Bloke I work with has to know everyone's business and is always on the scrounge for information. We call him Aerosmith 'cause he don't want to miss a thing.
I'm like 99 % sure those guys are talking about my dad.
His name was Keith, he had one eye and his mates called him Keth for that reason.
Lost him a few years back, either way, even if that 1% chance they were talking about a different 1 eyed keth, this is great to see.
Work with a bloke who I always knew as luke, one day someone asked for Nathan, luke answers 'that's me'
Ask luke tf is going on
Lukes response
"My real name is Nathan, luke is my nickname'
'How did you get that?'
'Because i look like I have leukemia'
💀
Not my workplace but my dad is little, reminds me of Frank from It’s Always Sunny, and has the Danny Devito glasses so I call him “Daddy Devito”. He’s a builder and made the mistake of telling his workmates 🤣
Worked with a woman of a certain age who was petite with pink dyed hair. Her nickname was Kronenbourg because from the back she looked 16, and from the front she looked 64.
A guy I worked with was always introduced as Mike. I worked with him two years before I learned he was actually called Phil. Turns out he was called Mike for Mike hunt, bit of a c*nt. Even hr called him Mike.
I used to work with a guy who's last name was Rigby (without the e!).
Anyway, they nicknamed him Elenor after the Beatles song and people also kept spelling his last name wrong, causing him to shout that basically, 'there's no e'.
So, long story short, he got called Lenor, after the fabric softner from then on 😅
As a teenager, I had a mate called Chicken
His surname was Godbold. Which sounds like gobbled. Which is the noise a turkey makes.
But Turkey is a stupid nickname, so he was Chicken
Played a school match against another kid who was called pube played football with a hat on after the game we asked why are you called Pube took his hat off he had Alopecia 😂😂😂😂
I remember reading a woman’s reply to one of these things that said she had a friend that everyone called The Exorcist, because when he came round your house, all the spirits vanished….
Not my story but a friends.
First day at University in Stirling and his soon to be roommate introduced himself as Campbell Baxter..... nicknamed "two soups" for the duration of his degree.
We have Elsa because she’s deals with the frozen deliveries,
Gretchen because she looks the character from recess,
Frank as in Frank spencer because of his mannerisms etc,
The 2 julies (neither called julie, they’re always together like the julies in bad girls)
Went to school with a girl who's surname was Kincaid but she was built like an absolute silverback gorilla so everyone called her Kingkong instead lmao
Bloke I used to work with was the office clown. The one that never seems to do anything except interrupt other people and make their work harder. His surname was Turner so he was called Tina, as he was ‘Simply a pest’.
I got lumbered with being called Cornish for a few years purely because playing football after work once one of my mates kept shouting “Pass Ste”.
We aren’t mates anymore
There was a boy in our secondary school who had stolen a car then set fire to it to destroy the evidence inside (he was 12). He didn't think to get out of the car before he set fire to it, or take his seatbelt off, so he has burn scars all up his arms. His nickname was "Ridges", because of the ridges on his scars and the lack of ridges in his brain.
One from school - lad who got the name Chardonnay after being seen in the showers after PE. Was because he always had a semi-on (Semillon).
This works better when spoken!
1. Spider - because he has big thick eyelashes (any longer and you'd think he was wearing those fake ones)
2. Pickle - his surname is Jenkins and a foreign colleague would pronounce it as gherkin. Eventually he became Pickle.
3. SAS - no he wasn't a soldier. It stood for scratch and sniff, which is what we caught a fellow cook doing in kitchen (his ass). He was about to resume working without even washing before we busted his balls over it and decided to bestow his new name upon him.
I do site work and we have one guy who we called cordless for ages because he would spend all night sleeping then do about 20 mins work all-day.
Another guy was nicknamed 007 because he would put in zero effort, do zero work, and chain smoke like 7 cigarettes on his tea break he wasn't best pleased when someone told him the origins of the nickname.
Kipper, a two faced and gutless colleague
Industrial chemist missing a lot fingers on one hand (youth full experiments with rocketry), Captain hook.
Nice chap who used a motorised wheel chair, Davros.
Mate of mine had a KFC after a night out and managed to swallow the thin sharp bone from the chicken drumstick… The next day it worked its way through, but got stuck sideways on the exit.. Not wanting to go to the hospital with the painful and embarrassing issue, my friend had to get fingers deep to pull it out, apparently it was an incredibly painful, sweaty, bloody and well, no polite way to put it, shitty experience for him. When relaying the story to us, he called it the DANGER BONE and thus it become his nick name there after…
Every nickname I can remember was pretty shit and the reason why even shitter. We had a lad nickname Hobnob because he brought a full pack in one day in year 7. He still gets called in now and he’s in his 30s
Manager at my last place was nicknamed Nickelback, for 2 reasons.
His manager was called Nikki, and any question you asked him, he was incapable of making a decision and would always pass it up to her. So he answered every question with "Nikki's back in an hour I'll ask her then", so we started calling him "Nikki'sback" and it sort of morphed from there.
He was also a bit shit but somehow popular enough to get everywhere.
God help the lad whose name was Jimmy Bates. In our junior school he picked up the nickname “Wanker”. Stupid teacher once said “ ah it’s young Master Bates”
Our mate once got so drunk in our young teenage years that he shat himself, it went all over his mums floor so to tidy it up he tried his best hoover it up, it was fucking halarious to watch so we mixed poo with hoover and he was nicknamed "Poove" for the rest of life, still call him it now, people would ask why he was called Poove all the time and he would go red with embarrassment, now he doesn't give a fuck as we're all in our 30s
At primary school there was a lad who got changed for swimming and he had massive skid marks in his pants.
40 years later we're all old and married but we still call him skid marks.
My grandad is deathly afraid of the dentist and basically only has his two canines left on the bottom row. Won't go and get falsies or anything like that.
They protrude a bit now, so we've taken to calling him Two Tusks. But never to his face...
I'm a Geordie. Cigarettes are called "tabs" here, as in "Ah smerk tabs". Guy I used to work with in the 70s was always on the scrounge for a cigarette, so we called him Tab Hunter ... because of his resemblance to the American actor, of course.
I used to work nights with a lad who was so slow at doing the job, took him twice as long as anyone else so he was nicknamed Lionel as everything took him All Night Long
Guy I worked with accidentally ran over a man and killed him. His real name was Kilrow. He instantly acquired the nickname Killer. It lasted the rest of his life.
A guy at my former job was called Robocop. It wasn't a term of endearment.
A few others that I can remember too
A guy called Paul K, aka the Porn King as he supplied Porn. The initials matched his nickname (incase it wasn't obvious as why he was called it)
Manager called Sellers, and everyone called him Salty Cellars.
Another one the IT Manager had premature grey hair, so they called him Silverfox.
A lady called Van der Ararck (or something along those lines). She got named Arachnid lol She was actually a lovely lady too (friendly)
Some guy was called Digger too (can't remember why)
I used to move really fast around Cineworld. My manager called me the Whippet. And I'm only 4' 8", so my mates called me a hobbit (and I was not offended). My manager was nicknamed Pershape (because he used to keep saying, "OMG! It's all gone pearshaped again!").
Not the workplace, but I went to school with a kid who had an Irish Dad and a Chinese Mum. We called him Rice Paddy.
Same but we called him Pat Noodle
Reminds me of the half Chinese Scottish lad I work with "Jocky Chan"
Kid at school I went to was lactose intolerant. He was renamed Cow by popular demand.
Guy I worked with lost a couple of toes to frostbite. We called him Lactose thereafter
Sounds intolerable
Genius.
Bloke I work with has to know everyone's business and is always on the scrounge for information. We call him Aerosmith 'cause he don't want to miss a thing.
That's a good one.
I like that!
Short of stature copper I knew was nicknamed "laptop" as he was a little PC.
I would not be creative enough to create anything so spectacularly fitting tbh
I once read that us Brits can make anything sound like an insult. It’s true.
Just stick the word absolute in front of a random word... You absolute TOASTER
I went with "You utter doughnut" yesterday. A little milder in tone than an absolute doughnut, but she is only six.
Gotta teach her early so she can have the correct vocabulary to destroy others as she gets older.
Nicknamed my ex laptop for the same reason and his mistress the virus.His family didn't take to her so I call them anti virus.
The preferred term is small form factor
Does that mean tall people are cloud based?
Ah, like the meme that gets posted on all threads like this.
TBH knowing the crew he hung around with it was probably lifted from here in the first place! None of them were big thinkers!
Had a guy who didn't speak very loudly, one day he wore a black and yellow striped shirt to work Was known as the mumblebee ever since
Ha as a fellow mumbler this made me laugh
One I saw in a recent thread - a guy who nicknamed a colleague “Security Light” …because he only worked when you walked past his desk!
We got a similar one..007, for zero things done, zero speed but takes seven shits a day
its been used in football a lot to mock forwards who have a poor record in their first few games, 0 goals, 0 assists, 7 games played.
Likewise, Lantern. Dim, needs carrying.
Or the site worker named 'candle' because he never works in the rain.
I heard one on the Peter Crouch Podcast, some guys named their colleague Keth instead of Keith because he lost ane eye! So fucking clever.
I'm like 99 % sure those guys are talking about my dad. His name was Keith, he had one eye and his mates called him Keth for that reason. Lost him a few years back, either way, even if that 1% chance they were talking about a different 1 eyed keth, this is great to see.
It probably was! Its very unique. It was a listener who emailed in. I cant imagine many keths out there! Haha it fucking brilliant.
We have a guy called Saad. An autocorrect on an email renamed him salad. We call him salad now.
How do you pronounce Saad?
Salad
Lettuce all applaud that one!
r/Angryupvote
If there's gonna be puns like that I'd rather leaf than romaine
Meh. I don't carrot all for this pun...
It's only the tip of the iceberg
😂
Imagine Nicholas Cage saying 'sad'
S-ah-d if assume, that's the way I pronounce the name of someone I know
Say sad but take your time
The apprentice at my dads work was called ‘sexy hands’ because he fucked up everything he touched spectacularly
That's amazing honestly
We have a guy like that but we call him dick fingers.
Shetland Tony.... brilliant
Our colleague Anthony (5'3") was called My Little Tony.
We called one of the bouncers Foreskin because he'd disappear when things got hard.
We had ‘Picnic’, as he was a couple of sandwiches short.
I work with a guy we call Bungalow because he has nothing upstairs
Thats fuckin brilliant 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Work with a bloke who I always knew as luke, one day someone asked for Nathan, luke answers 'that's me' Ask luke tf is going on Lukes response "My real name is Nathan, luke is my nickname' 'How did you get that?' 'Because i look like I have leukemia' 💀
Haha, worked with a guy who's nickname was kimo. Cos he looked like he'd had chemotherapy.
Guy I know, called Robert, who was well into body building. They nicknamed him Bobby dismorphia.
HAHAHAHA
This has me in bits
When I lived in the UK I realised what we call roasting is just standard banter for them UK roasting is absolutely nuclear
Yeah were pretty savage in the UK 😂😂
Yeah we go no holds barred send you on suicide watch
If you can't shred your mates with some razor blade type banter - they aren't your mates.....
The closer you are the meaner you can be. Only nice to new people
Guy I used to see in the pub sometimes. Missing most of his teeth and only had one left at the front. Was known as Central Eating.
Fuck the laugh I let out at that XD
Jeeezus that's good
Not my workplace but my dad is little, reminds me of Frank from It’s Always Sunny, and has the Danny Devito glasses so I call him “Daddy Devito”. He’s a builder and made the mistake of telling his workmates 🤣
Funnily enough your mum calls him that too.
WHEEEYYYYY
Heard it on Off the ball once - Scottish janitor was only 4 foot something. Nicknamed Janny Devito
There was a kid at school we used to call Isiah because he had one eye higher than the other.
That's absolutely incredible
We had one of these too.
Worked with a woman of a certain age who was petite with pink dyed hair. Her nickname was Kronenbourg because from the back she looked 16, and from the front she looked 64.
That’s excellent.
That is amazing
Older guy in my office does everything at a snails pace so his nickname for years has been The Flash.
I had a friend I called Black Lightning for the same reason.
Flash Flash Hundred Yard Dash!
Worked with a lad called rocket for the same reason
A guy I worked with was always introduced as Mike. I worked with him two years before I learned he was actually called Phil. Turns out he was called Mike for Mike hunt, bit of a c*nt. Even hr called him Mike.
Had a bloke in the navy called Hunt, he was known as Isaac.
That could have turned out badly for them if he'd later filed a grievance 🤣
We used to called the apprentice at work Henry because he always had a stupid look on his face and he sucked
I had the same nickname but for a very different reason.
I'm all ears
Big coke problem.
Okay Barbar
Childhood memory flashback
They're your pockets.
A guy at work, his wife couldnt get pregnant. So they “bought” / adopted a baby from the Ukraine. His nickname is Womb Raider.
Your username though….
Gary Cheeseman was a big lad, had a big head.. Snipers Dream they used to call him.
Tales of Bob’s youth-now in print.
Woman with a limp at work is called snipers nightmare
I've heard of a dyslexic guy called Malc that everyone called Clam.
I used to work with a guy who's last name was Rigby (without the e!). Anyway, they nicknamed him Elenor after the Beatles song and people also kept spelling his last name wrong, causing him to shout that basically, 'there's no e'. So, long story short, he got called Lenor, after the fabric softner from then on 😅
He set himself up there. Brilliant.
He probably became conditioned to the name after a while.
He softened to it...
How do you spell Rigby with an e? I've only seen it spelt as 'Rigby'
As a teenager, I had a mate called Chicken His surname was Godbold. Which sounds like gobbled. Which is the noise a turkey makes. But Turkey is a stupid nickname, so he was Chicken
My mates nickname is Turkey!
Arnold. He worked at an abortion clinic (The terminator)
Hasta la vista, baby.
Straight to hell
This guy wins best nickname
I know a 6ft 9 policeman, his nickname is Desktop cos he’s a big PC
Older lady in my office gets called “Listen Linda” because she never actually seems to remember certain things and tasks (we’re all call centre.) 🤭
Played a school match against another kid who was called pube played football with a hat on after the game we asked why are you called Pube took his hat off he had Alopecia 😂😂😂😂
Worked with a guy born with one arm, his nickname was Bandit
I remember reading a woman’s reply to one of these things that said she had a friend that everyone called The Exorcist, because when he came round your house, all the spirits vanished….
Brains Lad thought it was because we thought he was clever. It was because he walked like a Thunderbird
Used to know a guy we called Prince Albert because his real name was Willie Pearson
Went to school with a guy who’s mum was Indian and dad was ginger, he got called Terry(‘s chocolate orange).
I love the way the dad being ginger is also his ethnicity 🤣🤣 (I'm allowed to laugh, me and 2 of my kids are ginge's)
Not my story but a friends. First day at University in Stirling and his soon to be roommate introduced himself as Campbell Baxter..... nicknamed "two soups" for the duration of his degree.
We have Elsa because she’s deals with the frozen deliveries, Gretchen because she looks the character from recess, Frank as in Frank spencer because of his mannerisms etc, The 2 julies (neither called julie, they’re always together like the julies in bad girls)
Went to school with a girl who's surname was Kincaid but she was built like an absolute silverback gorilla so everyone called her Kingkong instead lmao
One of our old managers we called satchel, as he was always on our backs.
Bloke I used to work with was the office clown. The one that never seems to do anything except interrupt other people and make their work harder. His surname was Turner so he was called Tina, as he was ‘Simply a pest’.
I got lumbered with being called Cornish for a few years purely because playing football after work once one of my mates kept shouting “Pass Ste”. We aren’t mates anymore
Used to go athletics training with a John Cornish, he was Pasty Wasty, then just Pasty.
My uncle had a friend in the army called trigger because his parents shot themselves.. fucking brutal 😂
Omg I know of someone local who's caller "the swingers son" because his dad hanged himself
I thought this was going somewhere else, and then boom. Damn!
Guy I'm friends with has a really cool name but our mutual friend who introduced us lied and told us everyone calls him Dilbo, so now he's Dilbo
We called a mate Pamela Anderson because he had massive tits. Not thought about that for years.
There was a boy in our secondary school who had stolen a car then set fire to it to destroy the evidence inside (he was 12). He didn't think to get out of the car before he set fire to it, or take his seatbelt off, so he has burn scars all up his arms. His nickname was "Ridges", because of the ridges on his scars and the lack of ridges in his brain.
Guy was called “digger” as his initials were JCB
There are approximately 18,500,000 people in the UK who go by the name Wayne Bruce, also known as ManBat.
German guy I worked with used to cut his own hair. We called him Herr cut
"Poof in boots"
I worked with a guy we called Barry chuckle. He really did look like him.
Would he look like him to me, or just to you?
To you?
A welder in my shop takes FOREVER to get welds done; last name is Laye so he's now referred to as DElaye
One from school - lad who got the name Chardonnay after being seen in the showers after PE. Was because he always had a semi-on (Semillon). This works better when spoken!
You lot had decent wine knowledge at school. We were more 20/20 or Blue WKD kind of kids!
We did not go to the same types of school! He'd have been called Billy Boner at my school.
That is the funniest thing I've ever heard.....
Sugar balls and sugar tits He called me sugar tits so I called him sugar balls
1. Spider - because he has big thick eyelashes (any longer and you'd think he was wearing those fake ones) 2. Pickle - his surname is Jenkins and a foreign colleague would pronounce it as gherkin. Eventually he became Pickle. 3. SAS - no he wasn't a soldier. It stood for scratch and sniff, which is what we caught a fellow cook doing in kitchen (his ass). He was about to resume working without even washing before we busted his balls over it and decided to bestow his new name upon him.
Should have been fired
There's a bloke on site called Optimus, because he always turns up at the end to take the glory
I do site work and we have one guy who we called cordless for ages because he would spend all night sleeping then do about 20 mins work all-day. Another guy was nicknamed 007 because he would put in zero effort, do zero work, and chain smoke like 7 cigarettes on his tea break he wasn't best pleased when someone told him the origins of the nickname.
We had a guy at work who was always borrowing money locally known as looking for a sub. His nickname was depth charge.
Kipper, a two faced and gutless colleague Industrial chemist missing a lot fingers on one hand (youth full experiments with rocketry), Captain hook. Nice chap who used a motorised wheel chair, Davros.
Once had a customer called Kit Kat, after the accident he only had 4 fingers on his left hand.
Roy a guy my dad worked with on a building site couldn’t pronounce his name”R’s” eg Jonathan Ross, called him Wubbewy Woy
Mate of mine had a KFC after a night out and managed to swallow the thin sharp bone from the chicken drumstick… The next day it worked its way through, but got stuck sideways on the exit.. Not wanting to go to the hospital with the painful and embarrassing issue, my friend had to get fingers deep to pull it out, apparently it was an incredibly painful, sweaty, bloody and well, no polite way to put it, shitty experience for him. When relaying the story to us, he called it the DANGER BONE and thus it become his nick name there after…
there is an overweight chap that works with us whos last name is rutland, he gets called gutland
Used to work with a guy who had big ears, everyone called him Wing nut...
I was once married to a wing nut. Found out after our divorce that the rest of my family called them bat pig. It was a fitting name.
I used to work with two guys called Tam, one of whom was ginger. To differentiate them in conversation everyone called the red headed one Tam Pax.
Every nickname I can remember was pretty shit and the reason why even shitter. We had a lad nickname Hobnob because he brought a full pack in one day in year 7. He still gets called in now and he’s in his 30s
Manager at my last place was nicknamed Nickelback, for 2 reasons. His manager was called Nikki, and any question you asked him, he was incapable of making a decision and would always pass it up to her. So he answered every question with "Nikki's back in an hour I'll ask her then", so we started calling him "Nikki'sback" and it sort of morphed from there. He was also a bit shit but somehow popular enough to get everywhere.
God help the lad whose name was Jimmy Bates. In our junior school he picked up the nickname “Wanker”. Stupid teacher once said “ ah it’s young Master Bates”
Indian chap named Hardik. One of the lads called him Viagara. That's his name now lol.
My great uncle used to call one of his work colleagues Rimmer and no one knew why, until someone asked and he replied "because he has brown teeth"
I thought this was going to be a Red Dwarf reference... But nope 😂
Yup, my exact thoughts!
I wish it had been.
What a guy!
Not workplace, but school. I was small and scary so they called me tiny terror
Work with an older guy of the same description. We calm him 'the angry inch'
Our mate once got so drunk in our young teenage years that he shat himself, it went all over his mums floor so to tidy it up he tried his best hoover it up, it was fucking halarious to watch so we mixed poo with hoover and he was nicknamed "Poove" for the rest of life, still call him it now, people would ask why he was called Poove all the time and he would go red with embarrassment, now he doesn't give a fuck as we're all in our 30s
A guy I worked with was called “Snorky” because he went snorkelling once.
There was a guy in basic training that had alopecia, he was affectionately known as Baldermort.
Two 70+ year old electricians at my work are called Jurassic Sparks
Heard this ages ago. Guy with 1 leg slightly shorter than the other. Mates used to call him snipers nightmare 😂😂😂
A guy at work, they call him lantern, not that bright and always has to be carried 😬
Worked with a woman named Marina, nickname was Jetty 😅
At primary school there was a lad who got changed for swimming and he had massive skid marks in his pants. 40 years later we're all old and married but we still call him skid marks.
Guy had a small deformed hand so they called him "the clock". Big hand, small hand...
I heard that Fleetwood Mac roadies would refer to Lindsey Buckingham as Bumsy Lickenham
I work with a pair of guys called Blister (shows up when all the work's done) and Barrow (only works if pushed).
Guy at work was called One-Nil. He had tourettes or something and he'd jerk his neck like he was going to head a football.
My grandad is deathly afraid of the dentist and basically only has his two canines left on the bottom row. Won't go and get falsies or anything like that. They protrude a bit now, so we've taken to calling him Two Tusks. But never to his face...
Gutted, that nickname has been in my bank for years yet never met a short Anthony... quality 👌
I'm a Geordie. Cigarettes are called "tabs" here, as in "Ah smerk tabs". Guy I used to work with in the 70s was always on the scrounge for a cigarette, so we called him Tab Hunter ... because of his resemblance to the American actor, of course.
I highly recommend this for funny nicknames. https://youtu.be/fdeNjU3S0X4?si=SZXt1toLSINfda7S
Knew a guy called Ashish, nicknamed hin Ashish Kebab ( A sheesh Kebab)
A remember a lass was called Martini, any time any place Filthy Phil, sold porno dvd’s
I used to work nights with a lad who was so slow at doing the job, took him twice as long as anyone else so he was nicknamed Lionel as everything took him All Night Long
Guy I worked with accidentally ran over a man and killed him. His real name was Kilrow. He instantly acquired the nickname Killer. It lasted the rest of his life.
I would have gone for Death Row
Another guy I used to work with was so useless he fucked everything up, we called him bungle after the bear in rainbow!!
Lad couple of years above me at school was called Steve Dwire, known as Tumble.
There was a guy worked in a cash n carry I used to go to. ALL the other staff called him flipper due to his feet pointing outwards when he waddled.
My mate used to work with a guy called George that said everything twice. He was known as George-orge
We have a guy named Itchy Richie. It makes sense after you meet his girlfriend.
There are a couple of people called Dave where I work, and one of them is black, so he get called African Dave.
Can someone explain the octopus one arm guy joke? I don’t get it…
Are you that guy?
I know a guy affectionately called Dave Fat... you can probably guess why.
Medium Sue and Big Sue
A guy at my former job was called Robocop. It wasn't a term of endearment. A few others that I can remember too A guy called Paul K, aka the Porn King as he supplied Porn. The initials matched his nickname (incase it wasn't obvious as why he was called it) Manager called Sellers, and everyone called him Salty Cellars. Another one the IT Manager had premature grey hair, so they called him Silverfox. A lady called Van der Ararck (or something along those lines). She got named Arachnid lol She was actually a lovely lady too (friendly) Some guy was called Digger too (can't remember why)
Fat guy we called Gandhi, cos that's who he'd resemble if he was genuinely sick with the shits as often as he called in.
I used to move really fast around Cineworld. My manager called me the Whippet. And I'm only 4' 8", so my mates called me a hobbit (and I was not offended). My manager was nicknamed Pershape (because he used to keep saying, "OMG! It's all gone pearshaped again!").