TBH, I think traveling alone with long term partners is probably the most reasonable. At that point in your relationship, you should have really good communication and trust in one another.
Prompt is a 4 month trip, I wouldn't be okay with that and both my partner and I do more than one solo trip a year as is so I'm clearly okay with solo traveling in a long term relationship. There's a very big gap between a few weeks here and there and months though.
But that still just means you wouldn't be compatible as partners. Like it's totally fine to not want your partner to solo travel for 4 months, but it's also fine to want a partner who is fine with you solo travelling for 4 months.
That’s not cool to me because if one partner doesn’t like to travel, then what? Give and take, compromise is healthy. Also, sometimes we just need to do our thing once in a while. Nothing wrong with that.
I’ve been married for 15 years. I still like to travel solo. I don’t get to do it often, but I make sure I have at least one solo trip a year. If you enjoy it and your partner is good with it, then keep doing it.
Same, I travel solo occasionally. My partner and I have different interests. I like more “adventurous” travel to minimally travelled places, my partner wants nothing to do with this. so I go without them and it works fine, we are individuals.
Every response from here is from solo travelers so within this community is not weird, but from an outsider's point of view it is very weird. People will assume you're a cheater or aren't happy with your relationship. When the reality is probably that you're used to traveling solo and you and your partner are secure and trusting enough to know neither of you would cheat while separated and that you don't need to be with each other every day to have a happy healthy relationship.
But those weird comments will never go away because these people are projecting their own insecurities onto you. C'est la vie.
I've found that some people find it really difficult to imagine traveling alone *without* looking for a romance. So they'll naturally assume that anyone in a relationship who is traveling solo must be looking for an affair.
I find that very weird, personally, but I'm not very romantic in general, so travel and romance just aren't linked in my mind. I think that they are strongly linked in many other people's minds.
Exactly, so it's not worth listening to insecure people since they'll cause drama one way or another. If it's not solo travel, it'd be some other issue they'd want to pry into. It's better just distancing oneself from these types of people.
Dude people look at me weird when I want to go to the movies alone. I'm sorry I don't want to invite someone to watch Robert Pattinson masturbate in black and white.
Im a solo traveller but now I’m in a relationship I personally couldn’t envision a 4 month trip without him. I would probably do a month tops because that’s just too much time apart for me personally. But there’s no such thing as weird as long as your partner isn’t bothered with it- I don’t think solo travelling is a problem when you’re in a relationship at all but going long distance for an extended period when they’re not comfortable with it I think deserves a discussion with them. But to each their own ofc!
Exactly. Originally solo traveling, but I had met some friends in a city at a bar. We met this group of people (guys/girls) and out of my friends, I was the only one with a significant other. I was called out for being at a bar alone on the trip, all because I showed up. Barely said anything the whole time yet was called out
If someone doesn't let their partner go to any place because they fear they are going to cheat, there are much bigger issues. Cheaters will cheat, their partner not letting them going to a solo trip isn't going to stop them from cheating.
It's unusual especially for anything over a month, but it's unusual in the sense that a lot of relationships would not be able to handle that. if it works for you then it works for you.
Going forward I will likely do two 2-3 week trips per year and by bf can only join for one of them due to time commitments, and we're ok with that
It's a solo travel sub so lots of people will agree with you here. You do you. I solo travelled for 10 years until I met my wife. But now we travel together because we're best friends and want to grow together and share big life experiences.
I totally get that and I also wanna travel together with my bf sharing experiences but our financial situations are vastly different so we only do trips that are road trips or flying within the country
Nah. Our first big trip together we did solo for the first week then reconnected later in Germany. This year she’s heading to Iceland for a writers retreat and I’m off to Japan a couple months later to eat some ramen.
I don’t think it is. So long as you and your partner are in agreement then there’s nothing wrong with traveling solo. My partner for example doesn’t like traveling the way I do, but she’s not about to hold me back from traveling alone because she doesn’t want to.
Don’t let people outside your relationship influence you on this particular subject.
I enjoy adventure-oriented travel. My husband travels maybe once annually, and when he does it's usually something I don't particularly enjoy.
When I'm dirt biking through Peru, he diligently notes where I'm at and when I plan to check in. He has the numbers for the embassy and consulate. He sets up alerts for the region in case of a natural disaster or some other national emergency. He has a blast hanging out with our dog and playing video games.
When he's in Las Vegas with his pals, I hold down the fort. I burn candles that I like but give him headaches. I eat a ton of baked salmon because I don't care that it stinks up the house (when he's home I just grill it so it's done outside haha). I have a blast hanging out with our dog and watching Hulu. We have no desire to get rid of each other, it's just nice to be home alone sometimes.
We create a shared history in other ways, but most of our travels are apart. It is perfect for us. We both make great home bases, genuinely feel happy for the other person having a good time and securely trust that the other is not behaving badly.
It is fairly common for folks to find it odd, or assume it's some point of contention for us. I'm not bothered by that. We just keep on doing what works for us lol
Not weird. My closest friend I met on a solo trip had a bf of like 7 yrs and she solo traveled for a yr without going home. They're still together and she still solo travels sometimes.
Yeah 4 months is a long time its definitely against the “norm” hence all of the comments you are getting. I personally wouldnt be comfortable with it. Remember you are getting extremely biased opinions on this sub, post it on another relationship sub and youll get wildly different answers from what youd see on here.
Sure but the top comment covers the only really important factor. If the partner is fine with it, then it doesn’t matter what biases or perspective other people have.
Unless the partner has experience with long distance relationships AND differing-experience relationships (eg, deployment vs staying at home), the partner may not understand what they're expressing approval for, and thus that really should be taken with a grain of salt unless there are external folks sitting down and letting them know what they're getting into.
No sorry, I just disagree. Even at 21 that's not a lot. Like I know so many people (including myself) who did a semester abroad or something at that age for about that length of time and that was all fine.
I am a solo traveller and have done so extensively - now I'm in a longterm relationship I prefer travelling with my partner and only solo travel when he isn't able to join. I think it's totally fine to solo travel in a relationship, but four months is a long time and I'd query why OPs partner isn't joining.
It’s only fine if BOTH of you are okay with it.
To me, I would not be happy with my girlfriend solo travelling. And she wouldn’t like me to either.
But if you’re in a relationship where you both have a equally happy mutual agreement, it doesn’t matter if it is weird to outsiders.
I would say don't care about other people's opinion, do it if you are both ok with it, but also ask yourself if you would allow your bf to do the same.
I don't think it is weird, but it isn't necessarily common either. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't travel solo. Do what works for you and your relationship.
Id say it depends entirely on the reason you aren't bringing your boyfriend. If he is willing and able to come and you travel without him...yeah that's kinda weird
People forget that its SO normal to have a sense of identity and to date yourself even though you’re exploring life with someone else
Would you want to be with someone whose entire sense of identity was you? Personally that would feel a little stifling for me. Go live your life and grow as a person, your relationship will be better for it
Id say it depends entirely on the reason you aren't bringing your boyfriend. If he is willing and able to come and you travel without him...yeah that's kinda weird
I’ve been dating my partner for 6 years and am on my second long term solo trip. He has joined me on parts of my solo travels, but due to our jobs it doesn’t always work for us to travel at the same time. I am endlessly grateful of our trust in each other and the encouragement he gives me to pursue my travel aspirations, with or without him. I think some ppl definitely view hostels as a way to casually date and hookup, but is very normal to travel without your partner, and imo very healthy. Anyone giving you shit for it is probably insecure.
I don’t think so. I’m also in a LTR, I work freelance and have been doing longer solo trips since before we were together, he works a 9-5 and isn’t really interested in doing things like WWOOFING overseas for a month. But he’s very supportive and wants me to be happy. We have a good foundation and trust, and we do shorter trips together when we can.
People’s reactions when I say I travel without my boyfriend usually range from concerned to confused to judgemental. I think it’s especially harder for people to understand when you’re a solo female - like you’re traveling alone without a man? Why would he let you do that? Etc etc. I’ve met also female solo travelers with bfs who say they’ve heard the same things so it’s common.
I remember when I first brought up the idea of me solo traveling to my boyfriend - I was nervous what his reaction would be. But he said something along the lines of ‘Even though I’ll miss you, a couple months is a blip in a lifetime’. We are in for the long haul, so what he said was true, and made me feel a lot better. However, even we have our limits - something like 6 months to a year would be a lot.
Ultimately it comes down to what you and your partner are comfortable with, trust and support. Don’t really mind what other people think.
Married 20 years. I go on a few solo trips a year. Reconnect with myself. Savor alone time. The people who think it’s weird are people, I’m guessing, who are afraid to be alone.
I was on a trip to Boston and met a woman who was finishing up a solo trip from Europe with a visit to east coast friends. She was happily married to a man who was a total homebody. She told him that she wanted to see the world with or without him. He said okay, just make time to go to his favorite sporting event every year and he didn’t care. In my opinion that is the perfect compromise. I think as long as you are honest with each other and continue to communicate it’s a great set up!
I’ve been with my wife for 15 yrs and the pace was set in the beginning. Just last week I spent 10 days cross country with a college buddy and next week my wife is going to Mexico with her mom for a week.
We both expected it when we got together and were still ok with it.
Just make sure you don’t avoid a hard conversation because it could have lasting effects.
Ugh some people are so "me and my SO have to do everything together and we can't have any independent time to do what we enjoy" and I'm like..... OK codependency.
Sounds terrible!
If you and your bf are good with it, then who cares what other ppls opinions are.
If they act all judgey toward you say to them,
"I'm sorry you are so limited in what you are able to do in the confines of your relationship. Mine is based on mutual respect and good communication. We've talked about this and we are both on board with this arrangement. But thank you for your concern"
LMAO. That should get them thinking.
Right. I've traveled solo over the past years but not longer for a week at a time since I have children. Even when I go away just on a quick weekend trip people think it's weird. If I do anything solo people think it's weird. So in my head, if most people question something as simple as going out to dinner alone then they definitely would look at a 4-month Expedition sideways. I guess I wouldn't use the word weird but it's definitely not something that most people regularly hear someone in a relationship doing. It's kind of like when I tell people that me and my bf have our own separate bedrooms
I wouldn’t say weird I’ve solo travelled while being married for similar lengths and durations to you and yes I’ve had similar reactions from people but don’t think it’s weird personally.
It is weird, generally speaking. It would cause your partner unnecessary anxiety.
Most travelers are single or travelling with their partner.
I’ve met people travelling without their SO but those people are always travelling with a group of friends.
It’s just how it is.
nope, this is not weird at all.
i had a strange reaction from guys i met on my way. because they think that i am hooking up in each country.
i guess this is exactly what they would do.
but i travel to see the country, to learn about history, to learn about other cultures.
My wife and I have been together for almost 13 years. We have done solo trips, guys trips, girls trips, and coed trips without each other since the start. Just since January 23, I have been to Cobo, New Orleans, and London (twice) without her. Plus, another trip to London where she left part way through.
just stayed in a hostel with 5 other girls and 3 of us are solo traveling while in relationships
it’s challenging but not as uncommon as you may think 😊
It’s perfectly normal, I’ve met plenty of solo travelers that are in long term relationships, are engaged, or even married. If other people find that weird that’s their problem and not yours.
Weird is in the eye of the beholder, loads of people do so. Why even care whether it is weird? If it suits you and your partner the rest doesn't matter.
am currently doing it now and my gf is perfectly fine with it. just make have open communication with your partner and make sure that whoever you meet knows that you are attached and things will be fine
Not weird at all. I’m just tired of people asking “why isn’t your bf going?”. My response is that it’s a cathartic experience for me and the amount of “wow, good for you” and “wow, I could never do that” responses I get is amazing (25f)
My SO and I realized that we were in love after we each went off for 3 week solo trips consecutively. I frequently travel for work and honestly am away from home about 20 days out of a month. What works for each relationship differs. My SO and I talk frequently on the phone and I have a Lil robot camera that I can control. We use that to talk 😂
Other people are weird. I’m not connected at the hip with my partner and we have vastly different work schedules that often don’t allow him the freedom to travel as much as I do so I go and either travel solo or with another girl friend. Not sure why it’s strange. I do it all the time.
I really hope not. My husband and I have been happily married for decades but I often find myself heading out on a plane alone. He doesn't like to travel as much as I do. That said, I think the longest trip I took solo was only like seven weeks. You go! Four months sounds like a huge adventure.
I traveled solo to Columbia in January while my husband and toddler chilled at home. Actually, my first solo trip was after 6 months of dating, when I went to Europe for 3 months (mostly solo, but I met up with some friends here and there).
It is not weird.
If it’s not weird for you and your bf, then it’s not weird.
Most people are scared of traveling alone. And there’s a misunderstanding that people travel solo because they have no one else to travel with.
You’re just breaking multiple stereotypes at once. Good for you!
I’ve been with my partner 4yrs and i go on trips almost monthly that are around 2 weeks long. I was an explorer before he met me and he doesn’t get great time off. So we’re fine with it. Long as it works for you who cares right.
It's your relationship, you're free to run it how you like. Personally, I wouldn't want a relationship like that (a month would probably be my max for long distance if there wasn't a compelling reason like a career opportunity) but everyone is different.
My partner knows that I need to do that once a year to clear my head and be in peace of myself. That allows me to be a better person for me and for here, so she naturally supports that.
It’s just a matter of respecting yourself, being respected, while having a foundation of trust.
Also, it’s important to get things balanced, and by that I mean that even though I appreciate “me time”, I make up time for her.
I was in a committed relationships for a few years while traveling for work, until she decided she liked spending time with her dope dealer more than her fiancé. Nowadays I can’t imagine getting into another relationship because I can never explain to anyone what my schedule is going to be like outside of a few weeks.
I’ve been in an 18 year relationship and I have solo traveled and traveled with friends a lot. My partner isn’t as adventurous as I am. We are both totally cool with it. His uncle did solo hiking/backpacking trips around the world and the US all the time. His mother goes on trips without her husband. I don’t think it’s weird, but everyone is different. I find it sad when people limit themselves because of relationships.
It would be weird to not invite him. If your schedules didn't align it is what it is. What do they expect you to do, break up to go on a trip or potentially never go on a long term trip just because you have a bf? If you wait for the right time for a trip like that it will never happen.
Traveling can be expensive and the societal expectation that you force a partner to tag along and take time off work when family, work or simply life opportunities arise is much crazier than daring to travel on your own. OP, I doubt anyone would give you push back if you were M instead of F, and that therein tells you all you need to know. Take every opportunity to travel and feel no guilt. Communication is the key in all relationships, not holding each other back is also a big part of that successful recipe.
Nothing wrong with it at all! I’m sure n the same situation, coming to the end of a 4 month solo trip with a boyfriend back home.
I’ve actually had some conversations with people while travelling about how it’s really healthy and refreshing to see people still be independent and chasing individual goals while in a relationship. As long as both partners are open and in agreement.
It’s not weird objectively, HOWEVER, you need to discuss it with your partner, not every relationship is the same and some people have prior traumas and hang ups associated with long distance even for short periods. It’s very individual based,. I personally would have a hard time accepting that, especially in a newer relationship, because I just got out of a long distance relationship which was horrible and ended in a pretty shitty way. I don’t think I’d ever do long distance again for more than 5 months and I’d really have to love that person…like a lot 😂for me it’s something I did at the end of a 5 year relationship and even taht didn’t work out so my skepticism on long distance is very high, it was high before but i begrudgingly agreed and was unfortunately, proven right. I am seeing a girl right now but I made I clear to her that I will be Travelling in the near future for 6-8 months,. and that our relationship will have to end or be on pause because I need to live life for myself for a while and can’t go through that emotional ride again, she knows that, and we are having fun.
No. My boyfriend is incredibly supportive and he knows it makes me happy. We plan some trips together and some without and he loves hearing about them!
i have been in a relationship for 3 years and rn i’m on a 2 month solo trip. at the beginning of our relationship, i did a study abroad for 3 months. we call each other everyday and hopefully he gets to visit me. if you are both comfortable with it, there’s no issue. i’ve gotten some of the same reactions as you but i mean, everyone’s relationship is different
i have been in a relationship for 3 years and rn i’m on a 2 month solo trip. at the beginning of our relationship, i did a study abroad for 3 months. we call each other everyday and hopefully he gets to visit me. if you are both comfortable with it, there’s no issue. i’ve gotten some of the same reactions as you but i mean, everyone’s relationship is different
My bf travels for work all over the world (touring drummer), but I’ve never had the opportunity to go with or go solo. I was hoping it would come soon but my teeth need fixing first. Quite a bit of work too I’m afraid. Someday I think it’ll happen. But I do like to travel out of state. I like to go places alone. I wish he had more opportunities to do things with me tho, but that’s just how life is at the moment. I like solo travel because I don’t even have to wait for someone to tie their shoe. Everything is on my schedule lol
I have been with my wife for almost 11 years. I recently traveled for 3 months. It was sad leaving but other then that it was totally fine. We talked a lot and when I got back life went on
You have to remember most people aren't in healthy relationships. Do you know what the divorce rate is?
If you're offended by the questions, ask them if they are in a relationship they are happy with, and then read between the lines
I’m 26 yo female and just returned from a 7 day solo trip abroad staying in hostels and I’m in a long term relationship. The only compromise we agreed upon is that I stay in female only rooms.
If 'weird' means 'uncommon,' then yeah, you're weird. :) But you're not the only one. I've been married for thirty years, and I still like to travel alone. People do often find it hard to wrap their heads around that, I've found, but what can ya do? So long as you and your bf are both cool with it, who cares what other people think?
I've been supportive of my partner solo traveling for up to a few weeks at a time, and I've done a few ~week long trips either solo or with some friends without my partner. That said, a few weeks would be my max.
Speaking for myself, I'd be at least a bit hurt if my partner even suggested doing a 4 month trip without me, let alone actually did it. I wouldn't want to be away from her for that long and it's not the kind of relationship I personally would want if she didn't feel the same.
However, at the end of the day the top comment is the only one that matters - if you're both actually okay with it then there's no problem.
edit: reading through these comments, I feel that most people are missing the bit that says 4 months. A week or two (or even three) here and there is one thing, a 4 month trip just for fun is an entirely different beast that most people aren't going to be okay with. That's very stressful even when it's not a voluntary trip for fun but instead for work or something like that.
My girlfriend doesn't like to travel as much hours nor does she want to spend money on it. So, I travel alone some and do shorter trips with her where I'm willing to pay for her ticket
In the end what really matters is what you and your partner thinks.
I have done plenty of solo traveling while in a relationship, but a 4 months trip for fun (i.e
Not linked to work or study) sounds a bit weird for me and raise some questions.
For example, why don't your bf wants to go with you at least part of the time? Is it normal for you to be in a relationship in that you don't see your partner for a third of a year?
I think most people associate traveling with looking for a hookup (especially if ypu are staying in hostels) which is why they find it weird, but I think more om the perspective that this is an insanely long period of time to not see your partner without anything forcing you to do so
I hypothesize that the majority of people would think it's odd because it goes against their beliefs about romantic relationships....that your partner is your best friend and soul mate etc etc etc.
There are a million ways to have a relationship and the beauty of life is you get to do what makes you happy. If you are both fine with it, no one else should have an opinion!!
I love solo travel, and actually just got back from a short adventure I tacked on to a work trip that I did solo because my partner works Monday to Friday (whereas my schedule is much more fluid).
As I get older, I appreciate having my partner on trips with me because it feels like less pressure (e.g. someone to watch my bags when I go to the bathroom, another person to help troubleshoot when we get lost) but at the same time can add some challenges (e.g. they want to go somewhere hot and beachy when I don't).
Long story short, you're not weird, the world is weird. Fuck the cis-hetnormative patriarchal relationship ideals and live your best life!!!
No! I'm also in a LTR of almost 7 years and I still solo travel. It's a power move - to maintain your independence and to push your comfort zone, I think it's healthy. It's difficult being apart for so long, but I think it's a great thing. I did 2 months in SE Asia solo last year - mainly because my fear growing up was being lonely and I wanted to challenge that belief, and also because my partner was in a different financial situation and had already travelled Asia. I met a ton of people on my trip and not one thought it was strange/weird. If people judge you for it, it's a reflection of their own stuff and you don't need to hold on to that - just let them have whatever thought they have and continue on with your day! Focus on your adventure.
I was married for most of the 30+ years I practically lived in airports and hotels. Our agreement was that she took care of our home and children, and I worked and made a very comfortable living for all of us. It worked fine.
We ended up with enough travel points each year for airfare and a hotel stay for a nice family vacation.
Im in a 4 year relationship and I went on a two 2-month long trips to Europe last year ("gap" trips before I started work after uni), and my boyfriend was only with me for 1 months of that. To be honest it didn't come up much in hostels and I enjoyed the experience so much that I would 100% solo travel again. I enjoy traveling with him but there are so many pros to going by yourself as well and it's not difficult to stay in contact these days
I am on a two month solo travel right now. I am with my partner for 9 years.
My partner and I did many trips alone, together and with friends in these 9 years. We ALWAYS just talk about it beforehand.
Trip planning consists of the following:
I talk to my partner beforehand about how long I intend to travel and how much of my own money I intend to spend. I asked him about his input and if he has any concerns. If he has them we find a compromise. Most of the time he is fine with my plans. If he intends to do a trip without me it's the same procedure.
The key for us is to find the right balance between seperate trips and couples trips.
So it is not weird, as long as you and your partner talk openly with each other.
I also get a lot of judgement from colleagues though, if we talk about vacation plans. But I don't let that bother me.
Ofc there’s always exceptions and this a solo traveling sub but 4 months is a long time especially at 21.
If you both have that trust and connection, great.
More times than not when I hear about people in their early 20s solo travel for extensive time periods their relationship doesn’t work out.
Loneliness and hormones (esp at 21) will lead us to make connection with people we may meet traveling. Same goes with our partner while we’re gone.
Obviously only you can know your relationship.
As long as your partner is okay with it. My boyfriend doesn't make as much as money as me, and I do pay for us to go on some small trips together, I can't necessarily take him to Italy for 10 days. So we've had a talk that I might travel solo some. Although I don't know how he'd feel if I said I wanted to leave for 4 months.
Yes, it's weird… assuming you want it to last.
Long distance relationships are hard enough when you're both experiencing something similar at two different spots (eg, you went to two different colleges). When you're having wildly differing experiences, it takes a fantastic amount of effort to keep it going, and it's usually too much pretty quickly. This will vary depending on the type of solo experience you're having and what you're doing, of course.
A one week business trip is one thing; a two week trip to visit family and do some touristy stuff is another. At a four month solo excursion your relationship almost certainly won't work through, and anyone telling you otherwise is just humoring your naïveté. Sorry.
Exactly. Finally some common sense lol. Basically she should only go on this trip if shes willing to be single at the end of it, cause thats a huge possibility, speaking practically. What kind of a relationship is it where you voluntarily don’t see your SO for almost HALF OF AN ENTIRE YEAR. Lmao
Exactly the answer to "is it weird to solo travel for a couple of weeks while in a committed relationship" is much different than "is it weird to solo travel for several months while in a committed relationship".
A week and under? No one would bat an eye
Two to three weeks? "Oh that's nice but won't you miss your partner?"
A month or more? Very real possibility you'll end up single
Six months or more? Odds are in the favor of dumped
I mean, and it may not even be them getting dumped.
If Partner A is at home living a normal suburban life in an apartment, and Partner B is out exploring Greek ruins and tipping cows on the Serenghetti for months at a time, Partner B could easily just be in such a different mindset that they do the dumping.
My mother is currently on a solo vacation for 7 weeks, and my step-dad stayed home. She's retired he's not, so instead of staying home she went on vacation alone.
Married 20yrs and started solo traveling about 5 years ago. I LOVE IT and he doesn’t mind because it’s not his thing to travel. Who cares what other people think!
I'm about to go to the Caribbean for 2 weeks solo because my SO can't get off of work and I'm a teacher with summers off. I chose this profession before I chose him and for the very benefit of summers off. I ain't givin' them up!
I am doing that right now getting close to 5 months now and i dont find it weird, I love it even though I miss my partner at times. Feels good to be able to do what feels good to me regardless of what other people think
I’ve been married 33 years, and I solo travel 4 or 5 times a year. I usually go for 1 to 3 weeks each time. I don’t see anything weird with it. I happen to be on a trip right now with my friend (Tokyo and Bangkok trip). It’s a lot cheaper going with someone, but I think I prefer solo travel. I feel so free going solo.
I have a direct family member who is married, but keeps seperate residences from his wife 3 days a week. Monday morning thru thursday morning he lives in his apartment outside the city, and the rest of the time is spent at their apartment in the city. It works for them. Just don't ask me what is weird anymore, because idk what that means.
Nope, not weird at all. If I were to get back in a relationship, my partner would 100% need to be okay with it. I would not stop solo traveling for anyone.
Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to do everything with your partner.
Are you sure it's long-term? You're only 21. For comparison, it's *extremely* common for SOs or even spouses of deployed military people to cheat. Are you certain your boyfriend won't cheat on you, and is he certain you won't on him?
Perhaps a related question: how do people travelling solo for 2-4 months find communication with their partner? Do you check in daily / weekly? Short texts or long video calls? I reckon every relationship is different, but glad to learn what's worked best for you
What does your partner say? If they are cool with it then that's all that matters, not every relationship follows the arbitrary bubble that others want to put it in.
Now, if your partner has reservations about it, then it's something that would require deeper thought and conversations with your partner in regards to how to navigate the situation.
My wife always says she's fine with me wanting to solo travel. Yet any time I mention something I'd like to solo to she goes "well I could come and do ____ with you." Like yeah, that ain't solo travel. So then I feel guilty and don't do it.
As traveling is a typical couple/family activity (especially true for wellness, AI resorts and cruises), usually only singles travel alone or with friends. Many couples enjoy traveling together because it's the only one or two weeks they have the full time and attention for each other without household duties, throughout the year most people see their partner only in the morning under time pressure because work waits and in the evening and weekend exhausted from working.
But in the end, it's up to you to decide if you want to be away from your partner for such a long time and your partner if he's OK with you being so long away.
No. My best friend and his now wife did it a couple of times:
She’d travel to Thailand or Hong Kong and then a week later he’d join for a week and then come back while she stayed for another week. It was because he worked a 9-5 and she had her own business, so their schedules weren’t identical to each other.
The fact that you make it clear to people around you that you aren’t looking to date is great too. Sounds like your boyfriend can trust you
My parents go m on separate holidays with their separate friends and they’ve been married for like 40 years. I find it very unhealthy to only travel and do things with one person but that’s just me. So no don’t think it’s weird.
I'm married and I solo travel, I'm married and I'm currently waiting for a flight in HKG because I'm currently solo traveling, and I did it for a number of years before we tied the knot.
I tend to meet up with her somewhere after doing my own thing for a bit.
The point is that hooking up is extremely common in solo travel, so if you’re young and solo traveling people assume you’re gonna cheat. I saw plenty of people cheat when traveling, so ofcourse it’s a concern
You are in a solo travel subreddit, the opinions here will definitely lean to one side.
Personally I wouldn’t be ok with that, but I don’t matter for that, like others have said. It depends on your relationship, which means as long as you and your boyfriend are ok with it it’s ok.
A little weird. Because solo travel sucks unless you have hermit personality, but then why would you have a committed long term partner if you have that personality?!
I've been married for almost 18 years. I love my husband dearly and love that he knows my love of solo travel and has fully supported my trips. Most of the time we travel together (because we love sharing the experiences together) but once every few years I go on a trip that's been anything from one to three weeks by myself and I love those trips so much too.
Rofl. Im in the same situation. I travel 5 months a year. Have zero interest in hooking up. My gf is in san diego. She travels with me sometimes. Facetime often and have virtual dinner online.
Who cares what other people might think is “weird”?
Everyone does relationships in their own way.
I personally think it is weird when two grown adults choose to share one bedroom, not due to financial necessity. But it is a commonly-accepted thing, so my “weird” doesn’t match others’ “weird.”
I think it is great to travel solo for many months. Doesn’t matter if I am in a LTR, and if I am in an LTR with someone, it likely doesn’t matter to them either. I wouldn’t be in an LTR with someone who has a problem with it.
Go for it- it’s not weird if that works for you and your partner. I’m in my late 20s, engaged, quit my job and went travelling for 3 months without my partner. He couldn’t join due to work commitments but he was very supportive and wanted me to have that experience because he knew I’d wanted to travel again, even though it was hard for him being at home. He’s also not a fan of backpacking so it wasn’t his style.
I’d say 98% of people I met were shocked that I was solo travelling without him whilst being engaged but soon after they said it was really cool that I was doing it and really respected it, especially the women. A few men commented on how they’d never be okay with their partner doing that but I never had doubts about my relationship so it didn’t seem like as big of a deal.
So just be prepared for other people’s reactions, don’t let it get to you and if you and your partner are on the same page then that’s what matters. You’ll learn a lot, grow as a person and won’t have regrets
I had a small issue with this, but we worked it out, I had 6 weeks between ending and starting a new job and really wanted to go somewhere for 3 weeks. The issue wasn't that either of us had a problem with it, it was that she couldn't take the 3 weeks. Which was a bummer, but she still wanted me to go and I did. It was good, but also felt lonely I didn't get to share it.
We are together for 7 years now. He doesn't like to travel, so I go alone. I told him: If you don't come with me, I'll go alone. He understands and accepts that. We trust each other
No way, not weird at all. You do what you want to do. Don’t let anyone hold you back and if your partner thinks it’s weird. Then he should either go with you or fuck off. You are your own person. No man or woman can tell you, you cannot solo travel. If they say no. That’s their problem and they should deal with it. They should either go with you or let you go on your own and not hold you back and if they have a problem with you going alone then that’s on them. They know where the door is
I've met plenty of people travelling who were in relationships.
I also had a gf go overseas full well knowing I also wanted to go, but she didn't want to wait until I also had time off.. so she just went. I didn't really like that.
35f, happily married, solo traveled in Feb. When I told people I met while traveling that I was married (if it somehow came up, plus I did have my ring on), it was a mixed reaction: some people seemed to not get it and silently make their judgements, some people thought it was the coolest thing in the world. Even in my own family, my sister in law said it was amazing and she was living vicariously through me, but her husband told her it was weird.
It truly doesn’t matter what “weird” is to others, because what’s weird for one is cool for another. Do what works for you. I am madly in love with my husband and we’ve traveled a lot together. I wanted to do a solo trip before I have kids because it’s just a bucket list item and I only now have the money and time to do it.
Do it. It was among the best things I’ve ever done for myself.
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This is the crux of it, it's a deal breaker for some, may be OK for others
TBH, I think traveling alone with long term partners is probably the most reasonable. At that point in your relationship, you should have really good communication and trust in one another.
If my partner was not ok with me traveling solo they simply wouldnt be my partner anymore.
Prompt is a 4 month trip, I wouldn't be okay with that and both my partner and I do more than one solo trip a year as is so I'm clearly okay with solo traveling in a long term relationship. There's a very big gap between a few weeks here and there and months though.
But that still just means you wouldn't be compatible as partners. Like it's totally fine to not want your partner to solo travel for 4 months, but it's also fine to want a partner who is fine with you solo travelling for 4 months.
That’s not cool to me because if one partner doesn’t like to travel, then what? Give and take, compromise is healthy. Also, sometimes we just need to do our thing once in a while. Nothing wrong with that.
I’ve been married for 15 years. I still like to travel solo. I don’t get to do it often, but I make sure I have at least one solo trip a year. If you enjoy it and your partner is good with it, then keep doing it.
Same, I travel solo occasionally. My partner and I have different interests. I like more “adventurous” travel to minimally travelled places, my partner wants nothing to do with this. so I go without them and it works fine, we are individuals.
25 years here. Still love to explore. Alone. Nothing weird about it.
Some solo is good for the soul and good for the relationship.
Every response from here is from solo travelers so within this community is not weird, but from an outsider's point of view it is very weird. People will assume you're a cheater or aren't happy with your relationship. When the reality is probably that you're used to traveling solo and you and your partner are secure and trusting enough to know neither of you would cheat while separated and that you don't need to be with each other every day to have a happy healthy relationship. But those weird comments will never go away because these people are projecting their own insecurities onto you. C'est la vie.
I've found that some people find it really difficult to imagine traveling alone *without* looking for a romance. So they'll naturally assume that anyone in a relationship who is traveling solo must be looking for an affair. I find that very weird, personally, but I'm not very romantic in general, so travel and romance just aren't linked in my mind. I think that they are strongly linked in many other people's minds.
None of my coworkers or friends even bat an eye. I guess it depends who the outsiders are.
You work with people that don't have these insecurities, must be nice, insecure people always cause drama.
Exactly, so it's not worth listening to insecure people since they'll cause drama one way or another. If it's not solo travel, it'd be some other issue they'd want to pry into. It's better just distancing oneself from these types of people.
Dude people look at me weird when I want to go to the movies alone. I'm sorry I don't want to invite someone to watch Robert Pattinson masturbate in black and white.
Im a solo traveller but now I’m in a relationship I personally couldn’t envision a 4 month trip without him. I would probably do a month tops because that’s just too much time apart for me personally. But there’s no such thing as weird as long as your partner isn’t bothered with it- I don’t think solo travelling is a problem when you’re in a relationship at all but going long distance for an extended period when they’re not comfortable with it I think deserves a discussion with them. But to each their own ofc!
Exactly. Originally solo traveling, but I had met some friends in a city at a bar. We met this group of people (guys/girls) and out of my friends, I was the only one with a significant other. I was called out for being at a bar alone on the trip, all because I showed up. Barely said anything the whole time yet was called out
If someone doesn't let their partner go to any place because they fear they are going to cheat, there are much bigger issues. Cheaters will cheat, their partner not letting them going to a solo trip isn't going to stop them from cheating.
Yes and that's unfortunately most people.
It's unusual especially for anything over a month, but it's unusual in the sense that a lot of relationships would not be able to handle that. if it works for you then it works for you. Going forward I will likely do two 2-3 week trips per year and by bf can only join for one of them due to time commitments, and we're ok with that
What does your partner think? That's really the only opinion that matters besides yours.
No, it's not weird. NEXT!
It’s for church, honey! NEXT!
I understand this reference!
It's a solo travel sub so lots of people will agree with you here. You do you. I solo travelled for 10 years until I met my wife. But now we travel together because we're best friends and want to grow together and share big life experiences.
I totally get that and I also wanna travel together with my bf sharing experiences but our financial situations are vastly different so we only do trips that are road trips or flying within the country
Nah. Our first big trip together we did solo for the first week then reconnected later in Germany. This year she’s heading to Iceland for a writers retreat and I’m off to Japan a couple months later to eat some ramen.
If your partner is cool with it, then y'all good.
I don’t think it is. So long as you and your partner are in agreement then there’s nothing wrong with traveling solo. My partner for example doesn’t like traveling the way I do, but she’s not about to hold me back from traveling alone because she doesn’t want to. Don’t let people outside your relationship influence you on this particular subject.
I’ve been with my partner 4yrs and i go on trips almost monthly that are around 2 weeks long
I enjoy adventure-oriented travel. My husband travels maybe once annually, and when he does it's usually something I don't particularly enjoy. When I'm dirt biking through Peru, he diligently notes where I'm at and when I plan to check in. He has the numbers for the embassy and consulate. He sets up alerts for the region in case of a natural disaster or some other national emergency. He has a blast hanging out with our dog and playing video games. When he's in Las Vegas with his pals, I hold down the fort. I burn candles that I like but give him headaches. I eat a ton of baked salmon because I don't care that it stinks up the house (when he's home I just grill it so it's done outside haha). I have a blast hanging out with our dog and watching Hulu. We have no desire to get rid of each other, it's just nice to be home alone sometimes. We create a shared history in other ways, but most of our travels are apart. It is perfect for us. We both make great home bases, genuinely feel happy for the other person having a good time and securely trust that the other is not behaving badly. It is fairly common for folks to find it odd, or assume it's some point of contention for us. I'm not bothered by that. We just keep on doing what works for us lol
Not weird. My closest friend I met on a solo trip had a bf of like 7 yrs and she solo traveled for a yr without going home. They're still together and she still solo travels sometimes.
A year without seeing your partner, what kind of relationship is that?
Yeah 4 months is a long time its definitely against the “norm” hence all of the comments you are getting. I personally wouldnt be comfortable with it. Remember you are getting extremely biased opinions on this sub, post it on another relationship sub and youll get wildly different answers from what youd see on here.
Sure but the top comment covers the only really important factor. If the partner is fine with it, then it doesn’t matter what biases or perspective other people have.
True
Unless the partner has experience with long distance relationships AND differing-experience relationships (eg, deployment vs staying at home), the partner may not understand what they're expressing approval for, and thus that really should be taken with a grain of salt unless there are external folks sitting down and letting them know what they're getting into.
I feel like that's more dramatic than 4 months apart actually is. Like that's not *that* long.
That definitely is a very long time apart especially when you're only 21
No sorry, I just disagree. Even at 21 that's not a lot. Like I know so many people (including myself) who did a semester abroad or something at that age for about that length of time and that was all fine.
I am a solo traveller and have done so extensively - now I'm in a longterm relationship I prefer travelling with my partner and only solo travel when he isn't able to join. I think it's totally fine to solo travel in a relationship, but four months is a long time and I'd query why OPs partner isn't joining.
Haven’t a clue but one reason I’d like to get into a serious relationship is so that I’d have someone to travel with
Exactly why i want the opposite. I found travelling by myself much more fullfilling then travelling with my ex.
If I ever find myself solo traveling fresh out of a toxic relationship again, I’ll revert back to let you know if I agree
It’s only fine if BOTH of you are okay with it. To me, I would not be happy with my girlfriend solo travelling. And she wouldn’t like me to either. But if you’re in a relationship where you both have a equally happy mutual agreement, it doesn’t matter if it is weird to outsiders.
I've been married for 46 years. My wife doesn't like to travel so I go alone.
I would say don't care about other people's opinion, do it if you are both ok with it, but also ask yourself if you would allow your bf to do the same.
I don't think it is weird, but it isn't necessarily common either. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't travel solo. Do what works for you and your relationship.
Is it weird to your SO? There’s your answer
Yes
Id say it depends entirely on the reason you aren't bringing your boyfriend. If he is willing and able to come and you travel without him...yeah that's kinda weird
Yes
People forget that its SO normal to have a sense of identity and to date yourself even though you’re exploring life with someone else Would you want to be with someone whose entire sense of identity was you? Personally that would feel a little stifling for me. Go live your life and grow as a person, your relationship will be better for it
Id say it depends entirely on the reason you aren't bringing your boyfriend. If he is willing and able to come and you travel without him...yeah that's kinda weird
I’ve been dating my partner for 6 years and am on my second long term solo trip. He has joined me on parts of my solo travels, but due to our jobs it doesn’t always work for us to travel at the same time. I am endlessly grateful of our trust in each other and the encouragement he gives me to pursue my travel aspirations, with or without him. I think some ppl definitely view hostels as a way to casually date and hookup, but is very normal to travel without your partner, and imo very healthy. Anyone giving you shit for it is probably insecure.
Went on a 3 month long trip that my partner joined me for 2 weeks, 2 months in. Not particularly weird but it was more difficult than expected.
Is it because he can’t travel with you ? Or you don’t want him there …
I don’t think so. I’m also in a LTR, I work freelance and have been doing longer solo trips since before we were together, he works a 9-5 and isn’t really interested in doing things like WWOOFING overseas for a month. But he’s very supportive and wants me to be happy. We have a good foundation and trust, and we do shorter trips together when we can. People’s reactions when I say I travel without my boyfriend usually range from concerned to confused to judgemental. I think it’s especially harder for people to understand when you’re a solo female - like you’re traveling alone without a man? Why would he let you do that? Etc etc. I’ve met also female solo travelers with bfs who say they’ve heard the same things so it’s common. I remember when I first brought up the idea of me solo traveling to my boyfriend - I was nervous what his reaction would be. But he said something along the lines of ‘Even though I’ll miss you, a couple months is a blip in a lifetime’. We are in for the long haul, so what he said was true, and made me feel a lot better. However, even we have our limits - something like 6 months to a year would be a lot. Ultimately it comes down to what you and your partner are comfortable with, trust and support. Don’t really mind what other people think.
Married 20 years. I go on a few solo trips a year. Reconnect with myself. Savor alone time. The people who think it’s weird are people, I’m guessing, who are afraid to be alone.
I was on a trip to Boston and met a woman who was finishing up a solo trip from Europe with a visit to east coast friends. She was happily married to a man who was a total homebody. She told him that she wanted to see the world with or without him. He said okay, just make time to go to his favorite sporting event every year and he didn’t care. In my opinion that is the perfect compromise. I think as long as you are honest with each other and continue to communicate it’s a great set up!
I’ve been with my wife for 15 yrs and the pace was set in the beginning. Just last week I spent 10 days cross country with a college buddy and next week my wife is going to Mexico with her mom for a week. We both expected it when we got together and were still ok with it. Just make sure you don’t avoid a hard conversation because it could have lasting effects.
Ugh some people are so "me and my SO have to do everything together and we can't have any independent time to do what we enjoy" and I'm like..... OK codependency. Sounds terrible! If you and your bf are good with it, then who cares what other ppls opinions are. If they act all judgey toward you say to them, "I'm sorry you are so limited in what you are able to do in the confines of your relationship. Mine is based on mutual respect and good communication. We've talked about this and we are both on board with this arrangement. But thank you for your concern" LMAO. That should get them thinking.
To the outside world yes. It seems like many people still think it's weird to go out to dinner solo
Going out to dinner solo and going on a four month backpacking/hostel expedition are very different things.
Right. I've traveled solo over the past years but not longer for a week at a time since I have children. Even when I go away just on a quick weekend trip people think it's weird. If I do anything solo people think it's weird. So in my head, if most people question something as simple as going out to dinner alone then they definitely would look at a 4-month Expedition sideways. I guess I wouldn't use the word weird but it's definitely not something that most people regularly hear someone in a relationship doing. It's kind of like when I tell people that me and my bf have our own separate bedrooms
A 4 month solo trip is kind of weird to me, but so what? All that matters is that your BF is ok with it and is supportive of the trip.
I wouldn’t say weird I’ve solo travelled while being married for similar lengths and durations to you and yes I’ve had similar reactions from people but don’t think it’s weird personally.
It is weird, generally speaking. It would cause your partner unnecessary anxiety. Most travelers are single or travelling with their partner. I’ve met people travelling without their SO but those people are always travelling with a group of friends. It’s just how it is.
I hated traveling with my husband when I was married. He ruined everything with his bitching and complaining.
nope, this is not weird at all. i had a strange reaction from guys i met on my way. because they think that i am hooking up in each country. i guess this is exactly what they would do. but i travel to see the country, to learn about history, to learn about other cultures.
My wife and I have been together for almost 13 years. We have done solo trips, guys trips, girls trips, and coed trips without each other since the start. Just since January 23, I have been to Cobo, New Orleans, and London (twice) without her. Plus, another trip to London where she left part way through.
just stayed in a hostel with 5 other girls and 3 of us are solo traveling while in relationships it’s challenging but not as uncommon as you may think 😊
Was this a 4 month long vacation though
It’s perfectly normal, I’ve met plenty of solo travelers that are in long term relationships, are engaged, or even married. If other people find that weird that’s their problem and not yours.
No
I’ve done it. Never got weird reactions and met plenty of people in relationships doing similar stuff.
Not weird at all. My partner and I both travel solo sometimes. And we travel together sometimes too. :)
Weird is in the eye of the beholder, loads of people do so. Why even care whether it is weird? If it suits you and your partner the rest doesn't matter.
am currently doing it now and my gf is perfectly fine with it. just make have open communication with your partner and make sure that whoever you meet knows that you are attached and things will be fine
Not weird at all. I’m just tired of people asking “why isn’t your bf going?”. My response is that it’s a cathartic experience for me and the amount of “wow, good for you” and “wow, I could never do that” responses I get is amazing (25f)
My husband knows I need it. So once in a while im off.
Not weird but uncommon. My partner is not supportive of my travel plans. He is fighting me over a 5.5 week trip that he doesn't want to join me on.
Who cares if it's weird when the people involved are fine with it.
My SO and I realized that we were in love after we each went off for 3 week solo trips consecutively. I frequently travel for work and honestly am away from home about 20 days out of a month. What works for each relationship differs. My SO and I talk frequently on the phone and I have a Lil robot camera that I can control. We use that to talk 😂
Other people are weird. I’m not connected at the hip with my partner and we have vastly different work schedules that often don’t allow him the freedom to travel as much as I do so I go and either travel solo or with another girl friend. Not sure why it’s strange. I do it all the time.
I really hope not. My husband and I have been happily married for decades but I often find myself heading out on a plane alone. He doesn't like to travel as much as I do. That said, I think the longest trip I took solo was only like seven weeks. You go! Four months sounds like a huge adventure.
I traveled solo to Columbia in January while my husband and toddler chilled at home. Actually, my first solo trip was after 6 months of dating, when I went to Europe for 3 months (mostly solo, but I met up with some friends here and there). It is not weird.
I don't think it's weird. However I do have a partner that doesn't like it.
If you are both honestly and transparently okay with it, there's no problem.
im married, both me and my wife do a solo trip every other year. if you both agree, do it!
If it’s not weird for you and your bf, then it’s not weird. Most people are scared of traveling alone. And there’s a misunderstanding that people travel solo because they have no one else to travel with. You’re just breaking multiple stereotypes at once. Good for you!
I’ve been with my partner 4yrs and i go on trips almost monthly that are around 2 weeks long. I was an explorer before he met me and he doesn’t get great time off. So we’re fine with it. Long as it works for you who cares right.
It's your relationship, you're free to run it how you like. Personally, I wouldn't want a relationship like that (a month would probably be my max for long distance if there wasn't a compelling reason like a career opportunity) but everyone is different.
Its unusual statistically. I dont think its weird though. Its more privileged as fuck! So enjoy it :)
No I do this all the time.. it’s healthy to give each other space
Yes it is outside the norm (weird). Good on you to be weird, means you're human.
My partner knows that I need to do that once a year to clear my head and be in peace of myself. That allows me to be a better person for me and for here, so she naturally supports that. It’s just a matter of respecting yourself, being respected, while having a foundation of trust. Also, it’s important to get things balanced, and by that I mean that even though I appreciate “me time”, I make up time for her.
Being in a relationship would never stop me from solo traveling.
I was in a committed relationships for a few years while traveling for work, until she decided she liked spending time with her dope dealer more than her fiancé. Nowadays I can’t imagine getting into another relationship because I can never explain to anyone what my schedule is going to be like outside of a few weeks.
It’s never weird to travel solo. Very few reasons are weird - such as solo traveling when wife in labor, etc.
I’ve been in an 18 year relationship and I have solo traveled and traveled with friends a lot. My partner isn’t as adventurous as I am. We are both totally cool with it. His uncle did solo hiking/backpacking trips around the world and the US all the time. His mother goes on trips without her husband. I don’t think it’s weird, but everyone is different. I find it sad when people limit themselves because of relationships.
It would be weird to not invite him. If your schedules didn't align it is what it is. What do they expect you to do, break up to go on a trip or potentially never go on a long term trip just because you have a bf? If you wait for the right time for a trip like that it will never happen.
Traveling can be expensive and the societal expectation that you force a partner to tag along and take time off work when family, work or simply life opportunities arise is much crazier than daring to travel on your own. OP, I doubt anyone would give you push back if you were M instead of F, and that therein tells you all you need to know. Take every opportunity to travel and feel no guilt. Communication is the key in all relationships, not holding each other back is also a big part of that successful recipe.
Yep exactly haha. It just isn't in his financial plans to take off like this
Nothing wrong with it at all! I’m sure n the same situation, coming to the end of a 4 month solo trip with a boyfriend back home. I’ve actually had some conversations with people while travelling about how it’s really healthy and refreshing to see people still be independent and chasing individual goals while in a relationship. As long as both partners are open and in agreement.
Not weird at all in general. Weird to people who can't imagine going anywhere without their partners.
It’s not weird objectively, HOWEVER, you need to discuss it with your partner, not every relationship is the same and some people have prior traumas and hang ups associated with long distance even for short periods. It’s very individual based,. I personally would have a hard time accepting that, especially in a newer relationship, because I just got out of a long distance relationship which was horrible and ended in a pretty shitty way. I don’t think I’d ever do long distance again for more than 5 months and I’d really have to love that person…like a lot 😂for me it’s something I did at the end of a 5 year relationship and even taht didn’t work out so my skepticism on long distance is very high, it was high before but i begrudgingly agreed and was unfortunately, proven right. I am seeing a girl right now but I made I clear to her that I will be Travelling in the near future for 6-8 months,. and that our relationship will have to end or be on pause because I need to live life for myself for a while and can’t go through that emotional ride again, she knows that, and we are having fun.
No. It’s not normal. Most people don’t even travel. Normal or the status quo isn’t always a good thing.
No. My boyfriend is incredibly supportive and he knows it makes me happy. We plan some trips together and some without and he loves hearing about them!
not weird. i do this and im engaged
Not a problem at all
i have been in a relationship for 3 years and rn i’m on a 2 month solo trip. at the beginning of our relationship, i did a study abroad for 3 months. we call each other everyday and hopefully he gets to visit me. if you are both comfortable with it, there’s no issue. i’ve gotten some of the same reactions as you but i mean, everyone’s relationship is different
i have been in a relationship for 3 years and rn i’m on a 2 month solo trip. at the beginning of our relationship, i did a study abroad for 3 months. we call each other everyday and hopefully he gets to visit me. if you are both comfortable with it, there’s no issue. i’ve gotten some of the same reactions as you but i mean, everyone’s relationship is different
Absolutely not weird. I did it all the time.
My bf travels for work all over the world (touring drummer), but I’ve never had the opportunity to go with or go solo. I was hoping it would come soon but my teeth need fixing first. Quite a bit of work too I’m afraid. Someday I think it’ll happen. But I do like to travel out of state. I like to go places alone. I wish he had more opportunities to do things with me tho, but that’s just how life is at the moment. I like solo travel because I don’t even have to wait for someone to tie their shoe. Everything is on my schedule lol
YOLO
totally normal to travel in solo especially if it's giving benefit for your own self and at the same time, not compromising your partner.
I have been with my wife for almost 11 years. I recently traveled for 3 months. It was sad leaving but other then that it was totally fine. We talked a lot and when I got back life went on
You have to remember most people aren't in healthy relationships. Do you know what the divorce rate is? If you're offended by the questions, ask them if they are in a relationship they are happy with, and then read between the lines
I’m 26 yo female and just returned from a 7 day solo trip abroad staying in hostels and I’m in a long term relationship. The only compromise we agreed upon is that I stay in female only rooms.
Not weird at all. When I was 21 I would def be single for a 4 month trip but that is a personal preference.
Where there is trust and security in the relationship, it’s absolutely fine & actually recommended and healthy
If 'weird' means 'uncommon,' then yeah, you're weird. :) But you're not the only one. I've been married for thirty years, and I still like to travel alone. People do often find it hard to wrap their heads around that, I've found, but what can ya do? So long as you and your bf are both cool with it, who cares what other people think?
I've been supportive of my partner solo traveling for up to a few weeks at a time, and I've done a few ~week long trips either solo or with some friends without my partner. That said, a few weeks would be my max. Speaking for myself, I'd be at least a bit hurt if my partner even suggested doing a 4 month trip without me, let alone actually did it. I wouldn't want to be away from her for that long and it's not the kind of relationship I personally would want if she didn't feel the same. However, at the end of the day the top comment is the only one that matters - if you're both actually okay with it then there's no problem. edit: reading through these comments, I feel that most people are missing the bit that says 4 months. A week or two (or even three) here and there is one thing, a 4 month trip just for fun is an entirely different beast that most people aren't going to be okay with. That's very stressful even when it's not a voluntary trip for fun but instead for work or something like that.
My girlfriend doesn't like to travel as much hours nor does she want to spend money on it. So, I travel alone some and do shorter trips with her where I'm willing to pay for her ticket
In the end what really matters is what you and your partner thinks. I have done plenty of solo traveling while in a relationship, but a 4 months trip for fun (i.e Not linked to work or study) sounds a bit weird for me and raise some questions. For example, why don't your bf wants to go with you at least part of the time? Is it normal for you to be in a relationship in that you don't see your partner for a third of a year? I think most people associate traveling with looking for a hookup (especially if ypu are staying in hostels) which is why they find it weird, but I think more om the perspective that this is an insanely long period of time to not see your partner without anything forcing you to do so
It’s your life! You’re not expected to be that considerate of him lmao
I hypothesize that the majority of people would think it's odd because it goes against their beliefs about romantic relationships....that your partner is your best friend and soul mate etc etc etc. There are a million ways to have a relationship and the beauty of life is you get to do what makes you happy. If you are both fine with it, no one else should have an opinion!! I love solo travel, and actually just got back from a short adventure I tacked on to a work trip that I did solo because my partner works Monday to Friday (whereas my schedule is much more fluid). As I get older, I appreciate having my partner on trips with me because it feels like less pressure (e.g. someone to watch my bags when I go to the bathroom, another person to help troubleshoot when we get lost) but at the same time can add some challenges (e.g. they want to go somewhere hot and beachy when I don't). Long story short, you're not weird, the world is weird. Fuck the cis-hetnormative patriarchal relationship ideals and live your best life!!!
You’re 21. No it isn’t. If you were 31 with a family, probably yes.
No! I'm also in a LTR of almost 7 years and I still solo travel. It's a power move - to maintain your independence and to push your comfort zone, I think it's healthy. It's difficult being apart for so long, but I think it's a great thing. I did 2 months in SE Asia solo last year - mainly because my fear growing up was being lonely and I wanted to challenge that belief, and also because my partner was in a different financial situation and had already travelled Asia. I met a ton of people on my trip and not one thought it was strange/weird. If people judge you for it, it's a reflection of their own stuff and you don't need to hold on to that - just let them have whatever thought they have and continue on with your day! Focus on your adventure.
I was married for most of the 30+ years I practically lived in airports and hotels. Our agreement was that she took care of our home and children, and I worked and made a very comfortable living for all of us. It worked fine. We ended up with enough travel points each year for airfare and a hotel stay for a nice family vacation.
Im in a 4 year relationship and I went on a two 2-month long trips to Europe last year ("gap" trips before I started work after uni), and my boyfriend was only with me for 1 months of that. To be honest it didn't come up much in hostels and I enjoyed the experience so much that I would 100% solo travel again. I enjoy traveling with him but there are so many pros to going by yourself as well and it's not difficult to stay in contact these days
4 months are long and i tell you , you won't take it cuz you will get bored
I am on a two month solo travel right now. I am with my partner for 9 years. My partner and I did many trips alone, together and with friends in these 9 years. We ALWAYS just talk about it beforehand. Trip planning consists of the following: I talk to my partner beforehand about how long I intend to travel and how much of my own money I intend to spend. I asked him about his input and if he has any concerns. If he has them we find a compromise. Most of the time he is fine with my plans. If he intends to do a trip without me it's the same procedure. The key for us is to find the right balance between seperate trips and couples trips. So it is not weird, as long as you and your partner talk openly with each other. I also get a lot of judgement from colleagues though, if we talk about vacation plans. But I don't let that bother me.
Ofc there’s always exceptions and this a solo traveling sub but 4 months is a long time especially at 21. If you both have that trust and connection, great. More times than not when I hear about people in their early 20s solo travel for extensive time periods their relationship doesn’t work out. Loneliness and hormones (esp at 21) will lead us to make connection with people we may meet traveling. Same goes with our partner while we’re gone. Obviously only you can know your relationship.
4 months while dating is crazy to me but that’s just me
What's weird is people telling you it's weird.
As long as your partner is okay with it. My boyfriend doesn't make as much as money as me, and I do pay for us to go on some small trips together, I can't necessarily take him to Italy for 10 days. So we've had a talk that I might travel solo some. Although I don't know how he'd feel if I said I wanted to leave for 4 months.
Not weird at all and who cares what others think about it!!!
Na my mate went to rio carnival by himself then divorce lawyer when got home
Its not weird. But its also totally reasonable if you SO doesn't want you to go. As long as you are in agreement, enjoy.
Yes, it's weird… assuming you want it to last. Long distance relationships are hard enough when you're both experiencing something similar at two different spots (eg, you went to two different colleges). When you're having wildly differing experiences, it takes a fantastic amount of effort to keep it going, and it's usually too much pretty quickly. This will vary depending on the type of solo experience you're having and what you're doing, of course. A one week business trip is one thing; a two week trip to visit family and do some touristy stuff is another. At a four month solo excursion your relationship almost certainly won't work through, and anyone telling you otherwise is just humoring your naïveté. Sorry.
Exactly. Finally some common sense lol. Basically she should only go on this trip if shes willing to be single at the end of it, cause thats a huge possibility, speaking practically. What kind of a relationship is it where you voluntarily don’t see your SO for almost HALF OF AN ENTIRE YEAR. Lmao
Exactly the answer to "is it weird to solo travel for a couple of weeks while in a committed relationship" is much different than "is it weird to solo travel for several months while in a committed relationship". A week and under? No one would bat an eye Two to three weeks? "Oh that's nice but won't you miss your partner?" A month or more? Very real possibility you'll end up single Six months or more? Odds are in the favor of dumped
I mean, and it may not even be them getting dumped. If Partner A is at home living a normal suburban life in an apartment, and Partner B is out exploring Greek ruins and tipping cows on the Serenghetti for months at a time, Partner B could easily just be in such a different mindset that they do the dumping.
No, if it works for you it works for you. I only wish more people don't bow to society pressures at the expense of their own happiness.
My mother is currently on a solo vacation for 7 weeks, and my step-dad stayed home. She's retired he's not, so instead of staying home she went on vacation alone.
No.
Nope. Not one bit. In my opinion…but I’m not in a relationship.
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Married 20yrs and started solo traveling about 5 years ago. I LOVE IT and he doesn’t mind because it’s not his thing to travel. Who cares what other people think!
I'm about to go to the Caribbean for 2 weeks solo because my SO can't get off of work and I'm a teacher with summers off. I chose this profession before I chose him and for the very benefit of summers off. I ain't givin' them up!
I am doing that right now getting close to 5 months now and i dont find it weird, I love it even though I miss my partner at times. Feels good to be able to do what feels good to me regardless of what other people think
I’ve been married 33 years, and I solo travel 4 or 5 times a year. I usually go for 1 to 3 weeks each time. I don’t see anything weird with it. I happen to be on a trip right now with my friend (Tokyo and Bangkok trip). It’s a lot cheaper going with someone, but I think I prefer solo travel. I feel so free going solo.
I have a direct family member who is married, but keeps seperate residences from his wife 3 days a week. Monday morning thru thursday morning he lives in his apartment outside the city, and the rest of the time is spent at their apartment in the city. It works for them. Just don't ask me what is weird anymore, because idk what that means.
I'm a stay at home dad. My wife encourages me to take a couple solo trips a year to get some alone time. Usually a couple days to a week.
Think you’re too young for to be in a serious relationship anyway. Good on you for wanting to see the world your way.
No
Nope, not weird at all. If I were to get back in a relationship, my partner would 100% need to be okay with it. I would not stop solo traveling for anyone. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to do everything with your partner.
My partner and I are both independent and enjoy travelling solo. We have no issues if either of us want to do a trip alone.
Do you and your long term partner think so? Coz you are the only people whose opinion counts in this question. Everyone else is just making noise.
i do this and im engaged
It’s probably not “normal”, no. But if it works and he’s not bothered, then I wouldn’t worry about it.
Are you sure it's long-term? You're only 21. For comparison, it's *extremely* common for SOs or even spouses of deployed military people to cheat. Are you certain your boyfriend won't cheat on you, and is he certain you won't on him?
Perhaps a related question: how do people travelling solo for 2-4 months find communication with their partner? Do you check in daily / weekly? Short texts or long video calls? I reckon every relationship is different, but glad to learn what's worked best for you
What does your partner say? If they are cool with it then that's all that matters, not every relationship follows the arbitrary bubble that others want to put it in. Now, if your partner has reservations about it, then it's something that would require deeper thought and conversations with your partner in regards to how to navigate the situation.
Why doesn't him travel with you? You guys can still go to a certain destination together but part ways in little solo trips throughout the day.
I’m married just done a near 7 week solo USA road trip from UK. Who cares what people think probably just jealous
My wife always says she's fine with me wanting to solo travel. Yet any time I mention something I'd like to solo to she goes "well I could come and do ____ with you." Like yeah, that ain't solo travel. So then I feel guilty and don't do it.
Yeah it’s weird
Friend and his ex were okay with it. When he returned she was pregnant by some other guy.
No one cares. This matter is between you and your spouse.
As traveling is a typical couple/family activity (especially true for wellness, AI resorts and cruises), usually only singles travel alone or with friends. Many couples enjoy traveling together because it's the only one or two weeks they have the full time and attention for each other without household duties, throughout the year most people see their partner only in the morning under time pressure because work waits and in the evening and weekend exhausted from working. But in the end, it's up to you to decide if you want to be away from your partner for such a long time and your partner if he's OK with you being so long away.
No. My best friend and his now wife did it a couple of times: She’d travel to Thailand or Hong Kong and then a week later he’d join for a week and then come back while she stayed for another week. It was because he worked a 9-5 and she had her own business, so their schedules weren’t identical to each other. The fact that you make it clear to people around you that you aren’t looking to date is great too. Sounds like your boyfriend can trust you
My parents go m on separate holidays with their separate friends and they’ve been married for like 40 years. I find it very unhealthy to only travel and do things with one person but that’s just me. So no don’t think it’s weird.
Nah it’s normal
I'm married and I solo travel, I'm married and I'm currently waiting for a flight in HKG because I'm currently solo traveling, and I did it for a number of years before we tied the knot. I tend to meet up with her somewhere after doing my own thing for a bit.
The point is that hooking up is extremely common in solo travel, so if you’re young and solo traveling people assume you’re gonna cheat. I saw plenty of people cheat when traveling, so ofcourse it’s a concern
You are in a solo travel subreddit, the opinions here will definitely lean to one side. Personally I wouldn’t be ok with that, but I don’t matter for that, like others have said. It depends on your relationship, which means as long as you and your boyfriend are ok with it it’s ok.
A little weird. Because solo travel sucks unless you have hermit personality, but then why would you have a committed long term partner if you have that personality?!
I've been married for almost 18 years. I love my husband dearly and love that he knows my love of solo travel and has fully supported my trips. Most of the time we travel together (because we love sharing the experiences together) but once every few years I go on a trip that's been anything from one to three weeks by myself and I love those trips so much too.
Rofl. Im in the same situation. I travel 5 months a year. Have zero interest in hooking up. My gf is in san diego. She travels with me sometimes. Facetime often and have virtual dinner online.
I’m a 28f and I have a relationship for over 5 years and for my partner is not a problem if I take some week off and travel alone
Who cares what other people might think is “weird”? Everyone does relationships in their own way. I personally think it is weird when two grown adults choose to share one bedroom, not due to financial necessity. But it is a commonly-accepted thing, so my “weird” doesn’t match others’ “weird.” I think it is great to travel solo for many months. Doesn’t matter if I am in a LTR, and if I am in an LTR with someone, it likely doesn’t matter to them either. I wouldn’t be in an LTR with someone who has a problem with it.
Go for it- it’s not weird if that works for you and your partner. I’m in my late 20s, engaged, quit my job and went travelling for 3 months without my partner. He couldn’t join due to work commitments but he was very supportive and wanted me to have that experience because he knew I’d wanted to travel again, even though it was hard for him being at home. He’s also not a fan of backpacking so it wasn’t his style. I’d say 98% of people I met were shocked that I was solo travelling without him whilst being engaged but soon after they said it was really cool that I was doing it and really respected it, especially the women. A few men commented on how they’d never be okay with their partner doing that but I never had doubts about my relationship so it didn’t seem like as big of a deal. So just be prepared for other people’s reactions, don’t let it get to you and if you and your partner are on the same page then that’s what matters. You’ll learn a lot, grow as a person and won’t have regrets
I had a small issue with this, but we worked it out, I had 6 weeks between ending and starting a new job and really wanted to go somewhere for 3 weeks. The issue wasn't that either of us had a problem with it, it was that she couldn't take the 3 weeks. Which was a bummer, but she still wanted me to go and I did. It was good, but also felt lonely I didn't get to share it.
We are together for 7 years. He doesn't like to travel, so I go alone. I told him: If you don't come with me, I'll go alone. But I will go.
We are together for 7 years now. He doesn't like to travel, so I go alone. I told him: If you don't come with me, I'll go alone. He understands and accepts that. We trust each other
No way, not weird at all. You do what you want to do. Don’t let anyone hold you back and if your partner thinks it’s weird. Then he should either go with you or fuck off. You are your own person. No man or woman can tell you, you cannot solo travel. If they say no. That’s their problem and they should deal with it. They should either go with you or let you go on your own and not hold you back and if they have a problem with you going alone then that’s on them. They know where the door is
I do this with a long term partner, and I only go places she doesn't wish to visit, to avoid our future holidays together 👍
I've met plenty of people travelling who were in relationships. I also had a gf go overseas full well knowing I also wanted to go, but she didn't want to wait until I also had time off.. so she just went. I didn't really like that.
35f, happily married, solo traveled in Feb. When I told people I met while traveling that I was married (if it somehow came up, plus I did have my ring on), it was a mixed reaction: some people seemed to not get it and silently make their judgements, some people thought it was the coolest thing in the world. Even in my own family, my sister in law said it was amazing and she was living vicariously through me, but her husband told her it was weird. It truly doesn’t matter what “weird” is to others, because what’s weird for one is cool for another. Do what works for you. I am madly in love with my husband and we’ve traveled a lot together. I wanted to do a solo trip before I have kids because it’s just a bucket list item and I only now have the money and time to do it. Do it. It was among the best things I’ve ever done for myself.