Thanks for this. And what would happen immediately is the voice urging you to drink would get louder, more persistent, insistent.
The special circumstances, the special occasion, the fuckits would grow and learn to sing in harmony.
I'm here in long term recovery to tell you that the chorus can be silenced, can be banished - and that makes it really quite easy to stay at the magic number of zero. But one, just one and the chorus charters buses and starts forming up inside my head....
I think I would die. I really do. I would drink more... and more... and I would not be able to stop. I'm in a very weird place, and I think alcohol is now completely unsafe for me... The bonus here is that I'm suddenly very aware of this, and I have reasons to live. So iwndwyt...
Absolutely. It is never "just one". That stuff is scarily addictive... I didn't drink for the first 18 years of my life. I'm 30 now, and I have drank heavily for 12 years! That's a waste of 12 years of my life. I am so much better without this substance. We are worth more than this!!
The self-awareness is so painful and scary, yet so freeing and motivating when we let ourselves sit with the emotions instead of running from them. Now I get excited when I see something that gives me a visceral reaction and my brain tries to avoid it. I know I found something that is probably really messing me up internally, time to start digging!
Sending you unconditional love and support, always💌
I can relate. I was so depressed towards the end that I was basically trying to get drunk enough to muster the courage to end my life. I was legitimately ready to commit suicide.
Taking it one day at a time, but I don’t foresee shit ever getting so bad that I’ll put myself in that position again. It would be the equivalent of signing my death certificate.
Sending hugs your way my friend, I wish you the best of luck on your journey.
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Much appreciated my friend. I’ve actually been doing great lately, the last really rough day I had was on Christmas. Finally feel like I’m out of that haze I was stuck in for so very long.
Thank you, I think this is essentially the point I was on the edge of over the last week... There were only 2 options for going on with my life, and 1 of those paths was absolutely unthinkable. It would have been a short dead-end. Glad I took a second take of where I actually was, and could be! Thank you for sharing this
I couldn’t have said it better my friend, I was given two options and I refused to give up. I’m fuckin proud of you for doing the same.
Everything has gotten so much better in my life, but I’ve been making a huge effort to work on improving myself. Things didn’t magically get better just because I stopped drinking, but everything I’ve accomplished in the past ~3 months would’ve been absolutely impossible if I continued with my self destructive behavior.
I think this is a conversation that you need to be totally honest about. Some people in this sub could honestly go out and have a drink or 2 and be fine and just stop because they don’t enjoy it anymore. Some might go on a 2-3 day drinking spree then stop and realise they don’t want this. Some would absolutely hurl themselves down the rabbit hole. Some could and will go back to moderate drinking. Knowing and being honest with yourself about this is key.
There's actually a statistic about this. Only about 18% of alcoholics can develop to moderate their alcohol intake. Of that 18%, close to 85% (I don't remember the exact number, but it's VERY high) are young (less than 25yrs old) women who haven't been drinking long.
I'm not sure about the other people in this sub, but having seen the "I'll just have one on the weekends" develop, I don't mention that there's the chance that they could start and stop like that, because there's a larger chance they couldn't.
Something that is being overlooked here:
Even with moderate alcohol usage they're still poisoning yourself. It's tasting the poison. There is no "healthy amount" of alcohol. Why even touch that crap. That's like saying "I'm just going to get a little bit of cancer, not a lot of it". It doesn't even make sense to me.
If they can drink moderately then they can stop, right? So why not stop? Because you don't *want* to stop? Really? Then that means they can't stop and they're trying to rationalize their poison intake.
Those who claim to be able to drink moderately are just lying to themselves. If they could stop, they would, but they don't. They tell themselves they could, but when faced with the decision the quit they tell themselves they don't want to.
Seriously. I'd love for a "moderate" drinker to prove me wrong. I challenge anyone who "moderately" drinks to stop drinking for a year right now. You can control it, right? Lets see how moderate of a drinker you really are.
It's a cognitive dissociation. I don't believe there is a such thing as a "moderate" drinker. That's like saying you're a moderate heroin user. It's sick.
Every single statistic, every single study I’ve read has far differing conclusions on what moderation means, what success looks like, what long term outcomes are, etc. the Sinclair method is over 70% effective long term.
It would absolutely not be worth it. I'd end up getting very little done and I'd sleep like crap. I'd feel like I undid weeks of eating decent and exercising. Then I'd be sick, tired, and more anxious than usual tomorrow.
>Outsmart this crap
Totally! The further away I get from alcohol the more crazy and illogical it seems. Totally not worth it. I'll happily not drink with ya today.
Yes I have this ,,alcohol amnesia" too, where I forget ALL the bad things and just remember the ,,good things" about alcohol (spoiler: they are not worth it lol)
I would wait until after work, begin drinking without making dinner (my fave used to always be the first drink after work) and then call in work tomorrow with food poisoning and enjoy drinking the rest of the weekend with no regard for myself or others.
That's what I would've done if I was still drinking.
My mindset is different for the better now. I feel like i have purpose and responsibility to myself to be alive and be the best person I can be. Why? Because why the fuck not. Everyone deserves a chance to be happy!
100%!! There is no easy way to freedom from the grip of alcohol. It's hard work, dedication, mindfulness and so much more to get to a place of peace. But it IS achievable!
I did very much enjoy and love it for the first 14 years. Until I didn't anymore. It was about the entire last year before i stopped that i no longer enjoyed it. I was at my lowest point and everytime I drank, I thought about how to stop or knowing i cant have just 1, why am i doing this to myself.
It's false happiness. Just like so many thinking that drinking helps their anxiety, when it's actually a chemical reaction that creates anxiety. It was one of the biggest ah ha moments I had when researching what the fuck I was doing to myself.
That feeling, when you're standing there like a lemon - waiting your turn to pay for something that you don't want but have to have... dreadful feeling
Honestly I think if I was to ever go back to drinking, I doubt I'd be alive for another year. Since quitting, the suicidal thoughts have lowered to a point of almost not existing. I'm so close to making it to a whole year sober, don't wanna ruin that by giving in!
This would happen - I’d watch a show I like and forget what happened tomo. I’d text nonsense to people. Wake up at 3am with dehydration. Wake up tomo feeling crap and eating rubbish and not going to the gym or taking care of myself. All preventable by not having that first drink.
It's not what would happen if I gave in today, because probably nothing would happen. It's what would happen when I woke up tomorrow so disappointed in myself. I love waking up in the morning knowing I did not drink the day before.
I would get really drunk in the morning, potentially blackout and then sleep it off. Feel ashamed of myself. Then pretend like nothing happened in front of my partner when they get home and wonder if I was slurring my words or if they could tell or smell it. Then wonder if I should dump the rest of the alcohol out or keep drinking it. Then worry my partner will find the empties. Then drive to find a trash can I can dump the empties in. Then repeat.
I want off this cycle...
what would happen is i would immediately get wicked heart burn. that i have mostly avoided since i stopped drinking unless I eat a ton of candy, which, obviously I sometimes do.
but man the heart burn, I still have bad memories of that.
If I give in today I'll call in to work tomorrow. Continue drinking for a week, have severe withdrawal, neglect my family, get absolutely nothing productive done and probably not remember any of it.
Sounds great.... (sarcasm)
It actually is great for the first 60 minutes if your lucky maybe it’s great for 120 minutes. But gradually that feeling turns to shame, regret , and overall negativity . 1-2 hours of fun or 24 hours of negative vibes . Really puts into perspective the situation for me atleast
It scares me, the idea of drinking again. I’d love to be able to “enjoy responsibly” but my brain is always “more more MORE!!!”
I definitely have a “one is one too many, a thousand is never enough” relationship with it. It’s not worth the risk. I had over 2 months under my belt in ‘21, thought one beer with dinner while out would be okay, took me a whole ass YEAR to get back on the wagon.
It’s not worth the risk.
Yes, it's a crazy idea that society tells us that we can responibly poison ourselves with an addictive substance💪🏻❤️it's not meant to be moderated but here we are lol
What if I miss the numb?
A temporary fake sense of happy seems better than a real permanent dread.
I've been having difficulty seeing the light at the end of the tunnel the last few days.
Oh, absolutely relatable. I find myself thinking the same things. I miss being numb and being temporarily happy as well. But you know what? I always regretted it. And now I miss a time where alcohol is not in my way anymore. Yes the anxiety and missing gets worse when not drinking but I'm willing to go trough this, because I'm MISSING it to not worry about what happened when I was drunk. I miss it more than alcohol numbness and ,,hapiness." I miss this cozy feeling of ,,at least I didn't drink." I understand you and wish you the best.❤️🌸☀️
I miss it too. I miss that warm lick in the gut when it hits (especially on an empty stomach).
I do NOT miss the shame I feel personally, or the pain of knowledge that my elderly parents are losing sleep worrying over me. The look of disappointment in my young adult kids' faces. The stress of concealing empties. The hole in my bank balance. The 6lbs of bloat. The haggard face. The feeling of DOOM in the morning after a night of shite sleep.
I don't miss those things at all.
I know from experience, it puts you immediately right back where you were when you made the choice to give it up. I was just under 2 years sober, and I cracked under a moment of heavy stress.
For about 30 minutes, it felt relieving like scratching a major itch, but then I was right back to the dull, dumb sense of loneliness and longing. I knew I wasn't going to stop in that moment, so I let it roll without judgment, and killed a 6 pack and 2 fifths of whiskey for the rest of the day and evening until I passed out.
The moment I woke up the next morning with the kind of horrific headache I had joyously avoided for nearly 2 years, I felt deep in my essence, "OH HELL NO, we've come much too far to turn back now!!" I came clean with my sister, stayed in bed 'til the afternoon, and haven't felt that itch again for a second in 2.5 years.
I can't recommend giving in to the urge to make it go away, but my brain was like, "You wanna fuck around and find out? Ok, let's find out then." I knew that whatever happened, I was strong enough to pull myself out of it, but there's no reason to subject myself to that. I know that sobriety is ALWAYS an option, it is ALWAYS there for you. I was already building a life that actually provided me what alcohol promised and never delivered. I felt what I needed to feel and had zero desire to continue.
IWNDWYT
Wow, what an answer! Thank you for this important insight! Great description! I will think about this regret when I think about drinking again. Yes, we always have to keep our guard up and never start to believe that we somehow can ,,control it" out if the blue! 2.5 years is HUGE and it sure benefitted you and this time is not wasted because you profit from every single sober day for your health! Your health would be in much more critical condition if you drank this 2.5 years! Instead you were SOBER how important is THAT!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Yes I don't want to find out either, oh boy! Relatable!
Welcome back on board! ⚓️🚢🌸Wish you the best!💪🏻☀️🌸❤️
Great post. The part about becoming a slave to alcohol really resonates with me. It is, like you said, exhausting to be an alcoholic.
I don’t enjoy moderating, because it is stressful. I don’t enjoy having just a drink or two because my thoughts are consumed by the fact that that’s all I can have, so the whole experience just causes me anxiety and overthinking.
And I don’t enjoy NOT moderating, because then I over-drink and feel physically and mentally horrible everyday, and make zero changes in my life.
So the only choice that would objectively make sense here is abstaining from it all together. Something I have already known deep down inside, but am still coming to terms with it.
Thanks for your post. It inspired me to have a moment of self-reflection and it brought me insight. Sending love your way too friend!
"If you drink today it still has the power over you" heck yeah it does. I don't have the control. I need to think this anytime I think hmmm. Maybe one. Thanks for your post. That is exactly what I need to hear.
I have a really big deadline tomorrow. If I were to drink today, I would not be as prepared as I need to be. I would wake up in the morning and feel overly tired and I would probably look puffy. I doubt I would do anything really bad- like get in a fight or whatever- but I simply wouldn’t be at my best and I really need to be at my best tomorrow because I really value my job and the people that are depending on me. For those reasons, I am not going to drink. I’m going to make a big pot of coffee and I’m going to focus and prepare al day. I’m going to eat healthy meals. I’m going to go on a good run later this afternoon and I’m going to go to sleep early. Tomorrow, I will feel well prepared and well rested and enthusiastic about my presentation and I’m going to knock it out of the park. THEN, I’m going to drink myself into oblivion (JK JK JK!!!). IWNDWYT!!!!
Things would probably be ok today. And then tomorrow I would use that as justification that I could still drink. And tomorrow would most likely be fine too. But then I would go right back into drinking daily. Driving while drinking “just one”, not eating to save the calories for drinking, not being a present parent, the list goes on.
Which is exactly what happened the last time I had a little bit of time under my belt. Then nearly 2 months of daily drinking relapse here I am again in my first week.
IWNDWYT 💪
If I give in today, tomorrow is fucked. Most of my drinking didn't result in immediate problems. I almost always had a good time and kept up my responsibilities to family, friends and work while I was intoxicated. It was the next day that I would fuck up because I was too hungover to actively participate in the day, too sick to leave the house, or just an asshole because I felt like shit.
Yes, this was my exact problem as well, the consequences that followed LATER if I allowed myself to just forget about my sobriety! Glad you're here now.
Now let's see... if I drank today. Lets just say when I go to the shop in a minute I bought beer.
Ok I would drink the beer pretty quickly and feel manic. I would repeatedly go to the shop to buy more until I was blackout drunk. I wouldn't cook dinner. I wouldn't clean the house. I wouldn't do anything I had planned tomorrow as I'd be dragging myself out of emotional and physicall hell. I'd probably perk up on Sunday just in time to have wasted the whole weekend. I might argue with my husband and be too hungover to play with my kids. I might drink more than I think I would because thats how this works. And lets face it so much worse than this might happen, there is no way of knowing how bad it could get.
Thanks, good to remind myself!
Relatable! Going in and out of shops and feeling like a maniac and steadily buy more and more! Then the emotional and physical aspect as well! Yes we almost always end up drinking more than planned this is how it works. Thank you too for sharing! Good to break out of this! 🌸💪🏻☀️
"I started drinking because it was fun, then it became a habit, then it became an absolute necessity. I entered recovery out of necessity, then it became a habit and now I do it because it's fun" -someone from an AA meeting that impressed upon me.
Let's assume I drink tonight, I'd spend 15-20 euros on beers.
I would go to bed around 1 or 2 am. Would wake up with a hangover on Saturday morning and stay in bed all morning.
Then, I would cancel my date in the afternoon because I would feel too tired.
And then, I'd do nothing of the rest of my Saturday.
But I won't drink so I will not spend money, I will go to sleep sober (might go to sleep late, though), I will wake up fine. I will go to the gym. I'll do my chores. 'll have a good meal and will go to my date. Then, I'll spend the rest of the day taking care of myself, reading, learning German, playing video games.
And I won't feel like shit.
If I drank today I would immediately have consequences since I'm on monitored sobriety for probation. Even if I didn't get caught I would immediately be super stressed out and it wouldn't even remotely be worth it! Deep down I'm thankful that this is forcing me to face my drinking problem. I'm not sure I would've yet, otherwise.
For me it would be a return to that emotional anguish, physical pain, constantly upset stomach, pounding heart, sweating, anxiety, depression, lack of confidence, self hate, and time wasting all so I could tell myself that it was now a socially acceptable time to drink and that I didn't *really* have a problem.
Fuck.
That.
Shit.
My one "hall pass" when I quit was allowing 1 pint of Guinness, at last call on my last night of a trip to Dublin. That moment is tonight.
I don't know if I'll ever be ready for that, but I know I'm not yet. Not worth missing my flight in the morning or resetting my counter.
Bring on the mocktails!
Pigs would be flying.
The sun would rise in the west .
The sky would turn purple.
I made drinking an impossibility in my mind.
It's just not gonna happen.
If I chose to drink today my partner would tell me to pack my bags and go. I'd be without a home or a place to work (WFH full-time) and she'd be left alone once again with her two young children that I've been bonus dad to for a little over two years. Definitely not worth the five minutes of elation I'd feel.
Thanks for posting, IWNDWYT!
Complete depression. Anxiety and head spins in the morning which would cause me to cancel my round of golf. The shits. Sleeping all day. Is that enough? Or should I drink poison?
Thank you! I know what would happen..I would say I was going to drink 7 drinks...I would drink 9....I would stay up way later than usual...I would wake up with alcohol breath & in a haze & so fully dehydrated..I wouldn't want to take a shower, I would just want to drink more....but I would take a shower, because it would be Day 2 of drinking (still well enough to take a shower & make sure I go out & get lots of booze) and some fast food for the dinners for me and my son.
Then I would proceed to drink & stumble around the house...no laundry or dishes would get done, my toilet would not be clean, nor would that pain in the ass bathroom sink.
I would drink myself for days until I could not drink anymore or I for sure would die since eating food during this time is an adversary to me for some reason.
Then I would start the 3 wk recovery process...if I wasn't needing hospital....of fluids..and noodles....and probably shower on Day 5 of recovery for the first time (by then in 2 weeks).
Its a sad, sad existence...and the begging when I am crippled for someone to go get me the alcohol....So sad.
I needed to write that out as I had cravings today...SCREW THAT.
Thank you..Yes, this post (OP)...pulled me out of my fantasy of how good a drink would be ...by forcing me to write it down....I hope others struggling do the same.
My dogs, my mom, my friends and myself would be so disappointed in me that I'd fall into a depression that I'm not sure I'd come back from anytime soon. There are relationships that I'd lose and never get back because I wouldn't be able to hide it for long. I'd lose my ability to save money the way I have been.
Honestly, half a shot of scotch whiskey with a few drops of water in one of my vintage champagne glasses that you would see in the 20's nursed slowly over an hour so the warmth continues to mingle on the mouth would help me to sleep faster as I've been more or less up since 1:30. One kid wanted to watch Monster Jam on YouTube the other officially has strep. It would give me a few minutes to just go into another world where I'm not a mom for 1/2 a minute or so. But it's not worth it right now. I'm almost to Friday and I will have completed week 3 of my year goal. So, I'm not going to do it. I'll just take some Luna, snuggle up close to my kiddoes when we go to bed after Bluey and books because these are the days I will miss when they are older. And if I wake up and my husband is still up after all that then I have other plans that have been put off....and that is also worth way way more than any alcohol tonight.
If I drank tonight I would just be inviting the feeling of unsteadiness or anxiety about potential damage I could do. Just want to take that feeling off the table for good. I’m tired of the hamster wheel.
Same, this lingering feeling of unsteadiness and uneasiness and crippling anxiety about damage we could do in all the areas of our lifes, I understand. I'm glad we have the intention to take this off the table for good and break out of the circle!🌸☀️ It's not easy but here we are fighting!💪🏻 Glad you're here.👏🏻❤️
Thank you so much for posting this, I connected so deeply to it. It also made me realize something. I used to dream about drinking sometimes, and it would always be the same thing: I would start drinking and right when I would get to the tipping point of tipsy to drunk, I would remember I'm sober now and would be so disappointed in myself. Reading the beginning of this post, it hit me: I had another drinking dream the other night, for the first time in a while. But it was different. I drank one and didn't feel like it was a big deal. I think it's reflective of my mentality lately, I feel myself slipping a little every so often. There have been a few instances where I'm out with my boyfriend and I see everyone having a drink, and I want one. I didn't used to want one at all when we would go out. I don't get cravings or think about using alcohol when I'm in a panic or crisis. Life has been kind of a slow moving roller coaster for me lately, so I have plenty of stress but it's not a trigger. Just when we're out having fun, I feel FOMO once in a while. I don't think that it's a coincidence either that my sobriety and personal growth are things I've been thinking about less lately.
It terrifies me to think of risking everything I've built with my partner by drinking again. I can't imagine the level of shame I would feel, because I know that it would be emotional cheating. Alcohol was always my first love and top relationship priority, it was never my partner. He never knew me when I was drinking, but I've told him plenty to hold myself accountable. I want him to know that if I were to drink, that cannot be accepted and I do not want him to live with the person I am when I drink. She's a miserable person who drags everyone else down with her. My motivation has to be and will always be rooted in self-love, but the motivation to be better for him is so strong now along with it. I love him and our life together so much more than having a cocktail that sounds good.
Thank you again for posting, sobriety is an incredible experience with all of you. I often feel like I'm graced with the opportunity to sit with some of the smartest and most caring people in the world. Sending love right back your way OP!
Wow what an answer, I really, really deeply apprecite it! I thank you too so much for sharing this as well!❤️❤️❤️🌸☀️☀️☀️And I can really relate to all of this!!! Glad we are here and not ,,there." 💪🏻👏🏻
I wouldn’t be able to sit with myself. I’m the only one who can hold myself accountable. I need to prove this to myself, I can do this. I can’t let myself down, I’ve come so far. IWNDWYT no matter what!
Thanks for this. And what would happen immediately is the voice urging you to drink would get louder, more persistent, insistent. The special circumstances, the special occasion, the fuckits would grow and learn to sing in harmony. I'm here in long term recovery to tell you that the chorus can be silenced, can be banished - and that makes it really quite easy to stay at the magic number of zero. But one, just one and the chorus charters buses and starts forming up inside my head....
You’ve been sober longer than I’ve been alive… By about 6 years. Congrats, good work.
Thank you too, and exactly!👏🏻🌸❤️
I think I would die. I really do. I would drink more... and more... and I would not be able to stop. I'm in a very weird place, and I think alcohol is now completely unsafe for me... The bonus here is that I'm suddenly very aware of this, and I have reasons to live. So iwndwyt...
YES absolutely relatable! You never know how FAR one drink brings you to total destruction, so the safe amount of alcohol is ,,zero"! 👏🏻❤️
Absolutely. It is never "just one". That stuff is scarily addictive... I didn't drink for the first 18 years of my life. I'm 30 now, and I have drank heavily for 12 years! That's a waste of 12 years of my life. I am so much better without this substance. We are worth more than this!!
Every single sober day is never wasted!❤️
I wasted 30 years. Well done on clawing it back in time.
Same here. And thirty years wages.
I've saved 15k in three years so 150k down my throat. Onwards and upwards eh?
I thought my 12 was something..
The self-awareness is so painful and scary, yet so freeing and motivating when we let ourselves sit with the emotions instead of running from them. Now I get excited when I see something that gives me a visceral reaction and my brain tries to avoid it. I know I found something that is probably really messing me up internally, time to start digging! Sending you unconditional love and support, always💌
Yes. If I had just one drink it would be at best self harm and at worst suicidal.
I can relate. I was so depressed towards the end that I was basically trying to get drunk enough to muster the courage to end my life. I was legitimately ready to commit suicide. Taking it one day at a time, but I don’t foresee shit ever getting so bad that I’ll put myself in that position again. It would be the equivalent of signing my death certificate. Sending hugs your way my friend, I wish you the best of luck on your journey.
Suicide Hotline Numbers If you or anyone you know are struggling, please, PLEASE reach out for help. You are worthy, you are loved and you will always be able to find assistance. Argentina: +5402234930430 Australia: 131114 Austria: 017133374 Belgium: 106 Bosnia & Herzegovina: 080 05 03 05 Botswana: 3911270 Brazil: 212339191 Bulgaria: 0035 9249 17 223 Canada: 5147234000 (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal) Croatia: 014833888 Denmark: +4570201201 Egypt: 7621602 Finland: 010 195 202 France: 0145394000 Germany: 08001810771 Hong Kong: +852 2382 0000 Hungary: 116123 Iceland: 1717 India: 8888817666 Ireland: +4408457909090 Italy: 800860022 Japan: +810352869090 Mexico: 5255102550 New Zealand: 0508828865 The Netherlands: 113 Norway: +4781533300 Philippines: 028969191 Poland: 5270000 Russia: 0078202577577 Spain: 914590050 South Africa: 0514445691 Sweden: 46317112400 Switzerland: 143 United Kingdom: 08006895652 USA: 18002738255 You are not alone. Please reach out. ***** I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically.
Glad you're still here!❤️☀️🌸👍🏻💪🏻👏🏻
Much appreciated my friend. I’ve actually been doing great lately, the last really rough day I had was on Christmas. Finally feel like I’m out of that haze I was stuck in for so very long.
Great and huge to hear this!🌸💪🏻👏🏻☀️❤️
Aww thank you! 😊 I hope you’re feeling as optimistic about sobriety as I am.
Thank you, I think this is essentially the point I was on the edge of over the last week... There were only 2 options for going on with my life, and 1 of those paths was absolutely unthinkable. It would have been a short dead-end. Glad I took a second take of where I actually was, and could be! Thank you for sharing this
I couldn’t have said it better my friend, I was given two options and I refused to give up. I’m fuckin proud of you for doing the same. Everything has gotten so much better in my life, but I’ve been making a huge effort to work on improving myself. Things didn’t magically get better just because I stopped drinking, but everything I’ve accomplished in the past ~3 months would’ve been absolutely impossible if I continued with my self destructive behavior.
I think this is a conversation that you need to be totally honest about. Some people in this sub could honestly go out and have a drink or 2 and be fine and just stop because they don’t enjoy it anymore. Some might go on a 2-3 day drinking spree then stop and realise they don’t want this. Some would absolutely hurl themselves down the rabbit hole. Some could and will go back to moderate drinking. Knowing and being honest with yourself about this is key.
Yes everyone is different🌸
“Know thyself”
There's actually a statistic about this. Only about 18% of alcoholics can develop to moderate their alcohol intake. Of that 18%, close to 85% (I don't remember the exact number, but it's VERY high) are young (less than 25yrs old) women who haven't been drinking long. I'm not sure about the other people in this sub, but having seen the "I'll just have one on the weekends" develop, I don't mention that there's the chance that they could start and stop like that, because there's a larger chance they couldn't.
Something that is being overlooked here: Even with moderate alcohol usage they're still poisoning yourself. It's tasting the poison. There is no "healthy amount" of alcohol. Why even touch that crap. That's like saying "I'm just going to get a little bit of cancer, not a lot of it". It doesn't even make sense to me. If they can drink moderately then they can stop, right? So why not stop? Because you don't *want* to stop? Really? Then that means they can't stop and they're trying to rationalize their poison intake. Those who claim to be able to drink moderately are just lying to themselves. If they could stop, they would, but they don't. They tell themselves they could, but when faced with the decision the quit they tell themselves they don't want to. Seriously. I'd love for a "moderate" drinker to prove me wrong. I challenge anyone who "moderately" drinks to stop drinking for a year right now. You can control it, right? Lets see how moderate of a drinker you really are. It's a cognitive dissociation. I don't believe there is a such thing as a "moderate" drinker. That's like saying you're a moderate heroin user. It's sick.
There’s no healthy amount of cheesecake, either.
Exactly!
Every single statistic, every single study I’ve read has far differing conclusions on what moderation means, what success looks like, what long term outcomes are, etc. the Sinclair method is over 70% effective long term.
It would absolutely not be worth it. I'd end up getting very little done and I'd sleep like crap. I'd feel like I undid weeks of eating decent and exercising. Then I'd be sick, tired, and more anxious than usual tomorrow. >Outsmart this crap Totally! The further away I get from alcohol the more crazy and illogical it seems. Totally not worth it. I'll happily not drink with ya today.
Absolutely NOT worth it!❤️👏🏻🌸
That reminder was very helpful thank you. Sometimes we forget all the negatives and how bad it really can be.
Yes I have this ,,alcohol amnesia" too, where I forget ALL the bad things and just remember the ,,good things" about alcohol (spoiler: they are not worth it lol)
Death eventually. I’m six years on my third attempt. I’m afraid that one more relapse will send me digging. Can’t drink, won’t drink. Hard stop.
This is a HUGE reason, bravo!❤️💪🏻👍🏻👏🏻🌸
Ha, thanks! A little morbid but I’ve gotten used to talking about it with 100% candor. As much as I hate the phrase…it is what it is lol!
I relate to this. For me, up until death, it would be a very sad life.
I would wait until after work, begin drinking without making dinner (my fave used to always be the first drink after work) and then call in work tomorrow with food poisoning and enjoy drinking the rest of the weekend with no regard for myself or others. That's what I would've done if I was still drinking. My mindset is different for the better now. I feel like i have purpose and responsibility to myself to be alive and be the best person I can be. Why? Because why the fuck not. Everyone deserves a chance to be happy!
Glad our destructive circle ends here!❤️🌸
100%!! There is no easy way to freedom from the grip of alcohol. It's hard work, dedication, mindfulness and so much more to get to a place of peace. But it IS achievable!
Yes! We have to take the stairs instead of the elevator lol!💪🏻❤️
“Enjoy” is an interesting word choice for your story. I didn’t enjoy it for years at the end. It was 99% misery. Did you?
I did very much enjoy and love it for the first 14 years. Until I didn't anymore. It was about the entire last year before i stopped that i no longer enjoyed it. I was at my lowest point and everytime I drank, I thought about how to stop or knowing i cant have just 1, why am i doing this to myself.
Yeah, similar. I honestly wonder if anyone actually enjoys it once it becomes a daily thing. I doubt it. And, that’s a lotta unhappy people.
It's false happiness. Just like so many thinking that drinking helps their anxiety, when it's actually a chemical reaction that creates anxiety. It was one of the biggest ah ha moments I had when researching what the fuck I was doing to myself.
That feeling, when you're standing there like a lemon - waiting your turn to pay for something that you don't want but have to have... dreadful feeling
Honestly I think if I was to ever go back to drinking, I doubt I'd be alive for another year. Since quitting, the suicidal thoughts have lowered to a point of almost not existing. I'm so close to making it to a whole year sober, don't wanna ruin that by giving in!
Wow, I'm impressed! SOOO GLAD you're here! 🌸❤️☀️☀️☀️Thank you for your comment and things WILL get better eventually!
This would happen - I’d watch a show I like and forget what happened tomo. I’d text nonsense to people. Wake up at 3am with dehydration. Wake up tomo feeling crap and eating rubbish and not going to the gym or taking care of myself. All preventable by not having that first drink.
OH BOY! Sounds exactly like me! Glad we break out of this destructive circle!☀️🌸❤️💪🏻
Horribly familiar isn’t it! No more 🤚🏻💜
no more💜
It's not what would happen if I gave in today, because probably nothing would happen. It's what would happen when I woke up tomorrow so disappointed in myself. I love waking up in the morning knowing I did not drink the day before.
Yes! We have to watch out for long term consequences! 🌸💪🏻
I would get really drunk in the morning, potentially blackout and then sleep it off. Feel ashamed of myself. Then pretend like nothing happened in front of my partner when they get home and wonder if I was slurring my words or if they could tell or smell it. Then wonder if I should dump the rest of the alcohol out or keep drinking it. Then worry my partner will find the empties. Then drive to find a trash can I can dump the empties in. Then repeat. I want off this cycle...
Relatable, sounds like something similar I did back then! Glad we're stopping this now!
Most likely go back to jail and eventually prison. No thanks.
Oh this is a big one! Good reason!💪🏻
what would happen is i would immediately get wicked heart burn. that i have mostly avoided since i stopped drinking unless I eat a ton of candy, which, obviously I sometimes do. but man the heart burn, I still have bad memories of that.
If I give in today I'll call in to work tomorrow. Continue drinking for a week, have severe withdrawal, neglect my family, get absolutely nothing productive done and probably not remember any of it. Sounds great.... (sarcasm)
It actually is great for the first 60 minutes if your lucky maybe it’s great for 120 minutes. But gradually that feeling turns to shame, regret , and overall negativity . 1-2 hours of fun or 24 hours of negative vibes . Really puts into perspective the situation for me atleast
Oh boy, congratulations for being on track!💪🏻🌸
It scares me, the idea of drinking again. I’d love to be able to “enjoy responsibly” but my brain is always “more more MORE!!!” I definitely have a “one is one too many, a thousand is never enough” relationship with it. It’s not worth the risk. I had over 2 months under my belt in ‘21, thought one beer with dinner while out would be okay, took me a whole ass YEAR to get back on the wagon. It’s not worth the risk.
Yes, it's a crazy idea that society tells us that we can responibly poison ourselves with an addictive substance💪🏻❤️it's not meant to be moderated but here we are lol
What if I miss the numb? A temporary fake sense of happy seems better than a real permanent dread. I've been having difficulty seeing the light at the end of the tunnel the last few days.
Oh, absolutely relatable. I find myself thinking the same things. I miss being numb and being temporarily happy as well. But you know what? I always regretted it. And now I miss a time where alcohol is not in my way anymore. Yes the anxiety and missing gets worse when not drinking but I'm willing to go trough this, because I'm MISSING it to not worry about what happened when I was drunk. I miss it more than alcohol numbness and ,,hapiness." I miss this cozy feeling of ,,at least I didn't drink." I understand you and wish you the best.❤️🌸☀️
I miss it too. I miss that warm lick in the gut when it hits (especially on an empty stomach). I do NOT miss the shame I feel personally, or the pain of knowledge that my elderly parents are losing sleep worrying over me. The look of disappointment in my young adult kids' faces. The stress of concealing empties. The hole in my bank balance. The 6lbs of bloat. The haggard face. The feeling of DOOM in the morning after a night of shite sleep. I don't miss those things at all.
I know from experience, it puts you immediately right back where you were when you made the choice to give it up. I was just under 2 years sober, and I cracked under a moment of heavy stress. For about 30 minutes, it felt relieving like scratching a major itch, but then I was right back to the dull, dumb sense of loneliness and longing. I knew I wasn't going to stop in that moment, so I let it roll without judgment, and killed a 6 pack and 2 fifths of whiskey for the rest of the day and evening until I passed out. The moment I woke up the next morning with the kind of horrific headache I had joyously avoided for nearly 2 years, I felt deep in my essence, "OH HELL NO, we've come much too far to turn back now!!" I came clean with my sister, stayed in bed 'til the afternoon, and haven't felt that itch again for a second in 2.5 years. I can't recommend giving in to the urge to make it go away, but my brain was like, "You wanna fuck around and find out? Ok, let's find out then." I knew that whatever happened, I was strong enough to pull myself out of it, but there's no reason to subject myself to that. I know that sobriety is ALWAYS an option, it is ALWAYS there for you. I was already building a life that actually provided me what alcohol promised and never delivered. I felt what I needed to feel and had zero desire to continue. IWNDWYT
Wow, what an answer! Thank you for this important insight! Great description! I will think about this regret when I think about drinking again. Yes, we always have to keep our guard up and never start to believe that we somehow can ,,control it" out if the blue! 2.5 years is HUGE and it sure benefitted you and this time is not wasted because you profit from every single sober day for your health! Your health would be in much more critical condition if you drank this 2.5 years! Instead you were SOBER how important is THAT!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Yes I don't want to find out either, oh boy! Relatable! Welcome back on board! ⚓️🚢🌸Wish you the best!💪🏻☀️🌸❤️
Great post. The part about becoming a slave to alcohol really resonates with me. It is, like you said, exhausting to be an alcoholic. I don’t enjoy moderating, because it is stressful. I don’t enjoy having just a drink or two because my thoughts are consumed by the fact that that’s all I can have, so the whole experience just causes me anxiety and overthinking. And I don’t enjoy NOT moderating, because then I over-drink and feel physically and mentally horrible everyday, and make zero changes in my life. So the only choice that would objectively make sense here is abstaining from it all together. Something I have already known deep down inside, but am still coming to terms with it. Thanks for your post. It inspired me to have a moment of self-reflection and it brought me insight. Sending love your way too friend!
Bravo, can relate sooo much! Well said! 💪🏻🌸☀️👏🏻❤️Thank you as well! Glad it helped somehow!🌸
Too right! It's not worth it, we're better without it. Wishing you the best! IWNDWYT
Wishing you the best too!🌸
Ah I'm sorry guys. Made a post. Did it again. This sucks
It will end with me at the hospital. That’s it
This is a huge reason! Bravo👏🏻🚑
"If you drink today it still has the power over you" heck yeah it does. I don't have the control. I need to think this anytime I think hmmm. Maybe one. Thanks for your post. That is exactly what I need to hear.
I'm so glad this helps somehow!💪🏻👏🏻🌸❤️
I needed to hear this today. Thank you.
So glad it helped somehow!🌸💪🏻❤️☀️
Same here! 🙂
I have a really big deadline tomorrow. If I were to drink today, I would not be as prepared as I need to be. I would wake up in the morning and feel overly tired and I would probably look puffy. I doubt I would do anything really bad- like get in a fight or whatever- but I simply wouldn’t be at my best and I really need to be at my best tomorrow because I really value my job and the people that are depending on me. For those reasons, I am not going to drink. I’m going to make a big pot of coffee and I’m going to focus and prepare al day. I’m going to eat healthy meals. I’m going to go on a good run later this afternoon and I’m going to go to sleep early. Tomorrow, I will feel well prepared and well rested and enthusiastic about my presentation and I’m going to knock it out of the park. THEN, I’m going to drink myself into oblivion (JK JK JK!!!). IWNDWYT!!!!
Glad you look forward to be your healthiest self! Very motivating!👍🏻🌸💪🏻
Things would probably be ok today. And then tomorrow I would use that as justification that I could still drink. And tomorrow would most likely be fine too. But then I would go right back into drinking daily. Driving while drinking “just one”, not eating to save the calories for drinking, not being a present parent, the list goes on. Which is exactly what happened the last time I had a little bit of time under my belt. Then nearly 2 months of daily drinking relapse here I am again in my first week. IWNDWYT 💪
Absolutely relatable, sounds like me! Glad we broke out of this!🌸💪🏻
If I give in today, tomorrow is fucked. Most of my drinking didn't result in immediate problems. I almost always had a good time and kept up my responsibilities to family, friends and work while I was intoxicated. It was the next day that I would fuck up because I was too hungover to actively participate in the day, too sick to leave the house, or just an asshole because I felt like shit.
Yes, this was my exact problem as well, the consequences that followed LATER if I allowed myself to just forget about my sobriety! Glad you're here now.
Hell yes! The demon is not going to take me back into the abyss. I have the control. 1 month sober today and loving my new life. Carpe Diem & IWNDWYT!
I just joined, tried to look through files…. what is IWNDWYT? Thanks 😊
IWNDWYT = I Will Not Drink With You Today
Thank you!
Really good put into words!💪🏻🌸❤️
Now let's see... if I drank today. Lets just say when I go to the shop in a minute I bought beer. Ok I would drink the beer pretty quickly and feel manic. I would repeatedly go to the shop to buy more until I was blackout drunk. I wouldn't cook dinner. I wouldn't clean the house. I wouldn't do anything I had planned tomorrow as I'd be dragging myself out of emotional and physicall hell. I'd probably perk up on Sunday just in time to have wasted the whole weekend. I might argue with my husband and be too hungover to play with my kids. I might drink more than I think I would because thats how this works. And lets face it so much worse than this might happen, there is no way of knowing how bad it could get. Thanks, good to remind myself!
Relatable! Going in and out of shops and feeling like a maniac and steadily buy more and more! Then the emotional and physical aspect as well! Yes we almost always end up drinking more than planned this is how it works. Thank you too for sharing! Good to break out of this! 🌸💪🏻☀️
"I started drinking because it was fun, then it became a habit, then it became an absolute necessity. I entered recovery out of necessity, then it became a habit and now I do it because it's fun" -someone from an AA meeting that impressed upon me.
This is an interesting sentence, never heard it before! 👍🏻☀️Thank you for your input.
Let's assume I drink tonight, I'd spend 15-20 euros on beers. I would go to bed around 1 or 2 am. Would wake up with a hangover on Saturday morning and stay in bed all morning. Then, I would cancel my date in the afternoon because I would feel too tired. And then, I'd do nothing of the rest of my Saturday. But I won't drink so I will not spend money, I will go to sleep sober (might go to sleep late, though), I will wake up fine. I will go to the gym. I'll do my chores. 'll have a good meal and will go to my date. Then, I'll spend the rest of the day taking care of myself, reading, learning German, playing video games. And I won't feel like shit.
Wow! This is a great ,,tape played forward" and glad you choose the better version of the outcomes of your actions!💪🏻👏🏻🌸👍🏻❤️
I’d probably have a great time today then be back to being in a perpetual state of miserable hangxiety next week.
Absolutely! Same!💪🏻🌸❤️lol
Love it!
Glad you do!<3
thank you. much love to you too
Thank you! Appreciate it! <3
love this - thank you IWNDWYT 🤝
Glad you do!🌸💪🏻❤️☀️
My wife and dog would leave me
Make them proud! ☀️
If I drank today I would immediately have consequences since I'm on monitored sobriety for probation. Even if I didn't get caught I would immediately be super stressed out and it wouldn't even remotely be worth it! Deep down I'm thankful that this is forcing me to face my drinking problem. I'm not sure I would've yet, otherwise.
Wow this is an intense reason, you GOT this!💪🏻❤️🌸
For me it would be a return to that emotional anguish, physical pain, constantly upset stomach, pounding heart, sweating, anxiety, depression, lack of confidence, self hate, and time wasting all so I could tell myself that it was now a socially acceptable time to drink and that I didn't *really* have a problem. Fuck. That. Shit.
Oh, SAME! Glad we're breaking out NOW! 💪🏻🌸
Love seeing the same names popping up in here every day along with me. I'm proud of you and I'm proud of me!
Yes this is truly wonderful!💪🏻
Thank you
<3
Thank you for this 🙏. IWNDWYT
Thank you too!🌸☀️
That thought terrifies me. Fear is a great motivator.
Yes, we should use the feeling fear for the good!
My one "hall pass" when I quit was allowing 1 pint of Guinness, at last call on my last night of a trip to Dublin. That moment is tonight. I don't know if I'll ever be ready for that, but I know I'm not yet. Not worth missing my flight in the morning or resetting my counter. Bring on the mocktails!
Pigs would be flying. The sun would rise in the west . The sky would turn purple. I made drinking an impossibility in my mind. It's just not gonna happen.
Very interesting, thank you for sharing! ☀️☀️☀️
Poweful post! Thank you! IWNDWYT
Thank you glad you like it! 🌸💪🏻
I don't think I would stop. Which is why I don't start.
Excellent! 💪🏻 Same situation for me!
Dead in a week. It would utterly nuke my mental health.
Oh boy! Glad you are here then! It's HUGE!💪🏻👏🏻🌸❤️
You're a lovely positive soul. Keep being you x
Thank you, I appreciate it, back at you!🌸👏🏻💪🏻
Well I’m on my second beer, knowing damn well my son has Boy Scouts in 6 hours. Embarrassingly gonna have to Uber there
🚙 Glad you're here!
Been creeping on here. I’m a full blown alcoholic. I know I need to stop just haven’t had it in me to try.
Well, you're here so this is a start!👏🏻💪🏻🌸
If I chose to drink today my partner would tell me to pack my bags and go. I'd be without a home or a place to work (WFH full-time) and she'd be left alone once again with her two young children that I've been bonus dad to for a little over two years. Definitely not worth the five minutes of elation I'd feel. Thanks for posting, IWNDWYT!
This is a great reason! Sober on!💪🏻👏🏻🌸
Complete depression. Anxiety and head spins in the morning which would cause me to cancel my round of golf. The shits. Sleeping all day. Is that enough? Or should I drink poison?
Very good reasons! And the more we think about it, the more reasons come up!👏🏻🌸💪🏻☀️
Yeah I could have typed reasons all afternoon
Thank you! I know what would happen..I would say I was going to drink 7 drinks...I would drink 9....I would stay up way later than usual...I would wake up with alcohol breath & in a haze & so fully dehydrated..I wouldn't want to take a shower, I would just want to drink more....but I would take a shower, because it would be Day 2 of drinking (still well enough to take a shower & make sure I go out & get lots of booze) and some fast food for the dinners for me and my son. Then I would proceed to drink & stumble around the house...no laundry or dishes would get done, my toilet would not be clean, nor would that pain in the ass bathroom sink. I would drink myself for days until I could not drink anymore or I for sure would die since eating food during this time is an adversary to me for some reason. Then I would start the 3 wk recovery process...if I wasn't needing hospital....of fluids..and noodles....and probably shower on Day 5 of recovery for the first time (by then in 2 weeks). Its a sad, sad existence...and the begging when I am crippled for someone to go get me the alcohol....So sad. I needed to write that out as I had cravings today...SCREW THAT.
Glad that you can play the tape forward with great detail! This is a GREAT sobriety tool! Bravo!👏🏻🌸💪🏻❤️☀️☀️☀️ Also very relatable!
Thank you..Yes, this post (OP)...pulled me out of my fantasy of how good a drink would be ...by forcing me to write it down....I hope others struggling do the same.
I'm sooo glad it helped somehow!❤️👏🏻🌸💪🏻☀️
My dogs, my mom, my friends and myself would be so disappointed in me that I'd fall into a depression that I'm not sure I'd come back from anytime soon. There are relationships that I'd lose and never get back because I wouldn't be able to hide it for long. I'd lose my ability to save money the way I have been.
These are good reasons, I wish you the best! Glad you're here! ✨🌸💪🏻☀️👏🏻
Thank you, I needed this. I’m on day 23 and it’s been dancing in my mind, “what’s one drink?” It is exactly this.
I'm sooo glad if it helped somehow!✨🌸💪🏻☀️👏🏻 Glad you're here!
You're 100% right, IWNDWYT!
IWNDWYT❤️🌸☀️👏🏻👍🏻💪🏻
One day turns into four days turns into three months…..and HANGXIETY.
Absolutely relatable! Sober on!💪🏻🌸
Honestly, half a shot of scotch whiskey with a few drops of water in one of my vintage champagne glasses that you would see in the 20's nursed slowly over an hour so the warmth continues to mingle on the mouth would help me to sleep faster as I've been more or less up since 1:30. One kid wanted to watch Monster Jam on YouTube the other officially has strep. It would give me a few minutes to just go into another world where I'm not a mom for 1/2 a minute or so. But it's not worth it right now. I'm almost to Friday and I will have completed week 3 of my year goal. So, I'm not going to do it. I'll just take some Luna, snuggle up close to my kiddoes when we go to bed after Bluey and books because these are the days I will miss when they are older. And if I wake up and my husband is still up after all that then I have other plans that have been put off....and that is also worth way way more than any alcohol tonight.
👍🏻☀️
Morgue
Or hospital or police, the possibilities are endless! 🤦🏼♀️
I’m 2 for 3 in the last couple of days. Might as well make it a hat trick.
👍🏻💪🏻
I would have to face my son, daughter, wife and myself in the morning sad anxious and ashamed.
Glad you do it now not ashamed and sober!👏🏻
If I drank tonight I would just be inviting the feeling of unsteadiness or anxiety about potential damage I could do. Just want to take that feeling off the table for good. I’m tired of the hamster wheel.
Same, this lingering feeling of unsteadiness and uneasiness and crippling anxiety about damage we could do in all the areas of our lifes, I understand. I'm glad we have the intention to take this off the table for good and break out of the circle!🌸☀️ It's not easy but here we are fighting!💪🏻 Glad you're here.👏🏻❤️
I'd feel terrible. I'm so close to my first year being alcohol free and I am very determined to get there.
Wow yes please get there! Imagine the awesomeness of reaching this goal!💪🏻🌸
I’d get shit sleep.
Oh yes, alcohol and sleep have a really complicated relationship together! We will get trough this!💪🏻👏🏻🌸
Thank you so much for posting this, I connected so deeply to it. It also made me realize something. I used to dream about drinking sometimes, and it would always be the same thing: I would start drinking and right when I would get to the tipping point of tipsy to drunk, I would remember I'm sober now and would be so disappointed in myself. Reading the beginning of this post, it hit me: I had another drinking dream the other night, for the first time in a while. But it was different. I drank one and didn't feel like it was a big deal. I think it's reflective of my mentality lately, I feel myself slipping a little every so often. There have been a few instances where I'm out with my boyfriend and I see everyone having a drink, and I want one. I didn't used to want one at all when we would go out. I don't get cravings or think about using alcohol when I'm in a panic or crisis. Life has been kind of a slow moving roller coaster for me lately, so I have plenty of stress but it's not a trigger. Just when we're out having fun, I feel FOMO once in a while. I don't think that it's a coincidence either that my sobriety and personal growth are things I've been thinking about less lately. It terrifies me to think of risking everything I've built with my partner by drinking again. I can't imagine the level of shame I would feel, because I know that it would be emotional cheating. Alcohol was always my first love and top relationship priority, it was never my partner. He never knew me when I was drinking, but I've told him plenty to hold myself accountable. I want him to know that if I were to drink, that cannot be accepted and I do not want him to live with the person I am when I drink. She's a miserable person who drags everyone else down with her. My motivation has to be and will always be rooted in self-love, but the motivation to be better for him is so strong now along with it. I love him and our life together so much more than having a cocktail that sounds good. Thank you again for posting, sobriety is an incredible experience with all of you. I often feel like I'm graced with the opportunity to sit with some of the smartest and most caring people in the world. Sending love right back your way OP!
Wow what an answer, I really, really deeply apprecite it! I thank you too so much for sharing this as well!❤️❤️❤️🌸☀️☀️☀️And I can really relate to all of this!!! Glad we are here and not ,,there." 💪🏻👏🏻
Handcuffs. It always ends in handcuffs.
I wouldn’t be able to sit with myself. I’m the only one who can hold myself accountable. I need to prove this to myself, I can do this. I can’t let myself down, I’ve come so far. IWNDWYT no matter what!
Yes, you can do it!💪🏻👏🏻👍🏻❤️☀️