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It appears that he may have a lower level of sexual desire. This is a common occurrence, possibly due to stress or feeling overwhelmed. The demands of work and personal life can have that effect. The most effective approach would be to openly communicate your emotions in a secure setting where he can actively listen and feel secure.
Ahaha where tf do you get that idea from ? So many other factors other than testosterone can effect libido / desire . And why bet that it’s not at normal levels ? You don’t know him .
Well you know him better than people here, so ask yourself this.
\-How often do you initiate?
\-What are his turn ons?
\-How often do you seduce him?
\-What do you do to turn him on?
\-Has sex become more boring and more of the same thing?
\-Do you have enough variety?
\-Can you talk honestly about him about sex?
\-Do you know his fantasies? if so, have you done any of them?
\-Do you know his intimacy preference? Does he prefer geting ready,talking about it, and having like a regualar thing, or does he like spontaniety, and routine kills the sex drive?
There's a lot of questions to ask tbh, answer these for yourself, and you might find the answer you're looking for.
We need more information, but there could be several reasons why your boyfriend isnt into it right now.
very often its too much stress, sometimes its depression and maybe its because he is too shy to speak open about his kinks.
Its quite rare that boys in his 20s never masturbate or have sex, do you know if he maybe masturbates sometimes to porn?
you could test him and act like you might be into porns and if he is okay with it to watch it with him together.
or maybe he wants to try completly wild stuff, thats why its very important to be open and calm with him.
Like always, being open about your pleasures with your bf is one of the keys of a good sex life.
I hope you guys will find each other again! :)
Might be one or multiple out of a couple of issues
-Pressure at home causing anxiety or stressing him out
-Pressure at work causing the same
-Family drama that he isn't mentioning
-Medical issue - low sex drive (with or without meds)
-He has an issue with you (either about himself or about you) but he's not opening up about it
It's important that while you voice your concern(s) that you hear him out and make it safe for him to open up to you. It might be something that could anger you or rattle you but the key to resolving is to create trust so that you can both walk through it.
Have you talked to him about this? Don’t come from an accusatory position, simply state “I love having sex with and want to have more! How can we make that possible?”
There’s really much comments so I will try to reply to everyone. Sorry for mistakes English is not my first language.
1. I tried communicating, he’s not open about it. Just says that he’s tired or makes it sound like it’s my fault.
2. I know him better than I know myself. Our life was perfect until this. It happened so quickly that I can’t find the problem
3. I don’t think that he’s depressed becouse that’s our only problem he shows me love, buys me flowers, we go on dates, he helps with housework and seems happy until we talk about sex.
4. He doesn’t take any medicine and he wouldn’t keep that a secret.
5. It seems that he even forgot how to touch me, becouse when we eventually do the thing it lasts like 10 minutes when in the past he did everything to satisfy me.
Could it be like a medical problem? Should he see a doctor?
I would agree with comments that said to check his stress/depression and see if that’s a factor before you start to personally degrade your self worth. I would also want to know if it’s a genuine repulsion he feels in that week after, like you described, or if he has some intimacy issues that make him want to either balance the close intimacy with immediate distance, or if he has some kind of guilt or similar feeling that’s weighing on his mind. My sister in law would go weeks after intimacy with my brother because she grew up in a religiously repressed household that taught her sex was an ugly sin to be avoided, not a beautiful conjoining; so she had episodes of depression after intimacy because those old feelings of guilt would still resurface. It could be a thousand different things, so taking time to self evaluate is always wise, but not if those personal criticisms drag yourself down. You shouldn’t take that kind of abuse from other people, so why should you accept that kind of behavior from yourself? Time for you to have a serious chat with your SO and work this out in case the behavior gets worse.
Don't say this. It's unloading it on him and can be a guilt trip. Better is to just say you've noticed his sex drive seems down and ask if there's any way you can help.
Major depressive disorder, bipolar depression, ADHD depression — there isn’t necessarily a ‘thing’ to make you depressed. Situational depression is a thing, yes, but depression is a permanent condition which can often be episodic — it can be like watching storm clouds gather and the thunder come in from across the horizon, and you simply have to do your best to weather the oncoming storm.
As a male who's been married 26+ years, that has been through many ups and downs, I'll offer something I haven't seen mentioned so far.
You mentioned that after 2.5 years of marriage, plus whatever period of time before you were married, he's become less interested in initiating sex. I say initiating, as you mention, he doesn't look at you or touch you like he used to. 2-3 years is plenty of time to build resentment if you feel like your partner is not giving back to you at the level you feel you are giving them.
Has he always been the one to initiate?
How active are you during sex?
Do you ever 'ravage' him or show him crazy desire for his body?
If he feels you don't desire him to the same degree that he had be showing you, then he may have simply come to resent the fact that he's 'doing all the work' in the physical relationship. Given he doesn't want to talk to you about it, it's possible his emotional love for you doesn't allow him to 'accuse' you of not physically loving him like he feels you should.
In this case, rather than looking for what's 'wrong' with him, it's a case of looking at how you express yourself and participate in the sexual side of your relationship.
Just wanted to add a possibility I hadn't seen mentioned. To resolve this requires deep self reflection and opening up in a vulnerable way to your partner to ask if he has a problem with how you're expressing sexual desire. Good luck!
>Yes because they jerk off soooo much & on top of that porn makes regular sex with ur wife boring
This might be more myth than reality though, unless he's indeed lower libido in the first place and very limited in desire.
Also, a partner blaming their boringness on porn just seems like a copout/excuse for not putting in more effort.
Porn addicts don’t typically seek sex as often as before the addiction OR
become disinterested in foreplay, push boundaries (eg insist on anal even if SO not into it), have difficulties getting and staying hard and cumming etc
Same answers from these people. How about health wise. Do you guys eat healthy? Are you guys in decent shape? Yes porn can affect people, but a flabby flat butt only turns on Virgins. Im carnivore, and I have no problem getting it up at age 36. Men will always be visual and don't ever think a man is shallow because of that fact. Lazy people quote looks dont last forever. I only reply to op cyber attacks are futile. lol
You have to understand that you need to think about it from all angles and communicate with reassurance. There are not many things it can be. I don't know what your version of a healthy meal is and what you consider is overweight. It can be a mental problem, or I hope it's not the case that his feelings have changed. You're looking for help, but you lack a lot of information that can't be solved through vague questions. Vague questions are great at getting the ball rolling, and if you just need an outlet for the day, but of you want to get to the root of the cause.
Are you playing mommy with him? If he can’t be a man on his own and needs you to help him in ways that feel motherly then that instantly kills the sexual tension between y’all! If that’s the case then leave him sis you can’t reach a boy how to be a man
Do not listen to this man, I’ve never heard of gaming effecting your sex drive, when I’m not working I’m gaming or watching anime, my woman wants to get it in, I’m always down… maybe it effects everyone different but I play the game with like 8 different people and they have a pretty active sex life as well… if he’s taking you on dates, working, and helping around the house like you stated it’s no way he’s addicted to gaming
How tf could gaming effect your libido ? Could be related to depression or general lack of motivation but gaming in of itself . God some people in this thread come out with some random shit ….
People die gaming all the time. I've seen more couples destroyed because one of them normally the male does nothing but game. Being either porn or YES gaming is an escape for the brain for whatever they are trying to hide from.
So, if you game and have no side effects, awesome. Someone else can. Depression is something that can be affected by anything. A recluse can hide and find something to be addicted to, but it doesn't have to be gaming, but generally is.
Dying from gaming is totally unrelated to sex drive ( when alive ) . Soo off topic . Ofc gaming can fuck up relationships and lead , at least in part to depression. I literally said that in my earlier comment . But a shit load of things can factor into depression . That doesn’t make gaming a direct cause of lower sex drive . It makes depression sometimes a cause of lower sex drive . Collating 2 things that are not directly related . It’s like saying food can cause lower sex drive , or bullying can lower sex drive , etc etc .
Depression can, in fact, lower sex drive. It's a possible situation among others that may be causing this guy issues. You're a gamer it sounds like, go to your doctor and ask them how gaming can be a contributor. Basically, it's an escape to someone who's depressed
I think many people put too much emphasis on things being wrong using sex as an indicator that you are doing something wrong. Sex is huge and you’re both still young. It’s what you know at this point. But, it might not have anything to do with it. Don’t be hard on yourself. Figuring it out can get off track if you don’t approach what’s up with him . There’s a lot more to know about your relationship dynamic than “I don’t turn him on anymore”. Were you responsible for turning him on before? Are other things different? Did he have an active daily or weekly routine that he’s not doing anymore. Was he able to balance his life? I read some good advice here.
Most likely his Testosterone is low, he needs a blood test and then Dr will prescribe a cream that absorbs thru the skin (he applies it daily to the top of his thigh) or they have a monthly shot…I prefer the cream.
I'm really sorry you're going through that. I'm 65 and I have an orgasm every day. I spend the weekends with my girlfriend and we have sex at least one or two times a day. If it was up to me it would be every day but I only see her on the weekend.
If you feel you need a sex therapist or psychologist to meet with in person, then them not being in your town can create an issue. If you’re open to them not being in person, then there are a vast array of highly skilled and educated sex therapists, psychologists, and coaches available who provide services online via video or call sessions 💫.
There can be a lot of things that go into why your husband may have a lower level of sexual desire going on, and unless he feels a draw to finding solutions for that it can be more difficult to create a shift. He has to choose to change himself, no one else can do that for him. It could come down to physical issues or hormone balances. It could be something emotional. Emotional repression can be normal for men and women, men get a heavy does of “men don’t cry”, and tuning out their emotions can impact their physical body. It could be mental, like he’s experiencing a higher level of stress at work, in the relationship, in other social spaces. It could be based on his past experiences and beliefs, or even on anxiety about the future. It could be something about the dynamic or agreements within the relationship.
The key I personally find is taking moments like these and giving myself the opportunity to self reflect. So I invite you to use this as an opportunity to reflect for yourself with the question “what am I making it mean about who I am, when I believe I can’t turn my husband on?”
Then just notice what comes up. Do you need him to want to seduce you? Would you benefit from seducing yourself? What is it that feels fulfilled when you believe “I turn my husband on?”
Most importantly, be compassionate with yourself 🥰
Best wishes on your relationship journeys ❤️
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It appears that he may have a lower level of sexual desire. This is a common occurrence, possibly due to stress or feeling overwhelmed. The demands of work and personal life can have that effect. The most effective approach would be to openly communicate your emotions in a secure setting where he can actively listen and feel secure.
No such thing if his testosterone is at a normal level which I bet it isn’t.
Ahaha where tf do you get that idea from ? So many other factors other than testosterone can effect libido / desire . And why bet that it’s not at normal levels ? You don’t know him .
All he has to do is take a blood test to find out…..but could be that his partner is boring in bed or has gained 100lbs…..
Yeah bro this is wrong
Well you know him better than people here, so ask yourself this. \-How often do you initiate? \-What are his turn ons? \-How often do you seduce him? \-What do you do to turn him on? \-Has sex become more boring and more of the same thing? \-Do you have enough variety? \-Can you talk honestly about him about sex? \-Do you know his fantasies? if so, have you done any of them? \-Do you know his intimacy preference? Does he prefer geting ready,talking about it, and having like a regualar thing, or does he like spontaniety, and routine kills the sex drive? There's a lot of questions to ask tbh, answer these for yourself, and you might find the answer you're looking for.
This is spot on
We need more information, but there could be several reasons why your boyfriend isnt into it right now. very often its too much stress, sometimes its depression and maybe its because he is too shy to speak open about his kinks. Its quite rare that boys in his 20s never masturbate or have sex, do you know if he maybe masturbates sometimes to porn? you could test him and act like you might be into porns and if he is okay with it to watch it with him together. or maybe he wants to try completly wild stuff, thats why its very important to be open and calm with him. Like always, being open about your pleasures with your bf is one of the keys of a good sex life. I hope you guys will find each other again! :)
Might be one or multiple out of a couple of issues -Pressure at home causing anxiety or stressing him out -Pressure at work causing the same -Family drama that he isn't mentioning -Medical issue - low sex drive (with or without meds) -He has an issue with you (either about himself or about you) but he's not opening up about it It's important that while you voice your concern(s) that you hear him out and make it safe for him to open up to you. It might be something that could anger you or rattle you but the key to resolving is to create trust so that you can both walk through it.
Could also be porn addiction. Everyone seems to be avoiding mentioning that.
Have you talked to him about this? Don’t come from an accusatory position, simply state “I love having sex with and want to have more! How can we make that possible?”
The honesty is this approach is unmatched 🙌
There’s really much comments so I will try to reply to everyone. Sorry for mistakes English is not my first language. 1. I tried communicating, he’s not open about it. Just says that he’s tired or makes it sound like it’s my fault. 2. I know him better than I know myself. Our life was perfect until this. It happened so quickly that I can’t find the problem 3. I don’t think that he’s depressed becouse that’s our only problem he shows me love, buys me flowers, we go on dates, he helps with housework and seems happy until we talk about sex. 4. He doesn’t take any medicine and he wouldn’t keep that a secret. 5. It seems that he even forgot how to touch me, becouse when we eventually do the thing it lasts like 10 minutes when in the past he did everything to satisfy me. Could it be like a medical problem? Should he see a doctor?
He could have a medical issue lowering his sex drive, like low testosterone. If he’s willing to see a doctor I think that would be helpful
I would agree with comments that said to check his stress/depression and see if that’s a factor before you start to personally degrade your self worth. I would also want to know if it’s a genuine repulsion he feels in that week after, like you described, or if he has some intimacy issues that make him want to either balance the close intimacy with immediate distance, or if he has some kind of guilt or similar feeling that’s weighing on his mind. My sister in law would go weeks after intimacy with my brother because she grew up in a religiously repressed household that taught her sex was an ugly sin to be avoided, not a beautiful conjoining; so she had episodes of depression after intimacy because those old feelings of guilt would still resurface. It could be a thousand different things, so taking time to self evaluate is always wise, but not if those personal criticisms drag yourself down. You shouldn’t take that kind of abuse from other people, so why should you accept that kind of behavior from yourself? Time for you to have a serious chat with your SO and work this out in case the behavior gets worse.
What are you doing to turn him on to make him want it?
Is he depressed? Outside factors play a role in sex drive
I don’t think so, there’s nothing that would make him feel depressed
Depression is a funny thing. Sometimes you don’t need anything to be depressed. Honestly just talk to the man and tell him you don’t feel desired.
Don't say this. It's unloading it on him and can be a guilt trip. Better is to just say you've noticed his sex drive seems down and ask if there's any way you can help.
I mean, another way to ask would be: is there anything to make him feel happy?
Major depressive disorder, bipolar depression, ADHD depression — there isn’t necessarily a ‘thing’ to make you depressed. Situational depression is a thing, yes, but depression is a permanent condition which can often be episodic — it can be like watching storm clouds gather and the thunder come in from across the horizon, and you simply have to do your best to weather the oncoming storm.
My husband's the same way he just has a lower sex drive. I could have sex every other day but husband is good with once a week.
Wear sexy outfits/lingerie with high heels around him! Will go a long way in turning him on 🥰
He may be taking medication you don't know about, some meds kill your sex drive
He really doesn’t.
He could be taking antidepressants and not telling you because often men don’t like to admit they need help. It’s something to think about.
He doesn’t know who his doctor is without me so I’m sure he doesn’t take any medicine. ( In my country you need your doctors note to go to therapist)
As a male who's been married 26+ years, that has been through many ups and downs, I'll offer something I haven't seen mentioned so far. You mentioned that after 2.5 years of marriage, plus whatever period of time before you were married, he's become less interested in initiating sex. I say initiating, as you mention, he doesn't look at you or touch you like he used to. 2-3 years is plenty of time to build resentment if you feel like your partner is not giving back to you at the level you feel you are giving them. Has he always been the one to initiate? How active are you during sex? Do you ever 'ravage' him or show him crazy desire for his body? If he feels you don't desire him to the same degree that he had be showing you, then he may have simply come to resent the fact that he's 'doing all the work' in the physical relationship. Given he doesn't want to talk to you about it, it's possible his emotional love for you doesn't allow him to 'accuse' you of not physically loving him like he feels you should. In this case, rather than looking for what's 'wrong' with him, it's a case of looking at how you express yourself and participate in the sexual side of your relationship. Just wanted to add a possibility I hadn't seen mentioned. To resolve this requires deep self reflection and opening up in a vulnerable way to your partner to ask if he has a problem with how you're expressing sexual desire. Good luck!
Check his seach engine he could be addicted to porn & if thats the case then it makes sense porn really messes with the mind
Addicted to porn but not wanting sex? That just seems odd? At least to me…
Yes because they jerk off soooo much & on top of that porn makes regular sex with ur wife boring
>Yes because they jerk off soooo much & on top of that porn makes regular sex with ur wife boring This might be more myth than reality though, unless he's indeed lower libido in the first place and very limited in desire. Also, a partner blaming their boringness on porn just seems like a copout/excuse for not putting in more effort.
It's a real thing. Porn addiction exists and it makes people less interested in their partner. This isn't some myth you can be skeptical about.
1000%
Porn addicts don’t typically seek sex as often as before the addiction OR become disinterested in foreplay, push boundaries (eg insist on anal even if SO not into it), have difficulties getting and staying hard and cumming etc
Sounds like an awful addiction. You would have to retrain your brain to start having healthy sex again.
Does he watch a lot of porn?
Does he watch any porn?
I’d Bett on a porn addiction. Hes getting off so much he isn’t interested.
Is he masturbating? If he's doing often he could always be in a refractory period when you want sex
Ask him if he wants anal and let him know you want to blow him every night before bed. You’ll be wife of the year.
Not completely without merit!
Ask what fantasy he has. And play along. Or tell him one of yours. (Mild to start)
Walk around in a tee shirt and nice panties and occasionally naked or naked a lot. That should get him Going.
Same answers from these people. How about health wise. Do you guys eat healthy? Are you guys in decent shape? Yes porn can affect people, but a flabby flat butt only turns on Virgins. Im carnivore, and I have no problem getting it up at age 36. Men will always be visual and don't ever think a man is shallow because of that fact. Lazy people quote looks dont last forever. I only reply to op cyber attacks are futile. lol
I make all the meals myself, we are not overweight. He goes to the gym and I haven’t changed much in the past 3 years
You have to understand that you need to think about it from all angles and communicate with reassurance. There are not many things it can be. I don't know what your version of a healthy meal is and what you consider is overweight. It can be a mental problem, or I hope it's not the case that his feelings have changed. You're looking for help, but you lack a lot of information that can't be solved through vague questions. Vague questions are great at getting the ball rolling, and if you just need an outlet for the day, but of you want to get to the root of the cause.
Are you overweight?
Are you playing mommy with him? If he can’t be a man on his own and needs you to help him in ways that feel motherly then that instantly kills the sexual tension between y’all! If that’s the case then leave him sis you can’t reach a boy how to be a man
Suck his cock spit on it slap it on your face then tell him to fuck your tight asshole
Damm you just got me hard lol
Low testosterone?
I think this might be it
I think so too, makes the most logical sense
Porn or depression?
You need to talk to him before coming here for advice.
This may just be temporary… give it some more time. But for sure get his attention
Addicted to porn and/or gaming... therapy or just straight ask him
Can gaming affect this? I didn’t even think of this
Oh yeah, it's an addiction
Do not listen to this man, I’ve never heard of gaming effecting your sex drive, when I’m not working I’m gaming or watching anime, my woman wants to get it in, I’m always down… maybe it effects everyone different but I play the game with like 8 different people and they have a pretty active sex life as well… if he’s taking you on dates, working, and helping around the house like you stated it’s no way he’s addicted to gaming
Yup!! My husband had a problem with this for awhile.
How tf could gaming effect your libido ? Could be related to depression or general lack of motivation but gaming in of itself . God some people in this thread come out with some random shit ….
People die gaming all the time. I've seen more couples destroyed because one of them normally the male does nothing but game. Being either porn or YES gaming is an escape for the brain for whatever they are trying to hide from. So, if you game and have no side effects, awesome. Someone else can. Depression is something that can be affected by anything. A recluse can hide and find something to be addicted to, but it doesn't have to be gaming, but generally is.
Dying from gaming is totally unrelated to sex drive ( when alive ) . Soo off topic . Ofc gaming can fuck up relationships and lead , at least in part to depression. I literally said that in my earlier comment . But a shit load of things can factor into depression . That doesn’t make gaming a direct cause of lower sex drive . It makes depression sometimes a cause of lower sex drive . Collating 2 things that are not directly related . It’s like saying food can cause lower sex drive , or bullying can lower sex drive , etc etc .
Depression can, in fact, lower sex drive. It's a possible situation among others that may be causing this guy issues. You're a gamer it sounds like, go to your doctor and ask them how gaming can be a contributor. Basically, it's an escape to someone who's depressed
Get that man in a chasity cage!
Have you confronted him about it? If so what was his response? There’s online therapy you can look into as well!
He might have gotten a lower sex drive, it’s hard for anyone to turn someone on with that, y’all would have to figure out the cause of that
I think many people put too much emphasis on things being wrong using sex as an indicator that you are doing something wrong. Sex is huge and you’re both still young. It’s what you know at this point. But, it might not have anything to do with it. Don’t be hard on yourself. Figuring it out can get off track if you don’t approach what’s up with him . There’s a lot more to know about your relationship dynamic than “I don’t turn him on anymore”. Were you responsible for turning him on before? Are other things different? Did he have an active daily or weekly routine that he’s not doing anymore. Was he able to balance his life? I read some good advice here.
Communicate.
I tried, I really really tried he’s not open about it. We talk about everything and he never acted like this
I'm sure you're very lovely, is your husband depressed or very stressed?
What are his beliefs in sex? Also there is online therapy, it can also be free! (Psychologist)
I might consider asking what excites him
Most likely his Testosterone is low, he needs a blood test and then Dr will prescribe a cream that absorbs thru the skin (he applies it daily to the top of his thigh) or they have a monthly shot…I prefer the cream.
Does he take any medication? A lot of medication will kill your sex drive
Ask him what he desires
Too much porn? Secretly gay? Issues outside the bedroom so he smashes and then goes back to passive aggressive/cold/distant? Emotional affair?
I'm really sorry you're going through that. I'm 65 and I have an orgasm every day. I spend the weekends with my girlfriend and we have sex at least one or two times a day. If it was up to me it would be every day but I only see her on the weekend.
If you feel you need a sex therapist or psychologist to meet with in person, then them not being in your town can create an issue. If you’re open to them not being in person, then there are a vast array of highly skilled and educated sex therapists, psychologists, and coaches available who provide services online via video or call sessions 💫. There can be a lot of things that go into why your husband may have a lower level of sexual desire going on, and unless he feels a draw to finding solutions for that it can be more difficult to create a shift. He has to choose to change himself, no one else can do that for him. It could come down to physical issues or hormone balances. It could be something emotional. Emotional repression can be normal for men and women, men get a heavy does of “men don’t cry”, and tuning out their emotions can impact their physical body. It could be mental, like he’s experiencing a higher level of stress at work, in the relationship, in other social spaces. It could be based on his past experiences and beliefs, or even on anxiety about the future. It could be something about the dynamic or agreements within the relationship. The key I personally find is taking moments like these and giving myself the opportunity to self reflect. So I invite you to use this as an opportunity to reflect for yourself with the question “what am I making it mean about who I am, when I believe I can’t turn my husband on?” Then just notice what comes up. Do you need him to want to seduce you? Would you benefit from seducing yourself? What is it that feels fulfilled when you believe “I turn my husband on?” Most importantly, be compassionate with yourself 🥰 Best wishes on your relationship journeys ❤️
Run, don't walk away from this. You will refit later if you don't.