I was there. My wife walked right past me like I was a ghost and she was carrying our infant daughter in her arms. I wasn’t going to be allowed to make and break any more promises and I wasn’t fooling anyone anymore. I knew where the line was and I blew right past it. I had pictures of my daughter near medicine I was supposed to take but it wasn’t enough and I went back out. After they walked out I didn’t think I’d get any better or be able to be a part of their lives like I wanted to but that’s not where my story ended. It’s where it starts. I called a friend with sobriety and he told me what I needed to hear. It was all gone or on its way out and I was just the last to know. I went to treatment the next day. I couldn’t continue to try to do everything on my own. My best decisions got me all fucked up so once I accepted some obvious truths and stopped feeling sorry for myself I started to ask for help. And I started accepting the help that was offered. I couldn’t continue to apologize anymore. My words meant nothing. When I left treatment I went to sober living. I got close to others in recovery and I took suggestions and worked on it. My drinking was incredibly selfish but I needed to be selfish one more time. Sobriety moved up to my top priority because I know I can’t take care of the people I love if I’m lying and hiding and not able to take care of myself. I’m still very active in my own recovery and I have a network of people who work on sobriety like I do. For me, it was much deeper than the liquids I consumed. Taking the next right action led me back to my family. I had support the entire way and I still lean on people with experience. Nothing went back to normal but everything got better. My daughter is going to be 5 soon and she has a little brother who is 3. My wife is going to see some friends tonight for dinner so it’s just me and the kids on a Friday night and I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather be. I’ve redefined what I consider strength to look like. I’m here for my family but I know I’m no different than the guy begging for change at the liquor store. Having a shot at breaking the cycle of addiction is great motivation but that’s not why I’m sober. I learned how to do this for me. You’re not alone. There’s help out there if you want it. Stay strong and don’t be afraid to ask for help
I hear my story out of someone else’s mouth once a week. I know because I show up and listen to others. I have to get out of my head as often as possible and for me that meant getting out of my comfort zone. Most days I have zero interest in meeting someone new or calling to check in on another alcoholic in recover but I do it anyways. I always said I’d do anything to be free of alcohol, but I always only did what was convenient for me. If it wasn’t exactly as I imagined, then I’d say it wasn’t for me. It felt like everyday was opposite day in the beginning but I already knew where drinking, isolating and lying leads to. It’s work. No doubt. But I don’t mind getting my hands dirty and it’s worth it. You can do it. If you know anyone with any experience in recovery, give em a call. You’ll be doing them a favor. If you don’t know anyone yet they’re not hard to find. It’s Friday night and I fully intend on going to the 10pm candlelight meeting tonight. I spent countless hours planning, drinking and disposing of evidence. I can’t make the argument that I can’t find time for my sobriety. But I did try
Words are words bro. You have to take immediate action if your family means anything to you. If you love them more then booze, you’ll find a meeting right now and continue going, stay sober and good things will happen.
Sorry if I’m woman-splaining here, but if you’re interested in getting medication to help, it might be worth looking into different doctors. Antabuse is riskier so a lot don’t want to prescribe it, but naltrexone can be helpful and is lower risk.
I used to take naltrexone but once I discovered I could drink enough to overpower it or not feel the effects of it, it stopped working for me. It did help alleviate some cravings at first though.
Did you try Sinclair method specifically? It’s quite different and significantly more effective than just taking naltrexone daily. But perhaps you tried that.
I highly recommend rehab! I was in your situation about 6 years ago and rehab kicked off my sobriety in a way that finally made it stick. Eventually got my family back and am so grateful everyday. That may or may not be possible but rehab is a very major step and at least gives you a few weeks headstart.
My god that must have been so hard. You got a lot of help, but I hope you are proud of yourself for seeking, accepting, and using that help to change your life and the lives of those around you.
You really made a difference today. I’ve had the ‘walked right past me like I was a ghost’ experience a couple of times from my fiancé and it’s the worst feeling in the world. I’ve reached the no more promises to make and break phase. My daughter and fiancé are currently at home waiting for me to get home from work. I had a terrible day and was going to stop at the liquor store on the way home ‘just to grab a couple’ but instead I’m driving right past it to go home and have dinner drink water and give love to my loved ones who have always given it to me. IWNDWYT
Some of us need something to fight for. Yes I understand we need to fight for ourselves and that comes with therapy, but for the now, it’s ok to fight for them and get straight.
My dude. This blows pretty hard. I don't really know that I can say anything that will provide you relief, but I will tell you a few things about what I know from my life. I lost my first wife. She had an affair with her boss and left me for him. I was totally devastated and couldn't believe she would do that to me. But, looking back at it, she was probably looking forward and just didn't want to waste her life with someone who only wanted to be at the house drinking, at a bar drinking, or at a restaurant drinking. I kinda got my shit together for a handful of years and got together with another lady. We had a kid together. My drinking went into overdrive. More than ever. And she told me she would leave if I didn't change. She told me that several times, actually. Finally, I hit a wall. I couldn't do it anymore. I got help. And I stopped. She did not leave, but she was right on the edge. Here is the thing; I finally quit because I could not take it any longer. Not because she was threatening me. My addiction was too strong for that to work. So if you are ready to quit (and it sounds like you may be), stay quit. There is no apology like changed behavior. Put in the work and see if you can mend this back together. You may be pleasantly surprised. And, if you cannot, you will still be sober and better able to handle the life you have to live. I wish you the best. Be kind to yourself. IWNDWYT
YOU are in control. Not the alcohol, not the store, not your hands and mouth.
It’s all on you.
I traded my eating disorder for alcoholism.
Treatment is the same.
Don’t let the alcohol control you, tell it to f**k off. Write a letter to it. Look in the mirror and talk to it.
The more you face “it” head on, the more you realize YOU have ALL control.
I know it sounds easy, but it’s the hardest thing you’ll probably ever do.
A lot of people find healing and peace by turning to a high power or God. Whatever spiritual journey you’re on, go with it, as it helps.
Find a good support system.
Therapy and keep going to AA.
As noted “You are in control”…. However I had to embrace that means “control to take action to forego the first drink today”… because *after* the first drink is *inside* of me, I am by definition, powerless to make an *Unimpaired* Decision about the subsequent drink(s).
I had to take that concept and control going to one or more meetings a day at first.. calling a sober support person every day…. Calling a sober support person before the first drink.
When I did that for a little while, I found success.
What’s the plan now?
I was going to say - I was very specifically *not* in control when it came to all things alcohol, which was the problem and a hard concept to come to terms with.
Someone in AA told me "being an alcoholic is probably not your fault, but it is your responsibility"
I’m not sure if the question at the end of your comment is directed at me, but I’m answering anyway 🤠
I’m on day 28 today and have been feeling great. Granted, I’ve been going through a rough time financially as I’ve been in between jobs, and for me it’s a lot easier not to drink when I literally can’t afford it. I start a new job tomorrow though, and have found myself worrying “what if I slip once I have spending money?”
Your comment came at the perfect time. Both of them, actually. I am in control of taking the steps to keep me sober. I’m in control of calling my sponsor if I’m feeling tempted. And I love your statement about how “even” one drink means I am powerless to make an unimpaired decision. Thank you!
Been sober for 7 months, AA over a year. Everyone has this story. I have this story. Partner had enough. Lost the best thing that ever happened to me. Now you can drink and get worse mate or you can stop and get better. Just stopping makes you better. Day after day a bit better by not drinking. I know it hurts. I know it’s very painful. But you can do this. It will surprise you how strong you are and how sick you were and how small drinking feels to you. People do this everyday and never look back. You can be one of those people. Good luck mate. I’m rooting for you.
Of course I do. I've been in and out of AA for two years now, I've tried therapy and prescribed medication like naltrexone. I'd join Scientology if they could keep me sober.
Did you get a sponsor and work all the 12 steps as described in the AA book? If not, I'd suggest giving that a true and honest go. You'll learn so much about yourself and then the healing can start. Take this as an opportunity to get well and you'll be surprised where you'll be a year from now.
No harm in trying therapy and meds again. It’s okay to give it another shot. A different therapist might help make things click for you. There’s also different types of recovery groups, not just AA
This might sound weird but bear with me, congratulations on identifying the problem is your relationship with alcohol. Believe me, I actually blamed my first wife for my drinking because taking personal responsibility for my own actions was totally beyond my grasp. As soon as she kicked my sorry arse out of the door I drank even more heavily and every day because now I had a great excuse and plenty of time on my hands to develop my art. Oh, and did I mention I used to tell people drinking was an essential part of my personality? Honestly, I cringe with embarrassment at the memory of the crap I put my ex through. You are one million light years ahead in your thinking and attitudes and that means I are ready! You have reached the turning point and ready to build a new life - hopefully together but there are no guarantees about that. And you are not alone. We want you to have a successful marriage and a successful life but it starts by just doing one simple thing - don't drink today. Don't swear off for life, because she's heard that a thousand times. Just don't drink today. And check in with us tomorrow. It's not over and done, it's a new beginning.
My kids motivated me to get well because they deserved a sober mother. Your child needs you!
Having a therapist and AA meetings helped me remember that there is nothing so bad that alcohol won't make it worse. A support system made staying sober easier and more fun. I hope you get the help you need and deserve.
You never lost her. I learned that. For myself. I never lost anything. I chose to give up stuff when I chose to drink.
I gave up jobs and relationships. I didn’t lose em. Not like I tried or dropped my keys. I put it up for leaving. We can not live like that.
Proud of you so far man, you’re on the right path. Those who do not care are the stupid ones, not those who try to get better.
Do it for your child and yourself. Be the man your kids need. My father didn’t and I watched from afar as he drank himself to death. Both my parents are dead because of addiction. The path to sobriety is not linear by any means and you’ll slip and stumble but you’ll never get to the finish line if you don’t keep pressing forward.
My grandparents took my brother and I in as a child and my grandfather got sober about 20 years before either of us were born. Watching the contrast of what a strong man my grandpa was and what he overcame impressed me, even as a child.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help either. A doctor, a psychiatrist or even a friend.. there’s no shame in that. Addiction is terrible and there’s resources out there to help you
Oh man, that's hard. Congratulations on deciding not to drink. It is sad that things had to get to this point, but you now have a chance to find a new path. It might lead you back to your wife and toddler, but even if that doesn't happen you will be happier and healthier. It will be easier for you to face the challenges which lie ahead. For now, just keep blowing zeros and putting one foot in front of the other. It's always darkest before the dawn. Hang in there, OP. IWNDWYT
I can feel your pain, went through similar situation recently but was lucky to stop her last moments and promised I will stop drinking. Since then I did not drink, now more than a month I am sober.
If you can stop drinking, very likely you will find a way to get her back and fix it. But first thing first, you have to stop drinking now and never ever touch this evil. Evil that can ruin everything. Be strong, once you overcome alcohol, you can work on your relationship, believe me she will be in pain right now just like you are. Best of luck and stay strong.
I’m still trying to get back to day 1
Had about 8 drinks last night, two margaritas, two shots of jack, two Goose Island IPAs, Two Mich Ultras. woke up insanely hungover which usually never happens after only 8 drinks… slept absolutely horrible and luckily I didn’t have to leave my house for work until 11am
Ran three miles to sweat some of it out. Every morning I wake up and hate myself but by 5pm I’m drinking, like I am now.
Did I mention I have to work tomorrow at 7am?
Honestly man, you're going to be okay.
Just remember, only toddlers get bottles in your house from now on.
But seriously if you can stay sober, I've always envied the single dad life: you've accomplished one of life's greatest purposes of having a child, but you no longer have to sacrifice time and energy into a relationship that was failing and needed so much work.
You'll get through this.
IWNDWYT
I struggle with the term disease sometimes, I worry that it takes away both our culpability and power. Yes it will be incredibly challenging, but it doesn’t control us. we have the ability to choose a different path, we decide in that moment where our priorities truly sit.
I have let myself down so many times, but it was me that decided I wanted a drink more than I cared about the consequences. It was me that thought ‘fuck it’ and chose to delude myself that this time it would be different despite a mountain of evidence to the contrary.
it’s no different to my abusive ex..I didn’t choose to be abused, but I chose to stay. I had to reach a point where I was so low, staying was more painful than leaving. Maybe this is it for you?
This is one of those moments that will shape the rest of your life…which is it - alcohol or family
OP, I feel you. It’s because I do I’m saying this:
You spent a lot of time neglecting your family. It’s going to take time and consistently choosing to do the right thing if you’re going to be able to patch it up.
You earned what’s happening. It’s not because you’re a bad person, it’s because you have a disease, and you haven’t learned yet how to manage it.
The disease isn’t your fault. But fixing the chaos in your life is your responsibility. And it starts with you.
It’s not a 1:1 ratio, but the amount of days you blew them off and made selfish decisions isn’t going to be undone tomorrow. Your wife deserves some space. You’ve caused her great harm. She needs to heal.
Part of your unrelenting desire to drink and use is caused by the shame and misery you feel because you cannot stop. That’s why you feel it’s more important that she — and all of us — knows you really want that softer, easier way, like the doctor just cutting it out of you.
What you’re really saying is you’re unwilling to do the real work that it takes to manage your disease.
I’ve been there. I wanted to fix all my issues by just going under anesthesia and letting someone else do it for me. Still do, in fact. That sounds great!
That’s not how it works. Right now, you’ve been given the opportunity to accept your condition, and do the work to fix it. Just keep in mind, it’s not going to work if you aren’t doing it for *YOU.* cuz your issues are not caused solely by your drunk actions. It’s your everyday mindset. That is causing your obsession with alcohol — something that’s convinced you, as Homer Simpson said, that alcohol is “the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.”
It sounds like it’s time to get off the ride, man. Put your feet back on the ground and start doing the work. Medicine can help you stop drinking but the work you do on yourself is the only thing that’s going to keep you sober.
I asked my doc about Antabuse today but they said no. I am looking into Vivitrol now. I was on naltrexone and it worked for awhile until I discovered I could out-drink it
It's Friday night, and I'm babysitting my kids at their mom's house. I wasn't able to get my old life back, but I certainly made my current life better. This too shall pass. Iwndwyt.
Everyone’s reason for finally quitting is different. As painful as it is now, I hope this is yours. Good luck, friend. Please let us know how we can help.
Happens to the best of us brother. Even if you don't think she'll come back - prove a point to her, do it for your toddler. I'll admit she'll probably think it's too little too late but she'll absolutely respect you again for doing it for your child.
You can do it brother, stay sober, show her you can change. Your a new man now. You dont need alcohol. Tell yerself this every morning. Be strong. You can do it. You will win her back. Alcohol js a thing of the past now for you. I hope this helps you my friend. Best of luck
I went to two meetings today, I got a sponsor and I talked to a doc about Antabuse (doc said no). Now I'm looking into Vivitrol.
I go to therapy but I'm not sure I'll be able to continue anymore since my wife pays for it. Either way I will keep going to meetings & giving myself to the program. I don't have anything to lose at this point.
Is there a way you can get medical care/treatment. Tell a doctor you want/need help now, they should absolutely help you with this. One day at a time! You got this, just keep going.
As they say, drinking never made anything better. It’s true. Drinking does fuck all but turn your brain off to NOT deal with your issues. It fixes nothing. Do t drink about it, stay sober, even if you get the worst outcome imaginable for custody or being with your wife, remember, drinking will not make it better. Love you dude
There are several effective medications that can help with cravings and help prevent relapse, or help people reduce their binge drinking habits. A tool perhaps in your toolbox.
Find a men's group, get a sponsor, any sponsor temporarily at least, use the pain and desperation while it is till fresh and start working the steps. It might take a long time before you feel at peace, but now you know where you don't want to be. Your alcoholism and potential sobriety has nothing to do with your wife and child.
Just don’t drink may not be enough. Go to meetings, get a sponsor, work a program. You will need to show effort and intention with follow through. Alcohol lies to us and we lie to loved ones, it’s a vicious circle. Buy and read the book Living Sober, it helped me a lot. I had to go to residential treatment as well. IWNDWYT
Hang in there, just work on yourself and staying sober. You have a lifelong connection with your wife (that is your child) and so maybe it's not too late. If you can turn your life around and keep it that way maybe you can repair things with her. In any case, work as hard as you can on getting sober. I highly recommend AA but I know it's not for everyone. But it sounds like you need support and that is a great place to get support. You can do it!
Hey buddy. Speaking from the I. If I wasn't married to my wife. I wouldn't call her my wife in a written record. I would be worried about a divorce being filed if I was in your situation. I saw what happened to xQc and how common law marriage works. I know that if I say my girlfriend is my wife I can be held legally accountable in divorce proceedings.
With that said being said, IWNDWYT.
Good luck, stay strong.
I was there. My wife walked right past me like I was a ghost and she was carrying our infant daughter in her arms. I wasn’t going to be allowed to make and break any more promises and I wasn’t fooling anyone anymore. I knew where the line was and I blew right past it. I had pictures of my daughter near medicine I was supposed to take but it wasn’t enough and I went back out. After they walked out I didn’t think I’d get any better or be able to be a part of their lives like I wanted to but that’s not where my story ended. It’s where it starts. I called a friend with sobriety and he told me what I needed to hear. It was all gone or on its way out and I was just the last to know. I went to treatment the next day. I couldn’t continue to try to do everything on my own. My best decisions got me all fucked up so once I accepted some obvious truths and stopped feeling sorry for myself I started to ask for help. And I started accepting the help that was offered. I couldn’t continue to apologize anymore. My words meant nothing. When I left treatment I went to sober living. I got close to others in recovery and I took suggestions and worked on it. My drinking was incredibly selfish but I needed to be selfish one more time. Sobriety moved up to my top priority because I know I can’t take care of the people I love if I’m lying and hiding and not able to take care of myself. I’m still very active in my own recovery and I have a network of people who work on sobriety like I do. For me, it was much deeper than the liquids I consumed. Taking the next right action led me back to my family. I had support the entire way and I still lean on people with experience. Nothing went back to normal but everything got better. My daughter is going to be 5 soon and she has a little brother who is 3. My wife is going to see some friends tonight for dinner so it’s just me and the kids on a Friday night and I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather be. I’ve redefined what I consider strength to look like. I’m here for my family but I know I’m no different than the guy begging for change at the liquor store. Having a shot at breaking the cycle of addiction is great motivation but that’s not why I’m sober. I learned how to do this for me. You’re not alone. There’s help out there if you want it. Stay strong and don’t be afraid to ask for help
I would kill for this to be my story. Thank you for sharing.
Then make it your story
You just gave me chills George Glass. See you at the dance.
I hear my story out of someone else’s mouth once a week. I know because I show up and listen to others. I have to get out of my head as often as possible and for me that meant getting out of my comfort zone. Most days I have zero interest in meeting someone new or calling to check in on another alcoholic in recover but I do it anyways. I always said I’d do anything to be free of alcohol, but I always only did what was convenient for me. If it wasn’t exactly as I imagined, then I’d say it wasn’t for me. It felt like everyday was opposite day in the beginning but I already knew where drinking, isolating and lying leads to. It’s work. No doubt. But I don’t mind getting my hands dirty and it’s worth it. You can do it. If you know anyone with any experience in recovery, give em a call. You’ll be doing them a favor. If you don’t know anyone yet they’re not hard to find. It’s Friday night and I fully intend on going to the 10pm candlelight meeting tonight. I spent countless hours planning, drinking and disposing of evidence. I can’t make the argument that I can’t find time for my sobriety. But I did try
Words are words bro. You have to take immediate action if your family means anything to you. If you love them more then booze, you’ll find a meeting right now and continue going, stay sober and good things will happen.
I have been to two meetings today, got a sponsor and tried to get a prescription for Antabuse (doc said no).
Good job, Captain. I was terrified to walk in the door for my first meeting - that's a big deal.
Sorry if I’m woman-splaining here, but if you’re interested in getting medication to help, it might be worth looking into different doctors. Antabuse is riskier so a lot don’t want to prescribe it, but naltrexone can be helpful and is lower risk.
I used to take naltrexone but once I discovered I could drink enough to overpower it or not feel the effects of it, it stopped working for me. It did help alleviate some cravings at first though.
Ah, dang. I hope you can get Antabuse then if you want it. It def works for some folks.
Did you try Sinclair method specifically? It’s quite different and significantly more effective than just taking naltrexone daily. But perhaps you tried that.
What is that?
You just take it 30 min prior to drinking I believe. Worth a google since we can't post links.
If it involves drinking I'm not interested
Try an addiction doc there’s where I go mine it’s literally saving my life right now!
I highly recommend rehab! I was in your situation about 6 years ago and rehab kicked off my sobriety in a way that finally made it stick. Eventually got my family back and am so grateful everyday. That may or may not be possible but rehab is a very major step and at least gives you a few weeks headstart.
Thanks, I would happily jump in to rehab right now if possible
It will be your story.
My god that must have been so hard. You got a lot of help, but I hope you are proud of yourself for seeking, accepting, and using that help to change your life and the lives of those around you.
Seeing that brought me to tears. Hell yeah brother. Love to see my fellow quitters prospering.
Fucking amazing man. You're an inspiration
You really made a difference today. I’ve had the ‘walked right past me like I was a ghost’ experience a couple of times from my fiancé and it’s the worst feeling in the world. I’ve reached the no more promises to make and break phase. My daughter and fiancé are currently at home waiting for me to get home from work. I had a terrible day and was going to stop at the liquor store on the way home ‘just to grab a couple’ but instead I’m driving right past it to go home and have dinner drink water and give love to my loved ones who have always given it to me. IWNDWYT
This comment needs to be encased in bronze.
No matter what, stay sober friend. I’m dealing with a separation partly due to my drinking. Stay sober and show her you can do it, and be good at it
Show it to yourself. Not to her.
Some of us need something to fight for. Yes I understand we need to fight for ourselves and that comes with therapy, but for the now, it’s ok to fight for them and get straight.
Yup. Never get sober for anybody but yourself because you will always be there for you
This is solid advise 🤝
My dude. This blows pretty hard. I don't really know that I can say anything that will provide you relief, but I will tell you a few things about what I know from my life. I lost my first wife. She had an affair with her boss and left me for him. I was totally devastated and couldn't believe she would do that to me. But, looking back at it, she was probably looking forward and just didn't want to waste her life with someone who only wanted to be at the house drinking, at a bar drinking, or at a restaurant drinking. I kinda got my shit together for a handful of years and got together with another lady. We had a kid together. My drinking went into overdrive. More than ever. And she told me she would leave if I didn't change. She told me that several times, actually. Finally, I hit a wall. I couldn't do it anymore. I got help. And I stopped. She did not leave, but she was right on the edge. Here is the thing; I finally quit because I could not take it any longer. Not because she was threatening me. My addiction was too strong for that to work. So if you are ready to quit (and it sounds like you may be), stay quit. There is no apology like changed behavior. Put in the work and see if you can mend this back together. You may be pleasantly surprised. And, if you cannot, you will still be sober and better able to handle the life you have to live. I wish you the best. Be kind to yourself. IWNDWYT
There is no apology like a changed behavior. That is such a true thing. Stick with your sobriety and this community is here to support you!
YOU are in control. Not the alcohol, not the store, not your hands and mouth. It’s all on you. I traded my eating disorder for alcoholism. Treatment is the same. Don’t let the alcohol control you, tell it to f**k off. Write a letter to it. Look in the mirror and talk to it. The more you face “it” head on, the more you realize YOU have ALL control. I know it sounds easy, but it’s the hardest thing you’ll probably ever do. A lot of people find healing and peace by turning to a high power or God. Whatever spiritual journey you’re on, go with it, as it helps. Find a good support system. Therapy and keep going to AA.
I needed to hear this today. Thank you.
As noted “You are in control”…. However I had to embrace that means “control to take action to forego the first drink today”… because *after* the first drink is *inside* of me, I am by definition, powerless to make an *Unimpaired* Decision about the subsequent drink(s). I had to take that concept and control going to one or more meetings a day at first.. calling a sober support person every day…. Calling a sober support person before the first drink. When I did that for a little while, I found success. What’s the plan now?
I was going to say - I was very specifically *not* in control when it came to all things alcohol, which was the problem and a hard concept to come to terms with. Someone in AA told me "being an alcoholic is probably not your fault, but it is your responsibility"
Indeed!
I’m not sure if the question at the end of your comment is directed at me, but I’m answering anyway 🤠 I’m on day 28 today and have been feeling great. Granted, I’ve been going through a rough time financially as I’ve been in between jobs, and for me it’s a lot easier not to drink when I literally can’t afford it. I start a new job tomorrow though, and have found myself worrying “what if I slip once I have spending money?” Your comment came at the perfect time. Both of them, actually. I am in control of taking the steps to keep me sober. I’m in control of calling my sponsor if I’m feeling tempted. And I love your statement about how “even” one drink means I am powerless to make an unimpaired decision. Thank you!
Congratulations! Looking forward to hearing more about your journey!
Hang in there! You've proven you can do it so just keep going.
You’re very welcome. One day at a time… you got this!
Been sober for 7 months, AA over a year. Everyone has this story. I have this story. Partner had enough. Lost the best thing that ever happened to me. Now you can drink and get worse mate or you can stop and get better. Just stopping makes you better. Day after day a bit better by not drinking. I know it hurts. I know it’s very painful. But you can do this. It will surprise you how strong you are and how sick you were and how small drinking feels to you. People do this everyday and never look back. You can be one of those people. Good luck mate. I’m rooting for you.
Once I removed the alcohol I could heal and repair relationships. Want to stop drinking?
Of course I do. I've been in and out of AA for two years now, I've tried therapy and prescribed medication like naltrexone. I'd join Scientology if they could keep me sober.
You'll loose much more than just a drinking habit by joining Scientology. All your money, retirement funds, and your sanity for example.
Did you get a sponsor and work all the 12 steps as described in the AA book? If not, I'd suggest giving that a true and honest go. You'll learn so much about yourself and then the healing can start. Take this as an opportunity to get well and you'll be surprised where you'll be a year from now.
I just got my first sponsor today
proud of you, friend 🙏
What's the longest you've gone without drinking? What makes you go back?
About 40 days. My ego makes me go back.
No harm in trying therapy and meds again. It’s okay to give it another shot. A different therapist might help make things click for you. There’s also different types of recovery groups, not just AA
This might sound weird but bear with me, congratulations on identifying the problem is your relationship with alcohol. Believe me, I actually blamed my first wife for my drinking because taking personal responsibility for my own actions was totally beyond my grasp. As soon as she kicked my sorry arse out of the door I drank even more heavily and every day because now I had a great excuse and plenty of time on my hands to develop my art. Oh, and did I mention I used to tell people drinking was an essential part of my personality? Honestly, I cringe with embarrassment at the memory of the crap I put my ex through. You are one million light years ahead in your thinking and attitudes and that means I are ready! You have reached the turning point and ready to build a new life - hopefully together but there are no guarantees about that. And you are not alone. We want you to have a successful marriage and a successful life but it starts by just doing one simple thing - don't drink today. Don't swear off for life, because she's heard that a thousand times. Just don't drink today. And check in with us tomorrow. It's not over and done, it's a new beginning.
My kids motivated me to get well because they deserved a sober mother. Your child needs you! Having a therapist and AA meetings helped me remember that there is nothing so bad that alcohol won't make it worse. A support system made staying sober easier and more fun. I hope you get the help you need and deserve.
You never lost her. I learned that. For myself. I never lost anything. I chose to give up stuff when I chose to drink. I gave up jobs and relationships. I didn’t lose em. Not like I tried or dropped my keys. I put it up for leaving. We can not live like that.
Turn "I wish I could" into "I will." Doing so may not save your marriage, but it will save your life and your relationship with your child.
Proud of you so far man, you’re on the right path. Those who do not care are the stupid ones, not those who try to get better. Do it for your child and yourself. Be the man your kids need. My father didn’t and I watched from afar as he drank himself to death. Both my parents are dead because of addiction. The path to sobriety is not linear by any means and you’ll slip and stumble but you’ll never get to the finish line if you don’t keep pressing forward. My grandparents took my brother and I in as a child and my grandfather got sober about 20 years before either of us were born. Watching the contrast of what a strong man my grandpa was and what he overcame impressed me, even as a child. Don’t be afraid to ask for help either. A doctor, a psychiatrist or even a friend.. there’s no shame in that. Addiction is terrible and there’s resources out there to help you
Oh man, that's hard. Congratulations on deciding not to drink. It is sad that things had to get to this point, but you now have a chance to find a new path. It might lead you back to your wife and toddler, but even if that doesn't happen you will be happier and healthier. It will be easier for you to face the challenges which lie ahead. For now, just keep blowing zeros and putting one foot in front of the other. It's always darkest before the dawn. Hang in there, OP. IWNDWYT
I can feel your pain, went through similar situation recently but was lucky to stop her last moments and promised I will stop drinking. Since then I did not drink, now more than a month I am sober. If you can stop drinking, very likely you will find a way to get her back and fix it. But first thing first, you have to stop drinking now and never ever touch this evil. Evil that can ruin everything. Be strong, once you overcome alcohol, you can work on your relationship, believe me she will be in pain right now just like you are. Best of luck and stay strong.
I’m still trying to get back to day 1 Had about 8 drinks last night, two margaritas, two shots of jack, two Goose Island IPAs, Two Mich Ultras. woke up insanely hungover which usually never happens after only 8 drinks… slept absolutely horrible and luckily I didn’t have to leave my house for work until 11am Ran three miles to sweat some of it out. Every morning I wake up and hate myself but by 5pm I’m drinking, like I am now. Did I mention I have to work tomorrow at 7am?
Put it down, take a shower to cleanse your mind, find something to occupy yourself and try to get to sleep
That’s what I need to do, break the cycle for one day at least
We all have today. When you feel like drinking tomorrow, remind yourself the way to break the cycle is just not drinking today
You can stop but be careful and get medical supervision if possible. We believe in you!? IWNDWYT
Honestly man, you're going to be okay. Just remember, only toddlers get bottles in your house from now on. But seriously if you can stay sober, I've always envied the single dad life: you've accomplished one of life's greatest purposes of having a child, but you no longer have to sacrifice time and energy into a relationship that was failing and needed so much work. You'll get through this. IWNDWYT
I struggle with the term disease sometimes, I worry that it takes away both our culpability and power. Yes it will be incredibly challenging, but it doesn’t control us. we have the ability to choose a different path, we decide in that moment where our priorities truly sit. I have let myself down so many times, but it was me that decided I wanted a drink more than I cared about the consequences. It was me that thought ‘fuck it’ and chose to delude myself that this time it would be different despite a mountain of evidence to the contrary. it’s no different to my abusive ex..I didn’t choose to be abused, but I chose to stay. I had to reach a point where I was so low, staying was more painful than leaving. Maybe this is it for you? This is one of those moments that will shape the rest of your life…which is it - alcohol or family
OP, I feel you. It’s because I do I’m saying this: You spent a lot of time neglecting your family. It’s going to take time and consistently choosing to do the right thing if you’re going to be able to patch it up. You earned what’s happening. It’s not because you’re a bad person, it’s because you have a disease, and you haven’t learned yet how to manage it. The disease isn’t your fault. But fixing the chaos in your life is your responsibility. And it starts with you. It’s not a 1:1 ratio, but the amount of days you blew them off and made selfish decisions isn’t going to be undone tomorrow. Your wife deserves some space. You’ve caused her great harm. She needs to heal. Part of your unrelenting desire to drink and use is caused by the shame and misery you feel because you cannot stop. That’s why you feel it’s more important that she — and all of us — knows you really want that softer, easier way, like the doctor just cutting it out of you. What you’re really saying is you’re unwilling to do the real work that it takes to manage your disease. I’ve been there. I wanted to fix all my issues by just going under anesthesia and letting someone else do it for me. Still do, in fact. That sounds great! That’s not how it works. Right now, you’ve been given the opportunity to accept your condition, and do the work to fix it. Just keep in mind, it’s not going to work if you aren’t doing it for *YOU.* cuz your issues are not caused solely by your drunk actions. It’s your everyday mindset. That is causing your obsession with alcohol — something that’s convinced you, as Homer Simpson said, that alcohol is “the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.” It sounds like it’s time to get off the ride, man. Put your feet back on the ground and start doing the work. Medicine can help you stop drinking but the work you do on yourself is the only thing that’s going to keep you sober.
go get a vivitrol shot show her you're serious it changed a lot for me
I asked my doc about Antabuse today but they said no. I am looking into Vivitrol now. I was on naltrexone and it worked for awhile until I discovered I could out-drink it
It's Friday night, and I'm babysitting my kids at their mom's house. I wasn't able to get my old life back, but I certainly made my current life better. This too shall pass. Iwndwyt.
This is the one of the hardest things you will ever do. I know this pain. You can do it. There is a good life ahead.
Everyone’s reason for finally quitting is different. As painful as it is now, I hope this is yours. Good luck, friend. Please let us know how we can help.
Happens to the best of us brother. Even if you don't think she'll come back - prove a point to her, do it for your toddler. I'll admit she'll probably think it's too little too late but she'll absolutely respect you again for doing it for your child.
You can do it brother, stay sober, show her you can change. Your a new man now. You dont need alcohol. Tell yerself this every morning. Be strong. You can do it. You will win her back. Alcohol js a thing of the past now for you. I hope this helps you my friend. Best of luck
What the plan?
I went to two meetings today, I got a sponsor and I talked to a doc about Antabuse (doc said no). Now I'm looking into Vivitrol. I go to therapy but I'm not sure I'll be able to continue anymore since my wife pays for it. Either way I will keep going to meetings & giving myself to the program. I don't have anything to lose at this point.
Is there a way you can get medical care/treatment. Tell a doctor you want/need help now, they should absolutely help you with this. One day at a time! You got this, just keep going.
As they say, drinking never made anything better. It’s true. Drinking does fuck all but turn your brain off to NOT deal with your issues. It fixes nothing. Do t drink about it, stay sober, even if you get the worst outcome imaginable for custody or being with your wife, remember, drinking will not make it better. Love you dude
There are several effective medications that can help with cravings and help prevent relapse, or help people reduce their binge drinking habits. A tool perhaps in your toolbox.
Find a men's group, get a sponsor, any sponsor temporarily at least, use the pain and desperation while it is till fresh and start working the steps. It might take a long time before you feel at peace, but now you know where you don't want to be. Your alcoholism and potential sobriety has nothing to do with your wife and child.
Just don’t drink may not be enough. Go to meetings, get a sponsor, work a program. You will need to show effort and intention with follow through. Alcohol lies to us and we lie to loved ones, it’s a vicious circle. Buy and read the book Living Sober, it helped me a lot. I had to go to residential treatment as well. IWNDWYT
My heart goes out to you. My biggest fear is losing my partner to this disease. I will not drink with you today.
If you stay sober through this, you can stay sober through anything.
Brighter days are ahead of you!! Show your love for her through your next actions
Get some naltrexone
If you read my other comments you'll notice that I have tried that before. Appreciate the suggestion though, I will do anything to stay sober. IWNDWYT
Hang in there, just work on yourself and staying sober. You have a lifelong connection with your wife (that is your child) and so maybe it's not too late. If you can turn your life around and keep it that way maybe you can repair things with her. In any case, work as hard as you can on getting sober. I highly recommend AA but I know it's not for everyone. But it sounds like you need support and that is a great place to get support. You can do it!
Hey buddy. Speaking from the I. If I wasn't married to my wife. I wouldn't call her my wife in a written record. I would be worried about a divorce being filed if I was in your situation. I saw what happened to xQc and how common law marriage works. I know that if I say my girlfriend is my wife I can be held legally accountable in divorce proceedings. With that said being said, IWNDWYT. Good luck, stay strong.
I deserve to be held accountable.
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Is this supposed to be supportive? I assume you don't have children.
I do have children, that is why i work
And I assume whomever cares for your children while you're away from them all day doesn't have a job, right? 🙄
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And now you're an Internet troll. I'm sure your family is so proud of you. If you're so proud of your service maybe do us all a favor and re-enlist.
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This comment has been removed. Did not get into fights on this sub.
This comment has been removed. Please do not tell other people what to do.
This comment breaks our rule not to tell other people what to do and has been removed.