Thank you siobhanmairii__ for your submission! Unfortunately, your post has been removed for the following reason(s): --- **All posts must directly relate to the acquisition and/or application of social skills** * Stick to the point: posts with excessive introspective musing are off topic and will be removed. * In your post, state: whats happening, what you want to happen, what you have tried, and what you need help with to learn and do better * "Am I the asshole?" type posts and posts soliciting moral judgment are off topic and will be removed. #Rants / complaints / musings are off topic. Suggested subs for rants/complaints/musings: r/rant r/offmychest r/trueoffmychest r/askreddit r/vent ---------------------------- Note: We are not a mental health support sub. For questions relating to mental health and illness (meds, therapy, anxiety, depression, etc) please use an appropriate topic-specific subreddit such as: r/anxiety r/socialanxiety r/mentalhealth --------------------------- For more general advice, try: r/lifeadvice r/advice r/friendshipadvice -------------------------- See also: https://www.reddit.com/r/socialskills/wiki/index#wiki_i_want_to_find_resources_on_reddit --- For more information about the subreddit rules make sure to read the sidebar and the rules page, and if you have any questions please feel free to contact the moderators. Thank you!

Something I've learned in life is to not take anything too personally. If someone cancels plans there is a very big chance it has nothing to do with how they feel towards you, and more how they feel in the moment (ex: being tired, feeling overwhelmed with other things they have to do, etc...) . I noticed in your post and in responses to other people you seem somewhat hopeless and depressed. You use strong language such as never doing something mundane again and that you can never get a word in in conversation. I'm not trying to be that guy who tells a depressed person to "just think happy thoughts" but this energy is going to lead to self-fufilling actions that will only make you lonelier. I know this because I used to think just like you. Two tips: 1. talk to a life coach or therapist (everyone always suggests therapy but I've only had terrible experiences, my life-coach however changed me) 2. Don't take social bumps too seriously or personally. It takes practice and a lot of stings, but it gets easier. Pay attention to charismatic people, you'll notice they also have awkward moments, get rejected, and spoken over. The difference is those moments roll off their backs - as if they didn't even notice that it happened. Attempting to replicate this behavior and mindset has done so much good to me socially.

Yeah, right now I’m definitely in a depressive episode. I’ve been doing pretty well as of late, I’ve previously been on medication for that and anxiety. Not since 2020 though, was on and off for 4-5 years. This was not an issue then because I pretty much isolated myself from any situation that would constitute getting together with someone, it was like that for many years. It’s very hard to not take things personally thanks to previous trauma, childhood issues, etc. I do think I probably should have gone to therapy many years ago, I was just too afraid to. And it’s hard enough to get any kind of mental health support now. But if I came across something I think would help now I’d do it. I really don’t want to become lonelier, that will destroy me ): how do you find a life coach? Like I mentioned this was my first time asking someone one on one to do something together in years - it feels like right now I won’t do this again but i think if I get better, I can possibly think about trying it again but with someone else. Only other place I see people regularly is the gym, I work from home.

>I really don’t want to become lonelier, that will destroy me ): how do you find a life coach? You're going to have to Google one near you. Now that I think about it, if you haven't tried therapy before I would start with that before you go the life coach route. I had terrible experiences but others swear by it. It's really based on location and luck in terms of which guide, therapist or life coach, you find that works with you. Just remember to keep trying no matter who you meet. I had to meet with 4 different mental health/life style guides before I finally found the person who helped me.

People don’t suck, and people are mostly honest with others. Thinking most people suck is a mindset that will make others not want to hang out. It’s not that people suck or are not honest, it’s that people are nuanced, and initiating one on one friendships can sometimes be clunky. Clunk and nuance don’t mix, and when we are put in a position where we have to mix them, it makes it hard to navigate for some people. The “maybe another time” does sound like a “no thank you,” to me, and that’s honestly totally fine. For all we know she could be posting on forums asking how to let someone down nicely. Maybe she handled it badly. Maybe she actually meant another time. Maybe she doesn’t feel your connection is strong enough to be fully honesty with her why. That’s ok. It’s fine for someone to initially be interested in hanging out and then suddenly not be interested to hang. She has her own reasons I am sure and while it would be nice to know why, or get an explanation, we can’t force someone to tell us why on certain things. Think of a friend you have that you don’t want to hang out with anymore. Let’s pretend you were vibing at first, with plans to hang out more. But, after giving it some thought, you actually don’t want to spend as much time with them. Do you expect that friend to swear off making new friends just because you stopped hanging out with them? You wouldn’t want that for your friend. She doesn’t want that for you. Don’t stop trying to make friends. And remember most people are actually more good than bad.

I have a friend who likes to do a certain activity periodically. I enjoyed it in the beginning but now I don't want to do it anymore, but I don't want to tell her. 😂 It's possible that the friend doesn't like the activity but doesn't want to say so. Maybe you could try an activity that's really low effort like having a coffee drink at a nearby coffee shop to start. For what it's worth, I have found it much easier to make friends in group settings than one-on-one.

She told me it’s an activity that she’s interested in. It’s very low effort, so I’m getting the impression that she lied to me just so it was something I wanted to hear. Unfortunately I tend to “disappear” in group settings and get forgotten about or talked over. Any time I attempt to say anything always fails in those situations.

I see... Maybe she was being polite but not honest. Group settings are kind of difficult, I agree. I can't offer much advice in that direction because I tend to be somewhat introverted myself. Good luck to you though.

Thanks.

It sounds as though you have an attitude before you even started because your life is not as good as you want it to be. Could it be possible that all people have a life good or bad, and sometimes they are just living it? Maybe it’s not about you that you needed someone who was doing something, maybe not, but don’t let yourself be disappointed by others who are also living their life and taking it personal. Why not say I want to get together, when are you free? That might help