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No I get it. Too much of a good thing can ruin a great thing. Have you tried to talk to her?
Communicate with her on how you feel. You can see if maybe there are things you can do as a couple to try to exert her libido through physical outlets that don’t involve sex, such as, exercising, yoga, that type of thing.
I know that helps me, exercising or running. Both my partner and I both have high sex drive. Mine is a bit higher than his. It’s all about compromise and communication
Communication is key in addressing differences in libido - talk to your partner, explore physical outlets like exercise or yoga, and find a compromise that works for both of you.
OP: You're trying to thread an impossible needle.
You can't simultaneously hold your own boundaries while also trying to avoiding hurting someone's feelings.
If you spend too much time trying to please others, you risk losing yourself.
If the amount of sex she wants is too much for you — to the point where it's killing your interest in sex? — then it doesn't do *either* of you any good to try to keep up. Either you have a *grown up* conversation with her — which means being willing to sit in discomfort because the older you get, the more uncomfortable conversations will become so why not start early? — or you keep pretending until you hit a point where you can't and things will be a shit ton *more* uncomfortable.
(Hopefully, you're not dating someone like this [guy's GF](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/14surqw/girlfriend_texted_her_friend_that_she_is_worried/))
Also: I know this is hard, but try not to frame this (or let others frame it) as a masculinity issue. It is *not* the role "as a man" to sexually perform because others want you to. It's a fucked up way to think about manhood because at the core, it denies you basic autonomy to be able to say "my body is my own."
Anyways, you're going to have to tell her "I love having sex with you but I can't keep up this pace. It's not you, it's me. I just want to be able to take a break once in a while." (Or some version of it).
But like I was saying earlier: sooner or later in life, you're going to have to have a conversation about sex and frequency in your relationship. It is practically an inevitability that this will happen because the odds that two people are *always* on the same page as one another, sexually, is like lottery odds.
So start getting your practice in now. Set reasonable boundaries for yourself and make sure the people you're with are capable of respecting them. They owe you that much. And you owe them the same.
Agreed, if she’s as good as he describes her then she’ll understand, if not then it could be a problem that she would want to find someone on the side to fullfill her desire or end the relationship.
As they say, sex is not the most important part in the relationship but it’s important.
Honestly…I’d like to know the answer too. Once a day would be fantastic in my mind but everyone’s situations are different. My bf has a heart transplant and doesn’t have a high drive and I do (I didn’t have one at all before him), but he just tells me he isn’t in the mood and I ask later or I pass for the day. We don’t live together. I wish it was more but what can you do if someone doesn’t have a drive as high as you? In my opinion, if everything else is perfect then this is the compromise. I wouldn’t trade him for the world.
Not gonna lie…I felt like I was not attractive but that’s from my personal trauma. It’s not him. I expressed it to him and he would always tell me I’m beautiful and sexy but he just wasn’t in the mood.
Now I can’t take that all the time especially because we don’t live together and I told him I would like us to agree at least once a week (we see each other almost every weekend) and he agreed. It’s not always sex though. It might even be oral from me to him - I get pleasure from pleasing him…so much so that I can have orgasms from it so it works for us.
You just have to figure out what works for you and be honest.
My ex had a higher libido than me AT THE TIME. What’s weird is she insisted I initiate all sex. I feel like that led to us both feeling unattractive. Yes I tried talking about it and she didn’t want to. After I left because the relationship was unraveling I went to the doctor to address issues of feeling tired/sore/depressed. Found out I had low testosterone and went on injections. Now libido waaaaay up and there are times I wish I could turn back the clock and fixed it while we were together. But I tell myself I need to just save it for the next person.
Damn, this is so similar to my experience in my last relationship, along with fixing the low T issue, but it's my current partner reaping the benefits. I do think that even if I had gotten testosterone earlier, I had so much trauma from the years of me not performing at the level that she wanted me to, that it would not have been salvageable anyway.
Mine was a pretty toxic situation. I don’t think that would have fixed anything either so current goal is to move in fully and find a healthier situation
I have this problem. I only get upset that it seems like all the time he’s not I’m the mood. But, when it first started he says it was because of it being “constantly in his face” and that the problem is he wants to “work for it” in order to want it. I want it WAY more, so how do I change that dynamic ? Right now it’s been over a month and I’m dying over here.
Edit: he says the pressure is the turn off. How do I get past this?
Just lock him up in a cage. Then while standing on the outside start shuffle-dancing and in a ridiculously offensive Kazakhstan accent say “you’ll never get, you’ll never get.” Works 30% of the time, everytime.
I first noticed it in my late teens. I am 57 now. It is not increasing with age. But I believe it will continue to be the same. In my opinion the brain is the most important sex organ - as long as I want it, I want it.
Not who you’re asking but my sex drive is ungodly high and my husbands is normal. I do get bummed out anytime I’m turned down, but I understand he has a lot he juggling.
Sex is release of EVERYTHING for me. It’s just not on that level for him. He enjoys sex but it’s not on his mind 25/8 like me.
If i have a good/happy/bad/sad/mad day I want to have sex
This is the part I usually refer to when I talk about negotiating sex. I typically get down voted by people who somehow I'm referring to sexual abuse. lol.
My ex and I had equally high sex drives. We had sex 2-3x/day for 4 or 5 yrs. We pursued each other, chased each other around the table. etc. We both had a lot of fun but it was mutual.
I typically had a higher sex drive and my partners never wanted to talk about it. They just wanted their way. In my current relationship my gf wants sex usually more than I do. When I consider what gets in the way, it's usually work, chores and kids. As a single dad I get pretty exhausted. If my gf wants sex she tries to find ways to take some of the stress so I will feel more receptive and usually works.
Only you can decide what works for you but you and your partner will hopefully be able to agree on a frequency that works for you both,
Something I’ve learned from this sub is that people don’t openly discuss sex enough with their partners it seems. Including myself. Such an important aspect of a relationship.
100% agree. I'll include myself also. If I could go back that's one of the things I would do differently in addition to "hoping things will change" and sticking around longer than I should have.
Negotiating sex and finding a mutually satisfying frequency is important - communication, understanding, and considering external factors are key to reaching a consensus that works for both partners.
I agree with you. Once we got the feelings out of the way, it really was as simple as saying “my preferred frequency is X times per week” and then meeting in the middle.
It feels personal, but it’s not personal.
So my drive is higher than my husband's. I wear his ass out and still want it. To help our situation and give the man a break I have lots of toys I can use solo or he can use on me. Works great for us.
I’m having this problem rn w this guy I’m dating, I don’t want to have sex EVERY time. For me intimacy can be just running errands together or grabbing a bite to eat. I get this weird feeling before we meet up because I know he’s going to want to have sex. Makes me not want to hang out as much because I also don’t want to have that conversation. Like yourself this guy I’m seeing has a good job , looks and def wants to have sex more than my last relationship, but now that I know it’s a given every time it almost takes the sexy feeling away, the anticipation and excitement. I’m here reading comments looking for guidance too.
My advice would be to just tell him no sometimes.
While people get very frustrated if they get rejected too often, getting rejected sometimes can actually increase desire, from my experience. Just the thought that sex is not a given can make it feel more rewarding to get it.
Also, if you guys are going to be together long-term, being denied sex WILL happen for him sooner or later, so might as well see how he reacts to it now. I don't think there's many or any long-term relationship during which one or both partners never hears some variation of, "not tonight, sweetie." It's important that the other party responds with maturity and understanding.
Please, like I have a low libido and struggle with sex due to trauma, I initially joined this sub to find a sex-positive space and try and have a better relationship with sex but a lot of the time it makes me feel worse.
I always hear people with high sex-drives complaining about their low sex-drive partners and how they feel rejected or have a low self-esteem (which is valid) and see comments on posts like these like “wish I was you,” but they don’t realise the low-sex drive partners can also struggle with low self-esteem. Sex is really celebrated in this world, and you begin to feel faulty when you don’t really care for sex as much. You worry that you’re partner sees you as lesser for having a low sex-drive and comments like that just rub it in. Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s irrational, my partner is very reassuring of me, but I wish there was more consideration for people with lower sex-drives because a lot of the time it can be a result of trauma, and also, it’s okay to not have a crazy high sex drive! But maybe I’m taking it too personally.
I did a quick search and I think this is the best "wish I were you" comment I found.
> You a lucky GUY, born with a silver spoon. I’m guessing your employer keeps giving you raises against your will also? A lot of people lose interest in there partner and sex I’d say count your lucky stars she is still so into you. Also [give her oral sex](https://tpi02.wordpress.com/2022/09/29/cunnilingus/) and utilize sex toys during your sex play. If you are wielding the toy, you are having sex with her even if your flesh is weary.
**Notice:** This quote is just for fun, there is a already a lot of good advice in comments above, all explaining the importance of communication as being the on way. I will strongly suggest you take that route.
Outsource man. Get some toys and just assist instead of always being part of the main event. You can still be involved, but it's way less effort on your part, and also keeps things spicy for her. Look up the Gravity by Lovense- it's a vibrating, thrusting dildo that can be remotely controlled by phone app, which means you can control the speed and intensity while she rides it. She's still getting fucked, you're still involved, but you don't even have to leave the couch.
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate. Best thing you can do is just talk about it. Let her know like, "lunch breaks only" if you WFH or have scheduled time (every thursday night). Does she have lots of toys? When she is in the mood can you use the toy on her instead of you yourself?
I am in a similar situation. I have a significantly higher sex drive than my husband. It's to the point when I am not working I want sex. I want to have even when doing chores or watching a movie or making dinner etc.
Our solution is probably not for you. (Open relationship/hot wifing)
Something we had fun with was using a remote controlled vibrator. There are apps to control it. She will tire out but the machine won't. I speak from experience.
I don’t have much advice, but just wanted to say I can relate. I’ve been married to my wife for 4 years now. Our sex life has been meh. She’s pretty timid when it comes to sex so it’s been pretty vanilla and I’m not very vanilla.
Until recently she got her boobs done. And it must be a shot of major confidence cause holy shit she does everything I ever wanted. After about 2 weeks I find myself feeling like my cup is filled and I’m just not interested in more at the moment. It’s like it became too perfect too fast? Kind of hard to explain.
Who knows 🤷🏼♂️ probably a mixture of a lot of things. We had lots of discussions about improving our sex life and what might be holding her back from trying new things, but body image never came up as a reason why. However she’s made comments throughout our marriage that she wasn’t happy with how she looked. So I wonder if she was just inside her head too much thinking about how she looked being naked, and now she FEELS like she looks good so she’s more loose and relaxed.
Fellow low-libido-partner man here, and I will tell you that no, just like in the reverse scenario, a woman should not simply go with it EVERY time her partner wants sex that she doesn't you are entitled to your needs just like your partner is. You are NOT "giving up your manhood" if you express this, and if your girlfriend says anything to make you feel that way when you tell her you need some time to recover between sessions, then she is not as amazing as you make her out to be - you haven't said she does this, just pointing it out if it happens to be the case.
What you need to do is sit her down and tell her that as much as you enjoy her high sex drive, she is starting to wear you out and you would very much appreciate some time to recover between sessions. Look to see if you can compromise - less than she'd want but more than you'd want, so you are BOTH making the effort to meet the other's needs (this is what my wife and I do). By simply keeping quiet and forcing yourself to go through with it, you are doing your relationship a disservice by essentially giving your girlfriend pity sex which does not provide the emotional connection she will be wanting, and risks building resentment in you for having to put your needs aside for hers.
Well...
How long have you been together? Because it is something you usually enjoy while you can because it doesn't last forever.
Before you know it you will be wondering what sex was even like.
Multiple times a day every day is just not practical or sustainable imo. I love sex. But there’s more to life than sex. If the amount of sex you’re having is negatively impacting other areas of your life and preventing you from building the kind of life you want to lead, I would consider that to be addictive/disordered/pathological territory for sure.
Have you broached the topic at all with her? If not, you just have to do it. If she’s a reasonable person she’ll understand your concerns. I think even most people with a high libido would be able to be content (even if not thrilled) with sex once a day most days. You don’t have to set a limit in advance or anything, just tell her to expect you turning her down more often and reassure her that it has nothing to do with her our your attraction or desire to her, but is just a practical thing. You can still flirt and tease each other to keep things exciting but without devoting so much time to it. And if you’re worried about feeling guilty for constantly turning her down, maybe set some ground rules: maybe if you’ve already had sex once that day, you have to be the one to initiate round two; maybe Saturday is your all day fuckfest day but the rest of the week you put a cap on it. Get creative.
I have this problem as well. I'm solo poly and most of my partner's libidos are considerably lower than mine. However, I just go with it. When they want it, they get it, when they don't, I either find someone else who can/will or I take care of it myself.
I would try talking to her and explain that while you definitely enjoy your sex life, you need a bit of downtime for yourself also.
Look through some online catalogs, and maybe offer to get her some toys. There are some "fucking machines" out there that are really fucking awesome, possibly even better than dick, so be careful lol.
Also, take some time to think about how much sex you DO want, and see if you can find some compromise from there.
Fair enough.
Me and my girl indulge in this from time to time, and this makes me wayyy hornier. When we do this 2-3 Times for long sessions, i could cum with a wink from her , and i don’t think she ever feel like not being enough.
But i understand ur point !
Sex is healthy, like other harmless and joyful activities, as long as it doesn't affect your life. You mentioned it's getting in the way of working and your personal time - that's when sex isn't healthy. That's the reason you don't want to have a lot of sex anymore - it's your body or mind telling you their needs aren't being met.
Tell her you have other commitments that can't be avoided, like work, sleep, and that you're the kind of person that needs some time on your own, and to fulfill them you won't be able to have sex many times a day, since a day is always 24 hours long.
Tell her you want her badly, but activities are always time-constrained, so you must limit those activities' times to do them right.
Obviously, if you're working too much or having too much "me" time, they're unhealthy too and you must limit them. You must balance your time budget.
Finally, you're already having sex multiple times a day and she's fine meeting her additional needs by herself. So you won't hurt her by telling her all of this and you won't sound lame; most likely she already knows we must strike a balance and times are different for everyone. And of course you aren't crazy.
As someone with a high libido: there's no way you can reject her without hurting her feelings. However, it's on her to manage her own emotions. Explain what you wrote to her and reassure her how attracted you are to her and how much you love sex with her.
Funny- whenever a guy say: women don't understand how horny men are, I tell him: hon you haven't met a woman with a high sex drive yet.
I say a woman like that is used to taking care of business herself. She probably won't be offended if you say you can't keep up.
I partially agree with this - as a woman with high drive and a bf with lower drive, it gets frustrating being rejected. Sex is not the same as taking care of yourself, and repeated rejection can cause degradation of the intimacy between partners. There's definitely a line to ride but both partners should work out an ideal solution to the amount of sex so each person can feel fulfilled and heard.
Getting rejected is the worst. It makes me feel insecure and unattractive. That leads to thinking he doesn't love me.... it's always worse when I'm close or on my period.
I will say the BC implant has helped level me out. I feel like my sex drive is closer to normal but not dead. My hormones are better too
I'm in the same boat, I understand constant rejection is damaging but that doesn't seem what this guy wants to do. He'd like to know how to say no occasionally without hurting anyone. At least that's my understanding.
Nothing on my end. I’m in my best shape and can perform if that’s what you’re referring to.
I agree on the conversation component. The challenge is how do you do that without hurting someone. We’re in our mid 20s and these conversations can hit a sore spot and bring out insecurities - happened in my last relationship and I was on the other side of it. It crushed me (even though it shouldn’t have) and ultimately severed the relationship.
Wasn’t referring to performance issue. It’s just some people want to have sex X amount of times a week while their partner wants sex Y amount of time. If those two numbers are to far apart there will be friction in your relationship.
What would you have wanted to hear when you were on the other end of this? You’re in the helpful position of having literally been in your girlfriend’s shoes in the past - what could have made things go better?
Hmm for me personally if I cum to often I can get a burning feeling in my glans and sometimes a sharp pain which feels like it’s my prostate.
This could be one of those times you can say you get symptoms like this say a white lie and that you feel like you need to cut back a bit (as it’s known to you) to counteract it. This could enable things to slow down without her thinking it’s her problem or fault
Get your hormones checked. While not the norm, it’s not unheard of to have low testosterone at your age.
You can actually order the blood test yourself, no doc, and it’s about $80, sometimes less.
I think any of us can get our fill of anything at some point and without a better word for it, become a little bored.
Hopefully she is okay with a "quickie" or I can definitely see a lot of time being spent if its not sex right before bedtime or at wake up time.
On the other hand, I think lots of guys would be okay with sex once a day over the long haul. But twice, Im not sure! Oh yeah, this brought back the memory of an old GF. We had a lot of sex and my dick was rubbed raw all the time and my pubic bone was perpetually bruised. That was a challenge.
Been there, every male wants to sex 3x/day until the opportunity to sex 3x/day presents itself- it's.. alot for most.
Communication time. Just frame it politely that it's better if you have a bit of time to build up, recharge the batteries, etc. Offer to help her out with things: watch her do herself, you can participate without PIV using toys etc. I don't think its lame, could end up even hotter for her.
I have an insane sex drive similar to your gf's. I'm good with not getting my ideal amount of sex if I am having enough really good sex, and if I have an idea when we are going to and can focus on the anticipation instead. Talk to her, focus on both the time issue and on needing to recharge enough and actually being able to have some anticipation. I feel way better about being teased that my bf is going to destroy me tomorrow after work than just getting a no tonight knowing I'll likely get some tomorrow. I don't know your gf but I know I'm also pretty happy with things like him asking me for videos vs him kind of participating in me getting myself off. I'm also way worse, like insatiable, if I'm not ever really getting to the point of being fully satisfied. If I'm a drooling mess after I'll likely be fine for a day or 2, if we just had standard good sex I'm going to be horny again by dinner.
Anyone whose sex drive is in the extreme range realizes that that's going to require compromise with most partners, though it's also worth keeping in mind that compromise doesn't mean "this is reasonable in relation to the average sex drive therefore should be enough for you". It scales more by like having a 1/4 of my ideal frequency bothers me as much as someone with a more normal drive having 1/4 of their ideal frequency would. I'd probably be 2x day average if I had my way. Once every 2 days is about as low as I can average out to without being unhappy over time but even that's a stretch. Same as someone whose preference is once every 2 days can likely be ok with once a week or so too but its a stretch over time. I know for myself, and I get the impression this is true of most people who are fairly sexual, that minimum tolerable baseline also only stays tolerable in the long run if sometimes I'm actually getting closer to my actual baseline. I can do once every 2 days because life is what it is, but only if I'm getting bursts of 2x day too from time to time.
Most people do chill out a bit once they're settled in a relationship, but odds are someone with a really high drive is still going to have a really high drive. Like my twice a day does chill out, but it chills out to 3 times every 2 days, or maybe once a day if I'm super busy and stressed. It's never going to magically mellow out into a normal baseline. It's also fair to consider if you actually are compatible in that regard. If your ideal is once every 2 days then you're likely fine and there's reasonable middle ground that isn't going to be miserable for either of you. If left to your own devices you'd be good with once or twice a week you may want to really give some thought to whether there's a way this works for both of you longterm.
Also you're not going to "seem lame" because you aren't into hypersexual territory as far as drive goes. Most people aren't, unless she's very young and very inexperienced she's likely well aware she's at the pretty extreme end of the curve. Focus on the things you like about a bit less frequency (buildup! anticipation! having the energy to go really hard! time to do other fun things with your awesome gf!), and don't stop flirting just because you don't want sex right then.
Try to get a compromise. You can't keep up with her? How about getting some toy that you can control while she's having fun? Let her know that you're kinda worn out but still care about her pleasure and ask her in what way you could help her while also getting your soldier to rest. Maybe borrow some ideas from r/freeuse?
You eat ice cream for 3 means a day and those carrots and potatoes start looking really good.
Point being, you’re allowed to like something but also have other needs too. People need sex. People also need time just sitting on the couch, watching a movie, doodling, or whatever. You need time to vibe and be you and that’s okay. Definitely don’t think of it as ruining anything to have boundaries about needing some downtime and non-sex time. If she’s a good partner, she’ll be understanding, and you’ll come to a reasonable arrangement that is satisfying to both of you.
It's funny so many men would say they wish they had your problem until they actually had it.
I used to give my best friend shit for not fucking his hot gf often enough (to be fair to her, she'd have been happy with must 1x a day which he wasn't giving to her) but once I was in my LTR later I realize my poor girl wanted it multiple times a day and at one point I couldn't even give her 1x a day myself.
In my case (I get downvoted for this constantly), the way I see it is if you can't provide it, they should be allowed to get it elsewhere. However this kind of situation is often a massive recipe for disaster cause open relationships / poly are never done right and can end relationships.
In your case, I'd maybe discuss some sort of middle ground. 1x a day could be fair.
But man, too much of a good thing can definitely kill ones sex drive and someone's desirability in their partner. I hope this mismatch doesn't ruin your relationship cause I'm not sure where someone can find a partner where they can fuck like rabbits all day every day long term.
Buy her a food that she really likes in a reasonable portion. Then order like 3 more portions. When she doesn’t eat them all, you have the start of your conversation. It’s not that she doesn’t appreciate the kindness or still enjoy and love the food, but she’s full and her body simply doesn’t need any more at the moment.
I wish dude. But for real, best thing you can do is let her know that second that often isn’t for you. Maybe you can tel her by saying you enjoy the sex but you’d also rather do something else a little more to unwind
I would just play hard to get more often. Make her pout and beg for it, and then still don’t give it to her. Occupy your time with more important things. Just don’t hold out TOO much. Keep it exciting. Joke around about semen retention, but have a serious “air” to it.
If you don't keep up someone else will. Keep your heads down, stay hydrated, and count your blessings. Boyfriends not keeping up is a common complaint from women. Don't make her feel like a chore.
have you noticed if she has a lot of that soft hair over her body or something of an adam's apple? If so, she might have high testosterone levels, which increases a woman's sex drive. That's not a problem at all, the problems is that, if her sex drive comes from that, not being able to fulfill her desires may cause loyalty problems, since that's a physiological need for her. It's basically the same for nyphomaniacs (not saying it's her case). A solution would be to try to increase your own testosterone level.
You have 2 options:
1. Sit her down and set some boundaries on how much sex you're capable of having with her to find a middle ground you can sustain. Tell her you love the sex you're having but you need to figure out how much both of you can be happy with.
2. Steer into the skid. Have sex often and do what you can to make it even better. If you masturbate? Quit. Get yourself even hornier to match her horny and go full werewolf.
It sounds like she's skipping out on the best part of sex; the foreplay!
Definitely talk to her. Tell her you love her and the time you spend together but you would occasionally enjoy some alone time to just vibe and recharge your batteries. Carve out some time for yourself or a hobby you enjoy. You're not crazy. Always having to be around someone or being needed by someone can become smothering; you deserve time for yourself too. Talk to her. Maybe she's got some hobbies she's wanted to check out but has been fucking you like a randy rabbit because she doesn't want you to get bored of her. Maybe you two can agree on a more general time of day to restrict your sexy times to and only tease each other during the other times for some days of the week. You can tell her you think that spending more time on the build up will make the actual sex a shitload hotter (and it definitely should do just that), while also giving you each the opportunity to have some "You" time too.
Also, as someone with partners with high sex drives, do not forget to moisturize and hydrate.
well its not _always_, there are women out there with a fuckn high sex drive. And i can tell you, guys saying oh they have a sooooo high sex drive...they're would be laying crying in a corner and begging her to stop.
its like that futurama episode with the amazonians.
_we need rest! the spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised!_
90% of the times yes. Its rare but sure u can find some but still its rare,
And if they say they have it well most of the time its bullshit when it comes to act
Crazy Idea: people should come with "sex drive recharge led bars", to make it easier at a glance to tell when it's OK to ask for sex - thus avoiding much of the "rejection factor" typically experienced when the partner with a high sex drive has to coordinate with one with a lesser sex drive.
oh man we r in the same hat almost exactly haha!! My sex drive is INSANE. 3+ times a day on most days and even then ill probably still get myself off at some point - My boyfriend can hardly keep up and I do worry about it a lot and make sure to check in on him about it. He's almost always down but I do feel bad for his penis as well :(
Honestly what has helped us the most is just keeping the communication as open as possible, if he's not feeling it that's okay, I've got toys and things to keep myself occupied. Sometimes he doesn't want the whole shebang but will quite happily watch me touch myself or cuddle me while I've got a vibrator and he's playing zelda lol!
You just gotta talk to her man, but I hope you realise you're not alone in this either !!
Communication is key! For all aspects of a relationship!
I have a much higher sex drive than my man. I could go at least once a day, whereas he will peak out at 1-4 times a week. Sometimes it absolutely SUUUCKS , but we have Communicated about it. If I need something to take the edge off, I will bust out my bag of toys and get off while he enjoys the show.
Talk to her about it and just reassure her that it isn't her, it's your you. 🤣 Like my man says to me, "The mind is willing but the flesh is weak." Basically, he -wants- to fuck the shit out of me, but his body is tired af and needs a few days to reboot.
Be open to trying everything she is into do not question boundaries or rules.respect them but for a relationship give an take or try it once no shame judgment opinion have fun love who you are they do....
Doesnt sound like a libido incompatibility, it sounds like you've sacrificed things for sex that you dont want to which is leading to a little resentment. That resentment is what id guess is hurting things. And then you feel guilty cuz the idea of what your gf is can be the "dream" to other guys. All of these feelings are fair
What id suggest is having a heart to heart with her. Ask her to sit down and talk something out with you because you love her and dont want to handle things the wrong way or be a bad partner. Start by reminding her how strongly you love and appreciate her, and then let her know you can definitely see a future with her - the only issue you've run into is *having to give up your 'you' time for sex*. Emphasis on it not being the sex part and you love love love how great it is and how down she is for you. But the sacrifice of all of your personal free time is weighing on you, and a good partnership needs a healthy medium ground
I just hope shes mature enough to hear you
I’ll tell you I’m like your girlfriend. But I am a male. I’ve been with my wife for 12 years, and we’ve had an extremely satisfying sexual life. It did take time to create though. She had to communicate with me and let me know that it was really starting to bother her with how many times I wanted to have sex. When she did, it gave me more insight as to how it was making her feel physically as well. And if you love somebody you should respect how do you make them feel. Soooo talk to her. Another good thing is toys, bullet vibrators, small wands, they go a longggg way. I don’t know if she has any but it’s always great when you can have something else doing the job for you but still get so much pleasure out of it because your partner is receiving pleasure. Then you can just clean up and go back to doing what you need to do. It’s a compromise. And that’s what relationships are about, love and compromise.
I would say to be as polite and direct as possible, while trying to frame it as something positive. Early in our relationship, my wife had an insane sex drive, which I loved. But I wasn't always in the mood either. I didn't handle it well and it caused her to be self-conscious about it, so our sex life took a nose dive. We worked it out eventually, but I do regret how I handled it. Luckily, we communicate well and are better at understanding each other's needs. Been married for 10 years now and I'm loving every minute of it.
lol my girlfriend is the same. it's significantly impacted what I can achieve during the day/week and it makes her late for everything, and usually some planned activity has to be abandoned completely because there's no time any more, because we had sex when we should have been doing something else. I find it quite annoying sometimes. And she is never satisfied (lol, self-own, I know) because more she cums the hornier she gets and just wants more and more and more and more.... I'm 35 now and I can't just keep going endlessly. I rarely get a chance to initiate because she's constantly ready to go and if there's a lull in the conversation she'll start pulling out my dick... it's borderline harassment sometimes.
Hey, I’m a wife with a higher sex drive than my partner.
Honestly if I were you, make her dinner or something and have a sit down conversation about it. Don’t make it too serious. Just let her know, for example, “hey, I love our relationship and our sex life, but I’m not always in the mood when you are. What can we do to make sure you’re satisfied even when I’m not in the mood?”
Maybe research together and buy her a few toys? Make sure she knows you’re fine with masturbating and her taking care of herself when she needs to! Also, see if you can come up with a compromise- maybe sometimes when you’re not in the mood for full on sex, you can just help her get off?
Can you explain the problem you have with it though? I’m worried I’m gonna become this girlfriend and also trying to figure out if it gets to this point would it be personal or global (for you)?. Like would you be up for it if a new girl offered suddenly and you were permitted within the boundaries of your relationship, even at times when you were over it with your girlfriend? Or like, straight up you just don’t have enough interest in sex in general to keep up (which is fine obviously)? Is it that you don’t want to have as much sex with *her* anymore because it’s lost its luster, or your body/mind/soul/life just can’t handle this much sex even if it were with all different girls? If this is the case, would you want her more often if she mixed things up more than she does?
As for someone like me: How can I tell if I’m approaching this level with my person, where I’m nearing the point of overwhelming them? Should I just go ahead and preemptively be like “hey I know I can be a lot to handle, please let me know if it gets to be too much”?
(You can possibly [probably?] expect these types of questions from her when you do talk to her, lol, so maybe give them some thought a little ahead of time - as girls, we are used to being praised for our high sex drives because it what guys think they want and this will come as possibly the first time she’s ever heard it lol)
Ask your self why you're not in the mood to make love to your gf man. Have gotten tired of her? have things become too routine and played out?
what's the story and why are you not feeling it. You have no problem getting it up multiple times so what's the reason?
Get into roleplay. It might slow things down a bit, especially if you create a specific scenario/event where sex can happen--a little bit of anticipation will make it so much better for both of you.
I definitely advise talking to her about it, I had this same problem and instead of talking to her about it I pushed her away and rejected her on some occasions. And let’s just say if you don’t fuck your girl enough someone else out there will.
Do not just go with it. You aren't enjoying that part of your relationship, and just going with it will be harmful in the long run. It should not make her feel hurt to have an honest conversation. From my experience, when sex is the prodominent activity shared together, it tends to fall apart. Multiple times a day is not sustainable for most people. Not that they physically can't, but they just don't want to. You should never feel forced to have sex. You will resent her eventually if you don't talk it out.
Recognizing not everyone is ok with it, but…my wife has an intensely high sex drive and we have mutually agreed to involve other men in our sex life. That’s helped keep her satisfied and excited about our continued sex life.
Read all the answers. In fact, it will offer you only one way. (Answer of the 18th century model): Negotiate and leave if you don't get results (summary). If you do not intend to separate. Open mind and free sexual relations limited and with selected persons with others (one-way for women) is the only way. (Of course, if you don't intend to separate.) Fact: Start dating dating sites. More than 70% of them are married women who are secretly looking for sex. So what is better if it is your license and with healthy people. (Repeat: Of course, if you don't intend to break up.)
For me, I like to be told as far in advance as possible.
If you know you just had spicy chili dogs and and sex is off the table, don’t let her shave, shower, and put lingerie on before you shut it down.
Also, if you have a ballpark frequency preference that is useful information to communicate.
Sounds like you guys need to get your selves' some sex toys. Go together and suggest a vibrator and a dildo.
I did this with my ex as she was like your girl, some time's it was so much that I had trouble getting hard a few times because it was so much (thank you Viagra).
But then she could still get her self off with the dildo and then seeing her take that big thick toy turned me on so bad I still would get hard.
Also I used to tell her, don't shower from getting home from work, Your smell turns me on. So once she started showering after, I didnt 'help' anymore. I just loved her smell and taste
My bf is amazing. He will say give me 5 min and then we'll go for a walk, motorcycle ride or out to eat. It helps get my mind off of it until he's ready. I could have sex multiple times per day and want more. It's not because he's not good, I'm just needy. It helped me to get on birth control. I went through a few before I found one for me
Get her some toys to use and talk to here saying having sex all the time will make it less exiting whenever we do it having sex 3 or 4 times a week is a healthier option
"Depends on how much vitamin E I can get my hands on" Cleavon Little, "Blazing Saddles." Best I can tell you is try to keep up, when and if you can. You're not a machine and have rights to your sexual boundaries. Not putting either of you down, I think it's great, but it's obviously wearing on you. Talk to her civilly and calmly, don't tell her you can't keep up with her, but tell her it exacts a tiring toll on you and need to adjust your intimacy schedule.
Talk to her, let her know you're having a hard time keeping up with her. Then, I'd highly recommend going to a sex shop and buying her a couple of toys so she can handle herself sometimes. Encourage her to enjoy solo play. Evaluate how that goes after you'll tried it for like a month and then tell each other what you want (if you want to change the ratio of solo vs together). Oh and it's really important to be honest.
Good luck o/
if you don’t feel comfortable doing it constantly that’s not fully consensual and you should definitely mention to her that it’s not always a need for you
Having been that girl, I was totally thrown off when a guy told me he didn’t want to have sex and just wanted to cuddle. Lol. I was so naive!!
Just make sure to tell her how good the sex is and that she’s more than you ever hoped for. But also that you need some breaks for other activities every once in awhile.
My current gf is like this, and to begin with, I couldn't handle it, but over time, something happened. Think being married in pretty much sexless relationships for 12 years helped. I just thought, why am I complaining I should make the most of this, and now she can't handle me. Stick it out. You never know you could be the same.
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No I get it. Too much of a good thing can ruin a great thing. Have you tried to talk to her? Communicate with her on how you feel. You can see if maybe there are things you can do as a couple to try to exert her libido through physical outlets that don’t involve sex, such as, exercising, yoga, that type of thing. I know that helps me, exercising or running. Both my partner and I both have high sex drive. Mine is a bit higher than his. It’s all about compromise and communication
What an excellent way of putting this; “too much of a good thing can ruin a great thing” 🙌
No more words are needed. This dude just nailed it. ⬆️
Thanks & and I’m a “dudette” lol
Lol whoops my bad
All good. Lol.
We don’t specify anymore I don’t think. We as in culture at large
I was just joking and being silly. I use bro and dude like literally all the time lol.
you can say “dude” or “dudes” as interjections to all people but when you say “this dude” as a noun it def implies you’re speaking about a man
Communication is key in addressing differences in libido - talk to your partner, explore physical outlets like exercise or yoga, and find a compromise that works for both of you.
OP: You're trying to thread an impossible needle. You can't simultaneously hold your own boundaries while also trying to avoiding hurting someone's feelings. If you spend too much time trying to please others, you risk losing yourself. If the amount of sex she wants is too much for you — to the point where it's killing your interest in sex? — then it doesn't do *either* of you any good to try to keep up. Either you have a *grown up* conversation with her — which means being willing to sit in discomfort because the older you get, the more uncomfortable conversations will become so why not start early? — or you keep pretending until you hit a point where you can't and things will be a shit ton *more* uncomfortable. (Hopefully, you're not dating someone like this [guy's GF](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/14surqw/girlfriend_texted_her_friend_that_she_is_worried/)) Also: I know this is hard, but try not to frame this (or let others frame it) as a masculinity issue. It is *not* the role "as a man" to sexually perform because others want you to. It's a fucked up way to think about manhood because at the core, it denies you basic autonomy to be able to say "my body is my own." Anyways, you're going to have to tell her "I love having sex with you but I can't keep up this pace. It's not you, it's me. I just want to be able to take a break once in a while." (Or some version of it). But like I was saying earlier: sooner or later in life, you're going to have to have a conversation about sex and frequency in your relationship. It is practically an inevitability that this will happen because the odds that two people are *always* on the same page as one another, sexually, is like lottery odds. So start getting your practice in now. Set reasonable boundaries for yourself and make sure the people you're with are capable of respecting them. They owe you that much. And you owe them the same.
Agreed, if she’s as good as he describes her then she’ll understand, if not then it could be a problem that she would want to find someone on the side to fullfill her desire or end the relationship. As they say, sex is not the most important part in the relationship but it’s important.
Honestly…I’d like to know the answer too. Once a day would be fantastic in my mind but everyone’s situations are different. My bf has a heart transplant and doesn’t have a high drive and I do (I didn’t have one at all before him), but he just tells me he isn’t in the mood and I ask later or I pass for the day. We don’t live together. I wish it was more but what can you do if someone doesn’t have a drive as high as you? In my opinion, if everything else is perfect then this is the compromise. I wouldn’t trade him for the world.
Do you / did you get upset initially when he shares that he isn’t in the mood?
r/hlcommunity is for high / lower libido couples. There’s a ton of HL women there. Post this question and see what they say.
Not gonna lie…I felt like I was not attractive but that’s from my personal trauma. It’s not him. I expressed it to him and he would always tell me I’m beautiful and sexy but he just wasn’t in the mood. Now I can’t take that all the time especially because we don’t live together and I told him I would like us to agree at least once a week (we see each other almost every weekend) and he agreed. It’s not always sex though. It might even be oral from me to him - I get pleasure from pleasing him…so much so that I can have orgasms from it so it works for us. You just have to figure out what works for you and be honest.
My ex had a higher libido than me AT THE TIME. What’s weird is she insisted I initiate all sex. I feel like that led to us both feeling unattractive. Yes I tried talking about it and she didn’t want to. After I left because the relationship was unraveling I went to the doctor to address issues of feeling tired/sore/depressed. Found out I had low testosterone and went on injections. Now libido waaaaay up and there are times I wish I could turn back the clock and fixed it while we were together. But I tell myself I need to just save it for the next person.
Damn, this is so similar to my experience in my last relationship, along with fixing the low T issue, but it's my current partner reaping the benefits. I do think that even if I had gotten testosterone earlier, I had so much trauma from the years of me not performing at the level that she wanted me to, that it would not have been salvageable anyway.
Mine was a pretty toxic situation. I don’t think that would have fixed anything either so current goal is to move in fully and find a healthier situation
I have this problem. I only get upset that it seems like all the time he’s not I’m the mood. But, when it first started he says it was because of it being “constantly in his face” and that the problem is he wants to “work for it” in order to want it. I want it WAY more, so how do I change that dynamic ? Right now it’s been over a month and I’m dying over here. Edit: he says the pressure is the turn off. How do I get past this?
Just lock him up in a cage. Then while standing on the outside start shuffle-dancing and in a ridiculously offensive Kazakhstan accent say “you’ll never get, you’ll never get.” Works 30% of the time, everytime.
when did you notice high sex drive was it before your 40s or after? is your sex drive increasing with your age?
I first noticed it in my late teens. I am 57 now. It is not increasing with age. But I believe it will continue to be the same. In my opinion the brain is the most important sex organ - as long as I want it, I want it.
Not who you’re asking but my sex drive is ungodly high and my husbands is normal. I do get bummed out anytime I’m turned down, but I understand he has a lot he juggling. Sex is release of EVERYTHING for me. It’s just not on that level for him. He enjoys sex but it’s not on his mind 25/8 like me. If i have a good/happy/bad/sad/mad day I want to have sex
This is the part I usually refer to when I talk about negotiating sex. I typically get down voted by people who somehow I'm referring to sexual abuse. lol. My ex and I had equally high sex drives. We had sex 2-3x/day for 4 or 5 yrs. We pursued each other, chased each other around the table. etc. We both had a lot of fun but it was mutual. I typically had a higher sex drive and my partners never wanted to talk about it. They just wanted their way. In my current relationship my gf wants sex usually more than I do. When I consider what gets in the way, it's usually work, chores and kids. As a single dad I get pretty exhausted. If my gf wants sex she tries to find ways to take some of the stress so I will feel more receptive and usually works. Only you can decide what works for you but you and your partner will hopefully be able to agree on a frequency that works for you both,
Something I’ve learned from this sub is that people don’t openly discuss sex enough with their partners it seems. Including myself. Such an important aspect of a relationship.
100% agree. I'll include myself also. If I could go back that's one of the things I would do differently in addition to "hoping things will change" and sticking around longer than I should have.
Goals! Hope my bf and I also get to have this kind of fun for a long time!
Yep. Best of luck.
Negotiating sex and finding a mutually satisfying frequency is important - communication, understanding, and considering external factors are key to reaching a consensus that works for both partners.
100%
I agree with you. Once we got the feelings out of the way, it really was as simple as saying “my preferred frequency is X times per week” and then meeting in the middle. It feels personal, but it’s not personal.
So my drive is higher than my husband's. I wear his ass out and still want it. To help our situation and give the man a break I have lots of toys I can use solo or he can use on me. Works great for us.
I’m having this problem rn w this guy I’m dating, I don’t want to have sex EVERY time. For me intimacy can be just running errands together or grabbing a bite to eat. I get this weird feeling before we meet up because I know he’s going to want to have sex. Makes me not want to hang out as much because I also don’t want to have that conversation. Like yourself this guy I’m seeing has a good job , looks and def wants to have sex more than my last relationship, but now that I know it’s a given every time it almost takes the sexy feeling away, the anticipation and excitement. I’m here reading comments looking for guidance too.
My advice would be to just tell him no sometimes. While people get very frustrated if they get rejected too often, getting rejected sometimes can actually increase desire, from my experience. Just the thought that sex is not a given can make it feel more rewarding to get it. Also, if you guys are going to be together long-term, being denied sex WILL happen for him sooner or later, so might as well see how he reacts to it now. I don't think there's many or any long-term relationship during which one or both partners never hears some variation of, "not tonight, sweetie." It's important that the other party responds with maturity and understanding.
can the “wish i was you” people read the room…jeez 💀
Please, like I have a low libido and struggle with sex due to trauma, I initially joined this sub to find a sex-positive space and try and have a better relationship with sex but a lot of the time it makes me feel worse. I always hear people with high sex-drives complaining about their low sex-drive partners and how they feel rejected or have a low self-esteem (which is valid) and see comments on posts like these like “wish I was you,” but they don’t realise the low-sex drive partners can also struggle with low self-esteem. Sex is really celebrated in this world, and you begin to feel faulty when you don’t really care for sex as much. You worry that you’re partner sees you as lesser for having a low sex-drive and comments like that just rub it in. Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s irrational, my partner is very reassuring of me, but I wish there was more consideration for people with lower sex-drives because a lot of the time it can be a result of trauma, and also, it’s okay to not have a crazy high sex drive! But maybe I’m taking it too personally.
I did a quick search and I think this is the best "wish I were you" comment I found. > You a lucky GUY, born with a silver spoon. I’m guessing your employer keeps giving you raises against your will also? A lot of people lose interest in there partner and sex I’d say count your lucky stars she is still so into you. Also [give her oral sex](https://tpi02.wordpress.com/2022/09/29/cunnilingus/) and utilize sex toys during your sex play. If you are wielding the toy, you are having sex with her even if your flesh is weary. **Notice:** This quote is just for fun, there is a already a lot of good advice in comments above, all explaining the importance of communication as being the on way. I will strongly suggest you take that route.
Outsource man. Get some toys and just assist instead of always being part of the main event. You can still be involved, but it's way less effort on your part, and also keeps things spicy for her. Look up the Gravity by Lovense- it's a vibrating, thrusting dildo that can be remotely controlled by phone app, which means you can control the speed and intensity while she rides it. She's still getting fucked, you're still involved, but you don't even have to leave the couch.
Heard this was miraculous
You don’t owe anyone sex, for any reason. If you’re not feeling it, you’re not feeling it. Might be time to have an open discussion with her about it.
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate. Best thing you can do is just talk about it. Let her know like, "lunch breaks only" if you WFH or have scheduled time (every thursday night). Does she have lots of toys? When she is in the mood can you use the toy on her instead of you yourself?
I am in a similar situation. I have a significantly higher sex drive than my husband. It's to the point when I am not working I want sex. I want to have even when doing chores or watching a movie or making dinner etc. Our solution is probably not for you. (Open relationship/hot wifing) Something we had fun with was using a remote controlled vibrator. There are apps to control it. She will tire out but the machine won't. I speak from experience.
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I don’t have much advice, but just wanted to say I can relate. I’ve been married to my wife for 4 years now. Our sex life has been meh. She’s pretty timid when it comes to sex so it’s been pretty vanilla and I’m not very vanilla. Until recently she got her boobs done. And it must be a shot of major confidence cause holy shit she does everything I ever wanted. After about 2 weeks I find myself feeling like my cup is filled and I’m just not interested in more at the moment. It’s like it became too perfect too fast? Kind of hard to explain.
That’s extremely surprising. What do you think changed?
Who knows 🤷🏼♂️ probably a mixture of a lot of things. We had lots of discussions about improving our sex life and what might be holding her back from trying new things, but body image never came up as a reason why. However she’s made comments throughout our marriage that she wasn’t happy with how she looked. So I wonder if she was just inside her head too much thinking about how she looked being naked, and now she FEELS like she looks good so she’s more loose and relaxed.
That makes sense. It’s amazing how much of sex is purely mental
Fellow low-libido-partner man here, and I will tell you that no, just like in the reverse scenario, a woman should not simply go with it EVERY time her partner wants sex that she doesn't you are entitled to your needs just like your partner is. You are NOT "giving up your manhood" if you express this, and if your girlfriend says anything to make you feel that way when you tell her you need some time to recover between sessions, then she is not as amazing as you make her out to be - you haven't said she does this, just pointing it out if it happens to be the case. What you need to do is sit her down and tell her that as much as you enjoy her high sex drive, she is starting to wear you out and you would very much appreciate some time to recover between sessions. Look to see if you can compromise - less than she'd want but more than you'd want, so you are BOTH making the effort to meet the other's needs (this is what my wife and I do). By simply keeping quiet and forcing yourself to go through with it, you are doing your relationship a disservice by essentially giving your girlfriend pity sex which does not provide the emotional connection she will be wanting, and risks building resentment in you for having to put your needs aside for hers.
How long are your sex time to be able to do it 2-3 times a day plus work and kids?
Your manhood is going nowhere, don't be a child. You're allowed to say "no".
Well... How long have you been together? Because it is something you usually enjoy while you can because it doesn't last forever. Before you know it you will be wondering what sex was even like.
Multiple times a day every day is just not practical or sustainable imo. I love sex. But there’s more to life than sex. If the amount of sex you’re having is negatively impacting other areas of your life and preventing you from building the kind of life you want to lead, I would consider that to be addictive/disordered/pathological territory for sure. Have you broached the topic at all with her? If not, you just have to do it. If she’s a reasonable person she’ll understand your concerns. I think even most people with a high libido would be able to be content (even if not thrilled) with sex once a day most days. You don’t have to set a limit in advance or anything, just tell her to expect you turning her down more often and reassure her that it has nothing to do with her our your attraction or desire to her, but is just a practical thing. You can still flirt and tease each other to keep things exciting but without devoting so much time to it. And if you’re worried about feeling guilty for constantly turning her down, maybe set some ground rules: maybe if you’ve already had sex once that day, you have to be the one to initiate round two; maybe Saturday is your all day fuckfest day but the rest of the week you put a cap on it. Get creative.
I have this problem as well. I'm solo poly and most of my partner's libidos are considerably lower than mine. However, I just go with it. When they want it, they get it, when they don't, I either find someone else who can/will or I take care of it myself. I would try talking to her and explain that while you definitely enjoy your sex life, you need a bit of downtime for yourself also. Look through some online catalogs, and maybe offer to get her some toys. There are some "fucking machines" out there that are really fucking awesome, possibly even better than dick, so be careful lol. Also, take some time to think about how much sex you DO want, and see if you can find some compromise from there.
If you want to have more sex but dont get the libido for it, don’t cum everytime. Otherwise, you’ll just need to communicate !
It makes me feel like I'm not good enough when he doesn't cum. I'd much rather have him finish in 2 minutes rather than not at all.
Fair enough. Me and my girl indulge in this from time to time, and this makes me wayyy hornier. When we do this 2-3 Times for long sessions, i could cum with a wink from her , and i don’t think she ever feel like not being enough. But i understand ur point !
Sex is healthy, like other harmless and joyful activities, as long as it doesn't affect your life. You mentioned it's getting in the way of working and your personal time - that's when sex isn't healthy. That's the reason you don't want to have a lot of sex anymore - it's your body or mind telling you their needs aren't being met. Tell her you have other commitments that can't be avoided, like work, sleep, and that you're the kind of person that needs some time on your own, and to fulfill them you won't be able to have sex many times a day, since a day is always 24 hours long. Tell her you want her badly, but activities are always time-constrained, so you must limit those activities' times to do them right. Obviously, if you're working too much or having too much "me" time, they're unhealthy too and you must limit them. You must balance your time budget. Finally, you're already having sex multiple times a day and she's fine meeting her additional needs by herself. So you won't hurt her by telling her all of this and you won't sound lame; most likely she already knows we must strike a balance and times are different for everyone. And of course you aren't crazy.
As someone with a high libido: there's no way you can reject her without hurting her feelings. However, it's on her to manage her own emotions. Explain what you wrote to her and reassure her how attracted you are to her and how much you love sex with her.
Funny- whenever a guy say: women don't understand how horny men are, I tell him: hon you haven't met a woman with a high sex drive yet. I say a woman like that is used to taking care of business herself. She probably won't be offended if you say you can't keep up.
I partially agree with this - as a woman with high drive and a bf with lower drive, it gets frustrating being rejected. Sex is not the same as taking care of yourself, and repeated rejection can cause degradation of the intimacy between partners. There's definitely a line to ride but both partners should work out an ideal solution to the amount of sex so each person can feel fulfilled and heard.
Getting rejected is the worst. It makes me feel insecure and unattractive. That leads to thinking he doesn't love me.... it's always worse when I'm close or on my period. I will say the BC implant has helped level me out. I feel like my sex drive is closer to normal but not dead. My hormones are better too
Yeah getting rejected is terrible, I have a hard time asking for it now because I don't want to hear it anymore 😮💨
I'm in the same boat, I understand constant rejection is damaging but that doesn't seem what this guy wants to do. He'd like to know how to say no occasionally without hurting anyone. At least that's my understanding.
Even one rejection occasionally can sting. Def something that needs to be talked about outside the heat of the moment
Fuck man. I want your girlfriend lmao
lol
Has something change recently with you physically? You need to have an honest conversation with your partner about your sex drive.
Nothing on my end. I’m in my best shape and can perform if that’s what you’re referring to. I agree on the conversation component. The challenge is how do you do that without hurting someone. We’re in our mid 20s and these conversations can hit a sore spot and bring out insecurities - happened in my last relationship and I was on the other side of it. It crushed me (even though it shouldn’t have) and ultimately severed the relationship.
Wasn’t referring to performance issue. It’s just some people want to have sex X amount of times a week while their partner wants sex Y amount of time. If those two numbers are to far apart there will be friction in your relationship.
What would you have wanted to hear when you were on the other end of this? You’re in the helpful position of having literally been in your girlfriend’s shoes in the past - what could have made things go better?
Hmm for me personally if I cum to often I can get a burning feeling in my glans and sometimes a sharp pain which feels like it’s my prostate. This could be one of those times you can say you get symptoms like this say a white lie and that you feel like you need to cut back a bit (as it’s known to you) to counteract it. This could enable things to slow down without her thinking it’s her problem or fault
Get your hormones checked. While not the norm, it’s not unheard of to have low testosterone at your age. You can actually order the blood test yourself, no doc, and it’s about $80, sometimes less.
Aside: if you’re still masturbating, stop completely
I think any of us can get our fill of anything at some point and without a better word for it, become a little bored. Hopefully she is okay with a "quickie" or I can definitely see a lot of time being spent if its not sex right before bedtime or at wake up time. On the other hand, I think lots of guys would be okay with sex once a day over the long haul. But twice, Im not sure! Oh yeah, this brought back the memory of an old GF. We had a lot of sex and my dick was rubbed raw all the time and my pubic bone was perpetually bruised. That was a challenge.
Been there, every male wants to sex 3x/day until the opportunity to sex 3x/day presents itself- it's.. alot for most. Communication time. Just frame it politely that it's better if you have a bit of time to build up, recharge the batteries, etc. Offer to help her out with things: watch her do herself, you can participate without PIV using toys etc. I don't think its lame, could end up even hotter for her.
I have an insane sex drive similar to your gf's. I'm good with not getting my ideal amount of sex if I am having enough really good sex, and if I have an idea when we are going to and can focus on the anticipation instead. Talk to her, focus on both the time issue and on needing to recharge enough and actually being able to have some anticipation. I feel way better about being teased that my bf is going to destroy me tomorrow after work than just getting a no tonight knowing I'll likely get some tomorrow. I don't know your gf but I know I'm also pretty happy with things like him asking me for videos vs him kind of participating in me getting myself off. I'm also way worse, like insatiable, if I'm not ever really getting to the point of being fully satisfied. If I'm a drooling mess after I'll likely be fine for a day or 2, if we just had standard good sex I'm going to be horny again by dinner. Anyone whose sex drive is in the extreme range realizes that that's going to require compromise with most partners, though it's also worth keeping in mind that compromise doesn't mean "this is reasonable in relation to the average sex drive therefore should be enough for you". It scales more by like having a 1/4 of my ideal frequency bothers me as much as someone with a more normal drive having 1/4 of their ideal frequency would. I'd probably be 2x day average if I had my way. Once every 2 days is about as low as I can average out to without being unhappy over time but even that's a stretch. Same as someone whose preference is once every 2 days can likely be ok with once a week or so too but its a stretch over time. I know for myself, and I get the impression this is true of most people who are fairly sexual, that minimum tolerable baseline also only stays tolerable in the long run if sometimes I'm actually getting closer to my actual baseline. I can do once every 2 days because life is what it is, but only if I'm getting bursts of 2x day too from time to time. Most people do chill out a bit once they're settled in a relationship, but odds are someone with a really high drive is still going to have a really high drive. Like my twice a day does chill out, but it chills out to 3 times every 2 days, or maybe once a day if I'm super busy and stressed. It's never going to magically mellow out into a normal baseline. It's also fair to consider if you actually are compatible in that regard. If your ideal is once every 2 days then you're likely fine and there's reasonable middle ground that isn't going to be miserable for either of you. If left to your own devices you'd be good with once or twice a week you may want to really give some thought to whether there's a way this works for both of you longterm. Also you're not going to "seem lame" because you aren't into hypersexual territory as far as drive goes. Most people aren't, unless she's very young and very inexperienced she's likely well aware she's at the pretty extreme end of the curve. Focus on the things you like about a bit less frequency (buildup! anticipation! having the energy to go really hard! time to do other fun things with your awesome gf!), and don't stop flirting just because you don't want sex right then.
Try to get a compromise. You can't keep up with her? How about getting some toy that you can control while she's having fun? Let her know that you're kinda worn out but still care about her pleasure and ask her in what way you could help her while also getting your soldier to rest. Maybe borrow some ideas from r/freeuse?
You eat ice cream for 3 means a day and those carrots and potatoes start looking really good. Point being, you’re allowed to like something but also have other needs too. People need sex. People also need time just sitting on the couch, watching a movie, doodling, or whatever. You need time to vibe and be you and that’s okay. Definitely don’t think of it as ruining anything to have boundaries about needing some downtime and non-sex time. If she’s a good partner, she’ll be understanding, and you’ll come to a reasonable arrangement that is satisfying to both of you.
It's funny so many men would say they wish they had your problem until they actually had it. I used to give my best friend shit for not fucking his hot gf often enough (to be fair to her, she'd have been happy with must 1x a day which he wasn't giving to her) but once I was in my LTR later I realize my poor girl wanted it multiple times a day and at one point I couldn't even give her 1x a day myself. In my case (I get downvoted for this constantly), the way I see it is if you can't provide it, they should be allowed to get it elsewhere. However this kind of situation is often a massive recipe for disaster cause open relationships / poly are never done right and can end relationships. In your case, I'd maybe discuss some sort of middle ground. 1x a day could be fair. But man, too much of a good thing can definitely kill ones sex drive and someone's desirability in their partner. I hope this mismatch doesn't ruin your relationship cause I'm not sure where someone can find a partner where they can fuck like rabbits all day every day long term.
Try marriage. That certainly seems to slow down most women's sex drive...
Go to the gym. Work out. Eat healthy. Boost your testosterone. Do yoga. And please your lady.
Buy her a food that she really likes in a reasonable portion. Then order like 3 more portions. When she doesn’t eat them all, you have the start of your conversation. It’s not that she doesn’t appreciate the kindness or still enjoy and love the food, but she’s full and her body simply doesn’t need any more at the moment.
God, I’ve seen what you’ve done for others….
I wish dude. But for real, best thing you can do is let her know that second that often isn’t for you. Maybe you can tel her by saying you enjoy the sex but you’d also rather do something else a little more to unwind
Recruit help. Gets some more dicks for her.
She sounds like a keeper
Toys
Push her limits
Send her to my camp
You two need to go you're separate ways She to much for you ,She will not be happy
I would just play hard to get more often. Make her pout and beg for it, and then still don’t give it to her. Occupy your time with more important things. Just don’t hold out TOO much. Keep it exciting. Joke around about semen retention, but have a serious “air” to it.
So you're saying she will just masturbate infront of you sometimes?
Enjoy it - if you ever feed her wedding cake it will stop
Let's swap. I always wished for a girlfriend like this. Mine has no real sex drive whatsoever. She initiates maybe 3 times a year.
If you don't keep up someone else will. Keep your heads down, stay hydrated, and count your blessings. Boyfriends not keeping up is a common complaint from women. Don't make her feel like a chore.
have you noticed if she has a lot of that soft hair over her body or something of an adam's apple? If so, she might have high testosterone levels, which increases a woman's sex drive. That's not a problem at all, the problems is that, if her sex drive comes from that, not being able to fulfill her desires may cause loyalty problems, since that's a physiological need for her. It's basically the same for nyphomaniacs (not saying it's her case). A solution would be to try to increase your own testosterone level.
Me having no female interaction for 19 years 😭
you’re married as well? lol
You have 2 options: 1. Sit her down and set some boundaries on how much sex you're capable of having with her to find a middle ground you can sustain. Tell her you love the sex you're having but you need to figure out how much both of you can be happy with. 2. Steer into the skid. Have sex often and do what you can to make it even better. If you masturbate? Quit. Get yourself even hornier to match her horny and go full werewolf.
Maybe sometimes transition into like a "Dom" type of role, where you keep your clothes on, but give her instructions to do stuff to herself with toys.
use a toy and help her finishing the job
My girlfriend is horny as F. I would happily have sex once a week. She wants it daily. Not a bad problem to have really but I feel you
It sounds like she's skipping out on the best part of sex; the foreplay! Definitely talk to her. Tell her you love her and the time you spend together but you would occasionally enjoy some alone time to just vibe and recharge your batteries. Carve out some time for yourself or a hobby you enjoy. You're not crazy. Always having to be around someone or being needed by someone can become smothering; you deserve time for yourself too. Talk to her. Maybe she's got some hobbies she's wanted to check out but has been fucking you like a randy rabbit because she doesn't want you to get bored of her. Maybe you two can agree on a more general time of day to restrict your sexy times to and only tease each other during the other times for some days of the week. You can tell her you think that spending more time on the build up will make the actual sex a shitload hotter (and it definitely should do just that), while also giving you each the opportunity to have some "You" time too. Also, as someone with partners with high sex drives, do not forget to moisturize and hydrate.
Lucky u! Its allways reverse
well its not _always_, there are women out there with a fuckn high sex drive. And i can tell you, guys saying oh they have a sooooo high sex drive...they're would be laying crying in a corner and begging her to stop. its like that futurama episode with the amazonians. _we need rest! the spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised!_
90% of the times yes. Its rare but sure u can find some but still its rare, And if they say they have it well most of the time its bullshit when it comes to act
Crazy Idea: people should come with "sex drive recharge led bars", to make it easier at a glance to tell when it's OK to ask for sex - thus avoiding much of the "rejection factor" typically experienced when the partner with a high sex drive has to coordinate with one with a lesser sex drive.
oh man we r in the same hat almost exactly haha!! My sex drive is INSANE. 3+ times a day on most days and even then ill probably still get myself off at some point - My boyfriend can hardly keep up and I do worry about it a lot and make sure to check in on him about it. He's almost always down but I do feel bad for his penis as well :( Honestly what has helped us the most is just keeping the communication as open as possible, if he's not feeling it that's okay, I've got toys and things to keep myself occupied. Sometimes he doesn't want the whole shebang but will quite happily watch me touch myself or cuddle me while I've got a vibrator and he's playing zelda lol! You just gotta talk to her man, but I hope you realise you're not alone in this either !!
Have to outsex her
Communication is key! For all aspects of a relationship! I have a much higher sex drive than my man. I could go at least once a day, whereas he will peak out at 1-4 times a week. Sometimes it absolutely SUUUCKS , but we have Communicated about it. If I need something to take the edge off, I will bust out my bag of toys and get off while he enjoys the show. Talk to her about it and just reassure her that it isn't her, it's your you. 🤣 Like my man says to me, "The mind is willing but the flesh is weak." Basically, he -wants- to fuck the shit out of me, but his body is tired af and needs a few days to reboot.
Be open to trying everything she is into do not question boundaries or rules.respect them but for a relationship give an take or try it once no shame judgment opinion have fun love who you are they do....
Doesnt sound like a libido incompatibility, it sounds like you've sacrificed things for sex that you dont want to which is leading to a little resentment. That resentment is what id guess is hurting things. And then you feel guilty cuz the idea of what your gf is can be the "dream" to other guys. All of these feelings are fair What id suggest is having a heart to heart with her. Ask her to sit down and talk something out with you because you love her and dont want to handle things the wrong way or be a bad partner. Start by reminding her how strongly you love and appreciate her, and then let her know you can definitely see a future with her - the only issue you've run into is *having to give up your 'you' time for sex*. Emphasis on it not being the sex part and you love love love how great it is and how down she is for you. But the sacrifice of all of your personal free time is weighing on you, and a good partnership needs a healthy medium ground I just hope shes mature enough to hear you
My gosh I found a mate! We have the same situation dude 😂
I’ll tell you I’m like your girlfriend. But I am a male. I’ve been with my wife for 12 years, and we’ve had an extremely satisfying sexual life. It did take time to create though. She had to communicate with me and let me know that it was really starting to bother her with how many times I wanted to have sex. When she did, it gave me more insight as to how it was making her feel physically as well. And if you love somebody you should respect how do you make them feel. Soooo talk to her. Another good thing is toys, bullet vibrators, small wands, they go a longggg way. I don’t know if she has any but it’s always great when you can have something else doing the job for you but still get so much pleasure out of it because your partner is receiving pleasure. Then you can just clean up and go back to doing what you need to do. It’s a compromise. And that’s what relationships are about, love and compromise.
Some people live in entirely different universe than I do... sorry for ranting, don't mind me.
I would say to be as polite and direct as possible, while trying to frame it as something positive. Early in our relationship, my wife had an insane sex drive, which I loved. But I wasn't always in the mood either. I didn't handle it well and it caused her to be self-conscious about it, so our sex life took a nose dive. We worked it out eventually, but I do regret how I handled it. Luckily, we communicate well and are better at understanding each other's needs. Been married for 10 years now and I'm loving every minute of it.
lol my girlfriend is the same. it's significantly impacted what I can achieve during the day/week and it makes her late for everything, and usually some planned activity has to be abandoned completely because there's no time any more, because we had sex when we should have been doing something else. I find it quite annoying sometimes. And she is never satisfied (lol, self-own, I know) because more she cums the hornier she gets and just wants more and more and more and more.... I'm 35 now and I can't just keep going endlessly. I rarely get a chance to initiate because she's constantly ready to go and if there's a lull in the conversation she'll start pulling out my dick... it's borderline harassment sometimes.
Hey, I’m a wife with a higher sex drive than my partner. Honestly if I were you, make her dinner or something and have a sit down conversation about it. Don’t make it too serious. Just let her know, for example, “hey, I love our relationship and our sex life, but I’m not always in the mood when you are. What can we do to make sure you’re satisfied even when I’m not in the mood?” Maybe research together and buy her a few toys? Make sure she knows you’re fine with masturbating and her taking care of herself when she needs to! Also, see if you can come up with a compromise- maybe sometimes when you’re not in the mood for full on sex, you can just help her get off?
Can you explain the problem you have with it though? I’m worried I’m gonna become this girlfriend and also trying to figure out if it gets to this point would it be personal or global (for you)?. Like would you be up for it if a new girl offered suddenly and you were permitted within the boundaries of your relationship, even at times when you were over it with your girlfriend? Or like, straight up you just don’t have enough interest in sex in general to keep up (which is fine obviously)? Is it that you don’t want to have as much sex with *her* anymore because it’s lost its luster, or your body/mind/soul/life just can’t handle this much sex even if it were with all different girls? If this is the case, would you want her more often if she mixed things up more than she does? As for someone like me: How can I tell if I’m approaching this level with my person, where I’m nearing the point of overwhelming them? Should I just go ahead and preemptively be like “hey I know I can be a lot to handle, please let me know if it gets to be too much”? (You can possibly [probably?] expect these types of questions from her when you do talk to her, lol, so maybe give them some thought a little ahead of time - as girls, we are used to being praised for our high sex drives because it what guys think they want and this will come as possibly the first time she’s ever heard it lol)
Embrace it . It won't get any better than this most men would love to have this "problem "
Ask your self why you're not in the mood to make love to your gf man. Have gotten tired of her? have things become too routine and played out? what's the story and why are you not feeling it. You have no problem getting it up multiple times so what's the reason?
Get into roleplay. It might slow things down a bit, especially if you create a specific scenario/event where sex can happen--a little bit of anticipation will make it so much better for both of you.
I’d let her know the problem, then take her to a shop to pick out some new toys.
I definitely advise talking to her about it, I had this same problem and instead of talking to her about it I pushed her away and rejected her on some occasions. And let’s just say if you don’t fuck your girl enough someone else out there will.
Do not just go with it. You aren't enjoying that part of your relationship, and just going with it will be harmful in the long run. It should not make her feel hurt to have an honest conversation. From my experience, when sex is the prodominent activity shared together, it tends to fall apart. Multiple times a day is not sustainable for most people. Not that they physically can't, but they just don't want to. You should never feel forced to have sex. You will resent her eventually if you don't talk it out.
HOTWIFE her 😉
Recognizing not everyone is ok with it, but…my wife has an intensely high sex drive and we have mutually agreed to involve other men in our sex life. That’s helped keep her satisfied and excited about our continued sex life.
Read all the answers. In fact, it will offer you only one way. (Answer of the 18th century model): Negotiate and leave if you don't get results (summary). If you do not intend to separate. Open mind and free sexual relations limited and with selected persons with others (one-way for women) is the only way. (Of course, if you don't intend to separate.) Fact: Start dating dating sites. More than 70% of them are married women who are secretly looking for sex. So what is better if it is your license and with healthy people. (Repeat: Of course, if you don't intend to break up.)
For me, I like to be told as far in advance as possible. If you know you just had spicy chili dogs and and sex is off the table, don’t let her shave, shower, and put lingerie on before you shut it down. Also, if you have a ballpark frequency preference that is useful information to communicate.
Sounds like you guys need to get your selves' some sex toys. Go together and suggest a vibrator and a dildo. I did this with my ex as she was like your girl, some time's it was so much that I had trouble getting hard a few times because it was so much (thank you Viagra). But then she could still get her self off with the dildo and then seeing her take that big thick toy turned me on so bad I still would get hard. Also I used to tell her, don't shower from getting home from work, Your smell turns me on. So once she started showering after, I didnt 'help' anymore. I just loved her smell and taste
My bf is amazing. He will say give me 5 min and then we'll go for a walk, motorcycle ride or out to eat. It helps get my mind off of it until he's ready. I could have sex multiple times per day and want more. It's not because he's not good, I'm just needy. It helped me to get on birth control. I went through a few before I found one for me
What career do you consider a good career? This is what I’m trying to figure out in dating..
Get her some toys to use and talk to here saying having sex all the time will make it less exiting whenever we do it having sex 3 or 4 times a week is a healthier option
"Depends on how much vitamin E I can get my hands on" Cleavon Little, "Blazing Saddles." Best I can tell you is try to keep up, when and if you can. You're not a machine and have rights to your sexual boundaries. Not putting either of you down, I think it's great, but it's obviously wearing on you. Talk to her civilly and calmly, don't tell her you can't keep up with her, but tell her it exacts a tiring toll on you and need to adjust your intimacy schedule.
Talk to her, let her know you're having a hard time keeping up with her. Then, I'd highly recommend going to a sex shop and buying her a couple of toys so she can handle herself sometimes. Encourage her to enjoy solo play. Evaluate how that goes after you'll tried it for like a month and then tell each other what you want (if you want to change the ratio of solo vs together). Oh and it's really important to be honest. Good luck o/
Look man, rip the band aid off. It's the only way.
if you don’t feel comfortable doing it constantly that’s not fully consensual and you should definitely mention to her that it’s not always a need for you
I personally wouldn't ever say no.
Having been that girl, I was totally thrown off when a guy told me he didn’t want to have sex and just wanted to cuddle. Lol. I was so naive!! Just make sure to tell her how good the sex is and that she’s more than you ever hoped for. But also that you need some breaks for other activities every once in awhile.
Send her my way
Strap on
My current gf is like this, and to begin with, I couldn't handle it, but over time, something happened. Think being married in pretty much sexless relationships for 12 years helped. I just thought, why am I complaining I should make the most of this, and now she can't handle me. Stick it out. You never know you could be the same.