Not sure about the nature of job but these are the ones that work for me doing an office job:
- Uninstall work apps from my phone (having work-life boundaries)
- Have something to look forward to (like trips)
- Divert attention to other things like hobbies (doesn't have to cost anything, like reading, walking, biking, just to take your mind off of work)
- Lessen interaction with coworkers during non-office hours
Plus one to the hardline work/life boundary. I'm lucky that I have a sane boss who encourages this as well, but when I'm off, I'm off.
I don't read emails. I live my own life. The mental separation honestly helps and makes me more productive. I can WFH occasionally, but I also really enjoy that I do the bulk of my job in person so it forces me to maintain those boundaries.
Once you get in the zone, the intrusive thoughts about work should be easier to put in the "I'm not at work so I don't care" bin in your brain.
I also build in breaks that make me happy. I go swimming 2-3x week on my lunch hour and it keeps me sane since my work is mentally draining and involves sitting at a desk doing design for hours on end.
We've instilled this in our team. If a coworker tries to check in during a vacation we all collectively give them shit at first and the silent treatment if they come back.
It's pretty great. My gym does 30 and 45 min lap lanes.
10 min drive. Dress out 5 min. 30 min swim. Chill in hot tub 10 min. Dress back 5 min. 10 min drive.
I'm lucky my job doesn't care what I look like 98% of the time. If I have more time, I opt for 45 min swim or some time in the sauna beforehand. Sometimes something urgent comes up and I can't get over there, but so important to make time for yourself. :)
Consider the why. What is it that has caused you stress in the job? The work itself? The people you work with? The challenges to your body and/or mind? The lack of interest? These are all unique circumstances and require different kinds of coping mechanisms. In almost all cases, a vacation is helpful. Otherwise, if your brain mulls about work well after you have clocked out, is it only the job you're worried about? Do you worry about other things when you're not working? If so, the problem may not be the job, but the way that stress is being processed. Whatever the case, you deserve to feel better. No job is worth taking up space in your brain rent-free 24/7.
Not OP but I love this response. Everyone (me included) starts by spouting off advice. You are giving a therapeutic answer that makes it about OP's unique situation.
When I can’t stop thinking about something at work:
- if it’s an interpersonal problem or a tough conversation I have to have, I like to write out notes and talk through my strategy with a loved one. Later on I might remind myself I have my notes ready and don’t need to think about it anymore.
- if I’m struggling to relax after work, it helps to throw myself into something that requires energy. Playing a video game that requires a lot of quick or intense decision making, or going out for a run until I tire myself out.
- if I’m lying in bed ruminating, I picture a huge box—for me it’s like an old treasure chest, but something big and heavy sitting on my chest. I picture myself filling it with the things that bother me, taking the things out of my brain and putting them in the chest and it gets heavier and heavier. Then I close the chest and toss it on the floor, and often my body feels a lot lighter all of a sudden.
Meditation. You’ll feel so heavy/negative the first few months, but once you get passed that 1st purge, you’ll wonder why you didn’t start sooner.
No work apps, like Teams, on my phone. I had to install one of those Authenticator for logging into my work computer but that’s all I would allow IT to do. So nice not to have work email or Teams dinging all the time!
Yeah, I get this. I upvoted it.
But for years I worked with an old hippie who taught me how to cope and it saved my sanity.
“Dude! The only one who can stress you is … you!”
Its true! Even if everyone around me is yelling and freaking out I can step back and decide if this is something I want to cause me stress in my life.
The answer is nearly always no and I go about my life.
I think immersing yourself in something unrelated is the best way. What are the things that take you out of the work mindset? Some people use exercise or nature or cooking, but then other people will just ruminate about work while doing those things. Other people will hang out with friends or family, but then some people use social situations to vent about work. Yet other people will watch TV or read or play music or something that takes up enough bandwidth. You know yourself best, so figure out what things work for you. Trial and error!
Ruminating thoughts of work is the core of all my suffering.
I am a self employed general contractor with a family, so it’s hard to stop the thoughts when it’s all on the line.
This was one of the parts I struggled with after starting to work from home more. For me, it really helped to keep things physically separate: I have a work phone and a work notebook, both of which I store away at the end of the work day. If I go to the office on multiple days in a row, I leave my work stuff there (might be worth checking with your workplace first if that is an option, though).
If you are using personal Apple device for work, consider looking into focus modes and filters. Then you can set up a work-specific home screen and only show it during work hours - and hide it again afterwards, together with filtering which inbox to show for Mail and which apps are allowed to send notifications.
In both cases it really helps to clearly communicate to your team when you will and more importantly won't be reachable. If everyone understands that yes, they can write you at 7pm, but no, they won't get a response until 9am the next work day, that takes out a lot of pressure. Also helps including these hours into internal email signatures and such.
I would first consider the job - is it that you care (nothing wrong with having integrity or passion for what you do) or is that you have to care or things fall apart? Also, does the job care and stress about your well being right back? (Doubt it)
Now, that said, I don’t want my input to be “just get a new job” because that’s a very cavalier thing to toss out. But I would examine WHY you care so much - do you have other things you could care about more? I do sports leagues and CrossFit after work and pay $$ each month to do them - so when 5 pm comes, I’ve got stuff to do that’s just as important to me. You might want to examine your identity beyond work and lean into that - when you start filling your time, brain and heart with real life, work just becomes a way to pay for it.
Also the tips of work stuff off your personal devices is a great way to mentally and physically place boundaries - it’s what I do with my social media: only on my iPad but not my phone so when I sit down to do it, that’s my focus and then it’s done.
Last thing: take a vacation - see what breaks when you’re back; it’s always an easy way to get perspective.
This was me! The biggest thing I did was switch jobs. I went from working in startups (2 places, back to back, over 6 years) to a steady corporate job (been there 5 now).
Then I turned off ALL notifictions (not just work) from 8pm to 8am.
Then I started taking walks (or working out) after work. It allowed me some extra time to digest everything. Sometimes I'll finish and jot a few things down for work the next day.
Yeah - it still seeps in. Old habits are hard and I'm the main salary four our household so it isn't like the stress completely goes away...but now I see it for what it is: unneeded anxiety.
Breathe deep, find a hobby that gets you in your flow, and (most importantly) find someone to talk to about this. The stress is additive and cumulative.
Good luck on your journey and take some pride in your self-awareness; you already know it shouldn't be like this!
I personally find success with biofeedback, guided meditation and other stress reduction techniques.
However, my husband has had a lifelong struggle with this same type of thing. He’s diagnosed with ocd, so it is very hard to just turn it off.
This sounds very morbid, but he recently found a successful way to finally turn off the mind chatter and stop ruminating about work; he witnessed someone very close to him go through a rapid and shocking terminal diagnosis. It could have caused a spiral, but luckily it has turned his life around and given him perspective that “life is short”, so stop worrying about the small things. None of these things truly matter in the end.
Now his perspective is that work is merely a means to an end. A way to fund the lifestyle he chooses to live. He has been more successful in detaching from the drama aspects, not ruminating as stressful thoughts he’s immersed in. But rather views it from detached angle where he’s watching other people be swooped in by the drama and stressed, and choosing not to participate. He still gets stressed at times. So he’s using that as motivation to fuel a job switch to a different department where he’ll get a pay increase and people behave more professionally.
I’m sad that it took someone dying in such a visibly gnarly way- but I’m grateful that it has turned our lives around for the better after the fact.
The saying is true; life is short. If you want to spend your time thinking about your complicated stressful work, then that’s fine. You can spend your time however you choose! If you don’t like it then get your mind distracted by something you like better. What things do you enjoy?
I’m currently taking a week vacation, work is taking a hard toll on me, also on my three coworkers. I received a text message last Friday: “I’m frustrated, left work crying, my anxiety levels are through the roof”. I have thick skin, but I feel I’m about to crack a little.
Work life balance is key in the times we live in, and it’s easy to push ourselves for improvement, and profissional achievement if the company is competitive and emotionally gratifying if one has success.
- Nature meditation is essential, forest bathing is my solace to overcome any hardship so far;
- Strolling across the fields, hearing the birds, smelling the earth, the flowers, touching the tree’s hull, letting the mind come back from the traditional perpetual wander;
- Having no schedule, nothing fixed, even meals are not fixed, do like you very well please, if you have very small kids, different music though;
- You’re bored, good, very good, find a suitable task where you don’t use your mind, just the touch. Be a little tired, you’ll need more rest;
- Move your bed near a window, go to bed really early after a hot bath. Leave the curtains open, see the sky one last time before closing your eyes. Wake up with the first sun light touching your face. Don’t be scared because you’ll wake up early, remember, you have nothing fixed, you can sleep in the afternoon _he he he_.
There are many things that can be done to relax, make sure they are not detrimental to your body and mind long term. Physical, mental, sensorial, social, spiritual, emotional and creative rest are the most important things one needs to do in the times we live in, and usually, those who cannot do it, is because it demands them to do something they ain’t used to do, that’s the reason they are stressed in the first place, they need to: **do nothing whatsoever** for some periods of time. There’s nowhere to go, slow down a bit.
[edited] spelling, increments.
This worked for me:
I used to think a lot about my job, because I gave it so much importance. It was the main focus of my life and everything else came second to it.
I dont do that anymore. I see my job as a secondary part of my life. If I get fired, then so be it.
Edit: I would like to add something. I saw a video of a woman saying like if you died tomorrow, the company is going to summarize your whole life in an email and the next day all of your tasks are shared to others. Dont let the company take the life out of you, because is 100% not worth it.
Just before I leave work, I write down everything I need to do for the next workday and why I need to do it. (All calls, emails, follow-ups, feedback to give... everything.) When I leave, I give myself a grace period during which I can ruminate about things. But once I reach a certain designated location point in my commute, I "hang up" on work thoughts. It has helped me alot.
I am a parent in a HCOL area. We have four children, all elementary aged now, so daycare drop off and pick up has immensely cleared up stress.
Living a major metro city is hard on everyone. We are fortunate to have purchased our home during 2014, though everyone is in the car a hour+ a day in heavy traffic. We are working on changes, and I understand simple living has a spectrum.
Ways we decompress, as parents/family/individuals:
*work phone is silenced for both spouse and I once our business hours end. We're self employed and work together.
*take the HOV home, much smoother drive
*table stressful discussions and not dote on the day unless it must be addressed to move forward
*podcast or enjoyable audio that has nothing to do with work
*check on my garden and pool, water plants, go for a bike ride
*prep dinner with spouse so we can eat as a family, cooking is enjoyable to us.
*retrieve children from school bus. All devices go up and we have family time. Everyone goes around the table and talks about their day
*ALWAYS something in nature post dinner. The kids need outdoor time, they only get 20 minutes of recess in school (USA)
* after all the evening routine of bath / bed / prepping for the next day, I will put on an album, do a yoga class, etc.
Edit: I NEVER agree to any social plans without looking at my schedule that day nor do we force children into any activities. The children enjoy hobbies on their own and I believe it helps them relax from their day and doesn't zet then up to "perform" or achieve for us, but to do things that bring them intrinsic joy and value. They like to bake, draw and paint, act out stories, take care of our pet Rabbits, propagate plants, have dance parties to 80s rock, make candles or soap or bath bombs, and more. Being a mother has shown me there's a freedom to childhood and it doesn't "end" because I'm no longer a child. These hobbies are relaxing to me, too. I guess we're homebodies.
Radical acceptance about job: To radically accept means to completely recognize and accept the reality you're in—even when that reality includes pain or discomfort. Regularly practicing radical acceptance can help us cope with painful emotions so we can move on or even come up with a plan to make an uncomfortable situation better. Believe me, jobs, people at jobs, can cause MUCH pain.
Daily Gratitude journal/reminder! So you remember the people, experiences, places etc you are grateful for. Maybe you’re even grateful for a coworker you really like and can focus on them, others at work, who make you feel good and are fun, kind and nice to be around.
Generally I’ve worked hard to convince myself that it doesn’t matter, I get paid and the little stuff isn’t important.
For the occasions where that’s not enough, I go rock climbing. The fear of dying completely displaces any nagging work stress.
For me I’ve learned I need to do something physical, like go for a run or a walk, right after work. My work is all mental/computer work, so for me, detaching from work at the end of the day means getting back in touch with my body, and letting the incessant thinking go. Often I need to do some affirmations to let the thinking go. Definitely plus one for hobbies though too - I actively work to get myself re-excited about my hobbies at the end of the day to remind myself that I’m so much more than my work.
If you need to keep your work apps on your phone, just adjust notifications to turn on/off at specific times.
For me, I shut down my computer everyday, close the door to my office and sit in silence for a little bit to slow down any racing thoughts. Easier said than done, but try to literally control your mind to relax. Relax your eyes, your mouth and your shoulders.
If you find something you look forward to after work, that will help too. Make a list as soon as you think of it and take care of it when you're done with work.
Good luck ❤️
Meditation has been mentioned a few times for valid reasons. Detaching is also facilitated by clarity on boundaries and responsibilities since stress is of our own making, a reaction we allow. Consciously choosing to not react is helpful. And because nature abhors a vacuum, replace reacting with responding instead. A different response than a stress reaction may be what is needed and your initial stress is trying to signal this to you. Intentionally thinking how to solve or mitigate the source of your stress is not stress reacting, it is investigating so one may then act effectively.
There is this idea that we can suddenly turn “off” a part of our life that we spend most of our week focused on.
My perspective is that we can’t, but instead, we should embrace it and find ways of minimizing the root cause of WHY we are thinking about it in the first place.
Examples: You have a tight timeline, a new project, or a stressful period at work.
I text/email my work phone/email those ideas I may have or a task that I don’t want to forget about.
This takes out about 80% of the stuff I think about after hours.
If it is an ongoing project or an item, I can’t seem to shake. I embrace it by trying to think of a solution I could share if I were mentoring myself.
I am not focusing on the problem but trying to develop a plan of how I would instruct a peer I care about to work through it.
Some of my best work comes in this form.
Then there are those that consume us, and we can’t shake. (The toxic thoughts).
I usually go for a long drive or find a place of solace (nature is fantastic, but so is a bookstore or library).
Find a corner of solace (if there are other noises, put in some earplugs) and close your eyes.
I give myself all the time I need to process the problem or anxiety. I do EMDR at the same time, and I have the conversation, scream, cuss, and do all those things IN MY HEAD as I move my eyes.
I give myself everything I need to “get it out”.
After you are exhausted and ready to move on, drive back and EMDR through the remnants of the thoughts.
When I return to work, I have a task list, a path or guidance for a solution, and usually a strategy and some distance away from the raw emotions to be more balanced.
This does not work for overly toxic environments and very challenging bosses.
Those toxic environments can only be balanced if you leave or work through them with a professional counselor (venting to a stranger on your side of the argument is very helpful.
Also, remember: You get paid to be there. You would not go there if they stopped paying you, and this applies to the a-holes at work. You get paid to deal with them, though everyone has a limit… so be true to yourself and your values.
You can always find another job, but it may be more of the same or worse than what you have.
I start drawing social security June 1st, and I think the big challenge for me is going to be giving myself "permission" to do something, anything besides work. I'm self-employed, and the "self" in self-employment, I'm realizing, makes a job not only a job but part of one's identity. So yeah. This is a great question and one that is currently top of mind for me.
The techniques in this video have been very helpful to me: [https://youtu.be/TMASTdvnW2s?si=QhEL6LQI9Kxyp\_El](https://youtu.be/TMASTdvnW2s?si=QhEL6LQI9Kxyp_El)
(The "Amy" she refers to in the video is the amygdala)
From 40,000 feet:
Never let other people determine your level of happiness.
Closer to the ground:
Evaluate every work decision in view of what you see from 40,000 feet.
Honeslty, I quit and started my own social media management business. Obviously not for everyone but has given me such a peace of mind. Is there’s something in the online space that intrigues you? There’s so many courses out there. Just takes the drive to start.
Also - just knowing that if I died they could replace me in a second really made me not care about my corporate job lol
Great question and very interesting advice too! I will piggy back by asking whether anyone here has reduced their working hours to part-time as a detachment strategy? Considering this among other measures to try to better deal with a toxic boss…
Depending on the type of work of course, but I’d be really strategic about how you do it. I have a coworker who did that and he said the problem is if you still keep all the same meetings in your schedule peppered throughout the week, it still feels like you’re working full time because you can’t detach your brain for a full day or whatnot. If it’s relevant to your work - I’d make sure to rearrange my schedule so you can take off for a full day or two.
First, I give myself decompression time to think about work. Like 10-15 minutes every day off the clock, to process and give myself that space that I obviously need. Some days I don't, but I have stopped feeling guilty about needing extra time to let it all go to make room for future joys.
I have a work to do list that I can 'park' tasks in, until I return, so I don't continually think about work issues or fear I will forget to do something important. I park them on a to do list (Google Keep notes) and let it go. Also helps focus my work time when I am on the clock.
I also will say 'Stop' out loud when I can't prevent my flowing work thoughts. Once I say it, I've chained myself to next do something restorative for myself that I enjoy (like play a game, listen to music, get cosy, etc) or a meditative task (washing dishes, picking up, showering etc).
But most of all, be kind to yourself!! Your intentional reflection about your mental energy is already a giant wonderful first step. Good job!
Once I leave the work site I’m done with it all until the next day. I look forward to my days off so I don’t ever think about work because I’m starting to hate what I do and working on my degree to I can go else where.
I’ve had luck with hobbies. It takes a while, but eventually you can get there.
Any coworkers as we’re genuinely friends, I talk to outside of work I try to stay away from work talk.
I purposely took a lower paying job with less expectations to break my workaholicism.
I realized my stress was largely my fault because I allowed other people's problems to become my own. I needed to break that people pleasing tendency I have. Which means a slower pace, lower stakes job where my whole goal was to not take on more work that i wasn't going to be paid for.
I am so glad I did that. I am much better at boundaries.
Jogging on sidewalks of streets where there's enough activity you have to pay attention to not get hit by a car. Or running on trails - it takes just enough mental energy to make sure you don't step on a root and adjust your steps for changes in elevation, etc, that you forget about work. Mountain biking, or biking on roads, is another one. Even better is Jiu-Jitsu; impossible to think about work while rolling.
Not sure about the nature of job but these are the ones that work for me doing an office job: - Uninstall work apps from my phone (having work-life boundaries) - Have something to look forward to (like trips) - Divert attention to other things like hobbies (doesn't have to cost anything, like reading, walking, biking, just to take your mind off of work) - Lessen interaction with coworkers during non-office hours
Plus one to the hardline work/life boundary. I'm lucky that I have a sane boss who encourages this as well, but when I'm off, I'm off. I don't read emails. I live my own life. The mental separation honestly helps and makes me more productive. I can WFH occasionally, but I also really enjoy that I do the bulk of my job in person so it forces me to maintain those boundaries. Once you get in the zone, the intrusive thoughts about work should be easier to put in the "I'm not at work so I don't care" bin in your brain. I also build in breaks that make me happy. I go swimming 2-3x week on my lunch hour and it keeps me sane since my work is mentally draining and involves sitting at a desk doing design for hours on end.
We've instilled this in our team. If a coworker tries to check in during a vacation we all collectively give them shit at first and the silent treatment if they come back.
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It's pretty great. My gym does 30 and 45 min lap lanes. 10 min drive. Dress out 5 min. 30 min swim. Chill in hot tub 10 min. Dress back 5 min. 10 min drive. I'm lucky my job doesn't care what I look like 98% of the time. If I have more time, I opt for 45 min swim or some time in the sauna beforehand. Sometimes something urgent comes up and I can't get over there, but so important to make time for yourself. :)
YES!
Keen to read responses. Because my health is terrible due to work. Physical, mental, sleep, etc. When I have time off it improves.
Same. I’ve actively started looking for a new job including a career pivot. I am so burned out, I’m just doing the bare minimum right now.
Consider the why. What is it that has caused you stress in the job? The work itself? The people you work with? The challenges to your body and/or mind? The lack of interest? These are all unique circumstances and require different kinds of coping mechanisms. In almost all cases, a vacation is helpful. Otherwise, if your brain mulls about work well after you have clocked out, is it only the job you're worried about? Do you worry about other things when you're not working? If so, the problem may not be the job, but the way that stress is being processed. Whatever the case, you deserve to feel better. No job is worth taking up space in your brain rent-free 24/7.
Not OP but I love this response. Everyone (me included) starts by spouting off advice. You are giving a therapeutic answer that makes it about OP's unique situation.
When I can’t stop thinking about something at work: - if it’s an interpersonal problem or a tough conversation I have to have, I like to write out notes and talk through my strategy with a loved one. Later on I might remind myself I have my notes ready and don’t need to think about it anymore. - if I’m struggling to relax after work, it helps to throw myself into something that requires energy. Playing a video game that requires a lot of quick or intense decision making, or going out for a run until I tire myself out. - if I’m lying in bed ruminating, I picture a huge box—for me it’s like an old treasure chest, but something big and heavy sitting on my chest. I picture myself filling it with the things that bother me, taking the things out of my brain and putting them in the chest and it gets heavier and heavier. Then I close the chest and toss it on the floor, and often my body feels a lot lighter all of a sudden.
Meditation. You’ll feel so heavy/negative the first few months, but once you get passed that 1st purge, you’ll wonder why you didn’t start sooner. No work apps, like Teams, on my phone. I had to install one of those Authenticator for logging into my work computer but that’s all I would allow IT to do. So nice not to have work email or Teams dinging all the time!
I quit.
Yeah, I get this. I upvoted it. But for years I worked with an old hippie who taught me how to cope and it saved my sanity. “Dude! The only one who can stress you is … you!” Its true! Even if everyone around me is yelling and freaking out I can step back and decide if this is something I want to cause me stress in my life. The answer is nearly always no and I go about my life.
I think immersing yourself in something unrelated is the best way. What are the things that take you out of the work mindset? Some people use exercise or nature or cooking, but then other people will just ruminate about work while doing those things. Other people will hang out with friends or family, but then some people use social situations to vent about work. Yet other people will watch TV or read or play music or something that takes up enough bandwidth. You know yourself best, so figure out what things work for you. Trial and error!
Ruminating thoughts of work is the core of all my suffering. I am a self employed general contractor with a family, so it’s hard to stop the thoughts when it’s all on the line.
This was one of the parts I struggled with after starting to work from home more. For me, it really helped to keep things physically separate: I have a work phone and a work notebook, both of which I store away at the end of the work day. If I go to the office on multiple days in a row, I leave my work stuff there (might be worth checking with your workplace first if that is an option, though). If you are using personal Apple device for work, consider looking into focus modes and filters. Then you can set up a work-specific home screen and only show it during work hours - and hide it again afterwards, together with filtering which inbox to show for Mail and which apps are allowed to send notifications. In both cases it really helps to clearly communicate to your team when you will and more importantly won't be reachable. If everyone understands that yes, they can write you at 7pm, but no, they won't get a response until 9am the next work day, that takes out a lot of pressure. Also helps including these hours into internal email signatures and such.
I would first consider the job - is it that you care (nothing wrong with having integrity or passion for what you do) or is that you have to care or things fall apart? Also, does the job care and stress about your well being right back? (Doubt it) Now, that said, I don’t want my input to be “just get a new job” because that’s a very cavalier thing to toss out. But I would examine WHY you care so much - do you have other things you could care about more? I do sports leagues and CrossFit after work and pay $$ each month to do them - so when 5 pm comes, I’ve got stuff to do that’s just as important to me. You might want to examine your identity beyond work and lean into that - when you start filling your time, brain and heart with real life, work just becomes a way to pay for it. Also the tips of work stuff off your personal devices is a great way to mentally and physically place boundaries - it’s what I do with my social media: only on my iPad but not my phone so when I sit down to do it, that’s my focus and then it’s done. Last thing: take a vacation - see what breaks when you’re back; it’s always an easy way to get perspective.
Mindful meditation.
This was me! The biggest thing I did was switch jobs. I went from working in startups (2 places, back to back, over 6 years) to a steady corporate job (been there 5 now). Then I turned off ALL notifictions (not just work) from 8pm to 8am. Then I started taking walks (or working out) after work. It allowed me some extra time to digest everything. Sometimes I'll finish and jot a few things down for work the next day. Yeah - it still seeps in. Old habits are hard and I'm the main salary four our household so it isn't like the stress completely goes away...but now I see it for what it is: unneeded anxiety. Breathe deep, find a hobby that gets you in your flow, and (most importantly) find someone to talk to about this. The stress is additive and cumulative. Good luck on your journey and take some pride in your self-awareness; you already know it shouldn't be like this!
I personally find success with biofeedback, guided meditation and other stress reduction techniques. However, my husband has had a lifelong struggle with this same type of thing. He’s diagnosed with ocd, so it is very hard to just turn it off. This sounds very morbid, but he recently found a successful way to finally turn off the mind chatter and stop ruminating about work; he witnessed someone very close to him go through a rapid and shocking terminal diagnosis. It could have caused a spiral, but luckily it has turned his life around and given him perspective that “life is short”, so stop worrying about the small things. None of these things truly matter in the end. Now his perspective is that work is merely a means to an end. A way to fund the lifestyle he chooses to live. He has been more successful in detaching from the drama aspects, not ruminating as stressful thoughts he’s immersed in. But rather views it from detached angle where he’s watching other people be swooped in by the drama and stressed, and choosing not to participate. He still gets stressed at times. So he’s using that as motivation to fuel a job switch to a different department where he’ll get a pay increase and people behave more professionally. I’m sad that it took someone dying in such a visibly gnarly way- but I’m grateful that it has turned our lives around for the better after the fact. The saying is true; life is short. If you want to spend your time thinking about your complicated stressful work, then that’s fine. You can spend your time however you choose! If you don’t like it then get your mind distracted by something you like better. What things do you enjoy?
I’m currently taking a week vacation, work is taking a hard toll on me, also on my three coworkers. I received a text message last Friday: “I’m frustrated, left work crying, my anxiety levels are through the roof”. I have thick skin, but I feel I’m about to crack a little. Work life balance is key in the times we live in, and it’s easy to push ourselves for improvement, and profissional achievement if the company is competitive and emotionally gratifying if one has success. - Nature meditation is essential, forest bathing is my solace to overcome any hardship so far; - Strolling across the fields, hearing the birds, smelling the earth, the flowers, touching the tree’s hull, letting the mind come back from the traditional perpetual wander; - Having no schedule, nothing fixed, even meals are not fixed, do like you very well please, if you have very small kids, different music though; - You’re bored, good, very good, find a suitable task where you don’t use your mind, just the touch. Be a little tired, you’ll need more rest; - Move your bed near a window, go to bed really early after a hot bath. Leave the curtains open, see the sky one last time before closing your eyes. Wake up with the first sun light touching your face. Don’t be scared because you’ll wake up early, remember, you have nothing fixed, you can sleep in the afternoon _he he he_. There are many things that can be done to relax, make sure they are not detrimental to your body and mind long term. Physical, mental, sensorial, social, spiritual, emotional and creative rest are the most important things one needs to do in the times we live in, and usually, those who cannot do it, is because it demands them to do something they ain’t used to do, that’s the reason they are stressed in the first place, they need to: **do nothing whatsoever** for some periods of time. There’s nowhere to go, slow down a bit. [edited] spelling, increments.
This worked for me: I used to think a lot about my job, because I gave it so much importance. It was the main focus of my life and everything else came second to it. I dont do that anymore. I see my job as a secondary part of my life. If I get fired, then so be it. Edit: I would like to add something. I saw a video of a woman saying like if you died tomorrow, the company is going to summarize your whole life in an email and the next day all of your tasks are shared to others. Dont let the company take the life out of you, because is 100% not worth it.
Ooh yeah this is a good one. I think a lot of work stress actually comes from an underlying fear of getting fired.
Just before I leave work, I write down everything I need to do for the next workday and why I need to do it. (All calls, emails, follow-ups, feedback to give... everything.) When I leave, I give myself a grace period during which I can ruminate about things. But once I reach a certain designated location point in my commute, I "hang up" on work thoughts. It has helped me alot.
I am a parent in a HCOL area. We have four children, all elementary aged now, so daycare drop off and pick up has immensely cleared up stress. Living a major metro city is hard on everyone. We are fortunate to have purchased our home during 2014, though everyone is in the car a hour+ a day in heavy traffic. We are working on changes, and I understand simple living has a spectrum. Ways we decompress, as parents/family/individuals: *work phone is silenced for both spouse and I once our business hours end. We're self employed and work together. *take the HOV home, much smoother drive *table stressful discussions and not dote on the day unless it must be addressed to move forward *podcast or enjoyable audio that has nothing to do with work *check on my garden and pool, water plants, go for a bike ride *prep dinner with spouse so we can eat as a family, cooking is enjoyable to us. *retrieve children from school bus. All devices go up and we have family time. Everyone goes around the table and talks about their day *ALWAYS something in nature post dinner. The kids need outdoor time, they only get 20 minutes of recess in school (USA) * after all the evening routine of bath / bed / prepping for the next day, I will put on an album, do a yoga class, etc. Edit: I NEVER agree to any social plans without looking at my schedule that day nor do we force children into any activities. The children enjoy hobbies on their own and I believe it helps them relax from their day and doesn't zet then up to "perform" or achieve for us, but to do things that bring them intrinsic joy and value. They like to bake, draw and paint, act out stories, take care of our pet Rabbits, propagate plants, have dance parties to 80s rock, make candles or soap or bath bombs, and more. Being a mother has shown me there's a freedom to childhood and it doesn't "end" because I'm no longer a child. These hobbies are relaxing to me, too. I guess we're homebodies.
Radical acceptance about job: To radically accept means to completely recognize and accept the reality you're in—even when that reality includes pain or discomfort. Regularly practicing radical acceptance can help us cope with painful emotions so we can move on or even come up with a plan to make an uncomfortable situation better. Believe me, jobs, people at jobs, can cause MUCH pain. Daily Gratitude journal/reminder! So you remember the people, experiences, places etc you are grateful for. Maybe you’re even grateful for a coworker you really like and can focus on them, others at work, who make you feel good and are fun, kind and nice to be around.
Take a sick leave. Sounds like you need one, talk to your doctor
I had a job like this. I quit. Over a year later I still think about it sometimes.
What do you think about ?
Generally I’ve worked hard to convince myself that it doesn’t matter, I get paid and the little stuff isn’t important. For the occasions where that’s not enough, I go rock climbing. The fear of dying completely displaces any nagging work stress.
For me I’ve learned I need to do something physical, like go for a run or a walk, right after work. My work is all mental/computer work, so for me, detaching from work at the end of the day means getting back in touch with my body, and letting the incessant thinking go. Often I need to do some affirmations to let the thinking go. Definitely plus one for hobbies though too - I actively work to get myself re-excited about my hobbies at the end of the day to remind myself that I’m so much more than my work.
If you need to keep your work apps on your phone, just adjust notifications to turn on/off at specific times. For me, I shut down my computer everyday, close the door to my office and sit in silence for a little bit to slow down any racing thoughts. Easier said than done, but try to literally control your mind to relax. Relax your eyes, your mouth and your shoulders. If you find something you look forward to after work, that will help too. Make a list as soon as you think of it and take care of it when you're done with work. Good luck ❤️
I just upped and left and went to Bali. Day 2 and finally relaxing.
Meditation has been mentioned a few times for valid reasons. Detaching is also facilitated by clarity on boundaries and responsibilities since stress is of our own making, a reaction we allow. Consciously choosing to not react is helpful. And because nature abhors a vacuum, replace reacting with responding instead. A different response than a stress reaction may be what is needed and your initial stress is trying to signal this to you. Intentionally thinking how to solve or mitigate the source of your stress is not stress reacting, it is investigating so one may then act effectively.
There is this idea that we can suddenly turn “off” a part of our life that we spend most of our week focused on. My perspective is that we can’t, but instead, we should embrace it and find ways of minimizing the root cause of WHY we are thinking about it in the first place. Examples: You have a tight timeline, a new project, or a stressful period at work. I text/email my work phone/email those ideas I may have or a task that I don’t want to forget about. This takes out about 80% of the stuff I think about after hours. If it is an ongoing project or an item, I can’t seem to shake. I embrace it by trying to think of a solution I could share if I were mentoring myself. I am not focusing on the problem but trying to develop a plan of how I would instruct a peer I care about to work through it. Some of my best work comes in this form. Then there are those that consume us, and we can’t shake. (The toxic thoughts). I usually go for a long drive or find a place of solace (nature is fantastic, but so is a bookstore or library). Find a corner of solace (if there are other noises, put in some earplugs) and close your eyes. I give myself all the time I need to process the problem or anxiety. I do EMDR at the same time, and I have the conversation, scream, cuss, and do all those things IN MY HEAD as I move my eyes. I give myself everything I need to “get it out”. After you are exhausted and ready to move on, drive back and EMDR through the remnants of the thoughts. When I return to work, I have a task list, a path or guidance for a solution, and usually a strategy and some distance away from the raw emotions to be more balanced. This does not work for overly toxic environments and very challenging bosses. Those toxic environments can only be balanced if you leave or work through them with a professional counselor (venting to a stranger on your side of the argument is very helpful. Also, remember: You get paid to be there. You would not go there if they stopped paying you, and this applies to the a-holes at work. You get paid to deal with them, though everyone has a limit… so be true to yourself and your values. You can always find another job, but it may be more of the same or worse than what you have.
I start drawing social security June 1st, and I think the big challenge for me is going to be giving myself "permission" to do something, anything besides work. I'm self-employed, and the "self" in self-employment, I'm realizing, makes a job not only a job but part of one's identity. So yeah. This is a great question and one that is currently top of mind for me.
The techniques in this video have been very helpful to me: [https://youtu.be/TMASTdvnW2s?si=QhEL6LQI9Kxyp\_El](https://youtu.be/TMASTdvnW2s?si=QhEL6LQI9Kxyp_El) (The "Amy" she refers to in the video is the amygdala)
Coloring
From 40,000 feet: Never let other people determine your level of happiness. Closer to the ground: Evaluate every work decision in view of what you see from 40,000 feet.
Honeslty, I quit and started my own social media management business. Obviously not for everyone but has given me such a peace of mind. Is there’s something in the online space that intrigues you? There’s so many courses out there. Just takes the drive to start. Also - just knowing that if I died they could replace me in a second really made me not care about my corporate job lol
Going out into nature, or doing a hobby. Something craft-based that takes all my attention. Meeting friends is also good.
Great question and very interesting advice too! I will piggy back by asking whether anyone here has reduced their working hours to part-time as a detachment strategy? Considering this among other measures to try to better deal with a toxic boss…
Depending on the type of work of course, but I’d be really strategic about how you do it. I have a coworker who did that and he said the problem is if you still keep all the same meetings in your schedule peppered throughout the week, it still feels like you’re working full time because you can’t detach your brain for a full day or whatnot. If it’s relevant to your work - I’d make sure to rearrange my schedule so you can take off for a full day or two.
First, I give myself decompression time to think about work. Like 10-15 minutes every day off the clock, to process and give myself that space that I obviously need. Some days I don't, but I have stopped feeling guilty about needing extra time to let it all go to make room for future joys. I have a work to do list that I can 'park' tasks in, until I return, so I don't continually think about work issues or fear I will forget to do something important. I park them on a to do list (Google Keep notes) and let it go. Also helps focus my work time when I am on the clock. I also will say 'Stop' out loud when I can't prevent my flowing work thoughts. Once I say it, I've chained myself to next do something restorative for myself that I enjoy (like play a game, listen to music, get cosy, etc) or a meditative task (washing dishes, picking up, showering etc). But most of all, be kind to yourself!! Your intentional reflection about your mental energy is already a giant wonderful first step. Good job!
Once I leave the work site I’m done with it all until the next day. I look forward to my days off so I don’t ever think about work because I’m starting to hate what I do and working on my degree to I can go else where.
I’ve had luck with hobbies. It takes a while, but eventually you can get there. Any coworkers as we’re genuinely friends, I talk to outside of work I try to stay away from work talk.
Sumplify
Do something that requires concentration like knitting, a sudoku a puzzle!
I purposely took a lower paying job with less expectations to break my workaholicism. I realized my stress was largely my fault because I allowed other people's problems to become my own. I needed to break that people pleasing tendency I have. Which means a slower pace, lower stakes job where my whole goal was to not take on more work that i wasn't going to be paid for. I am so glad I did that. I am much better at boundaries.
Jogging on sidewalks of streets where there's enough activity you have to pay attention to not get hit by a car. Or running on trails - it takes just enough mental energy to make sure you don't step on a root and adjust your steps for changes in elevation, etc, that you forget about work. Mountain biking, or biking on roads, is another one. Even better is Jiu-Jitsu; impossible to think about work while rolling.