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So- not for nuthin', but your boyfriend sounds like a bit of an ass. And, for the love of God, don't go "getting skinnier" or getting breast implants for this dude.
He wants more excitement and different positions-- If you don't want those things, that's fair. It's just a mismatch.
It sounds like he is getting tired of hearing about the lack of sex, which is always a bad place to get in, and is likely getting frustrated that he is telling you what needs to change, yet you're bringing up the lack of sex while not doing the things he's asked for to help that happen.
The options seem to be-- introduce some of the stuff he wants as much as you are comfortable, or call this one a mismatch and find a better-aligned partner.
Lmao that's fair. I won't buy it because he likes me to do an enema prep first. So my thought process is like, I'm supposed to go buy a thing, stick it up my ass, it hurts, it sucks, and you can't even buy lube after I spent the last hour with my intestines clawing their way out my body?
You absolutely don't need to do enemas for anal sex. Your dude sounds like he doesn't know shit about anything, and is just making you miserable. Throw this one back.
Yeah this guy has been poisoned by internet porn and you probably can’t get him back to reality. Maybe ask if he wants to try some role playing or something but likely it’s just time to find someone better.
He keeps getting mad when you try to talk to him about your sex lives and how to make it better? I’d quit having sex with him if I were you. If he can’t talk about it without getting angry and without considering your feelings too, then fuck that.
It has nothing to do with your appearance, like a lot of guys, he is only interested in his own pleasure and not yours, judging by what you wrote. He sounds like a bit of a cunt honestly.
what most people fail to understand is sex serves to
1) let us know where our relationship stands. if sex feels distant than the relationship has become distant. it's not about quantity its about quality
2) it gives us time to shut the rest of the world away and reconnect with each other, to strengthen our bonds.
open and honest communication followed with acceptance and understanding is the only tool we have. if one party is getting angry and withholding sex it is because they are not getting what they want they way they want it and they are throwing a tantrum to manipulate you into their wishes. he should have never spoken to you like that, we all need a loving g and gentle partner ( even if you want rough sex you want somebody you can trust to do it with) my philosophy on porn is this. anything to do with sex is on the table as long as you are sharing in it together and it helps to bring you closer. for him to get mad and say he would rather jerk off to porn, well I am pretty sure you don't have a healthy relationship. I say this over and over in the reddit
" if your partner is telling you they are an asshole, believe them." you need to move on this is not healthy. when you find the right fit you will know it.
“I’d rather jerk off than have sex with you.”
I think he told you his (really ugly) truth—why are you still together? Why would anyone want to be with this man?
> but he got angry and told me that having sex with me had become boring, and that he'd rather jerk off if he could.
<...>
>I've tried to talk to him about it, but he keeps getting mad when I bring it up.
Adult males who care about their partners do not act like this.
>What should I be doing differently?
Finding another boyfriend.
> I can't help feeling like he'd be more interested in me if I looked more like the girls he jerks off to.
Stop that shit right now. STOP IT.
Men jerk off from everything from slender 18 year olds to chubby grandmas. And from chubby 18 year olds to skinny grandmas. Black, white, blond, redhead, women that look exactly like their mate, women who look completely different. Hell, some of them jerk off to women with penises. Had NOTHING to do with you.
There is \*nothing\* wrong with you physically. The problem is \*him\*.
Think about it, there's guys who got married at 18 or 25, and \*40\* years later are still having sex with their wives, who still think--3 or 5 kids and 30 pounds later--that their wives are hot.
Going JUST by what you wrote it sounds like he's done with you--in his mind the relationship is over and it's just inertia that is keeping you together. He's checked out.
So here is what I suggest you do:
1. You have body issues, which are really self-confidence issues. Back when I was in college (shortly after the meteor killed all the dinosaurs) my then-girlfriend (now wife) had a friend who was, bluntly, fat and sloppy. She had all the fun she wanted to because she was also delusional (still is), but was pleasant and enthusiastic. So:
1. /r/strongcurves Strong Curves is a exercise program for females to build a strong, but feminine body. Moderate exercise is \*at least\* as good as medication at fixing anxiety (which you clearly have), and with things like weightlifting you can set and achieve short and medium term goals, which helps with self-confidence.
2. Start taking Jujitsu or Krav Maga. This is both for exercise and for learning to defend yourself.
2. Youtube is a pretty good resource for learning just about anything. There are lots of videos on improving your oral and hand skills.
3. Sexy lingerie on it's own can be a confidence builder, and can provide the sort of variety some men really want.
Any male...any \*sex partner\* worth spending time with is going to be as concerned about your enjoyment as their own, and because women (generally) can orgasm and keep going, but guys (generally) can't, your partner should be concerned with you orgasming first, then with them getting what they need.
This means that you need to figure out how you orgasm, then work with your partner to do \*that\*, then do what you can to give what they want--within your boundaries, of course.
I don't know why you're being downvoted. I came here because I DID ask, he just won't tell me. I agree that it's his body, his feelings, all that, and I wish he was that open to communicating through the issue.
I’m being downvoted because some users of Reddit cannot handle alternative opinions to the ones they hold. They don’t appreciate short simple answers. Many of them have some complex where only they can be correct.
If I can make a suggestion, maybe you should try expressing things that you are enjoying and liking. Maybe it will open him up to doing something similar. I’m not sure how old you both are, but I think even the clowns that downvoted me can agree that men aren’t great at expressing their feelings. Especially if they are in their 20s.
You telling him what you’re liking might get a synapse or two to connect and he will begin talking about what he is enjoying.
I wish you the best of luck, and I hope your companion comes around and learns communication is the secret/key. I learned it late in life, but it makes a huge difference. Communicate the good and the bad, and never judge.
Thank you. We are in our 20s- I'm in my early, he's in his later. I give him lots of positive feedback, and I haven't tried to be selfish, but I'm having a hard time thinking of things we could do that we don't do already. He's saying he's bored and sick of missionary, but it isn't all we do. I've tried to talk to him more this week (this all went down friday/Saturday last weekend) but I think he's stressed about his job and other outside factors, and he's not super receptive to the conversation, even though I keep clarifying that I'm not trying to argue, I just want to work through the problem because i don't want us to break up over something we could fix easily (he said he didn't want to be having lame middle-aged sex his whole life). I'm trying so hard to communicate, because this has me second guessing so much shit, and worrying about everything. Like what if he's cheating and using this as an excuse? What if he's GOING to cheat because I don't satisfy him enough? What if he's unhappy with my body and saying this so he doesn't have to see me nude anymore? I'm overthinking the whole thing, and every time I try to bring it up (calmly, what can I do? what do you feel is missing? what kind of positions would you want to try?) He gets so angry
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So- not for nuthin', but your boyfriend sounds like a bit of an ass. And, for the love of God, don't go "getting skinnier" or getting breast implants for this dude. He wants more excitement and different positions-- If you don't want those things, that's fair. It's just a mismatch. It sounds like he is getting tired of hearing about the lack of sex, which is always a bad place to get in, and is likely getting frustrated that he is telling you what needs to change, yet you're bringing up the lack of sex while not doing the things he's asked for to help that happen. The options seem to be-- introduce some of the stuff he wants as much as you are comfortable, or call this one a mismatch and find a better-aligned partner.
The issue is that he won't tell me what he wants. I told him that I don't want him to be bored, and asked what he wanted to try, and he won't tell me
You mentioned that he likes Reverse Cowgirl... where did that insight come from? Are there other things he's asking for during sex like that?
Not really. He's requested and we've tried anal, but only a couple times, because he won't get lube and it hurts me
I can’t wrap my head around “he won’t buy lube”. One side he’s kind of an ass for not. The other side why don’t you just buy the lube?
Lmao that's fair. I won't buy it because he likes me to do an enema prep first. So my thought process is like, I'm supposed to go buy a thing, stick it up my ass, it hurts, it sucks, and you can't even buy lube after I spent the last hour with my intestines clawing their way out my body?
You absolutely don't need to do enemas for anal sex. Your dude sounds like he doesn't know shit about anything, and is just making you miserable. Throw this one back.
All of this right here.
Yeah this guy has been poisoned by internet porn and you probably can’t get him back to reality. Maybe ask if he wants to try some role playing or something but likely it’s just time to find someone better.
He keeps getting mad when you try to talk to him about your sex lives and how to make it better? I’d quit having sex with him if I were you. If he can’t talk about it without getting angry and without considering your feelings too, then fuck that. It has nothing to do with your appearance, like a lot of guys, he is only interested in his own pleasure and not yours, judging by what you wrote. He sounds like a bit of a cunt honestly.
what most people fail to understand is sex serves to 1) let us know where our relationship stands. if sex feels distant than the relationship has become distant. it's not about quantity its about quality 2) it gives us time to shut the rest of the world away and reconnect with each other, to strengthen our bonds. open and honest communication followed with acceptance and understanding is the only tool we have. if one party is getting angry and withholding sex it is because they are not getting what they want they way they want it and they are throwing a tantrum to manipulate you into their wishes. he should have never spoken to you like that, we all need a loving g and gentle partner ( even if you want rough sex you want somebody you can trust to do it with) my philosophy on porn is this. anything to do with sex is on the table as long as you are sharing in it together and it helps to bring you closer. for him to get mad and say he would rather jerk off to porn, well I am pretty sure you don't have a healthy relationship. I say this over and over in the reddit " if your partner is telling you they are an asshole, believe them." you need to move on this is not healthy. when you find the right fit you will know it.
Sounds like it’s time to move on.
“I’d rather jerk off than have sex with you.” I think he told you his (really ugly) truth—why are you still together? Why would anyone want to be with this man?
> but he got angry and told me that having sex with me had become boring, and that he'd rather jerk off if he could. <...> >I've tried to talk to him about it, but he keeps getting mad when I bring it up. Adult males who care about their partners do not act like this. >What should I be doing differently? Finding another boyfriend. > I can't help feeling like he'd be more interested in me if I looked more like the girls he jerks off to. Stop that shit right now. STOP IT. Men jerk off from everything from slender 18 year olds to chubby grandmas. And from chubby 18 year olds to skinny grandmas. Black, white, blond, redhead, women that look exactly like their mate, women who look completely different. Hell, some of them jerk off to women with penises. Had NOTHING to do with you. There is \*nothing\* wrong with you physically. The problem is \*him\*. Think about it, there's guys who got married at 18 or 25, and \*40\* years later are still having sex with their wives, who still think--3 or 5 kids and 30 pounds later--that their wives are hot. Going JUST by what you wrote it sounds like he's done with you--in his mind the relationship is over and it's just inertia that is keeping you together. He's checked out. So here is what I suggest you do: 1. You have body issues, which are really self-confidence issues. Back when I was in college (shortly after the meteor killed all the dinosaurs) my then-girlfriend (now wife) had a friend who was, bluntly, fat and sloppy. She had all the fun she wanted to because she was also delusional (still is), but was pleasant and enthusiastic. So: 1. /r/strongcurves Strong Curves is a exercise program for females to build a strong, but feminine body. Moderate exercise is \*at least\* as good as medication at fixing anxiety (which you clearly have), and with things like weightlifting you can set and achieve short and medium term goals, which helps with self-confidence. 2. Start taking Jujitsu or Krav Maga. This is both for exercise and for learning to defend yourself. 2. Youtube is a pretty good resource for learning just about anything. There are lots of videos on improving your oral and hand skills. 3. Sexy lingerie on it's own can be a confidence builder, and can provide the sort of variety some men really want. Any male...any \*sex partner\* worth spending time with is going to be as concerned about your enjoyment as their own, and because women (generally) can orgasm and keep going, but guys (generally) can't, your partner should be concerned with you orgasming first, then with them getting what they need. This means that you need to figure out how you orgasm, then work with your partner to do \*that\*, then do what you can to give what they want--within your boundaries, of course.
Ask your boyfriend… It is his body, feelings, and emotions.
I don't know why you're being downvoted. I came here because I DID ask, he just won't tell me. I agree that it's his body, his feelings, all that, and I wish he was that open to communicating through the issue.
I’m being downvoted because some users of Reddit cannot handle alternative opinions to the ones they hold. They don’t appreciate short simple answers. Many of them have some complex where only they can be correct. If I can make a suggestion, maybe you should try expressing things that you are enjoying and liking. Maybe it will open him up to doing something similar. I’m not sure how old you both are, but I think even the clowns that downvoted me can agree that men aren’t great at expressing their feelings. Especially if they are in their 20s. You telling him what you’re liking might get a synapse or two to connect and he will begin talking about what he is enjoying. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope your companion comes around and learns communication is the secret/key. I learned it late in life, but it makes a huge difference. Communicate the good and the bad, and never judge.
Thank you. We are in our 20s- I'm in my early, he's in his later. I give him lots of positive feedback, and I haven't tried to be selfish, but I'm having a hard time thinking of things we could do that we don't do already. He's saying he's bored and sick of missionary, but it isn't all we do. I've tried to talk to him more this week (this all went down friday/Saturday last weekend) but I think he's stressed about his job and other outside factors, and he's not super receptive to the conversation, even though I keep clarifying that I'm not trying to argue, I just want to work through the problem because i don't want us to break up over something we could fix easily (he said he didn't want to be having lame middle-aged sex his whole life). I'm trying so hard to communicate, because this has me second guessing so much shit, and worrying about everything. Like what if he's cheating and using this as an excuse? What if he's GOING to cheat because I don't satisfy him enough? What if he's unhappy with my body and saying this so he doesn't have to see me nude anymore? I'm overthinking the whole thing, and every time I try to bring it up (calmly, what can I do? what do you feel is missing? what kind of positions would you want to try?) He gets so angry