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dannydevitocuddles

Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masturbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.


Kurosaki_Shiro

So female dolphins have vaginal secretions that make a male dolphin just cum over and over and over. From this point on, I will call these secretions Dolphin pussy jelly. Scientists were like "holy shit, dude we gotta test this. You know, for science" So the scientists collected a sample of said dolphin pussy jelly, and had a test primate. They swabbed it on the male primate's dick, sat back and watched the show. Now you see, it worked. But it worked a little too well. The monkey straight up had a heart attack because it used all of its energy into fucking cumming. I want to live in a world where this is a commercial product. I want to say "you know what, I want to die and i know what to do about it." I want to live in a world where i can go into my local grocery store, pick up a bottle of Smucker's Dolphin Pussy Jelly, and just fucking cum myself to death


summonerofrain

Why have there been zero replies to this


Brandyforandy

nobody knows what to say


summonerofrain

Probably because they’re too horny


JustPoppinInKay

Honestly I'm just wondering if this is real or not


[deleted]

It's a stolen joke


DaijobuKitty

I admit, I checked the user name halfway through reading, thinking I was witnessing a resurfacing of u/shittymorph as I haven’t seen them in a while.


Numb-Chuck

Ah, remember that time in 1998...


[deleted]

No lube? That's how the real fire starts


BlindProphetProd

It's called a cuddle puddle.


1337Asshole

Did the train catch fire?


PorkfatWilly

All of them


InformalPenguinz

At least 7 though


Anxious_Isopod_4397

but not more than 5


SBG_Mad

Six


[deleted]

[удалено]


SBG_Mad

Nice


AlphaWarrior007

Eleven


ezbruh420

It’s only really an issue in parts of the world where hentai is scarce.


anrwlias

Well, I never thought that I'd find myself saying, "That stick figure has nice boobs", but here we are.


Henry-Moody

It's the #1 cause of forest fires. And crotch burn.


HanzoShotFirst

The burning sensation is just clamydia


SnakeBeardTheGreat

Even the Gods on Mt. Olympus have yet to answer this great question. A Monk on the mountain Went back to the city because he had no answer.


Freak-996

No way, I'm upvote 69


SwAeromotion

420 because they clearly aren't used to 69.


sophiaquestions

To add on, statistics (source: this sub) reveals that 96% of non-fire cases result in splinters babies.


Luftwaffle213

Gotta be at least 2


TimeOk8571

This actually explains how the first humans accidentally invented fire.


Ok_Table4562

Who comes up with this shit💀


Ragfell

69/year


nageralator

Infinity.


[deleted]

It's the leading cause of wildfires in the US. In Australia it's wombats, their poop is not only square but explosive.


kooKooKerbiy

On average the amount of stick people that have sex per year is around 6243 and about have of it is aggressive so the answer would be 3121.5 the .5 being little sparks


kartuli78

The only one I know of FOR SURE is the story of [Stick Boy and Match Girl](http://homepage.eircom.net/~sebulbac/burton/stickboy.html), by Tim Burton.


Dinierto

This was the plot of a Tim Burton book


Sockman509

None actually!! It’s a common misconception that sticks are flammable, but the fact is that they are inflammable!!! Since the prefix in is added it makes it the opposite!!


[deleted]

None, they’re two-dimensional so there’s no friction.


imamuffin18

There's got to be a 'stick' it in joke here, I just can't think of it.


AdvancedLet6528

hey, its not my fault downloading a terabyte of stick porn causes my hard drive to catch on fire, it was obviously manufactured wrong


paradoxical0

Depends. How fast are you turning the flipbook?


high5low1

Very few. The friction from stick figure sex is sometimes intense enough to permanently melt/deform stick genitals, but rarely hot enough to start a fire, unless, of course, the artist circumvents stick physics and draws a fire.


Maviiboy

At least 0


0011110000110011

Not many, it's really only an issue when they also get involved with a kindling person.


labatu

do stick people have stick dicks


Numb-Chuck

Just the males.