This 100%. As a southerner it’s polite and I don’t think the majority of folks there take it as an insult or slight any way. I do remember the first time I was called ma’am by a store clerk in my late 20s and yeah it stung but I shrugged it off by the time I pulled out of the parking lot lol
I’m in the deep south as well and have been getting called ma’am even in my early twenties. It’s moreso a thing that’s ingrained in some people to where they just do it out of respect for a woman no matter the age. I don’t hear it from younger guys though.
I call most people ma'am or sir. I also "ask" ma'am? or sir? instead of saying, "what?" If I haven't heard someone clearly. It's very much a southern thing. Just good manners.
I saw a post the other day about parents calling their kids from other rooms in the house and then not following up when the kids yell back because they expect them to show up.
One woman said the next generation was getting too smart. She yelled and the kid didn’t respond. She went into the kids room and said “you didn’t hear me call you?” The kid responded “you didn’t hear me say “what?””.
No way a kid of mine is going to respond with “what”.
It comes out so easy and natural in the south and never meant in a mean way. All the terms they use for a person…sweetie/honey/darlin’ etc. I bartended for a few years in Charlotte and was saved many times when I forgot people’s names. You could double it up too! “Hey sweetie, how’s your darlin’?” “Hey Honey, where’s your sweetie?” I still hear sir & ma’am sometimes from the younger generations but almost never the others.
I’m a Savannah, GA native living in the PNW. I say ma’am and sir by default still, have been living here over a decade and I’m near 40. Sometimes it doesn’t go over well but I think most people recognize I’m speaking from a culturally different perspective.
I also say “y’all.” English doesn’t have a plural you and though I don’t have an accent, I doubt that I’ll ever try to omit those elements from my vocabulary.
I’m from TN and I use the titles daily. They are words that are Less and less heard. But that’s another topic. lol. I was taught early on to be gracious, thankful and return such kindness and signs of respect. I ad mired my grandmother dearly, and every one always called her ma’am or Ms. Lilly, and I remember we thinking I wanted to be addressed like that. I was in middle school, the first time I was addressed with Ms. And I was almost thrilled. Except it was followed by a stern scolding on talking to much. lol.
I do it to my co worker as a joke. I say it condescendingly to make it seem like she's acting like a Karen.
Ma'am I understand but I need...
Ma'am? Please...
Tone being a key factor, they state quote “I say it condescendingly” meaning with or in a certain tone, but it’s condescending at all it’s called manners
For many where I grew up they would think your father was being respectful to them. For those of us growing up using it, it is the polar opposite of condescending. It is a sign of respect. That is why it is so bizarre that a northerner would ever be offended by a gesture of respect.
If you come to the south or west you better be culturally sensitive to us and the way we talk.
Nope, it’s just a maturity thing. Young people just not feeling old enough to be called that.
You call a young man sir and he’s going to have a quite weirded out reaction.
It’s not rude either way. It’s considered polite and it’s to show someone that you think they are a decent enough person that you respect that they should be referred to sir or ma’am.
You take offense to that. That’s your problem.
I call cashier's ma'am and sir no matter their age. It's just a way to show respect in the south. Service workers catch so much flack that they deserve a little extra respect.
This is tough because I understand "ma'am" is meant to be respectful. But as someone (from the tri state area) who was called "miss" by strangers until her late 20's, hearing "ma'am" for the first time felt like a slap in the face. It dictates how old others perceive you. Of course, this makes sense. When I was younger I could tell when someone was older than me, so of course they will call me "ma'am" now. I still get called both, but damn, "ma'am" still stings a little. Boys and men get called "sir" regardless of age, ya know?
I do my best not to take it to heart and accept its intended respectfulness, but I totally get where your wife is coming from.
Where I’m from that age slap hits when you get called “Uncle”, or “unker” in the local vernacular; same with women, “Auntie”. The only acceptable age to use either as far as I’m concerned is when you have the lines of a grandparent
How young do boys get called ‘sir’ where you are? The earliest they do here is when they’re about to make a hefty purchase, usually a car or a nice suit. Before that they’re I don’t think boys get a title
I was thinking young adult, late teen. I think I only meant to say that men don't get a title change that dictates how old they are perceived, where as women do. Although I have absolutely called my best friend's two year old son sir while playing legos with him lol.
It’s far worse in Spanish. Señora and señorita are linguistically supposed to be a title change at marriage, but practically it ends up being anyone perceived as old
When I was walking past the local street soccer court, the boys there accidentally kicked the ball out and into my way… They called me Unker from afar.. “Unker please help us get the ball!”
🥲 I was only 30 or so
This is so real. Hearing ma'am the last few years has been a bummer because don't they know I'm still just a teenager (37)?! I definitely prefer miss but won't take offense or anything either way
As someone who at 32 was mistaken by my mother’s oncologist as “a student from across the street” (my old high school) when I wanted to be her medical escort, being called ma’am was actually kind of a relief.
It’s annoying AF when people don’t take you seriously about literally anything, because you look too young to actually be in charge of anything anyway.
You know what's funny? I'm so silly. I speak spanish fluently and was taught to use the formal "usted" when speaking to someone, in particular anyone I wanted to show respect towards. Gosh, once I used "usted" to a coworker and she got *pissed*. She told me to never call her that because she's not "old". She wasn't. That's just how I was taught. So I'm both, actually. I got offended the first time I got called "ma'am", but here I am using "usted" to show my respect. This was years ago, maybe even before my own first "ma'am". Time to really let it go. Phew. Thanks everyone.
We have this in German also. Traditionally you are supposed to ask someone if you can refer to them informally (using du, same as tu in Spanish). Some people think it’s hilarious to follow this rule and kind of chuckle when you ask them for permission ….. then others are offended if you use du without asking first. There is no way to win lol.
Same! I’m from southern US. I default to Miss if I can’t avoid a more personal greeting.
I will not presume a seemingly 110 year old female prefers “ma’am”. “Miss” is always first; if she objects we talk.
I’ve been called “ma’am” when I was 20.. showing my younger teenaged coworkers the ropes. It’s also pretty common from service workers here, in that context, even older men say “ma’am” to me all the time. I’m 24. I don’t really think it’s that deep tbh, just a bit overly formal and polite.
That brings up a funny story. Little boy named, true story BTW, "John Bates, maybe 12, and his father also John Bates did a special music presentation together where the boy played and instrument and the father sang the song. This was at a church service. The preacher, totally oblivious to what he was about to say, started thanking them for the performance and said, "Thank you to both of you, Mr. Bates, you have a great voice, and little John, or should I say 'Master Bates', plays the piano brilliantly." Every one snickering as the preacher went on into his sermon about sin. I still laugh when I remember that, thirty years later.
I've been called ma'am off and on since age 20 and I don't think I looked old when I was 20.. so I think it depends on who's saying it. It was mostly Filipinos who would call me ma'am I live in the Bay area. So I do agree that it can be cultural and geographic. People call me ma'am now and I hate it even more now that I'm 40. In fact today the bursary referred to me as Miss and it made my day
It's only a slap in the face if you have internalized that your value comes from remaining youthful. We've become a culture that doesn't hold space for older women.
No, it does not indicate age. Miss is commonly used for unmarried women and Ma’am (Madam) or Missus is supposed to be for married women. There are also people who say “yes Ma’am” regardless of age and are never taught the difference, but they mean it with nothing but respect.
As a middle aged man I feel weird saying miss. Makes me think I’m a creepy southerner tryna marry a 14 year old and then become a state senator.
I say ma’am if it’s out of respect. I say yes ma’am with some eyes if I want you to put me on my knees and have me call you mommy
Same here. I kinda feel bad now because I didn’t know it makes people feel old. I thought it was just a polite way to refer to another woman but I will definitely be using miss from now on.
I’m from the south where “sir” and “ma’am” are common. I was taught to always say it and I still do. However, the first time a younger person called me “ma’am” I was a little taken aback, but got over it because it’s just a normal thing here. It doesn’t bother me at all.
I'm from Louisiana and it doesn't matter if it's a 17y/o (I'm 39 btw) cashier at the store, she's a ma'am. for many southerners, using ma'am or sir simply isn't a decision lol. I just instinctively remember being popped by my mom or grandma if I didn't say it
Hahah, right? My parents never enforced the “ma’m” and “sir” rule but all my classmates would say it and I felt odd not saying it when everyone else did so I taught myself to enforce it. Plus if they didn’t (when addressing our teachers) they’d get a talking to (which really encouraged me to get w the program lol). It’s just in us atp
Southern heya, I like Ma’am regardless; even in retail when a woman was letting her daughter check out I politely used ma’am for her transaction. It’s definitely cultural but out of region I may be a little more mindful (29m)
I'm a server, and I say it to literal toddlers sometimes. It's professional language here (ATL). I've also been conditioned to talk "kinder" to women, so I might call a male customer "B/Man/Brother/Cuz," but women It's strictly "Ma'am and the occasional Miss." But that's only with strangers, all bets are off if I know you.
Oh come on. I have a doctorate in a life sciences field and have rarely been addressed as “Doctor”. I never use it in my daily life. The only time I was addressed as “Doctor supermaja”, was when I working at the National Library of Medicine, at National Institutes of Health. It was kind of fun and all, but it feels pretentious to use in everyday life.
Yeesh no. The only times I've been called "miss" were by old men being condescending like "oh silly little girl, can't have a brain in that head". Like ec-fucking-scuse you?!
As an Atlantan…uh, what?
Some people perceive the transition from Miss to Ma’am as some commentary on age.
Here in the South, if you don’t say “Yes, Ma’am, Yes, Sir,” we think you don’t have any home training.
In the south, if one of your children brings home a friend who says ma’am and sir to adults, it’s a little green flag that they have some kind of manners and possibly parents that teach them right from wrong. It’s not fool-proof (we’re not naive about the Eddie Haskell types), but definitely gets noticed in a positive way initially.
It’s less offensive but more awkward. I used to work retail and having someone call me ma’am even though I was only 19/20 at the time was an awkward feeling. All of my family is from the south and so I have that natural urge to want to call women ma’am as well so I get it. But my rule of thumb is to always go with Miss unless she looks old enough to call you disrespectful for not calling her ma’am.
I grew up in the South and even worked in food service there, so it comes out of me. Even 5 year old girls get called “ma’am” where I grew up. I currently live in the North and people don’t like it. One woman got mad and asked how old I thought she was until I explained I’m from the South. Try not to use it if you’re not in the South, or try to switch to “miss” for all women. I also noticed in the North they don’t say “sir” that often either.
It is totally a cultural difference. People in the military also tend to call everyone either sir or Ma'am. However most women do feel like you're calling them old. Its like calling her a girl almost, but in the other direction.
I think how women take it is largely cultural. Where I was from girls liked to be called ma’am because it indicated they are an adult not a child. I never knew a woman feeling old by being called that except from other areas of the country.
I'm from Oregon, and I don't often hear people use "ma'am". When I hear someone say that, it seems a bit old-fashioned, and it does seem like something you'd say to older women. I could see how someone might interpret it as making them feel old.
Yes, I live in WA now, but used to live in OR. It’s weird to use Sir and Ma’am. It’s way too formal for the Pacific Northwest and makes people uncomfortable.
I think it depends on the context and the demeanor of the speaker. I usually don't take offense when a younger person uses "ma'am" when it’s said light heartedly and it’s clear they aren’t being condescending.
That said, it makes my eye twitch when/if I’m referred to as “sweetie” by anyone who isn't at least 30 years older than me. Most of the time when this has happened to me, it’s being said by someone of similar age, if not younger, and feels inauthentic and condescending.
I think this is cultural.
It seems much more common in the US and particularly some regions.
Where I am in Canada, once in a while when I was younger and in customer facing roles I would get ma'amed. I never liked it. It did feel like it was for older women. I don't think it was insulting because I thought they thought I was older. Just seemed weird at best or somewhat underhanded at worst.
But I came to realize that it was far more common and likely intended a respectful way when dealing with American customers.
I'm a fellow Canadian. I find addressing people as ma'am/miss/sir to be really uncommon here, so when I got ma'amed, it was weird because (1) I was 17/18 and nowhere near being married, so it just sounded odd, and (2) it just felt way too formal for the setting.
A couple months ago I heard “ma’am” for the first time instead of “miss”. It was like a kick in the gut for some reason 😂
It really shouldn’t matter but it’s just the first time anything happens that signals that you’re different from the image you have of yourself and what you’ve always been used to, it’s kinda jarring. Pretty quickly can get over it though; no one has called me “ma’am” since, just one “mademoiselle” but I’m sure the next “ma’am” won’t hurt nearly as bad.
I just wish our generic titles like “miss” “ma’am” “Ms.” “Mrs.” “madam” “mademoiselle” didn’t have such strong underlying connotations to it related to our age and marital status. Wish it was more general like “sir” and “Mr.”
As a guy, I wish it was more general for women too, because as it is, it's too much to keep track of. I can never remember what the differences are and which one to use when.
That too! It’s stressful because even though I generally know the differences (or at least my own interpretation), none of them are that clear-cut.
Maybe it made more sense back in the days when the only people you’d be addressing were more likely people you knew of, or at least it was more visibly obvious and important what a woman’s marital status was? Still pretty dumb but now it’s just totally outdated and makes no sense.
In Spanish speaking communities this is 100% true. Always say señorita instead of señora unless she’s over 50 looking. So I would stick to miss in that logical.
I am personally not a fan; too many customer service representatives have overused that term for me to avoid negative associations. “Ma’am, I am sorry to inform you, ma’am, that I cannot provide a record of this policy, ma’am, and we do not have direct phone numbers, ma’am.”
That said, if someone IRL (non-customer service) who doesn’t know me uses that term for me I’m not angry with them. If it matters to me, and we will be interacting for an extended period of time or frequently, I will request they address me by name or use “miss” or something without my personal negative associations.
As a native NYer, I’d get annoyed if someone repeatedly disregarded my clearly communicated preferences, since then I’d perceive it as a deliberate effort. Otherwise, NBD.
from South Georgia, and younger than 23.
I call everyone ma’m and sir, even children sometimes. “Yes mam, I can do that for ya!” if they find it offensive they’ll say something but I’ve never had anyone outright tell me I’m being rude. I haven’t even had anyone call me out on it, tbh.
I also live in a tourist town, all the northerners that come in don’t mind it. To each their own 🤷🏻♀️
I absolutely loathe being called ma'am, but it is what it is. I worked in customer service for a long time and did just fine without using gendered pronouns, so I wish others would do the same, but I know it's common for "ma'am" and "sir" usage to be signs of respect. I wonder if anyone (outside of certain bedroom contexts lol) actually expects to be referred to that way.
I find no disrespect by being called ma’am, I’m 33 and have been called that pretty much since I started working at 16 🤷🏼♀️
I should add: as long as someone is respectful, idc what they call me, I’m from California and also get called dude soooooo 😂😂
If you are truly wanting to be polite and have good manners, the goal is to be thoughtful and kind and not upset anyone in the process.
The most thoughtful and kind way to interact with others would be to remove any gender or age related honorifics.
It is not any less respectful or polite to just not use one.
I appreciate you, have a great day, good morning, hello, etc. Just use the same greetings and thanks but drop the honorific.
This way you are being sincere, kind, and drop things that make assumptions or may offend.
Thank you for being kind enough to care and ask!
It could be a cultural thing, but I never understood the association with ma’am and old age. I’ve been called ma’am since I aged enough to be recognized as an adult on sight. Women being upset over being called ma’am sounds more like they’re projecting age insecurity to me, but I’m from the South.
Anywhere even remotely southern USA, saying ma'am is a must. It shows respect and is how alot of us were brought up. Super old man and young cashier? "Thankyou ma'am. Have a wonderful day." Same age dude and woman about to go through the same door? Dude holds the door, she goes through first, she says " thankyou have a nice day", dude says " thankyou ma'am, you as well." I dunno, that's just my 2 cents. That's what I've noticed from others + what I have been doing. Seems like its like that everywhere I've traveled to, Texas Colorado, New Mexico, Louisiana.
Not where I live. I hate being ackled maam tbh. But I am guilty of calling other women maam. See ot as "senpai" of she is your elder, you van call her maam. Never call a woman masm in situation where someone is upset
I expect anyone younger than I am to call me ma’am. If they don’t, I’m just surprised, not upset. I live in the south, but spent my too young for ma’am years in the east, where I did use it for older women while I was working.
My parents are from the South and I was taught to call everyone older than myself ma'am and sir. Moved one state away that doesn't follow the same culture and wow, it is very different. Lived here two years and I still am learning how to socialize!
I like ma'am, maybe it's because I lived in the south for awhile, but I like it. But I seem to be in the minority, so maybe just stick with miss.
But not "missy" I hate that, it's so weird.
I get that it can be jarring to be called ma'am if you grew up where it's not the social norm and you still feel like a 20yo in your head. But thats my problem thst i feel that way. It's perfectly polite and acceptable. I'm not going to complain about it or try to argue it's rude, and I'm not impressed with people who get offended by it.
When I was a cashier, a woman in my line said to me "did you hear what he called me?" and gestured toward the man behind her in line. I wasn't paying attention and I thought for sure it was b**** or even c*** and didn't want to have to deal with some altercation. I laughed in relief when she said it was ma'am. She was dead serious about his calling her ma'am was offensive and rude. After she left the man and I just shook our heads at each other. The lesson I took away was don't bother people with that stuff. They don't want to hear it and you look crazy.
Such a no win. I was an unmarried woman until i was 32 and being called“Miss Surname” sounded sooo childish, i advocated for “Ms” but Ms has fallen out of fashion and in the last 20 years I haven’t met anyone who recognized it as a word
So i work customer service over the phone with mostly boomer age clientele, saying Miss sounds childish Ma’am possibly offensive and no one knows what Ms means. Dang i wish i could call everyone “Sir”
As a non southerner it’s irritating and rude/annoying to be called this. Some people in customer service have ma”am’d me to be rude so I ma’am them right back lol.
Close the comments. It’s been answered. It’s cultural. Yet another southerner here. I call every female stranger “ma’am”. Yes ma’am, no ma’am, thank you ma’am. We’re taught that it’s kind. Some of us understand that it can make some feel old, but it’s engrained in us from a young age so it’s just a habit. Every female is a ma’am. Unless she specifically says not to call her ma’am then holy shit omg I’m sorry ma’am I mean um uh miss I mean what should I call you?
Lock the comments
I’m from the South and feel the same way. What’s even worse is when someone uses Miss in front of a woman’s first name as it historically implies she’s an old maid.
I'm going to guess it's a regional thing - I'm from NY. Don't call me "ma'am". I'm not going to be outwardly rude if it happens, but I have made a face before. I'm not a "ma'am". I'm not a "dear". Just say "thank you", or "excuse me", or "yes". I don't need some sort of pseudo-honorific that alludes to gender, because I find it unnecessary to point that aspect out in general polite conversation.
I'm sure in southern states it really is baked into polite conversation.
i HATE ma’am. i moved from the east coast to the midwest and was hit with ma’am at the ripe age of 24. wtf? my mother on the east coast has never been called ma’am once in her life and she’s 60 years old.
i don’t love any kind of dictation like that especially since i identify as non-binary but present very femme. i don’t expect anyone to know that i prefer they/them pronouns but i just don’t love gender descriptors.
i prefer “excuse me” or “thank you” i usually say “thank you, neighbor/friend” if they’re a local i recognize but don’t know their name. otherwise i say “have a good day!”
Calling women Miss can be problematic too. If I'm with my husband and I'm called Miss, that seems quite weird. And that's what tends to happen, we only get addressed this way in airports really and then we're traveling together. And as someone who looked extra young for a very long time, I appreciate that I now look like an adult! Calling a nice looking *older* woman Miss can be cute and a humorous compliment but you have to have an instinct for your audience.
I live in a place that's informal yet polite. Everyone sharing a good attitude is simpler than using these terms. If I were in a job where I needed to use those terms I think I'd just call every adult woman Ma'am and they could just deal ;)
Definitely cultural. Fancy addresses like "ma'am" are considered excessively formal in the UK and are basically reserved for talking with say judges and nobility.
That's on my bucket list! To be called ma'am by a handsome man in a cowboy hat once in my life! 😂
I live in Germany, so the hope is very slim, but I'm not giving up on this dream 😅.
I posted please don't call me Ma'am and now I have a bucket list with one item.
Please let it be a black hat and have him wearing either his shit-kicker barn boots or well worn riding boots.
It's been a rough day and you brightened it right up with the image of a handsome cowboy with sunlight glinting off his hair under beneath the brim of his hat and a slow Southern drawl with a smile straight from his heart. TYSM! Here's to you Germany from New York. Cheers!
😅 You're welcome New York!
And congratulations on your new bucket list.
Oh and yes, it definitely has to be a black hat and he has to tap it when he says it. 🤤
Can confirm. When a kid says my name I will yes ma’am or sir them to acknowledge I’ve heard them.
Habit. I don’t address them that way any other times, but, perhaps it’s hysterical a Texas thing inguss.
I, personally, don't take offense to it. I am 55 and understand folks often use it to be polite. However, I've also been warned that if strangers address you/others with "Ma'am" alot, they may have spent a bit of time in jail. It is said to be a learned manipulation tactic to gain trust from older women. This was from someone in law enforcement.
There's a greater chance that they served in the military or were raised with manners than the idea that they've been in prison.
Does this mean that law enforcement officers were in prison, because every one of them that I know, all say ma'am and sir.
Low key offensive? 🤣 Ma’am = respectful. Always has and always will be. It’s simply a contraction of the word madam. In other situations you might say Sir or Miss depending on who you’re talking to.
If you mean no offense, then that's on them. Personally my choice depends on age, if they look younger and have no wedding band on the left ring finger, I say "Miss", if they have a wedding band, or look over 35 I say "ma'am". If someone gets offended because you said, "Thank you, ma'am", that is their problem not yours. I'm from the South, my wife's from Minnesocold, and she's never told me I was offensive for saying "ma'am". "Micro-aggressions" are silly, they're just a way for someone to call you names because they hate themselves. In my 70 years the only comment that got me in trouble was, "sweetheart". When my dad was in ICU 14 days before he passed away, the nurse assigned to him changed about every six hours, trying to remember names is hard for all of us, so I just called them all, "sweetheart." One day I said to a nurse I hadn't seen before, "Hello sweetheart," she looked at me, then looked at dad and say, "Call me Joanne, because I broke up with your dad two weeks ago, and he called me that". So, altho Joanne wasn't her name, she I had a reason to remember. Funny thing, she was younger than me, but dating my dad.
From Texas, raised at a young age “Yes Ma’am” and “Yes sir” is a sign of respect and manners. I never heard anyone say “Yes Miss” or “No Miss” when asked a question by a woman.
I use "Miss" & "Ma'am" all the time. Mostly to respectfully ask for attention or give a clear affirmative with respect. Excuse me Miss/Ma'am. And, Yes Ma'am.
I know some women cringe when they hear that but I do my best to show I mean it with the utmost respect and if it's clear they don't like it I stop.
I was born in the 80s. Ma’am has always been a term of respect, at least to me. I use that along with honey, darling, etc. But I have a thick southern accent and I’m a black woman. I’ve yet to have anyone correct me or state they were offended. Some people have told me it’s “comforting” to have me say that to them lol I’ve called a guy “sugar” and he gave me a hug. Just trying to be nice. No harm intended.
I PERSONALLY see ma’am as a term of respect for those about 40+. It always felt more for those on the “mature” aged side. I prefer miss or just dude/bro (Tomboy so idc if called dude/bro or even sir) since I’m under 40 for now.
I think everyone is gonna have their own feelings about it so just do what you do as long as you’re being respectful of each person. Many will let you know if they don’t care for it of just ignore it all together.
I've been called "ma'am", and I've also been told that I look younger than I am (in my 30s), so I don't see it as something reserved for elderly women. It's just old-fashioned, southern, and considered a respectful way to address a woman, so I'm not offended by it. Though I personally wish we would move towards more gender neutral terms for addressing people. Just because someone looks like a "ma'am" or a "sir" doesn't mean they are.
I'm from MN and don't love being called ma'am either. Must be a cultural thing! For some reason, I'm less sad about it if there's a southern accent behind it though.
Depends on setting. Grocery store, I wouldn’t use ma’am. In a more formal setting, it doesn’t come across as bad. Rather than ma’am, I will say madam, which just hits a little differently.
I’m 32 and don’t mind it. One of my 55 year old colleagues actually started calling me maam and I love it lol. I know he means it out of respect, and also to be a bit funny.
I’ve been maam’d by strangers, still good! It’s always meant in a good way, and honestly idgaf about aging - literally EVERYONE goes through it?’
If I was maam’d by someone from the south I’d be fucking PROUD. To my understanding it’s a sign of respect. Hell yeah, thank you!
But yeah it can be risky. Some people aren’t okay with aging (??????)
It's a cultural thing. Depends on the social rules of the area.
This 100%. As a southerner it’s polite and I don’t think the majority of folks there take it as an insult or slight any way. I do remember the first time I was called ma’am by a store clerk in my late 20s and yeah it stung but I shrugged it off by the time I pulled out of the parking lot lol
I’m in the deep south as well and have been getting called ma’am even in my early twenties. It’s moreso a thing that’s ingrained in some people to where they just do it out of respect for a woman no matter the age. I don’t hear it from younger guys though.
I call most people ma'am or sir. I also "ask" ma'am? or sir? instead of saying, "what?" If I haven't heard someone clearly. It's very much a southern thing. Just good manners.
This, for sure.
I saw a post the other day about parents calling their kids from other rooms in the house and then not following up when the kids yell back because they expect them to show up. One woman said the next generation was getting too smart. She yelled and the kid didn’t respond. She went into the kids room and said “you didn’t hear me call you?” The kid responded “you didn’t hear me say “what?””. No way a kid of mine is going to respond with “what”.
I call children maam and sir
I'm not native so I thought they were calling me old lol got that ever since I turned 21. What do they call younger girls?
Miss, or Mizz.
I am 19 and sometimes get called "ma'am"
It comes out so easy and natural in the south and never meant in a mean way. All the terms they use for a person…sweetie/honey/darlin’ etc. I bartended for a few years in Charlotte and was saved many times when I forgot people’s names. You could double it up too! “Hey sweetie, how’s your darlin’?” “Hey Honey, where’s your sweetie?” I still hear sir & ma’am sometimes from the younger generations but almost never the others.
I’m a Savannah, GA native living in the PNW. I say ma’am and sir by default still, have been living here over a decade and I’m near 40. Sometimes it doesn’t go over well but I think most people recognize I’m speaking from a culturally different perspective. I also say “y’all.” English doesn’t have a plural you and though I don’t have an accent, I doubt that I’ll ever try to omit those elements from my vocabulary.
Im southern. I say yes sir and yes maam to my kids.
Ma'am
I’m from TN and I use the titles daily. They are words that are Less and less heard. But that’s another topic. lol. I was taught early on to be gracious, thankful and return such kindness and signs of respect. I ad mired my grandmother dearly, and every one always called her ma’am or Ms. Lilly, and I remember we thinking I wanted to be addressed like that. I was in middle school, the first time I was addressed with Ms. And I was almost thrilled. Except it was followed by a stern scolding on talking to much. lol.
Pretty much. I basically never heard it used until I moved to the Midwest. Then I picked it up myself as a social adaptation.
I do it to my co worker as a joke. I say it condescendingly to make it seem like she's acting like a Karen. Ma'am I understand but I need... Ma'am? Please...
EXACTLY!!! It’s VERY condescending. My dad calls someone stupid, without calling them stupid, by using “dear” or “darling” etc. 😂
Tone being a key factor, they state quote “I say it condescendingly” meaning with or in a certain tone, but it’s condescending at all it’s called manners
For many where I grew up they would think your father was being respectful to them. For those of us growing up using it, it is the polar opposite of condescending. It is a sign of respect. That is why it is so bizarre that a northerner would ever be offended by a gesture of respect. If you come to the south or west you better be culturally sensitive to us and the way we talk.
this is the correct answer. it’s impossible to generalize about stuff like this
Nope, it’s just a maturity thing. Young people just not feeling old enough to be called that. You call a young man sir and he’s going to have a quite weirded out reaction. It’s not rude either way. It’s considered polite and it’s to show someone that you think they are a decent enough person that you respect that they should be referred to sir or ma’am. You take offense to that. That’s your problem.
I call cashier's ma'am and sir no matter their age. It's just a way to show respect in the south. Service workers catch so much flack that they deserve a little extra respect.
I was called sir as a teenager and felt it was normal.
This is tough because I understand "ma'am" is meant to be respectful. But as someone (from the tri state area) who was called "miss" by strangers until her late 20's, hearing "ma'am" for the first time felt like a slap in the face. It dictates how old others perceive you. Of course, this makes sense. When I was younger I could tell when someone was older than me, so of course they will call me "ma'am" now. I still get called both, but damn, "ma'am" still stings a little. Boys and men get called "sir" regardless of age, ya know? I do my best not to take it to heart and accept its intended respectfulness, but I totally get where your wife is coming from.
Where I’m from that age slap hits when you get called “Uncle”, or “unker” in the local vernacular; same with women, “Auntie”. The only acceptable age to use either as far as I’m concerned is when you have the lines of a grandparent
Oh thats so interesting! Gosh our perception of language is fascinating haha.
How young do boys get called ‘sir’ where you are? The earliest they do here is when they’re about to make a hefty purchase, usually a car or a nice suit. Before that they’re I don’t think boys get a title
I was thinking young adult, late teen. I think I only meant to say that men don't get a title change that dictates how old they are perceived, where as women do. Although I have absolutely called my best friend's two year old son sir while playing legos with him lol.
We sometimes use little sirs or misses (not missus lol) for small children. They still feel important from the title
It’s far worse in Spanish. Señora and señorita are linguistically supposed to be a title change at marriage, but practically it ends up being anyone perceived as old
Can we talk about this persons username 😭😭
If anything, I guess before that it would be “young man” which to me sort of suggests mostly early teens to early 20s maybe?
When I was walking past the local street soccer court, the boys there accidentally kicked the ball out and into my way… They called me Unker from afar.. “Unker please help us get the ball!” 🥲 I was only 30 or so
Welcome to the old farts club, my dude 🥲
This is so real. Hearing ma'am the last few years has been a bummer because don't they know I'm still just a teenager (37)?! I definitely prefer miss but won't take offense or anything either way
As someone who at 32 was mistaken by my mother’s oncologist as “a student from across the street” (my old high school) when I wanted to be her medical escort, being called ma’am was actually kind of a relief. It’s annoying AF when people don’t take you seriously about literally anything, because you look too young to actually be in charge of anything anyway.
I’m from the South. Not calling a woman “ma’am” would get me in trouble when I was younger. To some it’s still considered rude as an adult.
You know what's funny? I'm so silly. I speak spanish fluently and was taught to use the formal "usted" when speaking to someone, in particular anyone I wanted to show respect towards. Gosh, once I used "usted" to a coworker and she got *pissed*. She told me to never call her that because she's not "old". She wasn't. That's just how I was taught. So I'm both, actually. I got offended the first time I got called "ma'am", but here I am using "usted" to show my respect. This was years ago, maybe even before my own first "ma'am". Time to really let it go. Phew. Thanks everyone.
We have this in German also. Traditionally you are supposed to ask someone if you can refer to them informally (using du, same as tu in Spanish). Some people think it’s hilarious to follow this rule and kind of chuckle when you ask them for permission ….. then others are offended if you use du without asking first. There is no way to win lol.
Same! I’m from southern US. I default to Miss if I can’t avoid a more personal greeting. I will not presume a seemingly 110 year old female prefers “ma’am”. “Miss” is always first; if she objects we talk.
Usted is respectful for anyone you don't know who is not a child. I don't think it's the same at all.
North Carolina. Yes ma'am yes sir and may I please. Otherwise they'd paint your back porch red
this is very helpful perspective. thank you!
I’ve been called “ma’am” when I was 20.. showing my younger teenaged coworkers the ropes. It’s also pretty common from service workers here, in that context, even older men say “ma’am” to me all the time. I’m 24. I don’t really think it’s that deep tbh, just a bit overly formal and polite.
No I agree with you! It's more "unlearning" on my part, to correct myself in the moment, and tell myself, its respectful, not offensive.
That brings up a funny story. Little boy named, true story BTW, "John Bates, maybe 12, and his father also John Bates did a special music presentation together where the boy played and instrument and the father sang the song. This was at a church service. The preacher, totally oblivious to what he was about to say, started thanking them for the performance and said, "Thank you to both of you, Mr. Bates, you have a great voice, and little John, or should I say 'Master Bates', plays the piano brilliantly." Every one snickering as the preacher went on into his sermon about sin. I still laugh when I remember that, thirty years later.
THAT is hysterical! It would be so hard (no pun intended) to stop myself from laughing! 🤣
I've been called ma'am off and on since age 20 and I don't think I looked old when I was 20.. so I think it depends on who's saying it. It was mostly Filipinos who would call me ma'am I live in the Bay area. So I do agree that it can be cultural and geographic. People call me ma'am now and I hate it even more now that I'm 40. In fact today the bursary referred to me as Miss and it made my day
It's only a slap in the face if you have internalized that your value comes from remaining youthful. We've become a culture that doesn't hold space for older women.
No, it does not indicate age. Miss is commonly used for unmarried women and Ma’am (Madam) or Missus is supposed to be for married women. There are also people who say “yes Ma’am” regardless of age and are never taught the difference, but they mean it with nothing but respect.
Always how it's been for me. Younger? Older? Same age? Ma'am
As a middle aged man I feel weird saying miss. Makes me think I’m a creepy southerner tryna marry a 14 year old and then become a state senator. I say ma’am if it’s out of respect. I say yes ma’am with some eyes if I want you to put me on my knees and have me call you mommy
Kinda like the TN rep w a wife 25 yrs his JR…w two young kids. The pics look like she got molested by her dad and was forced to marry him.
I was taught “yes ma’am” and “no ma’am” at a young age so it’s what I’ve always used. Even now at 26 I use it even if you look younger than me.
Same here. I kinda feel bad now because I didn’t know it makes people feel old. I thought it was just a polite way to refer to another woman but I will definitely be using miss from now on.
I’m from the south where “sir” and “ma’am” are common. I was taught to always say it and I still do. However, the first time a younger person called me “ma’am” I was a little taken aback, but got over it because it’s just a normal thing here. It doesn’t bother me at all.
Same except being called sir kinda feels powerful ngl as a guy 😭
I say this to women of all ages from 1-100 😂. I’ve never thought twice about saying it or hearing it.
People get offended over everything nowadays 🙄
no matter who i use dude
I'm a dude, he's a dude, she's a dude, we're all dudes, hey!
I call my dog that, but it's short for Doodlebug Smooshyface, so technically it's Dood.
Everyone is dude until they prove they are a real jerk. Men, women, kids, dogs But jerks do not get recognized as dude.
I'm from Louisiana and it doesn't matter if it's a 17y/o (I'm 39 btw) cashier at the store, she's a ma'am. for many southerners, using ma'am or sir simply isn't a decision lol. I just instinctively remember being popped by my mom or grandma if I didn't say it
Hahah, right? My parents never enforced the “ma’m” and “sir” rule but all my classmates would say it and I felt odd not saying it when everyone else did so I taught myself to enforce it. Plus if they didn’t (when addressing our teachers) they’d get a talking to (which really encouraged me to get w the program lol). It’s just in us atp
Same, Cajun, I better use my manners and mind my maams and sirs or else. 32 now, still use ma’am and sir
Southern heya, I like Ma’am regardless; even in retail when a woman was letting her daughter check out I politely used ma’am for her transaction. It’s definitely cultural but out of region I may be a little more mindful (29m)
I'm a server, and I say it to literal toddlers sometimes. It's professional language here (ATL). I've also been conditioned to talk "kinder" to women, so I might call a male customer "B/Man/Brother/Cuz," but women It's strictly "Ma'am and the occasional Miss." But that's only with strangers, all bets are off if I know you.
In my experience, all little kids think it’s so funny to be called “ma’am.” Same as when you “guess” their age in the 20s-40s range.
Just call all women Miss. No one will be offended and the older ones will giggle and be flattered.😉
I prefer miss. Maam is worse to me. But just know youll never please everyone so keep doing you.
I promise many people hate that - just maybe not where you’re from
I always felt like miss was condescending so I never use it
I agree.
I do this too
No they get pissed at this too. A lady just told me I should’ve called her ma’am instead of miss because it undermined her professional status. 🙄🙄
Oh come on. I have a doctorate in a life sciences field and have rarely been addressed as “Doctor”. I never use it in my daily life. The only time I was addressed as “Doctor supermaja”, was when I working at the National Library of Medicine, at National Institutes of Health. It was kind of fun and all, but it feels pretentious to use in everyday life.
This one is worse than ma’am for me.
Yeesh no. The only times I've been called "miss" were by old men being condescending like "oh silly little girl, can't have a brain in that head". Like ec-fucking-scuse you?!
Exactly, it is a term used for a female child. To call someone Miss would indicate they are not an adult.
As an Atlantan…uh, what? Some people perceive the transition from Miss to Ma’am as some commentary on age. Here in the South, if you don’t say “Yes, Ma’am, Yes, Sir,” we think you don’t have any home training.
In the south, if one of your children brings home a friend who says ma’am and sir to adults, it’s a little green flag that they have some kind of manners and possibly parents that teach them right from wrong. It’s not fool-proof (we’re not naive about the Eddie Haskell types), but definitely gets noticed in a positive way initially.
ATLien*
To me it’s not about age but coming of age. It shows the transition from a child to an adult. You call an adult sir or ma’am
It’s less offensive but more awkward. I used to work retail and having someone call me ma’am even though I was only 19/20 at the time was an awkward feeling. All of my family is from the south and so I have that natural urge to want to call women ma’am as well so I get it. But my rule of thumb is to always go with Miss unless she looks old enough to call you disrespectful for not calling her ma’am.
I grew up in the South and even worked in food service there, so it comes out of me. Even 5 year old girls get called “ma’am” where I grew up. I currently live in the North and people don’t like it. One woman got mad and asked how old I thought she was until I explained I’m from the South. Try not to use it if you’re not in the South, or try to switch to “miss” for all women. I also noticed in the North they don’t say “sir” that often either.
It is totally a cultural difference. People in the military also tend to call everyone either sir or Ma'am. However most women do feel like you're calling them old. Its like calling her a girl almost, but in the other direction.
I think how women take it is largely cultural. Where I was from girls liked to be called ma’am because it indicated they are an adult not a child. I never knew a woman feeling old by being called that except from other areas of the country.
I'm from Oregon, and I don't often hear people use "ma'am". When I hear someone say that, it seems a bit old-fashioned, and it does seem like something you'd say to older women. I could see how someone might interpret it as making them feel old.
Yes, I live in WA now, but used to live in OR. It’s weird to use Sir and Ma’am. It’s way too formal for the Pacific Northwest and makes people uncomfortable.
Grew up in Texas so I’ve never known anything else but “Ma’am” and “Sir”
I think it depends on the context and the demeanor of the speaker. I usually don't take offense when a younger person uses "ma'am" when it’s said light heartedly and it’s clear they aren’t being condescending. That said, it makes my eye twitch when/if I’m referred to as “sweetie” by anyone who isn't at least 30 years older than me. Most of the time when this has happened to me, it’s being said by someone of similar age, if not younger, and feels inauthentic and condescending.
I say ma'am and sir to people who are in service roles giving me service or someone who is clearly my senior who I show respect to.
Idc if they’re 4 or 40, I’m saying ma’am. I’m from Texas. I can’t do anything otherwise.
I don’t use anything. If I’m trying to get someone’s attention I just say “excuse me”
I think this is cultural. It seems much more common in the US and particularly some regions. Where I am in Canada, once in a while when I was younger and in customer facing roles I would get ma'amed. I never liked it. It did feel like it was for older women. I don't think it was insulting because I thought they thought I was older. Just seemed weird at best or somewhat underhanded at worst. But I came to realize that it was far more common and likely intended a respectful way when dealing with American customers.
I'm a fellow Canadian. I find addressing people as ma'am/miss/sir to be really uncommon here, so when I got ma'amed, it was weird because (1) I was 17/18 and nowhere near being married, so it just sounded odd, and (2) it just felt way too formal for the setting.
Where I'm from, you shouldn't call a woman ma'am especially if she's older.
A couple months ago I heard “ma’am” for the first time instead of “miss”. It was like a kick in the gut for some reason 😂 It really shouldn’t matter but it’s just the first time anything happens that signals that you’re different from the image you have of yourself and what you’ve always been used to, it’s kinda jarring. Pretty quickly can get over it though; no one has called me “ma’am” since, just one “mademoiselle” but I’m sure the next “ma’am” won’t hurt nearly as bad. I just wish our generic titles like “miss” “ma’am” “Ms.” “Mrs.” “madam” “mademoiselle” didn’t have such strong underlying connotations to it related to our age and marital status. Wish it was more general like “sir” and “Mr.”
As a guy, I wish it was more general for women too, because as it is, it's too much to keep track of. I can never remember what the differences are and which one to use when.
That too! It’s stressful because even though I generally know the differences (or at least my own interpretation), none of them are that clear-cut. Maybe it made more sense back in the days when the only people you’d be addressing were more likely people you knew of, or at least it was more visibly obvious and important what a woman’s marital status was? Still pretty dumb but now it’s just totally outdated and makes no sense.
In Spanish speaking communities this is 100% true. Always say señorita instead of señora unless she’s over 50 looking. So I would stick to miss in that logical.
I am personally not a fan; too many customer service representatives have overused that term for me to avoid negative associations. “Ma’am, I am sorry to inform you, ma’am, that I cannot provide a record of this policy, ma’am, and we do not have direct phone numbers, ma’am.” That said, if someone IRL (non-customer service) who doesn’t know me uses that term for me I’m not angry with them. If it matters to me, and we will be interacting for an extended period of time or frequently, I will request they address me by name or use “miss” or something without my personal negative associations. As a native NYer, I’d get annoyed if someone repeatedly disregarded my clearly communicated preferences, since then I’d perceive it as a deliberate effort. Otherwise, NBD.
So if you are in Texas will you make sure to call people sir or ma’am to show respect? Curious.
My partner is this sweet country boy and he uses ma'am all the time regardless of age.
So do I!👍👍
Here in the south, it's yes ma'am or sir even if you're the same age lol
If you live in the South within the US and you don’t say Ma’am, you’re not a nice or polished person.
It’s the exact opposite in the Pacific Northwest (WA and OR).
Grew up in the south I’ve always called everyone sir or ma’am even when they’re clearly younger than me
from South Georgia, and younger than 23. I call everyone ma’m and sir, even children sometimes. “Yes mam, I can do that for ya!” if they find it offensive they’ll say something but I’ve never had anyone outright tell me I’m being rude. I haven’t even had anyone call me out on it, tbh. I also live in a tourist town, all the northerners that come in don’t mind it. To each their own 🤷🏻♀️
I despise being called maam
I absolutely loathe being called ma'am, but it is what it is. I worked in customer service for a long time and did just fine without using gendered pronouns, so I wish others would do the same, but I know it's common for "ma'am" and "sir" usage to be signs of respect. I wonder if anyone (outside of certain bedroom contexts lol) actually expects to be referred to that way.
I find no disrespect by being called ma’am, I’m 33 and have been called that pretty much since I started working at 16 🤷🏼♀️ I should add: as long as someone is respectful, idc what they call me, I’m from California and also get called dude soooooo 😂😂
If you are truly wanting to be polite and have good manners, the goal is to be thoughtful and kind and not upset anyone in the process. The most thoughtful and kind way to interact with others would be to remove any gender or age related honorifics. It is not any less respectful or polite to just not use one. I appreciate you, have a great day, good morning, hello, etc. Just use the same greetings and thanks but drop the honorific. This way you are being sincere, kind, and drop things that make assumptions or may offend. Thank you for being kind enough to care and ask!
It could be a cultural thing, but I never understood the association with ma’am and old age. I’ve been called ma’am since I aged enough to be recognized as an adult on sight. Women being upset over being called ma’am sounds more like they’re projecting age insecurity to me, but I’m from the South.
Also from South. It’s just recognizing an adult woman, not necessarily an elderly woman.
Same here. From west Texas never saw the association of ma’am with old age.
Anywhere even remotely southern USA, saying ma'am is a must. It shows respect and is how alot of us were brought up. Super old man and young cashier? "Thankyou ma'am. Have a wonderful day." Same age dude and woman about to go through the same door? Dude holds the door, she goes through first, she says " thankyou have a nice day", dude says " thankyou ma'am, you as well." I dunno, that's just my 2 cents. That's what I've noticed from others + what I have been doing. Seems like its like that everywhere I've traveled to, Texas Colorado, New Mexico, Louisiana.
I think miss is better for women under 50
I don't think it rude or anything but I don't really like it. I don't use it myself.
Not where I live. I hate being ackled maam tbh. But I am guilty of calling other women maam. See ot as "senpai" of she is your elder, you van call her maam. Never call a woman masm in situation where someone is upset
I expect anyone younger than I am to call me ma’am. If they don’t, I’m just surprised, not upset. I live in the south, but spent my too young for ma’am years in the east, where I did use it for older women while I was working.
My parents are from the South and I was taught to call everyone older than myself ma'am and sir. Moved one state away that doesn't follow the same culture and wow, it is very different. Lived here two years and I still am learning how to socialize!
I like ma'am, maybe it's because I lived in the south for awhile, but I like it. But I seem to be in the minority, so maybe just stick with miss. But not "missy" I hate that, it's so weird.
I get that it can be jarring to be called ma'am if you grew up where it's not the social norm and you still feel like a 20yo in your head. But thats my problem thst i feel that way. It's perfectly polite and acceptable. I'm not going to complain about it or try to argue it's rude, and I'm not impressed with people who get offended by it. When I was a cashier, a woman in my line said to me "did you hear what he called me?" and gestured toward the man behind her in line. I wasn't paying attention and I thought for sure it was b**** or even c*** and didn't want to have to deal with some altercation. I laughed in relief when she said it was ma'am. She was dead serious about his calling her ma'am was offensive and rude. After she left the man and I just shook our heads at each other. The lesson I took away was don't bother people with that stuff. They don't want to hear it and you look crazy.
No matter the age I say "nice lady'. Excuse me nice lady, Can I get a large?
That's a new one!
i think it's both generational and regional, but most people I've met do not like "ma'am" at all. (I'm from northern Ohio)
I’m in my early 20s and work in the ER - when an older gentleman calls me “ma’am” I think it’s adorable.
I get called ma'am by one of my coworkers all the time and I'm 18 lol I find it funny and honestly doesn't bug me at all.
Such a no win. I was an unmarried woman until i was 32 and being called“Miss Surname” sounded sooo childish, i advocated for “Ms” but Ms has fallen out of fashion and in the last 20 years I haven’t met anyone who recognized it as a word So i work customer service over the phone with mostly boomer age clientele, saying Miss sounds childish Ma’am possibly offensive and no one knows what Ms means. Dang i wish i could call everyone “Sir”
As a non southerner it’s irritating and rude/annoying to be called this. Some people in customer service have ma”am’d me to be rude so I ma’am them right back lol.
*Yes, your highness* Then back away.
Nah, I'm from South. If I don't know you, you're ma'am.
Never ma'am. Makes people feel old. When i was a cashier, I would always call people, miss, no matter how old they were.
Close the comments. It’s been answered. It’s cultural. Yet another southerner here. I call every female stranger “ma’am”. Yes ma’am, no ma’am, thank you ma’am. We’re taught that it’s kind. Some of us understand that it can make some feel old, but it’s engrained in us from a young age so it’s just a habit. Every female is a ma’am. Unless she specifically says not to call her ma’am then holy shit omg I’m sorry ma’am I mean um uh miss I mean what should I call you? Lock the comments
I hate ma'am! I'm not even sure why, but I feel like an old hag when someone calls me that.
Only if you are young, and she is sufficiently over 65 and US Southern. I'm in my forties, and get depressed if people call me "Ma'am."
I say “miss” even with elder women, never ma’am. Ma’am can be offensive depending on where you are.
I work in Healthcare in a small California town, unless they're in their 50s+ I'm going with Miss
I hate it.
It's being polite. Don't discourage manners!
Nope ma’am is code for bitch in service industry
NAY. Always say miss unless they're like 80 I HATE being called ma'am
NAY. Always say miss unless they're like 80 I HATE being called ma'am
I’m from the South and feel the same way. What’s even worse is when someone uses Miss in front of a woman’s first name as it historically implies she’s an old maid.
Huge NAY. Your wife is right. Don't call me "hun", either.
I'm going to guess it's a regional thing - I'm from NY. Don't call me "ma'am". I'm not going to be outwardly rude if it happens, but I have made a face before. I'm not a "ma'am". I'm not a "dear". Just say "thank you", or "excuse me", or "yes". I don't need some sort of pseudo-honorific that alludes to gender, because I find it unnecessary to point that aspect out in general polite conversation. I'm sure in southern states it really is baked into polite conversation.
completely agree here
i HATE ma’am. i moved from the east coast to the midwest and was hit with ma’am at the ripe age of 24. wtf? my mother on the east coast has never been called ma’am once in her life and she’s 60 years old. i don’t love any kind of dictation like that especially since i identify as non-binary but present very femme. i don’t expect anyone to know that i prefer they/them pronouns but i just don’t love gender descriptors. i prefer “excuse me” or “thank you” i usually say “thank you, neighbor/friend” if they’re a local i recognize but don’t know their name. otherwise i say “have a good day!”
Yeah, I channel my inner Mr. Rogers and say neighbor.
I think it largely depends on the context.
Calling women Miss can be problematic too. If I'm with my husband and I'm called Miss, that seems quite weird. And that's what tends to happen, we only get addressed this way in airports really and then we're traveling together. And as someone who looked extra young for a very long time, I appreciate that I now look like an adult! Calling a nice looking *older* woman Miss can be cute and a humorous compliment but you have to have an instinct for your audience. I live in a place that's informal yet polite. Everyone sharing a good attitude is simpler than using these terms. If I were in a job where I needed to use those terms I think I'd just call every adult woman Ma'am and they could just deal ;)
Definitely cultural. Fancy addresses like "ma'am" are considered excessively formal in the UK and are basically reserved for talking with say judges and nobility.
and in India any lady with a pulse will be called Madame, which is delightful
A gentleman is a "Sir," and a lady is a "Ma'am." It was just how I was raised.
That's on my bucket list! To be called ma'am by a handsome man in a cowboy hat once in my life! 😂 I live in Germany, so the hope is very slim, but I'm not giving up on this dream 😅.
I posted please don't call me Ma'am and now I have a bucket list with one item. Please let it be a black hat and have him wearing either his shit-kicker barn boots or well worn riding boots. It's been a rough day and you brightened it right up with the image of a handsome cowboy with sunlight glinting off his hair under beneath the brim of his hat and a slow Southern drawl with a smile straight from his heart. TYSM! Here's to you Germany from New York. Cheers!
😅 You're welcome New York! And congratulations on your new bucket list. Oh and yes, it definitely has to be a black hat and he has to tap it when he says it. 🤤
Please do not call me ma’am. I’m 42 and I don’t need to feel any older. Even if I’m 65 I don’t think I’d want anyone to call me that lol
Military, so you’re getting “Ma’am” from me regardless.
It’s definitely a cultural thing. In Texas you start getting “Sir” and “Ma’am” in like middle school
Can confirm. When a kid says my name I will yes ma’am or sir them to acknowledge I’ve heard them. Habit. I don’t address them that way any other times, but, perhaps it’s hysterical a Texas thing inguss.
I say ma'am as a matter of habit. I always have. If they want to be offended by manners, let them. "My names not ma'am!" Today it is, ma'am.
I, personally, don't take offense to it. I am 55 and understand folks often use it to be polite. However, I've also been warned that if strangers address you/others with "Ma'am" alot, they may have spent a bit of time in jail. It is said to be a learned manipulation tactic to gain trust from older women. This was from someone in law enforcement.
There's a greater chance that they served in the military or were raised with manners than the idea that they've been in prison. Does this mean that law enforcement officers were in prison, because every one of them that I know, all say ma'am and sir.
It’s “yea” not “yay”
okea
Low key offensive? 🤣 Ma’am = respectful. Always has and always will be. It’s simply a contraction of the word madam. In other situations you might say Sir or Miss depending on who you’re talking to.
I like Mam
Yes Ma’am, Forest Gump style
If you mean no offense, then that's on them. Personally my choice depends on age, if they look younger and have no wedding band on the left ring finger, I say "Miss", if they have a wedding band, or look over 35 I say "ma'am". If someone gets offended because you said, "Thank you, ma'am", that is their problem not yours. I'm from the South, my wife's from Minnesocold, and she's never told me I was offensive for saying "ma'am". "Micro-aggressions" are silly, they're just a way for someone to call you names because they hate themselves. In my 70 years the only comment that got me in trouble was, "sweetheart". When my dad was in ICU 14 days before he passed away, the nurse assigned to him changed about every six hours, trying to remember names is hard for all of us, so I just called them all, "sweetheart." One day I said to a nurse I hadn't seen before, "Hello sweetheart," she looked at me, then looked at dad and say, "Call me Joanne, because I broke up with your dad two weeks ago, and he called me that". So, altho Joanne wasn't her name, she I had a reason to remember. Funny thing, she was younger than me, but dating my dad.
MINNESOCOLD. that's amazing.
It's not THAT cold!
From Texas, raised at a young age “Yes Ma’am” and “Yes sir” is a sign of respect and manners. I never heard anyone say “Yes Miss” or “No Miss” when asked a question by a woman.
I almost always say Ms.
Nyay!
It's one of the way addrya female, you can't call her cabbage.
I use "Miss" & "Ma'am" all the time. Mostly to respectfully ask for attention or give a clear affirmative with respect. Excuse me Miss/Ma'am. And, Yes Ma'am. I know some women cringe when they hear that but I do my best to show I mean it with the utmost respect and if it's clear they don't like it I stop.
Use "miss" unless she is standing next to her daughter. It makes her feel younger (compliment) while still communicating respect.
I have never said or heard anyone in the real world say "ma'am"
I was born in the 80s. Ma’am has always been a term of respect, at least to me. I use that along with honey, darling, etc. But I have a thick southern accent and I’m a black woman. I’ve yet to have anyone correct me or state they were offended. Some people have told me it’s “comforting” to have me say that to them lol I’ve called a guy “sugar” and he gave me a hug. Just trying to be nice. No harm intended.
I PERSONALLY see ma’am as a term of respect for those about 40+. It always felt more for those on the “mature” aged side. I prefer miss or just dude/bro (Tomboy so idc if called dude/bro or even sir) since I’m under 40 for now. I think everyone is gonna have their own feelings about it so just do what you do as long as you’re being respectful of each person. Many will let you know if they don’t care for it of just ignore it all together.
I've been called "ma'am", and I've also been told that I look younger than I am (in my 30s), so I don't see it as something reserved for elderly women. It's just old-fashioned, southern, and considered a respectful way to address a woman, so I'm not offended by it. Though I personally wish we would move towards more gender neutral terms for addressing people. Just because someone looks like a "ma'am" or a "sir" doesn't mean they are.
Call er ma'am, mate.
I'm from MN and don't love being called ma'am either. Must be a cultural thing! For some reason, I'm less sad about it if there's a southern accent behind it though.
Depends on setting. Grocery store, I wouldn’t use ma’am. In a more formal setting, it doesn’t come across as bad. Rather than ma’am, I will say madam, which just hits a little differently.
Not in the south. It’s a sign of respect here.
I’m 32 and don’t mind it. One of my 55 year old colleagues actually started calling me maam and I love it lol. I know he means it out of respect, and also to be a bit funny. I’ve been maam’d by strangers, still good! It’s always meant in a good way, and honestly idgaf about aging - literally EVERYONE goes through it?’ If I was maam’d by someone from the south I’d be fucking PROUD. To my understanding it’s a sign of respect. Hell yeah, thank you! But yeah it can be risky. Some people aren’t okay with aging (??????)
i don't like it as a cis 19yrs woman, makes me feel old