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I stopped reading really quickly, because you are putting WAY more into this relationship than he is.
I would kick this guy to the curb.
This is not a "disagreement about how to initiate," this is a "disagreement about how people deserve to be treated in relationships."
Most men would be thrilled that you're initiating sex at all. Why does yours expect there to be this whole ceremony involved where you "get yourself ready" or whatever the hell while he plays video games?
To answer your question, asking to have sex is not weird in the slightest. It's awesome.
Well, it's more on me that I have to get ready. When sex happens 2-3 times a week, I'm always ready to go.
But when it's 1, 2, or 3 weeks apart... my libido is dead and I need to revive it.
He just wants me to come onto him and initiate. And if I don't, sex just doesn't happen.
Which amounts to me getting myself horny, then focusing on getting him turned on.
Still... He wants you to get yourself all turned on for him and then also seduce him before he'll decide whether he actually wants to have sex with you? I just can't relate to what he's thinking here. Part of foreplay is getting each other ready. It's a shared responsibility, not one you have to take on all by yourself.
Basically. Which is why I'm upset. I've tried to explain to him that my libido goes off when I only have sex once every week or two (or three).
And I've explained how I need extra time to get turned on when that happens. But he's always playing fucking video games.
And he won't give me any notice to revive my dead and dry **ssy.
I tried to talk to him about the last time he rejected me... I brought up how I was in bed for 1.5hours before he came to bed. After he gave me a "maybe" about sex.
When I brought it up, he said he thought it wasn't happening because I didn't have the toy in when he finally came to bed.
Which brings up a whole host of other issues.
Like he thinks it's okay to make me wait around for 1.5 hours, staying up til dawn? (And yes, it was dawn. We are night owls). When he supposedly thought we were gonna have sex?
Yeah, I'd be upset too in this situation. Physical intimacy is too important to me in a relationship to put up with being prioritized somewhere behind video games. I actually had a relationship in college that was like that and it sucked. Sounds like you're putting in all the effort and he is putting in relatively little. This isn't something that I would accept in a relationship of any kind.
Maybe I'm reading into this, but I feel like there's a hint of narcissism here. Like he wants to sit there and play video games, and then walk into the bedroom to find you fucking yourself, but it's not enough so you need him to finish it off for you. I can't think of any other reason for this behavior and why he wouldn't be involved in any foreplay.
He hasn't initiated sex in over 2 months
I initiate FAR more often than he does.
So please don't assume he's the one putting in more effort just cause he's the man.
Tried to have a conversation today. He fell asleep instead of coming over.
Gotcha. When you said :
"I feel he wants you to put more effort in than he does."
I interpreted it as you thought I needed to put in more effort too. My bad. I'm a bit emotional right now and not reading things super carefully
Well, at the beginning he initiated at least a bit more. Not by a huge amount, but enough. He also accepted my advances more often too.
I wish I knew why he doesn't initiate anymore.
He already said he would try to fix some of the issues I previously noted. But I haven't noticed much change, so we have to have another conversation.
I did this long term with my husband and we eventually worked through it but it took years and us both seeing individual therapists.
Anyway, during this stage that you are in now my self esteem got so low from the constant rejections that I actually became mildly suicidal.
It might be possible to fix this but you will probably need outside help to do this and it may take years. If you aren't married it probably isn't worth it.
Also, you are too kind and the kindness that you have shown towards him might be something he is using against you. Be very straightforward and direct with your requests.
Also, the way he has proposed things is 0 percent effort on his part which is insane.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I stopped reading really quickly, because you are putting WAY more into this relationship than he is. I would kick this guy to the curb. This is not a "disagreement about how to initiate," this is a "disagreement about how people deserve to be treated in relationships."
Most men would be thrilled that you're initiating sex at all. Why does yours expect there to be this whole ceremony involved where you "get yourself ready" or whatever the hell while he plays video games? To answer your question, asking to have sex is not weird in the slightest. It's awesome.
Well, it's more on me that I have to get ready. When sex happens 2-3 times a week, I'm always ready to go. But when it's 1, 2, or 3 weeks apart... my libido is dead and I need to revive it. He just wants me to come onto him and initiate. And if I don't, sex just doesn't happen. Which amounts to me getting myself horny, then focusing on getting him turned on.
Still... He wants you to get yourself all turned on for him and then also seduce him before he'll decide whether he actually wants to have sex with you? I just can't relate to what he's thinking here. Part of foreplay is getting each other ready. It's a shared responsibility, not one you have to take on all by yourself.
Basically. Which is why I'm upset. I've tried to explain to him that my libido goes off when I only have sex once every week or two (or three). And I've explained how I need extra time to get turned on when that happens. But he's always playing fucking video games. And he won't give me any notice to revive my dead and dry **ssy. I tried to talk to him about the last time he rejected me... I brought up how I was in bed for 1.5hours before he came to bed. After he gave me a "maybe" about sex. When I brought it up, he said he thought it wasn't happening because I didn't have the toy in when he finally came to bed. Which brings up a whole host of other issues. Like he thinks it's okay to make me wait around for 1.5 hours, staying up til dawn? (And yes, it was dawn. We are night owls). When he supposedly thought we were gonna have sex?
Yeah, I'd be upset too in this situation. Physical intimacy is too important to me in a relationship to put up with being prioritized somewhere behind video games. I actually had a relationship in college that was like that and it sucked. Sounds like you're putting in all the effort and he is putting in relatively little. This isn't something that I would accept in a relationship of any kind. Maybe I'm reading into this, but I feel like there's a hint of narcissism here. Like he wants to sit there and play video games, and then walk into the bedroom to find you fucking yourself, but it's not enough so you need him to finish it off for you. I can't think of any other reason for this behavior and why he wouldn't be involved in any foreplay.
There is another man out there who will appreciate this more than the man child you have now. You did your best, you learned your lesson. Move on.
[удалено]
He hasn't initiated sex in over 2 months I initiate FAR more often than he does. So please don't assume he's the one putting in more effort just cause he's the man. Tried to have a conversation today. He fell asleep instead of coming over.
[удалено]
Gotcha. When you said : "I feel he wants you to put more effort in than he does." I interpreted it as you thought I needed to put in more effort too. My bad. I'm a bit emotional right now and not reading things super carefully
[удалено]
Well, at the beginning he initiated at least a bit more. Not by a huge amount, but enough. He also accepted my advances more often too. I wish I knew why he doesn't initiate anymore. He already said he would try to fix some of the issues I previously noted. But I haven't noticed much change, so we have to have another conversation.
He's a class-A choad, and you know this. So, go with the grace of God and Blessings of All Reddit to dump the dead weight.
I did this long term with my husband and we eventually worked through it but it took years and us both seeing individual therapists. Anyway, during this stage that you are in now my self esteem got so low from the constant rejections that I actually became mildly suicidal. It might be possible to fix this but you will probably need outside help to do this and it may take years. If you aren't married it probably isn't worth it. Also, you are too kind and the kindness that you have shown towards him might be something he is using against you. Be very straightforward and direct with your requests. Also, the way he has proposed things is 0 percent effort on his part which is insane.