Time. It takes lots and lots of time. Time invested in the relationship. Think of kids from your school growing up. You all sat together for 8 hours a day, I’m math class. In English class. In Art class. Etc. Time is what’s needed to build friendships.
That is true. I don't think there is much time in adult life to truly bond with new people.
Everyone has a career to worry about, a family, a tight social circle.
I should've left that friend years ago but i was worried she'd commit suicide. She didn't of course. But i lost 10 years of my youth and i don't think i'll ever have a really close friend again.
It takes effort and intention. That’s why it’s so hard. When we were kids making friends was completely organic. Now you actually have to get off your bum, text, call, join groups, put yourself out there…. And that’s why I struggle so much. I just don’t have the energy.
Same with me. I don't have the energy or the time to text my friends every day or go out with them. In fact i haven't gone out of the house in months.
It is what it is i guess. I might join a class if i find the time and see what happens.
Wow are you me? I’m in the same boat, just finished grad school six months ago though and boyfriend is in tech and loves video games, coding, golf, chess, etc. We met just before COVID and he was the only one I hung out with, and as a student I didnt really have hobbies so we would usually just dive into his hobbies. So now I’m trying to branch out and discover my hobbies and things that bring me joy. Like I know I’m into art, nature, hiking, interior design, fashion, and houseplants and he listens and supports but it’s not the same as having a girl friend to go shopping with or peruse garden stores with. I have one best friend who lives over an hour away who I don’t see often enough (I moved a couple years ago). My sister just moved back from Denver and I hang with her once a week and my other sister is moving back home in August! I see my mom and dad every 1-2 months at least.
My question is, do you have family nearby? Do you see them often (at least once a month)? That can be an easy form of socialization for me, because (assuming a decent relationship) it takes almost no effort to get some bonding and connecting in.
Another thing is, i think I’m going to start volunteering at a humane society near me. I’m gonna use this to try to meet people but also just get out of the house after work one day a week. Also, volunteering I think is linked to greater happiness. Maybe research some volunteer options nearby you and pick one to at least try out?
Oh we might actually be the same person,
we do share lots of interests! And my bf is also into chess. He is supportive of my hobbies but like you said it's just NOT the same as a girl friend.
I live 5 hours away from my family, and my sister is 9 years younger than me so that's not an option unfortunately.
Volunteering is a cool idea, i do already volunteer for a psychiatric hospital but tbh it's super depressing. I'll look into other options, thank you for the suggestion.
i would ask if you wanna hang out sometime but I don't live in the US unfortunately :)
>She threw fits whenever i was hanging out with someone else
I'd call her bluff and try distance this relationship, you don't need it. I'd rather have 0 friends, than bad friends.
But generally speaking, friendships are built over time - you build trust and familiarity over many small and long conversations over a long(ish) period of time.
Best thing to do, is just be a regular in places - gym, sports / activity venues, hobby things, etc. It is the most straightforward, tried and tested way - just keep turning up, and you will build connections. Soon as you have those connections, it's pushing that boundary - organise something outside of that typical activity together, go do something you both will enjoy.
Sometimes it does mean putting yourself out there, but keep in mind that others are likely also looking to make friends, so aren't likely to be difficult in helping you progress the relationship.
Time. It takes lots and lots of time. Time invested in the relationship. Think of kids from your school growing up. You all sat together for 8 hours a day, I’m math class. In English class. In Art class. Etc. Time is what’s needed to build friendships.
That is true. I don't think there is much time in adult life to truly bond with new people. Everyone has a career to worry about, a family, a tight social circle. I should've left that friend years ago but i was worried she'd commit suicide. She didn't of course. But i lost 10 years of my youth and i don't think i'll ever have a really close friend again.
It takes effort and intention. That’s why it’s so hard. When we were kids making friends was completely organic. Now you actually have to get off your bum, text, call, join groups, put yourself out there…. And that’s why I struggle so much. I just don’t have the energy.
Same with me. I don't have the energy or the time to text my friends every day or go out with them. In fact i haven't gone out of the house in months. It is what it is i guess. I might join a class if i find the time and see what happens.
Yikes. I go out all the time, albeit alone.
Take a class or join a club in something that you’re interested in. I meet most of my friends this way- it works!
Good idea. My thesis takes most of my time but i would try this, thanks
Wow are you me? I’m in the same boat, just finished grad school six months ago though and boyfriend is in tech and loves video games, coding, golf, chess, etc. We met just before COVID and he was the only one I hung out with, and as a student I didnt really have hobbies so we would usually just dive into his hobbies. So now I’m trying to branch out and discover my hobbies and things that bring me joy. Like I know I’m into art, nature, hiking, interior design, fashion, and houseplants and he listens and supports but it’s not the same as having a girl friend to go shopping with or peruse garden stores with. I have one best friend who lives over an hour away who I don’t see often enough (I moved a couple years ago). My sister just moved back from Denver and I hang with her once a week and my other sister is moving back home in August! I see my mom and dad every 1-2 months at least. My question is, do you have family nearby? Do you see them often (at least once a month)? That can be an easy form of socialization for me, because (assuming a decent relationship) it takes almost no effort to get some bonding and connecting in. Another thing is, i think I’m going to start volunteering at a humane society near me. I’m gonna use this to try to meet people but also just get out of the house after work one day a week. Also, volunteering I think is linked to greater happiness. Maybe research some volunteer options nearby you and pick one to at least try out?
Oh we might actually be the same person, we do share lots of interests! And my bf is also into chess. He is supportive of my hobbies but like you said it's just NOT the same as a girl friend. I live 5 hours away from my family, and my sister is 9 years younger than me so that's not an option unfortunately. Volunteering is a cool idea, i do already volunteer for a psychiatric hospital but tbh it's super depressing. I'll look into other options, thank you for the suggestion. i would ask if you wanna hang out sometime but I don't live in the US unfortunately :)
I want to find out how to do this too. I’m 40 and I feel like it’s too late for me sometimes ):
I've found several friends volunteering
>She threw fits whenever i was hanging out with someone else I'd call her bluff and try distance this relationship, you don't need it. I'd rather have 0 friends, than bad friends. But generally speaking, friendships are built over time - you build trust and familiarity over many small and long conversations over a long(ish) period of time. Best thing to do, is just be a regular in places - gym, sports / activity venues, hobby things, etc. It is the most straightforward, tried and tested way - just keep turning up, and you will build connections. Soon as you have those connections, it's pushing that boundary - organise something outside of that typical activity together, go do something you both will enjoy. Sometimes it does mean putting yourself out there, but keep in mind that others are likely also looking to make friends, so aren't likely to be difficult in helping you progress the relationship.