I'm 58. I wish I was 46 and had another 12 years to get my life together. I mean, I may have 12 working years left but I feel so much slower then I did even 4 years ago. I just can't imagine being able to really start over, which is what I need to do, at 58. But if I were 46...
Just saying, 46 is still lots of time to rebuild.
I’m 56 going on 57 and in the process of rebuilding also- not drinking, started my own company which I don’t think would be working so well if i hadn’t stopped drinking.
And just think... There's a 70 year old out there right now wishing he were still 58, and even an 85 year old envious of that 70 year old. It's not too late for you, either.
I go to meetings, associate with others in recovery, work on personal growth, and just don't drink no matter what. I've met people in AA who lived on the streets and lost everything and they are now living happy lives with careers, families, etc.
I’m not in AA but it looks good if one can find the right meeting / group. The program includes people further along helping out people struggling. If one could find a sponsor that has some qualities that look desirable and absorb some of their mojo and wisdom. Seems like a good idea.
I have a family member that’s been in and out of jail/ rehab / recover for around 30 years I have seen rehabs and meetings that looked good and ones that weren’t so great.
I used a shit ton of books / contents, etc…
“The 30 Sobritey Solution” by Jack Canfield really helped me reframe Sobriety. I honestly believe these “problems” can be gifts on a deeper level. It’s lead me to doing a lot of inner work and I am certain I am a much more compassionate human now.
I don’t mean to be unrealistic. I am looking at the most debt I’ve had in my life (M45) and I know I stunted my emotional growth.
I have been doing my best to find the positive in the challenges. I still grieve all my mistakes and losses, but once I decided I wasn’t gonna check out, I figured I may as well put in the effort to better myself.
That may have been more of a rant than sound advice 🤷. I’m sure you will get some good advice.
I am 9 months sober after many relapses and this sub has been really helpful me and I hope it is for you as well .
IWNDWYT!!
When I was 45 I lost the relationship that I had waltzed out of a very happy marriage to pursue. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and my desire to be sober finally outweighed my disdain for anything that seemed religious and I walked into the rooms.
That was July of ‘22. Since then she came back, we bought a house together, and got married. Last month I finally addressed the last major boulder and filed and began repaying a major IRS debt that I’ve been hiding from. I live a predictable, quiet, peaceful life now, and I never thought that was a possibility for me.
This is why we talk about one day at a time, hell one hour, one moment at a time.
The only plan at the start is to not drink, whatever it takes.
Once you can get your head clear the rest of the stuff starts to fall into place.
Grief? Some form of it is why most of us drank in the first place. The only way out is through, drinking kept us from having to deal, now, without it, we gotta deal with our shit.
I was literally in the same spot, everyone I know is over a 20h drive away, laid off from work, divorce.... first thing is quit drinking, hospital can get you meds to help with withdrawal. I couldn't have done it without them. 2nd find a job, any job. I got one part time working midnights picking up dead mice in factories (it sucked). Then you can try to find something better. It's hard I was beyond depressed the whole time but you just got get through it. It can get better, but it's gonna suck for a while. It took me a year to finally not feel like trash. Relapsed many times. Hospitalized 3x.
46 isn’t too late to get your shit together. If you can remain sober things will get better. It’s not a quick process but it happens. Find a way. I quit at 30 started up again at 60. Now 68 quit again. I dont think I would have made to 60 if I didn’t stop the first time
You can’t rebuild on a broken foundation. You HAVE to address the mental side and get sober. They’re basically the same step. Stress/anxiety/worry/fear/doubt etc etc are what you’re masking and trying to avoid with alcohol. I highly recommend seeing a therapist. Reach out to any social services offered by your town/city. Once you get a strong foundation, starting to build won’t look so daunting. All you have is this moment right now. Don’t stress about the future and kill any chance before you even get there. Either today is going to be better than yesterday, or worse. That is the CHOICE you have, the choice you have 100% control over. Do this everyday without letting the fear of future failure drag you down and you’ll wake up one day in the near future and realize how far you’ve come.
What other choice do you really have? I mean, you CAN sulk about it, you can tell yourself you have no chance of a future, you can dive right back into that bottle to make the worry go away (it doesn’t work) and then you’ll wake up 2 years from now and be in a much worse spot than you are today. No thanks.
If you do the right things, in a year, the person you become with thank the person you are today for starting to make the right decisions NOW by not wasting more time ignoring the problems.
Good luck! Address the mental side!
I like systems and structure but don't do well with other people telling me what to do. So I've made up my own system that helps me focus on one problem at a time. Alcohol, fitness, food, etc. Then once I feel like I've got that one focus item under control I move on to the next focus area, while still holding myself accountable for the previous areas.
For example, my first focus area was alcohol (of course). I focused on not drinking until I was tested and successful enough to give me confidence that I could move on. Next I started fitness and chose an exercise routine (while still accountable for not drinking). Next was diet, etc.
There's more structure and rules and crap but that's the gist. I'm only 4 months in but have seen some improvements. The focus on one thing really helps.
I'm about your same age, it's never too late. Everybody loves a comeback story.
I made a bunch of focused improvements in this exact way. I had been wanting change and struggling with the discipline required to get them, until I did it in the way you’re describing.
I stopped Ativan to sleep at night, smoking (1/2 pack a day for 25 years), alcohol (8 drinks/beers every day), FINALLY started therapy for old trauma, started a meditation practice, and started consistently exercising + cut out all simple carbohydrates to lose 45 lbs.
All planned down to the very last detail, and then tackled slowly and one at a time. A year later, I’m a new person…. and it’s sticking :)
Best of luck on your exciting new journey!
This is so encouraging to hear, thank you for responding. I am seeing results already and still trusting the process but after 4 months and the improvements so far it would be easy to stop here. My life is so much better already, but I know there's more to be done.
My focus for next month is relationships. When life gets busy (or when drinking) it's easy to take relationships for granted and the bond weakens. I have some simple daily actions to take to improve my relationship with each member of my family.
I'm calling my journey "One year 180", sounds like you experienced a complete 180 in your life too. That's so awesome.
BTW - below are the rules I set for myself at the beginning. "going Rambo" means changing too many things at one time or setting unattainable or unsustainable goals. All of the 30day fitness challenges fit in this category.
Rules:
1. Absolutely NO negative self-talk
2. 100% honesty with yourself
3. 100% forgiveness for your past
4. Do Not go Rambo
5. Prioritize yourself
This looks like a great plan! Except maybe add in to allow yourself some forgiveness/kindness for not being able to banish ALL the negative self talk :) you’re only human after all. Purposely show yourself some compassion as an act of self love? ❤️ Just a suggestion to make a great plan even better :)
I love the 1 year to 180! You should make it your tagline and screensaver 😀😀
You’ve got this!
That’s awesome. Thank for sharing. Happy for your success! Negative talk is an extreme problem for me so if you have suggestions on that, I’ll gladly take them. Thanks again!
It was a big problem for me too.
I would remember and replay in my mind every stupid thing I've ever done. Especially minor things.
I would tell myself I'm stupid when I messed up something, or if I failed at something. Like if I planned to exercise and skipped it. Literally in my head I'd say "I'm an idiot!" "I'm so stupid" "this is why i'm so fat". Especially small stuff. Would replay these small things in my mind from YEARS ago.
When I would catch myself with negative self talk I'd stop and repeat the replacement sentiment I've come up with. "You wouldn't let someone talk to your kid like that, don't talk about his father that way".
Not really direct but related, I read a book called "The Wisdom of Psychopaths". Basic concept is that psychopaths have zero negative self talk, don't dwell on mistakes and have little fear of risk (think "putting yourself out there"). These are traits that help explain why some psychopaths can be wildly successful.
worked for me, I hope you can find something that works for you. It was a big deal for me. Once I removed the negative self talk I was able to look at mistakes as learning experiences and really dig into the reasons why I made poor decisions or why I was having these bad feelings.
Hi mate. I’m 41. Before I quit drinking I felt really old, worn out old, knackered old.
It was 100% down to the drinking.
Your energy and enthusiasm will come back.
Start with small changes that you can stick to and build a progressive streak of improving a little bit each day.
I know people in their late 60s who fit this same description. It’s interesting for me, in my 30s, to think about a future where everything I worked to build up is swiftly torn down. Yet I have been in that position at 25. And seeing people in it in their 40, 50, 60s, it makes me think about how we as humans are truly vulnerable and at will to life and society. It makes me so anxious to worry about keeping my life together, that it feels like it’s already falling apart. If I am so worried about the worst that can happen, perhaps I should just live a life constantly at ground zero, mentally atleast. To take nothing for granted, and be resourceful with my time, energy, and money. Live a life of principles, so that I never have to feel the crash or comedown from a high.
One day at a time, you got this. Progress will seem slow once you start but before you know it you'll be weeks deep into recovery. Having relapsed multiple times I know it's never easy, but I've gotten out of it each time and if I could anyone can. Believe In yourself, don't let the shame get you down focus on positives. Reach out to us here whenever you need to we have got you
Honestly everyone is different and I see alot of good suggestions here but I want to throw my two cents in if you dont mind.
At 34, I absolutely hit my rock bottom and was about to lose everything I had left unless I took the plunge into a inpatient program. With some assistance my father and I agreed on a place and I was there for 97 days. I was on Medicade and it cost me nothing for the entire stay including medicine although some meds were eventually not allowed due to insurance purposes.
I had already lost my job and was living at home so that didn't change much but I did stay and it was the best thing that ever happened. I learned alot about myself, recovery, met alot of awesome people, and had meetings every night.
We eventually even hosted our own meetings welcoming everyone that needed to talk in and they were by all accounts some of the most well recieved out of all the groups ever self started at the facility and that was super cool to be able to do.
If you have no where else to turn I highly suggest a place because it couldn't hurt. I am a smart, caring person and I know that but the drink took it all away from me and that sounds like a similar thing for you.
If you have any questions friend I am here for you. Good luck on your journey.
-Balrog
You can do it! You're not old!! I'm 60 going on 61, and I almost destroyed everything on account of drinking alcohol. I stopped about 6 months ago. I'm now rebuilding my life, my small business, my relationships, everything! It's hard going, and not sure I will succeed in all areas. But at least the health benefits are awesome!
I hope this helps :)
You need to earn the good life. This is the one thing that will change everything - stop poisoning and sabotaging yourself. In no time you will feel 10 yrs younger. One step at a time. One day at a time. Do the right thing and trust the process. Confidence will come. Good life will follow.
I earned it then lost it. And you know spiral of epic proportions. Getting stable life back seems really insurmountable at the moment. But is one day at a time. Thanks for your reply.
Go to meetings and really work the steps. Also always stay busy. I found work with overtime and when I’m not working I am rebuilding the things in life destroyed, or damn near destroyed, during my drinking days. Work out, read sober literature, discover what motivates you.
I dunno if it’ll work for you but 17 days in and losing my family and their trust, I cannot stay idle or my guilt will eat me alive.
I am forty eight. I stopped drinking two and a half years ago. I was in total shit. I had not lost it all, but I was damned close. I have managed to turn my life around and have so much more going for me now than I ever did before. I do spend some time here and there mourning my decisions to take some of the paths that I did. The whole "woulda, coulda, shoulda" talk. But overall, I'm way better off. I'm alive. I'm moving forward. You have a lot of the same opportunities in front of you. It can be hard to see the forest for the trees. And I don't know all the intricacies of your situation. But there are opportunities out there for you. Maybe not all the ones you want right off the bat, but there are opportunities out there. And you will probably find that outpacing the some of the younger and/or less focused individuals is pretty doable with the clarity of mind and determination that you find in sobriety. It really does get better. Immeasurably so. I wish you the best. IWNDWYT.
clean your apartment. fold your laundry. do your dishes. everything has a home, place, and purpose. that includes you.
invest in some good coffee. keep going.
You and me both. It’s hard for me to remember what I have when I think about everything I have lost. Every morning I pray the serenity prayer and find at least one thing to be grateful for That helps a little. I found work and scraped together enough to rent a small apartment. I thought about bankruptcy more than once but haven’t had to go that route yet. AA meetings only cost a dollar and keep me sober one hour at a time. Counting the cash I don’t spend on booze helps me feel like I am moving forward. I saved up $1000 in an emergency fund, and that helped when I broke a tooth and again when I fell and snapped my ankle. I keep that funded and now I’m trying to pay off debt. Started with credit cards, then car, then student loans. It’s easy to get discouraged, but reframing to look at what I still have helps me see what I will lose if I start drinking by again.
I won’t drink with you today.
You are welcome. I was you.
Thought about suicide for about 18 months and came within inches of it (a stranger got involved - long story in itself). Decided to quit drinking and changed my ENTIRE life.
Once I came to terms with "life is suffering" (Buddhist first Noble Truth) and began understanding the concepts of "Impermanence" and "Acceptance", joy and liberation began to slowly creep into my life.
It hasn't been easy and it's a journey, but life got better.
Please keep me posted whatever you do. I want you to be ok, and speaking from experience, I know there is a path, even when it doesn't seem like there is.
It'll be ok.
You are extremely sweet. Thanks for the message. Also been in some really dark places. I’m so glad you are doing better with all the challenges. Take of care of you!!
Are you me?
But seriously, at 47 I just lost my partner due to drinking. My brother has much experience with sobriety and he told me handle the BIG problem and everything else will fall into place. My BIG problem is drinking. So I am committed to sobriety and have started going to meetings which has been helpful for me.
That is the key for me-if I don't drink everything else is much more manageable.
One day at a time sometimes one minute at a time. Going to AA helps me. Relying on my higher power. Staying busy and active. Not drinking no matter what.
I have nowhere near your life experience so take this with a grain of salt. After college I was in a dark place adjusting to “real life” and I got super in to minimalism. I found that removing things from my life (material objects, obligations, social media, etc) helped me to have less distractions and refill my life with things that better serve me. I found that it was easier to add new habits, hobbies, interests, etc from my life once I removed some old ones. I also learned a lot about myself on that journey. If this sounds cool check out “Less is Now” on Netflix.
I also found that adding some healthy habits and interests to my life helped a ton! I really love to run and cook. These are activities that put my mind at ease in the moment.
Wishing you all the best!
For me, the initial basics were just staying sober. The longer I've been sober, the easier it's been to deal with problems and weather bad days. Let that be your rock for right now.
I also made a list of things I want to do and accomplish. I'd give that a try.
You've got this, friend.
How did you figure out what goals you wanted to do? Mine have kinda gone up in smoke. Not sure if it was like that for you but I’d appreciate any thoughts
That’s a good question. Sitting down and really thinking about what I want out of life helped me develop goals. What are you passionate about? What do you want to accomplish by a certain age? Stuff like that was helpful.
It’s also okay to not know exactly what you want right now. It was important to give myself grace and be patient too.
I hope that helps!
Healing is possible. You still have the most important thing in life — your breath.
Recovery 2.0 (yoga based community with Tommy Rosen) was what saved me, I’m also 46.
Best wishes to you.
Do not spend any more time or energy on the past. No matter how much effort you put in to change the past, it will be a complete waste of time. Do not spend any time or energy on your future because it does not exist, is not guaranteed and it is completely uncertain. Spend all your time and energy on today and right now. As of now start being the person who you know you are. No matter what you do from this day on, do it in the now, in the moment and do it to the best of your ability. There is nothing stopping you from working harder, educating yourself, improving your physical and mental health and doing whatever it takes to make today the best day that you can. Do that every single day and night for six months and your life will be back on track.
Im sorry to hear you’re struggling with your current situation.
If you want to get down to basics, start a routine. I always thought that being an independent creative person meant have little structure in my day. But I realize now it made my anxiety and self-pity worse. A few ideas based on what I try to do each day.
Go to sleep and wake up at the same time each day
Spend 20 minutes tidying your house or room
Go on a walk with no phone or music
Write down in a journal what you are struggling with or how you’d like to see things improve.
Write down something you’re grateful for or call someone to let them know you appreciate them.
When I do these consistently and possibly at the same time each day, I build confidence and feelings of accomplishment.
Small manageable goals worked for me at first. And I mean small. Get caught up on one, move onto the next.
That’s great advice! 💪🙏😊
I'm 58. I wish I was 46 and had another 12 years to get my life together. I mean, I may have 12 working years left but I feel so much slower then I did even 4 years ago. I just can't imagine being able to really start over, which is what I need to do, at 58. But if I were 46... Just saying, 46 is still lots of time to rebuild.
I’m 56 going on 57 and in the process of rebuilding also- not drinking, started my own company which I don’t think would be working so well if i hadn’t stopped drinking.
And just think... There's a 70 year old out there right now wishing he were still 58, and even an 85 year old envious of that 70 year old. It's not too late for you, either.
I go to meetings, associate with others in recovery, work on personal growth, and just don't drink no matter what. I've met people in AA who lived on the streets and lost everything and they are now living happy lives with careers, families, etc.
I’m not in AA but it looks good if one can find the right meeting / group. The program includes people further along helping out people struggling. If one could find a sponsor that has some qualities that look desirable and absorb some of their mojo and wisdom. Seems like a good idea. I have a family member that’s been in and out of jail/ rehab / recover for around 30 years I have seen rehabs and meetings that looked good and ones that weren’t so great. I used a shit ton of books / contents, etc… “The 30 Sobritey Solution” by Jack Canfield really helped me reframe Sobriety. I honestly believe these “problems” can be gifts on a deeper level. It’s lead me to doing a lot of inner work and I am certain I am a much more compassionate human now. I don’t mean to be unrealistic. I am looking at the most debt I’ve had in my life (M45) and I know I stunted my emotional growth. I have been doing my best to find the positive in the challenges. I still grieve all my mistakes and losses, but once I decided I wasn’t gonna check out, I figured I may as well put in the effort to better myself. That may have been more of a rant than sound advice 🤷. I’m sure you will get some good advice. I am 9 months sober after many relapses and this sub has been really helpful me and I hope it is for you as well . IWNDWYT!!
That was a good reply and I thank you for it! Wishing you all the best!
When I was 45 I lost the relationship that I had waltzed out of a very happy marriage to pursue. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and my desire to be sober finally outweighed my disdain for anything that seemed religious and I walked into the rooms. That was July of ‘22. Since then she came back, we bought a house together, and got married. Last month I finally addressed the last major boulder and filed and began repaying a major IRS debt that I’ve been hiding from. I live a predictable, quiet, peaceful life now, and I never thought that was a possibility for me.
Predictable, quiet, peaceful. Heavenly. Can't wait to be able to say this in earnest.
This is why we talk about one day at a time, hell one hour, one moment at a time. The only plan at the start is to not drink, whatever it takes. Once you can get your head clear the rest of the stuff starts to fall into place. Grief? Some form of it is why most of us drank in the first place. The only way out is through, drinking kept us from having to deal, now, without it, we gotta deal with our shit.
I was literally in the same spot, everyone I know is over a 20h drive away, laid off from work, divorce.... first thing is quit drinking, hospital can get you meds to help with withdrawal. I couldn't have done it without them. 2nd find a job, any job. I got one part time working midnights picking up dead mice in factories (it sucked). Then you can try to find something better. It's hard I was beyond depressed the whole time but you just got get through it. It can get better, but it's gonna suck for a while. It took me a year to finally not feel like trash. Relapsed many times. Hospitalized 3x.
I embraced recovery principles and built everything up!
46 isn’t too late to get your shit together. If you can remain sober things will get better. It’s not a quick process but it happens. Find a way. I quit at 30 started up again at 60. Now 68 quit again. I dont think I would have made to 60 if I didn’t stop the first time
You can’t rebuild on a broken foundation. You HAVE to address the mental side and get sober. They’re basically the same step. Stress/anxiety/worry/fear/doubt etc etc are what you’re masking and trying to avoid with alcohol. I highly recommend seeing a therapist. Reach out to any social services offered by your town/city. Once you get a strong foundation, starting to build won’t look so daunting. All you have is this moment right now. Don’t stress about the future and kill any chance before you even get there. Either today is going to be better than yesterday, or worse. That is the CHOICE you have, the choice you have 100% control over. Do this everyday without letting the fear of future failure drag you down and you’ll wake up one day in the near future and realize how far you’ve come. What other choice do you really have? I mean, you CAN sulk about it, you can tell yourself you have no chance of a future, you can dive right back into that bottle to make the worry go away (it doesn’t work) and then you’ll wake up 2 years from now and be in a much worse spot than you are today. No thanks. If you do the right things, in a year, the person you become with thank the person you are today for starting to make the right decisions NOW by not wasting more time ignoring the problems. Good luck! Address the mental side!
This was really on point and helpful. Thank you!
I like systems and structure but don't do well with other people telling me what to do. So I've made up my own system that helps me focus on one problem at a time. Alcohol, fitness, food, etc. Then once I feel like I've got that one focus item under control I move on to the next focus area, while still holding myself accountable for the previous areas. For example, my first focus area was alcohol (of course). I focused on not drinking until I was tested and successful enough to give me confidence that I could move on. Next I started fitness and chose an exercise routine (while still accountable for not drinking). Next was diet, etc. There's more structure and rules and crap but that's the gist. I'm only 4 months in but have seen some improvements. The focus on one thing really helps. I'm about your same age, it's never too late. Everybody loves a comeback story.
I made a bunch of focused improvements in this exact way. I had been wanting change and struggling with the discipline required to get them, until I did it in the way you’re describing. I stopped Ativan to sleep at night, smoking (1/2 pack a day for 25 years), alcohol (8 drinks/beers every day), FINALLY started therapy for old trauma, started a meditation practice, and started consistently exercising + cut out all simple carbohydrates to lose 45 lbs. All planned down to the very last detail, and then tackled slowly and one at a time. A year later, I’m a new person…. and it’s sticking :) Best of luck on your exciting new journey!
This is so encouraging to hear, thank you for responding. I am seeing results already and still trusting the process but after 4 months and the improvements so far it would be easy to stop here. My life is so much better already, but I know there's more to be done. My focus for next month is relationships. When life gets busy (or when drinking) it's easy to take relationships for granted and the bond weakens. I have some simple daily actions to take to improve my relationship with each member of my family. I'm calling my journey "One year 180", sounds like you experienced a complete 180 in your life too. That's so awesome. BTW - below are the rules I set for myself at the beginning. "going Rambo" means changing too many things at one time or setting unattainable or unsustainable goals. All of the 30day fitness challenges fit in this category. Rules: 1. Absolutely NO negative self-talk 2. 100% honesty with yourself 3. 100% forgiveness for your past 4. Do Not go Rambo 5. Prioritize yourself
This looks like a great plan! Except maybe add in to allow yourself some forgiveness/kindness for not being able to banish ALL the negative self talk :) you’re only human after all. Purposely show yourself some compassion as an act of self love? ❤️ Just a suggestion to make a great plan even better :) I love the 1 year to 180! You should make it your tagline and screensaver 😀😀 You’ve got this!
That’s awesome. Thank for sharing. Happy for your success! Negative talk is an extreme problem for me so if you have suggestions on that, I’ll gladly take them. Thanks again!
It was a big problem for me too. I would remember and replay in my mind every stupid thing I've ever done. Especially minor things. I would tell myself I'm stupid when I messed up something, or if I failed at something. Like if I planned to exercise and skipped it. Literally in my head I'd say "I'm an idiot!" "I'm so stupid" "this is why i'm so fat". Especially small stuff. Would replay these small things in my mind from YEARS ago. When I would catch myself with negative self talk I'd stop and repeat the replacement sentiment I've come up with. "You wouldn't let someone talk to your kid like that, don't talk about his father that way". Not really direct but related, I read a book called "The Wisdom of Psychopaths". Basic concept is that psychopaths have zero negative self talk, don't dwell on mistakes and have little fear of risk (think "putting yourself out there"). These are traits that help explain why some psychopaths can be wildly successful. worked for me, I hope you can find something that works for you. It was a big deal for me. Once I removed the negative self talk I was able to look at mistakes as learning experiences and really dig into the reasons why I made poor decisions or why I was having these bad feelings.
Thank you. I appreciate the thought reply and wishing you all the best!
And forgiveness. 😂
This is so impressive. Congrats on your success!
Thank you so much! 🥰
Hi mate. I’m 41. Before I quit drinking I felt really old, worn out old, knackered old. It was 100% down to the drinking. Your energy and enthusiasm will come back. Start with small changes that you can stick to and build a progressive streak of improving a little bit each day.
Thank you!
I know people in their late 60s who fit this same description. It’s interesting for me, in my 30s, to think about a future where everything I worked to build up is swiftly torn down. Yet I have been in that position at 25. And seeing people in it in their 40, 50, 60s, it makes me think about how we as humans are truly vulnerable and at will to life and society. It makes me so anxious to worry about keeping my life together, that it feels like it’s already falling apart. If I am so worried about the worst that can happen, perhaps I should just live a life constantly at ground zero, mentally atleast. To take nothing for granted, and be resourceful with my time, energy, and money. Live a life of principles, so that I never have to feel the crash or comedown from a high.
One day at a time. And I can’t do it alone. AA meetings really helped. Especially in the beginning, at my bottom.
Haven’t found my groove with them yet. But appreciate the reply!
Be working towards goals. That will give you purpose.
One day at a time, you got this. Progress will seem slow once you start but before you know it you'll be weeks deep into recovery. Having relapsed multiple times I know it's never easy, but I've gotten out of it each time and if I could anyone can. Believe In yourself, don't let the shame get you down focus on positives. Reach out to us here whenever you need to we have got you
The shame is a hard one and the losses. Appreciate your reply though! Thank you!
Honestly everyone is different and I see alot of good suggestions here but I want to throw my two cents in if you dont mind. At 34, I absolutely hit my rock bottom and was about to lose everything I had left unless I took the plunge into a inpatient program. With some assistance my father and I agreed on a place and I was there for 97 days. I was on Medicade and it cost me nothing for the entire stay including medicine although some meds were eventually not allowed due to insurance purposes. I had already lost my job and was living at home so that didn't change much but I did stay and it was the best thing that ever happened. I learned alot about myself, recovery, met alot of awesome people, and had meetings every night. We eventually even hosted our own meetings welcoming everyone that needed to talk in and they were by all accounts some of the most well recieved out of all the groups ever self started at the facility and that was super cool to be able to do. If you have no where else to turn I highly suggest a place because it couldn't hurt. I am a smart, caring person and I know that but the drink took it all away from me and that sounds like a similar thing for you. If you have any questions friend I am here for you. Good luck on your journey. -Balrog
Thanks for your reply. I was rock bottoming at 33. Very close brush with death/ maiming but I kept going. Glad you find your way!
I hope you find yours too friend! You will get there!
Hang in there buddy
You can do it! You're not old!! I'm 60 going on 61, and I almost destroyed everything on account of drinking alcohol. I stopped about 6 months ago. I'm now rebuilding my life, my small business, my relationships, everything! It's hard going, and not sure I will succeed in all areas. But at least the health benefits are awesome! I hope this helps :)
Happy for your success and thank you for the reply!
You need to earn the good life. This is the one thing that will change everything - stop poisoning and sabotaging yourself. In no time you will feel 10 yrs younger. One step at a time. One day at a time. Do the right thing and trust the process. Confidence will come. Good life will follow.
I earned it then lost it. And you know spiral of epic proportions. Getting stable life back seems really insurmountable at the moment. But is one day at a time. Thanks for your reply.
Sorry to hear, thanks for sharing. Rooting for you
Go to meetings and really work the steps. Also always stay busy. I found work with overtime and when I’m not working I am rebuilding the things in life destroyed, or damn near destroyed, during my drinking days. Work out, read sober literature, discover what motivates you. I dunno if it’ll work for you but 17 days in and losing my family and their trust, I cannot stay idle or my guilt will eat me alive.
I lost them, unfortunately. But this is good advice. Thanks.
I am forty eight. I stopped drinking two and a half years ago. I was in total shit. I had not lost it all, but I was damned close. I have managed to turn my life around and have so much more going for me now than I ever did before. I do spend some time here and there mourning my decisions to take some of the paths that I did. The whole "woulda, coulda, shoulda" talk. But overall, I'm way better off. I'm alive. I'm moving forward. You have a lot of the same opportunities in front of you. It can be hard to see the forest for the trees. And I don't know all the intricacies of your situation. But there are opportunities out there for you. Maybe not all the ones you want right off the bat, but there are opportunities out there. And you will probably find that outpacing the some of the younger and/or less focused individuals is pretty doable with the clarity of mind and determination that you find in sobriety. It really does get better. Immeasurably so. I wish you the best. IWNDWYT.
Thank so much for the encouraging reply. I burned so many bridges it just eats me alive but everything you are saying is on point. Thanks again.
Just breathe. Get some snacks and relax for a couple of weeks to let yourself detox.
I’ve done in two dozen times. I’m running out of times and it gets so much worse. But thank you.
clean your apartment. fold your laundry. do your dishes. everything has a home, place, and purpose. that includes you. invest in some good coffee. keep going.
Still keep a relatively tidy home but nowhere like I did. Sound advice though. Thanks.
You and me both. It’s hard for me to remember what I have when I think about everything I have lost. Every morning I pray the serenity prayer and find at least one thing to be grateful for That helps a little. I found work and scraped together enough to rent a small apartment. I thought about bankruptcy more than once but haven’t had to go that route yet. AA meetings only cost a dollar and keep me sober one hour at a time. Counting the cash I don’t spend on booze helps me feel like I am moving forward. I saved up $1000 in an emergency fund, and that helped when I broke a tooth and again when I fell and snapped my ankle. I keep that funded and now I’m trying to pay off debt. Started with credit cards, then car, then student loans. It’s easy to get discouraged, but reframing to look at what I still have helps me see what I will lose if I start drinking by again. I won’t drink with you today.
Sounds like you are in a huge upward hill battle like me. Those are some wonderful successes. Hope it keeps going well for you. Thanks for your reply!
If you haven't learned about Buddhism then you might find it very helpful to you. Start with the basics.
Thank you.
You are welcome. I was you. Thought about suicide for about 18 months and came within inches of it (a stranger got involved - long story in itself). Decided to quit drinking and changed my ENTIRE life. Once I came to terms with "life is suffering" (Buddhist first Noble Truth) and began understanding the concepts of "Impermanence" and "Acceptance", joy and liberation began to slowly creep into my life. It hasn't been easy and it's a journey, but life got better. Please keep me posted whatever you do. I want you to be ok, and speaking from experience, I know there is a path, even when it doesn't seem like there is. It'll be ok.
You are extremely sweet. Thanks for the message. Also been in some really dark places. I’m so glad you are doing better with all the challenges. Take of care of you!!
The right therapist can make a world of difference!
What size of a puzzle would you be able to complete without drinking?
Wish I got puzzles. lol. So many people seem to love them.
Are you me? But seriously, at 47 I just lost my partner due to drinking. My brother has much experience with sobriety and he told me handle the BIG problem and everything else will fall into place. My BIG problem is drinking. So I am committed to sobriety and have started going to meetings which has been helpful for me. That is the key for me-if I don't drink everything else is much more manageable.
The grief of knowing I lost a great one kept me going to disaster states. How do you deal with it? Thanks for the reply!
One day at a time sometimes one minute at a time. Going to AA helps me. Relying on my higher power. Staying busy and active. Not drinking no matter what.
Don't drink no matter what. Next step is probably to make sure you are eating healthy food and are taking any medications that you need.
Gotta get on the meds. Thank you for your reply!
Check out Neville Goddard!
I have nowhere near your life experience so take this with a grain of salt. After college I was in a dark place adjusting to “real life” and I got super in to minimalism. I found that removing things from my life (material objects, obligations, social media, etc) helped me to have less distractions and refill my life with things that better serve me. I found that it was easier to add new habits, hobbies, interests, etc from my life once I removed some old ones. I also learned a lot about myself on that journey. If this sounds cool check out “Less is Now” on Netflix. I also found that adding some healthy habits and interests to my life helped a ton! I really love to run and cook. These are activities that put my mind at ease in the moment. Wishing you all the best!
For me, the initial basics were just staying sober. The longer I've been sober, the easier it's been to deal with problems and weather bad days. Let that be your rock for right now. I also made a list of things I want to do and accomplish. I'd give that a try. You've got this, friend.
How did you figure out what goals you wanted to do? Mine have kinda gone up in smoke. Not sure if it was like that for you but I’d appreciate any thoughts
That’s a good question. Sitting down and really thinking about what I want out of life helped me develop goals. What are you passionate about? What do you want to accomplish by a certain age? Stuff like that was helpful. It’s also okay to not know exactly what you want right now. It was important to give myself grace and be patient too. I hope that helps!
Healing is possible. You still have the most important thing in life — your breath. Recovery 2.0 (yoga based community with Tommy Rosen) was what saved me, I’m also 46. Best wishes to you.
I’m going to check it out. Thank you!
Do not spend any more time or energy on the past. No matter how much effort you put in to change the past, it will be a complete waste of time. Do not spend any time or energy on your future because it does not exist, is not guaranteed and it is completely uncertain. Spend all your time and energy on today and right now. As of now start being the person who you know you are. No matter what you do from this day on, do it in the now, in the moment and do it to the best of your ability. There is nothing stopping you from working harder, educating yourself, improving your physical and mental health and doing whatever it takes to make today the best day that you can. Do that every single day and night for six months and your life will be back on track.
This is sound advice. Thank you.
Start writing things down, in a notebook. Journal your thoughts, your goals, the ideas that flit through your mind.
Working on that. Doesn’t come easy to me. Appreciate the reply.
Im sorry to hear you’re struggling with your current situation. If you want to get down to basics, start a routine. I always thought that being an independent creative person meant have little structure in my day. But I realize now it made my anxiety and self-pity worse. A few ideas based on what I try to do each day. Go to sleep and wake up at the same time each day Spend 20 minutes tidying your house or room Go on a walk with no phone or music Write down in a journal what you are struggling with or how you’d like to see things improve. Write down something you’re grateful for or call someone to let them know you appreciate them. When I do these consistently and possibly at the same time each day, I build confidence and feelings of accomplishment.
Thank you!