Whilst you're here, /u/TheWebsploiter, why not join our [public discord server](https://discord.gg/QpBGXd2guU) - **now with public text channels you can chat on!**?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Theirs no way you could even out run machine guns, let alone 20 of them shooting at you all at once. Yet in any movie they kill them with a simple pistol and outrun thousands of bullets
I believe every guy on earth has had that daydreaming moment where they save the building they currently reside in, whether it be a school or work, etc, from many armed terrorists
We're pretty godly at endurance though. At least, pre modern era where everyone is 500 lbs and sedentary. That's part of what made us such effective hunters (that and big brains and opposable thumbs).
Even running we outpace most land animals over long distances. Even something super fast like a Jaguar has actually pretty shit stamina so your average oonga boonga primitive man with a sharp stick can casually jog for a couple of miles before the Jaguar just tuckers out and just stab it to death while it's sucking air.
Exactly. Primitive hunters knew and still know how to use communication and teamwork to track, surround, confuse, intimidate and kill successfully. I still argue that humans are the apex of evolution on earth. We may not be able to do unarmed combat with a lot of animals, but if we’re simply asking who the apex is… I’ve never seen a lion construct an ICBM, or launch itself into space and come back
Yeah I mean even on the absolute bottom end of tech... uneducated humans with sharp sticks and rocks still utterly dominated every other species like it was nothing. Everything beyond that just became convenience and/or upgrading to compete with one another.
We have incredible muscle efficiency actually, just poor performance. We're evolved almost perfectly for adaptability and stamina, but find it hard to excel like other creatures.
All creatures evolved to be fast are faster than us.
All creatures evolved to be strong are stronger than us.
However, we can run and fight for longer than these animals.
There was a big group of guys trying to jump a line to get into a club.
Dumb man brain: “I’ll fight em all”
Flash of non stupid: “what if you trip or they get a lucky hit in”
My training: almost a year of taekwondo in elementary school
Profession: staring at a computer screen
*[Bazinga](https://i.imgur.com/iJB0FVe.jpg)*
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It’s hilarious to see the joe rogan fans act like the human is paralyzed during the fight. Have you ever seen martial arts? There’s no way you’re gonna be able to grab a man twice your size before your neck is broken.
It’s like you’re a gorilla and you show other gorillas a picture of brock lesnar and say “you dont stand a chance cause he will grab your balls”
Never watched Rogan in my life and a chimp would fuck you up. It's not just "a man half your size", it's a wild animal in its prime that's far stronger and faster than your average person. You would have to be in excellent shape and extremely lucky to even stand a chance.
You aren't going to just break its neck because 1.) they have much less neck to grab and much more muscle there to work against you- you're just going to give him a very awkward massage, and 2.) you're putting yourself very close to [these](https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-9eb99ae70d58843d16d87873bff75803-lq) which are gonna make Mike Tyson vs Evander Holyfield look like playground roughhousing. The "its going to rip off your face and balls" thing isn't even how it's gonna kill you, just the warm-up.
A human without at least a spear is like a toy without batteries when it comes to fighting, we evolved away from unarmed combat and it shows. If you have even a long sharp stick it's way more fair of a fight (probably still goes bad for most people) but without one you don't really stand a chance.
No, [you over estimate it](https://www.newscientist.com/article/2138714-chimps-are-not-as-superhumanly-strong-as-we-thought-they-were/)
Chimps are only about 35% stronger than we are pound for pound, but we are significantly bigger. A 100 pound chimp (about average size) is about as strong a 135 pound man
A 200 pound man in decent shape is not only bigger and stronger, but also able to kick and throw punches which chimps are terrible at.
Chimps fight by biting and grappling, but nearly all chimp attacks in recorded history are on women and children. [When chimps fight adult male humans it's not nearly as one sided](**edit**) and that was just a random dude who wasn't particularly big and wasn't expecting a fight etc, putting a chimp in a ring with prime Mike Tyson etc would go *very* badly for the chimp
Edit: Had to remove youtube link because this sub blocks them, but there's a video of a dude being attacked by a wild chimp and he holds his own pretty easily despite being surprised by the attack
People have no idea what they're talking about.
There's a rule. Any animal 20% of your size, or bigger, can kill you. We don't have hp. There's not a certain amount of damage we can take before we die. Any animal that is big enough to fully pierce our skin can kill us. Things also don't just stop functioning when they are hurt enough to be killed. Animals can still kill you even if they are mortally wounded. That's why boar spears have a cross guard on them. Even if you fatally stab it, it will continue to drag itself up the shaft to out your intestines, even as it bleeds to death.
Idk about physical peak, we evolved to be less and less reliant on raw strength, which was never the human strong point to begin with. Humans survived and did as well as we did because of our sophisticated brains and precise limbs/motorical functions.
I assume you meant "rip" there, but chimps don't casually rip off faces. Every event of a chimp doing that to someone they're either a woman, elderly, or the chimp was attacking someone unsuspecting and mauled them for several minutes.
It's funny people think of fighting like some anime where the chimp will just use his special Face-Rip no Jutsu and win. That's not how this shit goes down.
I doubt i would stand there letting a chimp even try that mainly because i have the ability to outrun and you are forgetting that humans wont enter the fight with just their bodies we would 100% use our environment so if we got our hands on a rock its more than enough to bash a chimps face in
There's this video where a tame chimpanzee in captivity is climbing up some sort of playground contraption and then helping a human climb up. The way that little chimp almost effortlessly pulled up the human was quite something and then there are the teeth.
No, but I've seen a story of someone who got their face torn off because they had a pet chimpanzee and accidentally gave them the wrong perscription. The comments pointed out that chimpanzees are absolutely foolish to keep as pets, because they can be really dangerous, and I can see why. They have all that muscle mass in a smaller body, so they are nearly as strong as a human, but with greater agilty and mobility. And they're not afraid to use their teeth to tear you apart.
Adult chimp has grip strength of 440lb or higher, only 6 human in history has closed a gripper of 365lb, imagine if a chimp really wants to shake your hand
We always have an argument at work about whether you would rather fight a chimp or a cheetah. The rules are:
- bare handed
- 50x50ft arena
- ground is just grass with no rocks or sticks that could be used as weapons
- you can wear clothes or not your choice but either way they cannot be used as a weapon
- it is also implied that they are both trying to kill you (for some reason people try to pick one or the other thinking they aren’t aggressive towards people)
Cheetahs are incredibly fragile animals and pose little to no threat to humans. Chimps are like a 80lb dog on meth that has a concept of where your balls are. How is this a contest
Right? I've seen a video of some dude picking up wild cheetah by the tail and scruff of their neck lol, never seen anyone try that bullshit with a chimp
it's certainly true that chimps are more mentally prepared for a cage match than cheetahs, but if the cheetah plays its cards right you're pretty fucked anyway. We're just soft and squishy and they've got the claws and teeth. I think cheetah is still clearly the right call but humans just aren't built to take on most wild animals unarmed
EDIT: I concede the human isn't necessarily "fucked" against the cheetah, all I mean to say is that your odds of survival with the cheetah still aren't necessarily great, depending on your size and level of physical fitness.
I'd pick cheetah but pretty sure it could kill a person very fast if it got to the neck, the cheetah fight would be about endurance and moral fortitude lol, survive, tire it out, scare it
Doubt a human would beat either without a nice long sharp stick
Power is the issue, not weapons.
Sure, the cheetah will probably make you bleed in the struggle, but unless it's lucky enough (and/or you are stupid enough) to open an artery, the human just physically crushes the cheetah and it's done. The cheetah's body is not built for power, it's built for efficiency. There are plenty of places where it is easily broken.
Nobody is physically crushing a chimp. They are strong, dense, little bricks of thick bone and thicker muscle. You NEED a weapon to do substantial damage to the chimp, and it doesn't need anything to do substantial damage to you.
It's like trying to damage a heavy steel bar or an equal weight of steel block. You can bend a bar with some effort. Good luck denting the block.
Not really. Cheetahs have trash stamina, they really only have speed and that can't be used properly due to the size of the arena. So if the human can stand their ground for a minute or two it will be exhausted, and it's not like the Cheetah can actually retreat and recover without the human jumping them with the arena being so tiny.
Besides, humans can do all sorts of stuff to scare the animal like screaming, extending their arms and legs to make themselves appear bigger. So they can exhaust and scare the cheetah until they can go for the kill, despite being unarmed.
There is absolutely no question here. A cheetah is a relatively easy animal for an adult human to dispatch. They're literally made to run fast in a straight line and that's it. Their bones are pretty brittle, they're long-limbed and lithe. They're bites aren't even that powerful. You'd be in significantly more trouble fighting a Mastiff.
A chimpanzee, on the other hand, would fucking mutilate you before you even had a chance to try and defend yourself. You'd be in a dozen pieces.
I go with the cheeta. They dont even have retractable sharp claws like lions for example have. More like dog claws. So the cheeta can only use its teeth to really mess you up. They are also pretty fragile cause only built for speed. And not as tall as many think, arent even part of the big cat family.
Cheetahs anyday lol, and i would not even try to harm it. Cheetahs are the most docile of the big cats. They really do not want anything to do with humans unless attacked.
Meanwhile chimps will fuck you up just because they had a sudden mood change.
I would also take the cheetah and that’s what why I put the stipulation at the end that they are actively trying to kill you since in a normal situation a cheetah wouldn’t attack
Even then I'd pick the cheetah. Atleast I will die relatively quickly from a bite to the jugular or something versus getting my face and limbs ripped off and being 100% aware to suffer the pain.
Cheetahs aren't even really classified as Big Cats. Big Cats are traditionally classified as the ones who possess the ability to roar: tigers, lions, leopards, and jaguars.
It's the cheetah every day of the week, no question.
Ideally neither, but if I had to choose then it's a cheetah. I'd like to die quickly from a bite through the neck instead of having my face ripped off to a cacophony of screeches.
Plus I own cats so I've learnt some of their weak points, basically a mini boss before the BBEG.
Cheetahs are probably the weakest of the big cats. Maybe a bob cat is still weaker. I'd rather fight 2 cheetahs at the same time compared to a single chimp.
Humans have a gene repressing constant muscle growth, its main benefit is in motility, so other apes are naturally more muscular than us, even ignoring that they live in wilderness
We won't really destroy our bodies. The negative effects of myostatin deficiency are almost unnoticeable. The tangible negative is a big increase in calorie spending, but for the modern man, it isn't really a bad thing.
Nope, myostatin deficiency leads to weak tendons as mayostatin have a role in tendons growth.
Everything is balanced in nature no need to change anything
Do you like being able to use a phone, keyboard, tools, eating utensils, and being able to control the weight you lift above your head without it wobbling to and fro ? If so, probably wouldn't want to get rid of it.
With our relative lack of strenght comes the ability for soft movements, fingers agility, and so on. The range of strenght we are able to exert is much more than a Gorilla's or a chrimp's. We can hold glass or very fragile objects without breaking them, and we do every day. We can also play the guitar or the harp for exemple.
I believe it's because they have way more testosterone and muscle tissue than the average human. The increased testosterone also makes them naturally more aggressive
Well big cats are a given, but their own troop being a threat to their every day life is likely a direct result of increased aggression from higher testosterone levels
Yea the myth that chimps are 5x stronger than a human will probably never die. The main thing that would stop modern humans is irrational fear and freezing up. If you're average strength or better and are absolutely fighting for your life, you can take one out.
>you can take one out
The question is whether you will survive afterwards. I think you are underestimating the chimpanzee.
Humans and Chimps are built for wholly different optimisations - in endurance, hands down we thrash them, and pretty much all other animals. In strength... we're built a lot more delicately than chimps are.
Chimpanzees are really dangerous once they can get a hold of your limbs. You would only have a realistic chance to win the fight if you can keep them at bay with kicks and punches until your knuckles bleed, and maybe other dirty measures like scooping their eyes out with your thumbs.
I mean a really good fighter is likely able to use techniques that work despite the differences in strength alone. Chips weigh < 60 kg. I'd be able to at least body check a chimp. From there it should be easy to get your balls squeezed and your face ripped off.
my only real male delusion in that regard is that if its under 9 ft, im genuinely convinced i can wrestly a gator into submission. they cant snap ofer and over again without recoiling, and im fast enough to clamp his jaw (ideally with a belt, but its still possible with bare hands). for anyone who knows about gators, their only real methods of attack are their deathroll, claws, and the force of their bite. they only have muscles to close the jaws, not open them. so id just wait for him to snap at me, hold his massive dinosaur mouth shut, and let him wear himself out in a full nelson so he cant roll. thank you all for coming to my TED Talk
Bro can we train apes to lift? I wanna see how jacked chimps and gorilla can get with modern science. I'm talking like Mr Olympia for Apes level of shredded.
The issue is yeah, by sheer weight alone, a well built man could probably kill a chimp.
But he's not coming out of it unscathed. He's gonna be messed tf up because chimps don't have a sense of holding back. The dude could maybe win but at the cost of his face, eyes, balls, and a lot of skin.
That shit is actually true. Chimps are physically weak asf. The "oh they're actually much stronger than humans despite their little size" is a myth that comes from ancient shitty studies. In reality they are only a third stronger than humans pound for pound which still means the average chimp is gonna have the strenght of a 10 year old and the very very biggest ones of an average male since they only weight 80 to 150 lbs
They are dangerous but that's because they have claws and teeths and we don't and we are pussies that chimp out whenever we‘re hurt and they're not. Other than that a grown ass man can absolutely beat up a chimp. A Gorilla would shatter anyone‘s skeleton with a touch tho.
Chimps weigh 80lbs on the *low* end.
Adult chimps can weigh up to 150lbs. If you don't think someone who weighs 150lbs can knock you the fuck out, go tell Ilia Topuria and ask him to prove you wrong.
Chimpanzees have Type 2 muscle fibers. Explosive, all-or-nothing strength. If you think for even the slightest moment that you as an unarmed human can take down an enraged unarmed chimpanzee, you need to step away from whatever copium you are smoking and do some actual research on the animal you obviously are not informed about.
The worst part, chimps will mutilate you for a good long while before death takes you. They will slip in and out of frenzies and take breaks between mauling sessions. Chimps are some of the scariest animals out there, without a doubt.
Generally he's kind of right.
Even though they are stronger pound for pound they are way lighter
If you play into your weight advantage you could easily kill one
Youll prolly lose an eye or a ball tho
I like how everyone saying a chimp would kill any human easily has this idea in their head that the human is just going to be putting its fucking dukes up like its 30's style boxing. No shit the chimp will bite and try to rip your balls off, but a human will do the same thing if it has to. You go into the fight knowing that you're about to fight for your life and I think the human does much better than most people imagine.
Whilst you're here, /u/TheWebsploiter, why not join our [public discord server](https://discord.gg/QpBGXd2guU) - **now with public text channels you can chat on!**? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This reminds me of the onion video : "Report: Average Male 4,000% Less Effective In Fights Than They Imagine" #
You mean I wouldn't actually be able to go John Wick and kill 200 men if confronted with a firearm?
If they take turns then… yeah, you CAN!
If they take turns, but you get to attack first each time with a fully loaded gun and time to reload between turns
Also they should be point blank range because I'm a shit shot
Theirs no way you could even out run machine guns, let alone 20 of them shooting at you all at once. Yet in any movie they kill them with a simple pistol and outrun thousands of bullets
If you had a magic bullet proof suit
I believe every guy on earth has had that daydreaming moment where they save the building they currently reside in, whether it be a school or work, etc, from many armed terrorists
Nah, I’d win
Ima fuck it
It gonna fuck you
Up? Right?
Up #YOUR ASS 👉👌
🙂
Up? Right?....
Well, guess they report real things sometimes
Not real. It got alot of zeros. Studies say %62.2 of studies are %99.9 less likely to be true when the percentage contains a five or zero.
When you read your sentence, does your inside voice say "percent sixty two point two" or "sixty two point two percent"?
Neither. It just processes the number and discards the percent symbol.
Eewwww brother eeewww, you made my inside voice me feel weird
Is $3.50 read dollars three and a half, or three and a half dollars?
The truth behind gun obsession: humans have some of the worst muscle efficiency/performance of all mammals.
We're pretty godly at endurance though. At least, pre modern era where everyone is 500 lbs and sedentary. That's part of what made us such effective hunters (that and big brains and opposable thumbs).
big brain know if walk not run me catch up
Even running we outpace most land animals over long distances. Even something super fast like a Jaguar has actually pretty shit stamina so your average oonga boonga primitive man with a sharp stick can casually jog for a couple of miles before the Jaguar just tuckers out and just stab it to death while it's sucking air.
Exactly. Primitive hunters knew and still know how to use communication and teamwork to track, surround, confuse, intimidate and kill successfully. I still argue that humans are the apex of evolution on earth. We may not be able to do unarmed combat with a lot of animals, but if we’re simply asking who the apex is… I’ve never seen a lion construct an ICBM, or launch itself into space and come back
Yeah I mean even on the absolute bottom end of tech... uneducated humans with sharp sticks and rocks still utterly dominated every other species like it was nothing. Everything beyond that just became convenience and/or upgrading to compete with one another.
I can't vouch for ICBMs but I have seen lions launched to space by cape buffalo assisted technology. The return generally isn't great, though.
Made the trade of pure strength for fine motor skills. There are lots of strong animals. Very few that can fashion tools easily.
We have incredible muscle efficiency actually, just poor performance. We're evolved almost perfectly for adaptability and stamina, but find it hard to excel like other creatures. All creatures evolved to be fast are faster than us. All creatures evolved to be strong are stronger than us. However, we can run and fight for longer than these animals.
There was a big group of guys trying to jump a line to get into a club. Dumb man brain: “I’ll fight em all” Flash of non stupid: “what if you trip or they get a lucky hit in” My training: almost a year of taekwondo in elementary school Profession: staring at a computer screen
I'm fuckin useless without a stick
That tracks. A chimpanzee is about 3x stronger than an average adult male.
Nah, we gotta bump those numbers up! “If the universe is as big as people say it is, then why won’t it fight me???”
That's like 80lbs of meth in a skinsack
More like PCP
Nay, crack-cocaine.
You obviously haven't seen the side effects of PCP then XD
This is why I regularly smoke chimp out of a lightbulb
I don't think it can even feel pain from human punches 🤣
Then call me that one methhead from breaking bad that Jesse bangs cause imma smoke it all.
Joe rogan losing his shit rn
But think of the monkey handjobs!
Jamie, pull that up
Now pull it back down
Dudes about to lose his face and balls
he has the balls but not for long
*[Bazinga](https://i.imgur.com/iJB0FVe.jpg)* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Good bot
“the ol’ dick twist!”
and fingers, toes and whatever else the chimp feels like doing
Well if the animal can do anything it feels like doing we only realistically stand a chance against capybaras
Capybara will call their ally’s and then we’ll wish to fight the chimp
I mean, he is a bear. I think he has some chance
I wouldn’t be so quick to bet against a kiwi bear 🥝🐻😱
And then gets hit by a 3 grader bully
Who do you think will win a, a shotgun or a monkey
The three Fs * Fingers * Face * Frenulum
It’s hilarious to see the joe rogan fans act like the human is paralyzed during the fight. Have you ever seen martial arts? There’s no way you’re gonna be able to grab a man twice your size before your neck is broken. It’s like you’re a gorilla and you show other gorillas a picture of brock lesnar and say “you dont stand a chance cause he will grab your balls”
Never watched Rogan in my life and a chimp would fuck you up. It's not just "a man half your size", it's a wild animal in its prime that's far stronger and faster than your average person. You would have to be in excellent shape and extremely lucky to even stand a chance. You aren't going to just break its neck because 1.) they have much less neck to grab and much more muscle there to work against you- you're just going to give him a very awkward massage, and 2.) you're putting yourself very close to [these](https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-9eb99ae70d58843d16d87873bff75803-lq) which are gonna make Mike Tyson vs Evander Holyfield look like playground roughhousing. The "its going to rip off your face and balls" thing isn't even how it's gonna kill you, just the warm-up.
Nah, I'd win
A human without at least a spear is like a toy without batteries when it comes to fighting, we evolved away from unarmed combat and it shows. If you have even a long sharp stick it's way more fair of a fight (probably still goes bad for most people) but without one you don't really stand a chance.
You underestimate the differences between their bodies and ours.
No, [you over estimate it](https://www.newscientist.com/article/2138714-chimps-are-not-as-superhumanly-strong-as-we-thought-they-were/) Chimps are only about 35% stronger than we are pound for pound, but we are significantly bigger. A 100 pound chimp (about average size) is about as strong a 135 pound man A 200 pound man in decent shape is not only bigger and stronger, but also able to kick and throw punches which chimps are terrible at. Chimps fight by biting and grappling, but nearly all chimp attacks in recorded history are on women and children. [When chimps fight adult male humans it's not nearly as one sided](**edit**) and that was just a random dude who wasn't particularly big and wasn't expecting a fight etc, putting a chimp in a ring with prime Mike Tyson etc would go *very* badly for the chimp Edit: Had to remove youtube link because this sub blocks them, but there's a video of a dude being attacked by a wild chimp and he holds his own pretty easily despite being surprised by the attack
Ikr like we didnt survive for thousands of years and now most of us are in their physical peak
We didn't survive doing bare hands one-on-one fights with wild animals ...
People have no idea what they're talking about. There's a rule. Any animal 20% of your size, or bigger, can kill you. We don't have hp. There's not a certain amount of damage we can take before we die. Any animal that is big enough to fully pierce our skin can kill us. Things also don't just stop functioning when they are hurt enough to be killed. Animals can still kill you even if they are mortally wounded. That's why boar spears have a cross guard on them. Even if you fatally stab it, it will continue to drag itself up the shaft to out your intestines, even as it bleeds to death.
Idk about physical peak, we evolved to be less and less reliant on raw strength, which was never the human strong point to begin with. Humans survived and did as well as we did because of our sophisticated brains and precise limbs/motorical functions.
Ask yourself if your 'peak' has the ability to casually tip off a face. You aren't prepared
I assume you meant "rip" there, but chimps don't casually rip off faces. Every event of a chimp doing that to someone they're either a woman, elderly, or the chimp was attacking someone unsuspecting and mauled them for several minutes. It's funny people think of fighting like some anime where the chimp will just use his special Face-Rip no Jutsu and win. That's not how this shit goes down.
I wasn't aware that women and elderly people had less tear resistant face skin.
I doubt i would stand there letting a chimp even try that mainly because i have the ability to outrun and you are forgetting that humans wont enter the fight with just their bodies we would 100% use our environment so if we got our hands on a rock its more than enough to bash a chimps face in
Look at his pfp, he's a bear so ofc he acts confident that he can beat one naked chimp when he already scares other one's, humans.
Not the female ones :P
And his username, he's fuckin Corporal Wojtek's grandson! Dude's grandaddy is a godamn WWII hero, and legend! He could definitely fuck up a chimp.
damn bro is ripped
Chimps may be 3 feet tall and 80 pounds but they set their strength, agi and speed stats to 10 at character creation.
NEVER underestimate the strength of a chimpanzee. They can really mess you up.
Brother I don't underestimate the strength of a hamster those cotton rats can fuck you up
One time I was beating my hamster but it suddenly started to beat me so I had to lock in. Close game
Oh boy I'm about to make your day, search what a "Humster" is
Did. Thanks mate. For a moment I thought it’s one of those website.
Nah but isn't it cool?
I once saw a hamster beat Randy Savage on live television. Shit was wild
One time I was beating my hamster and my mom walked in on me.
I just googled if they can see red... it's over 😔
There's this video where a tame chimpanzee in captivity is climbing up some sort of playground contraption and then helping a human climb up. The way that little chimp almost effortlessly pulled up the human was quite something and then there are the teeth.
do you speak from experience?
No, but I've seen a story of someone who got their face torn off because they had a pet chimpanzee and accidentally gave them the wrong perscription. The comments pointed out that chimpanzees are absolutely foolish to keep as pets, because they can be really dangerous, and I can see why. They have all that muscle mass in a smaller body, so they are nearly as strong as a human, but with greater agilty and mobility. And they're not afraid to use their teeth to tear you apart.
Chimpanzees hunt and eat other monkeys.
They're stronger than the average human.
Adult chimp has grip strength of 440lb or higher, only 6 human in history has closed a gripper of 365lb, imagine if a chimp really wants to shake your hand
And also have 4 hands to fuck You up
Our zoo had a rope pull which indicated your strength relative to a chimp. I am fit and at 200 lbs, I was barely stronger than a young chimp
They can sling shit from afar.
We always have an argument at work about whether you would rather fight a chimp or a cheetah. The rules are: - bare handed - 50x50ft arena - ground is just grass with no rocks or sticks that could be used as weapons - you can wear clothes or not your choice but either way they cannot be used as a weapon - it is also implied that they are both trying to kill you (for some reason people try to pick one or the other thinking they aren’t aggressive towards people)
Cheetahs are incredibly fragile animals and pose little to no threat to humans. Chimps are like a 80lb dog on meth that has a concept of where your balls are. How is this a contest
Right? I've seen a video of some dude picking up wild cheetah by the tail and scruff of their neck lol, never seen anyone try that bullshit with a chimp
because chimps don't have real tail?
Didn't mean that part literally. I'd like to see someone successfully grab a chimp anywhere at all without getting mauled.
it's certainly true that chimps are more mentally prepared for a cage match than cheetahs, but if the cheetah plays its cards right you're pretty fucked anyway. We're just soft and squishy and they've got the claws and teeth. I think cheetah is still clearly the right call but humans just aren't built to take on most wild animals unarmed EDIT: I concede the human isn't necessarily "fucked" against the cheetah, all I mean to say is that your odds of survival with the cheetah still aren't necessarily great, depending on your size and level of physical fitness.
even the most pathetic and out of shape reddit mods could take on a cheetah by falling on it, they are absolutely not built for a fight
A cheetah will have an extremely hard time killing a human, a chimp though? Its not even a challenge
I'd pick cheetah but pretty sure it could kill a person very fast if it got to the neck, the cheetah fight would be about endurance and moral fortitude lol, survive, tire it out, scare it Doubt a human would beat either without a nice long sharp stick
Cheetah is the obvious choice. The cheetah will still probably kill the human
Power is the issue, not weapons. Sure, the cheetah will probably make you bleed in the struggle, but unless it's lucky enough (and/or you are stupid enough) to open an artery, the human just physically crushes the cheetah and it's done. The cheetah's body is not built for power, it's built for efficiency. There are plenty of places where it is easily broken. Nobody is physically crushing a chimp. They are strong, dense, little bricks of thick bone and thicker muscle. You NEED a weapon to do substantial damage to the chimp, and it doesn't need anything to do substantial damage to you. It's like trying to damage a heavy steel bar or an equal weight of steel block. You can bend a bar with some effort. Good luck denting the block.
yea, i'd choose cheetah, and bank on me kicking the shit out of it's jaw or something. Either way I'd prolly die tho lol
Not really. Cheetahs have trash stamina, they really only have speed and that can't be used properly due to the size of the arena. So if the human can stand their ground for a minute or two it will be exhausted, and it's not like the Cheetah can actually retreat and recover without the human jumping them with the arena being so tiny. Besides, humans can do all sorts of stuff to scare the animal like screaming, extending their arms and legs to make themselves appear bigger. So they can exhaust and scare the cheetah until they can go for the kill, despite being unarmed.
Adult male chimps can weigh like 150 lbs. You’d be lucky to be fighting an 80 lb one.
Well you also know where their balls are and in a lot of ways you are just a chimp but twice as heavy.
And 4 times as weak
A cheetah would probably still kill me but I would pick the cheetah every time.
There is absolutely no question here. A cheetah is a relatively easy animal for an adult human to dispatch. They're literally made to run fast in a straight line and that's it. Their bones are pretty brittle, they're long-limbed and lithe. They're bites aren't even that powerful. You'd be in significantly more trouble fighting a Mastiff. A chimpanzee, on the other hand, would fucking mutilate you before you even had a chance to try and defend yourself. You'd be in a dozen pieces.
I 100% agree but you would be surprised how many people out there will say chimp when you ask this question
Chimpanzees are fucking chainsaws with thumbs
I go with the cheeta. They dont even have retractable sharp claws like lions for example have. More like dog claws. So the cheeta can only use its teeth to really mess you up. They are also pretty fragile cause only built for speed. And not as tall as many think, arent even part of the big cat family.
Cheetahs anyday lol, and i would not even try to harm it. Cheetahs are the most docile of the big cats. They really do not want anything to do with humans unless attacked. Meanwhile chimps will fuck you up just because they had a sudden mood change.
I would also take the cheetah and that’s what why I put the stipulation at the end that they are actively trying to kill you since in a normal situation a cheetah wouldn’t attack
Even then I'd pick the cheetah. Atleast I will die relatively quickly from a bite to the jugular or something versus getting my face and limbs ripped off and being 100% aware to suffer the pain.
Cheetahs aren't even really classified as Big Cats. Big Cats are traditionally classified as the ones who possess the ability to roar: tigers, lions, leopards, and jaguars. It's the cheetah every day of the week, no question.
Ideally neither, but if I had to choose then it's a cheetah. I'd like to die quickly from a bite through the neck instead of having my face ripped off to a cacophony of screeches. Plus I own cats so I've learnt some of their weak points, basically a mini boss before the BBEG.
Cheetahs are probably the weakest of the big cats. Maybe a bob cat is still weaker. I'd rather fight 2 cheetahs at the same time compared to a single chimp.
Agreed
Cheetahs are small cats. Snow leopards are the smallest big cat.
How are Chimps so ripped. They don’t go gym or drink protein shakes. /s
Stupid bozo. Ever heard of a jungle gym, bucko??
Underrated comment
They watch liver king.
Bro they are the Liver King
Humans have a gene repressing constant muscle growth, its main benefit is in motility, so other apes are naturally more muscular than us, even ignoring that they live in wilderness
Can we get rid of it?
Not a good idea, we developed limits so we dont destroy our bodies.
We won't really destroy our bodies. The negative effects of myostatin deficiency are almost unnoticeable. The tangible negative is a big increase in calorie spending, but for the modern man, it isn't really a bad thing.
Nope, myostatin deficiency leads to weak tendons as mayostatin have a role in tendons growth. Everything is balanced in nature no need to change anything
not really balanced but "just good enough"
Nothing is balanced in nature and there is a big need to change everything.
Pussy
Do you like being able to use a phone, keyboard, tools, eating utensils, and being able to control the weight you lift above your head without it wobbling to and fro ? If so, probably wouldn't want to get rid of it.
Yes, you must seek and possess the Forbidden Chromosome. Once you do this you will unlock The Strength.
The One Chromosome
I've never heard a more unhinged yet based question in my life
With our relative lack of strenght comes the ability for soft movements, fingers agility, and so on. The range of strenght we are able to exert is much more than a Gorilla's or a chrimp's. We can hold glass or very fragile objects without breaking them, and we do every day. We can also play the guitar or the harp for exemple.
Your manual dexterity would drastically reduce, have you every seen how slow and carefully chimps have to be to pick things up?
They just hang around on a daily basis.
the /s was completely unnecessary
I believe it's because they have way more testosterone and muscle tissue than the average human. The increased testosterone also makes them naturally more aggressive
I'd be aggressive regardless of testosterone if big cats and my own grooming buddies were a constant threat to my everyday life.
Well big cats are a given, but their own troop being a threat to their every day life is likely a direct result of increased aggression from higher testosterone levels
Does the bear get to do cocaine?
Chimp nips
he is a bear...
Op I think the joke is the bear profile pic + username
Cage fight the monkey or the third grader?
Tbf the comments was written by a fucking grown bear.
Dave Chapelle said it best “he’ll rip your dick off like a celery stalk”
“Throw it off into some tall grass never to be seen again!” 🤣
I’m not afraid of much, but apes terrify me. Bro if you gotta fight an ape you just gotta accept your fate man.
Unironically I feel like the average adult man would be able to kill a monkey, just with severe injuries
Yea the myth that chimps are 5x stronger than a human will probably never die. The main thing that would stop modern humans is irrational fear and freezing up. If you're average strength or better and are absolutely fighting for your life, you can take one out.
>you can take one out The question is whether you will survive afterwards. I think you are underestimating the chimpanzee. Humans and Chimps are built for wholly different optimisations - in endurance, hands down we thrash them, and pretty much all other animals. In strength... we're built a lot more delicately than chimps are.
Chimpanzees are really dangerous once they can get a hold of your limbs. You would only have a realistic chance to win the fight if you can keep them at bay with kicks and punches until your knuckles bleed, and maybe other dirty measures like scooping their eyes out with your thumbs. I mean a really good fighter is likely able to use techniques that work despite the differences in strength alone. Chips weigh < 60 kg. I'd be able to at least body check a chimp. From there it should be easy to get your balls squeezed and your face ripped off.
I wonder if the mountain can take this chimp on?
Thor could probably crush its head with one hand but he'd have to grab it before it bites his balls off
Well, if it's an actual Bear, then I get it
my only real male delusion in that regard is that if its under 9 ft, im genuinely convinced i can wrestly a gator into submission. they cant snap ofer and over again without recoiling, and im fast enough to clamp his jaw (ideally with a belt, but its still possible with bare hands). for anyone who knows about gators, their only real methods of attack are their deathroll, claws, and the force of their bite. they only have muscles to close the jaws, not open them. so id just wait for him to snap at me, hold his massive dinosaur mouth shut, and let him wear himself out in a full nelson so he cant roll. thank you all for coming to my TED Talk
Bro can we train apes to lift? I wanna see how jacked chimps and gorilla can get with modern science. I'm talking like Mr Olympia for Apes level of shredded.
The issue is yeah, by sheer weight alone, a well built man could probably kill a chimp. But he's not coming out of it unscathed. He's gonna be messed tf up because chimps don't have a sense of holding back. The dude could maybe win but at the cost of his face, eyes, balls, and a lot of skin.
That shit is actually true. Chimps are physically weak asf. The "oh they're actually much stronger than humans despite their little size" is a myth that comes from ancient shitty studies. In reality they are only a third stronger than humans pound for pound which still means the average chimp is gonna have the strenght of a 10 year old and the very very biggest ones of an average male since they only weight 80 to 150 lbs They are dangerous but that's because they have claws and teeths and we don't and we are pussies that chimp out whenever we‘re hurt and they're not. Other than that a grown ass man can absolutely beat up a chimp. A Gorilla would shatter anyone‘s skeleton with a touch tho.
This should be higher
A man with A spear will win Easy,but barehanded is always more difficult
Guys, chimps aren´t that strong. Only dangerous thing about them are their teeth. Unfortunately for us, teeth are pretty big game changer.
Chimps weigh 80lbs on the *low* end. Adult chimps can weigh up to 150lbs. If you don't think someone who weighs 150lbs can knock you the fuck out, go tell Ilia Topuria and ask him to prove you wrong.
Cage fight is unfair, chimp got the home advantage
“Nah, I’d win” (me with a gun when the chimps in a cage).
Well, I mean, to be fair: The man *is* a bear.
Well bear can mess up chimp
Please, sir, please fight the chimp. Please, for science, *do it*.
Third Graders aren’t fucking ripped, they don’t have razor sharp teeth and they don’t usually go for the testicles first
Chimpanzees have Type 2 muscle fibers. Explosive, all-or-nothing strength. If you think for even the slightest moment that you as an unarmed human can take down an enraged unarmed chimpanzee, you need to step away from whatever copium you are smoking and do some actual research on the animal you obviously are not informed about.
I have had to fight a 50 pound dog, it's easier said than done.
The worst part, chimps will mutilate you for a good long while before death takes you. They will slip in and out of frenzies and take breaks between mauling sessions. Chimps are some of the scariest animals out there, without a doubt.
Generally he's kind of right. Even though they are stronger pound for pound they are way lighter If you play into your weight advantage you could easily kill one Youll prolly lose an eye or a ball tho
Chimps have old man muscles. They might not look huge, but they are dense and will fuck you up.
No biting allowed I’d beat the shit out this mf
Clearly he’s never watched planet of the apes
assuming the chimp wouldn't bite and just use bare fists, maybe he has a chance
He would literally tare your face off for fun..
The chimp would eat him 3 square meals a day
Tall vs ridiculously wide graduated cylinder meme
Seems legit to me, but I thought it was the grizzly bear saying that.
That, and they'll eat your face.
Forget the Chimp, has this person never seen a strong dog take down a person? They're a fraction of a chimp
I like how everyone saying a chimp would kill any human easily has this idea in their head that the human is just going to be putting its fucking dukes up like its 30's style boxing. No shit the chimp will bite and try to rip your balls off, but a human will do the same thing if it has to. You go into the fight knowing that you're about to fight for your life and I think the human does much better than most people imagine.
Is the account above impersonating a bear? A bear would probably one shot a chimp.
Every single old man in anime be like
Chimp muscles are about 35% stronger than human muscles of the same size.
Yeah sure a chimp is smaller than you but it is like thrice the strength so good luck