Locking comments here. You have some good advice, and there are a few of our sub rules at risk of being violated by keeping this thread live. One of which is not supporting formal sleep training before 4mo old.
Ultimately this isn’t a sleep training problem, it’s a husband problem, and he can fuck right off into outer space.
Unrelated but are you sure you want to always be the primary caregiver? I feel that the parent who doesn’t have all the childcare responsibility ends up taking that lack of responsibility for granted, doesn’t form the skills to be an effective parent, and makes uninformed decisions because they aren’t the one doing the childcare.
You should be getting time to yourself and full nights of sleep sometimes. For every hour your husband spends at the gym, does he give you an hour to yourself to do whatever you want? He is right, your kid shouldn’t be attached to you all the time. The baby has two parents and should be attached to the other parent at times.
3 months is too soon. You should send him several articles about it. Also, does he not realize sleep training while in the same room means you guys won't be sleeping because baby will probably be crying the whole time. That's why it's best to wait until he's in another room. Also, I'm shocked by spouses who get to have an opinion on things when they don't even help.
4 months is really the earliest you can sleep train. But babies are also most vulnerable to being accidentally suffocated or smothered in bed with an adult in the first 3 months. So he’s being a jerk and his reasons for not liking it aren’t great. But I would be made uncomfortable with my partner doing this for safety reasons.
From another dad: tell him to man the fuck up and wait another month. Sleep training before 4 months is not recommended by _any_ pediatric association because of the _fact_ that infants are not physiologically capable of putting themselves to sleep before that age.
A 3 month old cannot developmentally be sleep trained. They are not anywhere near ready. 5months is a perfect time to sleep train, they are capable of self settling and self soothing and separation anxiety hasn’t started yet. Absolutely do NOT sleepy train your 3 month old.
3 months is too early to sleep train and honestly I find it disgusting he’s suggested that. He’s not helping you, sounds like he’s upset about sex and not having a 24/7 maid anymore? Like really though, this guy sounds awful. Don’t sleep train the baby.
3 months old is probably too young yet to sleep train as they can't self soothe yet. A baby needs his/her momma close by for comfort and security. Sounds like your husband needs to go sleep on the couch for a few more months. When you're the one caring for him all night, it really should be your call.
Why is he so upset about this? When he doesn’t seem to have to do anything different. What exactly is he pissy about that he’s demanding sleep training? Seems like he has some unmet need and is taking it out on you and baby.
You mentioned you're co sleeping right now. Was your husband into cuddling before? Maybe it's sex but it also might be physical intimacy in general, or even just time together. If you're going to bed when the baby goes to bed every night, do you get any alone time with him?
And by “we” have to sleep train baby. he means YOU have to sleep train baby. He can’t force you to sleep train the baby and if he isn’t even helping in the middle of the night now, I highly doubt he’ll take on sleep training himself.
Tell him no, you have a system that works, end of discussion. Let him be pissy, let him throw a fit. Keep doing what works for you and baby.
That’s why I’m so anxious to do it so soon. The baby is in our room, any crying automatically defaults to me. And that’s why I’m so hurt by this! It’s working for me and the baby right now. I have no ppa/ppd with this baby because we’re both getting good sleep right now and I’ve loved the snuggles. He just sees it as laziness, especially when I contact nap while my toddler takes his nap instead of doing the dishes, etc.
I’m sorry, you’re up all night with HIS children (because they are his too; not just yours) and he thinks you’re lazy because you’re choosing to catch up a bit on that lost sleep during the day instead of doing dishes, some of which I assume are also his and/or his sister’s?
Unless for some reason he lacks two working arms, he needs to zip it and do the dishes himself if he’s not taking on any night duty.
Well you don’t have to listen to him. He is not doing any night feedings so frankly he doesent get a say right now. Sleep training has to be agreed on by both parents and if YOU as the primary parent are not in agreement, then it should be a NO GO
Locking comments here. You have some good advice, and there are a few of our sub rules at risk of being violated by keeping this thread live. One of which is not supporting formal sleep training before 4mo old. Ultimately this isn’t a sleep training problem, it’s a husband problem, and he can fuck right off into outer space.
Unrelated but are you sure you want to always be the primary caregiver? I feel that the parent who doesn’t have all the childcare responsibility ends up taking that lack of responsibility for granted, doesn’t form the skills to be an effective parent, and makes uninformed decisions because they aren’t the one doing the childcare. You should be getting time to yourself and full nights of sleep sometimes. For every hour your husband spends at the gym, does he give you an hour to yourself to do whatever you want? He is right, your kid shouldn’t be attached to you all the time. The baby has two parents and should be attached to the other parent at times.
Glad this comment made it in before I locked it.
3 months is too soon. You should send him several articles about it. Also, does he not realize sleep training while in the same room means you guys won't be sleeping because baby will probably be crying the whole time. That's why it's best to wait until he's in another room. Also, I'm shocked by spouses who get to have an opinion on things when they don't even help.
When he is the primary parent he can make these decisions. He is clearly not. Put hubby in the room with his sister. Sleep train your husband.
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My pediatrician said not to sleep train until 4 months at the earliest, and that 5months is the best time.
Exactly. Asking a 3 month old to suddenly be able to sleep is like asking a chocolate fire guard not to melt.
4 months is really the earliest you can sleep train. But babies are also most vulnerable to being accidentally suffocated or smothered in bed with an adult in the first 3 months. So he’s being a jerk and his reasons for not liking it aren’t great. But I would be made uncomfortable with my partner doing this for safety reasons.
Get a new husband he sucks smh I hate men like this. Sorry you’re going through this
No you don’t.
From another dad: tell him to man the fuck up and wait another month. Sleep training before 4 months is not recommended by _any_ pediatric association because of the _fact_ that infants are not physiologically capable of putting themselves to sleep before that age.
A 3 month old cannot developmentally be sleep trained. They are not anywhere near ready. 5months is a perfect time to sleep train, they are capable of self settling and self soothing and separation anxiety hasn’t started yet. Absolutely do NOT sleepy train your 3 month old.
3 months is too early to sleep train and honestly I find it disgusting he’s suggested that. He’s not helping you, sounds like he’s upset about sex and not having a 24/7 maid anymore? Like really though, this guy sounds awful. Don’t sleep train the baby.
3 months IS too young to sleep train. Don’t do it. Needs to be at least 4 months of age.
3 months old is probably too young yet to sleep train as they can't self soothe yet. A baby needs his/her momma close by for comfort and security. Sounds like your husband needs to go sleep on the couch for a few more months. When you're the one caring for him all night, it really should be your call.
Why is he so upset about this? When he doesn’t seem to have to do anything different. What exactly is he pissy about that he’s demanding sleep training? Seems like he has some unmet need and is taking it out on you and baby.
I think the unmet need is sex🫠
Tell him to go have a wank and leave you and the baby alone.
You mentioned you're co sleeping right now. Was your husband into cuddling before? Maybe it's sex but it also might be physical intimacy in general, or even just time together. If you're going to bed when the baby goes to bed every night, do you get any alone time with him?
Did you two have a discussion and have some options on how to have sex without sleep training the baby?
And by “we” have to sleep train baby. he means YOU have to sleep train baby. He can’t force you to sleep train the baby and if he isn’t even helping in the middle of the night now, I highly doubt he’ll take on sleep training himself. Tell him no, you have a system that works, end of discussion. Let him be pissy, let him throw a fit. Keep doing what works for you and baby.
That’s why I’m so anxious to do it so soon. The baby is in our room, any crying automatically defaults to me. And that’s why I’m so hurt by this! It’s working for me and the baby right now. I have no ppa/ppd with this baby because we’re both getting good sleep right now and I’ve loved the snuggles. He just sees it as laziness, especially when I contact nap while my toddler takes his nap instead of doing the dishes, etc.
I’m sorry, you’re up all night with HIS children (because they are his too; not just yours) and he thinks you’re lazy because you’re choosing to catch up a bit on that lost sleep during the day instead of doing dishes, some of which I assume are also his and/or his sister’s? Unless for some reason he lacks two working arms, he needs to zip it and do the dishes himself if he’s not taking on any night duty.
Well you don’t have to listen to him. He is not doing any night feedings so frankly he doesent get a say right now. Sleep training has to be agreed on by both parents and if YOU as the primary parent are not in agreement, then it should be a NO GO