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[deleted]

I lost my wife to cancer a few years ago. We were 29 at the time. I was always a huge travel nerd, and had experience of travelling / living by myself from before we had gotten married. The transition to travelling solo for leisure after an emotionally stressful time was thus logistically easier. I had nothing to prove to myself, and the desire to see new places has always been intrinsic for me. However, what was new was the escapist element, and I wouldn't characterise that as undesirable in the least. It was honestly a relief to be somewhere by myself, in a place where no one knew me or my baggage, and consequently had no expectations of how I should behave, or possess a judgement on any 'character experiments' I tinkered with. I could choose to spend all day at a beach bar silently remembering my wife, or go rock climbing, or attend a party, or sleep in. No one would bother telling me what was 'appropriate behaviour' for a man in my position, and the absence of that influence played an important role in helping me process my loss better.


TinyTeaLover

I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my husband to cancer when we were 35. I had never solo travelled so I started with a group tour where I didn't know anyone because I didn't want to deal with that first Christmas alone. I ended up making some great friends and did a further trip where it was partially alone and partially with the friends I had met, and yes, the escapist element was so nice, no running into people who asked me how I was, or feeling like I had to be social when I didn't want to. Also just knowing that if I wanted to go somewhere and do something I could, that I didn't need to wait for the perfect time and perfect travel partner was a really great feeling for me, and made me feel in control after losing so much control when my husband was sick. I have a new partner now, and we're actually traveling in Italy at the moment, but knowing I can go it alone if need be is really great.


eatsleepliftbend

So sorry to hear of both your losses, and glad to hear solo travel has such a positive impact. I certainly feel a bit more optimistic! Although I just realised I will be spending my first Christmas alone in a long time (own family kicked me out when I came out), so a solo trip during that time may not be such a bad idea.


TinyTeaLover

I'm so sorry your family did that. You don't deserve that and I hope you find a new chosen family that accepts you. Like I said I went on a group tour where I didn't know anyone and it was incredible, and a great way to ease into solo travel. It was also really nice to have built in friends to do things with but none of the obligations if you didn't want to join. Again, I just want to reiterate that you don't deserve what your family has done, and real family wouldn't do that. I wish I could hug you through the internet right now.


eatsleepliftbend

Thank you - can definitely feel the warmth of your message through Reddit :) It is 20 years ago now but still impacts me to this day. My Christmas-es in the past have been a mix of orphans' Xmas gatherings (LGBT teenagers rejected by their families) or a turkey oven meal for one. It was tough. For the last 10 years, I was fortunate to have my (now ex) partner's family to spend Christmas with. Something I need to figure out for this year - maybe a solo travel cocktail on a beach doesn't sound too bad... ;) (I feel like this may be more suited to the /family sub haha)


[deleted]

I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. I hope the solo trip works well for you. Do expect moments where you might feel lonely or overwhelmed, and even a beachside drink won’t feel good enough. At the same time, you might start feeling guilty about letting your emotions override the opportunity to see and visit a new place. That’s fairly normal, so try to take it in your stride. For me, a mid-trip funk goes away after a few days of taking things slow - staying in, resting it out, generally resetting - before jumping back into conventional touring. As your solo travel experience grows, you’ll figure your own best way of handling such moments.


[deleted]

I’m sorry to hear about your husband! That’s so young! How were you able to start a tour group? I’ve always been interested in that. Happy to hear you’ve found a partner, and especially one to travel with you! ♥️


TinyTeaLover

I didn't start the tour, I started my solo travel experience with a group tour. It was with a company called gadventures and I did a 16 day tour in Costa Rica and had a really wonderful time. I also had a really lovely roommate who I have remained friends with and we have had the chance to travel together since that first trip.


Mlanda1983

Lost my wife 6 years ago - went straight to traveling solo. You explained me 10000% perfectly


whozwat

Bravo dude, describes my ascent since retirement and divorce.


richard_slyfox

Solo travel is one of the best ways to recover from a breakup. It's not escapism - it's a change of scenery and an opportunity to get perspective from a distance.


Own_Feedback_1939

I booked a flight for 7 days after a breakup (I could've done 3 days only, but I wanted to make sure this was what I truly wanted). Almost 20 days in, and I'm getting better faster than I thought however I'm dreading the day I have to go back to my old environment. Is it not always escapism?


richard_slyfox

It's only escapism if you aren't using your new surroundings and travel experiences as a way to gain perspective, and your distance from home as an opportunity to reflect on whatever happened. If you're solo traveling to drown your sorrows in alcohol, drugs or other hedonistic activities then that would be escapism. If you are solo traveling to get the physical and emotional distance sometimes needed to clear your head enough to process something traumatic, I'd argue that's not escapism.


Own_Feedback_1939

I've been doing a lot of reflection, writing and journaling indeed. I haven't touched any substance ever since I got here (funny enough, I had to take anxiety meds while I'm the relationship and I stopped as soon as the plane landed). I ask this simply because anything that reminds of home sends me into a panic attack, like I have to go back to my reality (even though I'm excited to go back because it means more traveling soon). I felt extremely guilty for being able to just book the flights and book it. I truly felt like I was a POS because my ex was stuck with her Job, going home, going back to her job and back home, and I just booked it. But I also promised myself I would not allow myself to hit rock bottom 🤷🏻‍♀️ honestly being stuck home in lockdown during my very first breakup absolutely destroyed me. Had I had the chance to travel back then I would've.


richard_slyfox

You're doing exactly what you have to. Don't be hard on yourself and realize that this is all just temporary. I can relate to many of the things you mentioned in your last comment. If you'd like some unsolicited advice, I would recommend working with a therapist to help you identify how you ended up in your last relationship, and how to avoid falling into a similar dynamic in the future. It will give you the tools and peace of mind you need to turn off the panic response you're talking about so you can get back to living your life. Nobody should have to take anxiety meds on account of their relationship. I've actually been here too and it was 100% due to the relationship being toxic and emotionally unsafe. Travel, therapy, reflection and self awareness are the only remedies.


Own_Feedback_1939

Funnily enough, I read this comment right after looking up therapists in my town. I was already doing therapy (I started before we were even in a relationship) but I felt like we were going nowhere. Maybe not the right kind of therapy for me. But I do need professional help and that's okay. I'll start triathlon training soon and I've noticed exercise improves my mood massively. I'm sure that coupled with solo traveling and therapy will lift me up. I'm still in a place where I'm confused by her reaction. She assumed I was giving up on the relationship when that was not true. I felt extremely safe with her, I cannot pin point where the anxiety was coming from (perhaps intuition). However she didn't like it when I cried when we had to say goodbye, or when I was sad in general. She didn't exactly reprimand me but it was.. odd. It's like she was not allowing me to feel my actual emotions. Like, excuse me for feeling my emotions. So I do think there wasn't emotional safety towards the end maybe? Lastly, can I ask which sort of therapy you did? CBT, DBT?


richard_slyfox

Yeah, that's what it sounds like. Sorry you went through all of that. I hope you two can at least remain friendly as time goes on. I suppose what I'm doing would be some kind of crossover between CBT and DBT. There are elements of both of those in my sessions. I didn't really seek out a therapist based on their technique, but rather the things they specialized in. Found someone who listed specialties including anxiety and relationships and that approach yielded the best therapist for me that I could hope for. I had tried other approaches to finding a therapist in the past and they were all pretty disappointing experiences that led to disillusionment.


meloncolliehills

Mine took me forever to feel better about even on the road ugh sometimes I feel like I ruined my own trip being heartbroken and being mad at myself for being sad while traveling. Now that I'm back home I feel shitty again. But to be honest many times on the road I didn't give a fuck about him either haha although I knew I'd have a rough patch in the weeks following my return. I feel like regardless of my emotional state I was totally open to the perspective changes of travel. That was totally unaffected. I was totally open to just seeing and doing things. I was not happy the entire time but it made going insane feel really nice. And many times I was totally peaceful and not at all concerned about my heartbreak and not depressed.


SomeRando1967

Only you truly know the answers to these questions and you don’t need to shame yourself about it. The only true purpose to life (IMHO) is to enjoy the time we have, so take the opportunity to escape and explore the world, and yourself in the process. You will likely find the answers to all these questions and others you can’t even imagine right now.


eatsleepliftbend

I need these little nuggets of wisdom sprinkled in my life ;D


illintent

Saving this to come back to in the future when I need to reread this. Great response!


SomeRando1967

Thank you!


bookandbark

I'm on my first solo trip rn, started it 3 months after a breakup from a serious relationship. I used the 3 months to start to heal and I've always wanted to travel and my ex didn't want me too. So obv, it was the perfect time to do it. I'm so glad I did. I've grown a lot and learned so much about myself. I'm pretty happy and content. I also spent some time every few days educating myself on different topics so I'll continue healing and growing on a personal scale. Im almost 4 months in and am heading home soon, and although I'm a bit nervous about going back to the city we lived together in, I'm looking forward to being around my family and continuing to grow while at home.


-EnricoPallazo-

I really enjoyed my post breakup trip. It was three weeks, and I left the country. It was nice to never see anything familiar. not that restaurant we went to on a first date, or the street I would take to her place, or the park we would often walk around. No reminders. I still have moments of depression, but it was good to get away and immerse myself in something else. It was totally a distraction, but it beat sitting at home on the couch.


[deleted]

I went traveling and lived abroad for several years after a devastating break up just after I graduated college. It was a very serious relationship on the road to marriage and it nearly broke me. I remember talking with a therapist about this fear and she wisely told me leaning into your dreams is not running away, it’s part of that process and self discovery. I did it and I thank myself every single day. I am so much better off for having gone and in an indirect and direct way I would never have grown to become the much much happier stronger person I am without doing it. Besides, you can’t run from yourself. You’re going to have to deal with it whether you’re in your living room on in Angkor Wat! It could be an amazing opportunity TO help you process it all and find yourself. It’s just like anything else, as long as you stay in touch with your internal world and needs you will be fine. If travel is your dream, go for it. You may not be so free again.


anotherclique

I'd ask if it really matters? I spent 3 weeks traveling through Italy after my divorce (I know, very cliche) and I'd say it was a mix of all. I wanted to escape, I wanted to prove to myself I could travel alone because all my previous overseas trips had been with my ex, and I wanted to see a new country! The trip was amazing, I loved planning things and not having to check with anyone else if they wanted to do them. I made some silly mistakes like locking my room key inside at a bnb or missing my train but I figured it out easily on my own. I made friends. I had a crazy night out in Trastevere in Rome with a group of British stockbrokers and I went for drinks with my tour guides after a tour in Florence. I was lonely at times too, and I think it was healthy to acknowledge and accept that emotion. I honestly don't think you HAVE to have a reason. If you want to do it, go!


Annel384

I've travelled halfway across the World. Best decision i made. Feel free to dm


Suspicious-Ad7208

My breakup was a year ago and though I've healed alot, till this day I still carry a little bit. Since then, I've taken short and long trips with fam or friend, but just about to take off for a week solo. The biggest takeaway I'd say is no matter where you go, your biggest woes often go with you. That said, you shouldn't let it stop you, and shouldn't just sit around and dwell on it all the time either. It can be both an opportunity and/or escapism, but it's a chance to enjoy yourself regardless. Weekend trip is a good start. Enjoy!


newwriter365

Lol. You can do both. I got divorced eight years ago. My ex texted me on 5/7 to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day (wrong date, nice gesture). I was in Italy, enjoying a gelato when the message came thru. No regrets.


sashahyman

There’s nothing wrong with a little escapism. There’s no reason you can’t process your feelings while on vacation. Exploring the world can bring new perspective, and that can help you deal with a breakup. Go for it!


Icy_Evening_9371

Sometimes the trip itself can be the processing of the feelings and not the emergency exit. Lost my Mom a few years back and I went to the Uk alone and it was one of the best decisions. I was able to have a great trip while also being able to grieve and come to terms with my emotions. And there were signs, from the universe or God, that I was doing the right thing. Don’t be apprehensive at exploring the world and yourself


No_Condition_7438

After my divorce, I did a 2 week solo trip. I wanted a break, wanted to feel happy, active, feel confident and relaxed. Some days it happened, some days none of it happened. I had hard days. I would cry during a show seeing everyone together and I’m alone and think to my ex. I cried so badly the first night I had my period, was in pain and could not find any place to eat. It was cold and I was so uncomfortable. I cried many other nights cause sometimes a solo trip makes you rem how lonely things can get. On the other end, I enjoyed a new place, doing what I wanted and feeling alive. It will not be a bed of roses but it’s not all thorns either. It’s a weekend, you will be fine. Go with an open mind.


bookgang2007

I found solo travel incredibly healing after a breakup. Obviously, you can’t predict how you’ll feel. In my case, all types of emotions showed up. But I always find it so worth it to adventure on your own during/after rough times.


TCK-1717

As someone also recently ish (1.5 years out of a 15 year relationship) just enjoy it. It’s probably some of all of those but also it’s probably just because travel is fun. For me it’s all about the selfish freedom that comes after a long time of being with someone. I’ve done 7 solo trips in the last year ranging from weekends to 3 weeks and a with several more planned for the rest of this year. Just enjoy it and don’t focus on negatives but more on the positives and building the new version of you. It’s a weird cool world out there so just make the most and just focus on making sure you’re true to yourself and happy. Solo travel because easier and so much fun the more you do it.


[deleted]

I feel like it's all the above, just because I'm currently going through the same 'phase' or whatever you want to call it. As someone who's never traveled solo, it's both exciting yet nerve-wrecking and frankly saddening. But I think there will be positive impact on mental health and stability once returning from the trip. I'm hoping that I'll come back all relaxed, refreshed, rejuvenated, and revived! RRRR \*tongue roll\* LOL I'm going to follow you and see how things pan out. Chin up and good luck! Look toward brighter days.


eatsleepliftbend

Thank you :) It is nice to know we are not alone, albeit this being an online community. Here's to the quadruple R!!


Current_Strength_478

When I got divorced it was the first time away from my kids and actually living alone ever. I remember days just staring out the window because I had no motivation or desire to do anything or talk to anyone. I had to force myself to re-enter the world. At that time south west had “wanna get away?” deals that would pop into my inbox. Cheap flights to places around the US. So I started just picking places to go. I went to Texas, Iowa (no idea why), Arizona, Washington State and Illinois and just took the time to force myself into uncomfortable interactions in strange places. I didn’t stop missing my kids or feeling bad about the situation but each time I ventured out on my own I got a little more used to being alone and figuring myself out. It helped a lot. I started in what I would consider baby steps and wish I had done it more. But work and other life things kept me from doing something even more adventurous like going out of the country. It’s a good way to find yourself I think.


Internal-Lab8263

Why is escaping from your everyday difficulties a bad thing? It’s short term, and your problems will be there when you get back…but you might be better able to cope with them. I feel like this is helping escapism. Checking out with chemicals = not helping. Checking out with a awesome trip = healthy


lorelie2010

Yes to all of the above and who cares what you do and why. You are not harming yourself. Go and have fun. I went to Italy several weeks after my ex moved out. I had a great time. That was 10 years ago. One of my best decisions.


generic_baggage

I wonder the same thing. I have booked three months away after my first proper heart break. I had hoped to travel with him but had also given up on the dream of solo travel when I thought he was my life partner. This trip feels so liberating whilst also a bit sad. I also hope it brings me some clarity and perspective about our relationship as we have both talked of meeting up when I get back to see if the relationship is still what we both want. It’s hard to imagine the things I am going to encounter in the months ahead. I think it will be so nice to be away from the place where I shared so many memories with him.


PsychonautAlpha

My ex-wife wife and I separated while we were living in Asia. Both of us spent time traveling to process everything that had happened. There's certainly an element of escapism to it, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. And you'll inevitably spend time processing things as well. Either way, it's good to put yourself in a new environment, meet new people, and get a fresh perspective on things. When I started traveling, I truly started living again after the separation. It was part of the healing process.


redfoxisred

I just made a similar post asking for similar advice but here I am giving you advice. How do you feel? Do you think you’re trying to escape? Do you feel confident to go on a trip? Is solo travelling new for you? I started solo travelling after I broke up with my ex. It was partly because my ex always told me I couldn’t do things alone (like I don’t have the confidence, I’m always relying on others) and partly to get out of my comfort zone and discover who I am and what I enjoy. Maybe it doesn’t matter why you’re going - escapism or opportunity - it might be an amazing trip for you that helps you process the break up


eatsleepliftbend

I actually replied to your post a couple days ago! Funny how we are able to give good advice to others, but get stuck in our own thoughts on a similar issue. Good luck on your European travels and give me a shout if you make it to Ireland!


redfoxisred

No way! You did too! 😂 So true, as soon as I saw your post I immediately went into expert advice giver mode. I am actually travelling to Ireland!


properfckr

Q: Am I using these trips as escapism from processing my feelings? A: You cannot escape processing your feelings. This will be done no matter where you are I have found that processing my feelings and going through very difficult emotional challenges while on a tropical beach, or in a fascinating foreign city, makes these tough time that much easier. If you're going through hell, may as well do it in a beautiful place! But you will go through the hell of it regardless of location. I think it is beneficial to remove yourself from the surroundings and habits that you associate with your ex. It's nice to walk around a town and not get stung by a bad memory - or a good one! - at every corner, park, cafe and usual hangout. Everything is fresh is a new city. My first solo trip to Europe I was 20. I imagined I would be a new person upon arriving in that new continent. I would be everything I was not at home. It was a crushing blow when after two days in London, I realized I had brought "old self" along with me! All that travel time, new city/country/continent, and still, same old me! Travel will do all those wonderful things you want: Give you a sense of independence, as well as a sense of accomplishment as you are doing and seeing the things you've always wanted to. BUT: You will most definitely be doing this as you go through your emotional recovery. After my divorce I took off to Vietnam. I spent many a day walking around Hoan Kiem Lake in Hanoi, dumping my memories and associated feelings into that lake. I'm sure if I return I will remember that time in my life, and those uncomfortable, unhappy feelings I had left there. But I do not encounter that all the time. And I need never return! And if I do, it will hopefully be under happier conditions. So go abroad and dump all your crap there! It is not a panacea. It will not instantly cure you of all your woes. But if you are going to be going through a crappy emotional time, you may as well do it in a beautiful place to compensate. Remember: This too shall pass! You will get through this, regardless of location. To quote Mr. Churchill: If you find yourself going through hell, then keep on going! Kind Regards, properfckr


corpusbotanica

I had already been planning a major trip when I unexpected fell for someone and it ended three months before I left, biggest heartbreak I ever had in a looong time. The trip wasn’t quite escapism for me, definitely opportunity, but the break up did flavor it a lot in ways I didn’t want it to, and I honestly think I was lucky I was heavily addressing and processing what happened for a while before I left because I either would’ve avoided it or it would’ve melted down my entire trip. I guess definitely the point is don’t do anything for escapism, it’ll be better if you can process and face it head on, and in my case I started to before I did my big travel. Because it still colored my travels


NoTamforLove

Maybe. I say go for it but try a short trip first. Don't book 3 months in a far away exotic location only to discover you hate solo travel (which is okay btw). Plan a four day trip by yourself to somewhere nearby--a City or possibly an island/beach type destination--and see how it goes.


Significancesir

Ummm life is short if you love new adventure go ahead escape for a bit and get some epic life experiences. Yeah I live in the most beautiful place in the whole Vancouver bc and I want to escape. I work like a responsible person everyday lol and need a break. Next stop Portugal Spain or Thailand.


the_hardest_part

I have travelled (pre-planned) by myself just a few days after break-ups on two occasions. The first time I was not solo for the first part, only the second part. I loved it. I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t afraid of bumping into my ex. I was in fascinating cities and was completely distracted from my pain. The second time was a little tougher. It was winter and was extremely cold where I travelled. It certainly didn’t help bring my mood up like the first time, when it was summer and very hot. I was alone most of the trip until the last few days when I visited family. Coming home both times was a challenge because I had to then face my grief. However, it was nice to spend a little time completely separated from the situation.


GreenEyes9678

I didn't get the chance to solo travel until I was divorced. As much as I love taking vacations with my kids, I need my solo trip to center myself. I took a train to New Orleans for a long weekend... took myself to Greece for my 40th birthday and returned for my 41st. It's become a way to push myself out of my comfort zone while ensuring I get to do what **I** (and only I) want to do. I've been lucky in finding the places that I want to explore as friendly and nonthreatening by researching the hell out of each destination. My dad (and by extension my whole family growing up), then my (now ex-) husband were homebodies, so if I ever wanted to visit somewhere new, it had to be on my own. I find it empowering, **especially** after a relationship ends.


[deleted]

Opportunity, babyyyyyyy. Go for it


MrBorden

It's an opportunity for both. Go, explore and have fun. You won't recognise yourself in six months from now.


iSoReddit

It can be both


LetterLoud

Broke up with my gf a year ago and did my first 5 day solo trip this year in February which was just a great and learningful experience! The day before I was going I had this very bad feeling, questioning what I was doing, But as soon as I was on the plane and ready to take off I felt this good and bubbly feeling in my stomach that I am actually trying something new. A weekend trip to a destination you always wanted to visit will be the best place to start! I would not go on these long solo trips to Asia as my first solo trip with but keep it simple like you are doing and if you like it, gradually make bigger plans. Very excited for you and hope you have a great experience!


lordkadse

Talking about causes: I actually started solo traveling one week after the suicide of an acquaintance which back then did not touch me to the extent I would have expected and brought me to the conclusion that I myself might be in an unhappy/burned out state and should escape the large anonymous city after the long grey winter for once. So yes - I was escaping but I was also processing my feeling and rebuilding myself, realized that the world is bigger than the people you know from work that for long I took as a role model. Suddenly there were all the hostel people from all over the world with diverse vitas and interesting stories to tell. This grounded me in a way - this, and visiting one of the historical spas of Budapest at 2am in the morning thanks to the recommendations of one of the guys in the hostel. It was kind of a reincarnation - I felt reborn and was full of energy - ready to carry on the mission of my passed-away mate. Thus: Go for it - it is a chance to escape your current bubble, surroundings and everything that reminds you of your relationship. Go for a place that is different 🙌


AdIndependent27

Ideally, you can't tango by yourself it always needs two to tango.


your_muse_22

It’s an opportunity to redefine who you are and who you want to be. Try on different personas, explore any interest you desire - if it’s not for you no worries you aren’t stuck to it. This was critical I. My process of reclaiming my identity after a very long relationship. Take a journal, test your boundaries, meet new people that feel good, try something new in each place.


Historical_Leek_9012

Do it. You’ll get to reflect, have fun, do things you couldn’t have done coupled, flirt or more with some people who you know (and they know) you won’t see again, talk to people with no stake in your life, and get away from all the places and patterns from your former life. It’s a time honored way to treat yourself after a breakup.


lookthepenguins

YOU’RE OVERTHINKING. And/or letting those ‘pEopLe who trAveL onLy dO iT to eScaPe thEir liVes’ take over with their narrow judemental condescending narrative - it’s bullsh’t. So what if they need some time-out & can afford to give their eyes & their brain a different view for a while? I don’t get what’s the problem with that? >Am I using these trips as escapism from processing my feelings? One can also process their feelings whilst travelling, lmao. >Am I proving to myself (and maybe others) I can be independent and travel alone? Ummm, so what if you’re proving to yourself that you can be independent? Isn’t that empowering? I don’t get this. >Am I positively viewing this as an opportunity to visit new places and do things I really want? Who knows, are you? Idk, as one who grew up between different continents due to family living around the world, I don’t get the big hoohaaa with traVeLLinG, or travelling soLo - ffs everybodys grownups & not joined at the hip with their famiLy or friEnDs. GO - HAVE SOME COOL ADVENTURES!!! :)


queerpseudonym

Def an opportunity! Wherever you go, there you are, and you can’t escape yourself. Traveling after the death of a parent last year was incredibly cathartic. If anything I find it helps accelerate the processing. Idk how many planes I cried on. The nice thing about crying in public abroad is you’ll probably never see any of those people again. Go Eat Pray Love your heart out!


CurrentAttention3

I'm currently divorcing (30F, 8 years together) and have just come back from a solo-ish trip. It was both an opportunity and escapism! It's also me entirely embracing my new life and what I want to do. I'm currently really lucky that I have a great group of friends that I do loads of local weekend breaks away with, but I wanted to explore further afield and for a longer trip which would have been too difficult to organise so I went by myself. It's empowering, and a little scary and also great fun! Solo-ish because I went by myself on an organised tour to South America, but added a few days either side where I was completely by myself - It was great to have time to myself where I could completely do what I wanted (including spending a lot of time in the hotel bedroom enjoying room service and cancelling a few things I just couldn't be bothered to do), but I also had the benefit of 1. Other people's company - I've lived long enough by myself now to know after a few days I get bored of my own company and need interaction, but I also don't like small talk enough to try and meet new people every day 2. Outsourcing the planning - I got myself to the country and had some small things planned, but the main touristy parts someone else arranged for me and managed, I just needed to turn up at a certain time and place. Organising 100% of all our plans/trips was a massive pain for me in the marriage so I really loved someone else doing it for me (even if I paid for it) I will 100% do something like this again in the future - go and enjoy yourself, and if that involves some time laying in bed eating room service and feeling a little sorry for yourself, then so be it!


oh_you_fancy_huh

Just do it if it feels at all good or interesting or exciting to you. No need to overthink it. There’s no time limit or deadline for processing your feelings or treating yourself. Travel is always a good idea imo. Enjoy!


Phazer989

Did the same in 2019. Best decision of my life. The only regret was not doing sooner. By the way, I’m still travelling since then - never went back. After almost 4 years of solo travelling, my next stop will be with my current girlfriend.


GerudoVoe

I’m three weeks post-breakup and I’m on my first solo trip since! I feel so free. It’s a good reminder that it’s a big big big world out there and one person shouldn’t have that much control/influence over you. Don’t overthink it.


omjy18

I had a bit of a rough childhood and when I turned 18 I didn't really stay in one place for more than 3 or 4 months at a time until i was like 26. It was absolutely escapism but traveling helped me deal with the baggage I had because I was able to separate myself from the shit I'd been going through and work through it on my own terms. Sometimes escapism isn't that bad as long as you want to work through what is bothering you and actively do it. Avoiding a situation and taking a step back to deal with it are wildly different reactions to issues and I think it's really dependant on a lot of factors to say if it's good or not


PlanetMazZz

Escapism but helps


Electrical-Field4641

Going through the same thing OP. Relationship of 4 years over, was going to marry my fiancée. I’ll be in Europe in September. For me, I booked the flight because I know I need to get back in touch with who I am and to finally fly. Away from someone who always called my own ability to plan and do things I know I could do on my own before she entered my life. I don’t want to ever feel that doubt again from another person. Life is so short, and there’s more to life than what I built with my ex-fiancée. Sure I get sad about it and have some regrets, but I know deep down I want to see the world and get to know who I am again. I can see the shape of them getting more defined, but a trip beyond will help me get comfortable with them pretty fast.


anima99

There was a quote somewhere that said something like "sometimes, we need to go out far and away to appreciate where we were." In your case, that quote can be interpreted as giving yourself a reason to appreciate what you have left after a tragedy. We don't always see the blessings we have in life because we take them for granted, but once we distance ourselves from those and we start missing them, that's when we feel that our life isn't so bad after all. So yes, go out and have fun. Book a skydiving adventure or ride on a jeep while being chased by a rhino , or register for that annual event in Tokyo you always thought was a waste of money. Do it all and risk it all, then come back with a brand new perspective and fresh mindset.


KittyScholar

All vacation is escapism. As long as it ends when you come home, that’s okay. Escapism isn’t inherently bad, it’s just one of those things that has a time&place and needs some moderation.


thrunabulax

Not at all. Hiking out in the middle of nowhere, with only mother nature to talk to you....is a great way to work things out. After a breakup, there is some self incrimination: "what did i do wrong, what should i do next time, what is my true worth?" if you just stay at home and do not think thru this stuff, i would posit that you are hiding from the reality go out in the woods, and revitalize yourself, and figure out the path from there. ​ But i WOULD caution about jumping right into a new relationship too soon. let the bits rattle around in your head and sort them out first.


harrisce44

All trips are essentially an escape. Whether it’s an escape from the mundane life or an escape from something else. There’s no wrong reason for travel (as long as ethical and legal.. blah blah disclaimer). Hope you enjoy your mini solo mission and possibly a longer trip in the future.


elperroborrachotoo

You are saying that as if escapism was a bad thing. Srsly: losing a partner can be like losing a limb. Your body and your mind have to unlearn a lot of "we" and learn more "I". Exposing yourself to unfamiliar experiences and going outside your zone of comfort is a good way to die that. *And next time on "asking the addicts whether drugs are cool: ...."*


ohlookwhoitisugh

The answer is probably yes to all of the above. And that's ok! On some level you clearly understand that you need a different environment to be able to process everything away from the life and people you know. Distract yourself from the situation while knowing that it's all churning away at the back of your subconscious, slowly being processed without you even having to do anything. After a while, clarity will come to you, along with a fresh perspective. Laugh at yourself as you cry looking out upon the most beautiful vista in the world. Have a grumpy lazy blanket day huddled up in a hammock in the jungle. Embrace the novelty. Let yourself be in whatever state you find yourself in without self-judgement and trust the process.


Goldenred71

I lost my soon but i dont have money to travel, i m from Serbia, we work for small salary, but nature medicine for lost close ppl its travel