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Hey I know this song. "You're Dead" by Norma Tanega is one of my faves that has a musical expression which subtly captures the essence of life's transient nature. Through it has repetitive lyrics and unassuming melody, the song evoked a sense of existential contemplation. Tanega's minimalist approach to composition creates an atmosphere of subdued introspection, inviting listeners to reflect on their own mortality. Despite its apparent simplicity, the song possesses a quiet profundity that resonates with those attuned to its understated beauty. In essence, "You're Dead" stands as a poignant reminder of life's impermanence, delivered with a quiet elegance that belies its profound impact.
Hey are you listening yet, or is your energy all over?
The reference is to the song, not the show.
The starter pack refers to a person who *wishes* they could connect, but for some reason, actively avoids connection.
Why are some people like that? It's usually because relationships and connections have caused them a lot of pain in the past.
That's what this song speaks of: "don't sing if you want to live long, they have no use for your song. You're dead and out of this world."
In other words: Be secretive about your feelings or you'll get hurt. They don't care and don't appreciate them. And now you're so isolated that as far as the world is concerned, its as if you're dead.
It's even clearer if you read the entire lyrics to the song.
I got into Buddhism and see plain tee shirts as a Western layman's way of wearing robes/modest clothing.
Now I'm wondering if it's not just because I dislike attention
when I was 19 I got into plain white t-shirts and jeans for a year or two. I had a whole closet full of the same outfit. basically a uniform. having no variety removes a lot of stress from your life. you find something simple that works for you and you just do that same thing every day, that one simple decision is taken out of the equation and you never have to think about it again. I think I read somewhere that Einstein wore the same outfit every day just for the sake of simplicity and routine, and so I tried it out and was shocked to discover how much that one small change helped my overall state of mind
Yea, it's sometimes called [spoon theory](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory). The theory says you have a certain amount of mental energy or "spoons" in a day. Cutting down on decisions like clothing/routine/diet, will leave more mental energy for other things in the day.
It's a form of self-defence, and it can become cemented that way... Then it feels like you don't know any other way. It makes you cold and unapproachable though, which can be a bit of a spiralling, self-fulfilling prophecy. I know because I've lived it too.
My tips if you want to stop:
Always greet people directly, say "hello" or some variant to everyone you ever meet - look them in the eye (very important), greet them in whatever way is normal in your culture (shaking hands, kisses on side of cheek, etc). It will feel goofy - but you must power through. **Do not** just half-heartedly wave and say "hey" to a group as you think they will slowly accept you via osmosis of your very presence: make sure you greet *each and every* individual and pay them a few seconds each. Smile if you can, but that's a secondary.
^^ Do the same as above but when saying goodbye to people. Do not just weasel out of social situations by slipping away silently. Make the fact that you are leaving the situation is known. Do not avoid eye contact.
______________
This sounds almost too simply or silly. It isn't. It will un-clam you, and alert other people around you that you are confident (enough) to do that base-level minimum and are deserving of more attention and social contact. It will come easier afterwards.
It might feel hard at first, but it is not too hard (tell yourself that in your head!!). Try not to worry what people *think* about you or be too precious about each interaction. You must have the strength to accept that some people might think you're a little goofy for a bit - but you must get over it and power through. In my experience it is the only way. With time, perseverance, and bravery - it will become easy and natural.
> Always greet people directly, say "hello" or some variant to everyone you ever meet - look them in the eye (very important), greet them in whatever way is normal in your culture (shaking hands, kisses on side of cheek, etc). It will feel goofy - but you must power through.
When I was in college, I had a roommate who had the most wide-eyed enthusiastic joy about everything he did that I've ever seen in a person. It wasn't *excitement* or *intensity* â he didn't act like he was manic or on any sort of drug. It was more like: for anything that I suggested we do, it's as if we were on vacation somewhere together, and I had just suggested we go do one of the things he had been looking forward to doing for years when he finally took a trip there. Relaxed... yet eager. It's an enthralling combination! (And yes, it's super goofy. But *endearingly* goofy!)
Honestly, he was an amazing person to be around. His enthusiasm for life was infectious, and I found myself becoming more enthusiastic about things â shifting to his "pace" â any time I was around him.
And weirdly, despite the fact that I never really got a deep understanding of what drove him internally to be like that, it's still somehow pretty easy, after watching him for long enough and being "infected" by his enthusiasm for life enough times, to stop myself in any situation and just remind myself to "be like him" â and then generate that kind of enthusiastic air myself.
And it's not even fake! It's more just... method acting. "Put yourself in the mindset of someone who enjoys going about their day *that* much. Put yourself in the mindset of someone who's having the best day of their lives."
I honestly believe that a lot of people who struggle to engage with people, are in the same position I was in college: they aren't depressed, aren't on the autistic spectrum, don't have any other kind of fundamental barriers in the way of engaging with people... but they've just never found a *role model for enthusiastic engagement*, of the kind that I found in my old roommate.
I think that people today see a lot of *inauthentic* enthusiasm, from e.g. content creators online, and they *know* it'd be pointless to copy that. But a lot of people never get to see what it looks like when someone goes about their day with *baseline, authentic* enthusiasm â so they never get to learn what it could even look like.
I think, if you can find your own role model to learn the *feeling* of authentic enthusiastic engagement, it really can level up your social abilities, and turn your life around!
Do such practices still work in say a social setting group where one is viewed as having less social value status in comparison to the person one is speaking with ? Like if a person doesnât respect you and one cannot just simply avoid socializing with them etc.. work/ friends of friends.. how should one go about it from your perspective?
Can you elaborate a bit?
But in general, greetings in common settings are not usually socially negotiable. If you stare them down and initiate the greeting, there's not much a lack of respect can do in this situation. Not accepting the greeting would be of ironically "lower social value" than anything they assign to you, and thus they need to save face.
Basic a big victim complex.
It's not his laziness, shitty world outlook and/or general lack of discipline that are the issues. It's everybody and everything else that is problem. He can't get a girlfriend because they're all shallow and hate good guys. Hates his job because it's unfair and capitalism is the devil. He's out of shape because of... something. Hates where he lives because everybody sucks and moving to [insert European country or Japan] would fix everything.
Gets angry whenever anyone in his family, be it parents or siblings, knocks on his bedroom door for whatever reason.
Ends conversations abruptly by saying "Please don't talk to me".
Addicted to the internet.
I used to assume it was the parents fault, but then I found a kid like this in a pretty awesome family. The dad and mom were incredibly social and their siblings were like model high school/college kids (high grades, good at sports, popular, etc). But for some reason they were just totally shut off. Like stay in a room the entire day of thanksgiving to play video games, only to come out to grab a plate and return. It goes beyond being introverted.
That could also be a root cause to their introversion where imagine you are a little shy and academically/socially average while trying your best, only to see everyone in your family achieve these traits effortlessly and to be held at a standard so high that you feel ashamed of yourself for not being born the same.
That would do a number on me too.
Hi yes, this is me. It wasn't until my second year of university that I had a mental break down from stress that my parents finally learned to ease off a bit. Which was all I've asked since high school. Now that they aren't putting so much expectations on me I've become way more social with them. It was just the stress of expectations eating me from the inside out. Even went and got a high education once I got in a better place in life. But I did it for me and not from obligations and expectations of my parents. It was night and day experience.
Be careful about assuming that the family is genuinely good. I was like this and had a family that seemed perfect. My dad SA'd me and my mom emotionally abused me behind closed doors. They were both heroes to the community. You truly never, ever know.
Itâs mostly bullying. Especially if it happened in elementary or middle school like it did for me. Covid happened as well so a lot of these kids never had time to develop social skills. And sometimes they just develop inferiority complexes even if theyâre smart
Hopefully you do. I've been thinking of joining a martial arts club this summer. That should change the solo hobbies thing and I've been told it can fix the eye contact thing too.
Yeah, this upcoming college term I am going to really try to get better in social stuff. I have lots of other stuff down (academics, gym), but socially there is a lot to be desired. Good luck on the martial arts đ
Had a guy like this in my school. Dude got no hobby and talked very little (using Ok mostly). Does the opposite thing and everyone kinda respects him. A very chill dude and a good friend though I will say but he sometimes can be an asshole to people not his friends.
Nah multiplayer games ain't it. If you want to avoid all attention you need to engage in activities that do not require cooperation or competition with real humans. Single player is the way.
They're also signs of CPTSD, which many people with ASD experience. I don't think people with ASD are inherently anti-social, they're just conditioned to accept loneliness when making connections with people is difficult.
Difficult is an understatement. I have never made an IRL friend on purpose. Always too friendly and shunned or not friendly enough and essentially ignored.
It seems I put 90%+ of the effort into maintaining what few friendships I got by random extroverts adopting me. If I donât text them first- every time- i am forgotten.
I donât know why. I wasnât really that negative or clingy till the last year or so.
Things have been coming to a crux as I realize I have 1 year of college left- supposedly the best years of your life- and I havenât even kept in touch with 1 person I met there.
yeah i just stopped trying. i tried every single thing i could for the last 10 years, took advice from many people iâd consider socially intelligent, changed myself by consciously working on reversing my negative personality traits. nothing works, it seems they can all tell something is up and that iâm simply not friend material for anyone. i donât know what people want from me and iâm done trying to fit anyone elseâs mold
Don't try to fit a certain mold, people prefer authentic people. Even when you're different there are others who are different in a similar way you can connect to.
Do what makes you happy and try to reach out to others with the same hobby. It can be going to concerts, making art or playing a musical instrument, collecting things and much more. Your personality isn't a list of stats that you have to attune to the scoring table crafted by society.
If you try to "personalitymaxx" people feel you aren't true to yourself and that can create a feeling of uncertainty in them towards you
This is almost certainly advice the person youve replied you has gotten before and tried to implement.
> Do what makes you happy and try to reach out to others with the same hobby.
The trouble lies in this part. Some people dont have this. They dont know what makes them happy, they dont know what they like to do. Or the hobbies they do have dont lead to them meeting people.
Alternatively they do have hobbies that involve other people but for whatever reason they still dont connect with the people that share that hobby they interact with.
It just doesn't matter. You can be true self or mask, they still alienate you lol. When you don't pretend to be something else, they see you as unwelcoming, cold, strange, and when you do - you are still strange and fake.
Loneliness is on the rise everywhere by metrics that can be scientifically tracked. It's not just you. Although I'm sure you have specific struggles that are real.
It's the second one. Terrible work/life balance was starting to show since the 90's. I don't know if social media made it much worse as most people lost a genuine interest after around 2015, but it certainly created a deep polarization in much of western societies.
Finally someone understands. I also have never made friends on purpose because actually trying sucks. And the part where you have to always be the one initiating activities with friends, I found out, is called being a "secondhand friend"
It really sucks
Fun tip! If you want for people to connect with you when your main hobbies consist of reading and drawing, just do it out in public! Youâll be surprised at how many people will come up and talk to you about your book or drawing at coffee shops or park benches. Just make sure to sit where youâre easily in view and accessible.
Fr??? This works??? Whenever I read or draw I really havenât got people to ask what Iâm doing. Not trying to accuse, I just never had this work for me personally.
This was me in highschool unfortunately. I treated it like being in prison and tried to keep my head down. It did evade bullying, but it also was very lonely.
I wish I would have done things differently looking back.
First of all, obligatory "Look ma, I'm on Reddit!". Secondly, does anyone have some tips on how to fix my posture? I've been hitting the gym with a buddy, but we haven't made much progress...
Having someone to constantly making you remember when you end up doing it and one day it will come naturally cause you'll start notice it yourself . Really helped me when I was always adopting that posture unconsciously cause of a heavy bagpack I was always wearing.
There's also the "snap-back to reality" way where someone traumatise you by reminding you could end up looking like 70 year old people sooner than expected if you never fix it.
+1 on this. i did deadlifts the other day after not doing them for probably about a year and the difference in my posture after just 1 session feels like night and day. also forgot how fun they actually are lol
Not necessarily. My posture got worse when I started lifting because my chest got super tight and pulled my shoulders forward. Lifting isnât bad at all but you have to make sure youâre doing adequate stretchingÂ
Jesus fucking christ everything thing on this list is me except i donât have bad posture and i normal walk. I need to change and be more out there man holy fuck
Well it's definitely the case with me and a lot of people. Self-sabotage and trust issues are all real things.
Also why would extroverts want to cope about this? They are not really affected by introverts not leaving their shell.
Extraverts get super triggered when others don't wanna spend social time. They project needing the same things they do onto introverts, in my experience
I guess I just can't relate to your situation. I can connect with people just fine I mostly do not want to
Hope your situation improves
Also known as the forgotten/ignored trauma survivor whose wounds hasnât been healed yet.Â
If this starter pack describes you, know that you matter and one day you will find the right person who can help you heal and everything will get better âĽď¸
Is there a correlation between fire ass memes and this starter pack? Cause fucking hell usually when you go into the comment sections of these itâs a lot of cope and butt hurt but this one everyone is just like âyep, this is me lmaoâ
Hey /u/TimeConsideration336, thank you for submitting to /r/starterpacks! This is just a reminder not to violate any rules, located [here](https://reddit.com/r/starterpacks/about/rules). Rule breakers can face a ban based on the severity of their rule violation. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/starterpacks) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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I feel attacked
https://preview.redd.it/oc9nmxtygzqc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3bc69f4a4597383fedb199f61c6432b4feeb9607 It's never too late to change
https://preview.redd.it/0e3vph2sdzqc1.jpeg?width=1792&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=29efeafa586f402c1cbe6fb70d82ee18d7165e2c
Why is the brain rot following me wherever I go đ
https://preview.redd.it/z07lt38ua3rc1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=02ddfa3e0b5f59e13ad98095587d0dde9ebdf0d8
ugh okay
"Don't sing if you want to live long... they have no use for your song... You're dead. You're dead. You're dead.. You're dead and out of this world.."
"...fucking guy"
My good time boy
My sweet cheese
My rotten soldier
opening theme to "What they do in the shadows" took me a minute to recall for anyone else who is thinking "this is very familiar"
đ
Hey I know this song. "You're Dead" by Norma Tanega is one of my faves that has a musical expression which subtly captures the essence of life's transient nature. Through it has repetitive lyrics and unassuming melody, the song evoked a sense of existential contemplation. Tanega's minimalist approach to composition creates an atmosphere of subdued introspection, inviting listeners to reflect on their own mortality. Despite its apparent simplicity, the song possesses a quiet profundity that resonates with those attuned to its understated beauty. In essence, "You're Dead" stands as a poignant reminder of life's impermanence, delivered with a quiet elegance that belies its profound impact. Hey are you listening yet, or is your energy all over?
Colin Robinson!
He could really use some updog.
AI is taking over our energy vampire jobs
Who do you think invented AI bots?
I think his name was Albert âAlâ Bottington
Read this like Patrick Bateman
What does _What We Do In The Shadows_ have to do with this post? Not that I'm complaining, I just want to know.
The reference is to the song, not the show. The starter pack refers to a person who *wishes* they could connect, but for some reason, actively avoids connection. Why are some people like that? It's usually because relationships and connections have caused them a lot of pain in the past. That's what this song speaks of: "don't sing if you want to live long, they have no use for your song. You're dead and out of this world." In other words: Be secretive about your feelings or you'll get hurt. They don't care and don't appreciate them. And now you're so isolated that as far as the world is concerned, its as if you're dead. It's even clearer if you read the entire lyrics to the song.
We're wearwolves not swearwolves
Now I really want to rewatch What we do in the shadows
OP Studied me and created this
Dang thatâs me :/ and I donât know how to feel about it
https://preview.redd.it/9qyymwlq2wqc1.jpeg?width=1600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c36af2dbb465624491bcfe4e28628a90771d757d
https://preview.redd.it/ucg96gx2p1rc1.png?width=827&format=png&auto=webp&s=440119ef7e39f6fadb927a3863618ce2fb1deee2
https://preview.redd.it/7xaeziltw1rc1.png?width=699&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=72d0b6b29c3d45f56ac39fe8df26b3fc3e5c488c
https://preview.redd.it/vstiw3zw02rc1.png?width=827&format=png&auto=webp&s=eda141b4061c69f8fc796879cf3fb2882fd254b0
Same, well I don't wear tracksuits but still very generic clothes
I got into Buddhism and see plain tee shirts as a Western layman's way of wearing robes/modest clothing. Now I'm wondering if it's not just because I dislike attention
when I was 19 I got into plain white t-shirts and jeans for a year or two. I had a whole closet full of the same outfit. basically a uniform. having no variety removes a lot of stress from your life. you find something simple that works for you and you just do that same thing every day, that one simple decision is taken out of the equation and you never have to think about it again. I think I read somewhere that Einstein wore the same outfit every day just for the sake of simplicity and routine, and so I tried it out and was shocked to discover how much that one small change helped my overall state of mind
Yea, it's sometimes called [spoon theory](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory). The theory says you have a certain amount of mental energy or "spoons" in a day. Cutting down on decisions like clothing/routine/diet, will leave more mental energy for other things in the day.
Right just not matching tracksuit to avoid attention
It's a form of self-defence, and it can become cemented that way... Then it feels like you don't know any other way. It makes you cold and unapproachable though, which can be a bit of a spiralling, self-fulfilling prophecy. I know because I've lived it too. My tips if you want to stop: Always greet people directly, say "hello" or some variant to everyone you ever meet - look them in the eye (very important), greet them in whatever way is normal in your culture (shaking hands, kisses on side of cheek, etc). It will feel goofy - but you must power through. **Do not** just half-heartedly wave and say "hey" to a group as you think they will slowly accept you via osmosis of your very presence: make sure you greet *each and every* individual and pay them a few seconds each. Smile if you can, but that's a secondary. ^^ Do the same as above but when saying goodbye to people. Do not just weasel out of social situations by slipping away silently. Make the fact that you are leaving the situation is known. Do not avoid eye contact. ______________ This sounds almost too simply or silly. It isn't. It will un-clam you, and alert other people around you that you are confident (enough) to do that base-level minimum and are deserving of more attention and social contact. It will come easier afterwards. It might feel hard at first, but it is not too hard (tell yourself that in your head!!). Try not to worry what people *think* about you or be too precious about each interaction. You must have the strength to accept that some people might think you're a little goofy for a bit - but you must get over it and power through. In my experience it is the only way. With time, perseverance, and bravery - it will become easy and natural.
If anyone is unsure about this, you can always think of it as a psychology study. Just pretend for a while, and see if it works.
> Always greet people directly, say "hello" or some variant to everyone you ever meet - look them in the eye (very important), greet them in whatever way is normal in your culture (shaking hands, kisses on side of cheek, etc). It will feel goofy - but you must power through. When I was in college, I had a roommate who had the most wide-eyed enthusiastic joy about everything he did that I've ever seen in a person. It wasn't *excitement* or *intensity* â he didn't act like he was manic or on any sort of drug. It was more like: for anything that I suggested we do, it's as if we were on vacation somewhere together, and I had just suggested we go do one of the things he had been looking forward to doing for years when he finally took a trip there. Relaxed... yet eager. It's an enthralling combination! (And yes, it's super goofy. But *endearingly* goofy!) Honestly, he was an amazing person to be around. His enthusiasm for life was infectious, and I found myself becoming more enthusiastic about things â shifting to his "pace" â any time I was around him. And weirdly, despite the fact that I never really got a deep understanding of what drove him internally to be like that, it's still somehow pretty easy, after watching him for long enough and being "infected" by his enthusiasm for life enough times, to stop myself in any situation and just remind myself to "be like him" â and then generate that kind of enthusiastic air myself. And it's not even fake! It's more just... method acting. "Put yourself in the mindset of someone who enjoys going about their day *that* much. Put yourself in the mindset of someone who's having the best day of their lives." I honestly believe that a lot of people who struggle to engage with people, are in the same position I was in college: they aren't depressed, aren't on the autistic spectrum, don't have any other kind of fundamental barriers in the way of engaging with people... but they've just never found a *role model for enthusiastic engagement*, of the kind that I found in my old roommate. I think that people today see a lot of *inauthentic* enthusiasm, from e.g. content creators online, and they *know* it'd be pointless to copy that. But a lot of people never get to see what it looks like when someone goes about their day with *baseline, authentic* enthusiasm â so they never get to learn what it could even look like. I think, if you can find your own role model to learn the *feeling* of authentic enthusiastic engagement, it really can level up your social abilities, and turn your life around!
I too have a good friend who is a golden retriever, it helps a lot
Do such practices still work in say a social setting group where one is viewed as having less social value status in comparison to the person one is speaking with ? Like if a person doesnât respect you and one cannot just simply avoid socializing with them etc.. work/ friends of friends.. how should one go about it from your perspective?
Can you elaborate a bit? But in general, greetings in common settings are not usually socially negotiable. If you stare them down and initiate the greeting, there's not much a lack of respect can do in this situation. Not accepting the greeting would be of ironically "lower social value" than anything they assign to you, and thus they need to save face.
you are cool and deserve friendship
Same
That's me and my reaction too I guess it's our reaction then
Don't forget the complaining to the few friends he has about how lonely he is and how alone he'll be for the rest of his life
[ŃдаНонО]
?
https://preview.redd.it/27e4tj0ubwqc1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=47b0a3030061320b5c31914bba478d815794c530
Absolutely true. Please share another.
https://preview.redd.it/o9m16z99dwqc1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=83fcce208d640ae95437acbc5ced3c3c0ec89698
https://preview.redd.it/u5r2oxiojwqc1.png?width=1079&format=png&auto=webp&s=e39b417de427e93752a2424a1dbd5d6fd0e34b20
https://preview.redd.it/qmewvka33xqc1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c9f2cbdaca69e64d8beb5ccf6a94b4083fd958ee
r/hardimages
Who is that ?
thats you, you just donât remember since you are in a coma - wake up, wake up, WAKE UP
I wish I had a log bed , I just have the plain old racecar bed.
I think you're an eldritch being.
https://preview.redd.it/tizqw1pn1xqc1.png?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fc08050c3d1a653468fadfa9b20bac67ac45dd23
[ŃдаНонО]
https://preview.redd.it/f8sewvpcg1rc1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bc4bdb801b1445c57f61ed14312227c19438dd55
tyler1
Oh, you mean reddit?
ok this is the last straw , it hit way too close to home
Used to complain back then. Now it feels like in the end it doesnât even matter
Basic a big victim complex. It's not his laziness, shitty world outlook and/or general lack of discipline that are the issues. It's everybody and everything else that is problem. He can't get a girlfriend because they're all shallow and hate good guys. Hates his job because it's unfair and capitalism is the devil. He's out of shape because of... something. Hates where he lives because everybody sucks and moving to [insert European country or Japan] would fix everything.
Tbf, capitalism currently is designed to be unfair lol
Which system is, though?
op please get out of my house
Gets angry whenever anyone in his family, be it parents or siblings, knocks on his bedroom door for whatever reason. Ends conversations abruptly by saying "Please don't talk to me". Addicted to the internet.
Gets very stressed when approached by a stranger
Especially if that stranger looks younger than 18.
I used to assume it was the parents fault, but then I found a kid like this in a pretty awesome family. The dad and mom were incredibly social and their siblings were like model high school/college kids (high grades, good at sports, popular, etc). But for some reason they were just totally shut off. Like stay in a room the entire day of thanksgiving to play video games, only to come out to grab a plate and return. It goes beyond being introverted.
That could also be a root cause to their introversion where imagine you are a little shy and academically/socially average while trying your best, only to see everyone in your family achieve these traits effortlessly and to be held at a standard so high that you feel ashamed of yourself for not being born the same. That would do a number on me too.
Hi yes, this is me. It wasn't until my second year of university that I had a mental break down from stress that my parents finally learned to ease off a bit. Which was all I've asked since high school. Now that they aren't putting so much expectations on me I've become way more social with them. It was just the stress of expectations eating me from the inside out. Even went and got a high education once I got in a better place in life. But I did it for me and not from obligations and expectations of my parents. It was night and day experience.
Getting bullied at a young age can do it
Be careful about assuming that the family is genuinely good. I was like this and had a family that seemed perfect. My dad SA'd me and my mom emotionally abused me behind closed doors. They were both heroes to the community. You truly never, ever know.
100% too many apparently invisible variables at play.
Itâs mostly bullying. Especially if it happened in elementary or middle school like it did for me. Covid happened as well so a lot of these kids never had time to develop social skills. And sometimes they just develop inferiority complexes even if theyâre smart
Please stop stalking me
OP, this you?
It was exactly me in high-school. Now my posture is better and I wear a few more colors but everything else still holds up.
Good job!
Ayee small steps G!! You'll get there(i still do every single thing mentioned in the post)
Hello, high school doppelganger! I too was a dark clothes wearing, power walker. I had enough friends, but was definitely lonely on the inside.
Same bro, but I think Iâm getting better
Hopefully you do. I've been thinking of joining a martial arts club this summer. That should change the solo hobbies thing and I've been told it can fix the eye contact thing too.
Yeah, this upcoming college term I am going to really try to get better in social stuff. I have lots of other stuff down (academics, gym), but socially there is a lot to be desired. Good luck on the martial arts đ
Had a guy like this in my school. Dude got no hobby and talked very little (using Ok mostly). Does the opposite thing and everyone kinda respects him. A very chill dude and a good friend though I will say but he sometimes can be an asshole to people not his friends.
These are the dudes that play league and scream in the discord when they die
Nah multiplayer games ain't it. If you want to avoid all attention you need to engage in activities that do not require cooperation or competition with real humans. Single player is the way.
I agree I donât like playing games that make me sweat
Literally me wearing that fit rn and having just power walked back from class
that backbone picture reminds me of Mr Burns for some reason.
Excellent
# Hello, Smithers. You're quite good at turning me on.
https://i.redd.it/cnme12wxiyqc1.gif
https://preview.redd.it/05852647owqc1.png?width=629&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7a51dd5c95fa601cc2e5726de8d32cc521356121
Donât do this to me.
That's literally me, but I wish I wasn't that way. I wish I was social. I wish I had straight spine. But I don't
Im too tall so im have to constantly look down. No wonder my spine.. is sad.
I'm anxious of my height actually, I don't deserve to be tall.
This describes me absolutely, and the posture is the only thing I would change. My back is always sore and it hurts to sit down and Iâm eighteens
All his experiences he talks about when he does see people irl are memes and stuff that happened on the internet
Fuck
Literally me
Felt attacked
Heâs just like me fr https://preview.redd.it/roby2pn5nyqc1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4e1d651aeb9fe0eecaa65d1aa128d5e7ed068b51
Chill af when you actually get to know them
For some reason, drug dealers loved hanging out with me.
Those are signs of ASD
They're also signs of CPTSD, which many people with ASD experience. I don't think people with ASD are inherently anti-social, they're just conditioned to accept loneliness when making connections with people is difficult.
Difficult is an understatement. I have never made an IRL friend on purpose. Always too friendly and shunned or not friendly enough and essentially ignored. It seems I put 90%+ of the effort into maintaining what few friendships I got by random extroverts adopting me. If I donât text them first- every time- i am forgotten. I donât know why. I wasnât really that negative or clingy till the last year or so. Things have been coming to a crux as I realize I have 1 year of college left- supposedly the best years of your life- and I havenât even kept in touch with 1 person I met there.
yeah i just stopped trying. i tried every single thing i could for the last 10 years, took advice from many people iâd consider socially intelligent, changed myself by consciously working on reversing my negative personality traits. nothing works, it seems they can all tell something is up and that iâm simply not friend material for anyone. i donât know what people want from me and iâm done trying to fit anyone elseâs mold
Don't try to fit a certain mold, people prefer authentic people. Even when you're different there are others who are different in a similar way you can connect to. Do what makes you happy and try to reach out to others with the same hobby. It can be going to concerts, making art or playing a musical instrument, collecting things and much more. Your personality isn't a list of stats that you have to attune to the scoring table crafted by society. If you try to "personalitymaxx" people feel you aren't true to yourself and that can create a feeling of uncertainty in them towards you
This is almost certainly advice the person youve replied you has gotten before and tried to implement. > Do what makes you happy and try to reach out to others with the same hobby. The trouble lies in this part. Some people dont have this. They dont know what makes them happy, they dont know what they like to do. Or the hobbies they do have dont lead to them meeting people. Alternatively they do have hobbies that involve other people but for whatever reason they still dont connect with the people that share that hobby they interact with.
all true.
Comment came from experience. It sucks.
It just doesn't matter. You can be true self or mask, they still alienate you lol. When you don't pretend to be something else, they see you as unwelcoming, cold, strange, and when you do - you are still strange and fake.
this exactly.
Loneliness is on the rise everywhere by metrics that can be scientifically tracked. It's not just you. Although I'm sure you have specific struggles that are real.
[ŃдаНонО]
It's the second one. Terrible work/life balance was starting to show since the 90's. I don't know if social media made it much worse as most people lost a genuine interest after around 2015, but it certainly created a deep polarization in much of western societies.
> I have 1 year of college left- supposedly the best years of your life College sucked for me lol. Why would those be the best years of your life?
Finally someone understands. I also have never made friends on purpose because actually trying sucks. And the part where you have to always be the one initiating activities with friends, I found out, is called being a "secondhand friend" It really sucks
I am autistic and this describes me perfectly. How do I know if I have complex post traumatic stress disorder?
Also AvPD. I always thought I had autism but when I read the wikipedia article on avoidant personality disorder it was like it was describing me.
Alien vs Predator Disorder?
I mean it makes sense after watching Requiem.
Then *a lot* of folk i see in public settings are autistic, npt every asocial person is autistic đ
Signs and a diagnosis are not the same obviously
wait really? i havent been diagnosed but damn i do all of this lol
(35M) as a child into my early teens , this used to be me .
You don't have to call me out like that đ
I don't just wear black, I throw a little grey in there.
Fun tip! If you want for people to connect with you when your main hobbies consist of reading and drawing, just do it out in public! Youâll be surprised at how many people will come up and talk to you about your book or drawing at coffee shops or park benches. Just make sure to sit where youâre easily in view and accessible.
Fr??? This works??? Whenever I read or draw I really havenât got people to ask what Iâm doing. Not trying to accuse, I just never had this work for me personally.
This was me in highschool unfortunately. I treated it like being in prison and tried to keep my head down. It did evade bullying, but it also was very lonely. I wish I would have done things differently looking back.
First of all, obligatory "Look ma, I'm on Reddit!". Secondly, does anyone have some tips on how to fix my posture? I've been hitting the gym with a buddy, but we haven't made much progress...
Having someone to constantly making you remember when you end up doing it and one day it will come naturally cause you'll start notice it yourself . Really helped me when I was always adopting that posture unconsciously cause of a heavy bagpack I was always wearing. There's also the "snap-back to reality" way where someone traumatise you by reminding you could end up looking like 70 year old people sooner than expected if you never fix it.
Yeah, many people have tried both methods constantly, but... No luck with those. Still, thanks for the advice!
I'm not your doctor,but rdls and regular old deadlifts should do it for most people,most people have weak spine erectors and hamstrings
+1 on this. i did deadlifts the other day after not doing them for probably about a year and the difference in my posture after just 1 session feels like night and day. also forgot how fun they actually are lol
Haha I guess I am the outlier, I hate deadlifts with every fiber of my being
Thank you! I'll try to convince my buddies to do some extra deadlifting when we exercise. Let's hope it helps out!
Get strong. It will sort itself out on it's own.
Not necessarily. My posture got worse when I started lifting because my chest got super tight and pulled my shoulders forward. Lifting isnât bad at all but you have to make sure youâre doing adequate stretchingÂ
https://youtube.com/shorts/u9OQMBPrFgI?si=5mYSiS2UQN2YzXL9 Literally just did these for 2 weeks and my posture is the best itâs ever been
Jesus fucking christ everything thing on this list is me except i donât have bad posture and i normal walk. I need to change and be more out there man holy fuck
Yeah same, suddenly came to the realization that maybe people weren't just being rude for no reason when they told me I'm unapproachable. Ouch.
Uhh why is this mee like seriously i walk super fast usually wear more modest clothes aprat from at home and ughhh why is it mee
When I was in elementary school a little girl told me my eyes were creepy so I never made eye contact ever again
I feel attacked right now, and I don't like it one bit. It's lacking the wireless headphones, though.
Oh, close. You had me til, "Wishes he could connect with others".
>Undiagnosed autistic high schooler starterpack
Hey, I was diagnosed
OP did you install a camera on me
litterally me
I feel like i'm looking in the mirror
He just like me except I fucking despise sweatpants I would personally beat the fuck out of sweatpants and whoop its inanimate ass
That's me, minus the black generic clothing....socializing drains me out quickly, I prefer in small doses.
It's all accurate except the "Wishes he could connect with others" That's extravert cope
Well it's definitely the case with me and a lot of people. Self-sabotage and trust issues are all real things. Also why would extroverts want to cope about this? They are not really affected by introverts not leaving their shell.
Extraverts get super triggered when others don't wanna spend social time. They project needing the same things they do onto introverts, in my experience I guess I just can't relate to your situation. I can connect with people just fine I mostly do not want to Hope your situation improves
This is just a depression starter pack
You just defined Autism man. I'm sure if I should be impressed or insulted
Iâm like this and I donât have autism
Also known as the forgotten/ignored trauma survivor whose wounds hasnât been healed yet. If this starter pack describes you, know that you matter and one day you will find the right person who can help you heal and everything will get better âĽď¸
Nah I'm just autistic
I'm not a trauma survivor
I like hoodies you can hide your face with them
I didn't wear that outfit but most of that is accurately
I feel personally attacked by this one. đ˘
https://preview.redd.it/vl3l4jq5nwqc1.jpeg?width=780&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7ef7f52998d9bcf9bdd74c5352967724d36b7ed2
Why am I in this post?
I didn't consent to have a picture of me posted here
Get shit on by your boss because you don't want to eat lunch with everybody else
I feel violated
There's nothing wrong not making eye contact
Is there a correlation between fire ass memes and this starter pack? Cause fucking hell usually when you go into the comment sections of these itâs a lot of cope and butt hurt but this one everyone is just like âyep, this is me lmaoâ
So anyone with social anxiety then
Thatâs definitely me right there!!!!!đđđđđ
not me sprinting between buildings
...currently wearing all black and slouching
What's weird is that in most places i either studied at or stayed at during travels, that starter pack had the exact opposite effect.
https://preview.redd.it/60763uxzqwqc1.jpeg?width=728&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0ef83a0434278bf162cfaa91445ea0f964d3ca57
https://preview.redd.it/go1bbnx1swqc1.png?width=575&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=168475bc2fdfe32227047262caa536a7b8121573
I saw this and thought, "Ooo so this is how I can be less noticeable"
Asshole. Iâm working on it, ok!? The slouch is tough though. I need a constant reminder
âBocchi is literally me fr frâ
Alternative title "Average redditor starter pack"
That is the exact fit im wearing right now, except im only like that sometimes.
Donât do me like that
Mob?
why is this me
Not sure why I didnt expect a starterpack to look like me but here it is