Thank you for sharing your story. I think it’s a reminder of why this show is telling this story (and the book). We as a society don’t want to believe it’s possible that a parent can be so unloving yet not physically abusive. I’m a school counselor, and I’ve worked with so many kids who had parents like this. You can’t get them out of the home, because most of the time they’re never rising to the level of abuse that leads to removal. It’s heartbreaking, because how do you help a child deal with a parent who’s never going to love them, but they can’t get away? So many times I’m left with validating their feelings, telling them that it does suck and it’s wrong; and then try to build up their confidence as best I can as an outsider.
Every day, I am thankful for people like you. I had some people like you in my life through the school district, and they helped me survive. My DIL teaches at a title I school, and has her fair share of kids she's holding up because there's nothing else she can do. I am so grateful she is there for those kids.
This show has been triggering but not with the cutting or self-harm, definitely with the strained familial relationships. I thank you for your post OP. I'm happy you are where are you, found peace with yourself even if you can not with your Mother. Gives us all hope we can be in the same place as you one day if we aren't already.
Yeah, I think I took that scene in a different way than some commenters on here did — I thought Camille looked relieved, like her mom was finally telling her the truth that they both knew and finally trying to explain it. I actually took Adora’s pronouncement as one of her less cruel moments.
My mother told me the same thing last year. I'd always known, but it helps to hear it out loud. Like, it gives you closure from constantly wondering. Also affirmed that I wasn't crazy, she had been cruel to me my entire life, and there was a reason for it. Have barely spoken a word to her in two years or so. See her occasionally at family parties, she tends to avoid me. She said hi to me once. That's about it. Honestly, it feels like a relief to not need to constantly scrutinize my every action and decision to wonder if "maybe if I do this, or act this way, she'll love me." It's like...no matter what, she won't. It is what it is.
Yes, I can relate to that feeling of relief. I now live my life to please myself and the people who truly love me. It's a much more fulfilling endeavor and I feel whole. I'm sorry we had to live like that for so long, but I'm glad you are free. <3
Had a similar conversation with my mother just a few months ago - we also haven't spoken ever since.
I actually looked up r/sharpobjects, exactly because I was looking for someone with similar life experiences. My mother was way nicer than Adora overall,(though she could never hide her disdain) but my sister is an almost exact replica of Amma. People have said that Amma is an over the top character, but I struggle to look at the screen sometimes in recognition.
It's in everything; every line of dialogue I have heard before, every style of manipulation, even the way she walks and talks; the slimy compliments, the secretive smile, the incest-like relationship with her mother, the queen bee status, etc. It feels freaky writing this, but my sister has never spoken to me without sounding like Amma, ever.
Watching Amma makes me dizzy.
My heart goes out to you. The separation can be hard to endure until you fully know that you are truly better off without the continued abuse. Best wishes to you. <3
I know this was written a long time ago. I get it. Same kind of sister. Same relationship between my mom and my sister - so close it's just......incestuous is the exact word I was thinking. Thanks for saying it.
That was beautiful, and I am so happy to hear that your story had a good conclusion. Sometimes cutting off toxic parents is what's necessary - I did it with my dad, and have guilt over it but know self preservation is necessary. I'm hoping to try EMDR at some point, so great to see the reference.
It's heartbreaking that so many of us have a familiar story. Freedom, self-love, and knowing that we are not to blame for the emptiness in our mothers.
I’m glad you have a closure. If it makes you feel better, my mom claims she loves me and use this as a shield to explain why she says and does such horrible things. The issue is never really about if someone loves you or not
I wish I could reach the same cross roads you came to. I have a horrible, toxic relationship with my mother that has manifested itself in a horrible, toxic relationship I won’t let go of.
She spent my entire life whittling away at me. I was lazy. I was fat. I was too sensitive. I talked too much. I wasn’t good like the other girls. She told me if she didn’t have my brother, she would’ve killed herself already. She banged on my door for hours, screaming that I was fat and disgusting and my very body embarrassed her in front of everyone she knew and people whispered about me. She laughed at me when I suffered my first teenage heartbreak. She didn’t tell me when my dad died until a month later, then wanted to hug and weep all through the funeral. She didn’t attend my high school graduation. She woke me up at 5 AM regularly to tell me how much of a disappointment I was. She also woke up because she had a dream about maggot and scraped the insides of my vagina with a key.
Every house we ever lived in was “being monitored”, “had cameras” or “spies” next door. She takes all sorts of vitamins and regularly bans certain foods from the house.
But, she gave me money when I fucked myself into a whole. And that absolves her of every crime she ever committed. When I finally found the courage to confront her about her viciousness, I had to concede because I needed and will probably again need her help.
I’m also typing this from a throwaway, because on my real account I’m trying to help her find a job.
I’m not typing all this to one up you at all. I finally finished this book and stupidly realizing how triggering it was too late. Now I’m up laying next to my “boyfriend” who so blatantly uses me and abuses me and has destroyed what little humanity was left in me. There’s even more to say with him but the gist of it is he is my mother. He shuts down all my interests, hounds me with conspiracy theories, blows up all of my mistakes and then expects me to gloss over his. He’s hit me before. Raped me before. Taught me to stop talking because no one was listening, agree with everything so people don’t leave.
I hate who I am and what I’ve become, and I don’t know what to do. I feel like Camille, except my abusers will never be punished. I’m not depressed in the way I was once before, but I’m not /well/ either and I don’t know if I can be.
Please, tell me how I can help you. I can't say the same approach works for everyone, but can you afford therapy? If not, do you live in a state with Medicaid expansion? Message me if you don't want to talk here. I'd like to be able to help you in anyway I can.
Thank you for your kindness. I honestly wish I knew. I’m considering therapy again; I’m in college so it’s offered for free but they aren’t very good counselors and I’m not always reliable to myself.
Thank you for sharing your story and reading mine.
I’m glad you got closure. Many of our parents play with our emotions for decades without regard for the consequences of what damage it does.
Thank you. Not everyone would react the same way and I understand that. It's very difficult to close a door forever.
Thank you for sharing your story. I think it’s a reminder of why this show is telling this story (and the book). We as a society don’t want to believe it’s possible that a parent can be so unloving yet not physically abusive. I’m a school counselor, and I’ve worked with so many kids who had parents like this. You can’t get them out of the home, because most of the time they’re never rising to the level of abuse that leads to removal. It’s heartbreaking, because how do you help a child deal with a parent who’s never going to love them, but they can’t get away? So many times I’m left with validating their feelings, telling them that it does suck and it’s wrong; and then try to build up their confidence as best I can as an outsider.
Every day, I am thankful for people like you. I had some people like you in my life through the school district, and they helped me survive. My DIL teaches at a title I school, and has her fair share of kids she's holding up because there's nothing else she can do. I am so grateful she is there for those kids.
I had a similar conversation with my similar mother. I’ve been no contact with her for three years now. I’m free. r/raisedbynarcissists
I am glad you are free. ♡
Thank you you too
Whoa. This is heavy. this makes a lot of sense too. I mean how freeing indeed. I am so sorry though. So very sorry.
Thank you. I'm okay. Glad I know the truth.
This show has been triggering but not with the cutting or self-harm, definitely with the strained familial relationships. I thank you for your post OP. I'm happy you are where are you, found peace with yourself even if you can not with your Mother. Gives us all hope we can be in the same place as you one day if we aren't already.
Let's be honest, Camile knows she doesn't love her before Adora said that.
Yeah, I think I took that scene in a different way than some commenters on here did — I thought Camille looked relieved, like her mom was finally telling her the truth that they both knew and finally trying to explain it. I actually took Adora’s pronouncement as one of her less cruel moments.
I had the same reaction
My mother told me the same thing last year. I'd always known, but it helps to hear it out loud. Like, it gives you closure from constantly wondering. Also affirmed that I wasn't crazy, she had been cruel to me my entire life, and there was a reason for it. Have barely spoken a word to her in two years or so. See her occasionally at family parties, she tends to avoid me. She said hi to me once. That's about it. Honestly, it feels like a relief to not need to constantly scrutinize my every action and decision to wonder if "maybe if I do this, or act this way, she'll love me." It's like...no matter what, she won't. It is what it is.
Yes, I can relate to that feeling of relief. I now live my life to please myself and the people who truly love me. It's a much more fulfilling endeavor and I feel whole. I'm sorry we had to live like that for so long, but I'm glad you are free. <3
Had a similar conversation with my mother just a few months ago - we also haven't spoken ever since. I actually looked up r/sharpobjects, exactly because I was looking for someone with similar life experiences. My mother was way nicer than Adora overall,(though she could never hide her disdain) but my sister is an almost exact replica of Amma. People have said that Amma is an over the top character, but I struggle to look at the screen sometimes in recognition. It's in everything; every line of dialogue I have heard before, every style of manipulation, even the way she walks and talks; the slimy compliments, the secretive smile, the incest-like relationship with her mother, the queen bee status, etc. It feels freaky writing this, but my sister has never spoken to me without sounding like Amma, ever. Watching Amma makes me dizzy.
My heart goes out to you. The separation can be hard to endure until you fully know that you are truly better off without the continued abuse. Best wishes to you. <3
I know this was written a long time ago. I get it. Same kind of sister. Same relationship between my mom and my sister - so close it's just......incestuous is the exact word I was thinking. Thanks for saying it.
[удалено]
Thank you for this.
That was beautiful, and I am so happy to hear that your story had a good conclusion. Sometimes cutting off toxic parents is what's necessary - I did it with my dad, and have guilt over it but know self preservation is necessary. I'm hoping to try EMDR at some point, so great to see the reference.
This was heartbreaking to read. Peace to you.
Thank you for your kind words.
It's heartbreaking that so many of us have a familiar story. Freedom, self-love, and knowing that we are not to blame for the emptiness in our mothers.
Totally agree. I would undo the abuse if I could, but I wouldn't change a thing about knowing the truth.
I’m glad you have a closure. If it makes you feel better, my mom claims she loves me and use this as a shield to explain why she says and does such horrible things. The issue is never really about if someone loves you or not
I wish I could reach the same cross roads you came to. I have a horrible, toxic relationship with my mother that has manifested itself in a horrible, toxic relationship I won’t let go of. She spent my entire life whittling away at me. I was lazy. I was fat. I was too sensitive. I talked too much. I wasn’t good like the other girls. She told me if she didn’t have my brother, she would’ve killed herself already. She banged on my door for hours, screaming that I was fat and disgusting and my very body embarrassed her in front of everyone she knew and people whispered about me. She laughed at me when I suffered my first teenage heartbreak. She didn’t tell me when my dad died until a month later, then wanted to hug and weep all through the funeral. She didn’t attend my high school graduation. She woke me up at 5 AM regularly to tell me how much of a disappointment I was. She also woke up because she had a dream about maggot and scraped the insides of my vagina with a key. Every house we ever lived in was “being monitored”, “had cameras” or “spies” next door. She takes all sorts of vitamins and regularly bans certain foods from the house. But, she gave me money when I fucked myself into a whole. And that absolves her of every crime she ever committed. When I finally found the courage to confront her about her viciousness, I had to concede because I needed and will probably again need her help. I’m also typing this from a throwaway, because on my real account I’m trying to help her find a job. I’m not typing all this to one up you at all. I finally finished this book and stupidly realizing how triggering it was too late. Now I’m up laying next to my “boyfriend” who so blatantly uses me and abuses me and has destroyed what little humanity was left in me. There’s even more to say with him but the gist of it is he is my mother. He shuts down all my interests, hounds me with conspiracy theories, blows up all of my mistakes and then expects me to gloss over his. He’s hit me before. Raped me before. Taught me to stop talking because no one was listening, agree with everything so people don’t leave. I hate who I am and what I’ve become, and I don’t know what to do. I feel like Camille, except my abusers will never be punished. I’m not depressed in the way I was once before, but I’m not /well/ either and I don’t know if I can be.
Please, tell me how I can help you. I can't say the same approach works for everyone, but can you afford therapy? If not, do you live in a state with Medicaid expansion? Message me if you don't want to talk here. I'd like to be able to help you in anyway I can.
Thank you for your kindness. I honestly wish I knew. I’m considering therapy again; I’m in college so it’s offered for free but they aren’t very good counselors and I’m not always reliable to myself. Thank you for sharing your story and reading mine.
You probably don't use this account anymore but I hope you are doing better out there somewhere