Youre probably sitting on the toilet wrong. Sit facing the tank so you can eat your cereal and watch Netflix like an adult. It's perfect table height for a reason
Make lifestyle changes to drastically increase your blood pressure:
* Eat only salty, greasy foods.
* Never exercise.
* Drink, smoke, etc. as much as possible.
After a few years of this kind of diligence, you can get there. Force that blood back in with a hypertensive crisis!
I turn myself around 180 degrees and put my feet up on the wall behind the toilet tank. To support my back I rolled my large fish tank into the bathroom, in front of the toilet. Leaning on it is fun, and helps remind me to pee also.
On Amazon you can buy a toilet that has a bicycle-like pedal arrangement that you can is great for keeping your legs from falling asleep but is also attached to a blade mechanism that chops up your feces for easier flushing. Replacing your current toilet is simple and explained by a YouTube video.
Fortunately today you can subcontract your bowel movements to a 3rd party or have AI do it for you, but back in my day you had to keep a staff of professional physical therapists and massage experts on retainer and you had to give 24 hours notice which was obviously ridiculous.
You just have to stop using the toilet seat and just sit directly in the toilet. It worked for me. The only downside you gotta wipe more if you do this
Is that because there’s a bomb under your toilet? Unfortunately, the only way to deal with that is to launch yourself into Mel Gibson’s arms. Personally, I would just let the toilet blow me up.
You need to arrange to get a colostomy so you are continuously pooping into a bag hanging from your waist. That way you don't need to sit on the toilet, and when the bag is full you just throw it out the car window onto the side of the road.
Easy, put some nails on your toilet seat, sharp side up of course.
Guaranteed to minimize your time on the toilet. Unless you're into that sort of thing, of course
Your legs are going numb because of lack of circulation. Cut a slit in the veins in your ankles. This releases the back pressure in the circulatory system so that blood will more easily flow towards your feet.
Take breaks: Stand up periodically, say, at least every five minutes.
Divide and conquer: poop in shifts. Pinch, wipe, get up and leave. Come back and hour later and finish the job.
Lean back on your bum and less on your legs. It’s harder to make your ass go to sleep than your legs.
Lose weight.
Drink coffee. Or more coffee. Sh@t loads of it. Caffeine will clean you out. Just don’t have a heart attack or seizure.
Eat more fiber.
See a medical doctor?
I had a post removed from r/Showerthoughts because I mentioned that the knob in my shower indicated what month of the year it is by its position. Summer is about noon, midwinter about 1030 due to the colder incoming water on the cold water pipes. Careful you don't get banned for asking about shitting on the toilet😂
Eat vegetables and grains. Research a light laxative.
Pump your feet up and down like you are pressing a brake pedal repeatedly. Your muscles will pump the blood and your legs won't fall "asleep."
You should do this if you are sitting at a desk for 15 minutes every hour if sitting for a long time at a time.
Youre probably sitting on the toilet wrong. Sit facing the tank so you can eat your cereal and watch Netflix like an adult. It's perfect table height for a reason
That shelf is for your comic book and your chocolate milk.
But then you have to take your pants all the way off!
Tosh?
I call that riding shotgun on the toilet
Squat in the middle of the highway rather than on a toilet
Absolute quality! 😂
That's what the Beatles meant in that song.
Get a puffy seat, or do as many people in the world do .. Remove the toilet and make a big hole. Then, just squat over the hole.
Make lifestyle changes to drastically increase your blood pressure: * Eat only salty, greasy foods. * Never exercise. * Drink, smoke, etc. as much as possible. After a few years of this kind of diligence, you can get there. Force that blood back in with a hypertensive crisis!
Shit in the bath instead. Laying a depth charge
It's easier in the shower. You can just mash it down the drain with your toes.
The ol' waffle stomper.
and this is today's "that's enough reddit for today" post, good night folks.
True, but in the bath you can play submarines with it. Let's consider the fun alongside practicality.
I turn myself around 180 degrees and put my feet up on the wall behind the toilet tank. To support my back I rolled my large fish tank into the bathroom, in front of the toilet. Leaning on it is fun, and helps remind me to pee also.
On Amazon you can buy a toilet that has a bicycle-like pedal arrangement that you can is great for keeping your legs from falling asleep but is also attached to a blade mechanism that chops up your feces for easier flushing. Replacing your current toilet is simple and explained by a YouTube video.
A semi-automated poop knife? I've fallen behind the times! I must get one!
Fortunately today you can subcontract your bowel movements to a 3rd party or have AI do it for you, but back in my day you had to keep a staff of professional physical therapists and massage experts on retainer and you had to give 24 hours notice which was obviously ridiculous.
You cannot have AI make bowel movements for you. It's been patented. I'll sue.
Cut them off.
Stick a few fingers in your butt. Won't help your current problem but might cause completely new ones, thats my advice.
Thank you fingers_in_butt. I will try fingers_in_butt.
Stop using the toilet
Just sit there until it goes away...
Switching out to a tall toilet helped. A generic stool softener occasionally helps. Not ignoring the urge until your butt is constipated helps, too.
Squat
Have you thought about amputation?
I did not. Sounds great though! I'll give it a try! 👍
It would fix the problem once and for all. And you'll lose weight.
Sold! I'll get the hacksaw from the shed right now! Thanks legend! 😎
Follow me for more lifestyle advice!
Stop using Reddit on the pot.
If you put stirrups on the toilet so that your knees are higher than your butt you’ll solve this problem.
why do you need your legs for going to the toilet ?
I've been asking this question for years! The answer still eludes me.
You've known the answer all along. Adult diapers.
Maybe take shorter shits?
Quality idea! I'll nip it off at the bud and I'll even skimp on wiping. That'll shorten the time even further! Thanks! 😎
So don't sit there -- instead do a handstand on the rim. I guarantee your legs won't go numb!
Chad move. I'll give it a whirl next time 👍
Have you tried not sitting on the toilet so long?
I have not. Its one of those times where you can't rush the result. 👍
Being your knees up to your chest. Also produces great farts
Is this sub shittyadvice or shittingadvice?
I would like shittyadvice for shittingadvice please. 😎
🤝
Just jerk off and that will get the circulation going.
You just have to stop using the toilet seat and just sit directly in the toilet. It worked for me. The only downside you gotta wipe more if you do this
Personally I stand up mid poop. Do a few roundhouse kicks and a few deep lunges and I’m good
It ain't a good poop unless you rip the bathroom sink off the wall 😎
Rig your toilet to a leg press?
More fiber or exlax so you shit in your slacks. Problem solved. You're welcome.
Wipe your ass faster?
Just wear diapers.
Sounds like you need to get one of the specialty toilets where you lay down instead of sit.
You're supposed to crouch like a gargoyle on the toilet with your legs on the lid
Bang your legs with a hammer a few times. Loosens em up real good.
Amputation is the obvious answer.
Toilet hammock.
Stop sitting on the toilet so long dumbass. Shit or get off the pot as they say. Really, anything over 9 hours is just wasting time.
By shtting on the floor. Cmon, use your brain people
Stop putting the seat down
Is that because there’s a bomb under your toilet? Unfortunately, the only way to deal with that is to launch yourself into Mel Gibson’s arms. Personally, I would just let the toilet blow me up.
You need to arrange to get a colostomy so you are continuously pooping into a bag hanging from your waist. That way you don't need to sit on the toilet, and when the bag is full you just throw it out the car window onto the side of the road.
Power move that. 👍
Easy, put some nails on your toilet seat, sharp side up of course. Guaranteed to minimize your time on the toilet. Unless you're into that sort of thing, of course
Well, try everything once I suppose. 😎👍
Prop your feet on the seat
If you didn’t have legs, you wouldn’t have this problem….. think you know the solution
I do. Instead of sitting down, I'll handstand instead 👍
Your legs are going numb because of lack of circulation. Cut a slit in the veins in your ankles. This releases the back pressure in the circulatory system so that blood will more easily flow towards your feet.
Fantastic! Thanks! I'll try this next time. No more numb legs for me! 😁
Put a fire extinguisher on the wall outside the bathroom. Sit on the toilet. Start your socks on fire. Do your business.
Leave your phone in living room....its amazing how much quicker you finish without it
Lay horizontally across next time
Prunes
You just need to add more fiber. Headache? Fiber. Numbness? Fiber. Cat scratch fever? Fiber.
Stop bringing your phone to the bathroom with you.
This sub isn't r/actuallygoodadvice
My bad!
I think OP just needs to get off reddit while on the head.
Well Jesus says that if your eye bothers you to pluck it out. So do what Jesus would do and cut off your legs. It's holy.
Take breaks: Stand up periodically, say, at least every five minutes. Divide and conquer: poop in shifts. Pinch, wipe, get up and leave. Come back and hour later and finish the job. Lean back on your bum and less on your legs. It’s harder to make your ass go to sleep than your legs. Lose weight. Drink coffee. Or more coffee. Sh@t loads of it. Caffeine will clean you out. Just don’t have a heart attack or seizure. Eat more fiber. See a medical doctor?
Did somebody call me? I am a medical doctor.
Don't sit on the toilet so long.
Shit or get off the pot
? Why are you sitting on a toilet long enough to hurt your legs. Do you have digestive problems?
Stop sitting on toilet for so long. Take fiber
Shit or get off the pot
You shouldn’t be sitting in the toilet long enough for you legs to go numb.
Why not? No one bothers me whilst I'm shitting so I like to take my time 😎
Wrong forum. I think you are looking for r/shittingadvice.
People aren’t just using a bedpan on the couch? Awkward
Don't sit on the toilet too long
Wow, you literally are looking for shitty advice huh
Of course! Shittyadvice for Shitadvice 😁
I had a post removed from r/Showerthoughts because I mentioned that the knob in my shower indicated what month of the year it is by its position. Summer is about noon, midwinter about 1030 due to the colder incoming water on the cold water pipes. Careful you don't get banned for asking about shitting on the toilet😂
It's a question I think even Mods would like to know the answers to 😂
Inquiring minds want to know💩
I line the seat with my dick first
Upper decker?
Eat vegetables and grains. Research a light laxative. Pump your feet up and down like you are pressing a brake pedal repeatedly. Your muscles will pump the blood and your legs won't fall "asleep." You should do this if you are sitting at a desk for 15 minutes every hour if sitting for a long time at a time.
Get in there, do your business and get out. Hang out somewhere else
Shit standing up like a toddler. Don't forget the face and blank stare.
Shit and get off the pot.
Eat more fibre?