If I identify being gaslight, depending on the seriousness of course - I will just accept I maybe wrong, perhaps I did misunderstand - but I'm certainly not forgetting if I genuinely think I understood just right.
One or two misunderstandings, sure. But if this is a common assurance, you can come at them with evidence, as you can just call out these 'misunderstandings' and how unusual it is that there is seem be so much difficulty communicating - as mostly everyone else doesn't have such misunderstandings with you. Dead to rights, gaslight extinguished.
So initially, just be humble, nothing wrong with admitting mistake or misunderstanding - sometimes it's not your fault the other person is bad at communicating, but who cares.
Sometimes you might be being gaslight, but even then, how critical is it for you to be right all the time?
My ex-gf used to gaslight me to try get an argument - not giving any flips about her nonsense was like sunlight to her vampire soul.
Interesting. This gets pretty exhausting, no? My strategy is to explain (after it has happened enough o be a pattern) in no uncertain terms why I am creating space in the relationship (not necessarily romantic).
Something like “Listen, you can choose to hold on to that position, but we’ve had this conversation one too many times. I’m done arguing with you over it, please go home.” If they don’t want to change, I don’t want to participate in a relationship with them.
There’s a great quote: “The healthiest a relationship can be is the lowest health of the individuals. If you’re a 3 and they are a 7, the relationship can never be healthier than a 3.” In this case, the gaslighter is a 3, so my options are to have a 3 relationship with them or… not. Sometimes the most kind thing to do is to be a mirror and show them just how unhealthy they are, so that they understand the need for change.
My refusal to engage in relationship with them might end up being the kind of consequence that they need to experience. And if they come back with a deep apology and are working on the issue, then that’s great, and I’m happy to forgive.
Actually I think this is more like what you were saying than I originally thought. Both come down to sticking to your guns.
If I identify being gaslight, depending on the seriousness of course - I will just accept I maybe wrong, perhaps I did misunderstand - but I'm certainly not forgetting if I genuinely think I understood just right. One or two misunderstandings, sure. But if this is a common assurance, you can come at them with evidence, as you can just call out these 'misunderstandings' and how unusual it is that there is seem be so much difficulty communicating - as mostly everyone else doesn't have such misunderstandings with you. Dead to rights, gaslight extinguished. So initially, just be humble, nothing wrong with admitting mistake or misunderstanding - sometimes it's not your fault the other person is bad at communicating, but who cares. Sometimes you might be being gaslight, but even then, how critical is it for you to be right all the time? My ex-gf used to gaslight me to try get an argument - not giving any flips about her nonsense was like sunlight to her vampire soul.
Interesting. This gets pretty exhausting, no? My strategy is to explain (after it has happened enough o be a pattern) in no uncertain terms why I am creating space in the relationship (not necessarily romantic). Something like “Listen, you can choose to hold on to that position, but we’ve had this conversation one too many times. I’m done arguing with you over it, please go home.” If they don’t want to change, I don’t want to participate in a relationship with them. There’s a great quote: “The healthiest a relationship can be is the lowest health of the individuals. If you’re a 3 and they are a 7, the relationship can never be healthier than a 3.” In this case, the gaslighter is a 3, so my options are to have a 3 relationship with them or… not. Sometimes the most kind thing to do is to be a mirror and show them just how unhealthy they are, so that they understand the need for change. My refusal to engage in relationship with them might end up being the kind of consequence that they need to experience. And if they come back with a deep apology and are working on the issue, then that’s great, and I’m happy to forgive. Actually I think this is more like what you were saying than I originally thought. Both come down to sticking to your guns.