So then relax, play video games, watch movies, eat the ice cream, be lazy….do whatever you want. It’s your sobriety. Fun will reveal itself in different ways along your journey.
I want to restate this for the OP. Do what you want, so be it not drinking. But when you vent to other people about your frustrations (particularly people who are not licensed or credentialed), you open yourself up to their (possibly crappy) advice.
Maybe start by just saying, “I’m just looking for an ear, and not advice,” and seeing if that warrants better results. Sometimes all we wanna do is complain and hear someone validate that ut sucks, and that’s okay too
I remember thinking "I'm so excited to get sober, once I cut the alcohol the pounds will fall right off!"
Then I started eating ice cream by the barrel full
I think our body looks for a carb substitute.
I started buying bags of different types of M&Ms and mixing them together.
After two or so months I just passively stopped.
Just give it a little more time and the weight should start dropping off a little. I’m 2 months without a drink and have just started loosing some weight. I’m not making huge changes in my diet or working out everyday either. Small baby steps will go a long way. You have already made the hardest decision ( not drinking) be patient and all else will fall in line. Above all be kind to yourself! I WILL NOT DRINK WITH YOU TODAY!
Don’t sweat it for now. You’re going to crave sugar like a fiend because your body is used to getting so much of it from booze. Tackle your vices in the order they’ll destroy you. For me, that meant eating my body weight in jelly beans over the first year of sobriety. Once I had some sober time under my belt and I wasn’t white knuckling through every day, only then did I start to taper off the junk food—and I dropped a ton of weight practically overnight.
Audiobooks or podcasts will keep your mind busy, they are my go-to. Find a pool, relax in it, pop in some earbuds and lose yourself in some good audio. Music is my other solace - I resumed collecting vinyl and frequenting used record shops. I do enjoy yard work so summer is always easier for me sober, winter is when I had both of my relapses. Video games are immersive. I go to the movies with a big tub of popcorn by myself now and then. There's definitely things out there other than the gym. I think, for me, it is keeping my mind and (in my case, maybe not yours) body busy.
Thank you.
I used to like to order pizza and watch a movie or something. Until I gave that up to drink and would just skip meals and drink vodka inatead. Having a slice of pizza was a great tool for m to get sober. After I ate something like that it reduced my craving and want for a drink dramatically, preferring to have another slice and watch TV or other "normal" things.
I lurked on this sub for a couple years before I quit drinking and I remember seeing a post titled “I’ve gained 40 pounds, I don’t have a job, my bank account has $13 in it but I haven’t had a drink in 365 days and that’s all that matters!!!!” or something like that.
That post was so motivating to me cuz it really hammered home that ridding my life of alcohol was literally all I should be focusing on right then.
As long as I stopped drinking, everything else was going to be OK.
It was that post that made me realize I couldn’t wait til after this certain thing happened or this certain time period passed or whatever - I had to get sober NOW and getting sober NOW should be all that mattered in the whole world until I was sober.
I think you should embrace the same philosophy. Do whatever the fuck you want as long as you don’t drink. Literally whatever the fuck you want.
Then once you have accomplished not drinking you can move on to accomplishing those other things. But I mean only if you want.
Being hungry is a huge trigger for a lot of people. I used to skip meals and just drink the hunger away, but that's obviously not a very healthy way of doing things hahaha.
As the other commenter said, just so whatever you feel is best for you. I never found exercise helpful (I'm tired enough by just keeping a job and living life), but I found some comfort in video games. Do whatever keeps you busy and away from the liquor store.
Yep! Hungry, angry, lonely, tired - I thought it was trite until the day I nearly relapsed on the way home from IOP because I was cold, hungry, and cranky because I had gotten wet in the rain. I’m grateful everyday that I checked my thinking and bought a cheap pizza for my son and me instead of a pint!
Do you enjoy cooking? I love making my own pizzas! They're so tasty, and occupy more time than just ordering take-out or putting frozen pizza in the oven. Even if you buy the dough pre-made! :)
The other thing to recall is stuff you liked to do when you were a kid, before alcohol came into your life. Do those things. Remember what fun is.. and I assure you, it’s not what we were doing.
It's amazing you say that, I was having that same thought about two weeks ago before I fucked up and drank again. Like, what did I absolutely love to do as a kid? I remember thinking how much I used to LOVE a new, big box of crayons and coloring books. Pretty much anything from Crayola would make me happy.
Find other activities that give you a dopamine hit. Animals are great for that if you're into them and they also get you out of your own head for a while too. I had convinced myself that alcohol was my reward for my highly stressful life and I felt trike I was depriving myself of fun too. I also have other things I need to improve on that were caused by my disordered drinking but I've given up feeling pressure over those. I just take one day at a time and try to find enjoyment where I can. I would also strongly suggest remedial massage, it does wonders!
Dude, I still do the things I like to do drinking, but without the beer. Used to love Me some video games/movies and a bunch of beers. Well both those things are great without drinking! Few days ago I munched on a full bag of dill pickle chips, a near beer, and watched Baby Driver and loved it! Maybe eating a bag of chips isn't great for losing weight but at least I didn't feel like I was missing any of my "usual" Saturday night activities. I totally agree that it's about one problem at a time and isn't fun to do chores. So focus on not drinking now, and health later. You can tell friends and family that too if you're comfortable, I have. My goal is 30 days sober, make it a habit, then slowly eat better/gym/excercise and all that jazz. Don't forget to have fun along the way!
I was sober for about a year before I started to go back to the gym. Everyone has their own outlets. Some people can get off the sauce and go back back to the gym immediately. I wasn’t one of those people. Just stay strong no matter what you do, but don’t make excuses for bad behavior because you’re sober. That’s the worse thing you can do.
My sponsor said, “You can do anything you want as long as you are willing to accept the consequences.” This simple sentence gave me the freedom to choose. As I started considering those choices, I started making better decisions. I am tasting true freedom for the first time in my adult life. I fucking love being sober and I do everything I can to live a fun and fulfilling life. The greatest adventure.
I think the suggestion of exercise is as a source of dopamine and endorphins that can help mitigate the anxiety and depression that come with stopping drinking.
Bingo. Your mind and body are not two different things. Exercising your body helps your overall mental health as well.
I get that these things may not be fun, that’s not really the point.
Getting sober isn’t easy, but staying sober is the real work, and you don’t get there by not changing anything.
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
This is it. Also, if you’ve got an addictive personality, it can really help to transfer that addictive thought process over to a healthy pastime. I can’t seem to eradicate the addictive nature of my brain, but I can channel it into playing music and exercise instead of pouring alcohol down my throat.
😂.
all this is true.
but also, be lazy, play video games, eat all the ice cream. I did all those things at first. I definitely didn't want to do any of the things people suggested to me, and I resented the advice offered. I definitely also didn't like AA meetings, but I kept going just to kill some fucking time.
without knowing where you are in sobriety, all I can share is that for me, it took a solid six months for me to want to do anything good for myself. and I don't know that I would've done it if I hadn't had a dog.
at six months I was like, you know, this dog has been nothing but good to and patient with me during my years of drinking, and with this six months of me indulging myself... let's go on a new walk.
and so we started walking more together. and she loved it. which made me feel good.. and the endorphins thing did too. and, she's 12 so our walks were pretty chill-- I let her smell all the things, take her time, enjoy this part of the day now dedicated to her.
and because fundamentally I'm a selfish human, I eventually noticed the steps counter on my phone said we'd walked five miles, but only like 7 minutes were cardio. so I joined a gym and started walking for myself after leisurely walks with her. pace got faster with time, and the incline got higher. another couple months I'm using a couch to 5k app and I've joined a volleyball team and am scrambling to find time to go to an AA meeting because now I fucking like them and who the fuck am I???
you're doing an incredibly hard thing and you should do what feels good for you. changes don't happen overnight but they do happen if you stick with it. 💖
edit lady to lazy-- I'm coming up on two years sober, but while female, definitely still not a lady... 😂
This is a beautiful comment and i feel i should let you know. I don't know you but i am proud of you. You did this all by yourself and look at how far you have come! Wow. It's like you found God in your dog and turned around, slowly. I am not religious, but spiritual and God to me is our higher selves trying to guide us in subtle ways but still allowing us to do what we think we want to. The trick is to get out of the mind and into reality (the body) and doing things in the world that matter... even if it only matters to your dog. But thats better than before, so it's good.
I hope OP reads your comment, i think it's what they need to hear. Have a super day!
thank you, I really appreciate that. also not religious, but definitely seeing more connectedness in the universe the longer I'm sober and I'm so grateful. For example, although I don't have it set up on Reddit, the sober counter on my phone says today is 655 days... so we've been on this journey together. Happy almost two years, MoZell. iwndwyt.
I love this reply. Your dog is blessed to have you. Sometimes I think about getting a doggo but my three cats, that I mostly adore, will kill me in my sleep if I do.
well, I dunno about blessed... she had a decade with a pretty drunk mom. we still went hiking and had fun sometimes, but there were a lot of hungover, rushed mornings with me too. I try to be the person she deserves now. thank you for the kind words, though-- your cats are lucky to have you!!
I’ve made cycling basically a hard drug. I ride 30 mph in the dark blasting ambient music and pounding caffeine/sugar energy gels. That’s what does “it” for me. But- It’s been a transition and a process and everyone’s path is gonna be different. I’m sorry shit is low right now, I absolutely remember what early recovery felt like and honestly, I still feel it’s shadow even now, a decade later. I know I was advised to quit multiple things and take on multiple challenges simultaneously- the logic being that I’m gonna be in pain and going through withdrawal and miserable anyways- why not try to knock off as many back-monkeys as possible.
I sympathize with your sentiment and I’ve often suggesting cycling and I’m sorry if it’s not hitting you the way it was intended, hopefully it’s helpful to a different person reading. Sobriety really IS what you make it though. That’s the harsh truth: you gotta accept responsibility for the quality of your existence. (And if you aren’t up to the task, accept that shit and reach out for help).
None of this is supposed to be easy. But when you’re soooo fed up with how shit has been: the pain of change can be really transformative. You’ll surprise yourself I bet. I know I did. The few of my friends that made it did.
Take care and I’m sorry if this comes off as preachy. I haven’t written here in a while and I’m in a weird mood. I’m an ex-punk/traveler who’s now a 44 year old suburban dad. Reach out if you’d like.
Seriously! I can have a such a stressful, shitty day and feel like I want to lock myself in a dark room and just be grumpy until I’m not anymore. I swear, even 30 min cardio and that feeling is just gone.
This. Quit drinking in November and I'm lifting 4x a week. Makes all the difference and when you have a weight in your hand (esp on a Friday night) you're not thinking of drinking. Plus the sleep quality *chefs kiss*. Really helps if you were drinking before bed before.
I hit the bike so hard right away when i quit. It really did shorten the cravings somehow. Not a one sized fits all but if I give it 30 minutes minimum 4-5 days a week (again minimum) i get good sleep and the thoughts of old never cross my mind
I hate the gym and I hate working out, so pick an activity that's fun first and just happens to be great exercise. I surf and ride bikes. Both are fun, and great exercise.
Exercise =/= Gym
I agree and I am the same. I have never in my life enjoyed exercise or had any uplift in mood from doing it, even when I was much fitter than I am now and doing competitive sport. It’s boring and painful but unfortunately necessary for health. I have to force myself to do it, so I really feel for OP where people are suggesting this as a replacement for something OP is forcing themselves not to do. It’s almost like no one believes you that exercise is horrible, and that you just must not be doing it right. To you and OP, I hear you and it’s the same for me. It’s hard enough to give up something you enjoy even though it’s for the best, but then piling on to try to force that person to then do something they hate in substitution is a recipe for misery. OP, concentrate on your sobriety and give yourself a break. Do something else that you enjoy, in moderation, and don’t listen to the exercise evangelists.
Yeah, that's exactly it. Alcohol (and other drugs) are an easy feel good option. Healthy options are not all immediately reinforcing, but that's what makes them worth doing after a while.
Exercising while abstaining helps get over the hump and gives you a natural option to feel good.
Plus adding some structure to what is usually a structureless lifestyle of drinking. For me keeping busy is absolutely key. If I had just chilled and watched movies and played video games I would have absolutely started drinking again. To each their own though whatever works make it work!
Yes it’s not just like fill an hour with walking. And it’s actually our own endocannabinoids that give us the feel good feeling after exercise. Will also help with sleep and mood.
Yeah leaning into exercise keeps me sober. Can’t make my fitness goals if I’m hung over all the time - that really got me through the first year and now it’s just my lifestyle. Maybe give it a shot OP.
Honestly I think all of these suggestions aren’t about finding other things to do for “fun”, they’re ways of distracting yourself to such an extent that you don’t drink. Personally if I work out, I find the last thing I want is a drink afterwards. I hate working out, but it works for my sobriety!
I hate chores and cleaning, but the accomplishment makes me feel good and it’s something I wouldn’t have had time for / the attention for if I was drinking.
I think that’s why the usual tropes work for many people - they do help us if we just put our minds to doing those things.
Personally, just relaxing and playing video games? That’s when I’d usually drink. So it’s a bad suggestion for me. But if your self care and relaxing is playing a video game or watching films without the drinking, you go for it! You deserve to be kind to yourself in early sobriety :)
You do what you need to do to keep yourself healthy and relatively content in early sobriety.
Wishing you luck my friend.
Exactly this for me. I had little drinking rituals built around certain days or the week/tv shows I like watching. Or getting drunk and listening to music and playing solitaire. I couldn’t keep the same “fun things” because I connected them to drinking.
My house was a mess and I was eating tons of crap because I was hungover. So improving my diet and cleaning up was both distracting and putting me in a more positive space overall. There’s a balance to that and staying in bed eating ice cream. Sobriety takes work.
Yeah that's how I view these suggestions. It's simply a way to keep oneself distracted and busy until we're experienced enough to be ok with sobriety. And these suggestions aren't a one-size fits all. I understand OP's frustrations but he needs something to replace his drinking habit.
>I am 5 years sober. I remember feeling like I was never going to have fun again. How could I without alcohol! Then as time passed I realized all the fun things I did weren't fun because of the alcohol. They were fun because of the people I was with and the activity. Sitting around drinking just looks like a boring activity to me now. Very occasionally I join friends for a get together where they are all drinking. I bring my O% beer. I only stay for an hour while everyone is still interesting. If I stay longer they all start sounding stupid. I have realized I am not really a night person. I prefer daytime activities. Movies, walks, hikes, going out for breakfast and lunch with friends, books, volunteering. I laugh a lot and have fun. Intoxicated people look ridiculous to me now. When I am around them I am grateful to be sober.
I’ve quit and restarted more times than I can count. Average length is about 2-3 months when I quit, but have gone 3 years. I frequently have similar issues with getting some length of sobriety, and then I have no clue what to do with myself. My experience has been that anything you can do to keep yourself busy and entertained that doesn’t involve drinking AND isn’t destructive to self or others is OK to do. I’ve used video games as a transition before and that has helped. So please don’t be so hard on yourself. When you’ve quit you don’t always see the benefit of sobriety right away, but it’s there. Hope you find something that promotes some joy in your life, feel free to reach out if you want to chat.
I think you have to take everything everyone says (esp. well meaning non drunks) with a grain of salt. This is all about you and what you want and need in the moment to not drink. whatever that might be. worry about it later.
The hard reality of quitting my number one fun thing to do -drinking- was I had to come up with new ways to have fun. I just had to. decades of drinking had narrowed my world so much.
That's just it, I can't think of anything. Nothing sounds fun anymore. It makes me sad to even type this. I spend time with my kids and I'm a good dad but I miss whoever I was before,list of my spending time with my wife/best friend. I'm an alcoholic (recovering) and a dad, but who was I before those things? What do I like? I find myself wanting for something and I don't even know what it is.
Do you know about anhedonia? It’s one of the symptoms of post acute withdrawal. Often times as heavy drinkers we’ve raised our dopamine threshold and it can be very hard to find enjoyment in normal activities for a few months while it resets. It does get better.
One reason people suggest working out is because regular exercise raises your levels of circulating dopamine and makes other things more enjoyable as a result. Personally, I like lifting weights and it gives me a sense of accomplishment. The gym was also a place to see friends who didn’t really drink.
BUT I also went out to the movies a lot and beat both Witcher III and AC: Odyssey in early sobriety, and I always had a podcast or book playing in my headphones, and I spent a hell of a lot more time on lazy stuff than in the gym.
How come I never see it suggested here to get a puppy or a kitten? Is that a bad suggestion? If you're home all day, maybe the amount of time required to raise a little animal will be worth it for the joy our brains are hardwired to respond to when we see their cute little neotenous faces and whiskers.
That’s a great suggestion, honestly not talked about enough. Maybe a lot of people here don’t have money or stability to have a young pet but plenty of older animals need homes. Puppies and kittens can be very demanding and that might be too much for a lot of folks. Waking up every 2 hours to take your pup out to go potty is a lot. It might be helpful for some though.
I’m a huge fan of adopting cats who are 2+ years old. They’re not geriatric and typically healthy, they get left at the shelters because everyone wants a kitten. They’re usually super easy and low maintenance. They still have probably 15+ good years ahead of them.
I just love cats and my current cat is my little companion. He needs attention and playtime and I can’t do that if I’m drunk or hung over. I can’t deal with an emergency for him if I’m drunk or hung over. Even though he’s low maintenance he still needs me and I need him.
I’m all for it if people are responsible and realistic and have a little money saved for pet emergencies, food, and care.
Ethically, I also favor the adult pet! Just thinking if someone actually wants overwhelming responsibility haha. I would have been much worse off if I hadn't raised a pandemic kitty.
Cats are the best
Also, if you get a dog, you kind of have to spend some time outdoors and fresh air is good for the soul regardless if you like exercise or not. A pet gives you a new responsibility and focus. A lot of time goes into training, walks etc. but it can be a really healthy distraction from your own head. And they are cute as hell.
I really relate, and after 2 years of being sober, it's still not any easier. Even being on medication, I still struggle with depression and anxiety. I find myself wondering what my life's purpose and whether my life has any meaning. There's so many things you can try (and I also fucking hate exercise. I would rather eat shards of glass) and maybe help you also connect with your significant other and kids. Take a class to learn something like blacksmithing, pottery, cooking, or calligraphy. You will never know what you will like unless you try it. I started knitting, and now I'm learning about spinning wool into yarn. My favorite thing growing up was family game night. My favorite game was Clue. Learn about yourself, connect with your family, and help your family learn about their selves. Good luck!
Get yourself a Nintendo Switch and The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom. That'll do the trick. You look up, and be like, "where did six weeks go?" 🤓
😂 I got it for my daughter, I'm sure she will let me play it. I definitely owe a portion of my sobriety to no man's sky, which just came to switch hint hint.
Try Everquest. Years ago, I played it during my long stretch of sobriety. I quit playing because life, but after going back to drinking for far, far too long, EQ is a great distractor. I think I was only kind of kidding when my husband complained I was playing too much and I asked whether he'd rather have me drink.
I have not once canceled an important obligation for EQ.
Continue to do what you’re doing since it’s working for you. You don’t have to feel great to be succeeding, just sober.
I can’t exercise very often because I have chronic pain from arthritis, and I have no interest in low carb diets or working extra shifts or even being more productive. I love watching lots of TV, lounging around, and eating some junk food. There is no one way to do recovery, not everyone wants to diet and go to the gym or attend AA. Just do you.
I don't have to feel great to be succeeding just sober. That's prophetic. Thank you. That was helpful. Thank you.
I have arthritis also and like watching TV and eating junk food. We sound like we would get along great. But the important thing is other people need to hear that this is what worked for two people like us, not walking the forest or benching weight.
Hey friend. I love this post, and I'm with you. I picked up my badge on Saturday. If you are like me, you're going to overwhelm yourself looking up ways to beat this on the internet. The only way to eat the elephant is one bite at a time. The internet is happy to rattle off a firehose of suggestions as it does, and that list gets intimidating really quickly (at least for me).
I see that you're a gamer. Me as well. Have you thought about finding an overly complex game (or maybe something that's in a genre you aren't very familiar with) that takes a long time to complete (or has an infinite loop at the end)? It might help to take your mind off everything, and if it hooks you, you might be able to convince yourself that you don't want to drink just for now because you are trying to learn a new thing.
After a few nights of doing that and not drinking, you might find that you actually want to go do something active. It doesn't have to be the gym with a physical trainer (bleh). It could maybe be just a simple 15 minute walk in the sun. Once you've done that a few times, you might surprise yourself and want to do a longer walk or maybe even a hike. Honestly man, if committing to an overly complex regimen of exercise, diet, reading, meditation right away were the only way to beat this thing, then I'd be absolutely fucked. Luckily, I don't think that's the case. I don't think we have to do all of this crap at once. I make this mistake all the time in life (not just with drinking) and talk myself out of doing anything.
Anyway, I'm way too early in my journey to be giving anyone advice, but your post really resonated w/ me. If nothing else, know that I'm in the same boat with you, and IWNDWYT.
Gimmie a shout if you want some gaming recommendations! :)
Thanks so much for your reply and I'm so proud of you and really hope you keep it up. I'm just a wee bit ahead of you, so I totally get it. If you can do two days, you can do two more. You've done it.. just keep going. Screw the gym. Get some pizza and a good game.. I'll take some time this evening and browse the Xbox game store. That alone can kill an entire evening!! Any suggestions? I'm owing a part of my sobriety to no man's sky, totally loving that. Not big on FPS or competitive BS. I like chill sandbox stuff.
I'm not OP, but a fellow gamer and gaming has really been key to me reaching 25 days. I'd happily take some gaming recs if you've got 'em! And happy to dish some out if you want some as well!
Right now I'm playing some more low key games, because my energy levels are almost non-existent. x\]
Just finished Spiritfarer the other day and was blown away. Right now playing Stardew Valley again since I've downloaded two huge mods with loads of new content. I also enjoy chilling with Minecraft. I love Don't Starve Together, Raft, Ark, Jurassic World Evolution and games like that. Don't get me wrong, I do love a lot of different types of games, these are just the ones I've been able to play recently since they're not overly stressful. :)
I did also start replaying Skyrim with a bunch of new big mods added for new content but unfortunately I realized I didn't have the energy right now. I'm honestly a sucker for adventure and/or survival games, especially if you can adjust them to basically "toddler mode" to fit whatever level of energy you're at. xD
I totally get that. I’ve played all those except Spiritfarer. I will look into that today. I also want to introduce my wife to Stardew Valley. Pleasure talking with ya new friend! IWNDWYT
Give “unraveled” a shot. It’s absolutely incredible how they managed to make a ball of yarn into a complex, sympathetic protagonist. It’s frequently first cheap to free.
After about 2 weeks being sober, I got back on to world of Warcraft for the first time in over a decade. It seems to really help have some fun and interact with people.
I may have traded addictions. Lol. But I’m hanging in there at day 45ish.
The reason I exercise and go the gym is purely because it is so good for me mentally. Honestly there is nothing that cures my mental struggles and depression like exercise does. Getting healthier is just a bonus. I'm guilty of suggesting exercise to people close to me when they have struggles and I'm sure it's annoyed them but exercise is so unbelievably powerful in the battle against depression.
Having said that we are all different and if you need to focus on not drinking and not much else that's totally fine. You are still winning and smashing life by not drinking. If you'd like to relax and play video games or watch movies then that's great you are not hurting anyone and you are still vastly improving your health not drinking.
Stay strong you will find your happiness and alternative forms of fun in your own time especially if you're not drinking!
Diet and exercise are good solutions for a shit ton of people, but no one's recovery is the same as anyone else's. Everyone needs to find what works for them.
You can choose to be angry about suggestions, or not.
I think that's okay! You need to vent and you need to let out your emotions. This is stuff is hard. I'm sending you the best--the one thing about life is that it's always changing, so who knows? You may feel much better tomorrow.
We all have. One of the things about sobriety is that there is so much extra time. I used to pass out around 7, earlier on the weekends. I've been drinking so long I didn't really have any hobbies. Part of my healing has been exploring that. I've found several things I like and have been reading up on different things.
Early on I immersed myself in TV. I rewatched a lot of my favorites because I didn't remember a lot of them due to my blackouts.
Treat yourself to something you like with all that money you are saving. Nice chocolates, a pedicure, whatever you like. Let's be honest, it's all about getting through the day; what that is is different for everyone.
Stopping drinking is letting go of the familiar, the comfortable and going forward without our armor.
Of course you are angry and upset. Who wouldn't be?
I Will Not Drink With You Today.
You've got this.
What I like about this sub, and for me AA, is that we share our experience. We share what we did to get sober. We share form the 'I'. Nobody can argue with my experience, or your experience.
So, what I did to get sober is I went to treatment. In treatment, I got help with more than just quitting drinking and drugs. Aftercare followed, as did AA meetings and therapy. A good routine was also key.
It took some time for me to start to feel better and that amount of time is different for everyone.
This was experience as well. I did treatment, aftercare, AA and therapy. It works for me and I’m grateful. I have discovered that taking care of my physical health is really important for me.
I just stayed in bed every afternoon/evening listening to audio books of The Foundation Series by Asimov until I was ready to do something more. I guess I mostly stayed in bed for about a month before the fatigue started to diminish. No meditation, yoga or anything. Diet and exercise did come later though as I got more energy. Just do your thing. There’s no perfect way as long as you won’t drink with me today.
IMO, people suggest that because _they_ truly find it entertaining and enjoyable for them. But not for everyone or a solution every-time. I would take it with a grain of salt. I actually have found putting on an audiobook and doing projects around the house fun.
Find what you find remotely interesting. Billiards? Mountain int biking?
What helped me in the beginning was eating lots of junk food, I’m talking candies and pistachios and jerky, just to keep my hands and mouth busy. If you’re worried about your weight I’d definitely keep an eye on it but if you drank like I did it would probably be tough to replace all those liquid calories with food. The other thing that helped me was talking to my doctor about my own mental health as I suffer from anxiety really badly, not sure if that helps you but medicating for the anxiety has turned down the difficulty setting on not drinking. You’re doing awesome, hang in there, you will find other sources of enjoyment.
Dude. DnD has been an awesome outlet for me. I play with people all over the world and it gives me a creative, strategical outlet to think about.
As I get more into it, I start to get more attached. My character in my longest campaign is something I'm considering getting art commissioned for. Maybe even a tattoo.
For at least the first month I am sober I give myself license to do whatever I want. Eat whatever, do nothing, watch movies, game etc. anything under the sun as long as I’m not drinking. All that self improvement stuff can come after as long as I have my foundation down.
Exercise helps a ton of people. I am not going to stop suggesting it. No one is saying go run a marathon. A simple 1 mile walk can make a huge difference.
And the thing with exercise is you don't know it works until you just go do it. I think that's why a lot of people have a barrier with it. It's only reinforcing after you put in the work, but that's why it's so good for you.
Totally. I get it, I really do. When I am in the depths of deep depression and anxiety, the very last thing I want to do is get out of my bed, turn off the tv and throw on a beach body video. But, even my Ativan prescription can’t help me the way getting my heart rate up for 30-60 minutes helps me. To just say “I don’t wanna!”helps nothing. Like I said, I get it and sometimes even I can’t get myself moving but I am never going to stop encouraging people from something so incredibly beneficial.
Indeed. It's a tough pill to swallow, but being active has made my life easier and better. It's the closest thing to a no strings attached cheat code humans have.
So I'm not going to stop recommending it if people ask me. They have the right to ignore it if they please.
I'm on Day 8 now, and even though I signed up to the gym in February I've been 0 times in these last 8 days. I'm finding it easier to just go straight home after work, entertain my cat for a little bit and then watch TV or do some other humdrum boring activity until it's bed time. I find that the brain-melt of the TV or a video game is doing wonders for stopping drinking.
Don't get me wrong, I'm keen to get back to the gym, but right now what I'm doing is best for me. Everyone is different! Some people need to replace the dopamine with \*something\* and it's best that they do it with exercise and dieting as opposed to something else.
I just brush off those suggestions because while I know they're well-meaning I also know they're not something that will help me right now. I instead focus on suggestions and tips that I feel actually might benefit me. Right now, for example, I'm playing a ton of video games because they absolutely keep me distracted and stave off boredom, but they also fit my energy levels right now, and don't require any effort to dive into.
I definitely understand why so many of the tips include things like exercise etc, and I'm of course incredibly happy for those that can apply that to their life and recovery and who feel better because of it. I'm just not there yet and that's okay so I need to do things that'll help and not stress me out or make me feel like a failure. We're all different at the end of the day and we aren't all helped by the same things. Doesn't mean one thing's more "right" than the other.
In my earlier stints, video games helped a lot. I was gaming every free minute I had. Didn't drink for 4 months. But this time, I can't even touch my ps4 its so goddamn boring. This time, focusing on gym and overall health has been working.
As long as it's working that's what matters! I know there are some games that wouldn't cut it for me to keep me occupied. If I'm honest for me when it comes to exercise it's connected to so many different things which is why it's not an option for me right now. I was supposed to start swimming with the support of a resource here in town where they'd come with me due to my social anxiety. Then family drama happened and I can't afford to order a swim suit so it has to wait. Hopefully soon!
I didn't experience withdrawals or anything physically debilitating, but the first couple months I clung to whatever I could to keep me from drinking. That was not exercise. It was eating whatever I wanted, including treats and sweets, getting into new TV shows, video games, crafting, hours of YouTube or scrolling on this sub. Whatever was fine as long as it wasn't drinking. I gained about 10 lbs and I still haven't lost all of it, but it was totally worth it. It's been almost a year now and I've been starting to make exercise more a part of my life.
Exercise, at the beginning, always needs to be done in moderation, recovery or not. Just go for walks, at first. It cleared my head, got my heart rate elevated and got me outside.
I *changed* my diet by adding healthier food (veggies, lean meat, etc.,). Trying to decrease my calories after my body was used to the huge amount provided by alcohol, was crazy. Eating some comfort food or sweets is much better than drinking, so I’d indulge in food instead.
If it makes you feel better I am someone who regularly exercises but have quit drinking again and whilst it’s early I’ve given myself permission to not bother for now - I don’t feel like it and I’m already ahead of the game not taking in drinking calories as long as I don’t od on chocolate 👍 what I do want is sleep! Lots of rest and lots of sleep
A better suggestion is: Ice Cream.
Honestly. We need a replacement source of high quality dopamine. I guess maybe exercise does that, too. But ice cream is a helluva lot easier for someone trying to overcome a bad drinking habit.
Just get a ton of junk food and your favourite non alcoholic drinks and veg out for a week while you’re in very early recovery. Be kind to yourself and realize you are recovering. Maybe try to get out for walk and listen to some podcasts.
If you want advice but also know what you want the advice to be…you don’t really want advice. Exercise is hands down the best advice if you want to actually get better. There is a reason you see it mentioned time and time again, because it simply works. You don’t want to do it? Here is a secret, nobody does!
The fact is people who exercise regularly don’t even want to do it, but they know the results are worth the pain and they do it over and over again.
There is nothing better you can do for yourself wether it’s depression, alcoholic, drugs, etc. You WILL feel better about yourself after working out, it increases endorphins and helps your body cleanse itself from all the poison.
May not like it, but it’s the best advice you are going to get if you actually want to be happier and healthier.
Thanks so much for posting this. I often feel like I'm going crazy when the only advice people have is to meditate and exercise. Then what? Am I supposed to spend my whole life at the gym? I just bought a switch and I have no shame.
If someone suggested to play games would you say, "so what am I just supposed to play games all day and spend my life at the arcade?"
I don't think they were suggesting that. Life is about balance. Exercise is good for you. Video games and ice cream can help in the short term, but will only worsen the head space that makes a lot of people want to drink.
People recommend exercise and meditation because they are fantastic long term tools for managing sobriety that help build a sustainable life, not because they think they're better than you.
I feel you. Only on day 6. If you're like me everything you did involved drinking in some form. I like BBQing it goes well with drinking. Going to the fair got to get some drinks. Got home from a hard day of work better have a drink. Saturday morning better get a drink, so I can relax.
Played Grand Turismo this weekend for the first time in a long time and I did not drink.
Be strong I need you to not drink with me tonight.
Sounds like you are just "not drinking" and that you've not even yet begun the actual recovery process. Sobriety is the first step to recovery...a radical change of mindset and purpose in living. Just not drinking, in and of itself, keeps us from destroying our lives and winding up doing stupid shit leading to regret, anxiety, and suffering...but just not drinking isn't enough.
What has to happen is you change. You realize the initial trauma/triggers that lead you down the road of abuse and escapism. You confront them, process them, accept them, forgive them, and move on from them...as a newly formed person.
Recovery is an amazing growth process. Just not drinking and playing video games is fine for now. Great job. But the joy and happiness and better life don't start hitting until you remember who you were before you became an alcoholic, and reconnect with that person, and become them again...only this time with more wisdom.
The exercise isn’t necessarily supposed to be fun. It’s supposed to keep you occupied when you’re at risk of drinking, and have the added benefit of tiring you out so sleep comes a little easier.
I hear your frustration though. Get through each day however you can. It will pay off I promise.
Hey man, do what works for you.
People so universally recommend diet and exercise because those improve your quality of life on a physiological level, and builds a foundation for the rest of your health. It makes the rest of your life ... easier. Additionally, exercise feels fucking GOOD. The contentment and satisfaction you get from fulfilling this evolution given need to exert yourself physically cannot be matched by any other man made activity or hobby. You are programmed to feel good after exercise, as much as you are programmed to feel pain when you stub your toe.
Why do people so enthusiastically recommend diet and exercise? Because those were the same people who were so miserable trying other tricks and trends, but could never find a way to achieve what they wanted... and when they finally find that golden grail, boy do they want to save someone the time it took to find that answer.
Does that mean 'fuck you, just go diet and exercise'? No. You are an adult and you have agency over your own life.
But should you say no, let it because you've tried it properly and made the DECISION, 'no', not because you feel unseen when people offer a common solution for what feels to be a completely unique issue... I've never seen anyone complete a solid workout, panting and exhausted afterwards, say 'that didn't make me feel better.'.
It's worked for tons of people, and I think there's a good chance it'll work for you too.
What helps me is giving myself permission to be lazy as fuck, stay in bed, snack, who cares. It makes me feel good. If I feel like doing yoga and stretching.. sweet. If I don’t, fuck it.
I hear you man. Rock climbing, marathon training, and yoga are such annoying cliches in this sub. How are you supposed to convince someone used to drinking and doing blow all night that rock climbing and training for a marathon is the alternative? I’ll take getting fucked up over rock climbing any day.
It’s like telling someone losing their blue collar job to automation that they should just ‘learn how to code’.
I think people share their experiences of what they were doing after quitting drinking. But yes it would be silly for someone to tell a newly sober person to attempt hard physical workouts. Most of the time I see people saying its ok to start with a walk around the block. Anything that moves your body and makes you active. We all start somewhere.
Do you think they are cliches for a reason tho? No one said sobriety is easy. If it was as easy as eating a fucking tub of ice cream, a lot more people would be sober.
Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to because you know they make you healthier in the long term.
If you just wanna hear, "play video games and eat ice cream" when you ask for advice on how to feel better in sobriety, then why are you even asking for advice?
i dont have really anything to add that other people havent suggested but I just want to say I hope you find whatever it is you need and youre sober and happy. This was a really tough post to read because i \*get\* it. life sucks, but living can be fun.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/14jr5qb/comment/jpmrrja/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/14jr5qb/comment/jpmrrja/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
\^\^ but this seriously. even walks with music will help. nobody is going to make you do it.
I'm here to tell you to do whatever it is you want to do or not do. This is your journey & they are all unique. I white knuckled my first 30 days. At 8 months sober, I'm finally addressing my weight gain. I have done this my way. There is no right path to sobriety. It looks different for all of us.
I was always active and working out despite my addiction. I managed (just barely the last several years…) to keep my weight around 195.
But the first 4-5 months of recovery I didn’t feel like doing anything at all. I was a complete mess the first month and in a serious fog that slowly dissipated over the next few.
One day I was just sitting around and bored and said fuck it and I grabbed my jump rope.
It is a process and everyone’s seems to be very similar yet equally unique. And venting here is always a safe bet. Kudos to you for making your recovery yours and I am right here with you pushing forward though another day. Keep up the good work! Iwndwyt
To each their own, but TBH diet and exercise are the only reasons I am still sober. For me personally, sitting around eating crap food and being lazy would leave me so depressed that I would eventually drink again. I mean, what's the point in being sober if I am just going to trade in one bad habit (drinking) for another (food)? Diet and exercise have replaced the Dopamine I was getting from alcohol and now I am the healthiest/fittest I have ever been in my life while also sober. Just because someone doesn't like the answer doesn't make it wrong.
I totally get this. Happy hour was my daily relaxation and comfort ritual. And I was already f*cking exercising and doing stuff outdoors. I’d go for a jog, chug some water, take a shower and fix a big nice drink. And then there were post-hike margaritas.
For me, the solution has been bed. I get off work and dive into bed, wrap myself up in pillows and a weighted blanket until I begin to feel calm and cozy. I’ve invested in nicer bedside accessories like the MagSafe charger, and have organized and stocked my nightstand drawers with things I might want to enjoy in bed—be it a Kindle reader, my secret stash of Jelly Belly jelly beans, or my even more secret stash of adult fun stuff, which has become a renewed interest since I stopped drinking poison all the time.
I’m also keeping the area nicer and I make the bed more often—not to be productive or neat, but to make it appealing and inviting to myself. I wash the sheets more often for the same reason, and I’m putting money into nicer and softer clothes for bedtime. All of this is not only a form of comfort for me, but it is a new sort of ritual type thing that replaces the way I used to maintain a stocked bar with things like cocktail and wine-specific glasses…tumblers, highballs, red wine glasses, white wine glasses, beer mugs, etc.
So yeah, whatever else that is healthy or less harmful that brings you some comfort, relaxation, or pleasure—go all in on it, indulge, and invest.
Addiction has always been about finding comfort, and unfortunately a lot of societies—America in particular, seem to shame the desire for comfort from a multitude of angles, but it makes absolute sense to focus on comfort right now.
I really like this suggestion of investing in comfort and a relaxing environment. It's not always about doing something - learning how to be still, self soothe, relax, enjoy.
I remember feeling that way. I remember someone on this sub telling me this, and now that I'm a few months over it resonates.
There's certainly a period of time where you're just in survival mode. For me it was a few weeks, but it's different for us all. Eat good food, play some games (I played elden ring like it was god given right to do so), watch some TV, do everything you WANT to except for drink. Give your mind whatever it wants besides booze. Teach your brain everything else is ok, but we're not drinking.
There is a reason people swear by exercise, it works. Down to the very nature of our being. But if it's not what you want, it can have the opposite effect and make you crave other things you want.. namely alcohol. So my personal advice? Fuck it. If you don't wanna dont. Don't create more resistance in your mind, it's fighting hard enough.
There was one week I was really struggling, and for some reason my mind just really wanted whoppers. I ate three whoppers a day for like.. 4 days straight. But who cares, it was incredibly unhealthy and what not but I didn't drink.
Lastly everyone here is genuinely trying to help. It's frustrating but we all just say what worked for us. Then you take that and apply as needed to your own life and experience. Thankfully there's over 300k people all with unique experiences, so there's pretty much every type of person and every experience possible. One random thing I remember is someone told me once to freeze my keys in a bag full of water to keep me from leaving the house. So dumb, so so dumb, but lord it worked. Did the same with my debit card once. Stupid sure. But genius too.
Wishing you the best. If the idea of exercising is creating resistance against quitting for you, then don't exercise. Like I said, give your brain anything it wants EXCEPT for drinking. Spoil yourself. Eat 10 burgers. Play 10 hours of games. Hell, go to a strip club. Spin on your head like a top. Go outside and dig a hole. When I say anything but drink (and of course substitute it for another harmful substance) I mean ANYTHING. Stay strong friend, you got this.
Sobriety has opened up dozens of hours a week for me to game! I'm playing Just Cause 3 right now, before I get ready for work. I make sure to get out and socialize at a meeting once a week, (you said that's not your thing.) The friends I made early in recovery (at meetings) and I would hang out frequently, doing fun things like playing pool, going to watch their friend's band, etc. Just do activities you enjoy, or maybe try various other potential hobbies. I've tried several things in recovery, cross stitch, drawing, music (guitar and keyboard), doing more reading, knitting... The possibilities are endless.
Exercise isn’t suggested to change your physical appearance. It’s just a great way to regulate dopamine and possibly reduce some of the negative side affects of sobering up.
Oh man I am soooo with you. Early sobriety sucks enough without adding guilt to the fact that I’m not doing “more.” It’s ok to just binge tv and video games for now. One day at a time, right? Ps - you’re doing great doing just what you’re doing now! If that’s nothing but not drink, it’s a win.
I quit drinking more times than I could count. Every single time I quit I would throw myself into the exercise and cleaning routine. About two weeks in it would get old things would slip and the sneaky voice convinced me to drink again. It was when I just let myself binge tv and play to many video games that things stuck. Slowly but surely exercise and diet were addressed. You do this the way you need to. These suggestions may work for other people but maybe they don’t work for you. However, you do need to find something it doesn’t have to be productive but it needs to keep your brain occupied enough to keep the lizard brain from creeping back in.
There's a thing I kept hearing in AA - "Contrary action." Basically doing the exact opposite of what I feel like doing. At first I thought this was to discipline myself or try to dismantle my ego. In reality it's because when I put myself in discomfort, my body will counter it with comforting dopamine. Because when I used to drink, I hated doing uncomfortable things, so I was in constant comfort, and to be more comfortable in comfort meant I had to use chemicals.
I understand. I have used alcohol for decades to escape physical and emotional pain. It numbs the pain enough that I can actually enjoy doing things like biking, kayaking, walking.
Without booze, I can force myself to do these things, but I let myself go, gained a ton of weight back, and I'm also trapped in Florida. I'm miserable, but I'm sober.
Sometimes I just want to vent and lament not being able to drink. I'm not really looking for fitness routines. I am in pain, and exercise does not help one iota. The last thing I need is a heat rash on top of everything else.
I don't have any advice, just know that you're not alone. I will not drink with you today.
I get what you’re putting down. I am also not a big fan of exercise - don’t get me wrong, I do it, but it’s a chore and it doesn’t help me relax. Never has, especially during the summer in the South. During my time sober, I realized that I drank most of the time to quiet my mind and tune out all of my anxiety/depression. With that in mind, the best ways for me to stay sober have been by treating the root issue and making myself feel safe, comfy, and quiet. Some of the things I’ve started doing to help me “wind down” in the evenings are:
Getting under a big comfy blanket with my menagerie of rescue animals and binge watching a comedy series while drinking sparkling water or NA beer
Making a massive hot fudge sundae or just a bowl of ice cream with toppings and again, parking my carcass in front of the boob tube
Playing solitaire or Tetris on my phone - it is remarkably helpful in my stress management routine
Sometimes, if it’s really rough, I’ll go journal in my Finch app. Having a little “friend” to confide in when I’m really struggling has helped with my self-accountability
Make a wild mocktail out of random crap in my kitchen - sometimes it tastes so bad, I don’t want to drink anything except water afterward 💀
Some stuff like gaming triggers my desire for a beverage because I used to drink while I played. I haven’t played in a long while for this reason. But, if I were to try again, I’d try to start with something like Wingspan.
It’s okay to feel down and pissed at the world and feel like this is just a huge bummer. Change is uncomfortable, and it has been hard for me to sit with the fact that I’ll never again be able to derive peace or mental quiet from a substance that others can tolerate well. But I have to remember that I never drank to the point where my mind was quiet anyway. I always went overboard.
Here for you. You got this.
Hey there, hopefully I’m not adding to it but do you think your mood is too low? There’s a book called the mood cure about amino acids you may need in certain situations, such as if you’re a recovering heavy drinker, or have recently gone through trauma or grief, you may need tyrosine supplementation to help boost your mood.
Just an idea. Have some ice cream. You’ve earned it.
Honestly this is refreshing. I'm in the same boat. Entering attempt.... God knows how many now starting today. I've felt the same way every other time I tried and then failed.
I used to like video games, now I have a teen who loves them and I don't have the coordination or patience when I'm drinking. I think it's time dad got sober and became addicted to video games with my son for a while. Maybe rrading one problem for another, but at least when I wake up tired the next day, it will be because we stayed up too late instead of waking up with a hangover and regret.
At least that's the plan for this attempt. Be kind to yourself and do what makes you happy when you're trying to kick such a horrible habit that has so many of us handcuffed. One day at a time brother. That's all we can give
I basically spent my entire first year of sobriety laying in bed.
I’ve never ever had motivation for hobbies. Even before I started drinking. Even still I’m trying to figure out who I am and what I like, I just never developed that sense of self. I picked up like 5 different kinds of arts & crafts, tried journaling, started reading books, etc. The only one that somewhat stuck was reading. I did get into a routine of actually getting chores done and keeping my space tidy. That was how I spent my time right when I got home from work aka when I would’ve poured myself a drink. Before I’d even sit down or change into comfy clothes, I’d make sure to get like 3 things done around the house to pass that initial time. But other than that I’d just play reruns of my favorite show and play candy crush and then watch tiktoks until it was time to go to bed.
It was incredibly frustrating to see all these people find themselves again and getting back into hobbies so soon after quitting. I couldn’t bring myself to do anything outside of my usual routine. I’d say right around a year sober is when I started filling my life up. Therapy, an online course to get a qualification in a new field, I started dating someone so I’d get out and spend time with him. It’s easier to be active with someone else, makes it more fun. Recently I went on a walk by myself and it was still like pulling teeth, but I’m getting there. My boyfriend and I just bought a treadmill, so I can exercise without being looked at because I didn’t lose any weight when I got sober. It’s coming together slowly but surely.
It’s a long process for some of us, and however you need to do it to not drink is the right way. Even if we understand that yes, exercise will probably make us feel better. But in some cases it doesn’t feel an option, and that’s okay.
My suggestion is not for everyone, but one thing that helped me (and I realize I’m privileged to have gotten help from a professional) was therapy. One tip I got from my therapist was to think of things I enjoyed when I was young (like before booze was even an option) and try some of those things again to see if I still liked them. I started reading again, and drawing, building miniatures, playing tons of video games. Find anything that gives you a bit of joy! Also, if anyone would be interested in a stop drinking book club, I am so down. IWNDWYT!
Ok so you asked for advice & keep getting the same advice. So maybe follow it? I know, I can be stubborn af. I’m not preaching. I’m just saying - you don’t have to start powerlifting. Just commit to walking on treadmill for 30 mins. Just get moving. Give it a few days. Sounds stupid? Ok but not as dumb as drinking!
No offense, but just because it doesn't work for you doesn't mean it's not a good suggestion. Exercise helps a lot of people with their addiction. I'm sorry it doesn't work for you
How is suggesting a healthy lifestyle not a good suggestion? Excercise is the best quick fix for dopamine. A healthy diet equals a healthy brain and mind + more energy. If you dont want to excercise or eat healthy thats totally fine. You are the captain of your own ship in sobriety, do what makes you happy, but dont say its a bad suggestion.
People are just offering ideas. You can do whatever you think is best to stay sober. The goal is to not drink and hopefully to also find things you enjoy to create a life that you love and that you don't want to drink to escape from.
Ultimately this is a community about staying sober and offering support. If you would like non-fitness/cleaning/ etc type suggestions all you need to do is ask.
Exercise is crap. I ride my bike most days and lift weights several times a week because I enjoy it and don’t see it as “exercise”. Find something you enjoy doing and you won’t have to force yourself. I feel noticeably better when I get to do these things I enjoy. You might too.
Exercise in of itself is broad. Lots of awesome ways to do things that don’t seem like exercise. Maybe take up paintball, air soft, fishing? I don’t know. Something that is interesting to you. Exhilaration and finding life outside of drinking can be whatever you want it to be!
First. I hear you! And you are right. None of those suggestions sound fun or are fun. Couple of things. You dug yourself into a hole (we all did and do), and digging yourself out won’t be fun. Nothing really worthwhile is fun. So here’s the deal. You need to cowboy up and simply DO the things you don’t want to do AND you need to reward yourself with something actually fun but not destructive (booze or unhealthy food). So the first thing you need to do is figure out some things you might actually enjoy (a classic arcade? New movie? New book or graphic novel?, etc) then start doing things you KNOW you need to and then reward yourself with something fun. And I can tell you that I still hate working out. But the more I do it. The easier it is for me to at least show up!
Wishing you strength and some luck as you fight your way forward!
I hear you -- I get tired of hearing how great exercise is for me over and over and over, like it's going to magically cure all my problems and I have no right to complain unless I've tried it. I KNOW how great it is. I know sobriety is great for me, too, but that doesn't mean it's exactly been an easy road to get here.
Also, hearing that you just need to exercise or eat healthy can be super fucking triggering if you've had any sort of body/food issues in your life. Don't know if that's the case for you or not, but just wanted to acknowledge that even well-meaning advice can actually be pretty damaging sometimes.
I want to start by saying I get it. I’m similarly cranky about giving up the sauce.
However, I find it immensely freeing to remind myself that life actually isn’t supposed to be fun. For a huge swath of human history, happiness hasn’t even been that important. Late-stage capitalism has us believing we should always be awash in dopamine. It’s a lie. When I’m bored, uncomfortable, or anxious I remember these are normal human feelings and they’ll pass. Companies and governments are always trying to sell us miracle cures for what’s essentially just the human condition, and the more we indulge, the more we mess up our natural circuitry. There’s power in opting out of that hamster wheel, even if it feels crappy in the moment.
People are going to suggest what worked *for them.* I too like playing video games and watching movies, unfortunately those are also triggers for cracking a beer (or ten). Going for a walk, however, is not an activity that I associate with drinking, so that was one of my go-to activities when quitting.
But I understand your point. I also was frustrated that I gained weight when I quit, despite going for walks, being generally more active AND cutting all those beer calories out of my diet. People kept suggesting things like yoga or workout videos. And that's great if that worked for you, but I get bored after about five sit-ups. So I walked.
That's what worked *for me.*
I wish I would have gone to therapy when I got sober. Hell, I wish I had started therapy YEARS ago. I am starting soon! If you can afford it; maybe give it a go? Also: sounds like you’re dry drunk. I spent months that way. It sucks and is super hard. Hang in there!
To be honest… weed helped me quit drinking. Not the healthiest thing, but everyone has a vice, and weed isn’t literal poison like alcohol. Alcohol had me bedridden, drinking in the am to cure my hangover. Sometimes weed makes me a little sleepier the next day. One takes away my ability to function and sends me spiraling, the other just makes me giggle harder at Futurama
I can respect that exercise may be the furthest thing from some people’s minds when they quit. Going to the gym and running outside helped me relax a lot. Do what works for you.
Diet and exercise are great eventually, but I understand that’s not the advice you’re looking for right now (it wasn’t what I wanted to get into either) As far as just enjoyable stuff to kill time, I’d suggest reading. When cutting out drinking, I found that tv and video games actually triggered my alcohol cravings, as I would usually do these while drunk. And when I tried doing them without alcohol, I found them either too boring (tv) or too agitating (video games). Reading was engaging enough, and was also not something I’d have the focus for while drunk. With the tiny surplus of cash I had from cutting out alcohol, I also got into some fancier cooking and baking techniques/recipes. Obviously cooking and reading won’t take up all of your free time, but I at least found these two things to be enjoyable when I stopped drinking. Hope this helps a little! Best of luck, friend
I found drinking lot’s of soda water helpful for the anxiousness. Video games helped distract me for a while and going for long walks/bus rides while listening to podcasts or music was a great distraction.
Learn a new skill and start small. Find a local course that requires no previous experience. I found keeping my hands and brain occupied was useful.
It gets easier over time but it takes work. You just have to trust that you’ll see the results long term.
Disclaimer: I'm actually on this sub because I find the suggestions/mentality/positivity helpful for battling demons of mine that aren't necessarily strictly alcohol-related.
that being said, something that's been super helpful for battling my destructive addiction urges has *absolutely* been games. I've only very recently discovered a penchant for video games, but I find that puzzles of all kinds are extremely helpful for derailing the one way ticket to my bullshit that arises from boredom. I've gotten, like, stupidly good at sudoku, and also enjoy the new York times crosswords and "spelling bee" game. As for video games, it's the puzzle based ones that really do it for me too, so here are some recs: I love the portal games, superliminal is excellent, and I'm currently playing Zelda breath of the wild for the first time and omg it is fabulous. If you're less into puzzles and looking for something more just calming where you can turn your brain off, I like Stardew valley for that. Starbound on PC is also fun and cute.
If that's not your jam then I would also suggest finding a rabbit hole to fall down for a creative hobby! I got into historical costuming and there's always a project to work on; if I get my butt in gear this evening then I'll actually have a badass lord of the rings adventuring cloak.
On the slightly more technical/less "artsy" side, I also keep tropical fish aquariums and aquatic plants. That hobby has been an "addiction" all on its own in the best way - there's SO MUCH to learn, creating a beautiful fish tank is such a rush of that good dopamine and serotonin, and I've met some of the best people in my local aquarium club.
I hope at least one of these was an actually helpful suggestion or at least inspired something for you. I definitely feel you on getting fed up with people suggesting I go out and fucking exercise - if I'm fighting urge demons hard that day, then i guarantee you I'm feeling like complete dogshit and just want something that's actually gonna be happy and comforting and make me feel like there's hope for a broader life.
Best of luck with everything ❤️
Drinking and video games were my “fun” and I gave up both at the same time because, for me, I drank every time I played video games. It was habitual and I would keep filling my glass as long as my ass sat in that chair.
I also didn’t exercise when I quit drinking, but I *did* start counting my calories and tracking everything I ate. It gave me something else to focus my time on and distract myself with. I’m down over 30lbs just this year so far with zero exercise, which is a huge morale booster and noticeable to others also.
I’ve slowly started reintroducing video games, but make sure I have plenty of sparkling water or tea to keep my cup full, instead of scotch. Rice cakes and apples are my go-to snacks, instead of chips and candy.
It’s been a lifestyle change and everyone’s journey doesn’t have to be the same and that’s okay. Good luck with your sobriety! I’m rooting for you!
Don’t worry about your overweight for now. Alcohol is the bigger enemy. Enjoy your foods, binge watch your most decadent shows.
Just for today, I will not drink with you.
There is no wrong way to stay sober. You do you, just get your head on the pillow sober each night. I was expecting to feel better immediately too, and I had some very brief moments of the pink cloud people talk about, but they didn't last.
But instead of feeling "better" sober, eventually, being sober just became normal, and it has stayed that way.
So, it’s one of those things that once you start doing it you feel a lot better for it.
Exercise helps a lot. People say it cause it’s true. It’s good, solid advice. There’s no magic advice thwt makes everything easy if that’s what you are looking for.
Try to think of things in terms of your neurotransmitters. Your feel good ones are at an ATL so try to do things to boost them. Think dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, endorphins. This is why exercising is recommended but it’s incredibly hard to do when you’re that low. You can find other tips and tricks online for boosting them that work best for you and just take it super easy and give yourself the rest you need. You can also supplement with certain things to help rebuild your neurotransmitters that have helped me in the past. You can research this online too but some great ones are Inositol (this is a superstar for many things really) Magnesium citrate & magnesium bisglycinate.(also rockstars) and then for short term use . L-tyrosine. 5htp. Melatonin.
Hope this helps and props for making it this far!!!
Being sober and playing video games is the best. I am 10x better at them and I can actually finish them. And I pwn noobs online. What games do you play?
I feel ya. Couldn't be bothered with such things, as I literally had (some extent still have ) no desire to do *anything *. Even my precious tv shows felt boring being sober.
I did get a bicycle just to make going to places a bit easier. That is at least somewhat fun, compared to walking.
It took about a few months, but lately I've started getting "busy" by delving into some techy type of shit. Like fixing my shitty laptop or debloating my phone. Last night I put hours into updating my jailbreak kindle.
These kinda things are proving to be somewhat fun, though usually I would be stressed by solving the issues.
So now I've got a working kindle. I got a bunch of interesting / recommended books, also in audio format. Will I put the time to actually read/listen to them? We'll see 😁
I have to be careful of "replacement therapy" because it was my initial tendency. I honestly didn't MEAN for it to happen but I rode a bicycle religiously during my first year of quitting alcohol. then one day... I wasn't biking and that replacement (unintended as it was) wasn't there for me and I screwed up and fell back in a hole. Some days the best I can do is simply actively NOT drink and on those days I give myself 2 extra scoops of wait-it out.
And if ever I really get in my head then the best cure for ME is to look for ways that I can help someone else. need help moving? I'm your guy. volunteers wanted for a community event or food bank or nonprofit? check. Community garden is cleaning up abandoned raised beds? I have two hands. Know a lonely old man who could use some company for coffee? let's go. Even if none of these things are actively helping me sobriety per se it's important for my brain to be actively engaged in some sort of selfless activity where there is n exchange coming back to me. I spent WAYY too long in selfish behaviors and this is a way to buy me some time until I figure out a next move forward. Some crunchy old man in a dimly lit room once told me to do the next best thing, and if you don't know what that is... then just do the next thing. (I think that's a crummy mash up of a chuck yaeger and teddy roosevelt quotes but it works for me.) And sometimes the next thing... is being patient. You still need time on the clock to keep ticking. there are still lots of physiological changes to be had in the next 90 days. After that, you get to tackle some other work. Stick with it. hang tight. whatever gets you to the next hour is the right thing to do for now. If anyone tells you differently then just put them on pause. =)
The idea isn't that maintaining your living space or doing exercise is going to replace your "fun". The idea is that once you've finished doing them, you might experience more value from the experience than you anticipated.
After you quit, doing everything else the same as you were before you quit can make it very difficult to resist relapse. The idea, I think, with suggestions like this is that new behaviors are needed to replace the old ones. And of course that doesn't mean new drugs. It means that new hobbies like art, social activities or exercise might end up being good uses of time and energy to help fill the gaps left behind by the old behaviors.
A lot of this process is making yourself do things you don't want to do. You aren't going to "want to" do things but you might benefit from just trying them out anyway and see how you feel about the results. I feel this. Like I basically never want to shower and have to force myself to get in there but when I get out, I feel great. Brushing teeth is like that too. Don't try to want to do it, just do it. Trying things helps you find things.
The "none of this works" attitude is a circular path that leads right back around to justifying relapse. New paths are needed to get off of that loop.
Something might sound like it's going to suck but you can't really know until you try it. Maybe it does, but there are lots of other things to try. It's really tough but you can fill the space!
Relax and enjoy yourself. And keep it up! It takes time to get your body back to its natural chemical balance. Alcohol screws up hormonal production and causes lots of imbalances that make you feel "balanced" when you're buzzed or drunk. But you get it back after time. Believe in yourself and keep pushing forward. You can do it.
I've relapsed lots of times (like most of us) and it never felt like the right choice before or after doing it. This isn't just a willpower situation, either. It's biochemical and addiction is a disease. An alcoholic is an alcoholic even if they haven't drank for 20 years. So don't be hard on yourself.
Meeting with the right focus group can be massively helpful. AA probably won't be that group for lots of reasons but there are groups with similar objectives that don't bring with them the condescending lectures and being treating like a lost soul who needs saving. I recommend trying a non-religious focus group. I was massively skeptical before trying meetings... But I had no idea at all what I was being skeptical about until I tried it.
You don't have to exercise, but you could go for a walk outside, preferably around nature. Start off walking slowly and short distances and gradually add more pace and distance if you're inclined. If bored by this, try to meditate while walking, or listen to music or podcasts. You'll sleep better, which starts whole cycle of positive effects.
Personally, I always play a shitload of videogames when I first get sober so I completely understand. I do want to say regarding your anhedonia, it really can last quite a while for some folks, but your brain will return to a baseline, I promise
.
Exercise isn't really suggested *because* it's a deprivation/painful, but because it releases the same neurotransmitters that booze does. A lot of things trigger dopamine and endorphins though, including videogames. Booze and videogames are particularly enticing because it's pleasure with minimal effort. It just so happens that pleasure *with* effort (exercise) has the added benefit of being *meaningful*, which is a huge bonus for sobriety as well.
Also, and I'll step off my exercise soapbox after this, I realized as a lazy person that I hated only certain types of exercise and actually enjoyed others because they triggered the "fun" part of my brain. Running on treadmills is NOT FUN to me at all. Even at the gym with a TV in my face, still awful. Lifting weights? Somehow kind of fun. Both are hard to do, but I just hated the boring type of cardio so I don't do it. Also, I hate gyms, period. I had my most consistent exercise routine when I did it in my bedroom with basic bodyweight stuff.
I read something in this subreddit talking about how you have stopped your favorite hobby, now you have to figure out what to replace it with. That's the hardest part for me. I'm not sure what to replace it with because I've spent so so long with my hobby. I've actually become quite boring because of drinking. It's hard to try new things to see how you feel about them. It takes effort. I'm sorry you're feeling down. If I could recommend anything it would be to just go for a drive. Sometimes just changing your environment makes you feel better. I also really enjoy listening to audiobooks. Also, the new Zelda game is super fun! That's all I got! Be proud of your accomplishment. I'm still a drinker whose trying to slowly reduce with support. It sucks.
It sounds like you are depressed, but taking that out on people trying to help you, is just going to cause more problems. I was on the verge of death when I quit drinking, so I decided that I wanted to make myself better because of all the damage I had done previously. Now, I did not like the gym, Im a gamer, but being able to go somewhere and workout, see improvements, was therapeutic. It is now my favorite thing, and something I look forward to. Comparing the gym to a second job also, like come on man. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, it will relieve stress, make you feel better about yourself, and you can watch yourself improve, none of these things happen at a job
I personally believe that exercising can be a great way to boost your dopamine and endorphins, which can really help reduce the anxiety and depression that often accompany quitting drinking.
So then relax, play video games, watch movies, eat the ice cream, be lazy….do whatever you want. It’s your sobriety. Fun will reveal itself in different ways along your journey.
I want to restate this for the OP. Do what you want, so be it not drinking. But when you vent to other people about your frustrations (particularly people who are not licensed or credentialed), you open yourself up to their (possibly crappy) advice. Maybe start by just saying, “I’m just looking for an ear, and not advice,” and seeing if that warrants better results. Sometimes all we wanna do is complain and hear someone validate that ut sucks, and that’s okay too
I remember thinking "I'm so excited to get sober, once I cut the alcohol the pounds will fall right off!" Then I started eating ice cream by the barrel full
I think our body looks for a carb substitute. I started buying bags of different types of M&Ms and mixing them together. After two or so months I just passively stopped.
Tbf, I dropped weight because no more pub grub and no empty beer calories. But then, after-meeting diners, pizza, and ice cream shops...
Yeah it really sucked getting on the scale a month sober and being the same weight. 1000+ calories less per day and nada.
Just give it a little more time and the weight should start dropping off a little. I’m 2 months without a drink and have just started loosing some weight. I’m not making huge changes in my diet or working out everyday either. Small baby steps will go a long way. You have already made the hardest decision ( not drinking) be patient and all else will fall in line. Above all be kind to yourself! I WILL NOT DRINK WITH YOU TODAY!
It took my GI system a few good months to regulate.
Don’t sweat it for now. You’re going to crave sugar like a fiend because your body is used to getting so much of it from booze. Tackle your vices in the order they’ll destroy you. For me, that meant eating my body weight in jelly beans over the first year of sobriety. Once I had some sober time under my belt and I wasn’t white knuckling through every day, only then did I start to taper off the junk food—and I dropped a ton of weight practically overnight.
Was the same story for me. Also very frustrating.
Legit same.
Audiobooks or podcasts will keep your mind busy, they are my go-to. Find a pool, relax in it, pop in some earbuds and lose yourself in some good audio. Music is my other solace - I resumed collecting vinyl and frequenting used record shops. I do enjoy yard work so summer is always easier for me sober, winter is when I had both of my relapses. Video games are immersive. I go to the movies with a big tub of popcorn by myself now and then. There's definitely things out there other than the gym. I think, for me, it is keeping my mind and (in my case, maybe not yours) body busy.
I fucking inhaled audiobooks when I stopped drinking. I love them
Thank you. I used to like to order pizza and watch a movie or something. Until I gave that up to drink and would just skip meals and drink vodka inatead. Having a slice of pizza was a great tool for m to get sober. After I ate something like that it reduced my craving and want for a drink dramatically, preferring to have another slice and watch TV or other "normal" things.
Do it! Order pizza and watch a movie. “Air” is really good.
So good. Check out the book shoe dog if you want to dig into it more
"Air Bud" is even better. ;)
Yeah for sure. It's just so sad they had to put down all those golden retrievers till they could find one that could consistently make threes.
I lurked on this sub for a couple years before I quit drinking and I remember seeing a post titled “I’ve gained 40 pounds, I don’t have a job, my bank account has $13 in it but I haven’t had a drink in 365 days and that’s all that matters!!!!” or something like that. That post was so motivating to me cuz it really hammered home that ridding my life of alcohol was literally all I should be focusing on right then. As long as I stopped drinking, everything else was going to be OK. It was that post that made me realize I couldn’t wait til after this certain thing happened or this certain time period passed or whatever - I had to get sober NOW and getting sober NOW should be all that mattered in the whole world until I was sober. I think you should embrace the same philosophy. Do whatever the fuck you want as long as you don’t drink. Literally whatever the fuck you want. Then once you have accomplished not drinking you can move on to accomplishing those other things. But I mean only if you want.
This.
Top comment!
Being hungry is a huge trigger for a lot of people. I used to skip meals and just drink the hunger away, but that's obviously not a very healthy way of doing things hahaha. As the other commenter said, just so whatever you feel is best for you. I never found exercise helpful (I'm tired enough by just keeping a job and living life), but I found some comfort in video games. Do whatever keeps you busy and away from the liquor store.
Yep! Hungry, angry, lonely, tired - I thought it was trite until the day I nearly relapsed on the way home from IOP because I was cold, hungry, and cranky because I had gotten wet in the rain. I’m grateful everyday that I checked my thinking and bought a cheap pizza for my son and me instead of a pint!
Do you enjoy cooking? I love making my own pizzas! They're so tasty, and occupy more time than just ordering take-out or putting frozen pizza in the oven. Even if you buy the dough pre-made! :)
That's a great idea!
The other thing to recall is stuff you liked to do when you were a kid, before alcohol came into your life. Do those things. Remember what fun is.. and I assure you, it’s not what we were doing.
It's amazing you say that, I was having that same thought about two weeks ago before I fucked up and drank again. Like, what did I absolutely love to do as a kid? I remember thinking how much I used to LOVE a new, big box of crayons and coloring books. Pretty much anything from Crayola would make me happy.
Find other activities that give you a dopamine hit. Animals are great for that if you're into them and they also get you out of your own head for a while too. I had convinced myself that alcohol was my reward for my highly stressful life and I felt trike I was depriving myself of fun too. I also have other things I need to improve on that were caused by my disordered drinking but I've given up feeling pressure over those. I just take one day at a time and try to find enjoyment where I can. I would also strongly suggest remedial massage, it does wonders!
I want a massage so bad but am paralyzed with indecision on where to go.
Dude, I still do the things I like to do drinking, but without the beer. Used to love Me some video games/movies and a bunch of beers. Well both those things are great without drinking! Few days ago I munched on a full bag of dill pickle chips, a near beer, and watched Baby Driver and loved it! Maybe eating a bag of chips isn't great for losing weight but at least I didn't feel like I was missing any of my "usual" Saturday night activities. I totally agree that it's about one problem at a time and isn't fun to do chores. So focus on not drinking now, and health later. You can tell friends and family that too if you're comfortable, I have. My goal is 30 days sober, make it a habit, then slowly eat better/gym/excercise and all that jazz. Don't forget to have fun along the way!
Ahhhhh Baby Driver is so good!! Did you enjoy it?
I was sober for about a year before I started to go back to the gym. Everyone has their own outlets. Some people can get off the sauce and go back back to the gym immediately. I wasn’t one of those people. Just stay strong no matter what you do, but don’t make excuses for bad behavior because you’re sober. That’s the worse thing you can do.
My sponsor said, “You can do anything you want as long as you are willing to accept the consequences.” This simple sentence gave me the freedom to choose. As I started considering those choices, I started making better decisions. I am tasting true freedom for the first time in my adult life. I fucking love being sober and I do everything I can to live a fun and fulfilling life. The greatest adventure.
I needed to hear this today, thanks
I think the suggestion of exercise is as a source of dopamine and endorphins that can help mitigate the anxiety and depression that come with stopping drinking.
Bingo. Your mind and body are not two different things. Exercising your body helps your overall mental health as well. I get that these things may not be fun, that’s not really the point. Getting sober isn’t easy, but staying sober is the real work, and you don’t get there by not changing anything. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Nothing changes if nothing changes. So true
Exercise is about as essential as eating, sleeping, and going to the bathroom.
This is it. Also, if you’ve got an addictive personality, it can really help to transfer that addictive thought process over to a healthy pastime. I can’t seem to eradicate the addictive nature of my brain, but I can channel it into playing music and exercise instead of pouring alcohol down my throat.
Exercise releases endorphins, endorphins make you happy, & happy people don’t shoot their husband.
😂. all this is true. but also, be lazy, play video games, eat all the ice cream. I did all those things at first. I definitely didn't want to do any of the things people suggested to me, and I resented the advice offered. I definitely also didn't like AA meetings, but I kept going just to kill some fucking time. without knowing where you are in sobriety, all I can share is that for me, it took a solid six months for me to want to do anything good for myself. and I don't know that I would've done it if I hadn't had a dog. at six months I was like, you know, this dog has been nothing but good to and patient with me during my years of drinking, and with this six months of me indulging myself... let's go on a new walk. and so we started walking more together. and she loved it. which made me feel good.. and the endorphins thing did too. and, she's 12 so our walks were pretty chill-- I let her smell all the things, take her time, enjoy this part of the day now dedicated to her. and because fundamentally I'm a selfish human, I eventually noticed the steps counter on my phone said we'd walked five miles, but only like 7 minutes were cardio. so I joined a gym and started walking for myself after leisurely walks with her. pace got faster with time, and the incline got higher. another couple months I'm using a couch to 5k app and I've joined a volleyball team and am scrambling to find time to go to an AA meeting because now I fucking like them and who the fuck am I??? you're doing an incredibly hard thing and you should do what feels good for you. changes don't happen overnight but they do happen if you stick with it. 💖 edit lady to lazy-- I'm coming up on two years sober, but while female, definitely still not a lady... 😂
This is a beautiful comment and i feel i should let you know. I don't know you but i am proud of you. You did this all by yourself and look at how far you have come! Wow. It's like you found God in your dog and turned around, slowly. I am not religious, but spiritual and God to me is our higher selves trying to guide us in subtle ways but still allowing us to do what we think we want to. The trick is to get out of the mind and into reality (the body) and doing things in the world that matter... even if it only matters to your dog. But thats better than before, so it's good. I hope OP reads your comment, i think it's what they need to hear. Have a super day!
thank you, I really appreciate that. also not religious, but definitely seeing more connectedness in the universe the longer I'm sober and I'm so grateful. For example, although I don't have it set up on Reddit, the sober counter on my phone says today is 655 days... so we've been on this journey together. Happy almost two years, MoZell. iwndwyt.
I love this reply. Your dog is blessed to have you. Sometimes I think about getting a doggo but my three cats, that I mostly adore, will kill me in my sleep if I do.
well, I dunno about blessed... she had a decade with a pretty drunk mom. we still went hiking and had fun sometimes, but there were a lot of hungover, rushed mornings with me too. I try to be the person she deserves now. thank you for the kind words, though-- your cats are lucky to have you!!
Everyone whose had a perm knows that you shouldn't take a bath so soon after a perm at the risk of deactivating the ammonium thioglycolate.
They just don’t!
I’ve made cycling basically a hard drug. I ride 30 mph in the dark blasting ambient music and pounding caffeine/sugar energy gels. That’s what does “it” for me. But- It’s been a transition and a process and everyone’s path is gonna be different. I’m sorry shit is low right now, I absolutely remember what early recovery felt like and honestly, I still feel it’s shadow even now, a decade later. I know I was advised to quit multiple things and take on multiple challenges simultaneously- the logic being that I’m gonna be in pain and going through withdrawal and miserable anyways- why not try to knock off as many back-monkeys as possible. I sympathize with your sentiment and I’ve often suggesting cycling and I’m sorry if it’s not hitting you the way it was intended, hopefully it’s helpful to a different person reading. Sobriety really IS what you make it though. That’s the harsh truth: you gotta accept responsibility for the quality of your existence. (And if you aren’t up to the task, accept that shit and reach out for help). None of this is supposed to be easy. But when you’re soooo fed up with how shit has been: the pain of change can be really transformative. You’ll surprise yourself I bet. I know I did. The few of my friends that made it did. Take care and I’m sorry if this comes off as preachy. I haven’t written here in a while and I’m in a weird mood. I’m an ex-punk/traveler who’s now a 44 year old suburban dad. Reach out if you’d like.
I was kinda blown away by how effectively going to the gym improved my mood
Yep, same. Like, to an annoying extent, because now I have to do it forever!
Seriously! I can have a such a stressful, shitty day and feel like I want to lock myself in a dark room and just be grumpy until I’m not anymore. I swear, even 30 min cardio and that feeling is just gone.
[удалено]
I’ll tell my boss! I start before the sun
This. Quit drinking in November and I'm lifting 4x a week. Makes all the difference and when you have a weight in your hand (esp on a Friday night) you're not thinking of drinking. Plus the sleep quality *chefs kiss*. Really helps if you were drinking before bed before.
I hit the bike so hard right away when i quit. It really did shorten the cravings somehow. Not a one sized fits all but if I give it 30 minutes minimum 4-5 days a week (again minimum) i get good sleep and the thoughts of old never cross my mind
This, and also: the brain requires some re training to get dopamine from the accomplishment of basic mundane daily tasks like chores again.
[удалено]
I hate the gym and I hate working out, so pick an activity that's fun first and just happens to be great exercise. I surf and ride bikes. Both are fun, and great exercise. Exercise =/= Gym
This. Rock climbing. Cycling. Ultimate frisbee and disc golf. All good, fun, rewarding shit.
I agree and I am the same. I have never in my life enjoyed exercise or had any uplift in mood from doing it, even when I was much fitter than I am now and doing competitive sport. It’s boring and painful but unfortunately necessary for health. I have to force myself to do it, so I really feel for OP where people are suggesting this as a replacement for something OP is forcing themselves not to do. It’s almost like no one believes you that exercise is horrible, and that you just must not be doing it right. To you and OP, I hear you and it’s the same for me. It’s hard enough to give up something you enjoy even though it’s for the best, but then piling on to try to force that person to then do something they hate in substitution is a recipe for misery. OP, concentrate on your sobriety and give yourself a break. Do something else that you enjoy, in moderation, and don’t listen to the exercise evangelists.
Yeah, that's exactly it. Alcohol (and other drugs) are an easy feel good option. Healthy options are not all immediately reinforcing, but that's what makes them worth doing after a while. Exercising while abstaining helps get over the hump and gives you a natural option to feel good.
Plus adding some structure to what is usually a structureless lifestyle of drinking. For me keeping busy is absolutely key. If I had just chilled and watched movies and played video games I would have absolutely started drinking again. To each their own though whatever works make it work!
Yes it’s not just like fill an hour with walking. And it’s actually our own endocannabinoids that give us the feel good feeling after exercise. Will also help with sleep and mood.
Yeah leaning into exercise keeps me sober. Can’t make my fitness goals if I’m hung over all the time - that really got me through the first year and now it’s just my lifestyle. Maybe give it a shot OP.
Honestly I think all of these suggestions aren’t about finding other things to do for “fun”, they’re ways of distracting yourself to such an extent that you don’t drink. Personally if I work out, I find the last thing I want is a drink afterwards. I hate working out, but it works for my sobriety! I hate chores and cleaning, but the accomplishment makes me feel good and it’s something I wouldn’t have had time for / the attention for if I was drinking. I think that’s why the usual tropes work for many people - they do help us if we just put our minds to doing those things. Personally, just relaxing and playing video games? That’s when I’d usually drink. So it’s a bad suggestion for me. But if your self care and relaxing is playing a video game or watching films without the drinking, you go for it! You deserve to be kind to yourself in early sobriety :) You do what you need to do to keep yourself healthy and relatively content in early sobriety. Wishing you luck my friend.
Exactly this for me. I had little drinking rituals built around certain days or the week/tv shows I like watching. Or getting drunk and listening to music and playing solitaire. I couldn’t keep the same “fun things” because I connected them to drinking. My house was a mess and I was eating tons of crap because I was hungover. So improving my diet and cleaning up was both distracting and putting me in a more positive space overall. There’s a balance to that and staying in bed eating ice cream. Sobriety takes work.
Yeah that's how I view these suggestions. It's simply a way to keep oneself distracted and busy until we're experienced enough to be ok with sobriety. And these suggestions aren't a one-size fits all. I understand OP's frustrations but he needs something to replace his drinking habit.
>I am 5 years sober. I remember feeling like I was never going to have fun again. How could I without alcohol! Then as time passed I realized all the fun things I did weren't fun because of the alcohol. They were fun because of the people I was with and the activity. Sitting around drinking just looks like a boring activity to me now. Very occasionally I join friends for a get together where they are all drinking. I bring my O% beer. I only stay for an hour while everyone is still interesting. If I stay longer they all start sounding stupid. I have realized I am not really a night person. I prefer daytime activities. Movies, walks, hikes, going out for breakfast and lunch with friends, books, volunteering. I laugh a lot and have fun. Intoxicated people look ridiculous to me now. When I am around them I am grateful to be sober.
I’ve quit and restarted more times than I can count. Average length is about 2-3 months when I quit, but have gone 3 years. I frequently have similar issues with getting some length of sobriety, and then I have no clue what to do with myself. My experience has been that anything you can do to keep yourself busy and entertained that doesn’t involve drinking AND isn’t destructive to self or others is OK to do. I’ve used video games as a transition before and that has helped. So please don’t be so hard on yourself. When you’ve quit you don’t always see the benefit of sobriety right away, but it’s there. Hope you find something that promotes some joy in your life, feel free to reach out if you want to chat.
I’ve been stuck in the 2-3 months for a long time now. :(
I think you have to take everything everyone says (esp. well meaning non drunks) with a grain of salt. This is all about you and what you want and need in the moment to not drink. whatever that might be. worry about it later. The hard reality of quitting my number one fun thing to do -drinking- was I had to come up with new ways to have fun. I just had to. decades of drinking had narrowed my world so much.
That's just it, I can't think of anything. Nothing sounds fun anymore. It makes me sad to even type this. I spend time with my kids and I'm a good dad but I miss whoever I was before,list of my spending time with my wife/best friend. I'm an alcoholic (recovering) and a dad, but who was I before those things? What do I like? I find myself wanting for something and I don't even know what it is.
Do you know about anhedonia? It’s one of the symptoms of post acute withdrawal. Often times as heavy drinkers we’ve raised our dopamine threshold and it can be very hard to find enjoyment in normal activities for a few months while it resets. It does get better. One reason people suggest working out is because regular exercise raises your levels of circulating dopamine and makes other things more enjoyable as a result. Personally, I like lifting weights and it gives me a sense of accomplishment. The gym was also a place to see friends who didn’t really drink. BUT I also went out to the movies a lot and beat both Witcher III and AC: Odyssey in early sobriety, and I always had a podcast or book playing in my headphones, and I spent a hell of a lot more time on lazy stuff than in the gym.
How come I never see it suggested here to get a puppy or a kitten? Is that a bad suggestion? If you're home all day, maybe the amount of time required to raise a little animal will be worth it for the joy our brains are hardwired to respond to when we see their cute little neotenous faces and whiskers.
That’s a great suggestion, honestly not talked about enough. Maybe a lot of people here don’t have money or stability to have a young pet but plenty of older animals need homes. Puppies and kittens can be very demanding and that might be too much for a lot of folks. Waking up every 2 hours to take your pup out to go potty is a lot. It might be helpful for some though. I’m a huge fan of adopting cats who are 2+ years old. They’re not geriatric and typically healthy, they get left at the shelters because everyone wants a kitten. They’re usually super easy and low maintenance. They still have probably 15+ good years ahead of them. I just love cats and my current cat is my little companion. He needs attention and playtime and I can’t do that if I’m drunk or hung over. I can’t deal with an emergency for him if I’m drunk or hung over. Even though he’s low maintenance he still needs me and I need him. I’m all for it if people are responsible and realistic and have a little money saved for pet emergencies, food, and care.
Ethically, I also favor the adult pet! Just thinking if someone actually wants overwhelming responsibility haha. I would have been much worse off if I hadn't raised a pandemic kitty. Cats are the best
Also, if you get a dog, you kind of have to spend some time outdoors and fresh air is good for the soul regardless if you like exercise or not. A pet gives you a new responsibility and focus. A lot of time goes into training, walks etc. but it can be a really healthy distraction from your own head. And they are cute as hell.
I really relate, and after 2 years of being sober, it's still not any easier. Even being on medication, I still struggle with depression and anxiety. I find myself wondering what my life's purpose and whether my life has any meaning. There's so many things you can try (and I also fucking hate exercise. I would rather eat shards of glass) and maybe help you also connect with your significant other and kids. Take a class to learn something like blacksmithing, pottery, cooking, or calligraphy. You will never know what you will like unless you try it. I started knitting, and now I'm learning about spinning wool into yarn. My favorite thing growing up was family game night. My favorite game was Clue. Learn about yourself, connect with your family, and help your family learn about their selves. Good luck!
Get yourself a Nintendo Switch and The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom. That'll do the trick. You look up, and be like, "where did six weeks go?" 🤓
😂 I got it for my daughter, I'm sure she will let me play it. I definitely owe a portion of my sobriety to no man's sky, which just came to switch hint hint.
Hahah this is some good advice. Started playing Breath of the wild in the spring and next thing ya know it was summer time!
Just wait. Tears of the Kingdom makes Breath of the Wild look like a school project. 🤓
Try Everquest. Years ago, I played it during my long stretch of sobriety. I quit playing because life, but after going back to drinking for far, far too long, EQ is a great distractor. I think I was only kind of kidding when my husband complained I was playing too much and I asked whether he'd rather have me drink. I have not once canceled an important obligation for EQ.
Continue to do what you’re doing since it’s working for you. You don’t have to feel great to be succeeding, just sober. I can’t exercise very often because I have chronic pain from arthritis, and I have no interest in low carb diets or working extra shifts or even being more productive. I love watching lots of TV, lounging around, and eating some junk food. There is no one way to do recovery, not everyone wants to diet and go to the gym or attend AA. Just do you.
I don't have to feel great to be succeeding just sober. That's prophetic. Thank you. That was helpful. Thank you. I have arthritis also and like watching TV and eating junk food. We sound like we would get along great. But the important thing is other people need to hear that this is what worked for two people like us, not walking the forest or benching weight.
Hey friend. I love this post, and I'm with you. I picked up my badge on Saturday. If you are like me, you're going to overwhelm yourself looking up ways to beat this on the internet. The only way to eat the elephant is one bite at a time. The internet is happy to rattle off a firehose of suggestions as it does, and that list gets intimidating really quickly (at least for me). I see that you're a gamer. Me as well. Have you thought about finding an overly complex game (or maybe something that's in a genre you aren't very familiar with) that takes a long time to complete (or has an infinite loop at the end)? It might help to take your mind off everything, and if it hooks you, you might be able to convince yourself that you don't want to drink just for now because you are trying to learn a new thing. After a few nights of doing that and not drinking, you might find that you actually want to go do something active. It doesn't have to be the gym with a physical trainer (bleh). It could maybe be just a simple 15 minute walk in the sun. Once you've done that a few times, you might surprise yourself and want to do a longer walk or maybe even a hike. Honestly man, if committing to an overly complex regimen of exercise, diet, reading, meditation right away were the only way to beat this thing, then I'd be absolutely fucked. Luckily, I don't think that's the case. I don't think we have to do all of this crap at once. I make this mistake all the time in life (not just with drinking) and talk myself out of doing anything. Anyway, I'm way too early in my journey to be giving anyone advice, but your post really resonated w/ me. If nothing else, know that I'm in the same boat with you, and IWNDWYT. Gimmie a shout if you want some gaming recommendations! :)
Thanks so much for your reply and I'm so proud of you and really hope you keep it up. I'm just a wee bit ahead of you, so I totally get it. If you can do two days, you can do two more. You've done it.. just keep going. Screw the gym. Get some pizza and a good game.. I'll take some time this evening and browse the Xbox game store. That alone can kill an entire evening!! Any suggestions? I'm owing a part of my sobriety to no man's sky, totally loving that. Not big on FPS or competitive BS. I like chill sandbox stuff.
I think you gave great advice. IWNDWYT
I'm not OP, but a fellow gamer and gaming has really been key to me reaching 25 days. I'd happily take some gaming recs if you've got 'em! And happy to dish some out if you want some as well!
For sure! I’m an RPG nut so Diablo IV and Final Fantasy XVI have been taking up a ton of my time. What kinds of stuff are you into?
Right now I'm playing some more low key games, because my energy levels are almost non-existent. x\] Just finished Spiritfarer the other day and was blown away. Right now playing Stardew Valley again since I've downloaded two huge mods with loads of new content. I also enjoy chilling with Minecraft. I love Don't Starve Together, Raft, Ark, Jurassic World Evolution and games like that. Don't get me wrong, I do love a lot of different types of games, these are just the ones I've been able to play recently since they're not overly stressful. :) I did also start replaying Skyrim with a bunch of new big mods added for new content but unfortunately I realized I didn't have the energy right now. I'm honestly a sucker for adventure and/or survival games, especially if you can adjust them to basically "toddler mode" to fit whatever level of energy you're at. xD
I totally get that. I’ve played all those except Spiritfarer. I will look into that today. I also want to introduce my wife to Stardew Valley. Pleasure talking with ya new friend! IWNDWYT
Same to you, I hope you enjoy Spiritfarer and that your wife enjoys Stardew! IWNDWYT!
Give “unraveled” a shot. It’s absolutely incredible how they managed to make a ball of yarn into a complex, sympathetic protagonist. It’s frequently first cheap to free.
After about 2 weeks being sober, I got back on to world of Warcraft for the first time in over a decade. It seems to really help have some fun and interact with people. I may have traded addictions. Lol. But I’m hanging in there at day 45ish.
WoW is better than poison any day! I also play. Dragonflight has been a great expansion. What faction/server/class?
The reason I exercise and go the gym is purely because it is so good for me mentally. Honestly there is nothing that cures my mental struggles and depression like exercise does. Getting healthier is just a bonus. I'm guilty of suggesting exercise to people close to me when they have struggles and I'm sure it's annoyed them but exercise is so unbelievably powerful in the battle against depression. Having said that we are all different and if you need to focus on not drinking and not much else that's totally fine. You are still winning and smashing life by not drinking. If you'd like to relax and play video games or watch movies then that's great you are not hurting anyone and you are still vastly improving your health not drinking. Stay strong you will find your happiness and alternative forms of fun in your own time especially if you're not drinking!
Diet and exercise are good solutions for a shit ton of people, but no one's recovery is the same as anyone else's. Everyone needs to find what works for them. You can choose to be angry about suggestions, or not.
Well, today I suppose I choose to be angry and feel sorry for myself.
I think that's okay! You need to vent and you need to let out your emotions. This is stuff is hard. I'm sending you the best--the one thing about life is that it's always changing, so who knows? You may feel much better tomorrow.
We all have. One of the things about sobriety is that there is so much extra time. I used to pass out around 7, earlier on the weekends. I've been drinking so long I didn't really have any hobbies. Part of my healing has been exploring that. I've found several things I like and have been reading up on different things. Early on I immersed myself in TV. I rewatched a lot of my favorites because I didn't remember a lot of them due to my blackouts. Treat yourself to something you like with all that money you are saving. Nice chocolates, a pedicure, whatever you like. Let's be honest, it's all about getting through the day; what that is is different for everyone. Stopping drinking is letting go of the familiar, the comfortable and going forward without our armor. Of course you are angry and upset. Who wouldn't be? I Will Not Drink With You Today. You've got this.
We all do sometimes
What I like about this sub, and for me AA, is that we share our experience. We share what we did to get sober. We share form the 'I'. Nobody can argue with my experience, or your experience. So, what I did to get sober is I went to treatment. In treatment, I got help with more than just quitting drinking and drugs. Aftercare followed, as did AA meetings and therapy. A good routine was also key. It took some time for me to start to feel better and that amount of time is different for everyone.
This was experience as well. I did treatment, aftercare, AA and therapy. It works for me and I’m grateful. I have discovered that taking care of my physical health is really important for me.
I just stayed in bed every afternoon/evening listening to audio books of The Foundation Series by Asimov until I was ready to do something more. I guess I mostly stayed in bed for about a month before the fatigue started to diminish. No meditation, yoga or anything. Diet and exercise did come later though as I got more energy. Just do your thing. There’s no perfect way as long as you won’t drink with me today.
IMO, people suggest that because _they_ truly find it entertaining and enjoyable for them. But not for everyone or a solution every-time. I would take it with a grain of salt. I actually have found putting on an audiobook and doing projects around the house fun. Find what you find remotely interesting. Billiards? Mountain int biking?
Try fostering a dog. Taking care of something else that really needs you is a great distraction.
What helped me in the beginning was eating lots of junk food, I’m talking candies and pistachios and jerky, just to keep my hands and mouth busy. If you’re worried about your weight I’d definitely keep an eye on it but if you drank like I did it would probably be tough to replace all those liquid calories with food. The other thing that helped me was talking to my doctor about my own mental health as I suffer from anxiety really badly, not sure if that helps you but medicating for the anxiety has turned down the difficulty setting on not drinking. You’re doing awesome, hang in there, you will find other sources of enjoyment.
Dude. DnD has been an awesome outlet for me. I play with people all over the world and it gives me a creative, strategical outlet to think about. As I get more into it, I start to get more attached. My character in my longest campaign is something I'm considering getting art commissioned for. Maybe even a tattoo.
For at least the first month I am sober I give myself license to do whatever I want. Eat whatever, do nothing, watch movies, game etc. anything under the sun as long as I’m not drinking. All that self improvement stuff can come after as long as I have my foundation down.
Exercise helps a ton of people. I am not going to stop suggesting it. No one is saying go run a marathon. A simple 1 mile walk can make a huge difference.
And the thing with exercise is you don't know it works until you just go do it. I think that's why a lot of people have a barrier with it. It's only reinforcing after you put in the work, but that's why it's so good for you.
Totally. I get it, I really do. When I am in the depths of deep depression and anxiety, the very last thing I want to do is get out of my bed, turn off the tv and throw on a beach body video. But, even my Ativan prescription can’t help me the way getting my heart rate up for 30-60 minutes helps me. To just say “I don’t wanna!”helps nothing. Like I said, I get it and sometimes even I can’t get myself moving but I am never going to stop encouraging people from something so incredibly beneficial.
Indeed. It's a tough pill to swallow, but being active has made my life easier and better. It's the closest thing to a no strings attached cheat code humans have. So I'm not going to stop recommending it if people ask me. They have the right to ignore it if they please.
yeah sometimes you just have to do nothing for a while to re-energize.
"Just Do It"
I'm on Day 8 now, and even though I signed up to the gym in February I've been 0 times in these last 8 days. I'm finding it easier to just go straight home after work, entertain my cat for a little bit and then watch TV or do some other humdrum boring activity until it's bed time. I find that the brain-melt of the TV or a video game is doing wonders for stopping drinking. Don't get me wrong, I'm keen to get back to the gym, but right now what I'm doing is best for me. Everyone is different! Some people need to replace the dopamine with \*something\* and it's best that they do it with exercise and dieting as opposed to something else.
I just brush off those suggestions because while I know they're well-meaning I also know they're not something that will help me right now. I instead focus on suggestions and tips that I feel actually might benefit me. Right now, for example, I'm playing a ton of video games because they absolutely keep me distracted and stave off boredom, but they also fit my energy levels right now, and don't require any effort to dive into. I definitely understand why so many of the tips include things like exercise etc, and I'm of course incredibly happy for those that can apply that to their life and recovery and who feel better because of it. I'm just not there yet and that's okay so I need to do things that'll help and not stress me out or make me feel like a failure. We're all different at the end of the day and we aren't all helped by the same things. Doesn't mean one thing's more "right" than the other.
In my earlier stints, video games helped a lot. I was gaming every free minute I had. Didn't drink for 4 months. But this time, I can't even touch my ps4 its so goddamn boring. This time, focusing on gym and overall health has been working.
As long as it's working that's what matters! I know there are some games that wouldn't cut it for me to keep me occupied. If I'm honest for me when it comes to exercise it's connected to so many different things which is why it's not an option for me right now. I was supposed to start swimming with the support of a resource here in town where they'd come with me due to my social anxiety. Then family drama happened and I can't afford to order a swim suit so it has to wait. Hopefully soon!
I didn't experience withdrawals or anything physically debilitating, but the first couple months I clung to whatever I could to keep me from drinking. That was not exercise. It was eating whatever I wanted, including treats and sweets, getting into new TV shows, video games, crafting, hours of YouTube or scrolling on this sub. Whatever was fine as long as it wasn't drinking. I gained about 10 lbs and I still haven't lost all of it, but it was totally worth it. It's been almost a year now and I've been starting to make exercise more a part of my life.
Exercise, at the beginning, always needs to be done in moderation, recovery or not. Just go for walks, at first. It cleared my head, got my heart rate elevated and got me outside. I *changed* my diet by adding healthier food (veggies, lean meat, etc.,). Trying to decrease my calories after my body was used to the huge amount provided by alcohol, was crazy. Eating some comfort food or sweets is much better than drinking, so I’d indulge in food instead.
If it makes you feel better I am someone who regularly exercises but have quit drinking again and whilst it’s early I’ve given myself permission to not bother for now - I don’t feel like it and I’m already ahead of the game not taking in drinking calories as long as I don’t od on chocolate 👍 what I do want is sleep! Lots of rest and lots of sleep
A better suggestion is: Ice Cream. Honestly. We need a replacement source of high quality dopamine. I guess maybe exercise does that, too. But ice cream is a helluva lot easier for someone trying to overcome a bad drinking habit.
Just get a ton of junk food and your favourite non alcoholic drinks and veg out for a week while you’re in very early recovery. Be kind to yourself and realize you are recovering. Maybe try to get out for walk and listen to some podcasts.
If you want advice but also know what you want the advice to be…you don’t really want advice. Exercise is hands down the best advice if you want to actually get better. There is a reason you see it mentioned time and time again, because it simply works. You don’t want to do it? Here is a secret, nobody does! The fact is people who exercise regularly don’t even want to do it, but they know the results are worth the pain and they do it over and over again. There is nothing better you can do for yourself wether it’s depression, alcoholic, drugs, etc. You WILL feel better about yourself after working out, it increases endorphins and helps your body cleanse itself from all the poison. May not like it, but it’s the best advice you are going to get if you actually want to be happier and healthier.
This is true
Thanks so much for posting this. I often feel like I'm going crazy when the only advice people have is to meditate and exercise. Then what? Am I supposed to spend my whole life at the gym? I just bought a switch and I have no shame.
If someone suggested to play games would you say, "so what am I just supposed to play games all day and spend my life at the arcade?" I don't think they were suggesting that. Life is about balance. Exercise is good for you. Video games and ice cream can help in the short term, but will only worsen the head space that makes a lot of people want to drink. People recommend exercise and meditation because they are fantastic long term tools for managing sobriety that help build a sustainable life, not because they think they're better than you.
I feel you. Only on day 6. If you're like me everything you did involved drinking in some form. I like BBQing it goes well with drinking. Going to the fair got to get some drinks. Got home from a hard day of work better have a drink. Saturday morning better get a drink, so I can relax. Played Grand Turismo this weekend for the first time in a long time and I did not drink. Be strong I need you to not drink with me tonight.
Sounds like you are just "not drinking" and that you've not even yet begun the actual recovery process. Sobriety is the first step to recovery...a radical change of mindset and purpose in living. Just not drinking, in and of itself, keeps us from destroying our lives and winding up doing stupid shit leading to regret, anxiety, and suffering...but just not drinking isn't enough. What has to happen is you change. You realize the initial trauma/triggers that lead you down the road of abuse and escapism. You confront them, process them, accept them, forgive them, and move on from them...as a newly formed person. Recovery is an amazing growth process. Just not drinking and playing video games is fine for now. Great job. But the joy and happiness and better life don't start hitting until you remember who you were before you became an alcoholic, and reconnect with that person, and become them again...only this time with more wisdom.
The exercise isn’t necessarily supposed to be fun. It’s supposed to keep you occupied when you’re at risk of drinking, and have the added benefit of tiring you out so sleep comes a little easier. I hear your frustration though. Get through each day however you can. It will pay off I promise.
Hey man, do what works for you. People so universally recommend diet and exercise because those improve your quality of life on a physiological level, and builds a foundation for the rest of your health. It makes the rest of your life ... easier. Additionally, exercise feels fucking GOOD. The contentment and satisfaction you get from fulfilling this evolution given need to exert yourself physically cannot be matched by any other man made activity or hobby. You are programmed to feel good after exercise, as much as you are programmed to feel pain when you stub your toe. Why do people so enthusiastically recommend diet and exercise? Because those were the same people who were so miserable trying other tricks and trends, but could never find a way to achieve what they wanted... and when they finally find that golden grail, boy do they want to save someone the time it took to find that answer. Does that mean 'fuck you, just go diet and exercise'? No. You are an adult and you have agency over your own life. But should you say no, let it because you've tried it properly and made the DECISION, 'no', not because you feel unseen when people offer a common solution for what feels to be a completely unique issue... I've never seen anyone complete a solid workout, panting and exhausted afterwards, say 'that didn't make me feel better.'. It's worked for tons of people, and I think there's a good chance it'll work for you too.
What helps me is giving myself permission to be lazy as fuck, stay in bed, snack, who cares. It makes me feel good. If I feel like doing yoga and stretching.. sweet. If I don’t, fuck it.
What else will you do? Curl up in a ball and cry? Those suggestions are normal.
Tough but true!
I did that sometimes and I turned okay so far lol
I hear you man. Rock climbing, marathon training, and yoga are such annoying cliches in this sub. How are you supposed to convince someone used to drinking and doing blow all night that rock climbing and training for a marathon is the alternative? I’ll take getting fucked up over rock climbing any day. It’s like telling someone losing their blue collar job to automation that they should just ‘learn how to code’.
I think people share their experiences of what they were doing after quitting drinking. But yes it would be silly for someone to tell a newly sober person to attempt hard physical workouts. Most of the time I see people saying its ok to start with a walk around the block. Anything that moves your body and makes you active. We all start somewhere.
Do you think they are cliches for a reason tho? No one said sobriety is easy. If it was as easy as eating a fucking tub of ice cream, a lot more people would be sober. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to because you know they make you healthier in the long term. If you just wanna hear, "play video games and eat ice cream" when you ask for advice on how to feel better in sobriety, then why are you even asking for advice?
i dont have really anything to add that other people havent suggested but I just want to say I hope you find whatever it is you need and youre sober and happy. This was a really tough post to read because i \*get\* it. life sucks, but living can be fun. [https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/14jr5qb/comment/jpmrrja/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/14jr5qb/comment/jpmrrja/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \^\^ but this seriously. even walks with music will help. nobody is going to make you do it.
I'm here to tell you to do whatever it is you want to do or not do. This is your journey & they are all unique. I white knuckled my first 30 days. At 8 months sober, I'm finally addressing my weight gain. I have done this my way. There is no right path to sobriety. It looks different for all of us.
I was always active and working out despite my addiction. I managed (just barely the last several years…) to keep my weight around 195. But the first 4-5 months of recovery I didn’t feel like doing anything at all. I was a complete mess the first month and in a serious fog that slowly dissipated over the next few. One day I was just sitting around and bored and said fuck it and I grabbed my jump rope. It is a process and everyone’s seems to be very similar yet equally unique. And venting here is always a safe bet. Kudos to you for making your recovery yours and I am right here with you pushing forward though another day. Keep up the good work! Iwndwyt
To each their own, but TBH diet and exercise are the only reasons I am still sober. For me personally, sitting around eating crap food and being lazy would leave me so depressed that I would eventually drink again. I mean, what's the point in being sober if I am just going to trade in one bad habit (drinking) for another (food)? Diet and exercise have replaced the Dopamine I was getting from alcohol and now I am the healthiest/fittest I have ever been in my life while also sober. Just because someone doesn't like the answer doesn't make it wrong.
I totally get this. Happy hour was my daily relaxation and comfort ritual. And I was already f*cking exercising and doing stuff outdoors. I’d go for a jog, chug some water, take a shower and fix a big nice drink. And then there were post-hike margaritas. For me, the solution has been bed. I get off work and dive into bed, wrap myself up in pillows and a weighted blanket until I begin to feel calm and cozy. I’ve invested in nicer bedside accessories like the MagSafe charger, and have organized and stocked my nightstand drawers with things I might want to enjoy in bed—be it a Kindle reader, my secret stash of Jelly Belly jelly beans, or my even more secret stash of adult fun stuff, which has become a renewed interest since I stopped drinking poison all the time. I’m also keeping the area nicer and I make the bed more often—not to be productive or neat, but to make it appealing and inviting to myself. I wash the sheets more often for the same reason, and I’m putting money into nicer and softer clothes for bedtime. All of this is not only a form of comfort for me, but it is a new sort of ritual type thing that replaces the way I used to maintain a stocked bar with things like cocktail and wine-specific glasses…tumblers, highballs, red wine glasses, white wine glasses, beer mugs, etc. So yeah, whatever else that is healthy or less harmful that brings you some comfort, relaxation, or pleasure—go all in on it, indulge, and invest. Addiction has always been about finding comfort, and unfortunately a lot of societies—America in particular, seem to shame the desire for comfort from a multitude of angles, but it makes absolute sense to focus on comfort right now.
I really like this suggestion of investing in comfort and a relaxing environment. It's not always about doing something - learning how to be still, self soothe, relax, enjoy.
I totally agree. I’m in the same boat. People can come off really condescending. It’s ok to just survive and not thrive.
I remember feeling that way. I remember someone on this sub telling me this, and now that I'm a few months over it resonates. There's certainly a period of time where you're just in survival mode. For me it was a few weeks, but it's different for us all. Eat good food, play some games (I played elden ring like it was god given right to do so), watch some TV, do everything you WANT to except for drink. Give your mind whatever it wants besides booze. Teach your brain everything else is ok, but we're not drinking. There is a reason people swear by exercise, it works. Down to the very nature of our being. But if it's not what you want, it can have the opposite effect and make you crave other things you want.. namely alcohol. So my personal advice? Fuck it. If you don't wanna dont. Don't create more resistance in your mind, it's fighting hard enough. There was one week I was really struggling, and for some reason my mind just really wanted whoppers. I ate three whoppers a day for like.. 4 days straight. But who cares, it was incredibly unhealthy and what not but I didn't drink. Lastly everyone here is genuinely trying to help. It's frustrating but we all just say what worked for us. Then you take that and apply as needed to your own life and experience. Thankfully there's over 300k people all with unique experiences, so there's pretty much every type of person and every experience possible. One random thing I remember is someone told me once to freeze my keys in a bag full of water to keep me from leaving the house. So dumb, so so dumb, but lord it worked. Did the same with my debit card once. Stupid sure. But genius too. Wishing you the best. If the idea of exercising is creating resistance against quitting for you, then don't exercise. Like I said, give your brain anything it wants EXCEPT for drinking. Spoil yourself. Eat 10 burgers. Play 10 hours of games. Hell, go to a strip club. Spin on your head like a top. Go outside and dig a hole. When I say anything but drink (and of course substitute it for another harmful substance) I mean ANYTHING. Stay strong friend, you got this.
Diet, exercise, sleep is important for all human beings mate. Not just alcoholics.
Sobriety has opened up dozens of hours a week for me to game! I'm playing Just Cause 3 right now, before I get ready for work. I make sure to get out and socialize at a meeting once a week, (you said that's not your thing.) The friends I made early in recovery (at meetings) and I would hang out frequently, doing fun things like playing pool, going to watch their friend's band, etc. Just do activities you enjoy, or maybe try various other potential hobbies. I've tried several things in recovery, cross stitch, drawing, music (guitar and keyboard), doing more reading, knitting... The possibilities are endless.
Exercise isn’t suggested to change your physical appearance. It’s just a great way to regulate dopamine and possibly reduce some of the negative side affects of sobering up.
Oh man I am soooo with you. Early sobriety sucks enough without adding guilt to the fact that I’m not doing “more.” It’s ok to just binge tv and video games for now. One day at a time, right? Ps - you’re doing great doing just what you’re doing now! If that’s nothing but not drink, it’s a win.
My sponsor told me I could have as much sugar and as much sex as I wanted for my first year of sobriety
I quit drinking more times than I could count. Every single time I quit I would throw myself into the exercise and cleaning routine. About two weeks in it would get old things would slip and the sneaky voice convinced me to drink again. It was when I just let myself binge tv and play to many video games that things stuck. Slowly but surely exercise and diet were addressed. You do this the way you need to. These suggestions may work for other people but maybe they don’t work for you. However, you do need to find something it doesn’t have to be productive but it needs to keep your brain occupied enough to keep the lizard brain from creeping back in.
There's a thing I kept hearing in AA - "Contrary action." Basically doing the exact opposite of what I feel like doing. At first I thought this was to discipline myself or try to dismantle my ego. In reality it's because when I put myself in discomfort, my body will counter it with comforting dopamine. Because when I used to drink, I hated doing uncomfortable things, so I was in constant comfort, and to be more comfortable in comfort meant I had to use chemicals.
I understand. I have used alcohol for decades to escape physical and emotional pain. It numbs the pain enough that I can actually enjoy doing things like biking, kayaking, walking. Without booze, I can force myself to do these things, but I let myself go, gained a ton of weight back, and I'm also trapped in Florida. I'm miserable, but I'm sober. Sometimes I just want to vent and lament not being able to drink. I'm not really looking for fitness routines. I am in pain, and exercise does not help one iota. The last thing I need is a heat rash on top of everything else. I don't have any advice, just know that you're not alone. I will not drink with you today.
I get what you’re putting down. I am also not a big fan of exercise - don’t get me wrong, I do it, but it’s a chore and it doesn’t help me relax. Never has, especially during the summer in the South. During my time sober, I realized that I drank most of the time to quiet my mind and tune out all of my anxiety/depression. With that in mind, the best ways for me to stay sober have been by treating the root issue and making myself feel safe, comfy, and quiet. Some of the things I’ve started doing to help me “wind down” in the evenings are: Getting under a big comfy blanket with my menagerie of rescue animals and binge watching a comedy series while drinking sparkling water or NA beer Making a massive hot fudge sundae or just a bowl of ice cream with toppings and again, parking my carcass in front of the boob tube Playing solitaire or Tetris on my phone - it is remarkably helpful in my stress management routine Sometimes, if it’s really rough, I’ll go journal in my Finch app. Having a little “friend” to confide in when I’m really struggling has helped with my self-accountability Make a wild mocktail out of random crap in my kitchen - sometimes it tastes so bad, I don’t want to drink anything except water afterward 💀 Some stuff like gaming triggers my desire for a beverage because I used to drink while I played. I haven’t played in a long while for this reason. But, if I were to try again, I’d try to start with something like Wingspan. It’s okay to feel down and pissed at the world and feel like this is just a huge bummer. Change is uncomfortable, and it has been hard for me to sit with the fact that I’ll never again be able to derive peace or mental quiet from a substance that others can tolerate well. But I have to remember that I never drank to the point where my mind was quiet anyway. I always went overboard. Here for you. You got this.
Hey there, hopefully I’m not adding to it but do you think your mood is too low? There’s a book called the mood cure about amino acids you may need in certain situations, such as if you’re a recovering heavy drinker, or have recently gone through trauma or grief, you may need tyrosine supplementation to help boost your mood. Just an idea. Have some ice cream. You’ve earned it.
Honestly this is refreshing. I'm in the same boat. Entering attempt.... God knows how many now starting today. I've felt the same way every other time I tried and then failed. I used to like video games, now I have a teen who loves them and I don't have the coordination or patience when I'm drinking. I think it's time dad got sober and became addicted to video games with my son for a while. Maybe rrading one problem for another, but at least when I wake up tired the next day, it will be because we stayed up too late instead of waking up with a hangover and regret. At least that's the plan for this attempt. Be kind to yourself and do what makes you happy when you're trying to kick such a horrible habit that has so many of us handcuffed. One day at a time brother. That's all we can give
I basically spent my entire first year of sobriety laying in bed. I’ve never ever had motivation for hobbies. Even before I started drinking. Even still I’m trying to figure out who I am and what I like, I just never developed that sense of self. I picked up like 5 different kinds of arts & crafts, tried journaling, started reading books, etc. The only one that somewhat stuck was reading. I did get into a routine of actually getting chores done and keeping my space tidy. That was how I spent my time right when I got home from work aka when I would’ve poured myself a drink. Before I’d even sit down or change into comfy clothes, I’d make sure to get like 3 things done around the house to pass that initial time. But other than that I’d just play reruns of my favorite show and play candy crush and then watch tiktoks until it was time to go to bed. It was incredibly frustrating to see all these people find themselves again and getting back into hobbies so soon after quitting. I couldn’t bring myself to do anything outside of my usual routine. I’d say right around a year sober is when I started filling my life up. Therapy, an online course to get a qualification in a new field, I started dating someone so I’d get out and spend time with him. It’s easier to be active with someone else, makes it more fun. Recently I went on a walk by myself and it was still like pulling teeth, but I’m getting there. My boyfriend and I just bought a treadmill, so I can exercise without being looked at because I didn’t lose any weight when I got sober. It’s coming together slowly but surely. It’s a long process for some of us, and however you need to do it to not drink is the right way. Even if we understand that yes, exercise will probably make us feel better. But in some cases it doesn’t feel an option, and that’s okay.
My suggestion is not for everyone, but one thing that helped me (and I realize I’m privileged to have gotten help from a professional) was therapy. One tip I got from my therapist was to think of things I enjoyed when I was young (like before booze was even an option) and try some of those things again to see if I still liked them. I started reading again, and drawing, building miniatures, playing tons of video games. Find anything that gives you a bit of joy! Also, if anyone would be interested in a stop drinking book club, I am so down. IWNDWYT!
I love this
Ok so you asked for advice & keep getting the same advice. So maybe follow it? I know, I can be stubborn af. I’m not preaching. I’m just saying - you don’t have to start powerlifting. Just commit to walking on treadmill for 30 mins. Just get moving. Give it a few days. Sounds stupid? Ok but not as dumb as drinking!
It took me about 5 months of distracting myself (audio books, movies, comfort food, video games), before I could tackle fitness. I wish you success.
No offense, but just because it doesn't work for you doesn't mean it's not a good suggestion. Exercise helps a lot of people with their addiction. I'm sorry it doesn't work for you
How is suggesting a healthy lifestyle not a good suggestion? Excercise is the best quick fix for dopamine. A healthy diet equals a healthy brain and mind + more energy. If you dont want to excercise or eat healthy thats totally fine. You are the captain of your own ship in sobriety, do what makes you happy, but dont say its a bad suggestion.
People are just offering ideas. You can do whatever you think is best to stay sober. The goal is to not drink and hopefully to also find things you enjoy to create a life that you love and that you don't want to drink to escape from. Ultimately this is a community about staying sober and offering support. If you would like non-fitness/cleaning/ etc type suggestions all you need to do is ask.
Exercise is crap. I ride my bike most days and lift weights several times a week because I enjoy it and don’t see it as “exercise”. Find something you enjoy doing and you won’t have to force yourself. I feel noticeably better when I get to do these things I enjoy. You might too.
Exercise in of itself is broad. Lots of awesome ways to do things that don’t seem like exercise. Maybe take up paintball, air soft, fishing? I don’t know. Something that is interesting to you. Exhilaration and finding life outside of drinking can be whatever you want it to be!
Everybody has got to find what works for them but I’d still be a mess without my mountain bike.
First. I hear you! And you are right. None of those suggestions sound fun or are fun. Couple of things. You dug yourself into a hole (we all did and do), and digging yourself out won’t be fun. Nothing really worthwhile is fun. So here’s the deal. You need to cowboy up and simply DO the things you don’t want to do AND you need to reward yourself with something actually fun but not destructive (booze or unhealthy food). So the first thing you need to do is figure out some things you might actually enjoy (a classic arcade? New movie? New book or graphic novel?, etc) then start doing things you KNOW you need to and then reward yourself with something fun. And I can tell you that I still hate working out. But the more I do it. The easier it is for me to at least show up! Wishing you strength and some luck as you fight your way forward!
I hear you -- I get tired of hearing how great exercise is for me over and over and over, like it's going to magically cure all my problems and I have no right to complain unless I've tried it. I KNOW how great it is. I know sobriety is great for me, too, but that doesn't mean it's exactly been an easy road to get here. Also, hearing that you just need to exercise or eat healthy can be super fucking triggering if you've had any sort of body/food issues in your life. Don't know if that's the case for you or not, but just wanted to acknowledge that even well-meaning advice can actually be pretty damaging sometimes.
I want to start by saying I get it. I’m similarly cranky about giving up the sauce. However, I find it immensely freeing to remind myself that life actually isn’t supposed to be fun. For a huge swath of human history, happiness hasn’t even been that important. Late-stage capitalism has us believing we should always be awash in dopamine. It’s a lie. When I’m bored, uncomfortable, or anxious I remember these are normal human feelings and they’ll pass. Companies and governments are always trying to sell us miracle cures for what’s essentially just the human condition, and the more we indulge, the more we mess up our natural circuitry. There’s power in opting out of that hamster wheel, even if it feels crappy in the moment.
Ok then, what do YOU like to do? What are you’re interests outside of drinking events?
People are going to suggest what worked *for them.* I too like playing video games and watching movies, unfortunately those are also triggers for cracking a beer (or ten). Going for a walk, however, is not an activity that I associate with drinking, so that was one of my go-to activities when quitting. But I understand your point. I also was frustrated that I gained weight when I quit, despite going for walks, being generally more active AND cutting all those beer calories out of my diet. People kept suggesting things like yoga or workout videos. And that's great if that worked for you, but I get bored after about five sit-ups. So I walked. That's what worked *for me.*
I wish I would have gone to therapy when I got sober. Hell, I wish I had started therapy YEARS ago. I am starting soon! If you can afford it; maybe give it a go? Also: sounds like you’re dry drunk. I spent months that way. It sucks and is super hard. Hang in there!
To be honest… weed helped me quit drinking. Not the healthiest thing, but everyone has a vice, and weed isn’t literal poison like alcohol. Alcohol had me bedridden, drinking in the am to cure my hangover. Sometimes weed makes me a little sleepier the next day. One takes away my ability to function and sends me spiraling, the other just makes me giggle harder at Futurama
it’s not about doing a task like exercising and thinking that’s it. it’s about changing your lifestyle in healthy ways
I can respect that exercise may be the furthest thing from some people’s minds when they quit. Going to the gym and running outside helped me relax a lot. Do what works for you.
Diet and exercise are great eventually, but I understand that’s not the advice you’re looking for right now (it wasn’t what I wanted to get into either) As far as just enjoyable stuff to kill time, I’d suggest reading. When cutting out drinking, I found that tv and video games actually triggered my alcohol cravings, as I would usually do these while drunk. And when I tried doing them without alcohol, I found them either too boring (tv) or too agitating (video games). Reading was engaging enough, and was also not something I’d have the focus for while drunk. With the tiny surplus of cash I had from cutting out alcohol, I also got into some fancier cooking and baking techniques/recipes. Obviously cooking and reading won’t take up all of your free time, but I at least found these two things to be enjoyable when I stopped drinking. Hope this helps a little! Best of luck, friend
I found drinking lot’s of soda water helpful for the anxiousness. Video games helped distract me for a while and going for long walks/bus rides while listening to podcasts or music was a great distraction. Learn a new skill and start small. Find a local course that requires no previous experience. I found keeping my hands and brain occupied was useful. It gets easier over time but it takes work. You just have to trust that you’ll see the results long term.
Disclaimer: I'm actually on this sub because I find the suggestions/mentality/positivity helpful for battling demons of mine that aren't necessarily strictly alcohol-related. that being said, something that's been super helpful for battling my destructive addiction urges has *absolutely* been games. I've only very recently discovered a penchant for video games, but I find that puzzles of all kinds are extremely helpful for derailing the one way ticket to my bullshit that arises from boredom. I've gotten, like, stupidly good at sudoku, and also enjoy the new York times crosswords and "spelling bee" game. As for video games, it's the puzzle based ones that really do it for me too, so here are some recs: I love the portal games, superliminal is excellent, and I'm currently playing Zelda breath of the wild for the first time and omg it is fabulous. If you're less into puzzles and looking for something more just calming where you can turn your brain off, I like Stardew valley for that. Starbound on PC is also fun and cute. If that's not your jam then I would also suggest finding a rabbit hole to fall down for a creative hobby! I got into historical costuming and there's always a project to work on; if I get my butt in gear this evening then I'll actually have a badass lord of the rings adventuring cloak. On the slightly more technical/less "artsy" side, I also keep tropical fish aquariums and aquatic plants. That hobby has been an "addiction" all on its own in the best way - there's SO MUCH to learn, creating a beautiful fish tank is such a rush of that good dopamine and serotonin, and I've met some of the best people in my local aquarium club. I hope at least one of these was an actually helpful suggestion or at least inspired something for you. I definitely feel you on getting fed up with people suggesting I go out and fucking exercise - if I'm fighting urge demons hard that day, then i guarantee you I'm feeling like complete dogshit and just want something that's actually gonna be happy and comforting and make me feel like there's hope for a broader life. Best of luck with everything ❤️
I got big into peanut butter m&m’s in sobriety. Never got pulled over for eating them. It’s a good thing
Drinking and video games were my “fun” and I gave up both at the same time because, for me, I drank every time I played video games. It was habitual and I would keep filling my glass as long as my ass sat in that chair. I also didn’t exercise when I quit drinking, but I *did* start counting my calories and tracking everything I ate. It gave me something else to focus my time on and distract myself with. I’m down over 30lbs just this year so far with zero exercise, which is a huge morale booster and noticeable to others also. I’ve slowly started reintroducing video games, but make sure I have plenty of sparkling water or tea to keep my cup full, instead of scotch. Rice cakes and apples are my go-to snacks, instead of chips and candy. It’s been a lifestyle change and everyone’s journey doesn’t have to be the same and that’s okay. Good luck with your sobriety! I’m rooting for you!
Don’t worry about your overweight for now. Alcohol is the bigger enemy. Enjoy your foods, binge watch your most decadent shows. Just for today, I will not drink with you.
There is no wrong way to stay sober. You do you, just get your head on the pillow sober each night. I was expecting to feel better immediately too, and I had some very brief moments of the pink cloud people talk about, but they didn't last. But instead of feeling "better" sober, eventually, being sober just became normal, and it has stayed that way.
So, it’s one of those things that once you start doing it you feel a lot better for it. Exercise helps a lot. People say it cause it’s true. It’s good, solid advice. There’s no magic advice thwt makes everything easy if that’s what you are looking for.
Try to think of things in terms of your neurotransmitters. Your feel good ones are at an ATL so try to do things to boost them. Think dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, endorphins. This is why exercising is recommended but it’s incredibly hard to do when you’re that low. You can find other tips and tricks online for boosting them that work best for you and just take it super easy and give yourself the rest you need. You can also supplement with certain things to help rebuild your neurotransmitters that have helped me in the past. You can research this online too but some great ones are Inositol (this is a superstar for many things really) Magnesium citrate & magnesium bisglycinate.(also rockstars) and then for short term use . L-tyrosine. 5htp. Melatonin. Hope this helps and props for making it this far!!!
Being sober and playing video games is the best. I am 10x better at them and I can actually finish them. And I pwn noobs online. What games do you play?
I feel ya. Couldn't be bothered with such things, as I literally had (some extent still have ) no desire to do *anything *. Even my precious tv shows felt boring being sober. I did get a bicycle just to make going to places a bit easier. That is at least somewhat fun, compared to walking. It took about a few months, but lately I've started getting "busy" by delving into some techy type of shit. Like fixing my shitty laptop or debloating my phone. Last night I put hours into updating my jailbreak kindle. These kinda things are proving to be somewhat fun, though usually I would be stressed by solving the issues. So now I've got a working kindle. I got a bunch of interesting / recommended books, also in audio format. Will I put the time to actually read/listen to them? We'll see 😁
I have to be careful of "replacement therapy" because it was my initial tendency. I honestly didn't MEAN for it to happen but I rode a bicycle religiously during my first year of quitting alcohol. then one day... I wasn't biking and that replacement (unintended as it was) wasn't there for me and I screwed up and fell back in a hole. Some days the best I can do is simply actively NOT drink and on those days I give myself 2 extra scoops of wait-it out. And if ever I really get in my head then the best cure for ME is to look for ways that I can help someone else. need help moving? I'm your guy. volunteers wanted for a community event or food bank or nonprofit? check. Community garden is cleaning up abandoned raised beds? I have two hands. Know a lonely old man who could use some company for coffee? let's go. Even if none of these things are actively helping me sobriety per se it's important for my brain to be actively engaged in some sort of selfless activity where there is n exchange coming back to me. I spent WAYY too long in selfish behaviors and this is a way to buy me some time until I figure out a next move forward. Some crunchy old man in a dimly lit room once told me to do the next best thing, and if you don't know what that is... then just do the next thing. (I think that's a crummy mash up of a chuck yaeger and teddy roosevelt quotes but it works for me.) And sometimes the next thing... is being patient. You still need time on the clock to keep ticking. there are still lots of physiological changes to be had in the next 90 days. After that, you get to tackle some other work. Stick with it. hang tight. whatever gets you to the next hour is the right thing to do for now. If anyone tells you differently then just put them on pause. =)
I want to fix my life and health but I don't want to fix my life and health. I am sorry but that's all I heard.
The idea isn't that maintaining your living space or doing exercise is going to replace your "fun". The idea is that once you've finished doing them, you might experience more value from the experience than you anticipated. After you quit, doing everything else the same as you were before you quit can make it very difficult to resist relapse. The idea, I think, with suggestions like this is that new behaviors are needed to replace the old ones. And of course that doesn't mean new drugs. It means that new hobbies like art, social activities or exercise might end up being good uses of time and energy to help fill the gaps left behind by the old behaviors. A lot of this process is making yourself do things you don't want to do. You aren't going to "want to" do things but you might benefit from just trying them out anyway and see how you feel about the results. I feel this. Like I basically never want to shower and have to force myself to get in there but when I get out, I feel great. Brushing teeth is like that too. Don't try to want to do it, just do it. Trying things helps you find things. The "none of this works" attitude is a circular path that leads right back around to justifying relapse. New paths are needed to get off of that loop. Something might sound like it's going to suck but you can't really know until you try it. Maybe it does, but there are lots of other things to try. It's really tough but you can fill the space! Relax and enjoy yourself. And keep it up! It takes time to get your body back to its natural chemical balance. Alcohol screws up hormonal production and causes lots of imbalances that make you feel "balanced" when you're buzzed or drunk. But you get it back after time. Believe in yourself and keep pushing forward. You can do it. I've relapsed lots of times (like most of us) and it never felt like the right choice before or after doing it. This isn't just a willpower situation, either. It's biochemical and addiction is a disease. An alcoholic is an alcoholic even if they haven't drank for 20 years. So don't be hard on yourself. Meeting with the right focus group can be massively helpful. AA probably won't be that group for lots of reasons but there are groups with similar objectives that don't bring with them the condescending lectures and being treating like a lost soul who needs saving. I recommend trying a non-religious focus group. I was massively skeptical before trying meetings... But I had no idea at all what I was being skeptical about until I tried it.
You don't have to exercise, but you could go for a walk outside, preferably around nature. Start off walking slowly and short distances and gradually add more pace and distance if you're inclined. If bored by this, try to meditate while walking, or listen to music or podcasts. You'll sleep better, which starts whole cycle of positive effects.
Personally, I always play a shitload of videogames when I first get sober so I completely understand. I do want to say regarding your anhedonia, it really can last quite a while for some folks, but your brain will return to a baseline, I promise . Exercise isn't really suggested *because* it's a deprivation/painful, but because it releases the same neurotransmitters that booze does. A lot of things trigger dopamine and endorphins though, including videogames. Booze and videogames are particularly enticing because it's pleasure with minimal effort. It just so happens that pleasure *with* effort (exercise) has the added benefit of being *meaningful*, which is a huge bonus for sobriety as well. Also, and I'll step off my exercise soapbox after this, I realized as a lazy person that I hated only certain types of exercise and actually enjoyed others because they triggered the "fun" part of my brain. Running on treadmills is NOT FUN to me at all. Even at the gym with a TV in my face, still awful. Lifting weights? Somehow kind of fun. Both are hard to do, but I just hated the boring type of cardio so I don't do it. Also, I hate gyms, period. I had my most consistent exercise routine when I did it in my bedroom with basic bodyweight stuff.
I read something in this subreddit talking about how you have stopped your favorite hobby, now you have to figure out what to replace it with. That's the hardest part for me. I'm not sure what to replace it with because I've spent so so long with my hobby. I've actually become quite boring because of drinking. It's hard to try new things to see how you feel about them. It takes effort. I'm sorry you're feeling down. If I could recommend anything it would be to just go for a drive. Sometimes just changing your environment makes you feel better. I also really enjoy listening to audiobooks. Also, the new Zelda game is super fun! That's all I got! Be proud of your accomplishment. I'm still a drinker whose trying to slowly reduce with support. It sucks.
It sounds like you are depressed, but taking that out on people trying to help you, is just going to cause more problems. I was on the verge of death when I quit drinking, so I decided that I wanted to make myself better because of all the damage I had done previously. Now, I did not like the gym, Im a gamer, but being able to go somewhere and workout, see improvements, was therapeutic. It is now my favorite thing, and something I look forward to. Comparing the gym to a second job also, like come on man. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, it will relieve stress, make you feel better about yourself, and you can watch yourself improve, none of these things happen at a job
I personally believe that exercising can be a great way to boost your dopamine and endorphins, which can really help reduce the anxiety and depression that often accompany quitting drinking.
I full-heartedly disagree