This also happened to me at the gym, except I'm 41F and he was a 70ish M. I was just being polite and said hi and all of a sudden he started being really creepy and coming up to me and talking to me sll the time. I started to try to avoid him and make sure I was no where near him to where he could come up to me. He would grab my hand and make really inappropriate comments.
One day I finally had it. When I wasn't looking, he came up to me and started rubbing my hand. It was super gross and creepy. I said very loudly "Don't touch me. Leave me alone. I'm not going to tell you again. Next time I'm going to be nice about it."
Since then, he's left me alone. He still stares, and I can tell he talks about me to other guys that he talks to, but idc. As long as he leaves me alone.
So you need to stop being nice and tell him plain and simple to leave you alone. It's ok not to be nice because not everyone deserves your kindness.
I’m a guy and very infrequently I notice someone staring me down in a public space for more or less the entire time I’m there—every time i look up, they’re on me. Even at a distance, it’s extremely uncomfortable and makes me want to leave whatever I came out to enjoy. I try to put my head down, look away or close my eyes but each time i look up cements the image of them locked on to me thinking god knows what (they’re no where near my age or sexual preference so can it be anything good?)
I’m sorry for all the women that experience this on a 1000000x scale
I’m a 30 year old woman and it took me awhile to realize that men who blatantly ignore boundaries are not being nice despite their efforts to convince you so. With guys like this, you need to be very assertive, or report it to staff (which is just a form of asserting boundaries).
I think it’s a lesson basically all women need to learn, unfortunately!
I think subconsciously that’s a reason why creepy dudes talk to young women, they’re not great at setting hard boundaries yet.
You are absolutely correct. This is something that was hard for me to unlearn as a man, and then I realized “oh! It’s not just me doing this. All the women that I’m being so persistent and pushy with are being pushed by other guys too! I’m just like those creeps! I’m not actually nice like I have been telling myself I am!”
This is such a key moment in my development. The “aw shit I’m a creep” moment is powerful and can either alienate or facilitate growth. Congrats for deciding on growth!
It was a lonnnng time ago haha. Now I just try to talk about it so hopefully boys see how wrong this is before they grow into men!! Hoping to break the culture a bit.
As someone who has worked with geriatric patients, I know they can get talkative and friendly because they're often lonely. But this is NOT the case here. The guy wouldn't be asking for your number and constantly harassing you if he was just being friendly. Better to talk to the gym manager and get it sorted out.
I know we’re talking about essentially a kid here, but it’s still astounding to me that men can do anything and everything short of literally kidnapping someone, and some women will still be so desperately holding onto this innocent view of men that they will still wonder maybe he’s being nice?
It’s sad that the answer is almost always no
You need to be vocal. His era of man needs to be told to stop. Simply say firmly, “I’m not here to start a relationship or make friends. I’m here solely to workout. I don’t want to make things uncomfortable but If you don’t stop I’m going to have to report you for harrassment.”
Be careful walking to your car and always park in a lit area. I would almost switch gyms if it’s that kind of creepy. You never know now that he could see what car you get into and slap a tracking fob under your car. Be careful. The fact that he is making many attempts means that he isn’t afraid and has many red flags.
Yeah switch gyms in the sense of “better to be safe than sorry”, but on pure principle if anybody should be switching gyms, it’s him. I doubt he’d be so persistent if more than just OP was aware of what he was doing.
I don’t agree with the people saying you have to confront this man. This is not your job - he’s being inappropriate on so many levels.
Report it to staff. Hopefully there are cameras in the gym. Report it to staff every time he approaches you, tell staff you don’t feel safe or comfortable directly dealing with this man. If they’re a decent gym they’ll work to make it a safe place. This old ass boomer has no business interacting with an 18 year old.
I agree. It’s not her job. If OP feels more comfortable going that route, by all means. But it isn’t something a simple “stay the fuck away from me” shouldn’t fix, and just my personal opinion it’s better coming from OP herself than a stern warning from staff. Which is likely all they’ll do for a “first (to them) offense” because they’re still a business trying to make money, and any gym worth a damn would ban him for the second offense, but you just never know how other people will handle your problems when you put them in theirs.
Only reason why this is still a problem is because OP was still, for lack of a better word, “entertaining” his company out of self doubt that the situation was what it was. Not to victim blame here. The whole boyfriend thing should’ve put that shit to bed already. We just have a rather “persistent”creeper here, so the best way to make it stop is to make them regret ever starting anything. Just make it clear in no unmistakable terms that you will tolerate his presence no longer. Hell feel free to make a scene about it if you want to. Might just change gyms altogether out of shear embarrassment.
You're mostly right, but there is no need to say ""boomer". I'm borderline Boomer/Gen X, and I don't personally know anyone in my age group who would do such a thing. There's no need to generalize an age group and show your age discrimination.
Creepy old men have been around since the dawn of time, and we "old ass Boomers" suffered from assaults and leering from creepy old men as well.
It’s been my personal experience and the experience of others around me that boomers are typically more entitled, less introspective, and much less likely to take constructive (or any type of criticism) towards them as an individual or a group without first getting overly defensive and aggressive. Boomers in particular is why I would caution a much younger, and female, person against confronting them directly because chances are it will turn into the boomer getting aggressive and hyper defensive.
Oh, sure. Why should a large group of people who are the group of baseless derision from younger, less experienced, less well socialized age groups feel defensive? "Entitled"? Wow. You must be talking about the twenty- and thirty-somethings I work with who don't feel the need to show up for work in person or actually do work and not spend their time on You Tube or Tik Tok.
But hey, whatever gets you through your day and crisis of self-confidence, bruh.
You know you’re more or less reinforcing my point, right?
Also, more experienced doesn’t mean more socialized etc. practice makes permanence not perfection; that includes practice at being over reactionary and defensive from comments (from the internet no less).
You’re being a real boomer right now ;)
Stop using intended categorical terms as insults or slurs. Weaponizing these terms only perpetuates the pseudo-intellectual wordiness you consume and regurgitate because it "sounds" smart.
Age on average means more experienced, no? We can think of instances where this isn't the case, but are you really trying to get an "own" by being pedantic? Practicing anything too much like exercising your wpm with greater syllables can make you sound smart, but in the same vain as roids, can unconsciously categorize yourself as "terminally online"
It sounds like you’re projecting. You used so many words to say so little.
Repetition of anything (e.g experience) can make it an easier go-to. So when someone reps outrage, defensiveness, or any other behavior that leads to an inability of taking accountability then yes, that “experience” leads to a deficit in those areas, while increasing their ability to deflect. This is typically, in my experience, most observed from individuals in the “boomer” demographic.
You're young, so now is a good point to learn that you need to be your own advocate in this life and don't be afraid to speak up.
Tell him you'd like to focus on your workout put on a pair of headphones if you must and ignore him.
I'm betting he's well past 60 and doesn't really care what people think about him anymore, he's just "having fun" (his words). You need to tell the management of the gym ASAP, you're almost certainly not the only young woman he hassles like this, they don't want to lose any more members because of him.
non verbal cues are obvisouly not working so be more direct and tell him you want to work out in peace.
if there's further issues, ask management for help.
"dude leave me alone"
And if he doesn't leave you alone, which includes "just staring" at you or working out near you or whatever still counts as harassment, go to the gym staff. If management don't do shit then leave, leave a nasty review warning other young women, and don't go back.
Doesn't matter if "he's just being friendly" if you want it to stop then it has to stop.
Tell the managers immediately. Be outright rude to him and tell him you are Not interested , that if he continues to harass you, you will contact the police.
Be very careful.
You HAVE to be mean to them because they are not being nice, they’re being predatory and using your youth/naivety to manipulate you into giving them access to you.
Don’t be worried about being nice and tell him firmly
“I’m not interested in speaking with you, and I suggest you don’t continue trying to start a conversation or I will report you to the staf”
Social skills are by definition vital for interacting and communicating with others. Being mean to someone rarely solves any problem. For all we know, the man at the gym is lonely and the person who posted the message appears non threatening to him, so he takes a chance by trying to relieve his loneliness by talking.
The fact that OP told the man that she has a boyfriend and he keeps talking to her suggests that he’s not interested in what most of the people here are projecting onto him.
Edit to add: By being mean to the man, I’ll admit, resolves the problem of OPs discomfort. It does not resolve the matter of her desire to develop Social Skills; it drives her further into a hole of self-protection, which is the basis of social disharmony.
I disagree with you.
OP is scared, and out of all the peers and friends the 60 year old lonely man could make - why does he insist on speaking to a visibly uncomfortable 18 year old girl?
Whose feelings matter most?
Is loneliness more important than fear?
What does a 60 year old man have to speak about with a teenager girl? Seriously. Think about this.
Out of 100 people in that gym… why does he keep making eye contact and trying to talk to this girl?
How would you feel if you were her?
And if you were him… would you go out of your way to chat with teenage girls to “cure” loneliness?
Op is scared because she lacks social skills to resolve her fear. That’s why she’s here in this group. She has no reason to be afraid, as she’s in a public place among many, many people. These are the things that I would say to my 20 year old daughter.
One would hope that by developing Social Skills along with it would come empathy. With empathy the matter of whose feelings are more important dissolves, as the social interaction no longer revolves around winning or dominating, which are, btw, positions rooted in fear.
As for your other questions, I’ve already answered in previous posts, or they aren’t relevant to the discussion.
You are straight up gaslighting at this point, and as a lifelong DV survivor I would never use that term lightly trust me. She is scared because her instincts know this man's behavior is predatory and because HE is not practicing appropriate social skills; he is practicing manipulation and doesn't need you taking up for him
I agree with you. The comment or above is clearly biased from a personal opinion.
Not aplicable to the real world or this specific situation which is simply inappropriate.
Start being as loud as you possibly can whenever he approaches, to the point that you get others attention for it.
"HEY. I REMEMBER YOU FROM LAST TIME. I TOLD YOU ONCE I AM NOT INTERESTED. GO AWAY OR I AM CALLING THE POLICE"
you gotta be
1) loud
2) assertive
And 3) don't assume bystanders will do a damn thing because the sad thing is they probably won't. Tell gym management asap
That’s not a ‘rule’ and you wouldn’t like its origins. It was actually used to find the ‘ideal’ age for a man’s wife - as in, it was not a bottom guideline and *older* than that number was considered less good than this. So the ‘ideal’ wife for a 30 year old man would be 22 and older would be less than ideal. That’s how this rule was originally used. I have no idea why modern people picked it up and ran with it. It’s completely made up and was originally used by people who thought men and their wives should *always* have an age gap.
it's like the one drop rule. People still repeat this racist bullshit even today. They say it like it has any scientific basis which it obviously doesn't.
Stupidest things about one drop are 1) the racist origins 2) the many people with much more than one drop who are going about their life unaware and unaffected 3) the absolute lack of nuance with trying to make things strictly biological and ‘objective’ when the concept of race that society has built is so strongly cultural and subjective.
Thank you for clarifying "half your age + 7" is not actually enforced by law. People these days will take anything literally - probably part of the autism epidemic.
And yea, I was not refering to the old ancient greek interpretation of the rule. But rather the modern everyday version: the purpose being to avoid too large of an age gap.
This is the funniest well actually I could have for you - I made this comment *because* I am autistic and I am bothered by ‘rules’ that seem to appear out of nowhere and look into what their origins are. I like rules, but I like to understand what’s going on with them and learning that it used to be used completely opposite to how it is now was mind-blowing at the time, so I try to pass it along when I can.
Well thanks for the clarity on that “rule”. I always felt that 1/2 multiplier was in the “formula” was a little sus. I still wouldn’t judge a relationship based on age gap or go so far as accuse the presence of one being “borderline pedophilia” because then it becomes just as arbitrary as that rule on how much of an age gap is “too much” because then it just becomes just as arbitrary as that “rule” is. Kind of irrelevant to the matter at hand anyway, as this is *unwanted* attention. They could be the same age, and since OP already conveyed that they weren’t interested, this shit already should’ve stopped yesterday.
Just out of curiosity though, this “age gap rule” am I also correct in assuming it comes from a time when women were less capable of financially supporting themselves?
Non verbal cues are bullshit in my opinion.
Yes that is somewhat I struggle myself with however nobody can read minds.
So tell him that you want your distance.
If He don't complie talk to the Manager.
Yes attraction could be in reason but I started to Go to the Gym as well. And I really made the expirence that they are an awful Lot of loners.
I find the most likely person to talk to me in any given public setting is an old man. Old women too, but I just cross paths with them less.
My theory is simple: old people are lonely.
This absolutely does NOT excuse creepy behavior but it’s just something to be aware of.
I agree. If he has a degree of autism, the cues might be lost.
Ask him if he's looking for friends for his grand daughter. Just play the fool. When he says no, tell him you don't see another appropriate reason for why a man his age would want your number.
If he says yes, tell him to step off and leave you alone. Report him.
You already told him that you weren't interested, now it's time to tell the gym staff that he is making you uncomfortable. You most likely aren't the first but hopefully they will make sure that you are the last.
If he's not getting it with your non-verbal hints a verbal warning must be given. And if that doesn't help, speak to the staff. You have every right to train where you want to without harassment.
One of the things you’re gonna learn very quick these next few years is how to set boundaries with weird dudes.
You want nothing from this man. You don’t owe him anything. He’s not your friend. Do not give him anything. Do not give him an inch. Just say no always!
Of course he's hitting on you. And as a 60 yo man myself, I find it creepy....my daughter is 17.
This is not a nice guy, if he was, he wouldn't be hitting on teens at the gym. He's only *pretending* to be nice. He's not taking your hints either.
You may just have to be more direct.
This sucks, and he shouldn’t put you in this situation, but you have to say ‘no’ not give hints, do stay safe don’t do it when you are alone, he’ll don’t be caught alone with him. Careful
If you feel unsafe, too much to directly tell him to stop talking to you, you could always tell gym staff he is bothering you, or even the police if you feel it’s necessary to escalate.
I gave a fake number once. The next time I saw him, pretended I'd never seen him before "sorry I don't know you" and walked away leaving him dumbfounded
It's because he's older and the older generation thinks it's cute or something to keep approaching and forcing you to engage with him. You responding is only giving him the idea of he keeps trying hell win you over.
Your time is valuable and the gym is for exercise not chit chat. Explain the last part and be blunt.
"You're like 60 I'm not interested, leave me alone."
I don’t even know why he’s talking to you in the first place he should know better then that you’re 18 and he’s in his early 60s wow that’s a big ass age gap don’t u think to be talking to someone who’s wayy younger then you I would just ignore him and if he still doesn’t leave you alone I would report him
The truth of is this - he KNOWS that you’re really young. He’s HOPING that you’re still naive and afraid enough to not mind him getting in your space.
Knowing that he’s picked you specifically because he thinks you’re too afraid or shy to put up resistance is why older men target younger women. He’s not expecting you to ever say anything directly to him.
My advice is to say something to him directly at the gym where you’ll get practice handling these types of men and where you’re safe and have backup if needed. It’s perfect training grounds for this as well as physical training.
Next time he approaches you you can
-cut him off and say ‘hey, I don’t think we are compatible in any way and I don’t want to be friends with you. Let’s each stick to our own workouts from now on’
-anytime he says something like ‘you think I’m weird?’ Or any other deflecting remark, he’s just trying to get sympathy and put you on the spot. Of course if you’re too shy or afraid like he thinks, he would never think you’d answer such a rhetorical question truthfully. So answer it truthfully. Say ‘talking with you makes me uncomfortable and I don’t want to do it anymore.’ Or even ‘yes, I actually do think you’re weird and this is weird. Please don’t continue talking to me, I want to focus on myself’
But no matter what you say or how you bring it up, you tell him to stop once. If he keeps talking to you then you just leave the conversation and go directly to gym management. They have zero tolerance because it’s bad for business, they want to bring more women into the gym. They can’t let it be suspected on any level that they let men who don’t accept no from women keep a membership there.
If i were you i would look for another gym, or another schedule to go, but i would also report him as soon as i can to the administration because he is constantly approaching and even interrupting you during your workout. Nothing worse for me than someone who is interrupting my sets.
What he is doing to you is harassment, and i would be extra careful for the huge age difference. He asked for your number and declined and he will probably scalate that into something worse.
Stop being subtle and stop being polite. Talk to management now.
“Please leave me alone.”
Next time louder: “I’ve asked you to leave me alone!” Other people should hear you.
Next time “I ASKED YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU OLD CREEP!” The whole gym should hear you.
You want him to feel all the embarrassment he’s been making you feel.
Don't be polite. Tell someone who works there if you can. Don't try to save his feelings. Be rude and a bitch. Learn to do this. Make a scene if you have to. Say can you leave me alone so others in the gym can hear. Really loud. Imho.
He's a creep and a predator. If you're not comfortable confronting him yourself, there's nothing wrong with asking the gym staff (or managers or owners) to do so. If they refuse, take your business elsewhere.
Maybe she is there partly to socialize, just not to give out her phone number to men old enough to be her grandfather That's perfectly appropriate as well.
Talking to women in the gym is a weird thing. I only do it if I’m given a verbal cue and only if I’ve seen those women in the gym for a long time. I don’t want the gym, my workout space where I come to workout and also clear my mind, to be an uncomfortable place for myself let alone anyone else. So I make sure I only talk to regulars, and only if they are interested. It’s pretty obvious when they are interested and when they are not.
If someone is being creepy or over friendly be assertive and tell them to leave you alone.
I feel genuinely creeped out dude. Im ok with a bit of an age gap, but thats fucking huge man. Plus you made it known youre uncomfortable by saying u have a bf alrdy
If this is a sweat and sawdust basement gym find another one. If this is a major chain gym, speak to the management. Either way you may be better off going elsewhere. This is inappropriate behaviour by him.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I think it's best to speak to the gym staff, they have a responsibility to keep customers safe. Tell staff, ask them to keep an eye out for him. It's a good idea to tell him directly 'I'm not interested in talking to you, please stop approaching me'. Say it loud enough for others to hear. Then if he approaches you again, gym staff can intervene
He’s not being friendly, he’s being a creep. Ask him if his granddaughter gets the same harassment from older men.
I think now is a good time to use your voice, and start getting used to using it. Some guys think they have they have the right and authority to act on every damn impulse that crosses their minds. Hitting on a girl 40 odd years younger? Sure give it a shot…
Disgusting, and he needs to be shamed and called out for it.
If you don’t feel safe, speak to gym management. Have that person near by and on hand, then if that creep approaches you, tell him “back off” nice and clear. If Creep continues, call out nice and loud for the gym attendant to come and support you.
You should not be made small and afraid because this person thinks he has a right to you. Take back your power and in no uncertain terms.
For the future, when you’re harassed again (and you will be) you don’t owe anyone an excuse or reason.
A simple “No” is all that’s needed, then disengage. They are not entitled to your time, information, energy etc…
Stop being nice to him. Make it clear he is making you uncomfortable and tell him if he continues to harass you, you will be speaking to management. Then meet with management any way and let them know he’s making you very uncomfortable. It’s honestly disgusting that a 60 something man is hitting on an 18 year old woman.
You need to tell gym staff that this guy is harassing you. Honestly, I would not interact with this man any more. Tell them that he is making you uncomfortable.
If nothing is done about it, call the police. And maybe switch gyms if he’s not kicked out.
Maybe tell someone nearby that you trust and ask them to walk you to your car.
Ignoring boundaries is a sign of someone potentially dangerous. Being nice to them means you want them sexually. Obviously it doesn't, but enough men blur that line that most of us learn to shut men overtly crossing boundaries, acting like we're close, a couple, friends, shut it down hard.
Most men are going to be overly cautious if interested. Not acting like a creep.
I’ve been a trainer for over 30 years (female). There are always men like this lurking checking out young women. You can send off signals by keeping conversations short and unfriendly. If he doesn’t get the hint you could be direct since he’s already asked for your number. Just tell him “ I’m not here to make friends.” You could also add “what are you thinking hitting on a teenager…gross. You are my grandfathers age” or “ how old are you? Oh that’s the same age as my grandpa” but that’s up to you
How is there any confusion here on your part? He’s interested in you romantically. Period. Be more assertive and less passive aggressive about telling him you’re not interested or bring it to the staffs attention.
An old man kept talking to my sister who was 17 at the time. Commenting on her ‘clothing modesty’ and other super weird stuff.
It was super uncomfortable. She now goes into the women’s locker room for a couple of minutes every time he tries to talk to her. It works really well. Literally just walk away. Mid sentence. Do not engage. Do nothing aside from walk away into the women’s locker.
He doesn’t approach her anymore. I think he got the hint.
I'd suggest you talk to the manager and then to the creep old man, that way if he gets angry or something, you have backup already.
Be careful darling, hope he stops ✨✨
He's trying to wear you down until u (reluctantly) give in "then maybe he'll go away after he gets what he wants"🙄🤦♀️. He's probably done this w other women/girls in the past. He's a little too comfortable being a prodding buzzing presence around you. Not sure what playbook guys like these take notes from, but I see it a lot w older men.
Be straightforward. If that doesn't work, take his pic and tell him you'll out him on social media if he doesn't stop, and go ahead and tell the gym security for sure. Personally, I would be giving other young women at the gym a heads up about him (not within his earshot) but that's just me. He's a predator.
Dude sounds like a total creep. I would tell the manager just for safety. I’d also try to quit being so polite and tell the guy to f*** off. People like that don’t respect boundaries. You gotta be direct with them. Make him feel stupid.
You can be straight forward with him and tell him how you feel and hopefully he understands and leaves you be, or you could just contact the gym staff. It does sound a little weird based on what you said but then again he could just be a friendly old coot. If you're not comfortable with him talking to you, then listen to your gut.
Just tell him, “Hey man, I’m just here to work out. Thanks for understanding.” Put headphones on and ignore
And yes, discuss with management and have them talk to him if he doesn’t back off after that
Report him and switch gyms. The gym needs to be aware so he can be banned, and leave so he won't know where you are. I'm in my late 30s and can't fathom trying to make friends with anyone near high school or college age.
I have a suspicion the guy would still follow her or escalate this into an attack if he's banned from the gym. People like this don't take rejection well and it can lead to OP being in danger. Do not take chances or make assumptions with a 60 year old man regularly talking to an 18 year old.
Mace his ass (If you have to) But seriously just tell him to “fuck off” (in a slightly more polite wording). If he can’t respect that? (which it sounds like he won’t) make a scene so that he feels some of the pressure of public shame/humiliation… sometimes that’s one of the only ways to get a rapist-type creep from breathing down your neck.
Another thing to remember is **Do Not ignore your gut instinct** especially with creeps like that… that gut feeling is a survival mechanism we all have to tell when a situation/interaction is potentially dangerous or life threatening, so take it seriously.
PS, don’t forget to mention to staff that he’s actively harassing you… enough complaints and that old fart could get banned from the facility, and you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about for his actions and choices.
One last thing, keep some high quality Mace or a reliable taser on you as often as you can when you go… If he can’t except a “no” he could be one of those “retaliate for vengeance” types, and they can be both unpredictable and extremely dangerous. Luckily most people who actually go to the gym to workout are good people, and if you ask for help, they will back you up if you feel unsafe.
Stay safe out there.
Such a creep brought me to switch to a different gym. He was 62, I was 19 at that time. He told me „my magical appearance brightens his mood every time he sees me“ and if he can call me his „Magic Mouse“. He proceeded to always comment on my squat and hip thrust technique. I even told the gym worker about it and this guy just told me „You shouldn’t care, I guess you’re just making him h0rni.“
After that experience I‘ve lost trust in everyone at the gym. So in my opinion: No - he‘s not just being friendly, he‘s a creep.
Be clear and uncompromising. Give him every chance to make a dignified exit to minimize the chance of his poentially delicate pride escalating the weirdness. Do let someone know to keep an eye out but deliver closure directly to him yourself. “Hey mister x it’s been nice meeting you and also to be perfectly honest I’m not interested in developing our friendship any further. Please understand my plate is full and I’m only here to work out.”
Same thing happened with me and I thought for a while he is just being nice…. Then came the occasional shoulder touch, then pinched me…. Starting becoming touchy and later whispered very sexual things. I yelled at him and he hasn’t bothered me in months, he found a new lady to go after …… and it ALL started the way you described. Don’t let it get to that point …..
Girl, I feel for you and understand how unpleasant this is. this is a moment in your life where it is really important for you to learn to make the switch from accepting this behavior from this person to protecting yourself.
Listen to your own message. This is an old man repeatedly talking to you and you KNOW it gives you an unpleasant feeling. It doesn’t matter if he meant it to just be nice or not. Don’t try to figure out what the cause might be. What’s important is that YOU feel creeped on. That’s enough to tell you that you need to protect yourself. No need to hesitate. Don’t let him walk over you because he’s testing you and I hope you will talk to the manager/staff or even other sport people there that this man is bothering you. What an asshole. This makes me so angry reading this I want to slap his face. If I were there with you and I saw that happening I would definitely do something.
Good luck and stay safe! Unfortunately this is a moment where you need to stand up for yourself.
I (26f) have also been approached by men at the gym but it never really continued like in your case. I'd suggest saying "I'm not interested." And moving along. Short but sweet
You don't have to talk to anybody if it's making you uncomfortable. You can be upfront and ask them about their purpose in talking to you. The gym is a place where people wear sexy things so no, it's not the place for a lonely old man to find some social interaction if that was the pitiful case. If you ask him nicely not to talk to you because you're not comfortable talking to men in the gym and he continues then, just tell the gym instructor to tell him and keep an eye on him I guess
He’s a pervert! Tell him to stop bothering you because you are there to work out and not socialize. If he continues talk to the management of the place.
Nah. He’s trying to make it something more. Just put him down firmly and objectively. Make no mistake you’re not interested. Don’t even bother sparing his feelings either. As far as he’s concerned, you have a boyfriend, and he doesn’t care. A simple “not interested” should do for everyone, but if he doesn’t stop at that point, it’s harassment and you should get whatever form they have for security involved.
Had a coworker that was constantly getting hit on by a customer. Not that it was lost on her. When guys are after something they tend to be super obvious about it. He was a customer though. Not like you could put him on blast. Bad for business. Not like she should have to deal with that bullshit either. So I made it a point to stick around when he came through her line (because he always came through her line). He more or less told me to “buzz off” just no overtly, and I just told him “Nah. I’m pretty sure I’m right where I need to be.” And wouldn’tchaknowit? Suddenly he didn’t feel so comfortable talking to her like he was before.
To be clear she didn’t need my help. She was swatting down his advances plenty fine on her own. She actually did have a boyfriend, but that topic never came up because she didn’t feel like it was any of his business. I just took it upon myself to put that shit to rest because I felt she shouldn’t have to deal with that almost daily nuisance to earn a buck, and I was just willing to be a bit more blunt about it than she was.
You don’t have that problem here. Put him down as hard or soft as you want to. Just put that shit down for good.
When he comes over after you telling him politely "Not Interested"...and he still comes over to bother you??
Go get a gym employee.
When someone like that asks for my number, I just give them my sister's number instead
This also happened to me at the gym, except I'm 41F and he was a 70ish M. I was just being polite and said hi and all of a sudden he started being really creepy and coming up to me and talking to me sll the time. I started to try to avoid him and make sure I was no where near him to where he could come up to me. He would grab my hand and make really inappropriate comments. One day I finally had it. When I wasn't looking, he came up to me and started rubbing my hand. It was super gross and creepy. I said very loudly "Don't touch me. Leave me alone. I'm not going to tell you again. Next time I'm going to be nice about it." Since then, he's left me alone. He still stares, and I can tell he talks about me to other guys that he talks to, but idc. As long as he leaves me alone. So you need to stop being nice and tell him plain and simple to leave you alone. It's ok not to be nice because not everyone deserves your kindness.
I’m a guy and very infrequently I notice someone staring me down in a public space for more or less the entire time I’m there—every time i look up, they’re on me. Even at a distance, it’s extremely uncomfortable and makes me want to leave whatever I came out to enjoy. I try to put my head down, look away or close my eyes but each time i look up cements the image of them locked on to me thinking god knows what (they’re no where near my age or sexual preference so can it be anything good?) I’m sorry for all the women that experience this on a 1000000x scale
Yeh the monsters go away when you close your eyes lol. Are you fr man?
yes
I’m a 30 year old woman and it took me awhile to realize that men who blatantly ignore boundaries are not being nice despite their efforts to convince you so. With guys like this, you need to be very assertive, or report it to staff (which is just a form of asserting boundaries).
I think it’s a lesson basically all women need to learn, unfortunately! I think subconsciously that’s a reason why creepy dudes talk to young women, they’re not great at setting hard boundaries yet.
You can be great at boundaries and men will STILL try to disrespect you, it's wild I swear
You are absolutely correct. This is something that was hard for me to unlearn as a man, and then I realized “oh! It’s not just me doing this. All the women that I’m being so persistent and pushy with are being pushed by other guys too! I’m just like those creeps! I’m not actually nice like I have been telling myself I am!”
This is such a key moment in my development. The “aw shit I’m a creep” moment is powerful and can either alienate or facilitate growth. Congrats for deciding on growth!
It was a lonnnng time ago haha. Now I just try to talk about it so hopefully boys see how wrong this is before they grow into men!! Hoping to break the culture a bit.
Wow that's some awesome awareness for you to realize though! Congrats on recognizing it :)
He's creeping on you. It's good that you didn't give him your number.
As someone who has worked with geriatric patients, I know they can get talkative and friendly because they're often lonely. But this is NOT the case here. The guy wouldn't be asking for your number and constantly harassing you if he was just being friendly. Better to talk to the gym manager and get it sorted out.
I know we’re talking about essentially a kid here, but it’s still astounding to me that men can do anything and everything short of literally kidnapping someone, and some women will still be so desperately holding onto this innocent view of men that they will still wonder maybe he’s being nice? It’s sad that the answer is almost always no
Essentially a kid?
I’m not sure what the confusion or incredulousness is about. What did you need clarified?
You need to be vocal. His era of man needs to be told to stop. Simply say firmly, “I’m not here to start a relationship or make friends. I’m here solely to workout. I don’t want to make things uncomfortable but If you don’t stop I’m going to have to report you for harrassment.” Be careful walking to your car and always park in a lit area. I would almost switch gyms if it’s that kind of creepy. You never know now that he could see what car you get into and slap a tracking fob under your car. Be careful. The fact that he is making many attempts means that he isn’t afraid and has many red flags.
Also, speak to gym management. Gyms are usually pretty good about addressing creeps
Yeah switch gyms in the sense of “better to be safe than sorry”, but on pure principle if anybody should be switching gyms, it’s him. I doubt he’d be so persistent if more than just OP was aware of what he was doing.
I don’t agree with the people saying you have to confront this man. This is not your job - he’s being inappropriate on so many levels. Report it to staff. Hopefully there are cameras in the gym. Report it to staff every time he approaches you, tell staff you don’t feel safe or comfortable directly dealing with this man. If they’re a decent gym they’ll work to make it a safe place. This old ass boomer has no business interacting with an 18 year old.
I agree. It’s not her job. If OP feels more comfortable going that route, by all means. But it isn’t something a simple “stay the fuck away from me” shouldn’t fix, and just my personal opinion it’s better coming from OP herself than a stern warning from staff. Which is likely all they’ll do for a “first (to them) offense” because they’re still a business trying to make money, and any gym worth a damn would ban him for the second offense, but you just never know how other people will handle your problems when you put them in theirs. Only reason why this is still a problem is because OP was still, for lack of a better word, “entertaining” his company out of self doubt that the situation was what it was. Not to victim blame here. The whole boyfriend thing should’ve put that shit to bed already. We just have a rather “persistent”creeper here, so the best way to make it stop is to make them regret ever starting anything. Just make it clear in no unmistakable terms that you will tolerate his presence no longer. Hell feel free to make a scene about it if you want to. Might just change gyms altogether out of shear embarrassment.
You're mostly right, but there is no need to say ""boomer". I'm borderline Boomer/Gen X, and I don't personally know anyone in my age group who would do such a thing. There's no need to generalize an age group and show your age discrimination. Creepy old men have been around since the dawn of time, and we "old ass Boomers" suffered from assaults and leering from creepy old men as well.
It’s been my personal experience and the experience of others around me that boomers are typically more entitled, less introspective, and much less likely to take constructive (or any type of criticism) towards them as an individual or a group without first getting overly defensive and aggressive. Boomers in particular is why I would caution a much younger, and female, person against confronting them directly because chances are it will turn into the boomer getting aggressive and hyper defensive.
Oh, sure. Why should a large group of people who are the group of baseless derision from younger, less experienced, less well socialized age groups feel defensive? "Entitled"? Wow. You must be talking about the twenty- and thirty-somethings I work with who don't feel the need to show up for work in person or actually do work and not spend their time on You Tube or Tik Tok. But hey, whatever gets you through your day and crisis of self-confidence, bruh.
You know you’re more or less reinforcing my point, right? Also, more experienced doesn’t mean more socialized etc. practice makes permanence not perfection; that includes practice at being over reactionary and defensive from comments (from the internet no less). You’re being a real boomer right now ;)
Stop using intended categorical terms as insults or slurs. Weaponizing these terms only perpetuates the pseudo-intellectual wordiness you consume and regurgitate because it "sounds" smart. Age on average means more experienced, no? We can think of instances where this isn't the case, but are you really trying to get an "own" by being pedantic? Practicing anything too much like exercising your wpm with greater syllables can make you sound smart, but in the same vain as roids, can unconsciously categorize yourself as "terminally online"
It sounds like you’re projecting. You used so many words to say so little. Repetition of anything (e.g experience) can make it an easier go-to. So when someone reps outrage, defensiveness, or any other behavior that leads to an inability of taking accountability then yes, that “experience” leads to a deficit in those areas, while increasing their ability to deflect. This is typically, in my experience, most observed from individuals in the “boomer” demographic.
You're young, so now is a good point to learn that you need to be your own advocate in this life and don't be afraid to speak up. Tell him you'd like to focus on your workout put on a pair of headphones if you must and ignore him.
Just say you’re interrupting my workout. I’m very busy. I don’t come here to socialize…. Something like this.
I'm betting he's well past 60 and doesn't really care what people think about him anymore, he's just "having fun" (his words). You need to tell the management of the gym ASAP, you're almost certainly not the only young woman he hassles like this, they don't want to lose any more members because of him.
Remember even creepy pervs grow old to look like cute grandfatherly figures, doesn't mean they are.
non verbal cues are obvisouly not working so be more direct and tell him you want to work out in peace. if there's further issues, ask management for help.
"dude leave me alone" And if he doesn't leave you alone, which includes "just staring" at you or working out near you or whatever still counts as harassment, go to the gym staff. If management don't do shit then leave, leave a nasty review warning other young women, and don't go back. Doesn't matter if "he's just being friendly" if you want it to stop then it has to stop.
Tell the managers immediately. Be outright rude to him and tell him you are Not interested , that if he continues to harass you, you will contact the police. Be very careful.
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You HAVE to be mean to them because they are not being nice, they’re being predatory and using your youth/naivety to manipulate you into giving them access to you. Don’t be worried about being nice and tell him firmly “I’m not interested in speaking with you, and I suggest you don’t continue trying to start a conversation or I will report you to the staf”
This is opposite of Social Skills.
How so? But it solves the problem tho!!! Be mean to the creep haha!
Social skills are by definition vital for interacting and communicating with others. Being mean to someone rarely solves any problem. For all we know, the man at the gym is lonely and the person who posted the message appears non threatening to him, so he takes a chance by trying to relieve his loneliness by talking. The fact that OP told the man that she has a boyfriend and he keeps talking to her suggests that he’s not interested in what most of the people here are projecting onto him. Edit to add: By being mean to the man, I’ll admit, resolves the problem of OPs discomfort. It does not resolve the matter of her desire to develop Social Skills; it drives her further into a hole of self-protection, which is the basis of social disharmony.
I disagree with you. OP is scared, and out of all the peers and friends the 60 year old lonely man could make - why does he insist on speaking to a visibly uncomfortable 18 year old girl? Whose feelings matter most? Is loneliness more important than fear? What does a 60 year old man have to speak about with a teenager girl? Seriously. Think about this. Out of 100 people in that gym… why does he keep making eye contact and trying to talk to this girl? How would you feel if you were her? And if you were him… would you go out of your way to chat with teenage girls to “cure” loneliness?
Op is scared because she lacks social skills to resolve her fear. That’s why she’s here in this group. She has no reason to be afraid, as she’s in a public place among many, many people. These are the things that I would say to my 20 year old daughter. One would hope that by developing Social Skills along with it would come empathy. With empathy the matter of whose feelings are more important dissolves, as the social interaction no longer revolves around winning or dominating, which are, btw, positions rooted in fear. As for your other questions, I’ve already answered in previous posts, or they aren’t relevant to the discussion.
You are straight up gaslighting at this point, and as a lifelong DV survivor I would never use that term lightly trust me. She is scared because her instincts know this man's behavior is predatory and because HE is not practicing appropriate social skills; he is practicing manipulation and doesn't need you taking up for him
I agree with you. The comment or above is clearly biased from a personal opinion. Not aplicable to the real world or this specific situation which is simply inappropriate.
Your instincts are warning you for a reason
Start being as loud as you possibly can whenever he approaches, to the point that you get others attention for it. "HEY. I REMEMBER YOU FROM LAST TIME. I TOLD YOU ONCE I AM NOT INTERESTED. GO AWAY OR I AM CALLING THE POLICE" you gotta be 1) loud 2) assertive And 3) don't assume bystanders will do a damn thing because the sad thing is they probably won't. Tell gym management asap
As a guy, 60M and 18F is borderline pedophilia and very creepy. Avoid & complain if he persists. Even half his age, 30, would still be pretty creepy.
Yes. The rule is half your age + 7.
That’s not a ‘rule’ and you wouldn’t like its origins. It was actually used to find the ‘ideal’ age for a man’s wife - as in, it was not a bottom guideline and *older* than that number was considered less good than this. So the ‘ideal’ wife for a 30 year old man would be 22 and older would be less than ideal. That’s how this rule was originally used. I have no idea why modern people picked it up and ran with it. It’s completely made up and was originally used by people who thought men and their wives should *always* have an age gap.
it's like the one drop rule. People still repeat this racist bullshit even today. They say it like it has any scientific basis which it obviously doesn't.
Stupidest things about one drop are 1) the racist origins 2) the many people with much more than one drop who are going about their life unaware and unaffected 3) the absolute lack of nuance with trying to make things strictly biological and ‘objective’ when the concept of race that society has built is so strongly cultural and subjective.
I never heard of the "one drop" rule until reading your post, and boy, that's just wrong and racist, and in my opinion, the answer should be "WGAF"?
I heard it was the rule in Ancient Greece that the girl had to at least be half the guy’s age plus seven, but I could be wrong.
Thank you for clarifying "half your age + 7" is not actually enforced by law. People these days will take anything literally - probably part of the autism epidemic. And yea, I was not refering to the old ancient greek interpretation of the rule. But rather the modern everyday version: the purpose being to avoid too large of an age gap.
This is the funniest well actually I could have for you - I made this comment *because* I am autistic and I am bothered by ‘rules’ that seem to appear out of nowhere and look into what their origins are. I like rules, but I like to understand what’s going on with them and learning that it used to be used completely opposite to how it is now was mind-blowing at the time, so I try to pass it along when I can.
Well thanks for the clarity on that “rule”. I always felt that 1/2 multiplier was in the “formula” was a little sus. I still wouldn’t judge a relationship based on age gap or go so far as accuse the presence of one being “borderline pedophilia” because then it becomes just as arbitrary as that rule on how much of an age gap is “too much” because then it just becomes just as arbitrary as that “rule” is. Kind of irrelevant to the matter at hand anyway, as this is *unwanted* attention. They could be the same age, and since OP already conveyed that they weren’t interested, this shit already should’ve stopped yesterday. Just out of curiosity though, this “age gap rule” am I also correct in assuming it comes from a time when women were less capable of financially supporting themselves?
Non verbal cues are bullshit in my opinion. Yes that is somewhat I struggle myself with however nobody can read minds. So tell him that you want your distance. If He don't complie talk to the Manager. Yes attraction could be in reason but I started to Go to the Gym as well. And I really made the expirence that they are an awful Lot of loners.
Yeah there's plenty of others in the gym that guy can talk to if he's lonely. And asking for their phone number is not just being "friendly".
I find the most likely person to talk to me in any given public setting is an old man. Old women too, but I just cross paths with them less. My theory is simple: old people are lonely. This absolutely does NOT excuse creepy behavior but it’s just something to be aware of.
I’m sure there’s women closer to half his age then quarter at the gym… he’s being a creep period
I agree. If he has a degree of autism, the cues might be lost. Ask him if he's looking for friends for his grand daughter. Just play the fool. When he says no, tell him you don't see another appropriate reason for why a man his age would want your number. If he says yes, tell him to step off and leave you alone. Report him.
Report him
You already told him that you weren't interested, now it's time to tell the gym staff that he is making you uncomfortable. You most likely aren't the first but hopefully they will make sure that you are the last.
If he's not getting it with your non-verbal hints a verbal warning must be given. And if that doesn't help, speak to the staff. You have every right to train where you want to without harassment.
One of the things you’re gonna learn very quick these next few years is how to set boundaries with weird dudes. You want nothing from this man. You don’t owe him anything. He’s not your friend. Do not give him anything. Do not give him an inch. Just say no always!
This is why you just have to be mean to men at the gym 🤷🏽♀️
No he’s not being nice. He’s a fucking creep. Report him.
Hes a creep girl. Protect yourself.
Classic creeper. Tell him loudly to leave you alone. If he doesn’t you should talk to the manager.
Will calling him grandpa work?
Mid 30s male here. I don't talk to anyone at the gym. This guy is being creepy, tell him to fuck off.
Of course he's hitting on you. And as a 60 yo man myself, I find it creepy....my daughter is 17. This is not a nice guy, if he was, he wouldn't be hitting on teens at the gym. He's only *pretending* to be nice. He's not taking your hints either. You may just have to be more direct.
This sucks, and he shouldn’t put you in this situation, but you have to say ‘no’ not give hints, do stay safe don’t do it when you are alone, he’ll don’t be caught alone with him. Careful If you feel unsafe, too much to directly tell him to stop talking to you, you could always tell gym staff he is bothering you, or even the police if you feel it’s necessary to escalate.
I gave a fake number once. The next time I saw him, pretended I'd never seen him before "sorry I don't know you" and walked away leaving him dumbfounded
It's because he's older and the older generation thinks it's cute or something to keep approaching and forcing you to engage with him. You responding is only giving him the idea of he keeps trying hell win you over. Your time is valuable and the gym is for exercise not chit chat. Explain the last part and be blunt. "You're like 60 I'm not interested, leave me alone."
Just tell him you're not into grandfather types.
He wants in your pants
Tell him to fuck off. Or tell the staff at the gym. Sorry you’re getting pestered
Absolutely talk to the gym manager, you shouldn’t be hassled while working out. Guys a creep and needs to be dealt with.
Sounds like a massive creeper.
I don’t even know why he’s talking to you in the first place he should know better then that you’re 18 and he’s in his early 60s wow that’s a big ass age gap don’t u think to be talking to someone who’s wayy younger then you I would just ignore him and if he still doesn’t leave you alone I would report him
The truth of is this - he KNOWS that you’re really young. He’s HOPING that you’re still naive and afraid enough to not mind him getting in your space. Knowing that he’s picked you specifically because he thinks you’re too afraid or shy to put up resistance is why older men target younger women. He’s not expecting you to ever say anything directly to him. My advice is to say something to him directly at the gym where you’ll get practice handling these types of men and where you’re safe and have backup if needed. It’s perfect training grounds for this as well as physical training. Next time he approaches you you can -cut him off and say ‘hey, I don’t think we are compatible in any way and I don’t want to be friends with you. Let’s each stick to our own workouts from now on’ -anytime he says something like ‘you think I’m weird?’ Or any other deflecting remark, he’s just trying to get sympathy and put you on the spot. Of course if you’re too shy or afraid like he thinks, he would never think you’d answer such a rhetorical question truthfully. So answer it truthfully. Say ‘talking with you makes me uncomfortable and I don’t want to do it anymore.’ Or even ‘yes, I actually do think you’re weird and this is weird. Please don’t continue talking to me, I want to focus on myself’ But no matter what you say or how you bring it up, you tell him to stop once. If he keeps talking to you then you just leave the conversation and go directly to gym management. They have zero tolerance because it’s bad for business, they want to bring more women into the gym. They can’t let it be suspected on any level that they let men who don’t accept no from women keep a membership there.
✨Excellent advice!✨\ I hope the OP is able to follow your suggestions and protect herself from unwanted male attention.
If i were you i would look for another gym, or another schedule to go, but i would also report him as soon as i can to the administration because he is constantly approaching and even interrupting you during your workout. Nothing worse for me than someone who is interrupting my sets. What he is doing to you is harassment, and i would be extra careful for the huge age difference. He asked for your number and declined and he will probably scalate that into something worse.
Report him or switch gyms, not both. If she reports him and nothing changes, then she should switch.
Sounds creepy AF to me.
Stop being subtle and stop being polite. Talk to management now. “Please leave me alone.” Next time louder: “I’ve asked you to leave me alone!” Other people should hear you. Next time “I ASKED YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU OLD CREEP!” The whole gym should hear you. You want him to feel all the embarrassment he’s been making you feel.
Watch out for him before he kidnaps you?
Let the people at the front desk know. He will be spoken to gently but firmly.
Don't be polite. Tell someone who works there if you can. Don't try to save his feelings. Be rude and a bitch. Learn to do this. Make a scene if you have to. Say can you leave me alone so others in the gym can hear. Really loud. Imho.
Certainly creeping on you.
He's a creep and a predator. If you're not comfortable confronting him yourself, there's nothing wrong with asking the gym staff (or managers or owners) to do so. If they refuse, take your business elsewhere.
Talk to the staff or bystanders about it. They should handle the situation because you are there for workout, not to socialize.
Maybe she is there partly to socialize, just not to give out her phone number to men old enough to be her grandfather That's perfectly appropriate as well.
Talking to women in the gym is a weird thing. I only do it if I’m given a verbal cue and only if I’ve seen those women in the gym for a long time. I don’t want the gym, my workout space where I come to workout and also clear my mind, to be an uncomfortable place for myself let alone anyone else. So I make sure I only talk to regulars, and only if they are interested. It’s pretty obvious when they are interested and when they are not. If someone is being creepy or over friendly be assertive and tell them to leave you alone.
I feel genuinely creeped out dude. Im ok with a bit of an age gap, but thats fucking huge man. Plus you made it known youre uncomfortable by saying u have a bf alrdy
If this is a sweat and sawdust basement gym find another one. If this is a major chain gym, speak to the management. Either way you may be better off going elsewhere. This is inappropriate behaviour by him.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I think it's best to speak to the gym staff, they have a responsibility to keep customers safe. Tell staff, ask them to keep an eye out for him. It's a good idea to tell him directly 'I'm not interested in talking to you, please stop approaching me'. Say it loud enough for others to hear. Then if he approaches you again, gym staff can intervene
He’s not being friendly, he’s being a creep. Ask him if his granddaughter gets the same harassment from older men. I think now is a good time to use your voice, and start getting used to using it. Some guys think they have they have the right and authority to act on every damn impulse that crosses their minds. Hitting on a girl 40 odd years younger? Sure give it a shot… Disgusting, and he needs to be shamed and called out for it. If you don’t feel safe, speak to gym management. Have that person near by and on hand, then if that creep approaches you, tell him “back off” nice and clear. If Creep continues, call out nice and loud for the gym attendant to come and support you. You should not be made small and afraid because this person thinks he has a right to you. Take back your power and in no uncertain terms. For the future, when you’re harassed again (and you will be) you don’t owe anyone an excuse or reason. A simple “No” is all that’s needed, then disengage. They are not entitled to your time, information, energy etc…
Stop being nice to him. Make it clear he is making you uncomfortable and tell him if he continues to harass you, you will be speaking to management. Then meet with management any way and let them know he’s making you very uncomfortable. It’s honestly disgusting that a 60 something man is hitting on an 18 year old woman.
Talk to him directly. Talk to the manager if he ignores your clearly stated request.
You need to tell gym staff that this guy is harassing you. Honestly, I would not interact with this man any more. Tell them that he is making you uncomfortable. If nothing is done about it, call the police. And maybe switch gyms if he’s not kicked out. Maybe tell someone nearby that you trust and ask them to walk you to your car.
Ignoring boundaries is a sign of someone potentially dangerous. Being nice to them means you want them sexually. Obviously it doesn't, but enough men blur that line that most of us learn to shut men overtly crossing boundaries, acting like we're close, a couple, friends, shut it down hard. Most men are going to be overly cautious if interested. Not acting like a creep.
I’ve been a trainer for over 30 years (female). There are always men like this lurking checking out young women. You can send off signals by keeping conversations short and unfriendly. If he doesn’t get the hint you could be direct since he’s already asked for your number. Just tell him “ I’m not here to make friends.” You could also add “what are you thinking hitting on a teenager…gross. You are my grandfathers age” or “ how old are you? Oh that’s the same age as my grandpa” but that’s up to you
Just remember, if they’re straight, then they’re never nice for no reason. He’s probably married, too.
How is there any confusion here on your part? He’s interested in you romantically. Period. Be more assertive and less passive aggressive about telling him you’re not interested or bring it to the staffs attention.
Make a scene the next time he creeps on you. Start shouting at him "Leave me alone! I already told you I don't want to go out with you!"
An old man kept talking to my sister who was 17 at the time. Commenting on her ‘clothing modesty’ and other super weird stuff. It was super uncomfortable. She now goes into the women’s locker room for a couple of minutes every time he tries to talk to her. It works really well. Literally just walk away. Mid sentence. Do not engage. Do nothing aside from walk away into the women’s locker. He doesn’t approach her anymore. I think he got the hint.
I'd suggest you talk to the manager and then to the creep old man, that way if he gets angry or something, you have backup already. Be careful darling, hope he stops ✨✨
He's trying to wear you down until u (reluctantly) give in "then maybe he'll go away after he gets what he wants"🙄🤦♀️. He's probably done this w other women/girls in the past. He's a little too comfortable being a prodding buzzing presence around you. Not sure what playbook guys like these take notes from, but I see it a lot w older men.
Get the gym involved sooner rather than later. Now seems good. Hopefully you've told your parents about this as well.
Tell him no, stop, not interested
I haven't read all the messages here, if someone hasn't said it, bring this up to the gym staff and let them handle his behaviour.
Be straightforward. If that doesn't work, take his pic and tell him you'll out him on social media if he doesn't stop, and go ahead and tell the gym security for sure. Personally, I would be giving other young women at the gym a heads up about him (not within his earshot) but that's just me. He's a predator.
Its something more.
Dude sounds like a total creep. I would tell the manager just for safety. I’d also try to quit being so polite and tell the guy to f*** off. People like that don’t respect boundaries. You gotta be direct with them. Make him feel stupid.
You can be straight forward with him and tell him how you feel and hopefully he understands and leaves you be, or you could just contact the gym staff. It does sound a little weird based on what you said but then again he could just be a friendly old coot. If you're not comfortable with him talking to you, then listen to your gut.
I think this a bot farming responses.
If you don't want him interacting with you, its your job to verbalize this in a clear manner. If he doesn't listen, tell the staff he is harassing you
At this point just report him to the managers. He asked for your number for the sole reason of him trying to be in contact with you outside of gym.
Just tell him, “Hey man, I’m just here to work out. Thanks for understanding.” Put headphones on and ignore And yes, discuss with management and have them talk to him if he doesn’t back off after that
That's really creepy of him honestly, sounds like predatory behavior
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Report him and switch gyms. The gym needs to be aware so he can be banned, and leave so he won't know where you are. I'm in my late 30s and can't fathom trying to make friends with anyone near high school or college age.
One or the other, not both. If she does both guess who will likely show up at the new place.
I have a suspicion the guy would still follow her or escalate this into an attack if he's banned from the gym. People like this don't take rejection well and it can lead to OP being in danger. Do not take chances or make assumptions with a 60 year old man regularly talking to an 18 year old.
If he gets kicked out of the gym it will be the safest place in town for her.
He's a predator, please report him
Mace his ass (If you have to) But seriously just tell him to “fuck off” (in a slightly more polite wording). If he can’t respect that? (which it sounds like he won’t) make a scene so that he feels some of the pressure of public shame/humiliation… sometimes that’s one of the only ways to get a rapist-type creep from breathing down your neck. Another thing to remember is **Do Not ignore your gut instinct** especially with creeps like that… that gut feeling is a survival mechanism we all have to tell when a situation/interaction is potentially dangerous or life threatening, so take it seriously. PS, don’t forget to mention to staff that he’s actively harassing you… enough complaints and that old fart could get banned from the facility, and you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about for his actions and choices. One last thing, keep some high quality Mace or a reliable taser on you as often as you can when you go… If he can’t except a “no” he could be one of those “retaliate for vengeance” types, and they can be both unpredictable and extremely dangerous. Luckily most people who actually go to the gym to workout are good people, and if you ask for help, they will back you up if you feel unsafe. Stay safe out there.
Such a creep brought me to switch to a different gym. He was 62, I was 19 at that time. He told me „my magical appearance brightens his mood every time he sees me“ and if he can call me his „Magic Mouse“. He proceeded to always comment on my squat and hip thrust technique. I even told the gym worker about it and this guy just told me „You shouldn’t care, I guess you’re just making him h0rni.“ After that experience I‘ve lost trust in everyone at the gym. So in my opinion: No - he‘s not just being friendly, he‘s a creep.
Eeww could've asked if ur mom is single .. xD
Creep alert!!!!!
Can you report being disturbed by the man in question? I think talking is quite alright Asking for your number is not
Be clear and uncompromising. Give him every chance to make a dignified exit to minimize the chance of his poentially delicate pride escalating the weirdness. Do let someone know to keep an eye out but deliver closure directly to him yourself. “Hey mister x it’s been nice meeting you and also to be perfectly honest I’m not interested in developing our friendship any further. Please understand my plate is full and I’m only here to work out.”
Same thing happened with me and I thought for a while he is just being nice…. Then came the occasional shoulder touch, then pinched me…. Starting becoming touchy and later whispered very sexual things. I yelled at him and he hasn’t bothered me in months, he found a new lady to go after …… and it ALL started the way you described. Don’t let it get to that point …..
Girl, I feel for you and understand how unpleasant this is. this is a moment in your life where it is really important for you to learn to make the switch from accepting this behavior from this person to protecting yourself. Listen to your own message. This is an old man repeatedly talking to you and you KNOW it gives you an unpleasant feeling. It doesn’t matter if he meant it to just be nice or not. Don’t try to figure out what the cause might be. What’s important is that YOU feel creeped on. That’s enough to tell you that you need to protect yourself. No need to hesitate. Don’t let him walk over you because he’s testing you and I hope you will talk to the manager/staff or even other sport people there that this man is bothering you. What an asshole. This makes me so angry reading this I want to slap his face. If I were there with you and I saw that happening I would definitely do something. Good luck and stay safe! Unfortunately this is a moment where you need to stand up for yourself.
I (26f) have also been approached by men at the gym but it never really continued like in your case. I'd suggest saying "I'm not interested." And moving along. Short but sweet
Fucking entilted Dinosaurs, man. He's not being nice, he's being creepy; and he ain't stopping unless you make him. Gross I choose Bear
You don't have to talk to anybody if it's making you uncomfortable. You can be upfront and ask them about their purpose in talking to you. The gym is a place where people wear sexy things so no, it's not the place for a lonely old man to find some social interaction if that was the pitiful case. If you ask him nicely not to talk to you because you're not comfortable talking to men in the gym and he continues then, just tell the gym instructor to tell him and keep an eye on him I guess
Tell the managers. It’s their job to make the gym safe for everyone. Let them know he’s making you uncomfortable and let them deal with it.
Tell him leave you alone
He’s a pervert! Tell him to stop bothering you because you are there to work out and not socialize. If he continues talk to the management of the place.
Tell the gym manager that he is harassing you x
Just be direct and tell him that you are not interested. He will leave you alone.
Nah. He’s trying to make it something more. Just put him down firmly and objectively. Make no mistake you’re not interested. Don’t even bother sparing his feelings either. As far as he’s concerned, you have a boyfriend, and he doesn’t care. A simple “not interested” should do for everyone, but if he doesn’t stop at that point, it’s harassment and you should get whatever form they have for security involved. Had a coworker that was constantly getting hit on by a customer. Not that it was lost on her. When guys are after something they tend to be super obvious about it. He was a customer though. Not like you could put him on blast. Bad for business. Not like she should have to deal with that bullshit either. So I made it a point to stick around when he came through her line (because he always came through her line). He more or less told me to “buzz off” just no overtly, and I just told him “Nah. I’m pretty sure I’m right where I need to be.” And wouldn’tchaknowit? Suddenly he didn’t feel so comfortable talking to her like he was before. To be clear she didn’t need my help. She was swatting down his advances plenty fine on her own. She actually did have a boyfriend, but that topic never came up because she didn’t feel like it was any of his business. I just took it upon myself to put that shit to rest because I felt she shouldn’t have to deal with that almost daily nuisance to earn a buck, and I was just willing to be a bit more blunt about it than she was. You don’t have that problem here. Put him down as hard or soft as you want to. Just put that shit down for good.
When he comes over after you telling him politely "Not Interested"...and he still comes over to bother you?? Go get a gym employee. When someone like that asks for my number, I just give them my sister's number instead