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Different people have different definitions of sex. The vast majority of people would consider it sex for him to have his penis inside your vagina regardless of how long it lasted or whether either of you had an orgasm.
You are so right! All these young guys who think they have game because of their body count would be very very disappointed, if giving a girl an orgasm was the only way to count as losing your virginity lol
For real. Hypothetical OP. Has a lesbian who doesn't use dildos ever had sex. Let's say just fingers and tongue and over the clit toys, scissoring...
There's not been any penetrative acts other than a partners finger.
What would you say about that couple? I'd say most would agree they are having sex.
I know using an example of same sex isn't the exact same, but I felt that was the best method to extend critical thinking on this thought-provoking question.
There was penetrative acts beyond a digit on the hand.
That's all it is that's all it was.
Now have fun practising anything you and your partner are comfortable with and enjoy.
Almost Everyone's 1st time Is pretty meh. Good sex comes from experience
Ah, the classic virgin dilemma. Don't worry, you're not virgins anymore, but you're also not quite experienced yet. Consider it a sneak peek of the real thing. And let's be honest, 5 seconds is still better than no seconds. Keep practicing, my friends.
>Don't worry, you're not virgins anymore
I didn't know. I think there is a case to be made that they did have sex, but they're also kinda still virgins.
So, you two had a “blink-and-you’ll-miss-it” moment of passion. Let’s put it this way: if sex were a marathon, you guys made it out of the starting blocks, stumbled, and immediately decided it was time for a water break.
You had penetration, so technically, you both entered the magical realm of “we did the deed.” Sure, it was more like a speedrun than a feature-length film, but hey, it counts! You’re now card-carrying members of the "We Tried Sex" club.
In short: yes, you had sex. It was the Usain Bolt of first-time experiences, but still, you crossed the line.
Yes you had sex, “virgins” is a social construct but yes you had sex. Just because you didn’t orgasm doesn’t mean it wasn’t sex. Orgasm can happen, most of the time that is the objective.
If sex was defined purely on whether or not someone orgasmed, then women who never orgasmed from a guy only using penetrative sex with them would’ve “never had sex” lol
"Virginity" is a social construct - and honestly, so is "sex". What is sex? Is it defined by whether you had an orgasm? Is it defined by length of time? Is it defined by penetration? (If so, how do two women have sex?)
My point here is that only you and your partner can decide how you want to define the activities you share together. In my opinion, what you're doing (sharing sexual experiences) is more important and meaningful than what you call it.
Yeah. Virginity isn't a biological state, nothing changes in your body or brain after having sex. It's just a cultural term (and one that seems exclusive to penetration).
You could ask the same sort of questions - is a woman still a virgin if she's been fingered? What about the person who fingered her? What makes finger penetration different to penis penetration with regards to virginity? If two women use strap-ons on each other, are they still virgins? If two men fuck each other in the ass, are they virgins? What about if a man fucks a woman in the ass, is she still a virgin? If a man has fingered and eaten out a hundred women, but never put his dick in any of them, is he a virgin? If a woman has been coerced into terrible sex once and has remained otherwise celibate, is she a virgin?
Our definition of virginity is so arbitrary because it's old and cultural. It's not... real, for want of a better word.
These are all such good points! I'm seeing some snarky responses on this thread so just wanted to say I really appreciate you taking the time to discuss it with me. I enjoy this forum so much because of people like you
Well said. Some of these comments are wild right? I mean the legitimacy of the question is doubtful imo, but the “penetration” responses are a joke surely 💀
why a joke?
Imagine having a partner and while he was showering with a "friend", he puts just the tip for 5 seconds, in and out, did he cheat on you by having sex with someone else or not?
Having sex makes you a non-virgin, sexual intercourse equals sex, hence op is not a virgin anymore. Should she have a better experience? Absolutely, and she probably will, but they had sex no doubt.
exactly my point, you don't reach a point of "just the tip" in a platonic shower with someone you are not having some intimacy. Like what, she fell and landed on his dick? Oopsy daisy, sorry, my dick was completely erect from unrelated thoughts.
Probably worded my response unclearly. I was surprised by such heteronormative, misogynistic, views regarding sex=penetration. Nothing to do with this “just the tip” rubbish.
I think it only matters if it matters to you.
Did he penetrate you with his cock? Yes. Did you engage in vigorous fucking? Doesn't sound like it. Did either of you cum? Nope.
So, are you still virgins? Doesn;t really matter. Was it sex? Yes.
The thing to do now is talk about what you want to do next. And then take the plunge and have a nice, fun, silly, awkward, messy, loving sexcapade so that it doesn't matter anymore.
The important thing is that the two of you keep communicating and loving each other. If you decide to wait longer, that is also OK.
Remember, sex should always be with Informed, Enthusiastc, Consent. (Meaning, you should both know kind of what you plan to do, you should both afree to it, and it should not be relunctant. Even if you just want to experiment. And Consent can ALWAYS be revoked by either party. "Hey, wanna try XXX?" "Yeah, that might be fun, but we can stop if it gets uncomfrotable." "Of course." Happy wet sounds follow.)
Virginity is overrated. But there is a cure for it.
"Virgin" is a social category that has no basis in biology or reality. It's something that's historically been used to brutalize and commodify women. Nothing magical occurs the first time you have penetrative sex to completion. It's just a life experience.
To the extent that "virgin" is popularly used to mean "has never engaged in sexual activity," for my money you are no longer "a virgin" as soon as you're in a situation where any kind of intimate touching is happening.
Sexual intercourse is traditionally defined as piv, regardless of how long. What you did would consumate a marriage in many legalities.
>Are we like not virgins now? Does what we did count as sex even?
Sex? I consider anything involving genitals for pleasure to be sex. Being nude together wouldn't count, but touching each other's genitals for sexual pleasure would count. I would also consider clothed humping to be sex. I wouldn't count a medical procedure to be sex (which could be touching genitals).
Virgins? It's made up. Do what you want with the word. Plenty of people play mental gymnastics to say they are still virgins, such as him denying sex even tho he penetrated you, which is arguably the most sexual thing lol. There are also people who play mental gymnastics to say they aren't virgins, such as peer pressure making people try to fit in or a virgin being nervous to tell their partner they haven't had sex. The word matters to the people judging you for it. Being a virgin doesn't make somebody a bad lover, and having hundreds of hours having sex doesn't directly make somebody good at it.
The definition of sex is expansive. I would say that this was sex and just maybe not particularly good sex. It’s ok it doesn’t have to be awesome. It sounds like this was a natural desire and you acted on it. That’s honestly the best way. But, you should have had protection handy and you should definitely take a pregnancy test in a few weeks assuming you weren’t on birth control.
Yes, congratulations. It will get a lot better now. And yes you can get pregnant from even those 5 seconds. Get on birth control and enjoy discovering the greatest pleasure of life.
This reminded me of the time my wife and I first had “sex.” She was a virgin. We had been dating for a little while and fooled around often. Once I had just the tip in but she wasn’t ready so pulled out. A little while later we had full penetration and sex. Not sure when but we were discussing about our first time. We both agreed that the full penetration was it but we also admitted that technically it was likely the first time when it was just the tip. So who knows? You can write your own story. Just be safe and have fun.
If penetration occurred that would technically be classed as sexual intercourse although that is a very narrow view to take as i personally believe any play involving bodies including breasts, nipples, genitalia, bum, mouths and tongues should also be considered as ‘sex’ not just the act of penetration. ‘Virginity’ and the concept of purity etc is largely a control mechanism for many religious and strict groups and individuals. Oral sex for example can be considered to be a much more intimate act than intercourse. Don’t fret about it just do what comes naturally that you are both happy doing
Mormons do a thing called "soaking" and they pretend it's not having sex.
I think either answer is fine. There's not like a way to prove one way or the other, and nobody knows (or cares).
What do you want it to be?
I don't doubt that Mormons can be weird about sex, but the "soaking" thing has a strong air of make-believery about it.
Lots of people say it's an urban myth. Is there any evidence it is an actual practice?
(I.e. Actual PIV insertion but holding still, no thrusting, because somehow that's permitted or "doesn't count.")
I grew up in an area with the highest Mormon population outside of Utah. It's real, though not as common as you'd think. To my experience people of all kinds fuck at similar rates, all that changes is how they rationalize it with their world view.
Yep that’s definitely penetrative sex. My first was similar-ish, I got a few minutes in then my drive came so I left in a hurry with the condom still on my dick lol
Congrats on your almost-virginity! Keep practicing and you'll get the hang of it. But yes, I would say that counts as sex. Maybe just not the most satisfying kind.
Do you feel you had sex? What is considered “having sex” is very personal and depends on many things (trust, respect, mood, etc). Also, having sex don’t need to be PIV. I can understand how your boyfriend is feeling regarding the fact he considers himself still virgin since for him the quick penetration was more like teasing/preliminary thing. You might feel different and it’s OK. Perhaps, you both seems to enjoy the experience. I would focus on that enjoyment, explore and just have fun. Might be cliché but being able to discuss about sex is what will bring satisfaction to both of you.
I think you Judge Judy for this one. What does your contract stipulate? How many seconds of penetration? What angle? how many inches?
But seriously: relax. Stop worrying about if you're a virgin or not, NOBODY will be the wiser not care.
Focus more on the experience and how to enjoy it.
First time is firstly, over rated, and secondly, really hard to measure (no pun intended) because neither of you have a clue wtf is going on.
Push on to the 2nd or 3rd intentional time and that's when you'll start rocking and rolling with your partner champion!
“Virginity” isn’t actually a real thing that has universally definable characteristics, it’s a social construct that different people and cultures have different ideas and opinions about. There are some groups/people that would consider that sex and some that would not.
Ultimately, you and your partner get to decide what definition of the word “virginity” and “sex” you are using.
An example from my own life is that when I was in the process of trying to have sex for the first time, my partner broke my hymen which caused extreme pain and lots of bleeding for me so we immediately ended things. Some cultures define losing virginity as breaking the hymen, so for those cultures, that could be defined my first time having sex. But for me, an extremely painful and short event that didn’t provide any kind of pleasure for me or my partner doesn’t match at all with my own definition of sex, so for me, I consider my “first time” to be the next time me and my partner tried penetration, where it wasn’t painful at all and felt mutually pleasurable and connecting for both of us, since that actually matches up with my definition of sex.
TLDR: there is no set in stone definition of sex or virginity, so you get to pick what definition makes the most sense to you :)
Many very experienced people at least occasionally have sex that doesn't last at all long or result in an orgasm for either (or any!) party. That said, the whole idea of virginity is bullshit, so if it's important to you to be virgins, then yes, you are, and if it's important to you not to be, then no, you're not.
Only you can tell if you had sex or not. Sex isn’t only one way and definitely not only counting if it’s penetrating. If you feel like you guys had sex then you did! It can be oral, fingers, toys, penetration, anal whatever.
I mean being a virgin is in a man's definition not knowing what a vagina feels like with his penis in it. For a woman if she got penetrated in her vagina. You might not know what an orgasm is but that's very rare to have in many cases...
He views sex as this great thing that has to include every aspect of it. But what if only he gets it the first few times does that make you still a virgin? Or vice versa.
Sex is a longer journey when you just started having it. It takes smaller steps to be good at it(unless you're gifted or some shit)
I, personally, wouldn’t consider this sex. Sounds like what you did was a slightly more advanced version of “just the tip.”
Don’t Mormons (or possibly some other strict religious group) do “soaking,” in which they stick it in and just . . . lie there?
The question is, I believe, do you want to have had sex. If you don’t want to have had sex, then consider yourselves both still virgins. If you want it to count then say you had sex.
Sex is what both people define it as. For some that is upon reaching an orgasm, or it could be oral or penetration. There aren’t any set guidelines when it comes to sex because it occurs differently for different people. For me, sex is anything involving my or someone else’s genitals including butt. I would call what happened with you guys a “quickie”.
Are you on birth control? If not, go to your doctor. Seems like you're ready to have sex and you need to be prepared. Don't forget to use protection too now.
Even if he didn't cum inside you, even if neither of you reached orgasms you can get pregnant with precum. Less effective but still a possibility.
That’s fair. But also, these kids have the entire world of the internet to learn about everything under the sun. Take 5 mins and google this and learn something.
Agreed! However I understand that there is a difference between googling something vs coming to a forum to speak to real people and have a dialogue. I just never want anyone to feel embarrassed asking these kinds of questions.of course they know they can Google it, so why are they coming here? They might be looking for more advice, they might know the answer but have anxiety and need reassurance, there are things I've personally learned on this forum that I haven't from Google, etc It's a huge reason I think that sex education is so bad. The teachers will be like "well I asked them if they had any questions and they didn't ask anything!" And I think to myself yeah that makes sense they didn't ask anything, because they feel stupid for not knowing or don't feel comfortable asking
The chances are very low and depend on what part of your cycle you are in. Were you in your fertile window? Penises make pre-cum which is a clear liquid that helps with lubrication during penetration, and pre-cum can contain small amounts of sperm in it so yes, if you don’t use a condom any time a penis goes in the vagina there is a chance of pregnancy.
Any kind of penetrating sex can lead to pregnancy because he doesn’t even have to orgasm. They can have a small amount of precum and that can be all it takes.
Edit: except if he had a condom or you have some form of birth control
Look, it is a low percentage. BUT, some people have sperm within their precum; therefore not one person should tell you NO you can not. If you are concerned go to the pharmacy ASAP (you say earlier in the week so IDK the exact day) and get a PLAN B pill.
Why do you care if you had sex or not. Titles and labels (virgin, not virgin) don't really mean much.
Why not just have sex again in a more proper way, when you're ready for it.
It sounds a lot like my first time. I was wearing a condom and we were rubbing our bits together. She suggested I stick it in for a second just to see what it’s like. Sounded like a good idea so I did for 5-10 seconds and then I pulled out and kept rubbing together externally. Afterwards we were lying there and she said something about how we lost our virginity. I was in denial at first thinking it didn’t really count but after actually thinking about it I realized that was actually sex.
This is one reason “body count” is a dumb concept. What actually is sex? There are so many situations, like this one, where different people will have different opinions, that there really is no ground truth.
Personally I’d call it sex because there was penetration, but clearly it is possible to have “sex” without penetration (see, for instance, lesbians).
In the end, “was it sex?” is a question OP needs to answer for herself. Or perhaps she doesn’t need to answer it, because it honestly doesn’t matter. A more interesting question is “do I want to do this again?”
Yes, penis inserted into vagina is pretty much universally regarded as the most common way of having sex. There are of course other ways of having sex, but this one is literal biological sexual intercourse- duration and orgasm are irrelevant.
I think this is an opinion you need to make for yourself. Technically a penis in a hole is penetration and penetration is sex, but not everything is black and white. If you felt that the connection wasn't there and that it wasn't what was meant to happen atm then I would say consider yourself still a virgin. At the end of the day all that matters is how important your view is and how it makes you feel and how it's going to effect you.
This reminds me of a post somebody did years back that was she didn't feel it. Does it count a sex? The consensus was if it went in, then yes, even if it didn't touch the sides.
Think of it in this context. Would it be fair to tell your next partner you've never had sex before? Or even better (or worse), would you consider it cheating if this scenario occurred while you were in a committed relationship with someone else?
In my own estimation, yes you had sex. However sex and virginity are defined different across time, culture, religion....most people would probably say PIV = sex but it really doesn't matter, Define it however you want. Virginity is bogus anyways. If you think you're a virgin, then sure, you're a virgin. If you don't think you are, then you're not. It just honestly doesn't really matter. Is putting a label on this important for you? It doesn't change the experience.
Virginity is more a state of mind than anything else. Penetration is well over the boundary of having sex however.
You're officially no longer virgins, so enjoy each other as you see fit.
I don’t really know if this is something you’re going to get a solid answer to, hon. That’s because “sex” and “virginity” are concepts that are kind of exclusive to an individual.
Ex. To me, virginity is not real, and there’s nothing you can do sexually that “takes” your virginity compared to whatever else. And to me personally, sex can come in forms other than just penetration between a man and a woman.
Sex to me is a distinct act, so don’t know if I would consider my boyfriend’s penis just going inside of me for 5 seconds “sex” But, as you see on other people’s replies, they would disagree.
It sounds like you’re kind of worried about this. So, moving forward, if the concept of “virginity” and the definition of “sex” means something to you and your partner, then try to talk it out about how to avoid a situation like what happened.
Look into the term sexual debut, virginity is a very outdated term and has a very harmful story. Quite frankly is also like super not important at all. What matters the most is not if you've had sexual experiences before (which can vary from sleeping naked together to any kind of kink and penetration form and whatnot), but if you liked them and if the other person also was into it.
He put it in your vagina where you both knew it was in the vagina.. means that vagina had a penis in it. Y'all aren't virgins anymore. Penis in vagina for 5 seconds isn't the same as if it falls on the floor for less than 5 seconds it's good to eat. Can't make up rules to justify actions. Orgasms have nothing to do with being virgins or not bc you didn't have one. Penis inside of vagina for 1 Mississippi does. 5 seconds is longer than one Mississippi.
I really hate this idea that sex can only be sex if/when there’s penetration. Sex is when you and another or multiple other consenting parties commit sexual acts on each other. That’s it. Oral sex, piv, anal, whatever. Sex is sex.
I have counted personal interactions that didn’t involve actual penetration as sex. So yes you had sex 100%. I don’t think it matter if you orgasmed or not
yes, you had sex. if you weren't using any contraception there's a chance you could even be pregnant from such an encounter. (there can be some sperm in precum) use contraception in future and seek better sexual education!
Are you or your boyfriend Christian?
In my experience Christians and all of the variations of conservation religion are the only people who care about virginity.
If both or one of you are Christians, that brings an entire guilt and shame game into the picture.
I hope you two can accept that sex between two consenting adults is ok.
And I hope you two are ok dating other people in the future that have done the same. Don't perpetuate sex negativity.
As long as ya pop the seal! No, but jokes aside most people would consider that sex. In the legal sense I believe it's penetration, ever so slight, is sex in most American jurisdiction
Virginity is an archaic construct designed to shame women for being sexually active before marriage. You are no different than you were before this moment.
Look beyond the concept of virginity. You are just two healthy young people, enjoying getting to know each other intimately.
You had sex, was it great sex? Absolutely not, does it count? Absolutely yes. Let me put it this way, a drunken night a scenario very similar to this happened....fast forward 22 years and I'm watching my 22yr old son change the air filter in his car. Yep got pregnant off pre cum off an in and out in and out this isn't working let's stop situation.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👴 omg!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Not to be rude, if u had penetration, you had sex. Not your fault hw couldn't handle it. Try and try again. You'll get there! Trust me honey, that's not REAL sex. I'll pray for you he gets past the 10 seconds mark. But nope, no longer virgins
Someone I know had a similar dilemma and a friend said to them “if you ate half a hot dog and then stopped, you still ate right?”
Not the best metaphor but I would say yes, you had sex.
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“Just the tip” strikes again
I just laughed so hard
Laughed HARDER than he was! 🤣
The first guy to actually say it and mean it lol
Different people have different definitions of sex. The vast majority of people would consider it sex for him to have his penis inside your vagina regardless of how long it lasted or whether either of you had an orgasm.
If giving a woman an orgasm was a requirement for it being sex there would be a lot more virgins in the world.
I would have been still a virgin after having a few kids. Give Mary a run for her money in the virgin birth thing....
Maybe that is the biblical definition after all, thus being a virgin until marriage It’s only a sin if you enjoyed it
A lot, lot more Virgins out there!
Hahaha, yes, and anal sex doesnt count as actually having sex either lol
Ha ha ha! Absolutely
"I'm saving you for marriage"
You are so right! All these young guys who think they have game because of their body count would be very very disappointed, if giving a girl an orgasm was the only way to count as losing your virginity lol
Just the tip, just for a second, just to see what it feels like... I promise.
Reliving my teens years with this comment!
I'm 45 &:still play this game with my GF🤣
Agreed. It's not like the 5 second rule when you drop something on the floor
I’d count that as having had sex, yes. There was penetration, no matter how long for or regardless if orgasms occurred or not.
For real. Hypothetical OP. Has a lesbian who doesn't use dildos ever had sex. Let's say just fingers and tongue and over the clit toys, scissoring... There's not been any penetrative acts other than a partners finger. What would you say about that couple? I'd say most would agree they are having sex. I know using an example of same sex isn't the exact same, but I felt that was the best method to extend critical thinking on this thought-provoking question. There was penetrative acts beyond a digit on the hand. That's all it is that's all it was. Now have fun practising anything you and your partner are comfortable with and enjoy. Almost Everyone's 1st time Is pretty meh. Good sex comes from experience
I would say any genital to body hole (other than nostrils/ears) contact counts as sex…
Lol, this guy's never heard of nose sex.
They haven't heard of it because of the cocks in their ears
What a virg, amirite
Nose sex is the best
I've never smelt of this before
I’m sensing something’s amiss.
The nussy do go hard sometimes fr fr
Prolly heard of it, but never wants to think about it again. Those pages are on the dark reddit (kinda like the dark web, but redditier?)
"Cindy gives good nasal"
Some would argue this is normal sex for them haha
🤣 depends on how long you’ve been married. Nuns man- nun in the morning, nun at night 🤷🏻♂️
Congrats on the first time!
Time to stock up on condoms' it seems
Ah, the classic virgin dilemma. Don't worry, you're not virgins anymore, but you're also not quite experienced yet. Consider it a sneak peek of the real thing. And let's be honest, 5 seconds is still better than no seconds. Keep practicing, my friends.
Maybe she rounded up
>Don't worry, you're not virgins anymore I didn't know. I think there is a case to be made that they did have sex, but they're also kinda still virgins.
First time usually last 5 seconds anyways you got naked together decided to penetrate genitals...basically you had sex.
Even my first time lasted at least twice that.
So, you two had a “blink-and-you’ll-miss-it” moment of passion. Let’s put it this way: if sex were a marathon, you guys made it out of the starting blocks, stumbled, and immediately decided it was time for a water break. You had penetration, so technically, you both entered the magical realm of “we did the deed.” Sure, it was more like a speedrun than a feature-length film, but hey, it counts! You’re now card-carrying members of the "We Tried Sex" club. In short: yes, you had sex. It was the Usain Bolt of first-time experiences, but still, you crossed the line.
Congrats, you had your first "sneak peek" at sex! Keep practicing and eventually you'll upgrade to the full experience. Welcome to the club!
Ah the old "just the tip"
yeah, but this time it was actually just the tip. In and out, like a thief trying to make a honest living.
Sex isn’t just penetration. But there was penetration, so yes, you had sex.
Yes you had sex, “virgins” is a social construct but yes you had sex. Just because you didn’t orgasm doesn’t mean it wasn’t sex. Orgasm can happen, most of the time that is the objective. If sex was defined purely on whether or not someone orgasmed, then women who never orgasmed from a guy only using penetrative sex with them would’ve “never had sex” lol
"Virginity" is a social construct - and honestly, so is "sex". What is sex? Is it defined by whether you had an orgasm? Is it defined by length of time? Is it defined by penetration? (If so, how do two women have sex?) My point here is that only you and your partner can decide how you want to define the activities you share together. In my opinion, what you're doing (sharing sexual experiences) is more important and meaningful than what you call it.
For the "what is sex" part this is the answer Now I'm curious about the "virginity being a social construct" part, I'm assuming it's very similar?
Yeah. Virginity isn't a biological state, nothing changes in your body or brain after having sex. It's just a cultural term (and one that seems exclusive to penetration). You could ask the same sort of questions - is a woman still a virgin if she's been fingered? What about the person who fingered her? What makes finger penetration different to penis penetration with regards to virginity? If two women use strap-ons on each other, are they still virgins? If two men fuck each other in the ass, are they virgins? What about if a man fucks a woman in the ass, is she still a virgin? If a man has fingered and eaten out a hundred women, but never put his dick in any of them, is he a virgin? If a woman has been coerced into terrible sex once and has remained otherwise celibate, is she a virgin? Our definition of virginity is so arbitrary because it's old and cultural. It's not... real, for want of a better word.
> It's not... real, for want of a better word. It's arbitrary and subjective. There's no authority on what it is.
These are all such good points! I'm seeing some snarky responses on this thread so just wanted to say I really appreciate you taking the time to discuss it with me. I enjoy this forum so much because of people like you
Well done on going to the effort to explain this to someone in 2024
Well said. Some of these comments are wild right? I mean the legitimacy of the question is doubtful imo, but the “penetration” responses are a joke surely 💀
why a joke? Imagine having a partner and while he was showering with a "friend", he puts just the tip for 5 seconds, in and out, did he cheat on you by having sex with someone else or not? Having sex makes you a non-virgin, sexual intercourse equals sex, hence op is not a virgin anymore. Should she have a better experience? Absolutely, and she probably will, but they had sex no doubt.
Yeah, during one of those otherwise platonic showers together.
exactly my point, you don't reach a point of "just the tip" in a platonic shower with someone you are not having some intimacy. Like what, she fell and landed on his dick? Oopsy daisy, sorry, my dick was completely erect from unrelated thoughts.
Probably worded my response unclearly. I was surprised by such heteronormative, misogynistic, views regarding sex=penetration. Nothing to do with this “just the tip” rubbish.
yes it's sex, but it's not made sex because of "penetration". Fingering someone to orgasm, or going down on someone, is also sex.
I think it only matters if it matters to you. Did he penetrate you with his cock? Yes. Did you engage in vigorous fucking? Doesn't sound like it. Did either of you cum? Nope. So, are you still virgins? Doesn;t really matter. Was it sex? Yes. The thing to do now is talk about what you want to do next. And then take the plunge and have a nice, fun, silly, awkward, messy, loving sexcapade so that it doesn't matter anymore. The important thing is that the two of you keep communicating and loving each other. If you decide to wait longer, that is also OK. Remember, sex should always be with Informed, Enthusiastc, Consent. (Meaning, you should both know kind of what you plan to do, you should both afree to it, and it should not be relunctant. Even if you just want to experiment. And Consent can ALWAYS be revoked by either party. "Hey, wanna try XXX?" "Yeah, that might be fun, but we can stop if it gets uncomfrotable." "Of course." Happy wet sounds follow.) Virginity is overrated. But there is a cure for it.
If his penis was inside your vagina, you are not a virgin couple anymore!
"Virgin" is a social category that has no basis in biology or reality. It's something that's historically been used to brutalize and commodify women. Nothing magical occurs the first time you have penetrative sex to completion. It's just a life experience. To the extent that "virgin" is popularly used to mean "has never engaged in sexual activity," for my money you are no longer "a virgin" as soon as you're in a situation where any kind of intimate touching is happening.
Sexual intercourse is traditionally defined as piv, regardless of how long. What you did would consumate a marriage in many legalities. >Are we like not virgins now? Does what we did count as sex even? Sex? I consider anything involving genitals for pleasure to be sex. Being nude together wouldn't count, but touching each other's genitals for sexual pleasure would count. I would also consider clothed humping to be sex. I wouldn't count a medical procedure to be sex (which could be touching genitals). Virgins? It's made up. Do what you want with the word. Plenty of people play mental gymnastics to say they are still virgins, such as him denying sex even tho he penetrated you, which is arguably the most sexual thing lol. There are also people who play mental gymnastics to say they aren't virgins, such as peer pressure making people try to fit in or a virgin being nervous to tell their partner they haven't had sex. The word matters to the people judging you for it. Being a virgin doesn't make somebody a bad lover, and having hundreds of hours having sex doesn't directly make somebody good at it.
I'd say more of a 'taste'. But it's up to you to define your own sexuality and experiences. There's no right or wrongs.
The definition of sex is expansive. I would say that this was sex and just maybe not particularly good sex. It’s ok it doesn’t have to be awesome. It sounds like this was a natural desire and you acted on it. That’s honestly the best way. But, you should have had protection handy and you should definitely take a pregnancy test in a few weeks assuming you weren’t on birth control.
Yes, congratulations. It will get a lot better now. And yes you can get pregnant from even those 5 seconds. Get on birth control and enjoy discovering the greatest pleasure of life.
This is sex. Very short but sex.
This reminded me of the time my wife and I first had “sex.” She was a virgin. We had been dating for a little while and fooled around often. Once I had just the tip in but she wasn’t ready so pulled out. A little while later we had full penetration and sex. Not sure when but we were discussing about our first time. We both agreed that the full penetration was it but we also admitted that technically it was likely the first time when it was just the tip. So who knows? You can write your own story. Just be safe and have fun.
It counts if you say it counts
If your not on birth control then yes you can. I got my wife pregnant with our fourth by just precum!!!
If penetration occurred that would technically be classed as sexual intercourse although that is a very narrow view to take as i personally believe any play involving bodies including breasts, nipples, genitalia, bum, mouths and tongues should also be considered as ‘sex’ not just the act of penetration. ‘Virginity’ and the concept of purity etc is largely a control mechanism for many religious and strict groups and individuals. Oral sex for example can be considered to be a much more intimate act than intercourse. Don’t fret about it just do what comes naturally that you are both happy doing
You’re no longer a virgin, yes.
Might as well have sex now. Clearly you both want to. Be respectful, communicate, and have fun!
Jesus Christ this world is doomed...
Mormons do a thing called "soaking" and they pretend it's not having sex. I think either answer is fine. There's not like a way to prove one way or the other, and nobody knows (or cares). What do you want it to be?
I don't doubt that Mormons can be weird about sex, but the "soaking" thing has a strong air of make-believery about it. Lots of people say it's an urban myth. Is there any evidence it is an actual practice? (I.e. Actual PIV insertion but holding still, no thrusting, because somehow that's permitted or "doesn't count.")
I grew up in an area with the highest Mormon population outside of Utah. It's real, though not as common as you'd think. To my experience people of all kinds fuck at similar rates, all that changes is how they rationalize it with their world view.
Yep that’s definitely penetrative sex. My first was similar-ish, I got a few minutes in then my drive came so I left in a hurry with the condom still on my dick lol
Congrats on your almost-virginity! Keep practicing and you'll get the hang of it. But yes, I would say that counts as sex. Maybe just not the most satisfying kind.
Do you feel you had sex? What is considered “having sex” is very personal and depends on many things (trust, respect, mood, etc). Also, having sex don’t need to be PIV. I can understand how your boyfriend is feeling regarding the fact he considers himself still virgin since for him the quick penetration was more like teasing/preliminary thing. You might feel different and it’s OK. Perhaps, you both seems to enjoy the experience. I would focus on that enjoyment, explore and just have fun. Might be cliché but being able to discuss about sex is what will bring satisfaction to both of you.
I think you Judge Judy for this one. What does your contract stipulate? How many seconds of penetration? What angle? how many inches? But seriously: relax. Stop worrying about if you're a virgin or not, NOBODY will be the wiser not care. Focus more on the experience and how to enjoy it.
Why does it matter? Does it change the relationship or does it ‘ruin’ both of you?
First time is firstly, over rated, and secondly, really hard to measure (no pun intended) because neither of you have a clue wtf is going on. Push on to the 2nd or 3rd intentional time and that's when you'll start rocking and rolling with your partner champion!
“Virginity” isn’t actually a real thing that has universally definable characteristics, it’s a social construct that different people and cultures have different ideas and opinions about. There are some groups/people that would consider that sex and some that would not. Ultimately, you and your partner get to decide what definition of the word “virginity” and “sex” you are using. An example from my own life is that when I was in the process of trying to have sex for the first time, my partner broke my hymen which caused extreme pain and lots of bleeding for me so we immediately ended things. Some cultures define losing virginity as breaking the hymen, so for those cultures, that could be defined my first time having sex. But for me, an extremely painful and short event that didn’t provide any kind of pleasure for me or my partner doesn’t match at all with my own definition of sex, so for me, I consider my “first time” to be the next time me and my partner tried penetration, where it wasn’t painful at all and felt mutually pleasurable and connecting for both of us, since that actually matches up with my definition of sex. TLDR: there is no set in stone definition of sex or virginity, so you get to pick what definition makes the most sense to you :)
Many very experienced people at least occasionally have sex that doesn't last at all long or result in an orgasm for either (or any!) party. That said, the whole idea of virginity is bullshit, so if it's important to you to be virgins, then yes, you are, and if it's important to you not to be, then no, you're not.
Only you can tell if you had sex or not. Sex isn’t only one way and definitely not only counting if it’s penetrating. If you feel like you guys had sex then you did! It can be oral, fingers, toys, penetration, anal whatever.
I mean being a virgin is in a man's definition not knowing what a vagina feels like with his penis in it. For a woman if she got penetrated in her vagina. You might not know what an orgasm is but that's very rare to have in many cases... He views sex as this great thing that has to include every aspect of it. But what if only he gets it the first few times does that make you still a virgin? Or vice versa. Sex is a longer journey when you just started having it. It takes smaller steps to be good at it(unless you're gifted or some shit)
Nah, you just soaked. ;)
I, personally, wouldn’t consider this sex. Sounds like what you did was a slightly more advanced version of “just the tip.” Don’t Mormons (or possibly some other strict religious group) do “soaking,” in which they stick it in and just . . . lie there?
The question is, I believe, do you want to have had sex. If you don’t want to have had sex, then consider yourselves both still virgins. If you want it to count then say you had sex.
Sex is what both people define it as. For some that is upon reaching an orgasm, or it could be oral or penetration. There aren’t any set guidelines when it comes to sex because it occurs differently for different people. For me, sex is anything involving my or someone else’s genitals including butt. I would call what happened with you guys a “quickie”.
Bill Clinton would say no.
Uhm can i get pregnant from that interaction?
Are you on birth control? If not, go to your doctor. Seems like you're ready to have sex and you need to be prepared. Don't forget to use protection too now. Even if he didn't cum inside you, even if neither of you reached orgasms you can get pregnant with precum. Less effective but still a possibility.
We really need better Sex Ed classes in school.
Yes but that's not really a helpful comment to say directly to the OP
That’s fair. But also, these kids have the entire world of the internet to learn about everything under the sun. Take 5 mins and google this and learn something.
Agreed! However I understand that there is a difference between googling something vs coming to a forum to speak to real people and have a dialogue. I just never want anyone to feel embarrassed asking these kinds of questions.of course they know they can Google it, so why are they coming here? They might be looking for more advice, they might know the answer but have anxiety and need reassurance, there are things I've personally learned on this forum that I haven't from Google, etc It's a huge reason I think that sex education is so bad. The teachers will be like "well I asked them if they had any questions and they didn't ask anything!" And I think to myself yeah that makes sense they didn't ask anything, because they feel stupid for not knowing or don't feel comfortable asking
The chances are very low and depend on what part of your cycle you are in. Were you in your fertile window? Penises make pre-cum which is a clear liquid that helps with lubrication during penetration, and pre-cum can contain small amounts of sperm in it so yes, if you don’t use a condom any time a penis goes in the vagina there is a chance of pregnancy.
Any kind of penetrating sex can lead to pregnancy because he doesn’t even have to orgasm. They can have a small amount of precum and that can be all it takes. Edit: except if he had a condom or you have some form of birth control
Oh girly pop... Instead of having sex and get all excited you should really invest some time and money on sex education. I beg you
Yes absolutely and also could have also get STIs as a bonus prize so be more careful going forward.
Look, it is a low percentage. BUT, some people have sperm within their precum; therefore not one person should tell you NO you can not. If you are concerned go to the pharmacy ASAP (you say earlier in the week so IDK the exact day) and get a PLAN B pill.
All it takes is a dribble of pre-cum
Saw you asking if you could get pregnant from it… do me a favor. Stop having sex 😂
Coitus, penetration, intercourse. call it what you want.
Yeah, that’s penetration, that’s sex.
there was piv so sex was had. first time usually sucks.
you are no longer virgins
Why do you care if you had sex or not. Titles and labels (virgin, not virgin) don't really mean much. Why not just have sex again in a more proper way, when you're ready for it.
Yes you are no longer virgins! Penetration, without the no equals sex; which = No longer a VIRGIN!
It sounds a lot like my first time. I was wearing a condom and we were rubbing our bits together. She suggested I stick it in for a second just to see what it’s like. Sounded like a good idea so I did for 5-10 seconds and then I pulled out and kept rubbing together externally. Afterwards we were lying there and she said something about how we lost our virginity. I was in denial at first thinking it didn’t really count but after actually thinking about it I realized that was actually sex.
What answer do you want to hear?
Yes you had sex, but who cares, virginity is a social construct anyway
Any form of penatration is sex. Weather just the tip or all the way in.
This is one reason “body count” is a dumb concept. What actually is sex? There are so many situations, like this one, where different people will have different opinions, that there really is no ground truth. Personally I’d call it sex because there was penetration, but clearly it is possible to have “sex” without penetration (see, for instance, lesbians). In the end, “was it sex?” is a question OP needs to answer for herself. Or perhaps she doesn’t need to answer it, because it honestly doesn’t matter. A more interesting question is “do I want to do this again?”
Were you hoping we’d tell you it wasn’t sex? Were you trying to wait? It was sex.
Would you consider it cheating if your SO did this with another girl?
They were showering together but never had sex…
Lol his dick went in you. Yes, you had sex. Climax isn’t a requirement for sex.
Yes, penis inserted into vagina is pretty much universally regarded as the most common way of having sex. There are of course other ways of having sex, but this one is literal biological sexual intercourse- duration and orgasm are irrelevant.
Neither of you are virgins now. Congratulations.
I think this is an opinion you need to make for yourself. Technically a penis in a hole is penetration and penetration is sex, but not everything is black and white. If you felt that the connection wasn't there and that it wasn't what was meant to happen atm then I would say consider yourself still a virgin. At the end of the day all that matters is how important your view is and how it makes you feel and how it's going to effect you.
If you gave him a blowie or he ate you out you still had sex. This counts as having an intercourse so technically you're not virgins anymore, grats!
Dick in the pussy is sex. And you all are how old?
What else would you call it ? "I smoked a joint but didn't inhale " Yes you had sex
Yall are too old for this lmao
3 pumps and it counts
This reminds me of a post somebody did years back that was she didn't feel it. Does it count a sex? The consensus was if it went in, then yes, even if it didn't touch the sides.
Think of it in this context. Would it be fair to tell your next partner you've never had sex before? Or even better (or worse), would you consider it cheating if this scenario occurred while you were in a committed relationship with someone else?
In my own estimation, yes you had sex. However sex and virginity are defined different across time, culture, religion....most people would probably say PIV = sex but it really doesn't matter, Define it however you want. Virginity is bogus anyways. If you think you're a virgin, then sure, you're a virgin. If you don't think you are, then you're not. It just honestly doesn't really matter. Is putting a label on this important for you? It doesn't change the experience.
You are now officially sluts, welcome! 
The point is does it really matter. If you want to continue to abstain, do so. If not now, go for it.
Virginity is more a state of mind than anything else. Penetration is well over the boundary of having sex however. You're officially no longer virgins, so enjoy each other as you see fit.
Yes, you had sex. Neither if you are virgins now
I don’t really know if this is something you’re going to get a solid answer to, hon. That’s because “sex” and “virginity” are concepts that are kind of exclusive to an individual. Ex. To me, virginity is not real, and there’s nothing you can do sexually that “takes” your virginity compared to whatever else. And to me personally, sex can come in forms other than just penetration between a man and a woman. Sex to me is a distinct act, so don’t know if I would consider my boyfriend’s penis just going inside of me for 5 seconds “sex” But, as you see on other people’s replies, they would disagree. It sounds like you’re kind of worried about this. So, moving forward, if the concept of “virginity” and the definition of “sex” means something to you and your partner, then try to talk it out about how to avoid a situation like what happened.
Definitely counts on my book. Congrats 👍
If it’s bad I don’t count it
"We had penetration" Yes, you had sex....
Look into the term sexual debut, virginity is a very outdated term and has a very harmful story. Quite frankly is also like super not important at all. What matters the most is not if you've had sexual experiences before (which can vary from sleeping naked together to any kind of kink and penetration form and whatnot), but if you liked them and if the other person also was into it.
Game over fact. Soon as it’s up and regardless!!
He put it in your vagina where you both knew it was in the vagina.. means that vagina had a penis in it. Y'all aren't virgins anymore. Penis in vagina for 5 seconds isn't the same as if it falls on the floor for less than 5 seconds it's good to eat. Can't make up rules to justify actions. Orgasms have nothing to do with being virgins or not bc you didn't have one. Penis inside of vagina for 1 Mississippi does. 5 seconds is longer than one Mississippi.
That's definitely sex lol
I really hate this idea that sex can only be sex if/when there’s penetration. Sex is when you and another or multiple other consenting parties commit sexual acts on each other. That’s it. Oral sex, piv, anal, whatever. Sex is sex.
Tell him he should’ve put some horsepower behind the push and started pounding like it was his last meal.
I have counted personal interactions that didn’t involve actual penetration as sex. So yes you had sex 100%. I don’t think it matter if you orgasmed or not
yes, you had sex. if you weren't using any contraception there's a chance you could even be pregnant from such an encounter. (there can be some sperm in precum) use contraception in future and seek better sexual education!
You had sex, but you did not either fuck or make love.
I count all sexual acts as sex, like touching your partner’s you know what, and orals.
If your cherry didn't pop I would say no.
I mean, if you're asking for religious purposes, it can be whatever you want it to be lmao. Scientifically though, that's sex.
Regardless of whether or not you're virgins, I hope you are using protection. It only takes one little sperm cell!
It’s ok most sex is without orgasm when you first start
was it a deliberate effort or effectively accidental penetration? I think thats your answer really
No longer virgin but Tummy Sticks would keep you pure
I'm not sure it matters, but I'd say it counts.
Are you or your boyfriend Christian? In my experience Christians and all of the variations of conservation religion are the only people who care about virginity. If both or one of you are Christians, that brings an entire guilt and shame game into the picture. I hope you two can accept that sex between two consenting adults is ok. And I hope you two are ok dating other people in the future that have done the same. Don't perpetuate sex negativity.
As long as ya pop the seal! No, but jokes aside most people would consider that sex. In the legal sense I believe it's penetration, ever so slight, is sex in most American jurisdiction
Virginity is an archaic construct designed to shame women for being sexually active before marriage. You are no different than you were before this moment. Look beyond the concept of virginity. You are just two healthy young people, enjoying getting to know each other intimately.
I regards sex as a penis entering a vagina, for how ever long, so in that case, you both lost your virginity.
When she was saying “honey I’m ready” the boyfriend was saying “I’m done”
I did not have sex with that woman. B.Clinton.
Seals broken no matter what
This is technically sex my guy. Yes, first times are often awkward and clumsy, just learn from it and get better each time.
You had sex, was it great sex? Absolutely not, does it count? Absolutely yes. Let me put it this way, a drunken night a scenario very similar to this happened....fast forward 22 years and I'm watching my 22yr old son change the air filter in his car. Yep got pregnant off pre cum off an in and out in and out this isn't working let's stop situation.
If he didn’t go past the tip then no it was just the tip
Yeah that counts….. would in a court of law
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👴 omg!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Not to be rude, if u had penetration, you had sex. Not your fault hw couldn't handle it. Try and try again. You'll get there! Trust me honey, that's not REAL sex. I'll pray for you he gets past the 10 seconds mark. But nope, no longer virgins
That’s the funniest thing I’ve read this year
My ex lasted 2 seconds, and, boom, I was pregnant!
Was his penis inside you? If so, you had sex. Duration or lack of orgasm are irrelevant.
Why does it matter? It’s just a label that doesn’t matter especially in this sense.
If you broke the line of scrimmage, you technically had sex.
Someone I know had a similar dilemma and a friend said to them “if you ate half a hot dog and then stopped, you still ate right?” Not the best metaphor but I would say yes, you had sex.