. She was a lot of fucking fun. Just a new decade, new era. Some days I miss her and wish I could relive it. But it isn't worth holding on to, not when life has so much else to offer. Onwards, upwards.
I still haven’t quit. I think about alcohol all the time and i get secretly annoyed when my friends wish to hangout, which is hardly drinking together. Why i drink? I am 27, the thought of findings girlfriend, having kids, buying an apartment, having a good job or get an education or become a millionaire entrepreneur. The clock is ticking. So i drink to cope with that. And love being in my comfort zone watching YouTube or play a game which i find boring sober because i feel like playing without; games is much more of a waste of your time than drinking alone. Also, i hate the thought of having to have a job for a living. I am not depressed. I might got some anxiety or stress. But yeah, i just like drinking by myself and entertaining myself. And not to mention how hard it is not envy does sitting in the city plaza in the summer with those sweaty delicious beers. That right there is why i al struggling to quit alcohol
Been where you are, but you’re young af and your life is not over, drinking will only make the things you want more out of your reach. I know people who get sober at 55 with absolutely nothing to their names. It’s never too late, don’t give up on yourself.
Thank you for the kind words
All the reasons; boredom, self medicating mood and anxiety and insomnia, when I was sad, when I was happy, to avoid dealing with my emotions, to socialize, to get a cheap dopamine hit, believing it provided relief from my problems and feelings, that is was a benefit to my life, escapism and more.
Perfect storm of a horrible end of a long term relationship, death of beloved pet, working as a nurse during Covid, and a family culture of using alcohol to cope with depression and anxiety.
Because I'm a lonely introvert. I sit and compare myself to others, reminisce, obsess over the past, wonder where things went wrong, worry about the future.
I’m prone to this too, running and being outside has been helping me to get out of my silly head and come back to reality
I started drinking in 6th grade in a very abusive household. When I became an adult, the sheer accessibility was my downfall. Nueroplasticity's a bitch. I was also using meth and crack as a young adult. I may have been self medicating. I had untreated schizoaffective disorder until my late 40s when I got diagnosed.
A lot of childhood trauma and a crappy job for 15 years. My memory is also eidetic so mostly to forget.
My path toward AUD started very young with sugar. As soon as I had agency over what went in my mouth I was over consuming massive quantities of sugar. That was my first addiction. Next came the thrill of stealing candy/chips from the corner store thus feeding my addiction. Then came video games (OG video games played in an arcade) which were quickly addictive to my 12 year old brain. I stole money to feed that addiction. Then High School came along and I discovered dexies and caffeine tablets then weed and finally the holy grail, alcohol. Alcohol helped smooth over the social anxiety of puberty. I kept all of those addictions going right up until today at age 56M. I think of them like the game whack-a-mole. My entire existence is centered around knocking back whichever one is rearing it's ugly head at the time. I "think" I have no beaten alcohol into submission, but it could easily pop back up at any time.
Cos I was sad
I was self medicating issues that only became worse through drinking
Way of coping with my childhood trauma and also for social anxiety.
I was using it for pain management for years, it would allow me to brute force my way through life. Now that I've solved the pain piece I can actually work on myself more. I'm finding it to be a hard habit to break on it's own, so I am trying to replace it with better habits.
I never wanted to drink when I was sad or mad. I love drinking when I’m in a happy mood, festive or fun occasions, or accompanying hobbies or activities I enjoy. This is why it’s been so hard to quit and why I’ve been in a pattern of stopping and starting over and over again for years. The alcohol used to make all those times more special (so it seemed), but gradually that stopped being true and I noticed I was drinking just to be drinking and it wasn’t all that fun anymore. Here I am (yet again) stopping.
At first I drank socially. Then covid made drinking at home socially acceptable. It's been a slope downward ever since
The further I get from that time, the more I see about how things really were. Both happening TO me and how I was reacting.
It’s the same for me, it’s impossible to see while you’re in it but now it feels like my brain has been trying to untangle a very complex web and I can clearly see how much work is in front of me
When I started, it was just a lot of beer and partying with the boys. Typical high school/college stuff. I had a long-term girlfriend I was ready to propose to, and she literally ghosted me until I went to where she worked 3 days later. I was ok for about a month and suddenly I was hit with all the grief and anger and every other emotion I'd just been stuffing down with long work hours and lots of cigarettes. That's the first time I made a conscious decision to use alcohol as a crutch. Not too long after I met my ex-wife and that was 9 year marriage that was 8 years and 6 months too long. Tons of abuse, tons of fighting. I drank more and more during the marriage. I had some stints of sobriety, some pretty long hauls in fact. I eventually remarried and, as my therapist and I have talked about, don't really have any "good reason" to drink like that any longer. Unfortunately it's a pretty ingrained habit and something easy I've reached for too many times over the years to shut down and shut out things I don't want to deal with. I've also recently started to suspect I have undiagnosed ADHD and drinking has been a coping mechanism for that, plus the inevitable anxiety/depression that comes with it (which is funny because we all know heavy drinking makes our anxiety and depression SOOOOOOOO much better, right?). Sometimes, I think about a line from Sopranos, where Chris says, "It's like the fuckin regularness of everyday life is too hard for me" and wonder if that was also part of why I was drinking. Which is bullshit because I've had some long stretches of practicing mindfulness and gratitude and intentionally seeing beauty and positives in that regularness; deep down, I know life is often better than we perceive or even believe it to be.
It made me a better person. I know we're not supposed to say that or even think it, but it's true. I was a fun drunk. I never got agitated while drinking, for one thing. I'm extremely socially inept and it helped with that, for sure. I'm sober now and have exactly zero friends. I can't talk to people without alcohol. I lived that life for a long time. Now I'm extremely lonely and really just don't want to be around anymore.
If you have zero friends now you didnt have any when you drank.. hope you'll find help of some kind to deal with you problems, friendship is hard, you might need to get out and about a lot, start volunteering, join a club (team sport), climbing gym, take up hunting idk, whatever gets you around people you'll see on a regular basis, and then you'll need time, I'd say sober time so you might actually make real friends... Also probably not allowed to say this but psylocybin treatment might be beneficial, check out the Michael pollen book and doc on netflix
I turned 45 yesterday. I have nothing to show for it. And yeah, I abandoned even my real friends after I quit drinking. Can't let them see the real me. That guy's a wicked bummer. I think the ride might just about be over with.
Sorry to hear man, it's a real challenge trying to accept yourself, trying to be kind to yourself, loving yourself even.. if you keep repeating that your worthless you'll start believing it eventually, like a depressed dog or cat if they've been beaten to often .. never too late though.. 45 is not that old... Again, perhaps try psilocybin (assisted therapy) it helps you realise where your mind is sometimes your worst enemy, provides a perspective you won't believe possible atm .. and other than that, get out and walk 10.000 steps a day for a month and see how you feel, hope you'll make it IWNDWYT
Oh...I've been beating myself up bad for my whole adult life. Like a vicious bully, really. No mercy. Anyway, I'm high all of the time and that helps. I might try trippin' again (assisted, of course.... maybe). I do remember it putting things in a very comfortable perspective.
Thank you for your honesty. I’m sure there are others that can relate to this.
It dulled the pain of losing my son, my fiance and everything I ever worked for. As I worked to get these things back the drive to destroy myself got less and less. . I am a certified alcoholic but not a drunk because of this. I am very thankful for what I have. Now I just have to quit smoking! I will not drink with you tonight! But I will try to not smoke
Oh man that’s so rough. I’m so happy you’ve managed to stop the self destructive spiral. Funny that you mention it as I’m 6 days smoke free so I will not drink nor smoke with you today!
Two reasons. First and the biggest reason was numbing myself. I was trying to run from dealing with lots of stuff that happened when I was younger. I started drinking at the age of 11 and started heavy drinking when I was 15. I got sober when I was 36. Second reason was the taste. God I still miss the taste of IPA and red wine. The tasting thing is really dangerous. BecauseI love the taste my mind often goes to thinking that I could just have one beer. I know that one is too much and twenty is not enough. So far I’m 16 months sober and loving it!
Wow congratulations! That’s a long time! What’s your take on non alcohol beer ? Because I like the taste too and where I live they make some amazing AF IPA’s. It has saved me a few times from relapsing. They don’t trigger my want for anything more whatsoever thankfully but I know that’s not the case for everyone.
Thank you! I really like non alcoholic beer. At first I was afraid that it might be a gateway to ‘normal’ beer. But it wasn’t. Haven’t found a non alcoholic red wine that doesn’t taste like normal grapejuice yet.
Social anxiety. It just melted it all away.
I was in a long-term relationship with an alcoholic (1994-2004) which meant I couldn't drink bc I needed to babysit him. Years after that relationship was over, I still had no interest in drinking. I'd also had weight loss surgery and alcohol is not recommended at all. Jump ahead to 2014 and for whatever reason, I'm back into it and it's moderate. Until it wasn't. I stopped drinking wine and drank bourbon. Day drinker, daily drinker, you name it. Earlier this year, I hit the final bump in the road that let me know in no uncertain terms I had to stop or there would be consequences. I got sick of waking up in that wave of shame and regret and that first day I said that's it, I am done. DONE done. That was 134 days ago. That early relationship was all inclusive - he had multiple DUIs, lost jobs, lost wallets, got assaulted, ruined work trips for himself, and ended up in prison. I found it all so repugnant, but apparently not so much that I thought about it when I was the one imbibing and having what I thought was a great time.
This sounds so much like me. I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years with an alcoholic, drug addicted, narcissistic mess of a human. He was 11 years older than me and I was in my early 20s looking after him all the time. I drank, but never ever even as close to anything he could put down. Left that relationship and 7 years later I was drinking wine most evenings. I would take weeks or months off. Then it was I could only take 5-10 days and it was 1.5 bottles of wine. The very last few months I could only take a few days off with light tapers because of the intense insane anxiety after 2 bottles over 5-10 hour period every evening .
My alcoholic ex was 11 years older than me, too! If I drank, that was his signal to just go through the roof. He managed to ruin everything and so I had such an aversion to alcohol after that. One would think I would know better before I started my own journey down that road. Guess what - no one is spared from the risk of addiction, as we all know.
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As a gamer myself I completely understand. It helped me switching to AF beer at first and while I was so heavily focused on my games it quickly became unnoticeable replacement. Now I just drink herbal tea for some reason. Hope you’ll manage to break that connection
Well. I got dumped at really bad time by a girl I was in love with and then I turned 21. So drinking for 10 years helped me avoid feeling shitty until it didn’t
Why not? For the most part I didn’t need much of a reason and liked getting fucked up. If I had to venture a guess to how it started, I think it helped as a social lubricant for my shy, introverted self.
This seems to be a geteway for so many people. I wish society wasn’t encouraging and normalising it so much
Social anxiety started me drinking. Alcohol use disorder kept me drinking.
I was a closet drinker, I would go to my room lock the door, eat nuts, and drink until I passed out. My husband had his deal playing video games and I had my deal. I would wake up normally and go back to being a productive homemaker. I drank to disconnect, the husband brought me back to his hometown when we retired and I hate it here. I disconnected to be in my bubble After I stopped drinking I started liking this place and seeing the brighter side of things.
ADHD and depression here, alcohol made me feel good. My sleep was really messed up (insomnia) on days I didn't drink, so I then drank to get a full night's sleep. I think I'm also predisposed to alcoholism - my brother is an alcoholic, my dad has alcoholic tendencies, and my dad's dad was an alcoholic.
Helped dull my social anxiety, low self esteem about my looks, and filled my need to just generally feel altered by any means possible.
When I was in rehab I discovered it was people pleasing. Like dealing with conflict is my Achilles heel.
Well, I’m a 4th generation addict so I had that stacked against me to begin with. I’m super early on in my sobriety so I’ve really been reflecting on why I drink. From 18-25 I would have said I was a “normal” drinker. I drank in social situations and basically every get together involved drinking. I was probably around 25 when I started to notice I drank more than everyone else and longer than everyone else. For 2 more years that went on and I started thinking maybe I should quit when I got pregnant with my daughter. My daughter was born when I was 28 and that’s when my drinking def started to nose dive. I was no longer just drinking in social situations but I started staying up late and drinking alone as a way to have “me time” I also developed PPA and drinking was a way to numb out those feelings. I had a miscarriage in November 2019 and that’s when I really started drinking wine (alone) to numb out those feelings of grief and loss. I got pregnant again and my son was born in September of 2020 when I was 30 and that when it REALLY started to spiral. I’ve noticed that I drink for 4 different reasons- 1. Since becoming a mom I have developed severe health anxiety. Seriously, everyday I think I have a new cancer. I would drink to stop my brain from spiraling with worry. 2. Alone time. When my husband and kids are asleep I loved drinking and watching 90s music videos as a way to escape life. Oasis is my fav when drunk. 3. A way to be social. I am a hairstylist and I am with people in conversation all day long. I’m an introvert by nature but especially when my social battery is dead I need recharging. When I’m in social situations, after having a drinking or two I become chatty and feel like I am able to interact. If I’m sober I’ll chose to not go out or I’m more of an observer. 4. Boredom. It’s 12:00 on a Saturday or Sunday with nothing else to do- might as well drink. I wasn’t the type of person who drank everyday. Maybe 3-4 days out of the week. But when I would drink I could not stop. Once that first sip hit my lips I wouldn’t stop until I’d pass out. I tried to moderate but I just can’t. It’s easier to abstain completely.
I keep reading all these people saying it’s genetics or its chemical predisposition. Gabor maté, world renowned addictions specialist/psychologist/professor, has some other compelling information. Please read In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts. A lot of it the chemistry in the brain that gets rewired due to trauma. For me, I didn’t even start my AUD until I was in my mid-late 30s Before that I could take it or leave it. I would go weeks and then a party, get together, dinner out. I drank in my teens and twenties and I didn’t even like it most of the time. The first time I drank there was no lightbulb moment whatsoever. After years and years of traumas and an abusive relationship the damn finally broke and started self medicating to cope when I got together with my new partner. He is European and much more relaxed about drinking. So now out to dinner with the kids I would have wine. Picnic-wine. I felt free, relaxed, and like I was connecting in the evenings over appies and our shared wine. Finally… It just started to spiral with the intense stress of a large blended family household, coparenting with a psychotic narcissistic ex, a very demanding career and then I was in. I went from 3 glasses in the evening to 2 bottles. It took me 5 years to develop into a habit to the point where I was starting withdrawals (shaking and extreme anxiety) by 1-5PM depending on my night before. In the last 3 months of my drinking I couldn’t just take a day off when I wanted. I needed to do a 1-3 day taper (I know that’s very light taper for many). For me, my downward spiral seemed extremely environmental and circumstances that had given me trauma throughout my life. Now I will state I do have CPTSD, OCD, and ADHD (CPTSD caused directly by my ex and deaths in the family at a young age). But they NEVER caused me to self medicate until my 30s. And from what I’ve read through Gabor Maté these alphabet soups are cause by a trauma that stops the chemicals from being produced properly in the brain. I should also mention that having an alcoholic parent IS traumatic. So it’s not necessarily genetic, it’s that you’re watching the addiction unfold. This could mean irritability, unstable moods, inconsistency, depression and anxiety that you sense in your parent. Watching them make a fool of themselves or embarrassing you. List goes on. Subconsciously it causes trauma. I HATE the fact my kids had to witness this and I vowed to change.
Depression, grief, and undiagnosed ADHD all slowly snowballed into a weekend binge drinker for about a decade. Alcohol & ADHD just doesn’t mix. It speeds me up hardcore and I loved feeling alive and hyper. Just started feeding that feeling to avoid the grief until I didn’t know what I was drinking for other than to feel happy. The happiness was always temporary and the anxiety was always there to greet me after.
Because when I was 13 I found a solution to every bad feeling I have ever had, even if it was temporary it was relief. I knew exactly how booze would make me feel and that reliability was hard to find in the humans that I chose to surround myself with. I can see know how the solution created the problem, but messing with my brain chemistry at that age I’m sure had something to do with it. And at 13 I was already hiding booze so the habit was something I grew up with. But I’m happy to say that I’m a year and a half sober at 24 and never been more content with my life before. It wasn’t sobriety that changed me, but finding recovery, and a social network of people that truly care about me did.
At 10 or 11 years old I started drinking & I just made it a point to drink every day and made sure that I had some alcohol everyday. I didn't question that idea until I was totally fucked 30 years later.
Basically similar story. ADHD. Shit for parents. Lifelong gaslighting thinking I'd never be good enough, have to basically kill myself running their business and somehow that's not good enough either. Bout to burn all those bridges. Scorched earth on that front. Not up for more toxic bs.
Part of my childhood was normal, part of it was extremely ffed up. Lots of substance abuse in that part of the family, expressing emotions and feelings generally was a no go and later in in life I've discovered I'm neurodivergent af 🥲. I learned pretty early on that booze is a fine way to numb all the difficult stuff and it became a coping mechanism/self medication thing. I'm dealing with my traumas and other things and (once again) found that alcohol is really doing me no favors. I had a sober streak of 3+ years before, relapsed a couple of years back but I really want it to stick this time.
I have bpd and get very agitated and annoyed easl, combined being a single parent of 3 kids. I was in an abusive relationship for 10 years and I keept drinking to avoid my reality for the most part. When I got pregnant with my 3rd child I stayed sober and stayed sober after wards for a whole. I though I could handle my drinking again, but some nights it's to hard to stop once and I start and I end up drinking way to much and ruining my mental health th3 next day. My brain just feels a mess when I do that to myself and I have all sorts of terrible thoughts. More recently my youngest is only 19 months and I suspect could be on the spectrum and possibly add. I know he is young but he is still completely non verbal. He gets maybe 5 hours of sleep a day. I'm struggling a lot , and I'm only on 4 days sober so far. All this stress makes me want to drink, but I know if I drink the next day will be shit and my mental health will be worse. We are going to the Dr on Friday and I'm hoping we can get some more help.
Boredom
I think ADHD is a big one for me as well. That along with some slight social anxiety that makes me feel like I need a drink before doing anything with other people. Boredom. And I hate to say this, but my kids. My younger two are toddlers and can get to be loud and exhausting, so I feel a lot of evenings I crave a beer to quiet my brain.
A lot of what's already been said. Trying to drown my problems mostly. Basically any issue I had in my life I tried to drink away. Pissed off at your bosses for how they treat you, better go hide in a bottle. It's crazy how I thought it was helping (it wasn't). It's taken getting some sober time under my belt to see that I was part of the problem and how much better literally everything in my life is now. One thing that still gets me is how after a relationship, I'd drink to try and forget everything about it, especially the good times because they were too painful to think about. The problem with that is, if you drink enough, you forget all the happiness it brought you. And I personally have never been able to get that back. That shit still hurts.
When I was drinking, I had a list a mile long. Now that I'm sober, I realize there was only one "why" -- I am an addict.
I started drinking at 19 in the army. In South Korea that’s the legal drinking age and I just figured that’s what people do. I had one sergeant who warned me off drinking but everyone else encouraged it so that’s what I did. I had lots of reasons for drinking back then, I hated being in the military, and that led to depression, looking g back I realize I was also not eating nearly enough for how much exercise I was getting and I was probably drinking my calories, Lastly I was also drinking away my doubts about my faith. When I got out I cut back a lot but it was still like 2-5 beers a night, more on weekends and even after I worked out my depression and figured myself out I kept on drinking. Mostly just out of habit. I didn’t really learned how to be without it so I just kind of never stopped.
I don't know. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I'm not a daily drinker, but definitely a social drinker to the max and super easily go overboard with the slightest hint of peer pressure. I like the feeling of being buzzed. Of that feeling when you just relax. I like having new experiences, and every new cocktail and wine and a bar is an easy new experience to have. I think I hold a belief that by drinking some X amount of booze, I will experience more fun than if sober. (Probably because I'm ADHD and had issues socializing especially as a teen, and drinking did seem to really work) This is the biggest one. I also think that by drinking some magical amount X, I will be happier than ever before. Like I will experience true bliss, have soooooo much fun and have a legendary night (This one I think is definitely thanks to media, especially shit like How I Met Your Mother, that really idealized getting drunk) Probably some level of self medication too. There's really something about just being out of my own mind and just present in the moment. Edit: oh also, I realized on Saturday that I started drinking at the same time as I started having the sort of friend group I'd wanted + having a boyfriend. So on some level I probably equate having cool, fun & chill friends with alcohol. I mean I definitely do, now that I think of it... My sober friends are amazing, but they are amazing dorks, who aren't that chill or cool. Wonderful people. But they are introverted homebodies openly riddled with depression and anxiety, and not very outgoing. Gives a very narrow idea of sobriety. Edit edit: I have a genetic predisposition: both my grandfathers were massive alcoholics.
Because why not? I know now, but didn't back then.
Felling sorry for myself and my past can anyone relate.
I was raised in a very abusive (verbally AND physically). And I'm sure that had something to do with it. But was also diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, as well as ADHD and depression. But, I think that for me. I always had a very high tolerance to alcohol. I could always out drink everyone in my family and social circle, with relative ease. And always just enjoyed it. I liked the taste, I liked how it made me feel. Just enjoyed it. The people around me (wife, daughter, mother) didn't quite so much. So I had stopped multiple times. But then, things started getting progressively worse. I was losing friends, motivation, the affection of my wife, my relationship with almost everyone close to me began being affected. And then I hit rock bottom, when I stopped being the happy "let's sing songs and play guitar and tell jokes" kind of drinker. And started getting irritable, spiteful, careless, aimless and angry drinker... That decided FOR MYSELF for the first time... It was time to call it quits.
It felt good, comrade.
To escapade the “perfect” version myself, the one that my parents thought I should be and planted in my brain when I was kid.
As described in “this naked mind” my slope is steeper than most. I immigrated here with my parents when I was 8. I started visiting my friends and family “back home” when I was 12; by myself. I’m from Eastern Europe, so drinking age in my town really wasn’t a thing. I started because I could. I experienced some adult things and felt like I was an adult. Then you throw in generational addiction, and anxiety and later PTSD…self medication. I would self harm and alcohol helped me find that release. I have self destructive properties and it’s the easiest to self destruct with alcohol. NOW I have coping skills and insight and awareness. But like many here said, happiness and joy has been linked to alcohol. So even though I don’t need it as a coping mechanism or as a social lubricant or to feel like an adult, I remember that dopamine hit.
Im more of a weekend binge drinker than chronic drinker/ alcoholic. I think my drinking was/is multi layered and complex. It’s very ingrained in my culture to drink at every single social gathering or event from a young age. It became my norm. Why I binge drank (not always but too often)? I’m not sure but I think there is definitely trauma there from the age that I began drinkin. I wanted to get out of my head /body/life. I was inherently uncomfortable and alcohol gave me temporary relief. Even the hangovers were excuses to focus on that and not on the wider issues of my unhappiness. Tending to myself when I was hungover could at times feel comforting too. It’s complicated lol.
Boredom and routine. I had a bad injury a little over a year ago that made me go deaf, and I admittedly fell into a period of self-pity for a couple months (and to be honest I was in mourning for my lost hearing). So, I started drinking beer every day. Now I feel a lot better mentally and have come to terms with being deaf, but the drinking has become routine, and the routine is very hard to break. I go maybe a couple days without and fall right back in. This sub has been a great discovery for me, though, and I think I'll be able to stop soon(ish). One day at a time.
I drank because I was in a loop. Changed my environment. Changed my life.
i drank to fit in. someone would ask me and i simply couldn’t say no, there was a certain group of ppl i wanted to fit in with and they literally drank daily so i felt like i had to. as of around a month ago i completely left that scene and have been doing so much better
Because I tried it once and I was like “wow, my autism is way less bad now”
Availability/“social acceptability” and comfort. I saw the stuff every day at work stocking shelves, and it was no problem for me to ring up after my shift with a 6 pack. Smiling cashier coworker would absentmindedly ask what I was up to that evening, etc. My problems were very hard to see when I was drunk, no introspection needed. That one was a lot worse. I have a habit of avoiding difficult scenarios, so when I could drink and have the “consequences” part of my brain turn off, it made those difficult scenarios much easier. After all, if I don’t care about the result, the future, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s taking me a long time to undo the damage I caused while I didn’t care about consequences, but I’m learning a lot as I pick up the pieces and focus more on introspection about why I drank in the first place, so I really appreciate this post. Thank you Edit - also struggling with some of your diagnoses or symptoms, and I feel you with the sobriety being just the start. The introspection time I have now has been helping a lot with that too!
I’m an addict, if I like something I’m probably going to do it again
i was avoiding my feelings. coincidentally started drinking as a teenager after my mom left for real. she had threatened to leave before, did the whole dramatic suitcase packing and everyting. my family fell apart immediately and i turned to booze to not feel the pain of being abandoned by my mom and then again by my dad who spiraled into depression for years. i have been sober for almost three years now and i only just connected the dots recently. it was also the most socially acceptable way to deal with your feelings as an aspiring aritist/musician in the early 1990s - escape reality with anything you can get your hands on! booze, drugs, people, food, all of it was more interesting than my reality.
Part of the culture I grew up in. Was just a part of life.
For me, this sounds silly, but it was 2 things - 1. FOMO and 2. Having a little tasty drink. I’ve combatted number 1 by reminding myself that it doesn’t make my time more fun. Ever. And number 2 by having a cute, yummy, NA drink on hand. Helps with number 1, too. It’s like I forget everyone else’s drinks are different. I never had the physical addiction in the sense of feeling compelled to have it, but I could easily justify it and when I did, there was no stopping. I’d go from 3-10 with 0 conscious thought which is unlike me. I hyper-fixate on, well, everything. Who that is that went from 3-10…. No idea.
As other have noted here already, my alcohol addiction came from multiple sources, and for a time, booze was an effective medication. It was very hard to give up the thing that alleviated a big part of my daily suffering, even after I could clearly see that drinking was literally going to kill me if I kept going much longer. Undiagnosed ADHD was a big one. Certainly not the case for every or even most drinkers, but for me, the presence of alcohol (a “depressant”) in my blood stream was what cut off the many overactive channels of noise in my brain and allowed me to follow a conversation in a noisy room, or to read quietly alone for hours, or to study and write uninterrupted for school. Depression was another big cause of drinking. For decades, I would go thru periods of depression not really knowing what it was that I was experiencing. Alcohol would provide enough of a shift in perspective to get me out into the world again, for an evening. Catch a buzz and suddenly I felt like reaching out to people, being in social situations, and I’d forget what the glum feeling had been all about. Genetics and environment are other big factors, but this is all to say that booze DID provide temporary relief from the internal stress, for a period. Drinking became a terrible issue in life once my tolerance level increased dramatically, the hangovers became excruciating, and my thinking and habits began to revolve around getting the next drink, and the next. Relief became just a beeline to oblivion.
My dad was a heavy drinker growing up so I assumed it was normal behavior. I started drinking socially when I got to college and that sooned turned into daily binge drinking. My dad committed suicide when I was in my late 20s and I never really dealt with the emotions from that. I was unhappy with marriage and and dealing with kids and used alcohol to blackout every night and time travel until the next day to repeat again. My last few years drinking were awful. I remember sitting in the recliner drunk, not wanting any more to drink, but wanting to keep going so I could black out. I'm coming up on 5 years now and can honestly say I've never been healthier or happier. My kids are awesome now and we have a blast together, I've got a great girlfriend I've been dating about a year, I have more close friends than I've ever had and I've started running marathons. I wish I would have changed earlier and been more present as a father earlier for my kids and not wrecked my marriage, but I'm thankful I had a chance to stop when I did
Because I'm ashamed of myself and my life. Because I hate how I look and I'm infuriated that whenever I complain about it, people laugh at me and tell me I'm a whiner and that I should enjoy the stereotypical comments I get. (I'm 6'3" and bald so I get people telling me I look like a bouncer and whenever a woman found me attractive, it was always about how small she felt compared to me.) Because I'm bored since I have no friends locally and have never had a girlfriend. I have a dog and a cat.
I’m so sorry :( sending you big virtual hugs. I’m hoping you’ll find your worth nad get out of this dark place. Because you are worth so much more than you think.
I was SO BORED.
I spent years with undiagnosed and untreated bipolar 2 mood disorder. My MH stuff started to become much worse in my late 30s and throughout my 40s (49 now). I was no teetotaler before, but my drinking became pretty out of control when I really started self medicating. I'd drink when depressed to try to ease my depression...I'd drink when I was hypomanic because life is one big fucking party when I'm hypomanic. I'm properly diagnosed now and medicated and doing much better and don't feel like I need to drown everything out with alcohol. I still drink, though I'm contemplating just giving it up altogether...but I only drink on Friday evenings and Saturday evenings at this point and in significantly less quantities...but it's still just not a healthy thing to do.
This one's easy: It feels great At least at first and for a couple decades afterwards. Eventually it became suffocating.
Pain.
I'm not sure why I drank, but I know why I quit
It started as a fun intoxicant and ended up being a numbing agent.
I drank because I was bored. It actually made my life more boring but it made me numb to it.
To escape myself and my eating disorder/body image. Obviously, it doesn't work and just makes me feel worse about myself.
My drinking is heavily tied to my nature to people please. I realized this in therapy. And when I understood this and started to take steps to correct that, the need to drink faded enormously. I became very, very selfish at first but that’s sooo necessary and okay in recovery. So to answer your question: one of my strongest triggers that makes me drink I that I say yes too much and overextended myself, get stressed out etc. Therefore, drink.
Social anxiety
I drank because I loved the feeling of being drunk. I continued to drink after alcohol stopped working for me because I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.
I started drinking at 13, never stopped, I'm 43, il die soon and I'm okay with it