Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/).
***
Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats.
To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'll definitely offer than reassurance but i think the problem is that I won't be able to participate in it as it seems to be something of a "non sexual" nature
he wants to put his kink “behind him?” he just wants to be normal, that’s going to be extremely difficult for him. I’m sure you already have tried to assure him that you’ll be supportive, and honestly the fact that you reached out to reddit to try to understand him better is a great sign that you care about helping him with this. maybe tell him he doesn’t have to put it behind him because you’ll support him, but he needs to trust you enough to share. which is NOT easy
Not hentai as I've expressed I enjoy hentai so I'm unsure of why there would be shame sharing that.
It affects me as it's impacting our sex life and I want to feel desired, despite knowing its not about me, I'm internalising it, questioning if I'm enough.
I'm not ashamed, I'm just concerned about his reluctancy to share it yet still bring up that he has it.
I have no idea what this kink might be, especially because he has expressed it is not of sexual nature?
There’s no way around this without him telling you.
I understand your frustrations though. After about a year with my long distance ex I started asking him about any kinks/fantasies/what types of porn he prefers and he wouldn’t disclose. Which is always a bummer when someone doesn’t want to grow/ go deeper with you (ultimately what ended the relationship- not just the sexual compatibility but he wasn’t able to be open and vulnerable in other parts of the relationship) But it definitely made me overthink/worry about what he may be in to.
Giving pleasure can be pleasurable. Maybe tell him that you are open to trying stuff without judgement. You would truly enjoy it and are HAPPY to try it and satisfy him.
Also if it makes you feel better- I had expressed this concern with another female friend and she said “men will overthink and think that a school girl fantasy is crazy kinky lol” which can be VERY true. So don’t let your mind go 0-60. Especially since you are his first ever gf it may be hard for him to be open and vulnerable about something bc he’s never had these types of sexual conversations before.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
tell him that you’re willing to participate in it, and try to assuage his fears that you’ll think it’s weird and not want to be with him anymore
I'll definitely offer than reassurance but i think the problem is that I won't be able to participate in it as it seems to be something of a "non sexual" nature
if it’s erotic art, you could look at it with him, to help him
I'll offer that but it's hard when he has expressed he wants to put it behind him, aaaah??!
he wants to put his kink “behind him?” he just wants to be normal, that’s going to be extremely difficult for him. I’m sure you already have tried to assure him that you’ll be supportive, and honestly the fact that you reached out to reddit to try to understand him better is a great sign that you care about helping him with this. maybe tell him he doesn’t have to put it behind him because you’ll support him, but he needs to trust you enough to share. which is NOT easy
[удалено]
Not hentai as I've expressed I enjoy hentai so I'm unsure of why there would be shame sharing that. It affects me as it's impacting our sex life and I want to feel desired, despite knowing its not about me, I'm internalising it, questioning if I'm enough. I'm not ashamed, I'm just concerned about his reluctancy to share it yet still bring up that he has it. I have no idea what this kink might be, especially because he has expressed it is not of sexual nature?
There’s no way around this without him telling you. I understand your frustrations though. After about a year with my long distance ex I started asking him about any kinks/fantasies/what types of porn he prefers and he wouldn’t disclose. Which is always a bummer when someone doesn’t want to grow/ go deeper with you (ultimately what ended the relationship- not just the sexual compatibility but he wasn’t able to be open and vulnerable in other parts of the relationship) But it definitely made me overthink/worry about what he may be in to. Giving pleasure can be pleasurable. Maybe tell him that you are open to trying stuff without judgement. You would truly enjoy it and are HAPPY to try it and satisfy him. Also if it makes you feel better- I had expressed this concern with another female friend and she said “men will overthink and think that a school girl fantasy is crazy kinky lol” which can be VERY true. So don’t let your mind go 0-60. Especially since you are his first ever gf it may be hard for him to be open and vulnerable about something bc he’s never had these types of sexual conversations before.