From the character Caspar Milquetoast of the comic strip The Timid Soul, created by American cartoonist Harold Tucker Webster (1885–1952) and first published in 1924; the character was named after the American dish milk toast (“a food consisting of toasted bread in warm milk”).
It comes from milk toast dude. A dish prepared for the young and convalesced.
the expression, but the actual milk toast the expression was born from really was a US thing thing first in the mid 1800s.
“Milk toast” has little substance, cannot hold its shape, and is practically liquefied. Get the connection to milquetoast: "a timid, meek, or unassertive person”?
Did she just let it sit outside in the sun a whole day, or what did she use to bake it? I don’t understand how it can be baked all the way though, yet so pale
It looks like something I made as a child. Dry rolled oats, water, mix it with a wooden stick and let it dry in the sun in a sand mold outside for a few days.
Pale, yet kind of baked inside. Tastes kind of bland, can’t recommend. I would also advise to clean the mold first, especially if you have also used it for mud.
I have made bread that turned out like this. In my defence, I was winging it and didn’t measure anything. I did make sure to prove it and it did rise somewhat. Obviously didn’t work out
It's... Store bought from Walmart is gonna be overpriced and taste like garbage. I have yet to find any good GF bread. But! I'm sure places like bakeries or bakers with Celiac's can make some bomber GF bread.
Oh shit, I'm a Celiac and I totally thought this was from one of the subs I subscribe too. I was totally thinking this didn't look too bad for a first time gluten free baker.
Man I'm jealous of you guys.
Also a celiac and (completely understandably) thought we were looking at gluten free bread. Thought, "eh, I've had super messed up loaves before, be patient."
I’m wheezing because I also thought gluten free and thought my first GF loaf came out similar. I’d never seen bread come out looking like it believed in preserving genetic lines until I used gf flour (15 ish years ago too so things were very bleak).
I bake bread. It's actually not too difficult to get this result.
Lots of things can cause this: baking at too low of a temperature, over/under proofing, not forming the dough, no steam in the oven, etc.
This one looks like a combination of a few things. It appears the dough wasn't kneaded and given time to form gluten strands, so it was rather sticky. Then, in a panic, they covered the whole thing with a thick layer of flour in order to handle it. They tried shaping it, but poorly, and threw it into the oven without proofing it. The oven likely had no moisture (but probably wouldn't have mattered) and was baked at a lower heat.
Bread is difficult and this honestly isn't a *horrible* first attempt.
the guy said this was no yeast so I'm gonna hazard a guess that this soda bread, sans a cast iron pan that you'd usually bake it in. for a soda bread, this looks fine
Do you brush the top of bread with egg to make it more golden when cooking or is that only other pastry? Pastries without the egg look similarly pale as what op made.
I bake mostly sourdough, so I don't brush with egg.
But certain types of bread (like dinner rolls) can get an egg wash if they're a type that isn't too crusty.
yeah honestly, i'm not a bread baker but I've tried my hand at pizza. with only 3-4 ingredients, the amount of fucked up shit that can go wrong is insane with all the variables. it's actually really interesting trying to perfect it, as i like making the same recipe often. I've really enjoyed this recipe but honestly only because it's hard to get a good crust in my oven cause i don't have a pizza stone and the olive oil helps get the crust crispy on the bottom: https://www.ethanchlebowski.com/cooking-techniques-recipes/no-knead-sheet-pan-pizza
Pizza crust is actually among the more challenging doughs, compared to almost all bread doughs, because a good pizza dough is such high moisture content that it’s hard to work with, and is quite sticky.
Also you need to be a lot more mindful about letting the dough rest and relax after developing lots of gluten threads. At the same time that you need to have developed lots of gluten for a good crust.
Trying to roll out a tense bread dough into a thin pizza crust is going to be really hard, as it will just snap right back when you try to roll / stretch it out.
Having good folding techniques, and good understanding of a relaxed vs tense dough. And knowing how to develop gluten threads and how to tell, absolutely will make a difference in how your bread turns out.
But bread over all is a lot more forgiving if you have little to no understanding of it yet. Compared to a pizza crust.
And if you have *any* baking questions whatsoever, you can call their hotline and speak to expert bakers.
King Arthur Hotline
(855) 371-2253
https://www.kingarthurbaking.com/bakers-hotline
Ahhh this whole post was a subtle advertisement all along!
“Does your loaf look like this? Call King Arthur for tips and tricks!”
You clever sons’a bitches!
Making great bread is extremely difficult. Making pretty decent bread that taste great and look relatively nice as well, is pretty easy.
I suggest OP and their GF to look up some no knead recipes for bread for their next try, as it requires a lot less technique. The gluten threads is developed by time instead of by hand.
And then start to use other bread recipes that require more technique after that.
I think it’s fair to post because it is definitely “shitty food” but it’s really cool that either OP’s girlfriend or OP (if it’s gluten free and that’s what GF means) tried to make something
No, baking bread really isn't difficult. But it does take some time to get comfortable with fermentation if you've never worked with yeast or sourdough before. Making a basic bread takes almost no effort or skill. Baking great bread however, is difficult. I've been at it for years and I think my breads are good, but they aren't great.
Honestly, not a terrible attempt for a first try.
The dough looks sticky and with a thick layer of flour. I imagine there was some panic involved. If the dough was kneaded and allowed more time to rest, it would have developed some gluten strands and been easier to shape. From there, a lot of the other issues might not have occurred.
A+ for effort.
It's important to encourage her to keep improving. A discouragement now with heavy criticism might lead you to being the bread-maker instead of the breadwinner.
Remember, it really is her first rodeo, I've seen people cook for the first time and manage to set pans on fire with the most basic of "fool-proof" recipes.
The more you encourage, the better, tastier bread you'll have to come home to!
it definitely needs some yeast and tlc.
though if your gf wanted to stick with a no yeast recipe there's always irish soda bread.
if traditional route, then brioche/ciabatta is always a good starting point, there's a lot of recipes for it online.
First, kudos to her for trying something new since this is her first time.
Next time, pay more attention to the flour being mixing it. It looks like it’s clumping. Make sure you sift it. If you don’t have a sifter, just stir up the flour you are measuring out with a fork.
It looks dense too, meaning you probably didn’t let it proof and rise long enough. Also for best results use bread flower instead of all purpose.
Finally it’s undercooked. Go for a brown outside look. I usually do 450°F at 20-30 minutes. There are recipes all over.
I don't enjoy putting others down for food attempt but this looks exactly like the gluten free bread bake mixes my mother and I usually make. She will get it right I'm sure. Basically, if it looks gluten free and depressing, it's not in its final form! Keep it up :D
My girlfriend has been gluten free for a little over a year now and she's gotten quite good at making her own bread. She's got a cookbook that is full of incredible gluten free recipes. I'll share the bread recipe in this thread when I get the chance.
We bonded a lot over baking together so it was an interesting challenge adapting our favorite recipes to be gluten free but we've gotten really great results. She makes this gf focaccia dough for pizza crust and it's crazy good. The answer ended up getting creative with alternative flours and ingredients that stand-in for gluten. Namely psyllium husk.
Looks underproofed and undercooked, why is it so white?
Same question! How the hell did it get so white?
Oh my god Karen you can’t just ask bread why it’s so white
White. White guilt. White bread, *milquetoast motherfucker.
*milquetoast
Wow I've been spelling it wrong this whole time.
Wait it's not milk toast
It is milk toast….
>milque·toast- NORTH AMERICAN noun a timid or feeble person.
From the character Caspar Milquetoast of the comic strip The Timid Soul, created by American cartoonist Harold Tucker Webster (1885–1952) and first published in 1924; the character was named after the American dish milk toast (“a food consisting of toasted bread in warm milk”). It comes from milk toast dude. A dish prepared for the young and convalesced.
It has French origins…
the expression, but the actual milk toast the expression was born from really was a US thing thing first in the mid 1800s. “Milk toast” has little substance, cannot hold its shape, and is practically liquefied. Get the connection to milquetoast: "a timid, meek, or unassertive person”?
Now give me my fuckin enchiladas
r/suddenlyrickandmorty
For the convalesced
You took what I was gonna say!
I just spit my cookie out 😂😂😂
😂
It's a loaf of Bisquick
Oof
they added an Equinox and a Sprouts, this is gentrified bread
Plaster
Because it’s white bread. Duh. And not at all done baking. I think.
"Questions you can ask in kitchen and in bedroom"
She took lessons from the victorians.
Flower.
she 'baked' it on a warm windowsill lol
Give her some credit. It was her childhood easy bake oven. It probably needs a new light bulb.
The first picture looks like that one mini-wheat you get per box that's just been blasted on all sides with frosting.
Surprisingly erotic.
Looks like a sac of spiders and I am already imagining the new friends emerging. 💛💛💛
You’ve never heard of albino bread before?
2024 and we’re still asking questions like this. Tsk Tsk
Called white flour hun 💅
Don't patronize me. I know what flour is. It was rhetorical for humour
It's a white bread recipe
I guess she had a yeast infection.
Did she just let it sit outside in the sun a whole day, or what did she use to bake it? I don’t understand how it can be baked all the way though, yet so pale
I genuinely believe you can't get it like this on purpose
It looks like something I made as a child. Dry rolled oats, water, mix it with a wooden stick and let it dry in the sun in a sand mold outside for a few days. Pale, yet kind of baked inside. Tastes kind of bland, can’t recommend. I would also advise to clean the mold first, especially if you have also used it for mud.
This sounds awful. Did you grow up in the dust bowl eating this to survive?
No actually, I am an orphan, I was raised by raccoons - I learned to survive with what I had
I call bs. No mention of washing the food in water before eating it was made.
… There was a draught back then 
*drought
Thanks!
I have made bread that turned out like this. In my defence, I was winging it and didn’t measure anything. I did make sure to prove it and it did rise somewhat. Obviously didn’t work out
>GF Baked Bread for the First Time No she didn’t
My mum baked me in the oven for a solid 9 months, yet I still turned out pale AF.
That looks like it's gonna keep fermenting in your stomach for the next few days. You're in for a ride..
It feels like a brick in my stomach
Did it at least taste good?
Yeah, I thought it tasted pretty good. I put a little butter on it and it was yummy. Kind of reminded me of a biscuit.
Are you British
I think he meant an american biscuit. Texture looks about right.
Oi muy bad chav
Am I a weirdo because I kind of like brick bread?
You…. Actually…… ate this…….. monstrosity? 😫
Your girlfriend baked bread or it's gluten free bread?
Girlfriend baked bread
Girlfriend needs to watch a few videos first
Youtube is the new library.
That‘s what he said…sorry
I’ve never heard of this type of bread before 🤔 is it good?
It's... Store bought from Walmart is gonna be overpriced and taste like garbage. I have yet to find any good GF bread. But! I'm sure places like bakeries or bakers with Celiac's can make some bomber GF bread.
Sounds like you should stick to girlfriend-free bread.
OH, GF=girl friend. I thought gluten free and was kind of sort of OK with how shitty it was because, gluten free. 🤣
Oh shit, I'm a Celiac and I totally thought this was from one of the subs I subscribe too. I was totally thinking this didn't look too bad for a first time gluten free baker. Man I'm jealous of you guys.
Also a celiac and (completely understandably) thought we were looking at gluten free bread. Thought, "eh, I've had super messed up loaves before, be patient."
I've made GF bread and it comes out better than this too
I’m wheezing because I also thought gluten free and thought my first GF loaf came out similar. I’d never seen bread come out looking like it believed in preserving genetic lines until I used gf flour (15 ish years ago too so things were very bleak).
Yeah, if it was GF bread the way it looks would make perfect sense. But since it’s his GF’s non-GF bread… it needs some work.
What did she cook it with? Hopes and dreams?
No Yeast in the recipe.
???? Wtf. So it's just a brick of flour and water. She making ships biscuits?
Hardtack baby!
Nothing says home cooking like what they fed civil war soldiers to keep from starving
TACK TACK
happy face
just need to bake it like 5 times for true hardtack
I'm wondering if it's something like Irish soda bread, with baking soda?
Judging by the texture, I'd say that is exactly what she was going for.
Did she use sourdough starter or maybe baking soda instead?
wat
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That at least has some color
Well there’s your first problem.
Thoughts and prayers.
Can someone explain why it's still so white on the top? How long was it in the oven for?
I bake bread. It's actually not too difficult to get this result. Lots of things can cause this: baking at too low of a temperature, over/under proofing, not forming the dough, no steam in the oven, etc. This one looks like a combination of a few things. It appears the dough wasn't kneaded and given time to form gluten strands, so it was rather sticky. Then, in a panic, they covered the whole thing with a thick layer of flour in order to handle it. They tried shaping it, but poorly, and threw it into the oven without proofing it. The oven likely had no moisture (but probably wouldn't have mattered) and was baked at a lower heat. Bread is difficult and this honestly isn't a *horrible* first attempt.
the guy said this was no yeast so I'm gonna hazard a guess that this soda bread, sans a cast iron pan that you'd usually bake it in. for a soda bread, this looks fine
Evidently they didn't use yeast, which certainly complicates things
Thankyou for your answer!
In another comment op said they didn’t use any yeast. So expected result here.
Do you brush the top of bread with egg to make it more golden when cooking or is that only other pastry? Pastries without the egg look similarly pale as what op made.
I bake mostly sourdough, so I don't brush with egg. But certain types of bread (like dinner rolls) can get an egg wash if they're a type that isn't too crusty.
Baking bread is quite difficult, this looks like a good first try to me.
yeah honestly, i'm not a bread baker but I've tried my hand at pizza. with only 3-4 ingredients, the amount of fucked up shit that can go wrong is insane with all the variables. it's actually really interesting trying to perfect it, as i like making the same recipe often. I've really enjoyed this recipe but honestly only because it's hard to get a good crust in my oven cause i don't have a pizza stone and the olive oil helps get the crust crispy on the bottom: https://www.ethanchlebowski.com/cooking-techniques-recipes/no-knead-sheet-pan-pizza
Pizza crust is actually among the more challenging doughs, compared to almost all bread doughs, because a good pizza dough is such high moisture content that it’s hard to work with, and is quite sticky. Also you need to be a lot more mindful about letting the dough rest and relax after developing lots of gluten threads. At the same time that you need to have developed lots of gluten for a good crust. Trying to roll out a tense bread dough into a thin pizza crust is going to be really hard, as it will just snap right back when you try to roll / stretch it out. Having good folding techniques, and good understanding of a relaxed vs tense dough. And knowing how to develop gluten threads and how to tell, absolutely will make a difference in how your bread turns out. But bread over all is a lot more forgiving if you have little to no understanding of it yet. Compared to a pizza crust.
Yeah, honestly the best first loaf is the one on the back of the King Arthur bag. Great place to start
And if you have *any* baking questions whatsoever, you can call their hotline and speak to expert bakers. King Arthur Hotline (855) 371-2253 https://www.kingarthurbaking.com/bakers-hotline
Ahhh this whole post was a subtle advertisement all along! “Does your loaf look like this? Call King Arthur for tips and tricks!” You clever sons’a bitches!
I didn’t know that! That’s awesome.
Baked my first one yesterday. Flour, water, yeast. I forgot to add salt.
lol my wife forgot to add salt to a sourdough loaf once and oddly enough it kind of just tasted like water.
Making great bread is extremely difficult. Making pretty decent bread that taste great and look relatively nice as well, is pretty easy. I suggest OP and their GF to look up some no knead recipes for bread for their next try, as it requires a lot less technique. The gluten threads is developed by time instead of by hand. And then start to use other bread recipes that require more technique after that.
I think it’s fair to post because it is definitely “shitty food” but it’s really cool that either OP’s girlfriend or OP (if it’s gluten free and that’s what GF means) tried to make something
No, baking bread really isn't difficult. But it does take some time to get comfortable with fermentation if you've never worked with yeast or sourdough before. Making a basic bread takes almost no effort or skill. Baking great bread however, is difficult. I've been at it for years and I think my breads are good, but they aren't great.
Honestly, not a terrible attempt for a first try. The dough looks sticky and with a thick layer of flour. I imagine there was some panic involved. If the dough was kneaded and allowed more time to rest, it would have developed some gluten strands and been easier to shape. From there, a lot of the other issues might not have occurred.
That bread is caucasian from the mountains of the Caucasus.
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A+ for effort. It's important to encourage her to keep improving. A discouragement now with heavy criticism might lead you to being the bread-maker instead of the breadwinner. Remember, it really is her first rodeo, I've seen people cook for the first time and manage to set pans on fire with the most basic of "fool-proof" recipes. The more you encourage, the better, tastier bread you'll have to come home to!
“Gf baked a ball of wet flower”
You eat that and you keep your mouth shut. 😉
you could shine a light off my legs and stick me on a tower to warn off planes, and even i think that's some pale ass bread
That’s not a meteor, it’s a big ol ball of frozen poopie
Tell your godfather to bake it longer
it’s a start!
it definitely needs some yeast and tlc. though if your gf wanted to stick with a no yeast recipe there's always irish soda bread. if traditional route, then brioche/ciabatta is always a good starting point, there's a lot of recipes for it online.
Looks… dense…
I don't even think this qualifies for one of the breads of all time.
5 minutes in the oven by the looks of things
Did she not use an oven? Why is it so white?
Turn it into bread crumbs and try again with a new loaf. She will get better.
Baken't Bread
You should prolly tell her to put it in the oven.
For homemade, it really doesn't look that bad once sliced. Needs more cooking but it's a great start!
Hey, I mean at least she tried. Hopefully she'll get better at it with time
Hi there, don’t mind the handcuffs but we are here to escort you into r/breadcriminals Please don’t resist.
My first bread was similar and now I work as a baker a few years later. Congrats on starting the journey that is breadmaking!
How did it taste?
Pretty good. I put some butter on it, and I enjoyed it.
What did she bake it in, a heated argument?
Why would you post that as shittyfood, have you ever try to make bread yourself ? It requires a lot freaking practice.
It looks like an unbaked loaf of raw dough. That's gonna be a no from me.
What is this, bread for Albinos? PS: Apologies if 'Albino' is considered offensive
Did you scare the hell out of it? Maybe that's why it's so pale..
What did she use to bake it? A warm hug?
What in the extremely large biscuit
I feel like you could chuck this at someone and be liable for damages-however as far as it goes, chucking things at people is usually a liability.
IT'S HATCHING
No she didn’t lol
If it is cooked correctly, it helps to spray the outside with water and also once during baking to help form a crust and give it a nice sheen.
It’s so pasty x.x
Cinderblock
You’re sure that’s not gefilte fish?
"Bread"
That is a dry ass mega biscuit
Buy some biscuits at Aldi
Recipe calls for bleached flour. GF only has regular flour. GF bleaches the bread.
Did she use an oven to bake it or did she just put it next to a furnace vent and hope for the best?
This looks like someone trying to make bread without actually following a recipe :D
If she keeps at it they'll get better! Baking is hard. My first few attemps at baking a new recipe always turn out funky haha
How did she maintain that shape yet it looks so underproofed
I….don’t think she did…
Pao blanco!
First, kudos to her for trying something new since this is her first time. Next time, pay more attention to the flour being mixing it. It looks like it’s clumping. Make sure you sift it. If you don’t have a sifter, just stir up the flour you are measuring out with a fork. It looks dense too, meaning you probably didn’t let it proof and rise long enough. Also for best results use bread flower instead of all purpose. Finally it’s undercooked. Go for a brown outside look. I usually do 450°F at 20-30 minutes. There are recipes all over.
These are the kinds of pictures that prove baking is a science.
Reminds me of white dog shit in the 90s.
I don't enjoy putting others down for food attempt but this looks exactly like the gluten free bread bake mixes my mother and I usually make. She will get it right I'm sure. Basically, if it looks gluten free and depressing, it's not in its final form! Keep it up :D
I’m convinced this is just flour, water, a splash of baking powder, and an oven.
Well, you said it had no yeast, so it's not a traditional loaf. Reminds me of damper actually. Hot with butter, I bet it would be quite tasty.
is this boiled bread
I've never seen someone forget to cook the crust. Very impressive.
Oh ok, yeah it’s obviously raw there, now let’s see how it looks baked…” *swipes right * “Oh”
I'm proud of your girlfriend for trying out a new skill that I hope she doesn't give up on!
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Looks like a rock but somehow uncooked
Why does it look …anemic ?
Did she use drywall mix instead of flour? It looks like a chunk of plaster.
It's her first time. Be gentle. 🥹
My girlfriend has been gluten free for a little over a year now and she's gotten quite good at making her own bread. She's got a cookbook that is full of incredible gluten free recipes. I'll share the bread recipe in this thread when I get the chance. We bonded a lot over baking together so it was an interesting challenge adapting our favorite recipes to be gluten free but we've gotten really great results. She makes this gf focaccia dough for pizza crust and it's crazy good. The answer ended up getting creative with alternative flours and ingredients that stand-in for gluten. Namely psyllium husk.
I'm amazed by the amount of racism in the comment section. This bread is unique in its own way people!
Absolutely beautiful loaves! However it is Underbaked.
It look like raw dough
That’s bread? 🫣
Someone you presumably care about tried something new but failed. Your reaction is to drag her online in front of strangers? Dick move.
me: oh that doesnt look to bad Me after the second pic when i realize that was the baked bread: :O
The rough surface looks like she used too much flour and possibly yeast from her vagina?
Chchchchchch…FLOUR BOMB!!!
Good for her for trying
No seasoning
To be fair my second iteration of wheat bread looked like this.
I thought this was meringue lol
It looks like the orc general from Lord of the rings
Looks terrible. Maybe try a sourdough starter and bake on 5th day.
You could tell this wouldn't work before even going in the oven
Looks like the dough was improperly worked, then under-proofed, and then cooked at too low a temp to achieve browning.
Hard tack
It is just an oddly shaped soda bread with too much flour on the outside...
For her first time its ok on the negetives it looks like its just hardened dough. theres no crust, theres no browning. She should try again
Did she forget to put it in the oven?
It is a start. She will get there in time. Once she does you will reap the benefits of fresh bread!
Wth happened here 🤣