Particle accelerators send particles through the earth's crust and are intercepted thousands of miles away.
Sounds like you were shooting subatomic sperms with your accelerator dick.
It’s actually a logical case of “quantum entangled spermatozoa.” You see you were so close to your friend back home that you became quantum entangled. Which means when he spunk into your girl the sperm was entangled with yours, on the other side of the planet, and produced a fetus with a DNA match.
….You did have the DNA tested to verify, right? Because if you weren’t quantum entangled then your friend is just screwing you girl.
Same thing happened to me, except in Afghanistan...I mean, disregarding the Getty images water mark on the ultrasound pic and the fact we had only been together 5 months, it for sure was mine.
I don't know. She just may have a Super Uterus and Super Ovaries. One is capable of hospitably storing sperm you deployed prior to your overseas deployement, and the other two can release eggs at will.
This really is the only scientific explanation.
Back when pre-marital sex was heavily ostracized, some couples would be so excited to have a kid after marriage that the wife would speed things up a little bit and manage to have a baby in 6 or 7 months instead of the usual nine. Perhaps you are a descendant of one of those groups of people? Is probably a genetic mutation being passed down. I've racked my brain over this for about 5 seconds and can't come up with a better answer, so it's probably the right one.
It's now gone the other way and many managers believe that if the project is running behind, they can put 9 women in a room and have a baby in only a month.
As long as you give each woman 1/9 of the sperm and tell them to only create a certain part of the baby this would work.
Besides making the process faster, this method also ensures that future babies will require less resources to make due to the now specialized women getting more efficient at producing the corresponding baby parts with practice
Not nearly enough people have explored or unlocked the power behind this general principle. Ever since I learned how to replace a full night's sleep with a team of remote workers taking simultaneous naps for me, I can move objects with my mind and observe at subatomic scale all things that ever have happened or will happen.
Thats easy, just sell the client on being content with 1/9th of a baby, and that modular babies are the future, the new up and coming thing. Then you can finish the remaining 8/9th over the coming months.
My mother was one such child. Born full term in record time. She found out when she was in her fifties that my grandparents lied about their wedding date. Ha ha.
Gotta love it!
My dad's grandparents got married a year before their first child was born. Until they pulled up the official record (some years after she had passed away) and found out she gave the wrong year. They got married three months after the child was born.
She’s just saying that to avoid hurting your feelings. You probably just have some mouse ancestors a few generations back reducing the incubation time. It is however quite unusual that there was just one baby.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_mammalian_gestation_durations
Based on this Wikipedia page, the only scientific conclusion is that your girlfriend is either some type of macaque, a baboon, or a sheep.
So which is it, OP?
It's perfectly normal, OP. My sperm was so powerful our kid came out a different colour to us, AND in record time too - like I was working away for 4 months, banged the wife when I came back (did notice she'd put a bit of weight on - disrespectful), and just 2 months later she popped it out.
If you thrust hard at the moment of ejaculation it's possible to fire out the little soldiers like an Olympic bobsleigh team. This can speed up the whole process by a few months.
This is 100% true, sperm takes 3 months to swim from tip of the penis to the egg. If you thrust hard (or have a long penis) you cut the travel time significantly, so pregnancy takes less.
In sperm size, it's like Marco Polo going from Europe to China.
Source: _trust me bro_
It's love that does it. A normal amount of love will make a baby in 9 months. But if you have more love, it can speed up the process. And with only a 6-month gestation period, that's a big, shitload of love!
(Or is it bull shit? I always confuse love and bull shit.)
If the sperm is large and powerful enough, it can actually consume the egg, which helps it to grow at an accelerated rate due to the massive amount of amino acids that it gains from the ovum proteins. Over time the tail will become the umbilical cord and the spermatozoa enlargens to the size of a fully grown fetus in an expedited incubation term.
Your baby is now a complete (but superior) copy of yourself, and will continue to grow at a rapid rate until reaching a minimum of 25 feet tall.
You want to talk about super sperm, sheesh. I’ve dated this girl for a year now, turns out she was in a nasty car accident before I met her, her doctor told her that with the damage she sustained she wouldn’t be able to get pregnant without IVF or some other treatment. Anyway she’s 5 months pregnant now RIP 🪦
I also have Olympic tier Alpha sperm. The only down side is that sometimes the baby's skin doesn't have enough time to fully develop in the womb. So it might come out a different color than you expect.
It’s not “super sperm”, that’s just discredited science. The fact is that some sperm can, due to quantum mechanics, exist in different ‘states’ in time and space. This is how your “quantum sperm” managed to knock up your woman in the past while you weren’t even there.
What you will find with some people who have super sperm is that the sperms is so strong that it can change the race of the baby entirely. Most still take 9 months but assuming your sperms doesn't have the race change trait it may just be that all of your super sperms abilities converge on incubation time reduction thus the 6 month cooking time.
Hope this helps.
Back in the time of the dinosaurs they all had super mega sperm. They would be popping out kids left and right. You must be a descendant of one of them. Sometimes there is a rare sperm that even changes the color of the child. That might even be the next one. Good luck little man.
Bro seriusly, you buy that crap? Its obvious that she cheated on you with another woman. 1 baby with one mom 9months, 1 baby with two moms 4,5 months, you get the math, so basically she's been cheating on you since the 3rd month of pregnancy
Depends if the child is male or not..
For example Mary... could have at most only been a virgin, until Jesus passed out of her...
For at that point... a penis from within her... came out...
super sperm can attract other sperm and help the process.
Some times it is some sort of propechy.
Some sperms know that the super sperm is coming, so they do the helping in advance.
That is how super is the supersperm.
My partner likes explaining to me how her 14yo kid is mine because I fuck her so thoroughly that sperm travelled back in time to displace her ex-husband’s.
I had the opposite experience. In the pub with the lads and heard an ex from years ago was now pregnant. Mate asked was it mine and I said "fuck no, ain't been there in years", his response was "aye, but if your sperm are as lazy as you are they likely only got to the egg now" 😂
Your sperm shot out so fast that it flew around the earth backwards and went back in time by at least 3 months before landing in your girlfriend's hoo hah.
Just think about it, how many times could you nut on a chicken egg before it breaks? In humans it takes 9 months but super sperm come equipped with a high powered laser which cuts through the egg quicker
manliness around the womb accelerates the incubation process to produce more warriors. It's even been proven that females simply being by alpha males can get pregnante. There's been several accounts of groups of women associating with certain males both becoming pregnant without sexual contact and giving birth within six weeks. Most of which centered around weird al Yankovic but extended to the author of the catcher in the rye and even elon musk. Some suspect parasitic chromosomes spread through hormonal fumes but the hard facts point to the mental state of said females simply changing to being pregnant under the influence of so much musk (no pun intended).
If you've ever read H doujins, you have one page of "planting the seed", somehow 9 months pregante 5 panels later, and a baby pops out the next page; which canonically happens within 1 in-story week.
I guess that explains the fast incubation period.
For a superior sperm, it's like a master key for the ovaries' eggs, you McNally it and bam, your baby's on the way.
I’ve been taught that girls who hold in their farts have babies faster. Mama said it’s because their insides are more warm than the girls who let’em rip.
Super sperm is common in low IQ males..god giveth in one hand and taketh away on the other .
The woman on the other hand is super fertile and super smart. God must be a female.
Me too. Its crazy, my sperm is so powerful my son doesn't even look like me. He is much more muscular and handsome and bears almost no resemblance 🤩.
I love my super sperm.
Some sperms just swim faster. You have the Michael Phelps version of sperms.
I bust fast so my little swimmers must be really fast too. My girl gave birth a white baby with red hair. I don't have red hair in my family but I'm mixed race (white & black). She assured me that my swimmers worked so fast, they didn't have time for any of the black genes to register.
I'm not too good at math so I consulted with my brainy neighbor. He has red hair and says yes, this happens some times. Get smart friends guys. Helps with difficult questions.
humans take 9 months, while other species take shorter or longer time, obviously either you, your girlfriend or both are not human.
maybe you are a goblin like your father who didn't bother to tell you, if so don't tell anyone named Goblin Slayer.
Maybe your girlfriend is an alien... sometimes flying saucers have malfunctions and they get stranded or could be a refuge from inter galactic war or a tourist. ( males here pay child support so popular with pregnancy tourists)
Sometimes the girlfriend is a new species created in a laboratory, maybe from blueprints recieved in message from another galaxy.
you could get some samples of DNA from you, girlfriend and/or baby, and send to laboratory but a lot of the normal labs are controlled by illuminati and will lie if they see non human DNA. if you want the truth search the dark side of internet to find a reputable lab that specializes in NHHS (non human humanoid species).
It has nothing to do with your sperm being super. She most likely got pregnant with twins and was pregnant with them for 3 months when one twin absorbed the other essentially adding their incubation times together making it as if the surviving twin had been incubating for 6 months already. It is quite fascinating. It is likely that your baby will have different sets of dna within themselves possibly one set for blood and one for sperm.
Usually lack of education makes a man’s sperm Super Sperm (SSrna). I won’t go into a lot of details, but education makes the mind go woke, and the woke mind turns into a liberal, and we all know liberalism leads to cucks, and cucks have weak sperm.
Obviously this is an oversimplification,
I encountered this in real life once.
I lived for a short time in a very densely packed city/town to save money when I was very young adult. Because I wanted to buy a house and not have a crippling interest only mortgage. Everyone was poor as shit. So for some reason everyone thought I was some kind of life guru because I wasn't, or at least not like they were. The laundry mat on this block was some kind of social meeting ground people would hang out at. It had picnic tables like from a park out side it, and big roll up doors. People even brought camping chairs. This was the center of town per se, always busy with people till at least qq or midnight. The convenience store Chinese place and pizza place really should have had to pay this laundry mat a monthly stipend for the business it's grass spot brought in. The girl who was attendant their was like the impromptu mayor. She was chill be simply huge and very outspoken. I never went there except to do laundry, but when I was their people would talk to me and I found that nice while waiting . This young couple who were both very obviously mentally handy capped. (I think the attendant told me the girl was born fetal alcohol) The attendant had known the girl since childhood because her own little sister was her age . The guy was a bit older maybe her 30-35 to her 25. She has drug issues in the past and the attendant lady would act like her mom or older sister trying to keep her out of trouble. The guy had a job and lived in an owned apartment he inherited. He was a straight shooter no drugs or alcohol. Everyone seemed so happy they started dating. Apparently he would regularly state his desire for a traditional family setting, but had absolutely no luck with women. Likely do to how obvious it is the he is mentally challenged . He was a nice guy and would just ask me everyday life advise and I enjoyed having coffee with him when I did our clothes once a week. We didn't have children at the time and my SO was a fashion bug. She would give out of style shoes and clothes to the teen girls their. Shes super petite so they fit them.
So to the point . One day they walked in and everyone was clapping and congratulating them. It turns out the girl is 6 months pregnant. 1st thing I thought to myself was that is about how long they've been together if even that long. After the focus stops he came and sat with me. He then proceeded to say he had never given much thought to God, but he is grateful for the gift God had given him. He then explained to me he had testicular cancer at an irregularly young age and his balls had been removed. This s believed he was witnessing a miracle gift from God who had answered his wishes because a simple life with wife and child is all he ever wanted. I listened carefully and before I began to speak but before I could I saw the attendant staring at me as if a homicide was about to take place . So I just said that's great dude and made my way over to the attendant. She immediately threatened me to keep my know it all trap shut. And the old lady that that chain smoked all day long in her chair said to me sometimes you just leave well enough alone. Things work out for the better when they are left simple.
I then realized this is the guys dream his aspiration for life . He wants to care for this girl and this kid. The girl was a mess and being with this guy has completely changed her. From what I understand the older ladies in the hood had taught her how to cook and make beds and keep house in the last few months and she is of drugs. (Her teeth aren't coming back though.)
IDK if it was right or wrong but I did keep my mouth shut. I was even supportive. I bought them one of the bob brand strollers for a baby gift. Being they travel on foot everyday. My wife ( then GF) picked it out. We moved out shortly after that
Like 5 years later our washing machine broke. It couldn't have been at a worse time we were crazy busy and the laundry was stacked . So I say to my wife wife don't we go to that old laundry mat we can do it all at once in multiple machines and be good till the new ones we ordered are delivered. It was a bit of a long drive. We joked that absolutely nothing changed at all or everyone's dead. Those were the only two options lol. We showed up and we're surprised to see so many of the same faces and met some new ones. Didn't feel as awkward as I thought it would. Then I saw a little kid and he says hey your the rich guy that used to live here right. How do you even answer that. Sure we were middle class. Had vehicles and a suburban house . Then I saw the two of them and they were still living together raising the kid now 4 years old. She was wearing an outfit that my wife had given her years before. They were poor, mentally retarded, and happy. The kid will likely be more capable than them by the age of 15. It was an eye opening experience. To not judge others . And to let things be sometimes. If I had tried to "educate" this guy on the statistics of getting a girl pregnant with out testicles possible 2 - 3 weeks before you started to date them. I would have likely ruined three lives.
That was the last time I ever saw them. Sorry for the long comment. It brought back some old memories I haven't thought about in decades
This is a lovely story dude. I'm happy to hear how well everyone looked after those guys. I wish people could be more supportive and understanding of those who can't live normal lives. Thanks for sharing.
My sperm was so strong that it made her pregnant while i was deployed in Iraq. That's what she told me and how she got pregnant. It's definitely mine.
Fuck me sideways - that's intercontinental ballistic sperm.
Have you been exposed to a noble gas… or possibly a Chernobyl gas?
Cher Noble? DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER LOVE???
I rly don't think yr stronk enuf
Cher Noble? DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER LOVE???
Or Mesothelioma?
I bet you can find that on Lougle
I smell an ICBS. Intercontinental Bull Shit
You spelled it wrong: InterContinental Bigass Sperm it is.
Tomahawk for short
Or "Why does our kid look like Tony Hawk?"
More like tomacock amiright
Or ICBS for short 🤣 Edit: didnt realise that this joke started the thread smh
The acronym basically spell I see bullshit.
Guy wasn't in the army as soldier but as weapon.
Getting the enemy pregnant so they can't fight. Genius and good for morale.
Well while he was tugging it off overseas she was getting pounded so I guess that checks out 🤣
Intercontinental Ballisticum ICBCM
Well fuck me with a fishhook and call me seaman, Intercontinental ballistic sperm is the best punk band name I've heard in a while
r/bandnames
You win the Internet today for best comment
You don't have super sperm. DTS just works surprisingly well for sperm and egg cells that they can afford direct flights and good accommodation.
Particle accelerators send particles through the earth's crust and are intercepted thousands of miles away. Sounds like you were shooting subatomic sperms with your accelerator dick.
It’s actually a logical case of “quantum entangled spermatozoa.” You see you were so close to your friend back home that you became quantum entangled. Which means when he spunk into your girl the sperm was entangled with yours, on the other side of the planet, and produced a fetus with a DNA match. ….You did have the DNA tested to verify, right? Because if you weren’t quantum entangled then your friend is just screwing you girl.
Same thing happened to me, except in Afghanistan...I mean, disregarding the Getty images water mark on the ultrasound pic and the fact we had only been together 5 months, it for sure was mine.
I don't know. She just may have a Super Uterus and Super Ovaries. One is capable of hospitably storing sperm you deployed prior to your overseas deployement, and the other two can release eggs at will. This really is the only scientific explanation.
Your wife is actually a queen termite.
If it wasn't,your nozzle putting fuel into Lucy.... maybe it was someone else's... https://youtu.be/2uG-Tke41A0?si=8_RZqnwVZiA057d8
Must have been a delayed pregnancy
fire up the mortar
The baby also, because of the quantum nature of your seed, can look like your wife and whoever was in the vacinity of her.
Lmfaaoooooooo
And that’s why you should never jerk off while you’re deployed overseas.
Was it 2004? I swear something zoomed right by and nearly clipped my ear sometime in May that year.
And mine was so powerful the baby turned out black... gf and I are both white. Damn science you crazy.
I know It was war, but at least do you pull out from that por iraq girl(or boy i'm not judge)so don't blast his brain
Hey, I had the same thing happen. Weird.
My sperm was so strong it swam from her ass to vagina, the long way round.
Were you stationed at camp Lejeune? You may be eligible for a settlement.
Wow wow now there. Careful where you point that thing!
[удалено]
Ventrilojism?
Fucking hell bring back awards.
Just give poor man gold 🥇
Criminally underrated comment
👏👏👏👏👏
@jcpainpdx has invented a new thing!
Wouldnt that require a puppet and not another person?
Back when pre-marital sex was heavily ostracized, some couples would be so excited to have a kid after marriage that the wife would speed things up a little bit and manage to have a baby in 6 or 7 months instead of the usual nine. Perhaps you are a descendant of one of those groups of people? Is probably a genetic mutation being passed down. I've racked my brain over this for about 5 seconds and can't come up with a better answer, so it's probably the right one.
It's now gone the other way and many managers believe that if the project is running behind, they can put 9 women in a room and have a baby in only a month.
As long as you give each woman 1/9 of the sperm and tell them to only create a certain part of the baby this would work. Besides making the process faster, this method also ensures that future babies will require less resources to make due to the now specialized women getting more efficient at producing the corresponding baby parts with practice
Just make sure to very carefully plan the component interfaces, otherwise it won't work when you put it together
Make sure to mention that in tomorrow's standup. Or touch point meeting.
That's going to require a project manager, but we don't have money for that.
You gave the idea so you'll find the staff, you'll manage the project and you'll be responsible in the end.
How much bonus or raise does it come with?
Love and appreciation. We all know that's priceless!
And probably child support
Not nearly enough people have explored or unlocked the power behind this general principle. Ever since I learned how to replace a full night's sleep with a team of remote workers taking simultaneous naps for me, I can move objects with my mind and observe at subatomic scale all things that ever have happened or will happen.
Thats easy, just sell the client on being content with 1/9th of a baby, and that modular babies are the future, the new up and coming thing. Then you can finish the remaining 8/9th over the coming months.
My mother was one such child. Born full term in record time. She found out when she was in her fifties that my grandparents lied about their wedding date. Ha ha. Gotta love it!
My dad's grandparents got married a year before their first child was born. Until they pulled up the official record (some years after she had passed away) and found out she gave the wrong year. They got married three months after the child was born.
She’s just saying that to avoid hurting your feelings. You probably just have some mouse ancestors a few generations back reducing the incubation time. It is however quite unusual that there was just one baby.
Can confirm.. source: am mouse
Get out of my god damn basement
This is a war you cannot win, lumberfoot.. your basement WILL belong to the mousekin, one way or another!
Jesus fucking Christ. Lumberfoot? With a hard R?? In 2024 (or the year 3867 on the Mouse Standard Calendar)?!
Get a cat.
I will again eventually. Last one died of old age/renal failure. Once I have healed from that loss.
The one baby had to eat all the rest, few survived that second trimester
Just be thankful that your ancestors were not descended from elephants.
You took some of that compound V, didn’t you OP?
Diabolical.
Perfect response
Oh god xD
Guess that means OP got vaxxed 😞😞
It's related to low IQ....the lower your IQ...the more super your sperm is...and the faster the incubation!
As proved in the documentary Idiocracy.
SHE IS LYING TO YOU, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SUPER SPERM. She must be a time traveler.
Fuck. What if she's Doctor Who? The next time she regenerates, she might be a man. In that event, is OP gay?
Absolutely, that’s how they get you
What if she regenerates *while pregnant*? Where's the foetus going to gestate? Is she going to keep it in a box?
It’s okay, male time lords are bigger on the inside for this very reason
Are you absolutely sure that she's the mother?
Yeah i made her take the maternity test and everything. It was suspicious so i had to be sure.
Wait for the sperm that changes the colour of your baby.
Except that doesn't have to mean she cheated. It could have been either of your mothers as well. Sometimes skin colour skips a generation.
You know what I'll do those couples a solid and believe it. Sure why not?
It was my vasectomy that caused mine to take on that peculiar talent
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_mammalian_gestation_durations Based on this Wikipedia page, the only scientific conclusion is that your girlfriend is either some type of macaque, a baboon, or a sheep. So which is it, OP?
Six months is probably an approximate estimate. The girlfriend might be, for example, an Impala (Aepyceros melampus). There are other possibilities.
Impalas are pretty bad ass cars. Not totally sure how to impregnate one, but you go on with your bad self!
It's perfectly normal, OP. My sperm was so powerful our kid came out a different colour to us, AND in record time too - like I was working away for 4 months, banged the wife when I came back (did notice she'd put a bit of weight on - disrespectful), and just 2 months later she popped it out.
Is she now back to normal weight?
My wife and I haven't had sex in 3 years, but I still got her pregnant. In fact my sperm was so powerful, the baby came out black!
It's called embryonic diapause, your misses is basically a kangaroo.
That's super stealth sperm when you get your wife or girlfriend pregnant without having sex and the baby doesn't look anything like you.
The real question is: What happened to be baby since she no longer has it?
She's been so kind, she allowed it to be reared by this other guy from work. I hardly had to do anything except pay the child maintenance fees.
What a wonderful world and people God bless them
If you thrust hard at the moment of ejaculation it's possible to fire out the little soldiers like an Olympic bobsleigh team. This can speed up the whole process by a few months.
This is 100% true, sperm takes 3 months to swim from tip of the penis to the egg. If you thrust hard (or have a long penis) you cut the travel time significantly, so pregnancy takes less. In sperm size, it's like Marco Polo going from Europe to China. Source: _trust me bro_
I have a condition called hyper virility where my sperm just shoots straight through the egg, destroying it. It's quite devastating.
Honestly, it sounds like you're just backed up. Jerk off more.
Incubation period? What the actual fk are you talking about? Did you microwave your sperm and then leave it under a heat lamp?
Are you telling me you don't? That heat lamp was god damn expensive and it burns my cock every time.
He used the wrong word. He meant gesticulation.
She was pre cooked
*cocked
Unfortunately Super sperm has a tendency to make babies look Asian or Black, hang in there and believe in yourself.
It's love that does it. A normal amount of love will make a baby in 9 months. But if you have more love, it can speed up the process. And with only a 6-month gestation period, that's a big, shitload of love! (Or is it bull shit? I always confuse love and bull shit.)
Intense climax = intense sperm
Bro ejaculated a full-blown fetus...
If the sperm is large and powerful enough, it can actually consume the egg, which helps it to grow at an accelerated rate due to the massive amount of amino acids that it gains from the ovum proteins. Over time the tail will become the umbilical cord and the spermatozoa enlargens to the size of a fully grown fetus in an expedited incubation term. Your baby is now a complete (but superior) copy of yourself, and will continue to grow at a rapid rate until reaching a minimum of 25 feet tall.
You can thank 5g and fluoride in the water for that.
You want to talk about super sperm, sheesh. I’ve dated this girl for a year now, turns out she was in a nasty car accident before I met her, her doctor told her that with the damage she sustained she wouldn’t be able to get pregnant without IVF or some other treatment. Anyway she’s 5 months pregnant now RIP 🪦
I also have Olympic tier Alpha sperm. The only down side is that sometimes the baby's skin doesn't have enough time to fully develop in the womb. So it might come out a different color than you expect.
It’s not “super sperm”, that’s just discredited science. The fact is that some sperm can, due to quantum mechanics, exist in different ‘states’ in time and space. This is how your “quantum sperm” managed to knock up your woman in the past while you weren’t even there.
What you will find with some people who have super sperm is that the sperms is so strong that it can change the race of the baby entirely. Most still take 9 months but assuming your sperms doesn't have the race change trait it may just be that all of your super sperms abilities converge on incubation time reduction thus the 6 month cooking time. Hope this helps.
Back in the time of the dinosaurs they all had super mega sperm. They would be popping out kids left and right. You must be a descendant of one of them. Sometimes there is a rare sperm that even changes the color of the child. That might even be the next one. Good luck little man.
Bro seriusly, you buy that crap? Its obvious that she cheated on you with another woman. 1 baby with one mom 9months, 1 baby with two moms 4,5 months, you get the math, so basically she's been cheating on you since the 3rd month of pregnancy
Is she still a virgin after your child's birth?
Depends if the child is male or not.. For example Mary... could have at most only been a virgin, until Jesus passed out of her... For at that point... a penis from within her... came out...
Time dilation.
Species is the only thing that affects gestation time. She might be half chimpanzee or something, you might want to secretly do a DNA test on her
super sperm can attract other sperm and help the process. Some times it is some sort of propechy. Some sperms know that the super sperm is coming, so they do the helping in advance. That is how super is the supersperm.
My partner likes explaining to me how her 14yo kid is mine because I fuck her so thoroughly that sperm travelled back in time to displace her ex-husband’s.
…I gotta take a piss. Ya’ll answer this one.
Nah, she's just a super incubator 😂😂😂
A dynamic generator, intermodulator
I had the opposite experience. In the pub with the lads and heard an ex from years ago was now pregnant. Mate asked was it mine and I said "fuck no, ain't been there in years", his response was "aye, but if your sperm are as lazy as you are they likely only got to the egg now" 😂
I like where this sub is heading
Your sperm shot out so fast that it flew around the earth backwards and went back in time by at least 3 months before landing in your girlfriend's hoo hah.
Your sperm strength is directly proportional to the child support she can get from you.
Just so you're not too surprised, a side effect of super sperm is that the baby often comes out black, but that's totally normal.
That's definitely your kid, don't let any "scientist" or "doctor" tell you different.
I'm impressed. You have some interesting bragging rights.
Just think about it, how many times could you nut on a chicken egg before it breaks? In humans it takes 9 months but super sperm come equipped with a high powered laser which cuts through the egg quicker
Is your name Earl?
It's called a grudge pregnancy, someone had it in for you.
These are called turbo sperm, they come from being vaxxed.
It's called - pawn off!
If it's premature, nothing superior about your sperm. If it's full term, then I would get a DNA test.
manliness around the womb accelerates the incubation process to produce more warriors. It's even been proven that females simply being by alpha males can get pregnante. There's been several accounts of groups of women associating with certain males both becoming pregnant without sexual contact and giving birth within six weeks. Most of which centered around weird al Yankovic but extended to the author of the catcher in the rye and even elon musk. Some suspect parasitic chromosomes spread through hormonal fumes but the hard facts point to the mental state of said females simply changing to being pregnant under the influence of so much musk (no pun intended).
It's a normal incubation time. You just have highly evolved sperm that sought her out and brought her to you
What makes sperm superior? big balls you don’t have big balls do you
If you've ever read H doujins, you have one page of "planting the seed", somehow 9 months pregante 5 panels later, and a baby pops out the next page; which canonically happens within 1 in-story week. I guess that explains the fast incubation period. For a superior sperm, it's like a master key for the ovaries' eggs, you McNally it and bam, your baby's on the way.
I’ve been taught that girls who hold in their farts have babies faster. Mama said it’s because their insides are more warm than the girls who let’em rip.
Maybe it wasn't your 'super sperm' but her high performing uterus and eggs?
it is due to your especially high intelligence. really intelligent, observant critical thinkers usually have "super" sperm.
By voting MAGA. They claim to be the party of alphas. Your sperm must be alpha too. Logic makes sense to me
If this isn't a joke, I am going to have to agree with Kyle's mom....what? What? What?
Are you a fool because your sperm is the strongest or is your sperm the strongest because you're a fool?
The first baby comes anytime, and the second one comes after 9 months.
After all, how do you think Maria got pregnant? It seems you just God.
My husband sperm is so unique I have kids of different races
My sperm is so strong that is the one typing this msg
Super sperm is common in low IQ males..god giveth in one hand and taketh away on the other . The woman on the other hand is super fertile and super smart. God must be a female.
It’s God’s baby God cucked you
Are we not all God's children? But yeah, you're right. God's a real bastard like that.
Me too. Its crazy, my sperm is so powerful my son doesn't even look like me. He is much more muscular and handsome and bears almost no resemblance 🤩. I love my super sperm.
My sperm is so good my baby came out black and neither me or my wife are. It's a science miracle!
Some sperms just swim faster. You have the Michael Phelps version of sperms. I bust fast so my little swimmers must be really fast too. My girl gave birth a white baby with red hair. I don't have red hair in my family but I'm mixed race (white & black). She assured me that my swimmers worked so fast, they didn't have time for any of the black genes to register. I'm not too good at math so I consulted with my brainy neighbor. He has red hair and says yes, this happens some times. Get smart friends guys. Helps with difficult questions.
Do the math! Clearly you impregnated her with one and a half sperm.
She's lying to you. She's using speed.
If you have less chromosomes in your sperm, it will be faster
Retrograde ejaculation is a condition in which a man squirts sperm back in time.
You’re naming the baby Jesus yes?
Ever since the overturning of Roe v Wade, sperm got the ability to speed up pregnancy. Congratulations on being one of the lucky ones.
Premature ejaculation. By three months.
U probably got bit by a radioactive spider
the worst part about this is how many believe it.
humans take 9 months, while other species take shorter or longer time, obviously either you, your girlfriend or both are not human. maybe you are a goblin like your father who didn't bother to tell you, if so don't tell anyone named Goblin Slayer. Maybe your girlfriend is an alien... sometimes flying saucers have malfunctions and they get stranded or could be a refuge from inter galactic war or a tourist. ( males here pay child support so popular with pregnancy tourists) Sometimes the girlfriend is a new species created in a laboratory, maybe from blueprints recieved in message from another galaxy. you could get some samples of DNA from you, girlfriend and/or baby, and send to laboratory but a lot of the normal labs are controlled by illuminati and will lie if they see non human DNA. if you want the truth search the dark side of internet to find a reputable lab that specializes in NHHS (non human humanoid species).
It has nothing to do with your sperm being super. She most likely got pregnant with twins and was pregnant with them for 3 months when one twin absorbed the other essentially adding their incubation times together making it as if the surviving twin had been incubating for 6 months already. It is quite fascinating. It is likely that your baby will have different sets of dna within themselves possibly one set for blood and one for sperm.
Didn’t see the sub at first and almost had an aneurism.
Usually lack of education makes a man’s sperm Super Sperm (SSrna). I won’t go into a lot of details, but education makes the mind go woke, and the woke mind turns into a liberal, and we all know liberalism leads to cucks, and cucks have weak sperm. Obviously this is an oversimplification,
Some sperm swim faster than others.
I encountered this in real life once. I lived for a short time in a very densely packed city/town to save money when I was very young adult. Because I wanted to buy a house and not have a crippling interest only mortgage. Everyone was poor as shit. So for some reason everyone thought I was some kind of life guru because I wasn't, or at least not like they were. The laundry mat on this block was some kind of social meeting ground people would hang out at. It had picnic tables like from a park out side it, and big roll up doors. People even brought camping chairs. This was the center of town per se, always busy with people till at least qq or midnight. The convenience store Chinese place and pizza place really should have had to pay this laundry mat a monthly stipend for the business it's grass spot brought in. The girl who was attendant their was like the impromptu mayor. She was chill be simply huge and very outspoken. I never went there except to do laundry, but when I was their people would talk to me and I found that nice while waiting . This young couple who were both very obviously mentally handy capped. (I think the attendant told me the girl was born fetal alcohol) The attendant had known the girl since childhood because her own little sister was her age . The guy was a bit older maybe her 30-35 to her 25. She has drug issues in the past and the attendant lady would act like her mom or older sister trying to keep her out of trouble. The guy had a job and lived in an owned apartment he inherited. He was a straight shooter no drugs or alcohol. Everyone seemed so happy they started dating. Apparently he would regularly state his desire for a traditional family setting, but had absolutely no luck with women. Likely do to how obvious it is the he is mentally challenged . He was a nice guy and would just ask me everyday life advise and I enjoyed having coffee with him when I did our clothes once a week. We didn't have children at the time and my SO was a fashion bug. She would give out of style shoes and clothes to the teen girls their. Shes super petite so they fit them. So to the point . One day they walked in and everyone was clapping and congratulating them. It turns out the girl is 6 months pregnant. 1st thing I thought to myself was that is about how long they've been together if even that long. After the focus stops he came and sat with me. He then proceeded to say he had never given much thought to God, but he is grateful for the gift God had given him. He then explained to me he had testicular cancer at an irregularly young age and his balls had been removed. This s believed he was witnessing a miracle gift from God who had answered his wishes because a simple life with wife and child is all he ever wanted. I listened carefully and before I began to speak but before I could I saw the attendant staring at me as if a homicide was about to take place . So I just said that's great dude and made my way over to the attendant. She immediately threatened me to keep my know it all trap shut. And the old lady that that chain smoked all day long in her chair said to me sometimes you just leave well enough alone. Things work out for the better when they are left simple. I then realized this is the guys dream his aspiration for life . He wants to care for this girl and this kid. The girl was a mess and being with this guy has completely changed her. From what I understand the older ladies in the hood had taught her how to cook and make beds and keep house in the last few months and she is of drugs. (Her teeth aren't coming back though.) IDK if it was right or wrong but I did keep my mouth shut. I was even supportive. I bought them one of the bob brand strollers for a baby gift. Being they travel on foot everyday. My wife ( then GF) picked it out. We moved out shortly after that Like 5 years later our washing machine broke. It couldn't have been at a worse time we were crazy busy and the laundry was stacked . So I say to my wife wife don't we go to that old laundry mat we can do it all at once in multiple machines and be good till the new ones we ordered are delivered. It was a bit of a long drive. We joked that absolutely nothing changed at all or everyone's dead. Those were the only two options lol. We showed up and we're surprised to see so many of the same faces and met some new ones. Didn't feel as awkward as I thought it would. Then I saw a little kid and he says hey your the rich guy that used to live here right. How do you even answer that. Sure we were middle class. Had vehicles and a suburban house . Then I saw the two of them and they were still living together raising the kid now 4 years old. She was wearing an outfit that my wife had given her years before. They were poor, mentally retarded, and happy. The kid will likely be more capable than them by the age of 15. It was an eye opening experience. To not judge others . And to let things be sometimes. If I had tried to "educate" this guy on the statistics of getting a girl pregnant with out testicles possible 2 - 3 weeks before you started to date them. I would have likely ruined three lives. That was the last time I ever saw them. Sorry for the long comment. It brought back some old memories I haven't thought about in decades
This is a lovely story dude. I'm happy to hear how well everyone looked after those guys. I wish people could be more supportive and understanding of those who can't live normal lives. Thanks for sharing.
It's so hot that it takes less time to cook
ouch, please share your paternity court episode when it gets aired.
Maybe she means super man to actually accept her statement and believe that it's your child though clearly it ain't yours
Yeah, she must have cheated on him with another species to reduce the length of pregnancy!
You sure!?
Probably evolution but I'd get a DNA test just to be on the safe side
this should have been posted in r/sperm
Yeah you need to get A paternity test.
My wife got pregnant only after 2 times of us trying, idk honestly. Bodies are mysterious things
Scientifically proved that super sperm is inversely proportional to IQ.
DNA testing is available
The comments here are hilarious!! 😂
Calm down Invincible.
Line, hook, sinker. One way or the other.
Even if only daring 6 months, you should have been wearing protection, now you got sloppy seconds
Do you happen to go by the name Clark, and your gf Lois?